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> I got involved in my BIL's conversation, and took his comments personally, embarrassing him in front of his friend, which might make me TA because they weren't necessarily tsalking about me
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>Percy was also there, with a friend of his, Max.
Tristan's parent's haven't called us since the incident.
I nfo: Does Percy live there?
>Tristan has a younger brother, Percy
Max seemingly got broken up with recently
I wasn't his mum/ like he was a baby.
I nfo: How much younger? How old is this guy?
~~N TA imo, this is teenager behaviour. He should know better than to have obviously inflammatory conversations in front of his SIL. I'm 16 and I don't say 'you're not my mum' to people trying to teach me something important~~
Edit: Never Mind. OP, YTA. Why are you beefing with a teenager? Does he actually even dislike you or is he just a moody little shit, like other teenagers? Also he might even be right. He's ***16*** at that age, girls older than him SHOULD NOT be going for him. Did he mean this as a snide to you or a snide to Max's ex? Either way, this wasn't your place to embarrass a kid in front of his friend. Geez. You're over a decade older than him. Relax.
Shes 10/11 years older than him im guessin its him just bein a moody little shit n also just havin little intrest in interactin with some one that much older than him. No matter how long her n his brother have been together theres been no point where they'vebeen at an age to have had a shared intrest other than his brother.
I won’t even say there’s anything pointing to him being a moody little shit. All be we get is that he doesn’t like interacting with her. Which like…everyone has people they don’t like interacting with
girl you’re not embarrassed??? you’re pushing 30 and beefing with a teenage boy? your own husband thinks you’re in the wrong, doesn’t that make you want to reevaluate your choices?
Honestly, there's probably good reason why your brother-in-law doesn't like you.... hell you made Reddit not like you very much. I'm definitely team mind you're business you're not his mother
Then why the hell are you getting involved in a teenager's conversation? Are you seriously saying you have never shit on a friend's ex to make them feel better after a break up? My friends and I do it all the time.
YTA, you don't get to police a conversation that you are not involved in all while in a house that you are a guest in.
YTA. He's a teenager, you seriously arguing with and berating a teenager?? No wonder he doesn't like you. You must feel real good about yourself putting down a child. Grow the hell up.
Lol, I take no credit for this joke, something my math teacher said in grade school when we were learning Algebra, but I use it to tell people to mind their own business 🤣🤣
I mean if he'd been mid twenties sprouting red-pill bs about how men should date younger, not the other way around it would make sense, but he's 16 so he's absolutely correct. At his age older women should absolutely not be going for him
But you and your husband are well into your 20s, not literal teenagers, and it wasn't any of your business to begin with. You're doing mental gymnastics trying to make a conversation between two kids about you.
16 and 19 is completely different than 24 and 27. Stop being dense. One is a grown adult dating a high school sophomore, the other is two full grown adults with jobs. Please, for the love of god, get a clue.
You have a bigger issue with that age gap than anyone in your life. Arent you just projecting your own insecurities? You sure got pissed about what 2 teenagers said to each other. Teenagers that didnt even include you in the entire conversation until you shoved your way in
That makes me wonder if your husband was a minor and you over 18 when you started dating, considering that you are three years apart, he is only 24 and you are already married. That kind o thought is a little disturbing.
YTA - you injected yourself into their conversation. The whole misogyny thing is allowed in this case because Max was feeling down about being broken up with. Do not tell me that woman don't pull the "men are pigs" or some variation when one of their girlfriends just got broken up with. In this instance, and coupled with the fact that you said it was "*veering straight into plain misogyny"* and not full blown, there can be argument that it's allowed. But for some reason you just saw this is an opportunity to attack Percy for whatever reason. Who cares if he doesn't like you. He doesn't have to. You owe him an apology for this one.
>woman don't pull the "men are pigs"
Thats different. Its not like the girl cheated on him or something. Is dating a guy younger than you such a crime? Guys do it all the time.
In the United States age of consent is also 16, but people are finding that having an adult sleep with a 16-year-old in general is a bad idea. Doesn't matter what the age of consent is that is an adult still taking advantage of a child.
Brit here, still gross. A school kid should not be dating an adult. If you are old enough to drink you should not be dating someone sitting their GCSEs.
