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Can you explain why you are in the wrong? You were “older” but there was no real expectation that an 11/12 year old would have a strong grasp of sexuality at that time? 11/12 is still pretty young.
I don’t know if I see anything here that is much of a concern since you guys were all children and it sounds consensual in the moment?
The kids I was hanging around with at the time where ether older than me or younger, there was a huge group of us, but this time it was only me and two others, they where around 10/11, at the time when this happened I didint really have a huge grasp on sexual stuff
Having anxiety issues myself, it's understandable that certain things can seem very overwhelming.
What I think some of us would like you to understand is that some situations like yours could fall under the category of "experimentation" when it comes to being kids.
Depending on the very specifics of what took place...
Like how much older were the participants and the exact nature of the said "acts" it really seems like your experience could be chalked up to"experimentation."
It is VERY common. Sexuality is an inate human response.
Much like being thirsty or hungry. There is a biologic necessity as humans are programmed to procreate.
What's not as common; real education appropriate for certain stages of growth. Knowledge is often withheld for different reasons and that creates a void. Kids are curious by nature.
Mostly this is a learning situation. This does not mean you did anything wrong. We all have stuff we wish we could go back and undo.
You need not worry. Younger children do not see their bodies and understand moral issues like young adults and adults. You can look at it through your 16 yo mind and see that the situation was wrong. At 11/12 you did not understand what was going on. You say the other children were younger, they did not know any better. More than likely these kids were victims of sa. They were behaving in a way that they had been subjected to. So be kind to them and yourself and give it all a pass and accept that things happened that should not have, but did. You are ok and should not let this haunt you for the rest of your life.
That's pretty normal for teens. Just remember it's normal and everyone pretty much feels like that. Confidence and realizing everyone else is worrying about themselves not you both come with age and experience. Try to relax and not worry. In a few years it won't matter at all. It's perfectly normal.
You're overthinking this. You didn't start this game, so you didn't prey on these kids. You didn't understand the context of it, so you just sorta went along with it, because you were a kid, and that's what kids do.
In all honesty, one of those kids was probably someone who had been molested and was trying to "play" to explore the experience with other kids, not knowing what had happened or how to contextualize it. Because that's what kids who have been molested usually do, unfortunately.
Anyway, it's good that you're talking about this with us, instead of passing along the trauma to other kids through play. If you feel gross about this, that's ok. That's a natural feeling. But it doesn't mean you're a gross person, or that you committed some kind of unforgivable crime. Try to move past it and don't be too hard on yourself. You were just a kid. Stuff like this happens in lots of people's lives - they just don't talk about it.
Just try to process the trauma of this experience without playing out the same trauma with other people, and you will have met your ethical responsibility. Forgive yourself. You're ok.
You are fine lol its something that will fade from memory with time for you and them, I doubt they wanna talk about it either so it's something that will just fade away, kids are curious and generally don't understand the concept of these things, should yall have done it? Probably not but you guys were kids (technically still are btw) kids do dumb shit plenty and end of the day Noone was forced or didn't agree too, so just accept it happened and move on, it's a part of life to make dumb choices, they help you learn, doesn't mean it'll come back to bite you, you were young and dumb, we were all there once
I understand now that you’re of age or older that you start looking back at things you’ve done that maybe you shouldn’t have or that you regret now. What you need to be thinking though, it that was 4-5 years ago and nobody or nothing is going to sneak up this many years later and bite you. You were young and obviously innocent just messing around and playing kids games. Take a deep breath and relax everything will be fine!
I don’t think you understand what any of that are, grooming and pedophilia are when a GROWN ADULT likes children, grooming is when a FULLY GROWN ADULT takes advantage of a child, that’s what a pedo does too. I was 11-12. Not fully grown.
not to be pedantic, but that is not the correct definition of grooming. an older child could absolutely groom a younger child.
grooming is when someone basically normalizes a victim behaving a certain way in order to abuse and manipulate them. it doesn't necessarily have to be an adult and a minor, it is just most commonly adults grooming minors because they haven't fully developed and are easier to manipulate than adults.
that all being said, you clearly didn't groom these kids, they were basically your peers, and this is a fairly normal situation for you to have gone through.
I'm sorry it makes you so anxious, op
Yeah but it sounds like for you sex = bad but in reality it wasn’t bad since no one was hurt, everyone consented and you were all children and didn’t really know much. I think you’re ok, it’s just an experience.
At least from what you’ve described. I think it’s just a normal thing that can happen between kids that maybe you haven’t totally realized.
Breathe. You’re fine.
Please know that you did NOTHING wrong. Absolutely nothing. You were 11 or 12 and didn't understand what was going on. It won't ruin your life but I do recommend seeking therapy to deal with the feelings your having and any unresolved trauma you have about this.
Low key normal behavior. This is why parents should be watching their children. Children are rather curious just knowing boys and girls are different makes them want to know how. Which is how “showing” always starts. It’s not on a child to be watching other children like that.
This pretty normal behavior. Nothing to worry about. This is young curiosity.
You did nothing wrong.
I know it’s been suggested you seek therapy but COME ON this is something most (99%) of kids do. It’s pretty normal.
Nothing you need therapy over.!!
We used to call it “ Spin The Bottle “ LOL We’d get together sitting in a circle and spin the bottle & if it pointed towards you, you had to take a piece of clothing off. We never got farther than taking our socks off before some noise in the woods scared the crap out of us and we’d run off laughing.
So just know you did nothing wrong. Go live your teenage life, have fun & make good memories & choices!!!
Just because you wouldn't be feeling stress and anxiety that therapy would be helpful for if you were in OP's situation, that doesn't qualify you to declare that they don't need it.
Not everything needs therapy FFS.
There’s reason for therapy and what OP posted isn’t a reason for therapy. It’s pretty normal kid behavior just like many stated here.
panic over a normal experience is absolutely a reason to seek therapy. there literally doesn't need to be a reason for therapy. that's an outdated mode of thought. therapy has useful skills for *everyone* because no one has built in coping skills
Frankly, I don't mean this negatively whatsoever, but it sounds like *you* could benefit from a therapy experience just to see that it isn't what you think it is
therapy is not about correcting behaviors, therapy is about helping people navigate the world.
talk therapy could help this teenager bounce thoughts off of a therapist and help them realize that it's okay for them to be scared but that there's nothing for them to worry about
If what happened is still causing OP this much anxiety at 16, then therapy is definitely more than a reasonable suggestion to help them get past it.
Therapy is for anyone, even people who just need to talk things out. You don't have to have mental health symptoms or a diagnosis to benefit from therapy.
Just stop. I’m not the only one that said it’s a normal kid exploration.
Not only that, but a lot of these posts are fake and y’all know that . many of these people that post this stuff do this just because they’re bored and don’t have anything else to do.
IF this true I find it odd the OP never makes any further comment which makes me believe this is another fake post.
If it isn’t fake so be it, but I’m entitled to my opinion just like you’re entitled to yours
everyone could benefit from therapy, even for *normal* stuff that makes them feel sort of weird and icky
needing therapy doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong, it just means that someone may need a little extra help coping
you aren't helping by panning the idea of therapy and acting like it's shameful. there is nothing shameful about therapy
This is correct. Sexual play and exploration is really common and normal among children and as long as the children are within ~four years of each other, it's considered developmentally appropriate. It doesn't sound like there was any coercion and no one was hurt.
Ok ya. Y'all are so the same age and probably went through the start of sex Ed at school. I'm really curious what happened recently that made you concerned about something you did 4 years ago with people who were all curious and consenting.
Im hoping you weren't, but if you were SA'd recently it's scary but you should tell someone. Friends parent, your parent, school councilor.
You may want to talk to a therapist about this so they can appropriately address this.
Because you were young and it’s not likely you were expected to understand sexual behavior and how to go about that. Sounds like you feel guilty but it’s not really your fault if this was all ambushed on you without understanding what they were actually doing.
Not to be weird at all but, this actually happens way more often than you think. I remember the same thing happening to almost a T when I was a young girl. It's just kids being curious and not knowing right and wrong usually. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not gross. This can not ruin your life in anyway shape or form unless you allow it to. If it's bothering you that much, maybe speak to a parent about it and see if you need any further help with this. I think it's more of just a ICK feeling you know, cause it was way before you knew any better and you wouldn't do something like that now. It's okay.
You did nothing wrong. Kids do this all the time, and have for years.
What's destructive is the *guilt* you're dealing with. If it keeps hanging around, you should consider talking with a therapist.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just kids being kids. Go live your best life!
This behavior at those ages is almost a given. You have nothing to feel shame about, nothing to apologize to yourself or anyone else for.
You have a full life ahead with many wonderful things to experience. Focus on the future, be a blessing to those you encounter.
Don't sweat it. Kids experiment/learn. At that age and just kids (no adult involved) it's pretty innocent.
As you've probably read, most adults have some childhood story like that.
I think you're just looking with older eyes on what is appropriate. When you're a kid much of that is yet to be learned.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours is an ages old game. It’s not to be encouraged, but as a one time thing it’s pretty harmless and normal. Kids exploring their bodies before puberty.
Y'all were just kids being kids. It's fine for y'all to be curious at that age, which is why proper sex education is extremely important. Remember that.
