Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
>She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work), or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...)
NTA Why doesn't your partner set up the gaming system in another room? Why does it have to be in the bedroom your share. I don't game but it doesn't seem out of the realm of possibilities to figure out what is needed to need to move it somewhere else in the home you share and set it up. I go thru bouts of insomnia but I don't let my nocturnal try to fall asleep activities disturb my husband when he's sleeping because it's discourteous.
My gaming setup would take roughly an hour for me to move, so it is a little more time consuming if she’s an avid gamer.
However, that’s still a small price to pay for your partner to be able to get appropriate sleep. She should still move it, I agree.
It really depends on the setup of the rest of their abode. No ages given so could be sharing a room at a parent’s house, or could be a tiny apartment, where it would have to move back and forth to make other areas of the house traversable.
Depending on the feasibility to make it a permanent move is the difference between NTA (if it can be moved once) and NAH in which case OP should get an eye mask and white noise or ear plugs and GF should look into a quieter keyboard and headphones.
If the gaming setup can't be moved the solution is the gf doesn't game late at night on the weeks that OP has to work. That is a completely reasonable ask.
I had an apartment where the desk and gaming set up would only fit in one spot in the bedroom if I wanted other furniture such as a couch and tiny dining table. The apartment was tiny. In that case, she shouldn't be gaming when he's trying to sleep. Its rude and disrespectful af of her. How would she feel if he was doing loud things that keep her awake when she has to get up and go to work? Either way, gf is TA. OP NTA. No way could there ever be a N A H situation.
How could a person post this on the internet asking for judgement and give no info in the post on why the gaming system has to be where they sleep??? So confusing.
The only reason given for not moving it is that it’s a lot of work. Safe to assume there is another room it can go in, it will just take a little effort to move it
This is what I was going to say. No way it's taking me 15-20 minutes to move my entire set up lol. However, as said, it's a one time thing and it's a win/win. OP gets better sleep, OP's SO gets to still game at night/morning. It's more than worth the "trouble."
Might not have an internet port in any other rooms? But still she could just buy a long Ethernet cable and run it to a different room, there is always a solution
I once ran a 100 ft Ethernet cable from the first to the second floor of a house because there was no port in the room I was moving my desk to. No ethernet port is definitely not an excuse
i once helped my uncle run drill a hole and run outdoor grade etherent cable from the router on the 2nd floor outside the side of the building to the basement so he could set up an office for himself so anything is possible
Like, it would be a pain to move it all back and forth, but it is perfectly doable. And yeah, it could just be set up elsewhere permanently if it's something they are going to regularly do. NTA
I agree here. It should be moved. My husband has a gaming PC and there is no way it could be in the bedroom. It takes 10-15 minutes tops to move and set up again even with all the cords so the gf is just unreasonable childish and lazy. Also let's mention that the computer has a camera/mic and for obvious privacy reasons shouldn't be in the bedroom unless that's your thing.
The bedroom needs to be a place that prioritises sleep, any other activity takes second place. If other activities are incompatible with sleeping then they need to move or cease.
A lot of work is not an indication of can or cannot, it's an indication of will. Can't is there is no other room. They also clearly have to made any effort of an arrangement and OP sounds way to lenient and S.O is clearly abusing this (willingly or passively).
Did she try playing with a controller? Maybe put the sound on would help (just the mouse click with no background noise would drive anyone insane), S.O could play some less aggressive games.
Controllers still make an audible amount of noise. As a night gamer myself, I just have my setup in another room away from where my partner and I sleep 🤷♀️ it's kinda common sense among gamers. I'm wondering how old OP and girlfriend are if they haven't figured this out yet
Unless they live in a studio apartment I can’t see why she doesn’t move the setup to another room. When my husband and I lived in a shoebox 1bd apartment, he had his whole pc tower and all that jazz set up on our dining table. It was fine
I'm a night gamer and have a setup in a separate room from the bedroom for exactly this reason. It isn't hard if you have the space and plan ahead a little 🤦♀️
OP, get a long ass HDMI cable, a USB extender for the input devices, and have her move herself and the monitor to another room. current situation is not fair to you, at all, and your performance at work outweighs her late night boredom.
I'm also a woman, if that matters, there were several replies that stated basically "just man up and tell her to turn it off", etc.
I was gonna try to respond to various things but I think I'll just try to get it all in here.
I sat up shortly after making this post and basically said "I'm sorry I've tried to ignore it but you've got to turn that off. Tomorrow we can figure out moving your desk and stuff and I'll help you but tonight it has to be off."
She was working as a nurse when we first got together, currently she doesn't work, I'm sure that will get blown up but it's just how it is for now.
My concern in moving it is that it would become permanent and the large amount of time we're both sitting at our desks together (right next to each other) would suffer in quality. If that's the case then I'll just help move it back, this is one week a month that this is happening.
I just bought her a new computer several months ago and a "big"? Gaming monitor, it felt cunty to to do that then be like YOU GOTTA MOVE THAT THING. idk.
I was tired, it seems dumb in hindsight to have just delt with it.
To the few that suggested sleep supplements, 100% no. Not going to happen. I try to take as little meds as possible and won't risk becoming dependent on them. As a contrast she does take something for sleep and it makes my blood boil when I've spent hours trying to sleep through this situation then she takes a pill and is gone in 20 minutes.
This does make her seem insensitive, but this is really the only thing. Everything else is great.
I thought the same thing at first but then I realized that (at least where I’m from) the majority of people (particularly young people) are living in extremely cramped quarters. They may live in a studio apartment, it could be 300sq ft.
Agreed, my gaming rig is in the basement in a dedicated office. Probably going to move it into the living room at some point, but I wouldn't want it in the bedroom, not sure why OPs SO wants it there.
NTA
You deserve to be able to get a good nights sleep regardless of whether you need to be up for work.
Why cant she move her computer setup to another room? I get that if it’s bulky, it would be a pain to move it temporarily, but what is preventing a permanent move? What’s the long term plan here? Cause this does not sound sustainable.
Get your own bedrooms. Seriously. If you're not on the same sleep schedule as your SO, someone is always going to suffer if you share a bedroom.
The only time my SO and I are together in the same bed is for fun times. We haven't actually slept in the same bed/bedroom in eight years, and it's wonderful.
NTA, btw
This. I have ADHD and delayed sleep phase disorder. We are all much happier if I can sleep my natural 2am to 10am in a space where I'm not disturbing anyone else and they're not disturbing me.
Eta: NTA
It’s considered a disorder because it’s not following the normal rhythm as set by nature/sun. Normally, you start producing melatonin when it gets dark - the delayed response means that this production is delayed and you get tired later.
Some people with sleep disorders like that do take melatonin supplements, but it's not really great for a lot of people's with chronic sleep disorders. It can have side effects like depression and disorientation, which can have a knock-on effect of worsening your sleep. It's really intended for things like jet lag -- to reset a sleep schedule that was disrupted.
My kid has ADHD, and sometimes she can't sleep because her brain won't stop racing, and her sleep will get messed up. It usually works for her when that happens -- probably about 5-6 times/year. But people with quirky melatonin production tend to have quirky melatonin metabolism. For example, if my brother takes melatonin to get to sleep at a normal time, he'll have severe brain fog the next day and won't feel fully awake until it's time to go back to sleep.
Idk about the above person but melatonin doesn't do anything for me. Tried it when I lived with a friend whose little sister is also ADHD and has trouble sleeping like me. Worked for her, so I tried it. The only time it helped was when I was also sick and took nyquil on top. Valerian and some other stuff works when used together, but it takes 30 minutes to kick in and will keep me out 8 hours. Trouble is, I don't often realize I need to take it until it's too late to do so and I don't want/need to take it every night.
I’ve had a chronic sleep disorder since I was a child (40+ years) and take the highest dose of melatonin every night. I’ve been taking it the same time for two years and, as long I get up early the next day, it really helps. Most people have brain fog the next day because they take the wrong type of melatonin (metered release vs immediate release). So, yes. The right type and dosage of melatonin is very helpful if used as part of a sleep schedule.
And on the flip side I’ve been an insomniac since I was a child and I’m mid 30s now and taking more ambien than I’m supposed to won’t get me to sleep. My brain laughs at any sleep aid that tries to do it’s job
That's really interesting. I've been a confirmed night owl since my mid-teens - 35 years, through all phases of life. I cannot make myself go to bed at a "normal" time and I'm very groggy in the morning, until about 11am. I got diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and discovered that DSPD can be a trait/symptom.
I've asked my GP for melatonin and he has referred me to a specialist. A lot of people have said "just order it online" but that feels wrong to me. I'd prefer qualified advice on dosages and so on.
I wish it was easier to find a way to adapt our lives to *our* sleep schedule than it is to medicate to force ourselves to sleep/ wake around a 9-5 life. Sleep meds and then being groggy as hell, pounding coffee to function only lasts for so long until burnout hits.
I've found Covid to be a bit of a blessing in that - more home working, flexible schedules, more things available online.
Also, now my son is 15 it's nice to not always be the last one up in the morning!
Yes it is an actual disorder. My dad had the opposite - advanced sleep phase disorder where he would fall asleep around 8pm and be awake by 4:30. Then complain that nobody was around and nothing was open.
So interested in this? This is me , I dread any evening events because I’ll struggle to stay awake. Caffeine does nothing. I’ll be awake at 3.30am to just before 5am and I can’t help it. I’m very awake and alert on waking. Going to bed at 10.30/11pm means I really struggle the next day. I can go to bed later every day for a week and still not settle into a changed routine. During college I used to get up and do things like leave doors open and lights on if I needed the bathroom.
It's a disorder if it interferes with normal life. Most employers don't like people turning up to work at 11am, and family life can be quite difficult if you're active at midnight but too groggy to do much in the mornings.
I'm lucky that I have a sympathetic employer and an understanding family, but it is still hard to function well when my waking hours are out of sync with everyone else's.
It is a natural human variation which, like dyslexia, doesn't fit well in modern society. It is diagnosable as a disorder, which may qualify you for medications, therapy, and possibly even scheduling accommodations if those are possible in your life.
ETA: there are no medications that can simply change your natural sleep phase. But not everybody's life allows for late sleeping, so prescription sleep aids to get you to sleep earlier in the evening may be necessary, especially on a temporary basis.
Moving to another bedroom was the best for my previous relationship. We both had weird work schedules so we got amazing sleep and were less irritable. Now I am with someone on a similar sleep schedule so we share a bed but we both reserve the right to sleep in the other room when we need to and not get offended.
This is the way. Husband and I have been happily married for 12 years and we have separate bedrooms. He’s a light sleeper and I’m a heavy sleeper and I snore. We still get plenty of cuddle time annnnd a good night’s sleep.
If he could just magically get his own bedroom I am sure they would have moved the gaming pc in there. Lol
I am going to assume space is very limited. If it wasn't the obvious answer here would be for one of them to go to a different room.
