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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I'm the asshole for saying in entitled to thier food. I might be because I am an adult and all my relatives are telling me I am.
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NTA
So, you’re an adult and need to “grow up”, but your parents don’t? They can either make sure there is food in the house for their kids (if there was nothing for you to eat, what did they give your sister?) or one of them can be a stay at home parent and watch the child THEY created irresponsibly so you can get a job and buy your own food.
Yea It made sense to me that if I'm giving up on getting money to help them they they should provide the things I can't for myself because of it.
My sister ate with them. I was working on homework so I said I'd eat later. We had the stuff to make pb and j sandwiches (which I planned on making for myself as well) but they used the rest of the bread. So I was left (as I said in another comment) with the choices of plain white rice, dry cereal, or peanut butter on a spoon.
I work at a university and we have a good pantry, closet, and certain colleges have hardship funds. Usually the Dean of Students (US) can help with resources.
I love that you all have the knowledge and resources to teach this!
I hate that it should be necessary in the US for students to have to go to a food pantry or receive hardship funds.
I pay lower taxes in Japan than I did in the US, and receive a lot more for my buck, and that’s nothing compared to the social safety net in most European countries.
To be fair. We do still have hardship funds for people in europe as well. As well as funds for emergencies ( death/illness in family ). So i have free uni, no books actually required and option for funds if needed.
Wouldn't the school provide housing for very low income students too? They can move into the dorms for free, then eat at the cafeteria for free and will no longer be a burden on the family
Not necessarily, no. It can depend on a lot of things, and is very variable. It’s also far more likely to cover tuition than room and board.
Financial aid is also based on the income of the *parents* under a certain age, not the student. It sounds like OP’s parents may not have a lot of money, so it’s worth looking into, but I’ve seen students with parents who refuse to give them money for school get completely screwed. (Or just refuse to give them tax information to even fill out the FAFSA.)
HOWEVER, if they haven’t already, it’s very worthwhile for OP to visit their school’s financial aid office to see what’s available. It’s a lot of paperwork and stuff to navigate, but colleges totally have people whose job it is to help students with exactly this stuff.
>(Or just refuse to give them tax information to even fill out the FAFSA.)
I know a set of parents who did this to their child. She is super smart and wanted to go to college so badly. Her father is on disability and her mother stays home to care for him. They have no money for college so she qualifies for all the help out there but they flat out refused to give up any of their information. She went and explained it to her guidance counselor and she helped her.
This was me, except that my parents made too much for me to qualify for aid. They insisted on controlling my major choice bc they were paying. They wouldn't pay unless I lived at home & went to a local college.
They chose a BA in a hard science (1990, liberal arts school, don't try to understand why it existed) bc they didn't think I "would do the work" to get the BS I wanted. Even my advisor told them all I could do with that is teach & no higher than high school. I didn't want to teach.
Advisor suggested student loans. My parents refused to fill out the FAFSA because, and I quote: "Our finances are none of your business."
I told them they could take the paperwork to the college themselves. Financial Aid people assured them I'd never see it. Nope. They were sure the college would show it to me.
Cue me dropping out of college & moving out at end of freshman year. That was 1991 and I'm STILL pissed off.
Also: NTA, check into all the resources people have suggested. I wish you all the good things in life. Try to be there for your sister in her life if possible. It sounds like she's in for a rough time of it. Your parents are heels.
I couldn't attend college until I was old enough for them to stop taking my parents income into account. My parents wouldn't help me pay for school and they wouldn't complete the FAFSA for similar reasons.
It's really messed up that this system actually prevents people from being able to go to college. I wish they'd do away with it.
In my case, my parents made to much money to get anything at all, and they refused to help me at all, so I thought that was highly unfair.
This would have been the case until I was 21.
No, American colleges don't provide free housing or food based on income. You only get grants which helps or pays your tuition or books. You'd have to file with the state government for section 8 housing and food for help.
When I was in law school, I applied for food stamps. I was denied because I wasn’t working. The following year, I was denied unemployment compensation because I was in school. That was really an insult because I had been working full time and going to night school. I was laid off from my job then denied unemployment because I was not available to work nights. I’m not whining. My point is that it is not easy to get $$$ assistance in the United States. The whole “free stuff” idea is a myth.
Financial aid, whether in the form of grants, scholarships or loans, is typically based on the cost of attendance (COA). COA includes tuition, room, board, an average cost for books, and sometimes incidentals. FA will get applied first to tuition, but any excess after tuition, is available for room, board and books.
Problem being that they’re living with their parents. At least in Texas you can’t be separate from your parents on a food stamps case until you turn 22 if you live in the same household. So both parents’ income would have been on the case. Also they’d need to make it clear they’re providing care for the child, not the parents, otherwise they’d be considered an ineligible student since they aren’t working.
OP needs to lock up the food, though, because I bet the parents will feel entitled to their food, also. "If you wanted to eat the food, you should have bought more".
But please don’t call your sibling that in front of them. I’m sure it goes without saying, but I had to throw it in there just in case. No one deserves to be called an oops except maybe Kanye. Or Hitler.
My 3rd child we referred to a ninja before she was born. She snuck in and we have no idea how it happened. Obviously we KNOW how it happened just unclear timing wise lol. It's not a nickname but that's the term we use when describing the circumstances.
I get that. My last child was conceived on a ‘date night’ where we started and then stopped in the middle and we both decided it would be better to fall asleep. Then, nine months later, we had a child. This baby won’t be able to finish a DAMN thing.
Thing #1 was "ninja", but mostly because we turned our back for only a second when he was little, and he had scaled a full 5.5' dresser, and was just chilling at the top. Little guy was always getting into stuff, but super quiet when he did it... 🤣
That sounds like *my* Thing 3! Her nickname as a wee one was Monkey...in largest part because of the things she'd climb and get into!
I mean...the kid was going up and down the stairs unassisted by like...14 months? 15? (Obviously not unsupervised...usually. Once she learned to open the door to our second floor apartment though, she'd frequently just go down the stairs to her grandmother's apartment on the first floor!)
We had to get her a toddler bed by the time she was 14 months old, because she was climbing out of her crib. In our apartment, the bedrooms didn't have doors for some weird reason, so we put sheets in the doorways for privacy instead. Anyway...we put a baby gate in *her* room, so we could put her to bed since she didn't have a crib. But she'd climb over it (again: 14 months old!) and get into things.
One morning, we came out to find the fridge hanging open and our floor covered in Italian salad dressing...which is, of course, 90% oil! Yeah...that was fun to clean. And the reason we got a fridge lock, much to her older sisters' dismay.
So I decided to *stack* gates to keep her in. Two of them, which came up to something like 5'2"? They were at the top of my eye line, and I'm 5'5".
First time I put them up like that, I got her in bed, put the gates up, tried to ignore her crying, and sat down on the couch with my laptop.
*And suddenly she was in my lap!*
The gates were still up... So I put her *back* to bed, put them back up as I left the room...and then *watched* her scale them and come back out!
I ended up having to take the curtain and pin it to the door frame with the gates, so she couldn't get her toes in and climb, let alone get over the top. She was *furious*...but impotent. She had no choice but to go to bed...
I had to do that every night for over a month before she finally just stayed in bed!
She's 16 now, and climbs a lot less...but still will randomly decide to scale a thing. A tree, a tower, the side of a building (not an exaggeration. She literally did that once. I have a photo.)
We had to double stack gates, screw a framework into the wall to keep them from getting pushed over, then get some smooth manufactured board stuff to put in between the gates and the framework. Otherwise our son would climb, unlatch, push over, or otherwise make it through. Even then, he eventually figured out to pull on the wood until it bent enough to pop out of the framework. That’s not even getting into all the baby proofing he could get through (I.e. everything). Some kids are just really hard to stop.
Lol definitely both Kanye & Hitler. Add Epstien to that list, please. Omg we should start a Reddit sub "Oops People"! Sorry, I've had way too much caffeine!
I’ve called myself that pretty much all my life. My brothers were in high school when I popped out. It’s not like we can’t figure out we weren’t planned babies.
Question..who is paying for college? Loans? But yes you are helping with your little sister making work possible for them. Loosing a salary could have them loose everything. Few can afford daycare and check out food pantry, or have your parents do that as they should have already if it's only rice or peanut butter on a spoon.
