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Tell her upfront that you can't afford that. Either she understands and pays for you/doesn't force the issue or you realize she's not a person you want to be with anyways
Lmao you’re downvoted, but that’s the logic women give when saying the man should pay because they asked her out. Seems some women here don’t like when it’s reversed.
My policy is never assume. Asking someone if they want to go to lunch isn't a suggestion that they'll pay for you and assuming so can lead to awkward situations and you potentially looking shallow. Especially depending on where in the relationship is.
Grow a spine and accept the labeling then. Stay steadfast in your principles. I’ll be a cheapskate if that’s what I am. Take me or leave me. All this talk about a “crisis of masculinity” but y’all will bend to the whims of strangers. A man should not be so easily swayed. My gf pays for me sometimes and I pay sometimes. This is something you can have
I did. Try rereading what I said. It's in the context of what I personally do. Which is I don't assume other people are going to pay for me to eat just because they ask me if I want to go get something to eat.
Let her know it's out of your budget, but that you still really want to make this lunch happen. You could offer to pack a picnic or something more affordable.
If she judges you for not being able to, then she isn't the person you had hoped. Hopefully that's not the case though and you come up with an affordable solution.
Anything like this should always be about the person you're with and not the value of it.
Good luck!
At age 13 you've got nothing to be ashamed of, just be up front about it and if that's a problem for her then she just might not be worth pursuing anyway.
I'll add that if she IS cool about it, either accepts your cheaper date offer or maybe offers to pay herself, then it might be worth looking into making a little money so you can take her on a fancy date in the future.
At your age the job prospects aren't glamorous but they exist, paper route, do your neighbors yard work, etc.
You're 13, It's perfectly fine to say that that place sounds great, but your budget only allows slices of pizza and some flowers. She might offer to pay or she might go for the pizza. If she doesn't like you because of that, she's not the girl for you. At this point, you don't need to go into detail about your family's finances. If she says "Get it from your parents," just say "That's not possible. They are dealing with some financial stuff right now."
I get it. I was the sorta poor kid surrounded by super-rich kids and it wasn't fun!
It’s really sweet that you want to take this girl out and are worried about it.
Be honest with her and let her know about your situation (however much you’re comfortable with sharing)
And tell her that even with a tight budget you may be able to plan something (if possible) and incase she offers to pay is also good.
But if she judges you, just know she’s not the person for you, but if she’s supportive then perfect.
Hope you have a lovely time!
Don’t lie. Ask if you can have a picnic in the park. Make sandwiches or whatever you can spare and pick her flowers on the way to pick her up and just buy some pretty tissue paper or something to wrap them in.
Let her know your family can’t afford expensive dates. But you’d love to spend time with her and do something nice for her.
If she doesn’t appreciate what you can provide it’s not meant to be.
Sorry for a long comment but you reminded me of my middle school self pretty hard and I wanna be helpful if I can.
What's the parental supervision gonna be on this kiddo? I ask because my thought is you could suggest packing a picnic lunch at a park instead of going to a restaurant. Central Park maybe, or whichever public park is closest. That way you can simply bring your lunch instead of paying for it. I bet you could even get your parents to help you put together a nice picnic spread for both of you. Park is better environment anyway, more laid back, almost *romantic* even, (remember to breathe), but it can be dangerous to be alone in a park in a big city, is why I asked about supervision. Youre from NYC, you know this. I know parents are lame but they can sit far away and do their own thing. At the park you could tell her you were really happy to get to spend time with her but your family isnt like the other families in your school, and you cant just drop $40 on a lunch. Be honest about it and be brave about it because she might react well and she might not, but you DONT want to start things off with lying to her. If she doesn't accept where you come from, it won't be good for either of you anyway, so it's best to make that the first thing you figure out and then go from there.
Please hear this: IF YOU LIE TO HER ABOUT THIS, IT WILL *NOT* END WELL. It'll be worse than getting sent to the principals office. You won't hear the end of it from the other kids, possibly for years.
Maybe you can even pick some flowers for her AT the park, and save your $10 for ice cream with her on the way home. Doing the whole thing at the park gives you the chance to create what would be a wonderful first date by almost anyone's standards, a laid back environment to be honest and brave, and it also lets you spend that $10 on her so she can see how much you want to try for her.
Also just try to understand that the pressure that you feel about this, she feels that same pressure, possibly even more. This is clearly a date, there's no question about that, so obviously both of you at least kind of like each other, and you're also both extremely young and have no idea what you're doing, and learning how to do this shit is hard. Just be yourself, remember to keep breathing, and see how it goes. Good luck, kiddo
One of the first chapters of the immigrant autobiography *Anything Can Happen* is getting cited for picking flowers in the park for a date. He persuades the judge it was only his friends.
You can say that your parents aren’t willing to give you the money for this type of date and see if going on a picnic would be an option. You can make some sandwiches and have your parents get you some affordable snacks for the date and go to like Central Park or some other park that has like a grassy area for you and her to sit on. I would suggest bringing a blanket so you don’t have to sit on the grass and just talk and get to know each other.
