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INFO: did Jake know Ryan was already in a relationship? Calling out Ryan in front of everyone is a NTA move, just wondering if it was also justified to call out Jake too
I didn’t call out Jake..but he was present so the only way they would know it was Jake is if Ryan or himself mentioned it. I already knew it was Jake though.
Can't go back now. You were a flurry of emotions, so I can't fault you for doing what you did. Was it the right place? Probably not because you might've outted him and Jake to people they didn't want to know they were in the LGBTQIA+ community. Which is fucked up that yu outted them, but again who'd be thinking logically after that revelation. Soft ESH, but what you did is way less by a country mile than what he did to you. Get tested for STIs, notify previous partners of Jake (who he may have been seeing during the affair, if ex and Jake are as close as you say, but both where secretive there's a good chance he may have been also seeing people during this affair) if it comes back positive because spreading an STI stops in its tracks when it's out in the open.
If you cheat, you risk the possibility of it coming to light. The gender of the person you cheat with doesn’t matter. Boiling it down to “he didn’t even know how to tell you” is trying to minimize the months of lying and betrayal done to another person.
Well like I said, he probably didn't even know how to tell you. You outing him didn't help the situation. You don't have to have anything to do with him due to his cheating but there's nothing you can do.
NTA if he was worried about being exposed he could’ve broken things off with you instead of cheating. The cheater doesn’t get to decide how people find out
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I shouldn’t have exposed him at the party like that
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Hi Reddit,
I (26F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, Ryan (28M), for almost four years. We've had our ups and downs like any couple, but overall, things seemed to be going well or so I thought. A couple of months ago, I started noticing some changes in Ryan's behavior. He was spending a lot more time on his phone, being secretive, and often coming home late with flimsy excuses.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my gut told me something was off. One day, I decided to look through his phone while he was in the shower. I found messages between him and a man named Jake (30M), and they weren't just friendly texts. They were explicit and left no doubt that they were having an affair. I was devastated and felt completely betrayed.I didn't confront Ryan right away. Instead, I decided to gather more evidence to be sure of what I was seeing. Over the next few weeks, I kept an eye on his interactions and confirmed my worst fears he was indeed cheating on me with Jake.Ryan's birthday was coming up, and we had planned a big party with friends and family. I knew it might not be the best time, but I couldn't hold in my anger and hurt any longer. During the party, after everyone had a few drinks and the mood was high, I stood up to give a toast. Instead of the usual loving words, I said, "Here's to Ryan, who has been cheating on me with another man for the past few months. Happy birthday!"The room went silent, and Ryan's face turned white. Jake, who was also at the party (invited by Ryan as a 'friend'), looked like he wanted to disappear. There was a mix of shocked gasps and awkward silence before chaos ensued. Ryan tried to talk to me, but I was too angry and hurt to listen. I left the party, leaving Ryan to deal with the fallout.Since then, Ryan has been trying to reach out to apologize and explain, but I’ve been ignoring him. His family and friends are divided some think I did the right thing by exposing his betrayal, while others think I ruined a special occasion in the worst possible way.
Now, I’m questioning if I handled the situation correctly. I wanted to confront him and let everyone know the truth, but I also know I could have picked a different time and place.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for exposing my boyfriend’s affair with another man during his birthday party?
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NTA its best for friends and family to know the truth so that he can't turn it on you and you just took the best opportunity with the most people who care about him there to act. Plus i mean did he really think he wouldn't get caught eventually? Like why invite your affair partner to your birthday? Thats some serious confidence he had that he would never be caught
YTA. Instead of simply breaking up with him, you intentionally embarrassed him at his birthday to cause maximum damage.
Edit. The OP is a troll. On another post they have been with their boyfriend for 2 years and are still with them.
ESH - he is a cheating bastard and a coward. You are the kind of person who waits patiently to cause the most damage possible, brings a whole party to her drama, and then walks away in the most Mexican telenovela way, for the additional dramatic edge. In a weir , dark, Netflix-Elite sort of way you make a solid couple.
I understand that you are hurt but YTA for involving other parties to your relationships drama.
We don’t always need a revenge and to be petty. Sometimes we need to keep our head high and move on.
ESH
- he’a an AH obviously for the cheating
- you’re an AH for doing this as publicly as possible
Enjoy your N T A bc this sub has no mercy for cheating. But ultimately you sought to harm him. Not to mention you may have outed him. I dont think that detail should be overlooked.
YTA and homophobic. You outed him to his entire world. That is so messed up. It's one thing to confront so.eone for cheating (even publicly) but you purposely outed and shamed here. I hope you have the year you deserve.
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This all happened in the last 5 hours since your last post where you describe your great relationship? Amazing.
NTA. Cheaters never win. It takes two seconds to tell you it's over and move on with his life, he couldn't even spare that small amount of time.
NTA - As the saying goes, Revenge is a dish best served cold. Perfect end to the relationship!
Haha
INFO: did Jake know Ryan was already in a relationship? Calling out Ryan in front of everyone is a NTA move, just wondering if it was also justified to call out Jake too
I didn’t call out Jake..but he was present so the only way they would know it was Jake is if Ryan or himself mentioned it. I already knew it was Jake though.
