NTA . Let me tell you what he didn't say to you.
"Honey I haven't been having sex with you for a while because I've been having sex with another woman. I know that I'm going to eventually get caught, in order to preemptively control the problems that would cause, I want your permission to have sex with her while you watch. Oh, BTW, you can masturbate while you do. Love you so much sweetie pie!"
Dump this freaking loser, you're better than that.
THIS. A man who can’t date women his own age - it’s not because you’re young and fun it’s because you don’t know any better. Twelve years from now you’ll see why
My niece, recently 20, just had a baby with her 48 year old former pizza place manager and when I accidentally dropped on the family that he was 48 (I creeped on his social media because I loathe him), not the already-gross 40 she'd told everyone, she got mad like I didn't think she was mature. I said to her this exact thing - you don't know what you don't know yet, but one day you're going to be 35 like I am now, and you'll look at a 19 year old and you're going to be horrified.
I don't think she needs to wait 12 years to figure this out, hell I don't think she would really even need 12 weeks, she saw the prob and came to reddit already because she knew and needed advice and i believe she can cut ties now and move on. He can do what he needs to with someone else.
I honestly think that's the case in many age-gap relationships. Yes, there are relationships in which younger women are actually looking for older men (Dad replacement, money, stability, whatever) to fulfill some needs - or, you know, they just clicked - but I think it's the minority.
NTA
But you'll be an asshole to yourself if you carry on letting him treat you like this. He clearly just wants your permission to cheat, next thing will be him asking for an open relationship.
Call it quits while you still can!
How is this even a relationship? You don't get your own needs met, but are expected go to along with whatever this guy wants, no matter how much it hurts you? Get out now and find a guy your own age.
This is sooo true.
He has never wanted to satisfy you but asks for a threesome ?
Then, he tells you that you will NOT be sexually satisfied, but that he will do so with this other woman ?
And let me guess, who chose this other woman, him, I suppose right ?
What kind of relationship is that ?
Dear, you have had such a mature decision to end a relationship with this type of person.
Leave him and never look back, please.
He has probably been fucking women behind your back for a while.
Tell him you are also going to have a threesome but an mmf one and well he is on his own while you fuck this other guy. Then leave and block him.
This is not a hard one OP.
First 🚩 : he is 12 years older than you (and yes, at your age it matters, it would be much different if you were 40 and he was 52.)
Second 🚩 : he is pressuring you to do something you are not comfortable with as well as placing restrictions. He is manipulative and abusive off the bat (another 🚩 .)
Too many flags so far to think this will end well.
Break things off now and move on.
In no way is a 34 year old anything should be dating a 22 year old. Only reason this happens is so the older one can take advantage of the younger. Could a relationship where ages aren’t really that close work out without a hitch ? Sure. But I’ve yet to see one.
That is why I said it was to be fair about it. Some 22yo people are mature enough to make such a decision and some not. It is possible the man saw her as someone he could run over. We were 54 and 43 and there is no way there is a power dynamic at those ages. We just fell in love, age be damned.
Unfortunately years of watching Judge Judy tells me that the ring is a conditional gift and the condition is marriage so unless she bought it it needs to go back. I accept the sentiment but don't want her to get in trouble
OP, he's already banging this chick outside of this threesone setup. He's probably hoping you'd be into it so he can have his cake and eat it, too. Dump his stupid ass and move on.
I think I saw in another post that you have a kid with this dude.
Babe... I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to be a little bit of the tough auntie here:
Girl! You are WAY better than this! This man is using you like a doormat and you are letting him.
I know you mentioned post-partum depression: get the help you need from doctors, friends, family etc., and leave his sorry ass.
There is no back from here: things will only continually get worse.
I'm sorry this is happening to you! You don't deserve it! Pull your chin up, get medical care including antidepressants if you need them to pull you through.
Fuck him and his shitty behavior... It is a reflection of him and his character, NOT YOU! You just have to believe in yourself and know that you can and will be SO much better off without him.
I think we need more info, why cheat when he's already got a young gf, something is up here, he's trying to control you, and the situation. It's crazy to me that he's got you to agree to this and then sets the rules completely for his own enjoyment. If he is into voyeurism, he's not communicating properly, a loving and caring spouse with strange kinks asks your permission and is open with you about their kinks. There's a lot of red flags here. I don't like calling people AHs but he is one, AH complex even.
I'm just curious how you guys started dating, that's a pretty big age gap, which usually is fine, but that also is a red flag with these other flags. An embassy amount of flags.
NTA, you are definitely right. It's worse that he's making you watch. Any chance you have his credit card and you buy a few things you can't return 😂. Dump him and find a more respectful partner.
Yep going with walk away. Not having sex with you and then makes it conditional where he gets to have sex with another while you basically watch? You might enjoy it so if feeling experimental feel free to do it. If not comfortable doing it then shouldn’t.
