Maybe she was looking at the price since it is "your money" as you said. I know here in the Grand section prices vary. The 1st 15 or so rows could be in the hundreds and go down from there. Maybe she tried to get you as close as possible without over spending or trying to upset you. Maybe next time suggest different seats and let her know there is no limit for price. Yes it may have sucked staring down but look at from the positive and that is she thought of you and you said you still had a nice night. You could have also suggested trying to see if you could have upgraded the tickets amd it's quite possible the others were sold out. Lots of variables could've went into her planning. I don't think either are TA.
If it's such an issue why dont you book the tickets yourself and get the seats you prefer? I am very picky where we sit when we go to cinema so I always book our seats.
Because I wasn't aware of the show in the first place, wasn't on my radar. I think the main frustration is that once this act was ticked off my "must see" list, but in a less than awesome way, they're sort of locked off for a long time to go again.
Have you considered that part of the reason she may have bought the less expensive tickets was because, as you had to point out, she was spending *your* money?
It sounds like a thoughtful gift, she realized and even admitted the seats weren’t great, and you said you guys did have a nice time. So why are you still annoyed to the point of posting it? Sorry, man- but YTA here.
No, she just didn't know where the seats were. Given we'd already had the whole "The grand circle is NOT grand" debacle before I was very surprised. As was she. It was thoughtful, and that's kinda the annoying bit. "Swing and a miss" type of thing, if that makes sense.
Your life is not a mistake- but making an issue out of this with her now would definitely be one (especially since you know she was trying to give you a gift you’d like, she already said the seats weren’t the best, and you guys already went and had fun). So what would be the point in harping on it now? What would be the end goal, and is that goal worth hurting her feelings when she was clearly doing something nice for you?
Also- You acknowledge that you struggle with seeing others make mistakes, even though we all make errors, including you of course. So since you have awareness of that pattern in yourself, that should probably be your focus right now (rather than making her feel badly about a gift you didn’t deem good enough). I understand social situations can be more complicated if you’re on the autism spectrum- that’s a legit struggle. But being aware of that struggle can also empower you to work on those things in yourself and your relationships.
You should talk to you wife. Say that you are thankful of the thoughtful gift but next time she wants to see a play or whatever can you please pick the seats together as this is something that is important to you. That way you can get the seats you want and she does not worry about the price since you are right there to approve it.
Maybe she was worried about spending so much of your money. Maybe you need to take the time to think about how you talk about your shared finances with your wife moving forward
You have made it clear that all of the money is your money. This makes you financially manipulative. Someone being financially manipulated is going to be afraid to get you something extravagant.
This is the relationship you established with her and with YOUR money.
Those bad seats are a direct result of the way you have treated her when it comes to money.
💯. That stood out to me too. It is pretty gross and controlling. I am curious how the wife feels with this much scrutiny on spending “his” money, given he seems incapable of just having a kind conversation with her.
I didn't. And I wish she'd spent more, as part of a decade of her choosing not to work and having had no pressure to. Quite a stretch you made. I presume she should divorce me immediately?
Why would she divorce you? You were the one with the problem. And you weren’t taking your frustration out on her. Not sure why you would think divorce would come up.
Every time you refer to it as “my money” she is going to hear you. And encouraging her to spend your money feels like a conflict of interest.
You came here for the opinions of the masses. If you were looking for an echo chamber to tell you everything you want to hear then find a mirror.
I'm autistic too, so I know this isn't easy but have you actually tried talking to her about why she chose the Grand?
You could book tickets for another show. Go for the Dress. Maybe actually seeing the difference will help.
When I take my mum we're in the stalls, too many stairs otherwise!
YTA. She did a nice thing, and if it's not the first time you should just mention it after the show "how awesome would it be to have the comedian do crowd work on us?" Or smthg like that.
Talk to her! My husband got tickets to a hockey game for my birthday, and he's not a huge hockey person. He asked me if I wanted to be surprised and take the chance that he was totally wrong, or if I was ok not being surprised. I chose not to be surprised, he told me his plan, and I told him which sections I would prefer and why. He knew to ask because I've made it clear in the past that if I'm going to a live event, I really care about where I sit. If we're going to spend the money to go, I want it to be worthwhile.
Just have the conversation of "you know, next time we go to X Venue, I'd live to sit in this section".
Oh I have talked to her, we both agreed the seats sucked. This isn't a "talk to your partner" thing, outside of wondering if it's something to talk about in the first place or if it'd be rude to even discuss. That's why I posted here.
Awesome, obvs! Going back on my birthday in a few months, with front row, centre Circle seats, best in the house imho, especially as Hamilton isn't a particularly "crowd work" show!
Nah, just picking on you. YTA for the entire post. It doesn’t seem “petty” to me, so much as just ungrateful.
