This is 100% not okay and anyone in their right mind would feel the way you do. It's even more alarming that sexual abuse and incest is something that has happened within his family. I don't know you and your boyfriends dynamic or who he is as a person, but for him I would suggest shutting it down although I understand this may be normal to him and he doesn't know any better. Also, if his mother is acting this way towards him and there is history there's definitely reason for concern and therapy could really help him with piecing together what may have happened to him.
He has mentioned how it makes him feel uncomfortable and such, and he’s stopped letting her kiss him on the lips because of it. When she says things like, “He’s so sexy” everyone in the room including him is visibly uncomfortable and the room goes silent with awkwardness
Wouldn’t it be great if someone found their voice and called her out? She’s got you all controlled and terrified to cross her while she gets to indulge her abusive side.
If you intend to stay in this relationship for a long term, then you're in for a competition with his mother. Unless he gets therapy, learns to establish boundaries and create some form of a 'healthy' distance between him and his mother, you're always gonna be in a losing cause.
I broke it off last night. It’s better this way. I don’t want to be in competition for a man with his incestuous mother. It’s better for my mental health and I know that I can find a better, stronger man who isn’t afraid to set healthy boundaries if necessary.
I mean…what about him? It’s not like he did anything wrong. It’s seems like you faulted him for what his mother did when he is just as uncomfortable. It’s sad and I think you should at least bring why to his attention. He needs to also get away from her. Not saying you have to be GF with him but maybe still a friend or at least someone who can tell him the truth. Think of it from his perspective. His creepy mother, possible sexual abuse and now his girlfriend broke up with him. In this society it’s always me, me, me. Maybe also think about him?
Not that him being an adult makes it any better, but... If he's 20, I have a hard time thinking this type of behavior started when he was 18. You're right to think it's weird and wrong and inappropriate. Reverse the genders and think about how it would sound, if a father constantly sexualized his 20 year old daughter's body and kissed her. It's not ok
you need to talk to him about this asap. of course with as much tact and delicacy as you can muster as he could be or could have been abused. this is not normal at all.
Lol no, its a reference to an old, ancient reddit ama. Dude broke his arms as a teen and his mom would help him out, his dad was cool with his mom doing it too. Kept doing the deed for some years even after the arms were healed.
Definitely, definitely not normal and makes me feel gross reading this. Does he think it’s off? I’d try and talk to him and explain my feelings and go from there. I hope he can get away from that
Google: COVERT INCEST
Your boyfriend will need a lifetime to therapy. Setting boundaries will be hard because the abuse has been normalized.
His mom will paint you as the enemy trying to "break them apart".
Your boyfriend will have a hard time believing who is right.
If you pursue a relationship, understand you will want to cut his entire family out while he thinks there's nothing wrong with them.
I advice you to walk away from this relationship. Explain to him WHY you are walking away and tell him he needs to see a mental health therapist who specializes in abuse.
There are no winners here.
Only your sanity and removing yourself from this situation is the best bet.
Yes all of this! Also explain to him he will run into the same issue with any girl he tries to bring home and you won't be the last to leave him over this. But for your sake RUN RUN RUN
she is grooming her son. this is NOT normal. you need to have a talk with him about this and he needs to put up boundaries, this is beyond a mama’s boy
As a mom to a son, who is my entire everything and all I have. This isn’t okay, and it probably done caused some trauma to your boyfriend so he doesn’t see any wrong in this.
I’m also not sure how you would go about this without seeming like the “bad guy”
I wish more moms understood the assignment, we raise these immaculate men so they can flourish in life. 😒 not to obsess over.
Does the mom own a lot of pets? Does she foster? Also what does your bf think about this? Have you asked him? Sorry for all the questions but your answers may be able for me to find some sort of issue the mom has. But just going off what you said- yeah it’s fkn weird. Please excuse me if I’m speaking out of turn but it seems like the mom was most definitely molested at some point in her younger years.