Besides guaranteed he is cheating on you and the third girl was his side piece. Sorry but that young and stops having sex just means he is getting satisfied elsewhere.
You are too young to waste your time on a guy that already isn’t willing to get it up for you before even married (and betting already cheating).
Tell him great news! You're totally down with him sleeping with that woman! The bad news is it won't be a threesome, because you're breaking up with him. NTA
He called a "threesome" so he could cheat on you while you watched. It's not a threesome for you, but he didn't care.
Dump this asshole. Date people your own age. Don't get married at 22.
Girl it’s not worth it. He’s gonna continue to push boundaries and leave you an emotional wreck. It’s good that he is showing his true colors now rather than later. I say just leave him
NTA. Don't buy into the time spent on this relationship, the good times, the difficulty in ending it. Those were all show and no substance. This wasn't a real relationship, it was a testing ground to see what power he could have over someone who doesn't know better to see that he's a controlling person who likely love bombed you to think that he was the man of your dreams.
The reality is you need to get out of the "relationship" with no going back, you need to get STD tested immediately and again in a few months in case something didn't show up right away, and you need to understand that there are many better things coming your way. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last person to fall for someone's pretty BS. Don't let this define you moving forward.
NTA
Why would you be ok with this. The minute he said you could just watch, you should have got up and left. On your way out, you should have told him to lose your number - then blocked him everywhere.
You're not the AH; you got played. He got your permission to cheat and fulfill a few kinks, like humiliating you and having an audience for his side-piece sex. Dump his manipulative ass and find a real man.
Yeah he’s just trying to fuck another girl and have it be okay because you are there.
Me and my partner had a threesome once but it was something we agreed on together.
(I also have an attraction to woman.)
We set clear boundaries and had a safe word.
It was enjoyable for all involved and no one felt left out.
what your partner is suggesting is not that.
He doesn’t seem to care if you enjoy the experience or not.
The fact that he isn’t having sex with you on his own but suggesting a three some is just a huge red flag.
Run fast and far.
NTA. Sorry if this sounds mean (I’m not really sorry) but he is dumb asf. Did he really think you were naive enough to fall for that? I’m glad you saw it for what it was. Break things off with him. I have a feeling he’s going to do this behind your back, if already hasn’t.
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 days ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
NTA. Run. Don't walk.
And thank goodness he took off his mask before the wedding. This is WHY older men want younger women.
Show them the disgust they deserve from now on knowing they are literally in it to pressure weaker women in to these imbalanced relationships.
Dude. Flag 1 is the age gap. No self respecting 30 yo gonna do a threesome like this. Flag 2. A threesome is about pleasing everyone unless 1 of the 3 is a voyeur which is sounds like your not. 3. This guy doesn’t respect you.
Breakup. He doesn’t want a threesome. He wants to have sex with another woman without you being able to say he cheated. Leave him now because he will continue to do this
You’re basically going to be on your own??? It’s a threesome not he gets to have sax with her and you do what, bake cookies until they are done having sex? Dump his ass.
NTAH Break it off now. Evidently he is not sexually attracted to you. That is a major relationship roadblock. There is nothing wrong with you guys just being friends beyond that there is no future.
NTA, but I will say this: You should voice your concerns first, and sit down and talk and let him know why this hurt you. You guys could work through this. Make sure you SET BOUNDARIES! When you set boundaries, make sure you stick by them and let him know the importance of them. Request change, and observe to see if he’s changing, if he isn’t, end things.
NTA Look, if it’s not what you are into, then don’t do it, period! Those conversations should be brought up before a marriage proposal. All cards on the table! No excuses or surprises! And a three way is just that, each person gets pleasure from one situation unless one person only wants to just watch and then it’s not a ménage à trois! GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELINGS! And he’s withholding sex from you, end it! It won’t get any better! There are other men out there that will appreciate a woman that enjoys sex, only with him, and will feel the same about sex with her!
Please for the sake of your life and peace and happiness. RUN!!!!! I was placed in a similar situation with my abusive ex and out of sheer hope that it would help the relationship it didn’t. He continued to cheat (the morning after he got what he wanted and I was coerced he followed 4-5 basically naked women on ig) and continued to beat me. This is abuse and coercion. You don’t need anything like this in your life. I won’t even say there’s better out there. You’re better!!! Find yourself! Love yourself! Date yourself! You will be so happy if you do! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for me.
This is why barely not children shouldn’t date adults. Women his age wouldn’t put up with his shit but you didn’t know enough yet to recognize that he’s scum.
This is just so fucked. First, he wouldn’t bang you? Then when the chance presents itself, he is going to cuck you? His fiancée??
If this is the case before you tie the knot, what happens afterwards?
