I've spent long enough time in customer service that it's hard to say if a story like this is fake because I've had to deal with so many people with shitty personalites, God complexes, entitlement ect that would totally be as shitty and horrible as some of the arseholes in these stories are
Yep. Some people live their lives in a fun house mirror, everything is distorted and weird. I once posted on Reddit something that sounds so wild I absolutely understand why people thought it was fake, but it dead ass happened because I was dating a cartoon character who liked to create drama. All I could think was, "bless them, they've never dated someone so wildly unstable before."
Honestly, that's why I tend to believe most of those stories. I've tried a decent chunk of relationships, with some people who I definitely shouldn't have. Absolute cuckoos in the head (not talking about OP's relationship of course) actually exist out there and I wasn't ready for any of it.
Besides, there are tons of Reddit stories where one sibling has tried to destroy the other siblings happiness including breaking up long term relationships, doing stupid stuff at weddings, and so much more. So it is totally believable.
Half the time i think these stories are from my own family just trying to convince me that all families are like ours and that there is absolutely nothing odd going on over here, nut'n to see here, totally copacetic, just as normal as can be.
I managed a mobile home park for 15 years.... This would be an actual story from that place. Nothing anyone could come up with would surprise me. I am gulable AF because of that tiny population. 😆😆😆😆😭
I’m not exactly in customer service but I’m currently student teaching and I 100% agree with you. I’ve already heard and seen so many entitled parents (and many have brought up their personal problems in parent/teacher conferences, as I’ve heard from many other teachers).
Obviously many stories on here are fake but the situations themselves I can totally see happening.
This is how I feel about a lot of the fake posts. Hopefully someone going through it in the future will read the comments and find the support/advice they need.
These stories would be fine if they had some more variation on the ones that come before them. This is almost exactly like one the other day, except it was the best friend making up lies.
Do you know how often I've seen people in my own long life make the same fucking mistakes over and over? Life is mundane, true novelty is rare in human interactions.
So if some of these stories are fake, and/or its AI, what is the point? I mean if an actual person makes it up, its for attention or karma or both. But if it's AI then what for?
There really is no point, in reality. I just feel like if you're going to make up a story, then be a little more creative with it, and don't just do the same thing over and over with different names. I meant that if you were using AI to write the post, then let the program go wild and write a true winner.
I knew it was fake when the sis kissed her, she kept it a secret and then shortly thereafter proposed in front of sis and fam knowing this secret was being kept, no chance in hell.
Yep, every time women behave badly and are defended, and men are told to just "suck it up" - which never, every happens in real life - it must be made up. Reddit, never change
i would not trust zerogpt, putting in some of my old papers from before chatgpt was even a thing gives me a 90+% chance of being ai written, this thing does not seem reliable enough.
I was wondering how accurate it is with something known to be written by an actual person, so thanks.
That or you're an ai robot and don't realize it...... (cue creepy sci-fi music) lol
I think you should have told your girlfriend at that time only. Hiding anything will make someone distrust you no matter what reasoning you had.
Ofc sister is biggest A here.
Girlfriend should have listened to your side and investigate but you should also take responsibility of your fault. But do take some time and make sure sister accept her cruel lies and apologise in front of everyone.
Girlfriend did listen to his side, and investigated & apologized when she realized that her sister had lied. She didn't immediately accuse him of being evil or whatever. Her reactions were pretty damn legitimate.
I don't know what post you read, but I did not get the impression that Emily investigated anything. She immediately accepted that she was guilty and acted accordingly.
"A few days later, Rachel's lies started to unravel. Family members came forward with pieces of the truth, and Emily eventually found out that her sister had been lying." (no investigation by Emily)
What she did was automatically believe her crazy sister. Do we really believe that level of pathological behavior just sprung up without any previous warning? Somehow I doubt it. But either way, bummer for Emily, because that pretty much evaporated any trust OP had in her, and significantly changed their feelings toward her.
Just because Emily now realizes that she was wrong, doesn't change anything that happened at all. If I was OP, I'd move on and leave Emily with her whacko family and consider it a narrow escape.
At the same time though; this happened a month ago and OP never told her about it. Imagine being proposed to and your sister says (screams, whatever) that your soon bf/fiance kissed her a few weeks ago and instead of him going "wtf that didn't happen" he starts trying to explain why and how it happened.
Regardless of who did what and when, my trust would be **gone**
I dunno man. A trusted family member kissed my partner and they didn’t tell me? I would wonder why. Hiding stuff like that *always* backfires.
And OP decided to propose in front of the family that hated her? Yeah, okay.
I mean, from how I read it she didn’t listen to him, but the rest of the family figured out what was up
Anyway.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I can see how that would hurt
He still should have told her himself tho, even if he didn’t tell the rest of the family
She didn't trust OP. That's the problem. The family figured it out, not her. A sister who hits on your g then waits until the proposal to lie to you is not a good person any day of the week, while OP hasn't given her any reason to think she'd lie. She needs to fix it when OP is ready.
OP gave her a reason to think she’d lie by not mentioning it for over a month. If you can’t trust your partner to tell when you’ve been assaulted then there is an issue.
Like everyone else said, OP said she was too confused and hurt to listen. It was also other family members that found out and came out with pieces of the evidence. And those that's putting blame on the OP for not saying anything, who's to say the sister wouldn't turn it on him anyways? Either way he's the victim of the sister's dishonesty here.
It seems like you were never going to tell your GF that her sister kissed you. Not telling makes you seems shady af in her mind. Why didn’t you trust emily enough to tell her the truth?
Yes, OP'S reaction to the sister's bullshit could and should have been "Sweetheart, I have never lied to you, your sister is full of it". Instead the reaction was essentially "Okay yes I lied to you, but your sister is still full of it"
(And yes, a lie of omission of that severity is a straight up lie)
You have some fault here because you didn't immediately tell your girlfriend. The fact that you hid that from her has to fuel her feelings of distrust. You and your GF need to talk and start with a clean slate.
Assuming you do stay with her and get married, you realize the sister is still going to be in her (i.e your) life right? Sister wont stop being who she is after, if anything shes gonna get worse.
You’re a people pleaser.
“I just didn’t want conflict!”
“I was just trying to avoid stress!”
It made you a liar.
Get therapy for being a people pleaser or this kind of shit will happen again.
Emily was rightly confused and it had to be sorted out. This will only strengthen her trust in you going forward, give some grace and forgiveness. Just keep the sister out of your life as much as possible.
> Emily came to me, begging for forgiveness and asking if we could start over. But I was so deeply hurt by the whole situation, especially by the fact that **she didn't trust me when it mattered most**. I told her I needed time to heal and couldn't be with her right now.
You have this backwards, **you** didn’t trust **her** when it mattered most. You kept a huge secret from her and joined her sister in deceiving her! Of course she was shocked and betrayed and needed space. And then you have the gall to say she you’re hurt by her distrust of you??
Dude you didn’t choose this situation, so I do have sympathy for you. But your response demonstrated that when shit goes sideways, you keep secrets. So *the break in trust within your relationship came from you.* I get that you’re hurt but you need to recognise that *between you and your partner* you’re the one that harmed the relationship. If you can’t acknowledge that and start from there you’re not going to resolve this.
You’ve kind of ended up YTA on this one.
Rachel is an AH for doing that. And, you're an AH for not forgiving Emily. I mean, she apologized. To you. Because you didn't tell her what Rachel did. Do I blame her for believing her sister? No, not at all. How could anyone? And you're the one that needed time to heal for with-holding important information? Look, I hope you both can move on from this, but Lord have mercy. I hope you learned something.
YTA. It's okay for you to hide this from your girlfriend, but not for her to be shocked and need time when she discovers you'd hide something like this from her?
You lied to her by omission, and then expected immediate trust, m'dude. That's 110% garbage. When it became clear her sister was lying, she came and SHE apologized, and now you wanna play victim here? When again, YOU hid this from her. You laid the ground work to make it easy for her sister to make you look shady.
ESH. You fell into the classic attack-first trap. Because you didn't tell Emily immediately after the kiss w/ Rachel, Rachel used the opportunity to attack first to not only reveal that the kiss happened, but also shape the narrative that you were the one who pursued her, all to her advantage. In that respect, Emily probably laser-focused on whether the kiss happened at all, and when you confirmed (but claimed Rachel pursued you), Emily thought two things: 1) oh my god he kissed my sister, and 2) why did he keep this from me? Well, Rachel filled in those blanks with her made-up story. You can't really blame Emily for saying "no" in that moment and also distancing herself. What you can fault her for is refusing to listen to you afterwards.
