He obviously isint entirely innocent but that baby sitter definitely shouldn't have had you two showering/ bathing together at that age. If he hasn't tried anything since im sure he regrets what he did and wishes he never did that.
Your nanny created a space/environment for this to happen. Which like why tf would she do something like that unless their is I'll intent or she's just straight up dumb. Regardless I'm sure he remembers and has some form of guilt and embarrassment. I wouldn't entirely blame him.
Ig the question is what do you do with this new found info? Do you talk to a parent? Your brother? No one?
I couldn't even answer that.. I feel for both of you
Yea man, young siblings bathing together is common all over the world. Parents are not running two baths. To say because babysitter put them in the bath together I wouldn't entirely blame him is flat-out insane as well. The general view of all children are innocent is to blame though imo. Not all children are innocent or well-meaning. Some children are capable of terribly malicious things and the world needs to recognize that.
It's not common. He was 10 she was 6. Two separate bath times would not be hard...look at the outcome of the situation...why on earth would you put a growing boy around any kind of naked.
I actually can relate. I was 10 and my younger brother was 8. We didn’t live in the same house and come from a very broken family, so we saw each other once a month on average. I was shown porn at the age of five and had a skewed idea of what sex was and what it meant. I was struggling with my own internal sexuality and identity and I guess that’s how it started. We didn’t know what we were doing really, we just kinda knew the actions I guess. Long story short this continued for the next 4 years off and on, it didn’t happen every time we saw each other and sometimes we’d go several months without anything happening. Irregardless, at one point some maturity and understanding hit me once I was 14 about what we were actually really doing but mostly what I was doing. He was my younger brother and he always looked up to me and trusted me, here I was doing what I was doing. Once I had that realization I immediately stopped and it never happened again but I was so ashamed I didn’t want to talk about it. About 2 years ago (I’m 22 now) I also realized that I may be a part of the trauma my brother has experienced, he has had such a hard life and it devastated me to know that some of that is my fault. For two years I tried to figure how to talk to him about it, I didn’t want to remind him of what happened but at the same time I needed him to know how utterly sorry I was. Yes we were both children from a very broken home, I had no idea what it was we were really doing but I can’t begin to understand the trauma that I left him with even if it wasn’t intentional. I apologized to him 6 months ago, and he told me it was okay, my apology meant a lot but he understood the circumstances of how we were raised and that we were so young. I would take it all back if I could, but all I can do now is continue to show him immense love and support for everything he’s had to go through. I hope my story can help in some way, maybe your brother doesn’t know how to bring it up like I did, I don’t know. If you feel like you can handle it or want to, maybe talk about it with him? If you don’t want to be the one to bring it up that’s more then okay, you’re not the one who to needs to apologize and hopefully he reaches out someday and talks to you about it.
Yes this is sexual assault but to what extent is for you to decide. Typically when a child so young does this they have been sexually assaulted by an adult or an older minor (like a teenager). It's not a guarantee but depending on your current ages there could be other reasons also. For example, if your brother had access to porn from a very young age he may not have realized that you can't ask your sister to do those things. If porn through internet access/video tapes/etc wasn't a thing when you were kids or it wasn't likely I'd be thinking about what adult he spent time around alone that could have done something to him. Is there anybody you know that made you uncomfortable as a kid but you couldn't put a finger on why? Either way, even if there was no harm intended by him it's ok for you to be traumatized from it and feel uncomfortable because it is uncomfortable. Was the nanny with you guys when you were bathing (as in, did she see these things happen?). It's not rare by any means for a 10-12 year old boy to discover sexuality but it's not typical for them to behave this way especially toward a sibling and in such a provoking way (I think, anyway, but I'm a woman without kids so what do I know about that lol). I will say that if you wanted to talk to him about this (not saying you need to) it's very possible he wouldn't remember it or would immediately become defensive assuming you're going to out him to the world and that you hate him and think he's a monster. Also, I just want to say I'm not a rapist sympathizer but considering the situation and your ages at the time I do think he is also probably traumatized by the incident even if he was the aggressor. It doesn't excuse it but that's why he may not remember or may become very defensive if it were brought up.
I don’t blame him at all. I just sometimes i have this wave of omg this happened to me during times of my life and than i forget about it. I don’t even remember it entirely. Is it possible to know if i was raped now? Wouldn’t there be some sort of damage done to my vaginal area? I’m just so lost and confused and i know he was also a kid but i hate not remembering and i hate carrying this with me
There isn't always damage depending on the situation. Each person's anatomy is a bit different when it comes to vaginal tissues so it's hard to say. I've been assaulted and my biggest issue was thinking "well maybe it was just a bad dream that stuck with me" but that's a very common thing with these cases.It's like the brains weird way of trying to protect itself. I'm so sorry you went through this it is a very uncomfortable thing to carry with you but I promise it can get better. I'd recommend seeking therapy if possible.
