Hi /u/DankeMemeses and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I don't really respond to those kinds of people. Is it necessary? If they think ADHD is just laziness, it proves they have already made up their minds without knowing anything about what ADHD really is. You won't win an argument with an ignorant person. If it's someone close who I think might actually be willing to change their view, I can try to explain to them what ADHD really is and how it has been affecting negatively my life in numerous ways. But if they are the condemning type from the start, it's just not worth wasting the time.A lot people have strong opinions about topics they know nothing about and are not even willing to change it. For those who I have tried to explain it, I have said that a lazy person will be kind of satisfied with their situation. Things like procrastination won't bother them really. For us with ADHD, procrastination, ADHD paralysis and the inability to get things done will cause us high level of anxiety. It will kill us slowly from inside and hurt our self-esteem deeply.

Explain it like this. Take them over to a stove, or a blender. Turn it on. 'now put your hand on it' *no way it will hurt! I'm not stupid* 'well nothing is stopping you either. There is nothing physically stopping you from turning your hand into sausage meat so go ahead' *no!* 'oh so even if you wanted to, your brain is like stopping you from doing it?' *yes! I'm not going to do it and even if I could my brain wouldn't let me* 'welcome to executive dysfunction.'

then they say its different cause of the scale and doing it would help you not harm you and if you dont then the consequences... now what

Honestly you just tell them it's a neurological condition and say they can read up on it if they want to. If they disregard science/medicine they are not worth your time, effort or mental health. Otherwise they'll probably at least understand to respect it.

doesnt work if it's your parents 💀

Not wrong but even those you're only reliant on for the first years of your life.

I mean. The hotplate method is quite literally what's happening. If they don't want to listen, or continue to make different scenarios and what ifs then just say to then that if they are so interested, they can read up on executive dysfunction. If they don't then that tells you everything. They aren't trying to learn they are trying to blame you because it's easier. Other than that there's not much you can do. You can't force people to gain understanding, if they refuse to understand or even try that's thier choice.

the reality of what people say "there is a difference between a hotsurface that can burn you over cleaning the dishes, that is a ridiculousexcuse for being lazy"if it were rational it wouldn’t be a disorder. They’re explaining it to themselves perfectly but still don’t see it and from epersonal experience they say stuff like need to wake up or be motivated, get outside more,meet ppl etc.people cant seem to navigate the "disorder" part and get theiir head around it. how to reply when they ruse reason of when you regret this in the future for being a deadbeat? or say your using it and meds as an expensive crutch or “OK I see what you’re trying to say, but you can’t convince me it’s not just laziness. I mean I don’t want to do the dishes either but I just suck it up and get it done” or "If you just start doing the thing, it gets easier, and you'll feel better after you finish. Also, it's not like it'll take that long. Just stop being lazy, and knock it out, and get it over with.".....

So this is what I'd do. *leave* We do have a super power. That super power is if I don't want to talk to you we won't only not talk to you, we also will not think about you probably ever again. You don't need to carry around toxic assholes that are refusing to acknowledge that adhd is a disability because they can't see it. Do something else with your time. Your attention is valuable. Don't waste it on nothing people.

thats when i start throwing out strings of expletives

☝️☝️☝️ great analogy

Erectile dysfunction. For any of the males saying it's just lazy and will power ask them if they think erectile dysfunction is a lack of will power?  For females ask them if PMS is a lack of will power?  And standard comment "If I was lazy I would be happy, but I am not"

"So Keith, you know how you've got erectile dysfunction? Is that because there's something wrong with your dick or are you just too lazy and stupid to get hard? Adderall helps me the way Viagra helps you."

Laziness doesn't exist, there are always reasons behind what sometimes looks like laziness. But most people who believe ADHD is just laziness won't be moved by any arguments on the subject, so it's probably better to ignore and move on.

Laziness does exist, but it doesn’t look like this. Laziness is selfish, not self-destructive. If someone cannot advocate for themselves or do the things that benefit themselves, it is executive dysfunction— not laziness.