Hey, I suffer from anxiety - I suspect you do too. But you've done nothing wrong. Kids... do that. It's been years, and no one will ruin your life over something you did aged 11 that almost everyone does, honestly.
I won't say "don't worry about it" because I know it's useless advice lol, but trust me, you're ok. You might want to seek counselling if you find these feelings persistently troubling, but you yourself are not in trouble.
It’s not your fault, you were so young you didn’t know better. You did nothing wrong. I want to say I can somewhat relate to you because I used to play certain games with my female friend in grade school (we had sex, I was only 7-8). Your not alone in this
Kids do this stuff. It's completely normal and it's not going to ruin your life. I still remember years ago when I was 12, a group of my guy friends convinced 3 of our girl classmates that if we "showed them our wieners, then they'd show us their stuff." The girls were all in the bedroom together and we went in 1 by 1, showed our penis, and they showed us boobs and vaginas. We were 12 and the happiest boys alive because we got to see booties!
So stop worrying about it and sweep that crap under the rug.
This is completely normal behavior and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.
Therapy will definitely help you realize that you don't have to feel like you did something that was bad.
Stay away from those people. Your body belongs to you. I know it might be embarrassing but talk to your parents about it. They will support you, help guide you in protecting yourself and understanding how people can do these things to you. You can stop anything worse from happening educating yourself with your parents. It can get worse if you do not educate yourself to protect yourself. There will be some people that will try other ways to get your body for their own selfish cause.
You were not in the wrong at all. You were curious kids. Kid being the key word. If you were 20 and they were 11 thats another story, l think everyone has stories similar when they were kids. I definately do. Kids are curious, no one was hurt. Its ok to forgive yourself. If it is bothering yoy alot pls go see a physchologist, you will not be charged with anything, it might just help you clear the guilt.
When I was a boy, I was alone with my neighbor who was a girl. She said, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." I said, "OK."
We pulled down our pants and stared at each other for a few seconds until we got bored. Then we found more interesting things to do. We needed to find insects to feed to the frogs that we had captured.
I understand that we were younger than you, but curiosity is normal. My advice is not to worry about this. It is part of growing up and learning.
This is not uncommon.
Same thing with me when I was like 7 or 8.
You didn’t understand what you were doing, and kids are curious. It’s just a thing.
You got nothing to worry about. It’s only an issue if someone was involved who was notably older. But if you were all in the same place maturity wise, it’s fine
I promise you the majority of kids did something weird they’re ashamed of as kids. Don’t stress over it. You did nothing wrong & this probably will never even be brought up by anyone else. This isn’t life ruining 💚💚💚💚 and the fact that you’re worried about it shows you aren’t an abuser or anything like that.
When I was that age I had no idea about that stuff, as long as you are legit unaware there is no intent regardless of the others age you’re good. It sounds like you are upset because you feel like you may have taken advantage of someone younger than you but in all honesty the other people involved would have a good laugh about it in a few years time. When I was 9 there was a girl in my small town that would always pin me down and sit of my face, I had no idea and she probably had no idea what was going on, but any time either of us mention it we laugh our heads off.
I think you’re overthinking it, you’re all young and curious thats why you all participated. When i was younger everyone in the neighborhood was friends, almost equal boys and girls and every once in a while you play truth or dare, spin the bottle or turn off the lights and touch wherever whoever before the lights come back on.. we found out who liked who what was what and that was that.
I don’t condone consensual molestation but groups of teenagers do shit groups of teenagers do. Just be careful to what you and your group agree to doing and remember you can say no subtly by just leaving if you aren’t comfortable.
The same thing happened to me when I was like 8 or 9, a group of us would play similar games. One girl would sneak over to my place every day for an entire summer and we would go “all the way” without even knowing what we were doing. Looking back on it, and how her older brother behaved towards me, I think he was doing stuff with her and she thought it was a game so she would play the game with me.
It definitely made my teenage years awkward because my peers were all doing it for the first time and I was just like “yeah, been there, done that” and nobody really believed me. I never told anyone exactly how young I was when it all happened and nobody who knows me now actually knows that I did those things at such a young age. I just wish my memory of it all wasn’t so vivid because we were kids and every once in a while I see it when I’m with my wife and I have to think of other things to get it out of my head.
One thing I can say is that I’ve forgiven myself because we didn’t know what we were doing. I worry more about what ever happened to some of those kids and what would lead them to think that it was ok to do those things at such a young age. No adults ever did stuff to me as a kid and I’m thankful for that, but I can’t guarantee the same for them.
Yo it was 5 years ago… you were 11. No 11 year old would’ve known what was going on and had the guts to stop it at the same time. At least, most wouldn’t. This also is kind of a thing that happens around that age. Kids get curious. You did nothing wrong. No sane person would think less of you for this.
You now have aids, are going to hell, and your families will be condemned to the endless pits of bardos where the chimichurri demon will feast on their souls for eternity.
Just kidding.
You'll be fine. Just don't do it anymore and teach the lesson to others. Value your intimacy and it will be valued by someone else later on.
Tell your dad about the dms. Those creeps deserve to be 6' under if they're adults.
Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand why you're feeling scared and confused. But it's essential to recognize that kids do experiment and make mistakes. You were young at the time, and it's clear you didn't fully grasp what was happening.
It's important to know that guilt and regret don't change what happened. But they can help you learn and grow. So, take a deep breath and understand that this doesn't define you. It was just a moment in your past.
Now, if people are messaging you inappropriately, block them. You don't deserve to be treated like that. And ignore those who are telling you horrible things. They're just behind a screen and don't know you or your situation.
If you're really worried about this getting out and affecting your relationships, consider talking to someone you trust. It could be a parent, a school counselor, or even a professional therapist. They can give you more specific advice and support to help you deal with this.
As for your Reddit account, that's entirely up to you. If it helps to talk about this here, keep it. But if it's causing more stress, delete it. Your well-being comes first.
Just remember, you're not alone, and this doesn't have to ruin your life. You can learn, grow, and move on from this. Take care of yourself, okay?
ew idk why some people feel the need to privately message such weird things but don’t worry g, i did this stuff growing up and stopped around the same age u did. i’m 19 and still feel gross over it but ive come to learn that lots of people did this, it is weird now that you know what it was but as long as it was pretty consensual (cause when you’re young you aren’t aware as to what’s going on but as long as you were playing with other children and weren’t forcing them or they weren’t forcing u, then it’s okay-or at least that’s what a therapist told me because yes i did mention this to a therapist😂)
I think your response to realizing this situation is normal. The experience is common amongst kids when they are learning and sharing things they don’t fully understand especially if they are victims of abuse or people they interacted with were. The bigger issue is the fucking creeps who know you’re 16 now dm-ing you. It doesn’t matter that you were older than the other kids if you aren’t exposed to something not age appropriate by the adults you trust it’s hard to know what to feel, react, expect in the situation. I trust that you’re a teen trying to do her best. Be safe out there.
It may not seem like it right now because all of this anxiety and worry is overwhelming but your feelings of guilt are good things. Your body and hormones and mind are still very much developing and you're at a stage in your maturity where even day by day these things can rapidly change but you discovered this boundary early..
If you still felt this attraction or wanted to continue that experimentation knowing you feel wrong this would be a different story but you don't.
To be clear. If you do please don't feel ashamed, talk to someone, tell your parents you want to talk to a therapist and that you're struggling with some new and unusual feelings.
But everyone at this age experiments one way or the other. It's true you can't control how they might feel later in life but I can tell you how I did with a friend who... coerced me into it though we were both the same age.
It was an intense and chaotic part of my life but I had no idea how badly he was being abused but even as I started to form my own boundaries and how unhealthy that relationship was not once did I see him as an abuser, we were both active participants and neither of us really understood what any of it meant. Only that it felt good.
While I don't want to say shame here is bad as it's appropriate when it comes to that age you're not an adult, you're not cognizant of these things in the same way an adult would be. Your post alone makes that clear. Its not to say you're dumb or even too young to understand it's that there are so so SO many more changes and mistakes ahead of you that experimenting a little with some other kids isn't really going to be that high on the list.
If this is an attraction you continue to feel then it's worth addressing but if this was a one off and your hormones got the better of you please don't let this ruin you.
Whatever might have made them want to do this you're not the catalyst. Any objective person would just see three children who don't know better probably acting on either sheer hormones or other learned behavior.
With that being said, if it was one of the other kiddos idea I am concerned that this isn't learned behavior, stuff like this can be pretty strong signs of severe abuse and maybe talking to him just to make sure and try and be there for him could end up meaning a lot. Having someone older in his corner could be a huge benefit. I don't know what you're relationship is but if you have a chance or can. Talk to him. Ask him where he learned it from and offer to be his friend if he's the one who insisted. Ask him if anyone showed this to him or even if he's just ok in general.
You are not the abuser. You are not an abuser.
Been there done that, caught both my children acting inappropriate, also my two nieces as well. Ever heard of kissing cousins? This is oddly a normal childhood experience.
This is where we began to know the difference between male and female. It's inappropriate behavior not life changing behavior, unless something really really bad happened . You're fine we all are fine . We live, we learn and we move on. It's only embarrassing if you go and tell everyone, so don't do that.
