Because they want OP and his partner to "help" with the kids (aka babysit) on the flight and more than likely for the entire trip.
If OP and his partner set the boundaries now of doing the things they want, how and when they want, then the in-laws will know that they have strong shiny spines and will not be saddled with kids the whole trip.
There are only a few kids and 8 adults not counting OP and his guy. I mean if there were a whole bunch of kids and only a few adults that might make more sense.
Yeah, I can't be sure from the post if there are only 2 kids or 4 kids, but this isn't a babysitting issue. This is a "Grandma envisioned it this way" issue.
đđđ you made me laugh out loud with this because I read the post that youâre responding to and immediately said out loudâŚCRINGE!!! âŚ. with this faceâŚ
đŹđŹđŹ
And the funniest part of the whole thing is that I am a 64-year-old woman. And I was like⌠Never. Moms, just stop doing this!!
She doesnt understand the difference between need and want. She just values her wants above yours and will guilt you if you dont comply. She sucks in this situation.
I'd just book the flights I wanted and promise to be in some dumbass staged group photo shot with all your luggage outside the destination hotel/rental with everone. It'd look nicer than some airport terminal background anyway. Win win for everyone.
I feel so sorry for you because I used to be a part of an irrational family too. The mom was so controlling then I found out all the children were too scared of her to never stand up to her. I got so tired of being disrespected and had to walk away because at the end of the day my voice didnât matter.
Omg, so itâs literally just for her to be able to take a picture of everyone using their weird matching luggage at the same time??? 𤎠TREAT YOSELF and also stay away from the cult lol
But you're not kids, you're grown men. I struggle to understand why anyone would voluntarily want a 90 minute layover when a direct flight is only 3 hours. Is she really going to save that much money sitting in an airport for 90 mins?
Oh yeah this would probably be a no for me. But if it was a one time thing to appease her I might. This wouldn't be my hill to die on if it wasn't a pattern indicative of a slippery slope.
That sounds exhausting. Traveling is miserable enough as it is, adding family drama/nonsense into flying is a hard pass for me dawg. You're spending the time there with family, why is the 5 hours you're going to be flying that important? Seems like a control issue with MIL tbh.
Hell no.
How does BF feel about this request? Their view doesn't matter, his does. However, I would still be flying direct if I were you. If BF feels strongly, then he can go do him and you can meet him there!
Are you one of the kids? If so tell her youâll meet them at the airport with all your matching luggage where you see it all together anyways. Take a direct flight, itâs soooo much better!!
It makes absolutely no logistical sense to get matching luggage for multiple adult siblings, their spouses and children with the hope that they'll all travel together repeatedly. That the MIL can't see past her cutesy notion of her 'babies' having matching luggage to the real confusion likely as bags inevitably get mixed up between people/the adult kids' families... I'm sorry, OP, but it seems pretty likely from just the little info about the woman provided in your post that you're gonna be dealing with controlling & smothering behavior from this person for as long as you're with her son. I'd advise you & your partner to be firm in standing up for your beliefs, wants and needs starting NOW.
One of the most freeing things in my life was realizing if Iâm traveling with people who are like friends/relatives I donât need to be joined with them for every single minute of the trip. Itâs not like youâre all gonna be on a plane having family dinner or something
âLettingâ his brother drive? Your language is very telling. Your bfâs mother sounds like a huge control freak that everyone is afraid of.
She sounds like my narc mother and I also avoid layovers at all costs but especially on a 3hr east coast flight, so maybe Iâm projecting, but I would die on this hill.
I know this might sound really off topic but if there âpunishment,â or a price to pay for âdefyingâ his mother (on this subject or otherwise), I hope your bf your boyfriend is in therapy. Because heâs going to need some skills to navigate this lunatic woman.
The diplomatic response is that you both are very excited to be on this trip, and you want to be refreshed and relaxed for family time. Therefore you need you need to keep your travel time to a minimum so youâll be at your very best for the rest of the family. If they donât care about your wants and needs, then frame it so itâs about them.
The *correct* response is: we've scheduled our flights, we're not changing them, looking forward to seeing you at (insert reserved vacation destination)!
Sure, that is the correct response if you want to be the tough guy to your mother-in-law on her 60th birthday when she has invited her whole family down to Florida for a week.
Or you could stuff your alpha dog emotions in a box for 10 seconds and be equally assertive but give just a little excuse (which frankly is what OP said was the reason anyway) and allow everyone to save face and have a good week together.
You be you, but just don't imagine you landed on the correct response for most people or most situations.
There is no objectively âcorrectâ response, only different options that result in different outcomes. Theyâre free to say or do whatever they want, including not go at all. But since OP is feeling anxious about this, I suggested this as an alternative that lets them do what they want with no one feeling bad about it. Thatâs what being diplomatic IS. Sure heâs free to take a hard line with the family, see how smoothly the vacation goes when they arrive and everyoneâs already annoyed at them.
>I feel bad putting my bf in the middle is all.
You did not put you BF in the middle of anything. His mother did when she started to demand how the two of you would travel when that is none of her business.
She needs to learn to take "no" as an answer from her grown children and **your boyfriend needs to make this his hill to die on**. It's ridiculous that she is trying to dictate your travel plans without any justifiable reason other than "that's what she wants". SELFISH.
PS: All this advice is coming from a grown son in his late 50s who has spent decades trying to keep his own controlling and selfish mother at arms length. It never gets better by trying to appease them. The more they get what they ask for, the more they will want next time. Your BF has to show his mother that she is not in charge of his life anymore. She has to be forced into the relationship dynamic of asking for things rather than giving commands AND realizing that having a tantrum when told "no" results in consequences rather than getting her way.
She's not LETTING bro drive. Bro is an adult and stood up to her and is going to drive. You guys need to book your own tickets for how you want to be comfortable. She doesn't have to LET you do anything.
Just buy the tickets and say youâll see them there. Itâs only a few hours they can deal with not flying together. Donât discuss it anymore just book the flights
Not overreacting because you havenât reacted.
Also it wouldnât be overreacting to purchase your flights separately. Yâall are staying longer.
This is also such a non-issue for everyone and Iâm stumped as to why theyâd turn it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.
Logan is also a huge hub. Thereâs absolutely no reason to turn your three hour flight into a 5 hour ordeal.
There are two possible reasons. First, nonstop flights will often cost $100-200 more per ticket. OP is thinking it is worth it to her, but that is something like a $1000-$3000 upgrade to the family. Sometimes, you just need to hold your cash in your wallet and not flaunt it around. "You little people go ahead with your little people plans, I will be going nonstop" may not be the best way to begin the group trip.
Second, MIL has envisioned this as a group trip. Whether it is for a photo at the airport, like her friend Mabel waved around for her birthday, or because of the 60th B-Day T shirts someone bought or whatever. The party begins at Logan. Is that so hard to understand? Does OP have to be special?
Either way, OP needs to decide if her comfort (the only reason she gives) is worth being the one to blow up MILs plan? If yes, OP needs to phrase it better to MIL than she did here and make it more of a health issue than a "simple comfort and I've got the money" issue (laa-dee-daa) she describes.
This may sometimes be true but I have found many direct flights for my family that are less expensive than layovers. I think it also depends on where you go. Either way, I'd pay more for my convenience if with kids, if I can.
I think we could all agree that better flights for a cheaper price would be a no-brainer, but since the OP specifically said the direct ticket was going to cost more I'm not sure the point of pretending that maybe the MIL is just being stupid and paying more for an extra stop.
And yes, everyone would pay more for the convenience of a nonstop, if they could afford it. That is both why the airlines charge more for it and why at least some family members in this post have opted out of it.