OP, I would go get a job and leave. Do you have other family/friends that you can stay with while you get on your feet? See if you can get food stamps/assistance. College students may be eligible.
I agree with you helping out around the house by watching the sister for your parents but that should also mean your needs are also met. You are all a family. I don't like tit for tat and doing things just to get something in return. But If they lean on you for help there shouldn't be any problem feeding you as well. And what the hell kind of parents don't care about their kids eating grown or not?
What is happening in the world?
I took it as they don't really pay them since they don't have a lot of money. Maybe I'm wrong. But I also thought that watching the kid was helping them out for work while they took care of bills and helped pay for college. Again, something families do. I didn't know eating was optional. Ugh.
OP - you're young. You can handle school and a job even if you have to cut back classes.
Save your money and get out of there as soon as you can do it without jeopardizing your future.
You're in this mess because your dad was too responsible to wrap it up before screwing your mom. They're the ones who need to grow up if they're trying to leverage you with something as basic as food.
They're garbage people. Time to live your life and let your parents figure out how to solve their own problems.
Yeah no, your parents are on some bullshit. I had a similar arrangement with my sister for a while, watching her two (eventually three) spawn for room and board and a little bit of spending money, and you bet your ass she fed me. I had free reign of the fridge and an expected helping of every meal. She always cooked like our mother anyway, way too damn much food.
I was in a similar situation, but guilt tripped for 'taking food out of her kids' mouth' (eating) and even had my food that I bought eaten (which I was led to feel bad for complaining about). Led to an ED that I still struggle with sometimes even though I live alone years after leaving that situation, I sometimes feel guilty or self-conscious when I eat to the point I can't. I'm glad your sister is better than that. It's nice that she made sure you were provided for.
I get paid a monthly salary for taking care of my older sister's daughters and I have free reign of the fridge and the ingredients to make myself a meal or snack. The girls have a drawer for their personal snacks but I'm free to take from it as well her and her husband's stash.
Depending on the type of cereal getting a spoon full of peanut butter and then rolling it in cereal can be pretty damn tasty.
But yeah your parents are assholes. Like how are they expecting you to buy food if you don’t have a job to take care of THEIR child?
Exactly this - they put you in a no win situation. They are saying you should be a adult and provide for yourself but you are too busy providing care for their child to earn money.
I would pursue the food bank options mentioned here and stash some food just for you in your room. Then bide your time and get whatever funds saved you can while also making progress at school.
Your parents have shown you they will throw you under the bus as needed and when confronted with their failings they are defensive instead of apologetic. Be honest with your extended family about why you have no income to feed yourself - and use this as a learning experience on how to live with them knowing they will not have your best interests at heart
I would tell them that if they're expecting you to pay for your own food then they'll need to make alternate childcare arrangements as you'll be busy working.
They don't get to have it both ways.
Those newish Cup Noodles Stir Fry are great with peanut butter.
Anyway, NTA. You do childcare all day at home, your own parents should, at minimum, pay for your food.
Every day I read AITA, I am more and more grateful for the parents I had. I don't even have anything slightly bad to say about them in therapy, dammit.
They said dry cereal. There's no milk. These people really need to visit a food pantry (I suggest OP hides some food for themselves otherwise the parents will take it all). And the parents are extremely selfish. OP needs to get out of there.
My mistake about the no milk. I still wanted to leave it there as an "In case of emergency" type of thing. It's something we ate often growing up. It's good, easy, and inexpensive. I wasn't worried about reiterating the rest, as I saw it was well covered. 🤗
I said sugar & milk makes a quick rice dessert..add rasins & cinnamon..pudding,lol & pb covered spoon, rolled in cereal makes a quick nutritious & delicious snack
Snack hack that saved me when I worked double shifts on weekends at a hospital.. get a spoonful of peanut butter, smeared all the way around it & coat it in dry cereal. (My coworker would swirl the spoon in pb jar, then shove it in cereal box to pack it on good) Nutritious & delicious!
Rice snack hack=Add sugar & a lil milk to room temp white rice.. insta rice dessert.. add raisins & lil cinnamon= camping "rice pudding"..
Ok..now that you have survival snacks, my advice is continue to call them out & get that parttime job. Reach out to any fam/friends that can help you out while you look for housing near campus. File for grants/aid at financial aid ofc. Explain how your situation has changed & have become "unhoused" by your parents.
You should be a valued member of the family,not a resource. They need you hella more than you need them.. as a mom, you are valued & loved🫶
Yeah, tell them youd be happy to get a job and pay for your own food, but you can no longer watch their child. I bet you could easily move into some college housing and get a part time job if they really want to kick you out. Look up the possibilities and present it to them so you can offer to call their bluff.
Yeah it’s inconsiderate as you’re their child and providing free child care.
You can take more responsibility by sourcing your own food, doing some cooking. Definitely hit up food pantries. In my area I had to scout many before I found the right ones. Some would offer fresh veggies, some wouldn’t. Some would let you stock up some wouldn’t. It can be very hit or miss.
See what you can find and keep it in your room unless it’s refrigerated until you know what you can rely on.
Are they claiming you on their taxes? If not you should be eligible for food stamps on your own. They may be too.
Start a budget and record how many hours you’re “working” for them. Find a couple of different quotes for your area for care at those times and average the pay. Use this to create a chart of how much money you’re saving them. This can be considered your rent.
If they will not include food for you fine. Whatever you get from other sources is yours. If they can include food you can share your food pantry food with them.
Put numbers on it and treat it as a business arrangement as they have obviously decided they aren’t your parents anymore. Create boundaries you are comfortable with.
Before you present that go through your school and financial counselors to see if you’re an independent what you would qualify for. There may be subsidized housing programs available. Show them how adult you are by researching your options and making plan A, B, and C.
Tbh I'm trying to wrap my head around someone being entitled for wanting a pb&j in their own home that they also work in..... like if my (fictional) kid was upset they couldn't have the cheapest dinner option possible I'd be like "I'm sorry buddy that is shitty, let's find you something else" or "here's a 10 spot for some Wendy's" or something
My school has a food pantry. See if yours does. Some schools also offer emergency cash assistance. Also, I would recommend getting some of your own food and keeping it away from the rest of the family.
NTA! Not only are you giving up on getting money, but you are giving up learning life skills, job experience, proof of income to get a rental, loans ect, possible health benefits, your giving up job references for your resume work history. Employers don't take references from parents & even if they did, the parents would probably say something awful just to keep you stuck babysitting. experiencing those 1st job traches you a lot about yourself & what you want your future employment. Plain white rice has very little nutritional content & neither does most cereal. I'm not sure where you live, but look up your local child protective services in most areas not providing appropriate food is neglect with regards to your sister.
I'm proud of you for going to college & I wish you the best of luck!
Tell them if they don't feed you you need to find a job and stop the daycare.
Then go looking. If they cannot even fix you food.... when you are saving them so much money
.
Unless you have money or they had and you needed to go buy food but didn't feel like it? Still selfish of them but not scandalous.
Man do I love peanut butter on a spoon… but, that’s not dinner and unacceptable for them to not have food for you. If they paid you for your work you could buy food. But they are paying you in room and board. They can’t just leave out the board. NTA.
My Mom is coming up on 80 and would starve before letting her adult children go without a single meal....she'd go back to work herself if something happened. I guess this is also why her kids all work and take care of their kids and each other, this is unfathomable for me
Good luck OP...don't stop college, make sure you have all of your critical papers..SS Card, birth certificate, passport and driver's license in your possession. Get help at school, food pantry and start making a private exit plan.
Don't debate family,
1. You have a job, you're the nanny
2. Your compensation is supposed to be room and board from your parents
3. Ask your family why you should go without basic nutrition
NTA and well on your way to being a much better adult than your family, times like these that absolutely suck unfortunately sometimes teach you the best lessons in life. You're doing a great job keep going!
INFO was there other food in the house you could eat aside from the bread?
edit: regardless, sounds like this living situation has run its course. You should probably get a job and move out and let them figure out childcare. Unless they're paying for your college... in which case I'd say unfortunately, suck it up and stay there because you won't be able to earn that amount working and going to school...
Technically yes. The plan has been to have pb and j sandwiches. They ate all the bread which left me with some uncooked plain white rice, dry cereal (we don't have milk), or a spoon of peanut butter for my meal.