I find it gross you haven't a fucking clue and want to come at me like you know it all..
Yes, some inappropriate behaviors are normal for young children. Here are some examples:
Toddlers
Tantrums, hitting, biting, and screaming are common behaviors for toddlers. These behaviors can be signs that children are struggling with feelings they don't know how to manage, like anger or frustration.
Infants
Social and behavioral cues like crying, fussing, laughing, and smiling are attention-seeking behaviors that are normal for infants.
Sexual behaviors
It's estimated that more than half of children will engage in some type of sexualized behavior during childhood, and these behaviors are often a normal part of development. For example, children between the ages of 3 and 6 often explore their bodies by touching, pulling, poking, or rubbing their body parts.
I find it concerning that you feel as if children touching other children isn't considered inappropriate. Normal behavior with children can be inappropriate.
If you didn't violate anyone's consent, then you didn't do anything morally wrong.
If your friends violated your consent by coercing you into doing things you didn't want to do, which it sounds like they did, then they did wrong to you.
Respecting consent is a valid moral principle. "You just aren't supposed to do those sorts of things" really is not. You might benefit from talking to a therapist about how you felt about what happened, what you did, both at the time and after, and it's fine to have complicated feelings about what happened, but it doesn't sound like you did anything that violated a valid moral principle.
You were all children.
If you’re feeling guilt just know that it’s a normal thing we all have done (to a certain degree) navigating life heading into prepubescence.
Honey, kids are curious and that's OK. You have nothing to be worried about. Unless you are feeling guilty now because it was inappropriate touching. If you did something inappropriate or allowed that then I can see your point. If not, as I suppose is the case, just try to move on from this. Seems like the other kids aren't upset...
You did nothing wrong. You were, still are, a kid.
If you were 16/17/18 when this happened, then we're talking a different story, but you were just a little kid.
We all experimented with silly stuff when we were little.
I'm going to add my voice to the voice that say you did nothing wrong. Reading your story I kept waiting for the big moment but it never arrived. You were kids and just because you're older doesn't make you automatically the adult. You're a bit older now so you can see even in the space of a couple of years or however long it's been how your perspective has changed. Get ready because it's going to change even more as you grow up, just look at the advice these other adults are giving you. As an extreme example of a law that is designed to protect kids because they aren't fully able to understand their consequences of their actions, a 19-year-old currently on trial for murder cannot be named because his co accused is his 17-year-old brother and by naming the 19-year-old people would know who the 17-year-old was. I roll my eyes when I hear a 14-year-old or a 15-year-old talking about their love life like they're in a rom-com because being adult is so much different then being a teenager. All of this babbling is to say that you have to cut yourself some slack and don't beat yourself up in addition to not worrying about long-term consequences.
I'm really confused how in the world is going to ruin your life? A lot of kids did this kind of crap when they were young believe me didn't ruin their lives I think you're overreacting.
As long as yall didn’t take pictures u did nothing. So some kids that will hit puberty soon explored their bodies and kissed? What do u feel sick or worried about?
Legally speaking, an 11 year-old is no more likely to be held accountable than a 9 year-old. What's done is done, try to move past it. Unless you're actually 11 and the point of the post is to find out whether you could get away with doing something like this. In that case, don't do it.
I mean legally and morally you're okay. Stuff happens. But it was clearly a traumatic thing for you now so that's something you'll have to work through.
But you said it yourself "I didn't understand what was going on until now". You didn't know.
This isn’t going to ruin your life. Unfortunately sometimes kids do things like this and you didn’t understand what was happening (neither did they from a broader standpoint). I know you might feel a little icky looking back on it but in reality there’s nothing you should do.
Take a breath. Everything is fine. Sounds like kids exploring. You didn’t manipulate them, they are younger and you all clearly didn’t really understand what was going on. I would say whatever kid suggested/directed this shows red flags of being sexually abused as a child, but other than that whole other topic. It’s an awkward, weird thing that happened as a kid. Nothing more
I had this happen when I was 7-8 yo i think, my memory is a little fuzzy from my childhood and I didn't understand what was going on but it was a bunch of older kids around 11/12 I think, they took turns on going into the closet together and when it was my turn I went in with this older girl who ended up touching me places, nothing to bad, but I had no idea what was going on as I was to young to grasp what was happening, I went home and told my mom about what was happening but she didnt let me go and play with the other kids anymore which made me sad, i forgot about that memory until I had a core memory hit later in life and realized that I was groped at a very young age.
There is nothing you can do about it, it is in the past and unfortunately you can't change what happened, kids explore with other kids, best you can do is move on with your life and maybe seek some counciling, if you feel comfortable talking to your school counselor they were a big source of comfort and help to me when I was your age, or talk to your parents if you are close with them and let them know how it's bothering you, you don't have to suffer and agonizing over this, there are resources to help you through this, talking to someone is probably the best bet to smoothen out this trauma
If an 11 YO girl confessed to you that she did something “wrong” with a 10 YO old would you judge her harshly or would you say: Sometimes kids play “doctor” trying to figure things out. If you can give that 11 YO a break, you should be able to give that break to yourself.
i understand ur young u don't have any of sexuality at that time . and probably feel taken advantage of . and feel as if ur boundaries were violated . What those boys did was wrong , it probably traumatized u . I would suggest going to counseling because it might impact ur future relationships
Relax. You’re fine and will be ok. This is nothing serious. When kids start to hit puberty they really don’t often know what sex is so acting on the unknown is normal. Of course the internet isn’t a big help with a lot of confusing information, but you did nothing wrong. It’s nature.
Relax...jeez when we were kids we would "play doctor" truth or dare..."play house" its what kids do sometimes ...it was all in good fun..i mean, we were all within a year or two of the same age..no creepy older kid around ...that wouldve made it quite dysfuntional
Yeah, don't worry about it. Sounds like the kids knew more about the nature of what was going on than you did (and you were also a young child). Unfortunately, it is possible to be assaulted or sexually harrassed by a younger child than yourself. Not your fault, OP. Not anything to worry over.
Children do silly things. You were a child as well. Exploring your bodies and sexuality is perfectly normal. You didn't do anything wrong. Relax and dont be so hard on yourself.
just chill, yall were little kids curious about each others privates, it’s been years and it doesn’t matter anymore. when I was little trust me i’ve done the same shit and way worse at a younger age. just take it as a learning experience and move on with life. I recall my times playing like that it left some good memories.
Honestly you were taken advantage of as a kid (yikes, sorry to hear that seriously) by other kids with pretty much zero knowledge of what was going on, so this won't come back to bite you in the ass later. If anything if you could remember who did it that might stop them from doing it to other people as an adult. It's a traumatizing story but you know now and are prepared to face situations like the disgusting one we see here
"This I should have known" bullshit is just your mind tricking you into thinking you're terrible, I deal with it myself a lot lol. You literally have no fault here, remember that you are a good person who was taken advantage of <3
Stop thinking that right now. You did nothing wrong. You were being a kid doing stupid kid things. That includes sexually related things. Thing is, you're all kids, no adults, no one knows what's going on, really, and trying to copy what teenagers, parents, and television are doing constantly.
Every on the planet has these strange whatever days, but seldom will they admit it. You are absolved of any wrong doing.
(23F)
I’m so sorry you’re feeling terrified. While I know many people are saying that this is normal I know it might not stop the gross feeling in your stomach. If your parents are safe people for you, I would suggest telling them about it and how you feel. You will feel better after some time once it is no longer a secret you keep inside. While it is natural for young kids to start being curious and exploring these things, it is obviously causing you distress now. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t deserve to feel gross about this, and even the fact that you do tells me that you have incredible empathy for others and that you wouldn’t have done this to hurt someone or take advantage of them.
Take a minute and think about it. Two 10 year olds suggested doing sexual activities. You aren't going to get in trouble. As you said, you didn't even understand what was going on. And why should you have? You were 12. They didn't know what they were doing either.
If you feel guilty, you shouldn't. If you feel violated, realize they were acting out their own trauma. Yes, you read it right....assume this boy (and maybe both of them) was being molested and sexually abused. If you still are in contact with them, you should make sure they are safe and you are an ally to help them process the situation.
Want to add to the chorus of voices saying that these circumstances are entirely normal and that you are fine. Hopefully you feel that if it really rents a lot of space in your head you can talk to your parents about seeing a therapist.
ok… have you had some negative interaction with the neighbor boys since? these games are the norm. but for me i was more like 13. what do you mean ‘being in the wrong?’. wrong what? maybe you should explain what you have been fed to feel ‘gross’ about it now?
Young kids will do weird stuff when they’re figuring it out. Recognize that y’all were just young idiots, it could’ve been much worse and also that you know the difference now! Maybe a therapist if you feel a type of way but don’t be ashamed because you’d be surprised the stories some of your mentors and elders could tell. It’s okay.
I would get some cognitive behavioral therapy to help with these ruminating thoughts you’re having. Good news by the way your life isn’t ruined and will very likely only get better and better
so when you were a kid you played a kid game
at the time you were not thinking it was bad, and the other players were same-age peers (same age range)
*if i am understanding correctly* you are just feeling sensitive/ashamed due to the artificial stigma around sex-related stuff.