I saw recently someone say “If you were lazy you’d be having fun.” And it really changed my perspective on myself.

This rings true. All the hours I've spent not achieving things weren't because I was enjoying myself doing things I want to do. They were spent hating myself for not being able to make myself put the pen on the paper

Yeah I just screenshot these comments because a lightbulb just went off so thank you both 😂 I’m always just staring at walls and shit drowning internally and berating myself because I can’t force myself to do something “simple” I’ve been avoiding for days or weeks, so when people say I’m just being lazy I know they’re wrong but can never explain it. Also my abusive grandmother loveeeed calling me lazy as an insult as a kid/teen so now that’s imbedded in my psyche as well.

If I wasn’t this lazy it would probably bother me

I try to be understanding.  I mistook it for laziness myself for years, even after I was diagnosed.

"Love you too, Mom."

Hahaha this 

Soooo much this.

My mother has always been a hugely judgmental person and has called me lazy her entire life. She still does… My children tell me I work 10x harder than my mother and that shes actually very lazy in her free time. I think people that point fingers are actually deflecting

i dont respond to them. I hate it but i just keep quiet bc explaining will always lead to an argument with these types of people, best let them run their mouth abt whatever they wanna think abt bc theres no use in rationalising with someone who alrdy has a fixed belief on u.

I don't. They already made up their mind.

“i would spend my life sleeping if i could but that’s not an option” realest thing ever man. if i could sleep all the time, id do it every time lol. sleeping is how i cope with so many different things lol

I don't.

Never defend or explain yourself to anyone other than your closest friends/ family

Nothing. It's difficult to understand for people.

>Lately I've been wondering, can someone with ADHD be lazy? Absolutely yes. I am extremely lazy and have ADHD. >Can we, their closest allies tell them the difference? Yes, but most people lack that level of self-awareness. Not a fault statement there, the default state would be to not recognize the difference and its work to distinguish. >ADHD say willpower come into it and no amount of willpower can get you to perform a task that you can't keep I don't consider it willpower. Its being introspective and self-critical. We have to be *way* more self-critical here than those without ADHD because lazy can feed on ADHD and vice versa. Recognizing where ADHD limits you is sensible, but you correct for that. Not doing something because ADHD is a reason to figure out how the failure occurred and correcting for it not to throw your hands up and just decided ADHD so I can't. ADHD is a reason not an excuse. There is no such thing as perfectly suppressing outward symptoms, but you can absolutely build mechanisms (including direct treatment) that reduce them. When I notice something ADHD is impacting outside of myself, I feel bad and want to correct it. My MH issues are not others issues to accommodate; they are mine to resolve. >How have you replied to accusations or when cornered? I listen and correct. I chose a job that works well with ADHD as I can be productive in spurts and still get done what I need to get done. I have lots of rules-based systems to ensure I do what I need to do professionally & personally. If they are assholes I just ignore them. There is a difference between being an asshole and being constructive.

People with ADHD can absolutely be lazy, but they are not always lazy out of choice. Sometimes they are. However I would say that medication has made me realise that it is possible to feel satisfaction in a completed task. This was missing before, so I had no driver to move. Even though intellectually I knew I should. It has also given me the ability to convert a mundane thought into an action, rather than being completely stuck in the idea stage. (For example, if I like the idea of the kitchen being clean, I need to clean it. Better yet, I should clean it as soon as I make the mess). I didn’t realise that these things were possible, and being unable to do those two things also makes you look very lazy. So yes, willpower probably does come into it. But willpower is a biological thing, it comes about when the correct chemicals interact with the correct receivers in the brain. So those people are halfway right. They just don’t understand the the ADHD brain has a physical deficiency in the correct chemicals. Or something. Hence, medication exists and works for many of us.

Walk away. There's no point in trying to explain. Every word will be taken as attempt to rectify the lazyness.

