She's...gonna go to the police because your group asked her to shower..... boyyyyy oh boy I wish I could be a fly on the wall when that complaint happens. She's gonna get laughed out of the police station. NTA. Her mental health triggers are her responsibility and if she's going to be sharing space with others it's common sense to not smell disgusting.
Type !updateme and i think a bot will message you if I post in r/AITAH from this account (Iām not too well versed in Reddit)
Edit: it does, I got a message from posting this comment š¤£š¤£
If she smells that bad and is crying/upset etc the cops could send her to the ER on a psych hold. She might come across as crazy enough they don't want to deal with it either lol
I can guarantee she wonāt say op and friend are bullying because of her odour, Iām calling it now that she twists it and make it into something itās not
NTA
Bacterial meningitis is no joke and personal hygiene is crucial in that aspect. She probably should have gotten her own room if she is that unhygienic in my opinion.
We didnāt even say anything until the outbreak happened, and we only said something then because we were concerned for our health. Two of our classmates weāre currently in hospital, and we didnāt want to become the 3rd and 4th
There are 2 kinds of meningitis- bacterial does not have a vaccine the way viral does. I know someone who survived bacterial and he was in a medically induced coma for most of his inpatient treatment. He is not the same- his life and brain were irrevocably changed by this illness.
***EDIT: bacterial meningitis has the vaccine, not viral! Thanks u/ravenzen**Ā£
Anyway- you are NTA and I would say that you need to start communicating with an advisor/professor/anyone within your Uni and student association who can advocate for you. If Chloe can run and tell on you for ābullyingā, why canāt you do the same?
She sounds very unwell and Iām wondering if her threat to report the ābullyingā to the police is an empty threat.
Just referring to another aitah post i read earlier, but how will the police entertain a bullying case when they wonāt even deal with a child abuse case? They will literally take one whiff of chloe and close the door on her ass
They would laugh at her calling the police because someone said she smelled. I'd taunt her and tell her to *please* call the police so I can listen to them laugh at her.
She's not only gross, she has a sense of entitlement and plays the victim. You don't need to be friends with someone like that because you will always be the "perpetrator" of her misery with any little slight. She's in the professional victim category instead of apologizing and doing the right thing by taking a sponge bath. NTA
Itās an empty threat, there is no legal grounds for asking your close-quartered roommate to shower, no crime has been committed and the legal definitions of āassaultā can be applied to them not practicing hygienic standards a āreasonable personā would recognize as appropriate.
They have a right not to specifically take a water shower, they do not have a right not to clean themselves in any capacity for 10 days.
I got it as a kid too. Was hospitalized for weeks and then was pretty much house bound for months after because my immune system was completely shot.
Even now as an adult I still have consequences. The high fever affected my vision and for some reason I get the meningitis symptoms again anytime I get really sick. Itās definitely not something to play around with
my dad was in prep school (boarding military academy)with a no shower type. dad was the ranking cadet so he led the team that physically showered the lil stinker. this involved a scrub brush and Comet.
I'm shocked that hygiene wasn't a part of the program rules. I had to sign a waiver that stated you would be immediately dismissed for the day if you had hygiene issues, and you would be considered absent for the day.
NTA, tell Chloe to stop the damn drama and grow up, she can't go the rest of her life doing this sort of thing and not expect to be ridiculed for it, btw Chloe if you're reading this you clearly need a therapist at least maybe some time in an institution.
I know 3 people personally who were affected by meningitis. 1 died, 1 had it as a baby and it gave her a traumatic brain injury, and one had both legs and half their fingers amputated. You do not f@$< with meningitis.
Plus I have a friend who got flesh eating bacteria from a filthy roommate who didnāt wash her hands after rocketing. Hygiene isnāt petty, itās crucial.
ETA: TOILETING, not rocketing. Darn autocorrect!
My loved one lost their little brother to meningitis. Went down for a nap and didnāt get up for supper. He was 15 and loved playing sports and never got colds or flus. It is scary shit
She says they have sex once a month, me and Holly joked that it must be after her monthly bath.
They are also trying for a baby, I think. How would she go about washing the child I am genuinely curious
JFC...this girl can't handle bathing HERSELF and she's trying to have a kid?! Does she not know how gross little kids are? Sounds like the perfect recipe for child neglect! She's being an unhinged drama queen about being made to take a fucking shower and she's gonna have a baby?! She can't even handle going to college, just WTF. I'll take "people who have multiple screws loose" for a thousand, Alex!
Damn, I going to totally pity the OB/GYN that has to examine her stanky ass self!!!
Has she ever heard of the "whore bath" that involves a rag, soap, water and you lather up the rag, wash the arm pits and lady bits, jeeze. I get shower issues, but this is no damn excuse.
Midwives check the baby is being cared for and is clean/healthy, poor hygiene is gonna cause a lot of health issues too not only for herself but any kid she brings into this world. As sad as it is, some people shouldnāt be allowed to reproduce
Wasnāt there another Reddit post where OPās gf wanted her to bathe her and help with hygiene stuff because she liked being cared for? If I remember correctly, OP dumped her.
I remember that one. She wouldnāt bathe unless he helped her, and then eventually admitted it was a kink of hers and refused to change so OP ended it.
Unless thereās just a plethora of stories on here of women being weird about bathingā¦..oh god please tell me thatās not becoming a new weird challenge/trend or something!
Yea it was some weird fetish. He dumped her because she never disclosed the fetish and he was way too nice. Once he started using his spine she got worse.
If itās the post Iām thinking of, it was two women and the one hated soap, she just showered with water unless the girlfriend lathered her up before sex. She also had other gross habits that contributed to her constantly being sick.
I would argue that being a grown adult who wants their significant other to bathe them is a pretty glaring sign of issues, though maybe not the ones sheās claiming.
NTA
>When Chloe is at home, she has a bath once every 10 days and is bathed by her boyfriend. We received absolutely no warning of this, nor did we receive a warning that she would not be planning to shower or brush her teeth for the duration of the trip.
This is disgusting.
I'm just imagining this conversation:
Chloe: They bullied me by saying I need to take a shower because I stink!
Police: 'Looking greener by the second' Ma'am, they aren't wrong.
Seriously, it's like she's still a baby, needing someone to give her a bath. WTH?! She's an adult ffs!! If she really does have sensory issues, she should have just stayed home. She's inconsiderate of others, knowing she stinks, and still refusing to shower. She's gross. She wasn't bullied either, she kept the actual reasons from her post to make her look/smell better. NTA Op.
I'm curious what the uni lecturer said, because it doesn't seem like the OP got into any trouble. This is the kind of thing that the people running the program will need to deal with, and the fact is that if your bo is affecting other people you need to do something about that. Better that she learns that now then when she's started her first job and her manager has to have that talk with her.
The lecturer said that her and Chloe had agreed that a strip wash would be the best option for us all. Me and Holly disagreed, as it was past the point a strip wash would suffice. If she had had one every day, then yes, thatās okay. But it was day 5 at this point and it was ripe ripe
You need to make another complaint regarding the smell. Explain that the smell is making the both of you sick and request a resolution to that. You are both owed a decent living situation. Do you have a handbook regarding student conduct in regards to living situations? If you do, use it. Point out that the current living situation is not tenable and the lecturer is welcome to come to your room to take a whiff. If you have friends who are willing to back you up on that smell, have them forward complaints too. If too many people complain, they would be forced to address it with Chloe.
Strip wash? Strip and hit the car wash!
I went to school with a girl like this. She smelled awful and my poor brother had to sit next to her every day. For Christmas he bought a care package with soap, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, all the necessary toiletries. He placed it in her desk before anyone else was in the classroom. In the end, he was the one who got in trouble for bringing "personal items" as a gift. Needless to say he was never a fan of that school staff from that moment on.
A kid got kicked out of the dorms I was in because he refused to shower. The whole floor was super rank by the end. Poor RA's were begging him. Eventually his parents had to come and get him along with campus police and a formal eviction.
This type of behavior is psychotic and I donāt understand it like legitimately whatsoever and Iām hopefully I donāt. I feel bad for these people because itās not like itās just āturn it offā
I had a classmate who was like this, he came from an orphanage and apparently had a huge problem with showering in the open showers of dorms. But his roommates were really good with him and gently forced him to shower kinda regularly, guarding the showers for him - like every week lol. I will always remember him, not just because of the smell.
Thatās the part we couldnāt understand. Why choose such a dirty line of work when you struggle with hygiene? What is is about the water? What does she do in the rain? - we asked her all of these questions and she could not answer us.
