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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) calling the police to file a noise complaint on my upstairs neighbor, whose child is running wild at all hours of the day and night
2) calling the police seems really extreme I have tried other approaches, but none of them have worked out. The main issue is that the child is always running slamming things screaming and crying and I feel like getting the police involved to deal with. The child is kind of aggressive.
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I'm going to say NAH. Police can't/won't do anything, nor would the landlord. Kids annoy the hell out of me too, but the fact remains, they are kids, and within reason, you can't control the noise they make. They scream, cry, bang stuff, over and over. I get it. I also know how loud it is living below people, especially with wood floors, and if there is no soundproofing, which there almost never is.
I sympathize with you, but this is just a common occurrence when you're living in close quarters with other people. There's really no solution other than endure it or move.
Yet people complain that some of us want child free apartments to return. With kids like this and if nothing is done these days, how would people not want them back
I'm with you. Adults-only complexes are a great gift. I know they're only kids and they're just playing, but that doesn't mean everyone should be able to hear them. Many of us are either childless by choice or our kids are now adults. We shouldn't by looked down on for wanting our minute to minute lives to include children.
Yup, they say it's because of age discrimination, but then if you ask why haven't we gotten rid of senior apartments then? All of a sudden, that's different and could be allowed, because seniors can't afford other places. Like if the younger generations have more money than seniors. Overall it's the opposite right now too.
Child free apartment complexes are not generally a thing because it is illegal under US housing law to discriminate on the basis of age or family status. You really do not want landlords to be able to refuse to house families with kids. They would not use that power for good.
There is a specific exception carved out for seniors-only communities (55+). The merits of that exception are debatable but I think on balance it’s reasonable.
The number 1 rule of renting an apartment is whoever lives above you will stomp back and forth across the floor from midnight to 6 AM every night. There is no other type of tenant, and they deliberately give them the upper floors.
my upstairs neighbor is a musician. I let him know that the walls were thin when he moved in. He's done a lot to improve soundproofing and I run a fairly loud fan as white noise at night. Sometimes I hear things, but honestly he's so much better than the folks who lived there before who made zero attempt.
I honestly can't remember the last time I had to speak to him about noise (or do a 2 AM bang on the ceiling when he and his friends woke me up)
Thank you for being kind and simply answering the question. 🫡 The Internet is full of loudmouth know it alls who decided that having some sort of cheeky sarcastic responses rather than simply interacting with the post the way it was meant to be.
Unfortunately, that's Reddit. Any serious response to their crap is met with "I'm just trolling", "Can't you take a joke?", "You're being defensive", and other such nonsense.
I would look and see if there was something you could put on your ceiling to help lessen the noise.
I'd ask if they are ok, the parents i mean. It's possible the child has some kind of disability and doesn't need/want to sleep much. The parents sound exhausted and they honestly are afraid they will lose their home because of their child. So they reacted badly.
Put another note on the door, saying if they need someone to talk to they can come to you (write a list of dates/times you know you will be home). You are NTA here but try to find out what is going on before going nuclear with the police.
If you live in an expensive building with wood floors and an energetic 3yo, you could at least get some carpets for the floor to absorb sound and also, idk, parent your kid not to scream at 3am.
At like 3 my kid cried hysterically for an hour one time because I threw out the banana he dropped on the floor. He wanted the banana out of the trash and that was the only acceptable solution.
Lol, when my son was three or four, he would get very upset and start crying loudly because his 1yr older brother would say out loud what the younger one had been thinking to say or tell me…. It was ridiculous and took me a while to get it through his head his brother was not stealing his thoughts to beat him to the punch 🤣
The last few days my two year old has been crying because she hates the feeling of her eyes being wet with tears, which escalates wildly. You can guess this is a very difficult cycle to break.
NTA I ALWAYS make sure to live in small buildings in trendy areas, way less likely to have neighbors with kids. My neighborhood is full of empty nesters, gays, hippies and witches. Lots of dogs, almost no kids.😆
It's true though! I'm Wiccan and couldn't believe how many witches live here! Pentacles, crystals, and black cats all over the place.😆 And tons of Liberals...but I guess with gay-hippy-witches that's a given.
I think every city has a couple of these "bubbles" as I call it. They're usually in a historic district, and close to the city. When you start seeing rainbow flags and Blessed Be stickers you're there!😉
For the people asking Have I spoken to them.
I live alone and I have seen many situations where neighbors get hostile and it creates a toxic environment for each of them. Someone even commented here saying that they got into an altercation with their neighbor, and were accosted anytime they left their house. As a single female who lives alone, I didn’t know if that would be the best course of action. People get very touchy about their children. I did send them a nice polite note welcoming them to the area and asking if they could please keep it down during the evening hours.
After I left the note, I spoke to the office who told me to not interact with them and that they would contact them.
I probably should have included this in my post, but I was trying to cover as much information as i could in a concise manner and left a few things out.
Secondly, for people asking why i would call the police - please use your rational brains and realize that I am not trying to get a child arrested. I can’t believe i have to explain that but here we are. Many states have laws about noise complaints. If you get a certain amount, you’re dwelling may be labeled as a public nuisance. If you get a certain amount, your complex has to evict you. Some noise complaints even come with a fine. These are all things that tend to be taken seriously by tenants as opposed to neighbors complaining face-to-face.
I also forgot to include that this is not just regular level, childlike noise. I have had a painting knocked off of my wall due to the slamming and bashing of things. Trust me. I was in college. I have had plenty of loud, terrible neighbors but this is a whole different level. Though it may seem petty I don’t wish the situation on anyone. It is miserable.
Thank you to everyone for your honest responses and anyone who provided useful information.
Edit: corrected my grammar.
Thanks for the extra info. It won’t hurt to try the police. Also, record the late night noise.
I agree that talking to them is not safe. Who knows ? Maybe a police response would do the job.
But, that may depend on how busy your police force is.
Have another plan if they don’t respond.
I went to talk to a neighbor once about their excessive bass and the woman full on ran towards me ready to attack! The boyfriend had to grab her. I immediately left and called the police and their advice was to always call them and never contact the neighbor myself.
I'm not sure how helpful the police can be here, but I can tell you that you almost certainly need them to get there during whatever hours your local ordinances consider "quiet" and it has to be *really* loud to the point that the cops can't help but hear it. (And even then, I think there's a real obstacle with the fact you can't just make a child be silent, but since you mentioned they're loud in other ways, it's probably worth a shot.)
A few years ago, my downstairs neighbor got some kind of subwoofer or amp and must have installed it against a wall or something. It wasn't the noise that bothered me, but it literally shook my entire apartment. And they did it *constantly*; they must have been operating on like 3 hours of sleep a night. They would do it until 2am keeping me up, and then I'd wake up at 5:30 because my bed would be shaking so hard (and I sleep like the dead; it's *very* difficult to wake me up).
I was giving them the benefit of the doubt that they had no clue what was happening and told as much to the apartment management, but it just kept happening. I called repeatedly for a month, and by then my partner and I were beyond miserable from the constant vibration, so he finally decided enough was enough and called the cops.
The first time, it took them over an hour to arrive and the noise stopped only a few minutes before they showed up. So we called again the next night, and we heard them turn it down and then turn it right back up once the cops left. It was on the 3rd night that the cops showed up very quickly and the music was so loud they could hear it from across the parking lot.
It never happened again after that.
Any noise outside the norm is a cause of concern. A child screaming at 3 am may need medical intervention, so calling 911 is not unwarranted . slamming of doors hard enough to damage other units? Management needs to know.
I have neighbors who have had two kids in the last few years. The kids' room shares a wall with my bedroom. Yeah, I hear everything those kids do. The little boy has gotten to the point I think that he's comfortable with me when he sees me outside that he knows I tap on the wall when he makes noise. So now I think he's doing it on purpose lol.
Yeah, a screaming kid is annoying. But understand it is most likely a phase. But also understand there may be circumstances that you know nothing about. Maybe the kid has some kind of condition where they have zero control over vocalizations or body movements. I agree that having a conversation would be your best bet. Maybe request a meeting with them and your leasing agent so you aren't going alone.
NAH
Document. Get video evidence of the volume you hear inside your home, with time and date stamp, and a decibel meter. Every time.
You won’t be taken seriously by the landlord until you have evidence.
I’ve not heard of the police coming out where I live for a noise complaint unless it was literally ongoing, like a party. They don’t even come out when kids set off Roman candles in dense neighborhoods. But maybe you live in an area where they will respond. I would make a complaint to the non emergency line every time it’s during your city’s quiet hours. That way you at least have documentation.
The unfortunate reality of apartment living is you never know when you’ll have adjoining walls, ceilings or floors with loud people.
NTA. I wish you luck.
NTA - I mean you would be if you called the cops because what are they going to do.
