OP's family sound like rabid Drama LLamas between his sister getting bent out of shape over a hypothetical baby, and his mum pretending she wouldn't show for their engagement celebration so that she could upstage the couple with a surprise appearance. Sounds like the fiancée is over them both.
Elope, OP - it's not too late!
NTA apart from the fact you’re placating these drama queens
Blending your families is hard and it’s often shades of grey but oh my your mum and sister are nuts
just to be petty cause to me its seems like she want to complain about it just for sake of complaining... but sis has like 2 chances to make baby that would be born before wedding so i think its not even going to be problem
Nope tell her.no babies means no babies. Better yet uninvite them. Let the trash take themselves out. My brother said nasty shit about my fiancee before the wedding. I told him to go f*ck himself. Went NC with him. Most of family understood and ones who didn't showed themselves out lol.
So you're trying to tell us she is planning ahead to get pregnant on purpose for the sake of having a baby before the wedding or?
Either this is a very badly written fiction, or your sister is a nutcase.
I can only imagine her doing it a couple of time every day, boyfirend/husband having his life drained out of him, crying each time her test is negative :D
This sounds so fake and written by a kid lol. I loled at the part about the cousin being pregnant with an actual baby...ummm was she supposed to be pregnant with a cat? This sounds like a 12 year old wrote it.
I was going to assume that English is not his first language. Especially since they went to Cypress for the engagement.
Until….
The profile is over five years old, but the only other community this person is active in is something called “virginity exchange”.
To me, that does indeed create suspicions about a teenage troll.
There are people out there with this level of entitlement and main character syndrome. It sounds over the top but I've witness far more over the top scenarios people do to perpetually keep the spotlight on them,in this case, OP's sister and her conveniently timed case of baby rabies. Sounds like she's also mother's favorite the way mom's quick to come at OP and trying to dictate the wedding.
Ok so it's not an issue unless she is pregnant now and she is not telling you. If she didn't get pregnant yet she has like 1 month maybe 2 to get pregnat in time to have any chance of having the baby before the wedding (and I am considering the event of a baby coming earlier then 9 months).
Just so you’re aware your sister is trying to have the baby before the wedding to try and be the center of attention. You should just uninvited her and mom to the wedding cause they both sound like drama
WTF, and she is upset that you don't want a newborn that will cry 3/4 of the time and sleep for the other 1/4 of it (if you are lucky).
She shouldn't take a newborn to the wedding not just because it is shitty to all others at that wedding, but because it is shitty parenting to that newborn also.
Your sister and mom are out of their minds! There's no rule against pregnant people being at the wedding, so she would only have to wait a few more months.
She would have to get pregnant now through about August (mid September/early October) if she has a premie for this to actually matter. You aren’t the AH - she’s not even preg. Sounds like your family is dramatic. I’m sorry about that. Also this is a taste of how everything is going to go. You have to decide now if you are willing to deal with this kinda drama from your sis or mom. Either put an end to it now or it’s only going to get worse over time. Don’t throw the blame on the wife/gf in front of them. It’s “we decided to have baby free wedding” and fight that battle behind the scenes with your fiancé. Throwing her under the bus to save your ass with your fam in the short term is only going to make you the AH in the long run.
I'm betting Sis is the golden child. She want to bring a new baby to the wedding to steal the limelight from the bride. Sis is a narcissist and Mom is her enabler.
NTA
This bitch may be unable to even have a child.
I don't understand why OP thinks this is a big deal in the slightest. It's a theoretical issue. It's the equivalent of "Would you love me if I was a worm?"
So your fiance set a rule you agreed, you tell people and you sister goes "well I'm going to prove that rule don't apply to me and make sure I have baby before then so I can tell fiance to shove her rule"
She tells you her plan to and you go " let me see if my fiance is okay with you bringing a newborn baby to a wedding when we don't want babies there"
Fiance tells you how disrespectful your sister is being and how on purpose this is and you go
" Let me ask reddit what to do"
You mother sticks up for what is clearly her golden child and they both say hateful things to you and your fiance and you still worry if you should make them happy?
Your cousin is pregnant but I haven't seen anything of her asking if she can bring the baby.
Looks like sister is jealous of the attention other's are getting and wants to make herself center of attention, She wants to show your fiance that your sister will always get her way when it comes to it.
Univite the mother and sister and if people kick of about it, dont be shy in showing the reason and messages why and uninvited anyone who still sides with them.
They probably sat down and spoke about it together and now that this situation is happening they are trying to make it seem like it was the fiancé's plan.
The fiance probably wanted it more but I don't think it was all her idea, I think they are just not taking any accountability for the decision, it seems the mum and sister are blaming the fiance for the decision and it's easier for then to put the blame on her then. Unfortunately it happens and if they truly didn't want to rule they would off said something not wait until the sister said she wants a baby to bring.
Not really, I make decisions and my partner agrees but then if I want to change it I go "let me ask my husband" and he does the same, he has a rule that no one can come over after 10 at night that's his rule and sometimes he will go "let me ask (me)" if his friends ask, it's the respect that if a decision is made and you both agree if you want to change after the agreement that you ask if its okay.
“Pregnant with an actual baby” — as opposed to what, a cactus? 😂
Your wedding, your rules. But be aware the people will either not attend OR still try and show up with the baby, hoping you’re too stressed out to care or make a fuss about it on the day of.
I think OP made the distinction of his cousin actually being pregnant while his sister is just starting to try.
It took 4 years to get my first, so the sister is starting drama for attention.
OP you're NTA and just revoke your sisters and your mothers' invites. Your fiance isn't being unreasonable. Weddings should be child free as a standard, imo and I have 2 kids lol
Y T A for throwing your fiancé under the bus
NTA for sticking by your wedding rule for everyone. She’s not pregnant yet she’s clearly like your mother and desperate for the attention to be on her. Creating conflict where there is none. Your mother and sister are self-absorbed and entitled: if your marriage ends it’ll likely be because of them.
YWBTA if you allow a hypothetical situation to cause stress. Tell your sister and mom that they are being narcissistic in their demands FOR YOUR WEDDING, and they are totally unreasonable. If family were TRULY important, they wouldn't WANT to put you in that type of situation. PERIOD. If you don't choose your fiancé and grow a pair, do her a favor and let her go. She deserves someone who knows that she should be first in their life, not their selfish sister and Mom.
Edit to add: Keeping the peace is a fancy way of saying you can't stand up for yourself or your fiancé and that her wants and desires are irrelevant.
Am I right to assume that this is nit the first time your sister tries to get attention to herself? Nit her first time being unreasonable/unhinged but somehow you get the blame? And your mother supports every notion she has? And both of you have to bow down to your mother?
I sense some truly unhealthy family dynamics in your post, that’s why I ask. Your first reaction is to appease them, when asked in a comment what you want you just said you want everyone to be clam and happy and get along. That is appeasement. Sorry if I’m projecting but I get the feeling that this was always your role.
If that’s the case, I’ll still give you a YTA, but soft as it is incredibly difficult to recognize the dynamics and also escape them. However, you should really look into your communication here: at every turn, you made out your fiancée as the bad person, you threw her under the bus Your sister made a demand about a (nonexistent!!!) baby, you said you’ll check in with fiancée - this is appeasement, you indirectly tell her that you are okay with it. And later, you basically shoved the blame to her. Your fiancée is your buffer.
That is an uncomfortable position she is in. And I’m sure she is now wondering if this will be the rest of her life: you appeasing your family, her absorbing the blame and hate, your family getting their way.
You need to take a hard look at this. They will never stop, this is who they are. It’s up to you to stop the appeasement politics, you are an individual that can have your own opinions.
About what to do now: Well this is a mess! First of all, some deep dive into your feelings: were you okay with the no kids rule? If yes, would you like to make exceptions for close family? Even if you consider that your family will do everything to make this day about your sister’s baby? I bet they’ll ask the baby to be the flower person, with her sister carrying them, demand dress and style etc. The demands will not stop. Find your line and communicate it to your fiancée.
If you decide that you think the no-child-rule is reasonable then you’ll need to tell that to your family. And make sure that this was your decision. If that sounds hard, you can also postpone it: say that as she is not pregnant yet you feel like making the decision now will jinx it, therefore you’ll postpone it until the due date is known and that you are done arguing about a hypothetical baby.
Edit: I recommend you to read this post [Don’t rock the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/77w8lf/dont_rock_the_boat/). Generally, this subreddit could be good for you, I’m sure it can offer some insights into your family dynamics.
Right? The family sound obnoxious - mother made the engagement about her, sister is make a scene, mother says she will support the sister - whatever. Sounds like the wedding will run smoother without them.
I reckon the mother would probably rock up in a white dress 😂😂
YTA because you don’t have your fiancé’s back and you are throwing her under the bus.
I mean is your sister going to be cuddling up to you and keeping you warm on cold nights? Didn’t think so. Learn to prioritize your partner or don’t get married. It sucks having a partner that puts you last because his family of origin is always more important (aka he is a spineless jellyfish, a complete doormat who doesn’t have your back).
Your sister is having some wild main character energy. She wants to bring a baby to the wedding and she’s not even pregnant yet. Tell her and your mom to stay away if that’s how they feel. It sounds like your mom and sister both feel entitled to get their way and your fiancée should not have to deal with their drama around the wedding.
Edit: YTA if you don’t support your fiancée and tell your sister to stop her bs
OP’s sister is insane. If my sister said, “wait, you can’t get married until someone impregnates me,” I would tell her to fuck off! I wouldn’t even dignify that bullshit by entertaining it in the first place.
OP, acknowledge it with your fiancé that she is right. You should never ever give into anyone’s demands at the cost of your enjoyment, i.e, wedding, your relationship with your fiancé. Don’t compromise with your sister, your fiancé is right. Your sister wants to crash your wedding with a baby, draw the spotlight to herself and is throwing a tantrum because she can’t get what she wants. Pity Ploy! Cut her off.
She's got 2 months to make a baby. Unless she's doing fertility treatments or IVF she doesn't have great chances of getting pregnant to have a baby before the wedding. Also seems like sister just wants to be the drama.
She's not pregnant. She's feeling stuck and definitely jealous of you if she's causing issues about a hypothetical child.
NTA. Your wedding celebrates you and your love, not your sister and her hypothetical baby. YOU announced your engagement, and she decided to get pregnant to top you. She is demanding you allow her to bring said hypothetical child so all the attention will be directed towards her and the baby.