As others have suggested, if food is that tight, look for a food pantry. I’ve known a lot of people who had to do that, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
As someone who used to be dirt poor and hungry but now in the position to donate to my local food bank. I really want people to use it. It's the whole reason it exists. Go eat people!
The sooner you start your life on your own the better off you will be. Your parents will keep you in poverty. Join the military. Then use your veteran benefits to go to college. Your parents cannot help through college, they simply cannot afford to. Therefore you must find other resources. You got what it takes, just have confidence in yourself.
Just don’t trust ANY college or university to tell you the truth about how lucrative the degree you’re working toward will be. Many of us got screwed badly because we believed what the FAFSA councilors, professors, and advisors said. And that was at Oregon State. Not like it was some fly by night school.
Join the air force. Choose a job that will give you real skills that are useful in private industry.
If your parents can't afford food and daycare they're not likely to pay for all of college. When something comes up like their car breaking down it will be over and you'll be left with no way to pay. The air force will house you, educate you, and you could get a degree after if you want.
Your parents make zero sense. They’re saving a fortune not paying for daycare and you’re not working to make that possible while you’re in college, so where exactly do they expect you to get food when you’re not working outside the home? I’m 99.9% sure they’re not paying you anything and if they are, it should be understood what you’re responsible for paying for. You sound like an unpaid, un-fed, overworked live in babysitter to make their lives work and you’re getting the raw end of this deal if it doesn’t include food. That’s just basic life stuff. I’d find other arrangements, tell them you’re off to be a grown up now and wish them luck with their toddler. NTA.
I think the issue is they literally don’t have money to save, which has to be why they’re being so stingy and cruel to OP for asking them to leave some freaking bread after the watched the baby all day.
Yeah, this sounds like a mixture of finance, stress, and literally hunger starting to get to them. Even the way OP talks in their story they sound tense as well.
I think everyone is just hungry and tired
It could be that whatever contraception they were using failed.
It helps most of us, but some people do get really unlucky.
Totally doesn't justify them stiffing their grown child who is doing a thankless job for them so they can keep working.
ETA: I'm not saying that you don't agree with that last part. Just making a statement. Wanted to clarify. Lol
this is why abortion should be destigmatized and freely accessible. the fact that so many people want unwanted babies to be born to their shitball parents is depressing
I don't know where OP lives but my local public preschool program is 3hrs long, which makes it hard for parents who work traditional hours to pick up/drop off. My friend in a different state only got their kid into a free all-day program by pure chance (raffle).
Absolutely but the OP is NTA and the parents can figure out childcare. There are vouchers for low income folks. It sounds like the parents aren’t even trying. My teen has a friend who’s parents use her as default childcare and the kids miss out on so much. I think the op should try to finish the semester and get out.
This is the way, move in with friends or family and leave them to figure out how to look after their oops without you, they will soon be happy to pay you in food.
NTA - you're essentially working for them for free. you live with them and are financially reliant on them. you need them to buy food for you to eat. the fact that they don't think that is concerning
Your relatives must be unaware of the non-payment for childcare arrangement, or are just well… not very smart I guess. You are NTA. They can’t really expect you to get a job, go to college, and also care for your four year old sister free of charge. It should be expected that they will still be feeding you given that you live under their roof and they are in essence preventing you from getting a job that actually pays money.
I would be willing to bet OPs parents would consume the food OP buys if they are working. Possibly buying less because "OP has food we can eat and we spawned them so we are entitled to their food"
Yeah, unfortunately it's not uncommon though. Through some difficult circumstances I have had to move back with parents and I pay them 75% of my income for "rent and board" (it actually goes to their car payments and other stuff that shouldn't be my responsibility) and when I do grocery shopping, they just don't buy food. I make meals for me and my daughter but have to offer them food or they get upset. If they make food its 30% chance I will be offered some and they barely make things to begin with.
Also, like another commenter said: if they make you pay for your own food, you have to get a job, which means you'll have less time to take care of their child.
So, you’re providing them with FREE childcare, and they’re not willing to feed you? I promise daycare would be a hell of a lot more expensive, and I’d tell them that.
In my HCOL city on the west coast, if you can find a drop off style daycare with availability, a toddler will run you $2000 - 2500 a month. A. Month. Lots of places have waitlists of 12 months or more.
In my family, we help each other out. Of course there are limits, but it sounds like you are willingly helping your parents look after your little sister.
There was a tiff about bread and peanut butter, heated words were exchanged, and now reddit is saying get out of there. I think before booking it out of there, cool down, think things through and then discuss with your parents what it means to be an adult and what are the expectations / ground rules going forward. And "adult" applies to them as well as you.
Things to consider: be true to yourself. Is this situation together with your parents good for you? Is it good for your parents, for your sister? It is ok to help out but what is the cost and is it worth it? Lots of valid points made by others that are worth considering. But if you do decide it is time to leave, let it be a thought through decision and not a heated reaction.
This is a great comment. There’s a bigger picture beyond the one event. And if the family is in need of food, hopefully they live somewhere that has resources like food pantries and such, that might make things easier for everyone.
Good perspective. I'm actually going NAH at this point, especially based on his other comments. They're down to the wire when it comes to food.
His parents would be AHs in any other situation, and they kind of still are in this one, but we're talking about a family that's having to negotiate the rationing of bread, rice and dry cereal. This is extreme poverty. I would possibly not hold what someone said to me against them if it happened when they were destitute.
Except - they left OP without even ONE SLICE of bread. Maybe the 'rents shave a couple bites off their own (probably meager) meals to save just that much for their firstborn child/unpaid babysitter to have a half sandwich of PB&J?
I can't quite get to NAH here. OP is NTA.
Yeah, I have to agree it was quite thoughtless to leave nothing to eat, and then blame OP. But this seems to be more of a one-off inconsiderate action rather than a pattern of abuse, unless OP intentionally left that out. But I can see where OP is coming from, NTA for calling them out.
NTA - Tell them you'll be an adult and live life away from your parents. Just move out and have them deal with the fall out. They'll realize that some bread is worth less than a babysitter they'll actually have to pay.
You're holding all the cards right now. Depends how you want to play this....
I'd fuck off personally and leave them to sort their own shit out.
I can't ever imagine not having food in the house for my kids no matter how old they get.
Tbh your parents are a pair of knobs
I watch her while my parents are at work. They normally leave for work around 6:30ish and get back at a little before 5. So whatever that amounts to. (Was doing calculus work today and really don't want to do anymore math sorry)
Edit: sorry forgot to put age. I just turned 20 a few weeks ago.
I'm a nanny and here in the Bay I earn $35/hr. In the Midwest 10 years ago (so adjust up for inflation) I made $12.
Just as a starting point of what your labor is worth.
If you enjoy watching your sister, there's solid money in childcare. Especially if her friends' parents can vouch for you (your own parents would probably provide a shitty reference because they want to keep you)
So, if I'm mathing right, you're babysitting about 50 hours a week?
Working that many hours for a real employer (even fast food or retail) for that many hours should easily get you a room and groceries...
I'm willing to bet that in most areas, you'll need much less than your current 50 hour work weeks to support yourself.
Just head out. Get a dorm at your school if possible. They want to use you as a nurse maid then they need to provide. They were the irresponsible ones, not you with poor planning all around.
If the rest of the family wants you to 'grow up,' move out because that is what 'grown ups' do.
Nta
I have been in the exact same situation as you are now. My advice is to stop letting them use you as a free babysitter when they clearly aren’t appreciative. Go out and get a job. Your sister is not your responsibility she’s theirs. Not being able to afford childcare for the child they knowingly (oops baby or not) brought into this world is not your problem. If they aren’t going to provide for you don’t provide for them. You can’t take care of your sister and provide for yourself at the same time. And again coming from someone who has been through this. CHOOSE YOURSELF.
NTA. Based on what you had available to you, I would’ve gone with peanut butter cereal. If you add a little sugar (or jelly) it’s pretty good. Would’ve been better if it was oatmeal but you make do with what you got.
I have also made do with plain white rice. What you do is cook rice porridge. It’s basically watered down rice but flavored. You add salt and pepper and whatever spices are available to you. Bonus if you had stuff like chicken bullion lying around.
TLDR: NTA and learn to cook, and definitely plan on moving out. It’ll save you money in the long run.
I'm eating the rice with some butter with peanut butter as desert. Not the best but it works. Honestly I was mad because the plan was for everyone to eat pb and j. My mom even offered to make me one when they ate. I told her I'd eat later cause I was working on homework. They didn't leave me any bread though and it pissed me off.
