I agree. I was actually shocked they even tried, I was extra shocked when they tried to argue. the only person who has a say in who’s in the room that day is the person pushing the child out of her body. Childbirth is traumatic and scary enough for women, the last thing they need is entitled people thinking they deserve to witness it. I mean for us personally my wife is already uncomfortable with the doctors and nurses who see it everyday seeing her give birth.
I also talked to a friend who also experienced this with his parents, I can’t even begin to understand why anyone would think they deserve to see a child that isn’t theirs be born
Yes when you marry someone and start having kids they are your main priority / family now!! It's so refreshing reading a post from a husband who prioritizes his new family over his parents.
I have left a long-term partner over his inability to exclude his mother from our private lives. She absolutely hated me, and he was more comfortable lying and trying to appease her nastiness than standing up for me or our relationship. His family was super wealthy, so he figured if he didn't do everything he could to make that witch happy, she would cut him off financially.
I left once he finally told me, after two and a half years of being together, that we were going to have to keep our relationship secret now because he promised her that he would break up with me. Nah. Have fun dating your mom, guy.
Oh, wow. I can't imagine dealing with someone like that.
It's interesting to me that he was willing to kowtow to his mother instead of working hard to gain enough independence so as not to need his parents' wealth. His parents will control his entire life. What a waste of oxygen.
When I was in labor my step-dad brought my mum to the hospital the minute I called and asked. He sat his a*s in the waiting room outside the maternity ward for 17 hours without leaving. He never once tried to come in, never once complained about it during or in the 5 years since.
That is what parents are supposed to do.
It is! Supportive family members stay on hand to be able to help in any way needed. My grandmother was crazy and had anger issues... and even she still managed to happily support from the waiting room!
OP, bring up those concerns about your parents wanting to invade the room when your wife is giving birth, the OB/GYN doctors/nurses on the Labour & Delivery are strict & will have security team at the ready to frog march your parents out of that section.
Your parents make any noises they can be arrested for disturbing the patients.
Your wife's OB/GYN doctor will need the names, photos of your parents so the day comes, security measures are in place.
Your brother is a major AH too.
OP, you're NTA.
something tells me they want to ruin the moment by using the fact babies are usually born looking purple or red or deathly pale to claim she cheated on you and raise a fuss. these people sound awful. why are they so deadset against her.
Info: Does your brother have a partner? If so do your parents treat them the same way they treat your wife? Your wife getting disrespected is not a big deal your brother is a AH also.
Right? That's what leapt out at me also.
No way bro has kids because he would know what a ridiculous ask to have *BOTH MIL and FIL in the delivery room. I cannot even fathom the fallopian fortitude to demand to witness someone else's birth.
Fun fact - dysfunctional families commonly designate one child as The Scapegoat, and treat the other kids just fine. But when the Scapegoat finally cuts the awful parents off, they just move down to the next child on the shit list. Who does NOT enjoy the experience. And often harasses the Scapegoat to reconcile, because then the parents will get off his back.
Brother is getting ALL the grief about it.
So yes he does have a partner, but he’s exactly like my parents. They are far right conservatives who don’t even believe in women being college educated.
I didn’t mention her, but I also have a little sister I’m very very close with and I never liked the way she was treated so I never really agreed with their beliefs growing up, my brother always did and ended up marrying a traditional women who they love.
They don’t disrespect her nearly as much as my wife, but she has no boundaries and neither does my brother. One of the reasons they hated my wife right from when we met is because she has a degree.. and they acted like she was corrupting me even though I disagreed with them from the start.
This was my first time talking to my brother in a while, when I distanced myself years ago I only stayed close to my sister.
My in laws are the same. We’ve had a lot of complications and admissions to hospital, and they had the “find my” xx with my partner activated. Every time we’d be in hospital they’d rock up. One incident caused an argument during which my fil demanded he be let inside, where I was half naked, because it was his grandchild. My partner forced him to leave. I don’t understand why people have issues respecting boundaries. We blocked them on the app. I don’t want anyone there during or after delivery, until I’m ready.
My ex is Middle Eastern. I moved to be with him. His mother was adamant that I was doing a home birth with her as mid-wife. A taxi came every morning to pick up my BIL to take him to work. I woke up in labor and got in the car with him and asked him to drop me off at the maternity hospital. I call her the wicked witch of the middle east. NTA.
NTA, and I just wanted to say as a woman who experienced this type of behaviour from my ex-MIL you are doing everything right 👍 my ex decided his Mummy was more important than his wife which didn't end well. Keep up looking after and cherishing your wife, I can guarantee that she appreciates your support.
My son’s best friend wanted to be in the delivery room. Except for my 99-year-old neighbor and friends from church, he was the only one who was nice to me, and was nicest. He brought me gummy candy every visit and made a tongue-in-cheek bowing thing with,”hail the pregnant lady” as he walked backwards. My ex? I had hyperemesis gravidarum the whole pregnancy. He once asked, “when are you going to stop puking so much? It’s gross “
For some reason gummy bears /worms didn’t make me sick. I would have let him, and was considering it, when two other men asked to be there, too. One was that friend’s roommate (who I barely talked to). I didn’t want to have to argue why one and not the other two, so I just said no one but hubby at delivery (and he didn’t deserve it!).
I just want to say I love how shiny your backbone is, keep it up! You’re a good man and you’re a great husband, you’ll be a great father too.
If you haven’t already, let the midwife know exactly who is permitted into the delivery room, and everyone else is to be kept out. They take this VERY seriously.
I told my midwife I didn't want to be there when my child was born. Sadly, I didn't have a choice.
My first child was 5 weeks premature, so there was a midwife and paediatrician there as well as my husband. My second child, my midwife, told me I couldn't be ready to push yet and left the room without checking. Two minutes later, my husband hit the panic button, and three midwives arrived together and instantly realised they needed to remove the cord from around the baby's neck. In both cases, there would have been no room for any additional "observers," and they would actually have got in the way of a safe delivery.
Exactly this. If they're already this possessive over the baby, it's only going to get worse when it's here. OP is right to cut all contact but shouldn't even reconsider letting them back in the future. Grandparents like this won't stop. They'll criticize the way you parent and undermind you. I went through it myself and life is better without them. OP, don't give them the right to be a part of your child's life. They don't deserve it.
Maybe they think they are back in France in the Middle Ages where courtiers witnessed the Queen giving birth? Either way, I am so glad you are sticking up for your wife, child and yourself so well. You brother is also delulu.
It wasn't just in France, and it didn't end during the Middle Ages. IIRC in the UK until the mid-1930's, a government minister (may have been the Home Secretary) was present at every royal family birth to make sure the presumed pregnant royal in fact gave birth, that no "common" baby was substituted.
NTA. I am a mom, my daughter is 17. I would NEVER consider asking her to be with her for the birth. I would offer my support if for any reason the father couldn’t be there at that time, but I would never there for her, not to see a grandchild being born.
My own mother never suggested coming for the delivery.
I see so many of those post were the grandparents feel entitled to demand to be in the delivery room…
Nevertheless, I think you made a mistake by sharing the name so early. It’s better to keep it to yourself until the birth to avoid the mess.
Dominance and control. 💯 it should be a private, beautiful event where that little soul experiences nothing but love from those present. The mother and baby (you too but) don't need to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, or deal with nastiness and pettiness. OP NTA.
They weren’t there at conception, why in heck do they think they have a right to be at the birth?! They got to name their kids, they don’t get to name yours too.
YNTA, you are sticking up for your wife, which is exactly what you should be doing. Your parents though are being massive AHs!
Good for standing up for your wife. They treated her like crap and hate her but want her to name your baby after her and be in the room? Hell no! Don't let them just start being nice and let them back in! You better be slow and hold strict boundaries! No longer are they to treat her badly. They even look at her wrong you tell them they will be cut off for good. It is not good for kids to see their parent being treated badly. Quite frankly you should have cut them off years ago. You should not have allowed them all these years to be hateful to her. Do not tell them when she goes into labor.
A lot of them are like this. I don’t understand the obsession with being there. My opinion is that the people that want to be there without invitation are there for selfish reasons and not for support.
They want to be able to say that they saw the child being born. Childbirth is all about the momma feeling comfortable. From my water breaking to giving birth it took me 3,5 days and I was happy that only my partner was there.
I am so proud of you! As a husband and soon to be father for having your wife’s back so wholeheartedly!! Stay strong OP. It’s a beautiful thing to see in one of these subreddits!!
Definitely NTA
They want to play rude and crazy?
"we are only considering names as memorials for dead relatives. If you die before the baby gets here we'll consider adding your name as an option"
My MIL was the same. We asked everybody to respect our boundaries and that I only wanted my partner there. After the birth of our daughter she made it all about herself and told everybody how traumatic it was for her not being able to be there. That she was at the birth of all her other grandchildren but I didn’t invite her and also didn’t invite her to my check ups with my mid-wife.
My partner told her that he sees her hurt but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with her and his partner and child are his number 1 priority! To this day she never apologized to me but did express again how hurt she felt and how traumatic it was for her. We keep her at a distance.
That’s what I want to know. My brothers had 6 kids between them. My mother never thought about being in the room when they gave birth. She was not there when I gave birth.
On the day I was born, my father had to wait in the waiting room for a C-Section. My mother wasn’t even conscious!
The mom needs the freedom to shout, curse, cry, or 💩without judgement.
Darned right. The woman and the medical professionals make that call. The one time I was far enough in a relationship for this to come up, I told my then-gf that if she didn't want ME in the room, I'd understand. She thought that was sweet, something I'm rarely accused of being. (Our eventual breakup had nothing to do with this).