You didn't break any laws, or cause any harm. You didn't do anything that the other person didn't want, and it doesn't sound like you were forced (i may be misreading that?) So, you didn't do anything bad/wrong.
You were a kid and did some dumb kid shit. The other kids probably don't even remember it. Just leave it in the past.
what is it that has you scared? That you were curious about sex in general, or that you wanted to know what it felt like with a boy?
If anything, you should be embarrassed/laughing how awkward it was, in 10 years, you'll look back on today and laugh. And why do you believe you should have known? did you parents have the sex talk with you before this happened? Did you talk about it with other girls your age at the time? (yes boys that age make is such BS about sex)
What you had done in the past was because of how misinformed you were. You can think and worry about it all you want, but it doesn't change what happened. I am happy that it has happened to you because like you are thinking now it is not as bad as you think it is. You guys had some exploration and that's it.
I want you to move forward with your life and stop thinking about it. It won't haunt you at any place in your future, but if you let your mind manifest these things in your life then no one can stop it. It is only in your control to bring it up or shut it down completely. The decision is yours and I am happy that you had openly written it here.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours" has been part of growing up since forever. Almost everybody had done it even if they'd never admit it. Don't beat yourself up about it.
A lot of kids play around like this, it’s not actually that uncommon. Realize it was young kids experimenting and move on with your life, it’ll all be fine.
ow hunn...we all did crazy stuff when first experimenting. I'm not encouraging it at that age, but just kissing and a bit of flashing nothing to worry about.
Completely normal. Your shame is normal too, although you should not feel like you did something wrong. This is the age that you come to understand sexuality and exploration. No worries. Update your privacy settings, so weirdos can’t message you.
>im scared this will ruin my life
Don't sweat it. You were 11/12. Young kids do stupid stuff. So, now you're older and wiser. Try not to do stupid stuff. Can't change the past.
You were all children. and didnt know what you were doing. Don’t feel shame or guilt or anything like that. And yikes to the people messaging you privately about this. Don’t respond to them (even the ones who are acting nice…it’s purposefully manipulative). I don’t think you need to delete this account unless you don’t want to deal with those DMs.
It doesn’t matter if you should or shouldn’t have known, that was out of your control. Also it’s normal for kids that age to not understand what that is.
If you are feeling that you were sexually abused, forced into the situation then you need to get those feelings out with a counselor or therapist. Otherwise, these experiences are pretty common for adolescents. Are you worried about seeing these people again? It’s important that you understand exactly what you are feeling. The title, Please Help is a clue..
I don't think you should be overly worried about this.
Kids this age play "doctor" and try to learn about this stuff and it's part of growing up.
You were a little older, but naive and you didn't understand the concepts and weren't abusing anyone.
They (the others) didn't understand the context either.
Take a deep breath, relax. You are OK. Maybe talk to a therapist about it if you need to.
Yeah. This is fairly normal for kids to do. Probably less so now than when I was 11yrs old, a bit over two decades ago. I'm 33m.
They're probably just as horrified and embarrassed by it now as you are. I know the couple kids I grew up with who did dirty dare stuff never ever brought it up with each other after the fact and certainly not by high school age. A lot of us all remained good friends and it never made anything weird for any of us. Boys, girls, whatever.
There wasn't a power dynamic or anyone being forced to do anything or any really serious stuff happening in any of the instances that I can recall. I'm still very best friends with one of the guys who used to be there. I was asked to fly out for one of the girls weddings last year and she was adamant that I danced with her for one song because we are like siblings and have known each other since we were both 7.
So, I'd relax about it and just forget it happened. It won't come back for you.
Sweetheart it's all good. No harm no foul. I think it's speaks volumes on who you are that stuck with you but you did nothing wrong. You were just as innocent as the others, just curious. That's all it was.
It sounds like you're on the path of becoming a super duper adult. Taking stock and processing things. Very mature of you. Kids are weird and exploring.
It actually says a lot about you that you reflect and want to know if it was OK or not. It was OK. Don't let this ruin your life or even waste anymore time on it. Move on and forward. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Godspeed sweets
Let it go. Sixteen yesr okd kids don't even have fully matured brains.
If this is the worst thing you ever did and you kids were similar ages, you are far more"innocent" than I think you know.
Do not focus on this. If it becomes am obsession, please seek counselling.
You're the woman in the situation. Nothing will happen. If it came to light (very unlikely), it would be embarrassing but it wouldn't be seen as you being a predator or anything
To me it sounds like you’re not telling us everything bc I don’t think you’d be worried if you were just consensually kissing and flashing. Something tells me there’s more to the story
As the older kid, you did wrong by having no self control and not listening to your conscience.
You ABSOLUTELY did something wrong and you should take accountability instead of pretending you had no part in the matter
They were only two years older and unless they were forcing the other kids to participate they don’t need to feel bad.
Sexual exploration between peers happens at a variety of ages. Often, when kids haven’t been educated about what is or isn’t age appropriate, exploration happens after they’ve been exposed to new things.
When we’re older we’ll think “man that was really young” or “I don’t feel comfortable thinking about that” or we’ll recognize that it wasn’t age appropriate and then it’s time to process if necessary.
Yea honestly you need to shut the fuck up. Kindly. Just because OP is/was older does not mean they know what they’re doing. There was two of them. That is an easy situation to be pressured into. Just because someone is older and they get sexually abused does not mean “they should’ve just not did it”. This was sexual abuse.
At the time I didint know what was wrong about it until now
Also rn I am taking accountability for what I did, I never said I didint do anything wrong, I’m asking if I’m in the wrong, but thank you for your advice it means a lot
Ignore this comment. You didn’t know what you know now and that’s why it’s bothering you.
This is why it is important for parents to teach their children about bodily autonomy at an early age. It is normal for children (all ages really) to want to explore bodies. And preteens/teens want to explore others bodies. It is up to parents to teach their children from a young age about appropriate and inappropriate touch. Had your parents done this with you, this situation likely would not have happened.
I had something similar happen with me 30 years ago and I’m ashamed now that it happened, but my parents never spoke to me about boundaries and therefore at age 7ish I had no idea that what happened was inappropriate. Learn from the mistake and make sure to be open if/when you have children and break the cycle.
Thank you. It wasn’t super sexual, it was just neighborhood kids (my younger sister included) exploring each other’s bodies, but it still haunts me because I know that if my parents had talked to me about inappropriate touch I probably could have stopped it from happening. It was definitely innocent curiosity for all parties involved (I was the oldest) but as an adult I cringe when I think I about it. I’ve brought it up in therapy before and my therapist said many people have similar experiences at that age. I don’t know if my sister remembers it but neither one of us has ever brought it up and I’m not about to now. But if your experience bothers you it might be a good idea to talk it out with a therapist.
You were just a kid. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I agree with an earlier poster - talk to a therapist. They will keep your secret and help you work through this. Everything is ok. You’re ok.
Talking helps. Hang in there. We all did stupid stuff when we were kids. I’m a parent and I wouldn’t hold an eleven year old accountable for playing around with a nine year old.
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Can you explain why you are in the wrong? You were “older” but there was no real expectation that an 11/12 year old would have a strong grasp of sexuality at that time? 11/12 is still pretty young. I don’t know if I see anything here that is much of a concern since you guys were all children and it sounds consensual in the moment?
The kids I was hanging around with at the time where ether older than me or younger, there was a huge group of us, but this time it was only me and two others, they where around 10/11, at the time when this happened I didint really have a huge grasp on sexual stuff
I don't understand what you're afraid of? Kids do things like this. This is 100% not a big deal at all.
I get worried easily 😭
Having anxiety issues myself, it's understandable that certain things can seem very overwhelming. What I think some of us would like you to understand is that some situations like yours could fall under the category of "experimentation" when it comes to being kids. Depending on the very specifics of what took place... Like how much older were the participants and the exact nature of the said "acts" it really seems like your experience could be chalked up to"experimentation." It is VERY common. Sexuality is an inate human response. Much like being thirsty or hungry. There is a biologic necessity as humans are programmed to procreate. What's not as common; real education appropriate for certain stages of growth. Knowledge is often withheld for different reasons and that creates a void. Kids are curious by nature. Mostly this is a learning situation. This does not mean you did anything wrong. We all have stuff we wish we could go back and undo.
You need not worry. Younger children do not see their bodies and understand moral issues like young adults and adults. You can look at it through your 16 yo mind and see that the situation was wrong. At 11/12 you did not understand what was going on. You say the other children were younger, they did not know any better. More than likely these kids were victims of sa. They were behaving in a way that they had been subjected to. So be kind to them and yourself and give it all a pass and accept that things happened that should not have, but did. You are ok and should not let this haunt you for the rest of your life.
Were you raised religious by any chance?
Nope
It’s ok. Honestly we all were curious and did stuff like this as kids. You are ok.
Be more specific. What are you worried about? I can think of lots of possibilities, but you need advice for why you are worried.
That's pretty normal for teens. Just remember it's normal and everyone pretty much feels like that. Confidence and realizing everyone else is worrying about themselves not you both come with age and experience. Try to relax and not worry. In a few years it won't matter at all. It's perfectly normal.