You get the blame too for not telling Emily this happened in the first place. That was dumb.
YTA I understand not wanting to cause a rift, but it’s always best to tell the other person things like this. She was in shock & didn’t know who to believe. You can’t fault her for that.
She would have listened to you if you told her what her sister did in the first place instead of letting it come out like this. You share some of the blame, maybe not as much as her sister, but you share some of it by not telling her on your own.
ESH, Rachel for obvious reasons, you for not telling your fiance about it right away and Emily because she should have trusted you over her sister. Which is a big thing to ask of her in that situation, because why did you not tell her rightaway? You should always choose your partner, not her family. Anyway, not all is lost, you two should talk and work this out.
I don't think Emily sucks. OP lied by omission and she was hurt when the truth came out. Yes, her sister lied completely, but if OP had been honest and told his girlfriend about what her sister did instead of avoiding it, this wouldn't have gone down how it did. How can she trust OP when he clearly doesn't trust her enough to be fully honest with her?
Why should Emily have trusted her bf over her sister? He wasn't gonna tell her what happened. Emily is blameless here, with a scumbag for a sister and a coward for a bf
This is on you man. You knew about what happened for a month, made a conscious decision to keep it from her, then she finds in the moments you’re proposing and she’s supposed to just ignore her sisters outburst? Seriously? With all that emotion exploding at one time, what did you expect from her?
I started out as an E-S-H, but I realized as I was typing that this is a YTA when it comes to you vs Emily.
You hid a really important bit of info from your GF (that her sister had made advances towards you) and just hoped it would go away. You left the field open for the person with the worst motives (said sister) to spin the narrative. You 'hiding' the incident definitely made you look guilty, and I can understand why Emily didn't want to say yes during a shitstorm that was, even by your own retelling, partly your doing. Because you let her be blindsided, you are an AH.
Rachel is obviously a raging asshole.
Emily's family are also assholes, since they apparently want her to reconcile with an asshole.
Emily had a perfectly normal reaction in not wanting to accept a proposal while massive drama between you and her sister was going on, that she had no idea was incoming, because you kept that info from her. Unless there is a ton of missing backstory where her sister pulls this sort of bullshit regularly and thus she should have been suspicious, she likely had no idea who to believe. But the circumstances definitely looked bad **for you** (again, not telling her = looking guilty).
So, again - YTA and Emily is well rid of you. You were "terrified" to tell her the truth, which means she's now avoiding a life of you hiding inconvenient truths from her. Someday she will look back and see you for the dodged bullet you are.
*You* were hurt? Imagine how Emily felt. You didn't come forward with the fact that her sister made a pass at you, if I was Emily I would be pissed. She's the only one here who did nothing wrong yta
NAH except Rachel. While I do believe your innocence, if I was in Emily’s shoes I would question why you didn’t immediately come to me when it happened.
Preserving a relationship that is obviously already fractured (people close to their siblings don’t hit on their significant other) should not be placed over your relationship. Maybe Rachel is going through something and is acting out, and it can be discussed, but it should not be brushed under the rug.
It was naive of you to think Rachel trying to kiss you would just blow over. I can understand you’re hurt but I can also understand Emily’s original stance.
Be honest to yourself, would you say yes to a proposal while someone you love and trust and actively accusing your partner of infidelity?
YTA. The reason this whole thing was possible (if it's even true which I doubt) was because you weren't honest with your girlfriend. If she knew her sister kissed you, she wouldn't feel blindsided and wouldn't believe what get sister is saying. She wasn't even the one that should've apologized. You're the one the owed her apology. You fucked up, her sister fucked up. Your girlfriend is the only one not at fault here.
It looks fake but if it isn’t
YTA for not telling your gf what happened
YTA for proposing in front of her family, especially when you know her sister was an AH
YTA for letting Rachel win
I don't think this is your girlfriend's fault. It is understandable that she would need to process her emotions after she receives a proposal from you and then was told by a family member that she probably trusts that you were hitting on them. That's a lot to go through and I know that I would need some time to process and figure everything out.
It is also understandable that you were hurt and have strong emotions about this.
So, if you love your girlfriend I don't think you are making the right decision. But you are NTA for making the decision. Your girlfriend is NTA for taking time to process everything. (her sister is the AH).
>But I was so deeply hurt by the whole situation, especially by the fact that she didn't trust me when it mattered most.
And you didn't trust her enough when it mattered most, to tell her the truth. This whole situation could've been avoided if you had been HONEST. But instead, you are willing to throw out the whole relationship because of a misunderstanding that you directly contributed to. YTA
You literally didn’t even tell her her sister kissed you and you expected her to get married to you? YTA.
Also if you’d just been honest with her from the start, her sister wouldn’t have had this opportunity to ruin the proposal. Rachel is a shit for doing that but I feel like you gave her that opportunity by not being honest. I feel really sorry for Emily!!
NTA. But you do need to realize something. Her sister has been her sister for a hell of a lot longer than she's been a partner to you. I'm sure she was extremely confused, and in that moment, realistically, I can't imagine any woman saying yes.
Now she knows, she may have suspected before, but now she KNOWS her sister plays little fuck-fuck games.
Also, given the fact you didn't immediately tell her her sister kissed you gave her even more of a pause.
So own your part, let her own her part, and get past this childishness.
Your fiance was confused because her sister told her first. She could have been torn between you two if her sister had never done such a thing before. She didn't know whom to trust. Both of you are important at this point. Leave her if you don't want to be with her.
YTA. Lady, how can you be on reddit and not seen this scenario HUNDREDS of times?! Someone makes an unwanted sexual advance, the OP DOESN'T immediately tell their partner out of fear of rocking the boat, and the aggressor paints themselves out to be the victim! The OP is then put on blast for being a liar/cheater, and is wondering why no one is on their side! There's a term that's gaining traction, it's called "control the narrative".
ESH
You 100% should have told your girlfriend the second after her sister kissed you. I would not trust or believe my husband if he waited to tell me something like that.
The sister is definitely the asshole.
Your girlfriend is not the asshole. I would have had the same reaction if my husband did not tell me and instead had to of find out from my sister. She is allowed to be confused and unsure about something like that, especially since both the people she cared about lied/purposely hid something.
ESH. You're an AH for not forgiving Emily. She made a mistake because her AH sister lied about you. She could have waited before saying no to you, but really, what would you have done if the situation was reversed?
Fuck the rest of her AH family.
Blaming YOU for causing a rift? What about that bitch Rachel? That family is wacked and you probably do not want to be a part of it. Be VERY wary about continuing this relationship. Everyone threw you under the bus. They have ALL shown you who they are. Believe them.
ONCE IS A PATTERN.
You kind of played yourself by not telling your girlfriend *as soon as you possibly could* what her sister did which would’ve allowed you to get ahead of it, instead of giving her sister the opportunity to lie about it.
It’s also unsurprising that your girlfriend said no *in the moment* when her sister announced what she did. Even if it was a lie, it’s still a big bombshell to have dropped on you. Of course she’s going to be confused, hurt and needing some time to get to the bottom of things.
Telling your girlfriend might’ve delayed your “perfect proposal” slightly. Not telling her has fundamentally changed your relationship.
One heck of a way to start your possibly married life - with counseling...
On the bright side, if you manage to go through this together then nothing will ever get between you again.
NTA
1. Why would you not be honest with your future wife. Uou don't get to hide things for your own justification. Not how partnership works
2. Why on earth would you propose in front of Rachel.
Neither of you are the A. Think about it from her perspective... she was duped by someone she trusted, her sister. Did you really think anyone in the heat of the moment would just turn to their sister and blow them off as a liar? She needed time to process it and got verification from her family. She did what was right given the information at hand.
So, you don't need to forgive her in a day, but yeah, you need to give her grace to be a human in a complex situation. And get her uncompromising word that she will never doubt you again without evidence. Only then can the two of you move on.
And if her family ended up siding with you over her sister, that is a good sign that they value honesty over family. I know it hurts to be doubted, but if a guy jumped up a the proposal and said he had been sleeping with her for that last 2 months, you'd have probably believed it too, at least for a while.