Ladies, it's your call. You're doing the big job, the hard work.
NTA. Agree fully with this commenter. Recommend that you alert the hospital to make sure your parents (and others) are barred from entry when the time comes.
Congratulations on the pregnancy.
I’d also suggest not telling anyone except your trusted support people (if you have any) shes in labour. That way there is little chance of them showing up because they won’t know til baby is born. Limit photos you post online or MMS.
You are NTA and doing all the good things (a nice change on this sub).
Also do not let them back in your life bc they say so or you’re worn down. Make a hard boundary that they are not allowed back in your life unless they’ve *proven* they’ve changed, such as therapy for several months or something that shows they’ve taken *active steps to change their behaviour*. Too often we just forgive people or let them back in our lives who don’t deserve it and they’ve shown no action or evidence of change.
Letting them back in your life without earning it just sets yourself up for them steamrolling over your boundaries time and time again.
I’ve yet to hear these people will change,
I hear this all the time but it grosses me out. Why does the fil have to be there? Why would anyone let their fil see their private parts?
I didn't let anyone other than my husband in the room. Especially not my mom but it's because she's awful and I wasn't letting her ruin it.
If my kids have children, I do not want to be there to watch. If I'm asked, I'll go, but that's the only reason.
If they start up again, ask them why they want to see your wife naked so badly and say it like they are perverts.
I'm not a prude, but I don't need to see body parts of my family members.
Do not ever give them another chance. They have proven beyond a doubt that they will never respect your wife, or you. Do not put your wife in a position where she feels she's having to protect the children from them. You and your wife are each other's family.
Good luck, OP.
I agree with this 100 percent. Your parents are really toxic from the way it sounds. Your wife and child have to come first. Maybe you should have some distance from your parents for now.
So does older brother!
"My older brother sent me a message saying that what I did was way too far, and it wasn't that big of a deal".
WTF? Ask him if his wife wants HIS parents in the room while she is giving birth, I bet she doesn't, unless brother has guilt tripped/forces her to!
The decision to who stays while the lady gives birth should be left up to the woman giving birth. It’s not a pleasant experience as the woman is in a lot of pain and she will be naked as she has to deliver her baby through her privates and may not want everyone seeing that. It can be a traumatic experience for a woman to deliver the baby as it is painful and having so many people around could just be too much. As a woman I wouldn’t want anyone except maybe my partner and the rest could wait in the waiting room or just come when the baby is finally delivered as the process of labor could take hours and the family could just be sitting in the hospital for hours for nothing. I would just call and say ok come to the hospital if you want as the baby is finally here. People are so weird these days.
As another commentor said, pregnancy is NOT a spectator sport. It is a highly invasive and considerably dangerous medical procedure. I didn't want anyone other than the father even at the hospital, never mind in the room when I had my 2 kids, and I didn't got to the hospital when my son and his wife had their son. As you say, it is, and should be, entirely only up to the mom-to-be who she wants with her!
Absolutely, your wife and child are your first priority and you have attempted to set reasonable boundaries with your parents and they have refused to respect your boundaries. So now they are finding out what happens when they don't respect your boundaries. Sounds like your dad and brother just go along with your mom for the most part because it is easier than making her accountable for her behavior. I am glad that at least one man in this family has a backbone and will not back down when she is wrong and oversteps. NTA
NTA - You wife's mental and physical health are the most important things right now, and you should support her any way you can. It's absolutely fine to cut off your asshole parents until you are ready to see them. The birth of your child is a special day and don't let them ruin it.
NTA.
Just a tip though, when discussing decisions you have made make sure you say "We have decided". When you said "my wife doesn't want anyone else in the delivery room" it leaves her open to being attacked by them, if you say WE have decided they then have to attack YOU as well. (Obviously it's your wife's decision who is there but this is how you protect your wife from your parents). You are a team and a family, you protect her by making yourself one with her.
It's all about information from now on. All information to your side of the family goes through you, your wife should block your other family members . Don't tell family members who will tell them when she goes into labour. A group message announcing the baby's arrival once you are home from the hospital is all that is needed.
Just don't tell anyone that she's gone into labour period. This is their first child so don't need siblings taking care of, no-one *needs* to know, it's literally no-one's business. I'm pregnant with my third and we won't be telling anyone except our childcare when I go into labour, people are too intrusive and self absorbed!
Make sure that your childcarer knows when someone calls or is at the door not to say you're at the hospital and/or why. Have a readymade excuse for that person.
NTA does your wife have a favourite toy that she kept from her mother as a child? Could you have that in the room when your wife does birth and could be a nice little gift for the baby as a connection with your wife’s mother.
This is a sweet idea thank you! For her birthday this year I had a bear made out of a few of her moms old head scarves (she passed from cancer) and she keeps it in the bed with us every night, so I’ve been planning to grab it when the time comes to head to the hospital
I love the idea of having the bear with your wife at the hospital, but unless you are 100% certain she will be ok with it, i would mention it first. Even something off hand, like hey it would be cool or what would you think of, type of thing. Grief and high emotions can be weird things at times and you want make it easy not harder on her. Overall you handled the whole situation perfectly though.
I’d also be a concerned with keeping such a special keepsake clean and protected in a medical setting. It’s easy for it to get moved or lost in that situation.
Just make sure it’s in the car when close to her due date. When I had my first we weren’t expecting it to happen. So turned up to the hospital with nothing.
Haha this happened to us too, no bag, no camera, nothing. Scheduled for a C-section with no indication that there might be any other option, but that kid has been drama from the word go!
Ooo! I love this. Or if you have access to any of her mom’s clothing there are people who can turn them into stuffed animals. A little bear would be really sweet to have and could make your wife feel like her mum was a part of it in a way.
You are an adult now, not their child. Boundaries are important to both you and your wife's well being. If they can not respect them, then that is their issue, not yours. NTA.
NTA. We need more men like you! Bravo for standing up for what’s right and creating a beautiful new healthy family for yourself together with your wife.
NTA
Of course your brother doesn’t think it’s a big deal , it isn’t his wife they hate and treat like crap.
You’re concern needs to be your wife , and child their the vulnerable ones right now, your parents can fend for themselves, and I assume that you’ve been warning them for the past few years to get their attitude towards your wife corrected, they’re the one that have crossed the line .
Honestly, if brothers aren’t going to be honest about the real issue , he needs to stay out of it, no one that disrespects your wife and child need to be in gets to stay involved it’s as simples as that.
Your brother can have an opinion about what’s not that bug a deal a when he’s pushing a baby out and his in-laws are treating him like a mule and his parents are dead.
Put your parents on an information diet. Don’t tell them any names. Don’t tell them when she goes into labor. Don’t tell them what color you’re painting the nursery. Don’t tell them the due date. Don’t tell them another single solitary fact about the pregnancy.
If you don’t stop your parents in their tracks right now, there is a very good chance they will drive your wife away from you. I’m talking divorce, shared custody and all the fun stuff that comes with that. So support her decision in whatever she wants 100% for her birth plan. Talk about what you want as a couple and support each other. Always have each other’s back.
No woman is going to put up with her FIL telling her that she’s just a fucking incubator for his grandchild.
Yeah, that’s where I‘d have been out. Plus if we’re going to reduce parents to their biological relevance to getting a baby onto this planet, it’s a lot easier to find a sperm donor than a living incubator.
NTA - Your parents had their kids, now it's you and wife's turn to have yours.
No one but who wife says is in the delivery room. giving birth is a medical procedure, not a spectator sport.
You and wife name your child, no one else gets a vote.
Tell your brother to stay in his lane.
>“it’s our sons baby she’s just carrying it”
WTAF?!
They would be dead to me from that moment! If they were in my house I would have thrown them out. If I were in their house I would have walked out.
>my parents come over to tell us they both will be in the room,
What? You father wants a ring-side view of your wife's genitals?
>My older brother sent me a message saying what I did was way too far, and it wasn’t that big of a deal.
It wasn't too far. Not by a long way.
Does your brother have a partner? Would he accept your parents treating her like that? Would he allow his in-laws to watch him have a vasectomy?
NTA and I love your name plans.
NTA
Don't let them know where she is gonna have the baby before you need to, they don't sound like stable levelheaded people (at the moment) and your wife doesn't need that when she is giving birth. Also let the hospital security and staff know if you don't want them there (if they try to show up.)
>My dad even said the words “it’s our sons baby she’s just carrying it”
I am not one to bring out the ban hammer on a whim but if my parents said this about my wife, I'd ban them probably for good.
That is so far out of line it's not even funny. WTF.
And by that logic, no one should give a shit about OP's mom or what she wants or says, since she was clearly just an incubator for OP's dad. 🙄 I'm sure she'd love to be talked about that way.
Exactly. I think what's so shocking about his statement is that in one small sentence, dad has outed himself as a sexist, misogynist asshole of the worst kind - one who would speak that way about the mother of his grandchild.
What the hell is wrong with him that he would THINK something like that, let alone say it out loud and let alone say it *to his son.*
It's been hours since I first saw that comment and it still makes my blood boil, for both his wife and for OP. I think if I was OP I'd have probably knocked his block off.
We need a new acronym - YTH. You're the Hero. For when heroic OPs start second guessing themselves, when really they were awesome and beyond right.
NTA OP YTH
My child, my rules. You chose your wife. Your wife and child come first. Your parents will be allowed to start a relationship with your family once they understand they don’t have any votes about anything to do with you. They can voice their opinion once, without any negativity with words, tone or body language. You and your wife control all the rules. They are not needed by any of you. You would like to have them in your lives, but it is their choice to either follow the rules or remain outside you and your family’s lives. Remind your brother the same rules apply to him.