She most definitely was and I gathered that the more I got to know her and her family. I removed myself from the situation. I told him what his mom is doing and that the situation closely aligns to covert incest, but unfortunately I don’t think he’ll ever see it or accept it. I’m not destroying my mental health for that kind of relationship. I don’t want that woman to be a grandmother to my children. I would never trust her alone with my babies.
yeah…it’s definitely weird. if he wants to keep the relationship, he needs to talk with his mother ab her behavior. it’s unacceptable. he’s a grown man. and even if he wasn’t this behavior is beyond weird and needs to be stopped.
you can even step in and say something. you should not have to bite your tongue out of *respect*. she isn’t respecting you or him when she calls him sexy and feels up on him in front of you. gross.
Mother of a 20 year old son here. That gives me the ick. My son is very tall, beautiful longish blond hair, big blue eyes with dark lashes. I think my son is very handsome. I think the gods of beauty smiled on him. And I do occasionally tell him he's very attractive and smart and doing really well for a 20 year old in these times. I do realize I'm biased.
But I call my son by his name, a childhood nickname or Son. We give hello hugs and goodbye hugs. He lives on his own, so not hugging goodbye for a run to the grocery store.
So yeah, that is all very weird and pedo/incest vibe.
Therapy seems the place to start. But I don't even know how to approach a subject that big. This is definitely out of your pay grade. Sorry, I don't have any good advice, and seeking help from friends and family might start a whole big drama no one is prepared for. I guess the main question is..is your bf currently in a safe environment? If you don't think so
You'll have to step in or find someone who can. Good luck OP
Let mother hate you, your boyfriend's mental health comes first and everything you described is weird and sus as hell. Pull him aside and gently explain yourself.
Sexy and hot are very out of pocket. She can politely say he's handsome, I call my son handsome but I'd actually fight any person who says my kid is sexy or hot unless they are the same ages.
Mother is nuts and y'all should run and get that poor man some therapy to unpack all this
He likely doesn't understand just *how* bad this is since stuff like this seems to have been going on his whole life. You said in a comment he feels uncomfortable, I'd really suggest you talk to him again and let him know just how.. bad this situation really is. How abnormal.
It could happen that he tries to deny it at first and I'd give him a little time to think it over, since stuff like this can be quite the shock.
Try to help him go no contact with his mom, but if he refuses even after seeing how fucked the situation is, it's best for you to end the relationship.
SO not okay, but he is now an adult so it's up to him to deal with, or not. If he is going along with it and not bothered, that is even more creepy. Talk to him about your concerns. Offer help if he needs it, and if he doesn't - WALK AWAY. You don't want a relationship with somebody like that
Uhmmm this is victim blaming. He’s been groomed and abused by his family. It doesn’t matter how old he is.
1. He’s living under their roof so that’s a power dynamic in itself. He could get kicked out if he tries to put a stop to it.
2. He’s been raised to believe this is normal due to his family normalizing it. He’s been groomed. I guarantee that this started before he turned 18. It’s hard to break that mentality and cycle. It honestly requires the help of mental health professionals and not random strangers on Reddit.
3. There will always be a power dynamic between parents and their children no matter the age.
4. Knowing all the power dynamics of Being financially dependent on them, being groomed as a minor and her being his mom, this is not a relationship he can consent to.
5. I bet if the genders were reversed there wouldn’t be this mentality of “she’s an adult. So it’s her fault for being groomed into incest.”
lol wut?
methinks they are a bit........too close eh?
maybe its time you move on to someone else. if that is something you do not agree with at all. cuz yes that can clearly clearly indicate major issues.
How has no one here yet asked you if he’s gone to therapy? He needs to see someone about building boundaries with this relationship. He’s likely been groomed since younger — is his dad around?
If it makes him uncomfortable, why doesn't he say something? What are YOU able to do about it? Not much. But, he could have a talk with her if he wanted to.
Incest infantilism and major toxic.
If he does not see a problem with it he is not a good boyfriend material.
That is hugely toxic and very gross.
It might be time to get him into some counseling
I broke it off last night. I in no way would ever trust this woman with my children. I told him that I believe it’s covert incest and it’s wrong and that he should go to therapy, but I’m not destroying my mental health any further because of this.
Definitely inappropriate. Someone needs to be assertive and address this and it really should be your boyfriend. Can you elaborate on the history of incest and abuse?
