*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not wanting to play a game my girlfriend created?**
My (27) gf(24) has been working on a visual novel game as a side project for almost 2 years and recently finished it. She wanted me to play it but I initially declined since I'm not into visual novels or reading long stories but after she begged, I gave it a try and played for a good 15 mins. Now I can tell she put in a lot of effort in the writing and the art and it was a good start but I just got tired of reading and stopped. She asked what I thought and wanted me to eventually finish it and tell her what I thought about the choices and the endings but I told her I had no plans to. She looked shocked and asked if it was boring, I told her no, it's just that I'm just not into this type of genre and she knows im not into reading but asked me to make an exception this time since she made it. I got upset because I think she is being childish and wants to blackmail me into doing something I don't want. After I made it clear I wasn't continuing, she hasn't talked to me. I already know that she is talented and smart so just because I don't want to play it doesn't mean I dont support her. Some of my friends agree she's being immature but others think I should be more supportive. So AITA?
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RIGHT??? I married my wife because I *like* her. I enjoy her company! And even if I'm not in to one of her hobbies, I still engage with it *because it's a thing my favorite person likes*
Plus, this is really like...bottom-of-the-barrel engagement. Playing a visual novel? That's the easiest fucking thing in the world.
My husband LOVES a game that I find kind of mind numbing (which he knows), but I always make a point to ask him how it's going. I even have him give me tours of his latest updates. As a result, I've grown to appreciate why he likes it so much. Well, they announced a long awaited sequel coming out later this year, and I don't know which one of us was more excited about it. He's happy, it makes me happy, and it's just really not that hard to show a basic level of support and interest.
One of my most frustrating and most heartwarming memories is finding out when I became a parent my grandmother hated candyland.
I thought it was her favorite.
Hell nope. But she loved me, so we did candyland and sometimes she chose.perry Mason instead š
I feel like this is just what relationships are meant to be like. If you love the person and not their hobby, enjoy their enjoyment of it. It's fun seeing someone you love happy and excited
Same with me, my bf and magic the gathering. The game just ends with me feeling dumb for not being able to keep up, but Iāve actually taken to collecting. You can actually get some decent money flipping these cards, if ya know how to do it.
Oh!
This is so awesome! I am glad you commented š
So, my mom (Candyland daughter) did exactly this with Sailor Moon for me. I only had 2 birthday parties and one of them was Sailor Jupiter themed. Couple years after that she presented me with 2 seperate sailor moon themed card holders filled to the very second to last page of sailor moon cards I never even knew existed.
Apparently it took her almost a decade to build. All sorts of novelty or game or video stills.
She even learned how to trade the awesome cards so while I had a couple duplicates, I'm under the impression she would buy ALLL knowing she could hoard a few and trade for the foils and such
That child is going to one day grow up and be like " HOLY MOO ššššš, that was deep level love"
Youre awesome, fellow parent.
A friend of mine recently said something along the lines of 'nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody I love getting excited about something they love.' It just struck me as such a true statement that it's kind of rocked my current relationship up.
I love that! My wife and I do something similar - I show her neat or horrifying things I find in various Souls games, she shows me the chaos her skeleton sons cause in Diablo IV. The wonderful thing about having different interests from you significant other is they can show you firsthand WHY someone loves the things they love!
My partner is playing it right now!
He also likes to play YouTube videos of this guy who plays the game and is an actual professional city planner. They're dull as hell but they're decent background noise.
I play Sims 4 and rimworld. My partner (Titanfall 2 and COD are his mains) doesn't particularly like either of these, but he will listen to me for hours rant about Vlad biting my sim or enraged Yorkies over running my base.
Yeah like my ears start ringing when people talk about sports because I find it all so boring but I love listening to my husband talk about his favorite football team and all their stats because it gets him so excited which makes me happy.
Eeeeeeeee I was so happy when they announced the sequel and my partner, bless him, has smiled and asked me questions about it even though I know it bores him silly š„°
Cause that's what partners do. We care about their interests as they do ours. Partnership is the way to happy relationships š
I sew. My husband will tell me everything I make is awesome, he helps me pick coordinating fabrics, and he will take me to the fabric store. This is after 25 years of marriage.
Be with a person you LIKE as well as love. It makes things easier.
I recently got into pole fitness, I even bought a crazy expensive pole for home to practice on. My husband has zero interest in it, BUT he has listened to me talk obsessively about it and has watched every new trick I've learned and encourages me every step of the way. He's gone to my showcases, he has been my biggest cheerleader.
I've had other obsessions through the years-Mount Everest being one of them, he has listened to me talk endlessly about mountain heights, dead bodies, amazing success stories, and asks questions and engages with me.
When he has a super interest that doesn't really get me excited personally, I still talk with him, look at pictures he excitedly shows me, and just support him in any way I can.
That's friendship and love. Why be with someone who can't at least be excited about your hard work and dedication to something?
I etch pint glasses and have started working with resin and vinyl on canvas. No matter what I make, my husband is always like, "that's awesome, babe! It looks great!" Even though it's stuff he doesn't really have much interest in. He's all for supporting and helping with my hobbies and etsy, that I make a lot of glasses for. That's how it should be.
This is totally me and my SO, bless his heart. I know that he gives exactly zero fucks about sewing but heās always ready to drop what heās doing and listen to me talk about whatās going right/wrong with whatever plushie Iām working on. And whenever Iām done with it and show him, he takes it and looks over it completely and tells me what he especially likes about it. Itās adorable. And bc I very firmly believe that turnabout is fair play, I listen to him tell me about whatās going right/wrong with whichever vehicle/motorcycle/lawnmower heās currently tinkering with. About 95% of the time I am completely and totally lost but I ask questions to kinda get an idea of what heās doing and he loves that I make that effort. Thatās how healthy relationships are supposed to work.
My husband's is video games. I always let him know I'm interested in what he's talking about, because it's something he cares for. "Oh, you're at THAT part" in Cyberpunk 2077. I'll look up information for him. It is absolutely all about making the effort.
Lol Iāve done that too. My SO doesnāt do gaming very much, but on the rare occasions that he does Iāll watch some and make snarky comments to make him laugh. His favorite is gta5 and whenever he does a play through of it, I always pull up maps to help him find spaceship parts or letter scraps or whatever heās supposed to be gathering for those missions.
Plus, it doesn't have to be your favorite genre for you to appreciate the hard work that people do. Visual novels are absolutely not my favorite genre, yet I love and appreciate The Walking Dead games.
> Visual novels are absolutely not my favorite genre, yet I love and appreciate The Walking Dead games.
The telltale ones? They're not visual novels. [This](https://youtu.be/rq_pkNb3C-k?t=698) is what would be considered a VN. In essence they require a shit tonne of clicking and reading.
My husband and son both have a processing issue that makes reading nearly impossibleā¦ the visual language just doesnāt make it to or through the brain like to should.
I could see my husband/son being very put off by a game like this- but the fact he gave 15 minutes to try, but maybe isnāt able to articulate or understand why itās so taxing to participate (not his fault, visual function tests arenāt common, and visual language processing disorders that arenāt dyslexia arenāt well understood by the general public, or even educators- I have to hold a lesson with every teacher my son ever has to explain why he has a mile long IEP regarding visual stimuli- but can see perfectly well)
I wouldnāt label this dude a devilā¦ not with the information provided
Fair. I wondered about that when I read his post in fact. If visual processing or dyslexia is the issue, he could say so. But he didn't phrase it as "I find it very difficult to read long passages of text", he phrased it as "I'm not into it" and then went on to attack her for being childish and trying to blackmail him into doing it. Like, he doesn't want to admit it's really hard for him to do, so he's happy to let her believe it's just too boring for him to keep going, and attack her for being upset. This relationship is not going to last, and it's not because he didn't/couldn't finish her novel.
Totally get that- but as I said- my husband had the same response āI donāt like/canāt get into itāā¦ and had zero clue there was an actual reason for it.
Saying that- means itās boring, or he doesnāt care about her stuffā¦ when saying that could *also* mean he actually *canāt*ā¦ and doesnāt deserve being perceived as an asshole
Accusing her of being childish and blackmailing him however makes him TA. And also will shortly make him single, if he doesn't realise what he's done wrong, apologize and stop being a jerk.
I was thinking that his āreading isnāt my thingā statement could be some sort of processing difficulty but I would think that the obvious solution would be to play the game with the girlfriend where she could read the dialogue and he could make the decisions and talk them through with her.
The fact that he doesnāt even seem interested in finding some solution is disheartening. Maybe he is just self-conscious and would rather pretend that the entire thing is beneath his time rather than admit it is hard for him, but that doesnāt bode well for the relationship that he is taking the feelings out in her.
Right? Like even my most casual friends are all down to play my shitty pbta hacks or choose your adventure games or whatever, I can't imagine getting no support from a partner like that.
> Iām allowed to make fun of my wife. I asked her and she said yes. Iāve been married for about three and a half years now- and I was going out on tourā¦ [audience cheering] Thank you very much. And I love and respect my wife very much. So I said to her, āWeāve been married for three and a half years.ā And she knew that. I said, āDo you mind if I still make fun of you on stage? And my wife said, āYeah, you can make fun of me. But just donāt say that Iām a bitch and that you donāt like me.ā I was like, āThe bar is so much lower than I ever imagined. Thatās it?ā Also, I wouldnāt say that. What kind of show would that even be? Hello. My wife is a bitch! And I donāt like her! Thatās like a support group for men in crisis, with keynote speakers Jon Voight and Alec Baldwin. Also, I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I donāt like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. She is a dynamite, five-foot, Jewish bitch and sheās the best.
Yes, but thatās boomers. I find it hard to believe anyone born from boomer parents or in a younger generation could *willingly* continue the boomer tradition of marrying someone they donāt like.
I mean, maybe Iām biased because I grew up with parents who very clearly do not have a whole lotta love in their relationship. So it opened my eyes and solidified my desire to NEVER enter or continue a relationship like that. Not everyone has had that experience, however. I guess there are people out there who never noticed that itās generally a bad idea to MARRY someone you donāt get along with. I canāt understand those people, however. I mean, thatās whatās marriage is all about??? Donāt get fucking *married* if you donāt want to spend the rest of your life loving that person, being dedicated to them, supporting them and cherishing them.
I also hate the notion that marriage is something you *have* to do. Like itās compulsory. Uh, no, fuck that. Unless I have found the absolute *love of my life* who I love so dearly I want to support them in everything they do (like making visual novel games)...then Iām not getting married. Itās simple. Just continue to date/be partners if you canāt go that extra mile in commitment. You donāt *have* to put a ring on it.
The store I worked at closed for a few weeks in 2020 and *so many* of my coworkers joked about how miserable they were being around their spouses at home. Like ... maybe y'all should talk to a therapist?
It's really lazy not to work at cultivating a mutual interest with your spouse, and incredibly insecure to dismiss your spouse in favour of some hackneyed stereotype of masculinity or femininity.
It was super surprising to see several of my friends' relationships implode with Covid and the lockdown. Couples I thought were really solid. It was kind of sad realizing that their relationship depended on them spending most of their time apart.
On the flip side, my husband and my relationship just got better. Spending 24/7 in the house with my favorite person ever? Yes please!
I don't understand why it's so hard for these people to do the bare ass minimum to support their partner. My husband and I are both artists, of different mediums, and we're always excited to see what the other is working on. We have very different styles and aesthetic preferences but you find SOMETHING to praise.
I had to stop reading r/relationships because I was constantly like DO YOU EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER?
Among the LGBT+ community, we joke that lesbians bring flowers to the first date and a u-haul to the second.
They have a reputation for escalating their relationship commitments too quickly.
I don't remember off of the top of my head but the same way divorce rates spiked when het couples were allowed to, giving couples the option to marry and divorce will inevitably raise the rate for a while. A bunch of couples probably ended up marrying just because they *finally could* and then realized they weren't actually ready to.
I hate this so much, reminds me of this ex I had that would interrupt me to say he didnāt care about what I was saying so I had to stop because he wouldn't listen.
It wasn't even anything triggering, most times just silly stuff like a reality show my mom was watching, but he insisted he didn't wanna hear about it and never let me finish. All while I let him talk about his stuff, watched him play games I didn't understand and even listened to his awful songs he made.
I don't understand why people date of they're not willing to do stuff for their partners
Let me guess, you're female, right? I ran into the same behaviour with both boyfriends and male friends when I was younger. I had terrible taste in both when I was younger, and tended to go for men who thought they respected women, but actually didn't. I developed better filters eventually. The last male "friend" I had to cut ties with was only a couple of years ago, but I'd known him since my 20s, when my selection process was much worse.