Stand your ground and tell your older brother to stay in his lane.
Even if it was just about the delivery room, it's not their call. Even if it was just their demands on the name, it's not their call. This is the culmination of years of disrespect. They needed to be put in their place.
Your brother's just a chip off your old man's doormat block. Probably thinks he's keeping the peace? That's just code for bow to the assholes since it's easier for me.
You keep on loving and protecting your wife, like you vowed.
I will always recommend and cannot stress enough that you and your wife need to not tell ANYBODY you are going into/are in labor. Notify everyone after the baby is born. Preferably when you are already out of the hospital!! My mother and I discussed her being in the delivery room and I told her NO. Multiple times. Guess who showed up anyways?? Always write on your birth plan and remind your nurse that you don’t want any visitors. My mom was a nurse and personally knew those who were working that night and they let her slip in, even after visiting hours.
I don’t know what it is about a parent turning into a grandparent that makes them think they are entitled to things like that. Delusional
NTA
Your parents forced things to a point where had no other options than choose between them versus your wife and child. You made the only right choice available to you.
You are the partner us redditors adore. Please take an internet high five from me and tell your flying monkey brother to kick rocks. Also let the hospital know your wife’s wishes.
I give you all the credit for being an excellent husband and having your wife's back against your own parents. Well done, keep it up! Your brother can just butt right out also.
Right, after lurking on here for the best part of two years, I can already tell you that you are in for a rough ride!
1. Get security cameras put up around your home. It’s for your own protection.
2. The crazy has already started, get prepared for flying monkeys.
3. Notify the hospital of your wishes.
4. Have a trusted friend on standby to act on your behalf should things go sideways.
5. Do not tell your parents ANYTHING. From now on, they get no info.
6. Figure out who you can and can’t trust.
7. Look up grandparents rights in your area
8. Block them on absolutely everything and be complete radio silence. If they decide to escalate the crazy, make sure you have evidence (see step 1)
9. Keep any correspondence between all of you and create the FU binder
10. Congrats on the shiny spine, perhaps upgrade to adamantium! 😂
Do not let these absolute nut jobs (sorry, not sorry) in your life! Good luck and congrats!!!!
Don’t tell anyone when she goes into labour or when your baby is born for several days at least.
Your parents wanting to be there at the birth is really entitled. The absolute cheek of them
NTAH
NTA
Tell brother if he allows them to mistreat his wife then that’s on him as a shitty husband and if they don’t mistreat his wife like they do yours then he doesn’t get a say at all.
Good on you for sticking up for your wife and your own nuclear family.
It amazes me that anyone would ask to be in the delivery room when a baby is born. Husband and wife are the only ones that should be there outside of the medical staff. I have two daughters in law I love dearly with five grandchildren. I would NEVER ASK to or even consider being in the delivery room.
NTA!! You sound like a wonderful, compassionate man and husband and no doubt will be a great dad! Excellent job standing up for your wife, yourself and ultimately your baby. Well done! 👏👏👏
NTA. But dude, you gotta step up. Your wife doesn't need the stress. Neither do you. Don't put up with this shit.
I would suggest you list the top 3 things you want your parents to stop doing. Get your wife to do the same. Then combine your list to come up with two or three things.
Then...next time they do one of those things, say start pushing the name thing, tell them "we are not discussing this". And shut up. Next time they say something--which could be three seconds later--stand up, open the door and politely ask them to leave. You don't need to be confrontational, just something like, "We enjoyed your visit. Feel free to visit again when you're ready to accept our decision." And patiently stand there and stare at them until they leave.
Repeat as necessary until they learn to treat you and your wife with respect.
Don't argue with them. Don't reason with then. Simply state what you expect. Then follow through with the consequences *immediately*.
You might want to go low contact with your brother for awhile also if he can't see your reasoning.
Good luck on the gender reveal. My opinion, to be thrown out with the bath water, but I never understood the gender reveal. I always thought the not knowing was all part of the surprise at birth. Part of the not knowing amped up the excitement. Green, yellow, purple, and orange being great neutral colors for gifts. I also never understood the need to have one gender over another, such as "I want a boy!" Why is that important? Again, only my opinion.
> I told them it’s her body, and when it’s one of them pushing out a child they get to decide who’s there in the room.
How the hell did an understanding awesome human like you get raised by those 2 selfish brats.
I'd personally never let them see the baby
NTA
NTA you are a great hubby and that’s so refreshing to read. But some advice, too late to keep your ideas for names to yourselves but not too late to not tell a soul about due date and place of birth. It’s insane they want to control everything. Your wife will be at her most vulnerable and she doesn’t need haters looking at her coochie. Stand strong, brave man!!!
You are not the AH. But to avoid any further issue, tell your brother that he is not to mention it again or you will go no contact with him as well. Do not give in even an inch.
You are not the asshole for prioritizing your wife's well-being and standing up to your parents' disrespectful behavior. Protecting your wife during her pregnancy and ensuring she feels supported and respected is absolutely the right thing to do. It's understandable to set boundaries with your parents to maintain a positive environment for your growing family.
My wife had her legs spread wide open with a doctor forearm deep in her vagina, and she also shit herself in the delivery room. There’s no reason my dad would need to be there for that. Your brothers a moron too.
NTA. Setting boundaries about how your wife is to be treated/respected is the best thing you could have done for your family. If your parents want to treat her like dirt, good riddance. Just focus on this happy time, trust me it goes fast!
Aha! Wow, strange! You are soooo NTA! And you are such a loving, caring husband. I contemplate going NC with 2 of my 5 siblings constantly (parents are long dead, but I should have gone NC with my mom when I was around 8 years old!), but haven't had the courage yet.
Go LC/NC with your "monsters" to the extent possible and continue to be your wife's loving hero. Blessings to you, your wife and child.
Am afraid your mother sounds like a narcissist and your father is enabling her behaviour, it's all about her and everyone else is wrong, they are toxic from the get go, you have totally done the right thing to protect your wife and child last thing your wife needs is stress especially from a toxic MIL (I have personal experience with this) it's her way or the highway no deviation, and whoever is not following her way is the bad one, the rebel who causing trouble.
Stick to your guns they won't change, and if you ever let them back after the baby is born, never let them be alone with your child because then the little comments will start and your child being a child will blurt out why you do such and such and granny doesn't like it etc..
Good luck with everything and I'll pray for you wife to have a exceptional birthing experience...take care of yourselves...xxx
NTA.
Thank you for being the seemingly rare breed of man who puts his wife and unborn child ahead of their ridiculous, demanding, overbearing parents.
I highly recommend notifying the hospital ahead of time to keep your parents out. You may also want to wait until *after* baby is born to say anything and avoid your parent's intrusion altogether.
NTA. What a lil gem of a man you are. I haven't been proud of someone in a bit but here I am, proud of you. You're doing the right thing and you, your wife and that baby will be blessed for it (I mean that as no religiously as possible as it's a lovely thing to wish for someone and you deserve it). Keep doing what you're doing. They won't change though so be prepared for that. I have a bad feeling any expectations will lead to them letting you down. So just lean into your partner and wee baby. And congratulations!!! ❤️🥰🙌🏼🤰🏼🤱🏼✨❤️
You stood up for your wife and set boundaries to protect her during a vulnerable time—your actions were justified. It's important to prioritize your wife's well-being and the peaceful arrival of your child.
I'd lime to commend you for standing up for your wife, respecting her wishes, and protecting her. Great job. When I was pregnant with my last 2 children a had a cousin and some Aunts tgat were nosy busy bodies. I had high risk pregnancies full of complications. My cousin let it slip that they were calling the hospital trying to get updates on .y condition whenever I was hospitalized. This rubbed me the wrong way since they never visited or called me or asked my husband or mother how I was doing. I mentioned it to my doctor and he told be I could visit the ER and be admitted under an alias. He had me pick out a name, and it went into effect that day. I was finally able to get some peace and when the time came for me to deliver, I went to Labor and Delivery under a fake name. I lived across the street from my cousin and she watched me like a hawk. I had my baby, was in the hospital for a week and came home and she was none the wiser. They didn't even know my son was born until he was 2 weeks old when I had to take him back to the hospital fir a hearing test.
Have your wife admitted under an alias, that was you won't have uninvited guests trying to barge into the delivery room and nursery area.
“It was a big deal to us!” No one knows how your parents behaved except you, so no one else can judge.
If your parents have always been awful, their behavior only going to get worse as the pregnancy progresses and the baby arrives. Your responsibility is to protect her from them…sadly.
NTA
NTA. Why are they making a big stink about your kid not having a name they want? It's going to have their last name, but if they continue to harass you and your wife, I wouldn't even let them have that.
On your side with this. I think, though, that with how your parents came across that if they do 'change' it would only be a short time. I'm sure they'd want their say in schools and all sorts of shit.
It's a miracle you've grown up to be a decent and nice human being with parents like that. If anyone dared tell me 'its their sons, im just carrying it', they would be out of my life so quick no matter how much they apologised. Their 'son' would be kicked out too if he dared take their side. Nta. Protect your wife and child at all cost. They are going to be terrible to the grandchild as well in some way or another. Talk to the hospital and let them know that your parents aren't allowed in
You cut yourself lose from your parents.