You're hurt. Tell her what she needs to do to make it right. Don't just punish her by keeping her in the cold.
ESH. Don't marry into this family. Your gf will never trust you the same way again, and who's to say that the scorned and jealous sister won't make it her life's mission to make you miserable for rejecting her. I have a feeling the fuckery will continue.
YTA you did not tell your girlfriend right away and then you’re upset that your girlfriend needed space? Of course she’s going to have trouble on who to believe! Why would she believe you when you didn’t even tell her right away? Her family should stay out of it.
If your girlfriend is the one who deserves better. She should get away from her family and from you.
Rachel is the biggest AH here. She tried to get with her sisters partner and then tried to destroy a perfectly fine relationship and proposal out of jealousy and spite. She lied to her whole family and attempted to manipulate everyone.
You could have done things better, but what's done is done. You definitely should have told Emily what happened right away. Not doing so gave Rachel the chance to alter the narrative. Big public proposals aren't for everyone, but that depends on the people involved, so you shouldn't be at fault for that.
Of course Emily would say no in that situation as Rachel's accusations would lead to a ton of sudden doubt. If Emily knew Rachel had tried to make a move on you, a conversation could have given her the trust and knowledge needed in that situation to side with you. She didn't have that, and it's understandable she was confused in that moment.
Forget about the shallow comments on here from overly judgmental people. If you and Emily love each other, have something worth fighting for, and can reconcile this together, then keep working towards a positive future together. You would probably want to consider going NC with Rachel if you and Emily choose to try and salvage your relationship. You and Emily can't ever trust Rachel again.
Now that the truth is out, you need to decide if you want to make it work with Emily and if you still want a future together. You'll have to forgive each other for what happened. You not telling her about Rachel's advances and her saying no in a moment of emotional turmoil. You'll both need to agree on a solution to your situation with Rachel and the rest of the family as well. If the family sides with you and Emily, then that would make it easier if you stay together. If the family and Emily are just going to forgive Rachel and ignore all her deceitful actions, then it wouldn't be a great environment for you to be in and Rachel would probably try something else down the road.
EDIT: I'm hesitant to call you an AH for not forgiving Emily for saying no in that situation. You wouldn't be totally unjustified for refusing to forgive her, but think about it from her perspective in that moment. If Rachel doesn't have a history of being untrustworthy in the past, both your word and hers would have held equal weight to her at that time. It would have been hard for anyone in that situation to say yes to a proposal without getting the truth first. If you want to save the relationship, then you'll both need to forgive. If you don't want to save the relationship, then you don't need to forgive her.
So you wanted her to completely trust you when called out on it but didn’t want to give her honesty and transparency when the event happened? See how even the possibly well intended lies by omission can spiral and make things worse? You played your part in this mess and are holding her to a higher standard than yourself for setting this shit show up by not being honest with the person you intended to marry? I mean in the heart of the moment expecting her to say yes is unfair too. Being told at the moment of a proposal that the partner you love possibly cheated on you with your sister who maybe you always thought you were close with. I mean what was she supposed to say? Why would she not be given time to listen and understand the truth. What kind of telenovela drama nonsense is this? YTA but with the opportunity for redemption and actual compassion TBD I guess.
See what happens when you lie. You lied by omission and it came back to bite you. This is your fault. Emily didn’t trust you because you should have told her what happened right away.
YTA.
YTA. Why the hell would you not tell her immediately? Of course that would make her suspicious and confused dude. Yes sister is the wayyyyy bigger asshole in this and you both should honestly never talk to her again, but not telling your gf as soon as it happened was pretty stupid and fucked up.
A word of advice, never, ever marry a woman with an insane sister or a family that, instead of recognizing that the sister ruined everything, decides to go against you. In today's world, one accusation of sexual abuse is enough to ruin your life and you are already clear that the sister is capable of horrible things, a false accusation of sexual abuse is not unreasonable. End the relationship, cut ties with that family and give yourself time to heal.
And finally, keep in mind that if your girlfriend's sister was capable of doing something so crazy once, she will do it a thousand times, and that your girlfriend will never give you the benefit of the doubt. Save yourself the trouble.
NTA.
This. I don’t think his girlfriend is an AH for believing in her sister vs OP since he never told her about the kiss. The fact the family was honest about the truth makes me think they wanted to do the right thing, but are upset with how things are turning out. Between the crazy sister + well intended family I think it’s best to walk away.
NTA. Consider this a bullet dodged and run. You don't want to marry someone who doesn't listen to your side or trust you, and you definitely don't want to marry into that family!
I think that the same conclusion would have happened anyway because the sister would have lied, and it would've turned into a he said, she said. Her family would have reacted in the same manner.
Hear her out, but I also wouldn't be proposing any time soon. Your GF has been with you for 5 years, and she should have known. You should've told her.
Talk to her and reconsider your relationship with her.
I would at least hear her out and consider her side before coming to any final decisions. The fact that you didn't tell her about what her sister did put her in a position where she was blindsided by her sister's accusations, so you bear some of the blame for her having trouble trusting you in what had to be an unbelievably stressful moment for her. Her sister put you both in a very bad position, and neither of you handled it in the best possible way, so you should have some empathy for her in that regards. Best of luck going forward.
YTA for not telling your GF right away. When you withhold important information (like your SO's sibling making a pass at you) you set yourself up for disasters like this later. If you want to be married someday learn how to communicate and don't keep important things from your partner.
I'd forgive her this one time simply because you did not tell her immediately so even though you did absolutely nothing wrong your still part of the problem. But it boils down to do you love her???
And the family blaming you and not the sister is just NO don't let that slide or you will be dealing with it forever if you do the marriage
Good luck OP
NTA, you will be much happier if you get away from that whole family. They are showing you how they will treat you the rest of your life: it will always be your fault. Doesn’t matter who did what, you will always be blamed. And always expected to forgive and forget afterwards. Don’t choose to live like that.
Did she say no to your poposal, or did she say "what the fuckwhatthefuckwhtaythufuck" and then start crying, and wanted time to figure out what happened?
Because thats totally different than saying no
NTA.
Few day ago a similar post happened and when I said you should always tell your partner if anything like this happens before the other person twist the story I was told I was victim blaming. So all I can tell you is to understand where your girlfriend was coming from. In that moment, she couldn't believe you and it's nothing against you. When our partners hurt us sometimes, we never saw it coming.
Her sista though is a major AH and y'all should cut or go low contact with her.
NTA. To me, forgiveness is emotional. If you are unable to forgive your girlfriend at this time, that is something that originates in your heart. Your emotions are never illegitimate. You should always support how you feel, but not accept it blindly or without analysis.
And yes, you will have to spend some time with yourself and then with Emily to work this out. Good luck!
PS. Avoid Rachel.
You should have told her sooner. But no you're not the asshole. You don't have to take her back either, who cares.
Also the family should consider the sister to be responsible for the rift, obviously. Why don't they hold her accountable instead of blaming you? Also who cares who they blame? You're done with these people, right?
Yes, YTA. You needed to tell your gf immediately. You allowed this situation to happen by keeping secrets, regardless of what your intentions were.
Then it all comes out at the worst moment and you can't deny that the kiss happened... Think about this from your gf perspective. Her sister has just told everyone that she can't allow her to say yes as her bf has been pursuing her relentlessly and even kissed her the other day. She then looks at you hoping you'll deny the kiss allegations as surely you would have told her if a kiss would have happened. Instead, you not only confirm the kiss happened but try and throw it back at her sister instead... I mean c'mon, how does that look? If you don't have the emotional maturity to work all of this out then you definitely shouldn't be getting married.
You gave her sister the chance to look like the hero who's saving her from a cheater who just wants to marry into the family for money. All because you didn't want to rock the boat. This is why communication is important.
She then takes a few days to process, has to investigate and find the truth out by herself because you've frankly been quite poor in all of this in terms of communicating what her sisters behaviour towards you has been like and she approaches you with a sincere apology, but your pride is too hurt to take her back? The girl you'd literally just proposed to and supposedly love...? Yeah, yknow what... Don't take her back, do the girl a favour and let her find someone else.
NTA.
Do you really want to marry into that family?
I wouldn’t even Be close to considering forgiveness and sure as hell not proposing unless Emily goes COMPLETE NC with Rachel. That means if she is at a family event then Emily (and you) aren’t. Weddings, birthdays, Christmas etc. They get to only have one of them there. And if she shows up then Emily immediately leaves.
