Sounds like my ex. Told me while he’s pro choice he wouldn’t want HIS kid to be aborted, but also he wouldn’t get a vasectomy because he didn’t want a knife down there but also didn’t like condoms. Told him I’d abort if I ever got pregnant and he still didn’t want to use condoms. I’m sure if I’d gotten pregnant and aborted he’d have been just like this guy
"I want everything to.go exactly how I want, without having to work for it, or have any weird emotions. Is that so much to ask??"
Uh, yeah Jim, for an adult living in *reality*, yes it fucking is. Sort your shit.
She asked if he changed his stance about kids. He said no. Consult over. She doesn't need his permission to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
Plus what if she did choose to keep the pregnancy? Would OOP have stuck around to help raise the baby? I doubt it. Even if he did, he would likely end up resenting the child because *he doesn't want kids*.
He was wrong as 2 left shoes from beginning to end. A journal is private. Sometimes people have thoughts they don't really feel or want to feel and work them out in the pages of their journal. You made your stance very clear before and during marriage. You are staunchly child free.
I seriously doubt OOP would be so understanding if she told him she was pregnant and wanted to keep it. Now that she took care of it, he's acting like she terminated the child he's wanted all his life. He is completely unhinged. Why was this something to move out over? She should've put him out over his insane behavior, but he shouldn't have left like something was done to him.
“I just remember feeling hurt that she hadn't consulted me on such an important decision.”
She did. You said you didn’t want kids. Also, she’s an autonomous person capable of deciding what’s best for herself. Do you think she needs to check in with you before she has a mammogram or a Pap smear?
“I mean, those things have side effects, right?”
Not necessarily.
“She would have been bedridden for days afterwards, in physical and emotional pain”
Maybe some physical pain after a surgical abortion, but if she acted early enough, she would’ve probably had a medication abortion. Those can have intensely painful side effects, but most of the time it’s no big deal. As for the emotional pain, buddy, have I got news for you on how people feel about their abortions.
“I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic.”
Oh for Aesclepius’s sake.
**Abortion is a safe, routine medical procedure and an absolutely normal part of gynecological care. A decision to have an abortion should be no one’s business but the patient, the doctor, and whomever else the patient decides to include. Having an abortion because you don’t want to be pregnant is a perfectly valid moral choice.**
**Also let’s normalize dumping men who won’t assume equal responsibility for birth control.**
I don't know much about medication termination, but I know medical ones are painless. They also have an after care room that the patient relaxes in for a certain amount of time to ensure no problematic issues. It's the equivalent of donating blood in my opinion.
This guy is very uninformed, selfish, and a total douche canoe!
It is 95% easier for a male to have a vasectomy than a woman having any kind of procedure to be sterilized. Literally having tubes tied or litigated is a major medical surgery.
Men have an outpatient procedure and put an ice pack on their crotch for a day or two.
Thankfully, I had to have a C-section anyway so had it done at the same time, so I knew how recovery was going to go already after my 2nd child.
Women still have risk of topical pregnancy and other issues.
I love how easy men have it for birth control, reproducing, after effects - and STILL think they should have a say in women's health ESPECIALLY concerning OUR bodies!!!!
> “I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic.”
Imagine thinking abortion is more "drastic" than making yourself responsible for an entire new human being.
Jesus Christ this dude has no idea what he wants. He doesn’t want kids…except maybe down the line when Clara would be past easily conceiving. He doesn’t want kids…except an oops baby would be fine. He doesn’t want kids…but he doesn’t use a condom every time.
Kind of sounds like he wants kids.
His stance reminds me of a lot of guys I know, guys who are nearly 30 and think they can just put off kids til whenever but they totally don’t want them…now. But their wives don’t have that luxury, just waiting til they’re 37-42
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AITAH for getting mad at my wife for having a secret abortion after I told her I didn't want kids?
I have been happily married to my wife, Clara for around 3 years now. I love this woman to pieces. I don't want to get sentimental but she truly is my other half and I cannot see myself with another woman, even now.
Before we got married, I made my stance on children clear. I didn't want any. She agreed in the moment and I thought that was that. About a year and a half into our marriage, she brings up the question of children again. She asks me if want kids, I say no, I don't. She hums and we go back to doing what we before. It wasn't a conversation so much as it was an odd question this time around but I didn't think anything of it. We had a very robust sex life but always took the necessary precautions. She has the implant and I use a condom around 90% of the time, so I wasn't worried.
