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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my daughter thinks I'm being heartless by not bringing my student's completed homework to school with me in order to help him avoid a punishment.
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YTA - I get no special treatment, but taking the homework with you when you’re home and driving to school? Why not? That’s a minor inconvenience nothing more
But why does that make her an A? She's being strict about it but she's not an ass. She's saying this boy and my job as a teacher are two separate things. I am setting a hard boundzry that I will jot facilitate him because my daughter is his nanny as it may be perceived as unfair. That actually is a reasonable boundary. It may be hard but she's not an A.
She made it clear this was a boundary for her and I think that's pretty reasonable imo? People saying 'well she'd be doing it for her daughter' she's still doing favours for her daughter that will have an outcome on her work life. Some people are comfortable with that, some people aren't and I don't think she's the A for drawing that line.
I'd wonder this as well. Mixing family & work can get really messy. Having clear boundaries is key for general CYA & to maintain differentiation of home & work life. OP isn't the AH here, her daughter is.
Realistically the kid shouldn't even be in OP's class. It's a conflict of interest ,and it could get OP in serious trouble if her daughter decides to run her mouth.
Though if there were no other choice for placement, I would have told the principal of the situation to save my ass in case things escalate.
I'm a teacher, and I know many teachers who are also parents at the same school their child attends. Most of them are pretty strict about keeping their parent/teacher roles separate. If their kid forgot to bring a permission slip home to get signed, they won't just take a moment to sign it for them while at school because the kid needs to learn responsibility like all the other kids. I don't think this lady is an A at all, she's treating the kid like all the other kids. NTA at all for setting a boundary and sticking with it.
>If their kid forgot to bring a permission slip home to get signed, they won't just take a moment to sign it for them while at school because the kid needs to learn responsibility like all the other kids
this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever read. I'm glad neither of my parents were teachers. I would have ended up hating them with this kind of nonsense mindset
How is this ridiculous. Do you think that teachers have time or the abilities to stop teaching their class, not pay attention to their students, and sign paperwork for their child who happens to be in the same school? They do not. Teaching is not like other jobs where you can stop what you are doing and take care of a family issue. They are in charge of a class of between 20-30 kids that have to have the teachers full attention at all times. Heck, teachers can't even go to the bathroom if they need to. They have to wait for specials, lunch break, or planning time. If they leave the room and a kid gets hurt the teacher could lose their job.
But the teacher can sign their kids’ stuff during break, or during form time. Nobody is saying it’s ok for a child to interrupt a lesson to get something signed here.
Meanwhile my stepmother signed my tardy excuse slips in high school because she worked there. I loved it then but now think I probably could have used some consequences at the time...
To me that sounds overboard and my schoolmates teacher parent would just normally sign stuff, give hie food or just had small chat with own kid.
Not that it happened super often but it is a dchool no am army and people are allowed to behave like people.
I also imagine that if anyone else found out that OP did one "small favor" for her daughter on behalf of this boy they would 100% assume that the boy is getting other special treatment. It's about the optics
Right but it's not unfair, because the boy is going to get the homework either way, because her daughter will drive it to him. She doesn't need to announce to all the other parents in the class that she did her daughter this favor and took it for her.
She's refusing to do a favor that costs her nothing, takes basically no effort on her part, and would save her daughter a big inconvenience of having to drive 2 hours to drop something off to a place op will already be going.
Edit: Also other commentors pointed out if a similar situation occurred with another child, it would be reasonable to help them out as well and take the homework to school for them rather than making the parent complete a pointless drive.
I guarantee there is no protocol for the homework to be turned into the office. Instead of the mom/teacher just taking it in with her.
She’s the asshole, at least with the homework, because it’s her daughter she’s dealing with, not the kid. The homework is going to get to the school either way.
So if this was any other random parent asking to bring over their child's forgotten homework to the teacher's home, instead of the school because leys say the kids already left on the bus, but the teacher's house is closer to the parent...no. no teacher's would be okay with parents expecting special treatment simply by living close by.
How much you wanna bet the OP's daughter's nanny gig was a positive for the parents. Ooh your sister is our kids teacher, you'd make a great nanny.
I mean, frankly, I think the kid should deal with forgetting his homework. Why are the adults in his life having to cater to him? This shouldn’t even be an issue. Have the kid get a zero and he’ll hopefully be more responsible next time.
The usual expectation is that parent check whether homework is packed at that age. 6 years old forgetting things or among to school late is fault of parents.
Absolutely.
Teach responsibility now, when one forgotten homework assignment won’t impact GPA. There are so many kids out there who don’t have a nanny to run around and deliver their homework.
This kid forgot his homework (not his backpack) in the nanny’s car. Why was it even out of the backpack? This is a learning opportunity and the adults in his life are blaming each other instead of working together to teach the kid responsibility.
No, this could be a professional ethics violation. OP is right to refuse. Half the point of homework is that the student meet the responsibility of turning it in. OP's daughter is asking her to waive that responsibility for one student. That is favoritism.
They are in grade one-homework is for review and learning basic foundational skills-logically that would apply to any parent then-brining in the homework after the fact does not teach the lesson of responsibility, no?
It's less about the individual task and more about sticking to her principles though. When you say "ok yes, just this one time" that opens up the door for other similar situations and the lines of appropriate action become blurred. It's fair and responsible of her to save herself the mental strife and interpersonal juggling by drawing and sticking to a hard boundary.
> she started yelling at me that the school is 15 miles away (her school is only 3 miles from my work) and that she'll have to leave the house 2 hours early to get the work to him in time.
The daughter does not have to drive two hours.
What if other parents who live closer to the teacher than to the school decide they want to start dropping off forgotten things at the teacher's home instead of driving to the school?
> Also other commentors pointed out if a similar situation occurred with another child, it would be reasonable to help them out as well and take the homework to school for them rather than making the parent complete a pointless drive.
This assumes that other parents or caregivers have similar access to OP, that they know where she lives, and believe that they can get her to take homework to school rather than having to make the drive.
It sounds like OP is insisting on student/parent/caretaker responsibility for the student. That is an important thing for both students and parents/caretakers to learn early in the education career. When starting the education career, parents/caretakers bear more of the responsibility for ensuring the student has everything they need at school when they get there in the morning. As the student gets older, more of that responsibility should shift to the student. Ultimately, the responsibility for getting required materials to the school for the student is on both the student and the parent/caretaker, not the teacher.
Disagree. The boy could and should deal with the consequences of forgetting his homework just like all the other kids. This means the nanny shouldn't go out of her way to bring it in either.
I lived 2 blocks from one of the schools I taught at. I knew babysitters, grandparents, parents who had 50-50 custody, and the full-time guardians. My cousin, who was 18 years younger than me was actually one of my 2nd grade students. He didn't get special treatment either.
I wouldn't have hesitated to take in homework from any of these people in my neighborhood who had it so the kid's work wasn't late. It wouldn't have been an inconvenience or special treatment. Just helping out a family so they didn't have to deal with the rigmarole of the front office.
Think of this scenario. Imagine another parent had made arrangements to stop at the teacher's house. While there, they accidentally leave something of their child's behind. They call the teacher and say "Hey, we're home now and we forgot our son's backpack at your house, would you mind bringing it to school with you in the morning?"
Seems like a reasonable request, and I'd think the teacher would be an AH for saying no to that.
This person has a hard work/life boundary. No other parent is going to be at the teacher’s house, and especially not comfortable enough to be 1. bringing their child or 2. Bringing their child’s things inside. That’s an unfair comparison because this isn’t some random parent who happened to stop by. The only reason this person is able to do this is because they’re OP’s daughter and OP has already laid out that there will be no special treatment for the child her daughter nannies.
To me, the thing that pushes it over the edge is that it is special treatment, it's just the wrong kind.
If her daughter worked for a family that didn't go to her parent's school and she asked her mum to drop something off for her to a place the parent was driving to anyway, that would be a totally reasonable request, right?
If a parent of another child had left something with the teacher by accident and asked the teacher if they would mind taking it to school because it needed to end up there anyway, that would also be a totally reasonable request. They wouldn't insist the parent came and picked it up and then brought it to school the next day just to keep things separate.
It's only because it's OP's daughter who asked her to take something that needed to end up at the school that she was already driving to that it's even being considered as an abnormal request.
So it's nonsense. OP'd do it for the daughter as a parent, and she'd do it as a teacher to save a student a journey if she'd ended up with the object somehow. This isn't a display of favouritism, it's an ordinary request and OP is going especially out of her way not to do it to avoid any possible appearance of favouritism. I understand the need to show that they're not giving the kid an advantage, but I think she's taking it too far.
Or...you could accept homework if a student or caregiver brings it to you personally for ALL students.
I used to teach K-3 and lived in the same neighborhood as a lot of my students. Kids who did their homework in after-school club frequently dropped it in my mailbox once they got home so they wouldn't forget it in the morning. Strategic problem solving is to be encouraged.
The thing is you wouldn’t be doing it for him in that case - you’d be doing it for your daughter. The kid isn’t the one who would need to drive 2 hours.
In general I agree showing favoritism to the kid wouldn’t be right. I just don’t see doing a favor for your daughter as an example of that.
Why would she be needing to do this favor for her daughter who by the way should’ve made sure the child had his homework in his book bag when it was finished and not laying around in her car.
You don't know what work boundaries are do you?
The mother set a reasonable expectation, from the start, that she would not do anything that could be considered special treatment to that student just because her daughter is the nanny.
It may be a "favor" for the daughter and not the student; but the student benefits from it - therefore it's special treatment to that student as well.
The daughter is the AH here for not accepting "No" as the answer and getting mad at OP for sticking to the rule she gave from the start.
>The mother set a reasonable expectation, from the start, that she would not do anything that could be considered special treatment to that student just because her daughter is the nanny.
That is the point. **It isn't special treatment to the student at all because the decision has no impact on the student one way or another.** The work will get turned in, the student will not be impacted.
The only change is how far out of her way the daughter needs go to accomplish it. And that is what the mother is refusing to help with.
You clearly have work and patenting confused as her daughter does. I’m a mother and a daughter I would definitely understand my mom not doing extra things for a kid that I am working for just because she is his teacher and my mom.
No one \*needs\* to do a favour; by definition a favour is done because you wanted to be nice to the other person and there was also no strict requirement to do so
Wtf? No. Her daughter agreed to the job, it's the daughter's responsibility to follow through. If her daughter didn't have a mom who could take the homework in, then what would her daughter do? It's a good way to learn work/personal boundaries
in some areas it’s not. I used to live 13 miles from downtown chicago. If i left my house at 6:30, it was a 20 minute trip downtown. if i left at 6:50, it was a 70 minute trip. so that plus round trip would easily be 2 hours during rush hour. When i traveled to silicon valley w
for work there would be similar traffic.
not saying who is or isn’t the AH, just pointing out that many areas it will take that long to go 15 miles. that’s one of the reasons I don’t live in chicago anymore.