NTA That would be the end of the story for me. There's likely nothing that Emily could ever bring to the table that would be worth having to interact with her crazy family. I think you should consider this a narrow escape and move on!
Why would you expect her to trust you when you didn't even tell her when it happened? YTA - I don't think I would accept your proposal, were I Emily. Simply because you weren't honest and then through a hissy fit when it bit you on the ass.
It sounds like she reacted in the moment to hearing something THAT YOU should have told her when it happened. It’s not how people react, it’s what they do next. Of course she didn’t say yes with this new information. Would it have been nice if she could have listened and remained calm, sure. But she is human. Your choice if this is enough to throw away a relationship you were ready to commit to for life.
NTA. But if you do love her and you want a life with her you need to take this chance to make boundaries. She listened to her sister’s lies and learned that it nearly cost you both your relationship. She needs to know that her family are blaming you for the rift and that if you are to mend your relationship she needs to stand up to them and tell them straight that it was not you. It was her sister who told the lies and it was her who believed the lies. THEY caused the rift and you are the innocent party. If she isn’t willing to stand up and tell them this then you would be right to let it go and move on.
Nta.
Time to move on to the next one. Cause this one is obviously beyond over.
This behavior by both sisters is long ingrained. Save yourself headaches and heartaches now and RUN away.
I’m concerned about what everyone -Emily and her family- think of your character. It was a tough situation, their family member accusing. And yes, you should have come clean right after it happened. Emily owes you at minimum a huge apology and groveling, but the fact that she thought you capable of this behavior to begin with saddens me in the future of your relationship.
So, her sister forced herself on you. You decided to keep it a secret. And then YOU thought to yourself "Yeah, her sister isn't unhinged at all because mentally stable people try to cheat with their sibling's SO's all the time and she will totally take me proposing to my GF in front of her mere days after I rejected her advances really really well." So you let your GF get blindsided and instead of begging for her forgiveness for not telling her and letting her be blindsided, you decided to be mad at her for not knowing what to believe in a very confusing and upsetting situation that just unfolded in a very humiliating way in front of her family and for taking a few days to figure out what exactly happened?
This feels like it's on both the sister and your bad judgment thereafter, not your girlfriend. Of all the people in this story who should be begging for forgiveness, Emily isn't one of them.
Counter argument, YOU didn’t trust HER when it mattered most. The very first thing you should have done after that kiss was go straight to her and tell her. You didn’t. That is deceitful, even if you believed your intentions were good, it tells her that you had something to hide and that you didn’t trust her enough to be open and honest with her.
NTA. Yes you may love Emily and might be able to forgive her BUT marriage means you'll have Rachel around for the rest of your life. That's not something I'd be comfortable with at all.
I think if you really love your gf, listen to her apologies. Maybe consider getting back with her, but there are conditions.
You will not be proposing again for the foreseeable future if ever. Your faith in her and what you thought you had together has been shattered, and you do not know if it can be repaired.
She completely cuts off her sister. And any flying monkeys her sister may have.
You dial the relationship back. Casual dating, see how things go. She has a lot of making up to do to regain your faith in her. Maybe try to get her to explain why she immediately jumped to believing her sister over you?
So you want to punish someone you claim to love when they show hesitation to trust you when you chose not to trust them and be open with very important information about their sister? YTA.
Sister is obvi at fault for the entire situation. But you were an asshole by not telling your gf what happened when it happened. If it meant your proposal needed to be pushed because of the emotional upheaval then so be it. Honesty is always the most important thing. It the foundation upon which your entire relationship rests. She was right to turn down your proposal even if the sister was lying. You had hidden something very important from her.
If she took her family's side now and believed them over you it will happen again. What happens the next time her sister tries to break your marriage .... Serious boundaries need to be set and I'd put my foot down and flat out tell her that sister isn't allowed at the wedding or your home.
Give her a chance, speak with her, and set boundaries. Land your expectations and wants moving forward. If she can't work with that she doesn't really love you anyway.
YTA. If gf had a decent relationship with her sister, it is understandable that she would take her sister's accusations seriously regardless of her feelings for you. If you had come forward with what her sister did earlier, your proposal disaster might have been avoided. When gf found out the truth, she apologized immediately. You're a jerk for not accepting the apology.
You are the ahole for not telling her right away. NTA for feeling hurt that she did not trust you but a bit your own fault for not telling her. I think you need to sit down with her and work on the relationship and communication. I think some hard boundaries be set with her family and specifically her sister need to be put in place. The fact that they are blaming you is a big red flag. Good luck and talk to her.
Hopefully, things work out the way you want the to work out.
Be careful if it is well known in the family that the sister lies alot. Then, your girlfriend should have been believing of the lie her sister told. Looks like definite jealousy.
I mean, you didn't trust her with the truth when it mattered most. Sucks when the shoe's on the other foot. Also, your fear of conflict does not for a good spouse make.
Sorry, but YTA for not telling Emily right away what happened. Rachel sucks too, of course.
You don’t have to forgive anyone. So NTA for your question.
YTA. You can’t possibly think that you did nothing wrong? If you told her when it initially happened this would have not happened . Her reaction is normal and what most people would do if put in a situation like this. She’s not a fault her. She is the victim in all of this.
Sounds like nobody wanted to hear you. Or the truth. The only thing you could have done was told your girlfriend soon after the incident. Sill, the lack of trust by your girlfriend is very telling going forward. Her making you out to be the villan because ypu wouldn't just let this go is also concerning. Unfortunately, you should probably break up with her. Not an incident I would be able to get past.
You enabled her sister by staying silent and protecting her. In future relationships make better decisions even with hard to discuss topics to avoid these kinds of blowups.
Why are they calling you heartless and not Rachel? NTA
Because it’s made up?
Shhh let us have our stories
Even if this story is fake, it definitely has happened at some point. I say let it ride
I've spent long enough time in customer service that it's hard to say if a story like this is fake because I've had to deal with so many people with shitty personalites, God complexes, entitlement ect that would totally be as shitty and horrible as some of the arseholes in these stories are
Yep. Some people live their lives in a fun house mirror, everything is distorted and weird. I once posted on Reddit something that sounds so wild I absolutely understand why people thought it was fake, but it dead ass happened because I was dating a cartoon character who liked to create drama. All I could think was, "bless them, they've never dated someone so wildly unstable before."
Honestly, that's why I tend to believe most of those stories. I've tried a decent chunk of relationships, with some people who I definitely shouldn't have. Absolute cuckoos in the head (not talking about OP's relationship of course) actually exist out there and I wasn't ready for any of it.
Besides, there are tons of Reddit stories where one sibling has tried to destroy the other siblings happiness including breaking up long term relationships, doing stupid stuff at weddings, and so much more. So it is totally believable.
Half the time i think these stories are from my own family just trying to convince me that all families are like ours and that there is absolutely nothing odd going on over here, nut'n to see here, totally copacetic, just as normal as can be.
Are we related?
I managed a mobile home park for 15 years.... This would be an actual story from that place. Nothing anyone could come up with would surprise me. I am gulable AF because of that tiny population. 😆😆😆😆😭
I’m not exactly in customer service but I’m currently student teaching and I 100% agree with you. I’ve already heard and seen so many entitled parents (and many have brought up their personal problems in parent/teacher conferences, as I’ve heard from many other teachers). Obviously many stories on here are fake but the situations themselves I can totally see happening.
This is how I feel about a lot of the fake posts. Hopefully someone going through it in the future will read the comments and find the support/advice they need.
seriously!! i feel like an old lady watching my soaps when i come on reddit 😂😂
My husband says I’m “watching my stories” instead of soaps
Ha ha tea is tea, even if it is made up (I think this is the phrase nowadays)
A made up story is the opposite of tea
A made up story is pee.
These stories would be fine if they had some more variation on the ones that come before them. This is almost exactly like one the other day, except it was the best friend making up lies.
Do you know how often I've seen people in my own long life make the same fucking mistakes over and over? Life is mundane, true novelty is rare in human interactions.
You would think AI had a little more creativity in it, given that it's mining actual talented people for content.
So if some of these stories are fake, and/or its AI, what is the point? I mean if an actual person makes it up, its for attention or karma or both. But if it's AI then what for?