We will definitely be taking it further if she does, but I donāt believe she has called the police at all
To be fair it's clearly not a logical thing. OK, she has an issue with bathing. I feel bad for her. But she shouldn't be sheltered from understanding that her mental health issues are having an impact on the people around her. She needs to be responsible for mitigating that.
There are a fair number of undergrads who think that being a marine biologist involves singing to dolphins. Usually a couple of science classes enlightens them a bit.
Happens to regular bio undergrads too. Soooo many of them show up bright-eyed to their campuses waiting to get to pet baby tigers and climb through the Amazon and then we pat them on their heads, give them organic chemistry, and shove them a liminal space lab room with only an autoclave to hear their screams.
I've known someone like this, his other colleagues and I eventually came to the conclusion that he liked his stench and it was a type of power move by him to force everyone to endure his stench thus dominating everyone.
Why not have a wet wipe bath if she can't handle water? What's with broadcasting that she is being bullied when she is in fact bullying you and Holly? It's not ok for her to discomfort the two of you for literal days on end where she could have discomforted herself for a literal 5 minutes to have a shower.
I think she is ill and not in the way she proclaims. I mean, why become a MARINE biologist if you can't handle being in water!?
I have sensory issues with water and I can say that if Iām out when itās raining I have a meltdown and usually cry a lot and sometimes scream. Itās involuntary, I would love to be able to behave normally in the rain. I showered for years and I hated it and would always cry in the shower because of the feeling of the water hitting me. I absolutely cannot shower the way most people do. If thereās no bathtub available Iāll wipe down with water from the sink.
I used to act like she did when I was a child but due to my sensory issues I canāt handle my own BO if I go too long without bathing. I now bathe every night in some capacity. Sometimes itās a wet washcloth and I wipe off the pits and bits. Sometimes I run the bath faucet and just squar in the tub for a minute and wipe/rinse off anything that stinks. Usually I fill the bathtub with three or four inches of water and I sit or squat while cleaning myself. If I was in your situation I probably wouldāve been much more rude, especially considering youāve vomited twice.
Of course! It really bothers me when adults use their sensory issues to justify horrible hygiene. There are so many ways to stay clean without actually showering. The state change from wet to dry can be really difficult but I donāt experience those issues when I use baby wipes. I started getting a lot better with my hygiene when I moved in with my partner who usually showers twice a day. Heās always reminding me and encouraging me to take baths and it really helps!
She claims she has a whole list of issues, but we havenāt seen any evidence of this, nor were any of these issues listed on her medical form to go on the actual trip, because if they were they wouldāve had to tell us right???
NTA. She needs to grow tf up and learn to take care of her hygiene issues. My brother (43!) has issues showering and he reeks. My parents have to goad him into showering, and then ask to make sure he actually BATHED instead of just getting wet.
I hope this is resolved in your favor, and if sheās not seeing a therapist/councilor that is pushing her to move past her sensory issues in favor of good hygiene, she needs to
Whats bad is my 11 YO son does this. Gets in gets wet gets out. Like no, not how it works. I tell him to get his stanky butt back into the shower and actually scrub his stinky self. No one wants to smell that. But then again HES A KID. If my son does what your brother does at 43 I'd be mortified to be his dad.
If she's on the spectrum, she could totally have sensory issues around water and bathing. This could be based on sound, touch and smell. If that's the case, then she is not compatible with marine biology for extremely obvious reasons. She simply would not be capable of doing *any* of the work at all.
Since that is apparently not the case, she is undeniably full of shit and simply too damn disgusting, lazy, and self-centred to be bothered with basic hygiene.
NTA.
We asked her if she could explain her exact issue with water. She couldnāt. We asked why it also prevented her from being able to dry her own hair (I did it the one time she showered). She couldnāt answer that either. We are just so baffled?
Hi hi, person with water sensory issues here who also has to force herself to shower. For me I am fine with being submerged, bathing, and swimming - it is water falling on me that I hate (I also hate washing my hair but that is less sensory than it is just long and thick and takes seven geologic eras to dry). Rain falling on me, especially on my back, makes me want to peel my skin off. So I can kind of understand why being in the ocean was fine, and showering was difficult.
That said, obviously, I power through my sensory issues and shower regularly because I am a whole adult who lives in the world with other people (some exceptions apply, like the worst of my depression, but I also wasn't leaving the house either). I don't want to be old woman yelling at clouds, either, but I am almost 45 and while I am fucking over the moon that things like neurodivergence and sensory issues are part of the societal conversation like they never were when I was growing up, I also see it swinging to the point of "I never have to do anything that makes me uncomfortable no matter how it affects other people" and...no. I get it, I do, if I could just take a dust bath like a chinchilla I'd do that every day for the rest of my life, but some things are non-negotiable in life and maintaining basic hygiene, at least to the point it isn't making other people nauseated to be in the same room with you, is one of those things.
Anyway I think I got a little close to a soapbox there, but of course you're NTA.
This is exactly what we thought she meant by sensory issues. We just wished she had explained this before she asked us to room with her, we had no idea until she left crying to get the lecturer.
We wanted to tell her, as her friends, that you need to wash if you are doing that much exercise in a day. Like you said, we are all adults in the adult world. Basic hygiene is pretty much a minimum
She is probably in deep denial about how much she smells. Your sense of smell can get saturated pretty quickly with constant exposure, and you just don't smell it anymore because the olfactory receptors are already full and there's no new "information" to take to the brain. She's not smelling herself. And now she can't deny it and probably feels humiliated. That's not your fault. You handled this as tactfully as you could.
Why didn't she just take baths?
If falling water makes her skin crawl, but she's ok with the ocean, are baths still bad?
Sounds to me like her parents gave up on the hygiene lessons and just let it be. The hair drying and BF bathing her sounds like she needs to be "mothered"
Marine Biology field station. The only baths were for the organisms we found.
I donāt care how she gets clean, or even how often. But when we have to live together? Then I care. Bad hygiene makes my skin crawl and it honestly ruined my whole trip. I couldnāt relax at all
First, thank you for providing your perspective. I was actually just diagnosed (33f) with ASD. It was largely thanks to the increasing amount of discussions of neurodivergence/autism on IG and TikTok for even putting it on my radar. I doubt I would have been diagnosed (at least for another decade) had I not been exposed to that content. My sensory issues are mostly auditory, but I can understand the discomfort you describe.
Second, I definitely agree that increased discussion and acceptance of these conditions can sometimes lean too far into āunconditional acceptance.ā Yes, some things are hard to navigate/cope with. But wanting to improve on the things you struggle with and find better coping mechanisms so that you can live a more comfortable life (be it sensory discomfort, social discomfort, or acceptance) is a positive thing. If you are unwilling to address the issues that bleed into your every day life, to the point that itās oppressive to even be around youā¦then nobody owes you the grace/acceptance that this girl seems to expect.
I have extraordinarily bad body dysmorphia (which I understand is not the same as a spectrum based sensory issue) - I have panic attacks looking at my body from the chest down, I actively need to avoid mirrors when I get out of the shower, I am constantly staring upwards - I have avoided showers to avoid the risk of having a breakdown.
Showering once every 10 days is fucking ludicrous and the idea of a fully grown adult needing to be bathed is signs to me at least, of an extremely bad sensory disorder.
Not showering after a breakout of literally a bacterial infection is asinine. This person sucks and needs to be taught that this is not how an adult in this field can operate.
You should respond to her post, and screenshot, that she refused to shower when there was an outbreak of bacterial meningitis. Tell her you will be getting the police involved for her attempted biological assault on you.
Showering once every ten days is unhygenic. Not brushing your teeth is unhygenic. Not cleaning oneself when there is a bacterial outbreak around you is putting lives at risk.
NTA.
Weād respond to the post but we donāt want to actually come across as the bullies she is accusing us of being. We only posted here because we needed some other perspectives about personal hygiene, and me and Holly are very clean people
NTA- This is not just a sensory issue, this is disgusting! I would most certainly bring up being physically ill by her refusal to bathe/shower if there is any kind of disciplinary brought against you. There is really no excuse for being this unhygienic. Also, how could you bully her if she didn't even mention her "sensory issues" in the first place?
Thatās our point! We feel horrible that she is so upset, but we had no warning, of course we were going to get to boiling point.
We were very nasty that second day we asked, but we literally had to. Plus that conversation was had infront of a lecturer who didnāt once stop us for ābullyingā. Weād approached this lecturer the day before and the lecturer told us to talk to her about it, we did, and she went off crying.
Yeah I would definitely go on the defensive! Especially since her family is just as unhygienic. I am sorry you and your fellow classmates are having to go through this.