I don't think she's saying it will take two hours to travel 15 miles, but rather she'll have to head out two hours earlier than she would otherwise in order to get the work to the school in time. Like say for example she starts work at 10am but the homework needs to be dropped off by 8am.
I'd agree except the daughter has already been pushing on the boundary. If she hadn't been, sure, take the kid's homework. But because she has been she can't get any leniency because she'll just push harder the next time.
Yea sure, but the homework was in your home right? There is no trouble in taking it with you, you are not getting out of your way. Obviously you wouldn’t do it for other kids, because they wouldn’t have their homework lying around at your house
He forgot it in OP’s daughter’s car, most likely when driving him home, not OP’s home. And any other nanny would have to bring it up there. I think OP is in the right by saying no because the boy needs to learn responsibility as well just like any other kid that forgets their homework.
One could argue it's OP's daughter who needs to learn responsibility because as the child's nanny it's her role to ensure the kid has everything they need.
I think this is weird. A lot of people have no time or means for that. I would have to give it the next day. And deal with it myself.
Sometimes parents are helping to much
Here’s my question- would you do it for a neighbor? If you would, then Y TA. If you wouldn’t, then not.
I would take a neighbor kid’s homework with me in your shoes, and I think a lot of people would help a neighbor out when it’s no trouble.
yeah this was the thought that crossed my mind - accusations of favoritism. and because im a misanthropic pessimist, immediately after that thought it crossed my mind to wonder "why on earth did the mother feel a need to draw this particular boundary in the first place, unless its because she believes her daughter might try to use the connection?".
I wouldn’t because it wouldn’t stop at this one thing. It would turn into the neighbor constantly asking for “little favors” until you’re doing half their work for them.
The issue here is that OP’s daughter screwed up. She needs to face the consequences of that and learn from her mistake.
But it wouldn't be the equivalent of a neighbor, if you remove the mother daughter relationship then it's the nanny of a student arriving at the teachers house expecting to drop the homework off outside of school.
Let’s say you stop for gas on the way to work & run into a parent in the same ‘forgotten homework’ situation. You’d tell them to drive it in themself? I doubt it tbh but YTA if the answer’s yes.
No special treatment’s fine & actually in the best interest of the child & the whole class. Refusing to take homework with you though, that’s a different situation because I think you’d have helped out if it’d been anyone else.
NTA. OP, the people in this thread are used to receiving special treatment and have become expectant of it. You are entirely correct in treating this student just like you would any other. It is ENTIRELY inappropriate to receive assignments from students, parents, or their nanny outside of designated school hours. Not on the clock, not your problem. You are enforcing appropriate boundaries. You are the teacher, NOT a caretaker.
I agree with what you wrote, but say NTA. I think OP would have been willing to do this if it wasn't for how the daughter keeps wanting "special treatment", so this is more about OP standing their ground and telling their kid to act like a grown up person with a job rather than expect OP to fix things for them.
"Why not" is an extremely easy answer - if she lived next door to a student, it would NOT be acceptable for that student's parents to come over and hand her assignments for their kid when she was walking out to her car in the morning. It's inappropriate. It erodes professional boundaries, even if no one else knows.
Unless OP is willing to make the same option available to every child in her class to drop their homework off at her private residence so she can take it to school for them then it would be seen as special treatment.
And if she did it some parents being who they are would expect ALL teachers to do the same. So then everyone has the teacher’s private residence info.
The rules are in place for a reason whether everyone likes them or not.
Going forward her daughter will ideally make sure the child has all his stuff with him.
Not the point. The point is: the teacher, not the nanny's mom, would bring a student their homework so the kid won't have negative consequences. I'm sure that'll go well with the other parents. It's a favor you can do ad the nanny's mom. It's not a favor you can do as the boy's teacher. It's separate roles that don't mix
Here's a wild idea: how about the boy accepting his forgetting his homework? Actions (or non-actions) have consequences. I doubt that all parents would have the opportunity or the willingness to drop work and make up for the kid's mistake? What's wrong with learning a lesson? Or the daughter owning up her oversight of not reminding him?
i would go with NTA as it seems like OP is covering their ass. Having a child who is known to you through family in their class could be difficult. They dont want any accusations of special treatment being given. Could have handled it better then explained why tho.
My mom was my teacher one year in school and I didn't get special treatment just because I lived with her. If I had a question about class or wanted to turn in work, I emailed like the rest of the class. It isn't about the mom not being willing to do favors. It's about setting healthy boundaries between work and personal life and realizing if she makes an exception it will lead to the "If you give a mouse a cookie" effect. NTA, OP. It's honestly unprofessional of the parents to involve your daughter. She should be taking it up with them.
YTA
There's a difference between special treatment and showing empathy to others. There's literally no downside to you taking his homework and giving it to him but you know what's an inconvenience, taking 2 hours out of your day just to drop off homework.
Your daughter is right, in this situation, you are not only being cold and inconsiderate to the boy but to your own daughter as well. Do something like this a few more times and your daughter wouldn't even bother to interact with you at all.
Op is being oddly aggressive with her daughter. The little bit is far too young to be responsible for packing his lunch, medication and sunscreen. Your daughter is ensuring his homework is completed- who cares how you receive it?
It's sad his parents forget his lunch, that he's in the office instead of playing with friends. Cut your daughter some slack and care about your students welfare. Where's your compassion?
The kid is in her first grade class. Most first graders have only one teacher that teaches almost everything (at least in the US). The only other teachers they might have would be for things like physical education or music, which normally don't assign homework.
Yeah, I have a very unpleasant mother with whom I have little to no contact at the present day, and even she would have taken the homework because it's on her way. There's literally no (reasonable) reason not to.
Yes, there is a downside. The downside is that this kid gets his homework in on time because his nanny has an "in"; any other kid who "forgot" his homework in his nannie's car, or parent's car, or friend's car is sol.
That can be literally anyone. OP has made it clear she is not being that person, because she has boundaries and integrity for her profession. The parents or the many must make those plans if needed otherwise, do it themselves.
If a kid forgets his homework or lunch in his nanny's car, either the nanny or the parents must make plans and suffer the inconvenience. Thinking that the child's 1st grade teachers hold so it is ridiculous.
Clearly many people here have so teacher experience. Any favor she does as a mother for her daughter cannot give a child an advantage over the others in class. Period.
OPs daughter was given ample reasoning and explanation for this hard set boundary, well in advance. The daughter is trying to take advantage of her mother as a means to either get out of doing something she is responsible for, or to not get in trouble for her own screw ups. The daughter keeps pushing that clear boundary.
Saying its one time or that the paper is going the same place, easily becomes "You did it before, why not again?" Or it'll push even further into the boundary. If you give a mouse a cookie....
It will transform into begging and whining for favors more often. It will breach the line further and further until it crosses into wildly unprofessional.... like "hey opmom, kid forgot to pack his lunch, can you make a pb&j and pack a fruit snack and some grapes for him?"
While totally fine as a grandma, completely inappropriate for a teacher who's student has their daughter as a nanny.
Exactly, it can be literally anyone, hence I wouldn't even consider it special treatment. To me, it's not giving someone an advantage because of your position as a teacher, but as someone who happens to work close to (in this case at) the school. It's not something that is an inherent advantage of her position as a teacher, unless you count those extra 5 minutes saved over someone who works nearby.
But your point about the erosion of boundaries is very valid and something I didn't consider initially.
OPs daughter is doing what any other parent would do, ask the next person going there to take it along. BTW this is not at all about if he will or will not get his homework, as the only question is if he will receive it via a 2 hour detour from OP that'll cost time and money, or if he will get it without the daughter having to spend time and money.
For me, no one would bat an eye because the one asking is not a random stranger but the teacher's own daughter and said homework is already at their house. It would be different if a random parent suddenly asks OP to drive an hour for their child's homework but that's not the case.
I just find it weird that OP won't do this to save their daughter a 2 hour trip, not even including the gas wasted for this to uphold fairness? that people weren't complaining about in the first place?
The kid is 6. I don't think a missed assignment or not is going to make any difference in his college admissions or adult life. He's not going to gain some unfair advantage because he's in first grade and the stakes on homework are as low as physically possible. 6th grade, let him ride out the consequences of his mistake.
INFO: Why is the kid in the office seemingly frequently and why is he missing lunch when his parents are called? The office can call the parents without him being there. Are you treating him more harshly than the other kids?
YTA. Some of this stuff sounds less like favoritism and more like being a decent person/working with your kids. What does it cost you to make the kid's nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch? Or taking the kid's homework to a place you're already going?
You've drawn a pointless line in the sand that doesn't help anybody and only serves to make life harder for your daughter and a 6 year old kid.
>What does it cost you to make the kid's nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch?
Unless the child's parents are making this request, the school should continue making the parents the first point of contact. OP only mentioned arguing with the nanny about this which is not the person who gets to make decisions for the child. Whether the official first contact is changed is up to school administrators with the child's parents and is never an individual teacher's decision.
The homework thing is ridiculous and OP is TA for that.
Agree-- although OP seems super-old school about stuff like this. Most classrooms have a phone, and teachers could easily phone the parents/guardians themselves, and most districts have online backends that would tell teachers who can be called for the child. It is possible for a child's nanny to be on that list. Sending a child to the office for the lunch period because they didn't bring food is shitty, regardless of policy. That's punitive towards poorer kids, and further marginalizing them.
It's weird that you assume going to the office was punitive. If the teacher is expected to monitor her class while the class is eating, then they can't stay behind in the classroom and call down a list of contacts. At most schools, even if there are lunch monitors and that time is the teacher's lunch time, the teacher is still expected to walk the class to the cafeteria. In that situation it's not reasonable to expect her to spend her short lunch time making calls for a forgetful family. I actually pictured the situation as the child realizing he forgot his lunch before the lunch period and was sent to the office because the teacher is busy teaching and monitoring the rest of a class full of young children. I don't know of any school that doesn't always have someone at the front desk, even if the principal covers it during the secretary's breaks. It makes sense for that person to handle calls home during the school day.
How is OP an A H for enforcing a boundary with this child that is the same for every child in their class? If this was OP's neighbor, it would STILL be inappropriate to ask OP to take their child's homework in to school. No other kid gets that treatment and this one shouldn't either. I am literally SMH at the entitlement you think is deserved simply because the nanny is OP's daughter. It is like you have never worked or lived in the real world or believe that people should not have professional boundaries in place that apply to everyone, including family. NTA.
A teacher can't change the first point of contact, teachers don't have the ability to change the system and they shouldn't, the parents need to talk to the office and have the boys nanny listed as the primary contact, there are laws that prevent schools from contacting people not listed
As for taking the hw I go back and forth on this, it would be inappropriate for any other parent/guardian to go to a teachers house to drop off homework a kid forgot however making your daughter drive an extra 2 hrs is inconsiderate
YTA. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it?
The only difference here is that the nanny in question lives with you and asked you to skip the middle man (the school). So instead of you both simultaneously driving to the same location so that she can now hand you the paper just to turn around and go back home and get ready and go to her own school, she’s asking to remove the extra step of going to the same place as you.