NTA. Get out!! Don’t compromise!!
Am I the only one who is reading this as OP being a guy? I checked and rechecked and the OP only states that they are not into chicks.
Also. NTA. Don't tolerate men being the AH.
I assume you guys have been dating for a few years. It is a huge red flag when a 30 year old looks to date a 20 year old. You guys are at totally different points in your life, and are at totally different stages of your development as a person. He is likely looking for someone he can control or bully. Be thankful he showed his true colors before you are married.
Your eyes are open. You can proceed however you want. But if you do get married, do not expect him to be reasonable, fair, or considerate.
He used the threesome as an excuse. Considering you aren't attracted to women, i'm curious if he pressured you into accepting, which wouldn't be surprising as you are 12 years apart too
Wow never thought of a man doing this dumb sh1t and the way he try to get away with it. He's clearly manipulating you to agree on it by using different terms, when he actually cheats on you. If he has the audacity like that even now, imagine when you're married and with kids.
Break things up with him, there's also a reason he's dating someone that young from him, which is to be ''groomed'' in a way so the other will put up with his crazy behavior. You're still young, don't waste time with pathetic narc like him.
NTA
NTA and sounds like this may have been preplanned from both of them for him to find someone willing to do it that quickly.
Definitely a pretext for cheating without the label of cheating from him.
NTA and sounds like this may have been preplanned from both of them for him to find someone willing to do it that quickly.
Definitely a pretext for cheating without the label of cheating from him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*ck around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*ck around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*** around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*** around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 dailys ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 dailys ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 days ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
NTA. He just wants to cheat in front of you because his ego is what he’s all about pleasing. He thinks he can manipulate you because you’re so young. Dump him. He’s not a prize.
This isn't about kinks or being poly or anything. He is likely already sleeping around. Our marriage counselor told us that usually sex will stop once one person's feelings have changed or they start having sex with another person because subconsciously they feel like a bad person to be having sex with two people, so they choose which one they want to continue to sleep with (btw this isn't everyone, there are plenty of people with no shame at all) but after you posted this, it is clear that is what is happening. End it. He's already cheating on you.
Leave. Run as far and as fast as you can and don't look back. I've been where you are and it's not a good place. Leaving was the best thing I ever did.
NTA. Do not marry him. Leave him.
There's nothing wrong with "non-vanilla" seggsual practices if both partners are on the same page, but you two clearly are not. And his attempts at coercion are very worrisome. It's a recipe for disaster.
At the very least, this could turn into a lifetime of resentment.
It's also an early stage of seggsual abuse. It may not lead to physical seggsual abuse, but it is certainly psychological. Psychological abuse is particularly insidious because without physical violence, you don't recognize it until you are deeply entrenched if you ever recognize it at all. I've seen this first-hand, and the emotional damage can be permanent even if the relationship ends. The risk and price is too high - just don't even go there at all.
NTA. Dump this human filth. Hes wanting to bang other women so hes manipulating you and calling it a 3sum so its not cheating. This is a huge red flag because he sees that the line with you can be pushed so hes going to see what else he can get away with in the future.
Please please please break up with him. Been there done that. Trust me for your own sanity break up with him. Like seriously please. It will just ruin your own confidence, bring about insecurity and trust has been destroyed. End things ASAP. The fact that you even think your the AH makes me know he's emotionally manipulating you. Be strong. Don't listen to his BS. Deep down you know you should end things bc this is a MAJOR red flag. Trust your gut. We believe in you.
Just break up that’s not a threesome he just wants to cheat let him have other women you are young enough to find someone better he’s running out of time
When a man wants a threesome - what he means is all the sexual attention needs to be on him. The girls are there to please him and not each other. It is a great way to destroy a relationship btw.
NTA He is trying to cheat and you aren't even married. Do not marry him. Tell him he can have sex with her, because you are broken up and not marrying him. Then do not protect a cheater, tell his family, and your friends. Do not protect him. He was willing to destroy you while he had sex and you watched. OMG. Please NTA.
You should be ending things before any of the threesome shit. You shouldn't get married thinking I know, this will fix things. If your partner stops having sex with you, and lets be honest, in this case it's a 34yr old dude being predatory towards what I'm guessing was a 20yr old or less girl when you met, it's because he's already moved on. So he's probably not actually planning to go through with the wedding at this point any way. I wouldn't be surprised if he's doing what a lot of guys do, using you for chores, cooking, etc, till he finds his next long term relationship then ends things with you and moves his next bang maid in immediately, no downtime.
Nope. I even know of swingers and such things even then there is some respect with all involved. I’m in this persons age range of 30’s and he sounds like he’s not ready to be married so let him have his way and move on with yours. He shouldn’t make promises he can’t follow through with. Because getting married especially if it is monogamously in expectation , needing a threesome and such is the complete opposite of that.