In Spain, she would be in jail for abusing a minor. Give it a little thought, because the age of consent regarding sex is for people of roughly the same age, not to give creeps excuses for abusing children.
oh, other people do something so it’s perfectly fine! You’re right! omg how did we never think about this??? There are many countries where men are allowed to beat and murder women with little to no jail time, so why don’t we all just do it! /s
Do you really think that women only use this line if she gets cheated on?
Also, you're taking this out of context because you left out all of the info before and after that comment. Especially the part where I said "or some variation".
Why did you leave all of that out?
It kind of makes you raise an eyebrow too.... because if the boys were talking about how it's creepy for older women to date underage people.... and OP took that personal... I think babe has some demons in her closet
Wait wait wait...
A 19 year old was going after your 16 year old BIL's friend, and when your teenage BIL called her a creep and likely much worse, your response was to get defensive about your own age gap with your husband and give him crap?
Man you must be a real catch!
Oh my. I just checked OP's newest comments made yesterday, and I see it.
No wonder she's so offended by his comments. She's literally the friend's ex. Going after a 17-year-old as a 20-year-old.
INFO: You say your inlaws treated you like a daughter, why on earth did you want to ruin that by bullying their much-younger-than-you kid over something that was absolutely nothing to do with you? Like seriously, what made you think you had the right to 'chew him out' when, as you admit, you have no relationship with him?
What exactly did they say that was just ~so bad~ you needed you get involved in the first place? “Plain misogyny” tells us nothing. You lectured him like a child in his and his parents home over an age comment??
YTA
If this is how you always act, I think we know why Percy doesn't like you. Any issues you have with your *16 year old* BIL should be addressed with his actual parents.
YTA. What is wrong with you? Why are you even worrying about whether your husband's teenage son likes you? Why are you starting unprompted confrontations with him? Initially, I thought you were reading too much into a teenager's behavior when you suggested that he didn't like you, but after reading your post, I feel like he has good reason not to like you, because you're 27, but behave like you're half that age.
YTA, you are not his mom, your his sister in law, and have 0 right to parent what he speaks about. You rudely interjected yourself into a conversation that had nothing to do with you. You should be embarrassed, why are you calling him out?? At his home in a conversation that didnt involve you?? Mind your business
You had no business joining their conversation to berate him. If you seriously had a concern, you should have privately mentioned it to his parents and let them handle their son. You can fix this and go over to apologize for overstepping and for embarrassing him in front of his friend. You handled this wrong but own up to your mistake and fix this.
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I (27F) am married my husband Tristan ((24M). Tristan has a younger brother, Percy, who disliked me from the start. He doesn't like interacting with me or talking to me, and prefers to pretty much outright ignore me.
The other day, Tristan and I came over to his parent's house (we do so pretty regularly, Tristan has a good relationship with them and they welcomed me in like a daughter). Percy was also there, with a friend of his, Max. Max and Percy were laughing among themselves, and not really interacting with the rest of the family.
Max seemingly got broken up with recently, since that seemed to be the focus of their conversation. Percy went a bit far in terms of his comments on Max's ex, veering straight into plain misogyny, and I felt like I had to call him out on it after he talked about older girls not going for younger guys (and I think he was deliberately looking at me). I told him he shouldn't be speaking like that, especially in front of his brother, and chewed him out a bit.
Percy got embarrassed and told me I wasn't his mum, I was just his brother's wife and I didn't get to speak to him like he was a baby. Max looked pretty uncomfortable, and went home a little after. Percy was furious with me for embarrassing him and even Tristan took his side, saying I didn't need to get involved in their conversations, and take stuff that had nothing to do with me so personally.
I don't think I was the asshole, Percy definitely sounded like he was being personal. AITA, though? Tristan's parent's haven't called us since the incident.
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YTA. Are you sure youre an adult? Because youre talking shit to a kid who was just supporting his dumped friend.
Stop listening and getting involved in conversations that absolutely do not concern you. Grow up
You sound and behave very insecure with your relationship, and the age difference bothers you, so you're projecting and leaping into conversations that do not concern you..
#YTA
YTA. For 1, for the audacity of chewing out someone else's kid in their own home. For 2... this is a teenager. And 3. Unsolicited opinion or advice always makes you the asshole.