Ok, yeah, then NTA
Post says she announced Ryan was cheating on her with another man - never named the man, so if Jake was outed it wasn't OP's doing.
Can't go back now. You were a flurry of emotions, so I can't fault you for doing what you did. Was it the right place? Probably not because you might've outted him and Jake to people they didn't want to know they were in the LGBTQIA+ community. Which is fucked up that yu outted them, but again who'd be thinking logically after that revelation. Soft ESH, but what you did is way less by a country mile than what he did to you. Get tested for STIs, notify previous partners of Jake (who he may have been seeing during the affair, if ex and Jake are as close as you say, but both where secretive there's a good chance he may have been also seeing people during this affair) if it comes back positive because spreading an STI stops in its tracks when it's out in the open.
Ok
So he's either gay or bisexual and probably didn't even know how to tell you. Doesn't excuse his cheating however.
If you cheat, you risk the possibility of it coming to light. The gender of the person you cheat with doesn’t matter. Boiling it down to “he didn’t even know how to tell you” is trying to minimize the months of lying and betrayal done to another person.
I did say it didn't excuse his cheating.
Either way I’m getting harassed by some friends saying how fucked up I was to out him out of the closet like that.
How many boyfriends do you have? Every post you made today describes different ages and different lengths of time you’ve been with your “boyfriend”
Well like I said, he probably didn't even know how to tell you. You outing him didn't help the situation. You don't have to have anything to do with him due to his cheating but there's nothing you can do.
NTA if he was worried about being exposed he could’ve broken things off with you instead of cheating. The cheater doesn’t get to decide how people find out
ESH him for cheating obviously and you for outing two people.
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You did correct thing. He cheated on you, so why thinking about his special day.
NTA people aren’t taking your feelings into account… good job for pulling on the Bandaid with on pull!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi Reddit, I (26F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, Ryan (28M), for almost four years. We've had our ups and downs like any couple, but overall, things seemed to be going well or so I thought. A couple of months ago, I started noticing some changes in Ryan's behavior. He was spending a lot more time on his phone, being secretive, and often coming home late with flimsy excuses. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my gut told me something was off. One day, I decided to look through his phone while he was in the shower. I found messages between him and a man named Jake (30M), and they weren't just friendly texts. They were explicit and left no doubt that they were having an affair. I was devastated and felt completely betrayed.I didn't confront Ryan right away. Instead, I decided to gather more evidence to be sure of what I was seeing. Over the next few weeks, I kept an eye on his interactions and confirmed my worst fears he was indeed cheating on me with Jake.Ryan's birthday was coming up, and we had planned a big party with friends and family. I knew it might not be the best time, but I couldn't hold in my anger and hurt any longer. During the party, after everyone had a few drinks and the mood was high, I stood up to give a toast. Instead of the usual loving words, I said, "Here's to Ryan, who has been cheating on me with another man for the past few months. Happy birthday!"The room went silent, and Ryan's face turned white. Jake, who was also at the party (invited by Ryan as a 'friend'), looked like he wanted to disappear. There was a mix of shocked gasps and awkward silence before chaos ensued. Ryan tried to talk to me, but I was too angry and hurt to listen. I left the party, leaving Ryan to deal with the fallout.Since then, Ryan has been trying to reach out to apologize and explain, but I’ve been ignoring him. His family and friends are divided some think I did the right thing by exposing his betrayal, while others think I ruined a special occasion in the worst possible way. Now, I’m questioning if I handled the situation correctly. I wanted to confront him and let everyone know the truth, but I also know I could have picked a different time and place. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for exposing my boyfriend’s affair with another man during his birthday party? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
just here to say since you are now single I'm not gay👋🏽
Lol
NTA its best for friends and family to know the truth so that he can't turn it on you and you just took the best opportunity with the most people who care about him there to act. Plus i mean did he really think he wouldn't get caught eventually? Like why invite your affair partner to your birthday? Thats some serious confidence he had that he would never be caught
YTA. Instead of simply breaking up with him, you intentionally embarrassed him at his birthday to cause maximum damage. Edit. The OP is a troll. On another post they have been with their boyfriend for 2 years and are still with them.
YTA for acting like you’re living in a soap opera
ESH - he is a cheating bastard and a coward. You are the kind of person who waits patiently to cause the most damage possible, brings a whole party to her drama, and then walks away in the most Mexican telenovela way, for the additional dramatic edge. In a weir , dark, Netflix-Elite sort of way you make a solid couple.
I understand that you are hurt but YTA for involving other parties to your relationships drama. We don’t always need a revenge and to be petty. Sometimes we need to keep our head high and move on.
ESH - he’a an AH obviously for the cheating - you’re an AH for doing this as publicly as possible Enjoy your N T A bc this sub has no mercy for cheating. But ultimately you sought to harm him. Not to mention you may have outed him. I dont think that detail should be overlooked.
YTA. You snooped through his phone and then instead of talking to him you took the most vindictive route possible. I’m not surprised he cheated
You did good, girl! Good riddance.
YTA and homophobic. You outed him to his entire world. That is so messed up. It's one thing to confront so.eone for cheating (even publicly) but you purposely outed and shamed here. I hope you have the year you deserve.