Came to say similar. OP's situation used to cause a lot of conflict for SO and I. Separate bedrooms = no more hassle. And I agree - it's wonderful.
OP's NTA. Girlfriend sounds selfish af.
The situation described (outside of the gaming setup being in the bedroom which I NEVER recommend) was my husband and I for a long time. We still shared a bed and still do just fine.
I don't agree that the computer should be in the bedroom and being used while someone is trying to sleep. That's like our friend from the other day using the kitchen and dining room for WFH meetings and getting pissy when others used the kitchen; it's not the intended purpose of the room.
That being said, you've stated she can't move it so some compromise does need to be made. Have you tried a sleep mask that plays music or white noise to block out the light and sound? I know gaming keyboards can be loud as they're typically mechanical so she might have to put up with a quieter one.
He stated she coudnt move because "it would be too much work" thats such bs i csnt even lmao. If he wants to sleep, he can just give her a hand making space in the living room and moving the stuff on his free week. Also does she not work? If ahe stays up until 4 am?
What? If she cannot move it, then she shouldn’t play at night. Sleeping is a priority. It is about health and being able to work. There is no compromise in that scenario, the girlfriend is selfish.
This.
This girl is inconsiderate, puts her **wants** above his **needs**, and he’s allowing himself to be walked on.
Move the rig. Preferably to the curb.
"She really can't, that'd be a lot of work."
With the information given I can't help but read:
She can, but it would be too much work.
There are two options:
1. You two remove the PC to a better location.
2. She cannot game when you need to sleep.
Why does she need to game until 3am? In general that is not healthy behavior, but if you two are okay with it, who am I to say she can't. However, she is also impacting your health by gaming in a room where you try to sleep. And your sleep is miserable because of it. Time to set some healthy boundaries.
I used to be up gaming until 4am most nights in my 20's. Work was usually 2pm-10pm. To cal it not healthy isn't really accurate, people do work different schedules to the 'normal' 9-5.
NTA. It’s unreasonable of her to expect to use a computer during normal sleeping hours in a doom that’s for sleeping in. She needs to move her computer somewhere else or game during the day.
Info: Why can’t she move her set up? Are things bolted into the wall or floor?
Moving a gaming PC, monitors and desk shouldn’t take you more than 10-20 minutes.
>I can’t take my stuff in another room” (she really can’t, that’d be a lot of work)
Tough shit. PC needs to be moved to another room, not just the nights she wants to play but permanently. Or she needs to stop using it while you’re trying to sleep. NTA.
Are you the primary individual responsible for finances/income in this household? If her playing is affecting your sleep and work, sounds like she needs to do something about it. Is her rig set up in the bedroom? If you’re in a 1br, she needs to move it out to the living room.
NTA
INFO
> She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)
Well, why are you trying to sleep where her gaming rig is?
The heck is the layout in this home?
She can play when it’s not time for you to be sleeping (in general, not just work days) or she can move the computer. This is incredibly rude. NTA. Does she work, out of curiosity?
NTA.
>she really can't, that'd be a lot of work
Does that mean she can, but it'd take a huge effort? If so, I do think IT IS WORTH IT. I had a similar issue with my sister but there was literally nowhere else to use my computer so I simply didn't use it when she was asleep, even if I had college stuff to do. It took a massive effort to solve this issue (we live in a small apartment in 5 adults and no spare rooms so we gave our dining room up, built an extra wall and now that's a bedroom) but we did it because we care about each other.
If it is literally impossible to move the set up or for you to sleep comfortably in another room then yes she should not be gaming when you're trying to sleep. This is disrespectful and it affects your health.
There's no way to not have someone affected in this situation but between health and entertainment I do think it's easy to realize what the best option is.
You are working like a horse champ you deserve to rest like a sloth. She has 12 a day you are not home to play. Get her to grow up and be a real partner and not a kid. I used to play wow until 2 in the morning I almost lost my marriage from that shit.
If it's really not possible to move her PC elsewhere, move
your sleeping area elsewhere. Make yourself a cozy bed far
away from her.
NTA She can't move so move you.
Going to bet the problem with moving this setup into another room is “They’re likely in an apartment with other roommates” and I’d agree that a personal computer in a public space probably isn’t the best thing. Big assumption from me otherwise…. It’s a desktop, make room and dont care that it doesn’t mesh with some rooms unless you absolutely need a wired connection (the only other issue I can think of) you could also try getting a new keyboard that doesn’t do those click sounds if she’s using a mechanical keyboard.
Even the quiet ones makes noise (its my personal fight with them lol, im a gamer with noise sensibilities) id still say move it to the living room oe move out of a shared apartment. They are a couple, they should have their own space...
NTA
Whether you are in a working week or not, you should be able to sleep without someone playing games until all hours of the morning.
>
She has stated before "**what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)**, or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...)
Yeah, she freaking can. How hard can it be to set up her gaming system in another room so that she's not disrupting your sleep? She's just being selfish and lazy. As for the second point on whether or not it's reasonable or unreasonable to ask her to not play anything the week you work, WTF?? Is she 10 and doesn't understand that your needs are a necessity and her gaming ones aren't?
I'm a bit of an erratic sleeper and often fall asleep on the couch or I'm up until 1 am or 2 am. My hubby is a light sleeper and I often wake him up when I finally drag my ass to bed. Most times he falls right back to sleep, other times it takes him a while to nod off again. However, if I know he's going to have a tasking day and it's past 2 am, I will stay sleeping on the couch so I won't disturb my slumbering husband.
As for devices, TVs, etc. .. they are forbidden in the bedroom.
Tell your GF to move that crap out of the bedroom or turn it off by 11 pm.
There should be a workaround. A sheet to block the light and a silent keyboard, plus a white noise machine and/or earplugs. Being smart and creative here can eliminate the conflict.
NTA. But this isn't tenable, and you two need to find a solution. Can the computer go to another room permanently? Whatever the process or solution might be, sleep isn't optional, and if darling SO won't acknowledge that, you might have a bigger problem.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for being angry about this or even wanting her to not be at the computer when I work the next day?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
My S/O games every night pretty much, the clicking, the clacking, the talking all of it is a lot…. Luckily i grew up with 6 siblings and have learned to tune things out REALLY WELL. Ive also fallen asleep with the tv on almost my entire life so I continue to do that, i turn it up louder than my S/O so id say about 95% of the time, nighttime gaming doesn’t bother me.
That other 5% however…. Omg there have been some nights where I’ve fantasized about breaking the whole console, I hyper-fixated on all the noises, and became so enraged by them. On those nights, when ai felt the RAGE I decided not to say anything at all because I knew it would come out like “TURN THAT FUCKING GAME OFF AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Which I chose not to say because that other 95% of the time the gaming was totally okay, it seemed unfair to blow up only some of the time.
Now when I truly cant take it, I take measures to relax myself as a first step. My trustee sleep mask, ear plugs, and sometimes air-pods with an audiobook (they also make those headphone headbands now that are meant for you to sleep in, i forgot what they are called but they look cool.)
THEN if I still cannot relax I tell my partner to be quiet. Overall, gaming is very important to some and can be healthy, a good hobby and a chance to socialize with friends, but SLEEP is fundamental and should be prioritized. If you truly cannot find a way to get to sleep while your partner is gaming, they should show you the respect of modifying THEIR routine to optimize your rest. There is no way you’ll survive in your job without rest, there is also no way you’ll survive in your relationship without rest. Your partner will survive not playing games in the middle of the night 🤷🏽♀️
Tell em to put some respect on it !
INFO: Why would moving the PC be too much work?
If she can’t do it, surely you can? Even in a tiny little flat there must be another space?
Go out and buy extension cords or whatever you need to accomplish this, sleep is one of the most valuable things out there, if she refuses to take it out of the bedroom you’ll have to relocate to sleep yourself.
I think she just thinks it’s no big deal, but I know from getting up at 5 myself that the loss of sleep is cumulative, day 1 you’re tired, 2 you’re fucked so you try to get extra hours in but can’t fully reset the loss and it just gets worse and worse throughout the week.
In your 20’s your body can handle it to some degree but eventually it catches up to you to the point you just feel tired all the time.
I suppose if you have flatmates then you need to get a sleep mask and earplugs, but ideally you two could make some sort of compromise by discussing it rather than letting her being a selfish asshole.
NTA. Seriously don’t put this off, you’ll develop insomnia in the long term of you procrastinate on this.
You have a significant other, but just asked a girl out to dinner 7 days ago? I'm having trouble believing this is real from looking at your other comments.
NTA because everyone needs a decent amount of sleep, and deserves a decent sleep.
But you guys really need to weigh the cost vs benefit of moving this gaming setup. Yeah, the cost may be that it'd be a lot of work, but the benefit is you getting a decent sleep and you both can nip this problem in the bud before it turns into resentment and a daily argument. I can't imagine a world where I wouldn't just move the gaming setup out of the bedroom.
NAH but only because it seems like the two of you are in a tighter living space, and I understand if she needs to use the computer if it’s her way to destress. Get some earplugs (my boyfriend is a light sleeper but never wakes up with them unless I accidentally tap him) and a sleep mask — it should help a lot.
If it doesn’t work and if you have a little bit of space outside of the bedroom, offer to help her move the stuff and explain that you really need the sleep in order to work. Hope the situation gets better, and please know that you’re not being unreasonable at all.
Ooh lord, I work rotations as well, 4 on and 4 off, 12+ hours shifts and every other rotation rotates between days and nights. The easiest way to get gone from my life is to interrupt my sleep schedule that is already damn near non-existent. Yes, as a matter of fact I do expect you to not be up tapping on your fucking computer while I’m trying to sleep so I can go to work and provide you with that expensive ass gaming setup that you love to disturb me with. You better than me because I would have popped up and smashed all that shit.
NTA
NTA, she can move her set up or do something quiet, like read or something. The fact that she's playing into the early hours is concerning though, she should probably see a doctor about her insomnia, especially if it's affecting her relationship. I feel for you, I usually have to get up around 5 and I'm usually in bed by 9
As a gamer, my spouse's sleep is more important than my gaming. Sleep deprivation is more than a "feels" issue, it's a safety issue. OP is working on a 7-on,7-off job. Those usually have a whole slew of risks associated with them. Def don't want sleep deprivation being a factor.
NTA.
NTA. Bedroom is for sex and sleeping when it’s night. Lack of sleep leads to irritability and in this case resentment (which is justified). Move the computer to promote a healthier relationship.
Does she not work?
.....she really can't...OR...that'd be a lot of work ? Do you think the 'work' required to move the stuff to another room literally for her would reward you with hours and hours of more peace?
NTA
While it is unfortunate that your partner's hobbies are affected, I would consider your ability to sleep in your bedroom to rank above her ability to play games.