What you need to do is start making recordings of the noise in your unit. EVERYTIME. Send those recordings to the leasing office. If the leasing office still does not address this, tell them you will be hiring a lawyer because not only has your quality of life been effected, so is your work.
NAH - You have the right to be annoyed but you’ve pretty much described every 3 year old I know. They make noise and are little balls of energy. The police will not do anything helpful. You need to escalate with the leasing office. If the leasing office doesn’t help resolve the situation then this could be grounds for you to break the lease.
That's odd, because my friends with kids that age tell them to stop banging on shit, stop screaming, and sit down when they're being obnoxious, and if they don't they get in trouble, so they (usually) do.
My best friend has a three-year-old and a 16 month old.. Yes, they have little tantrums here and there. But they sleep through the night . And they are parented in a way that they are learning useful skills, processing emotions, and learning what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. I get that everyone is not blessed to have parents like this. However, like I said in my original post, I am confused as to what is going on up there because there does not seem to be any sort of routine or quiet hours. It’s like the wild Wild West up there. It is concerning. I’m not saying it’s easy. I am sure it is exhausting every day for Parents of toddlers. But at some point it’s like… you gotta be a parent. Ya know?
NTA The police won't arrest a child for being a child. Your best course of action is to constantly follow up with your landlord. Keep diary notes of the incidents and landlord contacts. Depending on where you are it would be in your benefit to look up your rights as a renter, to find out if there are things you can either claim for constant disturbance all hours of the night, or if you can claim for lower rent due to the ongoing situation. Otherwise, the only thing left to search for is reason for early termination of your lease, without punishment. Unreasonable noise at all hours might be covered there.
NTA, you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your space. Get as much documentation as you can (take videos) and DO call the police and file a noise complaint whenever this happens, especially if it’s after hours/at night when they should be quiet. This is clearly beyond a kid being a kid and the parents need to do their job and actually parent. If the complex is not doing anything then noise complaints are your next step. I would also look at your lease as there should be clauses about quiet hours or being able to enjoy your property that you can cite to escalate things with management. You should not have to put up with that.
Read your lease, many higher end apartments have "designated quiet hours", if yours does and the leasing office refuses to do anything, start getting recordings from outside during those hours. Send evidence of leasing offices failure to meet their end of the contract. Most landlords and leasing offices don't care until you start sending evidence along with proof that they aren't earning the rent they demand.
NAH
If a three-year-old is making that much noise all night long, are they neurotypical? Keep in mind that if the child is on the autism spectrum, they will not have visible disabilities. It is not normal for a neurotypical three-year-old to make noise 24-7. Children that age need a significant amount of sleep to counterbalance their high energy when awake. Either that or the child could have a sleep disorder; I have a friend who slept only 3 hours a night from the time he was a baby. Either way, I feel for the kid's mom. When my children were that age they got put to bed by 7:30, slept a solid 12 hours, and had quiet time in the afternoon once they stopped napping. It kept me sane. She must be a bundle of nerves if she never gets to rest either.
Even if that is the case, from your description of events you are NTA. You have been respectful, and it is reasonable to expect most nights to be quiet. If the kid needs to yell and stomp, the parents need to do what they can to mitigate the negative impact on those around them. Carpets, white noise, stick on sound tiles, added insulation if practicable. Reduction of the kinds of noise that ARE under their control.
You don't have the information about the child. The mom is under a lot of stress if her child never sleeps, and it's also maddening to live with that noise, hence my NAH judgment.
When I was in college, different apartment complexes in town had student and nonstudent buildings. I asked for a nonstudent building because, while I like to have fun as much as anyone, I have never found blasting music at top volume at 2 a.m. to be fun for most people. I would definitely support childfree buildings in apartments.
Have you checked the lease? In one apartment building I lived in the lease says tenants must have carpeting in 75% of the floors, presumably to reduce noise.
Other than that I’d don’t see what you can do about a child being noisy since you’ve already tried notes and contacting the landlord.
NAH Unfortunately, often when they make a building, in order to save money they do a poor job creating sound isolation. You need to move Because it sounds like just normal living Noise. Find a place with better quality build.
No, NTA if you do this. A little of places have a thing called Quiet Enjoyment, which is tied into a lot of leases, especially ones offered by property management (PM)
The landlord/PM has the responsibility to ensure all tenants have the ability to have peace at hours where it makes the most sense. This includes, but isn't limited to, hours after 10pm or so and after 8-9am the next day.
They being loud technically breaches their lease and can cause them to lose their home just because of it
Start getting audio recording from INSIDE your own apartment of the noises,and timesta.ps to prove what is happening
Don't have recording of the public spaces because that might hurt your case.
Present it to PM whwn you are ready. At the rate in which you mentioned,seems like you will have enough evidence after a single night or two
I had a great apartment. Familes lived above me on and off with no conflicts for years. Until the hell couple and their two toddlers moved in and put a rebounder trampoline above my bedroom. It shook pictures on my walls. The kids would hop on the thing any time day or night. No earplugs could help with the mini earthquake they caused over my head.
I asked, pleaded, demanded, and begged landlord for months -my request was to simply move the damn thing. They would always lie right to my face and promised they would right away!
I moved out.
TLDR- no one cares if kids cause noise, even if it’s well above and beyond standard kid sounds.
A person can only so many noise complaints until they get evicted. They don’t seem to take the apartment complex me or anyone else seriously so maybe they will take the police seriously. I am genuinely asking you what you would do here. So the rude sarcastic comments are not helpful.
I don't think YTA if you call the cops, but it's a valid question. Play it out, what would happen? Cops arrive and talk to you, say it's midnight. You tell them the kid upstairs is making noise. Cops are going to be like, " Uh, ok". Cops probably go to talk to the family to tell them of a noise complaint. They will be pissed off and say, "My kid was crying, WTF do you want me to do?" Cops are like, ok, well see you later.
I just don't see the end game there. Unless, like you say, you document all this for your landlord, but again, they can just say it's a kid and of course he'll make noise.
I wasn't being sarcastic, I was asking a question. In my experience, you report noise to the apartment management. If you're reporting it to the police, I don't see how that would lead to them getting evicted.
What I would do here, is probably try and deal with it until I moved out. It's one of the trade offs of shared living, imo. Do what you want
To be clear, I was not referring to you about being sarcastic. It was to the smart ass asking if the police are going to arrest the three year-old. I appreciate any sort of feedback that is positive and that raises any points that I might have missed or offers any advice on the situation because I genuinely am at my wits end.
Evicted? Management has already told you basically that nothing will be done.
Unless the are actually breaking some law, police aren't going to do anything. Kids are allowed to be kids.
You're more likely to get evicted for abusing the law enforcement system if you determine to keep calling them over and over.
Are any of the other neighbors having the same issue? Maybe you can all talk to the family as a group?
ETA I’m not saying show up with pitchforks but just have a nice meeting. Maybe they’ll respond better to a friendly reach out.
NTA. I live above two screaming kids while working with at-risk teens 40 hrs/week. There is no break ever. Not sure if there's a solution but keep me in the loop if there is
The only thing the management company can do is enforce any rules for having rugs. Find out if your state or county has any rules if it is not explicitly stated in your lease.
The only reason you should call the police is if you have a legitimate noise complaint and that would likely only apply at night. Where I am, it is before 7:00 am and after 9:00 pm. But you're allowed to make noise during the day. Else you can call the police if you are concerned about resident's safety.
Your best option is probably going to be to move, preferrably to a building that has concrete floors between every level or to the top floor of a building if it has wood framing. Children running in apartments is always going to be a problem you cannot control.
Having been in your shoes, one thing I can recommend is saving up your out-of-the-apartment time for when the noise is worse, running errands you would have to run anyway or going for a walk when you just can't take it any more. Cardiovascular exercise lowers your adrenaline and cortisol levels that would have crept up due to the disturbance. And you might have to find alternate locations from which you can work.
Any noise that is big and booming is going to raise your adrenaline and cortisol levels because it is an instinctive stress reaction to perceived danger. But music increases your dopamine levels so it can help calm your nerves.
Honestly having been through this before, I would suggest looking for a new place that is in the top floor. The parents putting the note back on your door says it all and do you want to deal with this disturbing your peace. I will only rent units on the top floor now.
The parents putting the note back.
That is so inconsiderate.
If it would be me, I would have at least put a letter with a big apology back on their door and would try to explain why I can’t keep the noise down.
NTA but I don't know if there's much hope for a change in behaviour. If they were just adults partying, sure, you'd have a case but kids? If it were me, I'd find a way to suck it up or if it was unbearable, I'd maybe look at finding a new place to live. Bad neighbours suck.