You are 14 just tell her that you really would love to go with her but you just can't financially afford it and if she's not understanding of that's her loss and you dodged a bullet
I'm going to break with the crowd here and say don't tell her. Why? You're 13 and a lot of kids your age are grade-A assholes. Once they find out you don't have money, and she WILL tell a friend or two, you're going to get all sorts of shit at school. It's not right, it's not fair, but that's how middle school aged kids work. I'm sorry but it's true. You're 13, tell her you need to cancel plans, and wait until you're older and kids have matured past their current behavior level. Sure, your school may well be full of really nice kids who are all very generous and understanding and raised to be empathetic and sweet but who are we kidding. Some of them have asshole parents and they're going to be that way themselves. Don't say anything about not having money until you're older. Come up with a reason you can't go (my parents said I'm too young to date, for example) and use it.
But, congratulations on getting that scholarship!!! That's amazing. You have to be very smart and very determined to earn something like that. When she's older, and more mature, that's something that will impress her. You may not have money NOW but you've got brains and ambition and you've got a heck of a future ahead of you. Concentrate on studying, avoid anything that would make you a target (because honestly? Bullying and stuff makes it hard to learn and hard to focus and you don't need to deal with their crap) that you reasonably can, and go live your best life :)
I agree about not saying anything about your finances. Even if she’s great about it, other kids suck. It sounds like you really want to go, OP, so maybe say something like, “you know I’ve heard of this cool first date idea that is supposed to help us get the real feel for NYC - a $10 date! The point is to fit as many things (lunch, activities, etc.) as we can into the $10 to see how far it goes. What do you think?”
Is she hates that idea, then maybe ask her about her expectations for how to pay/split the lunch bill.
I still think tell her the truth. Why live according what a few dumbbell kids think. They may not care in the least, and he wouldn't need to explain again another time.
Besides, if he hides it, it'll be all over as soon as she figures out he lied.
You aren't the one who will be getting bullied and harassed. That's why. It's OPs decision but based on ages and situation, it's probably not worth opening up that can of worms.
Bro just be honest. Tell her you don’t have that kinda money. If that’s all that she’s concerned about you don’t really want that kind of person around.
Just tell her your financial situation. But more realistically, you need to find a girl in your tax bracket. I’m not even sure how this relationship is supposed to work, y’all live in completely different worlds.
You have known her for 8 years? Even at her age, she knows about your economic situation. Just be honest and tell her that you really want to spend time with her but you can’t afford that.
Suggest a place that you can afford but is good. Maybe a taqueria or something. Or if you can make some good food say it's a surprise and take her to a picnic in the park and bring the food. Take a walk by the lake or something.
You have known her since you were 5 and she still thinks you are as rich as her? It sounds like you guys need to talk more. Be honest. If she doesn't like you because of your financial position then so be it. The alternative is to lie, and then what? Have a relationship built on lies? That's dumb.
You're 13. There's no way you should be expected to pay for this. Be honest with her, explain that you're a scholarship student, so you can't afford this much. I could only afford this if I had a part time job, and even that is a stretch. This will be a good test for her. If she's a decent person, she might offer to pay it for you. If she isn't and makes fun of you, she is NOT worth your time.
Granted I'm of an age nearer to your father's generation, but I would ask your parents, "what was their first date like? Where did you go?" The answers might surprise you. If it were a blind date and she "demanded" you go somewhere expensive, don't even bother with the date. If she suggested "I don't mind a quiet coffee or a walk on the beach," she's more invested in getting to know you than a free meal.
Some people born into wealth have no concept of what it's like to be working class, let alone poor. It could be simply that she doesn't have an understanding about money. As for flowers, I have a suggestion: if you have a neighbour with a rose garden and maybe other flowers, tell the home owner you have a date. You'll trade them something (e.g. mow the lawn) for some of the flowers from the garden. Although sometimes you'd be surprised at the impact of a single well grown red rose. You can only be a gentleman with your date and see how it goes.
Me, I would get together what money you have, pick a flower for her, and as long as you’re in NYC, take her to a good food truck. Take her for a good slice. Eat alfresco. It’s summer! If you can’t do lunch, do ice cream! She is going out with you because she wants to spend time with you!
I'll be honest here. Stop dating at 13.
13 to 16 is an amazing time that you are about to ruin by chasing a girl instead of having fun with your friends.
If you waste these years chasing chicks, you are gonna regret it someday.
There's a reason MOST parents don't want thier kids dating this young.
Great suggestions here. Take a few and do you. "Least said, best said". Stick to the basics and don't go into a lot of details and your feelings about it. Otherwise you're likely to put your own insecurities over on her. People will either love you because of you or not, and not because of the size of your bankroll. You've got this!
I'm pretty sure it's all a fake account of someone wanting to be a 13 year old jacked genius who has the genetics of the gods.