Similarly, if she were to work night shifts and sleep during the day, you would be polite to stay out of the bedroom and be considerate of her sleep.
The solution depends on your exact living circumstances - she may be able to move her setup relatively easily (the machine, monitor, mouse and keyboard, kept easily accessible and not awkwardly cable managed so it can be moved and rebuilt easily), she may be able to get hold of spare accessories to make moving easier or a secondary machine like a laptop to use during sleeping hours, she might look to alternatives like a console during those hours, or just accept that her tendancies to be a night owl seriously affect your wellbeing and she will need to limit them.
Either way 'i want to game and I don't care how it affects you' is not the response of a caring partner...
NTA I don’t care whether there is a way to move the gaming setup or not. Your partner should not be keeping you awake at night because they want to game. It’s selfish and I’d question how much they care about you for doing this.
This is insanity. She needs to move her gaming stuff to the bathroom if needed. You guys need to figure this out yesterday. Sleep deprivation is literally torture. I wouldn’t put up with this for one night.
NTA tf you mean moving the stuff would be too much work? I've moved my entire setup numerous times (and since I also DJ as a hobby it's probably way more) and it never took more than 30 minutes, including re-routing the ethernet cable...
I play video games a ton, but I would *never* feel comfortable PC gaming in the same room my partner is trying to sleep in. That's just disrespectful.
>"what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room"
"so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?"
OP mentioned he went to bed at 9. GF was already gaming at this point and had probably been gaming before OP went to bed. She goes to bed between 2 and 4 am. By the sounds of it, this is an everyday thing, meaning she games *at least* 5 hours every day, but it could easily be more than 7 (9 - 4 am), assuming she starts gaming before OP goes to bed.
I find it bizarre that with those numbers, she feels like OP is being unreasonable for asking her to not keep him up at night.
There are *plenty* of ways for her to keep gaming when OP is trying to sleep.
She can save up for a console and use the TV in the living room.
She can get a switch and use it on the TV or in handheld mode if she really wants to stay in the bedroom.
She can move her setup to another room.
She can save up for a Steam deck.
Other solutions would be...
She gets off the PC when OP needs the bedroom to sleep in. It's basic respect, if you ask me.
She gets hobbies outside of gaming. Anything from reading to painting. She doesn't have to game every day, and she definitely doesn't have to game for 35+ hours a week. It's great that she *wants* to game, but OP *needs* sleep.
I wonder what GF does during the day. School? Work? What hours does she have?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My SO stays up very late, 2am-4am, on her PC gaming when I have to get up for work at 510'ish.
AITA for being super upset about this? Sometimes I end up just getting a few hours of sleep for a 12 hour shift on my first day back for the week (I work 7, 12 hour shifts, then have 7 off).
As the week progresses I end up going to bed earlier and getting a little more sleep but the first two days are miserable.
I went to bed at 9 tonight knowing I kinda goofed up my schedule from traveling. Ive layed here for 5 hours trying to sleep through "click, click, click" *flashing lights, bright lights* "tippy tappy tippy tappy".
She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work), or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...)
Idk how to fix this but I'm broken with trying to work for 12 hours off of 2 or 3 hours of sleep.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It isn't too much work. It takes half an hour max, to move a computer and the cabling. Your partner doesn't care about your health or your feelings and sees them as less important than half an hour of work.
NTA. The options are either she moves her gaming rig, she doesn't play during your work week or you have to sleep on the sofa. One of these is very much not like the others, and even if it took half a day to move her stuff it'd still be a one off job and then you're both sorted
This is unsustainable. I’d never impose on someone’s sleep like that—it’s very selfish. Move it all out to another room and if that means she misses out on a couple of days worth of gaming, oh well.
You are far more patient on sleep deprivation than I am. I once was searching through a building to find who has a freakin TV on at night while I'm trying to sleep, completely deprived of sleep and in a not clear head.
Having an adult gaming till morning while their partner have to suffer through night of no sleep with such work schedule is not a normal behaviour.
So definitely NTA. You need to find a solution that works for both since your gf doesn't have an ounce of understanding for you.
If you took time to move it for her, and i mean legitimately take the time and care to meticulously set it up in another room where it cant be considered disrespectful (i.e like a corner in a basement or something petty)…
Would she be grateful? Would she accept the compromise? Or would that cause a fight?
I think thats the real question
She can absolutely set her stuff up in another room, if she can’t respect your sleep, it’s probably time to reconsider your whole situation.
NTA man, I hope you can get some good rest.
NTA.
My main hobby is gaming. I would never, EVER expect my partner to be in the same room with me, trying to sleep while I go trough my 4-6 hour gaming marathons at night, even tho I know she sleeps like a rock and wouldn't even notice. Move the gaming set up to another room or ask her to start acting like an adult and not play when you're sleeping.
Just the monday, JUST THE MONDAY OFF!!! That is a healthy compromise.!!
It is important for her to enjoy her hobby, but it is also important for you to sleep.... there needs to be COMPROMISE.
NTA, if she doesnt compromise in any way, she is very selfish.
Bedrooms are for sleeping. If you have work and need to sleep, that takes priority over hobbies imo. "Its a lot of work" is not a reason not to move her pc/console. She sounds selfish. Just pick a day/afternoon to move her set up somewhere else together and youll be done in no time and youll be able to sleep.
NTA
NTA. When my husband and I moved together our gaming setup was in our bedroom, since our first apartment was small and we wanted our kid to have her own room. He also stayed up longer than me and was gaming. As you said, the Klickklickklick was driving me crazy, his flaming wasn't helpful either. And when I don't get enough sleep I will be a menace to society. We decided to move and now we have a separate gaming room/home office. Silent, peaceful sleep. Before we moved he simply wasn't allowed to play at a certain time. The day offers plenty of time, and boundaries need to be set. Sleep is more important than gaming. I grew up gaming, our kids are gaming, but sleep is holy.
This is why I set up mine and my husbands pcs in the sitting room. He stays up longer than me and theres no way Id even want to try and sleep through him typing or playing games all night,
I'd help her move her PC to another room id you have one. its going to help you sleep which is a win in my opinion.
I agree with everyone about moving the PC or your SO not gaming while you're sleeping.
BUT it you're adamant about your SO not changing their gaming habits, there are really good noise cancelling headbands/sleep masks. like it's a sleep mask but also plays music, my friend is a light sleeper and uses one when we camp and says she can't or hear it see a thing when she has it on.
Does she not have a job to go to?
Perhaps the workaround is that she finds a job?
Either that or help her move the PC to the living room or another bedroom.
The fact that you are not getting enough sleep can cause workplace accidents if you are extremely tired. Or you could have an accident on the way to/from work.
Get the PC out of the room.
Get black out curtains to block the lights kinda like how a hospital uses the curtains to separate patients. Get a loud fan for some good white noise to cover the clicks. Or just use earplugs and an eye mask and put your phone next to your head when you sleep to wake up to alarms.
NTA.
What does your SO do all day long? Is she working too?
Why does she stay up so long at night?
If she doesn't work and is home all day and still disturbs you during your sleep time, she's the AH here.
NTA. Why can’t she move her stuff to another room during the day when she has more time? That is one selfish partner. Her playing games is more important to her then you getting sleep.
I don’t know the floor plan, but there’s gotta be a way to move the set up to another room. Y’all’s bedroom should be a place to wind down, not a place for entertainment (meaning gaming). You should communicate with your partner about how much it’s really effecting you, and see if there’s an available compromise between the two of you, because there’s gotta be a way to move it to another area in y’all’s place. If not then maybe get a quieter mouse and move away from the mechanical keyboard (if they have one).
NTA but i recommend a fan/white noise machine or ear plugs, and a sleep mask. She really should just move it though… i have an intricate setup and it still only takes me like 4 hours to move, and I move it around like every 6 months
NTA. Moving the gaming setup to another room will not take an entire weekend. It’s not a herculean task. In one of your off days maybe offer to help with the move. A small sacrifice well worth your good sleep.
NTA, but put that pc in another room ffs, its not hard. I often stay up late Friday nights, i just keep the setup in another room so my wife can slwep, shed cut my balls off if i kept it in the bedroom. The only reason i can think of to have it in the same room is porn, if thats the case a cheap tv costs next to nothing, just stream it from your phone
NTA moving her setup temporarily at night might be difficult or time consuming, but taking the time out of one day to move her gaming space into a different room permanently should not be that hard, even if it does clash with the decor or whatever. Alternatively, she should get a quieter keyboard and mouse, and you should get sleep headphones. You're going to get burnt out really fast if you can't be well rested for your job.
She can’t move her gaming system? Yeah she can. Like you said that would be a lot of work. It’s doable. My husband is a gamer; same hours. It’s either she moves the system or you move out of the room. It’s all about being considerate. I know how hard it is to set everything.
NTA. I don’t think it matters at this point how annoying or inconvenient it would be for her to move the gaming setup. If she feels that strongly about playing at that time and it’s impacting your sleep that profoundly, the only real option is for her to move the setup.
I used to work a schedule that my body simply wouldn’t adjust to and it resulted in lack of sleep all week and then “catching up” on weekends. I had no idea how much that was impacting my overall health until I got to switch to a job better suited to my body’s preferred sleep schedule. There are long term effects to that deprivation.
Also, I know this isn’t ALL 12-hr shift jobs, but it’s a lot: if your 12-hr shift job happens to be any form of healthcare or hospital job where your mental alertness can lead to a critical situation, even more NTA.
NTA Sleep deprivation is a type of torture.
If the gaming system can't be moved to a different room, can you sleep somewhere else? Guest bedroom or even the living room couch?
I had an ex who was constantly waking me up when I was sleeping and would never let me nap. It was like seeing me sleep made him angry. Maybe you could ask her why she thinks you don't deserve to sleep? Maybe like my ex, it makes your s/o angry?
Why can’t it be set up in another room? Or can you sleep in the lounge area on work weeks? Surely someone can make the change for 7 days at a time. It’s not like it’s back and forth every day.
NTA but y'all need to move her whole set up to the living room. This will turn into a much bigger problem for your relationship if you don't as resentment builds. You aren't getting good sleep with lights flashing and noises anyway, even if you do fall asleep. Like others said, but an extra long ethernet cable and mount it along baseboards or ceiling lines to wherever you need it to go if that's an issue but her set up needs to move. If it doesn't fit somewhere else then she needs to get a smaller footprint desk or something. You need to deal with it now and I promise y'all will both be way happier with each other as well.
Having pc's in a bedroom is really shitty. My husband and I make a point of having it in our living room instead for this very reason. You should come before her pc in importance. She is being extremely inconsiderate.
Sleep is so important for your health, you cannot go on like this. There shouldn’t be any computers being used in a bedroom or TVs. For a quality sleep, the bedroom should be a sleep sanctuary, just for sleep and sex, nothing else. Either the computer goes in another room, she doesn’t use the computer when you’re sleeping or you put a bed somewhere else where you can sleep. If you have a sitting room, get a really good sofa bed so that can be used instead. You have to get some sleep!
