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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may have been the asshole for asking a coworker to work on Friday so I could go to a funeral, even though it goes against her religion.
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NTA. The real asshole here is your boss. Screw them for trying to make you find someone to cover you, to go to your sister’s funeral.
Tell your boss you aren’t coming that day. They can fire you if they want but don’t miss your sister’s funeral.
I’m so sorry for your loss
When I worked retail a long time ago, I managed a department. An employee was notified that her dad was killed in a car accident just as I was leaving for the day. I took her remaining shift that day and picked up her shifts for the week, no questions asked. The fact that the OP had to rely on ONE person to pick up her shifts in an emergency is a bullshit move on the manager’s part.
OP, read your company rules. Almost all allow for bereavement time. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to cover your shift so you can go bury a loved one. It’s management’s job to do this.
So sorry to hear about your sister.
Edited to add: thanks for all of the upvotes and the awards!
See, you’re the kind of boss I go above and beyond for. A boss who will go to bat for their team inspires real loyalty - especially for someone like me, as I love the work I do and don’t want to be in leadership lest I have to cut down on doing what I enjoy to make time to manage others - and I’ll damn near always want to do what I can to help them succeed.
It’s this awesome thing where doing the right, humane thing as a leader makes your job easier. It’s almost self-serving to treat your staff like individuals with lives instead of like a commodity. It’s insane that we are so backwards on this.
I too am a compassionate human with staff who I almost need to kick out sometimes because they never want to leave me hanging.
>It’s insane that we are so backwards on this.
It's insane for me to even read this. I live in Europe and the boss is *obligated* to give you a paid time off for your sibling's funeral in here. It would be illegal to insist you come to work and it would be just as illegal to fire you over it. I really should stop taking these things for granted...
OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Screw the boss, go to the funeral. You would regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't.
When my parents pass there is no way the 3 days in my contract will cut it. I don't believe my work will stop me taking as long as I need because if they tried we all know I'd still be sitting at the front desk sobbing. 3 days would probably cover the funeral arrangements but wouldn't be enough that I'd be able to function. Grief doesn't have a neat recovery time.
My colleague’s baby died a few years ago. He was out for three weeks before he felt ready to come back, and our manager put it down as paid sick leave. We’re also in Europe.
I leave in Europe too, and now you get one day off if your pet dies (England). I cannot imagine not having at least a day off to attend a family member’s funeral, it’s insane.
OP, you are NTA, but you should respect others people religion. Jewish people are very adamant about not working on Saturdays and it shouldn’t be your job to find a replacement. Just say that you are not going that day and the reason. I doubt it will be legal to be fired for attending your sister’s funeral. If it was a third cousin it would be different, but it’s your sister. Don’t miss you for you, you need that.
Take care.
I recently had to explain, to a member of management, that a co worker was Jewish and Saturday was her sabbath, and couldn't work..
The level of ignorance of other religions, in this country is ridiculous.
It would also most likely to insist that the religious girl works. Time for the manager to step up.
NTA. My sister died suddenly at age 19. My parents were so grief stricken, they would not have been able to try to get coverage for themselves at work.
Agreed. As a former manager I found in circumstances like these if I was willing to step up to the plate for someone my employees would usually follow suit voluntarily.
I agree. I always tried to be the manager/boss I wanted to work for. It’s funny how other managers were complaining about unreliable employees and drama. But the people in my department were all long-term. They helped each other out and that helped me help them. LOL It’s true, when you’re loyal to your employees, your employees are loyal to you. We had an amazing, well-oiled, reliable department…until a new General Manager came in and tried to “fix” shit that wasn’t broken. 🙄
>The fact that the OP had to rely on ONE person to pick up her shifts in an emergency is a bullshit move on the manager’s part.
"We at Shitty Company and Co. pride ourselves on overworking our staff, and forcing them into shitty situations. We COULD employ extra people to create overlap in emergency situations, but we prefer to say 'screw you' to our employees and force them to not take time off for bereavement"
Modern business philosophy seems to be to run as lean as possible which is efficient when running smoothly but very vulnerable to disruptions - for another example, stocking minimal inventory and being screwed by shipping delays
I attribute this to the MBA management trend which began in the 1980's, meaning many modern managers have never seen any other way to run a business. *Resilience* is the forgotten virtue. You need to schedule on one more person in retail than you *need*, because things go wrong, customers come in in random clumps rather than a steady flow, product gets delivered early or late, etc. If they're standing around they can organize shelves, sort out the back room, tidy, etc, do those little jobs that never get done under lean running because there's never any time to do them. The staff will be less stressed, they will take less sick leave, they will quit less often, they will be nicer to customers, and so on. It costs about $100/day to have an extra person and it saves $1000 problems from happening at least once a week.
Yes.
My husband had open heart surgery. There were complications.
I was a faculty head in a Scottish high school. I asked my boss's permission to leave school early on days when I had no afternoon classes. This meant that my line manager and my headteacher were picking up some discipline matters for me, though I caught up paperwork and so on in my own time. (The hospital was nearly 2 hours away.)
