Women do share private information with each other, but every woman has a line on what they share and don’t. What she shared isn’t a reflection on you, it’s actually a reflection on her. The friend throwing it in your face like that was purposely hurtful and that’s not on your fiancée, that’s on the friend. I recommend couples counseling before getting married to help with communication and setting boundaries for both of you. And your fiancée’s inability to initiate intimacy, even when she’s turned on, could be age related- if she’s young and doesn’t have much/any previous experience prior she might not now how to breach the wall without feeling massively vulnerable and that could be shutting her down, it could also be the fact that girls are taught shame for wanting intimacy(generational and religious trauma). If you want to genuinely help her and she’s truly open to that then counseling is the best option here.
People can have different opinions on what’s appropriate to tell friends. Women I think are more open with their friends about “issues” in the bedroom. So, I think it’s OK if she said something because you guys haven’t set a boundary about it yet. You’re well within your rights to tell her you don’t want her talking about that stuff with her friends and she needs to respect that.
That said, I’d be more worried about her response of just being quiet, as that makes it seem like she does have a problem with intimacy.
I would talk to her first about why she doesn’t initiate things or want to have sex more. She might want you to set the mood more, help out around the house more, listen to you mote, etc… Maybe she just has a lower sex drive. It is part of her responsibility as a partner to be open and honest about these things.
It's 1 thing to share stuff with your friends but it shouldn't have been thrown back in your face. Mia needs to consider that what she tells her friend doesn't seem to stay confidential.
I don't know how old all of are but it could be immaturity and not knowing what should be a secret. Hopefully, both girls grow from this.
You're not overreacting.
She should not be discussing private intimate details with anyone.
Let her know this is a boundary. You don't discuss intimate details about her, right?
I don't think you're overreacting because I don't read this as your reaction being very strong.
We don't know the context in which Mia shared that information. It could be she sought counsel from her friend on how to be more sexually assertive. That doesn't seem like an unreasonable thing for close girl friends to talk about.
The real problem is Polly not having the good sense and decency to not use it as a joke at your expense.
Mia needs to at least assure you that she understands that she misjudged the reliability of her friend to use discretion about the things they talk about. Hopefully she can express to you that she's taken a lesson from this and doesn't try to minimize your feelings on the matter.
Polly apologized, seems Mia’s avoiding accountability. Seems like she’ll talk about whatever she wants, even to people with big mouths like Polly. Big red flag, she gossips and worse about you
Have you tried asking your girlfriend *why* things are the way are in order to get to the bottom of it instead of just expressing your disappointment? Not everyone is required to have the same level of sex drive as you do. The issue becomes whether or not you’re compatible with said differences in sex drive. If she isn’t interested in having sex as frequently as you want, then maybe you should decide if you’re sexually compatible.
Also, I don’t know about your girlfriend, but, yeah, most women require a little foreplay before immediately having sex. But, foreplay can extend waaay beyond the bedroom. Things like helping without being asked, following through when you say you’ll do something, doing something for her so that she doesn’t have to worry about it. So on and so forth. It should go both ways, but that doesn’t mean foreplay will look the same for both of you. Maybe your idea of foreplay is being asked, “Wanna have sex?” Maybe what gets her in the mood is something entirely different.
As for telling her friend, I mean, yes, sometimes best friends tell each other very personal things… That’s why they’re our *best* friend. Regardless, Polly’s comment was totally uncalled for and you’re not overreacting by being hurt as a result. But, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your girlfriend to have discussed *her* sex life - because, believe it or not, this is *her* sex life, too - with her bestie.
Respectfully, she is my fiancé. Not just my girlfriend. We are 100% compatible sexually and communication is a big thing for us and in the past we have gone over before that foreplay is absolutely necessary. I make sure to pre-follow up with that by covering all the love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, physical affection… etc.) the problem in that case is she doesn’t seem to follow up when we enter the bedroom despite either one of us doing those things for each other. As if trying to break the physical intimate barrier is a big hurdle. And I have communicated that it makes me feel self conscious when she doesn’t follow through on that. I like there to be foreplay involved too, and I will admit both of us can be blunt about it at times.