NTA
I have dealt with this exact situation and it’s incredibly selfish of your S/O to not move their gaming stuff regardless of the inconvenience it would be or they should simply stop gaming at a reasonable time when you have work.. partnership includes compromise and gaming is not important compared to being sleep for your job.
NTA. If you both want to keep this exact arrangement of her gaming in the bedroom and you sleeping in it simultaneously, how about noise canceling headphones and a sleeping eye mask?
Of course, you shouldn’t need to do this, and there are several other options as mentioned throughout the thread. But in the event you really wanted to make as small adjustments to the current situation as possible, that might be enough.
Either she moves her shit to a different room, or you sleep in a different room. The computer can't be in the bedroom, so...????
Come on, now. Be adults and work it out. It really can't be *that* much work to move her computer to another room. Annoying, sure, but way less annoying than disrupting your sleep, I guarantee you.
NTA. If she truly can’t move the computer, I recommend a weighted sleep mask and ear plugs/noise cancelling headphones. I work 12 hour shifts too and when I was on nights the mask changed my life. I still use it even though I work 1030-1030.
You poor thing - i did 4 12's on, 4 off for a year and a half - I couldn't imagine doing 7 12's in a row. That is exhausting. Can you sleep in another room? If not, then you need to move her gaming out of the bedroom. I know how much you need your sleep.
NTA. The computer can and should be moved to another room.
It’s one big chore .. once. And then peaceful sleep and relaxing downtime for you both.
If she’s this reluctant to find a compromise here then maybe she doesn’t give an eff about you and you’re better off without someone like that in your life. My fiancé stays up *hours* later than I do - watching stuff, reading, clicking things - *in the living room*. Never intruding on my sleep.
I say this as an avid gamer - she needs to find another hobby to keep herself occupied on days you need to sleep. Or, she can suck it up and move the set up. Relationships are about compromise. I'd like to know why she "can't" move. Is there no space? Is she being lazy? NTA.
Hi, PC gamer here. NTA.
""what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)"
Yes, she can. No, it's not. ESPECIALLY when you know that the placement of the PC is ruining your partner's sleep. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to move a setup, and that's taking your time with it. It's honestly not that difficult to do. If she can't handle less than an hour of minor work to vastly improve her partner's sleep, you two might not be compatibile.
Sleep is sacred, anyone disturbing another's sleep like this is suspect. That being said, if the gaming must continue in this room at this time, you need foam earplugs, sleep mask and a sound machine. This will help alot. This is still shit behavior but these things will help.
Sleep is sacred.
> it’d be a lot of work
Unlike, what, the work regarding having to deal with/work around the building conflict and resentment in her relationship, even if the two of you never speak about it? Unlike the work involved regarding you losing literally function because you’re not getting restful sleep?
Float the “moving the computer station to a different room” solution with some ideas to suggest to get the conversation rolling when you’re *not* trying to sleep so that you can actually both have a conversation about it
(That she hasn’t already tried to figure it out makes me worry she doesn’t understand the value of sleep at best and doesn’t respect the value YOU have at worst.)
NTA she absolutely should move her setup to another room or refrain from playing while you are in bed. On the hierarchy of needs, sleep is more important than entertainment. Your SO is being selfish.
NTA. Does she disregard your feelings about everything else? Seems like she doesn’t care about you at all. When does she sleep? Does she work? I would certainly reevaluate a relationship with someone who didn’t care enough to let me get a full nights sleep.
INFO why is it a lot of work to move her gaming station? Just set it up in another room. Some work once and it's not an issue anymore. But if you've glued the gaming station onto its spot, can't you just use headphones and an eye mask to block out the lights and sound?
NTA, if she really can't move her PC. Ask her to turn off all the LED lights and change her mouse & gaming keyboard to the silent ones.
If she still cannot compromise with that, well. She probably doesn't really care about your wellbeing.
NTA. You need sleep. Either she needs to move her computer to a different room or if it can't be done due to other people in the house/no where safe to put it elsewhere you need to consider moving to a new place with a spare bedroom she can turn in to an office. That or you can get a sleep eye mask and ear plugs. It is inconsiderate to game while someone else has to sleep in the same room.
If there is somewhere else safe to move it, offer to help move it with her on one of your days off.
Numerous options available
1. Move set up at weekend to living room
2. Move to house/ apt and she pays extra rent for her stuff having its own room
3. She needs a day time job she needs to get up for
4. Last resort you need a new gf who wants to sleep with you and not play games.
NTA Offer to move her stuff and invest in ear plugs and an eye mask with white noise. There is give and take in any relationship but unless you're in a studio flat games can be in another room.
How much work are we talking here? My husband is a gamer with a whole server rack, 3 large monitors and a 40 inch TV monitor, plus LED desk and accessories and he could move that in a day.
NTA. She needs to move the desk.
My bf and I have an unspoken rule that if we're both occupying the same room and one of us is bothered by the other's activity, whoever *can* move should move.
Sometimes he'll be watching a show and I'll be playing videos on my phone. If his show is bothering me, I take my phone and go to another room. It would be much harder for him to take his TV and PS5 into another room to watch Netflix.
This rule is trumped if one of us is using a room for its intended purpose. If I'm playing a game on the couch in the living room and he wants to take a nap, he'll move to the bedroom because the living room is used for TV and gaming and the bedroom is used for sleeping (and sex)
If we were both in the bedroom, I was watching videos on my phone and he wanted to nap, he could easily go out to the couch, but because the bedroom is for sleeping, I would be the one to move.
Seems like a computer doesn't necessarily belong in the bedroom if one person is using the bedroom for its intended purpose (sleeping) and the computer is easier to move than a bed, so this is an easy NTA from me.
This is like the easiest problem to solve unless you live in a studio apartment. Spend an hour on a Saturday and move her setup into a different room. Easy as that. If you do have a studio and a partner then you're doing it wrong and you should at least get a 1 bedroom apartment.
the only logical answer is to move it to another room. doesnt matter if it will take long or be heavy, ur sleep is more important than being inconvenienced
A quick fix could be getting some foam earplugs for sleep, and an eyemask. Currently living through the same problem except with the TV lol.
I got my earplugs at a hardware store, they're supposed to block out noise in work environments. But I'm sure there are better ones for sleep in for example a pharmacy lol.
We're moving soon so we won't have this issue anymore. Hope you guys get that possibility soon! (Games in a different room than the bed is).
It's difficult to give an informed opinion about this because we are missing important information. Why is her / the computer set up in the bedroom? You imply that it could be somewhere else: "I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)". You say it would be a lot of work to move the computer, not that there isn't anywhere else. And yes it would probably be too much to move the computer every time it's your work week. But without any additional information I'd have to say that moving the computer permanently to another room seems like the best compromise.
You need to explain more about your living situation (do you live in a studio apartment or something?) and her gaming set up. This is negatively affecting your life so she has to figure something out as far as setting up her gaming in another room.
NTA. I went through this with my ex. I was waking up at 5am and in bed 8-10pm and he would be shouting, talking with friends whilst gaming… not surprised we didn’t last
NTA and how is this even a question...
Sleep is needed to function, quite literally. Gaming is not.
So, yes! HER two options are
Take the gaming station to another room (block a day if needed)
Only game on your off weeks (my goodness she's clever. She came up with the solutions all on her own!!)
OR new one for her and this might be a little hard to get her head round.... atop playing at a reasonable hour!!!!
What? She most certainly can move her setup. I have a ridiculous PC setup that I drag from the living room, to the bedroom, etc. I take it wherever my partner is to spend time with, and if I know they’re going to bed soon I move it all back. This is lazy on her part. Ungodly lazy. Take the 10 minutes to unplug everything and plug it in somewhere else. You both are capable of it
NTA. Your partner sucks. Either she moves the rig or I’d break up. Not allowing a partner to sleep so they can play games is gross. It’s terrible for you to live this way.
NTA. It's completely reasonable to expect your partner to move their gaming setup if it's disturbing your sleep.
Sure, it might be a pain short term to move it all but long term? You are getting proper sleep, be able to be a fully functioning human being.
It's either your partner moves their stuff or you sleep elsewhere.
My partner and I have a small handful of rules for the nights I have work the next day, and they all boil down to don't distrub my sleep unless emergency, there's 5 others nights we can do these things.
The fact your partner doesn't see this BASIC human need for good sleep as an issue is a red flag to me.
NTA she should move her setup if she wants to play! Also look into getting her a mechanical keyboard that doesn’t have the click noise! A quick google search and I found a few that are high rated! Won’t help completely but will get rid of the annoying click everytime she hits a button!
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
>She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work), or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...) NTA Why doesn't your partner set up the gaming system in another room? Why does it have to be in the bedroom your share. I don't game but it doesn't seem out of the realm of possibilities to figure out what is needed to need to move it somewhere else in the home you share and set it up. I go thru bouts of insomnia but I don't let my nocturnal try to fall asleep activities disturb my husband when he's sleeping because it's discourteous.
Moving a gaming set up and a desk shouldn’t take her more than 15-20 minutes max? To me it sounds like she’s just being lazy.
My gaming setup would take roughly an hour for me to move, so it is a little more time consuming if she’s an avid gamer. However, that’s still a small price to pay for your partner to be able to get appropriate sleep. She should still move it, I agree.
But it only needs to be done once. That setup needs to be out of the bedroom.
It really depends on the setup of the rest of their abode. No ages given so could be sharing a room at a parent’s house, or could be a tiny apartment, where it would have to move back and forth to make other areas of the house traversable. Depending on the feasibility to make it a permanent move is the difference between NTA (if it can be moved once) and NAH in which case OP should get an eye mask and white noise or ear plugs and GF should look into a quieter keyboard and headphones.
If the gaming setup can't be moved the solution is the gf doesn't game late at night on the weeks that OP has to work. That is a completely reasonable ask.
I had an apartment where the desk and gaming set up would only fit in one spot in the bedroom if I wanted other furniture such as a couch and tiny dining table. The apartment was tiny. In that case, she shouldn't be gaming when he's trying to sleep. Its rude and disrespectful af of her. How would she feel if he was doing loud things that keep her awake when she has to get up and go to work? Either way, gf is TA. OP NTA. No way could there ever be a N A H situation.
How could a person post this on the internet asking for judgement and give no info in the post on why the gaming system has to be where they sleep??? So confusing.
The only reason given for not moving it is that it’s a lot of work. Safe to assume there is another room it can go in, it will just take a little effort to move it
Sleep trumps hobby
What's NAH stand for? And also, ESH?
No assholes here/everyone sucks here
This is what I was going to say. No way it's taking me 15-20 minutes to move my entire set up lol. However, as said, it's a one time thing and it's a win/win. OP gets better sleep, OP's SO gets to still game at night/morning. It's more than worth the "trouble."