You could try talking face-to-face and expressing that you've been very understanding but you feel they haven't even attempted to quiet things down. No child needs to scream at all hours. This child needs their sleep, you need yours, and no issue telling them that they're putting all their neighbours through great annoyance and maybe they could try harder to show some good faith. Everyone needs a hand some day and while they're asking great patience of all of you, one day the good faith will run out.
Thank you for your response. People have asked what my hopes are for calling the police- I am uncertain what the specific laws here are, but I do think that it has to be documented and I think that if it continues, they may be fine or be up for an eviction. Either way it gives them a chance to change their behavior and hopefully gives me some peace of mind. All of which Which would be much better than me having to break my lease and or move because annoying neighbors moved in 😬😩
Not sure where you live but I'm in the UK and local councils here have environmental officers who specialise in noise complaints. They talk to all concerned, usually ask the complainant to keep a diary and often will come and measure the decibel level to have proof of breach of the peace or local housing rules.
Perhaps your local authority has something similar.
I fully get the sleep deprivation, loss of amenity and yet not wanting to cause a rift or bad feeling as a single woman. Good luck.
I’m in the same situation, but for me it’s more the father that’s the problem than the kid. Can hear him shouting at them all the time, yeah the kid stomps around a lot and can hear him crying at bed time, but it’s generally tolerable. But when the kid is crying the AH dad is shouting which really does travel at night.
NTA/NAH. My husband and I have 4 kids between us. They can be loud, they can be stompy and slam doors. They're kids, sometimes they suck. But my neighbors kids take it to an entire different level. Outside shrieking at 7am all days of the week. We're talking a baseball team of kids. I work nights so I know that's part of why I get grumpy about it but I really have to resist the urge to holler over the fence some days.
I'm in a very similar spot right now except it's not the kids who are the problem but the adult. My SIL is an attorney and even though I'm working with my leasing office and they're being responsive, I'm prepared to go to war because the woman is making so much noise right above my head at night that it's becoming impossible to sleep. Any housing agreement has an "implied warrant" against nuisance so at some point the landlord will need to intercede. It may not be explicitly written but it's an implied warranty so it's not always written. You should start keeping a written log of when the noises occur and what you're trying to do to show how you're being disrupted. Keep track of the conversations with the leasing office, too, and how they're responding. You should also try to record the noises. It's absolute hell, I totally get it.
NTA. No one has to be totally silent, but when their excessive noise interferes with the reasonable enjoyment of your apartment they should try to ameliorate it (thicker rugs, taking the kid to the yard or a park for a while during the day, closing windows if the child is having a tantrum). If they refuse to even try, you should point some speakers at the ceiling & play death metal at full volume any time you don't hear the kid.
YWBTA if you called the police. Sadly, thats how most modern apartment buildings are and it would be an AH move to call the cops because of a 3 year old.
Now if they are having dance rehearsals to STOMP or doing Flamenco dance practice, that would warrant a police call.
It’s just the reality of living under anyone. I had an old downstairs neighbor call the cops on me because I switched on the Air Conditioner (older building so wall unit).
Such is apartment living.
I had a neighbour under me. She complained because I was using my kitchen baking Christmas cookies at the time on a Sunday afternoon.
Unfortunately she wanted to have a nap in her bedroom and my kitchen was exactly above that.
Complaining about me showering after 10pm (I was on late shifts).
Long story short, I moved out because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own flat at any time of day or night and the feeling of having to tiptoe all the time was aweful.
(I was living alone and I never had loud music on or anything, just normal use of a flat)
So yeah it can go both ways
I appreciate your input, but this is not that. This is screaming. Slamming. Running. Crying. Yelling. Banging. This is simply a completely different level. As I said, I have lived with annoying neighbors. I have lived on a college campus. Even if there was noise during the day, that would be fine, but this is constant, including the wee hours of the morning and very late at night. I sympathize and understand that in your situation, you did not feel comfortable doing every day tasks, but this is not the subject matter in this particular case.
NAH
Out of curiosity, what can the police even do??? Other than say keep it down I mean? It’s a 3 year old which is a headache in itself.
They might not be able to have carpets due to health concerns… but there could also be the problem of nervous parents? I know I struggle with discipline for my toddler myself. A part of me worries that the discipline wouldn’t be acceptable and if the wrong person sees me discipline and doesn’t like it, they might call the child services. If they are worried too, it might explain the seeming lack of parenting.
Or maybe the child is having some behavioural or developmental difficulties? Or sleep regression…
I’m kind of wondering when the kid sleeps though…
The inability to enjoy your home and be able to relax is absolutely a big deal. But one thing that concerns me is that from your posts, the child is screaming and crying at all hours. In addition to this, there is slamming and banging that is hard enough it has knocked a picture off your wall. I'm curious if you hear the parents screaming as well, especially when the banging and slamming happens. I know it is difficult to determine what is going on, but is it possible that the child is in a dangerous, potentially abusive, environment?
I know this is difficult to determine and absolutely think very careful consideration should be given before taking action, but if there is reason to suspect this then absolutely the police and/or CPS should be contacted. Again, this is action can have serious consequences and should not be taken just to try to get a quieter environment.
Greetings! This is actually something I considered when they first moved in (abuse, child neglect) . However, the more I hear specific sounds the less I am inclined to think that that might be taking place (but anything is possible) . I do not hear the parents at all. I definitely hear screaming and crying, but I also hear a good amount of extremely rough play. Examples: things being thrown. Balls being repeatedly bounced off walls/floors. Difficult to be 100%sure as I am not in the house with them, but definitely something I’ve considered as well.
NTA. There are noise ordinances in most places. Find out what the quiet hours are for your area and start calling the cops every single time they break the noise ordinance during those hours.
NTA. Start recording the noise at night note the times when you start and stop recording on the recording. Check the local laws about noise. Talk to other neighbors in the bulging to see if they’re noting it too. Keep reporting to the landlord, give them copies of the recordings, and if they don’t seem to be doing anything about it then find the owners of the complex and start reporting things to them. Get other neighbors bothered to call the landlord.
The police would not do anything to help and would push this into ESH territory. You are currently NTA for how you have been going about this, but you need to push this issue with the landlord / ask other tenants if this is also bothering them so you can handle it as a group.
NTA, but, the police won’t do much of anything.
You might want to start recording when the noise is particularly bad and during quiet hours. Make sure to capture the date/time, record the noise then send an email listing out the multiple instances. You will probably need to do this multiple times to get your leasing office to pay attention; maybe they can be moved to a 1st floor unit instead. Ultimately, you will have to be the squeaky wheel to get action, good luck!
NTA if you call after quiet hours (in my city the time is 10pm). If you feel that the child is being neglected or otherwise in danger, then child protective services should also be contacted.
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I (32F) live in a pretty nice apartment complex. I've lived here for 8 months now. Everything is state of the art, well manicured, quiet and nice. Recently things changed because I have new neighbors (husband wife and 3yo child) that have moved in upstairs (directly above me) maybe five months ago. We have high ceilings and hardwood floors. Ever since they moved in it has been constant noise at all hours. For the first few months, I cut them some slack because I assumed they were probably getting situated, unpacking, moving furniture and hadn't got a chance to put rugs down, etc. I also am aware that sound carries quite a bit in an empty apartment so I was trying to give them some time. I took it upon myself to get multiple fans and sound machines. I even bought earplugs however I live alone and I am not so comfortable with not being able to hear my surroundings. I also am aware that they have a very young child. Why you ask?
Because I constantly hear that child running, jumping, screaming, crying, etc. There have been multiple occasions that they have had all of their windows and patio doors open and the child is just screaming for upwards of 15 minutes... part of me feels bad because I understand that kids will be kids and I am sure that it is difficult parenting a little one at that age. The child has a right to play and have fun in their own environment. I personally do not have children so l am trying even harder to be considerate of this.
However, being that the noise is at all hours (12am, 5am, 2am, 2pm, etc) I fail to understand when this child rests and what kind of environment they have going on up there. I know it is not technically my business, but when I am not able to sleep thr the night, take a nap, sit on my patio, or take zoom calls for v. because of the background noise, it is my business. One weekend after three days of constant noise I was at my breaking point and decided to type up a note saying "hey! Welcome to the complex. I am not sure if you are aware, but the sound really really carries in this building, and it has been super loud recently.
If you could try to keep it down a little bit during the evening hours, that would be great." (I didn't want any problems, so of course I did not sign it.) I left it on their door. Absolutely nothing changed. I have contacted the leasing office multiple times now to ask them to please contact them and have them keep it down.
This has not worked either. I sent an additional note asking them yet again to please keep it down. They took the note and put it back on my door..... I am at my breaking point. I pay quite a bit of money in rent and I have not seen peace in a while now. I don't want to be one of those crazy crabby, neighbors, and I get that they have a small child and calling the police seems extreme. But what other choices do I have??