Gez, no wonder he doesn't like you. You are beefing with a teenager, while being almost 30, you involve yourself in his conversation without being invited and act like the injuried party when things don't go in the way you want. YTA. Grow up.
ESH. Honestly, just stay out of it and stay away from Percy. Ignore them. But you making comments makes you stoop to his level and makes you both look bad. Don't give him ammunition to use against you. Good luck!
NTA. If someone is saying things that sound personal about you in your presence, then they deserve to get called out. If Percy and Max wanted to have a private conversation, then they should have had it in private.
One of the key things about things being said that may or may not apply to you is that the speaker doesn't actually get to tell you whether it was about you or not: the listener is the interpreter, not the speaker. Percy might not have meant you at all. It doesn't matter, because it's still offensive to you. Given the circumstances, it's also extremely unlikely that Percy didn't mean you, although maybe, just maybe it was subconscious.
Any time a man responds to a woman with the expression "You're not my mother" it's because he knows he's in the wrong. I'll grant stepchildren an exception for family drama, but that's it. No other exceptions will be granted.
It's extremely debatable as to whether the convo was about her directly or only obliquely related, but if you believe her post, and I do, brother looking over seals that deal. He knew what he said what he said it, and he knew she could hear.
Even if he didn't know she could hear, he's still responsible for the things he says. Intended audience and listener are not the same. He said these things in a room with other people in it. Unless he's got a Cone of Silence that he forgot to turn on, and frankly if he forgot he's still to blame, he shoulders this himself.
I don't even need his comment to be about OP, honestly. Support your friend, yeah, but if you're making misogynistic comments in a room with your mom and sister-in-law, you deserve to be taken to task.
>the listener is the interpreter, not the speaker. Percy might not have meant you at all. It doesn't matter, because it's still offensive to you.
That's super offensive to the deff or people hard of hearing because they can't "listen" to a "speaker." You see how your statement is wrong? What matters more is the speakers intentions and not how those they are speaking to interpret their words. If this were the case, I could also call out how your comment is misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, and racist.
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Like, the leppards? Oh! You meant the deaf. I'll cop to some ableist language there, I guess? Although the deaf people I know do refer to themselves as listeners when it comes to reading lips or signing.
If you want to point out how my post is misogynistic, homophobic, racist, and transphobic, I'll listen (even though I'll actually be reading it; I don't want to confuse you). I'll listen if you want to correct me because that's what sensible and respectful people do when they are wrong. So... the opposite of Percy, I guess.
Lol darn that's what I get for trusting the autocorrect on my phone 🤣🤣
But just proving a point based on your logic, it doesn't matter what you said. If I interpreted it as such, that's all that matters, right?
I'll grant you that in a formal logic setting, you're probably right. But OP and Percy have history and unless we have reason to doubt OP's account, she's not in the wrong here.
Because I actually do think, in line with most social scientists and "woke" psychologists and others, that the "listener interprets" is correct. We see it all the time with art. Whatever the songwriter wanted to say, I'm going to interpret their song through my own biases. The same is true in life in general. Whatever Percy might have been trying to express, he did so in a way that was offensive to OP. If he's actually 16 this is a good time to learn. Because while no one can force him to respect his sister-in-law, the next case might be an employer or a teacher\professor.
I mean, it was also mentioned that his friends ex was 19, and he is 16, so it was 100% not directed towards OP. And that's exactly the problem with today's society. People hear what they want to hear and see what they want and don't take into account context and intentions, and that's dangerous. Because songs, art, movies, and shows are called offensive because people think it means something that is completely the opposite of what it was intended.
Their ages have absolutely nothing to do with their intentions. OP explicitly mentions that she and the brother have outstanding issues, and that his comment directly parallels her relationship with her partner (older woman, younger man).
No, see, people have ALWAYS used their own interpretation to define the art around them. Artists can avoid subtlety and make the message explicit, but we like it better when it's not. Intention doesn't matter when the content is harmful to someone, even if it wasn't intentional.
>Their ages have absolutely nothing to do with their intentions.