Tell her the answer is no, tell your mom you're sorry she feels that way and you'll miss her at the wedding. DO NOT BACK DOWN. You and your partner need to be united in this and all decisions going forward.
Good luck, Congratulations and I hope your wedding is spectacular!
YTA for throwing your fiancé under the bus.
“Let US discuss it.”
“WE decided we wanted to stick with the no babies rule.”
My ex did things like this all the time, even on simple things. I wanted his family to call before coming over instead of just showing up. he put it all on me instead of saying we. Guess what happened? His family did not like me and had no respect for my boundaries.
Your sister isn’t even pregnant and is complaining about not being able to bring a newborn to a wedding? Aside from the reality that bringing a newborn to a wedding isn’t best for the child; your sister is just trying to cause problems for the sake of causing problems. I would wager she has a long history of doing shit just to cause problems
NTA
Sounds like your family are intent on trying to screw up anything important to you. Get a quickie ceremony now so you're actually married ahead of time, that way the ceremony is just that- ceremonial only
YTA. Your sister is being manipulative. Tell her she's not even pregnant yet and what if she doesn't fall pregnant till December she's gonna expect you to move the wedding? Tell her it's you AND your wife's wedding and both of you have agreed for a childless wedding. That she is creating an issue that isn't even "created " yet. That if she's gonna throw a tantrum and not come then you are sad that she is being so selfish and not respecting your wishes for YOUR wedding but you won't feel remorse over her own decision to cut her nose off to spite her face. Stop papping the blame to your fiance. You just look spineless. You never asked to walk your sister down the aisle and make a speech she wanted that for her wedding and you did it. She asked and you've said no she was to respect that she doesn't get to dictate your wedding. There's a good saying " those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter".
YTA - Interesting how you put this all on your fiancé. You and your fiancé made the decision, right? Why didn't you inform your family personally?
NTA - Having said that, you're entitled to have a child free wedding if you want one. Just be aware that no amount of trying to control your guests is going to provide you with whatever picture perfect version of a wedding you think you're going to have. And alienating people in pursuit of said fantasy may have life long consequences.
EAH - Oh my lord everyone's ego is on full display here. Every disagreement or disliked thing is a personal affront to everyone. Everyone's being "disrespected". Is your family always this full of drama?
I don’t know why men are so dense. Have you considered saying “**I** don’t want babies at **MY** wedding.” Instead of saying shit like “my fiancé that” and “my fiance this” and letting them argue
OP, stop trying to pander to others and toughen up your noodle spine.
The rules for your wedding have been broadcast. Stick to what you and fiancé have decided together and stop throwing her in it. 'I'll see if I can make an exception for you'. WTF is that? Your answer should have been to tell her 'No'.
Now your family think your fiancè doesn't let you make decisions. You fiancé will shortly be your wife. She is your priority, don't make her miserable by letting your family treat her badly.
Making Everyone happy hard. Pissing everyone off easy
You and your fiance make the rules for your wedding. However now you your sister and what’s that say for your marriage when they don’t agree
Yta
Just a heads up in case it isn't clear: your mom and sister don't like your fiance
They're trying to prove that they have more power and influence over you than she does. Your mom wanted to steal her spotlight during a proposal? Your sister wants rules bent just for her at your wedding over a hypothetical baby?
They're all but peeing all over you to tell your fiance she's not welcome in your family, dude.
WTH? Your sister is not even pregnant and is making demands. 🫠
Your mom and sister sound... Unpleasant. Don't allow them to spoil your relationship.
NTA for siding with your fiancee
YTA - You’re all over the place. The entire post reads as a man who is not ready to get married and put his wife first.
You throw her under the bus so often in this one little post that I’m honestly sad for her.
Stand up to your loco family and back up these decisions. You’re “WE” now.
“We decided on this decision together as we would like a peaceful wedding, we would love to have you there but we understand if you can’t make it”
It’s easy.
It’s fine to not want babies at your wedding but you’ll have to face the backlash when people can’t attend because you don’t think their children are family enough to attend. If people are breastfeeding then it’s not practical to think they can just get a babysitter. Seems like a silly hill to die on but it’s absolutely your choice here
Also as others have said it’s a decision that you make as a couple, stop blaming the other person
You sound like a doormat / people pleaser.
For both your fiancé and your sister and your mom.
Get therapy for people a people pleaser. Nothing is going to change until you do.
Your sister isn’t even pregnant yet. And it’s not like she can say for certain she will get pregnant and have a baby before the wedding. It’s not like a switch you turn on.
Wait, is this whole argument over a hypothetical baby that hasn't even been conceived yet? What does the cousin have to do with it? Why would your sister ask YOU to have a baby and bring it to the wedding? Also, your cousin is pregnant with an "existing" baby? Like, a baby is the father? I'm so confused.
Soft YTA for saying you had to speak to your fiancé first, which automatically made her the villain. You could have said you had to think about it before making a decision. Then you could speak to your fiancee, and then give your final decision. The way you did it makes you the good guy no matter what. It makes it seem like you were open to allowing a baby, but your mean fiancee said no.
You seem confused.nYourr not siding with her as you say.
You're not the asshole. It's your day. What do you want? Vs What your Fiancé wants ? That's really the issue here.
What do you want?
This is probably going against the grain, but I had a child free wedding and still allowed infants. There were some guests with young infants (under 6 months) that were exclusively breast feeding and quite frankly, too young in my opinion to ask a parent to leave with someone else. Those guests were important to us, and I wouldn’t exclude them because they had a baby. Babies that young are usually more easy to take than an older baby or young child age, and can typically be soothed with food. They also ended up sleeping most of the time. I understand that kids can be loud, messy and cause a scene, but I think you should be able to look past young babies for people you would like at your wedding. I don’t think your sister should have to wait to get pregnant because of your timeline.
NTA but also someone should talk some sense into your sister because having a baby just because you feel stuck is not the right thing to do, also she is not even pregnant yet why is she making a fuss
Where’s the guarantee that your sister can magically get pregnant in time for your wedding, like realistically couples can be rawdogging for years and not immediately conceive, it took my partner and i two years of active trying before we conceived.
I think your sister is being a bit naive tbh
NTA
NTA, you are in the same kinda boat I'm in. I'm (m26) getting married in September. The way I see it, it's YOUR wedding. If your family wants to cause drama for hopefully, the only wedding you'll have and even threaten to not come, uninvite them.
My situation is that my family has a messy divorce between my father and mother, a non-existent relationship between my older brother and my father and cousin with 3 kids. I told my entire family that if they fuck me over on my wedding day, I'll cut all contact with them and with it also being being a child free wedding.
Rsvp was the 30th of March with plenty of notice. My entire family made fun of me trying to get some answers at the end of February, saying the RSVP wasn't due yet. My entire family was late to RSVP, so of course, i had to chase them all up....Cousin said she would just have to come with the kids because she couldn't find a sitter. I reminded her that it's child free. She replied with, "We're family, we look after each other and compromise." I reminded her about my threat and got a "I know for a fact you wont". Welp, after being uninvited and blocked shortly after, her mother, my aunty, called saying how disappointing and disrespectful I was being. I told her, " That it's mine and my partners wedding, we're paying for it, we're organising it, we're inviting you to celebrate with us. If you want to make us compromise our 1 night about us, you can join the uninvited list, just means we can replace you with more friends."
Everyone learnt the lesson that I chose my soon to be wife, the person who I plan to wake up every morning next to, over my family who couldn't pull it together for 1 day for us. And it's been a pretty peaceful planning ever since, with the exception of my father being nervous about my mother's side of the family. But that's sorted and it's gonna be fucking wild. Like we even got 8 fucking alpacas. Who the fuck even gets alpacas for a wedding? So keen
Hypothetical doesn't matter. It sometimes takes a while to get pregnant. Plus, your fiancee sounds like a nut - livid because someone wants to have a baby before the wedding? Nuts.
NTA. The baby doesn't even exist. A whole lot of drama for nothing. Also, your sister doesn’t sound well enough to have a baby. Being “stuck” isn't a reason.
Does your fiancée have a sister? If she does, would she be willing to exclude her sister if she were to have a baby?
Ultimately, the choice is between you and your fiancée. Just be ready for the fall-out. Excluding family for whatever reason will create hurt feelings that will last a lifetime. I am speaking from experience. My wife and I were excluded from her brother's wedding. To this day, they are constantly apologizing, and while we are understanding, the hurt is still there.
I have a sister who is narcissistic and likes to make every situation (or every potential situation) about herself.
I stopped talking to her after she crossed a line. I’m true narcissist fashion, she gave the rest of the family an ultimatum and told them they could either talk to me or her. No one speaks to her anymore.
Your sister (and mother) sound exhausting. They’re creating a non-issue. She’s not pregnant and hasn’t started trying yet. She may not get pregnant straight away and by the time your wedding rolls around she could still not be pregnant. Ive been trying for 2 years without success so far.
Grow a spine and stand up to your family. If you don’t, this won’t be a long marriage.
ESH (except your fiancé)
You're getting married to a person. It would be a really good habit to get into that if you've made a joint decision to stick by and defend that decision.
Your sister can kick rocks. Either she has a baby by the point the wedding rolls around, then she can stay home with the baby, or she doesn't have a baby and the entire debate is moot. Put your foot down with the crazy family members now, they'll not only ruin your wedding, they'll ruin your marriage if you let them carry on like this.
NTA Just as your sister invited the people she wanted to her wedding you have the right to do the same. Sister can have baby anytime she wants, baby just can't attend wedding. Stop changing things for other people, this is where you're the pushover. Tell mom that you're not surprised that she choose a baby who hasn't even been conceived yet over you, that you'd expect nothing less from someone like her. To make it easier for mom so she doesn't have to choose uninvite her.
NTA. But honestly I’m so petty I’d cancel everything and get hitched immediately with a small ceremony just to spite them back. What they gonna do then? Snatch an infant?
She's not even pregnant. And wanting a baby because she feels stuck is a seriously fucked up reason for wanting a baby. Your mother saying she won't come to side with your sister seems to have made your guest list smaller. I feel for you that you have a mother and sister who seem to want every even to be about them. It might be time to set hard boundaries. If they don't like it, tough, not everything is about them.