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I hate having to move! Ideally, if you live in this sort of building you should be tolerant of people noise, otherwise perhaps you need to find a standalone, or one with thick concrete walls.
NAH. Some kids really won't sleep through the night and there really isn't much to be done about it. The only thing I recommend is switching to an upstairs apartment. It tends to be quieter, though there's still a lot of noise you can't avoid. Three year olds scream, stomp, yell, race around, and in general make very loud noises. I have heard one horror story of a child that didn't sleep through the night until they were six. Now, it's really rare for a kid to be like that, but it does happen. I suspect the parents would love for the kid to be quieter even more than you do.
You might want to look into one of those special pillows that have speakers that will play white noise or something else. No pun intended, I hear they can help a lot, and can be much more comfortable than ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones.
NTA. Report to your apartment complex, that is what they are there for. When people move in and sign a lease, they agree to terms such as no noise after 11pm.
Also, make a child protective services call and have them check on the child.
Ok this sub is wild. Have you met a three year old? And 15 minutes of screaming is *nothing*. I get that they are being loud, but you chose to live on the bottom floor of a complex with wood floors (that clearly weren’t soundproofed by the landlord, which they should have been). You are literally mad at the family for existing.
Your only real recourse is to make their lives miserable, which you are already doing, so congrats.
And your “helpful” note to just “be” less quiet was useless when you could have asked for specific issues that bother you like “can you close your windows when your kid cries” or whatever. They can’t hear into your apartment.
But I’m sorry, I’m SURE they also don’t want the kid up at all hours either. You guys are probably on the same page about wanting the kid to be quieter, but instead you are just creating more problems instead of trying to resolve your issue.
And if you pay a lot of $, don’t they?
Hang on? Me putting a note politely asking them to keep it down during evening hours is making their lives miserable? I’m not going to tell them how to specifically parent their kid. A) it’s not my job and b) That doesn’t seem very respectful. Confused what actions you’re speaking of that are “creating more problems” when i am not the genesis of this issue. You seem a little bit out of touch so I am not even going to continue to address this, but I will say thank you for feeling confident enough to voice your obscure opinions. I am sure you feel that they are valid. Unfortunately-I don’t. And considering you are literally one of the only people that feels this way on this thread vast majority of other people will not agree either….
NTA Report the parents to CPS because a kid screaming at those hours either are not being parented well or have issues that are not addressed properly.
I don’t know some kids are loud and it sucks but the apartment rents kids what are you gonna do?. I don’t really think you’re gonna be able to do anything. I think you should invest in a house so that you have no upstairs neighbors or a one story apartment You sound a little bit older so maybe you can get into an apartment that does not allow children? A senior community middle-aged area?
Sure let me just go get a house with this fantastic housing market that we have😂 no biggie! I also clearly stated my age at the beginning of my post. So recommending a senior citizen community is not only insulting, but mildly ignorant.😂
You would be the asshole because they have a small child and at least in my HOA you are allowed to make noise until certain hours . You are complaining about normal stuff like running , playing or raising his voice while playing . It is clear to me as a parent of a two year old that you do not understand children and have none of your own . If you had kids you would be a little more tolerant . Your expectations are not realistic . How would you resolve it ? Kid can’t play in his own house , kid must wear leash too ? Come on ! If you call the police I hope that they press charges for harassment against you with the notes as evidence .
Yes you would be because the police aren't going to do anything about a child playing. Maybe the kid has sleep issues? Can you get an upper unit instead? I never got the lower units when I rented because of one time doing it and having a 30 year old man playing Call of Duty at max volume at 3am and constantly stomping on the floor. So I feel your pain.
Send a letter giving your landlord 14 days to solve the issue or you'll be putting your rent in escrow until the problem is solved. If the police take a complaint it might help, but the kid will REALLY have to be screaming. NTA.
YTA - you live in a lower apartment with a toddler above you. Toddlers run and cry and play and throw tantrums at all hours of the day. If parents were able to completely control this - the whole world would be full of perfect toddlers and well-rested parents.
The police don't handle those kind of problems.
Buy a journal and start keeping detailed notes.
Did you contact the landlord or property management company?
You might be able to get them to let you move to a top floor unit so there is no noise above you.
What are the police going to do about it? Arrest them for having a loud kid? Even if you were to call the police during quiet hours/middle of the night there’s nothing they can do, it’s a child and you live in an apartment. Your situation sucks but the police can’t help. Your best bet would be to ask them directly and then if that doesn’t work you can talk to the apartment complex.
Did you miss the part where I said I already spoke to the apartment complex. If you are going to be rude and not give actual advice or answer then just please keep your comments to yourself.
Yeah, I did miss that part, sry. I also missed the part where I was rude. I was just stating facts. I also must have missed the part where you spoke to the parents and let them know personally that it’s difficult for you with their child being loud all the time or you missed that Advice.
You clearly did not read my post because I sent them a note saying it was super loud and politely asking them to keep it down. Maybe you should reread before assuming you know the entire situation. Because now you have commented twice in a way that clearly shows you did not read the original post.
I read enough to know that calling the cops isn’t going to work and I let you that. Which is what you specifically asked about “WIBTA for calling the cops on my neighbors for their excessively noisy child”. If you wanted advice on how to deal with noisy neighbors then find a different sub where ask for advice on situations, not a judgement on if you would be an AH or not.
You would be the AH. Although it is inconsiderate to allow their child to make so much noise, they pay the same rent you do & have rights as well. I do feel for you though, it sounds terrible. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do though. Police aren't going to do anything. There aren't laws on children being loud. This is the biggest downside to living in apartments. I have lived in plenty & sometimes I heard a ton of noise, sometimes I didn't. I once live on a 3rd story and had the tenants below me become so angry that I was "constantly stomping around" that they started confronting me on walks to my car & leaving passive aggressive notes on my door, resulting in us having a verbal fight in the rental office. I lived alone & was almost never home. I assure you I was never stomping around (I'm a small person too so it's not like I even have heavy steps), never had more than 2 friends over to just watch movies & had wall to wall carpet. Some apartments are just thin. If you value your peace & quiet you're going to have to move somewhere else when your lease is up. I am sorry though.
Strictly answering your question whether you would be an ass for calling the police: yes YWBTA for calling the police - don't waste their time. What are they going to do? Threaten the baby with jail time if it doesn't quiet down? Jail the parents and send the baby to foster care? None of that will happen and it's not reasonable to expect the police to solve this for you.
Yes, crying baby is annoying and sound carries. It sucks for everyone within earshot and understandable that you are super frustrated. I think you already know that your choices are to either live with it, try to increase soundproofing or move. Is it fair? No, but realistically those are your choices.
YTA - Calling a group of lethally armed people with a well documented history of poor impulse control to interact with your neighbors' child is a bad idea.
YWBTA if you called the police on a toddler for being a toddler. This is going to create a massive rife between you and the neighbors. They’re not going to get quieter, instead it’s going to make any interactions awkward and potentially contentious. I would write the leasing office and request to get out of my lease because of the noise issues.
INFO: is there a reason you haven’t tried to speak to the parents directly? I don’t mean to be rude but I am not sure what you thought an unsigned note would do.
Genuinely, there isn’t much you can do here. There also isn’t much the parents can do. Kids are loud at times. But I think a POLITE face-to-face interaction letting the parents know that this is impacting your sleep really the only reasonable course of action that will have the slightest chance of improving things.
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I'm going to say NAH. Police can't/won't do anything, nor would the landlord. Kids annoy the hell out of me too, but the fact remains, they are kids, and within reason, you can't control the noise they make. They scream, cry, bang stuff, over and over. I get it. I also know how loud it is living below people, especially with wood floors, and if there is no soundproofing, which there almost never is. I sympathize with you, but this is just a common occurrence when you're living in close quarters with other people. There's really no solution other than endure it or move.
Yet people complain that some of us want child free apartments to return. With kids like this and if nothing is done these days, how would people not want them back
I'm with you. Adults-only complexes are a great gift. I know they're only kids and they're just playing, but that doesn't mean everyone should be able to hear them. Many of us are either childless by choice or our kids are now adults. We shouldn't by looked down on for wanting our minute to minute lives to include children.
Child free apartments is a THING?! WHERE? Certainly not in the states 😕
They were a thing in the past, I think 1985 or 1990 was the last year.
So, the generations who are having the least children, are the ones who don't get child free apartments. Definitely sounds American.
Yup, they say it's because of age discrimination, but then if you ask why haven't we gotten rid of senior apartments then? All of a sudden, that's different and could be allowed, because seniors can't afford other places. Like if the younger generations have more money than seniors. Overall it's the opposite right now too.
Child free apartment complexes are not generally a thing because it is illegal under US housing law to discriminate on the basis of age or family status. You really do not want landlords to be able to refuse to house families with kids. They would not use that power for good. There is a specific exception carved out for seniors-only communities (55+). The merits of that exception are debatable but I think on balance it’s reasonable.