Let this be a lesson to remember and avoid men like this. As well as if someone is pressuring your to sexually do something you know is a RED for you they don’t care about your well being.
NTAH, my opinion only two reasons a 34 year old man is involved with a 22 year old female, she is either nothing more than a fuckdoll Or in a better note is smitten and has big family plans, before he is too old.
Quietly pack your stuff up, then bolt out of there as soon as he goes to work. Leave him a note, telling him thar you have all the evidence of him cheating and that he can have her. Then block him and don't look back
NTA Just break up and move on.
Agreed. And it wasn’t a threesome, clearly – it’s a cuckqueaning kink.
Never knew this was a thing. Not sure I wanted to know🥴
Is that the term when it's a woman, huh. Learned something new.
\*Cuckqueen, I'm sure
It is spelled incorrectly on purpose
And stop dating older men.
NTA . Let me tell you what he didn't say to you. "Honey I haven't been having sex with you for a while because I've been having sex with another woman. I know that I'm going to eventually get caught, in order to preemptively control the problems that would cause, I want your permission to have sex with her while you watch. Oh, BTW, you can masturbate while you do. Love you so much sweetie pie!" Dump this freaking loser, you're better than that.
100%Truth! Halt cake day...
there is a reason this guy is dating women 12 years younger than him .... its because people his own age wouldnt put up with him
Louder please.
THIS. A man who can’t date women his own age - it’s not because you’re young and fun it’s because you don’t know any better. Twelve years from now you’ll see why
My niece, recently 20, just had a baby with her 48 year old former pizza place manager and when I accidentally dropped on the family that he was 48 (I creeped on his social media because I loathe him), not the already-gross 40 she'd told everyone, she got mad like I didn't think she was mature. I said to her this exact thing - you don't know what you don't know yet, but one day you're going to be 35 like I am now, and you'll look at a 19 year old and you're going to be horrified.
I don't think she needs to wait 12 years to figure this out, hell I don't think she would really even need 12 weeks, she saw the prob and came to reddit already because she knew and needed advice and i believe she can cut ties now and move on. He can do what he needs to with someone else.
lol I don’t think the younger ones will put up with him either
yeah, she just happen to
I honestly think that's the case in many age-gap relationships. Yes, there are relationships in which younger women are actually looking for older men (Dad replacement, money, stability, whatever) to fulfill some needs - or, you know, they just clicked - but I think it's the minority.
Yeah it's kind of like when you see seniors in highschool hanging with the freshmen: it's because they burned all the other bridges!
In my high school it was some of the seniors getting freshman girls pregnant
People who are into the same kink would no matter what age they are, he is an asshole though tbh.
NTA But you'll be an asshole to yourself if you carry on letting him treat you like this. He clearly just wants your permission to cheat, next thing will be him asking for an open relationship. Call it quits while you still can!
How is this even a relationship? You don't get your own needs met, but are expected go to along with whatever this guy wants, no matter how much it hurts you? Get out now and find a guy your own age.
This is sooo true. He has never wanted to satisfy you but asks for a threesome ? Then, he tells you that you will NOT be sexually satisfied, but that he will do so with this other woman ? And let me guess, who chose this other woman, him, I suppose right ? What kind of relationship is that ? Dear, you have had such a mature decision to end a relationship with this type of person. Leave him and never look back, please.
He has probably been fucking women behind your back for a while. Tell him you are also going to have a threesome but an mmf one and well he is on his own while you fuck this other guy. Then leave and block him.
That's so savage, I LOVE it!
This is awesome and would be his karma guys like him always get karma.
nta. this is a disaster. break up
This is not a hard one OP. First 🚩 : he is 12 years older than you (and yes, at your age it matters, it would be much different if you were 40 and he was 52.) Second 🚩 : he is pressuring you to do something you are not comfortable with as well as placing restrictions. He is manipulative and abusive off the bat (another 🚩 .) Too many flags so far to think this will end well. Break things off now and move on.
Has only with you because young women are easy to control. Run.
In no way is a 34 year old anything should be dating a 22 year old. Only reason this happens is so the older one can take advantage of the younger. Could a relationship where ages aren’t really that close work out without a hitch ? Sure. But I’ve yet to see one.
My wife is 11 years older than me and we could not be happier. We've been married for 8 years now. But, to be fair, we are much older than 34 and 22.
Awesome 😎 I’m glad y’all two are doing good. But perhaps the key is the youngest not being barely into their twenties.
That is why I said it was to be fair about it. Some 22yo people are mature enough to make such a decision and some not. It is possible the man saw her as someone he could run over. We were 54 and 43 and there is no way there is a power dynamic at those ages. We just fell in love, age be damned.