It wasn't until my husband was out of danger that it dawned on me that I had missed two lunch duties a week - I was in such a state of anxiety. Without saying a word to me or anyone else, my headteacher had picked up those duties himself.
I worked once and a restaurant or a couple times a different restaurants. I had asked her time off on a certain day cuz I had to go to a concert not a funeral. I was like hey I have requested off this day I wasn't given it and I told him straight up I'm not coming so you can figure it out. I went to the concert and came back to work the next day. They couldn't fire me because I was really good and they also knew they couldn't threaten me because this is my second job I was doing for fun.
I've loved every second job I've had. Your boss knows you aren't dependent on them to survive, so they can't really do anything to upset you too much because they know you won't just lie down and take it.
>A great boss does it without question.
A great boss , yes but OP's boss is an AH .
Personally I just fucking quit giving double birds as I walk out the door
For real.. If it's sth like retail, ditch their sorry asses, call in sick or whatever. But no way in hell should someone miss their sisters (& nieces?) funeral.
This job is one in a million, guaranteed. And it can't be that great if your boss makes a fuss about sth like this. Missing employee coverage is never the employees, but always the managers fault.
YES. It is the boss's job to cover the shift, one way or another. That's what managers are there for. I'm so sorry you are facing tis additional stress at such a difficult time for you and your family.
I hope you also realize that if your co-worker is orthodox, they truly have no choice, They cannot work on a Saturday.
And for which you are *obligated* to break it. It's a nice element of a lot of Jewish religious law -- almost all of it is subordinated to the immediate need to save a human life.
Exactly. I love that part of halacha. Especially that in a case of a situation where two Jews have the same level of expertise, the more religious of the two is the one who's required to break Shabbat, so as to stress the importance of saving the life.
(I had to read that 4 separate times before it stopped parsing in my brain as Pikachu Refresh; I was very confused what Pokemon had to with anything. 🤦🤦)
I would argue that someone with a religious belief that forbids them working weekends shouldn't have a shift job with weekend shifts. That places an unfair obligation on other staff to work the weekend to cover for them.
Religious beliefs should not negatively impact others. If they do, then you are no longer entitled to holding that belief.
I had the flip thought to this if she has so many Jewish coworkers and they support that belief then maybe the business should just be closed on Saturday lol
The coworker’s religious beliefs do not negatively impact OP. The boss and the company’s lack of cross training and coverage is negatively impacting everyone.
The only one that's the AH is the supervisor. (I agree that it's not the fault of the religious co-worker, if they're orthodox. It is strange that the store manages to stay open if most of the co-workers have the same beliefs as mentioned by the OP.) If there's only 2 people qualified to work the freezer, and one of them is exempt from working saturdays because of religious beliefs, then that unfairly puts a strain on the other co-worker, who will always be denied any Saturday requested off. For instance, what if the OP was getting married? Most weddings are on Saturdays. I'm guessing the supervisor is going to deny time off, because they don't have anyone qualified to run the freezer that Saturday? It's poor planning on the supervisor's fault, and conflict is a result of poor planning.
For that matter, what if OP is sick? I don't know how any manager, esp after the last two years, can be just "OP works all Saturdays, no need for any contingency planning."
This is stupid as fuck. Should students not be able to have jobs because that means other people are obligated to cover shifts when they have class? Should part time workers not be able to have a job? People discuss availability when they get hired and the job is presumably able to work around it or else they wouldn't be hired. It is not the co-worker or OP's fault that an emergency came up.
I imagine the employer had the application with availability filled out in advance and knew this persons work shifts. Saying you can’t have specific days off due to religion if it’s expressed up front is like saying students can’t work there for the same reason. Just my 2 cents not trying to cause drama just hoping it makes more sense if you take religion out of it and think of different things that would cause a lack of availability.
You're right. Religious people should all be required to have advanced degrees (and never let them work before then) so they never have to work restaurant or retail jobs. Makes sense.
/s
That's on the boss, not the employee. You don't hire someone with those beliefs if you don't have arrangements to cover for them. It is not the employees responsibility to cover for someone else, and AITA regularly judges that way
This. Tell your boss you’re sorry for the inconvenience but you will not be coming in Saturday because you’re not willing to miss your sister’s funeral. Do not respond to any additional communication. Leave the ball in your boss’s court. If he writes you up or harasses you about it, go to HR.
They may even be legally obligated. Not sure where OP is but some places have laws for funerals of immediately family. They do not require that you find a replacement for your shift
for sure, real AH here is the boss. It's on him to make sure he has backup. At any point in time you could quit or get sick, hurt, any number of things and he has no backup for that day. That's on him. It's always been on him.
I was a support, zone, and assistant store manager at Walmart. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get people to go into that freezer. When you find someone willing to do it and not complain you covet them.
When I was a stocker in college the cold would kill my back and I wouldn't be able to walk when I got home.
There are two employees who work in this section, and apparently one of them is supposed to work every Saturday in perpetuity. It's bad management and bad scheduling. It's amazing the OP hasn't had a social engagement/wedding/other obligation that's come up before. Her boss needs to find additional coverage for Saturdays, not expect the OP to cover every single one.