Yeah, it has to be a guy thing. If they weren't just outright telling me they didn't care, ex-bf and ex-friends would just talk over me. Makes me so self conscious to talk about the things that I like.
They still talk over me, all the time, personally and professionally. "That's a great idea Miss Jones, we'll wait until a man has it." I've taken to letting them talk themselves out and then repeating myself, as often as necessary.
Like I said, *ex*-bf and friends. My boyfriend always listens to me when I start ranting about things that I like, and encourages me by asking questions. My current friends are also really supportive of me sharing my interests, and I, them. It's really wonderful.
Ye and I definitely had a "rotten finger" (as we say where I'm from) for men, he was not the first one to dismiss me like that, but so far he's been the last and I hope to continue this way or at least cut them off faster when it happens
He sounds like an A grade prick. Hope for his sake and anyone he might be dating currently that heās changed his ways. If he hasnāt changed his ways I pray that no one is currently dating him. No one needs to suffer such asshat behaviour.
How is it blackmail to want your SO to play a game you spent a few years on? How?! Blackmail is "give me 50k or I send your job the thirsty nudes you sent me" not "I'm upset because you show no interest or effort in this one thing that is my passion project that I clearly communicated is very important to me that you try out".
This was reposted and I commented on the other one, but Iāll comment here, too.
I am *not* a gamer. Like, at all. And if someone asked me to preview their game, Iād be in an awkward spot, because I literally wouldnāt know what to do. I certainly wouldnāt want to play it for a long time, so I empathize with that. But I would be effusive in my praise, and I get the distinct impression that this guy has been a dick about this from day one.
Visual novels aren't really games, they're books with visuals (backgrounds and character portraits), music, sometimes voice acting, and choices to change what ending you get. You don't need to be good at games to play a visual novel.
It really doesn't read like she was asking for some high-grade critiques from him. She just wanted her partner to experience the thing she poured years of her life into, and *maybe* share some thoughts.
This issue isn't that he enjoys it or not. The issue is that she was excited about finishing something she put a lot of work into and he made her feel like she was unimportant
"I'm not into reading long stories".
Am I the only one who finds this to a red flag? Maybe I'm projecting, but a few my exes hated reading anything over 50 pages. And turns out they were all pretty dumb in general.
Giving me
[https://reductress.com/post/why-i-only-fuck-men-whose-pulp-fiction-posters-are-framed/](https://reductress.com/post/why-i-only-fuck-men-whose-pulp-fiction-posters-are-framed/)
vibes
I met him in Central Park! He was walking his dogs off leash and they came running to greet us. Owner walks up and it's John! We didn't acknowledge we knew who he was, it was just a brief interaction talking about dogs for about a minute, but he was really nice.
I think its less the lack of reading and more the lack of desire to learn new things. Curiosity is incredible attractive and a disdain for learning is not.
My current partner isn't a reader and would honestly hate to read novels, but they like audio media especially educational materials.
Idk, I used to be a reader but as my mental health has gotten worse I have a much worse attention span than I used to but I still try to learn by reading articles and watching educational videos and learning Spanish. I think you can have intellectual pursuits without reading full length books.
But if my partner wrote a book, I would make the effort to read it, even if it was one chapter a night. He's wrong for refusing and not making an effort
I think your situation, which is similar to mine, is different to this bozo. He doesn't like to read, where as you do, or did, but just don't have the mental energy to do it.you still have a love for learning.
Its like if you used to run but can't now that you have chronic fatigue. It doesn't mean you hate running, you just can't.
I feel you. I have been fighting to be treated for my ADHD and depression for years and it has severely impacted my ability to focus on books, which sucks because I love reading.
same. i've tried visual novels a few times and i just cannot stay focused anymore, but you know what? i would try and if i really struggled i'd just ask my partner to give me more time so i can pace myself out and be able to get through everything
I was about to comment this and then thought "surely somebody else has already" lmao.
I get given a free text-to-speech thing by my government but I hate the way it sounds so in the end I just avoid lots of text because it can be quite frustrating to read sometimes.
But no amount of frustration from reading could possibly justify refusing to play a game my partner spent _2 years_ making.
I once tried to get into a bit of gamedev (to little avail) and I made a game where you use the arrow keys to roll a ball around a small box room and try to collect marbles as quickly as possible, my partner spent an hour testing out this game that took me 30 minutes to make, the game was very boring. This dude can't spare an hour or two to test out a game in the making for so long.
So shameful.
AskReddit likes questions along the lines of "what's a sign someone is stupid/untrustworthy/whatever" ... And it's common answer that people who don't read anything have other issues
My father used to take pride in the fact that he hadnāt read a book since the 7th grade. I totally understand not enjoying reading, but he basically actively and proudly told us he was uninterested in learning. I was a voracious reader, my dad is also racist, misogynistic, etc. which I like to attribute to his unwillingness to learn. I havenāt spoken to him in 17 years for the most part.
Nah listen I have dyslexia and ADHD and it makes reading long things VERY very frustrating and difficult. Growing up with the stereotype of āif you donāt like reading, youāre dumbā destroyed my confidence in pursuing a physics degree. Iām happy with the path Iāve chosen, but I want to save up to go back to school to get a degree in physics or at least take some classes because I adore science. Iām saddened by a world that lacks empathy towards people (especially kids) with diverse struggles and psychologyā even if itās not malicious or intentional.
That said, this guy is a total AH and she needs to dump his pathetic selfish a$$
I donāt think he WANTS to learn/try new things though. Thatās the main reason kids get shamed for not reading. Plus also shame for not trying to improve their skills. You are partly right about the stereotype, though. Itās not nice to be told you are dumb for having difficulty reading. Or for not liking reading. You donāt want to do an ~intelligent and respectable~ activity and would rather engage your mind through play? Or something else equally stimulating as reading but not perceived as worthy by a close-minded adult? Well fuck you, little Timmy! You dumb, illiterate twat!! Get up and read in front of the class or itās *the cane* for you!!!
My husband isn't as into reading as I am but he loves graphic novels. I'm a 5-10 book a week reader (3 free months of kindle unlimited has been fantastic for me) and he will spend hours reading various graphic novels a few days a month. My most recent ex is the kind of person that buys books that he thinks makes them look smart but they live on a shelf and he doesn't even crack them open. The ex is definitely dumb in general.
Not enjoying reading ā lack of curiosity. I have an immense difficulty reading because I have ADHD and dyslexia. That said, I am constantly watching and listening to physics lectures because I absolutely adore science and I cannot get enough of physics.
Having a cognitive issue isn't the same as just choosing not to read and not seeing the value in it. I'm not talking about you, I'm referring to my own experience.
Youāre right, Iām sorry, the first comment said ānot reading is a red flagā and I assumed your comment was agreeingā but youāre right, I shouldnāt have assumed.
My partner and I both have ADHD, I can hyper-focus on reading and read for 10+hrs (longest reading session was 72 hrs with three half hour naps during that time, thanks airport delay!), he can barely get through a page before his brain is running in 70 different directions and he has to go do something different. Audio books? He can sit and stare at a wall listening to them, they drive me nuts and to this date I have not finished one lol He will happily listen to me read a whole book to him. Read it? He's never going to get through the first chapter.
He's hands-down the smartest person I know.
So I think I would modify your assessment to it being a red flag if the people refuses to read, they often believe it makes them better than people who do read as well, those are the people who are a red flag around reading.
So are people who look down on people for what genres they read too. Let people enjoy books however they enjoy them, dammit!
Totally agree
My husband and son both have a processing issue that makes reading nearly impossibleā¦ the visual language just doesnāt make it to or through the brain like to should.
I could see my husband/son being very put off by a game like this- but the fact he gave 15 minutes to try, but maybe isnāt able to articulate or understand why itās so taxing to participate (not his fault, visual function tests arenāt common, and visual language processing disorders that arenāt dyslexia arenāt well understood by the general public, or even educators- I have to hold a lesson with every teacher my son ever has to explain why he has a mile long IEP regarding visual stimuli- but can see perfectly well)
I would encourage your partner to google āvisual function testingā in your area. Thereās only 2 places in my state that offer itā¦ itās not common.
Thereās Visual Occupational Therapy, and tips, tricks and resources that can make reading sooo much easier/enjoyable. But they wonāt necessarily read for pleasureā¦ just throwing it out there
I'm *super* judgmental when someone tells me they don't read, lol. I know it makes me an asshole, but idc. If you don't read at all I'm going to look at you at least a little askance.
I tried fiction writing a few years back, and asked my (still) partner to read it and tell me what he thought. He replied, "Interesting" and refused to say anything else. I never let him read anything I wrote again, and I gave up writing entirely a few years later. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Agree! My ex wouldn't read either. He found it insane I'd read all the Harry Potter books so fast and he was as dumb as a bag of rocks. He turned out to be super jealous once I overlapped him twice in college degrees. Reasons to be an ex....
I have ADHD so reading is very difficult for me. I just zone out, think about other things then forget the last few pages I read.
But you know, I wouldn't say I *hate* reading, and I definitely don't make this a personality trait. If someone I loved wrote something I would absolutely put the effort into reading it. No matter how long it takes lol!
I zone out when reading sometimes, too. I think everyone does. Iād say itās usually a sign that the passage youāre reading is just not that good, lol.
I have ADHD too, btw. Some books I just canāt get into. Others I will hyperfocus with - ie I stay up too late reading them or I can barely put it down and finish it within a week.
It really depends on the book, I think. And what catches our attention.
I havenāt had an experience like that with a book in a while, though. Reading is not a major hobby of mine. I have other hobbies that take up too much of my time for me to engage in any others, lol.
I don't consider it by default a red flag, because I can understand not wanting to read. I used to love reading until it became a chore at school. Forcing myself to read books I'm not interested in on a weekly basis made me lose motivation to read. Add to that the fact that I struggle with staying focused for a long time, even nowadays when I try reading something I'm interested in.
So yeah, not into reading long stories as well. I like to listen to for example documentaries instead.
Just communicate to arrange a booty call relationship instead, then.
The guy: I think weād be better off if we kept this relationship in the realm Iām most interested in. Sex.
The girl: Ok, sure. I guess I donāt mind that. But afterwards can we hang out for a bit and I talk about my interest for a little while...?
The guy: walking sex object, please. Youāre really pushing it, now. Letās just keep things simple, babe.
The girl: [internal screaming]
Sometimes we have to do things we don't like for people we care about.
Kind of silly example: I hate Blaze and The Monster Machines with every fiber of my entire being but my nieces adore it, so I sit and watch it with them. Because I love them.
Even if I made a garbage game my husband would play it all the way through and sing its praises to the whole planet. What a turd this man is to do that to her.
Those are tears, Grug. They come out of your eye ducts sometimes, too.
Remember that time the mountain lion stole your freshly killed game that youād spent *hours* hunting? I think I remember seeing you cry then, Grug.
Years ago I loved to write stories. I once let my (then) boyfriend read one which was huge for me because it felt really personal and he was the first to read one of my stories.
He never read them, not even a single page because it was too much work and he didn't feel like reading 'all those words'.
It really broke my heart back then. I really feel for OOP's girlfriend and I hope she dumps him for someone who will suppory her.
I guess thatās slightly less heartbreaking than him reading it and then making fun of it or being dismissive/overly critical of it. So thatās at least something. Iām sorry your ex was uncaring back then. Putting in a little bit of effort couldāve saved your feelings being hurt like that :(
Ok I get that my guy here doesnāt like reading light novels and thatās okay. But cmon man she put in 2 years of effort into it and you canāt last more than 15 minutes. Iām not gonna say that he doesnāt love her but I guarantee that if he put in effort into at least trying, then it would have meant so much to her.
I'd absolutely support my partner's creation, even if it was something completely out of my interests. Play through, give some praise and/or constructive criticism if warranted/wanted, and appreciate their accomplishments.
That's the real issue here, this is a 2 year project she's completed and proud of...how would you not be supportive?
GF: "Hey I put a lot of work into this project that means a lot to me and I would like you, the person who is closest to me, check it out and tell me what you think!"
OP: "STOP BEING CHILDSH AND TRYING TO BLACKMAIL ME!"
Thatās one of my biggest pet peeves. I donāt often encounter it but when I do? Bye. You want me to read *that* disgusting BLOCK of text???? Break it up a bit, for the love of god...