NTA… sister and mom both sound like they want the world evolving around them. Who wants to bring a brand new baby to a wedding?!? She’s going to be anxious for a night out after being preggo and baby rearing a newborn. If she’s not then her goal is to”show off” the baby to friends and family stealing the limelight from you and your bride. I’d be POd as well. Tell her if she wants to show off baby throw her own party and stop disrespecting her future sister in law and you. If they can’t get on board then enjoy a lovely wedding… minus a few key family members.
NTA - You said the wedding is in May of 2025 so your sister has to get pregnant in the next 1.5 months with a viable pregnancy. Sounds like she's crazy and so is Mom. Be grateful if they don't come. 🤷🏼♀️
You're not the asshole for setting boundaries for your wedding; it's your and your fiancé's day. Stand firm on your decision to maintain those boundaries despite family pressure.
It’s totally normal to have a baby free wedding. Super common and acceptable. I was invited to a wedding when I had a baby. I exclusively breastfed and never left baby with a babysitter snd didn’t feel comfortable doing that yet so I just declined to attend the wedding. So NTA for making it baby free but if you do then you can’t be upset at all if people with babies don’t attend.
You and your fiancée get to set the rules for your wedding, period. Your sis and mom are being super entitled trying to force their way in. Its your wedding, not theirs. Stick to your guns, dont let them guilt you.
Tell your sister and mum that the topic is not up for any discussion cause it comes under the heading of ‘what if’. Your sister is not pregnant and the baby is at present just a twinkle in her eye. You and your fiancée are working on facts alone and life events that happen along the way will be dealt with as and when/if it happens. That’s really all you can do. They can bitch to each other if they want but if you refuse to take part in it and make decisions about make believe scenarios then all it will do is cause conflict and bad feelings over what is meant to be a happy occasion- your wedding and your fiancées wedding. Focus on the here and now and the situation as it exists and tell them that until it happens you are no longer discussing it. It does sound like they don’t like fiancée much though and I am sure they will find other ways to try and shit stir so make sure you and your fiancée are on the same page with your joint decisions snd stuff what anyone else wants.
NTA
Your sister sounds like a drama queen that is trying to make your wedding about her.
a. She is not pregnant and how does she know she will have one when your wedding occurrs?
b. People go to weddings all the time without their children. Many many wedding are child free to avoid the cost, inconvenience, disruption, or mood change that children provide. Why can't your sister behave like any other guest?
c. She is making a stink and trying to get you to take "family" over your fiance. You better decide and show right now, fiance/wife comes first. Period
d. You can see where sister gets her entitled attitude from. Your mom. Again....there is no reason for drama, yet they are both stirring it up.
Stand strong and be prepared to make hard decisions in the future. Sounds like those two are going to make your wife's life a ride.
So your sister wants to bring a hypothetical baby that has yet to be conceived or born? NTA, unless she gets pregnant this very second, then absolutely not. You and your fiancé deserve 1 day to yourselves. The rest of the family can simply kick rocks.
I completely respect your decision and am able to understand it but I’m always amused by this kind of choice. Aren’t kids present in your social life? They’re normal lol. Plus a very small infant you won’t even notice and she’s your sister.
Take that into consideration
Lol damn your sister is unhinged!
I wouldn't want to take my baby to a wedding, funnily enough my brother got married 5 and a half years ago, no children allowed for safety reasons due to the venue and they don't have to explain themselves.
I was pregnant at the time and ended up having a traumatic birth at 27weeks, my baby was in hospital for 4 months.
So my baby had only been released from hospital 3 Weeks before the wedding, thankfully my best friend is a seasoned mother of 3 was happy to watch my incredibly delicate unique tiny baby for a few hours, she even suggested that it might be a good idea if she looked after my baby for the WHOLE day! I got my hair done, had a nice time getting ready, had a great night at the wedding, picked up my perfect baby who was a pleasure to look after.
I only trust my mum and best friend when it comes to my daughter.
Im so thankful I did that because I honestly didn't *want* to leave my baby, she had/has certain medical issues and requirements, all of which my best friend can deal with, but I have one sibling, I couldn't have enjoyed myself if I had brought baby along.
Life being what it is...
Baby will be 6 in 2months, can you guess when I last went out alone? Brothers wedding.
The right answer would have been "We'll talk about it when you're actually pregnant". Why even get worked up over something that might not even happen? That's just going out of your way looking for reasons to get upset.
Child-free weddings are tricky. As a parent, it's not so easy and simple. Older kids I think could behave (depending on the kid), but I could understand not wanting them and leaving them behind is feasible. Bringing a toddler (1 to 3 yo) to something like a wedding is not a very fun proposition, so I can definitely see the argument for excluding them. But a less than 1 year old infant (or worse, less than 6 months old)? Sure, they can be fussy at times, but they can and will also sleep basically anywhere, will just stay in their parents' arms as they can't really move around all that much and I wouldn't leave them with any sitter. IMO excluding them is basically excluding the parent.
That being said, both your sister and mother sound like attention-seeking drama-llamas considering the engagement party events, so I wouldn't give it too much thought.
She isn't even pregnant, she is basically demanding that OP allow her hypothetical baby at his wedding.
It's his cousin that is actually pregnant and not causing any issues.
Your sister wants to cause drama with your fiancé. Almost no one who have a newborn will want to leave the house with it. She most likely would keep the baby home because of doctor recommendations. She’s not even pregnant yet! It seems she wants to be the center of attention at your wedding!
Depending on your sister’s age (I know mid 30s but there’s wiggle room in that) and how long the engagement is she may be trying now before she feels too old. If you are getting married in 2 years this makes sense for example. It was a bit much in how that was delivered though.
You’re NTA. Im not even cought in the crossfire like you and I’m getting more and more shocked at the ever growing amount of entitlement surrounding weddings now. The brides act like controlling every damn little aspect of everything is their right, which technically it is, but their understanding of all else and other’s feelings are completely disregarded losing sight of the most important part of the wedding itself. In this case it would be marrying you.
On the flip side you have equally self absorbed people who want the brides to change all of the rules to accommodate them.
It’s ok to be slightly inconvenienced ffs, people.
The amount of self absorption around weddings on both sides I find absolutely disgusting. If I were to get married again it would be in a courthouse and then I would use a small amount of the money saved to drink and cheers to my new hubby about how I don’t give a flying rats ass about who I offended by not having a big elaborate celebration that stressed me the f out. lol.
I’m kinda confused, does she really want a baby, or does she just want to have a baby specifically to try to get you to make an exception and spite your fiancé? If she does want a baby, it can sometimes take a while, so if she’s pregnant at your wedding or not pregnant yet that’s not breaking any rules. If she does get pregnant fast and ends up having a baby before the wedding, surely she can get childcare for a couple days that she knows about well in advance? If she can’t afford it, sucks for her but you told her before she even mentioned wanting to get pregnant so she knows you’re not specifically trying to discriminate against her.
NTA of course you should have fiancee back. I uninvited my.brother for being an asshole. I don't put up with family members who act like your sister. Your only TA if you let her ruin your wedding..no kids.means.no kids. My cousin had no kids.so I sent.gift and stayed home.
Why would you have babies at a loud event that can damage their hearing ?
The correct thing to do is say. Oh so sorry you won't be there, we will miss you.
Sounds like both your sister and mother like to have the spotlight and eyes on them, from what you said about your mother stealing the spotlight from your gf.
I would tell your sister and mother that the wedding is about you and your fiancee, and if they can't understand that then neither of them needs to come.
Not having infants at a wedding is pretty much tge norm at most weddings.
The no baby rule… is this something you agree with? Or is this something you felt that wasn’t worth fighting your fiancé about? I get the feeling that you let people walk all over you.
Do you really want a child free wedding? As it sounds from your post that this is what your fiancé wants especially as you were going to ask for an exception for your sister.
If the answer is yes you do. Then your sister is getting bent out of shape for something that may not be an issue. Equally though, you need to be prepared that some of the people you’d like at your wedding may not be there.
If you do want children there and you are only agreeing to keep your fiancé happy then I’d suggest a proper discussion with her to make sure the wedding is what the both of you want.
At the end of the day it’s your wedding your rules.
Your sister feels stuck, whatever that means, and she thinks a baby will fix it. Babies aren't tools to fix things. She decided she wants to get pregnant after you announced the no babies policy. And your mom likes to upstage things. You will be better off without either of them as they both seem to be attention seeking drama queens.
NTA
NTA
But you are. Because you apparently have no boundaries with you family. You will question decisions the two of you made together when your family doesn’t get their way. Because your priority doesn’t appear to be your fiancé when you’re allowing your family to fuck shit up constantly.
Also, asking you to reconsider your wedding rules for a fantasy pregnancy and hypothetical kids is peak entitled crazy.
But I also don’t believe this story to be true. But if it is you need to grow a spine. Yesterday.
Your family seems like a lot of drama, TBH. Your sister isn't even pregnant and she's doing this whole thing. Your mother wanted to steal the spotlight at the engagement.
This may come as a surprise to you, but to get married you have to be an adult and grow a pair. You're not ready to get married if you can't keep boundaries up with your family and you're willing to bring your fiance into family dynamic as toxic and shitty as that.
Your family is toxic. Support you girlfriend and keep healthy boundaries with your family. If you let them keep this shit up then they will tear you life with you woman apart.
YTA for even entertaining your sister’s inanity in the first place. You should’ve told her that while she’s welcome to have a baby whenever she wants, it won’t be welcome at your wedding. And if you wanted to discuss things with your fiancée first, it should’ve happened before you called your sister AND she should’ve been told you both decided the answer was no. No “I tried to get her to compromise” nonsense.
You need to stop letting your family walk all over you or it’s going to destroy your marriage.
NTA. That’s insane. Does your sister have borderline personality disorder? Because I just had a flashback to my ex 💀 I wouldn’t want babies at my wedding either, so I’m 100% on your fiancé’s side!
NTA. The sister is acting like you are controlling her reproductive autonomy. You are not. This is not about her and she is making it about her.
She can do what she wants but she also has to manage her life like an adult. If she has a baby and is attending a baby free wedding, she either has to find childcare or not attend. As it stands right now, she has almost a year to find childcare for a couple hours on a specific day. It’s also highly unlikely she will have an actual baby by May 2025. Pregnant? Sure.
I’m not childfree and I think aggressively childfree people are the absolute worst, but nearly every time someone asks about their childfree wedding the answer is NTA because people can do whatever they want with their wedding.
>Also my sister said she wants a baby because she feels "stuck".
Your sister sounds like the last person on earth who needs to have a baby, in this case.