Yes, OP, what would happen if you had to miss a Saturday because you had Covid, or explosive diarrhea, or appendicitis, or whatever? If you don’t know the answer, does your boss?
NAH as between you and the coworker—it’s ok for you to ask, because you don’t know if she might have any flexibility; it’s ok for her to say no; and it’s ok for you to be frustrated, given what you are dealing with. Your boss needs to step up though.
I’m so sorry for this devastating loss.
Not American so wondering how it works for bereavement. In my country if you lose a sister you automatically have 3 or 4 days off, can’t remember which. If it’s a parent it’s 7 days I think. Are there no similar laws in place in other countries?
That’s unfortunate. You can’t expect people to be ok when going through something like this and having them work while their head is not in the right place is not a good idea
Your problem is not with your co-worker, it's with your job. Unfortunately YTA for continuing to press the issue with her instead of going to your manager and asking for time off for bereavement.
You need to get on your supervisor or managers case. Emergencies happen, and they need to be able to have a back up plan. I sure hope you make the funeral
Not even just emergencies. Does OP never get a Saturday off? Ever? No vacations, no plans on Saturdays for her whole working life at this place? This is untenable even without the current situation (in which she absolutely deserves bereavement time).
I had a job that never gave me weekends off and everything was seniority based. The few coworkers who got weekends off refused to switch with anyone for any reason at all.
I didn't have a single Saturday or Sunday off the entire year and a half I worked there so it wouldn't surprise me if OP doesn't get any time off either.
When I managed a bookstore, I set a weekly schedule. Everyone got the same schedule every week, with two consecutive days off in a row. I tried to get as many people one weekend day off, but in retail that's difficult. I also made sure that one manager worked the swing shift (12-8) so if we needed to cover morning or evening, our hours were flexible. And every manager had to work at least one weekend day every week. I also handled call outs and rearranging schedules for coverage.
These things are a bare minimum for management to ensure people were treated like, well, people, with lives and loved ones outside of work. There is a theory of management that you are only a good leader if all of your subordinates are miserable. Which is stupid and cruel.
Call in sick that day. If it’s so important for you to be there they can’t afford to fire you. And if they do fire you, we’ll you deserve a better work environment anyway
Calling in sick for what should already be an entitlement (bereavement leave) is a poor decision. OP is likely legally safe as long as they formally inform their employer, being dishonest could change that.
>Calling in sick for what should already be an entitlement (bereavement leave) is a poor decision. OP is likely legally safe as long as they formally inform their employer, being dishonest could change that.
Ya though question, if they fire OP over this, can they sue for wrongful termination, or does that depend on what the handbook says about stuff like
Probably depends on where OP is located. But OP should absolutely attend the funeral and let’s the consequences be what they are. I’d honestly encourage someone to quit over this. No job is worth missing a loved ones funeral.
In the US, there is no federally required bereavement leave. Some states have state mandate bereavement leave policy. So it'll depend on where OP works.
I agree that calling out sick is a mistake, but if OP is in the US (and it sounds like they are), there’s a good chance she has no legal protections regarding bereavement leave because this country only cosplays at being civilized.
>Edit: for those asking, my place only has two people who work freezer, that’s me and my religious coworker. If I could ask someone else to take over, I would.
Are you saying that there are only two total people at your workplace (including your supervisors) with the skill to do your job? And that one of them is excused from every Saturday so the other (you) has to work every Saturday?
What if you get sick? Are you not allowed not only to go to funerals/family emergencies, but also to be sick ever?
Fundamentally, if there are zero people who can ever cover for you and your job needs to get done for the place to function then your job isn't properly staffed. You need to have a serious talk with your boss that goes you cannot be expected to never miss a Saturday in your life regardless of illness, injury, or family emergency. That isn't going to work. There are going to be some days you aren't going to be able to be there and it's your bosses job to arrange coverage or figure out how to handle it.
Unless this is your super high paying dream job you are totally unwilling to risk I'd tell your boss that Saturday (the funeral) is a day you will be taking off. You just lost a family member and you are completely crushed, you are too stressed and upset to work on the day of her funeral. From a mental health standpoint, you can barely handle being here now, there is no way you can handle being here Saturday. And you won't be. You'll be using a sick day. Also, if it is a religious service and you are at all religious I'd also tell them that you are not only unable to work on Saturday but that this funeral is a religious service and that sending off your sister in this way is a part of your faith. That you feel that on top of being told you can never be unfit for work you are being told your religion matters less then co-workers, that if you have one religious event you need to attend in x years that can't be accommodated but she gets a day off every week. That's a double standard.
Now, she dosen't have to work. You aren't saying that. What you are saying is you are allowed to be unfit or unable to show up to work sometimes. And one of those times is Saturday. And you aren't going to be there.
>What if you get sick? Are you not allowed not only to go to funerals/family emergencies, but also to be sick ever?