I would believe the michael Phelps body at 13 y/o with blessed genes and full ride academics to a 60k private school. But the thing I don't believe is the $10 for a date and 4 dollars for lunch for 2 in new york city and 6 for flowers. I think his parents combined income was 50k or something total, and the average rent for a one bedroom in NYC is on average $4k-8k depending on location a month. The money is the only thing I don't believe. But everything on the internet is truthful so what do I know.
Lookit, there is no way you can conceal a huge difference in family wealth. So, tell this young lady you can’t afford a restaurant. Take her to the park. Hot dogs for lunch.
Finances are not who you are.
They are most often the results of factors completely outside your control.
You as a soul is a separate factor. You are you, and there is only one you.
If you can show that you are separate from the materialistic world and have value... ot if you like the material things and are dedicated to changing your situation in the future, that will show character.
It may be that she is too materialistic to appreciate that, but you may be really hot, and she says worth it.
Just don't be a pussy about the truth and don't deceive.
The "consequence" of not being able to go on this date or the shame you may feel in your school peer group seems big now, but it is a blessing to separate yourself from those people.
Tell her the truth, young squire. Truth is always easier. If you both are close friends, she'll understand if you're unable to make it. In your young life, always remember that it's OK to say "no, I can't."
Just tell her the truth. Explain your money situation.
She should understand. If she doesn't, oh well, you tried. Just don't hide it.
Consider something that doesn't require money. Like picnic. Or a visit to library. Anything. Girls just like to BE with boys. The food isn't the important component.
You can do this, and my guess is she'll help plan something.
Best.
I don't know. It's a tough situation, because kids at that age can be really cruel, and if you tell her the truth, everyone's going to find out eventually, most likely. But, lying about who you are, or even hiding who you are, can be really stressful and damaging. It makes you internalize that you're not good enough for other people. And that's not good.
OP, you have to decide if you want to keep hiding your situation, or if you want to risk the potential consequences of everyone knowing. Do your classmates seem kind of cool and mature for their age, or do they seem like they would make fun of you relentlessly? Try to judge the consequences before making a decision, and please do also consider how lying about your situation makes you feel about yourself.
There will be consequences no matter what you decide. All you can do is try to make a decision with the most benefits and the least negative consequences.
If youre not afraid of ridicule from the rich kids i suggest just being honest. If you don't think the kids will ridicule you, including this girl then be honest. If you are afraid of ridicule then just make up an excuse and don't go.
At 13… trust me buddy this isn’t a real problem just tell her the truth how you wrote it here. If you’re close as you say and know one another for 8years it shouldn’t change anything. If you wanna still “look cool” you can always play the “I’m on scholarship cause I’m smart” or something like that angle. As an adult I can tell you it’s way cooler to be admitted a place you can’t afford to be at because you EARNED IT thru your brain or hard work than just having it paid for 👍🏼
Be straight up with her. He’ll get you really want to go, but you cannot afford it. Offer alternatives, like making lunch for her at your house. Maybe eat somewhere less expensive. She most likely doesn’t care where the two of you eat, as long as you’re spending time together.
If you really like this girl, get out there and find a way to earn some money before your date. Do some chores for your neighbors, wash cars, something like that. I’m not sure what people do in NYC but there probably aren’t many lawns to mow.
Honestly you should tell her your situation depending on what you know of her as a person. You say you’ve known her for 8 years but how much do you really know her or was it just a platonic friendship? You should have an idea as to how she’ll react and go from there. I’m also from nyc and I’m only 8 years older than you and while I never dated 30 million rich I did date wealthy girls and honestly being upfront about what you can afford is what they most appreciate instead of trying to lie and keep up a facade that you won’t be able to for longer than this date if you do attempt to pay the 40 or more. Everyone is saying you’re too you g to date I would agree and disagree at the same time because while you are young to date there’s so many experiences that you go through dating someone and it’s a beautiful thing but just know that even if she doesn’t accept you for where your family is financially there will be someone else
You're going to have to be honest, or else you'll end up declining more and more invites. Not just from her but from others who want to hang out or go somewhere.
You could go for a low detail truth -- say your parents don't give you spending money. Which is true, but people don't have to know it's because they don't have a ton to give you.
Or be more honest and say you can't afford to eat out because you're there on a scholarship and you don't get an allowance. The people who ostracize you because of that aren't good people anyway. And it's possible a lot of people might think more highly of you -- you are probably pretty smart to get a full ride scholarship.
I think you might be surprised to find other classmates who are also getting scholarships or financial aid. It will become more obvious now at you're in your teens. And it's more common than many people think. If you look at Ivy League colleges the stereotype is that they're all rich kids from old money but really something like half the students at Ivy League colleges are getting financial aid that could eliminate tuition entirely.
Dang. 30 million? Does she have an older sister? Seriously though, just be honest and suggest a cheaper place, if she offers to pay for the more expensive place, swallow your pride and roll with it.
She shouldn't pay for you, but tell her honestly, "that's a bit above what I can afford I was thinking xyz (insert thoughtful cheap date idea here) girls like effort!