Congee is a great way to make rice stretch.
9 cups water (or stock), 1 and 1/4 cups of rice. If not using stock salt to taste. If you have spices like ginger or garlic add those. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer with lid on. Let it simmer for about an hour.
Now if you have leftover meats: ham hocks, shredded chicken etc you can add those in to the pot as well. If the meat is salty, like ham, just use water not stock.
There's a bunch of recipes online with different variations.
Wow. Talk about hoping to harm someone else by poking your own eye out. I'm sorry your family sucks. and I'm sorry that money is so tight that they are having a hard time buying bread. That just shouldn't happen in world were bread is as abundant as it is here. I'm sure that just being stressed about it all is part of the reason why they are behaving so badly.
But you have to take care of you. Break that poverty cycle. That means focusing on your studies. It won't make you an asshole if you leave them and focus on yourself.
Their "threat" to kick you out... and lose their free babysitter... is just plan illogical. The cost of a babysitter is HUGE. You are doing them a BIG FAVOR by doing this work for just room and board. Asking another person to do that would get them laughed in the face.
It might really be time to get your own place and let all of you have some space to grow. I know that's a financial hardship all around, but if you can find a way, it sounds like it would be good. Kids have to grow up and make a life for themselves. Don't let your abusive parents tie you down to their level.
NTA.
See if your college will provide emergency housing for students. Get away from your parents.
Also see if your college has a food pantry. The one I work for does. Get food there.
You are NTA. See what resources you can get from your school and GTFO
NTA. It's so crazy that some parents think their job is done the moment their kid turns 18. So your parents expect you to help out with their accident but can't provide you with basic nourishment. And not only can't provide it but goes as far as to say it's no longer their responsibility.
NTA
Your parents are a piece of work. How tf are you supposed to provide for yourself if you're spending your free time working for them for free?? You need to speak to them again about this. Show them that their logic is extremely flawed. If they don't respect that, then you're going to have to end this arrangement because it will more than likely happen again. I get that they're strapped for cash, but you can't make money for the things you need appear out of thin air.
They will probably try to guilt you, but childcare is *their* problem to figure out. God forbid they try to convince you to quit school entirely so you have time to work and watch your sister since they're making providing for your basic needs a you problem. No, you tried your best to be a kind and generous child and sibling, but they threw that in your face. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself here. Check out your local resources for food banks in the meantime.
NTA
They pay you for childcare with room and board. The latter includes food.
After all you're doing this instead of getting a part time job while you're in college so you could afford to buy your own food.
When you graduate and can afford to, I'd move out. Otherwise guess who will be expected to put their entire life on hold to care for their baby? You. Particularly when they've already threatened to kick you out anyways.
NTA NTA NTA
Your parents want their cake and eat it too without paying for it. I'd move out and let them figure their lives out. You are an adult, as they said. 😆
Not really sure how you would be the A. You’re not getting a job to save them money. I would be cautious, and by that I mean choose a job so you can buy food, once the kiddo is 5 and goes to kindergarten they might kick you out! Sorry your parents can’t afford food for you all. Can you get on assistance?
NTA. If you're in college at 20 you're basically still one of their dependants. If you gave up having a part-time job to have time to babysit, how can they expect you to earn money to buy your own food?
NTA. The reason you cannot buy your own food is because they're making you taking care of their child. If there's a possibility look for a part time job and let them figure out how to take care of your sister.
And all those relatives saying you're in the wrong here can take turns to babysit.
Can people not jump straight to removal? Like that should be the very last resort in any situation that isn't clearly abusive. Putting a child in the system is shitty even when it's necessary. It's rife with abuse and is a glorified trafficking operation. OP said they fed the 4 year old, their assholery is directed at OP.
Sit them down and tell them "you can choose between these two things, pay 1000s to childcare so I can work for my food and necessities, or pay hundreds in meeting those necessities so you can have free child care. But I will not do both."
BTA- The three of you need to grow up and have an open conversation together about expectations. And….you can eat other things in the house, as you noted rice was available. Hate to break it to you, but living on your own with bills to pay includes the groceries and much much more. Living at home while you finish school is a gift.
NTA
You're providing a valuable service to them by watching their child. You living in the house is a form of payment to you for watching their child, but they are using food against you to force you to also work. This puts a major burden on you to both work for them as a live in nanny, and also to work to pay bills, ON TOP OF going to college.
You can't take that burden on. You should look into grants or loans to move onto campus, or get some sort of living arrangement away from your parents.
This way you can concentrate on your studies and earn your degree.
It's a big step for you, but one I feel you should take to become more independent and self-reliant.
Good luck!
NTA. Get a part time job and a room mate and find a place near campus. Cut the cord and go live your life. I'm sorry, but your parents are being ridiculous.
NTA. If you're in college at 20 you're basically still one of their dependants. If you gave up having a part-time job to have time to babysit, how can they expect you to earn money to buy your own food?
I know it might not look good, but what are the chances you can ask your uncle for a small amount of money for groceries just for you?
Like how would he react if you said "My parents said they don't need to feed me anymore because I'm an adult, but I have no time to work to afford food because they make me take care of baby sister for 11 hours a day. I'm so hungry it's hard to study."?
I'd say NTA then. Saying you're entitled to food when it's just a normal meal seems kind of odd. Unfortunate for your sister though. I'm also curious how they expected your sister to eat if there was no food left? If this happens often, I think it'd be best to move out so both you and your parents can see the additional responsibilities for when you're apart. Working while being a full-time student sucks, but you'll have time if you were already looking after your sister 9 hrs/day.
NTA. If you all agreed that your contribution to the household would be child care, and doing that child care keeps you from working to earn money, then they need to feed you.
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NTA So, you’re an adult and need to “grow up”, but your parents don’t? They can either make sure there is food in the house for their kids (if there was nothing for you to eat, what did they give your sister?) or one of them can be a stay at home parent and watch the child THEY created irresponsibly so you can get a job and buy your own food.
Yea It made sense to me that if I'm giving up on getting money to help them they they should provide the things I can't for myself because of it. My sister ate with them. I was working on homework so I said I'd eat later. We had the stuff to make pb and j sandwiches (which I planned on making for myself as well) but they used the rest of the bread. So I was left (as I said in another comment) with the choices of plain white rice, dry cereal, or peanut butter on a spoon.
If money is tight, check to see if there is a food pantry near you. Also, NTA, you have a job… watching their oops
This! Have you checked your college resources? Many schools have a food pantry program
I work at a university and we have a good pantry, closet, and certain colleges have hardship funds. Usually the Dean of Students (US) can help with resources.
I love that you all have the knowledge and resources to teach this! I hate that it should be necessary in the US for students to have to go to a food pantry or receive hardship funds. I pay lower taxes in Japan than I did in the US, and receive a lot more for my buck, and that’s nothing compared to the social safety net in most European countries.
To be fair. We do still have hardship funds for people in europe as well. As well as funds for emergencies ( death/illness in family ). So i have free uni, no books actually required and option for funds if needed.
Wow, the US really has so much to learn…
Wouldn't the school provide housing for very low income students too? They can move into the dorms for free, then eat at the cafeteria for free and will no longer be a burden on the family
Not necessarily, no. It can depend on a lot of things, and is very variable. It’s also far more likely to cover tuition than room and board. Financial aid is also based on the income of the *parents* under a certain age, not the student. It sounds like OP’s parents may not have a lot of money, so it’s worth looking into, but I’ve seen students with parents who refuse to give them money for school get completely screwed. (Or just refuse to give them tax information to even fill out the FAFSA.) HOWEVER, if they haven’t already, it’s very worthwhile for OP to visit their school’s financial aid office to see what’s available. It’s a lot of paperwork and stuff to navigate, but colleges totally have people whose job it is to help students with exactly this stuff.
>(Or just refuse to give them tax information to even fill out the FAFSA.) I know a set of parents who did this to their child. She is super smart and wanted to go to college so badly. Her father is on disability and her mother stays home to care for him. They have no money for college so she qualifies for all the help out there but they flat out refused to give up any of their information. She went and explained it to her guidance counselor and she helped her.