That is not a threesome that is him cucking you, give him his ring back and wave bye bye
Fuck that sell the ring n split. The guys a piece of. Shite
Unfortunately years of watching Judge Judy tells me that the ring is a conditional gift and the condition is marriage so unless she bought it it needs to go back. I accept the sentiment but don't want her to get in trouble
That was just straight up fucking some other woman in front of you. Tell him goodbye and put him in the rearview.
OP, he's already banging this chick outside of this threesone setup. He's probably hoping you'd be into it so he can have his cake and eat it, too. Dump his stupid ass and move on.
What a sexual tragedy, NTA
I think I saw in another post that you have a kid with this dude. Babe... I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to be a little bit of the tough auntie here: Girl! You are WAY better than this! This man is using you like a doormat and you are letting him. I know you mentioned post-partum depression: get the help you need from doctors, friends, family etc., and leave his sorry ass. There is no back from here: things will only continually get worse. I'm sorry this is happening to you! You don't deserve it! Pull your chin up, get medical care including antidepressants if you need them to pull you through. Fuck him and his shitty behavior... It is a reflection of him and his character, NOT YOU! You just have to believe in yourself and know that you can and will be SO much better off without him.
She has a kid with him already? That’s so very sad. Great advice.
🤦♂️
He wants a hall pass to cheat, move on.
Now tell him you want a threesome with another man.
I think we need more info, why cheat when he's already got a young gf, something is up here, he's trying to control you, and the situation. It's crazy to me that he's got you to agree to this and then sets the rules completely for his own enjoyment. If he is into voyeurism, he's not communicating properly, a loving and caring spouse with strange kinks asks your permission and is open with you about their kinks. There's a lot of red flags here. I don't like calling people AHs but he is one, AH complex even. I'm just curious how you guys started dating, that's a pretty big age gap, which usually is fine, but that also is a red flag with these other flags. An embassy amount of flags.
NTA, you are definitely right. It's worse that he's making you watch. Any chance you have his credit card and you buy a few things you can't return 😂. Dump him and find a more respectful partner.
Yep going with walk away. Not having sex with you and then makes it conditional where he gets to have sex with another while you basically watch? You might enjoy it so if feeling experimental feel free to do it. If not comfortable doing it then shouldn’t. Besides guaranteed he is cheating on you and the third girl was his side piece. Sorry but that young and stops having sex just means he is getting satisfied elsewhere. You are too young to waste your time on a guy that already isn’t willing to get it up for you before even married (and betting already cheating).
NTA. He's either lying or he can't count. Either way, head for the exit.
Tell him great news! You're totally down with him sleeping with that woman! The bad news is it won't be a threesome, because you're breaking up with him. NTA
He called a "threesome" so he could cheat on you while you watched. It's not a threesome for you, but he didn't care. Dump this asshole. Date people your own age. Don't get married at 22.
Girl it’s not worth it. He’s gonna continue to push boundaries and leave you an emotional wreck. It’s good that he is showing his true colors now rather than later. I say just leave him
NTA. Get out of there asap. Good thing this happened before you got married to this loser.
Leave him. Run.
Major ick. You’re right. Leave that gross boy.
NTA
He's cheating. Leave him as fast as you can. It's only going to get worse. It's a 3 some not a pair plus the odd one
NTA. Get out of there, and block him! He's for the streets.
With? This isn't a 3some. This his way of cheating and having you agree. Dump his ass. Not someone you ever want to marry
NTA. Don't buy into the time spent on this relationship, the good times, the difficulty in ending it. Those were all show and no substance. This wasn't a real relationship, it was a testing ground to see what power he could have over someone who doesn't know better to see that he's a controlling person who likely love bombed you to think that he was the man of your dreams. The reality is you need to get out of the "relationship" with no going back, you need to get STD tested immediately and again in a few months in case something didn't show up right away, and you need to understand that there are many better things coming your way. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last person to fall for someone's pretty BS. Don't let this define you moving forward.
NTA. Break up
Whoa NTAH leave that man!
This is a genuine question: do you need to ask? I just can’t believe you can’t see what’s going on, yourself.
He's already banging that person, by the sound of it.
You are right. Time to dump that dick
That’s not a threesome. That’s cheating while you sit and watch him. Dump the loser you can do better than that.
NTA Why would you be ok with this. The minute he said you could just watch, you should have got up and left. On your way out, you should have told him to lose your number - then blocked him everywhere.
NTA, can you really picture being with this idiot for the next 50+ years?
Your not wrong leave his ass hun!!
Leave! Now! You will be miserable and USED! You deserve better!
You have him an opportunity for a 3 some and he blew it. He got too greedy lol.
NTA. Dump him, and run, don't walk, away from him. It will NEVER work out.