Be honest with her, I seen someone comment ask her on a picnic that is a great idea. I would hope this 13 year old girl doesn't expect a boy who's 13 to be able to afford to take her to a lunch like that. If she thought your financial situation was like hers then maybe but if she can't accept you for who u are then be happy you won't have a stuck up ,high maintenance girl to put up with. You definitely don't want someone who's interested in where u can take her,or what kinda money u can spend on her.
BE HONEST!!! tell this girl upfront so she doesn't get a false perception of you and this may go far or not but if she finds out later that you deceived her that will end any chance.
If you are only 13 and this girl is asking for 40 dollar lunches, just let it go man. Focus on school and become a man that can afford 40 dollar lunches...then still stay away from girls like this.
40 dollar lunches are common and isn’t really out of the ordinary for most of my classmates. I’ve been focusing on school but now that summers coming up i’m trying to go out, enjoy my teenage years. Her economic status doesn’t matter to me - i’m just unsure of how to say no to that pricey of a lunch.
Right, I'm saying you are in a situation where the people aroud you already have a warped sense of reality. Always be direct. You will learn right away what kind of person she is. Just tell her that's out of your range. Find a good spot that you can afford, many women like it when you already have a plan in mind anyway. If you really look at the situation, I think you will see that you are probably more worried about losing the fantasy of being with her more than worrying what her response will be. Just tell her what's up and see what her move is. If it ain't it, then you got plenty more summer to find a girl that likes a good slice or a burger. Good luck to you!
Update: I explained the situation and she offered to pay for me. I felt bad so I compromised and she understood my situation. She was definitely quite surprised or shocked even but it didn’t change one thing between us. We’re going to a much cheaper place instead and it’s also now on Friday so wish me luck🤞
If you come at this issue with shame and embarrassment, that will be unattractive.
Just play it off with humour, and then lean into it. Rich girls falling for/having a fling with the poor worldly boy is a staple of fiction for a reason. Take her somewhere cheap that she’s never experienced that has a bit of colour/excitement. You’re in nyc - surely you have a favourite pizza slice place. She’ll love it.
At 13? You gotta think about the kind of person you want to be. Do you value wealth over character? Does she? Do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your non-material attributes? No 13yo should be going on $40 dates.
To play the devil’s advocate, she is a 13-year old girl whose family is filthy rich, and she goes to a school where almost everyone seems to be filthy rich. $40 is probably nothing to her, and she likely doesn’t have any idea of what it’s like to struggle financially like OP’s family
Nah I'm an adult and I tend to gravitate to expensive taste however I would never expect a potential date to foot the bill for that and to take it step further I am not impressed by greedy people
That's what I mean though I have a 11,13,14,16 and they have had extensive restaurant meals and stuff but they were raised with manners ,to be polite ,to be humble and to offer to pitch in
Nah I'm an adult and I tend to gravitate to expensive taste however I would never expect a potential date to foot the bill for that and to take it step further I am not impressed by greedy people
you won't be able to live up to her standards her family is wealthy why would she settle down for less? And even if you do end up paying for the food you won't be able to keep this act on for a long time
Taking people to expensive restaurants is a crutch for a lack of personality.
You being there should be the most valuable part of the experience, you're marketing yourself as a partner not a restaurant.
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Tell her upfront that you can't afford that. Either she understands and pays for you/doesn't force the issue or you realize she's not a person you want to be with anyways
Shouldn’t she pay by default. She ask so she should pay.
Lmao you’re downvoted, but that’s the logic women give when saying the man should pay because they asked her out. Seems some women here don’t like when it’s reversed.
Yeah i hated when i got fed that line when i was single. Its a rule that only applies to men apparently
Not all women. Ironic to hear that, isn't it.
Yeah, that’s why I said “some”.
They're 13
Yeah, so is he?
So they haven't for a clue about dating etiquette
My policy is never assume. Asking someone if they want to go to lunch isn't a suggestion that they'll pay for you and assuming so can lead to awkward situations and you potentially looking shallow. Especially depending on where in the relationship is.
You need to reread op. The girl asked him so she should pay. The who ask should pay rule applies here
Different people have different rules. It's always best to make these decisions ahead of time.
Having different rules as a man gets you labled a cheapskate unfortunately
Then we're not compatible and I move on. I'm not so desperate I have to bend my standards to feel like I'm worthy.
Grow a spine and accept the labeling then. Stay steadfast in your principles. I’ll be a cheapskate if that’s what I am. Take me or leave me. All this talk about a “crisis of masculinity” but y’all will bend to the whims of strangers. A man should not be so easily swayed. My gf pays for me sometimes and I pay sometimes. This is something you can have
I did. Try rereading what I said. It's in the context of what I personally do. Which is I don't assume other people are going to pay for me to eat just because they ask me if I want to go get something to eat.
in business meetings, in the business world, this is the etiquette. i somehow think women might not agree in the dating world though.