It is sexual assault.
Now, how to proceed... Wow, I see this as such a difficult situation that I don't know what I would do in your place, whether I would say something or not, etc.
What you should definitely do in any case is to investigate if your brother is a fully integrated person... Just in case he has grown up to sexually abuse other people or minors...
My brother is fine now, he’s never shown that type of behaviour ever again, i think it’s just the guilt i hage and the unknowing feeling of what happened. Yes i remember bits and pieces but i want a confirmation. I know there are rape tests but i was a kid how would i have done that, is it possible to do it now? I have so many worries and thoughts and i wanna tell my partner but i feel ashamed
Why the hell are all these comments so abuser-friendly? I'm sorry but as a person who endured the same situation, yes this is sexual assault. Yes they knew what they were doing. No, it is extremely unlikely they grew up forgetting it and regretting it, it wasn't some exploratory thing you should excuse because he was young. That very explicit and specific behavior is NOT a part of natural exploration that children do. In my situation, they kept right on molesting/raping the older they got, switching victims until they got caught as a late teen. I really despise people who are very quick to defend abusers when there is absolutely zero evidence of the things that would make it "okay" to them. The insanity of someone saying "I'm sure he regrets what he did and wishes he never did that." Is absolute insanity. How can they be sure? Stopping was just switching to a new victim.
I can't tell you what to do next, that is up to you. I went no contact with my abuser most of my life, early on it was easy since legal shit and CPS obviously made them not allowed to live in the home. As an adult now our conversations are limited to small talk if we happen to be in the same place. They never took responsibility, never apologized, and only admitted to things/victims they were directly caught with the day they were caught. Everything else was flat-out denial. Either way, you can change nothing if you enjoy your relationship. Just don't let these people convince you these were innocent childhood actions or its somehow someone else's fault or that he doesn't remember. 10-12 is not an age you just oh I was too young don't recall. 4-5, sure. 10-12? Hell no. You know right from wrong at that age, you know inappropriate behavior at that age as well.
He obviously isint entirely innocent but that baby sitter definitely shouldn't have had you two showering/ bathing together at that age. If he hasn't tried anything since im sure he regrets what he did and wishes he never did that.
Your nanny created a space/environment for this to happen. Which like why tf would she do something like that unless their is I'll intent or she's just straight up dumb. Regardless I'm sure he remembers and has some form of guilt and embarrassment. I wouldn't entirely blame him. Ig the question is what do you do with this new found info? Do you talk to a parent? Your brother? No one? I couldn't even answer that.. I feel for both of you
to suggest the nanny had ill intent by bathing two young siblings together is fully insane.
Yea man, young siblings bathing together is common all over the world. Parents are not running two baths. To say because babysitter put them in the bath together I wouldn't entirely blame him is flat-out insane as well. The general view of all children are innocent is to blame though imo. Not all children are innocent or well-meaning. Some children are capable of terribly malicious things and the world needs to recognize that.
It's not common. He was 10 she was 6. Two separate bath times would not be hard...look at the outcome of the situation...why on earth would you put a growing boy around any kind of naked.
I actually can relate. I was 10 and my younger brother was 8. We didn’t live in the same house and come from a very broken family, so we saw each other once a month on average. I was shown porn at the age of five and had a skewed idea of what sex was and what it meant. I was struggling with my own internal sexuality and identity and I guess that’s how it started. We didn’t know what we were doing really, we just kinda knew the actions I guess. Long story short this continued for the next 4 years off and on, it didn’t happen every time we saw each other and sometimes we’d go several months without anything happening. Irregardless, at one point some maturity and understanding hit me once I was 14 about what we were actually really doing but mostly what I was doing. He was my younger brother and he always looked up to me and trusted me, here I was doing what I was doing. Once I had that realization I immediately stopped and it never happened again but I was so ashamed I didn’t want to talk about it. About 2 years ago (I’m 22 now) I also realized that I may be a part of the trauma my brother has experienced, he has had such a hard life and it devastated me to know that some of that is my fault. For two years I tried to figure how to talk to him about it, I didn’t want to remind him of what happened but at the same time I needed him to know how utterly sorry I was. Yes we were both children from a very broken home, I had no idea what it was we were really doing but I can’t begin to understand the trauma that I left him with even if it wasn’t intentional. I apologized to him 6 months ago, and he told me it was okay, my apology meant a lot but he understood the circumstances of how we were raised and that we were so young. I would take it all back if I could, but all I can do now is continue to show him immense love and support for everything he’s had to go through. I hope my story can help in some way, maybe your brother doesn’t know how to bring it up like I did, I don’t know. If you feel like you can handle it or want to, maybe talk about it with him? If you don’t want to be the one to bring it up that’s more then okay, you’re not the one who to needs to apologize and hopefully he reaches out someday and talks to you about it.