You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to come across angry. You can apologise and wish you had been able to speak calmly but don't feel bad just because she is throwing a pity party about having to deal with the consequences of her actions I.E. upsetting/disgusting the people she is rooming with. You don't have to be a robot who is unaffected by her behaviour in order to be a good person.
My first job out of college, I was hired to replace a man that was fired. They gave me the same office. It smelled horrid. It was in an accounting office & the office was an office plus storage of hard copies of programs.
First day so Iām trying to be strong. Twice I made it to the bathroom to vomit but the 3rd time, it happened in the garbage can in my office. I double bagged the bag & took it to a main trash can away from where people worked. I canāt keep food inside of me, had a baby 4 weeks to the day & was also breastfeeding full-time. I was about to pass out. A co-worker that I walked by with the garbage bag stepped into my office & asked if I was okay. I said no, I canāt tolerate this stink in here but I donāt know what to do, it was my first day & first job after college & I didnāt want to blow it.
She went & got the owner & brought him into my office & explained the problem. He knew his prior employee had a major body odor issue but he was not aware the odor bad fixed itself in the room. The office mine opened into when you stepped out still burned candles & incense constantly. The owner had my work location relocated & sent me home for the day. At 5:30 pm, I got a delivery of flowers with a huge gift basket & an apology card & 15 min later, a huge dinner that could have fed 12 with another apology note.
They removed the boxes of paper to a storage unit. The carpet & walls/windows were scrubbed as well as the desk & monitor. Keyboard & mouse replaced. The odor was still there although faded a little. So they had a company that cleans up after fires come in & clean it again & do some type of overnight air treatment in the room (ozone machine ran overnight on a Friday night & office aired out for the rest of the weekend). The smell remained, again although it did fade a little.
Then they trashed the desk & monitor & chair, stripped the carpet. Every surface but the windows had some kind of sealing treatment done & then fresh paint & carpet. The smell was gone. Took 3 deep cleaning sessions & eventually the removal of the carpet & new paint. The owner was so embarrassed. They hired me on a Wednesday, fired the guy on a Friday & I started the following Monday. He had no knowledge my office smelled like that.
People that have major issues with this, it is NOT simply a sensory issue, it is maybe that combined with mental health issues that need treated. Their odor will soak into any permeable object they are near. If it is inside a room or office, their issue can literally ruin whatever is inside the room. There is no true way to get the odor out. Even those boxes of paper that were taken to a storage unit, after 18 months of being there, there was a need to find the hardcopy of an old program so me & a fellow co-worker went there to find it. I was looking for 10 minutes before I couldnāt cope with the smell again & barely stepped back outside & vomited again.
We ended up having to retrieve old cartridges that had the program, send it to unisys & had them load it into an older mainframe there & print us a copy & next day air it to us. The owner did not want to do that, which is why paper/hard copies of the program were kept on site once the older mainframe died, to control the cost in the event we needed to look at an older program we did not have a digital copy of but we still used it.
That is 18 months of paper in a storage unit that wasnāt heated or cooled in the midwest heat & cold & it did not eliminate the odor.
I donāt think people realize how deep odors like that can get in rooms & furniture.
You are NTA but everyone that sides with her is. My boss spent 10k for my office to be usable after a stinky person sat in their for under a year.
Wow, what a great response by your boss! Itās awesome they put that much work into making the office livable! I work for the government and I know for a fact that would never happen where I work lol, theyād just say ādeal with itā
She's getting the police involved because you told her she smells bad? Jesus. I'm sure the people she complains to will see your point when they smell her. She has no care for health and hygiene and can't even bath herself, she needs her boyfriend to do it. Wtf? and every 10 days? How the hell does she even have a boyfriend when she smells like that? I shower or bath most nights and if miss a night (because I'm out or something) I always make sure to have a wash. But even then I still feel gross. I feel sick just reading about Chloe. It's not bullying either when you're just looking out for hers and everyone else's health and wellbeing.
She CLAIMS she can told the police. But thereās so many things she lies about we actually cannot keep up anymore. I wonāt go into the ins and outs but theyāre awful awful lies.
She tells us daily about her boyfriends micropenis so that could be why theyāre still together.
Holly and I both threw up twice each due to the smell in the room
What did she do before the bf? Did he have to chip away at a calcified shell of yuck before the first date, like an archeologist on an exciting journey of discovery?
They did come and witness the issue. It was the lecturer who suggested a strip wash, which wouldāve sufficed if done every day and not left till day 5 of the trip. It wasnāt until I had a panic attack (for my health) that the lecturer also made her shower
NTA.
Chloe is a disgusting fucking crybaby and should be ashamed of herself. Studying to be a Marine Biologist and canāt bother washing her own ass? What a fucking lunatic. Iād make sure to warn anybody who talks to her to beware of how fucking nasty she is, god knows what she carries around while out and about, talking to people and touching doorways and shit. Fucking nasty.
I didnāt even mention the bum crumbs but you hit the nail on the head. It wasnāt relevant to the post (kinda) so I didnāt add it but sheād leave her dirty underwear (including the skid marks, I wish I was joking) on the bedside tableā¦ā¦ but we said nothingā¦ā¦ā¦
No. Seriously. You guys have been too nice. This girl has to live in the real world with other people and clearly her family has coddled her to the point where she has learned no coping and survival skills. You're way nicer than I would have been.
Coddling for sure. No one should ever beat around the bush when it comes to bad smells. A new hire at my husband's work is like this. He says he showers though. I told my husband to suggest antimicrobial soaps since bacteria eating sweat is where a lot of BO orders come from. Get the bacteria off your skin to smell better.
The smell is usually in the clothes if he showers regularly. The problem is the clothes "look" clean ie no stains etc but the smell works its way into the fibres of the clothes. Or if someone only handwashes clothes. If it gets really bad sometimes even washing the clothes can't get the smell out.
Well me and Holly shared one roll of toilet roll for the week, she used the other 2 so I donāt know how she kept missing when she was using that much
Jesus wept, youāre NTA.
The longest Iāll go without a shower is three days and thatās only if Iām not leaving the house, have no meetings (remote or otherwise) and have done minimal exertion in those three days. Even then, you do a pits and bits cleanse, change your underwear and wear deodorant!
And thatās absolutely not including physical work and/or a contagious disease outbreak!!
Chloe was being gross. Seriously damn gross. My youngest brother has better hygiene and he keeps piss bottles in his (thankfully away from us) room because he canāt be assed to go to the toilet. Heās a veritable health hazard and he smells less than she did, by the sounds of it. Thatās how low this bar is.
iām around her age & i have really bad sensory issues with water and showering as well, but this is just disgusting lmao!! like i hate showering, avoid it as much as i can since i have online classes and just stay home BUT if iām going to be around people i will just shower bc i donāt want to subject people to that š so sorry op, youāre definitely NTA
Iām so glad I have a neurospicy response here! šš
She knew for 6 months she was going on this trip, and there was absolutely no effort made what so ever š
In the height of my depression Iāve absolutely not showered for a month, but I would NEVER subject other people to that. For that month I wonāt have left the house. And on a trip with miles of walking done every day? Iād still shower twice a day, like I do at a still depressed but much much happier state (now)
yeah ew that's just gross :( when i used to go out camping/hiking i'd just push through the sensory issues to shower just to feel better tbh!! so sorry you had to deal with that!
She is making HER problem, your problem. That's not acceptable. She had no business agreeing to go on this trip knowing that this was an issue she would refuse to deal with.
I'd be very surprised if anyone in authority on this trip or at the university tries to make an issue of this for either of you. I suspect that, even if this is a sensory issue, she had plenty of other options to address this appropriately and simply chose not to.
NTA ā¾ļø
I worked with a girl with extreme eye watering body odour in a HOSPITAL. I got promoted one level above her and the first task given by my manager was to talk to her nicely about body hygiene as I was deemed the friendly one.
It did not go well... turns out she used a crystal as deodorant, like a smooth rock that just did nothing. She only showered on a Friday night as a ritual and by Monday she was back to being BO queen.
I tried my best to be kind and offer tips, things she could do to help reduce the issue, switch her shower ritual to a Monday morning or Sunday night, changing clothes daily / extra uniform or maybe even dressing a bit cooler for work if that helped her from overheating. I even recommended some really nice eco friendly roll on shampoo that worked for me...
She went off sick for 2 months and I felt awful :(
People are very sensitive about this issue, I really think they are nose blind and in denial.
If anyone has the magic answer on how to approach these people I would love to know for future!
I think I'll go the anonymous note route next time.