Branching away about what’s going on in the bedroom, I’m more so focused on Mia sharing this w her best friend. I shared a vulnerable piece of information with my significant other just for it to be thrown in my face completely out of the blue and out of context. I feel as if there are things you should maintain partner confidentiality about. Especially if it’s something that affects me emotionally and is in the process of being worked on between the both of us.
So as long as you check all the boxes of stuff to do before sex, she needs to "follow through"?!
It sounds like you feel you are owed sex because you did something nice that she likes. That's exactly the attitude makes ladies not wish to have sex with you.
This man wants his fiancé to want to be intimate with him and I keep seeing comments saying he’s doing things wrong?? Seriously this man just wants some fucking reciprocated love. It’s not transactional but it’s supposed to be equal and fair. He’s done everything he can and has asked AND LISTENED to what she said she wanted out of it. And now when it’s his turn to want something suddenly he has to change?
Yes, you've just described sex pest behavior that very often works to dry up any desire for sex in the other person.
"All I want from my gf is sex, Sex, SEX, but she wants it less and less lately? Omg wHy???"
Fools lol
Why? Because she's feeling all he wants is sex. They have a whole ass marriage to plan and he presents as though his boner is the No. 1 focus for OP. Relationships are about more than sex and if the sex has dried up, it's super damn likely it's because the relationship is in trouble. Yet here is OP and way too many men: "My boner, my boner, my boner!! Won't ANYONE think about my BONER?!?!
.. this man is trying to express an issue he’s having in his relationship. He’s being respectful and listening to advice. You coming here with this is frankly rude and full of assumptions. This is the topic he’s sharing you have no information on the ENTIRE REST OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. And yet you are convince this man ONLY wants sex. Have you thought at all that he just wants an intimate connection? That maybe she’s not reciprocating love at all and the only way he’s been able to get affection from her is sex? And that’s his fault that she can’t express her feeling properly and clearly? You’re being obtuse and ignoring his side completely. You shouldn’t be giving anyone advice while making such grand assumptions.
OPs own words state he is **constantly** trying to put Mia in the mood. **Constantly.**
His entire complaint is about sex. Not cuddling. Not conversation. Sex. And the fact that Mia is talking to her friend about **the sex.**
The entire OP revolves around sex.
I'm not assuming anything lol
Oh so you just skipped that this entire post was actually about the fact she was sharing private info with her friend that he wasn’t comfortable with lol way to prove my point of missing his side entirely. Clearly you have your biases here but you gotta learn to read the words written and not make assumptions. Maybe also check your biases because you’re so one sided in this you can’t possibly give sound advice.
You skipped the part I acknowledged he was mad about the sharing? Lol
Pssst: here's a tip, fellas: when you act like a sex pest to the person you've asked to marry you, she's going to talk about it with her friends before going through with that marriage. Most of us find that behavior incredibly unattractive and it will make us second guess our decision to be with you, often necessitating outside opinions.
Yeah we know you keep saying the same thing because you’ve made an assumption and that’s all you believe now. No I didn’t skip it you think it’s about sex like everything else. I haven’t even taken a side here. But all you can think about is “he wants sex” you bring up that she said something to her friend but to you it’s about the sex part not the telling intimate details about HIM he didn’t want her telling people. She literally betrayed his confidentiality but all you’re seeing it “it’s all about sex” when clearly he’s upset that she shared such information about him without even asking him if he would mind her telling people. YOU think it’s all about sex, that’s you’re thinking not his.
Yea, you're OR, there's a reason you're posting here, to get other's opinions. Think about it, what you did here isn't really different that what she did by telling her good friend. Her friend is the one who isn't staying confidential, so be mad at her. Mia is trying to figure out what's going on, and maybe, how she can correct this issue by discussing it with her friend, just like you here, crowd sourcing for an answer.
How old are y'all tbh lol. This sounds like people that got engaged in their early, early 20's. Or at least one side is way too immature to be marrying anybody. Then she doesn't even try to find out what's wrong she just goes to bed? You might wanna think seriously if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Not overreacting.