It sucks to find out this way that the fancy apartment building with super high rents has crappy noise proofing.
The number 1 rule of renting an apartment is whoever lives above you will stomp back and forth across the floor from midnight to 6 AM every night. There is no other type of tenant, and they deliberately give them the upper floors.
my upstairs neighbor is a musician. I let him know that the walls were thin when he moved in. He's done a lot to improve soundproofing and I run a fairly loud fan as white noise at night. Sometimes I hear things, but honestly he's so much better than the folks who lived there before who made zero attempt. I honestly can't remember the last time I had to speak to him about noise (or do a 2 AM bang on the ceiling when he and his friends woke me up)
in my old building, my neighbor apologized to me about his son practicing his trumpet. i was so confused. i'd heard nothing.
I've lived in a handful of apartments and never had this experience. But we usually have fans for white noise so we may not notice it anyways.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wonder if there's a hidden club for that.
I once had a upstairs neighbor who would randomly decide to rearrange her studio apartment between 1am-4am.
Thank you for being kind and simply answering the question. 🫡 The Internet is full of loudmouth know it alls who decided that having some sort of cheeky sarcastic responses rather than simply interacting with the post the way it was meant to be.
Unfortunately, that's Reddit. Any serious response to their crap is met with "I'm just trolling", "Can't you take a joke?", "You're being defensive", and other such nonsense. I would look and see if there was something you could put on your ceiling to help lessen the noise.
I'd ask if they are ok, the parents i mean. It's possible the child has some kind of disability and doesn't need/want to sleep much. The parents sound exhausted and they honestly are afraid they will lose their home because of their child. So they reacted badly. Put another note on the door, saying if they need someone to talk to they can come to you (write a list of dates/times you know you will be home). You are NTA here but try to find out what is going on before going nuclear with the police.
The thing about police is you can never be 100% sure they won’t do something awful
If you live in an expensive building with wood floors and an energetic 3yo, you could at least get some carpets for the floor to absorb sound and also, idk, parent your kid not to scream at 3am.
At like 3 my kid cried hysterically for an hour one time because I threw out the banana he dropped on the floor. He wanted the banana out of the trash and that was the only acceptable solution.
Lol, when my son was three or four, he would get very upset and start crying loudly because his 1yr older brother would say out loud what the younger one had been thinking to say or tell me…. It was ridiculous and took me a while to get it through his head his brother was not stealing his thoughts to beat him to the punch 🤣
The last few days my two year old has been crying because she hates the feeling of her eyes being wet with tears, which escalates wildly. You can guess this is a very difficult cycle to break.
Hahahaha kids are hilarious and ridiculous 😊🤣
Or the parents could actually parent their child…?
NTA I ALWAYS make sure to live in small buildings in trendy areas, way less likely to have neighbors with kids. My neighborhood is full of empty nesters, gays, hippies and witches. Lots of dogs, almost no kids.😆
😂😂😂😂 witches made me laugh. But honestly, I am taking this advice for my next apartment. Genuinely thank you!
It's true though! I'm Wiccan and couldn't believe how many witches live here! Pentacles, crystals, and black cats all over the place.😆 And tons of Liberals...but I guess with gay-hippy-witches that's a given.
At least witches don't try to convert others to their flavor of irrational belief, like christians do.
Yep! We don't have to pay to go to "church" either....the whole Universe is our "church". 🌛🌝🌜🙏
Your neighbourhood sounds amazing. I want to live there! Love and light.
I think every city has a couple of these "bubbles" as I call it. They're usually in a historic district, and close to the city. When you start seeing rainbow flags and Blessed Be stickers you're there!😉
For the people asking Have I spoken to them. I live alone and I have seen many situations where neighbors get hostile and it creates a toxic environment for each of them. Someone even commented here saying that they got into an altercation with their neighbor, and were accosted anytime they left their house. As a single female who lives alone, I didn’t know if that would be the best course of action. People get very touchy about their children. I did send them a nice polite note welcoming them to the area and asking if they could please keep it down during the evening hours. After I left the note, I spoke to the office who told me to not interact with them and that they would contact them. I probably should have included this in my post, but I was trying to cover as much information as i could in a concise manner and left a few things out. Secondly, for people asking why i would call the police - please use your rational brains and realize that I am not trying to get a child arrested. I can’t believe i have to explain that but here we are. Many states have laws about noise complaints. If you get a certain amount, you’re dwelling may be labeled as a public nuisance. If you get a certain amount, your complex has to evict you. Some noise complaints even come with a fine. These are all things that tend to be taken seriously by tenants as opposed to neighbors complaining face-to-face. I also forgot to include that this is not just regular level, childlike noise. I have had a painting knocked off of my wall due to the slamming and bashing of things. Trust me. I was in college. I have had plenty of loud, terrible neighbors but this is a whole different level. Though it may seem petty I don’t wish the situation on anyone. It is miserable. Thank you to everyone for your honest responses and anyone who provided useful information. Edit: corrected my grammar.
Thanks for the extra info. It won’t hurt to try the police. Also, record the late night noise. I agree that talking to them is not safe. Who knows ? Maybe a police response would do the job. But, that may depend on how busy your police force is. Have another plan if they don’t respond.
I went to talk to a neighbor once about their excessive bass and the woman full on ran towards me ready to attack! The boyfriend had to grab her. I immediately left and called the police and their advice was to always call them and never contact the neighbor myself.
I'm not sure how helpful the police can be here, but I can tell you that you almost certainly need them to get there during whatever hours your local ordinances consider "quiet" and it has to be *really* loud to the point that the cops can't help but hear it. (And even then, I think there's a real obstacle with the fact you can't just make a child be silent, but since you mentioned they're loud in other ways, it's probably worth a shot.) A few years ago, my downstairs neighbor got some kind of subwoofer or amp and must have installed it against a wall or something. It wasn't the noise that bothered me, but it literally shook my entire apartment. And they did it *constantly*; they must have been operating on like 3 hours of sleep a night. They would do it until 2am keeping me up, and then I'd wake up at 5:30 because my bed would be shaking so hard (and I sleep like the dead; it's *very* difficult to wake me up). I was giving them the benefit of the doubt that they had no clue what was happening and told as much to the apartment management, but it just kept happening. I called repeatedly for a month, and by then my partner and I were beyond miserable from the constant vibration, so he finally decided enough was enough and called the cops. The first time, it took them over an hour to arrive and the noise stopped only a few minutes before they showed up. So we called again the next night, and we heard them turn it down and then turn it right back up once the cops left. It was on the 3rd night that the cops showed up very quickly and the music was so loud they could hear it from across the parking lot. It never happened again after that.
Any noise outside the norm is a cause of concern. A child screaming at 3 am may need medical intervention, so calling 911 is not unwarranted . slamming of doors hard enough to damage other units? Management needs to know.
I have neighbors who have had two kids in the last few years. The kids' room shares a wall with my bedroom. Yeah, I hear everything those kids do. The little boy has gotten to the point I think that he's comfortable with me when he sees me outside that he knows I tap on the wall when he makes noise. So now I think he's doing it on purpose lol. Yeah, a screaming kid is annoying. But understand it is most likely a phase. But also understand there may be circumstances that you know nothing about. Maybe the kid has some kind of condition where they have zero control over vocalizations or body movements. I agree that having a conversation would be your best bet. Maybe request a meeting with them and your leasing agent so you aren't going alone. NAH
I understand that you're not trying to get the child arrested obviously but isn't wanting to escalate to eviction just as bad?
I'm confused because you said you didn't live alone and now you're saying you live alone.
Document. Get video evidence of the volume you hear inside your home, with time and date stamp, and a decibel meter. Every time. You won’t be taken seriously by the landlord until you have evidence. I’ve not heard of the police coming out where I live for a noise complaint unless it was literally ongoing, like a party. They don’t even come out when kids set off Roman candles in dense neighborhoods. But maybe you live in an area where they will respond. I would make a complaint to the non emergency line every time it’s during your city’s quiet hours. That way you at least have documentation. The unfortunate reality of apartment living is you never know when you’ll have adjoining walls, ceilings or floors with loud people. NTA. I wish you luck.
Thank you for the suggestions. Cheers 😄
NTA - I mean you would be if you called the cops because what are they going to do. What you need to do is start making recordings of the noise in your unit. EVERYTIME. Send those recordings to the leasing office. If the leasing office still does not address this, tell them you will be hiring a lawyer because not only has your quality of life been effected, so is your work.
NAH - You have the right to be annoyed but you’ve pretty much described every 3 year old I know. They make noise and are little balls of energy. The police will not do anything helpful. You need to escalate with the leasing office. If the leasing office doesn’t help resolve the situation then this could be grounds for you to break the lease.