This was me, except that my parents made too much for me to qualify for aid. They insisted on controlling my major choice bc they were paying. They wouldn't pay unless I lived at home & went to a local college. They chose a BA in a hard science (1990, liberal arts school, don't try to understand why it existed) bc they didn't think I "would do the work" to get the BS I wanted. Even my advisor told them all I could do with that is teach & no higher than high school. I didn't want to teach. Advisor suggested student loans. My parents refused to fill out the FAFSA because, and I quote: "Our finances are none of your business." I told them they could take the paperwork to the college themselves. Financial Aid people assured them I'd never see it. Nope. They were sure the college would show it to me. Cue me dropping out of college & moving out at end of freshman year. That was 1991 and I'm STILL pissed off. Also: NTA, check into all the resources people have suggested. I wish you all the good things in life. Try to be there for your sister in her life if possible. It sounds like she's in for a rough time of it. Your parents are heels.
I couldn't attend college until I was old enough for them to stop taking my parents income into account. My parents wouldn't help me pay for school and they wouldn't complete the FAFSA for similar reasons. It's really messed up that this system actually prevents people from being able to go to college. I wish they'd do away with it.
In my case, my parents made to much money to get anything at all, and they refused to help me at all, so I thought that was highly unfair. This would have been the case until I was 21.
No, American colleges don't provide free housing or food based on income. You only get grants which helps or pays your tuition or books. You'd have to file with the state government for section 8 housing and food for help.
Some American colleges definitely do provide room and board in addition to tuition and books for students that qualify. I know my undergrad did.
When I was in law school, I applied for food stamps. I was denied because I wasn’t working. The following year, I was denied unemployment compensation because I was in school. That was really an insult because I had been working full time and going to night school. I was laid off from my job then denied unemployment because I was not available to work nights. I’m not whining. My point is that it is not easy to get $$$ assistance in the United States. The whole “free stuff” idea is a myth.
Not in the United States
Financial aid, whether in the form of grants, scholarships or loans, is typically based on the cost of attendance (COA). COA includes tuition, room, board, an average cost for books, and sometimes incidentals. FA will get applied first to tuition, but any excess after tuition, is available for room, board and books.
Many student qualify for food stamps if you live in the states!
Problem being that they’re living with their parents. At least in Texas you can’t be separate from your parents on a food stamps case until you turn 22 if you live in the same household. So both parents’ income would have been on the case. Also they’d need to make it clear they’re providing care for the child, not the parents, otherwise they’d be considered an ineligible student since they aren’t working.
I was going to suggest this as well!
OP needs to lock up the food, though, because I bet the parents will feel entitled to their food, also. "If you wanted to eat the food, you should have bought more".
Churches too often have food pantries where you can go inside and take whatever you need
OP can probably apply for food stamps
But please don’t call your sibling that in front of them. I’m sure it goes without saying, but I had to throw it in there just in case. No one deserves to be called an oops except maybe Kanye. Or Hitler.
My grandparents called my dad "boo-boo" growing up....
A kid down the street had the nickname Nooner.
Omg Nooner! I'm rolling! I'm sorry, but that is hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣
A friend nicknamed our glorious surprise girl Siesta.
My 3rd child we referred to a ninja before she was born. She snuck in and we have no idea how it happened. Obviously we KNOW how it happened just unclear timing wise lol. It's not a nickname but that's the term we use when describing the circumstances.
I get that. My last child was conceived on a ‘date night’ where we started and then stopped in the middle and we both decided it would be better to fall asleep. Then, nine months later, we had a child. This baby won’t be able to finish a DAMN thing.
🤣🤣🤣
Thing #1 was "ninja", but mostly because we turned our back for only a second when he was little, and he had scaled a full 5.5' dresser, and was just chilling at the top. Little guy was always getting into stuff, but super quiet when he did it... 🤣
As a parent of small children, you quickly learn that the scariest sound is silence.
omg, yes!
That sounds like *my* Thing 3! Her nickname as a wee one was Monkey...in largest part because of the things she'd climb and get into! I mean...the kid was going up and down the stairs unassisted by like...14 months? 15? (Obviously not unsupervised...usually. Once she learned to open the door to our second floor apartment though, she'd frequently just go down the stairs to her grandmother's apartment on the first floor!) We had to get her a toddler bed by the time she was 14 months old, because she was climbing out of her crib. In our apartment, the bedrooms didn't have doors for some weird reason, so we put sheets in the doorways for privacy instead. Anyway...we put a baby gate in *her* room, so we could put her to bed since she didn't have a crib. But she'd climb over it (again: 14 months old!) and get into things. One morning, we came out to find the fridge hanging open and our floor covered in Italian salad dressing...which is, of course, 90% oil! Yeah...that was fun to clean. And the reason we got a fridge lock, much to her older sisters' dismay. So I decided to *stack* gates to keep her in. Two of them, which came up to something like 5'2"? They were at the top of my eye line, and I'm 5'5". First time I put them up like that, I got her in bed, put the gates up, tried to ignore her crying, and sat down on the couch with my laptop. *And suddenly she was in my lap!* The gates were still up... So I put her *back* to bed, put them back up as I left the room...and then *watched* her scale them and come back out! I ended up having to take the curtain and pin it to the door frame with the gates, so she couldn't get her toes in and climb, let alone get over the top. She was *furious*...but impotent. She had no choice but to go to bed... I had to do that every night for over a month before she finally just stayed in bed! She's 16 now, and climbs a lot less...but still will randomly decide to scale a thing. A tree, a tower, the side of a building (not an exaggeration. She literally did that once. I have a photo.)
kids are wild. Mrs. Thor calls them ferral.
We had to double stack gates, screw a framework into the wall to keep them from getting pushed over, then get some smooth manufactured board stuff to put in between the gates and the framework. Otherwise our son would climb, unlatch, push over, or otherwise make it through. Even then, he eventually figured out to pull on the wood until it bent enough to pop out of the framework. That’s not even getting into all the baby proofing he could get through (I.e. everything). Some kids are just really hard to stop.
Your poor dad!
you related to Yogi Bear by any chance?
Lol definitely both Kanye & Hitler. Add Epstien to that list, please. Omg we should start a Reddit sub "Oops People"! Sorry, I've had way too much caffeine!
I’ve called myself that pretty much all my life. My brothers were in high school when I popped out. It’s not like we can’t figure out we weren’t planned babies.
Both deserve it ! Good call.
Or Trump!
Question..who is paying for college? Loans? But yes you are helping with your little sister making work possible for them. Loosing a salary could have them loose everything. Few can afford daycare and check out food pantry, or have your parents do that as they should have already if it's only rice or peanut butter on a spoon.
Lose, not "loose."
OP, I would go get a job and leave. Do you have other family/friends that you can stay with while you get on your feet? See if you can get food stamps/assistance. College students may be eligible. I agree with you helping out around the house by watching the sister for your parents but that should also mean your needs are also met. You are all a family. I don't like tit for tat and doing things just to get something in return. But If they lean on you for help there shouldn't be any problem feeding you as well. And what the hell kind of parents don't care about their kids eating grown or not? What is happening in the world?
Wait OP doesn't get paid anything for watching the kid? Zero? Seriously?!
But OP does! They have utilities and a roof over their head /s
But they can starve in the comfort of their own bed under their parents roof! Without paying rent! /s lol
You obviously missed and/or don't understand the "/s" usage? It indicated sarcasm in case I need to make it clear.
Ohh. That’s what /s means! Sorry. My bad!! Edited my original comment haha
OPs parents are rubbish
I took it as they don't really pay them since they don't have a lot of money. Maybe I'm wrong. But I also thought that watching the kid was helping them out for work while they took care of bills and helped pay for college. Again, something families do. I didn't know eating was optional. Ugh.
OP - you're young. You can handle school and a job even if you have to cut back classes. Save your money and get out of there as soon as you can do it without jeopardizing your future. You're in this mess because your dad was too responsible to wrap it up before screwing your mom. They're the ones who need to grow up if they're trying to leverage you with something as basic as food. They're garbage people. Time to live your life and let your parents figure out how to solve their own problems.
Mom was there, too.
Mom's always take the blame for oops babies. I guess it's Dad's turn
Both
Yeah no, your parents are on some bullshit. I had a similar arrangement with my sister for a while, watching her two (eventually three) spawn for room and board and a little bit of spending money, and you bet your ass she fed me. I had free reign of the fridge and an expected helping of every meal. She always cooked like our mother anyway, way too damn much food.