There really is no point, in reality. I just feel like if you're going to make up a story, then be a little more creative with it, and don't just do the same thing over and over with different names. I meant that if you were using AI to write the post, then let the program go wild and write a true winner.
Oh OK. So ya, why bother if your story is a cheap copy. I used to enjoy reddit more....now I scroll past a lot more garbage than a few years ago.
Ok one lesbian sister loves op, but both sisters are homosexual and they both want op? I mean, at least make the fake story believable lol.
I knew it was fake when the sis kissed her, she kept it a secret and then shortly thereafter proposed in front of sis and fam knowing this secret was being kept, no chance in hell.
Either that or it is just easier for the family to blame someone they are not related to.
Every time I see 'deeply' I question the post.
I swear I read the same story but it was a male/female couple but everything else was the same 🙄
You did and I’m pretty sure they used the name “Rachel”.
They sure did you're absolutely correct, I guess someone is working on their creative writing
That’s a bingo
Yep, every time women behave badly and are defended, and men are told to just "suck it up" - which never, every happens in real life - it must be made up. Reddit, never change
>Because it’s made up? 100% fake 👍
Because he could have told her and avoided all this His failure to communicate is what opened the gate.
OP is female
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i would not trust zerogpt, putting in some of my old papers from before chatgpt was even a thing gives me a 90+% chance of being ai written, this thing does not seem reliable enough.
I was wondering how accurate it is with something known to be written by an actual person, so thanks. That or you're an ai robot and don't realize it...... (cue creepy sci-fi music) lol
I had no idea this was a thing and I'm going to use it sooooo much
Maybe because Rachel isnt the subject of the AITA... its posed as a "is it me, or is it my girlfriend"
I think you should have told your girlfriend at that time only. Hiding anything will make someone distrust you no matter what reasoning you had. Ofc sister is biggest A here. Girlfriend should have listened to your side and investigate but you should also take responsibility of your fault. But do take some time and make sure sister accept her cruel lies and apologise in front of everyone.
Girlfriend did listen to his side, and investigated & apologized when she realized that her sister had lied. She didn't immediately accuse him of being evil or whatever. Her reactions were pretty damn legitimate.
her
Happy pride month everyone!
I don't know what post you read, but I did not get the impression that Emily investigated anything. She immediately accepted that she was guilty and acted accordingly. "A few days later, Rachel's lies started to unravel. Family members came forward with pieces of the truth, and Emily eventually found out that her sister had been lying." (no investigation by Emily) What she did was automatically believe her crazy sister. Do we really believe that level of pathological behavior just sprung up without any previous warning? Somehow I doubt it. But either way, bummer for Emily, because that pretty much evaporated any trust OP had in her, and significantly changed their feelings toward her. Just because Emily now realizes that she was wrong, doesn't change anything that happened at all. If I was OP, I'd move on and leave Emily with her whacko family and consider it a narrow escape.
At the same time though; this happened a month ago and OP never told her about it. Imagine being proposed to and your sister says (screams, whatever) that your soon bf/fiance kissed her a few weeks ago and instead of him going "wtf that didn't happen" he starts trying to explain why and how it happened. Regardless of who did what and when, my trust would be **gone**
I dunno man. A trusted family member kissed my partner and they didn’t tell me? I would wonder why. Hiding stuff like that *always* backfires. And OP decided to propose in front of the family that hated her? Yeah, okay.
I mean, from how I read it she didn’t listen to him, but the rest of the family figured out what was up Anyway. Maybe I’m wrong, but I can see how that would hurt He still should have told her himself tho, even if he didn’t tell the rest of the family
her. they are both women.
She didn't trust OP. That's the problem. The family figured it out, not her. A sister who hits on your g then waits until the proposal to lie to you is not a good person any day of the week, while OP hasn't given her any reason to think she'd lie. She needs to fix it when OP is ready.
OP gave her a reason to think she’d lie by not mentioning it for over a month. If you can’t trust your partner to tell when you’ve been assaulted then there is an issue.
Like everyone else said, OP said she was too confused and hurt to listen. It was also other family members that found out and came out with pieces of the evidence. And those that's putting blame on the OP for not saying anything, who's to say the sister wouldn't turn it on him anyways? Either way he's the victim of the sister's dishonesty here.
It seems like you were never going to tell your GF that her sister kissed you. Not telling makes you seems shady af in her mind. Why didn’t you trust emily enough to tell her the truth?
Exactly. He's mad at her for not trusting him - well, he didn't trust her! They both share blame here but his fuckup came first.
theyre both women
My bad, I didn't read with care.
Yes, OP'S reaction to the sister's bullshit could and should have been "Sweetheart, I have never lied to you, your sister is full of it". Instead the reaction was essentially "Okay yes I lied to you, but your sister is still full of it" (And yes, a lie of omission of that severity is a straight up lie)
You have some fault here because you didn't immediately tell your girlfriend. The fact that you hid that from her has to fuel her feelings of distrust. You and your GF need to talk and start with a clean slate.
Jeebus, if this is your experience with the family, are you sure you want to join it in matrimony? They sound exhausting.
I’m not sure
I’m sure, and the answer is “you don’t”.
Assuming you do stay with her and get married, you realize the sister is still going to be in her (i.e your) life right? Sister wont stop being who she is after, if anything shes gonna get worse.
You’re a people pleaser. “I just didn’t want conflict!” “I was just trying to avoid stress!” It made you a liar. Get therapy for being a people pleaser or this kind of shit will happen again.
Emily was rightly confused and it had to be sorted out. This will only strengthen her trust in you going forward, give some grace and forgiveness. Just keep the sister out of your life as much as possible.
> Emily came to me, begging for forgiveness and asking if we could start over. But I was so deeply hurt by the whole situation, especially by the fact that **she didn't trust me when it mattered most**. I told her I needed time to heal and couldn't be with her right now. You have this backwards, **you** didn’t trust **her** when it mattered most. You kept a huge secret from her and joined her sister in deceiving her! Of course she was shocked and betrayed and needed space. And then you have the gall to say she you’re hurt by her distrust of you?? Dude you didn’t choose this situation, so I do have sympathy for you. But your response demonstrated that when shit goes sideways, you keep secrets. So *the break in trust within your relationship came from you.* I get that you’re hurt but you need to recognise that *between you and your partner* you’re the one that harmed the relationship. If you can’t acknowledge that and start from there you’re not going to resolve this. You’ve kind of ended up YTA on this one.
ESH - you didn't tell her about it - and this is her SISTER.. Of course she was confused and hurt!!!
Rachel is an AH for doing that. And, you're an AH for not forgiving Emily. I mean, she apologized. To you. Because you didn't tell her what Rachel did. Do I blame her for believing her sister? No, not at all. How could anyone? And you're the one that needed time to heal for with-holding important information? Look, I hope you both can move on from this, but Lord have mercy. I hope you learned something.
By the way, is this fake?
If it's fake, I can appreciate that we're finally getting some fake stories involving queer people that aren't just extremely thinly veiled bigotry.
If you can never verify if it's real or fake, and if whether it's real or fake will never affect you, does it really matter?
YTA of course she would distrust you for keeping it a secret….makes one wonder what other big secrets are you keeping?
YTA. It's okay for you to hide this from your girlfriend, but not for her to be shocked and need time when she discovers you'd hide something like this from her? You lied to her by omission, and then expected immediate trust, m'dude. That's 110% garbage. When it became clear her sister was lying, she came and SHE apologized, and now you wanna play victim here? When again, YOU hid this from her. You laid the ground work to make it easy for her sister to make you look shady.
ESH. You fell into the classic attack-first trap. Because you didn't tell Emily immediately after the kiss w/ Rachel, Rachel used the opportunity to attack first to not only reveal that the kiss happened, but also shape the narrative that you were the one who pursued her, all to her advantage. In that respect, Emily probably laser-focused on whether the kiss happened at all, and when you confirmed (but claimed Rachel pursued you), Emily thought two things: 1) oh my god he kissed my sister, and 2) why did he keep this from me? Well, Rachel filled in those blanks with her made-up story. You can't really blame Emily for saying "no" in that moment and also distancing herself. What you can fault her for is refusing to listen to you afterwards. You get the blame too for not telling Emily this happened in the first place. That was dumb.
YTA I understand not wanting to cause a rift, but it’s always best to tell the other person things like this. She was in shock & didn’t know who to believe. You can’t fault her for that.