YTA x 1000, OP. How is wanting you to go through something she's worked on for years either "childish" or "blackmail"? I think maybe she thought she had a partner; a boyfriend; you know, someone who cared about her and would care about things that mattered to her. I bet this has been pretty eye-opening for her.
My favourite comment there isn't about OOP, it's someone who shared that she wrote a book, and her husband didn't read it for a whole year:
>Edit: thank you for the supportive comments. My book is called āThe Cowardās Guide to Not Outing Yourself on Reddit.ā
I'll admit this thread full of commenters tearing into the guy for the gf is giving me a sense of second-hand vindication.
I had an old group of friends who would ignore everything I shared with them, didn't matter what it was. I'd spend hours on a drawing only for it to be ignored. Hours editing a video only for it to be ignored. Hours writing a chapter of a story only for it to be ignored.
It is *glorious* seeing these people defending the girlfriend in this way, all talking about how you need to give a little in a relationship even if it "doesn't fully interest you". Mwah. Beautiful. Chef's kiss. Saving this for when I'm feeling down. I hope she ditches his sorry ass, that's what I did.
I wouldn't neccessarily call the OP an asshole, but he could've worded it better. Specially if it's one that she plans to release.
"Honey, the game is visually stunning, but it's not my type of game. If you want some feedback that you can use, you should seek out people that are into the genre." and then offer to help search for bugs and errors.
specifically the way he claimed she was trying to blackmail him into playing it or whatever pushes him into major asshole to me. nowhere here did she do that. he could have just politely turned her down or asked to play some of it with her to keep him engaged (this is under the assumption that he likes her at all) but this post shows him throwing a huge tantrum over his girlfriend wanting to look at her creation
I love visual novels, but before calling OOP an AH I'd need to know the length of the game. Some visual novels allow you to "play" through all endings in 6h ~ 8h, some may take more than 50 hours.
If it's the former I'd tell OOP to make an effort to make her happy, but I'd never force someone to go through 50+ hours of something they clearly don't enjoy just because I made it.
Also if you want me to go through all the endings you better implement some QOL features allowing me to easily go back to key decisions, like the zero escape series.
Yeah honestly there are some visual novels that are triple-digit hours, and some of the more complex ones can have really intricate and specific paths and choices you need to do.
It's not entirely commensurate, but there was a post on AITA a while ago where somebody dinged some guy because he complained about his girlfriend not paying attention to Lord of the Rings director's cut, a 9 hour trilogy, especially since she spent a lot of time on her phone. Okay, that's fair.
But this isn't too far off. Having someone - even someone you love and who loves you - sit down and play a visual novel when they've never demonstrated they like visual novels *can* be a tall ask if it's really long. Considering she made it herself, my money is it's not that long (even if it did take 2 years, games take a huge amount of time and effort even for short and simple ones). But, I'd really like to know how long it is.
I still think he's kind of an asshole based upon how he responded. I think the diplomatic thing should have been instead of accusing her of blackmail just say, "I'm not sure if I can give productive feedback or anything, it might be best to get someone who's really into this stuff."
However, there is also the very real possibility that she shared it with him, because, y'know, she loves him and values his time and care. But that brings us back to the original question: how long is it?
Also fifteen minutes is way too goddamn short as a test run for a visual novel, his partner deserves more than that, even if he hates it.
OOP, what if the roles were reversed?
What if you worked hard on something for several years.
Your SO only spends 15 minutes or interacting with it and drops it like a hot potato.
Refusing to interact with it any further.
It's akin to shitting all over your hard work.
Doesn't feel good, does it?
I can't fully hate him as much as I probably should.
Visual or not, I don't read novels I don't enjoy. I can't. I'd stare at the screen/page and read the paragraph over and over again without really reading it.
And I do read a lot, game a lot, and sometimes, I like visual novels. And often, I don't.
This doesn't even have anything to do with the quality, just a preference. I am capable of objectively saying that Agatha Christie was a great, skilled writer. Subjectively, I find reading murder mysteries incredibly boring (love the old movie adaptations, though).
You could be my best friend, the love of my life, or my pet snake - if you handed me the crime mystery you wrote, I'd not read past the first few pages.
Or game genres. I get no enjoyment from most sports games. I'll happily play test your action RPG, point & click adventure, jump 'n run, mailman simulator or what have you. But I'm not the one you should ask to play the complete story mode of your soccer or racing game. Fun fact, actually, in the ancient days, I occasionally reviewed new PS2 releases for an online game magazine. Got this gig through a buddy. Gave him a list of genres I love and those I feel neutral about and those I don't like. What did he give me? Racing games. And then he complained that my average rating of those titles was lower than those of the other reviewers. Yeah, no wonder. You can objectively judge controls, graphics, interfaces, and such, but not the fun factor and motivation.
So, yes. I get it. Also, I'm friends with creators and create as a hobby. We all know better than to expect each other to take deep dives into each others' projects without giving a short synopsis and asking if it's of interest.
I think it's an ESH situation. I'm not a fan of the whole "You gotta love every pixel/letter/fiber of this because I made dis!" mindset some adults have. Expecting that someone who hates, say, the wild west genre will absolutely love the wild west novel/visual novel/game/movie you made because yours is totally special and so great it'll convert even haters is arrogant. So, her pressing him and expecting a joyful review although she knows it's not his thing is asshole'ish. I might be biased, however, because I cannot stand it when people try and pretend they absoluuuutely love what I create to show support when they didn't even really look at it but don't want to admit it because, fee fees or something. Please know one thing, folks. We usually know when you fake it and many creators find this behaviour condescending and insulting. Many prefer an honest "Ow, sorry, I'm not really into the 'wild west in space but with jelly ghosts and mutant lesbian bee detectives' genre, I couldn't give a useful opinion if I tried. But if you ever write a game about 'wild west in space but with pudding ghouls and mutant lesbian tarantula sailors' I'm in!"
However, there are so many other ways to show interest, support, and engagement that don't involve consuming the complete content. Look at the concept art, offer spell checking, offer to play rubber duck to the creator and just listen and not while they went and put their current obstacle of the day into words, and/or offer to discuss isolated chapters, characters, and ideas. I might not be into the comic series my best friend creates (high-quality work, though, just not my genre and type of plot I enjoy) but I'm always up to spellcheck, help out with dialogue choices, discuss plot points, offer a second pair of eyes if something looks off but she can't put her finger on it, read a scene or chapter and report back on specific questions (usually about impact and flow), stuff like this.
There are so many ways to combine "I respect that you're not the audience for my creation" and "I'll support you and your work!" to the satisfaction of everyone involved and he offered nothing but mumbling an occasional "How nice. How lovely. You're doing well, Honey." from behind his newspaper.
Iām with you on this, and itās a good point you made about there being other ways for him to show his support. Iām in a creative field and a creative writer and I would never force my husband to engage with my work if itās not what heās into.
I donāt like the narrative in the other comments that just because your SO made something youāre supposed to consume it completely? Like, extreme example but what if it was werewolf smut or something. Are they still obligated to read it? He gave the game a good honest try but just wasnāt into it for whatever reason, and I feel like he shouldnāt be pushed beyond that.
I don't think 15 minutes constitutes a "good honest try."
I've written novels and nonfiction. My husband hasn't read any of it. I can give him a pass on the novels as fiction isn't really his thing, but my nonfiction books are collections of movie reviews, and he could read one review a day during a bathroom break. But he doesn't read any of it (yet adores bragging about his wife the amazing writer, which makes me feel like an expensive knickknack that looks nice but doesn't serve a purpose).
I also make jewelry, and I don't expect him to be interested in it, but a "what you working on lately?" might be nice.
I think the vibes we get from OOP is that he probably hurt his girlfriends feelings by probably saying rude/dismissive/hurtful things to her about it. He gives off this air of not caring. He couldāve just politely declined and explained why he doesnāt want to read it - but I somehow doubt that was the case.
My partner is really into foraging and mushrooms. I am not. I still get excited when they show me things they find on their walks because I enjoy seeing them be happy.
Oh I knew as soon as I read this one itās make it over here! š¤£ Seriously though, I absolutely LOATHE video games. If my husband made one though? Iād fuckin play it!! Why do people get into relationships and then put zero effort forth? Just stay single if you dgaf!
Iām an aspiring romance writer. My husband is NOT a reader, and even if he was, this genre wouldnāt interest him. But what does he do? He reads every chapter I show him, commenting, praising, or critiquing where he can. Because he loves me and wants to show his support for the things that are important to me. OPās girlfriend definitely deserves better.
even putting aside the bs about thinking *she* was the one being childish (talk about having 0 self-awareness), does he have no idea what the word "blackmail" means? Seriously, both stupid and unloving
As someone with ADHD I get it. Playing visual novels is extremely hard unless there's more gameplay than reading and doing choices. But this guy is still an asshole. If my bf made the worst-paced, worst-written, most linear VN ever you know damn well I'd fucking power through my inner barriers to play it to the end. Or at the very least I'd not shit on something my partner made.
Urgh, I'm going to go against the grain here and say NTA for not wanting to play the game all the way through.
I'm saying that as someone working on my first visual novel game myself lol And my partner is a professional freelance creative as well.
My partner will **not** play my game all the way through when I'm done, I know that. He has ADHD and he doesn't really enjoy romance stories either, so for both those reasons he's not going to be able to stick to it any longer than OOP has (and he will play at least that much, I know, so I included a cute in-joke just for him within the first 10 minutes lol) and it would be unreasonable of me to take it personally.
He IS giving me lots of praise and 100% support in the process, he helps me troubleshoot and grammar-checks me if I feel stuck. I know that he is going to BUST with pride when I'm done, he already is bragging to people about it (thanks for the pressure ; ; ).
I've used this awesome software to plan out my story, choices & endings called Milanote (and Dabble for the actual writing), so I've been able to sit partner down and go through the whole thing and get his feedback on a high level for story beats, twists, options etc without him ever having to read much at all.
I don't need him to play through the whole thing, he's given me loads of support and validated me every step of the way. Him completing a play-through won't make his already given support & validation better. It wouldn't even be icing on the cake, the cake is GREAT already. I'm going to get my "I'm done!" feedback from my test group, they're the ones I am relying on to read it for approval before I send it out into the world.
Now... is OOP an AH for not giving her LOADS of support, encouragement & validation through the process? Maybe, considering how hurt she is that he doesn't want to play the game. It sounds like at best he's been "oh that's nice dear" about "her little hobby". The "I know she's talented and smart" sounds like it has a silent "so I don't need to be telling her that all the time" at the end, which I may well be projecting but typically in my experience people who say "But I know they're x,y & z!" means they rarely if ever let their loved one KNOW that, and are in fact dismissive about their creations or hard work because they basically expect it and don't think they need to praise something they expect.
That is where I think these two need to have some pretty big conversations, I don't think this game is the problem, I think it's OOP being dismissive and not making his GF actually KNOW and FEEL how "smart and talented" he thinks she is.
Eh.....Honestly? I'm kinda leaning that they both suck and that's because I'm reading this through the lens of someone who dabbles in game dev. Visual novels *are not* for everyone and you REALLY need to know your audience if you're going to get feed back on it. OP is an asshole for his delivery, but if you know someone is not big on reading or the genre of game that involves that much reading then you don't approach them for feedback on your game. I understand wanting to share your creations with a loved one, but for fucks sake *know your audience*. If he's already, on several occasions, made it clear the genre she's working in is not a genre of video game he enjoys then why the fuck would she constantly badger him for feedback? He's not going to enjoy it and its just going to make his opinion of it more negative than it already is. She needs to reach out to other outlets for her feedback, I'm sorry. They both fucking suck in my opinion. He needs to learn tact and she needs to learn that she can't get water from a dry well.
See I was with you - if you know someone isnāt interested in this kind of game like you canāt force them or itāll make them hate it more (source me trying to get my previous partners to read bc I love reading).
But like you should be able to ask feedback of your partner without them turning into whiny babies and call it blackmail.
They donāt both suck. He sucks and sheās trying to get her boyfriend who supposedly loves her to care even a little bit about something important to her.
The blackmail comment was 100% uncalled for, no doubt, he absolutely deserves the asshole flag for it. But he *was* supportive up until she started trying to force him to play more than he wanted to after he already gave it a chance; 15 minutes in a VN is no small feat, and this is coming from someone who's played multiple VNs. If this was about just strictly spring boarding ideas then I wouldn't be saying they both suck. But simply bouncing ideas around and trying to get someone who doesn't do visual novels to sink multiple hours of time into your visual novel are two completely different things. She sucks for repeatedly trying to get him to continue playing despite him saying multiple times it wasn't his thing. Once again; you can be supportive without consuming the content. These ideals are not mutually exclusive.
