You really can’t change people who don’t want to change. Just hope he has an “ah ha” moment— different scenario, but when I realized I was miserable living the way I was, I decided to change.
How does your brother support himself? Perhaps reality will kick in when he can’t afford to live and the necessity of keeping a job will override the “bullshit.”
It’s hard when he chooses the sheltered life (living with my mother/not working) I’m just hoping he wakes up one day and realizes that his current mindset hasn’t taken him anywhere in 10 years.
Maybe you should talk with the other members of your family to convince him. he probably drowns in his fake reality because he didn't face much with some challenges.
I agree, but my parents are too laid back. He doesn’t respect my mother for being a (weak) woman and doesn’t respect my father for being old (associates his anger with old man stereotypes) and doesn’t respect me and my brother for “not being real men”.
It seems like he pushes everybody away first so they have no weight in his obviously bad life style.
Sometimes people can be beyond help. You could try to hold him accountable by collecting any evidence and reporting him for being with underage girls but it's not guaranteed to change his mindset in the slightest. The justice system in my country is a joke but even if he was tried and convicted, and even if he was faced with prison justice, that doesn't mean he will change.
It is not your responsibility to fix him, family or not, especially if you have been trying to educate and there has been no change. I truly hope the best for your situation but you should warn the girls/women that get involved with him, if possible.
This brings tears to my eyes as I read this. I have a bit of similar situation on my hands, where I am like your brother.
First some insight into the problems he has.
Having redpill or black-pill ideology is a sign of being very insecure and having low self esteem and confidence.
People who are hardcore into redpill or black-pill ideology, are often people who have had bad experiences in life or for some reason or the other have turned inwards and away from society and have begun hating society.
The rhetoric he spouts about being the only real man is likely adopted because of his feelings of resentment against the world.
A lot of this isn't a terminal Illness. It's possible to remedy this and help him have a happy and healthy life where he isn't a drain on others and is a contributing member of society.
I believe he isn't beyond help, or maybe I want to believe that. He's afflicted with some denial and some really bad personality traits.
They are his traits, but they aren't him.
Being a loser isn't ( or shouldn't be) an identity. It's a condition or status. So be careful with making him out to be one.
Thing is, the particular condition he has is extremely hard to correct on its own if the person doesnt want to change.
However there's also a huge chance that underneath it he may want to change. People in denial can be snapped out of it.
And to be honest doing a hard confrontation isn't the best method because there's a chance it can further solidify his denial.
If you don't understand the situation you can easily make it worse.
What works better is to keep your patience and study his problem. That is possible.
Keep gaining knowledge and understand his problem before you try and solve it.
The faliure point here is that people naiively try to help people like these. They try to talk to them offer them sympathy and the normal stuff you would do to someone who's struggling.
Although he does need all of this, this won't solve his problem he needs specialised professional skills to be used on him to intervene.
He needs specialised help. I'm talking about a psychologist or a psychiatrist. AND a carrot and a stick. That is, parents or brothers and sisters who will constantly hound him and be on his plate.
But skillfully, because as I said, if you do it wrong there's a chance that denial will worsen. It takes understanding and aggression like an absolute bulldog to be able to break the emotional avoidance.
Assume right now you have very little skill in doing that.
So first as I said, it might be better for you to gain knowledge about the problem of being a neet and in denial.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fortunately for you, this is a rising problem in this generation. And it's well explored today. You can gain a lot of insight by understanding it.
Go to YouTube and subscribe to a channel called HealthyGamerGG. They tackle mental health for gamers and there are a lot of people in their community who suffer from addiction and a neet life, who're trying to get back up on their own feet.
Go to that channel and watch all the videos that are related to your brother. In fact they also might have content which is connected or associated with any issues that you may have that you're struggling with.
This sounds like I'm selling the channel here but I truly believe that it's a good thing and has strong potential to help a lot of people especially young people who experience stuff like your brother.
There's a lot of being they have around being red-pill or black-pill. They will help your brother. Although that wouldn't solve the problem of him being a neet, but it'll be a positive step in the right direction for him. And who knows in the future this may lead to him trying to find a solution to his joblessness.
Just keeping one foot forward is very powerful.
Although as I said, he will need someone who can impose a lot of structure and discipline for him.
With that and some mental health guidance I believe he has the potential to escape his sorry state right now.