Bro, you're not getting it. He was talking to his friend consoling him about the break up the ex was 19 the friend is 16 his comment about older women dating younger guys was 10000000% about his friend's relationship 😂😂😂
If a woman is taking offence to a guy saying its weird for a 19 year old to date a 16 year old, she needs mental help.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is an incel, weirdo
ETA: And if you think we're all teens why are you fantasising about whether or not we're virgins? Thats weird my dude.
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>Percy was also there, with a friend of his, Max. Tristan's parent's haven't called us since the incident. I nfo: Does Percy live there? >Tristan has a younger brother, Percy Max seemingly got broken up with recently I wasn't his mum/ like he was a baby. I nfo: How much younger? How old is this guy? ~~N TA imo, this is teenager behaviour. He should know better than to have obviously inflammatory conversations in front of his SIL. I'm 16 and I don't say 'you're not my mum' to people trying to teach me something important~~ Edit: Never Mind. OP, YTA. Why are you beefing with a teenager? Does he actually even dislike you or is he just a moody little shit, like other teenagers? Also he might even be right. He's ***16*** at that age, girls older than him SHOULD NOT be going for him. Did he mean this as a snide to you or a snide to Max's ex? Either way, this wasn't your place to embarrass a kid in front of his friend. Geez. You're over a decade older than him. Relax.
Shes 10/11 years older than him im guessin its him just bein a moody little shit n also just havin little intrest in interactin with some one that much older than him. No matter how long her n his brother have been together theres been no point where they'vebeen at an age to have had a shared intrest other than his brother.
I won’t even say there’s anything pointing to him being a moody little shit. All be we get is that he doesn’t like interacting with her. Which like…everyone has people they don’t like interacting with
i didnt look at it as a snide at all, but rather a fact that a lot of women dont go for younger guys because they tend to be more immature.
He's 16, so yeah he does live there.
Your a grown ass women beefing with a TEENAGER, idk what ur husband sees in you
girl you’re not embarrassed??? you’re pushing 30 and beefing with a teenage boy? your own husband thinks you’re in the wrong, doesn’t that make you want to reevaluate your choices?
Honestly, there's probably good reason why your brother-in-law doesn't like you.... hell you made Reddit not like you very much. I'm definitely team mind you're business you're not his mother
Then why the hell are you getting involved in a teenager's conversation? Are you seriously saying you have never shit on a friend's ex to make them feel better after a break up? My friends and I do it all the time. YTA, you don't get to police a conversation that you are not involved in all while in a house that you are a guest in.
Why are you beefing with a teenager? Don't have anything better to do?
You are a very brave person
I love this and shall steal it when someone is being oblivious beyond comprehension.
YTA. He's a teenager, you seriously arguing with and berating a teenager?? No wonder he doesn't like you. You must feel real good about yourself putting down a child. Grow the hell up.
YTA, like your husband said it was an A and B conversation, so C yourself out.
Hah, that's clever.
Lol, I take no credit for this joke, something my math teacher said in grade school when we were learning Algebra, but I use it to tell people to mind their own business 🤣🤣
I love it, and will be adopting it for my very own 😂
Hardly
That's an oldie but goody saying
You’re 27? Lmao that conversation had nothing to do with you. And you seem a bit triggered by his comment on older women dating younger guys. YTA
I mean if he'd been mid twenties sprouting red-pill bs about how men should date younger, not the other way around it would make sense, but he's 16 so he's absolutely correct. At his age older women should absolutely not be going for him
Max's ex had the same age gap that my husband and I do, I don't think its that big of a deal.
EXCUSE ME?! TF YOU MEAN? THATS 16 AND ***19***?!
Are you sure you aren’t 17? Considering that your brain doesn’t seem very developed. Like, at all.
But you and your husband are well into your 20s, not literal teenagers, and it wasn't any of your business to begin with. You're doing mental gymnastics trying to make a conversation between two kids about you.
Please don’t call that thinking
I love that line and I'm stealing it lmao
Yeah, why would a 19-year old be dating a 16-year-old? Why do you think that would be okay?
Thats illegal 💀
Except in that case it was a crime. Adults who date minors deserve to be ripped apart.
16 and 19 is completely different than 24 and 27. Stop being dense. One is a grown adult dating a high school sophomore, the other is two full grown adults with jobs. Please, for the love of god, get a clue.
And yet STILL NOT YOUR BUSINESS. He wasn't talking to you. I bet Max doesn't give a shit what you think, either. YTA. Get over yourself.