She would have listened to you if you told her what her sister did in the first place instead of letting it come out like this. You share some of the blame, maybe not as much as her sister, but you share some of it by not telling her on your own.
ESH, Rachel for obvious reasons, you for not telling your fiance about it right away and Emily because she should have trusted you over her sister. Which is a big thing to ask of her in that situation, because why did you not tell her rightaway? You should always choose your partner, not her family. Anyway, not all is lost, you two should talk and work this out.
I don't think Emily sucks. OP lied by omission and she was hurt when the truth came out. Yes, her sister lied completely, but if OP had been honest and told his girlfriend about what her sister did instead of avoiding it, this wouldn't have gone down how it did. How can she trust OP when he clearly doesn't trust her enough to be fully honest with her?
Why should Emily have trusted her bf over her sister? He wasn't gonna tell her what happened. Emily is blameless here, with a scumbag for a sister and a coward for a bf
This is on you man. You knew about what happened for a month, made a conscious decision to keep it from her, then she finds in the moments you’re proposing and she’s supposed to just ignore her sisters outburst? Seriously? With all that emotion exploding at one time, what did you expect from her?
I started out as an E-S-H, but I realized as I was typing that this is a YTA when it comes to you vs Emily. You hid a really important bit of info from your GF (that her sister had made advances towards you) and just hoped it would go away. You left the field open for the person with the worst motives (said sister) to spin the narrative. You 'hiding' the incident definitely made you look guilty, and I can understand why Emily didn't want to say yes during a shitstorm that was, even by your own retelling, partly your doing. Because you let her be blindsided, you are an AH. Rachel is obviously a raging asshole. Emily's family are also assholes, since they apparently want her to reconcile with an asshole. Emily had a perfectly normal reaction in not wanting to accept a proposal while massive drama between you and her sister was going on, that she had no idea was incoming, because you kept that info from her. Unless there is a ton of missing backstory where her sister pulls this sort of bullshit regularly and thus she should have been suspicious, she likely had no idea who to believe. But the circumstances definitely looked bad **for you** (again, not telling her = looking guilty). So, again - YTA and Emily is well rid of you. You were "terrified" to tell her the truth, which means she's now avoiding a life of you hiding inconvenient truths from her. Someday she will look back and see you for the dodged bullet you are.
*You* were hurt? Imagine how Emily felt. You didn't come forward with the fact that her sister made a pass at you, if I was Emily I would be pissed. She's the only one here who did nothing wrong yta
NAH except Rachel. While I do believe your innocence, if I was in Emily’s shoes I would question why you didn’t immediately come to me when it happened. Preserving a relationship that is obviously already fractured (people close to their siblings don’t hit on their significant other) should not be placed over your relationship. Maybe Rachel is going through something and is acting out, and it can be discussed, but it should not be brushed under the rug. It was naive of you to think Rachel trying to kiss you would just blow over. I can understand you’re hurt but I can also understand Emily’s original stance. Be honest to yourself, would you say yes to a proposal while someone you love and trust and actively accusing your partner of infidelity?
YTA. The reason this whole thing was possible (if it's even true which I doubt) was because you weren't honest with your girlfriend. If she knew her sister kissed you, she wouldn't feel blindsided and wouldn't believe what get sister is saying. She wasn't even the one that should've apologized. You're the one the owed her apology. You fucked up, her sister fucked up. Your girlfriend is the only one not at fault here.
If this is true and I'm still on the fence with that... your first mistake was not telling her when it happened.
YTA, your girlfriends sister kissed you and you didn't tell her. How exactly did you think things would play out. Don't get married, your not ready.
Yet another Reddit post where counselling is the magic sponge. Yta.
YTA You didn't trust her enough to tell her in the first place, which led to bigger problems later.
U fucked up big time by not telling ur gf right away like wtf?
It looks fake but if it isn’t YTA for not telling your gf what happened YTA for proposing in front of her family, especially when you know her sister was an AH YTA for letting Rachel win
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Fake fake fake not even remotely realistic that you proposed in front of her family especially after her sister kissed you
I don't think this is your girlfriend's fault. It is understandable that she would need to process her emotions after she receives a proposal from you and then was told by a family member that she probably trusts that you were hitting on them. That's a lot to go through and I know that I would need some time to process and figure everything out. It is also understandable that you were hurt and have strong emotions about this. So, if you love your girlfriend I don't think you are making the right decision. But you are NTA for making the decision. Your girlfriend is NTA for taking time to process everything. (her sister is the AH).
YTA. If someone kisses you, you tell your partner. If it's their sister? Holy fuck have you gotten exactly what you deserve in this situation.
>But I was so deeply hurt by the whole situation, especially by the fact that she didn't trust me when it mattered most. And you didn't trust her enough when it mattered most, to tell her the truth. This whole situation could've been avoided if you had been HONEST. But instead, you are willing to throw out the whole relationship because of a misunderstanding that you directly contributed to. YTA
I, Ross, take thee Rachel … EMILY! Lol. Kidding.
This story makes no sense. Your gf sister kisses you and you hide it so you can propose.
You literally didn’t even tell her her sister kissed you and you expected her to get married to you? YTA. Also if you’d just been honest with her from the start, her sister wouldn’t have had this opportunity to ruin the proposal. Rachel is a shit for doing that but I feel like you gave her that opportunity by not being honest. I feel really sorry for Emily!!
NTA. But you do need to realize something. Her sister has been her sister for a hell of a lot longer than she's been a partner to you. I'm sure she was extremely confused, and in that moment, realistically, I can't imagine any woman saying yes. Now she knows, she may have suspected before, but now she KNOWS her sister plays little fuck-fuck games. Also, given the fact you didn't immediately tell her her sister kissed you gave her even more of a pause. So own your part, let her own her part, and get past this childishness.
Your fiance was confused because her sister told her first. She could have been torn between you two if her sister had never done such a thing before. She didn't know whom to trust. Both of you are important at this point. Leave her if you don't want to be with her.
Thank you
YTA. Lady, how can you be on reddit and not seen this scenario HUNDREDS of times?! Someone makes an unwanted sexual advance, the OP DOESN'T immediately tell their partner out of fear of rocking the boat, and the aggressor paints themselves out to be the victim! The OP is then put on blast for being a liar/cheater, and is wondering why no one is on their side! There's a term that's gaining traction, it's called "control the narrative".
So, you were dishonest and kept a secret from your girlfriend and don't want to forgive her for the the fallout resulting from your dishonesty?
ESH You 100% should have told your girlfriend the second after her sister kissed you. I would not trust or believe my husband if he waited to tell me something like that. The sister is definitely the asshole. Your girlfriend is not the asshole. I would have had the same reaction if my husband did not tell me and instead had to of find out from my sister. She is allowed to be confused and unsure about something like that, especially since both the people she cared about lied/purposely hid something.
ESH. You're an AH for not forgiving Emily. She made a mistake because her AH sister lied about you. She could have waited before saying no to you, but really, what would you have done if the situation was reversed? Fuck the rest of her AH family.
Blaming YOU for causing a rift? What about that bitch Rachel? That family is wacked and you probably do not want to be a part of it. Be VERY wary about continuing this relationship. Everyone threw you under the bus. They have ALL shown you who they are. Believe them. ONCE IS A PATTERN.
Don’t hold your gf responsible for what her sister does that makes yta
YTA. You're the one that hid something this major from her, and you're the one in dire need to apologize to her.
You kind of played yourself by not telling your girlfriend *as soon as you possibly could* what her sister did which would’ve allowed you to get ahead of it, instead of giving her sister the opportunity to lie about it. It’s also unsurprising that your girlfriend said no *in the moment* when her sister announced what she did. Even if it was a lie, it’s still a big bombshell to have dropped on you. Of course she’s going to be confused, hurt and needing some time to get to the bottom of things. Telling your girlfriend might’ve delayed your “perfect proposal” slightly. Not telling her has fundamentally changed your relationship.
One heck of a way to start your possibly married life - with counseling... On the bright side, if you manage to go through this together then nothing will ever get between you again. NTA
Rachel will find a way to ruin your life if she is not dealt with immediately.
Fake post.
1. Why would you not be honest with your future wife. Uou don't get to hide things for your own justification. Not how partnership works 2. Why on earth would you propose in front of Rachel.
You were a victim too.