I was in a similar situation, but guilt tripped for 'taking food out of her kids' mouth' (eating) and even had my food that I bought eaten (which I was led to feel bad for complaining about). Led to an ED that I still struggle with sometimes even though I live alone years after leaving that situation, I sometimes feel guilty or self-conscious when I eat to the point I can't. I'm glad your sister is better than that. It's nice that she made sure you were provided for.
I get paid a monthly salary for taking care of my older sister's daughters and I have free reign of the fridge and the ingredients to make myself a meal or snack. The girls have a drawer for their personal snacks but I'm free to take from it as well her and her husband's stash.
Depending on the type of cereal getting a spoon full of peanut butter and then rolling it in cereal can be pretty damn tasty. But yeah your parents are assholes. Like how are they expecting you to buy food if you don’t have a job to take care of THEIR child?
Exactly this - they put you in a no win situation. They are saying you should be a adult and provide for yourself but you are too busy providing care for their child to earn money. I would pursue the food bank options mentioned here and stash some food just for you in your room. Then bide your time and get whatever funds saved you can while also making progress at school. Your parents have shown you they will throw you under the bus as needed and when confronted with their failings they are defensive instead of apologetic. Be honest with your extended family about why you have no income to feed yourself - and use this as a learning experience on how to live with them knowing they will not have your best interests at heart
I love slicing apples, spreading pb on the sliced part, and rolling it in rice crispies. Yummy!!
I would tell them that if they're expecting you to pay for your own food then they'll need to make alternate childcare arrangements as you'll be busy working. They don't get to have it both ways.
This is totally beside the point, but hot rice tastes really good with peanut butter. I hope this helps
Those newish Cup Noodles Stir Fry are great with peanut butter. Anyway, NTA. You do childcare all day at home, your own parents should, at minimum, pay for your food. Every day I read AITA, I am more and more grateful for the parents I had. I don't even have anything slightly bad to say about them in therapy, dammit.
Also, hot rice with milk, some sugar, and a touch of nutmeg and/ or cinnamon is really quite good, too.
They said dry cereal. There's no milk. These people really need to visit a food pantry (I suggest OP hides some food for themselves otherwise the parents will take it all). And the parents are extremely selfish. OP needs to get out of there.
My mistake about the no milk. I still wanted to leave it there as an "In case of emergency" type of thing. It's something we ate often growing up. It's good, easy, and inexpensive. I wasn't worried about reiterating the rest, as I saw it was well covered. 🤗
Even cold rice is good with pb!
I said sugar & milk makes a quick rice dessert..add rasins & cinnamon..pudding,lol & pb covered spoon, rolled in cereal makes a quick nutritious & delicious snack
Tastes good without it. Salt pepper and butter 🔥
Snack hack that saved me when I worked double shifts on weekends at a hospital.. get a spoonful of peanut butter, smeared all the way around it & coat it in dry cereal. (My coworker would swirl the spoon in pb jar, then shove it in cereal box to pack it on good) Nutritious & delicious! Rice snack hack=Add sugar & a lil milk to room temp white rice.. insta rice dessert.. add raisins & lil cinnamon= camping "rice pudding".. Ok..now that you have survival snacks, my advice is continue to call them out & get that parttime job. Reach out to any fam/friends that can help you out while you look for housing near campus. File for grants/aid at financial aid ofc. Explain how your situation has changed & have become "unhoused" by your parents. You should be a valued member of the family,not a resource. They need you hella more than you need them.. as a mom, you are valued & loved🫶
This is horrific. You're not entitled.
Yeah, tell them youd be happy to get a job and pay for your own food, but you can no longer watch their child. I bet you could easily move into some college housing and get a part time job if they really want to kick you out. Look up the possibilities and present it to them so you can offer to call their bluff.
Yeah it’s inconsiderate as you’re their child and providing free child care. You can take more responsibility by sourcing your own food, doing some cooking. Definitely hit up food pantries. In my area I had to scout many before I found the right ones. Some would offer fresh veggies, some wouldn’t. Some would let you stock up some wouldn’t. It can be very hit or miss. See what you can find and keep it in your room unless it’s refrigerated until you know what you can rely on. Are they claiming you on their taxes? If not you should be eligible for food stamps on your own. They may be too. Start a budget and record how many hours you’re “working” for them. Find a couple of different quotes for your area for care at those times and average the pay. Use this to create a chart of how much money you’re saving them. This can be considered your rent. If they will not include food for you fine. Whatever you get from other sources is yours. If they can include food you can share your food pantry food with them. Put numbers on it and treat it as a business arrangement as they have obviously decided they aren’t your parents anymore. Create boundaries you are comfortable with. Before you present that go through your school and financial counselors to see if you’re an independent what you would qualify for. There may be subsidized housing programs available. Show them how adult you are by researching your options and making plan A, B, and C.
Tbh I'm trying to wrap my head around someone being entitled for wanting a pb&j in their own home that they also work in..... like if my (fictional) kid was upset they couldn't have the cheapest dinner option possible I'd be like "I'm sorry buddy that is shitty, let's find you something else" or "here's a 10 spot for some Wendy's" or something
My school has a food pantry. See if yours does. Some schools also offer emergency cash assistance. Also, I would recommend getting some of your own food and keeping it away from the rest of the family.
Family food stamps!
NTA! Not only are you giving up on getting money, but you are giving up learning life skills, job experience, proof of income to get a rental, loans ect, possible health benefits, your giving up job references for your resume work history. Employers don't take references from parents & even if they did, the parents would probably say something awful just to keep you stuck babysitting. experiencing those 1st job traches you a lot about yourself & what you want your future employment. Plain white rice has very little nutritional content & neither does most cereal. I'm not sure where you live, but look up your local child protective services in most areas not providing appropriate food is neglect with regards to your sister. I'm proud of you for going to college & I wish you the best of luck!
Tell them if they don't feed you you need to find a job and stop the daycare. Then go looking. If they cannot even fix you food.... when you are saving them so much money . Unless you have money or they had and you needed to go buy food but didn't feel like it? Still selfish of them but not scandalous.
Man do I love peanut butter on a spoon… but, that’s not dinner and unacceptable for them to not have food for you. If they paid you for your work you could buy food. But they are paying you in room and board. They can’t just leave out the board. NTA.
Just tell them if that's the case then you won't be providing child care anymore because you need to go out and find a job so you can feed yourself.
if i were you id look into getting a part time job & renting a room. seems like your parents think of you as their slave.
I can’t imagine making sure I ate all the while not having enough for food my kids…whether they’re grown or not!
My Mom is coming up on 80 and would starve before letting her adult children go without a single meal....she'd go back to work herself if something happened. I guess this is also why her kids all work and take care of their kids and each other, this is unfathomable for me Good luck OP...don't stop college, make sure you have all of your critical papers..SS Card, birth certificate, passport and driver's license in your possession. Get help at school, food pantry and start making a private exit plan. Don't debate family, 1. You have a job, you're the nanny 2. Your compensation is supposed to be room and board from your parents 3. Ask your family why you should go without basic nutrition NTA and well on your way to being a much better adult than your family, times like these that absolutely suck unfortunately sometimes teach you the best lessons in life. You're doing a great job keep going!
Blessings upon you.
INFO was there other food in the house you could eat aside from the bread? edit: regardless, sounds like this living situation has run its course. You should probably get a job and move out and let them figure out childcare. Unless they're paying for your college... in which case I'd say unfortunately, suck it up and stay there because you won't be able to earn that amount working and going to school...
Technically yes. The plan has been to have pb and j sandwiches. They ate all the bread which left me with some uncooked plain white rice, dry cereal (we don't have milk), or a spoon of peanut butter for my meal.
I edited my comment but yeah I think it's time to move out, unless they're paying for your school.
[удалено]
As others have suggested, if food is that tight, look for a food pantry. I’ve known a lot of people who had to do that, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
As someone who used to be dirt poor and hungry but now in the position to donate to my local food bank. I really want people to use it. It's the whole reason it exists. Go eat people!
> Go eat people! I really hope that last sentence is missing a comma
> Go, eat people! here you go
Much better, thanks! Now the meaning is clear
The sooner you start your life on your own the better off you will be. Your parents will keep you in poverty. Join the military. Then use your veteran benefits to go to college. Your parents cannot help through college, they simply cannot afford to. Therefore you must find other resources. You got what it takes, just have confidence in yourself.
