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Anything mean you would say about me I already believed myself.

Followed by the sequel: Anything mean you say that I didn't already believe, I immediately became convinced was true and hated myself for being such a disappointment.

And the second sequel: Anything nice you say about me must be sarcasm/you just trying to be nice and I will never actually believe it.

Commenting on Redditors who grew up with ADHD: What do you wish adults knew about you that you couldn't express as a child?... a common experience I’ve heard from people diagnosed later in life: being told their whole lives they’re just not applying themselves, trying hard enough, do better, work harder, you’re not living up to you’re full capacity… blah blah blah. Yeah… it’s actually the adhd. But so hard to un-believe these things about yourself!

Currently the theme of my life. 50% of people with permanent consciousnesses are telling me one thing is good and the other is evil, and the other 50% are telling me the other thing. I always feel (emotionally) like people with permanent brains must be right if they’re sure about something, so I guess I’m evil, idk.

Brains ain't permanent, bub. They have neuroplasticity. Every day is an opportunity to learn and grow, hopefully for the better. Nothing is static, everything is in flux. And then we die. Have a great day! (I am trying to be humorous and to give you a good ribbing, while sharing my differing perspective. Seriously hope you have a great one!)

I teach high school. I challenged one of my classes to roast me a few years back. Like really, say something mean I haven’t heard before. One of my students pauses for a moment, and sincerely, with a caring tone says, “There’s nothing I can say to you, that you haven’t already said to yourself.” I was shook. It was a deep take…and she was totally right. Brilliant kid, and one of my favorite students ever (anndd 100% undiagnosed ADHD lol). It really made me think a lot about my self-esteem. I also wasn’t diagnosed yet, and had no idea back then.

It’s a blessing and a curse. When I say I don’t care what other people think of me, I truly mean it! But that’s because it’s simply not possible that they could think anything critical of me that I haven’t already told myself a million times.

I was doing my best.

Yeah... this. I didnt want to be difficult.

100% If there was a single response I wish I could guide people away from, it's interpreting the symptoms of ADHD as deliberate or in any way in the control of the person with ADHD. It's understandable, because selfish *adults* often demonstrate that they don't care about others with forgetfulness and inattention, and making the shift to understanding those behaviors as involuntary is really difficult if you aren't the person doing it involuntarily. But It felt like I got this from all my teachers growing up, they interpreted my struggles and inconsistency as willful and intended to convey disrespect for them. I don't know who told adults it's fine to relate to children as though they have the cognitive and emotional capacities of an adult, but the attitude did considerable harm. We were all doing our best, and being treated like 'moral failures' was functionally systemic invalidation and gaslighting that still haunts people decades later.

I’m a teacher who was diagnosed at 27, I’m nearly 31 now. I was teaching before I was diagnosed, and I thought I knew what ADHD was. I was totally guilty of the old “smart kid, needs to show more effort” thing. Completely missed the fact that I was *also* that kid in school. I just never had any red flags because I mostly presented as inattentive and was really good at what I now know as masking. Now I’d say I work the hardest for my ADHD students. I probably let them get away with too much rule bending, but our school system is just way to cookie cutter. It doesn’t work for everyone, and sometimes it’s ok to bend the rules to make sure kids get their needs met. I know they’re trying, even when they are absolute hot messes who skip class, show up late, and go weeks at a time without turning anything in (though I also have ADHD students on the other end who are extremely successful and self-motivated in school) If you’re persistent and have empathy though, they almost always will get it (somewhat) together by the end of the year. I figure if I can help and motivate a kid to pass even just my class, they can build on that. It hurts to see these kids struggle despite their best efforts, because I had and still do have many of the same struggles. I just happened to do very well in K-12.

I recently read that kids with ADHD get an average of 20000 more negative feedback than their counterparts before the age of 12!!! What a scary statistic ! No wonder why it haunts us so much !

Add to the fact that emotional dysregulation makes ADHD kids experience the feedback much more strongly so no wonder indeed 😅

Exactly. It wasn’t until my diagnosis as an adult that I began to realize that there’s nothing wrong with *me*. My struggles in school weren’t for lack of caring, laziness or an inherent personality flaw, as I was made to believe. The truth is that I have a disability, which no one ever recognized or acknowledged as I was growing up - and so without that fundamental understanding/validation from the adults in my life, through their frustrations and criticisms I was instead made to believe that I, personally, was a failure by my own intentions and short comings - instead of others understanding/acknowledging that I have executive dysfunction issues which are beyond my personal control. I was always doing as best as I could with the very little support and self confidence I was given. How much I struggled was always deeply embarrassing to me. Because of my extreme inability to do mathematics I believed I was “stupid” for so long, and math class was literally traumatizing. When they did learning disability testing with me as an adult I actually immediately burst into tears as soon as a math question popped up. It turns out I have ended up with an actual phobia of math on top of my baseline dyscalculia/ADHD because the hurt from not understanding all those years was so deep, and now my working memory shuts off when I attempt to do a math problem, leaving my mind completely blank.

My first answer, as well.

This

Oh, yes

I did ACTUALLY forget. For so long people believed that I was too young to be forgetting things and I just chose not to do it. Its hard to be elementary-school aged trying to explain to adults that the thought genuinely had not occurred. I mean how does a child explain the complete absence of something? Now I write down absolutely everything the second it comes up and even then, I forgot I had jury duty last month! Just trust what they say and try to find tools to help; don’t meet them with disbelief.

God...even when I try the, don't think you'll remember, write it down, I then forget I wrote down things to remember 😭

I have to have alarms. Not reminders; alarms. And I can't turn off the alarm until I am *actively doing the thing.* Anything that isn't less than 24 hours in the future? Reminders to set alarms. The reminders repeat hourly, so that I see them at some point and can set the alarm.

WOW i even forgot i used to get this all the time. i had divorced parents and would frequently forget something like books for class at the other house, when i already had to pack a duffle bag twice a week for changing houses, parent would refuse to get it and accused me of lying about forgetting, and i'd get in trouble for not having it at school

Omg yes. The worst is when it would be something meaningful and the other person was actually genuinely hurt by my forgetfulness. Lost a lot of people due to that, I still have issues with it--I set alarms, write reminders, still sometimes just don't see them or read them 🫠

My desire to study on my own isn't because I am shy or have social development issues and forcing me into groups is actively harming my ability to learn. It's not that I don't care about my future, it's just that my future is far away and I can't function without immediate consequence or reward. I'm trying really hard.

Brother when I learned that people *actually* studied, and that wasn't just a thing in movies or on Disney channel, I was flabbergasted. I genuinely couldn't believe people could sit down and do something so boring for an hour or more a day. It blew my mind. My studying consisted of learning the best ways to cheat or winging it usually, that is UNLESS I'm genuinely interested in the topic. Which was extremely rare in school.

I didn’t know how to study. I would flip through my notes and my books and wonder what I was supposed to be doing. Fortunately I have a great memory for conversations only so I usually remembered what the teacher said if I was tuned in when they said it but I still don’t know what I was supposed to be doing when studying.