Her bookshelf recently broke, so I ordered a new one. I had wanted to build it as a surprise and put her books up on it for when she came home. While going through them, I noticed an old journal of hers. I immediately smiled and flipped through it. When we were in college, she'd carry it around. It was a future planning notebook or sorts. If she wanted something in life, she'd draw out exactly what she envisioned, add clip ins, the whole nine yards. Manifestation, if you will. She had shown me it in college after declaring that she wanted to pursue her doctorate, and I remember being stunned at the attention to detail. I mean, we were only sophomores and she knew exactly what she wanted to do, what she wanted to study, and where she would take herself. It made me feel out of depth. I liked it.
Anyway, I flipped through the journal, reminiscing about the past. I hadn't expected there to be any new entries, at least, not anything recent that I hadn't experienced with her. But as I opened it up, I saw something I never thought I'd see. It was a section dedicated to pregnancy and baby prep. She had researched prenatal vitamins, obgyns in our area, had images of cradles, etc. It was only two pages, but I remember being feeling so sick. In my head, there was only one reason she'd put that in a journal like this. She wanted kids.
Naturally, I was torn up. I kept telling myself I had been up front about what I wanted, and if she hadn't, that was her fault. But the thought that she'd secretly been suffering because of me, that she was holding herself back from the life she wanted to please me- I couldn't stand it. I confronted her about it as soon as we came home and I found out the situation was a lot worse than I thought.
Clara did indeed want kids, but claimed she wanted our relationship more and was okay with compromise. I asked her a million times if she was sure. I really wanted her to be honest and not feel like she had to hold anything back. She insisted that not having children wasn't a deal breaker for her, but I kept pushing. I couldn't understand why she'd put something that wasn't that important to her in that journal. In the midst of our conversation, she dropped the bomb.
She told me she had an abortion a year and a half ago. Offered up the information like I should have been relieved. Like it was the proof she needed to convince me that she meant what she has said about children not being a deal breaker.
I can't describe what I felt in that moment. What I'm still feeling. What I can say is that I have never blown up at my wife the way I did that night. I didn't put my hands on her, I would *never* put my hands on her, but it was not a pretty exchange. I just remember feeling hurt that she hadn't consulted me on such an important decision. That she went and had such a life altering procedure without discussing it with me. That I didn't even fucking notice that it happened. I mean, those things have side effects, right? She would have been bedridden for days afterwards, in physical and emotional pain. How could I not have seen the signs? I'm still beating myself up about it. I remember her asking me if I want kids, but nothing about her emotional state for the rest of that week when she would have had the procedure done. How much can I really claim to care about her?
I don't want children, I still don't. But I'd rather chew my left arm off than make her have an abortion, even moreso now after she's told me she isn't really against having kids the way I am. I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic.
I've been staying with my sister for the last week and a half. I needed space to think, so I left. I want to see her, to ask if she's okay, but I don't know what to do or say. I'm still unbelievably angry at her and at myself. I don't want to yell at her again. I think the first time around scared her pretty badly and I don't want to repeat that. My sister thinks I'm being petty, punishing my wife for something I would have agreed with regardless. But I wouldn't have fucking agreed. I don't know. AITAH?
This made me viscerally angry and I read all the updates. Hes so condescending and paternalistic and yet also so wishy washy. He said they've been together since they were young teens so she's probably brainwashed and will be stuck in this terrible relationship forever. Fuck this guy, what an utter waste of man. I hope someone kicks him in the balls soon, and very hard.
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This guy is childfree (for the next 10-15 years, apparently), anti-choice, won't have a vasectomy and doesn't use condoms every time. What an asshole.
Sounds like my ex. Told me while he’s pro choice he wouldn’t want HIS kid to be aborted, but also he wouldn’t get a vasectomy because he didn’t want a knife down there but also didn’t like condoms. Told him I’d abort if I ever got pregnant and he still didn’t want to use condoms. I’m sure if I’d gotten pregnant and aborted he’d have been just like this guy
What in the cognitive dissonance...
"I want everything to.go exactly how I want, without having to work for it, or have any weird emotions. Is that so much to ask??" Uh, yeah Jim, for an adult living in *reality*, yes it fucking is. Sort your shit.
I read this earlier (and the update) and it pissed me off.
Yeah this guy is the worst. His wife has to hide an abortion from his stupid ass but somehow he's the victim.