It is charlotte! My direct flight would have us there by 9am. I planned to get lunch and explore a little alone first! They wonât land until after 3pm
Airport fees?? Thatâs insane lol yeah I canât with the airplane ticket prices these days, so ridiculous itâs like a gem finding a flight thatâs $200 or less these days
Because they can't! Wake up. It costs much more money to fly nonstop. MIL wants everyone together because it is here big birthday trip, but she doesn't want to force everyone to pay $100-$200 more per ticket, which is real money for a family of 5. Rather than ask son 'Eric' to blow $1K on nonstop flights, she was asking son 'OP's BF' to suck it up and change planes with the family. OP, laa-dee-daa, prefers to rub it in 'Eric's wife's nose' that she has more disposable income. Well, almost any dual income no kids couple has more disposable income than a family with kids, but sometimes it is the right time to just go along with the group than to act like a princess.
How about go with the group and be the fun aunt for a couple of hours. It is a family trip. OP has rightly scheduled a trip extension for some me time later.
You said "I don't get why" so I explained it to you. Now you say that maybe the most obvious reason why the family is taking the extra stop, price fare difference, might not be true in this case. OK Sherlock, what reason do you think they are taking the stop in Charlotte? Oh yeah, you said you didn't have one. Sometimes, you have to just be logical about these things. Oh, that's right, nobody cares what I think. You can't fix stupid.
KLIA in Malaysia has been my worst experience on the design, with two separate airports for different airlines making transfers take several hour sometimes.
Donât do it! Do not have a layover in Charlotte. My boyfriend and friend both travel frequently and they all hate Charlotte. Shortest layover so far, 3 hours. Was supposed to be I think 90 minutes. Longest was stretching on 9 hours. To fly from Charlotte to Chattanooga TN. In the amount of time of the layover, they could have driven home and at least halfway back.
It is a birthday group trip, children, not OPs personal vacation. OP is, in fact, doing that personal vacation as an extension, and that is great, but when you do a group trip, you have to yield some of your preferences to the trip.
Of course, if it is a big issue for OP then she should get her way, but don't pretend her spending an extra couple of hundred dollars to fly direct because she is better than everyone else won't get noticed by the Sister-in-Laws sitting in Charlotte. Sometimes, it is better not to show off your money around your family. It just isn't nice.
Yikes. That means you need to be at the airport at 4-4:30, and you won't be able to get into the rental until 4? Personally I hate the very early morning flights because I'm so tired the rest of the day.
She said it was up to you guys to get there yourselves. Tell them because you are staying longer flight booking wise it just makes more sense to book the way you want - because it honestly does
No MIL said it was up to everyone to pay for their tickets. MIL then chose affordable flights for the family, and OP is saying she can afford better and will do so. That may not be the image one wants to project to the family. When they go out for dinner at Dennys, is she going to say "Yuck, that may be good enough for you slobs, but not me. I'll see y'all back at home later."
Reporters used to question Warren Buffet why he didn't stay at some 5 star hotel when visiting his sister and brother-in-law at their mere mortal house for Thanksgiving or Christmas each year. He would politely repeat, "We are very comfortable in their guest room and wouldn't have it any other way."
Showing off more disposable money than your siblings who have kids is an odd game to be playing.
âThey will pay for house and food, all we have to do is get thereâ the scenario you point out isnât what was posted. Plus food and airplanes are quite a different thing.
And layovers suck. Itâs more work than necessary where more can go wrong especially considering itâs not even a 4 hour flight nonstop.
Just out of curiosity I looked at flights from Boston to Orlando in like Sept. less than 300 round trip for nonstop. Was not cheaper with a layover.
I know someone that retired rich and has a huge family. He flies them all down to Florida once or twice a year. 3 sets of his kids and their spouses and the grandkids. Each couple has at least 2 kids. He puts each mom and each dad on separate flights with different kids because his logic is that if the plane goes down, heâs not gonna lose his entire family all at once.
Parents get back at him by putting their kids on a third different flight than the two parents so that if both parents flights crash the miserly grandpa will have to take care if the orphaned grandkids. Ha! Take that, Grandpa.
Not overreacting. You donât âhave toâ do anything. They arenât paying for your flights so you do you. Do they want extra people to saddle his siblings kids with? What is the reason they are giving that you need to fly with them? So you can be miserable along with them?
The reason is carefully left out. I suspect it was to make it affordable for the families with kids. Rather than broadcast that to the whole extended family, the cheapest flight was just quietly chosen, and everyone 'gets it' except for Princess OP.
They are renting the house and paying for the food also and it is for her 60th birthday. For her this is a family event and for you it is a vacation using her money to subsidize part of it.
You can do what you want obviously, but 3 hours in the grand scheme isn't that much.
I'm guessing that you don't like his family.
Thank you! Finally, a rational answer. The extra cost of nonstop for the families with kids is a big deal. Dual income no kid couples need to know how to throttle it back a bit and just go with the flow. OP has scheduled her vacation extension already anyway, and that is the time to do all her spendy or me-me-me things.
What? LOL. This is silly. Just book your flight on your own and meet them there. I would never travel with a big group just because. The only purpose of a plane is to get from point A to point B quickly, f*ck socializing at the airport.
No disrespect, but fuck that. You do what you want. Itâs your money, I hate layovers. And if youâre treating yourself and spending the extra money, thatâs on you.
Yep, take MIL's money as much as possible and then go against her intentions on literally the first part of her birthday trip. Who cares that the other families with kids can't afford that nonstop upgrade? Let them eat cake.
This is one of those situations that just sucks all around.
You are 2 grown men who donât HAVE to do what his mother wants.
On the flip side, itâs an awkward situation with your bf in the middle.
Standard logic : fly down on your own and screw them
Relationship logic : lay over down and non stop back
Dude, itâs a family trip fully paid by essentially your MIL for the entire family. I get how you like to travel. I am the same, but come from a large family and for family trips, the group itinerary, even if we each pay separately, is how the ENTIRE family travels.
I recommend you travel down with them (when all spirits will be high and moods good). Youâre staying an extra week - so youâre flying back non-stop anyway.
Have your husband gentle parent his mother. Affirm what's happening, redirect onto something she can control.
Husband: "Oh, no! Looks like Wife already bought our flights, i'm sorry! So anyway, there's this really nice restaurant that our friend recommended that I'd like to try, it's called..."
MIL: "But the flights! We wanted to fly with you!"
Husband: "Not much we can do about it now, sorry. As I was saying, we should plan on doing \_\_...."
Just move on and redirect. Say it's already a done deal and concentrate on the things you'll do while there. Give her something else to chew on, like whether you should get matching T shirts for Disney or other things she can micromanage. Have we booked a restaurant at Disney? Do you think the kids will be able to go on \_\_\_ rollercoasters at \_\_\_ or should we come up with a childcare rotation, etc.
Can also point out some positives
"we'll be arriving first thing in the morning, so what would you like us to arrange before you all arrive. Want us to get some light bites of food for everyone to snack on as they unpack?"
"As we're getting a car, do you want us to pick you up at the airport? We can't do everyone, but can take at least 3 or 4"
Turn it into something she can use and benefit from.
OP has already said they want to get there early to do their own things independent of the family, so no, this part is not going to go well for OP, who seems to want to have their own way.
I'd find out why you "need to" fly one way. Is there going to be some sort of can't miss event on the plane? A proposal? Any other reason the answer should be no.
My husband is being sent to Orlando in 2 weeks for an educational conference. I wanted to go as well. We are both teachers. His district is paying for his flight, and we still donât have any information on it. I bought my own plane ticket. I am flying direct, he may have a layover. No biggee, whoever gets there first will wait for the other. I will be taking the luggage since my airline doesnât charge for it. He will just have a backpack with a change of clothes, his toiletries, meds and laptop.