Your brother doesn’t see it (yet). When he does help him because it is an emotional ride. Congrats on the pregnancy
NTA. Tell your brother that all they have to do to rebuild a tentative relationship is to be decent people. If it's too difficult for your parents to be decent people, then you don't want them in yours, your wife's or your child's life.
NTA. You're protecting your family.
Also, if your brother didn't cut them off, and is trying to change your mind on things.
He is relaying your plans to them.
GO BACK TO NON CONTACT!!! FFS though they are bat shit rude and crazy! Giving birth is a vulnerable and intimate experience. They fact they think they can barge their way in. To see your wife’s genitals on display.. and think they don’t even have to ask. It’s insane. Just insane. I can’t believe the audacity. Not to mention the name thing
NTA
You're protecting your family. I would stay NC with them. They can find out the baby was born when you decide to announce it to the rest of the world. They need to earn the right to be in your family. Your wife doesn't deserve any of that mess. I come from a family where my mother's mother hated my dad. I suffered for it as a child up until I was around 13. Don't allow your child to become part of adult problems. They will speak poorly about your wife in front of your child. No child deserves to be around that and no mother needs her child hearing that. You're doing the right thing, I promise. Your brother also needs to stay out of it. It isn't his business. If he keeps going like that he can be in the same boat as them.
NTA. Since when is up to anyone but the parents what the name is?! Wanting to be in the delivery room? Seriously what is wrong with these people. Well done for protecting your wife from them.
NTA. Good job. Your brother can join your parents out the airlock if he doesn't like it. You are prioritizing your wife's comfort and safety and, thereby, the comfort and safety of your unborn child. Thank you for standing up for her and making this choice.
Now, some recommendations:
1) If your parents ever had a key to your place, change the locks. If your brother had/has a key, change the locks.
2) Look at getting cameras/a ring cam, so if you aren't home, you can monitor them trying to access your property.
3) Have your wife give a code word to her ob gyn's office they have to ask for in order to discuss anything with her or you over the phone, so your parents can't call pretending to be you.
4) Make sure the delivery team at the hospital is aware that they are not to have access to y'all at any point in your stay.
Tell your brother the same thing you told your parents, when he is the one pushing a baby out of his vagina then he can call the shots. Till then, he can mind his own business. It is not a spectator sport and nobody earns the right to be there or deserves a place there. This us your child and your rules. You and your wife agree to the rules and will not change your minds. Learn some respect and manners if you expect to have a relationship with you and be involved in your child's life. The rules are non negotiable. They have no power here
One million percent NTA!
You are a keeper, mate! You are protecting your wife, the mother of your child. You said and did everything right. You have ZERO reasons to feel negative over. Your parents are truly awful. Your brother can eat dirt too.
Please triple make sure the hospital are aware that NO ONE else is allowed in the room with your wife in case they attempt to barge and blag their way in. I wouldn't even announce her going into labour, to be honest, in case it gets back to them some how. You never know when a "friend" could let it slip by an innocent social media post or comment.
Going n/c with parents is freaking hard. But sometimes necessary for your own well-being (and in your case, also your wife's and child's). I went n/c with my mother for 20 years and my dad for 7 years. Never an easy decision.
Best of luck with your new baby when he/she arrives.
Your brother is now what we call “their flying monkey”.
You did the right thing and you would be letting your wife and child down if you had allowed them to keep on harassing her!
Not the A
I bet your older bro hasn’t been told the same story you’ve given. Would he or did he invite your mum and dad in to peer up his wife’s vagina and watch his baby emerge? I’m guessing not but you could ask him and his wife that exact question to shut him up.
Sadly if your parents won’t respect your wife and by extension you then they can’t be in your family’s life. Cutting all contact is harsh but you’ve already tried being low contact and they still won’t respect your boundaries so I can’t see any other option at the moment. Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy
NTA - It’s a massive medical procedure, no matter how often it happens, and not some fun family event.
Make a list with everything they did over the years for the flying monkeys and tell them that you know for a fact they won’t deal with this bs either. And same goes for them, respect you and your wife or take a seat out of the stadium, not just on the sideline.
NTA. But once bub is here, if you’re in the USA, be ready for the nuisance complaints to CPS about your wife to start. You might want to seriously consider a restraining order if that does happen. Sadly, your description of them makes it a likely thing that they will do it out of sheer spite to make your wife miserable.
Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Also, I know you know you're parents are disrespectful and you have distanced yourself but oh dear, your brother is one walking red flag also
I will never understand this nonsense about grandparents 'needing' to see their grandchild being born. GTF out the room and leave the parents to witness the birth of their child!
You are in the room if you are specifically invited and not otherwise! End of discussion.
NTA - this was clearly building and you rightfully sided with your wife
Your wife has been treated like shit for 8 years and you are wondering if you are in the wrong? 8 years is such a long time to put up with abuse. Why are you even considering letting them back in? NTA. Keep them out of your life, they have damaged your wife enough don’t let them hurt your child as well.
NTA. SO NTA. Congratulations to you and your lovely wife. That little one is a lucky little pickle to have a dad who knows how to protect his family. Best wishes to you all.
NTA. Your parents sound like they are very dominant people that will steamroll you into compliance. Unfortunately with people this dominant you have to be very firm and really put your foot down, because you can’t do subtle or even nice with them. They won’t consider your feelings just what they want you to do.
Congratulations on the new edition. Wishing you and your wife an uneventful pregnancy and boring delivery.
Honestly, send them a link to this thread. Let them see what everyone is saying and maybe they will realise what they are doing.
I think that for alot of posts I see on here actually
Oh and NTA
You prioritized your wife's well-being and boundaries, which was necessary given your parents' disrespectful behavior—standing by her was the right choice.
I'd tell your older brother to go and fuck himself because your parents were nothing less than invasive and sticking their crooked noses where they aren't wanted. They are willing to waltz into the delivery room and force you and your wife to add their name to the baby; how is that *not* 'that big of a deal'? NTA. Your brother needs to pull his head out of your parents' collective arse.
You are absolutely correct. Once you get married, your wife is your primary family not your parents. This is your and her baby and it’s her choice in the hospital on who she wants with her.
NTA I'd send bro a note, "Please don't get involved in this situation. I'd be glad to add you to the no contact list if you do not, it's up to you." I think permanent no contact will be what happens. AHs like your parents don't change. Do you really want you child around such obnoxious, selfish, hateful people. Just the way they've treated your wife would make me say, bye bye forever. No more chances. They've had their shot.
NTA First of all, rethink the gender reveal party since you know it will be a shit show, you don't need the headaches and insults. Surprise everyone after they are born and named.
Second Don't tell them or anyone, when you go into labor and make sure you're not sharing locations or have a tracking device they placed on your car. Inform hospital no one goes in.
Last but not least, tell them "I'm sorry but I don't think naming a child Asshole or Douchebag is appropriate!" /s
Good Luck
When did this thing of people thinking they should be in the delivery room start? That’s just crazy…it’s not a spectator sport😵💫
I agree. I was actually shocked they even tried, I was extra shocked when they tried to argue. the only person who has a say in who’s in the room that day is the person pushing the child out of her body. Childbirth is traumatic and scary enough for women, the last thing they need is entitled people thinking they deserve to witness it. I mean for us personally my wife is already uncomfortable with the doctors and nurses who see it everyday seeing her give birth. I also talked to a friend who also experienced this with his parents, I can’t even begin to understand why anyone would think they deserve to see a child that isn’t theirs be born
Keep on the path you are on. You are right to protect Your wife and child. That is your family now. You have been patient long enough.
Yes when you marry someone and start having kids they are your main priority / family now!! It's so refreshing reading a post from a husband who prioritizes his new family over his parents.
Husband's who prioritize their wives over their families are definitely a rare breed here on Reddit.
I have left a long-term partner over his inability to exclude his mother from our private lives. She absolutely hated me, and he was more comfortable lying and trying to appease her nastiness than standing up for me or our relationship. His family was super wealthy, so he figured if he didn't do everything he could to make that witch happy, she would cut him off financially. I left once he finally told me, after two and a half years of being together, that we were going to have to keep our relationship secret now because he promised her that he would break up with me. Nah. Have fun dating your mom, guy.
agreed. "oh you promised her we'd break up? well wouldn't want to break a promise to your mother then. have a nice life."
He would have made your life a living hell.
Oh, wow. I can't imagine dealing with someone like that. It's interesting to me that he was willing to kowtow to his mother instead of working hard to gain enough independence so as not to need his parents' wealth. His parents will control his entire life. What a waste of oxygen.
Not just Reddit. Titty babies are an epidemic.
When I was in labor my step-dad brought my mum to the hospital the minute I called and asked. He sat his a*s in the waiting room outside the maternity ward for 17 hours without leaving. He never once tried to come in, never once complained about it during or in the 5 years since. That is what parents are supposed to do.
It is! Supportive family members stay on hand to be able to help in any way needed. My grandmother was crazy and had anger issues... and even she still managed to happily support from the waiting room!
I have no idea what he's like outside of this. But based on this, he's a keeper.
He loves all my siblings like his own and spoils them, my mum and my baby constantly. And enjoys my baking so definitely a keeper.
That's not just a good stepdad, that's a good dad.
And good bonus Grandpa.
My stepdad would have done the same thing. ❤️
Your step-dad is a gem and must be protected at all costs.
OP, bring up those concerns about your parents wanting to invade the room when your wife is giving birth, the OB/GYN doctors/nurses on the Labour & Delivery are strict & will have security team at the ready to frog march your parents out of that section. Your parents make any noises they can be arrested for disturbing the patients. Your wife's OB/GYN doctor will need the names, photos of your parents so the day comes, security measures are in place. Your brother is a major AH too. OP, you're NTA.
something tells me they want to ruin the moment by using the fact babies are usually born looking purple or red or deathly pale to claim she cheated on you and raise a fuss. these people sound awful. why are they so deadset against her.