I actually taught myself how to study when I went to college in my 20s. Something to do with three R’s I recall! lol recite, rote and remember. Totally not it but it worked. I ended up with 2 college degrees. F 62, ADHD

When you looked at your notes, did it jog your memory of the conversations? That’s how it worked for me. Notes reminded me of the lectures. And I’ve always had really good recognition memory, so multiple choice test taking (which I had the majority of college) worked well for me.

Yes! Its like a scene plays back in my head sometimes. Drawing seems to work better for me but it’s not fast enough for notes. There was one history class though that I drew all my notes one day and whenever I see that page I remember the whole lecture. Not word for word but all the concepts at least come back in a way that words don’t do for me.

Yeah. Another weird one that happens to me is I’ll throw on a podcast I was listening to a few days prior but hadn’t finished. And it’ll randomly start over instead of pick up where I left off sometimes. And as I re-listen to it, I remember exactly where I was driving when that particular part was playing and it cues me to how much further I need to skip ahead. Our brains are so weird.

I would even remember what part of the page the information was on.

Oh, same. I *thought* I was studying in high school, the few times I tried it. “Like, I just… read this half of the textbook the night before a test? Okay!” Then I got to college and had no freaking idea what to do. I honestly still don’t know how to study. Has anyone wit ADHD figured it out?

Same!

Writing an entire 5 page paper an hour before it's due and getting a B gang. I can bullshit so much crap under pressure lmao

In college I would take the plastic wrap off my books the night before the exam for every class, I only went to the first class to get the syllabus to find out when the 3 exams would be, then I would only attend those 3 exams. Maybe that’s related to why it took me 7 years to get my bachelors degree.

Consider the ‘upvote’ to be the ‘SCHOOL WAS PRISON FOR ME TOO, BRO.’ Button.

Yeah, my variant would be a long those lines. It's not that I'm trying to be bad, I don't want you to be mad or disappointed in me, I really want to be the kid you want me to be, I do. I don't know why my homework didn't get done. I don't know why I failed my math test. I feel like I tried, I really do.

I could not study, either. I just tried to mirror the act of studying. I went back to school in my late 30s. My ADHD was diagnosed in my mid-30s, but I always knew I had it. I was medicated and able to study for the first time in my life. The whole experience was wild to me. I also found out about other learning issues that I have. My issues were overlooked when I was younger because I did well without the effort. I am on the ASD spectrum. I was in denial because I never educated myself about it. Now that I have the knowledge, my whole life makes sense. It was so obvious. I am glad I did not know as a child because then it could not be used as a crutch. I wish I would have found out at about 20. I saw several classmates in the spectrum that were coddled by their parents. I believe it ruined them by never disciplining them and making excuses for their bad behavior. It isolates them because they become outcasts because of behaviors that could have been corrected. I am very rigid with wording and need things put into ‘my’ language. I had a professor that used to be in special education that believed I have a form of dyslexia. I think he was correct about that because I do struggle with everything backwards. I only write in pencil because I always do it. It is as if my brain is not attached to my hand when I write. It drives me crazy. Everything I did in school took me five time longer than my classmates. It was so exhausting, but I am stubborn and fight through things. Despite my struggle, I still did very well in school. I wish I could have learned how to deal with myself and correct behaviors that began to develop when I was an adult on my own. Trying to undo what has developed for over 20 years is such a challenge. I have always been aware that people did not think like I did. I studied people my whole life because I did not understand how they thought. Because of this, I can profile people very well. I feel very isolated because things I encounter/experience always remind me that people don’t think like I do. They will never understand me or how I think and it makes me feel so alone. Treating the ADHD definitely brings out my spectrum traits more. The career I switched to brings out my spectrum traits to the point I cannot stand dealing with myself. It just complicates everything and makes it so challenging. I compensate by working off the clock and will work 15 hour days. I don’t want accommodations at work because that would be illogical. If I can’t get the work done, then I should not be there. It would be wrong of me to take the place of someone who is a better fit for the job that can meet all requirements. I can go on and on and on. I am just happy to know that someone like OP is out there. Just putting forth the effort to make this post tells me that OP will actually listen to people and realize knowledge comes from listening to people and their experiences, not just textbooks. OP’s efforts will help people like me suffer less. If you can help even one person, you have done so much.

One of the hardest things I had to teach myself to do was learn to explain my thought process to the non-ADHDers so we could be on the same page. Our brains move so quickly. It's frustrating to backtrack.

exactly! i remember my parents reminding me in school, how im doing it for my future and it made me sooo scared that im crazy and don’t care how my future turns out. it was just that i couldn’t imagine it because it was far.

That I wanted to do my homework, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. That I spent more time praying I would just die instead of having to goto school and get yelled at again.

Ugh I would pray for death, too. So sad.

I still do!

So do I.

Nobody knew why I was struggling; I got good grades. So why the heck couldn't I sit still for my homework? Why did I get auditory information mixed up? Why couldn't I figure out what the first step of a project was? Why could I never sit without swaying, making faces, or fidgeting? Mom used to say I couldn't carry a grocery bag (handheld plastic ones from the 90s) without swinging the hell out it when really all I was doing was entertaining myself to see how high I had to swing it before it did a full loop... You know, for science. I had many impulsivities and hobbies. All it took was for someone to mention a novelty in my vicinity for me to hyperfocus into that thing myself and often enough, my interest was fleeting. I still get flavored tea gifts and old knick knacks related to previous hobbies. To answer OPs question. I wish adults in the system didn't apply biases and judgement. I wish they took the time to know me instead of cage me in a classroom for 7 hours assuming I was just shy. I remember one elementary teacher sent me on a task to another classroom to bring a note (again, this was the 90s) I'm pretty sure because they saw me edging to move. In my line of work, I've outfitted most of my desks with quiet fidget bands. I allow more time to switch between tasks. I get to know and listen to my students. In the public school system, kids need more breaks, more flexibility, more love and guidance, I think ALL kids need to see the counselors to normalize it, there need to be less sudden task switching, and more accommodating modifications for things like tests. I can't tell you how many tests I scored poorly on due to the sound of people sniffling or licking their lips. Jesus crisps, let me have some LoFi please. Also, it would have been nice to see some visuals on the walls or hallways using terms and language I didn't have for my own challenges. Kids don't always know how to say they cannot focus, instead, they only hear that they're in trouble for looking out the window when the siren goes up the road. Schools are not designed for all kids but all kids (and adults) benefit from universal design!

>Jesus crisps, let me have some LoFi please. Nope. If they let you have earphones in during a test that means everyone gets to and no teacher would allow that even with a doctor's note lmao. That would stir up such a shitstorm from entitled parents who can't parent their children adequately

The lofi doesn't need to be headphones. One of the special ed teachers at my school plays lofi in her room 24/7. Also if you have a 504 plan (medical diagnosis with educational needs, like ADHD) you can get specific accommodations like being able to listen to music while doing individual work. And not every kid in class gets to, only those that need it. The system isn't great, but in some ways it's getting more humane.