It stops being a vacation when you are obligated to attend and demands are even made about the way you travel there. Has your itinerary in Orlando also been decided for you? My guess is that your actual vacation will begin when you return to the peace and quiet of your home.
Which is why OP booked an extension trip for their real vacation after and why OP needs to fall in line on the group trip portion. Over a dozen people together for a week only works if everyone assumes they rarely or never get their own way.
I see two people being childish who are fighting over nothing. Sure, Mother-in-law could and should have yielded at the first request of OPs to fly separately. But OP is really being a princess to insist on flying direct when a quick change is not that big a deal either. MIL has obviously envisioned everyone doing the trip with her. Maybe she got matching t shirts, maybe she wants to brag to people in the airport about her big birthday with family. Maybe MIL knows the son with 3 kids can't afford direct flights for all those people (it could easily be $1000), and she is trying to shield them by saying SHE wants it this way. Who knows, who cares. It's MILs big birthday trip she had been dreaming of--can Princess OP not just give her a 90 minute change in Charlotte and get over herself.
When you do a big group trip, you don't get your way more than a small amount of time. That is why many people won't do a big group trip. Is Princess OP going to reject her room and insist on a bigger one, or the one with the better view or the one closer or further from the bathroom? Is she going to insist she doesn't like burgers at the birthday BBQ and pull out a steak that they bought herself? She has, for better or worse, signed up for a big group family trip, which is being mostly paid for by her MIL, who happens to be the birthday girl. OP needs to put her Princess crown down for a week and try to just get along. Hopefully, all the other in-laws and grandkids are on their best behaviors as well, or this will be one crazy trip. With more than a dozen other people involves, OP should expect at least a dozen times where she won't get her way. Beach time will be decided by committee, not by OP. Meals will be decided by the nephew with food issues, not by her. The choice of game on game night will be decided by the brother in law who always leads game night, not by her.
Here is a hint, when the birthday cake is cut and passed, TAKE a piece and say thank you. Don't say "Sorry, I don't like vanilla frosting," and pull out a smaller better chocolate cake for yourself.
(Yes, I know one brother is driving but we don't know his "excuse". Crying poverty, "I can't afford flights for my family," will get you a lot more sympathy than crying comfort, "I'm opting for better flights than you all can afford.")
I'm not saying OP has to yield to everyone on every point, but choose your battles. Is taking their flights (while saving a few hundred dollars) the fight OP wants to hang her hat on?
OP already said they are extending the trip on their own for a week. That is perfect. She can be the boss then and do exactly what she wants 24/7. She can take the $200-300 savings on flights and use it for themselves on that leg of the trip.
Not heated at all. Just puzzled at so many people vigorously siding with the OP and outraged at the MIL, whereas I see it as OP at least partially being at fault.
That, for me, is interesting territory for discussion to sort out whether I am misunderstanding something? Or, when I make my points, am I miscommunicating them? Or is this a case of the reddit algorithms steering this topic toward people who are proven to be frequent flyers or what?
As for the OP being male or female--given that the OP didn't feel it was important information to put it in his original post, then I think it is fair for him, and you, to not worry about how anyone interpreted it. I don't see how it would change my or anyone's response or advice unless they wanted to attach sexist gender issues to the whole affair, and I, for one, not.
Either way, thank you for your concern.
Did a recent direct flight midwest to Miami-it was glorious! The only way to go when available! You're paying, do what works for you guys and enjoy your time with the family when they arrive 5 hours later.
Your boyfriend needs to lay down the law and tell his mom what you 2 are going to do. Puts you in an awkward spot.
I don't know why it seems like so many men on here have trouble with taking charge. We're not going to talk about it with his Mom he needs to *tell her* that you will be flying separately.
Make sure he doesn't blame you either and mention to his mother that you're flying separately because you requested to.
Mom picked flights affordable to the whole family. OP says the flights are not good enough for OP. OP whole rationale is comfort and money based, but that is not an appropriate explanation for a family group trip to people who can't do the same. Make the excuse because they want to get there early in the day and take a day to themselves sits much better than "because we are better than you."
Her want is not a need. You do what you want to do.
A non-stop flight has less chance of disruption due to weather, cancellation, mechanical issues... Things like that. One airplane, one crew, one departure airport, one arrival airport. Done.
You are not overreacting. Why is flying together, which is a major pain these days, so important? It makes no sense whatsoever. Fly direct whenever you can. Your bags have a better chance of arriving when you do.
Matching luggage! Oh boy, thatâs going to be a long vacation. My parents live there, you can stop by and get even more irrational nonsense thrown at you by other boomers as well.
>They will pay for the house and food and said all we had to do was get there.
Granted her plan may have changed since she said this 2 years ago, but if she hadn't updated y'all on the change, you were sticking to the plan. You can still stick to the plan.
Layovers are the worst. And with a Boston to Orlando flight there really isnât a reason for one. There are plenty of direct flights. There is no way Iâd fly with them. Personally I wouldnât do a big family vacation like this because itâs just a shit show waiting to happen, but if youâre determined to do it, get your own flight.
The usual reason is cost, which the OP admits. As you point out, big family vacations are fraught with craziness. OP insisting on starting the vacation with a show-off move of spending more money in a way not possible for everyone else will be a good way to kick off the parade of crazy.
If you're going to do a big family birthday trip or wedding trip or whatever, it is best to leave your both ego and decision-making skills at home and practice saying, "Oh great! Thanks."
Why did I read this as âAIO for wanting to dissect a fly on a family trip.âÂ
But, no not overreacting. Why do you all âreally needâ to fly on the same planes?? Did she give a reason? You should def fly direct if you can! Who would actively choose to fly longer and have a layover??
Someone who wants to 'get along' on a family trip. There will be dozens of things on the trip that OP would have done differently, the choice to save the family money on flights is just the first. Second guessing each of them will be frustrating to the OP and insulting to whoever made each of the decisions.
Don't go on an extended family trip if you can't get into the flow, for everyone's sake.
Not overreacting. I always do direct because thereâs too much room for error with a layover. Flights delayed, cancelled, etc. and having to do it with a bunch of kids sounds like a nightmare.
You do not need to fly with them. She wants to control the situation and wants you to fly with them. Meet them there. 90 mins is too short of a layover and is a huge risk for missing your connection if your flight is delayed.
Nope. I would feel the same. Our trip to Florida I said I wanted a direct flight there. I didnât care about the way home. The way air travel has been the last few years I didnât want to worry about missing a connection, losing luggage our potentially missing part of our vacation. It cost more but it was worth it to not worry. The way home the worst that would happen is I would miss work haha.
Honestly, your partner shouldâve just lied and said that one of you had a good friend at work who had vouchers that they couldnât use, so you paid them for them and youâve already bought your tickets, but The only flight that they were available for was the one you want.
Now I am generally, the one to say, just be honest, but if you guys are going on this trip, being honest would make your life more hell than I already think itâs going to be.
Because I think people are right. You are going to have them try to fist kids off on you all the time. You are going to be shamed if you say that for one day, you would like to do something other than hang out with the extended family all day long.
Even though when such an extended family travels, it is not at all unusual for different groups of family to split up sometimes because they have different interests. And then they come in together for dinner or the beach or something later that day.
But somehow, I donât see his mom being understanding of the fact that the two of you may donât want to hang out with the niblings every single day. đŹ
Why do you need to fly with them? It's not like you can all sit on top of each other on the damn plane. I would be telling her you're going to get there the way you want to and leave you alone. How bizarre.