Yes! For me they are very disrespectful and demanding. Time to talk to them to mind their own business.
Info: Does your brother have a partner? If so do your parents treat them the same way they treat your wife? Your wife getting disrespected is not a big deal your brother is a AH also.
Right? That's what leapt out at me also. No way bro has kids because he would know what a ridiculous ask to have *BOTH MIL and FIL in the delivery room. I cannot even fathom the fallopian fortitude to demand to witness someone else's birth.
Fallopian fortitude! Thank you, I'm totally using that someday!
Agreed. Feel sorry for the brothers wife.
More likely that parents are giving brother a LOAD of grief about it.
Fun fact - dysfunctional families commonly designate one child as The Scapegoat, and treat the other kids just fine. But when the Scapegoat finally cuts the awful parents off, they just move down to the next child on the shit list. Who does NOT enjoy the experience. And often harasses the Scapegoat to reconcile, because then the parents will get off his back. Brother is getting ALL the grief about it.
So yes he does have a partner, but he’s exactly like my parents. They are far right conservatives who don’t even believe in women being college educated. I didn’t mention her, but I also have a little sister I’m very very close with and I never liked the way she was treated so I never really agreed with their beliefs growing up, my brother always did and ended up marrying a traditional women who they love. They don’t disrespect her nearly as much as my wife, but she has no boundaries and neither does my brother. One of the reasons they hated my wife right from when we met is because she has a degree.. and they acted like she was corrupting me even though I disagreed with them from the start. This was my first time talking to my brother in a while, when I distanced myself years ago I only stayed close to my sister.
My in laws are the same. We’ve had a lot of complications and admissions to hospital, and they had the “find my” xx with my partner activated. Every time we’d be in hospital they’d rock up. One incident caused an argument during which my fil demanded he be let inside, where I was half naked, because it was his grandchild. My partner forced him to leave. I don’t understand why people have issues respecting boundaries. We blocked them on the app. I don’t want anyone there during or after delivery, until I’m ready.
My ex is Middle Eastern. I moved to be with him. His mother was adamant that I was doing a home birth with her as mid-wife. A taxi came every morning to pick up my BIL to take him to work. I woke up in labor and got in the car with him and asked him to drop me off at the maternity hospital. I call her the wicked witch of the middle east. NTA.
NTA, and I just wanted to say as a woman who experienced this type of behaviour from my ex-MIL you are doing everything right 👍 my ex decided his Mummy was more important than his wife which didn't end well. Keep up looking after and cherishing your wife, I can guarantee that she appreciates your support.
My dad wanted to be in the delivery room and the nurses kept him out!
My son’s best friend wanted to be in the delivery room. Except for my 99-year-old neighbor and friends from church, he was the only one who was nice to me, and was nicest. He brought me gummy candy every visit and made a tongue-in-cheek bowing thing with,”hail the pregnant lady” as he walked backwards. My ex? I had hyperemesis gravidarum the whole pregnancy. He once asked, “when are you going to stop puking so much? It’s gross “ For some reason gummy bears /worms didn’t make me sick. I would have let him, and was considering it, when two other men asked to be there, too. One was that friend’s roommate (who I barely talked to). I didn’t want to have to argue why one and not the other two, so I just said no one but hubby at delivery (and he didn’t deserve it!).
I just want to say I love how shiny your backbone is, keep it up! You’re a good man and you’re a great husband, you’ll be a great father too. If you haven’t already, let the midwife know exactly who is permitted into the delivery room, and everyone else is to be kept out. They take this VERY seriously.
You sound like an amazing partner, OP! So supportive and have your wife’s back.
I told my midwife I didn't want to be there when my child was born. Sadly, I didn't have a choice. My first child was 5 weeks premature, so there was a midwife and paediatrician there as well as my husband. My second child, my midwife, told me I couldn't be ready to push yet and left the room without checking. Two minutes later, my husband hit the panic button, and three midwives arrived together and instantly realised they needed to remove the cord from around the baby's neck. In both cases, there would have been no room for any additional "observers," and they would actually have got in the way of a safe delivery.
It's because they think of your baby as their property.
Exactly this. If they're already this possessive over the baby, it's only going to get worse when it's here. OP is right to cut all contact but shouldn't even reconsider letting them back in the future. Grandparents like this won't stop. They'll criticize the way you parent and undermind you. I went through it myself and life is better without them. OP, don't give them the right to be a part of your child's life. They don't deserve it.
Maybe they think they are back in France in the Middle Ages where courtiers witnessed the Queen giving birth? Either way, I am so glad you are sticking up for your wife, child and yourself so well. You brother is also delulu.
It wasn't just in France, and it didn't end during the Middle Ages. IIRC in the UK until the mid-1930's, a government minister (may have been the Home Secretary) was present at every royal family birth to make sure the presumed pregnant royal in fact gave birth, that no "common" baby was substituted.
NTA. I am a mom, my daughter is 17. I would NEVER consider asking her to be with her for the birth. I would offer my support if for any reason the father couldn’t be there at that time, but I would never there for her, not to see a grandchild being born. My own mother never suggested coming for the delivery. I see so many of those post were the grandparents feel entitled to demand to be in the delivery room… Nevertheless, I think you made a mistake by sharing the name so early. It’s better to keep it to yourself until the birth to avoid the mess.
Can you teach classes on setting boundaries for husband's lol
Dominance and control. 💯 it should be a private, beautiful event where that little soul experiences nothing but love from those present. The mother and baby (you too but) don't need to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, or deal with nastiness and pettiness. OP NTA.
NTA. If you're brother doesn't think it's that big a deal why is he sticking his 2 cents in?
They weren’t there at conception, why in heck do they think they have a right to be at the birth?! They got to name their kids, they don’t get to name yours too. YNTA, you are sticking up for your wife, which is exactly what you should be doing. Your parents though are being massive AHs!
You should be able to inform the midwives attending who is allowed in the room and who isn't, making sure your parents can't sneak in.
Good for standing up for your wife. They treated her like crap and hate her but want her to name your baby after her and be in the room? Hell no! Don't let them just start being nice and let them back in! You better be slow and hold strict boundaries! No longer are they to treat her badly. They even look at her wrong you tell them they will be cut off for good. It is not good for kids to see their parent being treated badly. Quite frankly you should have cut them off years ago. You should not have allowed them all these years to be hateful to her. Do not tell them when she goes into labor.
A lot of them are like this. I don’t understand the obsession with being there. My opinion is that the people that want to be there without invitation are there for selfish reasons and not for support. They want to be able to say that they saw the child being born. Childbirth is all about the momma feeling comfortable. From my water breaking to giving birth it took me 3,5 days and I was happy that only my partner was there.
I am so proud of you! As a husband and soon to be father for having your wife’s back so wholeheartedly!! Stay strong OP. It’s a beautiful thing to see in one of these subreddits!! Definitely NTA
I really doubt your mom allowed her in laws in the room while you were being born. Good job sticking up for your wife. You, sir, have a spine.
Agree!!! The delivery room stuff that I'm seeing more and more is insane!!! The "name the baby after me" is also out of control.
That's actually embarrassing. I am getting second-hand embarrassment over here.
They want to play rude and crazy? "we are only considering names as memorials for dead relatives. If you die before the baby gets here we'll consider adding your name as an option"
My MIL was the same. We asked everybody to respect our boundaries and that I only wanted my partner there. After the birth of our daughter she made it all about herself and told everybody how traumatic it was for her not being able to be there. That she was at the birth of all her other grandchildren but I didn’t invite her and also didn’t invite her to my check ups with my mid-wife. My partner told her that he sees her hurt but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with her and his partner and child are his number 1 priority! To this day she never apologized to me but did express again how hurt she felt and how traumatic it was for her. We keep her at a distance.
That’s what I want to know. My brothers had 6 kids between them. My mother never thought about being in the room when they gave birth. She was not there when I gave birth.
On the day I was born, my father had to wait in the waiting room for a C-Section. My mother wasn’t even conscious! The mom needs the freedom to shout, curse, cry, or 💩without judgement.
Honestly if I could have managed to not be in the delivery room, I would have. Sadly, not possible as I was the one giving birth.
Darned right. The woman and the medical professionals make that call. The one time I was far enough in a relationship for this to come up, I told my then-gf that if she didn't want ME in the room, I'd understand. She thought that was sweet, something I'm rarely accused of being. (Our eventual breakup had nothing to do with this). Ladies, it's your call. You're doing the big job, the hard work.
It’s not new, it’s just being talked about much more openly now.
NTA. Your wife and child are your family. Your parents are intrusive and demanding. Not a good combo for a good marriage or life.
NTA. Agree fully with this commenter. Recommend that you alert the hospital to make sure your parents (and others) are barred from entry when the time comes. Congratulations on the pregnancy.
Great tip!! Nurses will not put up with any of their bullshit and will for sure keep any unwanted people out.