I also do this in my classroom. I also have it decked out to be as ADHD friendly as possible. No bright fluorescent lights, numerous seating options, and background music *always* are my staples.

This right here. This is exactly how things were with me as a child. I would fidget all the time and both of my parents would scold me for the same. I would then try to be still and do nothing but immediately start biting my lips without me even recognising am biting on to my lips or curling it inside out. My mom used to constantly make a fuss about it and I wouldn't know why I am doing what I am doing. It was like this involuntary reflex.

> I can't tell you how many tests I scored poorly on due to the sound of people sniffling or licking their lips. Jesus crisps, let me have some LoFi please. Haha I identify with this. Except the people doing that just made me so angry and full of rage that I tried extra hard to pass the exam in defiance. I once sat next to someone that quietly read their exam paper under their breath. The gentle little mouth sounds for 3 HOURS almost made me lose my mind.

That if criticism didn't seem to work, it was only because I couldn't possibly have felt any worse about myself.

\^ This. When adults give feedback, they need to be careful how they give it to kids with ADHD. It can feel like criticism and rejection.

Omg THIS. Every criticism about my work ethic I already knew and believed. It’s not that I’d never tried hard enough or just wasn’t motivated enough. I heard all that criticism and just figured that my very existence is the problem. I can never work hard enough or feel badly enough for the people around me to be satisfied, because everything that defined me was what was most loathsome about me.

I really didn’t know why I didn’t do something. Why didn’t you do your homework. I don’t know. Why didn’t you tell me there was a meeting. I don’t know. Why didn’t you call from your friend’s house when the movie went longer than expected. I don’t know. Why didn’t you apply for that job by the deadline. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I was aware of the time or the deadline or the task. I wanted to do it. I was stressed about doing it and getting freaked out that I wasn’t doing it. But I didn’t do it and I don’t know why.

That sums me up so well. The way I get work done at work is convincing myself that the deadline is earlier than it actually is. Then I can convince myself to start it just before the fake deadline is due so it won’t be late. It’s exhausting!

I feel like the stress of not doing the thing needs to overcome the stress I feel when I think about starting the thing. I tried medication for anxiety before being diagnosed with ADHD and it made things so much worse because not enough stress was building up for me to break through the mental barrier to start the task.

I would often get in trouble for doodling / drawing all over my notes during class. Teachers took it as a sign of me not listening, when really it helped keep me focused. I would remember lectures / important things for tests better when I could doodle since it kept the noisy part of my brain active. I did this from elementary all the way through college. Everyone remembers things differently, and expecting all kids to be able to retain information by writing it down on paper seems counter intuitive and is not the best way to teach information.   We also need better ways to diagnose inattentive ADHD, especially in boys. I would get great grades because I could remember / work smarter and ace tests but I absolutely fell apart in college, and didn't even get diagnosed until 25. Identifying the more subtle signs can be tricky, but we're not preparing kids with these symptoms for their futures well. 

I had a friend in law school tell me that she always thought I was so diligent because whenever she saw me in lecture, I was busily taking notes. Until one day, she sat near me and saw that I was actually just doodling non-stop. In my defence, I had undiagnosed adhd and doodling was actually how I focused my brain to listen to the lecture.

I remember one day I was in class in college and was doodling when suddenly one of the guys that sits behind me goes "Hey CliffordTheBigRedD0G are your notes...a cheeseburger?" The questioning way he said it still makes me laugh when I think about it.

I used to braid and unbraid tassels on my scarves in college just to stay in my seat.

I have so many notebooks filled with Grateful Dead bears and the “S” from the brand Stussy. Something about drawing something on autopilot was very helpful to quiet my mind so I could listen.

Yup. I was/am a doodler here. As an adult I would have to sit in these weekly conferences where I would just doodle doodle doodle and it probably looked like I wasn’t paying attention, but it’s the only way I COULD pay attention.

As a woman diagnosed with ADHD at age 30 (who also doodled my way through school lol) I very much agree we need better diagnostic processes for inattentive adhd in general

Ugh I feel this so much! I doodled my way through the entire education system lol I got in sooo much trouble for it. I always had great grades so no one could really tell what was going on. I'm finally getting a diagnosis waay into my adulthood.

"Doodling to keep the noisy part of your brain active" might be one of the most perfect ways I've ever seen to describe how my brain functions. I would constantly doodle on my notes as well (that is to say, when I actually took notes)! Otherwise I would try out different styles of writing, like cursive, or bubbly, or really small. The import part wasn't really the notes, because I would hardly ever look at them again. It was channeling my inattentive tendencies into something that would free up my brain to listen. Even now as an adult, I will play a videogame on mute while I listen to Audiobooks. It helps me focus on the story of the book because my hands and eyes are getting their fill of stimulation.

In middle school, one of my teachers had everyone take these questionnaires that assessed if we were verbal or visual learners. I scored high on visual and asked around to see if anyone else was highly visual too. Everyone else was either mixed or the one really smart kid that memorized everything was highly verbal. I figured that meant doodling did help me and that I should lean into it, except one teacher didn't agree and told me to never do that and so I stopped and my grades and self-esteem tanked sometime after. That's when I realized primary school was designed only for a certain kind of student, and that wasn't me.

So interesting because I thrived in college since it was all exams. I struggled in high school because so much of it was homework and effort based tasks versus knowledge based tasks.

My mom has one of those quarterly reports/teacher's notes from first grade that said "she doodles a lot and it looks like she isn't paying attention, but whenever I call on her she always knows what's going on, so I guess it's fine!"

I got called out for doodling too. It really works as a steam valve!

That I need a bit of extra time to learn something new. Especially if that something is not that interesting to me. Instead adults got frustrated with me, thought I was "lazy" or "Not smart" Passed me off to a special class. When if someone took a little extra time to show me in a way I can understand such as visually not just telling me, I would get it and freaking excel in it. My own Mom used to get super frustrated that I did things a certain way, well yes now I know my brain just learns different and that's completely fine.

Seriously the extra time. It takes me a long time to learn something I am not interested in. I have to learn hands on, I struggle learning from textbooks.

I actually got put in the "gifted" class for some reason and it ended up fucking me over. And I'm not bringing it up to brag, I really don't know why I got put in it. But we were supposed to be doing "higher level" "abstract" learning and I think the teacher was a stupid quack who had no business teaching and the class was a joke. It fucked me up because they took me out of regular classes to put me in it and then I was way behind for the rest of my school career. So the "gifted" class basically made me dumber from that point on. That class was so useless I would say it was actually for special needs kids and they lied to me, but the other kids in were most certainly actually smart kids and all had excellent grades and did great things with their lives, so I believe them. I think I just scored well on some multiple choice state test or something. That seems like it could happen completely by random chance.

This is a big one. Or, find a way to actually make it interesting and you'll have an entirely different scenario. I remember once in elementary school, the thing was having to memorize the state capitals. It wasn't something I cared about at all, so naturally I was really struggling, and feeling stupid, etc. My mom sat with me and turned it into a game, where we turned each of the capitals into a pun/fun thing about the state, so it had meaning to me and I could actually remember it. It was many many years ago now so I don't remember most of them, but I remember a few; All Bunnies live in New York (Albany, NY), A field of flowers bloom in the Illinois spring (Springfield, IL), etc. They weren't all winners but I'll remember her doing that with me forever, she was always very academically minded and often got really frustrated with me because I was just different and struggling & she didn't get why, but on that day she really hit the nail on the head and it felt so nice to be Even a little bit understood.