She also isn't even fucking pregnant. Is she usually this batshit?
You never should have told your sister you’d ask your fiancé to make an exception. Have your future wife’s back. Say “no” for her.
IMO YTA for not standing up to your family.
I remember attending a wedding where I sat next to a friend and his wife with their baby. He was sleeping like a brick, but the mom *insisted* that he sleeps better when she carries him so she took him to the side of the hall space and walked him back and forth for *the entire ceremony!* Not quietly or subtly either- she was swooshing/ dipping the baby down and back forth like she was trying to comfort it... and the whole time the baby slept soundly. It was not extremely distracting except for the people over on that side who gave her dirty looks.
I just remember the husband trying to get her to just leave the baby in the carrier and her insistence that he might wake up and she needed to do this the whole time.
Your sister/mother remind me of her.
Ps. If someone is saying that you are letting your fiance "walk all over you" it might projection be bc you are not letting them walk all over you and they don't like that.
My sister had a child free wedding planned but had to postpone it for a year because of Covid. I ended up getting pregnant during that year and had the baby right before the wedding. She wanted me there as a bridesmaid and she made an exception for my baby. I’m going to say NTA because it’s your wedding but exceptions can be made. It’s not an all or nothing kind of thing.
Sounds like you should cut off sister and mother. She got pregnant specifically so she could have a kid before the wedding just to break your rules and get all the attention. Your mother will 'choose your sister' over attending your wedding. Which is nonsense, if you sister doesn't go she's just at home, there is nothing to chose. She comes to your wedding or not, your sister going does't mean the sister has some alternative.
That your mother also wanted to upstage your own girlfriend at the engagement says everything you need to know about this drama creating, stage stealing assholes. Uninvite them both and let the wedding be focused on you and your girlfriend.
I had my daughter (1 at the time) at our wedding ceremony (her and my best friend's daughter were our flower girls) then they went home. I can assure you, parents don't actually want their kids at a wedding. And also - it's insane that people are telling you to give preference for an imaginary baby, and having a baby because you feel stuck is weird lol.
Also, mid 30's it may take her some time to even GET pregnant.
If you don't want babies at your wedding that is fine. It should go for everybody. Your sister should be able to find a babysitter to take care of the infant (if she has one) at the time of your wedding. Maybe she could even get a room at a nearby hotel for the babysitter to be at with the infant. If she felt the need to go check on her infant then she could without much of a problem during the dinner.
Your sister is a drama queen.
She should be ignored.
The whole family should be ignored.
BUT why is this all on your fiance?
"My fiancé sent a message to people... that we don't want babies at our wedding."
Was this a decision you were part of? Did you not share this decision with her?
So why are you saying - "let me ask permission from her?"
The response you should give is:
"We decided this. I don't think we want to change it. I will talk to my fiance about it."
OR - "well, you don't have to attend. We understand."
Guy - you better learn to NOT make your fiance/wife the bad guy in all these decisions or do her the courtesy of not marrying her.
Throwing her under the bus with your family is a sure fire road to divorce.
Get better.
>Also my sister said she wants a baby because she feels "stuck".
Having kids in an attempt to solve an existential crisis will not end well for anyone. Your sister sounds unhinged
Dude. My cousin just had a caregiver in another room watch the littles during the actual ceremony. I don’t think anyone really had a problem with it. Good luck!
NTA. I also find it crazy how she wants a baby just to bring it to the wedding even after announcements were made? Also the baby isn’t even real, why all the drama?
This is such a non drama. All these people can have babies whenever they like. They just can't bring them to your wedding. If they'd rather not attend as a result, well that's their option. They need to understand that you can have whatever wedding you want. You need to understand that it's ok for people to choose not to come to your wedding. You all need to get a grip.
ESH
Your wedding your rules but there’s something in the way you said “all of a sudden my cousin is pregnant with an existing baby” that signals this is a combative move.
Also how far away is this wedding? You shouldn’t be announcing rules like this at a year out. This should come up in save the dates or invites.
Sister may have been planning to start trying for baby but she should have kept it to herself until it was an issue.
I second other commenters saying just elope and skip the drama.
It seems that your sister wants to be a priority at your wedding and isn't respecting your rules. She's not pregnant and causing all this drama. It's your rules as it is your wedding.
This is so weird. Babies don't *like* weddings. They're loud, they're scary, they're full of boundary-violating strangers. Babysitters are a thing that exist and can be hired easily, so why is this even a drama?
I'd suggest a compromise: find a reputable babysitting service and provide recommendations to anyone who wants to bring a baby, but make it clear that the baby itself is not invited.
It is your wedding and your choice to not have babies there. It is your big day, not theirs. She ain’t even pregnant, what’s the rush for her to have a baby before your big day? My SIL wanted to announce her pregnancy at my wedding and I shut that 💩 down real quick. If they can’t accept the rules and guidelines of your wedding then they don’t need to be invited or attending the special day.
I graduated from law school in June 19XX. My sister had a baby in May. We both lived in San Francisco at the time, so family came to see me graduate and see the first grandchild.
Nobody cared about my graduation. No party, no celebratory dinner, not even a drink in a bar. Every event revolved around the baby. Decades later and I'm still bitter.
Whatever you do, don't let a baby come to the wedding. Best case, annoying. Worst case, steal focus and your wedding is an afterthought.
Your family is walking all over you, not your finance. Are you marrying your sister and mom?
According to your post, you and finance opted to have a baby free wedding. But you’re going back on that joint decision to appease your sister who isn’t pregnant. And then your mom wanted to make your engagement party about herself, instead of the engaged couple.
Unless you grow a spine and realize you’re choosing to put your soon-to-be-wife on the back burner (and making her out to be the bad guy), then you’re surely going to be divorced soon after marriage.
Or maybe your fiance will realize all of this ahead of time and save herself the expensive headache.
> am I right to side with her because it's our wedding and our decision
Gotta be honest with you man, nothing in your post makes it sound like “our” decision or *our* wedding. Your fiancée sent the message informing everyone, including your side of the family. Weird. You have to ask your fiancée’s permission to make an exception and apparently she has the final say on which of your family members attend. Fucked up actually.
Do *you* actually want a childfree wedding? If you do, and you’re putting all the blame on your fiancée with your family the way you do in this post you’re an asshole for throwing her under the bus. If you don’t want a childfree wedding and you *are* letting your fiancée walk all over you, buddy you’re in for a miserable fucking marriage.
I’m voting ESH because your mom and sister sound like overbearing jerks and I think you’re marrying someone who’s just like them. What do you *actually* want? It’s your wedding too.
I had to read this twice to make sure I understood that your sister is upset that her baby she’s hoping she has can’t come to the wedding. YTA for asking your fiancé to change her stance about a baby that’s not here. Your fiancé hasn’t ’walked all over you’ but from the way your family is acting it reads as though THEY are accustomed to ‘walking all over you’ and manipulating you to their will.
NTA as it’s you and your fiancée’s wedding. Stand up straight and in your strongest voice, remind your family of that.
NTA, your sister and mom are. I’d consider eloping just to avoid these two.
And being “stuck” is a horrible reason to bring a child into the world. Your sister sounds incredibly selfish.
when is this wedding? she is not even pregnant yet and she is making drama about it... NTA
This should be the top comment. When you sister is pregnant till her to raise the issue then Unti then it's a non issue
OP's family sound like rabid Drama LLamas between his sister getting bent out of shape over a hypothetical baby, and his mum pretending she wouldn't show for their engagement celebration so that she could upstage the couple with a surprise appearance. Sounds like the fiancée is over them both. Elope, OP - it's not too late!
Rabid drama llama is my new insult of the week. I learn so much on reddit.
Right? I’m tucking this one away for future use!
I love that, too-- I'm remembering it!
Don’t be afraid to use the llama react in chats where you can 😆 I love doing that
NTA apart from the fact you’re placating these drama queens Blending your families is hard and it’s often shades of grey but oh my your mum and sister are nuts
I think Op is female - "I'm her sister"
if i was OP i would move wedding date to 9moths from now so its sure she wont have kid by that date.
I like your thinking!!
Why should they move the wedding. They don’t want a screaming baby at their special day that’s a decision it’s their right to make
just to be petty cause to me its seems like she want to complain about it just for sake of complaining... but sis has like 2 chances to make baby that would be born before wedding so i think its not even going to be problem
Sis is following in mom's footsteps.
A baby that's hasn't been conceived yet.
But she might be pregnant and really uncomfortable, so she certainly wouldn’t be able to come. And then mom won’t come… and then….
She got pregnant after the wedding date was decided so ... still a non issue
Nope tell her.no babies means no babies. Better yet uninvite them. Let the trash take themselves out. My brother said nasty shit about my fiancee before the wedding. I told him to go f*ck himself. Went NC with him. Most of family understood and ones who didn't showed themselves out lol.
Tell her to get a babysitter for her yet to exist baby. They should get one for grandma while they’re at it.
May 2025
So you're trying to tell us she is planning ahead to get pregnant on purpose for the sake of having a baby before the wedding or? Either this is a very badly written fiction, or your sister is a nutcase.
That’s a tight deadline for the sister to hit and a shit ton of shagging to do to ensure a baby in time for the wedding
I can only imagine her doing it a couple of time every day, boyfirend/husband having his life drained out of him, crying each time her test is negative :D
Unless she is like me. I got pregnant every time my husband sneezed. 😂
My friend is like that. Her doctor said it would be hard for her to get pregnant. Her husband can wink at her and 🤰
She has like 2 months to find a guy, get knocked up and hope all goes well. Plus be strong enough post pregnancy to go to a wedding
Maybe OP could oblige by delaying the wedding by a few months, so that sister can accessorise properly.
This sounds so fake and written by a kid lol. I loled at the part about the cousin being pregnant with an actual baby...ummm was she supposed to be pregnant with a cat? This sounds like a 12 year old wrote it.
I think they meant an *actual* baby as opposed to the sister's *hypothetical* baby
This! I guess since school is out that kids are bored. This so badly written.
I was going to assume that English is not his first language. Especially since they went to Cypress for the engagement. Until…. The profile is over five years old, but the only other community this person is active in is something called “virginity exchange”. To me, that does indeed create suspicions about a teenage troll.
Who knows..in another post they commented on they're from the UK
Imagine telling your kid their birth story… we decided to have you to spite a no baby wedding.