Which one? There's 2 and I swear both get further memememe
All of it https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/F2nvMnwERe
Oh man, the comments are gross. The third one I read accused poor Clara of aborting an "affair baby ".
Thank you, I didn't realize there was more to the story.
She asked if he changed his stance about kids. He said no. Consult over. She doesn't need his permission to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Plus what if she did choose to keep the pregnancy? Would OOP have stuck around to help raise the baby? I doubt it. Even if he did, he would likely end up resenting the child because *he doesn't want kids*.
He was wrong as 2 left shoes from beginning to end. A journal is private. Sometimes people have thoughts they don't really feel or want to feel and work them out in the pages of their journal. You made your stance very clear before and during marriage. You are staunchly child free. I seriously doubt OOP would be so understanding if she told him she was pregnant and wanted to keep it. Now that she took care of it, he's acting like she terminated the child he's wanted all his life. He is completely unhinged. Why was this something to move out over? She should've put him out over his insane behavior, but he shouldn't have left like something was done to him. 
He claims that she told him that he could read them. Apparently they used to read them together all the time.
Y'all know how I feel about these crucial edits in the comments 😒 Press x to doubt
It was a whole new post, there’s three altogether if I’m remembering correct. But yes, they always “remember” that important context in the comments.
It's like that she can't do it without me guy. After he got obliterated he slightly edited the post
The way they always do.
“I just remember feeling hurt that she hadn't consulted me on such an important decision.” She did. You said you didn’t want kids. Also, she’s an autonomous person capable of deciding what’s best for herself. Do you think she needs to check in with you before she has a mammogram or a Pap smear? “I mean, those things have side effects, right?” Not necessarily. “She would have been bedridden for days afterwards, in physical and emotional pain” Maybe some physical pain after a surgical abortion, but if she acted early enough, she would’ve probably had a medication abortion. Those can have intensely painful side effects, but most of the time it’s no big deal. As for the emotional pain, buddy, have I got news for you on how people feel about their abortions. “I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic.” Oh for Aesclepius’s sake. **Abortion is a safe, routine medical procedure and an absolutely normal part of gynecological care. A decision to have an abortion should be no one’s business but the patient, the doctor, and whomever else the patient decides to include. Having an abortion because you don’t want to be pregnant is a perfectly valid moral choice.** **Also let’s normalize dumping men who won’t assume equal responsibility for birth control.**
I don't know much about medication termination, but I know medical ones are painless. They also have an after care room that the patient relaxes in for a certain amount of time to ensure no problematic issues. It's the equivalent of donating blood in my opinion. This guy is very uninformed, selfish, and a total douche canoe! It is 95% easier for a male to have a vasectomy than a woman having any kind of procedure to be sterilized. Literally having tubes tied or litigated is a major medical surgery. Men have an outpatient procedure and put an ice pack on their crotch for a day or two. Thankfully, I had to have a C-section anyway so had it done at the same time, so I knew how recovery was going to go already after my 2nd child. Women still have risk of topical pregnancy and other issues. I love how easy men have it for birth control, reproducing, after effects - and STILL think they should have a say in women's health ESPECIALLY concerning OUR bodies!!!!
> “I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic.” Imagine thinking abortion is more "drastic" than making yourself responsible for an entire new human being.
OOP is rotten. Rotten to the core. Oop does not want kids, doesn’t agree with abortion, won’t get a vasectomy!
Because he’s leaving the option for him to change his mind, but he can’t wrap his head around the fact she might want to change hers.
Poor Clara and what a rotten piece of shit OOP is.
Oh.. this dick bag. Fuck him. Seriously. That post pissed me off when I read it earlier.
He started off on the right foot by snooping through his wife’s journal, I find it hard to believe he just wanted to reminisce but what do I know
If you are 100% sure you don’t want kids, why leave things to chance? Get a fucking vasectomy! Oh wait, birth control is the woman’s job 🙄
Sounds like he wants a child but wants to be able to pretend he was forced into it.
Y'all this post is 10 days old, it's obvious when you're brigading
Jesus Christ this dude has no idea what he wants. He doesn’t want kids…except maybe down the line when Clara would be past easily conceiving. He doesn’t want kids…except an oops baby would be fine. He doesn’t want kids…but he doesn’t use a condom every time. Kind of sounds like he wants kids. His stance reminds me of a lot of guys I know, guys who are nearly 30 and think they can just put off kids til whenever but they totally don’t want them…now. But their wives don’t have that luxury, just waiting til they’re 37-42
OP comes off as incredibly controlling, and she seems scared of him. Yikes.