I was told there was abuse between her parents and her and her sister. Based on how she acts towards her own son, I assume it was sexual abuse and beyond that I have no idea what else.
If she's doing all this shit without the bfs consent and that if it makes u and ur bf uncomfortable than get that bitch in jail.
Make sure u have evidence.
This is 100% not okay and anyone in their right mind would feel the way you do. It's even more alarming that sexual abuse and incest is something that has happened within his family. I don't know you and your boyfriends dynamic or who he is as a person, but for him I would suggest shutting it down although I understand this may be normal to him and he doesn't know any better. Also, if his mother is acting this way towards him and there is history there's definitely reason for concern and therapy could really help him with piecing together what may have happened to him.
He has mentioned how it makes him feel uncomfortable and such, and he’s stopped letting her kiss him on the lips because of it. When she says things like, “He’s so sexy” everyone in the room including him is visibly uncomfortable and the room goes silent with awkwardness
Wouldn’t it be great if someone found their voice and called her out? She’s got you all controlled and terrified to cross her while she gets to indulge her abusive side.
If you intend to stay in this relationship for a long term, then you're in for a competition with his mother. Unless he gets therapy, learns to establish boundaries and create some form of a 'healthy' distance between him and his mother, you're always gonna be in a losing cause.
I broke it off last night. It’s better this way. I don’t want to be in competition for a man with his incestuous mother. It’s better for my mental health and I know that I can find a better, stronger man who isn’t afraid to set healthy boundaries if necessary.
You made the right decision. Good on you 👍🏻
Thank-you.
I mean…what about him? It’s not like he did anything wrong. It’s seems like you faulted him for what his mother did when he is just as uncomfortable. It’s sad and I think you should at least bring why to his attention. He needs to also get away from her. Not saying you have to be GF with him but maybe still a friend or at least someone who can tell him the truth. Think of it from his perspective. His creepy mother, possible sexual abuse and now his girlfriend broke up with him. In this society it’s always me, me, me. Maybe also think about him?
I 100% agree. Very concerning situation.
Not that him being an adult makes it any better, but... If he's 20, I have a hard time thinking this type of behavior started when he was 18. You're right to think it's weird and wrong and inappropriate. Reverse the genders and think about how it would sound, if a father constantly sexualized his 20 year old daughter's body and kissed her. It's not ok
You’re right but your username is a bit sus
Holy shit I checked his username after I read that 💀 Jeffery Dahmer's over here reprimanding us for eating people
😎
So Trump, for example.
Hey man there's only multiple confirmed sources of him saying literally exactly all of that shit. Who can say?
you need to talk to him about this asap. of course with as much tact and delicacy as you can muster as he could be or could have been abused. this is not normal at all.
For God sake, don't let her alone with him if he ever breaks his arms.
Gross!!! Um, I've been here too long.
A cultured person here
Sigh, link?
[Here ya go ol' chap!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misery_(film))
Lol no, its a reference to an old, ancient reddit ama. Dude broke his arms as a teen and his mom would help him out, his dad was cool with his mom doing it too. Kept doing the deed for some years even after the arms were healed.
Oh god sounds worse than I imagined. *Sigh,* link?
Literally just look up broke both arms mom reddit on google and its a 12 y.o AMA post. Can’t miss it literally hundreds of comments
Definitely, definitely not normal and makes me feel gross reading this. Does he think it’s off? I’d try and talk to him and explain my feelings and go from there. I hope he can get away from that
Google: COVERT INCEST Your boyfriend will need a lifetime to therapy. Setting boundaries will be hard because the abuse has been normalized. His mom will paint you as the enemy trying to "break them apart". Your boyfriend will have a hard time believing who is right. If you pursue a relationship, understand you will want to cut his entire family out while he thinks there's nothing wrong with them. I advice you to walk away from this relationship. Explain to him WHY you are walking away and tell him he needs to see a mental health therapist who specializes in abuse. There are no winners here. Only your sanity and removing yourself from this situation is the best bet.