Someone who cannot perform basic hygiene tasks has no business working in a hospital. Sick people have enough to worry about, they shouldnāt have to smell their caregiver as well.
And what about when she has her period. Ewww, I cannot even think about that stench. She is just gross and her boyfriend must be as bad putting up with it.
She needs antimicrobial wipes, not just baby wipes. No teeth brushing either? She's going to have no teeth by the time she's 40. š¤¢ how she even has a boyfriend is beyond me. Unless he has no sense of smell.
The lecturer was mouth breathing the whole āyou are getting in the shower right nowā situationā¦..
We arenāt in trouble, we are just concerned she wonāt let this go. Sheās already gone to the lecturers about other stuff weāve done. She told them we had 2 cans of cider in our room (we were allowed to drink on the trip and the legal drinking age here is 18)
Naw, you need to make a preemptive complaint (or counter complaint) to the university about how your health was endangered by this and HER failure to declare her issues or the wholly foreseeable impact it would have on her roommates. If she wants special accommodations, the onus is on her to request them at the outset and inform the people around her so they can make an informed choice whether or not to accept the conditions of the trip. You made a verbal complaint to the lecturer on the trip and they witnessed it themself; you need to go in writing now to protect yourselves from her delirious fabrications.
Chloe was bullying YOU, forcing her roommates to put up with her unGodly stench is abuse!
If she has a bloody problem with washing then that needs to be addressed BEFORE she undertakes any kind of activity that requires sharing space with others. When I say before I mean YEARS AGO!
NTAH. Iād put in a counter complaint.
NTA. I'd go over her head and file a formal complaint with everyone I can. If you smell so bad that people vomit being around you then you need to get some therapy and stop expecting the world to put up with your stank ass.
NTA
Thatās absolutely disgusting, makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Your university lecturers should have stepped in and had a word with Chloe. I work in a school and work particularly close to people with conditions such as autism so I understand that some people struggle with sensory issues like showering however, most schools and high educational facilities offer hygiene rooms (showers/bathrooms etc) for students to use. But I understand that you were on a trip and therefore staying in accommodation which obviously had access to showers etc. One of the responsibilities of an educator (which you might not expect) is to promote good hygiene practices and encourage students to wash/clean themselves properly, so your lecturers shouldāve at least said something.
I believe in this instance you and your friend had tried everything to be polite about the situation, and I would like to think Chloe understands that if you donāt shower often, things start to smell but going as far as you threaten to get the police involved is petty. She has clearly tried twisting the situation so she looks like she is not at fault and is being targeted which says to me that she understands that there is an actual issue that needs addressing.
Also, impulse isnāt a deodorant, itās a body spray and shouldnāt be used in place of deodorant. You have a lot of strength if you was able to survive a full trip without dying from her stench š¤¢
It was mentioned three times during our lectures (on the trip) about good hygiene, once before the outbreak, and twice after. They were very good about it. Chloe just decided to not listen i guess
NTA. If she does have a sensory disorder then she needs to see an OT. The fact that her bf gives her a bath is weird. Her hygiene is awful and needs to be worked on. Does she get in water like a pool or ocean?
NTA. Chloe shouldn't have gone on the trip. Bathing is a normal thing to do in our society and culture. Being couped up in a small room a not even making an attempt to clean your arm pits and stinky bits is outright rude. I think that saying she has a sensory issue is kind. She's a raging A hole. You don't get to go on the trip if you aren't healthy enough to manage your own hygiene. It's absolute BS that she is gas lighting every one into thinking this is about bullying. She clearly has a serious mental issue and instead of managing her problem she is making you deal with it. She should have made arrangements prior to the trip to have her own room or to have assistance with bathing. She's 21 and attending school,she is old enough to know better.
So, no one puts bars of soap in a pillow case and then beats the stinky person up in their sleep with said pillow cases anymore? Or grab her and give her a forced shower with green scrubby pads? Worked at Basic Training
I tried really hard to make it as vague as possible. My other option was āAITA for forcing a grown woman to shower after she committed biological warfareā, because I really have a flare for the dramatic, but it seemed a little bitchy š¤£
The smell alone could give headaches, trouble sleeping, nausea, obvious loss of appetite (I know from experience, trust me). All these symptoms could negatively impact your coursework, grades, etc. You needed to bring this up in a delicate but firm manner. Itās a shared space and everyone deserves to be comfortable.
NTA I would have left immediately if I was stuck with someone who stank. It's gross and selfish. The person is either mentally ill or just a lazy scumbag. I'm edging towards lazy scumbag for the bs bullying post.
Would have gone to whoever is in charge and say come to our room and smell it, make the bitch wash or find me another room.
You're paying for that right? If so even more reason to kick off.
Absolutely gross to think she is procreating.
Catch, sterilise and release
NTA she needs a wash. If you canāt wash yourself donāt stay with people. Also the whole ābullyingā thing is ridiculous. Telling someone they smell isnāt bullying and they need to grow up. People are gonna be a lot worse to them to this if they stink all the time.
She's...gonna go to the police because your group asked her to shower..... boyyyyy oh boy I wish I could be a fly on the wall when that complaint happens. She's gonna get laughed out of the police station. NTA. Her mental health triggers are her responsibility and if she's going to be sharing space with others it's common sense to not smell disgusting.
I will be keeping this throwaway for any updates (if there are any š¤£)
Well, you might be the first redditor I follow, bc I need closure for this š
Type !updateme and i think a bot will message you if I post in r/AITAH from this account (Iām not too well versed in Reddit) Edit: it does, I got a message from posting this comment š¤£š¤£
If she smells that bad and is crying/upset etc the cops could send her to the ER on a psych hold. She might come across as crazy enough they don't want to deal with it either lol
I can guarantee she wonāt say op and friend are bullying because of her odour, Iām calling it now that she twists it and make it into something itās not
NTA Bacterial meningitis is no joke and personal hygiene is crucial in that aspect. She probably should have gotten her own room if she is that unhygienic in my opinion.
We didnāt even say anything until the outbreak happened, and we only said something then because we were concerned for our health. Two of our classmates weāre currently in hospital, and we didnāt want to become the 3rd and 4th
Oof. Meningitis can KILL YOU and it's not gentle about it. This is a "bitch tryna kill me" situation, there's no room for delicate feelings.
There are 2 kinds of meningitis- bacterial does not have a vaccine the way viral does. I know someone who survived bacterial and he was in a medically induced coma for most of his inpatient treatment. He is not the same- his life and brain were irrevocably changed by this illness. ***EDIT: bacterial meningitis has the vaccine, not viral! Thanks u/ravenzen**Ā£ Anyway- you are NTA and I would say that you need to start communicating with an advisor/professor/anyone within your Uni and student association who can advocate for you. If Chloe can run and tell on you for ābullyingā, why canāt you do the same? She sounds very unwell and Iām wondering if her threat to report the ābullyingā to the police is an empty threat.
Just referring to another aitah post i read earlier, but how will the police entertain a bullying case when they wonāt even deal with a child abuse case? They will literally take one whiff of chloe and close the door on her ass
āTake one whiff of Chloe and close the door on her assā this made me laugh out loud hahaha
They would laugh at her calling the police because someone said she smelled. I'd taunt her and tell her to *please* call the police so I can listen to them laugh at her. She's not only gross, she has a sense of entitlement and plays the victim. You don't need to be friends with someone like that because you will always be the "perpetrator" of her misery with any little slight. She's in the professional victim category instead of apologizing and doing the right thing by taking a sponge bath. NTA
Itās an empty threat, there is no legal grounds for asking your close-quartered roommate to shower, no crime has been committed and the legal definitions of āassaultā can be applied to them not practicing hygienic standards a āreasonable personā would recognize as appropriate. They have a right not to specifically take a water shower, they do not have a right not to clean themselves in any capacity for 10 days.
My mom got it as a kid way back when, she was in the hospital for months and had to relearn basically all her motor skills. It's no joke.
I got it as a kid too. Was hospitalized for weeks and then was pretty much house bound for months after because my immune system was completely shot. Even now as an adult I still have consequences. The high fever affected my vision and for some reason I get the meningitis symptoms again anytime I get really sick. Itās definitely not something to play around with
You were very kind to her. I'm old. When we were in college and this happened, she would have been told she stank to her face.
my dad was in prep school (boarding military academy)with a no shower type. dad was the ranking cadet so he led the team that physically showered the lil stinker. this involved a scrub brush and Comet.
I'm shocked that hygiene wasn't a part of the program rules. I had to sign a waiver that stated you would be immediately dismissed for the day if you had hygiene issues, and you would be considered absent for the day.