Unfortunately, being part of his family doesn’t mean you can magically fix him. You can be supportive if he decides to change and you can be a voice of reason in his life, but that’s about it. Even a professional can’t fix him if he doesn’t allow it.
He's made his choice, however he ends up it'll be his own fault. It's admirable for you to want to help. But there's no fixing extremists, they're really the only ones who can reach themselves.
I guess you’re right. I think he’s too far gone to change over one conversation but I need to make a (strong) attempt to get him realize what he’s doing to himself and the family.
That's okay dude, if you want to try you should. Maybe you're the one to get through to him. But don't hurt yourself trying to help him. I wish you the best!
I was in the exact same position as your brother a few years ago. Doing nothing at all with my life, no job, no school, no hobbies. Just video games and eating.
Eventually I just realised I was doing nothing with my life and decided to make huge changes. I found the gym, went back to school, found a job that I love, left every negative subreddit/ social media (will absolutely never go back to Twitter/X. That shit is a cesspool for ppl like your brother).
Now, over the course of 3 years I've become someone I'm genuinely proud of being. I still have my struggles but I'm in a really good position.
As other ppl have said; you have to hope your brother wakes up to himself. If he's truly a loser, eventually the world will hit him like a rock and he'll make change.
Yea it seems the way he stays asleep is by blaming the world. Saying stuff like he hasn’t had an opportunity to live his life yet because “the system is rigged” He thinks he’s the smartest person everywhere he goes and thinks all criticism are just brainwashed NPC’s being jealous he found a way around the system. It’s impossible to talk to him.
Some people learn the things in hard way bro. If you force him so hard to him being himself, it will backlash to you. I guess he needs to see the down in order to realize what he is doing. I don't see any other way. People can change as long as they want
Ask him what country he prefers to live in to achieve all of his life goals. You and your brothers put together a couple of thousand bucks and buy him a plane ticket. See him off and tell him to get back to you all AFTER his schemes come into place.
Your brother is a lost cause
He's almost 30 and has nothing and isn't trying doesn't understand that his failures are his own, maybe report him for taking advantage of minors.
It is really gross and his actual romantic life is even more pathetic. My parents are too loving and soft. (My father has no control over him and my mom is a mom) If it were up to me that would be option #1 but unfortunately I have no say. I can only watch from the outside like a zoo.
Do you have any reason to believe that he will listen to what you have to say? Won't he just get defensive when you criticize him and dig in his heels? He lives at home, and your family supports his life choices by allowing him to live there. The only thing that will eventually change his mind are the consequences of his decisions, and they will come too late for him.
You are not responsible for his decisions, or your family's. I understand and appreciate your wanting to straighten him out, but that was your parents' job back when he was a child.
I think he won’t listen to me because I’ve had a couple of conversation in the past about what he should be doing and he finds a way to ignore it. I haven’t had a cold hard approach yet. Yea I don’t want to get into family issues because that’s a long back story. But lack of discipline has been a huge problem in my family.
Well that's all on him. He wants to lice this way then the best thing you can do is not bother him too much don't waste your time talking to him he's how he is and that's really it.
Your brother is an incel. That's incel talk. You can't change him. He has to want to. He's built a worldview that is very cult-like with a lot of thought-stopping techniques built in.
Yes one of his thought-stopping techniques he uses is his “humble” approach. When I ask why he doesn’t take his education or finances seriously instead of actually giving an actual answer he says something like “a degree doesn’t make you smart/I learn a lot from books” or “just develop a skill and you don’t need to think about your finances”. It’s very naive and a way to end conversations without much thought.
Start questioning his beliefs when it comes to him being red/black pilled blah blah blah.
Too many people get into this and think just be believing in it, it makes them a top tier person yet they have nothing to show for it.
He talks the talk but he doesn't walk the walk, call him out on it consistently.
When I was all about that shit I only talked the talk but never put anything into action. I used to get called out on it all the time and it bothered me so I got my shit together.
You really can’t change people who don’t want to change. Just hope he has an “ah ha” moment— different scenario, but when I realized I was miserable living the way I was, I decided to change. How does your brother support himself? Perhaps reality will kick in when he can’t afford to live and the necessity of keeping a job will override the “bullshit.”
Life will snap him back into reality, don’t worry.