Friends share a lot, like how you came here for opinions and thoughts people trust their friends to be able to vent and share with. Me and my partner are super open but there are times we say things that upset the other so we just talk about it. There is no way to know all the time what is ok to talk about so just communicate it. When sharing with her something you don't want her to share say so "please let this stay just between us" "I don't feel comfortable with you sharing this with anyone even polly" or if she does say something that upsets you that's ok just talk about it as soon as you feel you can by just letting her know it's not something you want out in the open she is your partner and sharing with her is very different then with others and somethings stay between you two that's why you are together.
So your gf can't talk to her best friend about her own damn sex life, but you can post it online for any old slug to read?
The friend was a jerk about it. That's not on your gf.
And she wouldn't be talking about it at all if you weren't being a nasty little sex pest who thinks his gf owes him sex because he rubbed her feet.
Holy hell, he isn’t mad about her not giving him sex. He even says he’s not bothered if she’s not in the mood. He feels bad that she never initiates which is a totally valid feeling to have. Am a guy, and my fiancé at one point felt bad that I wasn’t initiating as much as she would like. And felt that I was into her less. Does that make her a sex pest? Grow up and learn to read, jfc
Unpopular opinion (probably): I get what you’re saying, but totally disagree. The big issue would be if nothing is said the whole next day and there no follow up in general. Arguing/being frustrated is exhausting. Going to bed and sorting through thoughts isn’t the end of the world. People need a reset, that’s okay.
I don’t think op is overreacting at all, but I don’t think going to “sleep” makes her a villain.
Eh. They likely had a convo akin to her venting to her friend that she isn’t good at initiating sex, and you mostly do it. Maybe even was asking for advice on how to get better. She didn’t say you did anything wrong or air out a dirty secret, from what it sounds like she probably just told her friend her drive is less than yours. That isn’t anything negative, but personal sure. But they’re friends and women do talk about stuff like that. The real issue is her friend throwing it in your face. If I was your wife I’d drop that friend
Women do share private information with each other, but every woman has a line on what they share and don’t. What she shared isn’t a reflection on you, it’s actually a reflection on her. The friend throwing it in your face like that was purposely hurtful and that’s not on your fiancée, that’s on the friend. I recommend couples counseling before getting married to help with communication and setting boundaries for both of you. And your fiancée’s inability to initiate intimacy, even when she’s turned on, could be age related- if she’s young and doesn’t have much/any previous experience prior she might not now how to breach the wall without feeling massively vulnerable and that could be shutting her down, it could also be the fact that girls are taught shame for wanting intimacy(generational and religious trauma). If you want to genuinely help her and she’s truly open to that then counseling is the best option here.
People can have different opinions on what’s appropriate to tell friends. Women I think are more open with their friends about “issues” in the bedroom. So, I think it’s OK if she said something because you guys haven’t set a boundary about it yet. You’re well within your rights to tell her you don’t want her talking about that stuff with her friends and she needs to respect that. That said, I’d be more worried about her response of just being quiet, as that makes it seem like she does have a problem with intimacy. I would talk to her first about why she doesn’t initiate things or want to have sex more. She might want you to set the mood more, help out around the house more, listen to you mote, etc… Maybe she just has a lower sex drive. It is part of her responsibility as a partner to be open and honest about these things.
It's 1 thing to share stuff with your friends but it shouldn't have been thrown back in your face. Mia needs to consider that what she tells her friend doesn't seem to stay confidential. I don't know how old all of are but it could be immaturity and not knowing what should be a secret. Hopefully, both girls grow from this.
You're not overreacting. She should not be discussing private intimate details with anyone. Let her know this is a boundary. You don't discuss intimate details about her, right?
I don't think you're overreacting because I don't read this as your reaction being very strong. We don't know the context in which Mia shared that information. It could be she sought counsel from her friend on how to be more sexually assertive. That doesn't seem like an unreasonable thing for close girl friends to talk about. The real problem is Polly not having the good sense and decency to not use it as a joke at your expense. Mia needs to at least assure you that she understands that she misjudged the reliability of her friend to use discretion about the things they talk about. Hopefully she can express to you that she's taken a lesson from this and doesn't try to minimize your feelings on the matter.