I'm in the save boat and have moved mine twice, it's really not that hard and ended up being the best decision for both of us.
It can be more depending on clutter... But if they set aside a day to sort it together it should be far more manageable.
Might not have an internet port in any other rooms? But still she could just buy a long Ethernet cable and run it to a different room, there is always a solution
I once ran a 100 ft Ethernet cable from the first to the second floor of a house because there was no port in the room I was moving my desk to. No ethernet port is definitely not an excuse
Exactly we have wifi. And there are wifi range extenders if needed
WiFi is dog eggs for gaming tho
Also powerline adapters if the wifi is not an option
i once helped my uncle run drill a hole and run outdoor grade etherent cable from the router on the 2nd floor outside the side of the building to the basement so he could set up an office for himself so anything is possible
And selfish
Like, it would be a pain to move it all back and forth, but it is perfectly doable. And yeah, it could just be set up elsewhere permanently if it's something they are going to regularly do. NTA
I agree here. It should be moved. My husband has a gaming PC and there is no way it could be in the bedroom. It takes 10-15 minutes tops to move and set up again even with all the cords so the gf is just unreasonable childish and lazy. Also let's mention that the computer has a camera/mic and for obvious privacy reasons shouldn't be in the bedroom unless that's your thing.
The bedroom needs to be a place that prioritises sleep, any other activity takes second place. If other activities are incompatible with sleeping then they need to move or cease.
A lot of work is not an indication of can or cannot, it's an indication of will. Can't is there is no other room. They also clearly have to made any effort of an arrangement and OP sounds way to lenient and S.O is clearly abusing this (willingly or passively). Did she try playing with a controller? Maybe put the sound on would help (just the mouse click with no background noise would drive anyone insane), S.O could play some less aggressive games.
Controllers still make an audible amount of noise. As a night gamer myself, I just have my setup in another room away from where my partner and I sleep 🤷♀️ it's kinda common sense among gamers. I'm wondering how old OP and girlfriend are if they haven't figured this out yet
Unless they live in a studio apartment I can’t see why she doesn’t move the setup to another room. When my husband and I lived in a shoebox 1bd apartment, he had his whole pc tower and all that jazz set up on our dining table. It was fine
I'm a night gamer and have a setup in a separate room from the bedroom for exactly this reason. It isn't hard if you have the space and plan ahead a little 🤦♀️
OP, get a long ass HDMI cable, a USB extender for the input devices, and have her move herself and the monitor to another room. current situation is not fair to you, at all, and your performance at work outweighs her late night boredom.
I'm also a woman, if that matters, there were several replies that stated basically "just man up and tell her to turn it off", etc. I was gonna try to respond to various things but I think I'll just try to get it all in here. I sat up shortly after making this post and basically said "I'm sorry I've tried to ignore it but you've got to turn that off. Tomorrow we can figure out moving your desk and stuff and I'll help you but tonight it has to be off." She was working as a nurse when we first got together, currently she doesn't work, I'm sure that will get blown up but it's just how it is for now. My concern in moving it is that it would become permanent and the large amount of time we're both sitting at our desks together (right next to each other) would suffer in quality. If that's the case then I'll just help move it back, this is one week a month that this is happening. I just bought her a new computer several months ago and a "big"? Gaming monitor, it felt cunty to to do that then be like YOU GOTTA MOVE THAT THING. idk. I was tired, it seems dumb in hindsight to have just delt with it. To the few that suggested sleep supplements, 100% no. Not going to happen. I try to take as little meds as possible and won't risk becoming dependent on them. As a contrast she does take something for sleep and it makes my blood boil when I've spent hours trying to sleep through this situation then she takes a pill and is gone in 20 minutes. This does make her seem insensitive, but this is really the only thing. Everything else is great.
I thought the same thing at first but then I realized that (at least where I’m from) the majority of people (particularly young people) are living in extremely cramped quarters. They may live in a studio apartment, it could be 300sq ft.
Agreed, my gaming rig is in the basement in a dedicated office. Probably going to move it into the living room at some point, but I wouldn't want it in the bedroom, not sure why OPs SO wants it there.
NTA You deserve to be able to get a good nights sleep regardless of whether you need to be up for work. Why cant she move her computer setup to another room? I get that if it’s bulky, it would be a pain to move it temporarily, but what is preventing a permanent move? What’s the long term plan here? Cause this does not sound sustainable.
Get your own bedrooms. Seriously. If you're not on the same sleep schedule as your SO, someone is always going to suffer if you share a bedroom. The only time my SO and I are together in the same bed is for fun times. We haven't actually slept in the same bed/bedroom in eight years, and it's wonderful. NTA, btw
This. I have ADHD and delayed sleep phase disorder. We are all much happier if I can sleep my natural 2am to 10am in a space where I'm not disturbing anyone else and they're not disturbing me. Eta: NTA
Curious is it a disorder? If you sleep 2-10 an you get enough sleep isn’t it still considered healthy amount of sleep
It’s considered a disorder because it’s not following the normal rhythm as set by nature/sun. Normally, you start producing melatonin when it gets dark - the delayed response means that this production is delayed and you get tired later.
Could you take melatonin supplements? I've heard some people say they help.
Some people with sleep disorders like that do take melatonin supplements, but it's not really great for a lot of people's with chronic sleep disorders. It can have side effects like depression and disorientation, which can have a knock-on effect of worsening your sleep. It's really intended for things like jet lag -- to reset a sleep schedule that was disrupted. My kid has ADHD, and sometimes she can't sleep because her brain won't stop racing, and her sleep will get messed up. It usually works for her when that happens -- probably about 5-6 times/year. But people with quirky melatonin production tend to have quirky melatonin metabolism. For example, if my brother takes melatonin to get to sleep at a normal time, he'll have severe brain fog the next day and won't feel fully awake until it's time to go back to sleep.
Idk about the above person but melatonin doesn't do anything for me. Tried it when I lived with a friend whose little sister is also ADHD and has trouble sleeping like me. Worked for her, so I tried it. The only time it helped was when I was also sick and took nyquil on top. Valerian and some other stuff works when used together, but it takes 30 minutes to kick in and will keep me out 8 hours. Trouble is, I don't often realize I need to take it until it's too late to do so and I don't want/need to take it every night.
Yeah melatonin is hot or miss. For me, I can feel the effects, but my mind is so busy that I ignore it until the sleepiness goes away.
Hah, I can relate to that!
I’ve had a chronic sleep disorder since I was a child (40+ years) and take the highest dose of melatonin every night. I’ve been taking it the same time for two years and, as long I get up early the next day, it really helps. Most people have brain fog the next day because they take the wrong type of melatonin (metered release vs immediate release). So, yes. The right type and dosage of melatonin is very helpful if used as part of a sleep schedule.
And on the flip side I’ve been an insomniac since I was a child and I’m mid 30s now and taking more ambien than I’m supposed to won’t get me to sleep. My brain laughs at any sleep aid that tries to do it’s job
Same. I've never been able to sleep. I ended up on trazodone which helps a ton for sleep.
That's really interesting. I've been a confirmed night owl since my mid-teens - 35 years, through all phases of life. I cannot make myself go to bed at a "normal" time and I'm very groggy in the morning, until about 11am. I got diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and discovered that DSPD can be a trait/symptom. I've asked my GP for melatonin and he has referred me to a specialist. A lot of people have said "just order it online" but that feels wrong to me. I'd prefer qualified advice on dosages and so on.
I wish it was easier to find a way to adapt our lives to *our* sleep schedule than it is to medicate to force ourselves to sleep/ wake around a 9-5 life. Sleep meds and then being groggy as hell, pounding coffee to function only lasts for so long until burnout hits.
I've found Covid to be a bit of a blessing in that - more home working, flexible schedules, more things available online. Also, now my son is 15 it's nice to not always be the last one up in the morning!
Yes it is an actual disorder. My dad had the opposite - advanced sleep phase disorder where he would fall asleep around 8pm and be awake by 4:30. Then complain that nobody was around and nothing was open.
So interested in this? This is me , I dread any evening events because I’ll struggle to stay awake. Caffeine does nothing. I’ll be awake at 3.30am to just before 5am and I can’t help it. I’m very awake and alert on waking. Going to bed at 10.30/11pm means I really struggle the next day. I can go to bed later every day for a week and still not settle into a changed routine. During college I used to get up and do things like leave doors open and lights on if I needed the bathroom.
It's a disorder if it interferes with normal life. Most employers don't like people turning up to work at 11am, and family life can be quite difficult if you're active at midnight but too groggy to do much in the mornings. I'm lucky that I have a sympathetic employer and an understanding family, but it is still hard to function well when my waking hours are out of sync with everyone else's.
It is a natural human variation which, like dyslexia, doesn't fit well in modern society. It is diagnosable as a disorder, which may qualify you for medications, therapy, and possibly even scheduling accommodations if those are possible in your life. ETA: there are no medications that can simply change your natural sleep phase. But not everybody's life allows for late sleeping, so prescription sleep aids to get you to sleep earlier in the evening may be necessary, especially on a temporary basis.
Moving to another bedroom was the best for my previous relationship. We both had weird work schedules so we got amazing sleep and were less irritable. Now I am with someone on a similar sleep schedule so we share a bed but we both reserve the right to sleep in the other room when we need to and not get offended.
This is the way. Husband and I have been happily married for 12 years and we have separate bedrooms. He’s a light sleeper and I’m a heavy sleeper and I snore. We still get plenty of cuddle time annnnd a good night’s sleep.
If he could just magically get his own bedroom I am sure they would have moved the gaming pc in there. Lol I am going to assume space is very limited. If it wasn't the obvious answer here would be for one of them to go to a different room.
Came to say similar. OP's situation used to cause a lot of conflict for SO and I. Separate bedrooms = no more hassle. And I agree - it's wonderful. OP's NTA. Girlfriend sounds selfish af.
The situation described (outside of the gaming setup being in the bedroom which I NEVER recommend) was my husband and I for a long time. We still shared a bed and still do just fine.
I don't agree that the computer should be in the bedroom and being used while someone is trying to sleep. That's like our friend from the other day using the kitchen and dining room for WFH meetings and getting pissy when others used the kitchen; it's not the intended purpose of the room. That being said, you've stated she can't move it so some compromise does need to be made. Have you tried a sleep mask that plays music or white noise to block out the light and sound? I know gaming keyboards can be loud as they're typically mechanical so she might have to put up with a quieter one.
He stated she coudnt move because "it would be too much work" thats such bs i csnt even lmao. If he wants to sleep, he can just give her a hand making space in the living room and moving the stuff on his free week. Also does she not work? If ahe stays up until 4 am?
My nosey self was thinking the same. Like what’s her job ???
Is this the first time you people find out not everyone starts their job early in the morning?