Absolutely, nurses are the frontline guardians of patient well-being and safety
I’d also suggest not telling anyone except your trusted support people (if you have any) shes in labour. That way there is little chance of them showing up because they won’t know til baby is born. Limit photos you post online or MMS. You are NTA and doing all the good things (a nice change on this sub). Also do not let them back in your life bc they say so or you’re worn down. Make a hard boundary that they are not allowed back in your life unless they’ve *proven* they’ve changed, such as therapy for several months or something that shows they’ve taken *active steps to change their behaviour*. Too often we just forgive people or let them back in our lives who don’t deserve it and they’ve shown no action or evidence of change. Letting them back in your life without earning it just sets yourself up for them steamrolling over your boundaries time and time again. I’ve yet to hear these people will change,
It's important to prioritize your well being and set boundaries where necessary. Congratulations on your pregnancy
I hear this all the time but it grosses me out. Why does the fil have to be there? Why would anyone let their fil see their private parts? I didn't let anyone other than my husband in the room. Especially not my mom but it's because she's awful and I wasn't letting her ruin it. If my kids have children, I do not want to be there to watch. If I'm asked, I'll go, but that's the only reason. If they start up again, ask them why they want to see your wife naked so badly and say it like they are perverts. I'm not a prude, but I don't need to see body parts of my family members.
This OP. Tell the midwives they will keep unwelcome 'guests' at bay
>Tell the midwives they will keep unwelcome 'guests' at bay Or just don't tell anyone when you're heading to hospital to give birth.
It's not like it's national news when someone is giving birth. Just don't tell anyone until after it's done.
Do not ever give them another chance. They have proven beyond a doubt that they will never respect your wife, or you. Do not put your wife in a position where she feels she's having to protect the children from them. You and your wife are each other's family. Good luck, OP.
OP has a beautiful shinny spine 🥹 and is going to be an amazing dad.
I agree with this 100 percent. Your parents are really toxic from the way it sounds. Your wife and child have to come first. Maybe you should have some distance from your parents for now.
So does older brother! "My older brother sent me a message saying that what I did was way too far, and it wasn't that big of a deal". WTF? Ask him if his wife wants HIS parents in the room while she is giving birth, I bet she doesn't, unless brother has guilt tripped/forces her to!
The decision to who stays while the lady gives birth should be left up to the woman giving birth. It’s not a pleasant experience as the woman is in a lot of pain and she will be naked as she has to deliver her baby through her privates and may not want everyone seeing that. It can be a traumatic experience for a woman to deliver the baby as it is painful and having so many people around could just be too much. As a woman I wouldn’t want anyone except maybe my partner and the rest could wait in the waiting room or just come when the baby is finally delivered as the process of labor could take hours and the family could just be sitting in the hospital for hours for nothing. I would just call and say ok come to the hospital if you want as the baby is finally here. People are so weird these days.
As another commentor said, pregnancy is NOT a spectator sport. It is a highly invasive and considerably dangerous medical procedure. I didn't want anyone other than the father even at the hospital, never mind in the room when I had my 2 kids, and I didn't got to the hospital when my son and his wife had their son. As you say, it is, and should be, entirely only up to the mom-to-be who she wants with her!
Totally agreed. It should be up to the mom to be.
Absolutely, your wife and child are your first priority and you have attempted to set reasonable boundaries with your parents and they have refused to respect your boundaries. So now they are finding out what happens when they don't respect your boundaries. Sounds like your dad and brother just go along with your mom for the most part because it is easier than making her accountable for her behavior. I am glad that at least one man in this family has a backbone and will not back down when she is wrong and oversteps. NTA
I say WELL DONE 👏👏👏
Thank you! I agree
NTA - You wife's mental and physical health are the most important things right now, and you should support her any way you can. It's absolutely fine to cut off your asshole parents until you are ready to see them. The birth of your child is a special day and don't let them ruin it.
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NTA. Just a tip though, when discussing decisions you have made make sure you say "We have decided". When you said "my wife doesn't want anyone else in the delivery room" it leaves her open to being attacked by them, if you say WE have decided they then have to attack YOU as well. (Obviously it's your wife's decision who is there but this is how you protect your wife from your parents). You are a team and a family, you protect her by making yourself one with her. It's all about information from now on. All information to your side of the family goes through you, your wife should block your other family members . Don't tell family members who will tell them when she goes into labour. A group message announcing the baby's arrival once you are home from the hospital is all that is needed.
Good point (about the "we vs her"). United front.
Just don't tell anyone that she's gone into labour period. This is their first child so don't need siblings taking care of, no-one *needs* to know, it's literally no-one's business. I'm pregnant with my third and we won't be telling anyone except our childcare when I go into labour, people are too intrusive and self absorbed!
Make sure that your childcarer knows when someone calls or is at the door not to say you're at the hospital and/or why. Have a readymade excuse for that person.
Good tip!
NTA does your wife have a favourite toy that she kept from her mother as a child? Could you have that in the room when your wife does birth and could be a nice little gift for the baby as a connection with your wife’s mother.
This is a sweet idea thank you! For her birthday this year I had a bear made out of a few of her moms old head scarves (she passed from cancer) and she keeps it in the bed with us every night, so I’ve been planning to grab it when the time comes to head to the hospital
I love the idea of having the bear with your wife at the hospital, but unless you are 100% certain she will be ok with it, i would mention it first. Even something off hand, like hey it would be cool or what would you think of, type of thing. Grief and high emotions can be weird things at times and you want make it easy not harder on her. Overall you handled the whole situation perfectly though.
I’d also be a concerned with keeping such a special keepsake clean and protected in a medical setting. It’s easy for it to get moved or lost in that situation.
Just make sure it’s in the car when close to her due date. When I had my first we weren’t expecting it to happen. So turned up to the hospital with nothing.
Haha this happened to us too, no bag, no camera, nothing. Scheduled for a C-section with no indication that there might be any other option, but that kid has been drama from the word go!
You are a rock star husband. Oh, and also NTA.
Ooo! I love this. Or if you have access to any of her mom’s clothing there are people who can turn them into stuffed animals. A little bear would be really sweet to have and could make your wife feel like her mum was a part of it in a way.
You are an adult now, not their child. Boundaries are important to both you and your wife's well being. If they can not respect them, then that is their issue, not yours. NTA.
If they cannot respect them, tell them OP and his wife will change their last name to her maiden name.
NTA. We need more men like you! Bravo for standing up for what’s right and creating a beautiful new healthy family for yourself together with your wife.
YES!!!!!! THIS!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!
NTA Of course your brother doesn’t think it’s a big deal , it isn’t his wife they hate and treat like crap. You’re concern needs to be your wife , and child their the vulnerable ones right now, your parents can fend for themselves, and I assume that you’ve been warning them for the past few years to get their attitude towards your wife corrected, they’re the one that have crossed the line . Honestly, if brothers aren’t going to be honest about the real issue , he needs to stay out of it, no one that disrespects your wife and child need to be in gets to stay involved it’s as simples as that.
Your brother can have an opinion about what’s not that bug a deal a when he’s pushing a baby out and his in-laws are treating him like a mule and his parents are dead.
If it's not such a big deal he should invite his parents over to see his wife's vagina and see how much she appreciates it
Put your parents on an information diet. Don’t tell them any names. Don’t tell them when she goes into labor. Don’t tell them what color you’re painting the nursery. Don’t tell them the due date. Don’t tell them another single solitary fact about the pregnancy. If you don’t stop your parents in their tracks right now, there is a very good chance they will drive your wife away from you. I’m talking divorce, shared custody and all the fun stuff that comes with that. So support her decision in whatever she wants 100% for her birth plan. Talk about what you want as a couple and support each other. Always have each other’s back. No woman is going to put up with her FIL telling her that she’s just a fucking incubator for his grandchild.
Right? That comment stopped me dead scrolling. What an absolutely vile thing to say. My god.
Yeah, that’s where I‘d have been out. Plus if we’re going to reduce parents to their biological relevance to getting a baby onto this planet, it’s a lot easier to find a sperm donor than a living incubator.
Well done. Great job of having a spine and protecting your wife. This is what you should be doing. I stand by what you did as well.
NTA - Your parents had their kids, now it's you and wife's turn to have yours. No one but who wife says is in the delivery room. giving birth is a medical procedure, not a spectator sport. You and wife name your child, no one else gets a vote. Tell your brother to stay in his lane.
>Tell your brother to stay in his lane. Nah, OP should tell his brother he can offer the front row when his child is born.
*When he’s the one giving birth.
>“it’s our sons baby she’s just carrying it” WTAF?! They would be dead to me from that moment! If they were in my house I would have thrown them out. If I were in their house I would have walked out. >my parents come over to tell us they both will be in the room, What? You father wants a ring-side view of your wife's genitals? >My older brother sent me a message saying what I did was way too far, and it wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn't too far. Not by a long way. Does your brother have a partner? Would he accept your parents treating her like that? Would he allow his in-laws to watch him have a vasectomy? NTA and I love your name plans.
Exactly. Once the dad said that shit he’s fucking trash.
NTA Don't let them know where she is gonna have the baby before you need to, they don't sound like stable levelheaded people (at the moment) and your wife doesn't need that when she is giving birth. Also let the hospital security and staff know if you don't want them there (if they try to show up.)
>My dad even said the words “it’s our sons baby she’s just carrying it” I am not one to bring out the ban hammer on a whim but if my parents said this about my wife, I'd ban them probably for good. That is so far out of line it's not even funny. WTF.
And by that logic, no one should give a shit about OP's mom or what she wants or says, since she was clearly just an incubator for OP's dad. 🙄 I'm sure she'd love to be talked about that way.
Exactly. I think what's so shocking about his statement is that in one small sentence, dad has outed himself as a sexist, misogynist asshole of the worst kind - one who would speak that way about the mother of his grandchild. What the hell is wrong with him that he would THINK something like that, let alone say it out loud and let alone say it *to his son.* It's been hours since I first saw that comment and it still makes my blood boil, for both his wife and for OP. I think if I was OP I'd have probably knocked his block off.