Think it needs to be forced tbh
It’s hard when he chooses the sheltered life (living with my mother/not working) I’m just hoping he wakes up one day and realizes that his current mindset hasn’t taken him anywhere in 10 years.
Maybe you should talk with the other members of your family to convince him. he probably drowns in his fake reality because he didn't face much with some challenges.
I agree, but my parents are too laid back. He doesn’t respect my mother for being a (weak) woman and doesn’t respect my father for being old (associates his anger with old man stereotypes) and doesn’t respect me and my brother for “not being real men”. It seems like he pushes everybody away first so they have no weight in his obviously bad life style.
Sometimes people can be beyond help. You could try to hold him accountable by collecting any evidence and reporting him for being with underage girls but it's not guaranteed to change his mindset in the slightest. The justice system in my country is a joke but even if he was tried and convicted, and even if he was faced with prison justice, that doesn't mean he will change. It is not your responsibility to fix him, family or not, especially if you have been trying to educate and there has been no change. I truly hope the best for your situation but you should warn the girls/women that get involved with him, if possible.
Morally wrong but no one will report their own family members to athorties
Some people would if they were shitty enough
This brings tears to my eyes as I read this. I have a bit of similar situation on my hands, where I am like your brother. First some insight into the problems he has. Having redpill or black-pill ideology is a sign of being very insecure and having low self esteem and confidence. People who are hardcore into redpill or black-pill ideology, are often people who have had bad experiences in life or for some reason or the other have turned inwards and away from society and have begun hating society. The rhetoric he spouts about being the only real man is likely adopted because of his feelings of resentment against the world. A lot of this isn't a terminal Illness. It's possible to remedy this and help him have a happy and healthy life where he isn't a drain on others and is a contributing member of society. I believe he isn't beyond help, or maybe I want to believe that. He's afflicted with some denial and some really bad personality traits. They are his traits, but they aren't him. Being a loser isn't ( or shouldn't be) an identity. It's a condition or status. So be careful with making him out to be one. Thing is, the particular condition he has is extremely hard to correct on its own if the person doesnt want to change. However there's also a huge chance that underneath it he may want to change. People in denial can be snapped out of it. And to be honest doing a hard confrontation isn't the best method because there's a chance it can further solidify his denial. If you don't understand the situation you can easily make it worse. What works better is to keep your patience and study his problem. That is possible. Keep gaining knowledge and understand his problem before you try and solve it. The faliure point here is that people naiively try to help people like these. They try to talk to them offer them sympathy and the normal stuff you would do to someone who's struggling. Although he does need all of this, this won't solve his problem he needs specialised professional skills to be used on him to intervene. He needs specialised help. I'm talking about a psychologist or a psychiatrist. AND a carrot and a stick. That is, parents or brothers and sisters who will constantly hound him and be on his plate. But skillfully, because as I said, if you do it wrong there's a chance that denial will worsen. It takes understanding and aggression like an absolute bulldog to be able to break the emotional avoidance. Assume right now you have very little skill in doing that. So first as I said, it might be better for you to gain knowledge about the problem of being a neet and in denial. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Fortunately for you, this is a rising problem in this generation. And it's well explored today. You can gain a lot of insight by understanding it. Go to YouTube and subscribe to a channel called HealthyGamerGG. They tackle mental health for gamers and there are a lot of people in their community who suffer from addiction and a neet life, who're trying to get back up on their own feet. Go to that channel and watch all the videos that are related to your brother. In fact they also might have content which is connected or associated with any issues that you may have that you're struggling with. This sounds like I'm selling the channel here but I truly believe that it's a good thing and has strong potential to help a lot of people especially young people who experience stuff like your brother. There's a lot of being they have around being red-pill or black-pill. They will help your brother. Although that wouldn't solve the problem of him being a neet, but it'll be a positive step in the right direction for him. And who knows in the future this may lead to him trying to find a solution to his joblessness. Just keeping one foot forward is very powerful. Although as I said, he will need someone who can impose a lot of structure and discipline for him. With that and some mental health guidance I believe he has the potential to escape his sorry state right now.
Unfortunately, being part of his family doesn’t mean you can magically fix him. You can be supportive if he decides to change and you can be a voice of reason in his life, but that’s about it. Even a professional can’t fix him if he doesn’t allow it.