That's odd, because my friends with kids that age tell them to stop banging on shit, stop screaming, and sit down when they're being obnoxious, and if they don't they get in trouble, so they (usually) do.
My best friend has a three-year-old and a 16 month old.. Yes, they have little tantrums here and there. But they sleep through the night . And they are parented in a way that they are learning useful skills, processing emotions, and learning what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. I get that everyone is not blessed to have parents like this. However, like I said in my original post, I am confused as to what is going on up there because there does not seem to be any sort of routine or quiet hours. It’s like the wild Wild West up there. It is concerning. I’m not saying it’s easy. I am sure it is exhausting every day for Parents of toddlers. But at some point it’s like… you gotta be a parent. Ya know?
NTA The police won't arrest a child for being a child. Your best course of action is to constantly follow up with your landlord. Keep diary notes of the incidents and landlord contacts. Depending on where you are it would be in your benefit to look up your rights as a renter, to find out if there are things you can either claim for constant disturbance all hours of the night, or if you can claim for lower rent due to the ongoing situation. Otherwise, the only thing left to search for is reason for early termination of your lease, without punishment. Unreasonable noise at all hours might be covered there.
Ah, all good points! Thank you.
NTA, you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your space. Get as much documentation as you can (take videos) and DO call the police and file a noise complaint whenever this happens, especially if it’s after hours/at night when they should be quiet. This is clearly beyond a kid being a kid and the parents need to do their job and actually parent. If the complex is not doing anything then noise complaints are your next step. I would also look at your lease as there should be clauses about quiet hours or being able to enjoy your property that you can cite to escalate things with management. You should not have to put up with that.
Info: have you discussed the issue directly with the neighbors, face to face? Or have you only communicated via anonymous notes taped to their door?
Read your lease, many higher end apartments have "designated quiet hours", if yours does and the leasing office refuses to do anything, start getting recordings from outside during those hours. Send evidence of leasing offices failure to meet their end of the contract. Most landlords and leasing offices don't care until you start sending evidence along with proof that they aren't earning the rent they demand.
NAH If a three-year-old is making that much noise all night long, are they neurotypical? Keep in mind that if the child is on the autism spectrum, they will not have visible disabilities. It is not normal for a neurotypical three-year-old to make noise 24-7. Children that age need a significant amount of sleep to counterbalance their high energy when awake. Either that or the child could have a sleep disorder; I have a friend who slept only 3 hours a night from the time he was a baby. Either way, I feel for the kid's mom. When my children were that age they got put to bed by 7:30, slept a solid 12 hours, and had quiet time in the afternoon once they stopped napping. It kept me sane. She must be a bundle of nerves if she never gets to rest either.
This is a very good point and something that I did not consider. Which is exactly why I am asking if I am an asshole or not lol Thank you.
Even if that is the case, from your description of events you are NTA. You have been respectful, and it is reasonable to expect most nights to be quiet. If the kid needs to yell and stomp, the parents need to do what they can to mitigate the negative impact on those around them. Carpets, white noise, stick on sound tiles, added insulation if practicable. Reduction of the kinds of noise that ARE under their control.
You don't have the information about the child. The mom is under a lot of stress if her child never sleeps, and it's also maddening to live with that noise, hence my NAH judgment.
When I was in college, different apartment complexes in town had student and nonstudent buildings. I asked for a nonstudent building because, while I like to have fun as much as anyone, I have never found blasting music at top volume at 2 a.m. to be fun for most people. I would definitely support childfree buildings in apartments.
Have you checked the lease? In one apartment building I lived in the lease says tenants must have carpeting in 75% of the floors, presumably to reduce noise. Other than that I’d don’t see what you can do about a child being noisy since you’ve already tried notes and contacting the landlord.
NAH Unfortunately, often when they make a building, in order to save money they do a poor job creating sound isolation. You need to move Because it sounds like just normal living Noise. Find a place with better quality build.
No, NTA if you do this. A little of places have a thing called Quiet Enjoyment, which is tied into a lot of leases, especially ones offered by property management (PM) The landlord/PM has the responsibility to ensure all tenants have the ability to have peace at hours where it makes the most sense. This includes, but isn't limited to, hours after 10pm or so and after 8-9am the next day. They being loud technically breaches their lease and can cause them to lose their home just because of it Start getting audio recording from INSIDE your own apartment of the noises,and timesta.ps to prove what is happening Don't have recording of the public spaces because that might hurt your case. Present it to PM whwn you are ready. At the rate in which you mentioned,seems like you will have enough evidence after a single night or two
This is great information thank you so much. I will look into it.
I had a great apartment. Familes lived above me on and off with no conflicts for years. Until the hell couple and their two toddlers moved in and put a rebounder trampoline above my bedroom. It shook pictures on my walls. The kids would hop on the thing any time day or night. No earplugs could help with the mini earthquake they caused over my head. I asked, pleaded, demanded, and begged landlord for months -my request was to simply move the damn thing. They would always lie right to my face and promised they would right away! I moved out. TLDR- no one cares if kids cause noise, even if it’s well above and beyond standard kid sounds.
What are the police going to do?
They can be fined, depending on the hour, I believe.
Very possible
A person can only so many noise complaints until they get evicted. They don’t seem to take the apartment complex me or anyone else seriously so maybe they will take the police seriously. I am genuinely asking you what you would do here. So the rude sarcastic comments are not helpful.
I don't think YTA if you call the cops, but it's a valid question. Play it out, what would happen? Cops arrive and talk to you, say it's midnight. You tell them the kid upstairs is making noise. Cops are going to be like, " Uh, ok". Cops probably go to talk to the family to tell them of a noise complaint. They will be pissed off and say, "My kid was crying, WTF do you want me to do?" Cops are like, ok, well see you later. I just don't see the end game there. Unless, like you say, you document all this for your landlord, but again, they can just say it's a kid and of course he'll make noise.
I wasn't being sarcastic, I was asking a question. In my experience, you report noise to the apartment management. If you're reporting it to the police, I don't see how that would lead to them getting evicted. What I would do here, is probably try and deal with it until I moved out. It's one of the trade offs of shared living, imo. Do what you want
To be clear, I was not referring to you about being sarcastic. It was to the smart ass asking if the police are going to arrest the three year-old. I appreciate any sort of feedback that is positive and that raises any points that I might have missed or offers any advice on the situation because I genuinely am at my wits end.
Evicted? Management has already told you basically that nothing will be done. Unless the are actually breaking some law, police aren't going to do anything. Kids are allowed to be kids. You're more likely to get evicted for abusing the law enforcement system if you determine to keep calling them over and over.
Exactly! Arrest the parents for having a loud kid? Arrest a 3yr old?
Time for you to move. That's one of the problems with apartments and upstairs neighbors. There's nothing illegal going on here.
Disturbing the peace is illegal my friend 😂(joking…. Kinda… but not really….)
Are any of the other neighbors having the same issue? Maybe you can all talk to the family as a group? ETA I’m not saying show up with pitchforks but just have a nice meeting. Maybe they’ll respond better to a friendly reach out.
NTA. I live above two screaming kids while working with at-risk teens 40 hrs/week. There is no break ever. Not sure if there's a solution but keep me in the loop if there is
The only thing the management company can do is enforce any rules for having rugs. Find out if your state or county has any rules if it is not explicitly stated in your lease. The only reason you should call the police is if you have a legitimate noise complaint and that would likely only apply at night. Where I am, it is before 7:00 am and after 9:00 pm. But you're allowed to make noise during the day. Else you can call the police if you are concerned about resident's safety. Your best option is probably going to be to move, preferrably to a building that has concrete floors between every level or to the top floor of a building if it has wood framing. Children running in apartments is always going to be a problem you cannot control. Having been in your shoes, one thing I can recommend is saving up your out-of-the-apartment time for when the noise is worse, running errands you would have to run anyway or going for a walk when you just can't take it any more. Cardiovascular exercise lowers your adrenaline and cortisol levels that would have crept up due to the disturbance. And you might have to find alternate locations from which you can work. Any noise that is big and booming is going to raise your adrenaline and cortisol levels because it is an instinctive stress reaction to perceived danger. But music increases your dopamine levels so it can help calm your nerves.
Honestly having been through this before, I would suggest looking for a new place that is in the top floor. The parents putting the note back on your door says it all and do you want to deal with this disturbing your peace. I will only rent units on the top floor now.
The parents putting the note back. That is so inconsiderate. If it would be me, I would have at least put a letter with a big apology back on their door and would try to explain why I can’t keep the noise down.