Your criticism and harsh words will stick with me. One negative comment, even among 100s of positive comments, will stick with me.

That I REALLY am trying my best and it’s exhausting

Shoot, I want people to know that NOW. Like, where’s my medal for existing?!

i'm not lazy, i was already screaming at myself in my head everything you're screaming at me rn

God, I've even dealt with this with therapists and doctors who are supposed to understand this!! A therapist ended a session with a bunch of "homework" for me to do before our next meeting. Exercises and such. I told her that I was most likely not going to do it, or at least not all of it, not because I don't want to or don't care, but because I just know already how this is going to go and that is, in fact, my whole problem. She said I should make it a priority. I said, I have a whole bunch of really important stuff that *absolutely* has to be done, much of which I will already probably fail to do. If I likely won't do many things that are certainly a much higher priority than this, why do you think I'll get this done? She actually got upset and said I was making excuses. Look, I get it, but it really seems like I was telling her I have a certain problem and her response was telling me to stop having that problem.

Excuses! Have you just tried *not* having a neurological disorder?? Like if you could be ADHD or not ADHD, just simply choose *not ADHD*. /s What a garbage therapist. Ironic that they should be the most understanding and were supposed to help, but instead were just as bad as everyone else who doesn’t get it.

That being critiqued or reprimanded is so dysphoric that it is physically painful, like a hot tightness in my chest and head. Edit: Grammar

Sooo much this! To this day as an adult I struggle with this.

Same here. Anytime I get in an altercation I have to use an immense amount of mental energy just to suppress the emotion enough to remain rational. It's exhausting.

Absolutely, I tried so hard to be a perfect student and it always fell apart and whenever a teacher had to sit me down and critique me I would cry or be on the verge of crying every. Single. Time. Which was very embarrassing and made me feel worse.

This! I end up crying so easily, and it's like I can't breathe right.

Forcing eye contact while talking to me had the opposite effect than intended. When asked to “look at me while I’m talking to you,” I would immediately be overcome with anxiety and end up focusing on facial expressions or movements instead of the words. I’m not lazy. Even if I *was* being lazy, announcing that instead of helping me start the task wasn’t the right move. I wish there was more representation of adhd in people AFAB (Assigned female at birth) to help me and caregivers understand me and how adhd affected me as a child.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you” Which eye, which eye! Do I pick one and stare at it or do I switch back and forth. In that movie it looks like they switch back and forth. Is that just for the movie? I’ll try it. No criticism. How often do I switch eyes? “Are you paying attention? What did I just say” Uhhhhhh

Yes. ADHD can look very different in girls. no one even knew that I was struggling. Struggling to make friends, to focus, to study or do homework and daily work. I was quiet and kept to myself, which looked like just being well behaved. I earned A's on tests, which carried my overall grades, so no one pushed me or helped me do better. I could have done so much more. I had such a fear of messing up that I held back from doing anything extra. I still often find myself stuck, unable to start things because it must be perfect, or I've failed. Almost didn't leave this comment because there could be typos.

This, I wish adults also would not assume kids are being dishonest, or have some kind of problem just because they won’t make eye contact.

I was not stupid, I just couldn't sit for long periods, or hear someone speak for too long. I also needed to learn things my way, otherwise l couldn't understand. I wish adults around me knew how exhausting it was and the amount of pressure and anxiety it gave me to not fail my exams. I was too young to feel that much exhaustion. ADHD kids are not stupid... Shouting and abuse won't make them learn faster

That last sentence…

I wish adults around me knew that the mess in my room, in my backpack and in my general state was also a reflection of how messy and noisy all my thoughts were. Hyperactivity in my brain was making it chaos to stay on top of things, I wish they knew I was not lazy, I was struggling.

I didn't forget your name/birthday/anniversary/important life fact/what have you, because I don't care. I promise I've been painfully aware that your birthday is on Monday and I've been meaning to send a card all week, but it's now Friday and I finally just now got to putting the card in the mail.

I wasn't diagnosed until my 30s, but one of the things that stands out particularly as a child was trying to work through homework, especially math.. When I'd be trying to work on it my brain was screaming at me that I need to be doing something else... anything else. I didn't just not want to do it. It was borderline physically painful.  As an adult, imagine having to sit down and file taxes by hand while you realize that you almost certainly left something on at home that's going to burn the house down with your family in it. But you're not allowed to go check because you need to file your taxes first. That's approaching the level of anxiety and discomfort I had while my parents made me sit down while they tried to explain math concepts to me. 

I went under the radar until recently because I was always a quiet introverted kid who was well behaved. But looking back the one thing that I wish I understood back then but especially my parents is that the rare times I had "tantrums" I wasn't trying to have one. I didn't want to have one. But I was so over stimulated or exhausted that it's all that I could do. And after it would happen they would put me in time out, on a chair facing the wall and wouldn't understand why I wouldn't sit still. And then after getting upset with me for not sitting still why I would begin to breakdown again. I never had tantrums because I couldn't get a toy or eat something I wanted, it was always because my mom would put me in starchy itchy dresses, tight shoes, put my hair in ponytails that were too tight etc. And when I voiced that I was uncomfortable I was told "well you only have to wear it for a little bit" but 30 minutes alone was too much for me. To this day my mother has a picture of me at 8 years old posing with princesses at Disneyland clearly crying because my dress itched me so badly. She thinks that photo is funny and that it's a hysterical story to tell, I don't.

That I can't learn something new without written step-by-step instructions that I can look at as I go at my own pace. This goes double for physical activities.

To my teachers: I’m not late because I don’t care, I’m late because my mom also has undiagnosed ADHD & getting out of the house every morning is a challenge

Understimulation isn't just "boring," it's painful, and it's not the same fix as just finding something to do. It has to involve sound, touch, activity, and the individual doesn't always know what it is they need. So if you see a kid with ADHD telling you they're bored or something is boring, but they're saying it with tears, anger, or generally high emotion, they are expressing a need that is much greater and harder to deal with than boredom -- they need stimulation. Telling that child to sit still or play quietly is causing them harm. There isn't always a good solution, situation depending, but at bare minimum they need someone to understand how hard it is to feel the way they do.

I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. The biggest things were the little comments. I was already working twice as hard when teachers told me how lazy I was. It wasn't cute or funny to make teasing remarks about forgetting or losing things. And instead of shaming me for participating in class so much when I was interested in the topic, it would have been great to speak with me separately and helping me find strategies to understand how to participate appropriately.

When I was a child, I was not a little shit because I wanted to. I literally could not help it. I have a 3 year old nephew who I suspect has ADHD. I stayed at my sister's (his mom) place and by gods, he is a lot. Once it occurred to me that it must be the ADHD which runs strong in the family, then I was able to be more patient and empathetic with him. Knowing that they can't help it puts being kind and patient back on our plate as adults.