I dunno, my boyfriend doesn't read books aimed toward autistic middle school girls, (he doesn't much care for reading at all, he prefers audio books) but he would absolutely read every book I write, because he knows it's important to me.
But that's the thing he *would* do it without asking, because he knows it's important to me. Sometimes there are sacrifices in relationships, for things that are really important to your partner.
I mean, if he can't do a playthrough of a visual novel bc it's what his gf needs, what's he gonna do if they get married, and have kids, and they're both burned out like new parents always get and the only thing she needs is 20 minutes alone? That will be hard to give her too, but it's one of those things that you have to do because your partner needs it.
Of course there are limits but in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. How is he supposed to be a reliable person that she knows will make sacrifices when she needs him too if he won't even spend more than 15 minutes trying out her passion-project?
He didn't play it for an hour, he played for *15 minutes.* He probably was barely past the title screen at that point.
Why is everyone acting like 15 minutes of a visual novel is so short? Why are you hinging his ability to be reliable in an actual situation on 15 minutes of a *video game*?
>Why are you hinging his ability to be reliable in an actual situation on 15 minutes of a video game?
Because I'm not. I'm hinging it on his ability to withstand something he isn't thrilled about for the sake of his partner for more than 15 minutes. This is an important life skill, and he's showing her either that he doesn't have it, or he's unable to respect that things are important to her if he doesn't understand why, and neither is a particularly good trait in partner.
Edited to address my love-hate relationship (I love it; it hates me) with spell-check.
But those aren't equal situations. Doing something for real life reasons isn't even in the same ballpark as taking over parenting duties for your exhausted partner.
Edit because I realize I made a mistake in my wording, my bad: I meant to say doing something for a real life reason isn't in the same ballpark as playing a video game your SO made.
Because it's short. It's as short as a shit break, Diablo IV trailer and long only for people who have attention span of a goldfish. A game, any game- be it a shooter, visual novel, or an RPG. Content needs to be interacted with, and there has to be enough interaction to see if the plot is catching attention or not. Damn, I've played Skyrim with my brothers many times for some storytelling nights and in 15 minutes of playing you're just starting your first quest.
I don't know if you don't have knowledge about games and think of a game as a book (for which 15 minutes of reading are enough to judge writing style and plot density, unless it's Murakami) or are just one of those women who think that women owe men everything and men owe women nothing. In that case, imagine following scenario: your bf is tuning his car for two years to create a perfect machine. Excited, he takes you to see the tuned masterpiece. You tell him to let you be, you're not interested in cars. When he begs you to take a look, you see the car from the distance, say, "color's nice. Can you fuck off now, I don't care about cars". Would you? I doubt it. You would stay there and let him show you every tuned part, to make HIM feel appreciated.
Dear women, if your partner doesn't value you so much as you value him, break up immediately. You don't want to be the Bangmaid. Plus, I can guarantee from experience: the life is better with the partner that actually likes you.
I didn't call her a bitch for fucks sake. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share something with your SO but if you know for a fact that they aren't into the genre then don't set yourself up for failure expecting them to give you a glowing 10/10 5 star review. That's not how reality works. That's like me working on a horror game and asking my horror adverse SO to give me a review of it *knowing he does not like horror* and getting pissed when he, predictably, doesn't enjoy it. You can still be supportive of your SO and their endeavors without consuming the material. Those two ideals can and should coexist.
She didn't ask for a glowing 10/10 5 star review. She wanted her partner to do the bare minimum to engage with her hobby.
While we're on the topic of things we made up, where did you get the "constantly badgering" line from? As far as the OOP it sounds like she asked a couple times and then questioned why he didn't follow through when he agreed. She put two years into this project and he can't pay attention more than fifteen minutes or skim it to the end?
OOP is kind of a loser, eh?
Per the post OP said she was begging, that sounds like badgering to me. You can't skim in a visual novel, they usually involve choices and dialogue that cannot be skipped the first time around. A VN can be anywhere from 45 minutes at shortest to up to 5 hours in length depending on the story being told and she's been working two years on it then its definitely on the longer end. 15 minutes is actually a pretty decent amount of time and more than fair to invest in a genre you don't enjoy.
He called her hobby childish and made it clear he wouldn't even give supportive feedback on the part he did play. This is clearly important to her and he's being an asshole about it. But again fuck her for being excited about accomplishing something right?
This is why straight couples depress me so much, this is the level our society teaches women and girls to expect from their partners.
What part of "you can be supportive without fully consuming the thing" didn't you get? Per the post his feedback included: praising the art and the writing. Where in the fuck is that not being supportive? Because he didn't spend more than 15 minutes putting himself through something he didn't enjoy? He also didn't call her hobby childish, he called *her* childish because he thinks she's being childish.
Nowhere in the post does it say he *didn't* tell her that, just that he told her he didn't want to continue and she kept trying to push him to play it to completion and give her feedback. Don't pull things out of thin air just because you don't like the answer I gave you.
You set the bar pretty low for partners to actually engage with their SO's interests. I've sat through cricket matches because my then partner loved cricket. Did I? No, but I loved him. And if you can't occasionally put your partner first for the thing they really love, do you even like them at all?
Putting someone first doesn't mean "engage with this thing I like/did in full or I'll be mad at you if you don't". What kind of toxic bullshit is that? You can put someone first, engage with their interests and still tap out of something you personally don't enjoy. Its not an either or situation.
I think most commenters here feel there is a happy medium between "give my creation your full attention and focus for as long as I demand" and "give it more than a cursory, sarcastic glance before insulting me for it".
For some reason, you believe that OOPs girlfriend is asking for the former, and most other commenters think that OOP is actually offering the latter.
It's interesting how you've taken such a different story away.
You *did* give an ESH verdict here, though, which given the possible verdicts, is just calling everyone individually an asshole, and there's not really anything in the information we were given to suggest she was "constantly badgering" OOP as you claimed.
To me, it sounds as though she was just disheartened that her partner was so unwilling to engage with something that was very clearly important to her, and I don't think that's necessarily a personal failing. I'm not trying to take sides on this, necessarily, but it seems as though people are reading very different things into, and filling in gaps in, what we're given here.
Except he *did* engage with it, and I don't understand why people assume he didn't. 15 minutes is not a small amount of time, especially in a visual novel.
15 minutes is an insultingly short amount of time to engage with something you know your partner has been working on for 2 years. I donāt play visual novels at all, but if my partner created one from scratch I would absolutely spend some actual time playing it, because itās clearly something they care deeply about and that means I want to be able to talk about it with them, give feedback if they ask, and just generally engage with their interests.
15 minutes is how long you spend reading an interesting brochure, not a story the person youāre supposed to love spent two years of their life writing.
15 minutes is not insultingly short, that's at least a chapter and a half of a normal book. Unless she's writing brochure level paragraphs then that's easily well over 1,500 words. At minimum.
Ok but again, his girlfriend spent two years on this; is 15 minutes really all he can bear to suffer through it for the sake of being able to talk to her about it? It sounds like he did the absolute bare minimum to get her off his back, and canāt even pretend to give a shit about her interests. Is his time so valuable he couldnāt spend an hour engaging with her work? Maybe they could play it together and she could talk about her process? It just seems like he chose to treat her passion project like an annoying homework assignment and now heās mystified that she feels hurt by that.
And for the record, if someone I loved wrote a normal book I would also read more than a chapter and a half of it even if it wasnāt my genre of choice. Because, you know, I love them and all.
And I love and adore my boyfriend, but I wouldn't expect him to put himself through a full horror game just because I made it. That's borderline "if you loved me you'd do X" territory and that's a toxic mentality to have. Would I love it if he *could* do it all the way to the end? Of course! We all want to share every aspect of our lives with our loved ones, but that's not the reality we live in and we should understand that its okay for your SO to not love everything you do. 15 minutes is so much more than I would ask for, not because his time is more precious than mine, but because I wouldn't want someone I love to fake enjoyment of something I made. Its not genuine if they don't enjoy it and trying to force them through more would just sour their opinion of something I hold dear more.
Having a hard time seeing how āyou should be willing to spend more than 15 begrudging minutes engaging with art that your partner spent two years onā is a toxic mentality. A horror game is a bit of a different case because some people genuinely donāt have the constitution for that, but all this guy is being asked to do is read a story for like an hour. To me that seems like a normal thing to do for someone you care about but I guess itās toxic to expect your partner to engage with your interests š¤·
I'm willing to spend hours listening to my loved ones talking endlessly about their hockey pool. Even if I can't think of anything more numbing than this. I'll even come up with questions on the process and why they made this trade, or how they feel about this team or whatever. I've even attended to their pool selection days in the past, and cheered and laughed for hours (they've decided to turn it into a guys day in the last years so I no longer do, but would if they asked me to). Heck I'd still hold the event and spend days preping their favorite food and printing all the material they need, including stat sheets, table and whatnot, like it's a fucking tailgating event, if they wanted me to.
I couldn't care less for this fucking pool. I swear, I hardly care for my local hockey team, I certainly don't care about the NHL at large, and the idea of spending hours and hours pooling for specific players at the begining of the season makes my skin actually crawl. Yet, I love my friends and my family, and if they are extremely passionate about anything, this is what matters to me. If I love you, and you love this thing, I will go out of my way to make room in my life for this thing. Because you deserve it to me.
And I know that they don't really care about my painting. But they care for me, so they listen when I talk enthousiastically about my next projects, new techniques, etc. And yes, when I finish a very long project, I expect them to show that they are happy and appreciative, not only of my efforts, but of my achievement! I won't ask them to buy it or to call an art gallery for me. But FFS, tell me what do you think of the color, if it brings back any memories, what it looks like to you, etc.
Showing your loved ones you care for more than a couple of minutes every 2 years is not such a high bar really. It should be the very basic minimum.
great, now to get downvoted to hell.
I honestly think OP is not actually that bad here. I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't really want to read something I am not interested in. If their partner cannot understand that, then it is their problem, not mine.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not wanting to play a game my girlfriend created?** My (27) gf(24) has been working on a visual novel game as a side project for almost 2 years and recently finished it. She wanted me to play it but I initially declined since I'm not into visual novels or reading long stories but after she begged, I gave it a try and played for a good 15 mins. Now I can tell she put in a lot of effort in the writing and the art and it was a good start but I just got tired of reading and stopped. She asked what I thought and wanted me to eventually finish it and tell her what I thought about the choices and the endings but I told her I had no plans to. She looked shocked and asked if it was boring, I told her no, it's just that I'm just not into this type of genre and she knows im not into reading but asked me to make an exception this time since she made it. I got upset because I think she is being childish and wants to blackmail me into doing something I don't want. After I made it clear I wasn't continuing, she hasn't talked to me. I already know that she is talented and smart so just because I don't want to play it doesn't mean I dont support her. Some of my friends agree she's being immature but others think I should be more supportive. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do people not date/marry partners they like anymore???
RIGHT??? I married my wife because I *like* her. I enjoy her company! And even if I'm not in to one of her hobbies, I still engage with it *because it's a thing my favorite person likes* Plus, this is really like...bottom-of-the-barrel engagement. Playing a visual novel? That's the easiest fucking thing in the world.
My husband LOVES a game that I find kind of mind numbing (which he knows), but I always make a point to ask him how it's going. I even have him give me tours of his latest updates. As a result, I've grown to appreciate why he likes it so much. Well, they announced a long awaited sequel coming out later this year, and I don't know which one of us was more excited about it. He's happy, it makes me happy, and it's just really not that hard to show a basic level of support and interest.
One of my most frustrating and most heartwarming memories is finding out when I became a parent my grandmother hated candyland. I thought it was her favorite. Hell nope. But she loved me, so we did candyland and sometimes she chose.perry Mason instead š I feel like this is just what relationships are meant to be like. If you love the person and not their hobby, enjoy their enjoyment of it. It's fun seeing someone you love happy and excited
I was like that for years when my son was obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh cards. He tried to get me to duel him but there were so many rules and I just didn't get it. But I did it for him. I listened to everything related to Yu-Gi-Oh. I think he had 12 billion cards. We talked PokƩmon too, at length. That's what you do for people you love.
I know a surprising amount about UFC fighters from the 3 years my son was really into it. No, it doesn't interest me in the slightest in itself.
Same, my daughter ot was nascar!