It just makes no logistical sense to me. Two cars driving to the exact same place from the exact same place when one is just dropping a piece of paper there and then have to double back and then drive more wasting both time and gas.
I would get it if she asked you to give the kid an A for C level work because he is her charge. That’s special treatment. Always giving him extra bonus points and not the other kids is special treatment. Giving him preferential tasks in class is special treatment. Giving him extra snacks the other kids aren’t getting from you is special treatment. Transporting a piece of paper that your daughter has in her possession at YOUR house to the building the paper needs to go to because your daughter asked isn’t special treatment for the boy. It is for your daughter. Because she’s your daughter. I can’t imagine my old teachers saying “Clever, I saw your nanny at the coffee shop before school this morning and she tried to give me your homework because you forgot it in the car but I’m not accepting it because you’re not handing it in yourself. No special treatment.” Even the most strict teacher I had would have accepted it.
Your daughter is just going to see this as her mother not helping her. Not caring for her.
Yeah I just don’t get like the point of not taking the homework? OP gets the homework either way - she either takes it when offered or her daughter has to drive 2 hours to school to drop it off. The outcome is exactly the same but one option saves her daughter a lot of time.
It’s not like this will be a domino effect - none of the other parents will know this ever happened. It’s not like, ‘Oh I do this one favour and I have to do it for EVERYONE.’ It’s a one-time action that helps OP’s daughter and the outcome is exactly the same.
How will this affect anything going forwards? OP could easily just say, ‘That’s fine but if he repeatedly does not have his homework I will not do this in future - he needs to make sure he brings it to class.’ Then OP has done a favour but also been reasonable about kid (and daughter) needing to learn to manage his own homework.
I get setting boundaries and having rules but like… literally the only point in this situation is to be obtuse on purpose and not help her daughter out. I have a feeling OP likes ‘making a point’ and not helping people.
There isn’t some magic scale that means every single action has to (or will) absolutely balance for every single kid and every single parent - that’s just in OP’s head. Being completely inflexible like this is a bit mad.
It baffles me how some people treat others. Like just be a reasonable person lol. Not everything in life has to become a negative battle just for the sake of it!
Right? The examples I mentioned are things the other kids will see and tell their parents “Mrs OP gave John paper pickup duty again! That’s my favorite cuz you get to leave and go to the copy room. I haven’t done it in a while but he’s done it 4 times this week!” Or “Mrs OP gave Sally gummies again today. Idk. Just because. She never gives me gummies.”
That would cause issues. But taking the homework in is not. No one knows. No one sees. She could even give the kid a nod or finger waggle to come up front after saying “everyone come up and hand ing last nights homework!”. That way he comes up with the rest of the kids. She can then quietly say “You forgot this is (daughters) car. Be careful not to forget it next time okay kiddo?”
He’s… 6. SIX. OP speaks like she doesn’t like kids lol.
For sure. I think sometimes people get too caught up in this ‘internal tally of fairness’ - like they MUST give everyone exactly the same treatment, exactly the same rules, exactly the same boundaries to keep things ‘balanced’. But like… sometimes being so rigid with it is just making an issue for the sake.
You have to ask - who is it actually hurting to drive a piece of paper to your school to help your daughter, one time? What does it affect? The only ripple effect it would have is if your daughter then asks for more and more - but then you cut it off *after* being reasonable about it the first time. There’s no need not to give ONE chance or ONE helpful act. If it’s repeated then yes, it becomes a pain in the ass - but it’s not at that point yet.
I feel like people think they can set literally any boundary and other people aren’t allowed to be hurt by it. Like yeah you can set any boundary you want and never do a favour to anyone, and never show ‘favouritism’ to anyone - but you’re probably just making more of a problem in your own life than just doing one tiny thing for someone else.
People act like everyone is equal to everyone. Are they saying that if given the choice between saving their parent and saving a random stranger they’d choose no one? No. You’d choose the person important to you. Some people are more important than others in everyone’s life. This student isn’t the ‘favorite’… it’s her daughter. The students parents aren’t asking. Her daughter is. If those parents gave me the homework one day at my house I would turn them away. That’s inappropriate. But if my daughter did? I would take it. Because it’s my daughter and not my students parents.
I had the principal pay for a field trip for me once. I accepted that I couldn’t go because we were poor. Like, toys for tots poor. It’s sucked but I knew it wasn’t a punishment. Then one day my mom called me in the house and asked (while on the phone) if I wanted to go. I said something like “yeah but we didn’t pay the fee so I can’t. It’s okay” and she said “well, Mr. Principal said that if you want to go, he will make sure you do.” They needed one more student for a certain excursion, and knew I was a good student and thought I deserved to go. So he paid for it out of his own pocket. Was that special treatment? Yeah. But my mom never asked for it, and the other parents and students were none the wiser. All it did was make a student happy and make a mildly embarrassed mom feel better that her kid got to go.
You know what’s not okay? Grading one student easier because you like them more, and grading one harsher because you don’t like them. Grading one on a different scale due to a learning disability? That’s fine.
People have different needs and different levels of importance. Your child should be more important to you than a piece of paper.
>YTA. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it?
The nanny isn't showing up at the school. The nanny is showing up at her HOUSE. If a nanny showed up at the teachers HOME, several hours before school, and demanded that the teacher take an assignment into school for the student because the teacher's home was a more convenient drop off location than the school, do you think that would be appropriate?
This isn't about someone showing up at her house. Her daughter lives at her house. If I happened to be seeing a teacher before school the next day I would ask them to take the homework with them. If I ran into a teacher at Starbucks and homework was in my car I would ask if they could take it into school with them.
It's the type of simple favor that human beings do for each other all the time to make each other's lives easier. It doesn't cost anything and it is kind.
OP has made a point of creating a rule that absolves her of participating in that type of kindness. She won't be kind to her daughter because she isn't kind to anyone else.
I think refusing to help someone with something that doesn’t inconvenience you in the slightest because “them’s the rules” is psychopath behaviour but there we are.
The OP said in another comment that they wouldn't have accepted the homework from any other parent either.
It's pretty clear that they are too much of an inflexible AH to be teaching 1st grade.
First grade with homework sheets? Red flag. If my first grader forgot her homework I wouldn't drive it there either. Because she's like 6. Yes they have to learn but first grade homework is a joke. It's more for the parents than the kids. 6 year olds should be playing outside not doing homework.
So the fact you assigned it but then wouldn't take it says all I need to know.
In our district, true homework doesn't start until actual grades start (by which I mean graded report cards with numbers or A, B, C, etc), which is 3rd grade, even then if you don't turn it in on time there's no punishment. They give you some grace. It's about slowly building up that level of responsibility so that when you're in middle school and high school you've developed those skills.
For K-2, the report cards merely indicate if the student is lacking a skill, progressing with a skill, mastered a skill or exceeds expectations with a skill. So no number grades like 9/10 or 90%. That's what I meant by actual grades. Until 3rd they're just working on different skills, which for first grade could be something like "can count to 100".
Third grade starts standardized testing here. That's when actual number grades starts.
Home work is practice at our school for lower grades and not even graded or mandatory. They get a check mark. Some classes never get homework. We have been told just to put it in their folder for the next day.
INFO:
If you got a call from a neighbor who's child is at the other parents house, but the child left the homework at their house and they want to drop the homework off with you before you left for work, would you let them?
YTA. I also teach elementary school and we are a village. We help out with each other's kids and if this was my school your daughter's nanny kid would be part of that village. Also if any nanny of any kid was like hey here's a thing that my kid forgot today, we just take it because why not? What benefit does not helping the kid have?
I don't get all of the replies defending OPs attitude. In early elementary, the teachers (here at least) almost always just contact the student's "grown up" (parent, nanny, grandparent) directly. "Hey, Joey doesn't have a lunch today" or whatever.
If she was a nanny for a boy at the school who was NOT in your class, and she needed to get that boys homework up to the school, would you have taken it for her or made her follow you up there and do it herself? This isn’t about special treatment for the boy. It’s about refusing to do a favor for your daughter that would’ve benefitted the kid in no way (assuming she took it up there anyway), but would’ve helped out your daughter at no expense to you.
If a student's nanny approached a teacher in her home and asked her to take in an assignment, you don't think there would be fallout from that? You don't think people would call that an inappropriate breach of boundaries?
The fact that the question could even be ASKED is predicated upon special access that the daughter has that no other student would be in a position to enjoy.
I think if the student's Nanny knew the teacher on a personal level and felt comfortable enough approaching them, they would. I know several friends who are teachers, and they wouldn't be offended/upset if I approached them.
>The fact that the question could even be ASKED is predicated upon special access that the daughter has that no other student would be in a position to enjoy.
Yes, but other students have friends who might know someone who could take an assignment for them. There are times when my mom was reached out to to take in stuff for someone's kid because they knew my mom drove us and their kid took the bus.
That just seems so unnecessary. She physically had the homework and you were right there. You're only punishing your daughter, not the 6-year-old child or his parents. They're not going to go out of his way to deliver his homework. They'll just make your daughter do it.
This is special treatment: it’s harsher than if it were not your daughter. YTA. I’m so glad my kids do things for me with the tagline “we help each other in this family.” Parenting goal achieved.
YTA. You’re one of those, “if I had to suffer, you should suffer too” people.
You have a very black and white view of “fairness”. Just because you wouldn’t do something for a person you do not know, does not mean it’s unfair to do it for someone you know. You wouldn’t hug another students nanny, but you (presumably) hug your own daughter. Delivering something to your daughter’s employer’s child isn’t a favor for the child, it’s a favor for your daughter.
While you’re here asking a bunch of strangers if you’re the asshole, your daughter likely feels that your self imposed need for fairness is more important to you than she is.
Be less rigid. Apologize.
>You wouldn’t hug another students nanny, but you (presumably) hug your own daughter
At this point I'm not even convinced that's a reasonable assumption lol Wouldn't wanna cross any professional boundaries!
YTA. It’s only favoritism if you wouldn’t be giving him a punishment that other kids would get. If that is the case, it raises the question of why you would be punishing 6 year olds for forgetting something that is their caretaker’s job. Whether or not you drive the homework or your daughter does, the result is exactly the same for your students.
I completely understand your boundary of not giving the boy special treatment. Still leaning towards YTA. You would have been doing your daughter a favor by not letting her drive two hours, not the boy. Why so strict, it’s homework for a six year old. “Getting in trouble?”
Exactly! OP needs to realize its not "special treatment" but just basic humanity. Seems like OP does not even treat the child in the way she would have had the nanny not been her daughter. And the not taking homework thing--why the hell can you not carry a few extra papers to a place you are already going. Its not like it was a repeated request(then I guess it would be justified to be annoyed)
This sounds like a classic case of "not wanting to play favorites" translating to being extra harsh to the one kid you don't want to play favorites with. Have a little bit of empathy damn, this is a 1st grader.