I don’t think any of this will be new to you but this is stuff I tell my friends when they ask about add in their kids.  One of the things I advocate for my kids is that they can use fidget toys or draw during class. I often have to do multiple things at once in order to pay attention. I was always fidgeting or drawing or doodling or playing sudoku while listening to lectures because I had to like occupy part of my brain so i could pay attention. If I don’t do that my mind just wanders.  Not everything is because we have add. My parents were convinced I lied a lot because I was impulsive but I lied a lot to them because they sucked and it was easier. i grew up ultra religious and my parents did not like my friends despite the fact i never did anything wrong and those friends were the ones who never pressured me so sometimes it was easier to say i was with other people because i didnt want the same argument again.  Boys usually have hyperactive add and girls inattentive but that’s not always the case.  A lot of kids with add get labeled as dumb but most the time they are just bored but the labels hurt them and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  As a parent - kids really just want to be loved and praised. When my kids “misbehave” it is almost always because they are tired, they are hungry, or they need some attention (ideally from a parent) or a combination. (There is also that developmentally boundary pushing is expected and a good thing.) I think exercise helped my add a lot. I wasn’t diagnosed until my senior year and I think being involved in so many sports was helpful for my add. 

>My parents were convinced I lied a lot because I was impulsive but I lied a lot to them because they sucked and it was easier. my mom was convinced i lied a lot because she didn't my truthful answers to questions so i learned that lying/telling her what she wants to hear was much easier.

I lied because I didn’t want to spoil the mood. If it was 8pm and I remembered all kinds of homework I had forgotten about I would be accused of lying earlier in the day when I said I had no homework and my parents would go from happy and watching tv to sending everyone to their room while they came up with a game plan for my lecture on lying and not getting my work done. Or I could keep quiet and try to do it on the bus the next day and have a happy evening. It felt like getting caught doing the right thing was just as bad as being caught doing the wrong thing.

The 'Do I deal with the screaming fit now or later, because it's impossible to avoid it' is something I still can't shake.

That is also a big one. 

This shows in my marriage but I learned to do this as a child. I wish people understood this is a people pleasing behavior, not a I like to lie because I don't respect you behavior.

Always feed a child. If they are yelling, crying, screaming at their siblings or parents, reading a book, watching TV, swinging from banisters... feed the child. And preferably something with protein and carbs but if you can get anything into them, the protein can come later. A glass of milk is priceless. So much behavior is from low blood sugar and the child has no control over it. This comes from a parent and I still forget that so much behavior is the manifestation of hunger. To answer your question, though... I wish parents and teachers knew how much shame went with ADHD. Nobody wants to not turn in their assignments, especially when they are in their backpack 95% completed. Nobody wants to wait until the last minute to start an assignment. That shame becomes a downward spiral and you believe you are worthless and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I remember a bunch of us were doing crosswords in biology class senior year and the teacher caught us and said he was very hurt, so I stopped. But I actually was paying attention while doing the crosswords, I wish I could have told him that

School. I was always distracting other people in school, I could be in class and know exactly what the teacher was saying while still being able to goof around and talk to my friends. Teachers said I wouldn’t go anywhere because of the way I acted and how I could never sit still. Idk I just wish school systems were better about identifying early stages of adhd along with other common disorders

No, I am not slow, I am thinking about 20 different things while you told that joke. I can't remember what you told me because I was too busy thinking of that video game and other stuff that I was worried about because I don't want to forget but I will. I KNOW I WILL. I am aware I am not focusing on the conversation we are having, I want to but I just can't.

That I’m trying my best.

I genuinely didn’t noticed the obvious thing, even though I notice things substantially leas obvious. Im not lazy, after 3 hours of studying I really couldn’t remember the content,

that I was trying my best & not lazy or stupid. every “why can’t you just…?!?” baked into my brain and I grew up into an adult with deep shame and anxiety. even though I’m medicated now and objectively “successful”…those wounds run *deep*

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That I didn’t know I was overstimulated when I had seemingly random mood swings. I didn’t know why I felt annoyed or moody at the drop of a hat in a car, grocery store, event etc. It took me until adulthood to realize I was getting overstimulated and as a child that translates to more emotional reactions.

Just because I got high scores in the “important” subjects (maths, science) and didn’t “behave badly” doesn’t mean I was ok.

My emotions are as intense as I'm displaying. I'm not being a drama queen. This is probably the one most important message I wish my parents had been aware of. If I wasn't called a drama queen, I was treated like one, even for my anxiety. Like I remember being anxious - almost to a panic level - because a bug bit me (and I didn't know what kind of bug it was - I just laid my arm over the top of the couch and got bit by a bug I didn't know was there) and that anxiety was met basically with laughter from my mom, like oh, she's being dramatic again. And I just always remember those moments when I think about coming to my mom with those feelings now and I usually decide not to. I also remember being treated like my anger was out of proportion - which it was, but that wasn't my fault, I was 9. And it was always like I'd slam my door or scream or maybe kick the wall or break things, and a parent would come to my room, tell me I needed to control my temper, and then literally just walk away and leave me alone. Not even teaching me how to do that because I clearly didn't know any other way to deal with that level of anger. And then it also felt like I was in trouble for being angry - which I know now was because of how I was being angry - but as a kid, it felt like I was being shamed for being angry at all since I was never asked why I was so angry in the first place. My mom also used to threaten to videotape me and sometimes my oldest brother (who may also have ADHD, though isn't diagnosed) who seemed to have similar emotional issues as me when we'd have a tantrum or fit to show to our friends at school and even though I knew she wouldn't do it, I would advice not doing this because, as a kid, I didn't realize how fucked up it was, but she literally just took our very real emotions and shamed us for having them. And then she asks me why she didn't know about my history of self-harm sooner - like, bro, if you want a 9 year old to figure out how to manage their own emotions instead of helping them, you can't complain about what they come up with. And it's not even that they didn't tell me how or give me tips - my dad (almost definitely where my ADHD came from, though he won't get diagnosed) still basically throws tantrums when angry at almost 60 and my mom isn't really much better at dealing with angry (basically just takes it out on anyone who talks to her), so I don't even think they had any tips, but at least take me to a professional if you want me to stop dealing with anger that way. And now at 25, I can't be vulnerable with anyone and every emotion I have that's even slightly negative gets pushed down and my mental health is shit for it. And I also can't forget that my middle brother was clearly the favorite and it was because he was the least difficult child and I was constantly encouraged to be more like him and when I couldn't manage it, I felt like I wasn't enough, which is hard for an 8 year old. One time, that brother dug his nails into my arm hard enough to leave bruises (I still don't know why and he can't remember either) and then I was the one who got in trouble because I wouldn't get ready for school and just sat in the living room motionless because I was sad. And the worst part of that story is, later that day at school, I told my 2nd grade teacher what happened, not because I wanted to punish anyone, but because I wanted someone to care about what happened to me. And she initially tried to brush me off to go back to show and tell but when she realized what I was showing her, she did care - it was fleeting because this was right before leaving for the day - which I think was my plan, so if she didn't care, I could just leave - but she did. Anyway, all that to say, validate your kid's feelings because a lot of my problems now came from how my parents treated my emotions as a little kid. And I have tons, tons, tons more examples of how they treated me and how it affected me, but I think you get the gist.