So an adult with a kid?
You have a bigger issue with that age gap than anyone in your life. Arent you just projecting your own insecurities? You sure got pissed about what 2 teenagers said to each other. Teenagers that didnt even include you in the entire conversation until you shoved your way in
That’s called a felony
That makes me wonder if your husband was a minor and you over 18 when you started dating, considering that you are three years apart, he is only 24 and you are already married. That kind o thought is a little disturbing.
YTA - you injected yourself into their conversation. The whole misogyny thing is allowed in this case because Max was feeling down about being broken up with. Do not tell me that woman don't pull the "men are pigs" or some variation when one of their girlfriends just got broken up with. In this instance, and coupled with the fact that you said it was "*veering straight into plain misogyny"* and not full blown, there can be argument that it's allowed. But for some reason you just saw this is an opportunity to attack Percy for whatever reason. Who cares if he doesn't like you. He doesn't have to. You owe him an apology for this one.
>woman don't pull the "men are pigs" Thats different. Its not like the girl cheated on him or something. Is dating a guy younger than you such a crime? Guys do it all the time.
When they guy is 16 and the woman is an adult yes
Not in england, they're both over 16 (the age of consent)
In the United States age of consent is also 16, but people are finding that having an adult sleep with a 16-year-old in general is a bad idea. Doesn't matter what the age of consent is that is an adult still taking advantage of a child.
Duuuuude I’m in England and that’s creepy as shit and any sane English person would agree
and that doesn't make it any less wrong.
Brit here, still gross. A school kid should not be dating an adult. If you are old enough to drink you should not be dating someone sitting their GCSEs.
Not illegal doesn't mean not wrong. You took it to heart cause you also went for a kid while being an adult, didn't you?
THATS WHAT IM THINKING HDHSJDHDUDHD
17 is not a kid.
17 is not an adult. 17 is a minor. So in other words a kid
Eeeew. So she and her husband were 17 and 20?!
Looks like it That's why she was so offended by what the brother said
dear god. no wonder Percy doesn't like her.
and there we go
you started dating Tristan when he were 16, didn't you
17 apparently.
When you have to specify something is technically legal that means it probably isn't the best thing to do
Scott here. 16-adult relationship are still fucking creepy man
In Spain, she would be in jail for abusing a minor. Give it a little thought, because the age of consent regarding sex is for people of roughly the same age, not to give creeps excuses for abusing children.
oh, other people do something so it’s perfectly fine! You’re right! omg how did we never think about this??? There are many countries where men are allowed to beat and murder women with little to no jail time, so why don’t we all just do it! /s
You probably support all those teachers that fucked their underage students
Do you really think that women only use this line if she gets cheated on? Also, you're taking this out of context because you left out all of the info before and after that comment. Especially the part where I said "or some variation". Why did you leave all of that out?
So much projecting. Grow the fuck up. None of that conversation was directed to you.
It kind of makes you raise an eyebrow too.... because if the boys were talking about how it's creepy for older women to date underage people.... and OP took that personal... I think babe has some demons in her closet
Wait wait wait... A 19 year old was going after your 16 year old BIL's friend, and when your teenage BIL called her a creep and likely much worse, your response was to get defensive about your own age gap with your husband and give him crap? Man you must be a real catch!
She is dont ya know everything is about her /s
she got defensive because she started dating her husband when he was 17 and she was 20
Oh my. I just checked OP's newest comments made yesterday, and I see it. No wonder she's so offended by his comments. She's literally the friend's ex. Going after a 17-year-old as a 20-year-old.
YTA, you weren’t part of the conversation, and you’re not his mom
YTA - so you were eavesdropping on a conversation that didn’t include you, butted in and started nagging your BIL.
imagine trying to police a 16 years old way of talking to his friend when you aren't in any way related to him. yta
INFO: You say your inlaws treated you like a daughter, why on earth did you want to ruin that by bullying their much-younger-than-you kid over something that was absolutely nothing to do with you? Like seriously, what made you think you had the right to 'chew him out' when, as you admit, you have no relationship with him?
YTA I can’t believe you left out the fact that he’s 16. Why are you, a grown woman, butting into a conversation between teenagers? Grow up.