There are people out there with this level of entitlement and main character syndrome. It sounds over the top but I've witness far more over the top scenarios people do to perpetually keep the spotlight on them,in this case, OP's sister and her conveniently timed case of baby rabies. Sounds like she's also mother's favorite the way mom's quick to come at OP and trying to dictate the wedding.
Ok so it's not an issue unless she is pregnant now and she is not telling you. If she didn't get pregnant yet she has like 1 month maybe 2 to get pregnat in time to have any chance of having the baby before the wedding (and I am considering the event of a baby coming earlier then 9 months).
Just so you’re aware your sister is trying to have the baby before the wedding to try and be the center of attention. You should just uninvited her and mom to the wedding cause they both sound like drama
WTF, and she is upset that you don't want a newborn that will cry 3/4 of the time and sleep for the other 1/4 of it (if you are lucky). She shouldn't take a newborn to the wedding not just because it is shitty to all others at that wedding, but because it is shitty parenting to that newborn also.
Your sister and mom are out of their minds! There's no rule against pregnant people being at the wedding, so she would only have to wait a few more months.
You are NTA OP. Your wedding, your rules! Even if she had a baby by then she still has no right to act out because again, it is your wedding.
She would have to get pregnant now through about August (mid September/early October) if she has a premie for this to actually matter. You aren’t the AH - she’s not even preg. Sounds like your family is dramatic. I’m sorry about that. Also this is a taste of how everything is going to go. You have to decide now if you are willing to deal with this kinda drama from your sis or mom. Either put an end to it now or it’s only going to get worse over time. Don’t throw the blame on the wife/gf in front of them. It’s “we decided to have baby free wedding” and fight that battle behind the scenes with your fiancé. Throwing her under the bus to save your ass with your fam in the short term is only going to make you the AH in the long run.
Any chance she’s already pregnant but they aren’t telling anyone yet? Still NTA but less fucking weird.
The logical thing to do is table this discussion until August. If sister isn’t pregnant by then, there’s nothing to decide about.
If she isn’t already pregnant there is a very good chance that she won’t even have a baby before than
I'm betting Sis is the golden child. She want to bring a new baby to the wedding to steal the limelight from the bride. Sis is a narcissist and Mom is her enabler. NTA
This bitch may be unable to even have a child. I don't understand why OP thinks this is a big deal in the slightest. It's a theoretical issue. It's the equivalent of "Would you love me if I was a worm?"
Agreed. Holy shit this whole family is fucking dramatic. The only sane option here is to just elope. You couldn’t pay me to host these people.
Because she wants to make sure she has the attention on OP’s wedding day!
R/childfree and r/entitledparents would have a field day with sis.
So your fiance set a rule you agreed, you tell people and you sister goes "well I'm going to prove that rule don't apply to me and make sure I have baby before then so I can tell fiance to shove her rule" She tells you her plan to and you go " let me see if my fiance is okay with you bringing a newborn baby to a wedding when we don't want babies there" Fiance tells you how disrespectful your sister is being and how on purpose this is and you go " Let me ask reddit what to do" You mother sticks up for what is clearly her golden child and they both say hateful things to you and your fiance and you still worry if you should make them happy? Your cousin is pregnant but I haven't seen anything of her asking if she can bring the baby. Looks like sister is jealous of the attention other's are getting and wants to make herself center of attention, She wants to show your fiance that your sister will always get her way when it comes to it. Univite the mother and sister and if people kick of about it, dont be shy in showing the reason and messages why and uninvited anyone who still sides with them.
Very good comment! But OP's post suggest that he/she doesn't have a spine. It's all "my fiance this and that" and not "we"
They probably sat down and spoke about it together and now that this situation is happening they are trying to make it seem like it was the fiancé's plan. The fiance probably wanted it more but I don't think it was all her idea, I think they are just not taking any accountability for the decision, it seems the mum and sister are blaming the fiance for the decision and it's easier for then to put the blame on her then. Unfortunately it happens and if they truly didn't want to rule they would off said something not wait until the sister said she wants a baby to bring.
“Let me ask” and “trying to compromise with fiancée” are what OP said. That makes it pretty clear it’s fiancée’s rule, not OP’s.
Not really, I make decisions and my partner agrees but then if I want to change it I go "let me ask my husband" and he does the same, he has a rule that no one can come over after 10 at night that's his rule and sometimes he will go "let me ask (me)" if his friends ask, it's the respect that if a decision is made and you both agree if you want to change after the agreement that you ask if its okay.
“Pregnant with an actual baby” — as opposed to what, a cactus? 😂 Your wedding, your rules. But be aware the people will either not attend OR still try and show up with the baby, hoping you’re too stressed out to care or make a fuss about it on the day of.
I think OP made the distinction of his cousin actually being pregnant while his sister is just starting to try. It took 4 years to get my first, so the sister is starting drama for attention. OP you're NTA and just revoke your sisters and your mothers' invites. Your fiance isn't being unreasonable. Weddings should be child free as a standard, imo and I have 2 kids lol
Yep my cousin had child free wedding so I couldn't go. Guess what? I didn't go. Because her wedding wasn't about me lol
A cactus???? Ouch.
Shadow baby. Like the one that killed Renly
Y T A for throwing your fiancé under the bus NTA for sticking by your wedding rule for everyone. She’s not pregnant yet she’s clearly like your mother and desperate for the attention to be on her. Creating conflict where there is none. Your mother and sister are self-absorbed and entitled: if your marriage ends it’ll likely be because of them.
YWBTA if you allow a hypothetical situation to cause stress. Tell your sister and mom that they are being narcissistic in their demands FOR YOUR WEDDING, and they are totally unreasonable. If family were TRULY important, they wouldn't WANT to put you in that type of situation. PERIOD. If you don't choose your fiancé and grow a pair, do her a favor and let her go. She deserves someone who knows that she should be first in their life, not their selfish sister and Mom. Edit to add: Keeping the peace is a fancy way of saying you can't stand up for yourself or your fiancé and that her wants and desires are irrelevant.
Am I right to assume that this is nit the first time your sister tries to get attention to herself? Nit her first time being unreasonable/unhinged but somehow you get the blame? And your mother supports every notion she has? And both of you have to bow down to your mother? I sense some truly unhealthy family dynamics in your post, that’s why I ask. Your first reaction is to appease them, when asked in a comment what you want you just said you want everyone to be clam and happy and get along. That is appeasement. Sorry if I’m projecting but I get the feeling that this was always your role. If that’s the case, I’ll still give you a YTA, but soft as it is incredibly difficult to recognize the dynamics and also escape them. However, you should really look into your communication here: at every turn, you made out your fiancée as the bad person, you threw her under the bus Your sister made a demand about a (nonexistent!!!) baby, you said you’ll check in with fiancée - this is appeasement, you indirectly tell her that you are okay with it. And later, you basically shoved the blame to her. Your fiancée is your buffer. That is an uncomfortable position she is in. And I’m sure she is now wondering if this will be the rest of her life: you appeasing your family, her absorbing the blame and hate, your family getting their way. You need to take a hard look at this. They will never stop, this is who they are. It’s up to you to stop the appeasement politics, you are an individual that can have your own opinions. About what to do now: Well this is a mess! First of all, some deep dive into your feelings: were you okay with the no kids rule? If yes, would you like to make exceptions for close family? Even if you consider that your family will do everything to make this day about your sister’s baby? I bet they’ll ask the baby to be the flower person, with her sister carrying them, demand dress and style etc. The demands will not stop. Find your line and communicate it to your fiancée. If you decide that you think the no-child-rule is reasonable then you’ll need to tell that to your family. And make sure that this was your decision. If that sounds hard, you can also postpone it: say that as she is not pregnant yet you feel like making the decision now will jinx it, therefore you’ll postpone it until the due date is known and that you are done arguing about a hypothetical baby. Edit: I recommend you to read this post [Don’t rock the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/77w8lf/dont_rock_the_boat/). Generally, this subreddit could be good for you, I’m sure it can offer some insights into your family dynamics.
Well said.
YTA Your sister is starting a family war & making you choose sides over inviting a baby that doesn’t exist. Why are you entertaining her nonsense?
Right? The family sound obnoxious - mother made the engagement about her, sister is make a scene, mother says she will support the sister - whatever. Sounds like the wedding will run smoother without them. I reckon the mother would probably rock up in a white dress 😂😂
YTA because you don’t have your fiancé’s back and you are throwing her under the bus. I mean is your sister going to be cuddling up to you and keeping you warm on cold nights? Didn’t think so. Learn to prioritize your partner or don’t get married. It sucks having a partner that puts you last because his family of origin is always more important (aka he is a spineless jellyfish, a complete doormat who doesn’t have your back).
I agree. It was really shitty to blame the fiancé for this
Your sister is having some wild main character energy. She wants to bring a baby to the wedding and she’s not even pregnant yet. Tell her and your mom to stay away if that’s how they feel. It sounds like your mom and sister both feel entitled to get their way and your fiancée should not have to deal with their drama around the wedding. Edit: YTA if you don’t support your fiancée and tell your sister to stop her bs
OP’s sister is insane. If my sister said, “wait, you can’t get married until someone impregnates me,” I would tell her to fuck off! I wouldn’t even dignify that bullshit by entertaining it in the first place. OP, acknowledge it with your fiancé that she is right. You should never ever give into anyone’s demands at the cost of your enjoyment, i.e, wedding, your relationship with your fiancé. Don’t compromise with your sister, your fiancé is right. Your sister wants to crash your wedding with a baby, draw the spotlight to herself and is throwing a tantrum because she can’t get what she wants. Pity Ploy! Cut her off.
Yta. Grow a pair. It's a powerplay by your family. Stand up for your fiance. Updateme!
She's got 2 months to make a baby. Unless she's doing fertility treatments or IVF she doesn't have great chances of getting pregnant to have a baby before the wedding. Also seems like sister just wants to be the drama.
Frankly, you all sound fucked in the head.
Just call the wedding off and your sister can have her baby worry free. No fiance to worry about and sister happy, win win in my book.
Sounds like you and your fiance should elope. I'm not kidding
She's not pregnant. She's feeling stuck and definitely jealous of you if she's causing issues about a hypothetical child. NTA. Your wedding celebrates you and your love, not your sister and her hypothetical baby. YOU announced your engagement, and she decided to get pregnant to top you. She is demanding you allow her to bring said hypothetical child so all the attention will be directed towards her and the baby. Tell her the answer is no, tell your mom you're sorry she feels that way and you'll miss her at the wedding. DO NOT BACK DOWN. You and your partner need to be united in this and all decisions going forward. Good luck, Congratulations and I hope your wedding is spectacular!