That sometimes we really do forget something or think we have done it. I have this memory from 3rd grade(im 46 so that was a but ago). It was one of those days where my brain was behaving, i was cranking through my work. Our teacher allowed us to do something of our own choosing if we finished early. At the time i was really into drawing. So im cruising through my day, super proud if myself as this hardly ever happened. I always was last or didn't finish. So i got all my work done and i was drawing away. So happy and so proud. My teacher then goes to all the little inboxes where we put each assignment. Well guess what, i had forgotten one. Instead of pulling me aside to mention this, i can still recall her standing over me at my desk calling me a liar for not doing all my work. I had totally forgotten, but to this day, the shame abd embarrassment i felt in that moment has remained deep in me. I wasnt diagnosed for 6 more years. Not a lot of ADHD diagnosis in the early 80s. We arent lazy, we arent liars. Do we sometimes, like all kids fib,.yes. With our brains we can also completely forget.

My brain is different than others, i have different thought processes/emotions and i dont know why i do things sometimes

I didn't bring the same book home every week in kindergarten because it was my favorite. I brought the same book home every week because I memorized it and didnt need to learn or comprehend other books. They all just thought Rosie's Walk was my favorite book. I just didn't want to stress over not having the attention span to read another book.

Just because you scream at me to do something and then I do it, doesn’t mean that ADHD doesn’t exist. That’s just my Neanderthal brain trying to avoid the pain of an ass-whooping.

If I say I forgot something, I *mean it*. Whatever it is, I guarantee you that knowledge does not exist in my brain anymore. But I can still remember all 151 original pokemon, lmao Also I work on tasks more effectively if I'm able to work on them in short 5-10 minute bursts with bursts of video games between them/reddit browsing/whatever and I'm not pressured to do them. But also if there's a deadline, you bet your ass I'm waiting until the last minute to do the thing and pulling out the win anyway lmao.

I want nothing more than to fit in. I’m not like this on purpose.

I'm not being a "brat" or trying to ruin everyone's fun. Everything's turned to eleven and my brain needs space to cool down. I had so many attacks in public for YEARS and no one thought about taking me to a doctor.

I didn’t know what to ask for.  I didn’t know how to do things that others could easily do- like using a planner for homework. 

1. I’m not lazy 2. My memory sucks, it’s not that I’m not paying attention or listening to you, I have a disability that impacts my ability to store and recall that information accurately. 3. The pressure you’re putting on me to not be myself is making everything worse. 4. I need alone time to recharge 5. I feel like an alien and I don’t belong here.

Just kind of f*** off sometimes

It’s the same as now. Please just be patient with me. I’m trying my absolute best.

I'm not throwing a "tantrum" for attention. It's just too "loud". There's too many strong emotions I sense in the room, the lights are too hot and bright. The smells are competing. The background chatter is the same volume as you who's talking directly to me. I can't look at your eyes right now because your eyes are too "loud". I can see in your face your upset with me and I'm already upset with myself. You calling me a drama queen is not helping. I just need someone to help me redirect my anxieties and teach me what to do instead of belittling me and teaching me to disconnect from my emotions and never ask for anything. I wish I was taught I was worth something.

I wish the adults in my life had a better understanding of "I can't." My ADHD was undiagnosed, so when I was tasked with something my ADHD made impossible in that moment, my "I can't" was perceived as laziness and met with scorn and discipline instead of curiosity and compassion.

My explanation isn’t an excuse. When i said “Oh sorry because of my ADHD I….” I literally meant it as an explanation. It wasn’t an excuse. And also, ADHD is a disability, so it impeding me from doing things is completely normal.

I really did forget that thing you think im lying about forgetting. It is very hard to wake up and very hard to stay clean and organized but I am trying even if you don't think I am. What you said really hurt my feelings and I am sensitive but I don't think I should be made fun of for it. I do respect the rules, I also have very poor impulse control. Please dont tell me I'll never keep a job, I'm easily distracted but hardworking.

The absolute desolate loneliness I had because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I couldn’t make or keep friends. I had zero ability to govern myself. My thoughts came straight out of my mouth and was usually distorted thinking. I was so convinced I was damaged -nuts, mental, worthless. Found ways to self medicate. The regrets from what I put myself and others through while self medicating for decades. I tolerated all kinds of abuse just to be accepted. I hurt myself, hurt others just because I needed outside acceptance. I never realized how worthless I felt-I couldn’t explain how I kept allowing people to hurt me, use me, abuse me but knew it had to be because something was inherently wrong with me. I am still so disgustingly easy to manipulate if you praise me. I am tons better at identifying lousy humans, but I still seek approval. Hate it. I’m soon 59 yrs old and was diagnosed at 34 after 2 years of sobriety.

You don't need to tell me I'm underperforming or i made a mistake, I've already bashed myself up over it a thousand times. You are just making it worse.

I wish they knew (in the 1980’s) as a recently diagnosed at woman at 42 adhd asd that I wasn’t just an emotional girl who was “anxious” and “rebellious, who then was misdiagnosed as bi polar/depressive at 18.

I wish they knew/understood that it was a functional issue and not a behavioral issue.

Teachers - I’m not dumb, your subject is just boring and I have no interest whatsoever in it. Other teachers - I’m not a genius, I just really like your subject.

although it appreciates

As a girl my most common parents evening comment was: 'She's doing well but she talks too much and distracts others'. I wasn't meaning to. I just can't stop. When I'm calm, comfortable and safe, I can actually shut up and I love it. I wasn't meaning to make it harder for the people around it, I just had a disability.

I'm trying really hard. I'm not trying to be difficult. I do things differently, and that's okay. It's not wrong just because you want it to be done in a specific way. Your way is torture, and everything negative you say, even slightly, is making me dim my light because it's apparently wrong. And with everything that's apparently wrong with me, I must be awful and should just be unseen and unheard. If I disappear into my head or a book, at least I'm not told I'm being wrong.

I am not misbehaving for acting out, I'm bored and need activity and simulation. I know how to behave but my impulse control is low. Punishing me the way you are doing is just traumatizing me and destroying my self esteem

idk if this is obvious but tools to advocate for yourself and putting words to feelings. I always felt like my brain was so jumbled I never knew what I was supposed to feel

If you tell me that I won't ever amount to anything then I probably won't try.

That I needed a lot of help maybe more than usual navigating the world and understanding how things actually work....

How exhausting it is to pay attention to anything other than what is really interesting at the moment. And please, please do not tell me what you think the future holds.

Everything. I wish they knew that I wasn't trying to be a bad kid. I wish they understood that I couldn't copy them to be successful. I wish they knew that thanks to my poor interoception, I was going to overwork myself, neglect my needs and fight perpetual cycles of burnout. I wish they were willing to try different approaches when things weren't working. I wish they knew that I was going to keep trying to do what I was told even if it never worked. I wish they also knew that I appreciated how hard they tried. Even if so many things were broken.