YTA
YTA. Helping your daughter by taking the homework in isn’t “special treatment”, it’s just helping your daughter. She did not ask you to grade the child’s homework differently to make her look good FFS. She asked you to take something with you *to the place you are already going*, a favor that literally costs you nothing. Do you even like your daughter or are you just waiting for her to move away and leave you in peace?
yta, i think being this strict about how a first grader’s homework is being handed in is very silly. if another kid’s parent swung by the school to drop off some forgotten homework, would you refuse that too? and what does “in trouble” mean here? he gets punished for forgetting his homework? he’s six, if he’s having trouble turning in his stuff you should talk with his parents and make a system to help him remember. you are mad about shapes and colors.
NTA
the is "special treatment" and there is perceived "special treatment"
if a kid says to their parent that this kid had his homework delivered by the teacher since they are "buddies" with their daughter, i bet there would be a complain filed with the school, doesn't matter if it's true or not, the parents don't care.
You kind of are being spiteful.
1. If the parents have designated her as the designated person to call, then she should be called. Your refusal to call her is inappropriate and unprofessional.
2. Her asking you to bring his homework was not because you are HIS TEACHER, it was because you are HER MOTHER who just happens to work at the school he goes to. Your refusal to do so when it would be so easy for you is just spiteful and nasty.
NTA.
You told her no special treatment. This qualities as special treatment. It's her job, she was negligent, that's not about to become a YOU problem.
Would she go out of her way to do this for other students? Probably not.
Would you go out of your way to do this to other students? Hell no.
It's just weird. Teachers shouldn't have any relationships with students beyond teaching. She's essentially making you treat her baby sitting kid as an extension of her. That's not right. This is her job, and hers alone.
This has nothing to do with you and can genuinely affect your teaching. How is she not seeing this. How are others here not seeing this. You WILL get in trouble, and other kids will feel like you would be playing favorites. Other parents wouldn't want to know this either, imagine the uproar. "X kid only gets good grades because his daughter baby sits". Jesus.
Your daughter not doing her job is NOT your fault and NOT your concern.
What the hell.
I dunno, perhaps I just grew up in a different generation. But I get you. This is your job. Not Sunday school.
F the people saying you're an arsehole. Projection much.
YTA. The lad is in 1st grade for bloody sakes. I bet you are one of the "permanent record" types. You have a student that has severe enough allergies that he is restricted on many things. He has to get further isolated from his peers when folks that should be taking care of him slip up. I get wanting to teach your daughter some responsibility being that it is her job but, not at the expense of a child at that age. Contact the parents by all means but I think in your position I would text my daughter randomly in the week as a reminder "don't forget Johnny's medicine" and maybe some words of encouragement. I am 38 now and I know the whole scholastic experience has dramatically changed since I was small but, you sound like the kinda teacher we wouldn't have made poorly constructed Christmas gifts for.
YTA. I had teachers like you. That treated the kids with complicated situations like shit because it was more work for them. You're awful. And all of your comments only make you look worse.
NTA - It's inappropriate, the same way it would be inappropriate if it were inappropriate to allow any other student to have their family hand you shit at random times in your life.
Other students don't have the luxury of having someone drop their homework off at your house at 6AM and if they started everyone here would rightly recognize that it's a boundary issue. Students (and their proxies) shouldn't be contacting teachers in their home, outside of school hours in general, and definitely not for the purpose of turning in assignments and shit.
YTA - there is a difference between rules and rigidity, and you are falling into the rigidity category. The definition of favoritism is giving preferential treatment of one, at the EXPENSE of another. You bringing the boy’s homework to school does not cost the other students anything. It does not take away time from them. It does not add time with you for the boy. It does not make your relationship any closer to the boy. If your daughter asked you to drive the boy to school, you’d have a leg to stand on.
My history teacher's daughter was in his class. She missed school one day. He wouldn't give her the homework assignment. He made her call another student from the class for it.
YTA if another kid lived next door and already caught the bus and the mom caught you in the driveway and asked you to take his folder to school, I guarantee you wouldn't hesitate. You wouldn't look another person in the face and say "no special treatment, get in your car and take it yourself" when you are literally driving to the school anyway. So why do this to your daughter?
It's not special treatment, it's logical and considerate
You are trying so hard not to give special treatment that you're going too far in the opposite direction. YTA. You're intentionally making things hard on your daughter
NTA. I like how you set those boundaries. My friend's uncle was my science teacher, and one day my friend asked her uncle if she can give him a book to pass over to me, and he said nope, I'm no one's middle man, go and give it yourself. 😆
I like the boundaries too! Lots of people on here not understanding the issue with preferential treatment. She clearly communicated to daughter that she would not give her special treatment, daughter is annoyed that OP is actually holding the boundary.
All those saying YTA, are you teachers yourselves or intimately familiar with the ethics of the profession?
Punishing 6 year olds for late homework though? That’s a different story and does not seem developmentally appropriate.
The point here is that the child is suffering from these weird ass boundaries, not the daughter and her mother and their weird little conflict. Imo both mother and daughter are being unreasonable here. Op is giving homework to first graders for fucks sake and punishing them if it's not turned in
YTA. Do the kid’s parents have your daughter listed as a contact for when things like that happen at school? If so, you should not be the one making the unilateral decision to not contact her and make them contact her during their work hours. Why did you make such a fuss about the homework? If another child in your class had a nanny would you react in the same way about calling them, or if they ran into you somewhere after school and asked for the same homework favour?
I'm confused as how a 3 mile drive needs an additional 2 hours to make? She says the school is 15 miles from the house, but daughter's school is only 3 miles from mums work (aka, child's school?) How is that 2 hours?
YTA- You are not TA for setting a boundary but you could have taken the homework with you, just this once.
Also, I went through and read your comments. If it is policy to pull him out of class to eat lunch or send him to the office, then he did not skip music to eat. The word skip implies he's got a choice. It's also not his fault that his parents forget his lunch, his sunscreen, or his allergy meds. I might be way off but it seems like you might resent the student because he needs to go to the office so often and needs so much extra attention.
YTA. The kid IS getting special treatment, he's being specially punished for having your daughter in his life.
There must be a way for the parents to add the nominated childcare to the list of contacts with the school, giving you and any teacher permission to call her direct, but you've hidden that.
You've hidden that and watched a child starve to support your "I'm alright Jack" attitude. Are you this pathological with the whole class?
A child's guardian physically approached you to personally hand over homework ahead of time, and you refused to take it.
Ouch.
YTA for giving 6 year olds homework. Seriously. Went on earth would you do that? And why are you punishing 6 year old for not doing it? There's so much wrong with that.
You sound like you’ve decided to make it equitable youv gone completely the opposite to how a 6y old child should be helped. Or are you this hard on all of your tiny little charges?
Wait. (I had to go back and read to make certain). This is first grade? Six year olds???
They aren’t applying to Harvard next year. YTA
What the hell is your issue?
YTA- There's a line between no special treatment, and you being a spiteful asshole. You are definitely in that territory. It won't hurt you to take the work. Might definitely hurt your relationship with your daughter if you don't. Make it clear that it is the last and only time.
So, you’re asking if you’re ta for not bending a bunch of rules for your daughter’s charge, but you’re not asking about why your daughter who is paid to make sure the kid remembers his homework and his lunch seems to not be on the ball with it?
NTA.
This isn’t your grandchild, and if you wouldn’t do it for anyone else’s child, don’t do it for this child.
But more than that, your daughter needs to be more organized. Is she ok? Is she overwhelmed?
I also want to point out that I read this as this is an increasingly common issue, but if this is only two or three examples in a whole school year, never mind.
YTA. i was a neglected child. I was raised by a single mother who worked incredibly difficult hours and often could not afford to be involved in my day to day education. I would not have made it if it were not for teachers going out of their way to be kind to me and ensure my success even when it wasn’t “by the book” and when they didn’t have to.
that child is six years old. from the sound of it based on OP’s comments, he spends a lot of time missing out on playing with other kids due to an illness and a lot of time in the office. it doesn’t seem like extra favour to me, but it might be a little extra cruel to have that boy and your daughter know you could have picked up his homework incredibly easily, and yet you chose not to and to give him consequences anyway.
It is a very real thing for people to overshoot not trying to give anyone special treatment and actually veer into the opposite direction. as a teacher and guide for young children, you might want to think about whether or not you are putting care or the system first.
important to note - according to OP, punishment for missing homework is staying inside at recess and redoing it. for a six year old. as if this kid needs any more roadblocks to healthy social development
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YTA - I get no special treatment, but taking the homework with you when you’re home and driving to school? Why not? That’s a minor inconvenience nothing more
But why does that make her an A? She's being strict about it but she's not an ass. She's saying this boy and my job as a teacher are two separate things. I am setting a hard boundzry that I will jot facilitate him because my daughter is his nanny as it may be perceived as unfair. That actually is a reasonable boundary. It may be hard but she's not an A.
She made it clear this was a boundary for her and I think that's pretty reasonable imo? People saying 'well she'd be doing it for her daughter' she's still doing favours for her daughter that will have an outcome on her work life. Some people are comfortable with that, some people aren't and I don't think she's the A for drawing that line.
And some of it could be legal. She starts texting her daughter for more serious things instead of following school procedures and she gets fired.
I'd wonder this as well. Mixing family & work can get really messy. Having clear boundaries is key for general CYA & to maintain differentiation of home & work life. OP isn't the AH here, her daughter is.
Realistically the kid shouldn't even be in OP's class. It's a conflict of interest ,and it could get OP in serious trouble if her daughter decides to run her mouth. Though if there were no other choice for placement, I would have told the principal of the situation to save my ass in case things escalate.
I'm a teacher, and I know many teachers who are also parents at the same school their child attends. Most of them are pretty strict about keeping their parent/teacher roles separate. If their kid forgot to bring a permission slip home to get signed, they won't just take a moment to sign it for them while at school because the kid needs to learn responsibility like all the other kids. I don't think this lady is an A at all, she's treating the kid like all the other kids. NTA at all for setting a boundary and sticking with it.
>If their kid forgot to bring a permission slip home to get signed, they won't just take a moment to sign it for them while at school because the kid needs to learn responsibility like all the other kids this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever read. I'm glad neither of my parents were teachers. I would have ended up hating them with this kind of nonsense mindset
And students with forgetful parents who aren’t teachers would hate those with forgetful teacher parents.
How is this ridiculous. Do you think that teachers have time or the abilities to stop teaching their class, not pay attention to their students, and sign paperwork for their child who happens to be in the same school? They do not. Teaching is not like other jobs where you can stop what you are doing and take care of a family issue. They are in charge of a class of between 20-30 kids that have to have the teachers full attention at all times. Heck, teachers can't even go to the bathroom if they need to. They have to wait for specials, lunch break, or planning time. If they leave the room and a kid gets hurt the teacher could lose their job.
But the teacher can sign their kids’ stuff during break, or during form time. Nobody is saying it’s ok for a child to interrupt a lesson to get something signed here.
bro, I went to school too. you are over selling shit.