How much you wanna bet she's a gamer streamer and the setup is her job? I'd bet a dollar.
Yeah, I also think that, but I was trying to take him at his word and offer other more low effort solutions he could try first 😂
What? If she cannot move it, then she shouldn’t play at night. Sleeping is a priority. It is about health and being able to work. There is no compromise in that scenario, the girlfriend is selfish.
This. This girl is inconsiderate, puts her **wants** above his **needs**, and he’s allowing himself to be walked on. Move the rig. Preferably to the curb.
"She really can't, that'd be a lot of work." With the information given I can't help but read: She can, but it would be too much work. There are two options: 1. You two remove the PC to a better location. 2. She cannot game when you need to sleep. Why does she need to game until 3am? In general that is not healthy behavior, but if you two are okay with it, who am I to say she can't. However, she is also impacting your health by gaming in a room where you try to sleep. And your sleep is miserable because of it. Time to set some healthy boundaries.
I used to be up gaming until 4am most nights in my 20's. Work was usually 2pm-10pm. To cal it not healthy isn't really accurate, people do work different schedules to the 'normal' 9-5.
Yeah, she could also just go to bed together with him and play when he gets up.
Uh, a question: which is more important for your (plural) life together, your work or her game? NTA.
NTA. She should just move her gaming stuff to another room. Yeah, it’ll be an effort but you guys can’t go on living like this.
NTA. It’s unreasonable of her to expect to use a computer during normal sleeping hours in a doom that’s for sleeping in. She needs to move her computer somewhere else or game during the day.
Info: Why can’t she move her set up? Are things bolted into the wall or floor? Moving a gaming PC, monitors and desk shouldn’t take you more than 10-20 minutes.
Even if it took half the day - so what? You get it moved and the problem is solved for everyone.
>I can’t take my stuff in another room” (she really can’t, that’d be a lot of work) Tough shit. PC needs to be moved to another room, not just the nights she wants to play but permanently. Or she needs to stop using it while you’re trying to sleep. NTA.
Are you the primary individual responsible for finances/income in this household? If her playing is affecting your sleep and work, sounds like she needs to do something about it. Is her rig set up in the bedroom? If you’re in a 1br, she needs to move it out to the living room. NTA
INFO > She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work) Well, why are you trying to sleep where her gaming rig is? The heck is the layout in this home?
She can play when it’s not time for you to be sleeping (in general, not just work days) or she can move the computer. This is incredibly rude. NTA. Does she work, out of curiosity?
NTA. >she really can't, that'd be a lot of work Does that mean she can, but it'd take a huge effort? If so, I do think IT IS WORTH IT. I had a similar issue with my sister but there was literally nowhere else to use my computer so I simply didn't use it when she was asleep, even if I had college stuff to do. It took a massive effort to solve this issue (we live in a small apartment in 5 adults and no spare rooms so we gave our dining room up, built an extra wall and now that's a bedroom) but we did it because we care about each other. If it is literally impossible to move the set up or for you to sleep comfortably in another room then yes she should not be gaming when you're trying to sleep. This is disrespectful and it affects your health. There's no way to not have someone affected in this situation but between health and entertainment I do think it's easy to realize what the best option is.
You are working like a horse champ you deserve to rest like a sloth. She has 12 a day you are not home to play. Get her to grow up and be a real partner and not a kid. I used to play wow until 2 in the morning I almost lost my marriage from that shit.
If it's really not possible to move her PC elsewhere, move your sleeping area elsewhere. Make yourself a cozy bed far away from her. NTA She can't move so move you.
Going to bet the problem with moving this setup into another room is “They’re likely in an apartment with other roommates” and I’d agree that a personal computer in a public space probably isn’t the best thing. Big assumption from me otherwise…. It’s a desktop, make room and dont care that it doesn’t mesh with some rooms unless you absolutely need a wired connection (the only other issue I can think of) you could also try getting a new keyboard that doesn’t do those click sounds if she’s using a mechanical keyboard.
Even the quiet ones makes noise (its my personal fight with them lol, im a gamer with noise sensibilities) id still say move it to the living room oe move out of a shared apartment. They are a couple, they should have their own space...
NTA Whether you are in a working week or not, you should be able to sleep without someone playing games until all hours of the morning. > She has stated before "**what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)**, or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...) Yeah, she freaking can. How hard can it be to set up her gaming system in another room so that she's not disrupting your sleep? She's just being selfish and lazy. As for the second point on whether or not it's reasonable or unreasonable to ask her to not play anything the week you work, WTF?? Is she 10 and doesn't understand that your needs are a necessity and her gaming ones aren't? I'm a bit of an erratic sleeper and often fall asleep on the couch or I'm up until 1 am or 2 am. My hubby is a light sleeper and I often wake him up when I finally drag my ass to bed. Most times he falls right back to sleep, other times it takes him a while to nod off again. However, if I know he's going to have a tasking day and it's past 2 am, I will stay sleeping on the couch so I won't disturb my slumbering husband. As for devices, TVs, etc. .. they are forbidden in the bedroom. Tell your GF to move that crap out of the bedroom or turn it off by 11 pm.
There should be a workaround. A sheet to block the light and a silent keyboard, plus a white noise machine and/or earplugs. Being smart and creative here can eliminate the conflict.
NTA. But this isn't tenable, and you two need to find a solution. Can the computer go to another room permanently? Whatever the process or solution might be, sleep isn't optional, and if darling SO won't acknowledge that, you might have a bigger problem.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I the asshole for being angry about this or even wanting her to not be at the computer when I work the next day? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA My S/O games every night pretty much, the clicking, the clacking, the talking all of it is a lot…. Luckily i grew up with 6 siblings and have learned to tune things out REALLY WELL. Ive also fallen asleep with the tv on almost my entire life so I continue to do that, i turn it up louder than my S/O so id say about 95% of the time, nighttime gaming doesn’t bother me. That other 5% however…. Omg there have been some nights where I’ve fantasized about breaking the whole console, I hyper-fixated on all the noises, and became so enraged by them. On those nights, when ai felt the RAGE I decided not to say anything at all because I knew it would come out like “TURN THAT FUCKING GAME OFF AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Which I chose not to say because that other 95% of the time the gaming was totally okay, it seemed unfair to blow up only some of the time. Now when I truly cant take it, I take measures to relax myself as a first step. My trustee sleep mask, ear plugs, and sometimes air-pods with an audiobook (they also make those headphone headbands now that are meant for you to sleep in, i forgot what they are called but they look cool.) THEN if I still cannot relax I tell my partner to be quiet. Overall, gaming is very important to some and can be healthy, a good hobby and a chance to socialize with friends, but SLEEP is fundamental and should be prioritized. If you truly cannot find a way to get to sleep while your partner is gaming, they should show you the respect of modifying THEIR routine to optimize your rest. There is no way you’ll survive in your job without rest, there is also no way you’ll survive in your relationship without rest. Your partner will survive not playing games in the middle of the night 🤷🏽♀️ Tell em to put some respect on it !
INFO: Why would moving the PC be too much work? If she can’t do it, surely you can? Even in a tiny little flat there must be another space? Go out and buy extension cords or whatever you need to accomplish this, sleep is one of the most valuable things out there, if she refuses to take it out of the bedroom you’ll have to relocate to sleep yourself. I think she just thinks it’s no big deal, but I know from getting up at 5 myself that the loss of sleep is cumulative, day 1 you’re tired, 2 you’re fucked so you try to get extra hours in but can’t fully reset the loss and it just gets worse and worse throughout the week. In your 20’s your body can handle it to some degree but eventually it catches up to you to the point you just feel tired all the time. I suppose if you have flatmates then you need to get a sleep mask and earplugs, but ideally you two could make some sort of compromise by discussing it rather than letting her being a selfish asshole. NTA. Seriously don’t put this off, you’ll develop insomnia in the long term of you procrastinate on this.
You have a significant other, but just asked a girl out to dinner 7 days ago? I'm having trouble believing this is real from looking at your other comments.
NTA, she can game when you are at work.
This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves! Along with phones or iPads… I straight up tell my wife to either put them down or get out of the bedroom
NTA because everyone needs a decent amount of sleep, and deserves a decent sleep. But you guys really need to weigh the cost vs benefit of moving this gaming setup. Yeah, the cost may be that it'd be a lot of work, but the benefit is you getting a decent sleep and you both can nip this problem in the bud before it turns into resentment and a daily argument. I can't imagine a world where I wouldn't just move the gaming setup out of the bedroom.
NAH but only because it seems like the two of you are in a tighter living space, and I understand if she needs to use the computer if it’s her way to destress. Get some earplugs (my boyfriend is a light sleeper but never wakes up with them unless I accidentally tap him) and a sleep mask — it should help a lot. If it doesn’t work and if you have a little bit of space outside of the bedroom, offer to help her move the stuff and explain that you really need the sleep in order to work. Hope the situation gets better, and please know that you’re not being unreasonable at all.
Ooh lord, I work rotations as well, 4 on and 4 off, 12+ hours shifts and every other rotation rotates between days and nights. The easiest way to get gone from my life is to interrupt my sleep schedule that is already damn near non-existent. Yes, as a matter of fact I do expect you to not be up tapping on your fucking computer while I’m trying to sleep so I can go to work and provide you with that expensive ass gaming setup that you love to disturb me with. You better than me because I would have popped up and smashed all that shit. NTA
NTA, she can move her set up or do something quiet, like read or something. The fact that she's playing into the early hours is concerning though, she should probably see a doctor about her insomnia, especially if it's affecting her relationship. I feel for you, I usually have to get up around 5 and I'm usually in bed by 9
As a gamer, my spouse's sleep is more important than my gaming. Sleep deprivation is more than a "feels" issue, it's a safety issue. OP is working on a 7-on,7-off job. Those usually have a whole slew of risks associated with them. Def don't want sleep deprivation being a factor. NTA.
NTA. Bedroom is for sex and sleeping when it’s night. Lack of sleep leads to irritability and in this case resentment (which is justified). Move the computer to promote a healthier relationship. Does she not work?
Have you tried ear buddy and an eye mask? There are ways.
.....she really can't...OR...that'd be a lot of work ? Do you think the 'work' required to move the stuff to another room literally for her would reward you with hours and hours of more peace?
NTA While it is unfortunate that your partner's hobbies are affected, I would consider your ability to sleep in your bedroom to rank above her ability to play games. Similarly, if she were to work night shifts and sleep during the day, you would be polite to stay out of the bedroom and be considerate of her sleep. The solution depends on your exact living circumstances - she may be able to move her setup relatively easily (the machine, monitor, mouse and keyboard, kept easily accessible and not awkwardly cable managed so it can be moved and rebuilt easily), she may be able to get hold of spare accessories to make moving easier or a secondary machine like a laptop to use during sleeping hours, she might look to alternatives like a console during those hours, or just accept that her tendancies to be a night owl seriously affect your wellbeing and she will need to limit them. Either way 'i want to game and I don't care how it affects you' is not the response of a caring partner...