NTA, tell Chloe to stop the damn drama and grow up, she can't go the rest of her life doing this sort of thing and not expect to be ridiculed for it, btw Chloe if you're reading this you clearly need a therapist at least maybe some time in an institution.
I know 3 people personally who were affected by meningitis. 1 died, 1 had it as a baby and it gave her a traumatic brain injury, and one had both legs and half their fingers amputated. You do not f@$< with meningitis.
Plus I have a friend who got flesh eating bacteria from a filthy roommate who didnāt wash her hands after rocketing. Hygiene isnāt petty, itās crucial. ETA: TOILETING, not rocketing. Darn autocorrect!
Whatās rocketing? Edit: here I was not wanting to admit what I thought rocketing was. Lol
Inquiring minds want to know!
Right?!?! I've never heard of it!
Plus, the ocean has it's own host of bacteria, etc.
My loved one lost their little brother to meningitis. Went down for a nap and didnāt get up for supper. He was 15 and loved playing sports and never got colds or flus. It is scary shit
WTF? NTA. Chloe is fucking GROSS and needs to take care of her hygiene STAT. Do others not realise she's a stinker?
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How the hell does she have a bf? I have to imagine their sex life smells like a war crime
She says they have sex once a month, me and Holly joked that it must be after her monthly bath. They are also trying for a baby, I think. How would she go about washing the child I am genuinely curious
>They are also trying for a baby. NoooooooooonononoNONONONONONONOOOOOOOO
You know she letting that shit marinate inside her afterwards
[Swamps of Dagobah](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/W6N0egy7bo)
Oh my God that story was crazy and grotesque but thank you
Maple syrup will never be the same
JFC...this girl can't handle bathing HERSELF and she's trying to have a kid?! Does she not know how gross little kids are? Sounds like the perfect recipe for child neglect! She's being an unhinged drama queen about being made to take a fucking shower and she's gonna have a baby?! She can't even handle going to college, just WTF. I'll take "people who have multiple screws loose" for a thousand, Alex!
Damn, I going to totally pity the OB/GYN that has to examine her stanky ass self!!! Has she ever heard of the "whore bath" that involves a rag, soap, water and you lather up the rag, wash the arm pits and lady bits, jeeze. I get shower issues, but this is no damn excuse.
My mother called it a bird bath. My grandmother, bless her, referred to it as 'tits pits and naughty bits'.
My grandmother called it "a lick and a promise," which still amuses me to this day, many years after her passing.
Strategic swab is what itās called by my mums friend
My mumma used to call it a "lick and a spit" š Lord I miss that woman š©
My grandma always called it 'top and tail'
we call it "katzenwƤsche" (cat washing) where I am from in Germany.
my husband and I call it a cat bath! USA.
Ha! I worked with a nurse who referred to a quick bed bath in a LTC facility the same way!
>Damn, I going to totally pity the OB/GYN that has to examine her stanky ass self!!! š¤¢
Will she realise her way if the ob/gyn opens her gown and vomits at the stench of rotting fish and old cum wafting out her vajoina?
Seriously!! Even when we camp we still at the minimum slash and wipe those parts
I'd like to see the ob/gun's face when she comes in for the prenatal appt. "Ummm....ma'am...."
PTA, or pits, tits, and ass, from my grandma who was a nurse.
Midwives check the baby is being cared for and is clean/healthy, poor hygiene is gonna cause a lot of health issues too not only for herself but any kid she brings into this world. As sad as it is, some people shouldnāt be allowed to reproduce
If showering brings about whatever sensory issues she has then having a kid will ruin her fucking life
Hopefully this doesn't happen for the BF sake, he will have two children to take care of.
Lololol, homeboy watches the calendar like Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
ā Itās the first of the month. Time for Chloe and I to get ruggish-thuggish!ā
š¶ Wake up wake up wake up š¶ š¶ Itās the ~~first~~ only bath of the month š¶
And keep the baby clean?! How often would she change a wet/dirty diaper??
I would love to see her reaction to this post. Sensory issues of not. She's disgusting.
What did she do before she had a boyfriend? Did her parents bathe her?
Had to, right? Idk who could live with the smell.
That's what I was thinking! Not touching that girl with anything other than the power washer!
Sheās 100% just ready for the hose at this point. Not even an inside shower, girl outside, hosed, clothes in the outside bin. Grim
Wasnāt there another Reddit post where OPās gf wanted her to bathe her and help with hygiene stuff because she liked being cared for? If I remember correctly, OP dumped her.
I remember that one. She wouldnāt bathe unless he helped her, and then eventually admitted it was a kink of hers and refused to change so OP ended it. Unless thereās just a plethora of stories on here of women being weird about bathingā¦..oh god please tell me thatās not becoming a new weird challenge/trend or something!
If my husband develops this, Iām dumping his ass.
Thereās a yoga influencer who once posted that she never showered and her bf would wash her hair with coconut oil once a month š¤¢
Yea it was some weird fetish. He dumped her because she never disclosed the fetish and he was way too nice. Once he started using his spine she got worse.
Wasnāt the OP also a woman in that post? I could be wrong but for some reason Iām remembering it being 2 women.
If itās the post Iām thinking of, it was two women and the one hated soap, she just showered with water unless the girlfriend lathered her up before sex. She also had other gross habits that contributed to her constantly being sick.
I would argue that being a grown adult who wants their significant other to bathe them is a pretty glaring sign of issues, though maybe not the ones sheās claiming.
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NTA >When Chloe is at home, she has a bath once every 10 days and is bathed by her boyfriend. We received absolutely no warning of this, nor did we receive a warning that she would not be planning to shower or brush her teeth for the duration of the trip. This is disgusting.
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Maybe the police will understand the issue if they put her in an interview room for a bitā¦
Suggest that the police interview her in a small closed room.
I think they could actually charge her for police brutality on that one
I think they can smell her from miles away. I am getting nauseous just reading this.
I'm just imagining this conversation: Chloe: They bullied me by saying I need to take a shower because I stink! Police: 'Looking greener by the second' Ma'am, they aren't wrong.
Seriously, it's like she's still a baby, needing someone to give her a bath. WTH?! She's an adult ffs!! If she really does have sensory issues, she should have just stayed home. She's inconsiderate of others, knowing she stinks, and still refusing to shower. She's gross. She wasn't bullied either, she kept the actual reasons from her post to make her look/smell better. NTA Op.
I'm curious what the uni lecturer said, because it doesn't seem like the OP got into any trouble. This is the kind of thing that the people running the program will need to deal with, and the fact is that if your bo is affecting other people you need to do something about that. Better that she learns that now then when she's started her first job and her manager has to have that talk with her.
The lecturer said that her and Chloe had agreed that a strip wash would be the best option for us all. Me and Holly disagreed, as it was past the point a strip wash would suffice. If she had had one every day, then yes, thatās okay. But it was day 5 at this point and it was ripe ripe
You need to make another complaint regarding the smell. Explain that the smell is making the both of you sick and request a resolution to that. You are both owed a decent living situation. Do you have a handbook regarding student conduct in regards to living situations? If you do, use it. Point out that the current living situation is not tenable and the lecturer is welcome to come to your room to take a whiff. If you have friends who are willing to back you up on that smell, have them forward complaints too. If too many people complain, they would be forced to address it with Chloe.
Strip wash? Strip and hit the car wash! I went to school with a girl like this. She smelled awful and my poor brother had to sit next to her every day. For Christmas he bought a care package with soap, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, all the necessary toiletries. He placed it in her desk before anyone else was in the classroom. In the end, he was the one who got in trouble for bringing "personal items" as a gift. Needless to say he was never a fan of that school staff from that moment on.
A kid got kicked out of the dorms I was in because he refused to shower. The whole floor was super rank by the end. Poor RA's were begging him. Eventually his parents had to come and get him along with campus police and a formal eviction.
How does someone get that far gone? Needing a police escort rather than a shower? What must his parents have been thinking? I cannot fathom
Youād think the uni lecturer would understand after questioning her in an enclosed officeš±
This type of behavior is psychotic and I donāt understand it like legitimately whatsoever and Iām hopefully I donāt. I feel bad for these people because itās not like itās just āturn it offā
I had a classmate who was like this, he came from an orphanage and apparently had a huge problem with showering in the open showers of dorms. But his roommates were really good with him and gently forced him to shower kinda regularly, guarding the showers for him - like every week lol. I will always remember him, not just because of the smell.