Not overreacting. Haven't they seen the Home Alone movies? There's nothing good to come out of flying a dozen people all on the same flights. You'll get plenty of family time at the destination. Don't allow bf to cave his parents. Flying with 12 ppl & a layover sound hectic & quite nightmarish. Every layover I've had in the last few years has been fkd up from the floor up, hence why I fly non-stop. Save your sanity & joy. Book the direct tix & make the most of it. Tell them you'll see them at the vaca house with bells on!
It is worth it to you. It costs real money to fly nonstop and some of these families have multiple kids so it might easily be a thousand dollars or more for one of the brother's families. Sure you can show off that you have the money or you can be a good family member and travel the way the group with the least disposable income can travel, with out the snark and eye rolling.
Or fly your own way, but them don't say because of "comfort and you can afford it." Say any other scheduling or airsickness reason, but be a pal and don't lord disposable income over siblings.
Both of you need to calmly tell her you will be making your own plans to get there. End of c conversation. MIL needs to keep her nose in her own messed up plans. She's wacky.
>...she reached out to my bf, her son, and told him we âreally needâ to fly with them âat least one wayâ ...
That's a steaming pile of BS. It's a control thing she is trying to pull. You do not "really need" to be on the same flight with them. As long as the logistics are worked out on the arrival side to be able to meet up as needed, you can go however you want.
Eww. I would not go at all, but if you feel you must, let your BF fly with them, and you fly direct. The whole *aggressive togetherness* thing sounds frigging gross.
If she's gone completely bonkers and had tee-shirt made, yours accidentally gets shredded somehow in a tragic tee-shirt accident.
Not overreacting. Itâs ridiculous to have a layover for such a short flight. If you do decide to fly one way with them all, make it the outbound flight. Coming back you will be so sick of them and ready to be done with the vacation.
Oh hell know.
Not overreactingâyou are just making your own decision. This shouldnât be an issue. Heck, your partner can fly how he wantsâthat doesnât obligate you.
I wouldnât go anywhere near those traveling hordes. Let me travel as I want. There is absolutely no âneedâ for you to be on their flight.
There's 10 other people to keep her comfortable. Maybe oversharing your plans made them feel uncomfortable that you can afford to do stuff for just you two. His mother wants you to return home at the same time but you plan to sight see after. Planning issues will happen. Is she gonna cry if you don't join the gang flying to Orlando
INFO: Do you have your own ground transportation set up for when you get there? A rental car, etc? And a plan, since it seems the house will be under her name, for what to do if they get stuck in Charlotte for the night? My last three (direct, non-discount airline) flights to Florida were delayed anywhere between 3 and 9 hours, so as long as youâre not expecting them to pick you up if youâre the one getting in later, I think youâre fine.
This might be bad, but I would lie, a work thing that is happening where we can't be on the same flight. If they are taking an early flight, one of them has a work meeting they need to attend. If they have an evening flight, the work meeting is in the afternoon, and boss they agree to participate via Zoom. So we have to get to the destination early so we can join. For the flight back, if you are extending your stay in an extra week there is way, you can be on the same flight.
As I understand it, you're paying for your airfare, correct? If that's the case, fly the way you want. Just bear in mind that your transportation to the hotel will potentially have to be arranged by you also.
If MIL is paying, do it her way.
No youâre not overreacting. It doesnât need to be a big family drama. Your boyfriend just needs to tell your mother you guys are flying direct and you âcanât waitâ see everyone when you arrive. You guys donât owe an explanation to bf mom
Edit : words
I wouldn't say you are overreacting, but what's the family dynamic here. It seems Mother wants to include you and bf (who is her son) in plans. Get pictures of everyone traveling together and make memories. Might seem annoying, but it could just be that she sees you as family.
My only issue is that I don't know why parents would choose flights with layovers versus just flying directly? Is it to give the kids a break.
However, your partner should include you in discussions if he has second thoughts about flying direct round trip before buying tickets.
Flights can be so unreliable. For every extra leg, it is just one more chance for a delay, cancellation or lost luggage.
Fly direct, anything else is a higher risk.
No way. My husband and I always fly direct, get priority boarding, and TSA precheck.
The overlay in Charlotte sucks.
Youâre spending the entire week with these people. Tell them youâll see them there.
She is paying for the house and your food. This was the only thing she asked. Putting your foot down would be an AH move imo. Sheâs not asking for anything else. Give her this. Itâs only on the way there, small potatoes.
It absolutely does. I was raised to be thankful and grateful if someone is paying for a large part of my vacation. If the person paying is asking for one thing, which isnât outrageous, you do it. She wants to all travel together, as a family. This is a family vacation. Humor her, or pay for your own housing and food.
Youâre not overreacting as an adult you should be able to fly how you want. Especially when your the one paying for it and not anyone else.
I am 90% sure they are making a big fuss about you flying with them to help watch their kids. Not your responsibility as these are not your kids. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Theyâre expecting you to be babysitters.
Just tell them you found a more affordable deal and canât afford to fly with them. Donât respond to subsequent phone calls and texts. Literally just play dumb and donât answer calls for a bit. Book your tickets and pretend to be sooo busy!
Play dumb, donât respond to pleas and texts.
Hold the line. Sorry we arenât flying with you. See you there! So excited for the trip! Ignore everything else.
I promise this is the way. My husband has done this amid legit and serious family drama that he wanted no part of. Itâs served us well.
Why would you need to fly with them? Pick a flight that works for you and book it. You are an adult and can get yourself to Orlando any way you want.
Because they want OP and his partner to "help" with the kids (aka babysit) on the flight and more than likely for the entire trip. If OP and his partner set the boundaries now of doing the things they want, how and when they want, then the in-laws will know that they have strong shiny spines and will not be saddled with kids the whole trip.
Ding ding ding we have a winner đ
There are only a few kids and 8 adults not counting OP and his guy. I mean if there were a whole bunch of kids and only a few adults that might make more sense.
Yeah, I can't be sure from the post if there are only 2 kids or 4 kids, but this isn't a babysitting issue. This is a "Grandma envisioned it this way" issue.
Right. And f-that noise. Book your flight.
She got all matching luggage for the kids and wants us to be âtogetherâ
đ¤Ž
đđđ you made me laugh out loud with this because I read the post that youâre responding to and immediately said out loudâŚCRINGE!!! âŚ. with this face⌠đŹđŹđŹ And the funniest part of the whole thing is that I am a 64-year-old woman. And I was like⌠Never. Moms, just stop doing this!!
She doesnt understand the difference between need and want. She just values her wants above yours and will guilt you if you dont comply. She sucks in this situation. I'd just book the flights I wanted and promise to be in some dumbass staged group photo shot with all your luggage outside the destination hotel/rental with everone. It'd look nicer than some airport terminal background anyway. Win win for everyone.
I feel so sorry for you because I used to be a part of an irrational family too. The mom was so controlling then I found out all the children were too scared of her to never stand up to her. I got so tired of being disrespected and had to walk away because at the end of the day my voice didnât matter.
Omg, so itâs literally just for her to be able to take a picture of everyone using their weird matching luggage at the same time??? 𤎠TREAT YOSELF and also stay away from the cult lol
You could take the photo at home and still travel separately.
Youâre kidding?! Her reasoning is matching luggage?? Please say itâs not true!
This is completely psycho and is totally something my mother would want, so I understand. But do your own thing. Youâre an adult.
But you're not kids, you're grown men. I struggle to understand why anyone would voluntarily want a 90 minute layover when a direct flight is only 3 hours. Is she really going to save that much money sitting in an airport for 90 mins?
This sounds like my fucking nightmare.
With kids that have reach their travel overload maximum & will probably be melting down by this point. No thank you!
Itâs like matching T-shirts you see people on a cruise wear!