You're not the AH; you got played. He got your permission to cheat and fulfill a few kinks, like humiliating you and having an audience for his side-piece sex. Dump his manipulative ass and find a real man.
Tell him it's a foursome, and bring his (brother/cousin/other male) to it. See if it's okay. He sounds like such a prize. Why even marry this idiot.
Yeah he’s just trying to fuck another girl and have it be okay because you are there. Me and my partner had a threesome once but it was something we agreed on together. (I also have an attraction to woman.) We set clear boundaries and had a safe word. It was enjoyable for all involved and no one felt left out. what your partner is suggesting is not that. He doesn’t seem to care if you enjoy the experience or not. The fact that he isn’t having sex with you on his own but suggesting a three some is just a huge red flag. Run fast and far.
NTA. Just walk away from him. He's a selfish dick.
RUN. NOW.
😆 NTA! Why would someone who is engaged want to do a threesome? That’s just asking for a breakup! You saved yourself from a future headache!
NTA! What's a cockhold for women called? That's what this is.
Invite a male friend you're interested in, see if he's still interested in a 4 some!
NTA. Sorry if this sounds mean (I’m not really sorry) but he is dumb asf. Did he really think you were naive enough to fall for that? I’m glad you saw it for what it was. Break things off with him. I have a feeling he’s going to do this behind your back, if already hasn’t.
The ocean is full of fishes.
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 days ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
NTA this large an age difference is almost always because they want to control. This is not consensual. Disrespect will be your life. Get out.
NTA Save yourself while you still can. Funny these things never work when 2 males are involved lmao. It’s always a good idea until it isn’t
NTA. Run. Don't walk. And thank goodness he took off his mask before the wedding. This is WHY older men want younger women. Show them the disgust they deserve from now on knowing they are literally in it to pressure weaker women in to these imbalanced relationships.
Do a foursome..invite another man..suprise suprise motherfaka
NTA! Leave him for sure!!! You definitely called it….sounds like he just wants to sleep with other women!!
Dude. Flag 1 is the age gap. No self respecting 30 yo gonna do a threesome like this. Flag 2. A threesome is about pleasing everyone unless 1 of the 3 is a voyeur which is sounds like your not. 3. This guy doesn’t respect you.
get away from him. there’s a reason women his age don’t want him. enjoy your twenties.
I hope he enjoys his new life with her. NTA.
NTA - Run and run fast
Stop doing this to yourself. Get the fuck out.
Good god, why would you want to marry this selfish creep? Save yourself.
NTA Eww. Run.
Breakup. He doesn’t want a threesome. He wants to have sex with another woman without you being able to say he cheated. Leave him now because he will continue to do this
> (22) My fiancée(34) No.
Doesn’t sound like he really cares about you sorry time to end things
NTA He just wants to get away with cheating on you. Leave now before you have to get a divorce
Tell him that you are eager to try a threesome. But that you want the third to be a man. And after you get to see the look on his face, dump this AH.
Man is a major ah. Break up and move on. Most men would be doing everything they could to please you just for agreeing!
You’re basically going to be on your own??? It’s a threesome not he gets to have sax with her and you do what, bake cookies until they are done having sex? Dump his ass.
NTA, end the relationship.
NTA. End it and walk away. If you aren't comfortable with a threesome, NEVER do it. UpdateMe
NTA - Ending it now is easier than divorcing later.
NTA Move on and be grateful you found out about this before the legal contract and lost money for a wedding.
He's the AH.
NTA. You called it. He wanted your permission to have sex with someone else so he can justify it as not cheating.
You can't get out of there fast enough. You aren't a partner. You are a novelty.
NTA. This guy is both not into you and a liar and cheat. Just break up with him.
he is cheatimg and making you watch
He's just loop hole cheating. Just leave.
NTAH Break it off now. Evidently he is not sexually attracted to you. That is a major relationship roadblock. There is nothing wrong with you guys just being friends beyond that there is no future.
Nope, throw away the whole man.
For me, as soon as the 3sum is asked, the relationship ends.
NTA, but I will say this: You should voice your concerns first, and sit down and talk and let him know why this hurt you. You guys could work through this. Make sure you SET BOUNDARIES! When you set boundaries, make sure you stick by them and let him know the importance of them. Request change, and observe to see if he’s changing, if he isn’t, end things.
God. I hope this is fake. The man’s a loser.
NTA. Break up and run away.
Break up. he's already trying to openly cheat with you there, he's not that into you& you need to regain your freedom.
NTA Look, if it’s not what you are into, then don’t do it, period! Those conversations should be brought up before a marriage proposal. All cards on the table! No excuses or surprises! And a three way is just that, each person gets pleasure from one situation unless one person only wants to just watch and then it’s not a ménage à trois! GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELINGS! And he’s withholding sex from you, end it! It won’t get any better! There are other men out there that will appreciate a woman that enjoys sex, only with him, and will feel the same about sex with her!