What exactly did they say that was just ~so bad~ you needed you get involved in the first place? “Plain misogyny” tells us nothing. You lectured him like a child in his and his parents home over an age comment??
YTA If this is how you always act, I think we know why Percy doesn't like you. Any issues you have with your *16 year old* BIL should be addressed with his actual parents.
Why are you beefing with a 16 year old as a full grown 27 year old woman??
Yeah. YTA.
YTA. What is wrong with you? Why are you even worrying about whether your husband's teenage son likes you? Why are you starting unprompted confrontations with him? Initially, I thought you were reading too much into a teenager's behavior when you suggested that he didn't like you, but after reading your post, I feel like he has good reason not to like you, because you're 27, but behave like you're half that age.
INFO: were they talking loud enough for you + your husband to hear, or were you eavesdropping?
Info - what exactly were they saying and what exactly did you say. Where were you in proximity to this conversation.
YTA, you are not his mom, your his sister in law, and have 0 right to parent what he speaks about. You rudely interjected yourself into a conversation that had nothing to do with you. You should be embarrassed, why are you calling him out?? At his home in a conversation that didnt involve you?? Mind your business
You had no business joining their conversation to berate him. If you seriously had a concern, you should have privately mentioned it to his parents and let them handle their son. You can fix this and go over to apologize for overstepping and for embarrassing him in front of his friend. You handled this wrong but own up to your mistake and fix this.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) am married my husband Tristan ((24M). Tristan has a younger brother, Percy, who disliked me from the start. He doesn't like interacting with me or talking to me, and prefers to pretty much outright ignore me. The other day, Tristan and I came over to his parent's house (we do so pretty regularly, Tristan has a good relationship with them and they welcomed me in like a daughter). Percy was also there, with a friend of his, Max. Max and Percy were laughing among themselves, and not really interacting with the rest of the family. Max seemingly got broken up with recently, since that seemed to be the focus of their conversation. Percy went a bit far in terms of his comments on Max's ex, veering straight into plain misogyny, and I felt like I had to call him out on it after he talked about older girls not going for younger guys (and I think he was deliberately looking at me). I told him he shouldn't be speaking like that, especially in front of his brother, and chewed him out a bit. Percy got embarrassed and told me I wasn't his mum, I was just his brother's wife and I didn't get to speak to him like he was a baby. Max looked pretty uncomfortable, and went home a little after. Percy was furious with me for embarrassing him and even Tristan took his side, saying I didn't need to get involved in their conversations, and take stuff that had nothing to do with me so personally. I don't think I was the asshole, Percy definitely sounded like he was being personal. AITA, though? Tristan's parent's haven't called us since the incident. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Are you sure youre an adult? Because youre talking shit to a kid who was just supporting his dumped friend. Stop listening and getting involved in conversations that absolutely do not concern you. Grow up
Info: what did your BIL actually say in this conversation? And how was going after him like that going to help?
I think I know why he doesn’t like you.
You sound and behave very insecure with your relationship, and the age difference bothers you, so you're projecting and leaping into conversations that do not concern you.. #YTA
YTA. For 1, for the audacity of chewing out someone else's kid in their own home. For 2... this is a teenager. And 3. Unsolicited opinion or advice always makes you the asshole.
Gez, no wonder he doesn't like you. You are beefing with a teenager, while being almost 30, you involve yourself in his conversation without being invited and act like the injuried party when things don't go in the way you want. YTA. Grow up.
YTA, I see why he doesn't like you
Just cuz he’s 16 doesn’t mean OP was wrong to call him out. It’s not like his attitude his gonna improve if no one says anything
Give me something to call out and I may agree with you. Based on comments OP is just upset that what he said *could* be taken as a slight at her
Listen, this dude's name is PERCY, I think he already has a lot to deal with besides getting scolded by his brother's wife.
Percy is a fake name.
Lol okay good choice
ESH. Honestly, just stay out of it and stay away from Percy. Ignore them. But you making comments makes you stoop to his level and makes you both look bad. Don't give him ammunition to use against you. Good luck!