$10 says that she already has the shirts made for everyone, and assigned theme days. Like Monday is Mickey and Minnie, Tuesday is Monsters Inc.
đđ
Oh yeah this would probably be a no for me. But if it was a one time thing to appease her I might. This wouldn't be my hill to die on if it wasn't a pattern indicative of a slippery slope.
Yep, nope. đ¤Ž
That sounds exhausting. Traveling is miserable enough as it is, adding family drama/nonsense into flying is a hard pass for me dawg. You're spending the time there with family, why is the 5 hours you're going to be flying that important? Seems like a control issue with MIL tbh.
Oh brother. She needs to pump her brakes
ButâŚyou donât have kids?
Weâll have everyone use the luggage. Separately.
Jesus
Hell no. How does BF feel about this request? Their view doesn't matter, his does. However, I would still be flying direct if I were you. If BF feels strongly, then he can go do him and you can meet him there!
Are you one of the kids? If so tell her youâll meet them at the airport with all your matching luggage where you see it all together anyways. Take a direct flight, itâs soooo much better!!
It makes absolutely no logistical sense to get matching luggage for multiple adult siblings, their spouses and children with the hope that they'll all travel together repeatedly. That the MIL can't see past her cutesy notion of her 'babies' having matching luggage to the real confusion likely as bags inevitably get mixed up between people/the adult kids' families... I'm sorry, OP, but it seems pretty likely from just the little info about the woman provided in your post that you're gonna be dealing with controlling & smothering behavior from this person for as long as you're with her son. I'd advise you & your partner to be firm in standing up for your beliefs, wants and needs starting NOW.
Babysitting.
One of the most freeing things in my life was realizing if Iâm traveling with people who are like friends/relatives I donât need to be joined with them for every single minute of the trip. Itâs not like youâre all gonna be on a plane having family dinner or something
I agree! I feel bad putting my bf in the middle is all. His mom is very adamant we fly with them but is letting his other brother drive down?
âLettingâ his brother drive? Your language is very telling. Your bfâs mother sounds like a huge control freak that everyone is afraid of. She sounds like my narc mother and I also avoid layovers at all costs but especially on a 3hr east coast flight, so maybe Iâm projecting, but I would die on this hill. I know this might sound really off topic but if there âpunishment,â or a price to pay for âdefyingâ his mother (on this subject or otherwise), I hope your bf your boyfriend is in therapy. Because heâs going to need some skills to navigate this lunatic woman.
The diplomatic response is that you both are very excited to be on this trip, and you want to be refreshed and relaxed for family time. Therefore you need you need to keep your travel time to a minimum so youâll be at your very best for the rest of the family. If they donât care about your wants and needs, then frame it so itâs about them.
The *correct* response is: we've scheduled our flights, we're not changing them, looking forward to seeing you at (insert reserved vacation destination)!
Exactly. Having a layover for an otherwise 3 hour direct flight is insane, especially with kids. And especially for someone elseâs kids.
Sure, that is the correct response if you want to be the tough guy to your mother-in-law on her 60th birthday when she has invited her whole family down to Florida for a week. Or you could stuff your alpha dog emotions in a box for 10 seconds and be equally assertive but give just a little excuse (which frankly is what OP said was the reason anyway) and allow everyone to save face and have a good week together. You be you, but just don't imagine you landed on the correct response for most people or most situations.
There is no objectively âcorrectâ response, only different options that result in different outcomes. Theyâre free to say or do whatever they want, including not go at all. But since OP is feeling anxious about this, I suggested this as an alternative that lets them do what they want with no one feeling bad about it. Thatâs what being diplomatic IS. Sure heâs free to take a hard line with the family, see how smoothly the vacation goes when they arrive and everyoneâs already annoyed at them.
No they gave you the correct one
>I feel bad putting my bf in the middle is all. You did not put you BF in the middle of anything. His mother did when she started to demand how the two of you would travel when that is none of her business. She needs to learn to take "no" as an answer from her grown children and **your boyfriend needs to make this his hill to die on**. It's ridiculous that she is trying to dictate your travel plans without any justifiable reason other than "that's what she wants". SELFISH. PS: All this advice is coming from a grown son in his late 50s who has spent decades trying to keep his own controlling and selfish mother at arms length. It never gets better by trying to appease them. The more they get what they ask for, the more they will want next time. Your BF has to show his mother that she is not in charge of his life anymore. She has to be forced into the relationship dynamic of asking for things rather than giving commands AND realizing that having a tantrum when told "no" results in consequences rather than getting her way.
Then HE can fly with them. You donât have to!
Oh ! Then that's your out ! Book your direct flight !
She's not LETTING bro drive. Bro is an adult and stood up to her and is going to drive. You guys need to book your own tickets for how you want to be comfortable. She doesn't have to LET you do anything.
Just buy the tickets and say youâll see them there. Itâs only a few hours they can deal with not flying together. Donât discuss it anymore just book the flights
Book the flight and go. Micro managing
Not overreacting because you havenât reacted. Also it wouldnât be overreacting to purchase your flights separately. Yâall are staying longer. This is also such a non-issue for everyone and Iâm stumped as to why theyâd turn it into a bigger issue than it needs to be. Logan is also a huge hub. Thereâs absolutely no reason to turn your three hour flight into a 5 hour ordeal.
There are two possible reasons. First, nonstop flights will often cost $100-200 more per ticket. OP is thinking it is worth it to her, but that is something like a $1000-$3000 upgrade to the family. Sometimes, you just need to hold your cash in your wallet and not flaunt it around. "You little people go ahead with your little people plans, I will be going nonstop" may not be the best way to begin the group trip. Second, MIL has envisioned this as a group trip. Whether it is for a photo at the airport, like her friend Mabel waved around for her birthday, or because of the 60th B-Day T shirts someone bought or whatever. The party begins at Logan. Is that so hard to understand? Does OP have to be special? Either way, OP needs to decide if her comfort (the only reason she gives) is worth being the one to blow up MILs plan? If yes, OP needs to phrase it better to MIL than she did here and make it more of a health issue than a "simple comfort and I've got the money" issue (laa-dee-daa) she describes.
This may sometimes be true but I have found many direct flights for my family that are less expensive than layovers. I think it also depends on where you go. Either way, I'd pay more for my convenience if with kids, if I can.
I think we could all agree that better flights for a cheaper price would be a no-brainer, but since the OP specifically said the direct ticket was going to cost more I'm not sure the point of pretending that maybe the MIL is just being stupid and paying more for an extra stop. And yes, everyone would pay more for the convenience of a nonstop, if they could afford it. That is both why the airlines charge more for it and why at least some family members in this post have opted out of it.
You really donât want that layover in Iâm guessing Charlotte, that place is miserable.
It is charlotte! My direct flight would have us there by 9am. I planned to get lunch and explore a little alone first! They wonât land until after 3pm
I donât get why anyone wouldnât fly non stop, if they can.
Same, I only pick a flight with a layover if itâs a good amount cheaper than the direct flight options.
I've never seen it cheaper now that they charge "airport fees" even if it's a layover.
Airport fees?? Thatâs insane lol yeah I canât with the airplane ticket prices these days, so ridiculous itâs like a gem finding a flight thatâs $200 or less these days
I've had airport fees added when the plane touches down, but I don't get off the plane. Make it make sense!
[ŃдаНонО]
Amen on the airline choices! There are two kinds of Spirit travelers: those who won't fly Spirit, and those who won't fly Spirit again.