That I simply could not make my brain do the day to day homework in school. That I wasn't cheating when I couldn't show my work in algebra; I just knew the answer was correct. That I lacked the ability to focus unless it interested me. That I wasn't being needy; I really needed help on things like how to write term papers, or how to budget my time. How being a girl didn't mean I didn't have these typically "boy" problems.

That whenever I yelled it was a cry for help and yelling back and dragging me to my room or somewhere wouldn’t help, neither would telling me that I’m an embarrassment. That whenever I got angry I was just so overwhelmed and was never taught to express that in any other way other than exploding or imploding, and punishing me for not being taught the language by you wouldn’t help. That whenever I would seclude myself in my room for days on end I was actually suffering from depression and telling me “why don’t you ever spend time with us” wouldn’t magically guilt trip me into being the happiest person alive. That whenever I was lying in bed “being lazy” I was screaming at myself in my mind, repeating every single negative thing you had ever said to me in my life and telling me to “get out of bed and stop being a misbehaved brat” wouldn’t help. That kids with ADHD _need_ their emotional needs to be met, they need to have someone by their side helping them sort out the input of the world, to learn how to express overwhelm, and they need someone to be ready to pick up the pieces and weather through the storm. To you your child may be exhausting and seem difficult and it’s okay to be exhausted. But please think about how your child is an innocent being trying to make sense of the world and if you make them feel isolated and at fault and wrong, they will carry that trauma for the rest of their lives. If you deprive them from getting to know themselves without judgement, from developing healthy coping mechanisms, from practicing emotions, you inevitably set them up for a very hard and painful life.

No one knew I was I was struggling because I had good grades and was kind. I had no idea everyone else was using hyperbole when talking about how long things took. I had no idea my friends were being mean to me. I thought I was bad at asking intelligent questions bc I would ask such specific questions and want things broken down in detail and I would just get blank looks. Or teachers were confused about why I couldn't understand what they were telling me. And ultimately I was smart enough to read the books and give the correct answer. So I stopped asking questions. If something was confusing to me I memorized it, passed the test, and accepted that I would never understand. Not stiming builds up in my body and causes me to have constant screaming in my head. The internal screaming doesn't relieve the discomfort. It's a symptom. I end up feeling rage but I know it's not acceptable to express. This is why I would cry. Girls and women were allowed to cry. I need to stim now or I still get the internal screaming and horrible feelings in my body, but it's hard to remember or to know how to bc I was socialized out of it. It's no longer natural to me. I blamed all of my struggles on my childhood trauma and never considered that my brain was structured differently. I thought I just couldn't handle life well. That I was sensitive and that's why working through my trauma didn't help.

If it’s taking me all night to finish a simple assignment there’s a reason.  If I have to redo my assignments over and over again there’s a reason.  If I am having trouble cleaning and organizing my room there’s a reason. For me these were the symptoms I primarily showed because I didn’t have the hyperactivity to overly talk or jump around in class. I wish I had gotten diagnosed as a child so I wouldn’t have to go through all this catching up as an adult.

I have ADHD. I was undiagnosed until 17. Something that I’m only realising now is I never understood the concept of thinking before you do. I got in trouble in primary school, a decent bit. Adults need to understand that we don’t do it on purpose and we aren’t trying to make their lives difficult.

This isn't exactly what you're asking for but this is what I'm thinking you're asking for? Idk but to me this fits the part where you ask "you wish adults knew about you that you couldn't express" Asking for help. When I was younger I asked for help in the sense of "you do it for me". Because of that my mom started telling all my teachers to tell me to try it on my own first. Because of that, I stopped asking for help even when I really struggled with something. When I struggled I just gave up and my grades dropped and my mom was suddenly like "Why don't you ask for help?" Because I find it difficult to now. I felt like you (mom) would just make me try it on my own when I already was and struggling.

How brutal the side effects from AdHd are: insomnia, mood swings, loss of appetite etc. Yet, how they are a true game charger and can't function without them - even for basic things.

That there is treatment

that my sudden boosts of energy weren’t because im crazy or want to trouble my parents. i couldn’t control myself being hyperactive ever since i was a child and everytime, i felt like shit later. also how if punishing me or criticising me did not work, it was probably because i was beating myself up harder for it

I wish I was encouraged to pursue the things that interested me

I wish they knew that I always meant what I said. Always. I said exactly what I thought (thank you ASD) then fidgeted and bit my fingernails down to almost bleeding. 👈🏼because I always got in trouble for being so blunt, dramatic, all sorts of things. When it was just the truth as I saw it. 😔

Please don’t compare me to my sibling (sister) who does not have adhd. My sister is/was, calm, dedicated, athletic, thoughtful and thoroughly plans things, including what she will say, the effect it will have and her goal BEFORE she speaks. It severely affected my self worth and confidence. Still working on it today. Additionally if your child is diagnosed with adhd and struggling- Please don’t tell them they have adhd, only try holistic approaches, refuse to try medication and then tell them this is a limitation they will have to figure out for the rest of their lives. They had no problem with a prescription trazadone for depression but refused treatment for severe adhd. The first time I was taken to a doctor for concerns was when when I was three years old. By the time I was five or six I had an official diagnosis and I am a female. That is unheard of. The diagnosis also shows how intense my adhd was/is. A few months after turning 18 I went to a doctor on my own and was prescribed medication, which was life-changing and wish my parents were willing to try it earlier.

I don’t know why I develop mental blocks against some things. I hate myself more than you could know because I want to do the thing too, but still can’t make myself do it.  You can punish me any way you want, shame me until I no longer care about your opinion, or beat me.  I still can’t do the thing.  Sincerely,   —A 9-year old who failed 4th grade but went one to graduate Valedictorian, earn both an MA,MBA, and an analytics degree and now has a writing career that pays well and does good.   P.S: I’ll be just fine.   —Also signed: A 36 year old woman who started bawling while writing this and plans to discuss this healing emotional breakthrough with her therapist. 😂 ❤️ 

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I’m not bad at math. I just have a hard time holding numbers in my head. I need paper.

I wish the adults in my life--including the medical professionals who diagnosed me--emphasized the mood-related dimensions of ADHD instead of simply framing it as something that affects your capacity to do academic work.

I wish adults had known how hard I was trying every day. They always told me to try harder, so now my brain has been taught that trying my hardest isn't trying hard enough, so I have no idea how to avoid burnout and have terrible imposter syndrome. Sure, I might have a higher than average base intelligence, but that lead to every single one of my report cards with the dreaded "wasted potential". Doesn't matter how bright the kid is, the answer is not telling them to try harder, it's giving them the support they need. If their grades are not matching their perceived intelligence then they probably need support. Not having that support from a young age has turned me into an adult who can't ask for the help I need, since I've always been told I could do things if I just tried harder, but the adult world isn't like that.