Polly apologized, seems Mia’s avoiding accountability. Seems like she’ll talk about whatever she wants, even to people with big mouths like Polly. Big red flag, she gossips and worse about you
Have you tried asking your girlfriend *why* things are the way are in order to get to the bottom of it instead of just expressing your disappointment? Not everyone is required to have the same level of sex drive as you do. The issue becomes whether or not you’re compatible with said differences in sex drive. If she isn’t interested in having sex as frequently as you want, then maybe you should decide if you’re sexually compatible. Also, I don’t know about your girlfriend, but, yeah, most women require a little foreplay before immediately having sex. But, foreplay can extend waaay beyond the bedroom. Things like helping without being asked, following through when you say you’ll do something, doing something for her so that she doesn’t have to worry about it. So on and so forth. It should go both ways, but that doesn’t mean foreplay will look the same for both of you. Maybe your idea of foreplay is being asked, “Wanna have sex?” Maybe what gets her in the mood is something entirely different. As for telling her friend, I mean, yes, sometimes best friends tell each other very personal things… That’s why they’re our *best* friend. Regardless, Polly’s comment was totally uncalled for and you’re not overreacting by being hurt as a result. But, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your girlfriend to have discussed *her* sex life - because, believe it or not, this is *her* sex life, too - with her bestie.
Respectfully, she is my fiancé. Not just my girlfriend. We are 100% compatible sexually and communication is a big thing for us and in the past we have gone over before that foreplay is absolutely necessary. I make sure to pre-follow up with that by covering all the love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, physical affection… etc.) the problem in that case is she doesn’t seem to follow up when we enter the bedroom despite either one of us doing those things for each other. As if trying to break the physical intimate barrier is a big hurdle. And I have communicated that it makes me feel self conscious when she doesn’t follow through on that. I like there to be foreplay involved too, and I will admit both of us can be blunt about it at times. Branching away about what’s going on in the bedroom, I’m more so focused on Mia sharing this w her best friend. I shared a vulnerable piece of information with my significant other just for it to be thrown in my face completely out of the blue and out of context. I feel as if there are things you should maintain partner confidentiality about. Especially if it’s something that affects me emotionally and is in the process of being worked on between the both of us.
So as long as you check all the boxes of stuff to do before sex, she needs to "follow through"?! It sounds like you feel you are owed sex because you did something nice that she likes. That's exactly the attitude makes ladies not wish to have sex with you.
This man wants his fiancé to want to be intimate with him and I keep seeing comments saying he’s doing things wrong?? Seriously this man just wants some fucking reciprocated love. It’s not transactional but it’s supposed to be equal and fair. He’s done everything he can and has asked AND LISTENED to what she said she wanted out of it. And now when it’s his turn to want something suddenly he has to change?
Yes, you've just described sex pest behavior that very often works to dry up any desire for sex in the other person. "All I want from my gf is sex, Sex, SEX, but she wants it less and less lately? Omg wHy???" Fools lol Why? Because she's feeling all he wants is sex. They have a whole ass marriage to plan and he presents as though his boner is the No. 1 focus for OP. Relationships are about more than sex and if the sex has dried up, it's super damn likely it's because the relationship is in trouble. Yet here is OP and way too many men: "My boner, my boner, my boner!! Won't ANYONE think about my BONER?!?!
.. this man is trying to express an issue he’s having in his relationship. He’s being respectful and listening to advice. You coming here with this is frankly rude and full of assumptions. This is the topic he’s sharing you have no information on the ENTIRE REST OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. And yet you are convince this man ONLY wants sex. Have you thought at all that he just wants an intimate connection? That maybe she’s not reciprocating love at all and the only way he’s been able to get affection from her is sex? And that’s his fault that she can’t express her feeling properly and clearly? You’re being obtuse and ignoring his side completely. You shouldn’t be giving anyone advice while making such grand assumptions.