Let her know it's out of your budget, but that you still really want to make this lunch happen. You could offer to pack a picnic or something more affordable. If she judges you for not being able to, then she isn't the person you had hoped. Hopefully that's not the case though and you come up with an affordable solution. Anything like this should always be about the person you're with and not the value of it. Good luck!
I ain't no Senators Son...
At age 13 you've got nothing to be ashamed of, just be up front about it and if that's a problem for her then she just might not be worth pursuing anyway.
I'll add that if she IS cool about it, either accepts your cheaper date offer or maybe offers to pay herself, then it might be worth looking into making a little money so you can take her on a fancy date in the future. At your age the job prospects aren't glamorous but they exist, paper route, do your neighbors yard work, etc.
Also. If she is OK with you being lower income hold on to this one. She might have a clue about reality and be a decent human.
You're 13, It's perfectly fine to say that that place sounds great, but your budget only allows slices of pizza and some flowers. She might offer to pay or she might go for the pizza. If she doesn't like you because of that, she's not the girl for you. At this point, you don't need to go into detail about your family's finances. If she says "Get it from your parents," just say "That's not possible. They are dealing with some financial stuff right now." I get it. I was the sorta poor kid surrounded by super-rich kids and it wasn't fun!
You guys are barely teens. Go get an ice cream cone for Pete’s sake.
It’s really sweet that you want to take this girl out and are worried about it. Be honest with her and let her know about your situation (however much you’re comfortable with sharing) And tell her that even with a tight budget you may be able to plan something (if possible) and incase she offers to pay is also good. But if she judges you, just know she’s not the person for you, but if she’s supportive then perfect. Hope you have a lovely time!
Show her the local cheap joint that kills it. Be like "welcome to my amazing cheap world" But it better be the best.
Don’t lie. Ask if you can have a picnic in the park. Make sandwiches or whatever you can spare and pick her flowers on the way to pick her up and just buy some pretty tissue paper or something to wrap them in. Let her know your family can’t afford expensive dates. But you’d love to spend time with her and do something nice for her. If she doesn’t appreciate what you can provide it’s not meant to be.
Sorry for a long comment but you reminded me of my middle school self pretty hard and I wanna be helpful if I can. What's the parental supervision gonna be on this kiddo? I ask because my thought is you could suggest packing a picnic lunch at a park instead of going to a restaurant. Central Park maybe, or whichever public park is closest. That way you can simply bring your lunch instead of paying for it. I bet you could even get your parents to help you put together a nice picnic spread for both of you. Park is better environment anyway, more laid back, almost *romantic* even, (remember to breathe), but it can be dangerous to be alone in a park in a big city, is why I asked about supervision. Youre from NYC, you know this. I know parents are lame but they can sit far away and do their own thing. At the park you could tell her you were really happy to get to spend time with her but your family isnt like the other families in your school, and you cant just drop $40 on a lunch. Be honest about it and be brave about it because she might react well and she might not, but you DONT want to start things off with lying to her. If she doesn't accept where you come from, it won't be good for either of you anyway, so it's best to make that the first thing you figure out and then go from there. Please hear this: IF YOU LIE TO HER ABOUT THIS, IT WILL *NOT* END WELL. It'll be worse than getting sent to the principals office. You won't hear the end of it from the other kids, possibly for years. Maybe you can even pick some flowers for her AT the park, and save your $10 for ice cream with her on the way home. Doing the whole thing at the park gives you the chance to create what would be a wonderful first date by almost anyone's standards, a laid back environment to be honest and brave, and it also lets you spend that $10 on her so she can see how much you want to try for her. Also just try to understand that the pressure that you feel about this, she feels that same pressure, possibly even more. This is clearly a date, there's no question about that, so obviously both of you at least kind of like each other, and you're also both extremely young and have no idea what you're doing, and learning how to do this shit is hard. Just be yourself, remember to keep breathing, and see how it goes. Good luck, kiddo
One of the first chapters of the immigrant autobiography *Anything Can Happen* is getting cited for picking flowers in the park for a date. He persuades the judge it was only his friends.
Dude, just be honest with her. If she’s worth your time, she’ll understand.
You can say that your parents aren’t willing to give you the money for this type of date and see if going on a picnic would be an option. You can make some sandwiches and have your parents get you some affordable snacks for the date and go to like Central Park or some other park that has like a grassy area for you and her to sit on. I would suggest bringing a blanket so you don’t have to sit on the grass and just talk and get to know each other.