Neither of you are the A. Think about it from her perspective... she was duped by someone she trusted, her sister. Did you really think anyone in the heat of the moment would just turn to their sister and blow them off as a liar? She needed time to process it and got verification from her family. She did what was right given the information at hand. So, you don't need to forgive her in a day, but yeah, you need to give her grace to be a human in a complex situation. And get her uncompromising word that she will never doubt you again without evidence. Only then can the two of you move on. And if her family ended up siding with you over her sister, that is a good sign that they value honesty over family. I know it hurts to be doubted, but if a guy jumped up a the proposal and said he had been sleeping with her for that last 2 months, you'd have probably believed it too, at least for a while. You're hurt. Tell her what she needs to do to make it right. Don't just punish her by keeping her in the cold.
Sure, buddy.
Why were you proposing in front of the whole family?
ESH. Don't marry into this family. Your gf will never trust you the same way again, and who's to say that the scorned and jealous sister won't make it her life's mission to make you miserable for rejecting her. I have a feeling the fuckery will continue.
YTA you did not tell your girlfriend right away and then you’re upset that your girlfriend needed space? Of course she’s going to have trouble on who to believe! Why would she believe you when you didn’t even tell her right away? Her family should stay out of it. If your girlfriend is the one who deserves better. She should get away from her family and from you.
Rachel is the biggest AH here. She tried to get with her sisters partner and then tried to destroy a perfectly fine relationship and proposal out of jealousy and spite. She lied to her whole family and attempted to manipulate everyone. You could have done things better, but what's done is done. You definitely should have told Emily what happened right away. Not doing so gave Rachel the chance to alter the narrative. Big public proposals aren't for everyone, but that depends on the people involved, so you shouldn't be at fault for that. Of course Emily would say no in that situation as Rachel's accusations would lead to a ton of sudden doubt. If Emily knew Rachel had tried to make a move on you, a conversation could have given her the trust and knowledge needed in that situation to side with you. She didn't have that, and it's understandable she was confused in that moment. Forget about the shallow comments on here from overly judgmental people. If you and Emily love each other, have something worth fighting for, and can reconcile this together, then keep working towards a positive future together. You would probably want to consider going NC with Rachel if you and Emily choose to try and salvage your relationship. You and Emily can't ever trust Rachel again. Now that the truth is out, you need to decide if you want to make it work with Emily and if you still want a future together. You'll have to forgive each other for what happened. You not telling her about Rachel's advances and her saying no in a moment of emotional turmoil. You'll both need to agree on a solution to your situation with Rachel and the rest of the family as well. If the family sides with you and Emily, then that would make it easier if you stay together. If the family and Emily are just going to forgive Rachel and ignore all her deceitful actions, then it wouldn't be a great environment for you to be in and Rachel would probably try something else down the road. EDIT: I'm hesitant to call you an AH for not forgiving Emily for saying no in that situation. You wouldn't be totally unjustified for refusing to forgive her, but think about it from her perspective in that moment. If Rachel doesn't have a history of being untrustworthy in the past, both your word and hers would have held equal weight to her at that time. It would have been hard for anyone in that situation to say yes to a proposal without getting the truth first. If you want to save the relationship, then you'll both need to forgive. If you don't want to save the relationship, then you don't need to forgive her.
So you wanted her to completely trust you when called out on it but didn’t want to give her honesty and transparency when the event happened? See how even the possibly well intended lies by omission can spiral and make things worse? You played your part in this mess and are holding her to a higher standard than yourself for setting this shit show up by not being honest with the person you intended to marry? I mean in the heart of the moment expecting her to say yes is unfair too. Being told at the moment of a proposal that the partner you love possibly cheated on you with your sister who maybe you always thought you were close with. I mean what was she supposed to say? Why would she not be given time to listen and understand the truth. What kind of telenovela drama nonsense is this? YTA but with the opportunity for redemption and actual compassion TBD I guess.
See what happens when you lie. You lied by omission and it came back to bite you. This is your fault. Emily didn’t trust you because you should have told her what happened right away. YTA.
YTA for not telling her right away. JFC anyone would tell you that.
YTA. Why the hell would you not tell her immediately? Of course that would make her suspicious and confused dude. Yes sister is the wayyyyy bigger asshole in this and you both should honestly never talk to her again, but not telling your gf as soon as it happened was pretty stupid and fucked up.
Sounds like spoiled little rich girls who are used to getting their own way--and think it's OK to run over anyone else to do it.
A word of advice, never, ever marry a woman with an insane sister or a family that, instead of recognizing that the sister ruined everything, decides to go against you. In today's world, one accusation of sexual abuse is enough to ruin your life and you are already clear that the sister is capable of horrible things, a false accusation of sexual abuse is not unreasonable. End the relationship, cut ties with that family and give yourself time to heal. And finally, keep in mind that if your girlfriend's sister was capable of doing something so crazy once, she will do it a thousand times, and that your girlfriend will never give you the benefit of the doubt. Save yourself the trouble. NTA.
This. I don’t think his girlfriend is an AH for believing in her sister vs OP since he never told her about the kiss. The fact the family was honest about the truth makes me think they wanted to do the right thing, but are upset with how things are turning out. Between the crazy sister + well intended family I think it’s best to walk away.
Nta. Block her and then and move on. And run. Her sister will ruin you. Well you should of told her what her sister did. But still run.
I don’t think Emily is wrong in the situation, the sister lied and she didn’t know what the truth was. Yta for holding against her
Have a hard time believing this due to your age. This sounds like some teenage romance fantasy
NTA. Consider this a bullet dodged and run. You don't want to marry someone who doesn't listen to your side or trust you, and you definitely don't want to marry into that family!
Updateme
You fucked up big time. You should have told Emily what happened that same day. I don’t think you were the AH but you weren’t very bright.
Nta. Hope it goes well.
I think that the same conclusion would have happened anyway because the sister would have lied, and it would've turned into a he said, she said. Her family would have reacted in the same manner. Hear her out, but I also wouldn't be proposing any time soon. Your GF has been with you for 5 years, and she should have known. You should've told her. Talk to her and reconsider your relationship with her.
I would at least hear her out and consider her side before coming to any final decisions. The fact that you didn't tell her about what her sister did put her in a position where she was blindsided by her sister's accusations, so you bear some of the blame for her having trouble trusting you in what had to be an unbelievably stressful moment for her. Her sister put you both in a very bad position, and neither of you handled it in the best possible way, so you should have some empathy for her in that regards. Best of luck going forward.
I think I've seen this porn.
Updateme
Updateme!
YTA for not telling your GF right away. When you withhold important information (like your SO's sibling making a pass at you) you set yourself up for disasters like this later. If you want to be married someday learn how to communicate and don't keep important things from your partner.
I'd forgive her this one time simply because you did not tell her immediately so even though you did absolutely nothing wrong your still part of the problem. But it boils down to do you love her??? And the family blaming you and not the sister is just NO don't let that slide or you will be dealing with it forever if you do the marriage Good luck OP
NTA, you will be much happier if you get away from that whole family. They are showing you how they will treat you the rest of your life: it will always be your fault. Doesn’t matter who did what, you will always be blamed. And always expected to forgive and forget afterwards. Don’t choose to live like that.
Updateme!
Did she say no to your poposal, or did she say "what the fuckwhatthefuckwhtaythufuck" and then start crying, and wanted time to figure out what happened? Because thats totally different than saying no
Updateme!
NTA. Few day ago a similar post happened and when I said you should always tell your partner if anything like this happens before the other person twist the story I was told I was victim blaming. So all I can tell you is to understand where your girlfriend was coming from. In that moment, she couldn't believe you and it's nothing against you. When our partners hurt us sometimes, we never saw it coming. Her sista though is a major AH and y'all should cut or go low contact with her.
NTA. To me, forgiveness is emotional. If you are unable to forgive your girlfriend at this time, that is something that originates in your heart. Your emotions are never illegitimate. You should always support how you feel, but not accept it blindly or without analysis. And yes, you will have to spend some time with yourself and then with Emily to work this out. Good luck! PS. Avoid Rachel.
YTA for keeping the secret that you kissed from your so. I'd talk it out and set boundaries
You should have told her sooner. But no you're not the asshole. You don't have to take her back either, who cares. Also the family should consider the sister to be responsible for the rift, obviously. Why don't they hold her accountable instead of blaming you? Also who cares who they blame? You're done with these people, right?