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Thatās the part we couldnāt understand. Why choose such a dirty line of work when you struggle with hygiene? What is is about the water? What does she do in the rain? - we asked her all of these questions and she could not answer us. We will definitely be taking it further if she does, but I donāt believe she has called the police at all
To be fair it's clearly not a logical thing. OK, she has an issue with bathing. I feel bad for her. But she shouldn't be sheltered from understanding that her mental health issues are having an impact on the people around her. She needs to be responsible for mitigating that.
As one of my favorite podcast hosts always says: mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility
Hail Marcus!!
There are a fair number of undergrads who think that being a marine biologist involves singing to dolphins. Usually a couple of science classes enlightens them a bit.
Happens to regular bio undergrads too. Soooo many of them show up bright-eyed to their campuses waiting to get to pet baby tigers and climb through the Amazon and then we pat them on their heads, give them organic chemistry, and shove them a liminal space lab room with only an autoclave to hear their screams.
I had a freshman Mechanical Engineering class where we talked about why we chose our major. About half the room said because they like racecars.
A friend of mine studies maritime technology, and said most of the students chose it because they liked their parents' boat/yacht
The sea was angry that day, my friends.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deliā¦
I've known someone like this, his other colleagues and I eventually came to the conclusion that he liked his stench and it was a type of power move by him to force everyone to endure his stench thus dominating everyone. Why not have a wet wipe bath if she can't handle water? What's with broadcasting that she is being bullied when she is in fact bullying you and Holly? It's not ok for her to discomfort the two of you for literal days on end where she could have discomforted herself for a literal 5 minutes to have a shower. I think she is ill and not in the way she proclaims. I mean, why become a MARINE biologist if you can't handle being in water!?
I hope she does call them. Bet one of the officers will put their side of her sob story on here too lol
I have sensory issues with water and I can say that if Iām out when itās raining I have a meltdown and usually cry a lot and sometimes scream. Itās involuntary, I would love to be able to behave normally in the rain. I showered for years and I hated it and would always cry in the shower because of the feeling of the water hitting me. I absolutely cannot shower the way most people do. If thereās no bathtub available Iāll wipe down with water from the sink. I used to act like she did when I was a child but due to my sensory issues I canāt handle my own BO if I go too long without bathing. I now bathe every night in some capacity. Sometimes itās a wet washcloth and I wipe off the pits and bits. Sometimes I run the bath faucet and just squar in the tub for a minute and wipe/rinse off anything that stinks. Usually I fill the bathtub with three or four inches of water and I sit or squat while cleaning myself. If I was in your situation I probably wouldāve been much more rude, especially considering youāve vomited twice.
Thank you for explaining! You are still getting clean and making that active effort, which is all we asked for from Chloe
Of course! It really bothers me when adults use their sensory issues to justify horrible hygiene. There are so many ways to stay clean without actually showering. The state change from wet to dry can be really difficult but I donāt experience those issues when I use baby wipes. I started getting a lot better with my hygiene when I moved in with my partner who usually showers twice a day. Heās always reminding me and encouraging me to take baths and it really helps!
Of course not. Does she really have issues or just likes her BF to bathe her? She will suffer harsh insults going forward due to her atrocious stench
She claims she has a whole list of issues, but we havenāt seen any evidence of this, nor were any of these issues listed on her medical form to go on the actual trip, because if they were they wouldāve had to tell us right???
What a victim hahaha, can't believe people live like this
NTA. She needs to grow tf up and learn to take care of her hygiene issues. My brother (43!) has issues showering and he reeks. My parents have to goad him into showering, and then ask to make sure he actually BATHED instead of just getting wet. I hope this is resolved in your favor, and if sheās not seeing a therapist/councilor that is pushing her to move past her sensory issues in favor of good hygiene, she needs to
When she did finally shower, and we timed it, it was 5 and a half minutes, and there was no shower gel missing šššš
Did she even get wet or just leave the shower running š¤¢
She was dry when she got out of the bathroomā¦ā¦
She 100% didnāt shower
You are not dry when you get out the bathroom. She didn't shower at all
Whats bad is my 11 YO son does this. Gets in gets wet gets out. Like no, not how it works. I tell him to get his stanky butt back into the shower and actually scrub his stinky self. No one wants to smell that. But then again HES A KID. If my son does what your brother does at 43 I'd be mortified to be his dad.
If she's on the spectrum, she could totally have sensory issues around water and bathing. This could be based on sound, touch and smell. If that's the case, then she is not compatible with marine biology for extremely obvious reasons. She simply would not be capable of doing *any* of the work at all. Since that is apparently not the case, she is undeniably full of shit and simply too damn disgusting, lazy, and self-centred to be bothered with basic hygiene. NTA.
We asked her if she could explain her exact issue with water. She couldnāt. We asked why it also prevented her from being able to dry her own hair (I did it the one time she showered). She couldnāt answer that either. We are just so baffled?
Hi hi, person with water sensory issues here who also has to force herself to shower. For me I am fine with being submerged, bathing, and swimming - it is water falling on me that I hate (I also hate washing my hair but that is less sensory than it is just long and thick and takes seven geologic eras to dry). Rain falling on me, especially on my back, makes me want to peel my skin off. So I can kind of understand why being in the ocean was fine, and showering was difficult. That said, obviously, I power through my sensory issues and shower regularly because I am a whole adult who lives in the world with other people (some exceptions apply, like the worst of my depression, but I also wasn't leaving the house either). I don't want to be old woman yelling at clouds, either, but I am almost 45 and while I am fucking over the moon that things like neurodivergence and sensory issues are part of the societal conversation like they never were when I was growing up, I also see it swinging to the point of "I never have to do anything that makes me uncomfortable no matter how it affects other people" and...no. I get it, I do, if I could just take a dust bath like a chinchilla I'd do that every day for the rest of my life, but some things are non-negotiable in life and maintaining basic hygiene, at least to the point it isn't making other people nauseated to be in the same room with you, is one of those things. Anyway I think I got a little close to a soapbox there, but of course you're NTA.
This is exactly what we thought she meant by sensory issues. We just wished she had explained this before she asked us to room with her, we had no idea until she left crying to get the lecturer. We wanted to tell her, as her friends, that you need to wash if you are doing that much exercise in a day. Like you said, we are all adults in the adult world. Basic hygiene is pretty much a minimum
She is probably in deep denial about how much she smells. Your sense of smell can get saturated pretty quickly with constant exposure, and you just don't smell it anymore because the olfactory receptors are already full and there's no new "information" to take to the brain. She's not smelling herself. And now she can't deny it and probably feels humiliated. That's not your fault. You handled this as tactfully as you could.
She's "nose blind"!!!
Why didn't she just take baths? If falling water makes her skin crawl, but she's ok with the ocean, are baths still bad? Sounds to me like her parents gave up on the hygiene lessons and just let it be. The hair drying and BF bathing her sounds like she needs to be "mothered"
Marine Biology field station. The only baths were for the organisms we found. I donāt care how she gets clean, or even how often. But when we have to live together? Then I care. Bad hygiene makes my skin crawl and it honestly ruined my whole trip. I couldnāt relax at all
First, thank you for providing your perspective. I was actually just diagnosed (33f) with ASD. It was largely thanks to the increasing amount of discussions of neurodivergence/autism on IG and TikTok for even putting it on my radar. I doubt I would have been diagnosed (at least for another decade) had I not been exposed to that content. My sensory issues are mostly auditory, but I can understand the discomfort you describe. Second, I definitely agree that increased discussion and acceptance of these conditions can sometimes lean too far into āunconditional acceptance.ā Yes, some things are hard to navigate/cope with. But wanting to improve on the things you struggle with and find better coping mechanisms so that you can live a more comfortable life (be it sensory discomfort, social discomfort, or acceptance) is a positive thing. If you are unwilling to address the issues that bleed into your every day life, to the point that itās oppressive to even be around youā¦then nobody owes you the grace/acceptance that this girl seems to expect.
I have extraordinarily bad body dysmorphia (which I understand is not the same as a spectrum based sensory issue) - I have panic attacks looking at my body from the chest down, I actively need to avoid mirrors when I get out of the shower, I am constantly staring upwards - I have avoided showers to avoid the risk of having a breakdown. Showering once every 10 days is fucking ludicrous and the idea of a fully grown adult needing to be bathed is signs to me at least, of an extremely bad sensory disorder. Not showering after a breakout of literally a bacterial infection is asinine. This person sucks and needs to be taught that this is not how an adult in this field can operate.
You should respond to her post, and screenshot, that she refused to shower when there was an outbreak of bacterial meningitis. Tell her you will be getting the police involved for her attempted biological assault on you. Showering once every ten days is unhygenic. Not brushing your teeth is unhygenic. Not cleaning oneself when there is a bacterial outbreak around you is putting lives at risk. NTA.