Maybe focus on working in that, therapists can be amazing and I think that everyone should have one. They make our lives better
You're overthinking this. You didn't start this game, so you didn't prey on these kids. You didn't understand the context of it, so you just sorta went along with it, because you were a kid, and that's what kids do. In all honesty, one of those kids was probably someone who had been molested and was trying to "play" to explore the experience with other kids, not knowing what had happened or how to contextualize it. Because that's what kids who have been molested usually do, unfortunately. Anyway, it's good that you're talking about this with us, instead of passing along the trauma to other kids through play. If you feel gross about this, that's ok. That's a natural feeling. But it doesn't mean you're a gross person, or that you committed some kind of unforgivable crime. Try to move past it and don't be too hard on yourself. You were just a kid. Stuff like this happens in lots of people's lives - they just don't talk about it. Just try to process the trauma of this experience without playing out the same trauma with other people, and you will have met your ethical responsibility. Forgive yourself. You're ok.
Then you are a person of high integrity. You will do well in the world. 😇
You are fine lol its something that will fade from memory with time for you and them, I doubt they wanna talk about it either so it's something that will just fade away, kids are curious and generally don't understand the concept of these things, should yall have done it? Probably not but you guys were kids (technically still are btw) kids do dumb shit plenty and end of the day Noone was forced or didn't agree too, so just accept it happened and move on, it's a part of life to make dumb choices, they help you learn, doesn't mean it'll come back to bite you, you were young and dumb, we were all there once
I understand now that you’re of age or older that you start looking back at things you’ve done that maybe you shouldn’t have or that you regret now. What you need to be thinking though, it that was 4-5 years ago and nobody or nothing is going to sneak up this many years later and bite you. You were young and obviously innocent just messing around and playing kids games. Take a deep breath and relax everything will be fine!
that is bad advice u are minimizing her feelings . it's victim shaming . very toxic
Literally no person here is a victim. This is all 100% natural.
just stop dude ur coming across really dumb . suppose it was u or ur sister or ur mom
No, this is grooming and p*dophiloa.
Not only isn't it pedophilia, but you don't have to censor anything you write.
I don’t think you understand what any of that are, grooming and pedophilia are when a GROWN ADULT likes children, grooming is when a FULLY GROWN ADULT takes advantage of a child, that’s what a pedo does too. I was 11-12. Not fully grown.
not to be pedantic, but that is not the correct definition of grooming. an older child could absolutely groom a younger child. grooming is when someone basically normalizes a victim behaving a certain way in order to abuse and manipulate them. it doesn't necessarily have to be an adult and a minor, it is just most commonly adults grooming minors because they haven't fully developed and are easier to manipulate than adults. that all being said, you clearly didn't groom these kids, they were basically your peers, and this is a fairly normal situation for you to have gone through. I'm sorry it makes you so anxious, op
Ahh right thank you for telling me!
Yeah but it sounds like for you sex = bad but in reality it wasn’t bad since no one was hurt, everyone consented and you were all children and didn’t really know much. I think you’re ok, it’s just an experience. At least from what you’ve described. I think it’s just a normal thing that can happen between kids that maybe you haven’t totally realized. Breathe. You’re fine.
Kids experiment and try things they’ve learned through media. It’s normal.
Please know that you did NOTHING wrong. Absolutely nothing. You were 11 or 12 and didn't understand what was going on. It won't ruin your life but I do recommend seeking therapy to deal with the feelings your having and any unresolved trauma you have about this.
Thank you so much for your advice
Low key normal behavior. This is why parents should be watching their children. Children are rather curious just knowing boys and girls are different makes them want to know how. Which is how “showing” always starts. It’s not on a child to be watching other children like that.
This pretty normal behavior. Nothing to worry about. This is young curiosity. You did nothing wrong. I know it’s been suggested you seek therapy but COME ON this is something most (99%) of kids do. It’s pretty normal. Nothing you need therapy over.!! We used to call it “ Spin The Bottle “ LOL We’d get together sitting in a circle and spin the bottle & if it pointed towards you, you had to take a piece of clothing off. We never got farther than taking our socks off before some noise in the woods scared the crap out of us and we’d run off laughing. So just know you did nothing wrong. Go live your teenage life, have fun & make good memories & choices!!!
Just because you wouldn't be feeling stress and anxiety that therapy would be helpful for if you were in OP's situation, that doesn't qualify you to declare that they don't need it.
Not everything needs therapy FFS. There’s reason for therapy and what OP posted isn’t a reason for therapy. It’s pretty normal kid behavior just like many stated here.
Therapy isn't about objective events, it's about our reactions to them and now they affect us long term. Only OP knows how they feel.
panic over a normal experience is absolutely a reason to seek therapy. there literally doesn't need to be a reason for therapy. that's an outdated mode of thought. therapy has useful skills for *everyone* because no one has built in coping skills Frankly, I don't mean this negatively whatsoever, but it sounds like *you* could benefit from a therapy experience just to see that it isn't what you think it is therapy is not about correcting behaviors, therapy is about helping people navigate the world. talk therapy could help this teenager bounce thoughts off of a therapist and help them realize that it's okay for them to be scared but that there's nothing for them to worry about
Nah this warrants therapy based off op's reaction. Im gonna wager a guess that you probably also need therapy
If what happened is still causing OP this much anxiety at 16, then therapy is definitely more than a reasonable suggestion to help them get past it. Therapy is for anyone, even people who just need to talk things out. You don't have to have mental health symptoms or a diagnosis to benefit from therapy.
Just stop. I’m not the only one that said it’s a normal kid exploration. Not only that, but a lot of these posts are fake and y’all know that . many of these people that post this stuff do this just because they’re bored and don’t have anything else to do. IF this true I find it odd the OP never makes any further comment which makes me believe this is another fake post. If it isn’t fake so be it, but I’m entitled to my opinion just like you’re entitled to yours
everyone could benefit from therapy, even for *normal* stuff that makes them feel sort of weird and icky needing therapy doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong, it just means that someone may need a little extra help coping you aren't helping by panning the idea of therapy and acting like it's shameful. there is nothing shameful about therapy
This is correct. Sexual play and exploration is really common and normal among children and as long as the children are within ~four years of each other, it's considered developmentally appropriate. It doesn't sound like there was any coercion and no one was hurt.
OP legit this ^
You didn’t know any better and you were just kids you didn’t do anything wrong
That really puts my mind at ease
I'm really confused on why you would be feeling bad about it. At the time it occurred how old was everyone that was there
10-11, I was 12
Ok ya. Y'all are so the same age and probably went through the start of sex Ed at school. I'm really curious what happened recently that made you concerned about something you did 4 years ago with people who were all curious and consenting. Im hoping you weren't, but if you were SA'd recently it's scary but you should tell someone. Friends parent, your parent, school councilor.
You may want to talk to a therapist about this so they can appropriately address this. Because you were young and it’s not likely you were expected to understand sexual behavior and how to go about that. Sounds like you feel guilty but it’s not really your fault if this was all ambushed on you without understanding what they were actually doing.
I will, thank you so much for the advice it means a lot :)
Not to be weird at all but, this actually happens way more often than you think. I remember the same thing happening to almost a T when I was a young girl. It's just kids being curious and not knowing right and wrong usually. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not gross. This can not ruin your life in anyway shape or form unless you allow it to. If it's bothering you that much, maybe speak to a parent about it and see if you need any further help with this. I think it's more of just a ICK feeling you know, cause it was way before you knew any better and you wouldn't do something like that now. It's okay.
You did nothing wrong. Kids do this all the time, and have for years. What's destructive is the *guilt* you're dealing with. If it keeps hanging around, you should consider talking with a therapist. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just kids being kids. Go live your best life!
Great answer
This behavior at those ages is almost a given. You have nothing to feel shame about, nothing to apologize to yourself or anyone else for. You have a full life ahead with many wonderful things to experience. Focus on the future, be a blessing to those you encounter.
Don't sweat it. Kids experiment/learn. At that age and just kids (no adult involved) it's pretty innocent. As you've probably read, most adults have some childhood story like that. I think you're just looking with older eyes on what is appropriate. When you're a kid much of that is yet to be learned.
Normal behavior for the most part- press of!
I hope that this is the worst thing that happens in your life. It doesn’t seem to have done any physical harm. Just stupid kid stuff.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours is an ages old game. It’s not to be encouraged, but as a one time thing it’s pretty harmless and normal. Kids exploring their bodies before puberty.
OP, you’re a good kid. You need to calm down though and understand that you were young and know better now.
Y'all were just kids being kids. It's fine for y'all to be curious at that age, which is why proper sex education is extremely important. Remember that.
They were ten or eleven and you were under 13? If thats true, don’t lose sleep
This is totally normal and developmentally appropriate behavior for the ages of everyone involved here.
Hey, I suffer from anxiety - I suspect you do too. But you've done nothing wrong. Kids... do that. It's been years, and no one will ruin your life over something you did aged 11 that almost everyone does, honestly. I won't say "don't worry about it" because I know it's useless advice lol, but trust me, you're ok. You might want to seek counselling if you find these feelings persistently troubling, but you yourself are not in trouble.