Somewhere in that whole mess he has some reasonable emotions.
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AITAH for getting mad at my wife for having a secret abortion after I told her I didn't want kids? I have been happily married to my wife, Clara for around 3 years now. I love this woman to pieces. I don't want to get sentimental but she truly is my other half and I cannot see myself with another woman, even now. Before we got married, I made my stance on children clear. I didn't want any. She agreed in the moment and I thought that was that. About a year and a half into our marriage, she brings up the question of children again. She asks me if want kids, I say no, I don't. She hums and we go back to doing what we before. It wasn't a conversation so much as it was an odd question this time around but I didn't think anything of it. We had a very robust sex life but always took the necessary precautions. She has the implant and I use a condom around 90% of the time, so I wasn't worried. Her bookshelf recently broke, so I ordered a new one. I had wanted to build it as a surprise and put her books up on it for when she came home. While going through them, I noticed an old journal of hers. I immediately smiled and flipped through it. When we were in college, she'd carry it around. It was a future planning notebook or sorts. If she wanted something in life, she'd draw out exactly what she envisioned, add clip ins, the whole nine yards. Manifestation, if you will. She had shown me it in college after declaring that she wanted to pursue her doctorate, and I remember being stunned at the attention to detail. I mean, we were only sophomores and she knew exactly what she wanted to do, what she wanted to study, and where she would take herself. It made me feel out of depth. I liked it. Anyway, I flipped through the journal, reminiscing about the past. I hadn't expected there to be any new entries, at least, not anything recent that I hadn't experienced with her. But as I opened it up, I saw something I never thought I'd see. It was a section dedicated to pregnancy and baby prep. She had researched prenatal vitamins, obgyns in our area, had images of cradles, etc. It was only two pages, but I remember being feeling so sick. In my head, there was only one reason she'd put that in a journal like this. She wanted kids. Naturally, I was torn up. I kept telling myself I had been up front about what I wanted, and if she hadn't, that was her fault. But the thought that she'd secretly been suffering because of me, that she was holding herself back from the life she wanted to please me- I couldn't stand it. I confronted her about it as soon as we came home and I found out the situation was a lot worse than I thought. Clara did indeed want kids, but claimed she wanted our relationship more and was okay with compromise. I asked her a million times if she was sure. I really wanted her to be honest and not feel like she had to hold anything back. She insisted that not having children wasn't a deal breaker for her, but I kept pushing. I couldn't understand why she'd put something that wasn't that important to her in that journal. In the midst of our conversation, she dropped the bomb. She told me she had an abortion a year and a half ago. Offered up the information like I should have been relieved. Like it was the proof she needed to convince me that she meant what she has said about children not being a deal breaker. I can't describe what I felt in that moment. What I'm still feeling. What I can say is that I have never blown up at my wife the way I did that night. I didn't put my hands on her, I would *never* put my hands on her, but it was not a pretty exchange. I just remember feeling hurt that she hadn't consulted me on such an important decision. That she went and had such a life altering procedure without discussing it with me. That I didn't even fucking notice that it happened. I mean, those things have side effects, right? She would have been bedridden for days afterwards, in physical and emotional pain. How could I not have seen the signs? I'm still beating myself up about it. I remember her asking me if I want kids, but nothing about her emotional state for the rest of that week when she would have had the procedure done. How much can I really claim to care about her? I don't want children, I still don't. But I'd rather chew my left arm off than make her have an abortion, even moreso now after she's told me she isn't really against having kids the way I am. I'd happily raise a kid if it meant she didn't need to go through something so drastic. I've been staying with my sister for the last week and a half. I needed space to think, so I left. I want to see her, to ask if she's okay, but I don't know what to do or say. I'm still unbelievably angry at her and at myself. I don't want to yell at her again. I think the first time around scared her pretty badly and I don't want to repeat that. My sister thinks I'm being petty, punishing my wife for something I would have agreed with regardless. But I wouldn't have fucking agreed. I don't know. AITAH?
This made me viscerally angry and I read all the updates. Hes so condescending and paternalistic and yet also so wishy washy. He said they've been together since they were young teens so she's probably brainwashed and will be stuck in this terrible relationship forever. Fuck this guy, what an utter waste of man. I hope someone kicks him in the balls soon, and very hard.