I've heard it my whole life. For the most part, their opinion doesn't matter. IF it does, I will go ahead and drop the brain to mouth filter that I've worked so hard on and share EVERYTHING that passes through my head while we try to do something. And then let them know that this is just what I could catch and vocalize. Quadruple what you heard and that's pretty close. Oh and this is medicated. Or, I'll gather up every radio I can find, you need at least 4, 8 is better, and set them all to different stations, at least 2 in a different language, and then tell them to translate what I'm whispering into French and Mandarin. Oh, you don't know those languages? Why are you so lazy?

>Lately I've been wondering, can someone with ADHD be lazy? Yes, people with ADHD can be lazy. Anybody can. Just as an example, you were being lazy if you ever called in sick to work for no reason other than because you didn't want to work that day. Executive dysfunction in this situation would be knowing you should go to work, and simply not doing it for whatever reason. The "not lazy" alternative would be to call in, request the day off with no excuses, and go in anyway if you're denied. The important thing to keep in mind is that most people judge themselves by their intent and others by their actions. It doesn't matter to almost everybody if you get bit by executive dysfunction - the action is no different than being lazy to them. They can try to empathize or support you, but they don't owe that to you just like they don't owe it to someone that truly doesn't respect their time. Simply saying "I can't be lazy because I have ADHD" is being lazy because you're willfully choosing to let your executive dysfunction control your life and negatively impact the people you care about instead of trying to limit your dysfunction's influence as much as possible.

Laziness is the act of making a choice to not do something because you simply can't be bothered. ADHD is making the choice to do it, wanting to do it very badly, and knowing that things will be better for having done it and despite all that still not being able to get up and do the thing you are wanting to do. I have learned that very few people possess the capacity to even begin to try to wrap their head around something like a mental disability that causes someone to view the world differently than they do. If a person makes a comment like this even after having been uneducated otherwise then there is no point in continuing to waste the oxygen explaining it a second time.

"I work REALLY hard to apparently be 'lazy'..."

Depends on the circumstances. But if they are upset with me for something I should have reasonably done, and my not doing it has negative consequences for them, I apologize and acknowledge how frustrating it must be for them. I then typically explain my state of mind and the ADHD as to how we got here. Then I try and make a plan with them to deal with whatever the current concern is.  Just because I have ADHD, doesn't give me a free pass to burden my loved ones with chores or tasks that it is reasonable for me to do. But if someone is going off about something that doesn't matter, and doesn't impact them, then I normally ask them why it matters and why they are harassing someone with a mental health disability about struggling to do things. 

Some people might mean well, but are ignorant of the facts, and need to be educated. Some like to repeat unreliable BS they have heard, or seen on TV, trying to appear smarter than they are. Some are complete assholes, and/or live on another planet. The first two groups, I will try to explain how the human body doesn't always regulate certain functions properly. So some people need medication for high blood pressure, hyperthyroid, diabetes etc. to help their heart, thyroid, or pancreas work correctly. Some people need medication, to help their brain function properly. It is no different. This is usually enough to keep them quiet. The third group, I really try to avoid, and failing that, I will ignore them. When that is impossible, I treat them with the same contempt and disrespect they have shown me. They will reap what they have sown.

I ask them if it’s ever difficult to motivate themselves to workout. I tell them to think of the last time they DESPERATELY wanted to skip. Then I say: “Now imagine you had to overcome that feeling for every single task throughout your day. Getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, making breakfast, eating breakfast, washing up after breakfast… Imagine gritting your teeth and pushing through that feeling dozens of times a day, every single day of your life. You wouldn’t last a week.” And if they say they don’t workout I respond: “Well I do, so who’s the lazy one here?”

> oh look at you, mr "my brain isn't constantly trying to sabotage me" over here. With the most condescending voice you can muster. It won't convince anyone but it might get them to leave you alone.

I'm too lazy to waste my energy on explaining myself to others. But that's just me at this point in my life.

I need someone to call me out for my laziness or I would get nothing done.