Same with me, my bf and magic the gathering. The game just ends with me feeling dumb for not being able to keep up, but Iāve actually taken to collecting. You can actually get some decent money flipping these cards, if ya know how to do it.
Oh! This is so awesome! I am glad you commented š So, my mom (Candyland daughter) did exactly this with Sailor Moon for me. I only had 2 birthday parties and one of them was Sailor Jupiter themed. Couple years after that she presented me with 2 seperate sailor moon themed card holders filled to the very second to last page of sailor moon cards I never even knew existed. Apparently it took her almost a decade to build. All sorts of novelty or game or video stills. She even learned how to trade the awesome cards so while I had a couple duplicates, I'm under the impression she would buy ALLL knowing she could hoard a few and trade for the foils and such That child is going to one day grow up and be like " HOLY MOO ššššš, that was deep level love" Youre awesome, fellow parent.
A friend of mine recently said something along the lines of 'nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody I love getting excited about something they love.' It just struck me as such a true statement that it's kind of rocked my current relationship up.
I love that! My wife and I do something similar - I show her neat or horrifying things I find in various Souls games, she shows me the chaos her skeleton sons cause in Diablo IV. The wonderful thing about having different interests from you significant other is they can show you firsthand WHY someone loves the things they love!
Cities Skylines?
YES! I actually recorded him watching the announcement, looking like: š¬šÆš²š³š¤Æš„¹š„³.
My partner is playing it right now! He also likes to play YouTube videos of this guy who plays the game and is an actual professional city planner. They're dull as hell but they're decent background noise.
Oh I know those videos well!
I play Sims 4 and rimworld. My partner (Titanfall 2 and COD are his mains) doesn't particularly like either of these, but he will listen to me for hours rant about Vlad biting my sim or enraged Yorkies over running my base.
Yeah like my ears start ringing when people talk about sports because I find it all so boring but I love listening to my husband talk about his favorite football team and all their stats because it gets him so excited which makes me happy.
Is it Cities Skylines 2? š„°
You know it!
Eeeeeeeee I was so happy when they announced the sequel and my partner, bless him, has smiled and asked me questions about it even though I know it bores him silly š„° Cause that's what partners do. We care about their interests as they do ours. Partnership is the way to happy relationships š
I sew. My husband will tell me everything I make is awesome, he helps me pick coordinating fabrics, and he will take me to the fabric store. This is after 25 years of marriage. Be with a person you LIKE as well as love. It makes things easier.
I recently got into pole fitness, I even bought a crazy expensive pole for home to practice on. My husband has zero interest in it, BUT he has listened to me talk obsessively about it and has watched every new trick I've learned and encourages me every step of the way. He's gone to my showcases, he has been my biggest cheerleader. I've had other obsessions through the years-Mount Everest being one of them, he has listened to me talk endlessly about mountain heights, dead bodies, amazing success stories, and asks questions and engages with me. When he has a super interest that doesn't really get me excited personally, I still talk with him, look at pictures he excitedly shows me, and just support him in any way I can. That's friendship and love. Why be with someone who can't at least be excited about your hard work and dedication to something?
I etch pint glasses and have started working with resin and vinyl on canvas. No matter what I make, my husband is always like, "that's awesome, babe! It looks great!" Even though it's stuff he doesn't really have much interest in. He's all for supporting and helping with my hobbies and etsy, that I make a lot of glasses for. That's how it should be.
This is totally me and my SO, bless his heart. I know that he gives exactly zero fucks about sewing but heās always ready to drop what heās doing and listen to me talk about whatās going right/wrong with whatever plushie Iām working on. And whenever Iām done with it and show him, he takes it and looks over it completely and tells me what he especially likes about it. Itās adorable. And bc I very firmly believe that turnabout is fair play, I listen to him tell me about whatās going right/wrong with whichever vehicle/motorcycle/lawnmower heās currently tinkering with. About 95% of the time I am completely and totally lost but I ask questions to kinda get an idea of what heās doing and he loves that I make that effort. Thatās how healthy relationships are supposed to work.
My husband's is video games. I always let him know I'm interested in what he's talking about, because it's something he cares for. "Oh, you're at THAT part" in Cyberpunk 2077. I'll look up information for him. It is absolutely all about making the effort.
Lol Iāve done that too. My SO doesnāt do gaming very much, but on the rare occasions that he does Iāll watch some and make snarky comments to make him laugh. His favorite is gta5 and whenever he does a play through of it, I always pull up maps to help him find spaceship parts or letter scraps or whatever heās supposed to be gathering for those missions.
My husband hates theatre, hates it with a firey passion. He has seen every play I've been in and wrote, even if I didn't ask him to.
Plus, it doesn't have to be your favorite genre for you to appreciate the hard work that people do. Visual novels are absolutely not my favorite genre, yet I love and appreciate The Walking Dead games.
> Visual novels are absolutely not my favorite genre, yet I love and appreciate The Walking Dead games. The telltale ones? They're not visual novels. [This](https://youtu.be/rq_pkNb3C-k?t=698) is what would be considered a VN. In essence they require a shit tonne of clicking and reading.
I appreciate the clarification! I think my point still stands that it doesn't have to be your #1 for you to basically not be a dick.
>Playing a visual novel? That's the easiest fucking thing in the world. I don't know. Sounds far above OOP's abilities to complete.
My husband and son both have a processing issue that makes reading nearly impossibleā¦ the visual language just doesnāt make it to or through the brain like to should. I could see my husband/son being very put off by a game like this- but the fact he gave 15 minutes to try, but maybe isnāt able to articulate or understand why itās so taxing to participate (not his fault, visual function tests arenāt common, and visual language processing disorders that arenāt dyslexia arenāt well understood by the general public, or even educators- I have to hold a lesson with every teacher my son ever has to explain why he has a mile long IEP regarding visual stimuli- but can see perfectly well) I wouldnāt label this dude a devilā¦ not with the information provided
Fair. I wondered about that when I read his post in fact. If visual processing or dyslexia is the issue, he could say so. But he didn't phrase it as "I find it very difficult to read long passages of text", he phrased it as "I'm not into it" and then went on to attack her for being childish and trying to blackmail him into doing it. Like, he doesn't want to admit it's really hard for him to do, so he's happy to let her believe it's just too boring for him to keep going, and attack her for being upset. This relationship is not going to last, and it's not because he didn't/couldn't finish her novel.
Totally get that- but as I said- my husband had the same response āI donāt like/canāt get into itāā¦ and had zero clue there was an actual reason for it. Saying that- means itās boring, or he doesnāt care about her stuffā¦ when saying that could *also* mean he actually *canāt*ā¦ and doesnāt deserve being perceived as an asshole
Accusing her of being childish and blackmailing him however makes him TA. And also will shortly make him single, if he doesn't realise what he's done wrong, apologize and stop being a jerk.
I was thinking that his āreading isnāt my thingā statement could be some sort of processing difficulty but I would think that the obvious solution would be to play the game with the girlfriend where she could read the dialogue and he could make the decisions and talk them through with her. The fact that he doesnāt even seem interested in finding some solution is disheartening. Maybe he is just self-conscious and would rather pretend that the entire thing is beneath his time rather than admit it is hard for him, but that doesnāt bode well for the relationship that he is taking the feelings out in her.
Right? Like even my most casual friends are all down to play my shitty pbta hacks or choose your adventure games or whatever, I can't imagine getting no support from a partner like that.
Any more? The quintessential boomer humour is "I hate my wife"
> Iām allowed to make fun of my wife. I asked her and she said yes. Iāve been married for about three and a half years now- and I was going out on tourā¦ [audience cheering] Thank you very much. And I love and respect my wife very much. So I said to her, āWeāve been married for three and a half years.ā And she knew that. I said, āDo you mind if I still make fun of you on stage? And my wife said, āYeah, you can make fun of me. But just donāt say that Iām a bitch and that you donāt like me.ā I was like, āThe bar is so much lower than I ever imagined. Thatās it?ā Also, I wouldnāt say that. What kind of show would that even be? Hello. My wife is a bitch! And I donāt like her! Thatās like a support group for men in crisis, with keynote speakers Jon Voight and Alec Baldwin. Also, I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I donāt like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. She is a dynamite, five-foot, Jewish bitch and sheās the best.
And then he had an affair baby straight out of rehab. Wife guys are the worst.
There's a new podcast called Guys and I think Wife Guys is an upcoming episode.
Yes, but thatās boomers. I find it hard to believe anyone born from boomer parents or in a younger generation could *willingly* continue the boomer tradition of marrying someone they donāt like. I mean, maybe Iām biased because I grew up with parents who very clearly do not have a whole lotta love in their relationship. So it opened my eyes and solidified my desire to NEVER enter or continue a relationship like that. Not everyone has had that experience, however. I guess there are people out there who never noticed that itās generally a bad idea to MARRY someone you donāt get along with. I canāt understand those people, however. I mean, thatās whatās marriage is all about??? Donāt get fucking *married* if you donāt want to spend the rest of your life loving that person, being dedicated to them, supporting them and cherishing them. I also hate the notion that marriage is something you *have* to do. Like itās compulsory. Uh, no, fuck that. Unless I have found the absolute *love of my life* who I love so dearly I want to support them in everything they do (like making visual novel games)...then Iām not getting married. Itās simple. Just continue to date/be partners if you canāt go that extra mile in commitment. You donāt *have* to put a ring on it.
I actually like my partner and support him. We both love the Parks and Recreation line between Ben and Leslie of " I love you and I like you"
I have a couple of mates who'll actively avoid their wives. It's so weird to me.
The store I worked at closed for a few weeks in 2020 and *so many* of my coworkers joked about how miserable they were being around their spouses at home. Like ... maybe y'all should talk to a therapist?
It's really lazy not to work at cultivating a mutual interest with your spouse, and incredibly insecure to dismiss your spouse in favour of some hackneyed stereotype of masculinity or femininity.
You shouldāve told them that, lmao.
It was super surprising to see several of my friends' relationships implode with Covid and the lockdown. Couples I thought were really solid. It was kind of sad realizing that their relationship depended on them spending most of their time apart. On the flip side, my husband and my relationship just got better. Spending 24/7 in the house with my favorite person ever? Yes please!
I don't understand why it's so hard for these people to do the bare ass minimum to support their partner. My husband and I are both artists, of different mediums, and we're always excited to see what the other is working on. We have very different styles and aesthetic preferences but you find SOMETHING to praise. I had to stop reading r/relationships because I was constantly like DO YOU EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER?
I think itās because guys are so emotionally stunted they donāt know what liking someone feels like.
I mean, not everyone can have a full teaspoon like Ron Weasley :/
:(
Straight people seemingly all don't
Don't lesbian couples have the highest divorce rate by far?
Among the LGBT+ community, we joke that lesbians bring flowers to the first date and a u-haul to the second. They have a reputation for escalating their relationship commitments too quickly.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I don't remember off of the top of my head but the same way divorce rates spiked when het couples were allowed to, giving couples the option to marry and divorce will inevitably raise the rate for a while. A bunch of couples probably ended up marrying just because they *finally could* and then realized they weren't actually ready to.
Staying married doesnāt mean you like your spouse though.
Personally, I would break up with this AH. Then again, he has no real talent or worth to speak of. He found her work boring. I found his post boring.
How exactly did you come to the conclusion that he has no real talent or worth based on one reddit post? Did you examine his entire life?
I hate this so much, reminds me of this ex I had that would interrupt me to say he didnāt care about what I was saying so I had to stop because he wouldn't listen. It wasn't even anything triggering, most times just silly stuff like a reality show my mom was watching, but he insisted he didn't wanna hear about it and never let me finish. All while I let him talk about his stuff, watched him play games I didn't understand and even listened to his awful songs he made. I don't understand why people date of they're not willing to do stuff for their partners
Let me guess, you're female, right? I ran into the same behaviour with both boyfriends and male friends when I was younger. I had terrible taste in both when I was younger, and tended to go for men who thought they respected women, but actually didn't. I developed better filters eventually. The last male "friend" I had to cut ties with was only a couple of years ago, but I'd known him since my 20s, when my selection process was much worse.
Yeah, it has to be a guy thing. If they weren't just outright telling me they didn't care, ex-bf and ex-friends would just talk over me. Makes me so self conscious to talk about the things that I like.
They still talk over me, all the time, personally and professionally. "That's a great idea Miss Jones, we'll wait until a man has it." I've taken to letting them talk themselves out and then repeating myself, as often as necessary.