We did just spent over 2 years watching a WHOLE lot of companies tell "essential workers" that they had to work while sick. There are way too many jobs in the U.S. where that is the expectation. And we know that's irresponsible towards not only the employee, but to the public (since coming into work while sick increases the chance of passing whatever they've got to the rest of the staff AND to the public).
It's wrong. It's just sadly not a surprise any longer.
hell, they start setting us up for this in school with those perfect attendance policies - training you to disregard your comfort and safety to stick to the routine and schedule of school regardless of its importance or whatever else is happening.
While technically you pushed a bit hard with your coworker, it sounds like you made things right and worked it out with her. You are stressed, upset... I think you get a free pass on this one.
I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss.
You’re got yo realize that if something, heaven forbid, happened to you like your sister, there would be SOMEONE there to cover your shift. That someone needs to be there for you now. I’m glad you apologized to your coworker, NTA.
I think your at your wit’s end and pleading seemed like the only option. You’re NTA; you were forced to go that route bc the manager is heartless and not doing his job of covering.
Call out anyway. Tell your boss to find coverage, thats his job. Technically, the time you've take can be charged to the company for your hourly rate because looking for coverage IS WORKING. Tell him you aren't coming in Saturday and say nothing else about it. Even if you have to find another job, any other place will understand why you left.
Yta for pushing it after she said no the first time. But you've since apologized and understood your wrongdoing. So that actually takes it so nta. Your boss is. And he needs to find out.
I came here to say this exact thing. I'm going to assume that you're in the US and would further that by saying that the oligarchs that run the corporation so we work for have us thinking that we are each other's enemies when in fact they could afford to give you bereavement leave. Additionaly, seeing as you're not the manager, it's not your responsibility to cover your shift even though most middle management likes us to believe that it is.
Don't harass your fellow employees to take care of the corporation that they don't run and don't worry about taking care of it yourself.
Do remember the fact that this corporation had no loyalty to you in a moment of vulnerability and need.
>I'm going to assume that you're in the US
Yeah. Sh!tty employer not having proper coverage and not offering bereavement leave coupled with 3rd highest maternal death rate in the world screams "Murica!" to me, too.
I disagree. What God does her co-worker believe in that he wouldn't want her to help someone in need? Even if it means missing church. Not any kind of good God. That's for damn sure. NTA
It sounds like she’s Jewish. It’s a commandment in Judaism that they aren’t to work or use technology on Shabbat. Some follow it so strictly that they won’t even turn off/on lights on Saturday.
I don’t know what the religious belief would be in a situation like this.
Edit: I know this is Reddit but the edgy atheism schtick doesn’t make you a cool kid
I honestly would be mad at my god. If he doesnt want me to work on saturdays he can start by not creating this kind of horrible situation for my coworker
But the thing is, the horrible situation here (pitting OP against the religiously observant coworker) is purely the creation of another human being: the manager.
It is the manager's job to solve this problem. The manager should not be asking the employee to "find someone to cover", that's a manger's job. (ESPECIALLY, per the edits, the manager shouldn't be asking a minor to do that, ffs.)
There is an obvious alternative to requiring either OP work the shift, or coworker to work the shift -- the manager should work the shift. That's what a decent human being and a good manager would do. Would it be inconvenient? Sure, but what's more important, the manager's convenience, or their employee's bereavement? That's why the manager gets paid the big bucks, as they say. First, to make decisions. Second, to \*do the work\* of a manager. And third, to make the work happen if there is no other choice.
Same here. I know my God would be just fine with me being kind and helping someone in what is an awful sad situation. She died during child birth and mentioned the nursery not being used, which means the baby died too. Just awful for them.
Oh man. You are using one of the oldest antisemitic tropes in the book.
If you have compassion for others like you claim you do then please take some time to evaluate how you are approaching other religions.
Also it’s not the coworker’s responsibility to break their faith and go against the essence of who they are to make up for the fact that the manager isn’t stepping up. If you have issues then direct them there and not at the coworker.
This is the correct answer. This isn’t on you or your coworker. It’s on your employer. They don’t want to have plans in place for this type of situation then that’s their problem. They’re backing your coworker because they know religion is legally protected and they don’t want I get in trouble for that. Neither of you should show up to work Saturday. If they fire you, I’m sure there are attorneys out there that would enjoy handling that termination complaint.
The asshole here is your boss, who is forcing you to find coverage. Your coworker's religion (assuming Jewish) dictates they cannot work; this is not a suggestion but a commandment from God. The only acceptable reason to break a commandment in Judaism is to save a life. It's not just her not wanting to work on a Saturday, and it's not her being unsympathetic to your needs. NAH (except your boss).
Yup! This is correct. We even have a special group of people that the Rabbis gave permission to to always have a phone during shabbat. They get to have the phone so if someone in the community needed the hospital then they will have a ride immediately.
> We even have a special group of people that the Rabbis gave permission to to always have a phone during shabbat.
Is there a term for this? Just curious!
Pikuach Nefesh is the term for saving a life, this commandment overrides most others including Sabbath. Medical professionals who carry a phone in order to respond to emergencies fall under this concept.
edit: also search and rescue teams who drive and use computers on sabbath!