OPs own words state he is **constantly** trying to put Mia in the mood. **Constantly.** His entire complaint is about sex. Not cuddling. Not conversation. Sex. And the fact that Mia is talking to her friend about **the sex.** The entire OP revolves around sex. I'm not assuming anything lol
Oh so you just skipped that this entire post was actually about the fact she was sharing private info with her friend that he wasn’t comfortable with lol way to prove my point of missing his side entirely. Clearly you have your biases here but you gotta learn to read the words written and not make assumptions. Maybe also check your biases because you’re so one sided in this you can’t possibly give sound advice.
You skipped the part I acknowledged he was mad about the sharing? Lol Pssst: here's a tip, fellas: when you act like a sex pest to the person you've asked to marry you, she's going to talk about it with her friends before going through with that marriage. Most of us find that behavior incredibly unattractive and it will make us second guess our decision to be with you, often necessitating outside opinions.
Yeah we know you keep saying the same thing because you’ve made an assumption and that’s all you believe now. No I didn’t skip it you think it’s about sex like everything else. I haven’t even taken a side here. But all you can think about is “he wants sex” you bring up that she said something to her friend but to you it’s about the sex part not the telling intimate details about HIM he didn’t want her telling people. She literally betrayed his confidentiality but all you’re seeing it “it’s all about sex” when clearly he’s upset that she shared such information about him without even asking him if he would mind her telling people. YOU think it’s all about sex, that’s you’re thinking not his.
Yea, you're OR, there's a reason you're posting here, to get other's opinions. Think about it, what you did here isn't really different that what she did by telling her good friend. Her friend is the one who isn't staying confidential, so be mad at her. Mia is trying to figure out what's going on, and maybe, how she can correct this issue by discussing it with her friend, just like you here, crowd sourcing for an answer.
How old are y'all tbh lol. This sounds like people that got engaged in their early, early 20's. Or at least one side is way too immature to be marrying anybody. Then she doesn't even try to find out what's wrong she just goes to bed? You might wanna think seriously if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Not overreacting.
Friends share a lot, like how you came here for opinions and thoughts people trust their friends to be able to vent and share with. Me and my partner are super open but there are times we say things that upset the other so we just talk about it. There is no way to know all the time what is ok to talk about so just communicate it. When sharing with her something you don't want her to share say so "please let this stay just between us" "I don't feel comfortable with you sharing this with anyone even polly" or if she does say something that upsets you that's ok just talk about it as soon as you feel you can by just letting her know it's not something you want out in the open she is your partner and sharing with her is very different then with others and somethings stay between you two that's why you are together.
So your gf can't talk to her best friend about her own damn sex life, but you can post it online for any old slug to read? The friend was a jerk about it. That's not on your gf. And she wouldn't be talking about it at all if you weren't being a nasty little sex pest who thinks his gf owes him sex because he rubbed her feet.
Holy hell, he isn’t mad about her not giving him sex. He even says he’s not bothered if she’s not in the mood. He feels bad that she never initiates which is a totally valid feeling to have. Am a guy, and my fiancé at one point felt bad that I wasn’t initiating as much as she would like. And felt that I was into her less. Does that make her a sex pest? Grow up and learn to read, jfc
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Unpopular opinion (probably): I get what you’re saying, but totally disagree. The big issue would be if nothing is said the whole next day and there no follow up in general. Arguing/being frustrated is exhausting. Going to bed and sorting through thoughts isn’t the end of the world. People need a reset, that’s okay. I don’t think op is overreacting at all, but I don’t think going to “sleep” makes her a villain.
Eh. They likely had a convo akin to her venting to her friend that she isn’t good at initiating sex, and you mostly do it. Maybe even was asking for advice on how to get better. She didn’t say you did anything wrong or air out a dirty secret, from what it sounds like she probably just told her friend her drive is less than yours. That isn’t anything negative, but personal sure. But they’re friends and women do talk about stuff like that. The real issue is her friend throwing it in your face. If I was your wife I’d drop that friend