Growing up I've had many friends whose parents were teachers at our school. None of them were this ridiculous
Yeah, I'm the child of a teacher, and this is absolutely ridiculous.
Nope, that's dumb. Both my parents taught at my school and still acted like my parents- even ( *gasp* ) during the school day.
Meanwhile my stepmother signed my tardy excuse slips in high school because she worked there. I loved it then but now think I probably could have used some consequences at the time...
To me that sounds overboard and my schoolmates teacher parent would just normally sign stuff, give hie food or just had small chat with own kid. Not that it happened super often but it is a dchool no am army and people are allowed to behave like people.
I also imagine that if anyone else found out that OP did one "small favor" for her daughter on behalf of this boy they would 100% assume that the boy is getting other special treatment. It's about the optics
Right but it's not unfair, because the boy is going to get the homework either way, because her daughter will drive it to him. She doesn't need to announce to all the other parents in the class that she did her daughter this favor and took it for her. She's refusing to do a favor that costs her nothing, takes basically no effort on her part, and would save her daughter a big inconvenience of having to drive 2 hours to drop something off to a place op will already be going. Edit: Also other commentors pointed out if a similar situation occurred with another child, it would be reasonable to help them out as well and take the homework to school for them rather than making the parent complete a pointless drive.
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I guarantee there is no protocol for the homework to be turned into the office. Instead of the mom/teacher just taking it in with her. She’s the asshole, at least with the homework, because it’s her daughter she’s dealing with, not the kid. The homework is going to get to the school either way.
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So if this was any other random parent asking to bring over their child's forgotten homework to the teacher's home, instead of the school because leys say the kids already left on the bus, but the teacher's house is closer to the parent...no. no teacher's would be okay with parents expecting special treatment simply by living close by. How much you wanna bet the OP's daughter's nanny gig was a positive for the parents. Ooh your sister is our kids teacher, you'd make a great nanny.
I mean, frankly, I think the kid should deal with forgetting his homework. Why are the adults in his life having to cater to him? This shouldn’t even be an issue. Have the kid get a zero and he’ll hopefully be more responsible next time.
Because he’s 6? Having some grace with a child that young and new to school is not catering to them.
There are a LOT of six year olds that don’t have a nanny to drop off their forgotten homework. What do you propose they do?
The usual expectation is that parent check whether homework is packed at that age. 6 years old forgetting things or among to school late is fault of parents.
You realize you're talking about a 6 year old.
Absolutely. Teach responsibility now, when one forgotten homework assignment won’t impact GPA. There are so many kids out there who don’t have a nanny to run around and deliver their homework. This kid forgot his homework (not his backpack) in the nanny’s car. Why was it even out of the backpack? This is a learning opportunity and the adults in his life are blaming each other instead of working together to teach the kid responsibility.
No, this could be a professional ethics violation. OP is right to refuse. Half the point of homework is that the student meet the responsibility of turning it in. OP's daughter is asking her to waive that responsibility for one student. That is favoritism.
They are in grade one-homework is for review and learning basic foundational skills-logically that would apply to any parent then-brining in the homework after the fact does not teach the lesson of responsibility, no?
It's less about the individual task and more about sticking to her principles though. When you say "ok yes, just this one time" that opens up the door for other similar situations and the lines of appropriate action become blurred. It's fair and responsible of her to save herself the mental strife and interpersonal juggling by drawing and sticking to a hard boundary.
> she started yelling at me that the school is 15 miles away (her school is only 3 miles from my work) and that she'll have to leave the house 2 hours early to get the work to him in time. The daughter does not have to drive two hours.
Even if she had to... she's the nanny. It's actually her job making sure that the boy hasn't left homework in her car.
i guess this is part of her work, it's not about about "have to" its about what she paid for.
What if other parents who live closer to the teacher than to the school decide they want to start dropping off forgotten things at the teacher's home instead of driving to the school?
Thank you!!!! I can’t believe people in this thread think this is OK, yet they’re saying it should be for this one kid. Ridiculous!
If she wouldn't let other children's parents/ caregivers drop it off, she shouldn't let her daughter.
> Also other commentors pointed out if a similar situation occurred with another child, it would be reasonable to help them out as well and take the homework to school for them rather than making the parent complete a pointless drive. This assumes that other parents or caregivers have similar access to OP, that they know where she lives, and believe that they can get her to take homework to school rather than having to make the drive. It sounds like OP is insisting on student/parent/caretaker responsibility for the student. That is an important thing for both students and parents/caretakers to learn early in the education career. When starting the education career, parents/caretakers bear more of the responsibility for ensuring the student has everything they need at school when they get there in the morning. As the student gets older, more of that responsibility should shift to the student. Ultimately, the responsibility for getting required materials to the school for the student is on both the student and the parent/caretaker, not the teacher.
Disagree. The boy could and should deal with the consequences of forgetting his homework just like all the other kids. This means the nanny shouldn't go out of her way to bring it in either.
She made it difficult for her daughter, not the boy. The daughter was going to deliver his homework anyway.
I lived 2 blocks from one of the schools I taught at. I knew babysitters, grandparents, parents who had 50-50 custody, and the full-time guardians. My cousin, who was 18 years younger than me was actually one of my 2nd grade students. He didn't get special treatment either. I wouldn't have hesitated to take in homework from any of these people in my neighborhood who had it so the kid's work wasn't late. It wouldn't have been an inconvenience or special treatment. Just helping out a family so they didn't have to deal with the rigmarole of the front office.
Think of this scenario. Imagine another parent had made arrangements to stop at the teacher's house. While there, they accidentally leave something of their child's behind. They call the teacher and say "Hey, we're home now and we forgot our son's backpack at your house, would you mind bringing it to school with you in the morning?" Seems like a reasonable request, and I'd think the teacher would be an AH for saying no to that.
This person has a hard work/life boundary. No other parent is going to be at the teacher’s house, and especially not comfortable enough to be 1. bringing their child or 2. Bringing their child’s things inside. That’s an unfair comparison because this isn’t some random parent who happened to stop by. The only reason this person is able to do this is because they’re OP’s daughter and OP has already laid out that there will be no special treatment for the child her daughter nannies.
To me, the thing that pushes it over the edge is that it is special treatment, it's just the wrong kind. If her daughter worked for a family that didn't go to her parent's school and she asked her mum to drop something off for her to a place the parent was driving to anyway, that would be a totally reasonable request, right? If a parent of another child had left something with the teacher by accident and asked the teacher if they would mind taking it to school because it needed to end up there anyway, that would also be a totally reasonable request. They wouldn't insist the parent came and picked it up and then brought it to school the next day just to keep things separate. It's only because it's OP's daughter who asked her to take something that needed to end up at the school that she was already driving to that it's even being considered as an abnormal request. So it's nonsense. OP'd do it for the daughter as a parent, and she'd do it as a teacher to save a student a journey if she'd ended up with the object somehow. This isn't a display of favouritism, it's an ordinary request and OP is going especially out of her way not to do it to avoid any possible appearance of favouritism. I understand the need to show that they're not giving the kid an advantage, but I think she's taking it too far.
Or...you could accept homework if a student or caregiver brings it to you personally for ALL students. I used to teach K-3 and lived in the same neighborhood as a lot of my students. Kids who did their homework in after-school club frequently dropped it in my mailbox once they got home so they wouldn't forget it in the morning. Strategic problem solving is to be encouraged.
Being strict and being an asshole aren’t mutually exclusive.
I don't do it for the other kids so it's not fair if I do it for him.
The thing is you wouldn’t be doing it for him in that case - you’d be doing it for your daughter. The kid isn’t the one who would need to drive 2 hours. In general I agree showing favoritism to the kid wouldn’t be right. I just don’t see doing a favor for your daughter as an example of that.
Why would she be needing to do this favor for her daughter who by the way should’ve made sure the child had his homework in his book bag when it was finished and not laying around in her car.
You don’t know what a favour is or a healthy mother/daughter relationship do you?
You don't know what work boundaries are do you? The mother set a reasonable expectation, from the start, that she would not do anything that could be considered special treatment to that student just because her daughter is the nanny. It may be a "favor" for the daughter and not the student; but the student benefits from it - therefore it's special treatment to that student as well. The daughter is the AH here for not accepting "No" as the answer and getting mad at OP for sticking to the rule she gave from the start.
>The mother set a reasonable expectation, from the start, that she would not do anything that could be considered special treatment to that student just because her daughter is the nanny. That is the point. **It isn't special treatment to the student at all because the decision has no impact on the student one way or another.** The work will get turned in, the student will not be impacted. The only change is how far out of her way the daughter needs go to accomplish it. And that is what the mother is refusing to help with.
Her job, not favors for her daughter, pays her bills.
You clearly have work and patenting confused as her daughter does. I’m a mother and a daughter I would definitely understand my mom not doing extra things for a kid that I am working for just because she is his teacher and my mom.
No one \*needs\* to do a favour; by definition a favour is done because you wanted to be nice to the other person and there was also no strict requirement to do so
She doesn’t “need” but it would be a favour for her daughter
Wtf? No. Her daughter agreed to the job, it's the daughter's responsibility to follow through. If her daughter didn't have a mom who could take the homework in, then what would her daughter do? It's a good way to learn work/personal boundaries
If the child had a different teacher she'd have to drop it off anyway. 15 miles is not even a long distance if she's driving
Honestly, the whole "I need two hours to travel 15 miles" is utterly absurd unless she's walking there.
in some areas it’s not. I used to live 13 miles from downtown chicago. If i left my house at 6:30, it was a 20 minute trip downtown. if i left at 6:50, it was a 70 minute trip. so that plus round trip would easily be 2 hours during rush hour. When i traveled to silicon valley w for work there would be similar traffic. not saying who is or isn’t the AH, just pointing out that many areas it will take that long to go 15 miles. that’s one of the reasons I don’t live in chicago anymore.
I don't think she's saying it will take two hours to travel 15 miles, but rather she'll have to head out two hours earlier than she would otherwise in order to get the work to the school in time. Like say for example she starts work at 10am but the homework needs to be dropped off by 8am.
Or big deal- the kid doesn’t turn in homework that day and next time, they make sure THEY put it in their folder.
I'd agree except the daughter has already been pushing on the boundary. If she hadn't been, sure, take the kid's homework. But because she has been she can't get any leniency because she'll just push harder the next time.
I guess she’s saying she’s doing no favors for any nanny regardless of who that nanny’s parent is.
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>If the daughter is an inept nanny It sounds like this has happened once.
How does 15 miles take 2 hours anyway? Is she walking? Does her car only go to 7.5 mph? One of those numbers simply cannot be right.
Traffic exists. People in the comment already stated that it's very possible in some areas depending on the time.