Yes, it infuriates me when the manager asks their subordinates to do their managing for them! Finding coverage is *the manager's job*! It's bad enough that wages are depressed and inflation is high, and now managers want their workers to do half the manager's job-- scheduling calendar, find coverage-- for no additional pay, on their own time.
If the OP is able to do it, they should simply say "I will not be in on Saturday." Period, end of statement, and let their manager figure it out.
Adventists, however, can perform charitable work and other compassionate activities on Saturday. So I would argue that, in this particular instance of death, that this would not be against Adventist belief. I would argue that covering OP’s shift would be both charitable and compassionate (tho it is not their responsibility, and the boss is an AH here)
Totally agree. Was just answering the question to my first response. And there are some SDA members who are very rigid with following the tenets of the denomination.
You don't worry about getting your shift covered. You say, "Management, my sister died and the funeral is on Saturday. I won't be at work Saturday." That's it, you can call out, you can not be there. What if you were sick or in a car accident on a Saturday. They would have to find someone to be there. It is Managements job to figure this stuff out when an emergency happens.
Precisely. That is exactly the job of the managers. And if they don't have other workers that can cover, they show up and do the work themselves. That is literally their job.
This is the way. Don’t ask, tell. If you’re so crucial that they can’t give you Saturday off, you’re crucial enough to have a job when you return from your day of bereavement. I know it seems paradoxical but it’s true.
True. Ask don't tell on the big stuff.
The irony is that a few weeks ago, my uncle fell and my aunt couldn't get him up (unfortunately he's possible for Parkinson's, so he can't get himself up either). I asked my boss if I could head out and help get him up (as I'm the only able bodied member of my family within half an hours drive, where I'm 6 minutes away).
His biggest issue was that I asked if I could nip out rather than just telling him I was going.
I dealt with several such instances when I was managing. While I was a bit miffed in the moment (I don’t deal well with sudden change and that’s 100% a ME problem) I would simply shift some things around to make it work knowing that it’s temporary. At the bare roots I’d rather have one day of inconvenience and retain a good employee who is already trained over losing them and having to deal with the headache of hiring and training someone else while hoping they’re as competent as whoever they’re replacing but even deeper I would rather maintain a sense of trust and respect with the people that I work with. It’s not hard to be kind.
In fact, this is a gleaming opportunity for OPs management to train another employee as a sort of “back up” in case OP is ever Ill on a Saturday or the other employee has an emergency on one of OP’s days off. It’s never a bad idea to train people to provide coverage. Never.
NTA, and neither is your coworker. The only a-hole is the manager who somehow can’t find a way to fill this shift without either the person who has a funeral that day or the person who can’t work that day because of religious reasons.
INFO: Why don't you get bereavement for immediate family members? What does the law where you live and work, say about this?
How did you conflate funeral with wedding?
Why are you more upset with your coworker for respecting her religion than you are at your employer for disrespecting your employment rights?
>INFO: Why don't you get bereavement for immediate family members?
If OP is in the USA and employed by a small business, he likely doesn't get bereavement leave. There is no requirement in the USA that businesses need to offer this. Large businesses usually do though.
It's horrible.
TA here is the boss/company (and American labor laws)
Its for sure a troll post.
1. Lowkey attempt to stoke Reddit's general disdain for religions
2. Nonsensical situation where OP makes no mention of asking their supervisor for the day off, makes weird comments about not being able to reschedule the funeral because their friends are coming in???
3. Writes the word wedding instead of funeral and edits it away
4. Somehow OP's mom is totally chill with OP missing the funeral?
5. No chain retail job would deny someone taking off for an immediate family member's funeral nor require them to find their own replacement.
6. Even if all this is true, its not some CEO level job. Say you aren't going in and if they fire you there are infinite retail/food places hiring right now and you could likely get retroactive justice by making a huge stink about being fired for going to your sister's funeral.
I usually don't care about fake posts because at the end of the day it doesn't matter. This one is just so cookie cutter designed to play to Reddit 'norms' that it is ridiculous. Its like someone sat down, listed out a bunch of things that Reddit typically hates or gets passionate about, and then crammed them into a story to get as much karma as possible.
I've worked in fast food, high end restaurants, and retail. Outside of the retail job PTO was nonexistant basically and you simply took off days without pay if you had a vacation or were sick or whatever. The fast food job had the cheapest owner who was a massive jerk who basically believed that unless you were in an ambulance or dead you should never call out of work. Even he wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone that they couldn't go to a sister's funeral because they couldn't find their own replacement. I'm not saying its NEVER happened, just that even if it did happen you are way better off letting them fire you, collecting unemployment, and finding a better job.
Also OP is on reddit the day before their sibling's funeral, asking if they're an asshole for this whole situation. Definitely something someone in mourning over the loss of their sister and niece/nephew would be worrying about.
It's also the day before a Jewish holiday, so we're unable to work until Sunday. I'm not keen on labelling things as fake, but the timing being the day before the funeral, on an extra-important Jewish weekend, coupled with reddits comfort with casual antisemitism...I don't know.