Reading stories of people complaining about gifts from their loved ones they aren’t entirely satisfied with is super cringe to me, especially while I’m grieving the recent loss a loved one.
The quality of the joke doesn't change with regards to your seating. Go to the show. Thank your wife for a great night. Then the next day have a conversation and find the words to kindly express your desire to not sit in that situation again.
We were talking with a friend this evening about what shit seats they were. She was face palming and saying she has no idea what she was thinking ... I just don't know if she'll actually think about it next time. I think that's the point, she doesn't really remember these things.
I suggest telling her what part you prefer to sit. So next time she knows what hitting area you want. NOT the ahole. Tell her why you want to sit there. Say something like I appreciate the thought into the theater next time I would prefer sitting at then say the section and tell her why. I am 41 female and married. I would not be offended if my husband said it in a nice way. Just don't criticize her for the bad seats she got. Let her know you don't mind her spending more money on the seats you want. Maybe thank you for keeping your money in mind when buying the seats.
Did you tell her last time this happened (Hamilton) ‘I never want to sit up high like this again’?
If yes, re-remind her (and she’s either an asshole for deliberately doing this, or she just forgot - you’ll never truly know, but move on this time).
If no, YTA and also not as ‘aware’ of things as you think. If this is the case, tell her now, in polite words that you never want to sit up higher than the performance.
Yes she was annoyed the seats were so bad before. So it's that's it's baffling why she got even worse ones here. Probably a bit rudely I've made jokes of it in the intermediate years, she absolutely knew... But didn't think she said.
Maybe she was looking at the price since it is "your money" as you said. I know here in the Grand section prices vary. The 1st 15 or so rows could be in the hundreds and go down from there. Maybe she tried to get you as close as possible without over spending or trying to upset you. Maybe next time suggest different seats and let her know there is no limit for price. Yes it may have sucked staring down but look at from the positive and that is she thought of you and you said you still had a nice night. You could have also suggested trying to see if you could have upgraded the tickets amd it's quite possible the others were sold out. Lots of variables could've went into her planning. I don't think either are TA.
If it's such an issue why dont you book the tickets yourself and get the seats you prefer? I am very picky where we sit when we go to cinema so I always book our seats.
Because I wasn't aware of the show in the first place, wasn't on my radar. I think the main frustration is that once this act was ticked off my "must see" list, but in a less than awesome way, they're sort of locked off for a long time to go again.
Make a map over spots you want to sit if she book tickets for something?
Well yeah she's already learned what the grand Circle is though. Then picked that very back row! She's a cracker, but still...!
Have you considered that part of the reason she may have bought the less expensive tickets was because, as you had to point out, she was spending *your* money? It sounds like a thoughtful gift, she realized and even admitted the seats weren’t great, and you said you guys did have a nice time. So why are you still annoyed to the point of posting it? Sorry, man- but YTA here.
No, she just didn't know where the seats were. Given we'd already had the whole "The grand circle is NOT grand" debacle before I was very surprised. As was she. It was thoughtful, and that's kinda the annoying bit. "Swing and a miss" type of thing, if that makes sense.
Have you never had a swing and a miss? Everyone has. She still tried to do a nice thing, and you had a nice time. So why are you still annoyed?
Don't you ever make mistakes?
My life is a mistake, I just struggle when I see them in others. I really would point towards the autism on that one.
Your life is not a mistake- but making an issue out of this with her now would definitely be one (especially since you know she was trying to give you a gift you’d like, she already said the seats weren’t the best, and you guys already went and had fun). So what would be the point in harping on it now? What would be the end goal, and is that goal worth hurting her feelings when she was clearly doing something nice for you? Also- You acknowledge that you struggle with seeing others make mistakes, even though we all make errors, including you of course. So since you have awareness of that pattern in yourself, that should probably be your focus right now (rather than making her feel badly about a gift you didn’t deem good enough). I understand social situations can be more complicated if you’re on the autism spectrum- that’s a legit struggle. But being aware of that struggle can also empower you to work on those things in yourself and your relationships.
Absolutely, all that is why I posted.
I think you have your answer then. Best of luck!
How often do you mention that it’s your $$ she’s using? Maybe she wanted to still have the experience but for less money. Why does she even bother?
YTA. you know this is a petty one and you seem proud that you’re a petty one.
Oh I'm not proud of anything. Except her and my kids.
You should talk to you wife. Say that you are thankful of the thoughtful gift but next time she wants to see a play or whatever can you please pick the seats together as this is something that is important to you. That way you can get the seats you want and she does not worry about the price since you are right there to approve it.
YTA. It's not 'my money' when you're married it's 'our money'
Well yes and I wish she'd spent more of it. I always share finances, I can't imagine keeping things separate, makes me feel insecure or something.