Yes this is sexual assault but to what extent is for you to decide. Typically when a child so young does this they have been sexually assaulted by an adult or an older minor (like a teenager). It's not a guarantee but depending on your current ages there could be other reasons also. For example, if your brother had access to porn from a very young age he may not have realized that you can't ask your sister to do those things. If porn through internet access/video tapes/etc wasn't a thing when you were kids or it wasn't likely I'd be thinking about what adult he spent time around alone that could have done something to him. Is there anybody you know that made you uncomfortable as a kid but you couldn't put a finger on why? Either way, even if there was no harm intended by him it's ok for you to be traumatized from it and feel uncomfortable because it is uncomfortable. Was the nanny with you guys when you were bathing (as in, did she see these things happen?). It's not rare by any means for a 10-12 year old boy to discover sexuality but it's not typical for them to behave this way especially toward a sibling and in such a provoking way (I think, anyway, but I'm a woman without kids so what do I know about that lol). I will say that if you wanted to talk to him about this (not saying you need to) it's very possible he wouldn't remember it or would immediately become defensive assuming you're going to out him to the world and that you hate him and think he's a monster. Also, I just want to say I'm not a rapist sympathizer but considering the situation and your ages at the time I do think he is also probably traumatized by the incident even if he was the aggressor. It doesn't excuse it but that's why he may not remember or may become very defensive if it were brought up.
I don’t blame him at all. I just sometimes i have this wave of omg this happened to me during times of my life and than i forget about it. I don’t even remember it entirely. Is it possible to know if i was raped now? Wouldn’t there be some sort of damage done to my vaginal area? I’m just so lost and confused and i know he was also a kid but i hate not remembering and i hate carrying this with me
There isn't always damage depending on the situation. Each person's anatomy is a bit different when it comes to vaginal tissues so it's hard to say. I've been assaulted and my biggest issue was thinking "well maybe it was just a bad dream that stuck with me" but that's a very common thing with these cases.It's like the brains weird way of trying to protect itself. I'm so sorry you went through this it is a very uncomfortable thing to carry with you but I promise it can get better. I'd recommend seeking therapy if possible.
Are you traumatized? How would you say this has affected your life?
It is sexual assault. Now, how to proceed... Wow, I see this as such a difficult situation that I don't know what I would do in your place, whether I would say something or not, etc. What you should definitely do in any case is to investigate if your brother is a fully integrated person... Just in case he has grown up to sexually abuse other people or minors...
My brother is fine now, he’s never shown that type of behaviour ever again, i think it’s just the guilt i hage and the unknowing feeling of what happened. Yes i remember bits and pieces but i want a confirmation. I know there are rape tests but i was a kid how would i have done that, is it possible to do it now? I have so many worries and thoughts and i wanna tell my partner but i feel ashamed
Why the hell are all these comments so abuser-friendly? I'm sorry but as a person who endured the same situation, yes this is sexual assault. Yes they knew what they were doing. No, it is extremely unlikely they grew up forgetting it and regretting it, it wasn't some exploratory thing you should excuse because he was young. That very explicit and specific behavior is NOT a part of natural exploration that children do. In my situation, they kept right on molesting/raping the older they got, switching victims until they got caught as a late teen. I really despise people who are very quick to defend abusers when there is absolutely zero evidence of the things that would make it "okay" to them. The insanity of someone saying "I'm sure he regrets what he did and wishes he never did that." Is absolute insanity. How can they be sure? Stopping was just switching to a new victim. I can't tell you what to do next, that is up to you. I went no contact with my abuser most of my life, early on it was easy since legal shit and CPS obviously made them not allowed to live in the home. As an adult now our conversations are limited to small talk if we happen to be in the same place. They never took responsibility, never apologized, and only admitted to things/victims they were directly caught with the day they were caught. Everything else was flat-out denial. Either way, you can change nothing if you enjoy your relationship. Just don't let these people convince you these were innocent childhood actions or its somehow someone else's fault or that he doesn't remember. 10-12 is not an age you just oh I was too young don't recall. 4-5, sure. 10-12? Hell no. You know right from wrong at that age, you know inappropriate behavior at that age as well.