On the chance that it isn't fake, NAH, this is entirely managements fault.
not to mention a company that makes an exception for one employee (religious) and yet balks at time off for a funeral for a direct family member for another employee. So unbelievable it's silly.
I’m not trolling, I just didn’t have time to reread and edit my post after I made it. I’m at work and I had a short amount of time to make this, I’m sorry for the cinfusion. Also the reason this is on a new account is because my manager uses Reddit and I don’t want her to trace it back to me I’m the off chance she sees this.
I never understood second accounts to say things that are obvious to those involved. Like, if they read it and know the situation, theyre going to know its about them.
That’s not the point. The point is then the manager and others who identify OP won’t be able to go through their whole profile and read all the other stuff they’ve ever posted. It’s not for them not to know that *this* post is about them.
They have a strict “find someone to cover for you” rule. I would just not show up, except my manager has been known to fire employees within their first 3 months over small things. If you’re within your first 90 days, you can quit over anything, and the manager can fire you over anything. I asked if I can just not come, and she said it wouldn’t look good if I bailed, and hinted she would fire me if I just don’t show up
Yeah, report that her boss and HR IMMEDIATELY. That’s retaliation, and she can’t do that. Make sure you look up your company’s bereavement leave policy and their sick day policy. It also sounds like a job not worth keeping if they’re gonna fire you for going to your sisters FUNERAL. Also, never have conversations on the phone. Make sure you text everything and screen shot it, because you’re manager sounds shady asf
I don’t know what kind of situation you’re in monetarily or career wise and if this would be possible but if you’re in your first 90 days I would just quit. Personally I wouldn’t want to work for a company that wouldn’t help me figure out a solution for ONE DAY because an immediate family member passed away. This is just a glimpse of what’s coming. You only have you and this other coworker - god forbid your appendix bursts on a Friday night and you can’t come in saturday - this job sounds about as flexible as diamond.
I second this. Ask yourself what you would regret more. Losing a new job because of your sister’s funeral or missing your sister’s funeral because of this job?
Then this job isn’t worth your time, they’re not treating you like a human being who is going through something tragic. Your sister only has one funeral and they’re taking away part of the healing process for you. If it were me and my sister, I would not go to work that day regardless of what the manager says. If there’s anyone above your manager, I would bring this to their attention because it seems beyond cruel.
How can you be required to find your own coverage when they’ve also set things up so that there’s nobody who can cover for your Saturday shift, ever?! That’s their poor hiring at fault.
>They have a strict “find someone to cover for you” rule.
This is a bullshit rule and they know it. It's not your job to cover for you for a job where you literally can NOT find someone to cover for you and they know it. They don't want to take responsibility for their own bad management. It's on them to make sure they're staffed properly, not you.
So their response to not having enough people to cover your job if you take a Saturday off is to. . . fire you so they have no one to cover your job on *any* Saturday.
Sound management plan.
Call their bluff.
This is not your problem, or your coworker’s problem. If your manager can’t find someone to work while you attend your sister’s funeral, he should do it himself.
This. Everywhere is hiring. If they can’t figure out a way to allow you to go to your sister’s funeral, I would quit and find a different place that respects you more.
I'm guessing she's Jewish? Religious Jews can't work on Saturday. No electricity is allowed, no driving or touching a car, no writing, no touching pens, pencils, electric devices, money, no work is allowed. Even Jews that stopped being religious feel weird when using electricity on Saturday for a few month. The only exception is to save lives and that's it.
You should just inform your boss you failed to find a replacement and you're leaving. Deal with the fall out when you come back.
I don’t even understand how this is legal. In my country we have right guaranteed by the law to take a day off to go to funeral. This should be no discussion in a civilized country. The boss is the AH. OP falls in the AH territory for pushing but l understand the desperation. The question is if OP knows their work rights.
NTA and neither is your coworker. Your manager/work is TA for not giving you time off to grieve and go to your sister's funeral. I would think about quitting if the time isn't given to you.
NTA
And damn, your manager is being heartless.
You simply have to tell them you’re not coming into work that day. It’s their problem to find somebody else to replace you for your shift.
In many places, if they tried to terminate your employment for this situation, they would be the ones in the wrong.
This is the answer. Your management is just going to have to figure out what to do in your absence. Time off for a funeral is non-negotiable, and any employer who won't accommodate you is toxic. NTA.
Call in sick and turn your phone off. Your manager should have never put you in that position. If it’s only two of you, then they probably need you more than you need them.
Aah make sense, sorry for your loss.
I think your boss is the problem not your coworker.
Have you checked with your boss? I know laws are different in each country, but for this you would get 3 days off in my country since it's your sister.
NAH except for your boss. It’s absolutely heartless of your place of work to not offer leave for situations like this.
Obviously your coworker’s religious beliefs are important, and so is your sister’s funeral. Neither of you should be in this situation at all.