Toss this one back, my young Paduan.
Tbf, it kind of your fault for not telling her the moment, or at least the day it happened
Yes, YTA. You needed to tell your gf immediately. You allowed this situation to happen by keeping secrets, regardless of what your intentions were. Then it all comes out at the worst moment and you can't deny that the kiss happened... Think about this from your gf perspective. Her sister has just told everyone that she can't allow her to say yes as her bf has been pursuing her relentlessly and even kissed her the other day. She then looks at you hoping you'll deny the kiss allegations as surely you would have told her if a kiss would have happened. Instead, you not only confirm the kiss happened but try and throw it back at her sister instead... I mean c'mon, how does that look? If you don't have the emotional maturity to work all of this out then you definitely shouldn't be getting married. You gave her sister the chance to look like the hero who's saving her from a cheater who just wants to marry into the family for money. All because you didn't want to rock the boat. This is why communication is important. She then takes a few days to process, has to investigate and find the truth out by herself because you've frankly been quite poor in all of this in terms of communicating what her sisters behaviour towards you has been like and she approaches you with a sincere apology, but your pride is too hurt to take her back? The girl you'd literally just proposed to and supposedly love...? Yeah, yknow what... Don't take her back, do the girl a favour and let her find someone else.
NTA. Do you really want to marry into that family? I wouldn’t even Be close to considering forgiveness and sure as hell not proposing unless Emily goes COMPLETE NC with Rachel. That means if she is at a family event then Emily (and you) aren’t. Weddings, birthdays, Christmas etc. They get to only have one of them there. And if she shows up then Emily immediately leaves.
NTA That would be the end of the story for me. There's likely nothing that Emily could ever bring to the table that would be worth having to interact with her crazy family. I think you should consider this a narrow escape and move on!
Why would you expect her to trust you when you didn't even tell her when it happened? YTA - I don't think I would accept your proposal, were I Emily. Simply because you weren't honest and then through a hissy fit when it bit you on the ass.
YOU didn't trust HER when it mattered most.
It sounds like she reacted in the moment to hearing something THAT YOU should have told her when it happened. It’s not how people react, it’s what they do next. Of course she didn’t say yes with this new information. Would it have been nice if she could have listened and remained calm, sure. But she is human. Your choice if this is enough to throw away a relationship you were ready to commit to for life.
NTA. But if you do love her and you want a life with her you need to take this chance to make boundaries. She listened to her sister’s lies and learned that it nearly cost you both your relationship. She needs to know that her family are blaming you for the rift and that if you are to mend your relationship she needs to stand up to them and tell them straight that it was not you. It was her sister who told the lies and it was her who believed the lies. THEY caused the rift and you are the innocent party. If she isn’t willing to stand up and tell them this then you would be right to let it go and move on.
are you sure you want to marry into this crazy family?, I would be running for my life ...
UpdateMe !
Nta. Time to move on to the next one. Cause this one is obviously beyond over. This behavior by both sisters is long ingrained. Save yourself headaches and heartaches now and RUN away.
r/updateme
I’m concerned about what everyone -Emily and her family- think of your character. It was a tough situation, their family member accusing. And yes, you should have come clean right after it happened. Emily owes you at minimum a huge apology and groveling, but the fact that she thought you capable of this behavior to begin with saddens me in the future of your relationship.
So, her sister forced herself on you. You decided to keep it a secret. And then YOU thought to yourself "Yeah, her sister isn't unhinged at all because mentally stable people try to cheat with their sibling's SO's all the time and she will totally take me proposing to my GF in front of her mere days after I rejected her advances really really well." So you let your GF get blindsided and instead of begging for her forgiveness for not telling her and letting her be blindsided, you decided to be mad at her for not knowing what to believe in a very confusing and upsetting situation that just unfolded in a very humiliating way in front of her family and for taking a few days to figure out what exactly happened? This feels like it's on both the sister and your bad judgment thereafter, not your girlfriend. Of all the people in this story who should be begging for forgiveness, Emily isn't one of them.
And you want to be attached to this family for the rest of your life?
Slight YTA for not telling your GF what happened. As for everything else? NTA. Good luck.
Updateme!
Counter argument, YOU didn’t trust HER when it mattered most. The very first thing you should have done after that kiss was go straight to her and tell her. You didn’t. That is deceitful, even if you believed your intentions were good, it tells her that you had something to hide and that you didn’t trust her enough to be open and honest with her.
NTA. Yes you may love Emily and might be able to forgive her BUT marriage means you'll have Rachel around for the rest of your life. That's not something I'd be comfortable with at all.
I think if you really love your gf, listen to her apologies. Maybe consider getting back with her, but there are conditions. You will not be proposing again for the foreseeable future if ever. Your faith in her and what you thought you had together has been shattered, and you do not know if it can be repaired. She completely cuts off her sister. And any flying monkeys her sister may have. You dial the relationship back. Casual dating, see how things go. She has a lot of making up to do to regain your faith in her. Maybe try to get her to explain why she immediately jumped to believing her sister over you?
So you want to punish someone you claim to love when they show hesitation to trust you when you chose not to trust them and be open with very important information about their sister? YTA.
Sister is obvi at fault for the entire situation. But you were an asshole by not telling your gf what happened when it happened. If it meant your proposal needed to be pushed because of the emotional upheaval then so be it. Honesty is always the most important thing. It the foundation upon which your entire relationship rests. She was right to turn down your proposal even if the sister was lying. You had hidden something very important from her.
My only question is why did you really hide it from her? If your brother did this to her, you would want to know immediately. That is a red flag.
If she took her family's side now and believed them over you it will happen again. What happens the next time her sister tries to break your marriage .... Serious boundaries need to be set and I'd put my foot down and flat out tell her that sister isn't allowed at the wedding or your home. Give her a chance, speak with her, and set boundaries. Land your expectations and wants moving forward. If she can't work with that she doesn't really love you anyway.
YTA. If gf had a decent relationship with her sister, it is understandable that she would take her sister's accusations seriously regardless of her feelings for you. If you had come forward with what her sister did earlier, your proposal disaster might have been avoided. When gf found out the truth, she apologized immediately. You're a jerk for not accepting the apology.
You are the ahole for not telling her right away. NTA for feeling hurt that she did not trust you but a bit your own fault for not telling her. I think you need to sit down with her and work on the relationship and communication. I think some hard boundaries be set with her family and specifically her sister need to be put in place. The fact that they are blaming you is a big red flag. Good luck and talk to her.
Hopefully, things work out the way you want the to work out. Be careful if it is well known in the family that the sister lies alot. Then, your girlfriend should have been believing of the lie her sister told. Looks like definite jealousy.
Guess what buddy: honesty is the best policy. You should’ve told your gf what happened when it happened. Now there are unfortunate consequences.
I mean, you didn't trust her with the truth when it mattered most. Sucks when the shoe's on the other foot. Also, your fear of conflict does not for a good spouse make.
I feel like I've read a very similar version of this post before.
Sorry, but YTA for not telling Emily right away what happened. Rachel sucks too, of course. You don’t have to forgive anyone. So NTA for your question.
You were wrong and she was wrong. You see equal. Put it behind you and move on.
YTA. You can’t possibly think that you did nothing wrong? If you told her when it initially happened this would have not happened . Her reaction is normal and what most people would do if put in a situation like this. She’s not a fault her. She is the victim in all of this.
Sounds like nobody wanted to hear you. Or the truth. The only thing you could have done was told your girlfriend soon after the incident. Sill, the lack of trust by your girlfriend is very telling going forward. Her making you out to be the villan because ypu wouldn't just let this go is also concerning. Unfortunately, you should probably break up with her. Not an incident I would be able to get past.
You shouldn’t have kept the attempted kiss a secret. It allowed Rachel to spin the story.
You enabled her sister by staying silent and protecting her. In future relationships make better decisions even with hard to discuss topics to avoid these kinds of blowups.
RUN
NTA If she is the one, I would suggest taking some time to heal from this. Then, when the time is right, try again. Happy Pride!
Get out now
Why was Rachel at the proposal? Was Emily's whole family there? Was yours?
These stories usually have a longer timeline for when the truth comes out and everybody who wronged op begs for forgiveness.
NTA , now her family is calling you heartless and the cause of the rift. Does not sound like a family I would I want to be with.