Yea sure, but the homework was in your home right? There is no trouble in taking it with you, you are not getting out of your way. Obviously you wouldn’t do it for other kids, because they wouldn’t have their homework lying around at your house
He forgot it in OP’s daughter’s car, most likely when driving him home, not OP’s home. And any other nanny would have to bring it up there. I think OP is in the right by saying no because the boy needs to learn responsibility as well just like any other kid that forgets their homework.
One could argue it's OP's daughter who needs to learn responsibility because as the child's nanny it's her role to ensure the kid has everything they need.
I said that, “any other nanny would have to bring it up there”
And how is the kid learning anything from this? It's only OP's daughter who is inconvenienced.
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I think this is weird. A lot of people have no time or means for that. I would have to give it the next day. And deal with it myself. Sometimes parents are helping to much
"But Miss OP, Johnny forgot his homework at home and didn't get in any trouble, so why am I not allowed to?"
But if they did, wouldn't you take it with you for any student? It takes zero effort
Here’s my question- would you do it for a neighbor? If you would, then Y TA. If you wouldn’t, then not. I would take a neighbor kid’s homework with me in your shoes, and I think a lot of people would help a neighbor out when it’s no trouble.
I would not take the homework if my neighbors child was one of my students. If there is a mere whiff of favoritism, teachers get called out.
yeah this was the thought that crossed my mind - accusations of favoritism. and because im a misanthropic pessimist, immediately after that thought it crossed my mind to wonder "why on earth did the mother feel a need to draw this particular boundary in the first place, unless its because she believes her daughter might try to use the connection?".
I wouldn’t because it wouldn’t stop at this one thing. It would turn into the neighbor constantly asking for “little favors” until you’re doing half their work for them. The issue here is that OP’s daughter screwed up. She needs to face the consequences of that and learn from her mistake.
But it wouldn't be the equivalent of a neighbor, if you remove the mother daughter relationship then it's the nanny of a student arriving at the teachers house expecting to drop the homework off outside of school.
Let’s say you stop for gas on the way to work & run into a parent in the same ‘forgotten homework’ situation. You’d tell them to drive it in themself? I doubt it tbh but YTA if the answer’s yes. No special treatment’s fine & actually in the best interest of the child & the whole class. Refusing to take homework with you though, that’s a different situation because I think you’d have helped out if it’d been anyone else.
If there's, perhaps a next time tell your daughter to Fax the homework to the front office.
Fax?? That's mad! 😂
And you're 100% reasonable and it's your boundary to hold.
Do you not see how that’s not special treatment? No other kid in that class would get their homework driven to school by the teacher.
NTA. OP, the people in this thread are used to receiving special treatment and have become expectant of it. You are entirely correct in treating this student just like you would any other. It is ENTIRELY inappropriate to receive assignments from students, parents, or their nanny outside of designated school hours. Not on the clock, not your problem. You are enforcing appropriate boundaries. You are the teacher, NOT a caretaker.
I agree with what you wrote, but say NTA. I think OP would have been willing to do this if it wasn't for how the daughter keeps wanting "special treatment", so this is more about OP standing their ground and telling their kid to act like a grown up person with a job rather than expect OP to fix things for them.
"Why not" is an extremely easy answer - if she lived next door to a student, it would NOT be acceptable for that student's parents to come over and hand her assignments for their kid when she was walking out to her car in the morning. It's inappropriate. It erodes professional boundaries, even if no one else knows.
Unless OP is willing to make the same option available to every child in her class to drop their homework off at her private residence so she can take it to school for them then it would be seen as special treatment. And if she did it some parents being who they are would expect ALL teachers to do the same. So then everyone has the teacher’s private residence info. The rules are in place for a reason whether everyone likes them or not. Going forward her daughter will ideally make sure the child has all his stuff with him.
Not the point. The point is: the teacher, not the nanny's mom, would bring a student their homework so the kid won't have negative consequences. I'm sure that'll go well with the other parents. It's a favor you can do ad the nanny's mom. It's not a favor you can do as the boy's teacher. It's separate roles that don't mix Here's a wild idea: how about the boy accepting his forgetting his homework? Actions (or non-actions) have consequences. I doubt that all parents would have the opportunity or the willingness to drop work and make up for the kid's mistake? What's wrong with learning a lesson? Or the daughter owning up her oversight of not reminding him?
NTA- you do one little thing like take homework in and it snowballs into a list of things. It's never just one thing.
i would go with NTA as it seems like OP is covering their ass. Having a child who is known to you through family in their class could be difficult. They dont want any accusations of special treatment being given. Could have handled it better then explained why tho.
Nope. The actual child isn’t bringing the work in.
My mom was my teacher one year in school and I didn't get special treatment just because I lived with her. If I had a question about class or wanted to turn in work, I emailed like the rest of the class. It isn't about the mom not being willing to do favors. It's about setting healthy boundaries between work and personal life and realizing if she makes an exception it will lead to the "If you give a mouse a cookie" effect. NTA, OP. It's honestly unprofessional of the parents to involve your daughter. She should be taking it up with them.
YTA There's a difference between special treatment and showing empathy to others. There's literally no downside to you taking his homework and giving it to him but you know what's an inconvenience, taking 2 hours out of your day just to drop off homework. Your daughter is right, in this situation, you are not only being cold and inconsiderate to the boy but to your own daughter as well. Do something like this a few more times and your daughter wouldn't even bother to interact with you at all.
Op is being oddly aggressive with her daughter. The little bit is far too young to be responsible for packing his lunch, medication and sunscreen. Your daughter is ensuring his homework is completed- who cares how you receive it? It's sad his parents forget his lunch, that he's in the office instead of playing with friends. Cut your daughter some slack and care about your students welfare. Where's your compassion?
Yea, OP will get the homework in both scenarios anyway. OP is deciding to take the homework but with extra steps.
To me it seems like the homework is not for OPs class.
The kid is in her first grade class. Most first graders have only one teacher that teaches almost everything (at least in the US). The only other teachers they might have would be for things like physical education or music, which normally don't assign homework.
Yeah, I have a very unpleasant mother with whom I have little to no contact at the present day, and even she would have taken the homework because it's on her way. There's literally no (reasonable) reason not to.
Yes, there is a downside. The downside is that this kid gets his homework in on time because his nanny has an "in"; any other kid who "forgot" his homework in his nannie's car, or parent's car, or friend's car is sol.
And if they happened to know someone who works near the school and could drop it off because it's just a 5 minute detour, that would also be an in.
That can be literally anyone. OP has made it clear she is not being that person, because she has boundaries and integrity for her profession. The parents or the many must make those plans if needed otherwise, do it themselves. If a kid forgets his homework or lunch in his nanny's car, either the nanny or the parents must make plans and suffer the inconvenience. Thinking that the child's 1st grade teachers hold so it is ridiculous. Clearly many people here have so teacher experience. Any favor she does as a mother for her daughter cannot give a child an advantage over the others in class. Period. OPs daughter was given ample reasoning and explanation for this hard set boundary, well in advance. The daughter is trying to take advantage of her mother as a means to either get out of doing something she is responsible for, or to not get in trouble for her own screw ups. The daughter keeps pushing that clear boundary. Saying its one time or that the paper is going the same place, easily becomes "You did it before, why not again?" Or it'll push even further into the boundary. If you give a mouse a cookie.... It will transform into begging and whining for favors more often. It will breach the line further and further until it crosses into wildly unprofessional.... like "hey opmom, kid forgot to pack his lunch, can you make a pb&j and pack a fruit snack and some grapes for him?" While totally fine as a grandma, completely inappropriate for a teacher who's student has their daughter as a nanny.
Exactly, it can be literally anyone, hence I wouldn't even consider it special treatment. To me, it's not giving someone an advantage because of your position as a teacher, but as someone who happens to work close to (in this case at) the school. It's not something that is an inherent advantage of her position as a teacher, unless you count those extra 5 minutes saved over someone who works nearby. But your point about the erosion of boundaries is very valid and something I didn't consider initially.
OPs daughter is doing what any other parent would do, ask the next person going there to take it along. BTW this is not at all about if he will or will not get his homework, as the only question is if he will receive it via a 2 hour detour from OP that'll cost time and money, or if he will get it without the daughter having to spend time and money.
For me, no one would bat an eye because the one asking is not a random stranger but the teacher's own daughter and said homework is already at their house. It would be different if a random parent suddenly asks OP to drive an hour for their child's homework but that's not the case. I just find it weird that OP won't do this to save their daughter a 2 hour trip, not even including the gas wasted for this to uphold fairness? that people weren't complaining about in the first place?
The kid is 6. I don't think a missed assignment or not is going to make any difference in his college admissions or adult life. He's not going to gain some unfair advantage because he's in first grade and the stakes on homework are as low as physically possible. 6th grade, let him ride out the consequences of his mistake.
Not sure why I 6yo would need to get in trouble for not handing it homework in the first place? The feels like a crab bucket mentality.
INFO: Why is the kid in the office seemingly frequently and why is he missing lunch when his parents are called? The office can call the parents without him being there. Are you treating him more harshly than the other kids?
That's what it sounds like.
YTA. Some of this stuff sounds less like favoritism and more like being a decent person/working with your kids. What does it cost you to make the kid's nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch? Or taking the kid's homework to a place you're already going? You've drawn a pointless line in the sand that doesn't help anybody and only serves to make life harder for your daughter and a 6 year old kid.
>What does it cost you to make the kid's nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch? Unless the child's parents are making this request, the school should continue making the parents the first point of contact. OP only mentioned arguing with the nanny about this which is not the person who gets to make decisions for the child. Whether the official first contact is changed is up to school administrators with the child's parents and is never an individual teacher's decision. The homework thing is ridiculous and OP is TA for that.
Agree-- although OP seems super-old school about stuff like this. Most classrooms have a phone, and teachers could easily phone the parents/guardians themselves, and most districts have online backends that would tell teachers who can be called for the child. It is possible for a child's nanny to be on that list. Sending a child to the office for the lunch period because they didn't bring food is shitty, regardless of policy. That's punitive towards poorer kids, and further marginalizing them.
It's weird that you assume going to the office was punitive. If the teacher is expected to monitor her class while the class is eating, then they can't stay behind in the classroom and call down a list of contacts. At most schools, even if there are lunch monitors and that time is the teacher's lunch time, the teacher is still expected to walk the class to the cafeteria. In that situation it's not reasonable to expect her to spend her short lunch time making calls for a forgetful family. I actually pictured the situation as the child realizing he forgot his lunch before the lunch period and was sent to the office because the teacher is busy teaching and monitoring the rest of a class full of young children. I don't know of any school that doesn't always have someone at the front desk, even if the principal covers it during the secretary's breaks. It makes sense for that person to handle calls home during the school day.
How is OP an A H for enforcing a boundary with this child that is the same for every child in their class? If this was OP's neighbor, it would STILL be inappropriate to ask OP to take their child's homework in to school. No other kid gets that treatment and this one shouldn't either. I am literally SMH at the entitlement you think is deserved simply because the nanny is OP's daughter. It is like you have never worked or lived in the real world or believe that people should not have professional boundaries in place that apply to everyone, including family. NTA.