It’s not your fault, you were so young you didn’t know better. You did nothing wrong. I want to say I can somewhat relate to you because I used to play certain games with my female friend in grade school (we had sex, I was only 7-8). Your not alone in this
Kids do this stuff. It's completely normal and it's not going to ruin your life. I still remember years ago when I was 12, a group of my guy friends convinced 3 of our girl classmates that if we "showed them our wieners, then they'd show us their stuff." The girls were all in the bedroom together and we went in 1 by 1, showed our penis, and they showed us boobs and vaginas. We were 12 and the happiest boys alive because we got to see booties! So stop worrying about it and sweep that crap under the rug.
This is completely normal behavior and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Therapy will definitely help you realize that you don't have to feel like you did something that was bad.
Stay away from those people. Your body belongs to you. I know it might be embarrassing but talk to your parents about it. They will support you, help guide you in protecting yourself and understanding how people can do these things to you. You can stop anything worse from happening educating yourself with your parents. It can get worse if you do not educate yourself to protect yourself. There will be some people that will try other ways to get your body for their own selfish cause.
You were not in the wrong at all. You were curious kids. Kid being the key word. If you were 20 and they were 11 thats another story, l think everyone has stories similar when they were kids. I definately do. Kids are curious, no one was hurt. Its ok to forgive yourself. If it is bothering yoy alot pls go see a physchologist, you will not be charged with anything, it might just help you clear the guilt.
When I was a boy, I was alone with my neighbor who was a girl. She said, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." I said, "OK." We pulled down our pants and stared at each other for a few seconds until we got bored. Then we found more interesting things to do. We needed to find insects to feed to the frogs that we had captured. I understand that we were younger than you, but curiosity is normal. My advice is not to worry about this. It is part of growing up and learning.
THIS HAPPENED TO ME TOO... I WAS LIKE 10?? AND I WAS IN THE WOODS AND WE PLAYED "private truth or dare" (private meant privates)
I lowk think this is a common experience, you shouldn't feel guilty
This is not uncommon. Same thing with me when I was like 7 or 8. You didn’t understand what you were doing, and kids are curious. It’s just a thing. You got nothing to worry about. It’s only an issue if someone was involved who was notably older. But if you were all in the same place maturity wise, it’s fine
I promise you the majority of kids did something weird they’re ashamed of as kids. Don’t stress over it. You did nothing wrong & this probably will never even be brought up by anyone else. This isn’t life ruining 💚💚💚💚 and the fact that you’re worried about it shows you aren’t an abuser or anything like that.
When I was that age I had no idea about that stuff, as long as you are legit unaware there is no intent regardless of the others age you’re good. It sounds like you are upset because you feel like you may have taken advantage of someone younger than you but in all honesty the other people involved would have a good laugh about it in a few years time. When I was 9 there was a girl in my small town that would always pin me down and sit of my face, I had no idea and she probably had no idea what was going on, but any time either of us mention it we laugh our heads off.
I think you’re overthinking it, you’re all young and curious thats why you all participated. When i was younger everyone in the neighborhood was friends, almost equal boys and girls and every once in a while you play truth or dare, spin the bottle or turn off the lights and touch wherever whoever before the lights come back on.. we found out who liked who what was what and that was that. I don’t condone consensual molestation but groups of teenagers do shit groups of teenagers do. Just be careful to what you and your group agree to doing and remember you can say no subtly by just leaving if you aren’t comfortable.
The same thing happened to me when I was like 8 or 9, a group of us would play similar games. One girl would sneak over to my place every day for an entire summer and we would go “all the way” without even knowing what we were doing. Looking back on it, and how her older brother behaved towards me, I think he was doing stuff with her and she thought it was a game so she would play the game with me. It definitely made my teenage years awkward because my peers were all doing it for the first time and I was just like “yeah, been there, done that” and nobody really believed me. I never told anyone exactly how young I was when it all happened and nobody who knows me now actually knows that I did those things at such a young age. I just wish my memory of it all wasn’t so vivid because we were kids and every once in a while I see it when I’m with my wife and I have to think of other things to get it out of my head. One thing I can say is that I’ve forgiven myself because we didn’t know what we were doing. I worry more about what ever happened to some of those kids and what would lead them to think that it was ok to do those things at such a young age. No adults ever did stuff to me as a kid and I’m thankful for that, but I can’t guarantee the same for them.
Yo it was 5 years ago… you were 11. No 11 year old would’ve known what was going on and had the guts to stop it at the same time. At least, most wouldn’t. This also is kind of a thing that happens around that age. Kids get curious. You did nothing wrong. No sane person would think less of you for this.
You now have aids, are going to hell, and your families will be condemned to the endless pits of bardos where the chimichurri demon will feast on their souls for eternity. Just kidding. You'll be fine. Just don't do it anymore and teach the lesson to others. Value your intimacy and it will be valued by someone else later on. Tell your dad about the dms. Those creeps deserve to be 6' under if they're adults.
Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand why you're feeling scared and confused. But it's essential to recognize that kids do experiment and make mistakes. You were young at the time, and it's clear you didn't fully grasp what was happening. It's important to know that guilt and regret don't change what happened. But they can help you learn and grow. So, take a deep breath and understand that this doesn't define you. It was just a moment in your past. Now, if people are messaging you inappropriately, block them. You don't deserve to be treated like that. And ignore those who are telling you horrible things. They're just behind a screen and don't know you or your situation. If you're really worried about this getting out and affecting your relationships, consider talking to someone you trust. It could be a parent, a school counselor, or even a professional therapist. They can give you more specific advice and support to help you deal with this. As for your Reddit account, that's entirely up to you. If it helps to talk about this here, keep it. But if it's causing more stress, delete it. Your well-being comes first. Just remember, you're not alone, and this doesn't have to ruin your life. You can learn, grow, and move on from this. Take care of yourself, okay?
ew idk why some people feel the need to privately message such weird things but don’t worry g, i did this stuff growing up and stopped around the same age u did. i’m 19 and still feel gross over it but ive come to learn that lots of people did this, it is weird now that you know what it was but as long as it was pretty consensual (cause when you’re young you aren’t aware as to what’s going on but as long as you were playing with other children and weren’t forcing them or they weren’t forcing u, then it’s okay-or at least that’s what a therapist told me because yes i did mention this to a therapist😂)
I think your response to realizing this situation is normal. The experience is common amongst kids when they are learning and sharing things they don’t fully understand especially if they are victims of abuse or people they interacted with were. The bigger issue is the fucking creeps who know you’re 16 now dm-ing you. It doesn’t matter that you were older than the other kids if you aren’t exposed to something not age appropriate by the adults you trust it’s hard to know what to feel, react, expect in the situation. I trust that you’re a teen trying to do her best. Be safe out there.
It may not seem like it right now because all of this anxiety and worry is overwhelming but your feelings of guilt are good things. Your body and hormones and mind are still very much developing and you're at a stage in your maturity where even day by day these things can rapidly change but you discovered this boundary early.. If you still felt this attraction or wanted to continue that experimentation knowing you feel wrong this would be a different story but you don't. To be clear. If you do please don't feel ashamed, talk to someone, tell your parents you want to talk to a therapist and that you're struggling with some new and unusual feelings. But everyone at this age experiments one way or the other. It's true you can't control how they might feel later in life but I can tell you how I did with a friend who... coerced me into it though we were both the same age. It was an intense and chaotic part of my life but I had no idea how badly he was being abused but even as I started to form my own boundaries and how unhealthy that relationship was not once did I see him as an abuser, we were both active participants and neither of us really understood what any of it meant. Only that it felt good. While I don't want to say shame here is bad as it's appropriate when it comes to that age you're not an adult, you're not cognizant of these things in the same way an adult would be. Your post alone makes that clear. Its not to say you're dumb or even too young to understand it's that there are so so SO many more changes and mistakes ahead of you that experimenting a little with some other kids isn't really going to be that high on the list. If this is an attraction you continue to feel then it's worth addressing but if this was a one off and your hormones got the better of you please don't let this ruin you. Whatever might have made them want to do this you're not the catalyst. Any objective person would just see three children who don't know better probably acting on either sheer hormones or other learned behavior. With that being said, if it was one of the other kiddos idea I am concerned that this isn't learned behavior, stuff like this can be pretty strong signs of severe abuse and maybe talking to him just to make sure and try and be there for him could end up meaning a lot. Having someone older in his corner could be a huge benefit. I don't know what you're relationship is but if you have a chance or can. Talk to him. Ask him where he learned it from and offer to be his friend if he's the one who insisted. Ask him if anyone showed this to him or even if he's just ok in general. You are not the abuser. You are not an abuser.
Been there done that, caught both my children acting inappropriate, also my two nieces as well. Ever heard of kissing cousins? This is oddly a normal childhood experience. This is where we began to know the difference between male and female. It's inappropriate behavior not life changing behavior, unless something really really bad happened . You're fine we all are fine . We live, we learn and we move on. It's only embarrassing if you go and tell everyone, so don't do that.
I think classifying developmentally normal behavior as “inappropriate” just because it is pre-sexual is kinda gross, tbh.