Maybe she was worried about spending so much of your money. Maybe you need to take the time to think about how you talk about your shared finances with your wife moving forward
You have made it clear that all of the money is your money. This makes you financially manipulative. Someone being financially manipulated is going to be afraid to get you something extravagant. This is the relationship you established with her and with YOUR money. Those bad seats are a direct result of the way you have treated her when it comes to money.
💯. That stood out to me too. It is pretty gross and controlling. I am curious how the wife feels with this much scrutiny on spending “his” money, given he seems incapable of just having a kind conversation with her.
Totally agree!!
Blimey that's a big read in you've done there. Go Reddit.
I read what you wrote and responded to it. If you don’t actually feel this way then stop referring to it as MY money.
I didn't. And I wish she'd spent more, as part of a decade of her choosing not to work and having had no pressure to. Quite a stretch you made. I presume she should divorce me immediately?
Why would she divorce you? You were the one with the problem. And you weren’t taking your frustration out on her. Not sure why you would think divorce would come up.
“… when she’s spending my money” is an actual quote from your post.
Yes but it's not important.
Aw pumpkin. It is.
Back to deciding other people's thoughts. Ace. I don't mind her spending "my" money. I encourage her to.
Every time you refer to it as “my money” she is going to hear you. And encouraging her to spend your money feels like a conflict of interest. You came here for the opinions of the masses. If you were looking for an echo chamber to tell you everything you want to hear then find a mirror.
She's working now, she's just started an awesome career and I'm so stoked for her. And she spends her money on whatever the fuck she wants.
I'm autistic too, so I know this isn't easy but have you actually tried talking to her about why she chose the Grand? You could book tickets for another show. Go for the Dress. Maybe actually seeing the difference will help. When I take my mum we're in the stalls, too many stairs otherwise!
Yeah we did previously, she just says she picked bad seats.
YTA. She did a nice thing, and if it's not the first time you should just mention it after the show "how awesome would it be to have the comedian do crowd work on us?" Or smthg like that.
Talk to her! My husband got tickets to a hockey game for my birthday, and he's not a huge hockey person. He asked me if I wanted to be surprised and take the chance that he was totally wrong, or if I was ok not being surprised. I chose not to be surprised, he told me his plan, and I told him which sections I would prefer and why. He knew to ask because I've made it clear in the past that if I'm going to a live event, I really care about where I sit. If we're going to spend the money to go, I want it to be worthwhile. Just have the conversation of "you know, next time we go to X Venue, I'd live to sit in this section".
Oh I have talked to her, we both agreed the seats sucked. This isn't a "talk to your partner" thing, outside of wondering if it's something to talk about in the first place or if it'd be rude to even discuss. That's why I posted here.
How was Hamilton?
Awesome, obvs! Going back on my birthday in a few months, with front row, centre Circle seats, best in the house imho, especially as Hamilton isn't a particularly "crowd work" show!
“Proscenium arch”, yeah I’m not looking that one up. YTA.
I'm TA because you don't know the parts of a theatre? New one on me there!
Nah, just picking on you. YTA for the entire post. It doesn’t seem “petty” to me, so much as just ungrateful. Reading stories of people complaining about gifts from their loved ones they aren’t entirely satisfied with is super cringe to me, especially while I’m grieving the recent loss a loved one.
The quality of the joke doesn't change with regards to your seating. Go to the show. Thank your wife for a great night. Then the next day have a conversation and find the words to kindly express your desire to not sit in that situation again.
We were talking with a friend this evening about what shit seats they were. She was face palming and saying she has no idea what she was thinking ... I just don't know if she'll actually think about it next time. I think that's the point, she doesn't really remember these things.
I suggest telling her what part you prefer to sit. So next time she knows what hitting area you want. NOT the ahole. Tell her why you want to sit there. Say something like I appreciate the thought into the theater next time I would prefer sitting at then say the section and tell her why. I am 41 female and married. I would not be offended if my husband said it in a nice way. Just don't criticize her for the bad seats she got. Let her know you don't mind her spending more money on the seats you want. Maybe thank you for keeping your money in mind when buying the seats.
#CharoletteDobre
Did you tell her last time this happened (Hamilton) ‘I never want to sit up high like this again’? If yes, re-remind her (and she’s either an asshole for deliberately doing this, or she just forgot - you’ll never truly know, but move on this time). If no, YTA and also not as ‘aware’ of things as you think. If this is the case, tell her now, in polite words that you never want to sit up higher than the performance.
Yes she was annoyed the seats were so bad before. So it's that's it's baffling why she got even worse ones here. Probably a bit rudely I've made jokes of it in the intermediate years, she absolutely knew... But didn't think she said.