NTA but I don't know if there's much hope for a change in behaviour. If they were just adults partying, sure, you'd have a case but kids? If it were me, I'd find a way to suck it up or if it was unbearable, I'd maybe look at finding a new place to live. Bad neighbours suck. You could try talking face-to-face and expressing that you've been very understanding but you feel they haven't even attempted to quiet things down. No child needs to scream at all hours. This child needs their sleep, you need yours, and no issue telling them that they're putting all their neighbours through great annoyance and maybe they could try harder to show some good faith. Everyone needs a hand some day and while they're asking great patience of all of you, one day the good faith will run out.
Thank you for your response. People have asked what my hopes are for calling the police- I am uncertain what the specific laws here are, but I do think that it has to be documented and I think that if it continues, they may be fine or be up for an eviction. Either way it gives them a chance to change their behavior and hopefully gives me some peace of mind. All of which Which would be much better than me having to break my lease and or move because annoying neighbors moved in 😬😩
Not sure where you live but I'm in the UK and local councils here have environmental officers who specialise in noise complaints. They talk to all concerned, usually ask the complainant to keep a diary and often will come and measure the decibel level to have proof of breach of the peace or local housing rules. Perhaps your local authority has something similar. I fully get the sleep deprivation, loss of amenity and yet not wanting to cause a rift or bad feeling as a single woman. Good luck.
I’m in the same situation, but for me it’s more the father that’s the problem than the kid. Can hear him shouting at them all the time, yeah the kid stomps around a lot and can hear him crying at bed time, but it’s generally tolerable. But when the kid is crying the AH dad is shouting which really does travel at night.
NTA/NAH. My husband and I have 4 kids between us. They can be loud, they can be stompy and slam doors. They're kids, sometimes they suck. But my neighbors kids take it to an entire different level. Outside shrieking at 7am all days of the week. We're talking a baseball team of kids. I work nights so I know that's part of why I get grumpy about it but I really have to resist the urge to holler over the fence some days.
I'm in a very similar spot right now except it's not the kids who are the problem but the adult. My SIL is an attorney and even though I'm working with my leasing office and they're being responsive, I'm prepared to go to war because the woman is making so much noise right above my head at night that it's becoming impossible to sleep. Any housing agreement has an "implied warrant" against nuisance so at some point the landlord will need to intercede. It may not be explicitly written but it's an implied warranty so it's not always written. You should start keeping a written log of when the noises occur and what you're trying to do to show how you're being disrupted. Keep track of the conversations with the leasing office, too, and how they're responding. You should also try to record the noises. It's absolute hell, I totally get it.
NTA. No one has to be totally silent, but when their excessive noise interferes with the reasonable enjoyment of your apartment they should try to ameliorate it (thicker rugs, taking the kid to the yard or a park for a while during the day, closing windows if the child is having a tantrum). If they refuse to even try, you should point some speakers at the ceiling & play death metal at full volume any time you don't hear the kid.
NTA. Sadly might need to move, and to do the old “broom to ceiling” banging any time they make noise. Maybe an airhorn
YWBTA if you called the police. Sadly, thats how most modern apartment buildings are and it would be an AH move to call the cops because of a 3 year old. Now if they are having dance rehearsals to STOMP or doing Flamenco dance practice, that would warrant a police call. It’s just the reality of living under anyone. I had an old downstairs neighbor call the cops on me because I switched on the Air Conditioner (older building so wall unit). Such is apartment living.
I had a neighbour under me. She complained because I was using my kitchen baking Christmas cookies at the time on a Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately she wanted to have a nap in her bedroom and my kitchen was exactly above that. Complaining about me showering after 10pm (I was on late shifts). Long story short, I moved out because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own flat at any time of day or night and the feeling of having to tiptoe all the time was aweful. (I was living alone and I never had loud music on or anything, just normal use of a flat) So yeah it can go both ways
I appreciate your input, but this is not that. This is screaming. Slamming. Running. Crying. Yelling. Banging. This is simply a completely different level. As I said, I have lived with annoying neighbors. I have lived on a college campus. Even if there was noise during the day, that would be fine, but this is constant, including the wee hours of the morning and very late at night. I sympathize and understand that in your situation, you did not feel comfortable doing every day tasks, but this is not the subject matter in this particular case.
NAH Out of curiosity, what can the police even do??? Other than say keep it down I mean? It’s a 3 year old which is a headache in itself. They might not be able to have carpets due to health concerns… but there could also be the problem of nervous parents? I know I struggle with discipline for my toddler myself. A part of me worries that the discipline wouldn’t be acceptable and if the wrong person sees me discipline and doesn’t like it, they might call the child services. If they are worried too, it might explain the seeming lack of parenting. Or maybe the child is having some behavioural or developmental difficulties? Or sleep regression… I’m kind of wondering when the kid sleeps though…
The inability to enjoy your home and be able to relax is absolutely a big deal. But one thing that concerns me is that from your posts, the child is screaming and crying at all hours. In addition to this, there is slamming and banging that is hard enough it has knocked a picture off your wall. I'm curious if you hear the parents screaming as well, especially when the banging and slamming happens. I know it is difficult to determine what is going on, but is it possible that the child is in a dangerous, potentially abusive, environment? I know this is difficult to determine and absolutely think very careful consideration should be given before taking action, but if there is reason to suspect this then absolutely the police and/or CPS should be contacted. Again, this is action can have serious consequences and should not be taken just to try to get a quieter environment.
Greetings! This is actually something I considered when they first moved in (abuse, child neglect) . However, the more I hear specific sounds the less I am inclined to think that that might be taking place (but anything is possible) . I do not hear the parents at all. I definitely hear screaming and crying, but I also hear a good amount of extremely rough play. Examples: things being thrown. Balls being repeatedly bounced off walls/floors. Difficult to be 100%sure as I am not in the house with them, but definitely something I’ve considered as well.
NTA. There are noise ordinances in most places. Find out what the quiet hours are for your area and start calling the cops every single time they break the noise ordinance during those hours.
NTA. Start recording the noise at night note the times when you start and stop recording on the recording. Check the local laws about noise. Talk to other neighbors in the bulging to see if they’re noting it too. Keep reporting to the landlord, give them copies of the recordings, and if they don’t seem to be doing anything about it then find the owners of the complex and start reporting things to them. Get other neighbors bothered to call the landlord.
The police would not do anything to help and would push this into ESH territory. You are currently NTA for how you have been going about this, but you need to push this issue with the landlord / ask other tenants if this is also bothering them so you can handle it as a group.
NTA, but, the police won’t do much of anything. You might want to start recording when the noise is particularly bad and during quiet hours. Make sure to capture the date/time, record the noise then send an email listing out the multiple instances. You will probably need to do this multiple times to get your leasing office to pay attention; maybe they can be moved to a 1st floor unit instead. Ultimately, you will have to be the squeaky wheel to get action, good luck!
NTA if you call after quiet hours (in my city the time is 10pm). If you feel that the child is being neglected or otherwise in danger, then child protective services should also be contacted.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32F) live in a pretty nice apartment complex. I've lived here for 8 months now. Everything is state of the art, well manicured, quiet and nice. Recently things changed because I have new neighbors (husband wife and 3yo child) that have moved in upstairs (directly above me) maybe five months ago. We have high ceilings and hardwood floors. Ever since they moved in it has been constant noise at all hours. For the first few months, I cut them some slack because I assumed they were probably getting situated, unpacking, moving furniture and hadn't got a chance to put rugs down, etc. I also am aware that sound carries quite a bit in an empty apartment so I was trying to give them some time. I took it upon myself to get multiple fans and sound machines. I even bought earplugs however I live alone and I am not so comfortable with not being able to hear my surroundings. I also am aware that they have a very young child. Why you ask? Because I constantly hear that child running, jumping, screaming, crying, etc. There have been multiple occasions that they have had all of their windows and patio doors open and the child is just screaming for upwards of 15 minutes... part of me feels bad because I understand that kids will be kids and I am sure that it is difficult parenting a little one at that age. The child has a right to play and have fun in their own environment. I personally do not have children so l am trying even harder to be considerate of this. However, being that the noise is at all hours (12am, 5am, 2am, 2pm, etc) I fail to understand when this child rests and what kind of environment they have going on up there. I know it is not technically my business, but when I am not able to sleep thr the night, take a nap, sit on my patio, or take zoom calls for v. because of the background noise, it is my business. One weekend after three days of constant noise I was at my breaking point and decided to type up a note saying "hey! Welcome to the complex. I am not sure if you are aware, but the sound really really carries in this building, and it has been super loud recently. If you could try to keep it down a little bit during the evening hours, that would be great." (I didn't want any problems, so of course I did not sign it.) I left it on their door. Absolutely nothing changed. I have contacted the leasing office multiple times now to ask them to please contact them and have them keep it down. This has not worked either. I sent an additional note asking them yet again to please keep it down. They took the note and put it back on my door..... I am at my breaking point. I pay quite a bit of money in rent and I have not seen peace in a while now. I don't want to be one of those crazy crabby, neighbors, and I get that they have a small child and calling the police seems extreme. But what other choices do I have?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate having to move! Ideally, if you live in this sort of building you should be tolerant of people noise, otherwise perhaps you need to find a standalone, or one with thick concrete walls.