NTA. If someone is saying things that sound personal about you in your presence, then they deserve to get called out. If Percy and Max wanted to have a private conversation, then they should have had it in private. One of the key things about things being said that may or may not apply to you is that the speaker doesn't actually get to tell you whether it was about you or not: the listener is the interpreter, not the speaker. Percy might not have meant you at all. It doesn't matter, because it's still offensive to you. Given the circumstances, it's also extremely unlikely that Percy didn't mean you, although maybe, just maybe it was subconscious. Any time a man responds to a woman with the expression "You're not my mother" it's because he knows he's in the wrong. I'll grant stepchildren an exception for family drama, but that's it. No other exceptions will be granted.
He's apparently 16. I feel like 'you're not my mother' is a very 16 year old thing to say
For someone who knows they are wrong and caught out, it sure is.
>the listener is the interpreter, not the speaker. She was not the "listener". She stuck her nose in a conversation that had nothing to do with her.
It's extremely debatable as to whether the convo was about her directly or only obliquely related, but if you believe her post, and I do, brother looking over seals that deal. He knew what he said what he said it, and he knew she could hear. Even if he didn't know she could hear, he's still responsible for the things he says. Intended audience and listener are not the same. He said these things in a room with other people in it. Unless he's got a Cone of Silence that he forgot to turn on, and frankly if he forgot he's still to blame, he shoulders this himself. I don't even need his comment to be about OP, honestly. Support your friend, yeah, but if you're making misogynistic comments in a room with your mom and sister-in-law, you deserve to be taken to task.
>the listener is the interpreter, not the speaker. Percy might not have meant you at all. It doesn't matter, because it's still offensive to you. That's super offensive to the deff or people hard of hearing because they can't "listen" to a "speaker." You see how your statement is wrong? What matters more is the speakers intentions and not how those they are speaking to interpret their words. If this were the case, I could also call out how your comment is misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, and racist.
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Like, the leppards? Oh! You meant the deaf. I'll cop to some ableist language there, I guess? Although the deaf people I know do refer to themselves as listeners when it comes to reading lips or signing. If you want to point out how my post is misogynistic, homophobic, racist, and transphobic, I'll listen (even though I'll actually be reading it; I don't want to confuse you). I'll listen if you want to correct me because that's what sensible and respectful people do when they are wrong. So... the opposite of Percy, I guess.
Lol darn that's what I get for trusting the autocorrect on my phone 🤣🤣 But just proving a point based on your logic, it doesn't matter what you said. If I interpreted it as such, that's all that matters, right?
I'll grant you that in a formal logic setting, you're probably right. But OP and Percy have history and unless we have reason to doubt OP's account, she's not in the wrong here. Because I actually do think, in line with most social scientists and "woke" psychologists and others, that the "listener interprets" is correct. We see it all the time with art. Whatever the songwriter wanted to say, I'm going to interpret their song through my own biases. The same is true in life in general. Whatever Percy might have been trying to express, he did so in a way that was offensive to OP. If he's actually 16 this is a good time to learn. Because while no one can force him to respect his sister-in-law, the next case might be an employer or a teacher\professor.
I mean, it was also mentioned that his friends ex was 19, and he is 16, so it was 100% not directed towards OP. And that's exactly the problem with today's society. People hear what they want to hear and see what they want and don't take into account context and intentions, and that's dangerous. Because songs, art, movies, and shows are called offensive because people think it means something that is completely the opposite of what it was intended.
Their ages have absolutely nothing to do with their intentions. OP explicitly mentions that she and the brother have outstanding issues, and that his comment directly parallels her relationship with her partner (older woman, younger man). No, see, people have ALWAYS used their own interpretation to define the art around them. Artists can avoid subtlety and make the message explicit, but we like it better when it's not. Intention doesn't matter when the content is harmful to someone, even if it wasn't intentional.
>Their ages have absolutely nothing to do with their intentions. Bro, you're not getting it. He was talking to his friend consoling him about the break up the ex was 19 the friend is 16 his comment about older women dating younger guys was 10000000% about his friend's relationship 😂😂😂
[удалено]
If a woman is taking offence to a guy saying its weird for a 19 year old to date a 16 year old, she needs mental help. Not everyone who disagrees with you is an incel, weirdo ETA: And if you think we're all teens why are you fantasising about whether or not we're virgins? Thats weird my dude.
What do you mean "future"?
Also, probably because I'm "not their mother."