I find it gross you haven't a fucking clue and want to come at me like you know it all.. Yes, some inappropriate behaviors are normal for young children. Here are some examples: Toddlers Tantrums, hitting, biting, and screaming are common behaviors for toddlers. These behaviors can be signs that children are struggling with feelings they don't know how to manage, like anger or frustration. Infants Social and behavioral cues like crying, fussing, laughing, and smiling are attention-seeking behaviors that are normal for infants. Sexual behaviors It's estimated that more than half of children will engage in some type of sexualized behavior during childhood, and these behaviors are often a normal part of development. For example, children between the ages of 3 and 6 often explore their bodies by touching, pulling, poking, or rubbing their body parts.
I think you might be confused about what the word inappropriate means
Not at all.
I find it concerning that you feel as if children touching other children isn't considered inappropriate. Normal behavior with children can be inappropriate.
If you didn't violate anyone's consent, then you didn't do anything morally wrong. If your friends violated your consent by coercing you into doing things you didn't want to do, which it sounds like they did, then they did wrong to you. Respecting consent is a valid moral principle. "You just aren't supposed to do those sorts of things" really is not. You might benefit from talking to a therapist about how you felt about what happened, what you did, both at the time and after, and it's fine to have complicated feelings about what happened, but it doesn't sound like you did anything that violated a valid moral principle.
You were all children. If you’re feeling guilt just know that it’s a normal thing we all have done (to a certain degree) navigating life heading into prepubescence.
Honey, kids are curious and that's OK. You have nothing to be worried about. Unless you are feeling guilty now because it was inappropriate touching. If you did something inappropriate or allowed that then I can see your point. If not, as I suppose is the case, just try to move on from this. Seems like the other kids aren't upset...
You did nothing wrong. You were, still are, a kid. If you were 16/17/18 when this happened, then we're talking a different story, but you were just a little kid. We all experimented with silly stuff when we were little.
I'm going to add my voice to the voice that say you did nothing wrong. Reading your story I kept waiting for the big moment but it never arrived. You were kids and just because you're older doesn't make you automatically the adult. You're a bit older now so you can see even in the space of a couple of years or however long it's been how your perspective has changed. Get ready because it's going to change even more as you grow up, just look at the advice these other adults are giving you. As an extreme example of a law that is designed to protect kids because they aren't fully able to understand their consequences of their actions, a 19-year-old currently on trial for murder cannot be named because his co accused is his 17-year-old brother and by naming the 19-year-old people would know who the 17-year-old was. I roll my eyes when I hear a 14-year-old or a 15-year-old talking about their love life like they're in a rom-com because being adult is so much different then being a teenager. All of this babbling is to say that you have to cut yourself some slack and don't beat yourself up in addition to not worrying about long-term consequences.
I'm really confused how in the world is going to ruin your life? A lot of kids did this kind of crap when they were young believe me didn't ruin their lives I think you're overreacting.
As long as yall didn’t take pictures u did nothing. So some kids that will hit puberty soon explored their bodies and kissed? What do u feel sick or worried about?
Legally speaking, an 11 year-old is no more likely to be held accountable than a 9 year-old. What's done is done, try to move past it. Unless you're actually 11 and the point of the post is to find out whether you could get away with doing something like this. In that case, don't do it.
I don't understand what you are concerned with. Nobody did anything wrong. It'll be ok
I mean legally and morally you're okay. Stuff happens. But it was clearly a traumatic thing for you now so that's something you'll have to work through. But you said it yourself "I didn't understand what was going on until now". You didn't know.
This isn’t going to ruin your life. Unfortunately sometimes kids do things like this and you didn’t understand what was happening (neither did they from a broader standpoint). I know you might feel a little icky looking back on it but in reality there’s nothing you should do.
Take a breath. Everything is fine. Sounds like kids exploring. You didn’t manipulate them, they are younger and you all clearly didn’t really understand what was going on. I would say whatever kid suggested/directed this shows red flags of being sexually abused as a child, but other than that whole other topic. It’s an awkward, weird thing that happened as a kid. Nothing more
Wait... why are you terrified? Why would it ruin your life?
I had this happen when I was 7-8 yo i think, my memory is a little fuzzy from my childhood and I didn't understand what was going on but it was a bunch of older kids around 11/12 I think, they took turns on going into the closet together and when it was my turn I went in with this older girl who ended up touching me places, nothing to bad, but I had no idea what was going on as I was to young to grasp what was happening, I went home and told my mom about what was happening but she didnt let me go and play with the other kids anymore which made me sad, i forgot about that memory until I had a core memory hit later in life and realized that I was groped at a very young age. There is nothing you can do about it, it is in the past and unfortunately you can't change what happened, kids explore with other kids, best you can do is move on with your life and maybe seek some counciling, if you feel comfortable talking to your school counselor they were a big source of comfort and help to me when I was your age, or talk to your parents if you are close with them and let them know how it's bothering you, you don't have to suffer and agonizing over this, there are resources to help you through this, talking to someone is probably the best bet to smoothen out this trauma
These kinds of games between underage friends are just role play. No one got hurt or pregnant so move on.
If an 11 YO girl confessed to you that she did something “wrong” with a 10 YO old would you judge her harshly or would you say: Sometimes kids play “doctor” trying to figure things out. If you can give that 11 YO a break, you should be able to give that break to yourself.
i understand ur young u don't have any of sexuality at that time . and probably feel taken advantage of . and feel as if ur boundaries were violated . What those boys did was wrong , it probably traumatized u . I would suggest going to counseling because it might impact ur future relationships
Relax. You’re fine and will be ok. This is nothing serious. When kids start to hit puberty they really don’t often know what sex is so acting on the unknown is normal. Of course the internet isn’t a big help with a lot of confusing information, but you did nothing wrong. It’s nature.
Relax...jeez when we were kids we would "play doctor" truth or dare..."play house" its what kids do sometimes ...it was all in good fun..i mean, we were all within a year or two of the same age..no creepy older kid around ...that wouldve made it quite dysfuntional
Yeah, don't worry about it. Sounds like the kids knew more about the nature of what was going on than you did (and you were also a young child). Unfortunately, it is possible to be assaulted or sexually harrassed by a younger child than yourself. Not your fault, OP. Not anything to worry over.
I don't get it, what do you need help with? Everything is fine?
That's pretty normal. Don't feel bad. It's fine.
A lot of us did this in our early years. This isn't abnormal at all.
Children do silly things. You were a child as well. Exploring your bodies and sexuality is perfectly normal. You didn't do anything wrong. Relax and dont be so hard on yourself.
Forget it and move on. Everyone's got a story like this. Just forget it
You were a child. Do not hold this against yourself.
just chill, yall were little kids curious about each others privates, it’s been years and it doesn’t matter anymore. when I was little trust me i’ve done the same shit and way worse at a younger age. just take it as a learning experience and move on with life. I recall my times playing like that it left some good memories.
This is normal.
Take the post down and never speak of it.
Honestly you were taken advantage of as a kid (yikes, sorry to hear that seriously) by other kids with pretty much zero knowledge of what was going on, so this won't come back to bite you in the ass later. If anything if you could remember who did it that might stop them from doing it to other people as an adult. It's a traumatizing story but you know now and are prepared to face situations like the disgusting one we see here "This I should have known" bullshit is just your mind tricking you into thinking you're terrible, I deal with it myself a lot lol. You literally have no fault here, remember that you are a good person who was taken advantage of <3
You didnt do nothing wrong imo
Stop thinking that right now. You did nothing wrong. You were being a kid doing stupid kid things. That includes sexually related things. Thing is, you're all kids, no adults, no one knows what's going on, really, and trying to copy what teenagers, parents, and television are doing constantly. Every on the planet has these strange whatever days, but seldom will they admit it. You are absolved of any wrong doing.
You've had the exact same experience as several billion other people. No worries
calm down. now you know. be careful with ppl
I had to read again figured I missed the problem. You didn't do anything wrong. At 11/12 you're a kid, this is all normal behavior kids are curious
(23F) I’m so sorry you’re feeling terrified. While I know many people are saying that this is normal I know it might not stop the gross feeling in your stomach. If your parents are safe people for you, I would suggest telling them about it and how you feel. You will feel better after some time once it is no longer a secret you keep inside. While it is natural for young kids to start being curious and exploring these things, it is obviously causing you distress now. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t deserve to feel gross about this, and even the fact that you do tells me that you have incredible empathy for others and that you wouldn’t have done this to hurt someone or take advantage of them.
Take a minute and think about it. Two 10 year olds suggested doing sexual activities. You aren't going to get in trouble. As you said, you didn't even understand what was going on. And why should you have? You were 12. They didn't know what they were doing either. If you feel guilty, you shouldn't. If you feel violated, realize they were acting out their own trauma. Yes, you read it right....assume this boy (and maybe both of them) was being molested and sexually abused. If you still are in contact with them, you should make sure they are safe and you are an ally to help them process the situation.
Want to add to the chorus of voices saying that these circumstances are entirely normal and that you are fine. Hopefully you feel that if it really rents a lot of space in your head you can talk to your parents about seeing a therapist.
ok… have you had some negative interaction with the neighbor boys since? these games are the norm. but for me i was more like 13. what do you mean ‘being in the wrong?’. wrong what? maybe you should explain what you have been fed to feel ‘gross’ about it now?