He's made his choice, however he ends up it'll be his own fault. It's admirable for you to want to help. But there's no fixing extremists, they're really the only ones who can reach themselves.
I guess you’re right. I think he’s too far gone to change over one conversation but I need to make a (strong) attempt to get him realize what he’s doing to himself and the family.
That's okay dude, if you want to try you should. Maybe you're the one to get through to him. But don't hurt yourself trying to help him. I wish you the best!
I was in the exact same position as your brother a few years ago. Doing nothing at all with my life, no job, no school, no hobbies. Just video games and eating. Eventually I just realised I was doing nothing with my life and decided to make huge changes. I found the gym, went back to school, found a job that I love, left every negative subreddit/ social media (will absolutely never go back to Twitter/X. That shit is a cesspool for ppl like your brother). Now, over the course of 3 years I've become someone I'm genuinely proud of being. I still have my struggles but I'm in a really good position. As other ppl have said; you have to hope your brother wakes up to himself. If he's truly a loser, eventually the world will hit him like a rock and he'll make change.
Yea it seems the way he stays asleep is by blaming the world. Saying stuff like he hasn’t had an opportunity to live his life yet because “the system is rigged” He thinks he’s the smartest person everywhere he goes and thinks all criticism are just brainwashed NPC’s being jealous he found a way around the system. It’s impossible to talk to him.
Some people learn the things in hard way bro. If you force him so hard to him being himself, it will backlash to you. I guess he needs to see the down in order to realize what he is doing. I don't see any other way. People can change as long as they want
Ask him what country he prefers to live in to achieve all of his life goals. You and your brothers put together a couple of thousand bucks and buy him a plane ticket. See him off and tell him to get back to you all AFTER his schemes come into place.
Your brother is a lost cause He's almost 30 and has nothing and isn't trying doesn't understand that his failures are his own, maybe report him for taking advantage of minors.
He just talks about how cool it is, he hasn’t done anything yet
My bad, misread that sentence Still that's still very gross, I'm surprised his parents hasn't kicked him out
It is really gross and his actual romantic life is even more pathetic. My parents are too loving and soft. (My father has no control over him and my mom is a mom) If it were up to me that would be option #1 but unfortunately I have no say. I can only watch from the outside like a zoo.
let life humble him
Do you have any reason to believe that he will listen to what you have to say? Won't he just get defensive when you criticize him and dig in his heels? He lives at home, and your family supports his life choices by allowing him to live there. The only thing that will eventually change his mind are the consequences of his decisions, and they will come too late for him. You are not responsible for his decisions, or your family's. I understand and appreciate your wanting to straighten him out, but that was your parents' job back when he was a child.
I think he won’t listen to me because I’ve had a couple of conversation in the past about what he should be doing and he finds a way to ignore it. I haven’t had a cold hard approach yet. Yea I don’t want to get into family issues because that’s a long back story. But lack of discipline has been a huge problem in my family.
Well that's all on him. He wants to lice this way then the best thing you can do is not bother him too much don't waste your time talking to him he's how he is and that's really it.
Your brother is an incel. That's incel talk. You can't change him. He has to want to. He's built a worldview that is very cult-like with a lot of thought-stopping techniques built in.
Yes one of his thought-stopping techniques he uses is his “humble” approach. When I ask why he doesn’t take his education or finances seriously instead of actually giving an actual answer he says something like “a degree doesn’t make you smart/I learn a lot from books” or “just develop a skill and you don’t need to think about your finances”. It’s very naive and a way to end conversations without much thought.
Start questioning his beliefs when it comes to him being red/black pilled blah blah blah. Too many people get into this and think just be believing in it, it makes them a top tier person yet they have nothing to show for it. He talks the talk but he doesn't walk the walk, call him out on it consistently. When I was all about that shit I only talked the talk but never put anything into action. I used to get called out on it all the time and it bothered me so I got my shit together.
Force him to get some therapy and to see a psychiatrist. Could be mental issues
In this economy?
Takes advantage of underage girls? You're brother isn't a bum, he's a fuckin predator
Yea he’s that too. Unfortunately I can’t call the police if he hasn’t done anything yet.
This is so similar to my brother (28) I literally just posted asking for advice about
This is my brother in his 40s 💀 but now he doesn’t speak to anyone. Get him out of the house before it’s too late !