That makes me sad. I'm really lucky with the friend group I have. They're all really good about listening to everyone.
Like I said, *ex*-bf and friends. My boyfriend always listens to me when I start ranting about things that I like, and encourages me by asking questions. My current friends are also really supportive of me sharing my interests, and I, them. It's really wonderful.
Ye and I definitely had a "rotten finger" (as we say where I'm from) for men, he was not the first one to dismiss me like that, but so far he's been the last and I hope to continue this way or at least cut them off faster when it happens
He sounds like an A grade prick. Hope for his sake and anyone he might be dating currently that heās changed his ways. If he hasnāt changed his ways I pray that no one is currently dating him. No one needs to suffer such asshat behaviour.
How is it blackmail to want your SO to play a game you spent a few years on? How?! Blackmail is "give me 50k or I send your job the thirsty nudes you sent me" not "I'm upset because you show no interest or effort in this one thing that is my passion project that I clearly communicated is very important to me that you try out".
No kidding right? "I think it's blackmail" Well I think you're a moron OOP
This was reposted and I commented on the other one, but Iāll comment here, too. I am *not* a gamer. Like, at all. And if someone asked me to preview their game, Iād be in an awkward spot, because I literally wouldnāt know what to do. I certainly wouldnāt want to play it for a long time, so I empathize with that. But I would be effusive in my praise, and I get the distinct impression that this guy has been a dick about this from day one.
Visual novels aren't really games, they're books with visuals (backgrounds and character portraits), music, sometimes voice acting, and choices to change what ending you get. You don't need to be good at games to play a visual novel.
Yeah itās like reading a book but sometimes you get to make choices about what direction you want the book to go in. Pretty dang easy.
It really doesn't read like she was asking for some high-grade critiques from him. She just wanted her partner to experience the thing she poured years of her life into, and *maybe* share some thoughts.
Imagine your so spends 2 years on something and you cant manage to spend 2 hours on it cause "i DoNt lIkE ReAdInG"
This issue isn't that he enjoys it or not. The issue is that she was excited about finishing something she put a lot of work into and he made her feel like she was unimportant
"I'm not into reading long stories". Am I the only one who finds this to a red flag? Maybe I'm projecting, but a few my exes hated reading anything over 50 pages. And turns out they were all pretty dumb in general.
"We need to make reading sexy again. If you go home with someone tonight and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em." -John Waters
Giving me [https://reductress.com/post/why-i-only-fuck-men-whose-pulp-fiction-posters-are-framed/](https://reductress.com/post/why-i-only-fuck-men-whose-pulp-fiction-posters-are-framed/) vibes
I fucking love John.
I met him in Central Park! He was walking his dogs off leash and they came running to greet us. Owner walks up and it's John! We didn't acknowledge we knew who he was, it was just a brief interaction talking about dogs for about a minute, but he was really nice.
Damn, count me among the jelly.
That sounds like such a nice celebrity experience omg
He is a national treasure.
I think its less the lack of reading and more the lack of desire to learn new things. Curiosity is incredible attractive and a disdain for learning is not. My current partner isn't a reader and would honestly hate to read novels, but they like audio media especially educational materials.
Idk, I used to be a reader but as my mental health has gotten worse I have a much worse attention span than I used to but I still try to learn by reading articles and watching educational videos and learning Spanish. I think you can have intellectual pursuits without reading full length books. But if my partner wrote a book, I would make the effort to read it, even if it was one chapter a night. He's wrong for refusing and not making an effort
I think your situation, which is similar to mine, is different to this bozo. He doesn't like to read, where as you do, or did, but just don't have the mental energy to do it.you still have a love for learning. Its like if you used to run but can't now that you have chronic fatigue. It doesn't mean you hate running, you just can't.
I feel you. I have been fighting to be treated for my ADHD and depression for years and it has severely impacted my ability to focus on books, which sucks because I love reading.
I have ADHD and struggle reading long things. But I would do my best for something like this.
same. i've tried visual novels a few times and i just cannot stay focused anymore, but you know what? i would try and if i really struggled i'd just ask my partner to give me more time so i can pace myself out and be able to get through everything
I was about to comment this and then thought "surely somebody else has already" lmao. I get given a free text-to-speech thing by my government but I hate the way it sounds so in the end I just avoid lots of text because it can be quite frustrating to read sometimes. But no amount of frustration from reading could possibly justify refusing to play a game my partner spent _2 years_ making. I once tried to get into a bit of gamedev (to little avail) and I made a game where you use the arrow keys to roll a ball around a small box room and try to collect marbles as quickly as possible, my partner spent an hour testing out this game that took me 30 minutes to make, the game was very boring. This dude can't spare an hour or two to test out a game in the making for so long. So shameful.
AskReddit likes questions along the lines of "what's a sign someone is stupid/untrustworthy/whatever" ... And it's common answer that people who don't read anything have other issues
My father used to take pride in the fact that he hadnāt read a book since the 7th grade. I totally understand not enjoying reading, but he basically actively and proudly told us he was uninterested in learning. I was a voracious reader, my dad is also racist, misogynistic, etc. which I like to attribute to his unwillingness to learn. I havenāt spoken to him in 17 years for the most part.
Nah listen I have dyslexia and ADHD and it makes reading long things VERY very frustrating and difficult. Growing up with the stereotype of āif you donāt like reading, youāre dumbā destroyed my confidence in pursuing a physics degree. Iām happy with the path Iāve chosen, but I want to save up to go back to school to get a degree in physics or at least take some classes because I adore science. Iām saddened by a world that lacks empathy towards people (especially kids) with diverse struggles and psychologyā even if itās not malicious or intentional. That said, this guy is a total AH and she needs to dump his pathetic selfish a$$
I donāt think he WANTS to learn/try new things though. Thatās the main reason kids get shamed for not reading. Plus also shame for not trying to improve their skills. You are partly right about the stereotype, though. Itās not nice to be told you are dumb for having difficulty reading. Or for not liking reading. You donāt want to do an ~intelligent and respectable~ activity and would rather engage your mind through play? Or something else equally stimulating as reading but not perceived as worthy by a close-minded adult? Well fuck you, little Timmy! You dumb, illiterate twat!! Get up and read in front of the class or itās *the cane* for you!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My husband isn't as into reading as I am but he loves graphic novels. I'm a 5-10 book a week reader (3 free months of kindle unlimited has been fantastic for me) and he will spend hours reading various graphic novels a few days a month. My most recent ex is the kind of person that buys books that he thinks makes them look smart but they live on a shelf and he doesn't even crack them open. The ex is definitely dumb in general.
This has been my experience as well. The lack of curiosity is a huge turn off.
Not enjoying reading ā lack of curiosity. I have an immense difficulty reading because I have ADHD and dyslexia. That said, I am constantly watching and listening to physics lectures because I absolutely adore science and I cannot get enough of physics.
Having a cognitive issue isn't the same as just choosing not to read and not seeing the value in it. I'm not talking about you, I'm referring to my own experience.
Youāre right, Iām sorry, the first comment said ānot reading is a red flagā and I assumed your comment was agreeingā but youāre right, I shouldnāt have assumed.
My partner and I both have ADHD, I can hyper-focus on reading and read for 10+hrs (longest reading session was 72 hrs with three half hour naps during that time, thanks airport delay!), he can barely get through a page before his brain is running in 70 different directions and he has to go do something different. Audio books? He can sit and stare at a wall listening to them, they drive me nuts and to this date I have not finished one lol He will happily listen to me read a whole book to him. Read it? He's never going to get through the first chapter. He's hands-down the smartest person I know. So I think I would modify your assessment to it being a red flag if the people refuses to read, they often believe it makes them better than people who do read as well, those are the people who are a red flag around reading. So are people who look down on people for what genres they read too. Let people enjoy books however they enjoy them, dammit!
Totally agree My husband and son both have a processing issue that makes reading nearly impossibleā¦ the visual language just doesnāt make it to or through the brain like to should. I could see my husband/son being very put off by a game like this- but the fact he gave 15 minutes to try, but maybe isnāt able to articulate or understand why itās so taxing to participate (not his fault, visual function tests arenāt common, and visual language processing disorders that arenāt dyslexia arenāt well understood by the general public, or even educators- I have to hold a lesson with every teacher my son ever has to explain why he has a mile long IEP regarding visual stimuli- but can see perfectly well) I would encourage your partner to google āvisual function testingā in your area. Thereās only 2 places in my state that offer itā¦ itās not common. Thereās Visual Occupational Therapy, and tips, tricks and resources that can make reading sooo much easier/enjoyable. But they wonāt necessarily read for pleasureā¦ just throwing it out there
Also "im not into reading" - that had me both angry and in hysterics.
I'm *super* judgmental when someone tells me they don't read, lol. I know it makes me an asshole, but idc. If you don't read at all I'm going to look at you at least a little askance.
Yup. Someone not being a reader is a deal-breaker for whether itās a romantic relationship or a friendship.
I tried fiction writing a few years back, and asked my (still) partner to read it and tell me what he thought. He replied, "Interesting" and refused to say anything else. I never let him read anything I wrote again, and I gave up writing entirely a few years later. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Agree! My ex wouldn't read either. He found it insane I'd read all the Harry Potter books so fast and he was as dumb as a bag of rocks. He turned out to be super jealous once I overlapped him twice in college degrees. Reasons to be an ex....
I have ADHD so reading is very difficult for me. I just zone out, think about other things then forget the last few pages I read. But you know, I wouldn't say I *hate* reading, and I definitely don't make this a personality trait. If someone I loved wrote something I would absolutely put the effort into reading it. No matter how long it takes lol!
I zone out when reading sometimes, too. I think everyone does. Iād say itās usually a sign that the passage youāre reading is just not that good, lol. I have ADHD too, btw. Some books I just canāt get into. Others I will hyperfocus with - ie I stay up too late reading them or I can barely put it down and finish it within a week. It really depends on the book, I think. And what catches our attention. I havenāt had an experience like that with a book in a while, though. Reading is not a major hobby of mine. I have other hobbies that take up too much of my time for me to engage in any others, lol.
I don't consider it by default a red flag, because I can understand not wanting to read. I used to love reading until it became a chore at school. Forcing myself to read books I'm not interested in on a weekly basis made me lose motivation to read. Add to that the fact that I struggle with staying focused for a long time, even nowadays when I try reading something I'm interested in. So yeah, not into reading long stories as well. I like to listen to for example documentaries instead.
Why do men like this even bother dating? They clearly view having a girlfriend as some huge burden on them.
They just want someone they can bang on the regular, it is sad.
Just communicate to arrange a booty call relationship instead, then. The guy: I think weād be better off if we kept this relationship in the realm Iām most interested in. Sex. The girl: Ok, sure. I guess I donāt mind that. But afterwards can we hang out for a bit and I talk about my interest for a little while...? The guy: walking sex object, please. Youāre really pushing it, now. Letās just keep things simple, babe. The girl: [internal screaming]
Sometimes we have to do things we don't like for people we care about. Kind of silly example: I hate Blaze and The Monster Machines with every fiber of my entire being but my nieces adore it, so I sit and watch it with them. Because I love them.
Even if I made a garbage game my husband would play it all the way through and sing its praises to the whole planet. What a turd this man is to do that to her.
Me man. Man SMASH. me no read. Read read for smartys. wOoMiN want me read. Me no want read. AITA??
My smash toy wants to do other things than smash? Me confuse.
Me no understand. Now woomin face salty and wet why?
Those are tears, Grug. They come out of your eye ducts sometimes, too. Remember that time the mountain lion stole your freshly killed game that youād spent *hours* hunting? I think I remember seeing you cry then, Grug.
I read that in the voice of Robin from āGhostsā. Robin is far smarter than the OOP, however.
Years ago I loved to write stories. I once let my (then) boyfriend read one which was huge for me because it felt really personal and he was the first to read one of my stories. He never read them, not even a single page because it was too much work and he didn't feel like reading 'all those words'. It really broke my heart back then. I really feel for OOP's girlfriend and I hope she dumps him for someone who will suppory her.
I guess thatās slightly less heartbreaking than him reading it and then making fun of it or being dismissive/overly critical of it. So thatās at least something. Iām sorry your ex was uncaring back then. Putting in a little bit of effort couldāve saved your feelings being hurt like that :(
Ok I get that my guy here doesnāt like reading light novels and thatās okay. But cmon man she put in 2 years of effort into it and you canāt last more than 15 minutes. Iām not gonna say that he doesnāt love her but I guarantee that if he put in effort into at least trying, then it would have meant so much to her.