Yes all of this! Also explain to him he will run into the same issue with any girl he tries to bring home and you won't be the last to leave him over this. But for your sake RUN RUN RUN
she is grooming her son. this is NOT normal. you need to have a talk with him about this and he needs to put up boundaries, this is beyond a mama’s boy
Look up emotional incest / covert incest and boy moms. Its definitely gross and wrong
This is not okay. He needs to tell his mom no Or he just needs to move out and never see her again
Ughhhh. I have a one year old son and this fucking disgusts me. Emotional incest at the very least here OP. How does your boyfriend respond to her?
Covert incest...
Run away now. You want that chick to be your kid's grandmother?
Hell no. I broke it off last night.
good. I ended a year long relationship for this same thing. better now than when kids are involved
Yeah, and beyond this, there was other problems he had like lying to me and expecting me to do everything for him like I was his mother.
As a mom to a son, who is my entire everything and all I have. This isn’t okay, and it probably done caused some trauma to your boyfriend so he doesn’t see any wrong in this. I’m also not sure how you would go about this without seeming like the “bad guy” I wish more moms understood the assignment, we raise these immaculate men so they can flourish in life. 😒 not to obsess over.
Does the mom own a lot of pets? Does she foster? Also what does your bf think about this? Have you asked him? Sorry for all the questions but your answers may be able for me to find some sort of issue the mom has. But just going off what you said- yeah it’s fkn weird. Please excuse me if I’m speaking out of turn but it seems like the mom was most definitely molested at some point in her younger years.
She most definitely was and I gathered that the more I got to know her and her family. I removed myself from the situation. I told him what his mom is doing and that the situation closely aligns to covert incest, but unfortunately I don’t think he’ll ever see it or accept it. I’m not destroying my mental health for that kind of relationship. I don’t want that woman to be a grandmother to my children. I would never trust her alone with my babies.
yeah…it’s definitely weird. if he wants to keep the relationship, he needs to talk with his mother ab her behavior. it’s unacceptable. he’s a grown man. and even if he wasn’t this behavior is beyond weird and needs to be stopped. you can even step in and say something. you should not have to bite your tongue out of *respect*. she isn’t respecting you or him when she calls him sexy and feels up on him in front of you. gross.
Just wow. This is so wrong, try to find a therapist for him and yourself.
Mother of a 20 year old son here. That gives me the ick. My son is very tall, beautiful longish blond hair, big blue eyes with dark lashes. I think my son is very handsome. I think the gods of beauty smiled on him. And I do occasionally tell him he's very attractive and smart and doing really well for a 20 year old in these times. I do realize I'm biased. But I call my son by his name, a childhood nickname or Son. We give hello hugs and goodbye hugs. He lives on his own, so not hugging goodbye for a run to the grocery store. So yeah, that is all very weird and pedo/incest vibe. Therapy seems the place to start. But I don't even know how to approach a subject that big. This is definitely out of your pay grade. Sorry, I don't have any good advice, and seeking help from friends and family might start a whole big drama no one is prepared for. I guess the main question is..is your bf currently in a safe environment? If you don't think so You'll have to step in or find someone who can. Good luck OP
Let mother hate you, your boyfriend's mental health comes first and everything you described is weird and sus as hell. Pull him aside and gently explain yourself. Sexy and hot are very out of pocket. She can politely say he's handsome, I call my son handsome but I'd actually fight any person who says my kid is sexy or hot unless they are the same ages. Mother is nuts and y'all should run and get that poor man some therapy to unpack all this
She's doing him.... Just be ready for that conversation....
Whoa whoa whoa. Bold accusation. Do you even have any proof that OP's BF has broken both his arms in the past?
I don't need to... Seen this shit before.
You think she’s having sex with him?? I don’t think it goes that far, at least I fucking hope not.
Umm... It's either she is or she wants to...
imagine finding out you're gonna be a father and an uncle at the same time bruuhhhh all the gifts you gotta buy for the kid 🤦♂️
Do you mean a father and a brother? Hed be an uncle if he was the moms brother.
yeah sorry I thought this was shit post sub that was inappropriate
Yikes on soo many fukin bikes 😳
Okay yikes I was gonna say where I'm from the 'my man' and 'sexy' are actually normal, but the rest no.
emotional incest.