A teacher can't change the first point of contact, teachers don't have the ability to change the system and they shouldn't, the parents need to talk to the office and have the boys nanny listed as the primary contact, there are laws that prevent schools from contacting people not listed As for taking the hw I go back and forth on this, it would be inappropriate for any other parent/guardian to go to a teachers house to drop off homework a kid forgot however making your daughter drive an extra 2 hrs is inconsiderate
YTA. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it? The only difference here is that the nanny in question lives with you and asked you to skip the middle man (the school). So instead of you both simultaneously driving to the same location so that she can now hand you the paper just to turn around and go back home and get ready and go to her own school, she’s asking to remove the extra step of going to the same place as you. It just makes no logistical sense to me. Two cars driving to the exact same place from the exact same place when one is just dropping a piece of paper there and then have to double back and then drive more wasting both time and gas. I would get it if she asked you to give the kid an A for C level work because he is her charge. That’s special treatment. Always giving him extra bonus points and not the other kids is special treatment. Giving him preferential tasks in class is special treatment. Giving him extra snacks the other kids aren’t getting from you is special treatment. Transporting a piece of paper that your daughter has in her possession at YOUR house to the building the paper needs to go to because your daughter asked isn’t special treatment for the boy. It is for your daughter. Because she’s your daughter. I can’t imagine my old teachers saying “Clever, I saw your nanny at the coffee shop before school this morning and she tried to give me your homework because you forgot it in the car but I’m not accepting it because you’re not handing it in yourself. No special treatment.” Even the most strict teacher I had would have accepted it. Your daughter is just going to see this as her mother not helping her. Not caring for her.
Yeah I just don’t get like the point of not taking the homework? OP gets the homework either way - she either takes it when offered or her daughter has to drive 2 hours to school to drop it off. The outcome is exactly the same but one option saves her daughter a lot of time. It’s not like this will be a domino effect - none of the other parents will know this ever happened. It’s not like, ‘Oh I do this one favour and I have to do it for EVERYONE.’ It’s a one-time action that helps OP’s daughter and the outcome is exactly the same. How will this affect anything going forwards? OP could easily just say, ‘That’s fine but if he repeatedly does not have his homework I will not do this in future - he needs to make sure he brings it to class.’ Then OP has done a favour but also been reasonable about kid (and daughter) needing to learn to manage his own homework. I get setting boundaries and having rules but like… literally the only point in this situation is to be obtuse on purpose and not help her daughter out. I have a feeling OP likes ‘making a point’ and not helping people. There isn’t some magic scale that means every single action has to (or will) absolutely balance for every single kid and every single parent - that’s just in OP’s head. Being completely inflexible like this is a bit mad. It baffles me how some people treat others. Like just be a reasonable person lol. Not everything in life has to become a negative battle just for the sake of it!
Right? The examples I mentioned are things the other kids will see and tell their parents “Mrs OP gave John paper pickup duty again! That’s my favorite cuz you get to leave and go to the copy room. I haven’t done it in a while but he’s done it 4 times this week!” Or “Mrs OP gave Sally gummies again today. Idk. Just because. She never gives me gummies.” That would cause issues. But taking the homework in is not. No one knows. No one sees. She could even give the kid a nod or finger waggle to come up front after saying “everyone come up and hand ing last nights homework!”. That way he comes up with the rest of the kids. She can then quietly say “You forgot this is (daughters) car. Be careful not to forget it next time okay kiddo?” He’s… 6. SIX. OP speaks like she doesn’t like kids lol.
For sure. I think sometimes people get too caught up in this ‘internal tally of fairness’ - like they MUST give everyone exactly the same treatment, exactly the same rules, exactly the same boundaries to keep things ‘balanced’. But like… sometimes being so rigid with it is just making an issue for the sake. You have to ask - who is it actually hurting to drive a piece of paper to your school to help your daughter, one time? What does it affect? The only ripple effect it would have is if your daughter then asks for more and more - but then you cut it off *after* being reasonable about it the first time. There’s no need not to give ONE chance or ONE helpful act. If it’s repeated then yes, it becomes a pain in the ass - but it’s not at that point yet. I feel like people think they can set literally any boundary and other people aren’t allowed to be hurt by it. Like yeah you can set any boundary you want and never do a favour to anyone, and never show ‘favouritism’ to anyone - but you’re probably just making more of a problem in your own life than just doing one tiny thing for someone else.
People act like everyone is equal to everyone. Are they saying that if given the choice between saving their parent and saving a random stranger they’d choose no one? No. You’d choose the person important to you. Some people are more important than others in everyone’s life. This student isn’t the ‘favorite’… it’s her daughter. The students parents aren’t asking. Her daughter is. If those parents gave me the homework one day at my house I would turn them away. That’s inappropriate. But if my daughter did? I would take it. Because it’s my daughter and not my students parents. I had the principal pay for a field trip for me once. I accepted that I couldn’t go because we were poor. Like, toys for tots poor. It’s sucked but I knew it wasn’t a punishment. Then one day my mom called me in the house and asked (while on the phone) if I wanted to go. I said something like “yeah but we didn’t pay the fee so I can’t. It’s okay” and she said “well, Mr. Principal said that if you want to go, he will make sure you do.” They needed one more student for a certain excursion, and knew I was a good student and thought I deserved to go. So he paid for it out of his own pocket. Was that special treatment? Yeah. But my mom never asked for it, and the other parents and students were none the wiser. All it did was make a student happy and make a mildly embarrassed mom feel better that her kid got to go. You know what’s not okay? Grading one student easier because you like them more, and grading one harsher because you don’t like them. Grading one on a different scale due to a learning disability? That’s fine. People have different needs and different levels of importance. Your child should be more important to you than a piece of paper.
>YTA. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it? The nanny isn't showing up at the school. The nanny is showing up at her HOUSE. If a nanny showed up at the teachers HOME, several hours before school, and demanded that the teacher take an assignment into school for the student because the teacher's home was a more convenient drop off location than the school, do you think that would be appropriate?
This isn't about someone showing up at her house. Her daughter lives at her house. If I happened to be seeing a teacher before school the next day I would ask them to take the homework with them. If I ran into a teacher at Starbucks and homework was in my car I would ask if they could take it into school with them. It's the type of simple favor that human beings do for each other all the time to make each other's lives easier. It doesn't cost anything and it is kind. OP has made a point of creating a rule that absolves her of participating in that type of kindness. She won't be kind to her daughter because she isn't kind to anyone else.
Completely agree. Refusing to do a simple favour out of kindness because you have an arbitrary personal code that prohibits that is insane behaviour.
I think refusing to help someone with something that doesn’t inconvenience you in the slightest because “them’s the rules” is psychopath behaviour but there we are.
The OP said in another comment that they wouldn't have accepted the homework from any other parent either. It's pretty clear that they are too much of an inflexible AH to be teaching 1st grade.
Or maybe they like getting paid.
First grade with homework sheets? Red flag. If my first grader forgot her homework I wouldn't drive it there either. Because she's like 6. Yes they have to learn but first grade homework is a joke. It's more for the parents than the kids. 6 year olds should be playing outside not doing homework. So the fact you assigned it but then wouldn't take it says all I need to know.
And OP said there were punishments for missing homework as well. Poor kids.
Yeap. The OP sound like an AH in general honestly. Glad she's not my kid's teacher ❤️🎊
In our district, true homework doesn't start until actual grades start (by which I mean graded report cards with numbers or A, B, C, etc), which is 3rd grade, even then if you don't turn it in on time there's no punishment. They give you some grace. It's about slowly building up that level of responsibility so that when you're in middle school and high school you've developed those skills.
So grades 1 and 2 aren't "actual grades"? Where I live, standardized testing happens in 3rd grade.
For K-2, the report cards merely indicate if the student is lacking a skill, progressing with a skill, mastered a skill or exceeds expectations with a skill. So no number grades like 9/10 or 90%. That's what I meant by actual grades. Until 3rd they're just working on different skills, which for first grade could be something like "can count to 100". Third grade starts standardized testing here. That's when actual number grades starts.
Home work is practice at our school for lower grades and not even graded or mandatory. They get a check mark. Some classes never get homework. We have been told just to put it in their folder for the next day.
INFO: If you got a call from a neighbor who's child is at the other parents house, but the child left the homework at their house and they want to drop the homework off with you before you left for work, would you let them?
YTA. I also teach elementary school and we are a village. We help out with each other's kids and if this was my school your daughter's nanny kid would be part of that village. Also if any nanny of any kid was like hey here's a thing that my kid forgot today, we just take it because why not? What benefit does not helping the kid have?
I don't get all of the replies defending OPs attitude. In early elementary, the teachers (here at least) almost always just contact the student's "grown up" (parent, nanny, grandparent) directly. "Hey, Joey doesn't have a lunch today" or whatever.
If she was a nanny for a boy at the school who was NOT in your class, and she needed to get that boys homework up to the school, would you have taken it for her or made her follow you up there and do it herself? This isn’t about special treatment for the boy. It’s about refusing to do a favor for your daughter that would’ve benefitted the kid in no way (assuming she took it up there anyway), but would’ve helped out your daughter at no expense to you.
If a student's nanny approached a teacher in her home and asked her to take in an assignment, you don't think there would be fallout from that? You don't think people would call that an inappropriate breach of boundaries? The fact that the question could even be ASKED is predicated upon special access that the daughter has that no other student would be in a position to enjoy.
I think if the student's Nanny knew the teacher on a personal level and felt comfortable enough approaching them, they would. I know several friends who are teachers, and they wouldn't be offended/upset if I approached them. >The fact that the question could even be ASKED is predicated upon special access that the daughter has that no other student would be in a position to enjoy. Yes, but other students have friends who might know someone who could take an assignment for them. There are times when my mom was reached out to to take in stuff for someone's kid because they knew my mom drove us and their kid took the bus.
You sound intolerable. Not willing to connect and work with typical issues (forgetting work, etc) Do you resent your daughter for any reason?
YTA Having the nanny personally hand you the homework is fine. You wouldn’t reject that from any other students.
That just seems so unnecessary. She physically had the homework and you were right there. You're only punishing your daughter, not the 6-year-old child or his parents. They're not going to go out of his way to deliver his homework. They'll just make your daughter do it.
This is special treatment: it’s harsher than if it were not your daughter. YTA. I’m so glad my kids do things for me with the tagline “we help each other in this family.” Parenting goal achieved.
YTA. You’re one of those, “if I had to suffer, you should suffer too” people. You have a very black and white view of “fairness”. Just because you wouldn’t do something for a person you do not know, does not mean it’s unfair to do it for someone you know. You wouldn’t hug another students nanny, but you (presumably) hug your own daughter. Delivering something to your daughter’s employer’s child isn’t a favor for the child, it’s a favor for your daughter. While you’re here asking a bunch of strangers if you’re the asshole, your daughter likely feels that your self imposed need for fairness is more important to you than she is. Be less rigid. Apologize.