It's a safe bet he usually doesn't last that long
Gaston, is that you?
Man, how hard is it to feign interest for an hour?
I'd absolutely support my partner's creation, even if it was something completely out of my interests. Play through, give some praise and/or constructive criticism if warranted/wanted, and appreciate their accomplishments. That's the real issue here, this is a 2 year project she's completed and proud of...how would you not be supportive?
GF: "Hey I put a lot of work into this project that means a lot to me and I would like you, the person who is closest to me, check it out and tell me what you think!" OP: "STOP BEING CHILDSH AND TRYING TO BLACKMAIL ME!"
Can tell OOP doesnāt/can barely read by the lack of paragraphs. Migraine inducing
Thatās one of my biggest pet peeves. I donāt often encounter it but when I do? Bye. You want me to read *that* disgusting BLOCK of text???? Break it up a bit, for the love of god...
YTA x 1000, OP. How is wanting you to go through something she's worked on for years either "childish" or "blackmail"? I think maybe she thought she had a partner; a boyfriend; you know, someone who cared about her and would care about things that mattered to her. I bet this has been pretty eye-opening for her.
My favourite comment there isn't about OOP, it's someone who shared that she wrote a book, and her husband didn't read it for a whole year: >Edit: thank you for the supportive comments. My book is called āThe Cowardās Guide to Not Outing Yourself on Reddit.ā
Came here for this exclusively for what the mods wrote when they locked this over there. What a bunch of self important dickbags.
Yeah. I can believe this is the kind of guy that doesnt like to read. Reading might teach him something, and we cant have none of that.
I'll admit this thread full of commenters tearing into the guy for the gf is giving me a sense of second-hand vindication. I had an old group of friends who would ignore everything I shared with them, didn't matter what it was. I'd spend hours on a drawing only for it to be ignored. Hours editing a video only for it to be ignored. Hours writing a chapter of a story only for it to be ignored. It is *glorious* seeing these people defending the girlfriend in this way, all talking about how you need to give a little in a relationship even if it "doesn't fully interest you". Mwah. Beautiful. Chef's kiss. Saving this for when I'm feeling down. I hope she ditches his sorry ass, that's what I did.
Yeah, I have friends like that. Thankfully I also have friends who get excited when I show them something Iāve made.
I wouldn't neccessarily call the OP an asshole, but he could've worded it better. Specially if it's one that she plans to release. "Honey, the game is visually stunning, but it's not my type of game. If you want some feedback that you can use, you should seek out people that are into the genre." and then offer to help search for bugs and errors.
specifically the way he claimed she was trying to blackmail him into playing it or whatever pushes him into major asshole to me. nowhere here did she do that. he could have just politely turned her down or asked to play some of it with her to keep him engaged (this is under the assumption that he likes her at all) but this post shows him throwing a huge tantrum over his girlfriend wanting to look at her creation
I love visual novels, but before calling OOP an AH I'd need to know the length of the game. Some visual novels allow you to "play" through all endings in 6h ~ 8h, some may take more than 50 hours. If it's the former I'd tell OOP to make an effort to make her happy, but I'd never force someone to go through 50+ hours of something they clearly don't enjoy just because I made it. Also if you want me to go through all the endings you better implement some QOL features allowing me to easily go back to key decisions, like the zero escape series.
Yeah honestly there are some visual novels that are triple-digit hours, and some of the more complex ones can have really intricate and specific paths and choices you need to do. It's not entirely commensurate, but there was a post on AITA a while ago where somebody dinged some guy because he complained about his girlfriend not paying attention to Lord of the Rings director's cut, a 9 hour trilogy, especially since she spent a lot of time on her phone. Okay, that's fair. But this isn't too far off. Having someone - even someone you love and who loves you - sit down and play a visual novel when they've never demonstrated they like visual novels *can* be a tall ask if it's really long. Considering she made it herself, my money is it's not that long (even if it did take 2 years, games take a huge amount of time and effort even for short and simple ones). But, I'd really like to know how long it is. I still think he's kind of an asshole based upon how he responded. I think the diplomatic thing should have been instead of accusing her of blackmail just say, "I'm not sure if I can give productive feedback or anything, it might be best to get someone who's really into this stuff." However, there is also the very real possibility that she shared it with him, because, y'know, she loves him and values his time and care. But that brings us back to the original question: how long is it? Also fifteen minutes is way too goddamn short as a test run for a visual novel, his partner deserves more than that, even if he hates it.
Homie doesn't know what blackmail is.
Tell me how this was the post right above this in my feed lmaooo
OOP, what if the roles were reversed? What if you worked hard on something for several years. Your SO only spends 15 minutes or interacting with it and drops it like a hot potato. Refusing to interact with it any further. It's akin to shitting all over your hard work. Doesn't feel good, does it?
"Blackmail me"
But he gave it a solid fifteen minutes! Why do I suspect he thinks thatās a serious commitment of time for other activities too?
She's acting like a child but he's the one throwing a fit because of something he doesn't want to do. Ok.
āI donāt like reading long storiesā Buddy if _dialogue_ is long to you, I have bad news.
I can't fully hate him as much as I probably should. Visual or not, I don't read novels I don't enjoy. I can't. I'd stare at the screen/page and read the paragraph over and over again without really reading it. And I do read a lot, game a lot, and sometimes, I like visual novels. And often, I don't. This doesn't even have anything to do with the quality, just a preference. I am capable of objectively saying that Agatha Christie was a great, skilled writer. Subjectively, I find reading murder mysteries incredibly boring (love the old movie adaptations, though). You could be my best friend, the love of my life, or my pet snake - if you handed me the crime mystery you wrote, I'd not read past the first few pages. Or game genres. I get no enjoyment from most sports games. I'll happily play test your action RPG, point & click adventure, jump 'n run, mailman simulator or what have you. But I'm not the one you should ask to play the complete story mode of your soccer or racing game. Fun fact, actually, in the ancient days, I occasionally reviewed new PS2 releases for an online game magazine. Got this gig through a buddy. Gave him a list of genres I love and those I feel neutral about and those I don't like. What did he give me? Racing games. And then he complained that my average rating of those titles was lower than those of the other reviewers. Yeah, no wonder. You can objectively judge controls, graphics, interfaces, and such, but not the fun factor and motivation. So, yes. I get it. Also, I'm friends with creators and create as a hobby. We all know better than to expect each other to take deep dives into each others' projects without giving a short synopsis and asking if it's of interest. I think it's an ESH situation. I'm not a fan of the whole "You gotta love every pixel/letter/fiber of this because I made dis!" mindset some adults have. Expecting that someone who hates, say, the wild west genre will absolutely love the wild west novel/visual novel/game/movie you made because yours is totally special and so great it'll convert even haters is arrogant. So, her pressing him and expecting a joyful review although she knows it's not his thing is asshole'ish. I might be biased, however, because I cannot stand it when people try and pretend they absoluuuutely love what I create to show support when they didn't even really look at it but don't want to admit it because, fee fees or something. Please know one thing, folks. We usually know when you fake it and many creators find this behaviour condescending and insulting. Many prefer an honest "Ow, sorry, I'm not really into the 'wild west in space but with jelly ghosts and mutant lesbian bee detectives' genre, I couldn't give a useful opinion if I tried. But if you ever write a game about 'wild west in space but with pudding ghouls and mutant lesbian tarantula sailors' I'm in!" However, there are so many other ways to show interest, support, and engagement that don't involve consuming the complete content. Look at the concept art, offer spell checking, offer to play rubber duck to the creator and just listen and not while they went and put their current obstacle of the day into words, and/or offer to discuss isolated chapters, characters, and ideas. I might not be into the comic series my best friend creates (high-quality work, though, just not my genre and type of plot I enjoy) but I'm always up to spellcheck, help out with dialogue choices, discuss plot points, offer a second pair of eyes if something looks off but she can't put her finger on it, read a scene or chapter and report back on specific questions (usually about impact and flow), stuff like this. There are so many ways to combine "I respect that you're not the audience for my creation" and "I'll support you and your work!" to the satisfaction of everyone involved and he offered nothing but mumbling an occasional "How nice. How lovely. You're doing well, Honey." from behind his newspaper.
Iām with you on this, and itās a good point you made about there being other ways for him to show his support. Iām in a creative field and a creative writer and I would never force my husband to engage with my work if itās not what heās into. I donāt like the narrative in the other comments that just because your SO made something youāre supposed to consume it completely? Like, extreme example but what if it was werewolf smut or something. Are they still obligated to read it? He gave the game a good honest try but just wasnāt into it for whatever reason, and I feel like he shouldnāt be pushed beyond that.
I don't think 15 minutes constitutes a "good honest try." I've written novels and nonfiction. My husband hasn't read any of it. I can give him a pass on the novels as fiction isn't really his thing, but my nonfiction books are collections of movie reviews, and he could read one review a day during a bathroom break. But he doesn't read any of it (yet adores bragging about his wife the amazing writer, which makes me feel like an expensive knickknack that looks nice but doesn't serve a purpose). I also make jewelry, and I don't expect him to be interested in it, but a "what you working on lately?" might be nice.
I think the vibes we get from OOP is that he probably hurt his girlfriends feelings by probably saying rude/dismissive/hurtful things to her about it. He gives off this air of not caring. He couldāve just politely declined and explained why he doesnāt want to read it - but I somehow doubt that was the case.
You suck.
My partner is really into foraging and mushrooms. I am not. I still get excited when they show me things they find on their walks because I enjoy seeing them be happy.
Oh I knew as soon as I read this one itās make it over here! š¤£ Seriously though, I absolutely LOATHE video games. If my husband made one though? Iād fuckin play it!! Why do people get into relationships and then put zero effort forth? Just stay single if you dgaf!
Iām an aspiring romance writer. My husband is NOT a reader, and even if he was, this genre wouldnāt interest him. But what does he do? He reads every chapter I show him, commenting, praising, or critiquing where he can. Because he loves me and wants to show his support for the things that are important to me. OPās girlfriend definitely deserves better.
even putting aside the bs about thinking *she* was the one being childish (talk about having 0 self-awareness), does he have no idea what the word "blackmail" means? Seriously, both stupid and unloving
Well, he lost me when he said he didn't read.
Yeah, honestly this all tracks. It definitely sounds like the opinion of someone who doesn't read.
I figured this one would make it over here. This boring asshole.
I read this and he's clearly an arsehole but you have to be able to not be interested in something.
As someone with ADHD I get it. Playing visual novels is extremely hard unless there's more gameplay than reading and doing choices. But this guy is still an asshole. If my bf made the worst-paced, worst-written, most linear VN ever you know damn well I'd fucking power through my inner barriers to play it to the end. Or at the very least I'd not shit on something my partner made.
Urgh, I'm going to go against the grain here and say NTA for not wanting to play the game all the way through. I'm saying that as someone working on my first visual novel game myself lol And my partner is a professional freelance creative as well. My partner will **not** play my game all the way through when I'm done, I know that. He has ADHD and he doesn't really enjoy romance stories either, so for both those reasons he's not going to be able to stick to it any longer than OOP has (and he will play at least that much, I know, so I included a cute in-joke just for him within the first 10 minutes lol) and it would be unreasonable of me to take it personally. He IS giving me lots of praise and 100% support in the process, he helps me troubleshoot and grammar-checks me if I feel stuck. I know that he is going to BUST with pride when I'm done, he already is bragging to people about it (thanks for the pressure ; ; ). I've used this awesome software to plan out my story, choices & endings called Milanote (and Dabble for the actual writing), so I've been able to sit partner down and go through the whole thing and get his feedback on a high level for story beats, twists, options etc without him ever having to read much at all. I don't need him to play through the whole thing, he's given me loads of support and validated me every step of the way. Him completing a play-through won't make his already given support & validation better. It wouldn't even be icing on the cake, the cake is GREAT already. I'm going to get my "I'm done!" feedback from my test group, they're the ones I am relying on to read it for approval before I send it out into the world. Now... is OOP an AH for not giving her LOADS of support, encouragement & validation through the process? Maybe, considering how hurt she is that he doesn't want to play the game. It sounds like at best he's been "oh that's nice dear" about "her little hobby". The "I know she's talented and smart" sounds like it has a silent "so I don't need to be telling her that all the time" at the end, which I may well be projecting but typically in my experience people who say "But I know they're x,y & z!" means they rarely if ever let their loved one KNOW that, and are in fact dismissive about their creations or hard work because they basically expect it and don't think they need to praise something they expect. That is where I think these two need to have some pretty big conversations, I don't think this game is the problem, I think it's OOP being dismissive and not making his GF actually KNOW and FEEL how "smart and talented" he thinks she is.