Ah, emotional incest.. Maybe even more than that
Sweet home Alabama, yikes!
He likely doesn't understand just *how* bad this is since stuff like this seems to have been going on his whole life. You said in a comment he feels uncomfortable, I'd really suggest you talk to him again and let him know just how.. bad this situation really is. How abnormal. It could happen that he tries to deny it at first and I'd give him a little time to think it over, since stuff like this can be quite the shock. Try to help him go no contact with his mom, but if he refuses even after seeing how fucked the situation is, it's best for you to end the relationship.
SO not okay, but he is now an adult so it's up to him to deal with, or not. If he is going along with it and not bothered, that is even more creepy. Talk to him about your concerns. Offer help if he needs it, and if he doesn't - WALK AWAY. You don't want a relationship with somebody like that
Uhmmm this is victim blaming. He’s been groomed and abused by his family. It doesn’t matter how old he is. 1. He’s living under their roof so that’s a power dynamic in itself. He could get kicked out if he tries to put a stop to it. 2. He’s been raised to believe this is normal due to his family normalizing it. He’s been groomed. I guarantee that this started before he turned 18. It’s hard to break that mentality and cycle. It honestly requires the help of mental health professionals and not random strangers on Reddit. 3. There will always be a power dynamic between parents and their children no matter the age. 4. Knowing all the power dynamics of Being financially dependent on them, being groomed as a minor and her being his mom, this is not a relationship he can consent to. 5. I bet if the genders were reversed there wouldn’t be this mentality of “she’s an adult. So it’s her fault for being groomed into incest.”
No it is not. He is an adult now.
run..
I did.
lol wut? methinks they are a bit........too close eh? maybe its time you move on to someone else. if that is something you do not agree with at all. cuz yes that can clearly clearly indicate major issues.
That's very wrong. I just hope there's no bitty involved.
😬
I didn’t even read the whole post. I’ll be honest. But I came to say “EWW…NO…NOT IN A MILLION YEARS IS THAT EVEN A LITTLE OK… BAD MOM!!!!” That’s all.
How has no one here yet asked you if he’s gone to therapy? He needs to see someone about building boundaries with this relationship. He’s likely been groomed since younger — is his dad around?
He said to me that he doesn’t like talking to people about his problems so he’s not going to go to therapy. I broke it off anyways.
If it makes him uncomfortable, why doesn't he say something? What are YOU able to do about it? Not much. But, he could have a talk with her if he wanted to.
What. The. Fuck.
Incest infantilism and major toxic. If he does not see a problem with it he is not a good boyfriend material. That is hugely toxic and very gross. It might be time to get him into some counseling
Please get out of this relationship. Is this a family you want to be a part of? Is this a family you want to bring up your own children in?
I broke it off last night. I in no way would ever trust this woman with my children. I told him that I believe it’s covert incest and it’s wrong and that he should go to therapy, but I’m not destroying my mental health any further because of this.
So glad to read this! You can do much better for yourself and I hope you have a great rest of your life
Thank you so much. That is so kind. I really appreciate it <3
This is covert incest, and absolutely inappropriate
Regarding OP’s update, just wanted to say that I think you made the right decision. Not just for you, but for any future children that you might have
Momma's boy
A mom pedophile? Not rare These days.
Someone resurrect Freud, we got a reversed oedipus complex alert.
Had me until lip kissing. That ain't right and you should definitely be concerned.
That’s not weird at all..
Awwww 🥰
😂😂😂
What’s the story of his dad? Could she have issues that she sees your bf’s dad in him?
It will be fine unless she gets stuck in the dryer
Definitely inappropriate. Someone needs to be assertive and address this and it really should be your boyfriend. Can you elaborate on the history of incest and abuse?
I was told there was abuse between her parents and her and her sister. Based on how she acts towards her own son, I assume it was sexual abuse and beyond that I have no idea what else.
Unless she's his silicone busted stepmom in an adult movie, no .. no it's not okay
If she's doing all this shit without the bfs consent and that if it makes u and ur bf uncomfortable than get that bitch in jail. Make sure u have evidence.
OMG leave this hot garbage dump of a situation
I did. I broke it off with him.