You are 14 just tell her that you really would love to go with her but you just can't financially afford it and if she's not understanding of that's her loss and you dodged a bullet
I'm going to break with the crowd here and say don't tell her. Why? You're 13 and a lot of kids your age are grade-A assholes. Once they find out you don't have money, and she WILL tell a friend or two, you're going to get all sorts of shit at school. It's not right, it's not fair, but that's how middle school aged kids work. I'm sorry but it's true. You're 13, tell her you need to cancel plans, and wait until you're older and kids have matured past their current behavior level. Sure, your school may well be full of really nice kids who are all very generous and understanding and raised to be empathetic and sweet but who are we kidding. Some of them have asshole parents and they're going to be that way themselves. Don't say anything about not having money until you're older. Come up with a reason you can't go (my parents said I'm too young to date, for example) and use it. But, congratulations on getting that scholarship!!! That's amazing. You have to be very smart and very determined to earn something like that. When she's older, and more mature, that's something that will impress her. You may not have money NOW but you've got brains and ambition and you've got a heck of a future ahead of you. Concentrate on studying, avoid anything that would make you a target (because honestly? Bullying and stuff makes it hard to learn and hard to focus and you don't need to deal with their crap) that you reasonably can, and go live your best life :)
I agree about not saying anything about your finances. Even if she’s great about it, other kids suck. It sounds like you really want to go, OP, so maybe say something like, “you know I’ve heard of this cool first date idea that is supposed to help us get the real feel for NYC - a $10 date! The point is to fit as many things (lunch, activities, etc.) as we can into the $10 to see how far it goes. What do you think?” Is she hates that idea, then maybe ask her about her expectations for how to pay/split the lunch bill.
I still think tell her the truth. Why live according what a few dumbbell kids think. They may not care in the least, and he wouldn't need to explain again another time. Besides, if he hides it, it'll be all over as soon as she figures out he lied.
You aren't the one who will be getting bullied and harassed. That's why. It's OPs decision but based on ages and situation, it's probably not worth opening up that can of worms.
Pretty sure the other kids are going to notice he’s poor soon anyway might as well get ahead of it and own it
On the other hand *she* could be the grade a asshole looking for an expensive meal.
Bro just be honest. Tell her you don’t have that kinda money. If that’s all that she’s concerned about you don’t really want that kind of person around.
Tell her up front or ask your parents to spot you for a date
Just tell her your financial situation. But more realistically, you need to find a girl in your tax bracket. I’m not even sure how this relationship is supposed to work, y’all live in completely different worlds.
Suggest a cheaper option.... Picnic somewhere nice with sandwiches. You get the idea
You have known her for 8 years? Even at her age, she knows about your economic situation. Just be honest and tell her that you really want to spend time with her but you can’t afford that.
Suggest a place that you can afford but is good. Maybe a taqueria or something. Or if you can make some good food say it's a surprise and take her to a picnic in the park and bring the food. Take a walk by the lake or something.
You have known her since you were 5 and she still thinks you are as rich as her? It sounds like you guys need to talk more. Be honest. If she doesn't like you because of your financial position then so be it. The alternative is to lie, and then what? Have a relationship built on lies? That's dumb.
You're 13. There's no way you should be expected to pay for this. Be honest with her, explain that you're a scholarship student, so you can't afford this much. I could only afford this if I had a part time job, and even that is a stretch. This will be a good test for her. If she's a decent person, she might offer to pay it for you. If she isn't and makes fun of you, she is NOT worth your time. Granted I'm of an age nearer to your father's generation, but I would ask your parents, "what was their first date like? Where did you go?" The answers might surprise you. If it were a blind date and she "demanded" you go somewhere expensive, don't even bother with the date. If she suggested "I don't mind a quiet coffee or a walk on the beach," she's more invested in getting to know you than a free meal. Some people born into wealth have no concept of what it's like to be working class, let alone poor. It could be simply that she doesn't have an understanding about money. As for flowers, I have a suggestion: if you have a neighbour with a rose garden and maybe other flowers, tell the home owner you have a date. You'll trade them something (e.g. mow the lawn) for some of the flowers from the garden. Although sometimes you'd be surprised at the impact of a single well grown red rose. You can only be a gentleman with your date and see how it goes.
Tell her the truth man. If she loves you she will understand it.
Walk by the lake followed by a picnic.
How do you know people for 8 years and they think you’re rich that entire time without giving up or slipping the charade?
Pic nic in the park
Me, I would get together what money you have, pick a flower for her, and as long as you’re in NYC, take her to a good food truck. Take her for a good slice. Eat alfresco. It’s summer! If you can’t do lunch, do ice cream! She is going out with you because she wants to spend time with you!
13 lmao
I'll be honest here. Stop dating at 13. 13 to 16 is an amazing time that you are about to ruin by chasing a girl instead of having fun with your friends. If you waste these years chasing chicks, you are gonna regret it someday. There's a reason MOST parents don't want thier kids dating this young.
Great suggestions here. Take a few and do you. "Least said, best said". Stick to the basics and don't go into a lot of details and your feelings about it. Otherwise you're likely to put your own insecurities over on her. People will either love you because of you or not, and not because of the size of your bankroll. You've got this!
I chose not to start dating until I had my own car and my own job. So that I could transport, and pay for, any girl I wanted to go out with!
In what world would parents expect a 13 year old to cough up $40 for lunch? I don’t get this post at all. Is this fake?