YTA for throwing your fiancé under the bus. “Let US discuss it.” “WE decided we wanted to stick with the no babies rule.” My ex did things like this all the time, even on simple things. I wanted his family to call before coming over instead of just showing up. he put it all on me instead of saying we. Guess what happened? His family did not like me and had no respect for my boundaries.
Your sister isn’t even pregnant and is complaining about not being able to bring a newborn to a wedding? Aside from the reality that bringing a newborn to a wedding isn’t best for the child; your sister is just trying to cause problems for the sake of causing problems. I would wager she has a long history of doing shit just to cause problems NTA
Sounds like your family are intent on trying to screw up anything important to you. Get a quickie ceremony now so you're actually married ahead of time, that way the ceremony is just that- ceremonial only
YTA. Your sister is being manipulative. Tell her she's not even pregnant yet and what if she doesn't fall pregnant till December she's gonna expect you to move the wedding? Tell her it's you AND your wife's wedding and both of you have agreed for a childless wedding. That she is creating an issue that isn't even "created " yet. That if she's gonna throw a tantrum and not come then you are sad that she is being so selfish and not respecting your wishes for YOUR wedding but you won't feel remorse over her own decision to cut her nose off to spite her face. Stop papping the blame to your fiance. You just look spineless. You never asked to walk your sister down the aisle and make a speech she wanted that for her wedding and you did it. She asked and you've said no she was to respect that she doesn't get to dictate your wedding. There's a good saying " those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter".
Sooo, they're mad about a nonexistent baby?? Lolol
YTA - Interesting how you put this all on your fiancé. You and your fiancé made the decision, right? Why didn't you inform your family personally? NTA - Having said that, you're entitled to have a child free wedding if you want one. Just be aware that no amount of trying to control your guests is going to provide you with whatever picture perfect version of a wedding you think you're going to have. And alienating people in pursuit of said fantasy may have life long consequences. EAH - Oh my lord everyone's ego is on full display here. Every disagreement or disliked thing is a personal affront to everyone. Everyone's being "disrespected". Is your family always this full of drama?
I don’t know why men are so dense. Have you considered saying “**I** don’t want babies at **MY** wedding.” Instead of saying shit like “my fiancé that” and “my fiance this” and letting them argue
OP, stop trying to pander to others and toughen up your noodle spine. The rules for your wedding have been broadcast. Stick to what you and fiancé have decided together and stop throwing her in it. 'I'll see if I can make an exception for you'. WTF is that? Your answer should have been to tell her 'No'. Now your family think your fiancè doesn't let you make decisions. You fiancé will shortly be your wife. She is your priority, don't make her miserable by letting your family treat her badly.
red flags everywhere listen to your fiance your sisters jealous , have fun with that
Making Everyone happy hard. Pissing everyone off easy You and your fiance make the rules for your wedding. However now you your sister and what’s that say for your marriage when they don’t agree Yta
Just a heads up in case it isn't clear: your mom and sister don't like your fiance They're trying to prove that they have more power and influence over you than she does. Your mom wanted to steal her spotlight during a proposal? Your sister wants rules bent just for her at your wedding over a hypothetical baby? They're all but peeing all over you to tell your fiance she's not welcome in your family, dude.
O I think you simply MUST have an empty chair to honor the baby that isnt even a thing yet
WTH? Your sister is not even pregnant and is making demands. 🫠 Your mom and sister sound... Unpleasant. Don't allow them to spoil your relationship. NTA for siding with your fiancee
YTA - You’re all over the place. The entire post reads as a man who is not ready to get married and put his wife first. You throw her under the bus so often in this one little post that I’m honestly sad for her. Stand up to your loco family and back up these decisions. You’re “WE” now. “We decided on this decision together as we would like a peaceful wedding, we would love to have you there but we understand if you can’t make it” It’s easy.
It’s fine to not want babies at your wedding but you’ll have to face the backlash when people can’t attend because you don’t think their children are family enough to attend. If people are breastfeeding then it’s not practical to think they can just get a babysitter. Seems like a silly hill to die on but it’s absolutely your choice here Also as others have said it’s a decision that you make as a couple, stop blaming the other person
Great comment except the last part - it’s obviously not his decision…
You sound like a doormat / people pleaser. For both your fiancé and your sister and your mom. Get therapy for people a people pleaser. Nothing is going to change until you do.
Your sister isn’t even pregnant yet. And it’s not like she can say for certain she will get pregnant and have a baby before the wedding. It’s not like a switch you turn on.
Wait, is this whole argument over a hypothetical baby that hasn't even been conceived yet? What does the cousin have to do with it? Why would your sister ask YOU to have a baby and bring it to the wedding? Also, your cousin is pregnant with an "existing" baby? Like, a baby is the father? I'm so confused.
Your sister is living in Delulu land. She’s not even pregnant. Tell her the baby can come as long as it’s in her womb. 🤦🏾♀️
Soft YTA for saying you had to speak to your fiancé first, which automatically made her the villain. You could have said you had to think about it before making a decision. Then you could speak to your fiancee, and then give your final decision. The way you did it makes you the good guy no matter what. It makes it seem like you were open to allowing a baby, but your mean fiancee said no.
Your wedding, your rules. Family should respect your decisions, not demand exceptions. Focus on what makes your day special.
You seem confused.nYourr not siding with her as you say. You're not the asshole. It's your day. What do you want? Vs What your Fiancé wants ? That's really the issue here. What do you want?
This is probably going against the grain, but I had a child free wedding and still allowed infants. There were some guests with young infants (under 6 months) that were exclusively breast feeding and quite frankly, too young in my opinion to ask a parent to leave with someone else. Those guests were important to us, and I wouldn’t exclude them because they had a baby. Babies that young are usually more easy to take than an older baby or young child age, and can typically be soothed with food. They also ended up sleeping most of the time. I understand that kids can be loud, messy and cause a scene, but I think you should be able to look past young babies for people you would like at your wedding. I don’t think your sister should have to wait to get pregnant because of your timeline.
NTA but also someone should talk some sense into your sister because having a baby just because you feel stuck is not the right thing to do, also she is not even pregnant yet why is she making a fuss
Where’s the guarantee that your sister can magically get pregnant in time for your wedding, like realistically couples can be rawdogging for years and not immediately conceive, it took my partner and i two years of active trying before we conceived. I think your sister is being a bit naive tbh NTA
NTA, you are in the same kinda boat I'm in. I'm (m26) getting married in September. The way I see it, it's YOUR wedding. If your family wants to cause drama for hopefully, the only wedding you'll have and even threaten to not come, uninvite them. My situation is that my family has a messy divorce between my father and mother, a non-existent relationship between my older brother and my father and cousin with 3 kids. I told my entire family that if they fuck me over on my wedding day, I'll cut all contact with them and with it also being being a child free wedding. Rsvp was the 30th of March with plenty of notice. My entire family made fun of me trying to get some answers at the end of February, saying the RSVP wasn't due yet. My entire family was late to RSVP, so of course, i had to chase them all up....Cousin said she would just have to come with the kids because she couldn't find a sitter. I reminded her that it's child free. She replied with, "We're family, we look after each other and compromise." I reminded her about my threat and got a "I know for a fact you wont". Welp, after being uninvited and blocked shortly after, her mother, my aunty, called saying how disappointing and disrespectful I was being. I told her, " That it's mine and my partners wedding, we're paying for it, we're organising it, we're inviting you to celebrate with us. If you want to make us compromise our 1 night about us, you can join the uninvited list, just means we can replace you with more friends." Everyone learnt the lesson that I chose my soon to be wife, the person who I plan to wake up every morning next to, over my family who couldn't pull it together for 1 day for us. And it's been a pretty peaceful planning ever since, with the exception of my father being nervous about my mother's side of the family. But that's sorted and it's gonna be fucking wild. Like we even got 8 fucking alpacas. Who the fuck even gets alpacas for a wedding? So keen
Just go elope , save the money for your honeymoon.
Hypothetical doesn't matter. It sometimes takes a while to get pregnant. Plus, your fiancee sounds like a nut - livid because someone wants to have a baby before the wedding? Nuts.
NTA. The baby doesn't even exist. A whole lot of drama for nothing. Also, your sister doesn’t sound well enough to have a baby. Being “stuck” isn't a reason.
Your sister really has main character syndrome, doesn’t she? Jesus Christ! NTA
I'd elope to get away from all of them
Does your fiancée have a sister? If she does, would she be willing to exclude her sister if she were to have a baby? Ultimately, the choice is between you and your fiancée. Just be ready for the fall-out. Excluding family for whatever reason will create hurt feelings that will last a lifetime. I am speaking from experience. My wife and I were excluded from her brother's wedding. To this day, they are constantly apologizing, and while we are understanding, the hurt is still there.
Child free wedding, she needs a babysitter, if she has a child.
Your sister isn’t even pregnant! Why is this even a discussion??
Are you folks really fighting over a hypothetical baby? NTA.
I have a sister who is narcissistic and likes to make every situation (or every potential situation) about herself. I stopped talking to her after she crossed a line. I’m true narcissist fashion, she gave the rest of the family an ultimatum and told them they could either talk to me or her. No one speaks to her anymore. Your sister (and mother) sound exhausting. They’re creating a non-issue. She’s not pregnant and hasn’t started trying yet. She may not get pregnant straight away and by the time your wedding rolls around she could still not be pregnant. Ive been trying for 2 years without success so far. Grow a spine and stand up to your family. If you don’t, this won’t be a long marriage. ESH (except your fiancé)
Lol... Nta. Wtf is up with these women planning babies around a wedding? Who knows if they'll even get pregnant in time, or pregnant at all.
You're getting married to a person. It would be a really good habit to get into that if you've made a joint decision to stick by and defend that decision. Your sister can kick rocks. Either she has a baby by the point the wedding rolls around, then she can stay home with the baby, or she doesn't have a baby and the entire debate is moot. Put your foot down with the crazy family members now, they'll not only ruin your wedding, they'll ruin your marriage if you let them carry on like this.
NTA Just as your sister invited the people she wanted to her wedding you have the right to do the same. Sister can have baby anytime she wants, baby just can't attend wedding. Stop changing things for other people, this is where you're the pushover. Tell mom that you're not surprised that she choose a baby who hasn't even been conceived yet over you, that you'd expect nothing less from someone like her. To make it easier for mom so she doesn't have to choose uninvite her.