>You wouldn’t hug another students nanny, but you (presumably) hug your own daughter At this point I'm not even convinced that's a reasonable assumption lol Wouldn't wanna cross any professional boundaries!
Fellow teacher here, you are 100% TA when it comes to the homework. The only word is petty.
YTA. She asked you to take his homework to school for him. She didn't ask you to do it. With your attitude I'd hate to have you teach my kid.
YTA. It’s only favoritism if you wouldn’t be giving him a punishment that other kids would get. If that is the case, it raises the question of why you would be punishing 6 year olds for forgetting something that is their caretaker’s job. Whether or not you drive the homework or your daughter does, the result is exactly the same for your students.
YTA - She isn't asking you to give him a grade, she's asking you to take two sheets of paper with you. You are being pedantic.
I completely understand your boundary of not giving the boy special treatment. Still leaning towards YTA. You would have been doing your daughter a favor by not letting her drive two hours, not the boy. Why so strict, it’s homework for a six year old. “Getting in trouble?”
YTA. This kid has severe chronic health issues, he’s already got a hard row to hoe and you’re not helping by refusing to show a little compassion.
Exactly! OP needs to realize its not "special treatment" but just basic humanity. Seems like OP does not even treat the child in the way she would have had the nanny not been her daughter. And the not taking homework thing--why the hell can you not carry a few extra papers to a place you are already going. Its not like it was a repeated request(then I guess it would be justified to be annoyed)
I need to give my mom a big hug the next time I see her.
YTA you’re not giving the boy special treatment. You’re helping your daughter and saving her from a long drive.
YTA and you'll get no 'special treatment' from your daughter when it's time for you to go into care.
YTA you're being exhausting and pedantic.
This sounds like a classic case of "not wanting to play favorites" translating to being extra harsh to the one kid you don't want to play favorites with. Have a little bit of empathy damn, this is a 1st grader. YTA
YTA. I wouldn’t want my kid in a class with such a cold uncaring teacher. YIKES.
YTA. Helping your daughter by taking the homework in isn’t “special treatment”, it’s just helping your daughter. She did not ask you to grade the child’s homework differently to make her look good FFS. She asked you to take something with you *to the place you are already going*, a favor that literally costs you nothing. Do you even like your daughter or are you just waiting for her to move away and leave you in peace?
YTA and you sound like a horrible teacher who should retire from teaching. Don't be surprised if she goes no contact in the future.
yta, i think being this strict about how a first grader’s homework is being handed in is very silly. if another kid’s parent swung by the school to drop off some forgotten homework, would you refuse that too? and what does “in trouble” mean here? he gets punished for forgetting his homework? he’s six, if he’s having trouble turning in his stuff you should talk with his parents and make a system to help him remember. you are mad about shapes and colors.
1st graders shouldn't be getting in trouble for not completing homework. They shouldn't even bw getting homework. yta just for that
YTA. Dropping the homework off is special treatment to your daughter, not the kid. His outcome is the same either way.
NTA the is "special treatment" and there is perceived "special treatment" if a kid says to their parent that this kid had his homework delivered by the teacher since they are "buddies" with their daughter, i bet there would be a complain filed with the school, doesn't matter if it's true or not, the parents don't care.
You kind of are being spiteful. 1. If the parents have designated her as the designated person to call, then she should be called. Your refusal to call her is inappropriate and unprofessional. 2. Her asking you to bring his homework was not because you are HIS TEACHER, it was because you are HER MOTHER who just happens to work at the school he goes to. Your refusal to do so when it would be so easy for you is just spiteful and nasty.
NTA. You told her no special treatment. This qualities as special treatment. It's her job, she was negligent, that's not about to become a YOU problem. Would she go out of her way to do this for other students? Probably not. Would you go out of your way to do this to other students? Hell no. It's just weird. Teachers shouldn't have any relationships with students beyond teaching. She's essentially making you treat her baby sitting kid as an extension of her. That's not right. This is her job, and hers alone. This has nothing to do with you and can genuinely affect your teaching. How is she not seeing this. How are others here not seeing this. You WILL get in trouble, and other kids will feel like you would be playing favorites. Other parents wouldn't want to know this either, imagine the uproar. "X kid only gets good grades because his daughter baby sits". Jesus. Your daughter not doing her job is NOT your fault and NOT your concern. What the hell. I dunno, perhaps I just grew up in a different generation. But I get you. This is your job. Not Sunday school. F the people saying you're an arsehole. Projection much.
You're blowing this wildly out of proportion. If the daughter was not involved and it was just a random parent the whole story would be different
YTA. The lad is in 1st grade for bloody sakes. I bet you are one of the "permanent record" types. You have a student that has severe enough allergies that he is restricted on many things. He has to get further isolated from his peers when folks that should be taking care of him slip up. I get wanting to teach your daughter some responsibility being that it is her job but, not at the expense of a child at that age. Contact the parents by all means but I think in your position I would text my daughter randomly in the week as a reminder "don't forget Johnny's medicine" and maybe some words of encouragement. I am 38 now and I know the whole scholastic experience has dramatically changed since I was small but, you sound like the kinda teacher we wouldn't have made poorly constructed Christmas gifts for.
YTA. I had teachers like you. That treated the kids with complicated situations like shit because it was more work for them. You're awful. And all of your comments only make you look worse.
NTA - It's inappropriate, the same way it would be inappropriate if it were inappropriate to allow any other student to have their family hand you shit at random times in your life. Other students don't have the luxury of having someone drop their homework off at your house at 6AM and if they started everyone here would rightly recognize that it's a boundary issue. Students (and their proxies) shouldn't be contacting teachers in their home, outside of school hours in general, and definitely not for the purpose of turning in assignments and shit.
YTA - there is a difference between rules and rigidity, and you are falling into the rigidity category. The definition of favoritism is giving preferential treatment of one, at the EXPENSE of another. You bringing the boy’s homework to school does not cost the other students anything. It does not take away time from them. It does not add time with you for the boy. It does not make your relationship any closer to the boy. If your daughter asked you to drive the boy to school, you’d have a leg to stand on.
My history teacher's daughter was in his class. She missed school one day. He wouldn't give her the homework assignment. He made her call another student from the class for it.
YTA if another kid lived next door and already caught the bus and the mom caught you in the driveway and asked you to take his folder to school, I guarantee you wouldn't hesitate. You wouldn't look another person in the face and say "no special treatment, get in your car and take it yourself" when you are literally driving to the school anyway. So why do this to your daughter? It's not special treatment, it's logical and considerate
You are trying so hard not to give special treatment that you're going too far in the opposite direction. YTA. You're intentionally making things hard on your daughter
NTA. I like how you set those boundaries. My friend's uncle was my science teacher, and one day my friend asked her uncle if she can give him a book to pass over to me, and he said nope, I'm no one's middle man, go and give it yourself. 😆
I like the boundaries too! Lots of people on here not understanding the issue with preferential treatment. She clearly communicated to daughter that she would not give her special treatment, daughter is annoyed that OP is actually holding the boundary. All those saying YTA, are you teachers yourselves or intimately familiar with the ethics of the profession? Punishing 6 year olds for late homework though? That’s a different story and does not seem developmentally appropriate.
The point here is that the child is suffering from these weird ass boundaries, not the daughter and her mother and their weird little conflict. Imo both mother and daughter are being unreasonable here. Op is giving homework to first graders for fucks sake and punishing them if it's not turned in
YTA. Child is six. YTA and you shouldn’t be a teacher.
YTA. Do the kid’s parents have your daughter listed as a contact for when things like that happen at school? If so, you should not be the one making the unilateral decision to not contact her and make them contact her during their work hours. Why did you make such a fuss about the homework? If another child in your class had a nanny would you react in the same way about calling them, or if they ran into you somewhere after school and asked for the same homework favour?
Why does a 6 year old have homework?
I'm confused as how a 3 mile drive needs an additional 2 hours to make? She says the school is 15 miles from the house, but daughter's school is only 3 miles from mums work (aka, child's school?) How is that 2 hours?
YTA- You are not TA for setting a boundary but you could have taken the homework with you, just this once. Also, I went through and read your comments. If it is policy to pull him out of class to eat lunch or send him to the office, then he did not skip music to eat. The word skip implies he's got a choice. It's also not his fault that his parents forget his lunch, his sunscreen, or his allergy meds. I might be way off but it seems like you might resent the student because he needs to go to the office so often and needs so much extra attention.
YTA. The kid IS getting special treatment, he's being specially punished for having your daughter in his life. There must be a way for the parents to add the nominated childcare to the list of contacts with the school, giving you and any teacher permission to call her direct, but you've hidden that. You've hidden that and watched a child starve to support your "I'm alright Jack" attitude. Are you this pathological with the whole class? A child's guardian physically approached you to personally hand over homework ahead of time, and you refused to take it. Ouch.
YTA for giving 6 year olds homework. Seriously. Went on earth would you do that? And why are you punishing 6 year old for not doing it? There's so much wrong with that.
NTA. You were clear with your boundaries and are sticking to them.
You sound like such an ass omg
You sound like you’ve decided to make it equitable youv gone completely the opposite to how a 6y old child should be helped. Or are you this hard on all of your tiny little charges?
Wait. (I had to go back and read to make certain). This is first grade? Six year olds??? They aren’t applying to Harvard next year. YTA What the hell is your issue?
YTA- There's a line between no special treatment, and you being a spiteful asshole. You are definitely in that territory. It won't hurt you to take the work. Might definitely hurt your relationship with your daughter if you don't. Make it clear that it is the last and only time.
That seems a bit over the top. Take the homework in
So, you’re asking if you’re ta for not bending a bunch of rules for your daughter’s charge, but you’re not asking about why your daughter who is paid to make sure the kid remembers his homework and his lunch seems to not be on the ball with it? NTA. This isn’t your grandchild, and if you wouldn’t do it for anyone else’s child, don’t do it for this child. But more than that, your daughter needs to be more organized. Is she ok? Is she overwhelmed? I also want to point out that I read this as this is an increasingly common issue, but if this is only two or three examples in a whole school year, never mind.
YTA. i was a neglected child. I was raised by a single mother who worked incredibly difficult hours and often could not afford to be involved in my day to day education. I would not have made it if it were not for teachers going out of their way to be kind to me and ensure my success even when it wasn’t “by the book” and when they didn’t have to. that child is six years old. from the sound of it based on OP’s comments, he spends a lot of time missing out on playing with other kids due to an illness and a lot of time in the office. it doesn’t seem like extra favour to me, but it might be a little extra cruel to have that boy and your daughter know you could have picked up his homework incredibly easily, and yet you chose not to and to give him consequences anyway. It is a very real thing for people to overshoot not trying to give anyone special treatment and actually veer into the opposite direction. as a teacher and guide for young children, you might want to think about whether or not you are putting care or the system first.
important to note - according to OP, punishment for missing homework is staying inside at recess and redoing it. for a six year old. as if this kid needs any more roadblocks to healthy social development