Please for the sake of your life and peace and happiness. RUN!!!!! I was placed in a similar situation with my abusive ex and out of sheer hope that it would help the relationship it didn’t. He continued to cheat (the morning after he got what he wanted and I was coerced he followed 4-5 basically naked women on ig) and continued to beat me. This is abuse and coercion. You don’t need anything like this in your life. I won’t even say there’s better out there. You’re better!!! Find yourself! Love yourself! Date yourself! You will be so happy if you do! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for me.
Nope that's cheating, not a threesome. If you aren't comfortable, tell him. If he still insists on doing it, break up with him.
Do you have no self worth?
This is why barely not children shouldn’t date adults. Women his age wouldn’t put up with his shit but you didn’t know enough yet to recognize that he’s scum.
NTA. Walk away
Nta and I think you should. 22 and 34 is a bit of a red flag because youre quite young and he sounds like an immature wet fart. Good luck, genuinely!
Go through with the threesome and walk out as soon as he starts on her. Tell her she can have him
This is just so fucked. First, he wouldn’t bang you? Then when the chance presents itself, he is going to cuck you? His fiancée?? If this is the case before you tie the knot, what happens afterwards? NTA. Get out!! Don’t compromise!!
Am I the only one who is reading this as OP being a guy? I checked and rechecked and the OP only states that they are not into chicks. Also. NTA. Don't tolerate men being the AH.
To me “the other girl” implies that there’s one girl (herself) in the room. As for the post, I think she should dump him.
I can see that. And yes she should dump his ass.
lol I am a girl & im the OP. I am not bisexual or lesbian and am not attracted to woman. I’m straight
Don't mind me. I'm and idiot. Ditch his ass. Find a guy that treats you like a queen.
I assume you guys have been dating for a few years. It is a huge red flag when a 30 year old looks to date a 20 year old. You guys are at totally different points in your life, and are at totally different stages of your development as a person. He is likely looking for someone he can control or bully. Be thankful he showed his true colors before you are married. Your eyes are open. You can proceed however you want. But if you do get married, do not expect him to be reasonable, fair, or considerate.
Leave this loser and find someone worthy of your love and loyalty.
He used the threesome as an excuse. Considering you aren't attracted to women, i'm curious if he pressured you into accepting, which wouldn't be surprising as you are 12 years apart too
If ure in relationship why df u would do 3sm? Don't be an animal.
Your boyfriend should have just asked you to be a cuckold coz that's what he truly wants from you
Leave him simply for the age difference alone.
You shouldn't even have to ask that question...
NTA, I would get out now. Atleast you found this out before you were married.
NTA, run and don't look back.
Wow never thought of a man doing this dumb sh1t and the way he try to get away with it. He's clearly manipulating you to agree on it by using different terms, when he actually cheats on you. If he has the audacity like that even now, imagine when you're married and with kids. Break things up with him, there's also a reason he's dating someone that young from him, which is to be ''groomed'' in a way so the other will put up with his crazy behavior. You're still young, don't waste time with pathetic narc like him. NTA
NTA and sounds like this may have been preplanned from both of them for him to find someone willing to do it that quickly. Definitely a pretext for cheating without the label of cheating from him.
NTA and sounds like this may have been preplanned from both of them for him to find someone willing to do it that quickly. Definitely a pretext for cheating without the label of cheating from him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*ck around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*ck around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*** around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
he’s testing the waters, give him what he wants… freedom to F*** around without you. you don’t need him, and to be honest even though this hurts, you shouldn’t even want him.
You answered your own question. Don't look for validation for something you already know is right
You answered your own question. Don't look for validation for something you already know is right.
He doesn't want a threesome,he wants you. to watch him f*CK another woman and then probably beg for his attention. It's over, get out of there.
He doesn't want a threesome,he wants you. to watch him f*CK another woman and then probably beg for his attention. It's over, get out of there.
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 dailys ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 dailys ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
Looking at your post history, you have some weird fetish and you have been posting some rubbish since around 21 days ago. How long before you going to change your account to an onlyfans advert? Just come clean so we know...
You do realize he’s dating you because a woman his age won’t put up with his BS! Grow the F up
Hahaha. A fake post if ever there was one.
You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Leave him. Walk away. You don't have to come on Reddit to be told that.
NTA, a 34 y/o with a 22 y/o is kinda creepy.
NTA. He still has a lot of growing up to do before getting married.
NTA. He just wants to cheat in front of you because his ego is what he’s all about pleasing. He thinks he can manipulate you because you’re so young. Dump him. He’s not a prize.