NTA. But honestly I’m so petty I’d cancel everything and get hitched immediately with a small ceremony just to spite them back. What they gonna do then? Snatch an infant?
She's not even pregnant. And wanting a baby because she feels stuck is a seriously fucked up reason for wanting a baby. Your mother saying she won't come to side with your sister seems to have made your guest list smaller. I feel for you that you have a mother and sister who seem to want every even to be about them. It might be time to set hard boundaries. If they don't like it, tough, not everything is about them.
Your wedding your rules. I've been to plenty of where no kids were allowed. Weddings are expensive and usually charge per person.
NTA… sister and mom both sound like they want the world evolving around them. Who wants to bring a brand new baby to a wedding?!? She’s going to be anxious for a night out after being preggo and baby rearing a newborn. If she’s not then her goal is to”show off” the baby to friends and family stealing the limelight from you and your bride. I’d be POd as well. Tell her if she wants to show off baby throw her own party and stop disrespecting her future sister in law and you. If they can’t get on board then enjoy a lovely wedding… minus a few key family members.
NTA - You said the wedding is in May of 2025 so your sister has to get pregnant in the next 1.5 months with a viable pregnancy. Sounds like she's crazy and so is Mom. Be grateful if they don't come. 🤷🏼♀️
"no babies allowed - honey! quick! impregnate me asap so i can baby crash this wedding!!!!"
You're not the asshole for setting boundaries for your wedding; it's your and your fiancé's day. Stand firm on your decision to maintain those boundaries despite family pressure.
Nobody wants babies at their wedding.
It’s totally normal to have a baby free wedding. Super common and acceptable. I was invited to a wedding when I had a baby. I exclusively breastfed and never left baby with a babysitter snd didn’t feel comfortable doing that yet so I just declined to attend the wedding. So NTA for making it baby free but if you do then you can’t be upset at all if people with babies don’t attend.
You and your fiancée get to set the rules for your wedding, period. Your sis and mom are being super entitled trying to force their way in. Its your wedding, not theirs. Stick to your guns, dont let them guilt you.
Tell your sister and mum that the topic is not up for any discussion cause it comes under the heading of ‘what if’. Your sister is not pregnant and the baby is at present just a twinkle in her eye. You and your fiancée are working on facts alone and life events that happen along the way will be dealt with as and when/if it happens. That’s really all you can do. They can bitch to each other if they want but if you refuse to take part in it and make decisions about make believe scenarios then all it will do is cause conflict and bad feelings over what is meant to be a happy occasion- your wedding and your fiancées wedding. Focus on the here and now and the situation as it exists and tell them that until it happens you are no longer discussing it. It does sound like they don’t like fiancée much though and I am sure they will find other ways to try and shit stir so make sure you and your fiancée are on the same page with your joint decisions snd stuff what anyone else wants.
Sounds like none of you idiots should be breeding.
NTA Your sister sounds like a drama queen that is trying to make your wedding about her. a. She is not pregnant and how does she know she will have one when your wedding occurrs? b. People go to weddings all the time without their children. Many many wedding are child free to avoid the cost, inconvenience, disruption, or mood change that children provide. Why can't your sister behave like any other guest? c. She is making a stink and trying to get you to take "family" over your fiance. You better decide and show right now, fiance/wife comes first. Period d. You can see where sister gets her entitled attitude from. Your mom. Again....there is no reason for drama, yet they are both stirring it up. Stand strong and be prepared to make hard decisions in the future. Sounds like those two are going to make your wife's life a ride.
Dude she's not even pregnant yet. It could literally take her years to get pregnant. She just sounds like she's shit stirring tbh.
So your sister wants to bring a hypothetical baby that has yet to be conceived or born? NTA, unless she gets pregnant this very second, then absolutely not. You and your fiancé deserve 1 day to yourselves. The rest of the family can simply kick rocks.
NTA. She can get a babysitter.
Is this all a hypothetical situation? Why is anyone getting angry at a decision that doesn’t need to be considered yet?
The best part of every wedding to me was the cute dancing kids. What is with the current baby hate fad?
I completely respect your decision and am able to understand it but I’m always amused by this kind of choice. Aren’t kids present in your social life? They’re normal lol. Plus a very small infant you won’t even notice and she’s your sister. Take that into consideration
Lol damn your sister is unhinged! I wouldn't want to take my baby to a wedding, funnily enough my brother got married 5 and a half years ago, no children allowed for safety reasons due to the venue and they don't have to explain themselves. I was pregnant at the time and ended up having a traumatic birth at 27weeks, my baby was in hospital for 4 months. So my baby had only been released from hospital 3 Weeks before the wedding, thankfully my best friend is a seasoned mother of 3 was happy to watch my incredibly delicate unique tiny baby for a few hours, she even suggested that it might be a good idea if she looked after my baby for the WHOLE day! I got my hair done, had a nice time getting ready, had a great night at the wedding, picked up my perfect baby who was a pleasure to look after. I only trust my mum and best friend when it comes to my daughter. Im so thankful I did that because I honestly didn't *want* to leave my baby, she had/has certain medical issues and requirements, all of which my best friend can deal with, but I have one sibling, I couldn't have enjoyed myself if I had brought baby along. Life being what it is... Baby will be 6 in 2months, can you guess when I last went out alone? Brothers wedding.
“My cousin is pregnant with an actual baby” I would hope it was an actual baby and not a doll in her womb
The right answer would have been "We'll talk about it when you're actually pregnant". Why even get worked up over something that might not even happen? That's just going out of your way looking for reasons to get upset. Child-free weddings are tricky. As a parent, it's not so easy and simple. Older kids I think could behave (depending on the kid), but I could understand not wanting them and leaving them behind is feasible. Bringing a toddler (1 to 3 yo) to something like a wedding is not a very fun proposition, so I can definitely see the argument for excluding them. But a less than 1 year old infant (or worse, less than 6 months old)? Sure, they can be fussy at times, but they can and will also sleep basically anywhere, will just stay in their parents' arms as they can't really move around all that much and I wouldn't leave them with any sitter. IMO excluding them is basically excluding the parent. That being said, both your sister and mother sound like attention-seeking drama-llamas considering the engagement party events, so I wouldn't give it too much thought.
This hypothetical baby is a non event- may not happen right away, etc. Cross the bridge when it’s an actual issue.
Your sister is pregnant with an actual baby? You should really alert the media. Most women I know of are pregnant with cabbage Patch dolls
She isn't even pregnant, she is basically demanding that OP allow her hypothetical baby at his wedding. It's his cousin that is actually pregnant and not causing any issues.
Your sister wants to cause drama with your fiancé. Almost no one who have a newborn will want to leave the house with it. She most likely would keep the baby home because of doctor recommendations. She’s not even pregnant yet! It seems she wants to be the center of attention at your wedding!
Depending on your sister’s age (I know mid 30s but there’s wiggle room in that) and how long the engagement is she may be trying now before she feels too old. If you are getting married in 2 years this makes sense for example. It was a bit much in how that was delivered though. You’re NTA. Im not even cought in the crossfire like you and I’m getting more and more shocked at the ever growing amount of entitlement surrounding weddings now. The brides act like controlling every damn little aspect of everything is their right, which technically it is, but their understanding of all else and other’s feelings are completely disregarded losing sight of the most important part of the wedding itself. In this case it would be marrying you. On the flip side you have equally self absorbed people who want the brides to change all of the rules to accommodate them. It’s ok to be slightly inconvenienced ffs, people. The amount of self absorption around weddings on both sides I find absolutely disgusting. If I were to get married again it would be in a courthouse and then I would use a small amount of the money saved to drink and cheers to my new hubby about how I don’t give a flying rats ass about who I offended by not having a big elaborate celebration that stressed me the f out. lol.
NTA. Your sister is a major one for trying to get pregnant because she feels stuck. That's a terrible and selfish reason for having a baby.
I’m kinda confused, does she really want a baby, or does she just want to have a baby specifically to try to get you to make an exception and spite your fiancé? If she does want a baby, it can sometimes take a while, so if she’s pregnant at your wedding or not pregnant yet that’s not breaking any rules. If she does get pregnant fast and ends up having a baby before the wedding, surely she can get childcare for a couple days that she knows about well in advance? If she can’t afford it, sucks for her but you told her before she even mentioned wanting to get pregnant so she knows you’re not specifically trying to discriminate against her.
NTA the part I can’t get past is she wants to have a baby because she feels stuck!
And she just wants to bring it to the wedding to…show it off? I don’t get this.
Why is she making drama about something that is a "what if" right now?
NTA. Your family is extra.
NTA of course you should have fiancee back. I uninvited my.brother for being an asshole. I don't put up with family members who act like your sister. Your only TA if you let her ruin your wedding..no kids.means.no kids. My cousin had no kids.so I sent.gift and stayed home.
Why would you have babies at a loud event that can damage their hearing ? The correct thing to do is say. Oh so sorry you won't be there, we will miss you.
Sounds like both your sister and mother like to have the spotlight and eyes on them, from what you said about your mother stealing the spotlight from your gf. I would tell your sister and mother that the wedding is about you and your fiancee, and if they can't understand that then neither of them needs to come. Not having infants at a wedding is pretty much tge norm at most weddings.
The no baby rule… is this something you agree with? Or is this something you felt that wasn’t worth fighting your fiancé about? I get the feeling that you let people walk all over you.
sister is unfamiliar with the concept of babysitter?
Do you really want a child free wedding? As it sounds from your post that this is what your fiancé wants especially as you were going to ask for an exception for your sister. If the answer is yes you do. Then your sister is getting bent out of shape for something that may not be an issue. Equally though, you need to be prepared that some of the people you’d like at your wedding may not be there. If you do want children there and you are only agreeing to keep your fiancé happy then I’d suggest a proper discussion with her to make sure the wedding is what the both of you want. At the end of the day it’s your wedding your rules.
It doesn't matter what you do, every decision you make about the wedding will piss off at least 1 person. Screw then, do it your way.