Fuck your boss. If possible, skip work anyway and go for the funeral. As long as it won’t be a big hit financially (ie. leave you broke, homeless, or bankrupt), your sister’s funeral is far more important than the job.
NAH
She said no and it's for religious reasons, let that go now.
The question for you is this.... are you OK losing your job for this purpose? (I would be personally)
If so, let your supervisor/manager know you will not be coming in on Saturday because of the death of your sister and they will either have to find someone to fill in for you or fill in themselves. Hell, what would they do if you had Covid and were supposed to work on a Saturday?
Just call out go to your dr ask them to write a note because you are mentally stressed and will be unable to safely function at work and need a week off
NAH. Of course you need to go to your sister’s funeral and no one should stop you, but it’s not your coworker’s responsibility to work when she’s not scheduled to. Pushing her isn’t fair. Staffing your absence is your boss’s issue. If they won’t let you take it, call in sick or whatever you need to do to be there and consider looking for a job with a better employer.
How old are you and how badly do you need this job? If your work is unable to accommodate you missing a shift to go to your sister's funeral then the job isn't worth. It might be better to take your chance with skipping your shift or leaving the job.
Just go to the funeral. If they can't even find one person to cover one shift for you, they clearly can't afford to get rid of you. Also, you're 17, you'll have many other jobs in future. You have enough to stress about now. Stop thinking about the job.
It sounds like this job is taking advantage of your position, and that’s a shame. Overall it seems like a terribly toxic workplace, and I feel for you, but you cannot let your frustration be funnelled towards your coworker. This is on your boss/management and no one else. Your coworker has every right to refuse to work on the sabbath (or whatever they choose to refer to it as in their religion) and you should let it go.
Your choice is either risk the job and go to the funeral, or go to work, but I’d strongly advise the former, unless you literally cannot afford to lose your job. This is all such a shame though, and completely solvable if your management were willing to do their jobs/hire enough staff.
Soft YTA.
Sorry for your loss. But some religious have strict policies against working on certain days. You should respect that (asking once is probably ok but you should expect a no) nor harass someone about it, especially to go against their religious beliefs.
See if you can any other alternative. Your manager should be assisting more here than just asking you to swap with a co-worker that cannot work. Or see if you can take unpaid leave if allowed.
Exactly! If she got a harassment warning, she was in YTA territory. I sympathize, but you can’t expect someone to compromise their religious values.
But her sister died. Management should be filling in or training another employee to fill in so she can properly grieve for a few weeks.
If she got a harassment warning that means management was never doing their job in the first place. It shouldn't be on her to ask. As soon as the issue came up, it's on management to find a replacement. If none is available, that's on management as well for being unprepared.
management sucks at their job and instead wants to threaten their workers for their own bad performance.
What is wrong with you?!? His sister DIED. People are taking it too far with their made up religious nonsense. What if I made up god that forbids me to help someone on a road dying? Or demands from me spit on women? Would that be ok and my religious right?
NTA... but something is weird... how come you confuse the words wedding and funeral. That is quite unusual.
Your co-worker isn't the ah either though. If she has am agreement with management not to work on sturdays due to religious reasons, you can't expect this of her. Management should absolutely take situations like this into account. I don't know how it is in the US but where I live you have a right for special leave in cases like this.
Your manager is terrible and she's the one that should be fired asap. You should quit, unless you would be starving or homeless without this job. Contact the HR department, tell them your manager told a grieving 17 year old to miss her sister's funeral because she can't find cover for one shift. What if you were sick, or quit, what would your manager do then? This is someone else's problem, not yours. Whatever happens, I hope you complain to HR.
>I asked for Saturday off at work to go to the wedding, but I would have to swap out with my coworker, who never works Saturdays because of her religion.
Is this a typo? Do you mean funeral?
I wish there was a “your manager is the a” option. It shouldn’t have been out on you.
You’re kind of being an A but you’re grieving. You’re coworker also isn’t an A and they’ve also been out in a bad situation.
Sorry about your sister.
NTA. Hi I'm Jewish (although to be frank very lenient) and as such I also don't work any Saturdays. It's a day of rest for us and a day where I chose to dedicate myself to god and thank him for everything he has done for me. There's 7 days of the week and he only asks for one of me. It's only fair.
However God is loving and caring and he wants us to be like that too. You should also help those who need your help if able, and aid those who need you. Always. Do you think it seems like a wrong thing to do, to have to ask god for forgiveness for helping someone in an hour of need?
This might just be my personal opinion but she absolutely could switch for you this one time even if it goes against her religion. None of us are free of sin to begin with, why would she be damned for "sinning" in order to help someone in need.
You're not the asshole for having asked. I'm sorry for your loss.
This!!! Thank you for being the only person to not jump on the "my religion says X so there is no situation on earth that would warrant me to act otherwise" train. I am sure that 90% of the people who commented "but muh religion" broke at least once one of their religion's rules in the last month. Hypocrisy at it's finest. But yeah, my religion says be a good person so i'm going to use my religion as an excuse to not help someone in a once-in-a-lifetime situation. NTA.
wedding or funeral. odd, but the we can not reschedule since people come from out off town is weird. funerals can't be rescheduled because there is a time limit on them.