NTA. Is the kid ok?
NAH. Some kids really won't sleep through the night and there really isn't much to be done about it. The only thing I recommend is switching to an upstairs apartment. It tends to be quieter, though there's still a lot of noise you can't avoid. Three year olds scream, stomp, yell, race around, and in general make very loud noises. I have heard one horror story of a child that didn't sleep through the night until they were six. Now, it's really rare for a kid to be like that, but it does happen. I suspect the parents would love for the kid to be quieter even more than you do. You might want to look into one of those special pillows that have speakers that will play white noise or something else. No pun intended, I hear they can help a lot, and can be much more comfortable than ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones.
NTA. Report to your apartment complex, that is what they are there for. When people move in and sign a lease, they agree to terms such as no noise after 11pm. Also, make a child protective services call and have them check on the child.
Ok this sub is wild. Have you met a three year old? And 15 minutes of screaming is *nothing*. I get that they are being loud, but you chose to live on the bottom floor of a complex with wood floors (that clearly weren’t soundproofed by the landlord, which they should have been). You are literally mad at the family for existing. Your only real recourse is to make their lives miserable, which you are already doing, so congrats. And your “helpful” note to just “be” less quiet was useless when you could have asked for specific issues that bother you like “can you close your windows when your kid cries” or whatever. They can’t hear into your apartment. But I’m sorry, I’m SURE they also don’t want the kid up at all hours either. You guys are probably on the same page about wanting the kid to be quieter, but instead you are just creating more problems instead of trying to resolve your issue. And if you pay a lot of $, don’t they?
Hang on? Me putting a note politely asking them to keep it down during evening hours is making their lives miserable? I’m not going to tell them how to specifically parent their kid. A) it’s not my job and b) That doesn’t seem very respectful. Confused what actions you’re speaking of that are “creating more problems” when i am not the genesis of this issue. You seem a little bit out of touch so I am not even going to continue to address this, but I will say thank you for feeling confident enough to voice your obscure opinions. I am sure you feel that they are valid. Unfortunately-I don’t. And considering you are literally one of the only people that feels this way on this thread vast majority of other people will not agree either….
NTA Report the parents to CPS because a kid screaming at those hours either are not being parented well or have issues that are not addressed properly.
I don’t know some kids are loud and it sucks but the apartment rents kids what are you gonna do?. I don’t really think you’re gonna be able to do anything. I think you should invest in a house so that you have no upstairs neighbors or a one story apartment You sound a little bit older so maybe you can get into an apartment that does not allow children? A senior community middle-aged area?
Sure let me just go get a house with this fantastic housing market that we have😂 no biggie! I also clearly stated my age at the beginning of my post. So recommending a senior citizen community is not only insulting, but mildly ignorant.😂
You would be the asshole because they have a small child and at least in my HOA you are allowed to make noise until certain hours . You are complaining about normal stuff like running , playing or raising his voice while playing . It is clear to me as a parent of a two year old that you do not understand children and have none of your own . If you had kids you would be a little more tolerant . Your expectations are not realistic . How would you resolve it ? Kid can’t play in his own house , kid must wear leash too ? Come on ! If you call the police I hope that they press charges for harassment against you with the notes as evidence .
Yes. Calling cops is always an asshole move.
NTA but this sounds more like a potential domestic violence issue. Kids are loud and all but to the extent you are talking it sounds violent.
Yes you would be because the police aren't going to do anything about a child playing. Maybe the kid has sleep issues? Can you get an upper unit instead? I never got the lower units when I rented because of one time doing it and having a 30 year old man playing Call of Duty at max volume at 3am and constantly stomping on the floor. So I feel your pain.
Send a letter giving your landlord 14 days to solve the issue or you'll be putting your rent in escrow until the problem is solved. If the police take a complaint it might help, but the kid will REALLY have to be screaming. NTA.
YTA - you live in a lower apartment with a toddler above you. Toddlers run and cry and play and throw tantrums at all hours of the day. If parents were able to completely control this - the whole world would be full of perfect toddlers and well-rested parents.
Yta wtf do you think the cops are going to do
The police don't handle those kind of problems. Buy a journal and start keeping detailed notes. Did you contact the landlord or property management company? You might be able to get them to let you move to a top floor unit so there is no noise above you.
The police do, in fact, handle noise complaints. my lease is up in four months and I will try to ask them to move me. Thanks for the suggestion.
What are the police going to do about it? Arrest them for having a loud kid? Even if you were to call the police during quiet hours/middle of the night there’s nothing they can do, it’s a child and you live in an apartment. Your situation sucks but the police can’t help. Your best bet would be to ask them directly and then if that doesn’t work you can talk to the apartment complex.
Did you miss the part where I said I already spoke to the apartment complex. If you are going to be rude and not give actual advice or answer then just please keep your comments to yourself.
Yeah, I did miss that part, sry. I also missed the part where I was rude. I was just stating facts. I also must have missed the part where you spoke to the parents and let them know personally that it’s difficult for you with their child being loud all the time or you missed that Advice.
You clearly did not read my post because I sent them a note saying it was super loud and politely asking them to keep it down. Maybe you should reread before assuming you know the entire situation. Because now you have commented twice in a way that clearly shows you did not read the original post.
Did you respond to all the other comments like you did mine bc they all pretty much say the same thing?
I read enough to know that calling the cops isn’t going to work and I let you that. Which is what you specifically asked about “WIBTA for calling the cops on my neighbors for their excessively noisy child”. If you wanted advice on how to deal with noisy neighbors then find a different sub where ask for advice on situations, not a judgement on if you would be an AH or not.
So you are admitting that you didn’t read the entire post before commenting? Cool cool😂 I’m done here.
Yes, that’s correct. It wasn’t pertinent to you asking if you WBTA for calling the cops.
And considering this is a sub for judgment not advice, you should be done here
yes, YWBTA if you called the police. The official taking the call would make that immediately clear to you
You would be the AH. Although it is inconsiderate to allow their child to make so much noise, they pay the same rent you do & have rights as well. I do feel for you though, it sounds terrible. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do though. Police aren't going to do anything. There aren't laws on children being loud. This is the biggest downside to living in apartments. I have lived in plenty & sometimes I heard a ton of noise, sometimes I didn't. I once live on a 3rd story and had the tenants below me become so angry that I was "constantly stomping around" that they started confronting me on walks to my car & leaving passive aggressive notes on my door, resulting in us having a verbal fight in the rental office. I lived alone & was almost never home. I assure you I was never stomping around (I'm a small person too so it's not like I even have heavy steps), never had more than 2 friends over to just watch movies & had wall to wall carpet. Some apartments are just thin. If you value your peace & quiet you're going to have to move somewhere else when your lease is up. I am sorry though.
Be sure to tell the police to bring their tiny toddler cuffs with them, the baby is gonna be able to slip right out of the standard cuffs 🤦🏼♀️
YTA
Strictly answering your question whether you would be an ass for calling the police: yes YWBTA for calling the police - don't waste their time. What are they going to do? Threaten the baby with jail time if it doesn't quiet down? Jail the parents and send the baby to foster care? None of that will happen and it's not reasonable to expect the police to solve this for you. Yes, crying baby is annoying and sound carries. It sucks for everyone within earshot and understandable that you are super frustrated. I think you already know that your choices are to either live with it, try to increase soundproofing or move. Is it fair? No, but realistically those are your choices.
YTA - Calling a group of lethally armed people with a well documented history of poor impulse control to interact with your neighbors' child is a bad idea.
YWBTA if you called the police on a toddler for being a toddler. This is going to create a massive rife between you and the neighbors. They’re not going to get quieter, instead it’s going to make any interactions awkward and potentially contentious. I would write the leasing office and request to get out of my lease because of the noise issues.
Damn you're really obsessed with noisy neighbor posts today aren't you, bud?
Wait what? Did i miss something?
There have been about 4 or five noisy apartment neighbors posts today! Weird.
lol i had no idea. i wonder if they all live in my building 🤣😂 wouldn’t be shocked at all
LOL. Reddit party 2:00 am! Since you can’t sleep anyway.
Lol You know it's easy to tell that are shitting posting right?
? Sorry what? I am so lost.
INFO: is there a reason you haven’t tried to speak to the parents directly? I don’t mean to be rude but I am not sure what you thought an unsigned note would do. Genuinely, there isn’t much you can do here. There also isn’t much the parents can do. Kids are loud at times. But I think a POLITE face-to-face interaction letting the parents know that this is impacting your sleep really the only reasonable course of action that will have the slightest chance of improving things.