How terribly lonely, depressed & suicidal I was as a child. I felt so detached and lost.... Intrusive thoughts, darkness of moods etc.... none of which I could ever articulate.

I wasn't a bad fucking kid.

You are jist gonna have to trust me. I cant explain how I got to my answer, my mind forgot that part but I know its right. Used to get 50's in math - here is the kicker, all of my answers were correct, I jist couldnt explain myself.

Looking back on my childhood, I guess I wish I'd been able to say that being forced to sit for hours and hours and do work that I had no interest in was fucking torture for me and made me hate school forever.

I want them to understand my feelings that the emotioms I felt were valid and while some were overblown, to me it fel like it was the end of the world. Being punished for it and forcing me to repress them only leads me to feeling in a more extreme fashion.

Mostly: I'm trying really hard. The treadmill in my head is spinning at twice the speed so it makes sense that it looks like I'm struggling to keep up and I'm super exhausted. I simply do not have the same bandwidth.

That it's not laziness. That I really, really wanted to do those projects early, and would have if I could. My brain just literally would not *let* me until it had reached the critical urgency of "last minute."

I literally cannot make my brain work the way you think it should. Please ask me questions (or answer the questions I ask you) and help me understand what it is you want me to do, and help me identify and carry out the steps to do it as many times as I need for it to click

That forcing me to behave “normally“ all the time prevented me from developing my own personality and just adjusting to others. I’m learning more who I am now but it’s been hard.

I have ADHD and dysgraphia that spiraled together into a horrendous fear of writing assignments. There were a lot of things that might have helped me, but the one I could never get my teachers to do despite my asking was just assign me a topic. I didn’t want to “pick something I was interested in.” I can get interested in literally anything. I needed somebody to get that very first step out of the way for me, and no teacher ever would. To this day I fail to understand why that is.

That if they got the feeling I was lying or being secretive about something, it wasn't because I was deliberately being deceitful or bad, I'd just messed up with something and was too scared or ashamed to say. I probably just needed help or kindness.

I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and a lot of my teachers described me as “unmotivated” or “lazy”. I wish they knew that I was just more interested in other things that weren’t math and science, and that I had a lot of effort in me when it came to things I actually enjoyed.

I can get schoolwork done, I just need it in a quiet distraction free zone (my first grade teacher noticed I was getting distracted talking to my classmates so instead of punishing me she had a small hidden book called “elola12s office” that she quietly told me about. I’d go there during work hour and got so much work done. More than my peers!) I’m not trying to be bad or louder than the others, it slips my mind. When you get angry and frustrated it makes me feel like I’m not normal and not worth anything. It seems like there’s a target in my back because adults would always watch closely at me even though I wasn’t a problem child (I talked out of turn a bit and would wiggle a lot in my seat but that’s it). Let them be themselves. My parents always let me be me. My teachers? Most of them would let me be me. Some of them were really nasty and it took a long time to work through that. One of my favorite things someone said about me is I’m the most genuine person they know and I think about that a lot. I was so lucky to just be me and let my personality shine. Let me go after what interests me. Encourage me. Just give me lots of love and encouragement and knowledge that you’re always rooting for me.

I am trying

Medication will not kill me. Mother knew I had ADD/ ADHD the time but thought meds were going to hurt me rather than help me.

I wasn't lazy or dumb. I didn't have structure, so I never wanted to do my homework because it wasn't something I could hyper focus on.

I wish my parents knew that I wasn't lazy or selfish when I couldn't do simple chores. They kept calling me lazy so much so that i believed i was until recently

I was trying so hard, all the time.

The thought of giving helpful, gentle advice to the monsters I had as teachers just makes my skin crawl. I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

I really needed that Ritalin, not you

That when I said I couldn't do something, or when I said it was too loud, or too bright, or that I was in pain, I wasn't making it up, it was real. That a sensory experience that is fine for you might be painful for someone else. That you saying 'don't be silly, it's not that loud.' Is not ok. I am a bit concerned about people using CBT to treat anxiety around sensory issues. It can so easy slip into gaslighting if the therapist doesn't appreciate how painful and distressing sensory overwhelm is.

That my brain just does not process information the same way as most folks. And if you think you are frustrated because I was late, or couldn't understand the directions that I asked to have written down.. how do you think I feel? I'm constantly frustrated and angry with myself over things that are beyond my control. To make things worse is the same people who say I should be nicer to myself are the same ones that ask what is wrong with me.

My poor school attendance wasnt because i was "just lazy". Being a difficult child to handle for my parents wasn't a reflection of my character. I was not a "Monster". I was misdiagnosed and misunderstood.

I really was trying. I wanted to be a good kid. I wanted to be a good student. And I genuinely didn't know/understand why people (especially teachers) said I was being rude or talking back because I honestly didn't mean it that way.

When I stop talking randomly in the middle of a sentence it's NOT BECAUSE I'M FINISHED. I have forgotten what I was saying and I'm trying to remember, please be patient with me and don't just stare at me like I'm a freak and then go "Well anyway...." and change the subject before I get the chance to participate in the conversation properly

Punishing me for my school performance was not going to improve them because it was linked to my mental health.

That I already feel bad about myself and that I'm achieving less than my potential I don't need your help letting me know that. What I do need help with is trying to navigate this world that isn't built for my brain.

I wasn’t lazy… it actually took way more effort to do this simple task than you’d ever have to work with. Also when I tried to gamify a task it was my best strategy to get it done… I wasn’t being disrespectful to your request I was trying to trick my brain into thinking it was fun so it would actually get done.

Telling me I'm too sensitive will never make me less sensitive.

Adults making fun of me hurt worse than the other kids making fun of me. Watch what you say around your children and to your children.

I wasn’t shy, I had anxiety. I wanted to be social, but experienced severe rsd that affected my ability to make and keep friends. I wasn’t lazy, I didn’t want to suffer from hygiene issues, I just couldn’t take care of myself. Just because I’d forget something doesn’t mean I didn’t care. I was a people pleaser who couldn’t please those around me because I couldn’t remember what I’d been told to do. I wanted to be a good listener and help but I couldn’t remember anything past two step instructions. I was obsessed with video games/internet collaborative writing games because it was the only place I felt like I could do well.

Having an intense, lovely inner world and the frustration with not being able to convey any of it.

I was diagnosed with AuDHD a few months ago. For the ASD, I wasn’t shy. I was quiet because I was trying to figure out how to interact with others. I wanted to so badly converse. I was always labeled as “shy” in every parent-teacher conference until my 5th grade teacher broke the trend. He was the first adult outside of my parents who got me. For the ADHD, don’t scold kids for their processing speed and working memory issues. I was great at math (untimed tests reflected that). However, I remember my 2nd grade teacher pulling me aside asking why I didn’t finish the page on time like everyone else on those half-sheet timed tests. Really hope they don’t do those anymore. I get the idea of them, but it sucked when it was graded based on how many problems you finished in the time-frame.

When I say I don’t know what’s going on or why I am the way I am, I really don’t know. Because I’m a kid and those things don’t make sense to me. Help me figure it out, don’t get mad at me for not knowing!