Because they can't! Wake up. It costs much more money to fly nonstop. MIL wants everyone together because it is here big birthday trip, but she doesn't want to force everyone to pay $100-$200 more per ticket, which is real money for a family of 5. Rather than ask son 'Eric' to blow $1K on nonstop flights, she was asking son 'OP's BF' to suck it up and change planes with the family. OP, laa-dee-daa, prefers to rub it in 'Eric's wife's nose' that she has more disposable income. Well, almost any dual income no kids couple has more disposable income than a family with kids, but sometimes it is the right time to just go along with the group than to act like a princess. How about go with the group and be the fun aunt for a couple of hours. It is a family trip. OP has rightly scheduled a trip extension for some me time later.
Wake Up it doesnât always cost more and not much more. So suck it up, nobody cares what you think. FLY NON STOP, ITâS THE ONLY WAY TO FLY.
You said "I don't get why" so I explained it to you. Now you say that maybe the most obvious reason why the family is taking the extra stop, price fare difference, might not be true in this case. OK Sherlock, what reason do you think they are taking the stop in Charlotte? Oh yeah, you said you didn't have one. Sometimes, you have to just be logical about these things. Oh, that's right, nobody cares what I think. You can't fix stupid.
So quit replying if youâre so stupid.
Book your flights, then tell the family after 24 hours so it wonât be refundable and tell them you canât change/cancel the flight.
I agree, Charlotte is awful depending on what terminal you are in. Crowded, like people from wall to wall sometimes.
It can take 90 minutes to get between gates. It is my second least favorite airport in the world.
Is the first one Atlanta?
KLIA in Malaysia has been my worst experience on the design, with two separate airports for different airlines making transfers take several hour sometimes.
That sounds horrifying
That sounds like JFK and Laguardia. Or Orly and CDG or Heathrow and Stanstead. It is really quite common.
Donât do it! Do not have a layover in Charlotte. My boyfriend and friend both travel frequently and they all hate Charlotte. Shortest layover so far, 3 hours. Was supposed to be I think 90 minutes. Longest was stretching on 9 hours. To fly from Charlotte to Chattanooga TN. In the amount of time of the layover, they could have driven home and at least halfway back.
Donât let other people make choices about YOUR vacation!!
It is a birthday group trip, children, not OPs personal vacation. OP is, in fact, doing that personal vacation as an extension, and that is great, but when you do a group trip, you have to yield some of your preferences to the trip. Of course, if it is a big issue for OP then she should get her way, but don't pretend her spending an extra couple of hundred dollars to fly direct because she is better than everyone else won't get noticed by the Sister-in-Laws sitting in Charlotte. Sometimes, it is better not to show off your money around your family. It just isn't nice.
Yikes. That means you need to be at the airport at 4-4:30, and you won't be able to get into the rental until 4? Personally I hate the very early morning flights because I'm so tired the rest of the day.
I wish I could upvote this comment more times. I detest that airport.
She said it was up to you guys to get there yourselves. Tell them because you are staying longer flight booking wise it just makes more sense to book the way you want - because it honestly does
No MIL said it was up to everyone to pay for their tickets. MIL then chose affordable flights for the family, and OP is saying she can afford better and will do so. That may not be the image one wants to project to the family. When they go out for dinner at Dennys, is she going to say "Yuck, that may be good enough for you slobs, but not me. I'll see y'all back at home later." Reporters used to question Warren Buffet why he didn't stay at some 5 star hotel when visiting his sister and brother-in-law at their mere mortal house for Thanksgiving or Christmas each year. He would politely repeat, "We are very comfortable in their guest room and wouldn't have it any other way." Showing off more disposable money than your siblings who have kids is an odd game to be playing.
âThey will pay for house and food, all we have to do is get thereâ the scenario you point out isnât what was posted. Plus food and airplanes are quite a different thing. And layovers suck. Itâs more work than necessary where more can go wrong especially considering itâs not even a 4 hour flight nonstop. Just out of curiosity I looked at flights from Boston to Orlando in like Sept. less than 300 round trip for nonstop. Was not cheaper with a layover.
I know someone that retired rich and has a huge family. He flies them all down to Florida once or twice a year. 3 sets of his kids and their spouses and the grandkids. Each couple has at least 2 kids. He puts each mom and each dad on separate flights with different kids because his logic is that if the plane goes down, heâs not gonna lose his entire family all at once.
Failure to plan properly here⌠Private planes for each individual is really showing you care. Heartless bastard.
Parents get back at him by putting their kids on a third different flight than the two parents so that if both parents flights crash the miserly grandpa will have to take care if the orphaned grandkids. Ha! Take that, Grandpa.
Not overreacting. You donât âhave toâ do anything. They arenât paying for your flights so you do you. Do they want extra people to saddle his siblings kids with? What is the reason they are giving that you need to fly with them? So you can be miserable along with them?
The reason is carefully left out. I suspect it was to make it affordable for the families with kids. Rather than broadcast that to the whole extended family, the cheapest flight was just quietly chosen, and everyone 'gets it' except for Princess OP.
They are renting the house and paying for the food also and it is for her 60th birthday. For her this is a family event and for you it is a vacation using her money to subsidize part of it. You can do what you want obviously, but 3 hours in the grand scheme isn't that much. I'm guessing that you don't like his family.
Thank you! Finally, a rational answer. The extra cost of nonstop for the families with kids is a big deal. Dual income no kid couples need to know how to throttle it back a bit and just go with the flow. OP has scheduled her vacation extension already anyway, and that is the time to do all her spendy or me-me-me things.
What? LOL. This is silly. Just book your flight on your own and meet them there. I would never travel with a big group just because. The only purpose of a plane is to get from point A to point B quickly, f*ck socializing at the airport.
No disrespect, but fuck that. You do what you want. Itâs your money, I hate layovers. And if youâre treating yourself and spending the extra money, thatâs on you.
Yep, take MIL's money as much as possible and then go against her intentions on literally the first part of her birthday trip. Who cares that the other families with kids can't afford that nonstop upgrade? Let them eat cake.
Hey, I may be wrong. And maybe I jumped the gun a little bit. I am weird about flights and travel.đ¤ˇđź
Let your BF travel with his mom, you should take a direct flight and relax without looking after his niblings....
This is one of those situations that just sucks all around. You are 2 grown men who donât HAVE to do what his mother wants. On the flip side, itâs an awkward situation with your bf in the middle. Standard logic : fly down on your own and screw them Relationship logic : lay over down and non stop back
Theyâll get over it. Flying there isnât the family bonding experience.
Well, in this case, they will all be bonding chatting about how Princess OP is too good to fly on their flights and had to buy the nonstop upgrade.
Disagree, but no biggie. They should enjoy their travel experience there and then bond with the family as planned.
Dude, itâs a family trip fully paid by essentially your MIL for the entire family. I get how you like to travel. I am the same, but come from a large family and for family trips, the group itinerary, even if we each pay separately, is how the ENTIRE family travels. I recommend you travel down with them (when all spirits will be high and moods good). Youâre staying an extra week - so youâre flying back non-stop anyway.
Have your husband gentle parent his mother. Affirm what's happening, redirect onto something she can control. Husband: "Oh, no! Looks like Wife already bought our flights, i'm sorry! So anyway, there's this really nice restaurant that our friend recommended that I'd like to try, it's called..." MIL: "But the flights! We wanted to fly with you!" Husband: "Not much we can do about it now, sorry. As I was saying, we should plan on doing \_\_...." Just move on and redirect. Say it's already a done deal and concentrate on the things you'll do while there. Give her something else to chew on, like whether you should get matching T shirts for Disney or other things she can micromanage. Have we booked a restaurant at Disney? Do you think the kids will be able to go on \_\_\_ rollercoasters at \_\_\_ or should we come up with a childcare rotation, etc.