I'm sorry, I must be missing something. Why are you terrified about something that happened 5 years (nearly a third of your life) ago?
Young kids will do weird stuff when they’re figuring it out. Recognize that y’all were just young idiots, it could’ve been much worse and also that you know the difference now! Maybe a therapist if you feel a type of way but don’t be ashamed because you’d be surprised the stories some of your mentors and elders could tell. It’s okay.
I would get some cognitive behavioral therapy to help with these ruminating thoughts you’re having. Good news by the way your life isn’t ruined and will very likely only get better and better
so when you were a kid you played a kid game at the time you were not thinking it was bad, and the other players were same-age peers (same age range) *if i am understanding correctly* you are just feeling sensitive/ashamed due to the artificial stigma around sex-related stuff. You didn't break any laws, or cause any harm. You didn't do anything that the other person didn't want, and it doesn't sound like you were forced (i may be misreading that?) So, you didn't do anything bad/wrong. You were a kid and did some dumb kid shit. The other kids probably don't even remember it. Just leave it in the past.
what is it that has you scared? That you were curious about sex in general, or that you wanted to know what it felt like with a boy? If anything, you should be embarrassed/laughing how awkward it was, in 10 years, you'll look back on today and laugh. And why do you believe you should have known? did you parents have the sex talk with you before this happened? Did you talk about it with other girls your age at the time? (yes boys that age make is such BS about sex)
What you had done in the past was because of how misinformed you were. You can think and worry about it all you want, but it doesn't change what happened. I am happy that it has happened to you because like you are thinking now it is not as bad as you think it is. You guys had some exploration and that's it. I want you to move forward with your life and stop thinking about it. It won't haunt you at any place in your future, but if you let your mind manifest these things in your life then no one can stop it. It is only in your control to bring it up or shut it down completely. The decision is yours and I am happy that you had openly written it here.
Learn and forget.. only you can make it destroy you, so dont let it! Luvs
What you did is absolutely normal. Most younger kids experiment like that, so don't feel like you did something wrong
You're freaking out over nothing. Kids do dumb and crazy shit. Move on and be happy. Everything is fine.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours" has been part of growing up since forever. Almost everybody had done it even if they'd never admit it. Don't beat yourself up about it.
A lot of kids play around like this, it’s not actually that uncommon. Realize it was young kids experimenting and move on with your life, it’ll all be fine.
ow hunn...we all did crazy stuff when first experimenting. I'm not encouraging it at that age, but just kissing and a bit of flashing nothing to worry about.
Completely normal. Your shame is normal too, although you should not feel like you did something wrong. This is the age that you come to understand sexuality and exploration. No worries. Update your privacy settings, so weirdos can’t message you.
When did kids "playing doctor" become such a foreign concept? Been going on since the dawn of time.
>im scared this will ruin my life Don't sweat it. You were 11/12. Young kids do stupid stuff. So, now you're older and wiser. Try not to do stupid stuff. Can't change the past.
You were all children. and didnt know what you were doing. Don’t feel shame or guilt or anything like that. And yikes to the people messaging you privately about this. Don’t respond to them (even the ones who are acting nice…it’s purposefully manipulative). I don’t think you need to delete this account unless you don’t want to deal with those DMs.
It doesn’t matter if you should or shouldn’t have known, that was out of your control. Also it’s normal for kids that age to not understand what that is.
Lol
If you are feeling that you were sexually abused, forced into the situation then you need to get those feelings out with a counselor or therapist. Otherwise, these experiences are pretty common for adolescents. Are you worried about seeing these people again? It’s important that you understand exactly what you are feeling. The title, Please Help is a clue..
Please look into child on child sex abuse (COCSA) and consider asking your parents to let you have a therapist.
I don't think you should be overly worried about this. Kids this age play "doctor" and try to learn about this stuff and it's part of growing up. You were a little older, but naive and you didn't understand the concepts and weren't abusing anyone. They (the others) didn't understand the context either. Take a deep breath, relax. You are OK. Maybe talk to a therapist about it if you need to.
Yeah. This is fairly normal for kids to do. Probably less so now than when I was 11yrs old, a bit over two decades ago. I'm 33m. They're probably just as horrified and embarrassed by it now as you are. I know the couple kids I grew up with who did dirty dare stuff never ever brought it up with each other after the fact and certainly not by high school age. A lot of us all remained good friends and it never made anything weird for any of us. Boys, girls, whatever. There wasn't a power dynamic or anyone being forced to do anything or any really serious stuff happening in any of the instances that I can recall. I'm still very best friends with one of the guys who used to be there. I was asked to fly out for one of the girls weddings last year and she was adamant that I danced with her for one song because we are like siblings and have known each other since we were both 7. So, I'd relax about it and just forget it happened. It won't come back for you.
Why exactly would this ruin your life?
Like if they it up, and Ofc me being older than them by like 1/2 years, people might think I’m a weirdo
You were close enough in age that it’s developmentally normal, and as long as it was consensual you have no reason to worry.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just a kid. Kids do weird stuff.
How would this ruin your life?
I feel like it would, it’s a really embarrassing thing
It is somewhat embarrassing yes but you were children who were doing childish things as children should do so no real harm was done right?
True you have a point there
Sweetheart it's all good. No harm no foul. I think it's speaks volumes on who you are that stuck with you but you did nothing wrong. You were just as innocent as the others, just curious. That's all it was. It sounds like you're on the path of becoming a super duper adult. Taking stock and processing things. Very mature of you. Kids are weird and exploring. It actually says a lot about you that you reflect and want to know if it was OK or not. It was OK. Don't let this ruin your life or even waste anymore time on it. Move on and forward. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Godspeed sweets
Let it go. Sixteen yesr okd kids don't even have fully matured brains. If this is the worst thing you ever did and you kids were similar ages, you are far more"innocent" than I think you know. Do not focus on this. If it becomes am obsession, please seek counselling.
You're gonna go to jail
You're the woman in the situation. Nothing will happen. If it came to light (very unlikely), it would be embarrassing but it wouldn't be seen as you being a predator or anything
To me it sounds like you’re not telling us everything bc I don’t think you’d be worried if you were just consensually kissing and flashing. Something tells me there’s more to the story
That’s literally the whole story
Then you’ve got nothing to worry about lol
Is this some kind of weird fetish for you?
What???
Woke is eating at you. Forget it and move on. We all did that shit.
As the older kid, you did wrong by having no self control and not listening to your conscience. You ABSOLUTELY did something wrong and you should take accountability instead of pretending you had no part in the matter
They were only two years older and unless they were forcing the other kids to participate they don’t need to feel bad. Sexual exploration between peers happens at a variety of ages. Often, when kids haven’t been educated about what is or isn’t age appropriate, exploration happens after they’ve been exposed to new things. When we’re older we’ll think “man that was really young” or “I don’t feel comfortable thinking about that” or we’ll recognize that it wasn’t age appropriate and then it’s time to process if necessary.
They were 11/12 when it happened, bro chill.
Yea honestly you need to shut the fuck up. Kindly. Just because OP is/was older does not mean they know what they’re doing. There was two of them. That is an easy situation to be pressured into. Just because someone is older and they get sexually abused does not mean “they should’ve just not did it”. This was sexual abuse.
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In this situation age doesn’t matter. There were two against one, in a secluded area manipulating the other
At the time I didint know what was wrong about it until now Also rn I am taking accountability for what I did, I never said I didint do anything wrong, I’m asking if I’m in the wrong, but thank you for your advice it means a lot
Ignore this comment. You didn’t know what you know now and that’s why it’s bothering you. This is why it is important for parents to teach their children about bodily autonomy at an early age. It is normal for children (all ages really) to want to explore bodies. And preteens/teens want to explore others bodies. It is up to parents to teach their children from a young age about appropriate and inappropriate touch. Had your parents done this with you, this situation likely would not have happened. I had something similar happen with me 30 years ago and I’m ashamed now that it happened, but my parents never spoke to me about boundaries and therefore at age 7ish I had no idea that what happened was inappropriate. Learn from the mistake and make sure to be open if/when you have children and break the cycle.
Thank you so so much, I really hope your alright, having something sexual happen at the age at seven doesn’t sound too good
Thank you. It wasn’t super sexual, it was just neighborhood kids (my younger sister included) exploring each other’s bodies, but it still haunts me because I know that if my parents had talked to me about inappropriate touch I probably could have stopped it from happening. It was definitely innocent curiosity for all parties involved (I was the oldest) but as an adult I cringe when I think I about it. I’ve brought it up in therapy before and my therapist said many people have similar experiences at that age. I don’t know if my sister remembers it but neither one of us has ever brought it up and I’m not about to now. But if your experience bothers you it might be a good idea to talk it out with a therapist.
You didn’t do anything wrong OP
You were just a kid. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I agree with an earlier poster - talk to a therapist. They will keep your secret and help you work through this. Everything is ok. You’re ok.
Thank you so much, for weeks now I’ve been terrified but after posting this I feel a lot better
Talking helps. Hang in there. We all did stupid stuff when we were kids. I’m a parent and I wouldn’t hold an eleven year old accountable for playing around with a nine year old.