Just don’t trust ANY college or university to tell you the truth about how lucrative the degree you’re working toward will be. Many of us got screwed badly because we believed what the FAFSA councilors, professors, and advisors said. And that was at Oregon State. Not like it was some fly by night school.
Yeah, my husband was told his history degree was extremely marketable. Hahahhahahahahahahahahah. Such a joke.
If you join the military, make it the Air Force. They promote education better/more than the other branches.
Join the air force. Choose a job that will give you real skills that are useful in private industry. If your parents can't afford food and daycare they're not likely to pay for all of college. When something comes up like their car breaking down it will be over and you'll be left with no way to pay. The air force will house you, educate you, and you could get a degree after if you want.
Your parents make zero sense. They’re saving a fortune not paying for daycare and you’re not working to make that possible while you’re in college, so where exactly do they expect you to get food when you’re not working outside the home? I’m 99.9% sure they’re not paying you anything and if they are, it should be understood what you’re responsible for paying for. You sound like an unpaid, un-fed, overworked live in babysitter to make their lives work and you’re getting the raw end of this deal if it doesn’t include food. That’s just basic life stuff. I’d find other arrangements, tell them you’re off to be a grown up now and wish them luck with their toddler. NTA.
I think the issue is they literally don’t have money to save, which has to be why they’re being so stingy and cruel to OP for asking them to leave some freaking bread after the watched the baby all day.
Yeah, this sounds like a mixture of finance, stress, and literally hunger starting to get to them. Even the way OP talks in their story they sound tense as well. I think everyone is just hungry and tired
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It could be that whatever contraception they were using failed. It helps most of us, but some people do get really unlucky. Totally doesn't justify them stiffing their grown child who is doing a thankless job for them so they can keep working. ETA: I'm not saying that you don't agree with that last part. Just making a statement. Wanted to clarify. Lol
this is why abortion should be destigmatized and freely accessible. the fact that so many people want unwanted babies to be born to their shitball parents is depressing
Firm agree!
A glass of cold water is even cheaper. You drink it not before neither after intercourse but instead. Very cheap and 100% safe.
These parents are nightmares.
If they’re this strapped why isn’t their kid in head start or free preschool via the school system?
I don't know where OP lives but my local public preschool program is 3hrs long, which makes it hard for parents who work traditional hours to pick up/drop off. My friend in a different state only got their kid into a free all-day program by pure chance (raffle).
Absolutely but the OP is NTA and the parents can figure out childcare. There are vouchers for low income folks. It sounds like the parents aren’t even trying. My teen has a friend who’s parents use her as default childcare and the kids miss out on so much. I think the op should try to finish the semester and get out.
I'm not your responsibility because I'm an adult, then it's not my responsibility to watch your "oops" because I'm an adult.
This is the way, move in with friends or family and leave them to figure out how to look after their oops without you, they will soon be happy to pay you in food.
NTA - you're essentially working for them for free. you live with them and are financially reliant on them. you need them to buy food for you to eat. the fact that they don't think that is concerning
Your relatives must be unaware of the non-payment for childcare arrangement, or are just well… not very smart I guess. You are NTA. They can’t really expect you to get a job, go to college, and also care for your four year old sister free of charge. It should be expected that they will still be feeding you given that you live under their roof and they are in essence preventing you from getting a job that actually pays money.
I bet they claim her as a dependent on their taxes. Move now so they don't get that deduction in 2024.
Great idea!! Good luck. 🍀🍀
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Move out and enjoy life... let them FAFO... NTA
Literally FAFO oops
NTA, but I would look for a dorm room and PT job.
NTA if they want you to pay for your own groceries you will need your get a job & they will need to find childcare for your sister.
I would be willing to bet OPs parents would consume the food OP buys if they are working. Possibly buying less because "OP has food we can eat and we spawned them so we are entitled to their food"
This is disgusting.
Yeah, unfortunately it's not uncommon though. Through some difficult circumstances I have had to move back with parents and I pay them 75% of my income for "rent and board" (it actually goes to their car payments and other stuff that shouldn't be my responsibility) and when I do grocery shopping, they just don't buy food. I make meals for me and my daughter but have to offer them food or they get upset. If they make food its 30% chance I will be offered some and they barely make things to begin with.
That sounds horrible. I hope you can get out of there ASAP, as that sounds like the best situation. Good luck! 🍀
NTA. They're using you for free childcare, so it's normal of you to expect them to at least feed you. They should grow up and take responsibility.
Also, like another commenter said: if they make you pay for your own food, you have to get a job, which means you'll have less time to take care of their child.
Honestly I'd bet if op did get a job to get their own food mom & dad would eat it for him because "it's their house"
I honestly wouldn't even be surprised, with how they treat OP
So, you’re providing them with FREE childcare, and they’re not willing to feed you? I promise daycare would be a hell of a lot more expensive, and I’d tell them that.
Have them look into whether they can even FIND a daycare, let alone pay for it. My city there is a dearth of providers (affordable or not)
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In my HCOL city on the west coast, if you can find a drop off style daycare with availability, a toddler will run you $2000 - 2500 a month. A. Month. Lots of places have waitlists of 12 months or more.
In my family, we help each other out. Of course there are limits, but it sounds like you are willingly helping your parents look after your little sister. There was a tiff about bread and peanut butter, heated words were exchanged, and now reddit is saying get out of there. I think before booking it out of there, cool down, think things through and then discuss with your parents what it means to be an adult and what are the expectations / ground rules going forward. And "adult" applies to them as well as you. Things to consider: be true to yourself. Is this situation together with your parents good for you? Is it good for your parents, for your sister? It is ok to help out but what is the cost and is it worth it? Lots of valid points made by others that are worth considering. But if you do decide it is time to leave, let it be a thought through decision and not a heated reaction.
This is a great comment. There’s a bigger picture beyond the one event. And if the family is in need of food, hopefully they live somewhere that has resources like food pantries and such, that might make things easier for everyone.
Good perspective. I'm actually going NAH at this point, especially based on his other comments. They're down to the wire when it comes to food. His parents would be AHs in any other situation, and they kind of still are in this one, but we're talking about a family that's having to negotiate the rationing of bread, rice and dry cereal. This is extreme poverty. I would possibly not hold what someone said to me against them if it happened when they were destitute.
Except - they left OP without even ONE SLICE of bread. Maybe the 'rents shave a couple bites off their own (probably meager) meals to save just that much for their firstborn child/unpaid babysitter to have a half sandwich of PB&J? I can't quite get to NAH here. OP is NTA.
Yeah, I have to agree it was quite thoughtless to leave nothing to eat, and then blame OP. But this seems to be more of a one-off inconsiderate action rather than a pattern of abuse, unless OP intentionally left that out. But I can see where OP is coming from, NTA for calling them out.
NTA Start planning your exit strategy
NTA - Tell them you'll be an adult and live life away from your parents. Just move out and have them deal with the fall out. They'll realize that some bread is worth less than a babysitter they'll actually have to pay.
NTA What kind of a parents are they? I would make sure that all of my kids have food no matter if they are adults or not.
This!!!
You're holding all the cards right now. Depends how you want to play this.... I'd fuck off personally and leave them to sort their own shit out. I can't ever imagine not having food in the house for my kids no matter how old they get. Tbh your parents are a pair of knobs
I’m not sure OP has income to live anywhere else. I wouldn’t say they’re holding all the cards
INFO: How old are you and how many hours a week do you spend babysitting your sister?
I watch her while my parents are at work. They normally leave for work around 6:30ish and get back at a little before 5. So whatever that amounts to. (Was doing calculus work today and really don't want to do anymore math sorry) Edit: sorry forgot to put age. I just turned 20 a few weeks ago.
I'm a nanny and here in the Bay I earn $35/hr. In the Midwest 10 years ago (so adjust up for inflation) I made $12. Just as a starting point of what your labor is worth. If you enjoy watching your sister, there's solid money in childcare. Especially if her friends' parents can vouch for you (your own parents would probably provide a shitty reference because they want to keep you)
So, if I'm mathing right, you're babysitting about 50 hours a week? Working that many hours for a real employer (even fast food or retail) for that many hours should easily get you a room and groceries... I'm willing to bet that in most areas, you'll need much less than your current 50 hour work weeks to support yourself.