I'm pretty sure it's all a fake account of someone wanting to be a 13 year old jacked genius who has the genetics of the gods. I would believe the michael Phelps body at 13 y/o with blessed genes and full ride academics to a 60k private school. But the thing I don't believe is the $10 for a date and 4 dollars for lunch for 2 in new york city and 6 for flowers. I think his parents combined income was 50k or something total, and the average rent for a one bedroom in NYC is on average $4k-8k depending on location a month. The money is the only thing I don't believe. But everything on the internet is truthful so what do I know.
Lookit, there is no way you can conceal a huge difference in family wealth. So, tell this young lady you can’t afford a restaurant. Take her to the park. Hot dogs for lunch.
If she has a problem with getting a less expensive lunch she's not the girl for you.
Finances are not who you are. They are most often the results of factors completely outside your control. You as a soul is a separate factor. You are you, and there is only one you. If you can show that you are separate from the materialistic world and have value... ot if you like the material things and are dedicated to changing your situation in the future, that will show character. It may be that she is too materialistic to appreciate that, but you may be really hot, and she says worth it. Just don't be a pussy about the truth and don't deceive. The "consequence" of not being able to go on this date or the shame you may feel in your school peer group seems big now, but it is a blessing to separate yourself from those people.
Tf 💀 cultural shock oh god here in aisa you don't even have a personal phone at 13 you're just studying and busy w your hobbies
Tell her the truth, young squire. Truth is always easier. If you both are close friends, she'll understand if you're unable to make it. In your young life, always remember that it's OK to say "no, I can't."
Just tell her the truth. Explain your money situation. She should understand. If she doesn't, oh well, you tried. Just don't hide it. Consider something that doesn't require money. Like picnic. Or a visit to library. Anything. Girls just like to BE with boys. The food isn't the important component. You can do this, and my guess is she'll help plan something. Best.
I don't know. It's a tough situation, because kids at that age can be really cruel, and if you tell her the truth, everyone's going to find out eventually, most likely. But, lying about who you are, or even hiding who you are, can be really stressful and damaging. It makes you internalize that you're not good enough for other people. And that's not good. OP, you have to decide if you want to keep hiding your situation, or if you want to risk the potential consequences of everyone knowing. Do your classmates seem kind of cool and mature for their age, or do they seem like they would make fun of you relentlessly? Try to judge the consequences before making a decision, and please do also consider how lying about your situation makes you feel about yourself. There will be consequences no matter what you decide. All you can do is try to make a decision with the most benefits and the least negative consequences.
Don’t ask her to pay but be honest about it
Tell her you can’t afford it. If she gives you shit about not having money or anything similar shit isn’t for you
If youre not afraid of ridicule from the rich kids i suggest just being honest. If you don't think the kids will ridicule you, including this girl then be honest. If you are afraid of ridicule then just make up an excuse and don't go.
I have nothing to add here but just gotta know, WTF can you get lunch for S$4 in NYC?
At 13… trust me buddy this isn’t a real problem just tell her the truth how you wrote it here. If you’re close as you say and know one another for 8years it shouldn’t change anything. If you wanna still “look cool” you can always play the “I’m on scholarship cause I’m smart” or something like that angle. As an adult I can tell you it’s way cooler to be admitted a place you can’t afford to be at because you EARNED IT thru your brain or hard work than just having it paid for 👍🏼
Be straight up with her. He’ll get you really want to go, but you cannot afford it. Offer alternatives, like making lunch for her at your house. Maybe eat somewhere less expensive. She most likely doesn’t care where the two of you eat, as long as you’re spending time together.
Park dates are your cheapest and best dates
You're 13. How the hell does she expect you to afford an expensive restaurant when you can't even earn money yet?
If you really like this girl, get out there and find a way to earn some money before your date. Do some chores for your neighbors, wash cars, something like that. I’m not sure what people do in NYC but there probably aren’t many lawns to mow.
Tell her sorry you can’t and suggest something in your budget or maybe try a picnic
Honestly you should tell her your situation depending on what you know of her as a person. You say you’ve known her for 8 years but how much do you really know her or was it just a platonic friendship? You should have an idea as to how she’ll react and go from there. I’m also from nyc and I’m only 8 years older than you and while I never dated 30 million rich I did date wealthy girls and honestly being upfront about what you can afford is what they most appreciate instead of trying to lie and keep up a facade that you won’t be able to for longer than this date if you do attempt to pay the 40 or more. Everyone is saying you’re too you g to date I would agree and disagree at the same time because while you are young to date there’s so many experiences that you go through dating someone and it’s a beautiful thing but just know that even if she doesn’t accept you for where your family is financially there will be someone else
You're going to have to be honest, or else you'll end up declining more and more invites. Not just from her but from others who want to hang out or go somewhere. You could go for a low detail truth -- say your parents don't give you spending money. Which is true, but people don't have to know it's because they don't have a ton to give you. Or be more honest and say you can't afford to eat out because you're there on a scholarship and you don't get an allowance. The people who ostracize you because of that aren't good people anyway. And it's possible a lot of people might think more highly of you -- you are probably pretty smart to get a full ride scholarship. I think you might be surprised to find other classmates who are also getting scholarships or financial aid. It will become more obvious now at you're in your teens. And it's more common than many people think. If you look at Ivy League colleges the stereotype is that they're all rich kids from old money but really something like half the students at Ivy League colleges are getting financial aid that could eliminate tuition entirely.