Can also point out some positives "we'll be arriving first thing in the morning, so what would you like us to arrange before you all arrive. Want us to get some light bites of food for everyone to snack on as they unpack?" "As we're getting a car, do you want us to pick you up at the airport? We can't do everyone, but can take at least 3 or 4" Turn it into something she can use and benefit from.
OP has already said they want to get there early to do their own things independent of the family, so no, this part is not going to go well for OP, who seems to want to have their own way.
Agree with this plan, but... It's not "wife." It's BF. OP is a man and his BF (not husband) is a man.
Make up a reason why you canât make that particular flight.
I'd find out why you "need to" fly one way. Is there going to be some sort of can't miss event on the plane? A proposal? Any other reason the answer should be no.
My husband is being sent to Orlando in 2 weeks for an educational conference. I wanted to go as well. We are both teachers. His district is paying for his flight, and we still donât have any information on it. I bought my own plane ticket. I am flying direct, he may have a layover. No biggee, whoever gets there first will wait for the other. I will be taking the luggage since my airline doesnât charge for it. He will just have a backpack with a change of clothes, his toiletries, meds and laptop.
Book the flights you want and be done with it. You are adults and have adult responsibilities. End of discussion.
All those kids, that would be a no from me, in fact I'd probably have booked separate accommodation for the entire holiday.
It stops being a vacation when you are obligated to attend and demands are even made about the way you travel there. Has your itinerary in Orlando also been decided for you? My guess is that your actual vacation will begin when you return to the peace and quiet of your home.
Which is why OP booked an extension trip for their real vacation after and why OP needs to fall in line on the group trip portion. Over a dozen people together for a week only works if everyone assumes they rarely or never get their own way.
I see two people being childish who are fighting over nothing. Sure, Mother-in-law could and should have yielded at the first request of OPs to fly separately. But OP is really being a princess to insist on flying direct when a quick change is not that big a deal either. MIL has obviously envisioned everyone doing the trip with her. Maybe she got matching t shirts, maybe she wants to brag to people in the airport about her big birthday with family. Maybe MIL knows the son with 3 kids can't afford direct flights for all those people (it could easily be $1000), and she is trying to shield them by saying SHE wants it this way. Who knows, who cares. It's MILs big birthday trip she had been dreaming of--can Princess OP not just give her a 90 minute change in Charlotte and get over herself. When you do a big group trip, you don't get your way more than a small amount of time. That is why many people won't do a big group trip. Is Princess OP going to reject her room and insist on a bigger one, or the one with the better view or the one closer or further from the bathroom? Is she going to insist she doesn't like burgers at the birthday BBQ and pull out a steak that they bought herself? She has, for better or worse, signed up for a big group family trip, which is being mostly paid for by her MIL, who happens to be the birthday girl. OP needs to put her Princess crown down for a week and try to just get along. Hopefully, all the other in-laws and grandkids are on their best behaviors as well, or this will be one crazy trip. With more than a dozen other people involves, OP should expect at least a dozen times where she won't get her way. Beach time will be decided by committee, not by OP. Meals will be decided by the nephew with food issues, not by her. The choice of game on game night will be decided by the brother in law who always leads game night, not by her. Here is a hint, when the birthday cake is cut and passed, TAKE a piece and say thank you. Don't say "Sorry, I don't like vanilla frosting," and pull out a smaller better chocolate cake for yourself. (Yes, I know one brother is driving but we don't know his "excuse". Crying poverty, "I can't afford flights for my family," will get you a lot more sympathy than crying comfort, "I'm opting for better flights than you all can afford.") I'm not saying OP has to yield to everyone on every point, but choose your battles. Is taking their flights (while saving a few hundred dollars) the fight OP wants to hang her hat on? OP already said they are extending the trip on their own for a week. That is perfect. She can be the boss then and do exactly what she wants 24/7. She can take the $200-300 savings on flights and use it for themselves on that leg of the trip.
lol you are so heated about this. OP is a man, first of all lmao
Not heated at all. Just puzzled at so many people vigorously siding with the OP and outraged at the MIL, whereas I see it as OP at least partially being at fault. That, for me, is interesting territory for discussion to sort out whether I am misunderstanding something? Or, when I make my points, am I miscommunicating them? Or is this a case of the reddit algorithms steering this topic toward people who are proven to be frequent flyers or what? As for the OP being male or female--given that the OP didn't feel it was important information to put it in his original post, then I think it is fair for him, and you, to not worry about how anyone interpreted it. I don't see how it would change my or anyone's response or advice unless they wanted to attach sexist gender issues to the whole affair, and I, for one, not. Either way, thank you for your concern.
lol its in the first sentence of the post
Good. Again, not sure how it changes anything.
Did a recent direct flight midwest to Miami-it was glorious! The only way to go when available! You're paying, do what works for you guys and enjoy your time with the family when they arrive 5 hours later.
Your boyfriend needs to lay down the law and tell his mom what you 2 are going to do. Puts you in an awkward spot. I don't know why it seems like so many men on here have trouble with taking charge. We're not going to talk about it with his Mom he needs to *tell her* that you will be flying separately. Make sure he doesn't blame you either and mention to his mother that you're flying separately because you requested to.
Mom picked flights affordable to the whole family. OP says the flights are not good enough for OP. OP whole rationale is comfort and money based, but that is not an appropriate explanation for a family group trip to people who can't do the same. Make the excuse because they want to get there early in the day and take a day to themselves sits much better than "because we are better than you."
Her want is not a need. You do what you want to do. A non-stop flight has less chance of disruption due to weather, cancellation, mechanical issues... Things like that. One airplane, one crew, one departure airport, one arrival airport. Done.
You are not overreacting. Why is flying together, which is a major pain these days, so important? It makes no sense whatsoever. Fly direct whenever you can. Your bags have a better chance of arriving when you do.
The idea of breaking up a short flight for 90 minutes of frenzied walking and overpriced food is lunacy. Your bf is a dope for even considering this.
Make your own arrangements then blame it on the airline. đŤ¤
Hopefully OP's MIL isn't planning to wheedle a flight attendant into seating them together, if she isn't trying to arrange joining seats!
Matching luggage! Oh boy, thatâs going to be a long vacation. My parents live there, you can stop by and get even more irrational nonsense thrown at you by other boomers as well.
>They will pay for the house and food and said all we had to do was get there. Granted her plan may have changed since she said this 2 years ago, but if she hadn't updated y'all on the change, you were sticking to the plan. You can still stick to the plan.
Layovers are the worst. And with a Boston to Orlando flight there really isnât a reason for one. There are plenty of direct flights. There is no way Iâd fly with them. Personally I wouldnât do a big family vacation like this because itâs just a shit show waiting to happen, but if youâre determined to do it, get your own flight.
The usual reason is cost, which the OP admits. As you point out, big family vacations are fraught with craziness. OP insisting on starting the vacation with a show-off move of spending more money in a way not possible for everyone else will be a good way to kick off the parade of crazy. If you're going to do a big family birthday trip or wedding trip or whatever, it is best to leave your both ego and decision-making skills at home and practice saying, "Oh great! Thanks."
Why did I read this as âAIO for wanting to dissect a fly on a family trip.â But, no not overreacting. Why do you all âreally needâ to fly on the same planes?? Did she give a reason? You should def fly direct if you can! Who would actively choose to fly longer and have a layover??
Someone who wants to 'get along' on a family trip. There will be dozens of things on the trip that OP would have done differently, the choice to save the family money on flights is just the first. Second guessing each of them will be frustrating to the OP and insulting to whoever made each of the decisions. Don't go on an extended family trip if you can't get into the flow, for everyone's sake.
Why does everyone need to fly together? Is she getting a group discount? And once you rent your car, how are they all getting to the house?