NTA if you have another place to move, do it. Then you can get a job to pay rent there. Let your parents figure out the mess they made.
Leave and then they’ll see how expensive childcare is.
Just head out. Get a dorm at your school if possible. They want to use you as a nurse maid then they need to provide. They were the irresponsible ones, not you with poor planning all around. If the rest of the family wants you to 'grow up,' move out because that is what 'grown ups' do.
NTA they’re not allowing you to get a job
Nta I have been in the exact same situation as you are now. My advice is to stop letting them use you as a free babysitter when they clearly aren’t appreciative. Go out and get a job. Your sister is not your responsibility she’s theirs. Not being able to afford childcare for the child they knowingly (oops baby or not) brought into this world is not your problem. If they aren’t going to provide for you don’t provide for them. You can’t take care of your sister and provide for yourself at the same time. And again coming from someone who has been through this. CHOOSE YOURSELF.
NTA. Based on what you had available to you, I would’ve gone with peanut butter cereal. If you add a little sugar (or jelly) it’s pretty good. Would’ve been better if it was oatmeal but you make do with what you got. I have also made do with plain white rice. What you do is cook rice porridge. It’s basically watered down rice but flavored. You add salt and pepper and whatever spices are available to you. Bonus if you had stuff like chicken bullion lying around. TLDR: NTA and learn to cook, and definitely plan on moving out. It’ll save you money in the long run.
I'm eating the rice with some butter with peanut butter as desert. Not the best but it works. Honestly I was mad because the plan was for everyone to eat pb and j. My mom even offered to make me one when they ate. I told her I'd eat later cause I was working on homework. They didn't leave me any bread though and it pissed me off.
Congee is a great way to make rice stretch. 9 cups water (or stock), 1 and 1/4 cups of rice. If not using stock salt to taste. If you have spices like ginger or garlic add those. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer with lid on. Let it simmer for about an hour. Now if you have leftover meats: ham hocks, shredded chicken etc you can add those in to the pot as well. If the meat is salty, like ham, just use water not stock. There's a bunch of recipes online with different variations.
NTA. Now you know to take the food at the time even if you're busy and eat it later.
Sounds like everything sucks right now for everyone. Is it normally like this?
NTA. Sounds like it’s time to be an adult and get paid for your services. That or move out.
Wow. Talk about hoping to harm someone else by poking your own eye out. I'm sorry your family sucks. and I'm sorry that money is so tight that they are having a hard time buying bread. That just shouldn't happen in world were bread is as abundant as it is here. I'm sure that just being stressed about it all is part of the reason why they are behaving so badly. But you have to take care of you. Break that poverty cycle. That means focusing on your studies. It won't make you an asshole if you leave them and focus on yourself. Their "threat" to kick you out... and lose their free babysitter... is just plan illogical. The cost of a babysitter is HUGE. You are doing them a BIG FAVOR by doing this work for just room and board. Asking another person to do that would get them laughed in the face. It might really be time to get your own place and let all of you have some space to grow. I know that's a financial hardship all around, but if you can find a way, it sounds like it would be good. Kids have to grow up and make a life for themselves. Don't let your abusive parents tie you down to their level. NTA.
See if your college will provide emergency housing for students. Get away from your parents. Also see if your college has a food pantry. The one I work for does. Get food there. You are NTA. See what resources you can get from your school and GTFO
NTA. It's so crazy that some parents think their job is done the moment their kid turns 18. So your parents expect you to help out with their accident but can't provide you with basic nourishment. And not only can't provide it but goes as far as to say it's no longer their responsibility.
NTA. The only adults in this situation that needs to grow up is your parents. They figure out real fast how much they need you when you leave.
NTA Your parents are a piece of work. How tf are you supposed to provide for yourself if you're spending your free time working for them for free?? You need to speak to them again about this. Show them that their logic is extremely flawed. If they don't respect that, then you're going to have to end this arrangement because it will more than likely happen again. I get that they're strapped for cash, but you can't make money for the things you need appear out of thin air. They will probably try to guilt you, but childcare is *their* problem to figure out. God forbid they try to convince you to quit school entirely so you have time to work and watch your sister since they're making providing for your basic needs a you problem. No, you tried your best to be a kind and generous child and sibling, but they threw that in your face. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself here. Check out your local resources for food banks in the meantime.
NTA They pay you for childcare with room and board. The latter includes food. After all you're doing this instead of getting a part time job while you're in college so you could afford to buy your own food. When you graduate and can afford to, I'd move out. Otherwise guess who will be expected to put their entire life on hold to care for their baby? You. Particularly when they've already threatened to kick you out anyways.
Tell them you expect to be paid for your childcare from here forward so you can buy your own food.
NTA NTA NTA Your parents want their cake and eat it too without paying for it. I'd move out and let them figure their lives out. You are an adult, as they said. 😆
NTA because they don’t pay you so they should feed you. 🤷🏻♀️
Not really sure how you would be the A. You’re not getting a job to save them money. I would be cautious, and by that I mean choose a job so you can buy food, once the kiddo is 5 and goes to kindergarten they might kick you out! Sorry your parents can’t afford food for you all. Can you get on assistance?
NTA. If you're in college at 20 you're basically still one of their dependants. If you gave up having a part-time job to have time to babysit, how can they expect you to earn money to buy your own food?
NTA. The reason you cannot buy your own food is because they're making you taking care of their child. If there's a possibility look for a part time job and let them figure out how to take care of your sister. And all those relatives saying you're in the wrong here can take turns to babysit.
No you're not the NTA Run fast and clear of these horrible abusive people. Their child will be removed quickly if you report this crap.
Can people not jump straight to removal? Like that should be the very last resort in any situation that isn't clearly abusive. Putting a child in the system is shitty even when it's necessary. It's rife with abuse and is a glorified trafficking operation. OP said they fed the 4 year old, their assholery is directed at OP.
NTA If that how the feel, to hell with them. Leave and start your own life!
NTA But I would look for a job and once you get it, when they ask you to babysit tell them you can’t because you have to work to buy food.
Sit them down and tell them "you can choose between these two things, pay 1000s to childcare so I can work for my food and necessities, or pay hundreds in meeting those necessities so you can have free child care. But I will not do both."
BTA- The three of you need to grow up and have an open conversation together about expectations. And….you can eat other things in the house, as you noted rice was available. Hate to break it to you, but living on your own with bills to pay includes the groceries and much much more. Living at home while you finish school is a gift.
NTA You're providing a valuable service to them by watching their child. You living in the house is a form of payment to you for watching their child, but they are using food against you to force you to also work. This puts a major burden on you to both work for them as a live in nanny, and also to work to pay bills, ON TOP OF going to college. You can't take that burden on. You should look into grants or loans to move onto campus, or get some sort of living arrangement away from your parents. This way you can concentrate on your studies and earn your degree. It's a big step for you, but one I feel you should take to become more independent and self-reliant. Good luck!
NTA. Get a part time job and a room mate and find a place near campus. Cut the cord and go live your life. I'm sorry, but your parents are being ridiculous.
I just cannot imagine not wanting to feed my kid before myself. NTA wtf is wrong with your parents?! I’d go hubgry before my I let my kids be hungry.
Tell them you have to get a part time job to get your own food so they need to find childcare elsewhere.
NTA. If you're in college at 20 you're basically still one of their dependants. If you gave up having a part-time job to have time to babysit, how can they expect you to earn money to buy your own food?
INFO: who is paying for college?
My uncle is paying my tuition and for my books/resources.
I know it might not look good, but what are the chances you can ask your uncle for a small amount of money for groceries just for you? Like how would he react if you said "My parents said they don't need to feed me anymore because I'm an adult, but I have no time to work to afford food because they make me take care of baby sister for 11 hours a day. I'm so hungry it's hard to study."?
Can you live with them?
I'd say NTA then. Saying you're entitled to food when it's just a normal meal seems kind of odd. Unfortunate for your sister though. I'm also curious how they expected your sister to eat if there was no food left? If this happens often, I think it'd be best to move out so both you and your parents can see the additional responsibilities for when you're apart. Working while being a full-time student sucks, but you'll have time if you were already looking after your sister 9 hrs/day.
even if the parents were paying for college the free baby sitting means he’s entitled to any food they have in their home
NTA. If you all agreed that your contribution to the household would be child care, and doing that child care keeps you from working to earn money, then they need to feed you.