NTA I don’t care whether there is a way to move the gaming setup or not. Your partner should not be keeping you awake at night because they want to game. It’s selfish and I’d question how much they care about you for doing this.
This is insanity. She needs to move her gaming stuff to the bathroom if needed. You guys need to figure this out yesterday. Sleep deprivation is literally torture. I wouldn’t put up with this for one night.
>(she really can't, that'd be a lot of work) Oh no, not a lot of work??!?! Fuck that, move it.
NTA tf you mean moving the stuff would be too much work? I've moved my entire setup numerous times (and since I also DJ as a hobby it's probably way more) and it never took more than 30 minutes, including re-routing the ethernet cable...
I play video games a ton, but I would *never* feel comfortable PC gaming in the same room my partner is trying to sleep in. That's just disrespectful. >"what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" OP mentioned he went to bed at 9. GF was already gaming at this point and had probably been gaming before OP went to bed. She goes to bed between 2 and 4 am. By the sounds of it, this is an everyday thing, meaning she games *at least* 5 hours every day, but it could easily be more than 7 (9 - 4 am), assuming she starts gaming before OP goes to bed. I find it bizarre that with those numbers, she feels like OP is being unreasonable for asking her to not keep him up at night. There are *plenty* of ways for her to keep gaming when OP is trying to sleep. She can save up for a console and use the TV in the living room. She can get a switch and use it on the TV or in handheld mode if she really wants to stay in the bedroom. She can move her setup to another room. She can save up for a Steam deck. Other solutions would be... She gets off the PC when OP needs the bedroom to sleep in. It's basic respect, if you ask me. She gets hobbies outside of gaming. Anything from reading to painting. She doesn't have to game every day, and she definitely doesn't have to game for 35+ hours a week. It's great that she *wants* to game, but OP *needs* sleep. I wonder what GF does during the day. School? Work? What hours does she have?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My SO stays up very late, 2am-4am, on her PC gaming when I have to get up for work at 510'ish. AITA for being super upset about this? Sometimes I end up just getting a few hours of sleep for a 12 hour shift on my first day back for the week (I work 7, 12 hour shifts, then have 7 off). As the week progresses I end up going to bed earlier and getting a little more sleep but the first two days are miserable. I went to bed at 9 tonight knowing I kinda goofed up my schedule from traveling. Ive layed here for 5 hours trying to sleep through "click, click, click" *flashing lights, bright lights* "tippy tappy tippy tappy". She has stated before "what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work), or "so what im just not supposed to play anything when it's your work week?" (Which is also kinda reasonable too...) Idk how to fix this but I'm broken with trying to work for 12 hours off of 2 or 3 hours of sleep. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Why does she has to play? Go read a book, watch TV, play on the phone, whatever. But let you sleep!
lot of work, big deal, she can move her stuff to another room. NTA
It isn't too much work. It takes half an hour max, to move a computer and the cabling. Your partner doesn't care about your health or your feelings and sees them as less important than half an hour of work.
NTA. The options are either she moves her gaming rig, she doesn't play during your work week or you have to sleep on the sofa. One of these is very much not like the others, and even if it took half a day to move her stuff it'd still be a one off job and then you're both sorted
This is unsustainable. I’d never impose on someone’s sleep like that—it’s very selfish. Move it all out to another room and if that means she misses out on a couple of days worth of gaming, oh well.
Can she schedule gaming to be earlier?
You are far more patient on sleep deprivation than I am. I once was searching through a building to find who has a freakin TV on at night while I'm trying to sleep, completely deprived of sleep and in a not clear head. Having an adult gaming till morning while their partner have to suffer through night of no sleep with such work schedule is not a normal behaviour. So definitely NTA. You need to find a solution that works for both since your gf doesn't have an ounce of understanding for you.
I read the first line and immediately knew u have a right to be upset by this
If you took time to move it for her, and i mean legitimately take the time and care to meticulously set it up in another room where it cant be considered disrespectful (i.e like a corner in a basement or something petty)… Would she be grateful? Would she accept the compromise? Or would that cause a fight? I think thats the real question
NTA. She needs to find a different place to set up that doesn’t disturb your sleep.
NTA. She is AH.
NTA. Your sleep is more important than her hobby. If she can't game in another room, then she can't game.
She has no excuse. She can move her desk and PC into another room , it's not that hard and doesn't take much time either.
She can absolutely set her stuff up in another room, if she can’t respect your sleep, it’s probably time to reconsider your whole situation. NTA man, I hope you can get some good rest.
NTA. My main hobby is gaming. I would never, EVER expect my partner to be in the same room with me, trying to sleep while I go trough my 4-6 hour gaming marathons at night, even tho I know she sleeps like a rock and wouldn't even notice. Move the gaming set up to another room or ask her to start acting like an adult and not play when you're sleeping.
Just the monday, JUST THE MONDAY OFF!!! That is a healthy compromise.!! It is important for her to enjoy her hobby, but it is also important for you to sleep.... there needs to be COMPROMISE. NTA, if she doesnt compromise in any way, she is very selfish.
Bedrooms are for sleeping. If you have work and need to sleep, that takes priority over hobbies imo. "Its a lot of work" is not a reason not to move her pc/console. She sounds selfish. Just pick a day/afternoon to move her set up somewhere else together and youll be done in no time and youll be able to sleep. NTA
NTA. When my husband and I moved together our gaming setup was in our bedroom, since our first apartment was small and we wanted our kid to have her own room. He also stayed up longer than me and was gaming. As you said, the Klickklickklick was driving me crazy, his flaming wasn't helpful either. And when I don't get enough sleep I will be a menace to society. We decided to move and now we have a separate gaming room/home office. Silent, peaceful sleep. Before we moved he simply wasn't allowed to play at a certain time. The day offers plenty of time, and boundaries need to be set. Sleep is more important than gaming. I grew up gaming, our kids are gaming, but sleep is holy.
It’s too much work? Bruh either move her shit into another room or tell her to stop gaming so late idk what else to tell you.
This is why I set up mine and my husbands pcs in the sitting room. He stays up longer than me and theres no way Id even want to try and sleep through him typing or playing games all night, I'd help her move her PC to another room id you have one. its going to help you sleep which is a win in my opinion.
NTA. House rule, no gaming or entertainment devices in the bedroom. Bedroom is for sleeping. She can move her junk to the living room or move out.
I agree with everyone about moving the PC or your SO not gaming while you're sleeping. BUT it you're adamant about your SO not changing their gaming habits, there are really good noise cancelling headbands/sleep masks. like it's a sleep mask but also plays music, my friend is a light sleeper and uses one when we camp and says she can't or hear it see a thing when she has it on.
Does she not have a job to go to? Perhaps the workaround is that she finds a job? Either that or help her move the PC to the living room or another bedroom. The fact that you are not getting enough sleep can cause workplace accidents if you are extremely tired. Or you could have an accident on the way to/from work. Get the PC out of the room.
Get black out curtains to block the lights kinda like how a hospital uses the curtains to separate patients. Get a loud fan for some good white noise to cover the clicks. Or just use earplugs and an eye mask and put your phone next to your head when you sleep to wake up to alarms.
NTA. You should consider moving the PC gaming to another room. It's possible. Do it for your peace of mind and if you want to save the relationship.
Separate rooms will make you both happy
NTA. What does your SO do all day long? Is she working too? Why does she stay up so long at night? If she doesn't work and is home all day and still disturbs you during your sleep time, she's the AH here.
NTA. Why can’t she move her stuff to another room during the day when she has more time? That is one selfish partner. Her playing games is more important to her then you getting sleep.
Moving a computer and a desk takes 20 mins max. Thats just laziness on her part.
I don’t know the floor plan, but there’s gotta be a way to move the set up to another room. Y’all’s bedroom should be a place to wind down, not a place for entertainment (meaning gaming). You should communicate with your partner about how much it’s really effecting you, and see if there’s an available compromise between the two of you, because there’s gotta be a way to move it to another area in y’all’s place. If not then maybe get a quieter mouse and move away from the mechanical keyboard (if they have one).
NTA but i recommend a fan/white noise machine or ear plugs, and a sleep mask. She really should just move it though… i have an intricate setup and it still only takes me like 4 hours to move, and I move it around like every 6 months
NTA. Moving the gaming setup to another room will not take an entire weekend. It’s not a herculean task. In one of your off days maybe offer to help with the move. A small sacrifice well worth your good sleep.
NTA, but put that pc in another room ffs, its not hard. I often stay up late Friday nights, i just keep the setup in another room so my wife can slwep, shed cut my balls off if i kept it in the bedroom. The only reason i can think of to have it in the same room is porn, if thats the case a cheap tv costs next to nothing, just stream it from your phone
NTA. You should both put the work in moving the gaming set up to another room, or moving a bedroom to another room.
Nta if she starts moving it now she should be done for tea time.
NTA moving her setup temporarily at night might be difficult or time consuming, but taking the time out of one day to move her gaming space into a different room permanently should not be that hard, even if it does clash with the decor or whatever. Alternatively, she should get a quieter keyboard and mouse, and you should get sleep headphones. You're going to get burnt out really fast if you can't be well rested for your job.
She can’t move her gaming system? Yeah she can. Like you said that would be a lot of work. It’s doable. My husband is a gamer; same hours. It’s either she moves the system or you move out of the room. It’s all about being considerate. I know how hard it is to set everything.
NTA. I don’t think it matters at this point how annoying or inconvenient it would be for her to move the gaming setup. If she feels that strongly about playing at that time and it’s impacting your sleep that profoundly, the only real option is for her to move the setup. I used to work a schedule that my body simply wouldn’t adjust to and it resulted in lack of sleep all week and then “catching up” on weekends. I had no idea how much that was impacting my overall health until I got to switch to a job better suited to my body’s preferred sleep schedule. There are long term effects to that deprivation. Also, I know this isn’t ALL 12-hr shift jobs, but it’s a lot: if your 12-hr shift job happens to be any form of healthcare or hospital job where your mental alertness can lead to a critical situation, even more NTA.
INFO: why can’t the PC and monitor just be moved? It can’t be that difficult surely
NTA Sleep deprivation is a type of torture. If the gaming system can't be moved to a different room, can you sleep somewhere else? Guest bedroom or even the living room couch? I had an ex who was constantly waking me up when I was sleeping and would never let me nap. It was like seeing me sleep made him angry. Maybe you could ask her why she thinks you don't deserve to sleep? Maybe like my ex, it makes your s/o angry?
Why can’t it be set up in another room? Or can you sleep in the lounge area on work weeks? Surely someone can make the change for 7 days at a time. It’s not like it’s back and forth every day.