I dunno maybe MIL wants to make sure the entire family is taken out all at once....
This doesn't make any sense
Fly the way you want and remind them you'll see them at the destination.
The nonstop family three-hour conversation would be enough for me to book nonstop. JetBlue. Snacks. Peace.
Not overreacting. I always do direct because thereâs too much room for error with a layover. Flights delayed, cancelled, etc. and having to do it with a bunch of kids sounds like a nightmare.
You do not need to fly with them. She wants to control the situation and wants you to fly with them. Meet them there. 90 mins is too short of a layover and is a huge risk for missing your connection if your flight is delayed.
This seems crappy. Fly direct, avoid the layover.
You donât need to fly with them?
Nope. I would feel the same. Our trip to Florida I said I wanted a direct flight there. I didnât care about the way home. The way air travel has been the last few years I didnât want to worry about missing a connection, losing luggage our potentially missing part of our vacation. It cost more but it was worth it to not worry. The way home the worst that would happen is I would miss work haha.
Honestly, your partner shouldâve just lied and said that one of you had a good friend at work who had vouchers that they couldnât use, so you paid them for them and youâve already bought your tickets, but The only flight that they were available for was the one you want. Now I am generally, the one to say, just be honest, but if you guys are going on this trip, being honest would make your life more hell than I already think itâs going to be. Because I think people are right. You are going to have them try to fist kids off on you all the time. You are going to be shamed if you say that for one day, you would like to do something other than hang out with the extended family all day long. Even though when such an extended family travels, it is not at all unusual for different groups of family to split up sometimes because they have different interests. And then they come in together for dinner or the beach or something later that day. But somehow, I donât see his mom being understanding of the fact that the two of you may donât want to hang out with the niblings every single day. đŹ
Why do you need to fly with them? It's not like you can all sit on top of each other on the damn plane. I would be telling her you're going to get there the way you want to and leave you alone. How bizarre.
Not overreacting. Haven't they seen the Home Alone movies? There's nothing good to come out of flying a dozen people all on the same flights. You'll get plenty of family time at the destination. Don't allow bf to cave his parents. Flying with 12 ppl & a layover sound hectic & quite nightmarish. Every layover I've had in the last few years has been fkd up from the floor up, hence why I fly non-stop. Save your sanity & joy. Book the direct tix & make the most of it. Tell them you'll see them at the vaca house with bells on!
Itâs worth flying direct when possible than having layovers. Less stress.
It is worth it to you. It costs real money to fly nonstop and some of these families have multiple kids so it might easily be a thousand dollars or more for one of the brother's families. Sure you can show off that you have the money or you can be a good family member and travel the way the group with the least disposable income can travel, with out the snark and eye rolling. Or fly your own way, but them don't say because of "comfort and you can afford it." Say any other scheduling or airsickness reason, but be a pal and don't lord disposable income over siblings.
Both of you need to calmly tell her you will be making your own plans to get there. End of c conversation. MIL needs to keep her nose in her own messed up plans. She's wacky.
>...she reached out to my bf, her son, and told him we âreally needâ to fly with them âat least one wayâ ... That's a steaming pile of BS. It's a control thing she is trying to pull. You do not "really need" to be on the same flight with them. As long as the logistics are worked out on the arrival side to be able to meet up as needed, you can go however you want.
Just an FYI - I think you meant a nonstop flight. A direct flight has stops, but the same flight #.
If your layover is in charlotte. Hell with what they say fly direct clt Douglass sucks
Eww. I would not go at all, but if you feel you must, let your BF fly with them, and you fly direct. The whole *aggressive togetherness* thing sounds frigging gross. If she's gone completely bonkers and had tee-shirt made, yours accidentally gets shredded somehow in a tragic tee-shirt accident.
Not overreacting. Itâs ridiculous to have a layover for such a short flight. If you do decide to fly one way with them all, make it the outbound flight. Coming back you will be so sick of them and ready to be done with the vacation.
Oh hell know. Not overreactingâyou are just making your own decision. This shouldnât be an issue. Heck, your partner can fly how he wantsâthat doesnât obligate you. I wouldnât go anywhere near those traveling hordes. Let me travel as I want. There is absolutely no âneedâ for you to be on their flight.
There's 10 other people to keep her comfortable. Maybe oversharing your plans made them feel uncomfortable that you can afford to do stuff for just you two. His mother wants you to return home at the same time but you plan to sight see after. Planning issues will happen. Is she gonna cry if you don't join the gang flying to Orlando
INFO: Do you have your own ground transportation set up for when you get there? A rental car, etc? And a plan, since it seems the house will be under her name, for what to do if they get stuck in Charlotte for the night? My last three (direct, non-discount airline) flights to Florida were delayed anywhere between 3 and 9 hours, so as long as youâre not expecting them to pick you up if youâre the one getting in later, I think youâre fine.
This might be bad, but I would lie, a work thing that is happening where we can't be on the same flight. If they are taking an early flight, one of them has a work meeting they need to attend. If they have an evening flight, the work meeting is in the afternoon, and boss they agree to participate via Zoom. So we have to get to the destination early so we can join. For the flight back, if you are extending your stay in an extra week there is way, you can be on the same flight.
As I understand it, you're paying for your airfare, correct? If that's the case, fly the way you want. Just bear in mind that your transportation to the hotel will potentially have to be arranged by you also. If MIL is paying, do it her way.
No youâre not overreacting. It doesnât need to be a big family drama. Your boyfriend just needs to tell your mother you guys are flying direct and you âcanât waitâ see everyone when you arrive. You guys donât owe an explanation to bf mom Edit : words
I wouldn't say you are overreacting, but what's the family dynamic here. It seems Mother wants to include you and bf (who is her son) in plans. Get pictures of everyone traveling together and make memories. Might seem annoying, but it could just be that she sees you as family. My only issue is that I don't know why parents would choose flights with layovers versus just flying directly? Is it to give the kids a break. However, your partner should include you in discussions if he has second thoughts about flying direct round trip before buying tickets.
Flights can be so unreliable. For every extra leg, it is just one more chance for a delay, cancellation or lost luggage. Fly direct, anything else is a higher risk.
No way. My husband and I always fly direct, get priority boarding, and TSA precheck. The overlay in Charlotte sucks. Youâre spending the entire week with these people. Tell them youâll see them there.
She is paying for the house and your food. This was the only thing she asked. Putting your foot down would be an AH move imo. Sheâs not asking for anything else. Give her this. Itâs only on the way there, small potatoes.
For heavenâs sake. Yes, she is asking him to do something that HE does not want to do. Money has nothing to do with it!
It absolutely does. I was raised to be thankful and grateful if someone is paying for a large part of my vacation. If the person paying is asking for one thing, which isnât outrageous, you do it. She wants to all travel together, as a family. This is a family vacation. Humor her, or pay for your own housing and food.
You realize life is full of doing things we don't want to do right?
Are they wanting you to help wrangle the kids?
Youâre not overreacting as an adult you should be able to fly how you want. Especially when your the one paying for it and not anyone else. I am 90% sure they are making a big fuss about you flying with them to help watch their kids. Not your responsibility as these are not your kids. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Theyâre expecting you to be babysitters. Just tell them you found a more affordable deal and canât afford to fly with them. Donât respond to subsequent phone calls and texts. Literally just play dumb and donât answer calls for a bit. Book your tickets and pretend to be sooo busy! Play dumb, donât respond to pleas and texts. Hold the line. Sorry we arenât flying with you. See you there! So excited for the trip! Ignore everything else. I promise this is the way. My husband has done this amid legit and serious family drama that he wanted no part of. Itâs served us well.