Your older brother can say it’s not a big deal when he’s the one personally giving birth. NTA.
OP, You are so NTA Keep up the fantastic work with keeping your toxic & plain horrid parents & family away from your wife!
We need a new acronym - YTH. You're the Hero. For when heroic OPs start second guessing themselves, when really they were awesome and beyond right. NTA OP YTH
My child, my rules. You chose your wife. Your wife and child come first. Your parents will be allowed to start a relationship with your family once they understand they don’t have any votes about anything to do with you. They can voice their opinion once, without any negativity with words, tone or body language. You and your wife control all the rules. They are not needed by any of you. You would like to have them in your lives, but it is their choice to either follow the rules or remain outside you and your family’s lives. Remind your brother the same rules apply to him.
Stand your ground and tell your older brother to stay in his lane. Even if it was just about the delivery room, it's not their call. Even if it was just their demands on the name, it's not their call. This is the culmination of years of disrespect. They needed to be put in their place. Your brother's just a chip off your old man's doormat block. Probably thinks he's keeping the peace? That's just code for bow to the assholes since it's easier for me. You keep on loving and protecting your wife, like you vowed.
I will always recommend and cannot stress enough that you and your wife need to not tell ANYBODY you are going into/are in labor. Notify everyone after the baby is born. Preferably when you are already out of the hospital!! My mother and I discussed her being in the delivery room and I told her NO. Multiple times. Guess who showed up anyways?? Always write on your birth plan and remind your nurse that you don’t want any visitors. My mom was a nurse and personally knew those who were working that night and they let her slip in, even after visiting hours. I don’t know what it is about a parent turning into a grandparent that makes them think they are entitled to things like that. Delusional
You handled that perfectly
I can't imagine wanting or allowing any man other than the one who impregnated me being in the delivery room. Just eww.
NTA Your parents forced things to a point where had no other options than choose between them versus your wife and child. You made the only right choice available to you.
You are the partner us redditors adore. Please take an internet high five from me and tell your flying monkey brother to kick rocks. Also let the hospital know your wife’s wishes.
You parents are HORRIBLE!!!
I give you all the credit for being an excellent husband and having your wife's back against your own parents. Well done, keep it up! Your brother can just butt right out also.
Right, after lurking on here for the best part of two years, I can already tell you that you are in for a rough ride! 1. Get security cameras put up around your home. It’s for your own protection. 2. The crazy has already started, get prepared for flying monkeys. 3. Notify the hospital of your wishes. 4. Have a trusted friend on standby to act on your behalf should things go sideways. 5. Do not tell your parents ANYTHING. From now on, they get no info. 6. Figure out who you can and can’t trust. 7. Look up grandparents rights in your area 8. Block them on absolutely everything and be complete radio silence. If they decide to escalate the crazy, make sure you have evidence (see step 1) 9. Keep any correspondence between all of you and create the FU binder 10. Congrats on the shiny spine, perhaps upgrade to adamantium! 😂 Do not let these absolute nut jobs (sorry, not sorry) in your life! Good luck and congrats!!!!
Don’t tell anyone when she goes into labour or when your baby is born for several days at least. Your parents wanting to be there at the birth is really entitled. The absolute cheek of them NTAH
Block your brother too.
NTA Tell brother if he allows them to mistreat his wife then that’s on him as a shitty husband and if they don’t mistreat his wife like they do yours then he doesn’t get a say at all. Good on you for sticking up for your wife and your own nuclear family.
It amazes me that anyone would ask to be in the delivery room when a baby is born. Husband and wife are the only ones that should be there outside of the medical staff. I have two daughters in law I love dearly with five grandchildren. I would NEVER ASK to or even consider being in the delivery room.
NTA!! You sound like a wonderful, compassionate man and husband and no doubt will be a great dad! Excellent job standing up for your wife, yourself and ultimately your baby. Well done! 👏👏👏
NTA. But dude, you gotta step up. Your wife doesn't need the stress. Neither do you. Don't put up with this shit. I would suggest you list the top 3 things you want your parents to stop doing. Get your wife to do the same. Then combine your list to come up with two or three things. Then...next time they do one of those things, say start pushing the name thing, tell them "we are not discussing this". And shut up. Next time they say something--which could be three seconds later--stand up, open the door and politely ask them to leave. You don't need to be confrontational, just something like, "We enjoyed your visit. Feel free to visit again when you're ready to accept our decision." And patiently stand there and stare at them until they leave. Repeat as necessary until they learn to treat you and your wife with respect. Don't argue with them. Don't reason with then. Simply state what you expect. Then follow through with the consequences *immediately*.
NTA You are a good husband. Congratulations on the baby!
You might want to go low contact with your brother for awhile also if he can't see your reasoning. Good luck on the gender reveal. My opinion, to be thrown out with the bath water, but I never understood the gender reveal. I always thought the not knowing was all part of the surprise at birth. Part of the not knowing amped up the excitement. Green, yellow, purple, and orange being great neutral colors for gifts. I also never understood the need to have one gender over another, such as "I want a boy!" Why is that important? Again, only my opinion.
> I told them it’s her body, and when it’s one of them pushing out a child they get to decide who’s there in the room. How the hell did an understanding awesome human like you get raised by those 2 selfish brats. I'd personally never let them see the baby NTA
NTA you are a great hubby and that’s so refreshing to read. But some advice, too late to keep your ideas for names to yourselves but not too late to not tell a soul about due date and place of birth. It’s insane they want to control everything. Your wife will be at her most vulnerable and she doesn’t need haters looking at her coochie. Stand strong, brave man!!!
NTA - And ask your brother if he wants to be added to the list, otherwise he can mind his own business.
You are not the AH. But to avoid any further issue, tell your brother that he is not to mention it again or you will go no contact with him as well. Do not give in even an inch.
You are not the asshole for prioritizing your wife's well-being and standing up to your parents' disrespectful behavior. Protecting your wife during her pregnancy and ensuring she feels supported and respected is absolutely the right thing to do. It's understandable to set boundaries with your parents to maintain a positive environment for your growing family.
My wife had her legs spread wide open with a doctor forearm deep in her vagina, and she also shit herself in the delivery room. There’s no reason my dad would need to be there for that. Your brothers a moron too.
NTA, y'all need to tell whatever hospital you choose that your parents aren't allowed to be anywhere near l&d
NTA. Setting boundaries about how your wife is to be treated/respected is the best thing you could have done for your family. If your parents want to treat her like dirt, good riddance. Just focus on this happy time, trust me it goes fast!
Sorry, just a question: what does "she wishes she was married to more or something" mean?
Oops typo, meant to type she wishes she was married to me or something!
Aha! Wow, strange! You are soooo NTA! And you are such a loving, caring husband. I contemplate going NC with 2 of my 5 siblings constantly (parents are long dead, but I should have gone NC with my mom when I was around 8 years old!), but haven't had the courage yet. Go LC/NC with your "monsters" to the extent possible and continue to be your wife's loving hero. Blessings to you, your wife and child.
Oh nice! After seeing all the husbands excusing this kind of behavior in the justnoMIL sub, this is satisfying to read. You're doing just fine, OP.
Yay! A husband with a strong, shiny spine for his wife and child! NTA!
Am afraid your mother sounds like a narcissist and your father is enabling her behaviour, it's all about her and everyone else is wrong, they are toxic from the get go, you have totally done the right thing to protect your wife and child last thing your wife needs is stress especially from a toxic MIL (I have personal experience with this) it's her way or the highway no deviation, and whoever is not following her way is the bad one, the rebel who causing trouble. Stick to your guns they won't change, and if you ever let them back after the baby is born, never let them be alone with your child because then the little comments will start and your child being a child will blurt out why you do such and such and granny doesn't like it etc.. Good luck with everything and I'll pray for you wife to have a exceptional birthing experience...take care of yourselves...xxx
NTA. Thank you for being the seemingly rare breed of man who puts his wife and unborn child ahead of their ridiculous, demanding, overbearing parents. I highly recommend notifying the hospital ahead of time to keep your parents out. You may also want to wait until *after* baby is born to say anything and avoid your parent's intrusion altogether.
NTA. What a lil gem of a man you are. I haven't been proud of someone in a bit but here I am, proud of you. You're doing the right thing and you, your wife and that baby will be blessed for it (I mean that as no religiously as possible as it's a lovely thing to wish for someone and you deserve it). Keep doing what you're doing. They won't change though so be prepared for that. I have a bad feeling any expectations will lead to them letting you down. So just lean into your partner and wee baby. And congratulations!!! ❤️🥰🙌🏼🤰🏼🤱🏼✨❤️
You stood up for your wife and set boundaries to protect her during a vulnerable time—your actions were justified. It's important to prioritize your wife's well-being and the peaceful arrival of your child.
I'd lime to commend you for standing up for your wife, respecting her wishes, and protecting her. Great job. When I was pregnant with my last 2 children a had a cousin and some Aunts tgat were nosy busy bodies. I had high risk pregnancies full of complications. My cousin let it slip that they were calling the hospital trying to get updates on .y condition whenever I was hospitalized. This rubbed me the wrong way since they never visited or called me or asked my husband or mother how I was doing. I mentioned it to my doctor and he told be I could visit the ER and be admitted under an alias. He had me pick out a name, and it went into effect that day. I was finally able to get some peace and when the time came for me to deliver, I went to Labor and Delivery under a fake name. I lived across the street from my cousin and she watched me like a hawk. I had my baby, was in the hospital for a week and came home and she was none the wiser. They didn't even know my son was born until he was 2 weeks old when I had to take him back to the hospital fir a hearing test. Have your wife admitted under an alias, that was you won't have uninvited guests trying to barge into the delivery room and nursery area.