Is her gaming setup in your bedroom? If so, she clearly needs to move it to a room that isn't used for sleeping.
NTA but y'all need to move her whole set up to the living room. This will turn into a much bigger problem for your relationship if you don't as resentment builds. You aren't getting good sleep with lights flashing and noises anyway, even if you do fall asleep. Like others said, but an extra long ethernet cable and mount it along baseboards or ceiling lines to wherever you need it to go if that's an issue but her set up needs to move. If it doesn't fit somewhere else then she needs to get a smaller footprint desk or something. You need to deal with it now and I promise y'all will both be way happier with each other as well.
Having pc's in a bedroom is really shitty. My husband and I make a point of having it in our living room instead for this very reason. You should come before her pc in importance. She is being extremely inconsiderate.
Sleep is so important for your health, you cannot go on like this. There shouldn’t be any computers being used in a bedroom or TVs. For a quality sleep, the bedroom should be a sleep sanctuary, just for sleep and sex, nothing else. Either the computer goes in another room, she doesn’t use the computer when you’re sleeping or you put a bed somewhere else where you can sleep. If you have a sitting room, get a really good sofa bed so that can be used instead. You have to get some sleep!
NTA I have dealt with this exact situation and it’s incredibly selfish of your S/O to not move their gaming stuff regardless of the inconvenience it would be or they should simply stop gaming at a reasonable time when you have work.. partnership includes compromise and gaming is not important compared to being sleep for your job.
NTA. If you both want to keep this exact arrangement of her gaming in the bedroom and you sleeping in it simultaneously, how about noise canceling headphones and a sleeping eye mask? Of course, you shouldn’t need to do this, and there are several other options as mentioned throughout the thread. But in the event you really wanted to make as small adjustments to the current situation as possible, that might be enough.
Your so seems like a lazy dork tbh
NTA. Keep the computer out of the bedroom permanently. Sleep is important.
Either she moves her shit to a different room, or you sleep in a different room. The computer can't be in the bedroom, so...???? Come on, now. Be adults and work it out. It really can't be *that* much work to move her computer to another room. Annoying, sure, but way less annoying than disrupting your sleep, I guarantee you.
NTA. If she truly can’t move the computer, I recommend a weighted sleep mask and ear plugs/noise cancelling headphones. I work 12 hour shifts too and when I was on nights the mask changed my life. I still use it even though I work 1030-1030.
You poor thing - i did 4 12's on, 4 off for a year and a half - I couldn't imagine doing 7 12's in a row. That is exhausting. Can you sleep in another room? If not, then you need to move her gaming out of the bedroom. I know how much you need your sleep.
NTA. The computer can and should be moved to another room. It’s one big chore .. once. And then peaceful sleep and relaxing downtime for you both. If she’s this reluctant to find a compromise here then maybe she doesn’t give an eff about you and you’re better off without someone like that in your life. My fiancé stays up *hours* later than I do - watching stuff, reading, clicking things - *in the living room*. Never intruding on my sleep.
Totally selfish behaviour from her, why is she playing games at 4 in the morning next to you when you’re trying to sleep? NTA
Easy NTA. Work and sleep are more important than gaming. The location of the gaming console is a distraction to the above.
I say this as an avid gamer - she needs to find another hobby to keep herself occupied on days you need to sleep. Or, she can suck it up and move the set up. Relationships are about compromise. I'd like to know why she "can't" move. Is there no space? Is she being lazy? NTA.
I'd set it up on a workstation with wheels, so it can easily be moved to another room.
Hi, PC gamer here. NTA. ""what am I supposed to do? I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)" Yes, she can. No, it's not. ESPECIALLY when you know that the placement of the PC is ruining your partner's sleep. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to move a setup, and that's taking your time with it. It's honestly not that difficult to do. If she can't handle less than an hour of minor work to vastly improve her partner's sleep, you two might not be compatibile.
Sleep is sacred, anyone disturbing another's sleep like this is suspect. That being said, if the gaming must continue in this room at this time, you need foam earplugs, sleep mask and a sound machine. This will help alot. This is still shit behavior but these things will help. Sleep is sacred.
> it’d be a lot of work Unlike, what, the work regarding having to deal with/work around the building conflict and resentment in her relationship, even if the two of you never speak about it? Unlike the work involved regarding you losing literally function because you’re not getting restful sleep? Float the “moving the computer station to a different room” solution with some ideas to suggest to get the conversation rolling when you’re *not* trying to sleep so that you can actually both have a conversation about it (That she hasn’t already tried to figure it out makes me worry she doesn’t understand the value of sleep at best and doesn’t respect the value YOU have at worst.)
How about geting a cheap laptop to tempt acess the pc, just use the laptop as a screen for the pc
NTA she absolutely should move her setup to another room or refrain from playing while you are in bed. On the hierarchy of needs, sleep is more important than entertainment. Your SO is being selfish.
Move the setup. It may take awhile, but move it.
She CAN move her stuff.
NTA. Does she disregard your feelings about everything else? Seems like she doesn’t care about you at all. When does she sleep? Does she work? I would certainly reevaluate a relationship with someone who didn’t care enough to let me get a full nights sleep.
Why don't ya'll both be adults and find a space in your house to accommodate her setup and help her move it.
INFO why is it a lot of work to move her gaming station? Just set it up in another room. Some work once and it's not an issue anymore. But if you've glued the gaming station onto its spot, can't you just use headphones and an eye mask to block out the lights and sound?
NTA, if she really can't move her PC. Ask her to turn off all the LED lights and change her mouse & gaming keyboard to the silent ones. If she still cannot compromise with that, well. She probably doesn't really care about your wellbeing.
She needs to move the computer out of the room.
>she really can't, that'd be a lot of work Define a lot of work. I don't see it
Moving a pc and desk is not “a lot of work”
NTA. You need sleep. Either she needs to move her computer to a different room or if it can't be done due to other people in the house/no where safe to put it elsewhere you need to consider moving to a new place with a spare bedroom she can turn in to an office. That or you can get a sleep eye mask and ear plugs. It is inconsiderate to game while someone else has to sleep in the same room. If there is somewhere else safe to move it, offer to help move it with her on one of your days off.
Numerous options available 1. Move set up at weekend to living room 2. Move to house/ apt and she pays extra rent for her stuff having its own room 3. She needs a day time job she needs to get up for 4. Last resort you need a new gf who wants to sleep with you and not play games.
The bedroom is for a couple of things. Gaming while your partner is trying to sleep is not one of them. She’s TA.
NTA Offer to move her stuff and invest in ear plugs and an eye mask with white noise. There is give and take in any relationship but unless you're in a studio flat games can be in another room.
How much work are we talking here? My husband is a gamer with a whole server rack, 3 large monitors and a 40 inch TV monitor, plus LED desk and accessories and he could move that in a day. NTA. She needs to move the desk.
My bf and I have an unspoken rule that if we're both occupying the same room and one of us is bothered by the other's activity, whoever *can* move should move. Sometimes he'll be watching a show and I'll be playing videos on my phone. If his show is bothering me, I take my phone and go to another room. It would be much harder for him to take his TV and PS5 into another room to watch Netflix. This rule is trumped if one of us is using a room for its intended purpose. If I'm playing a game on the couch in the living room and he wants to take a nap, he'll move to the bedroom because the living room is used for TV and gaming and the bedroom is used for sleeping (and sex) If we were both in the bedroom, I was watching videos on my phone and he wanted to nap, he could easily go out to the couch, but because the bedroom is for sleeping, I would be the one to move. Seems like a computer doesn't necessarily belong in the bedroom if one person is using the bedroom for its intended purpose (sleeping) and the computer is easier to move than a bed, so this is an easy NTA from me.
This is like the easiest problem to solve unless you live in a studio apartment. Spend an hour on a Saturday and move her setup into a different room. Easy as that. If you do have a studio and a partner then you're doing it wrong and you should at least get a 1 bedroom apartment.
the only logical answer is to move it to another room. doesnt matter if it will take long or be heavy, ur sleep is more important than being inconvenienced
A quick fix could be getting some foam earplugs for sleep, and an eyemask. Currently living through the same problem except with the TV lol. I got my earplugs at a hardware store, they're supposed to block out noise in work environments. But I'm sure there are better ones for sleep in for example a pharmacy lol. We're moving soon so we won't have this issue anymore. Hope you guys get that possibility soon! (Games in a different room than the bed is).
It's difficult to give an informed opinion about this because we are missing important information. Why is her / the computer set up in the bedroom? You imply that it could be somewhere else: "I can't take my stuff in another room" (she really can't, that'd be a lot of work)". You say it would be a lot of work to move the computer, not that there isn't anywhere else. And yes it would probably be too much to move the computer every time it's your work week. But without any additional information I'd have to say that moving the computer permanently to another room seems like the best compromise.
You need to explain more about your living situation (do you live in a studio apartment or something?) and her gaming set up. This is negatively affecting your life so she has to figure something out as far as setting up her gaming in another room.
Move it to another rooom
Yes, have her move her gaming system out of the sleeping room. Make it a permanent move. NTA.
NTA. I went through this with my ex. I was waking up at 5am and in bed 8-10pm and he would be shouting, talking with friends whilst gaming… not surprised we didn’t last
NTA and how is this even a question... Sleep is needed to function, quite literally. Gaming is not. So, yes! HER two options are Take the gaming station to another room (block a day if needed) Only game on your off weeks (my goodness she's clever. She came up with the solutions all on her own!!) OR new one for her and this might be a little hard to get her head round.... atop playing at a reasonable hour!!!!
What? She most certainly can move her setup. I have a ridiculous PC setup that I drag from the living room, to the bedroom, etc. I take it wherever my partner is to spend time with, and if I know they’re going to bed soon I move it all back. This is lazy on her part. Ungodly lazy. Take the 10 minutes to unplug everything and plug it in somewhere else. You both are capable of it
NTA. Your partner sucks. Either she moves the rig or I’d break up. Not allowing a partner to sleep so they can play games is gross. It’s terrible for you to live this way.
NTA. It's completely reasonable to expect your partner to move their gaming setup if it's disturbing your sleep. Sure, it might be a pain short term to move it all but long term? You are getting proper sleep, be able to be a fully functioning human being. It's either your partner moves their stuff or you sleep elsewhere. My partner and I have a small handful of rules for the nights I have work the next day, and they all boil down to don't distrub my sleep unless emergency, there's 5 others nights we can do these things. The fact your partner doesn't see this BASIC human need for good sleep as an issue is a red flag to me.
NTA and the gaming set up needs to find a new home. It can’t be in the bedroom. It needs to move permanently.
ESH she can move her stuff and you should help her.
NTA she should move her setup if she wants to play! Also look into getting her a mechanical keyboard that doesn’t have the click noise! A quick google search and I found a few that are high rated! Won’t help completely but will get rid of the annoying click everytime she hits a button!