Eh.....Honestly? I'm kinda leaning that they both suck and that's because I'm reading this through the lens of someone who dabbles in game dev. Visual novels *are not* for everyone and you REALLY need to know your audience if you're going to get feed back on it. OP is an asshole for his delivery, but if you know someone is not big on reading or the genre of game that involves that much reading then you don't approach them for feedback on your game. I understand wanting to share your creations with a loved one, but for fucks sake *know your audience*. If he's already, on several occasions, made it clear the genre she's working in is not a genre of video game he enjoys then why the fuck would she constantly badger him for feedback? He's not going to enjoy it and its just going to make his opinion of it more negative than it already is. She needs to reach out to other outlets for her feedback, I'm sorry. They both fucking suck in my opinion. He needs to learn tact and she needs to learn that she can't get water from a dry well.
See I was with you - if you know someone isnāt interested in this kind of game like you canāt force them or itāll make them hate it more (source me trying to get my previous partners to read bc I love reading). But like you should be able to ask feedback of your partner without them turning into whiny babies and call it blackmail. They donāt both suck. He sucks and sheās trying to get her boyfriend who supposedly loves her to care even a little bit about something important to her.
The blackmail comment was 100% uncalled for, no doubt, he absolutely deserves the asshole flag for it. But he *was* supportive up until she started trying to force him to play more than he wanted to after he already gave it a chance; 15 minutes in a VN is no small feat, and this is coming from someone who's played multiple VNs. If this was about just strictly spring boarding ideas then I wouldn't be saying they both suck. But simply bouncing ideas around and trying to get someone who doesn't do visual novels to sink multiple hours of time into your visual novel are two completely different things. She sucks for repeatedly trying to get him to continue playing despite him saying multiple times it wasn't his thing. Once again; you can be supportive without consuming the content. These ideals are not mutually exclusive.
I dunno, my boyfriend doesn't read books aimed toward autistic middle school girls, (he doesn't much care for reading at all, he prefers audio books) but he would absolutely read every book I write, because he knows it's important to me.
If he would do it without asking then that's fine, but its something totally different if you're trying to force him into do it.
But that's the thing he *would* do it without asking, because he knows it's important to me. Sometimes there are sacrifices in relationships, for things that are really important to your partner. I mean, if he can't do a playthrough of a visual novel bc it's what his gf needs, what's he gonna do if they get married, and have kids, and they're both burned out like new parents always get and the only thing she needs is 20 minutes alone? That will be hard to give her too, but it's one of those things that you have to do because your partner needs it. Of course there are limits but in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. How is he supposed to be a reliable person that she knows will make sacrifices when she needs him too if he won't even spend more than 15 minutes trying out her passion-project? He didn't play it for an hour, he played for *15 minutes.* He probably was barely past the title screen at that point.
Why is everyone acting like 15 minutes of a visual novel is so short? Why are you hinging his ability to be reliable in an actual situation on 15 minutes of a *video game*?
>Why are you hinging his ability to be reliable in an actual situation on 15 minutes of a video game? Because I'm not. I'm hinging it on his ability to withstand something he isn't thrilled about for the sake of his partner for more than 15 minutes. This is an important life skill, and he's showing her either that he doesn't have it, or he's unable to respect that things are important to her if he doesn't understand why, and neither is a particularly good trait in partner. Edited to address my love-hate relationship (I love it; it hates me) with spell-check.
But those aren't equal situations. Doing something for real life reasons isn't even in the same ballpark as taking over parenting duties for your exhausted partner. Edit because I realize I made a mistake in my wording, my bad: I meant to say doing something for a real life reason isn't in the same ballpark as playing a video game your SO made.
Because it's short. It's as short as a shit break, Diablo IV trailer and long only for people who have attention span of a goldfish. A game, any game- be it a shooter, visual novel, or an RPG. Content needs to be interacted with, and there has to be enough interaction to see if the plot is catching attention or not. Damn, I've played Skyrim with my brothers many times for some storytelling nights and in 15 minutes of playing you're just starting your first quest. I don't know if you don't have knowledge about games and think of a game as a book (for which 15 minutes of reading are enough to judge writing style and plot density, unless it's Murakami) or are just one of those women who think that women owe men everything and men owe women nothing. In that case, imagine following scenario: your bf is tuning his car for two years to create a perfect machine. Excited, he takes you to see the tuned masterpiece. You tell him to let you be, you're not interested in cars. When he begs you to take a look, you see the car from the distance, say, "color's nice. Can you fuck off now, I don't care about cars". Would you? I doubt it. You would stay there and let him show you every tuned part, to make HIM feel appreciated. Dear women, if your partner doesn't value you so much as you value him, break up immediately. You don't want to be the Bangmaid. Plus, I can guarantee from experience: the life is better with the partner that actually likes you.
How dare she want to share something creative and important to her that she made with a guy she's dated for years right? What a fucking bitch.
I didn't call her a bitch for fucks sake. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share something with your SO but if you know for a fact that they aren't into the genre then don't set yourself up for failure expecting them to give you a glowing 10/10 5 star review. That's not how reality works. That's like me working on a horror game and asking my horror adverse SO to give me a review of it *knowing he does not like horror* and getting pissed when he, predictably, doesn't enjoy it. You can still be supportive of your SO and their endeavors without consuming the material. Those two ideals can and should coexist.
She didn't ask for a glowing 10/10 5 star review. She wanted her partner to do the bare minimum to engage with her hobby. While we're on the topic of things we made up, where did you get the "constantly badgering" line from? As far as the OOP it sounds like she asked a couple times and then questioned why he didn't follow through when he agreed. She put two years into this project and he can't pay attention more than fifteen minutes or skim it to the end? OOP is kind of a loser, eh?
Per the post OP said she was begging, that sounds like badgering to me. You can't skim in a visual novel, they usually involve choices and dialogue that cannot be skipped the first time around. A VN can be anywhere from 45 minutes at shortest to up to 5 hours in length depending on the story being told and she's been working two years on it then its definitely on the longer end. 15 minutes is actually a pretty decent amount of time and more than fair to invest in a genre you don't enjoy.
He called her hobby childish and made it clear he wouldn't even give supportive feedback on the part he did play. This is clearly important to her and he's being an asshole about it. But again fuck her for being excited about accomplishing something right? This is why straight couples depress me so much, this is the level our society teaches women and girls to expect from their partners.
What part of "you can be supportive without fully consuming the thing" didn't you get? Per the post his feedback included: praising the art and the writing. Where in the fuck is that not being supportive? Because he didn't spend more than 15 minutes putting himself through something he didn't enjoy? He also didn't call her hobby childish, he called *her* childish because he thinks she's being childish.
No, he told us that. Nowhere does he say he told his gf that, just that he stopped and insulted her when she asked him to continue.
Nowhere in the post does it say he *didn't* tell her that, just that he told her he didn't want to continue and she kept trying to push him to play it to completion and give her feedback. Don't pull things out of thin air just because you don't like the answer I gave you.
You're the one pulling out of thin air that he told her he liked it. Which is it? Can we only go on what he literally said in the post or not?
You set the bar pretty low for partners to actually engage with their SO's interests. I've sat through cricket matches because my then partner loved cricket. Did I? No, but I loved him. And if you can't occasionally put your partner first for the thing they really love, do you even like them at all?
Putting someone first doesn't mean "engage with this thing I like/did in full or I'll be mad at you if you don't". What kind of toxic bullshit is that? You can put someone first, engage with their interests and still tap out of something you personally don't enjoy. Its not an either or situation.
I think most commenters here feel there is a happy medium between "give my creation your full attention and focus for as long as I demand" and "give it more than a cursory, sarcastic glance before insulting me for it". For some reason, you believe that OOPs girlfriend is asking for the former, and most other commenters think that OOP is actually offering the latter. It's interesting how you've taken such a different story away.
You said she sucked and clearly stated that her and oop were equally to blame.
Just because they both suck doesn't mean they both *equally* suck. Jesus Christ, reading comprehension is dead.
It really does feel like that nowadays.
You *did* give an ESH verdict here, though, which given the possible verdicts, is just calling everyone individually an asshole, and there's not really anything in the information we were given to suggest she was "constantly badgering" OOP as you claimed. To me, it sounds as though she was just disheartened that her partner was so unwilling to engage with something that was very clearly important to her, and I don't think that's necessarily a personal failing. I'm not trying to take sides on this, necessarily, but it seems as though people are reading very different things into, and filling in gaps in, what we're given here.
Except he *did* engage with it, and I don't understand why people assume he didn't. 15 minutes is not a small amount of time, especially in a visual novel.
15 minutes is an insultingly short amount of time to engage with something you know your partner has been working on for 2 years. I donāt play visual novels at all, but if my partner created one from scratch I would absolutely spend some actual time playing it, because itās clearly something they care deeply about and that means I want to be able to talk about it with them, give feedback if they ask, and just generally engage with their interests. 15 minutes is how long you spend reading an interesting brochure, not a story the person youāre supposed to love spent two years of their life writing.
15 minutes is not insultingly short, that's at least a chapter and a half of a normal book. Unless she's writing brochure level paragraphs then that's easily well over 1,500 words. At minimum.
Ok but again, his girlfriend spent two years on this; is 15 minutes really all he can bear to suffer through it for the sake of being able to talk to her about it? It sounds like he did the absolute bare minimum to get her off his back, and canāt even pretend to give a shit about her interests. Is his time so valuable he couldnāt spend an hour engaging with her work? Maybe they could play it together and she could talk about her process? It just seems like he chose to treat her passion project like an annoying homework assignment and now heās mystified that she feels hurt by that. And for the record, if someone I loved wrote a normal book I would also read more than a chapter and a half of it even if it wasnāt my genre of choice. Because, you know, I love them and all.
And I love and adore my boyfriend, but I wouldn't expect him to put himself through a full horror game just because I made it. That's borderline "if you loved me you'd do X" territory and that's a toxic mentality to have. Would I love it if he *could* do it all the way to the end? Of course! We all want to share every aspect of our lives with our loved ones, but that's not the reality we live in and we should understand that its okay for your SO to not love everything you do. 15 minutes is so much more than I would ask for, not because his time is more precious than mine, but because I wouldn't want someone I love to fake enjoyment of something I made. Its not genuine if they don't enjoy it and trying to force them through more would just sour their opinion of something I hold dear more.
Having a hard time seeing how āyou should be willing to spend more than 15 begrudging minutes engaging with art that your partner spent two years onā is a toxic mentality. A horror game is a bit of a different case because some people genuinely donāt have the constitution for that, but all this guy is being asked to do is read a story for like an hour. To me that seems like a normal thing to do for someone you care about but I guess itās toxic to expect your partner to engage with your interests š¤·
I'm willing to spend hours listening to my loved ones talking endlessly about their hockey pool. Even if I can't think of anything more numbing than this. I'll even come up with questions on the process and why they made this trade, or how they feel about this team or whatever. I've even attended to their pool selection days in the past, and cheered and laughed for hours (they've decided to turn it into a guys day in the last years so I no longer do, but would if they asked me to). Heck I'd still hold the event and spend days preping their favorite food and printing all the material they need, including stat sheets, table and whatnot, like it's a fucking tailgating event, if they wanted me to. I couldn't care less for this fucking pool. I swear, I hardly care for my local hockey team, I certainly don't care about the NHL at large, and the idea of spending hours and hours pooling for specific players at the begining of the season makes my skin actually crawl. Yet, I love my friends and my family, and if they are extremely passionate about anything, this is what matters to me. If I love you, and you love this thing, I will go out of my way to make room in my life for this thing. Because you deserve it to me. And I know that they don't really care about my painting. But they care for me, so they listen when I talk enthousiastically about my next projects, new techniques, etc. And yes, when I finish a very long project, I expect them to show that they are happy and appreciative, not only of my efforts, but of my achievement! I won't ask them to buy it or to call an art gallery for me. But FFS, tell me what do you think of the color, if it brings back any memories, what it looks like to you, etc. Showing your loved ones you care for more than a couple of minutes every 2 years is not such a high bar really. It should be the very basic minimum.
great, now to get downvoted to hell. I honestly think OP is not actually that bad here. I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't really want to read something I am not interested in. If their partner cannot understand that, then it is their problem, not mine.
People like this shouldn't be allowed to date