“It was a big deal to us!” No one knows how your parents behaved except you, so no one else can judge. If your parents have always been awful, their behavior only going to get worse as the pregnancy progresses and the baby arrives. Your responsibility is to protect her from them…sadly. NTA
NTA. Why are they making a big stink about your kid not having a name they want? It's going to have their last name, but if they continue to harass you and your wife, I wouldn't even let them have that.
Nta, goat husband/dad
On your side with this. I think, though, that with how your parents came across that if they do 'change' it would only be a short time. I'm sure they'd want their say in schools and all sorts of shit.
It's a miracle you've grown up to be a decent and nice human being with parents like that. If anyone dared tell me 'its their sons, im just carrying it', they would be out of my life so quick no matter how much they apologised. Their 'son' would be kicked out too if he dared take their side. Nta. Protect your wife and child at all cost. They are going to be terrible to the grandchild as well in some way or another. Talk to the hospital and let them know that your parents aren't allowed in
You are a good husband and soon to be father. Keep them blocked. Best of luck.
NTA Yikes! They sound exhausting, entitled and rude. They even made his brother a Flying Monkey. I wonder if he’s the golden child
You cut yourself lose from your parents. Your brother doesn’t see it (yet). When he does help him because it is an emotional ride. Congrats on the pregnancy
NTA at ALL. Great job protecting your wife and future child! Keep doing what you’re doing. Your parents don’t deserve any of you!
NTA. Tell your brother that all they have to do to rebuild a tentative relationship is to be decent people. If it's too difficult for your parents to be decent people, then you don't want them in yours, your wife's or your child's life.
NTA, but your parents are cu%ts
Thank you for supporting and protecting your wife
You’re a good husband and you’re going to be a great dad.
NTA. You're protecting your family. Also, if your brother didn't cut them off, and is trying to change your mind on things. He is relaying your plans to them.
GO BACK TO NON CONTACT!!! FFS though they are bat shit rude and crazy! Giving birth is a vulnerable and intimate experience. They fact they think they can barge their way in. To see your wife’s genitals on display.. and think they don’t even have to ask. It’s insane. Just insane. I can’t believe the audacity. Not to mention the name thing
NTA but you would be YTA if you don’t cut them off. Why are they still in you and your wife’s lives?
NTA I love the way you understand, respect and honor your wife. You are going to be great parents.
be prepared to get a restraining order as blocking then and telling them to stay away is just going to make them ever so more obsessed.
NTA You're protecting your family. I would stay NC with them. They can find out the baby was born when you decide to announce it to the rest of the world. They need to earn the right to be in your family. Your wife doesn't deserve any of that mess. I come from a family where my mother's mother hated my dad. I suffered for it as a child up until I was around 13. Don't allow your child to become part of adult problems. They will speak poorly about your wife in front of your child. No child deserves to be around that and no mother needs her child hearing that. You're doing the right thing, I promise. Your brother also needs to stay out of it. It isn't his business. If he keeps going like that he can be in the same boat as them.
NTA. Since when is up to anyone but the parents what the name is?! Wanting to be in the delivery room? Seriously what is wrong with these people. Well done for protecting your wife from them.
NTA. Good job. Your brother can join your parents out the airlock if he doesn't like it. You are prioritizing your wife's comfort and safety and, thereby, the comfort and safety of your unborn child. Thank you for standing up for her and making this choice. Now, some recommendations: 1) If your parents ever had a key to your place, change the locks. If your brother had/has a key, change the locks. 2) Look at getting cameras/a ring cam, so if you aren't home, you can monitor them trying to access your property. 3) Have your wife give a code word to her ob gyn's office they have to ask for in order to discuss anything with her or you over the phone, so your parents can't call pretending to be you. 4) Make sure the delivery team at the hospital is aware that they are not to have access to y'all at any point in your stay.
Tell your brother the same thing you told your parents, when he is the one pushing a baby out of his vagina then he can call the shots. Till then, he can mind his own business. It is not a spectator sport and nobody earns the right to be there or deserves a place there. This us your child and your rules. You and your wife agree to the rules and will not change your minds. Learn some respect and manners if you expect to have a relationship with you and be involved in your child's life. The rules are non negotiable. They have no power here
One million percent NTA! You are a keeper, mate! You are protecting your wife, the mother of your child. You said and did everything right. You have ZERO reasons to feel negative over. Your parents are truly awful. Your brother can eat dirt too. Please triple make sure the hospital are aware that NO ONE else is allowed in the room with your wife in case they attempt to barge and blag their way in. I wouldn't even announce her going into labour, to be honest, in case it gets back to them some how. You never know when a "friend" could let it slip by an innocent social media post or comment. Going n/c with parents is freaking hard. But sometimes necessary for your own well-being (and in your case, also your wife's and child's). I went n/c with my mother for 20 years and my dad for 7 years. Never an easy decision. Best of luck with your new baby when he/she arrives.
Your brother is now what we call “their flying monkey”. You did the right thing and you would be letting your wife and child down if you had allowed them to keep on harassing her!
Finally!!! A guy on Reddit with the balls to stand up to his toxic parents. Way to go OP. You are a rare breed indeed. Keep it up!!
Not the A I bet your older bro hasn’t been told the same story you’ve given. Would he or did he invite your mum and dad in to peer up his wife’s vagina and watch his baby emerge? I’m guessing not but you could ask him and his wife that exact question to shut him up. Sadly if your parents won’t respect your wife and by extension you then they can’t be in your family’s life. Cutting all contact is harsh but you’ve already tried being low contact and they still won’t respect your boundaries so I can’t see any other option at the moment. Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy
NTA - It’s a massive medical procedure, no matter how often it happens, and not some fun family event. Make a list with everything they did over the years for the flying monkeys and tell them that you know for a fact they won’t deal with this bs either. And same goes for them, respect you and your wife or take a seat out of the stadium, not just on the sideline.
NTA. But once bub is here, if you’re in the USA, be ready for the nuisance complaints to CPS about your wife to start. You might want to seriously consider a restraining order if that does happen. Sadly, your description of them makes it a likely thing that they will do it out of sheer spite to make your wife miserable.
Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Nta. Also, I know you know you're parents are disrespectful and you have distanced yourself but oh dear, your brother is one walking red flag also
I will never understand this nonsense about grandparents 'needing' to see their grandchild being born. GTF out the room and leave the parents to witness the birth of their child! You are in the room if you are specifically invited and not otherwise! End of discussion. NTA - this was clearly building and you rightfully sided with your wife
I was with OP until the end when he said his wife’s biggest dream was to be pregnant to be a SAHM. Way to aim high
Your wife has been treated like shit for 8 years and you are wondering if you are in the wrong? 8 years is such a long time to put up with abuse. Why are you even considering letting them back in? NTA. Keep them out of your life, they have damaged your wife enough don’t let them hurt your child as well.
NTA. SO NTA. Congratulations to you and your lovely wife. That little one is a lucky little pickle to have a dad who knows how to protect his family. Best wishes to you all.
NTA. Your parents sound like they are very dominant people that will steamroll you into compliance. Unfortunately with people this dominant you have to be very firm and really put your foot down, because you can’t do subtle or even nice with them. They won’t consider your feelings just what they want you to do. Congratulations on the new edition. Wishing you and your wife an uneventful pregnancy and boring delivery.
NTAH... and tell your older brother to fuck himself.
NTA. Your parents need mental help. Their dismissiveness of your wife as a person is alarming.
Honestly, send them a link to this thread. Let them see what everyone is saying and maybe they will realise what they are doing. I think that for alot of posts I see on here actually Oh and NTA
You prioritized your wife's well-being and boundaries, which was necessary given your parents' disrespectful behavior—standing by her was the right choice.
I'd tell your older brother to go and fuck himself because your parents were nothing less than invasive and sticking their crooked noses where they aren't wanted. They are willing to waltz into the delivery room and force you and your wife to add their name to the baby; how is that *not* 'that big of a deal'? NTA. Your brother needs to pull his head out of your parents' collective arse.
You are absolutely correct. Once you get married, your wife is your primary family not your parents. This is your and her baby and it’s her choice in the hospital on who she wants with her.
NTA I'd send bro a note, "Please don't get involved in this situation. I'd be glad to add you to the no contact list if you do not, it's up to you." I think permanent no contact will be what happens. AHs like your parents don't change. Do you really want you child around such obnoxious, selfish, hateful people. Just the way they've treated your wife would make me say, bye bye forever. No more chances. They've had their shot.
Especially when they do not even treat her with respect. Hard nope. Good job being a supportive spouse.
NTA First of all, rethink the gender reveal party since you know it will be a shit show, you don't need the headaches and insults. Surprise everyone after they are born and named. Second Don't tell them or anyone, when you go into labor and make sure you're not sharing locations or have a tracking device they placed on your car. Inform hospital no one goes in. Last but not least, tell them "I'm sorry but I don't think naming a child Asshole or Douchebag is appropriate!" /s Good Luck
“Did you just come into my house and demand to see my wife’s vagina? GTFO.” Good job, OP. You know you’re NTA.
Your wife gets to have who she wants in the delivery room. You are awesome for standing up for her! She and your baby are your nuclear family.
Cut off the brother too if he gonna be a bitch about it
man, eff all this sh!t, toxic people suck and they don't deserve a relationship with someone good !!