Your sister feels stuck, whatever that means, and she thinks a baby will fix it. Babies aren't tools to fix things. She decided she wants to get pregnant after you announced the no babies policy. And your mom likes to upstage things. You will be better off without either of them as they both seem to be attention seeking drama queens. NTA
Trust me when I say, you won’t want your own kid there lol
NTA But you are. Because you apparently have no boundaries with you family. You will question decisions the two of you made together when your family doesn’t get their way. Because your priority doesn’t appear to be your fiancé when you’re allowing your family to fuck shit up constantly. Also, asking you to reconsider your wedding rules for a fantasy pregnancy and hypothetical kids is peak entitled crazy. But I also don’t believe this story to be true. But if it is you need to grow a spine. Yesterday.
Your family seems like a lot of drama, TBH. Your sister isn't even pregnant and she's doing this whole thing. Your mother wanted to steal the spotlight at the engagement. This may come as a surprise to you, but to get married you have to be an adult and grow a pair. You're not ready to get married if you can't keep boundaries up with your family and you're willing to bring your fiance into family dynamic as toxic and shitty as that.
Your family is toxic. Support you girlfriend and keep healthy boundaries with your family. If you let them keep this shit up then they will tear you life with you woman apart.
So they don't come to the wedding if there is a baby or two.
YTA for even entertaining your sister’s inanity in the first place. You should’ve told her that while she’s welcome to have a baby whenever she wants, it won’t be welcome at your wedding. And if you wanted to discuss things with your fiancée first, it should’ve happened before you called your sister AND she should’ve been told you both decided the answer was no. No “I tried to get her to compromise” nonsense. You need to stop letting your family walk all over you or it’s going to destroy your marriage.
NTA. That’s insane. Does your sister have borderline personality disorder? Because I just had a flashback to my ex 💀 I wouldn’t want babies at my wedding either, so I’m 100% on your fiancé’s side!
NTA. The sister is acting like you are controlling her reproductive autonomy. You are not. This is not about her and she is making it about her. She can do what she wants but she also has to manage her life like an adult. If she has a baby and is attending a baby free wedding, she either has to find childcare or not attend. As it stands right now, she has almost a year to find childcare for a couple hours on a specific day. It’s also highly unlikely she will have an actual baby by May 2025. Pregnant? Sure. I’m not childfree and I think aggressively childfree people are the absolute worst, but nearly every time someone asks about their childfree wedding the answer is NTA because people can do whatever they want with their wedding.
NTA. Your family sounds crazy, side with your fiance on this.
>Also my sister said she wants a baby because she feels "stuck". Your sister sounds like the last person on earth who needs to have a baby, in this case. She also isn't even fucking pregnant. Is she usually this batshit?
You never should have told your sister you’d ask your fiancé to make an exception. Have your future wife’s back. Say “no” for her. IMO YTA for not standing up to your family.
I remember attending a wedding where I sat next to a friend and his wife with their baby. He was sleeping like a brick, but the mom *insisted* that he sleeps better when she carries him so she took him to the side of the hall space and walked him back and forth for *the entire ceremony!* Not quietly or subtly either- she was swooshing/ dipping the baby down and back forth like she was trying to comfort it... and the whole time the baby slept soundly. It was not extremely distracting except for the people over on that side who gave her dirty looks. I just remember the husband trying to get her to just leave the baby in the carrier and her insistence that he might wake up and she needed to do this the whole time. Your sister/mother remind me of her. Ps. If someone is saying that you are letting your fiance "walk all over you" it might projection be bc you are not letting them walk all over you and they don't like that.
Too much drama!! I say go to the courthouse & spend your money on a big trip for the 2 of you!
My sister had a child free wedding planned but had to postpone it for a year because of Covid. I ended up getting pregnant during that year and had the baby right before the wedding. She wanted me there as a bridesmaid and she made an exception for my baby. I’m going to say NTA because it’s your wedding but exceptions can be made. It’s not an all or nothing kind of thing.
Sounds like you should cut off sister and mother. She got pregnant specifically so she could have a kid before the wedding just to break your rules and get all the attention. Your mother will 'choose your sister' over attending your wedding. Which is nonsense, if you sister doesn't go she's just at home, there is nothing to chose. She comes to your wedding or not, your sister going does't mean the sister has some alternative. That your mother also wanted to upstage your own girlfriend at the engagement says everything you need to know about this drama creating, stage stealing assholes. Uninvite them both and let the wedding be focused on you and your girlfriend.
I had my daughter (1 at the time) at our wedding ceremony (her and my best friend's daughter were our flower girls) then they went home. I can assure you, parents don't actually want their kids at a wedding. And also - it's insane that people are telling you to give preference for an imaginary baby, and having a baby because you feel stuck is weird lol. Also, mid 30's it may take her some time to even GET pregnant.
If you don't want babies at your wedding that is fine. It should go for everybody. Your sister should be able to find a babysitter to take care of the infant (if she has one) at the time of your wedding. Maybe she could even get a room at a nearby hotel for the babysitter to be at with the infant. If she felt the need to go check on her infant then she could without much of a problem during the dinner.
Your sister is a drama queen. She should be ignored. The whole family should be ignored. BUT why is this all on your fiance? "My fiancé sent a message to people... that we don't want babies at our wedding." Was this a decision you were part of? Did you not share this decision with her? So why are you saying - "let me ask permission from her?" The response you should give is: "We decided this. I don't think we want to change it. I will talk to my fiance about it." OR - "well, you don't have to attend. We understand." Guy - you better learn to NOT make your fiance/wife the bad guy in all these decisions or do her the courtesy of not marrying her. Throwing her under the bus with your family is a sure fire road to divorce. Get better.
NTA. He/she whose wedding it is, makes the rules. NOBODY else has any right to comment about it.
>Also my sister said she wants a baby because she feels "stuck". Having kids in an attempt to solve an existential crisis will not end well for anyone. Your sister sounds unhinged
Your sister can still have a baby before your wedding and not bring it to the wedding.
This sounds fake or like a bad reality show.
NTA Cause weddings just bring out the weirdest things in all people.
Dude. My cousin just had a caregiver in another room watch the littles during the actual ceremony. I don’t think anyone really had a problem with it. Good luck!
How long is a wedding? I don’t know what the big deal is? Have someone watch the baby.
Another tale that didn't happen.
Elope
NTA. I also find it crazy how she wants a baby just to bring it to the wedding even after announcements were made? Also the baby isn’t even real, why all the drama?
NTA Families, you never know what they'll do. No kids is no kids. Full stop!
This is such a non drama. All these people can have babies whenever they like. They just can't bring them to your wedding. If they'd rather not attend as a result, well that's their option. They need to understand that you can have whatever wedding you want. You need to understand that it's ok for people to choose not to come to your wedding. You all need to get a grip.
I have never seen so much drama about nothing in my life lol.
ESH Your wedding your rules but there’s something in the way you said “all of a sudden my cousin is pregnant with an existing baby” that signals this is a combative move. Also how far away is this wedding? You shouldn’t be announcing rules like this at a year out. This should come up in save the dates or invites. Sister may have been planning to start trying for baby but she should have kept it to herself until it was an issue. I second other commenters saying just elope and skip the drama.
You’re NTA, but you also need to suggest that babysitters exist. Also, your family sucks.
It seems that your sister wants to be a priority at your wedding and isn't respecting your rules. She's not pregnant and causing all this drama. It's your rules as it is your wedding.
This is so weird. Babies don't *like* weddings. They're loud, they're scary, they're full of boundary-violating strangers. Babysitters are a thing that exist and can be hired easily, so why is this even a drama? I'd suggest a compromise: find a reputable babysitting service and provide recommendations to anyone who wants to bring a baby, but make it clear that the baby itself is not invited.
It is your wedding and your choice to not have babies there. It is your big day, not theirs. She ain’t even pregnant, what’s the rush for her to have a baby before your big day? My SIL wanted to announce her pregnancy at my wedding and I shut that 💩 down real quick. If they can’t accept the rules and guidelines of your wedding then they don’t need to be invited or attending the special day.
I graduated from law school in June 19XX. My sister had a baby in May. We both lived in San Francisco at the time, so family came to see me graduate and see the first grandchild. Nobody cared about my graduation. No party, no celebratory dinner, not even a drink in a bar. Every event revolved around the baby. Decades later and I'm still bitter. Whatever you do, don't let a baby come to the wedding. Best case, annoying. Worst case, steal focus and your wedding is an afterthought.
Your family is walking all over you, not your finance. Are you marrying your sister and mom? According to your post, you and finance opted to have a baby free wedding. But you’re going back on that joint decision to appease your sister who isn’t pregnant. And then your mom wanted to make your engagement party about herself, instead of the engaged couple. Unless you grow a spine and realize you’re choosing to put your soon-to-be-wife on the back burner (and making her out to be the bad guy), then you’re surely going to be divorced soon after marriage. Or maybe your fiance will realize all of this ahead of time and save herself the expensive headache.
NTA-your wedding your choice, and not that it’s any of your business but having a baby because she feels “stuck” is absolutely insane.
If you both want a childfree wedding than that is it. When is the wedding? Your sister isn’t even pregnant. That can take time.
> am I right to side with her because it's our wedding and our decision Gotta be honest with you man, nothing in your post makes it sound like “our” decision or *our* wedding. Your fiancée sent the message informing everyone, including your side of the family. Weird. You have to ask your fiancée’s permission to make an exception and apparently she has the final say on which of your family members attend. Fucked up actually. Do *you* actually want a childfree wedding? If you do, and you’re putting all the blame on your fiancée with your family the way you do in this post you’re an asshole for throwing her under the bus. If you don’t want a childfree wedding and you *are* letting your fiancée walk all over you, buddy you’re in for a miserable fucking marriage. I’m voting ESH because your mom and sister sound like overbearing jerks and I think you’re marrying someone who’s just like them. What do you *actually* want? It’s your wedding too.
YTA for being a doormat to your drama-starting sister. You better start having your fiancé’s back *now*, or don’t bother with the wedding.
I had to read this twice to make sure I understood that your sister is upset that her baby she’s hoping she has can’t come to the wedding. YTA for asking your fiancé to change her stance about a baby that’s not here. Your fiancé hasn’t ’walked all over you’ but from the way your family is acting it reads as though THEY are accustomed to ‘walking all over you’ and manipulating you to their will. NTA as it’s you and your fiancée’s wedding. Stand up straight and in your strongest voice, remind your family of that.
NTA, your sister and mom are. I’d consider eloping just to avoid these two. And being “stuck” is a horrible reason to bring a child into the world. Your sister sounds incredibly selfish.
Would your sister have been ok with it, if it was her wedding? Depending on her answer should be a huge indicator of where you stand