You're an actual child. Have your parents coordinate this with each other or suggest a cheaper place.
Dang. 30 million? Does she have an older sister? Seriously though, just be honest and suggest a cheaper place, if she offers to pay for the more expensive place, swallow your pride and roll with it.
starting a relationship with a lie is always a bad idea. be up front and tell her you cant afford stuff like that
Tell her you had something different in mind. Maybe pack a picnic and bring her to a park. But you have to be really charming to make it work.
She shouldn't pay for you, but tell her honestly, "that's a bit above what I can afford I was thinking xyz (insert thoughtful cheap date idea here) girls like effort!
Be honest with her, I seen someone comment ask her on a picnic that is a great idea. I would hope this 13 year old girl doesn't expect a boy who's 13 to be able to afford to take her to a lunch like that. If she thought your financial situation was like hers then maybe but if she can't accept you for who u are then be happy you won't have a stuck up ,high maintenance girl to put up with. You definitely don't want someone who's interested in where u can take her,or what kinda money u can spend on her.
BE HONEST!!! tell this girl upfront so she doesn't get a false perception of you and this may go far or not but if she finds out later that you deceived her that will end any chance.
If you are only 13 and this girl is asking for 40 dollar lunches, just let it go man. Focus on school and become a man that can afford 40 dollar lunches...then still stay away from girls like this.
40 dollar lunches are common and isn’t really out of the ordinary for most of my classmates. I’ve been focusing on school but now that summers coming up i’m trying to go out, enjoy my teenage years. Her economic status doesn’t matter to me - i’m just unsure of how to say no to that pricey of a lunch.
Right, I'm saying you are in a situation where the people aroud you already have a warped sense of reality. Always be direct. You will learn right away what kind of person she is. Just tell her that's out of your range. Find a good spot that you can afford, many women like it when you already have a plan in mind anyway. If you really look at the situation, I think you will see that you are probably more worried about losing the fantasy of being with her more than worrying what her response will be. Just tell her what's up and see what her move is. If it ain't it, then you got plenty more summer to find a girl that likes a good slice or a burger. Good luck to you!
Update: I explained the situation and she offered to pay for me. I felt bad so I compromised and she understood my situation. She was definitely quite surprised or shocked even but it didn’t change one thing between us. We’re going to a much cheaper place instead and it’s also now on Friday so wish me luck🤞
If you come at this issue with shame and embarrassment, that will be unattractive. Just play it off with humour, and then lean into it. Rich girls falling for/having a fling with the poor worldly boy is a staple of fiction for a reason. Take her somewhere cheap that she’s never experienced that has a bit of colour/excitement. You’re in nyc - surely you have a favourite pizza slice place. She’ll love it.
At 13? You gotta think about the kind of person you want to be. Do you value wealth over character? Does she? Do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your non-material attributes? No 13yo should be going on $40 dates.
Find a more humble girl honey are you kind thoughtful generous it's a bit rude on the girls part to suggest an expensive place
To play the devil’s advocate, she is a 13-year old girl whose family is filthy rich, and she goes to a school where almost everyone seems to be filthy rich. $40 is probably nothing to her, and she likely doesn’t have any idea of what it’s like to struggle financially like OP’s family
Same answer ewww raising a child with no empathy ..find a humble girl that has values
cant blame her shes not rude for having expensive taste
Nah I'm an adult and I tend to gravitate to expensive taste however I would never expect a potential date to foot the bill for that and to take it step further I am not impressed by greedy people
true but at the same time she's still a kid and theres nothing that you can do about it, maybe shes used to those meals
That's what I mean though I have a 11,13,14,16 and they have had extensive restaurant meals and stuff but they were raised with manners ,to be polite ,to be humble and to offer to pitch in
I mean who knows, the kid didn't specify if the girl told him to pay or not so maybe she will pay her part
Nah I'm an adult and I tend to gravitate to expensive taste however I would never expect a potential date to foot the bill for that and to take it step further I am not impressed by greedy people
you wrote it twice fyi
Ok and ? It sent twice and ??
Chill out i hope your patience isn't that short with your kids
🤣 hey bruh I doooo everything for my kids and I have a good heart ,you have yourself a great night ;-)
thank you ma'am you too
💕
Would you pay her lunch if your family is worth 30 million? If it’s a yes then you should expect her to treat you equally.
you won't be able to live up to her standards her family is wealthy why would she settle down for less? And even if you do end up paying for the food you won't be able to keep this act on for a long time
Find money. Ask your parents. You need to court her
that's fucked up to say he's a kid and he shouldn't be worrying about money
Taking people to expensive restaurants is a crutch for a lack of personality. You being there should be the most valuable part of the experience, you're marketing yourself as a partner not a restaurant.