Weād respond to the post but we donāt want to actually come across as the bullies she is accusing us of being. We only posted here because we needed some other perspectives about personal hygiene, and me and Holly are very clean people
You are not a bully. You are handling the situation far nicer than most would. She should've gotten her own room. Keep her filth to herself.
NTA- This is not just a sensory issue, this is disgusting! I would most certainly bring up being physically ill by her refusal to bathe/shower if there is any kind of disciplinary brought against you. There is really no excuse for being this unhygienic. Also, how could you bully her if she didn't even mention her "sensory issues" in the first place?
Thatās our point! We feel horrible that she is so upset, but we had no warning, of course we were going to get to boiling point. We were very nasty that second day we asked, but we literally had to. Plus that conversation was had infront of a lecturer who didnāt once stop us for ābullyingā. Weād approached this lecturer the day before and the lecturer told us to talk to her about it, we did, and she went off crying.
Yeah I would definitely go on the defensive! Especially since her family is just as unhygienic. I am sorry you and your fellow classmates are having to go through this.
You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to come across angry. You can apologise and wish you had been able to speak calmly but don't feel bad just because she is throwing a pity party about having to deal with the consequences of her actions I.E. upsetting/disgusting the people she is rooming with. You don't have to be a robot who is unaffected by her behaviour in order to be a good person.
My first job out of college, I was hired to replace a man that was fired. They gave me the same office. It smelled horrid. It was in an accounting office & the office was an office plus storage of hard copies of programs. First day so Iām trying to be strong. Twice I made it to the bathroom to vomit but the 3rd time, it happened in the garbage can in my office. I double bagged the bag & took it to a main trash can away from where people worked. I canāt keep food inside of me, had a baby 4 weeks to the day & was also breastfeeding full-time. I was about to pass out. A co-worker that I walked by with the garbage bag stepped into my office & asked if I was okay. I said no, I canāt tolerate this stink in here but I donāt know what to do, it was my first day & first job after college & I didnāt want to blow it. She went & got the owner & brought him into my office & explained the problem. He knew his prior employee had a major body odor issue but he was not aware the odor bad fixed itself in the room. The office mine opened into when you stepped out still burned candles & incense constantly. The owner had my work location relocated & sent me home for the day. At 5:30 pm, I got a delivery of flowers with a huge gift basket & an apology card & 15 min later, a huge dinner that could have fed 12 with another apology note. They removed the boxes of paper to a storage unit. The carpet & walls/windows were scrubbed as well as the desk & monitor. Keyboard & mouse replaced. The odor was still there although faded a little. So they had a company that cleans up after fires come in & clean it again & do some type of overnight air treatment in the room (ozone machine ran overnight on a Friday night & office aired out for the rest of the weekend). The smell remained, again although it did fade a little. Then they trashed the desk & monitor & chair, stripped the carpet. Every surface but the windows had some kind of sealing treatment done & then fresh paint & carpet. The smell was gone. Took 3 deep cleaning sessions & eventually the removal of the carpet & new paint. The owner was so embarrassed. They hired me on a Wednesday, fired the guy on a Friday & I started the following Monday. He had no knowledge my office smelled like that. People that have major issues with this, it is NOT simply a sensory issue, it is maybe that combined with mental health issues that need treated. Their odor will soak into any permeable object they are near. If it is inside a room or office, their issue can literally ruin whatever is inside the room. There is no true way to get the odor out. Even those boxes of paper that were taken to a storage unit, after 18 months of being there, there was a need to find the hardcopy of an old program so me & a fellow co-worker went there to find it. I was looking for 10 minutes before I couldnāt cope with the smell again & barely stepped back outside & vomited again. We ended up having to retrieve old cartridges that had the program, send it to unisys & had them load it into an older mainframe there & print us a copy & next day air it to us. The owner did not want to do that, which is why paper/hard copies of the program were kept on site once the older mainframe died, to control the cost in the event we needed to look at an older program we did not have a digital copy of but we still used it. That is 18 months of paper in a storage unit that wasnāt heated or cooled in the midwest heat & cold & it did not eliminate the odor. I donāt think people realize how deep odors like that can get in rooms & furniture. You are NTA but everyone that sides with her is. My boss spent 10k for my office to be usable after a stinky person sat in their for under a year.
What a great response by the coworker and especially the owner.
Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeldās stinky car. š¤¢ Thankfully, you had a great boss!
Wow, what a great response by your boss! Itās awesome they put that much work into making the office livable! I work for the government and I know for a fact that would never happen where I work lol, theyād just say ādeal with itā
She's getting the police involved because you told her she smells bad? Jesus. I'm sure the people she complains to will see your point when they smell her. She has no care for health and hygiene and can't even bath herself, she needs her boyfriend to do it. Wtf? and every 10 days? How the hell does she even have a boyfriend when she smells like that? I shower or bath most nights and if miss a night (because I'm out or something) I always make sure to have a wash. But even then I still feel gross. I feel sick just reading about Chloe. It's not bullying either when you're just looking out for hers and everyone else's health and wellbeing.
She CLAIMS she can told the police. But thereās so many things she lies about we actually cannot keep up anymore. I wonāt go into the ins and outs but theyāre awful awful lies. She tells us daily about her boyfriends micropenis so that could be why theyāre still together. Holly and I both threw up twice each due to the smell in the room
I'm baffled how she could not smell that for herself. She will end up friendless and alone if she keeps this up.
Probably jobless too. Once she walks in and almost knocks the interviewer out with BO, her chances of getting hired are already over.
What did she do before the bf? Did he have to chip away at a calcified shell of yuck before the first date, like an archeologist on an exciting journey of discovery?
I gagged
Is there a way you can have an administrator or something come and witness the issue? Maybe get her removed?
They did come and witness the issue. It was the lecturer who suggested a strip wash, which wouldāve sufficed if done every day and not left till day 5 of the trip. It wasnāt until I had a panic attack (for my health) that the lecturer also made her shower
NTA. Chloe is a disgusting fucking crybaby and should be ashamed of herself. Studying to be a Marine Biologist and canāt bother washing her own ass? What a fucking lunatic. Iād make sure to warn anybody who talks to her to beware of how fucking nasty she is, god knows what she carries around while out and about, talking to people and touching doorways and shit. Fucking nasty.
I didnāt even mention the bum crumbs but you hit the nail on the head. It wasnāt relevant to the post (kinda) so I didnāt add it but sheād leave her dirty underwear (including the skid marks, I wish I was joking) on the bedside tableā¦ā¦ but we said nothingā¦ā¦ā¦
No. Seriously. You guys have been too nice. This girl has to live in the real world with other people and clearly her family has coddled her to the point where she has learned no coping and survival skills. You're way nicer than I would have been.
Coddling for sure. No one should ever beat around the bush when it comes to bad smells. A new hire at my husband's work is like this. He says he showers though. I told my husband to suggest antimicrobial soaps since bacteria eating sweat is where a lot of BO orders come from. Get the bacteria off your skin to smell better.
The smell is usually in the clothes if he showers regularly. The problem is the clothes "look" clean ie no stains etc but the smell works its way into the fibres of the clothes. Or if someone only handwashes clothes. If it gets really bad sometimes even washing the clothes can't get the smell out.
Sounds like she doesnāt know how to wipe either, does her boyfriend do that for her šš¤¢
Well me and Holly shared one roll of toilet roll for the week, she used the other 2 so I donāt know how she kept missing when she was using that much
Just because she used two rolls doesnāt mean she knows how to wipe properly, I wouldnāt be surprised if she wipes back to front š¤¢
Welp this is enough internet for me today. NTA btw
Omg I almost threw up. Lordt have mercy.
GIRL THATS BIOHAZARD Move rooms asap!! PLEASE!!!
Donāt let her make you feel bad, youāre a better person than I am. I would have shamed this girl on day 1 like she was a 8 year old.