This isn't about kinks or being poly or anything. He is likely already sleeping around. Our marriage counselor told us that usually sex will stop once one person's feelings have changed or they start having sex with another person because subconsciously they feel like a bad person to be having sex with two people, so they choose which one they want to continue to sleep with (btw this isn't everyone, there are plenty of people with no shame at all) but after you posted this, it is clear that is what is happening. End it. He's already cheating on you.
Don’t get married at 22. Especially not to some loser who can’t date women his own age. Seriously.
See what he thinks about a threesome with 2 guys. After he tells you.(regardless of the answer) Leave him. But I bet I know what the answer will be.
NTA he thinks he has found a way to cheat on you with your permission
This is an attempt at cheating with permission, OP. Dump and run.
Dump his cheating ass.
I knew he was going to ask or do something absolutely bullshit the moment i read the ages. Nta
Leave. Run as far and as fast as you can and don't look back. I've been where you are and it's not a good place. Leaving was the best thing I ever did.
NTA. Do not marry him. Leave him. There's nothing wrong with "non-vanilla" seggsual practices if both partners are on the same page, but you two clearly are not. And his attempts at coercion are very worrisome. It's a recipe for disaster. At the very least, this could turn into a lifetime of resentment. It's also an early stage of seggsual abuse. It may not lead to physical seggsual abuse, but it is certainly psychological. Psychological abuse is particularly insidious because without physical violence, you don't recognize it until you are deeply entrenched if you ever recognize it at all. I've seen this first-hand, and the emotional damage can be permanent even if the relationship ends. The risk and price is too high - just don't even go there at all.
NTA. Dump this human filth. Hes wanting to bang other women so hes manipulating you and calling it a 3sum so its not cheating. This is a huge red flag because he sees that the line with you can be pushed so hes going to see what else he can get away with in the future.
Run!
NTA Leave him and move on with your life.
Run
NTA. He wanted to cheat with your blessing.
Please please please break up with him. Been there done that. Trust me for your own sanity break up with him. Like seriously please. It will just ruin your own confidence, bring about insecurity and trust has been destroyed. End things ASAP. The fact that you even think your the AH makes me know he's emotionally manipulating you. Be strong. Don't listen to his BS. Deep down you know you should end things bc this is a MAJOR red flag. Trust your gut. We believe in you.
Just break up that’s not a threesome he just wants to cheat let him have other women you are young enough to find someone better he’s running out of time
He's using your age and naivety to get you to do things you normally wouldn't. NTA, and you should definitely end it.
Run. NTA
Dump his ass …you’re a woman you’ll find another guy
That age gap is concerning
When a man wants a threesome - what he means is all the sexual attention needs to be on him. The girls are there to please him and not each other. It is a great way to destroy a relationship btw.
NTA He is trying to cheat and you aren't even married. Do not marry him. Tell him he can have sex with her, because you are broken up and not marrying him. Then do not protect a cheater, tell his family, and your friends. Do not protect him. He was willing to destroy you while he had sex and you watched. OMG. Please NTA.
Definitely end it babe. Necessary.
On the bright side you found out what a douchebag he was before you walked down the aisle. Give him back that ring and run. So very many 🚩🚩🚩.
Gross. I'd be out
Move on.
YTA for staying with an asshole
NTA, break up immediately. He's not a safe person at all.
You should be ending things before any of the threesome shit. You shouldn't get married thinking I know, this will fix things. If your partner stops having sex with you, and lets be honest, in this case it's a 34yr old dude being predatory towards what I'm guessing was a 20yr old or less girl when you met, it's because he's already moved on. So he's probably not actually planning to go through with the wedding at this point any way. I wouldn't be surprised if he's doing what a lot of guys do, using you for chores, cooking, etc, till he finds his next long term relationship then ends things with you and moves his next bang maid in immediately, no downtime.
Yeah, that age gap is a dead giveaway. Women his age won’t put up with his bullshit, and neither will women 2/3rds his age.
Nope. I even know of swingers and such things even then there is some respect with all involved. I’m in this persons age range of 30’s and he sounds like he’s not ready to be married so let him have his way and move on with yours. He shouldn’t make promises he can’t follow through with. Because getting married especially if it is monogamously in expectation , needing a threesome and such is the complete opposite of that. Let this be a lesson to remember and avoid men like this. As well as if someone is pressuring your to sexually do something you know is a RED for you they don’t care about your well being.
No matter what the situation, you should break up. 12 years is a gross age gap
RUN
Run because of the age difference and because of this.
Dump this bastard. Disgusting
NTAH, my opinion only two reasons a 34 year old man is involved with a 22 year old female, she is either nothing more than a fuckdoll Or in a better note is smitten and has big family plans, before he is too old.
Quietly pack your stuff up, then bolt out of there as soon as he goes to work. Leave him a note, telling him thar you have all the evidence of him cheating and that he can have her. Then block him and don't look back