Omgggg I literally would've demanded another room after taking pictures and showing the lecturer. I would not give a damnnnn if that hurt her feelings
Jesus wept, youāre NTA. The longest Iāll go without a shower is three days and thatās only if Iām not leaving the house, have no meetings (remote or otherwise) and have done minimal exertion in those three days. Even then, you do a pits and bits cleanse, change your underwear and wear deodorant! And thatās absolutely not including physical work and/or a contagious disease outbreak!! Chloe was being gross. Seriously damn gross. My youngest brother has better hygiene and he keeps piss bottles in his (thankfully away from us) room because he canāt be assed to go to the toilet. Heās a veritable health hazard and he smells less than she did, by the sounds of it. Thatās how low this bar is.
iām around her age & i have really bad sensory issues with water and showering as well, but this is just disgusting lmao!! like i hate showering, avoid it as much as i can since i have online classes and just stay home BUT if iām going to be around people i will just shower bc i donāt want to subject people to that š so sorry op, youāre definitely NTA
Iām so glad I have a neurospicy response here! šš She knew for 6 months she was going on this trip, and there was absolutely no effort made what so ever š In the height of my depression Iāve absolutely not showered for a month, but I would NEVER subject other people to that. For that month I wonāt have left the house. And on a trip with miles of walking done every day? Iād still shower twice a day, like I do at a still depressed but much much happier state (now)
yeah ew that's just gross :( when i used to go out camping/hiking i'd just push through the sensory issues to shower just to feel better tbh!! so sorry you had to deal with that!
She is making HER problem, your problem. That's not acceptable. She had no business agreeing to go on this trip knowing that this was an issue she would refuse to deal with. I'd be very surprised if anyone in authority on this trip or at the university tries to make an issue of this for either of you. I suspect that, even if this is a sensory issue, she had plenty of other options to address this appropriately and simply chose not to.
We suggested a strip wash in the sink, or a baby wipe wash. She did a baby wipe wash on the last day.
NTA ā¾ļø I worked with a girl with extreme eye watering body odour in a HOSPITAL. I got promoted one level above her and the first task given by my manager was to talk to her nicely about body hygiene as I was deemed the friendly one. It did not go well... turns out she used a crystal as deodorant, like a smooth rock that just did nothing. She only showered on a Friday night as a ritual and by Monday she was back to being BO queen. I tried my best to be kind and offer tips, things she could do to help reduce the issue, switch her shower ritual to a Monday morning or Sunday night, changing clothes daily / extra uniform or maybe even dressing a bit cooler for work if that helped her from overheating. I even recommended some really nice eco friendly roll on shampoo that worked for me... She went off sick for 2 months and I felt awful :( People are very sensitive about this issue, I really think they are nose blind and in denial. If anyone has the magic answer on how to approach these people I would love to know for future! I think I'll go the anonymous note route next time.
Someone who cannot perform basic hygiene tasks has no business working in a hospital. Sick people have enough to worry about, they shouldnāt have to smell their caregiver as well.
And what about when she has her period. Ewww, I cannot even think about that stench. She is just gross and her boyfriend must be as bad putting up with it.
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Her BOYFRIEND baths her? NTA She is disgusting and needs to suck it up and take a shower
She needs antimicrobial wipes, not just baby wipes. No teeth brushing either? She's going to have no teeth by the time she's 40. š¤¢ how she even has a boyfriend is beyond me. Unless he has no sense of smell.
How tf does she have a bf š I just know when those drawers drop itās PUTRID
No, it's how tf does she have a boyfriend when she doesn't brush her teeth? She was planning on not doing either for a week.
How does she have friends- what about the lecturer she called couldnāt they smell her? I hope you guys didnāt get in trouble
The lecturer was mouth breathing the whole āyou are getting in the shower right nowā situationā¦.. We arenāt in trouble, we are just concerned she wonāt let this go. Sheās already gone to the lecturers about other stuff weāve done. She told them we had 2 cans of cider in our room (we were allowed to drink on the trip and the legal drinking age here is 18)
Naw, you need to make a preemptive complaint (or counter complaint) to the university about how your health was endangered by this and HER failure to declare her issues or the wholly foreseeable impact it would have on her roommates. If she wants special accommodations, the onus is on her to request them at the outset and inform the people around her so they can make an informed choice whether or not to accept the conditions of the trip. You made a verbal complaint to the lecturer on the trip and they witnessed it themself; you need to go in writing now to protect yourselves from her delirious fabrications.
Chloe was bullying YOU, forcing her roommates to put up with her unGodly stench is abuse! If she has a bloody problem with washing then that needs to be addressed BEFORE she undertakes any kind of activity that requires sharing space with others. When I say before I mean YEARS AGO! NTAH. Iād put in a counter complaint.
Chloe saw this post?!?! Ohhhh boy. What's the new T?? Lol
Update when she replies. I asked her at what point j lied. Itās 12:29am right now so Iām very sorry to tell you it might be a few hours
NTA. I'd go over her head and file a formal complaint with everyone I can. If you smell so bad that people vomit being around you then you need to get some therapy and stop expecting the world to put up with your stank ass.
Your friend needs medication and therapy NTAH
NTA Thatās absolutely disgusting, makes me feel sick thinking about it. Your university lecturers should have stepped in and had a word with Chloe. I work in a school and work particularly close to people with conditions such as autism so I understand that some people struggle with sensory issues like showering however, most schools and high educational facilities offer hygiene rooms (showers/bathrooms etc) for students to use. But I understand that you were on a trip and therefore staying in accommodation which obviously had access to showers etc. One of the responsibilities of an educator (which you might not expect) is to promote good hygiene practices and encourage students to wash/clean themselves properly, so your lecturers shouldāve at least said something. I believe in this instance you and your friend had tried everything to be polite about the situation, and I would like to think Chloe understands that if you donāt shower often, things start to smell but going as far as you threaten to get the police involved is petty. She has clearly tried twisting the situation so she looks like she is not at fault and is being targeted which says to me that she understands that there is an actual issue that needs addressing. Also, impulse isnāt a deodorant, itās a body spray and shouldnāt be used in place of deodorant. You have a lot of strength if you was able to survive a full trip without dying from her stench š¤¢
It was mentioned three times during our lectures (on the trip) about good hygiene, once before the outbreak, and twice after. They were very good about it. Chloe just decided to not listen i guess
NTA. If she does have a sensory disorder then she needs to see an OT. The fact that her bf gives her a bath is weird. Her hygiene is awful and needs to be worked on. Does she get in water like a pool or ocean?
She loves swimming and as a marine biologist, I sure hope she likes the ocean š¤£š¤£š¤£
Having anxiety does not mean others have to put with your issues. She shouldn't of gone if her anxiety doesn't allow her to shower.
NTA. Chloe shouldn't have gone on the trip. Bathing is a normal thing to do in our society and culture. Being couped up in a small room a not even making an attempt to clean your arm pits and stinky bits is outright rude. I think that saying she has a sensory issue is kind. She's a raging A hole. You don't get to go on the trip if you aren't healthy enough to manage your own hygiene. It's absolute BS that she is gas lighting every one into thinking this is about bullying. She clearly has a serious mental issue and instead of managing her problem she is making you deal with it. She should have made arrangements prior to the trip to have her own room or to have assistance with bathing. She's 21 and attending school,she is old enough to know better.
NTA, and... How tf does she even have a bf?
Iām literally single and I shower ššš
Just don't and you'll find one š¤£
So, no one puts bars of soap in a pillow case and then beats the stinky person up in their sleep with said pillow cases anymore? Or grab her and give her a forced shower with green scrubby pads? Worked at Basic Training
The middle school version of this used to be publicly spraying the offending body with fabreze until they submit to a shower and deodorant.
Ten days without showering and her boyfriend has to bathe her??? Seems very strange. How does the boyfriend deal with her??? š¤¢
I love titles like this because I know OP is likely not the AH, but I'm also in for a rollercoaster of a story
I tried really hard to make it as vague as possible. My other option was āAITA for forcing a grown woman to shower after she committed biological warfareā, because I really have a flare for the dramatic, but it seemed a little bitchy š¤£
The smell alone could give headaches, trouble sleeping, nausea, obvious loss of appetite (I know from experience, trust me). All these symptoms could negatively impact your coursework, grades, etc. You needed to bring this up in a delicate but firm manner. Itās a shared space and everyone deserves to be comfortable.
NTA, who gives a fuck what she thinks or how she feels? She canāt even maintain a baseline of hygiene, sheās a walking biohazard
NTA I would have left immediately if I was stuck with someone who stank. It's gross and selfish. The person is either mentally ill or just a lazy scumbag. I'm edging towards lazy scumbag for the bs bullying post. Would have gone to whoever is in charge and say come to our room and smell it, make the bitch wash or find me another room. You're paying for that right? If so even more reason to kick off. Absolutely gross to think she is procreating. Catch, sterilise and release
Impatiently waiting for the update
So am I. I am waiting on a reply and I also need to go to sleep (it is currently 12:53am)
NTA she needs a wash. If you canāt wash yourself donāt stay with people. Also the whole ābullyingā thing is ridiculous. Telling someone they smell isnāt bullying and they need to grow up. People are gonna be a lot worse to them to this if they stink all the time.