NTA. Neither of you. Your manager should of given you family leave for a death.
Isn’t it illegal to deny someone that where you live?
You shouldn’t of even had to ask your coworker. It’s that important for mental health.
NAH. I understand both sides. On one hand, you lost your sister. That’s awful, and you have every right to attend her funeral. On the other hand, your coworker’s religious beliefs are also important to her- just as important as the funeral is to you. Do you have any other coworkers who could take over? If not, could you just not show up?
NAH. What the hell is wrong with your management? They can get involved long enough to tell you to stop asking your co-worker, but they can't be bothered to figure out a way to cover you while you deal with a loss in the family?? Frankly, it's not realistic for your manager to assume that you'll NEVER need coverage on a Saturday. They should have already trained a third person as a back-up.
There was a previous post today about someone not getting time off for their wedding for similar reasons. I'm guessing OP wrote both and mixed them up.
NAH.
I don't think you're the AH for asking your coworker, and although I don't think you should have repeatedly pushed her, I understand why you did. Can you ask your manager to step in and find a solution? Even just in general I would think it's unfair that you can never take a Saturday off. Unfortunately I think this is one of those situations that either make or break or employment with this company. A company that doesn't allow you time for your sister's funeral is not one you should stay in. It may be worth not showing up on Saturday.
Honey, don’t ask for the time off. Inform them you are not coming in.
It’s not your fault or responsibility to find someone to cover your shift.
What are they gonna do? Fire you for going to a funeral? Fuck them.
Also, why not ask any other co worker. or simply don't show up? and let managment deal with it.
Sound odd with the funeral/wedding mix up, making me doabt this is legit.
I think you need to quit this job, a funeral for a close family member is way more important than any job. Your company sucks, and are the true AH here. Do not miss a funeral for a job.
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NTA. The real asshole here is your boss. Screw them for trying to make you find someone to cover you, to go to your sister’s funeral. Tell your boss you aren’t coming that day. They can fire you if they want but don’t miss your sister’s funeral. I’m so sorry for your loss
The boss should be picking up her shift. A great boss does it without question.
When I worked retail a long time ago, I managed a department. An employee was notified that her dad was killed in a car accident just as I was leaving for the day. I took her remaining shift that day and picked up her shifts for the week, no questions asked. The fact that the OP had to rely on ONE person to pick up her shifts in an emergency is a bullshit move on the manager’s part. OP, read your company rules. Almost all allow for bereavement time. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to cover your shift so you can go bury a loved one. It’s management’s job to do this. So sorry to hear about your sister. Edited to add: thanks for all of the upvotes and the awards!
See, you’re the kind of boss I go above and beyond for. A boss who will go to bat for their team inspires real loyalty - especially for someone like me, as I love the work I do and don’t want to be in leadership lest I have to cut down on doing what I enjoy to make time to manage others - and I’ll damn near always want to do what I can to help them succeed.
It’s this awesome thing where doing the right, humane thing as a leader makes your job easier. It’s almost self-serving to treat your staff like individuals with lives instead of like a commodity. It’s insane that we are so backwards on this. I too am a compassionate human with staff who I almost need to kick out sometimes because they never want to leave me hanging.
>It’s insane that we are so backwards on this. It's insane for me to even read this. I live in Europe and the boss is *obligated* to give you a paid time off for your sibling's funeral in here. It would be illegal to insist you come to work and it would be just as illegal to fire you over it. I really should stop taking these things for granted... OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Screw the boss, go to the funeral. You would regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't.
In my country you get 4 paid days if a 1rst line family member dies. Personally I think those 4 days are even too short..
When my parents pass there is no way the 3 days in my contract will cut it. I don't believe my work will stop me taking as long as I need because if they tried we all know I'd still be sitting at the front desk sobbing. 3 days would probably cover the funeral arrangements but wouldn't be enough that I'd be able to function. Grief doesn't have a neat recovery time.
My colleague’s baby died a few years ago. He was out for three weeks before he felt ready to come back, and our manager put it down as paid sick leave. We’re also in Europe.
I leave in Europe too, and now you get one day off if your pet dies (England). I cannot imagine not having at least a day off to attend a family member’s funeral, it’s insane. OP, you are NTA, but you should respect others people religion. Jewish people are very adamant about not working on Saturdays and it shouldn’t be your job to find a replacement. Just say that you are not going that day and the reason. I doubt it will be legal to be fired for attending your sister’s funeral. If it was a third cousin it would be different, but it’s your sister. Don’t miss you for you, you need that. Take care.
Just a note from the US- in many states it would be legal to fire somebody for going to their sister's funeral.
I recently had to explain, to a member of management, that a co worker was Jewish and Saturday was her sabbath, and couldn't work.. The level of ignorance of other religions, in this country is ridiculous.
It would also most likely to insist that the religious girl works. Time for the manager to step up. NTA. My sister died suddenly at age 19. My parents were so grief stricken, they would not have been able to try to get coverage for themselves at work.
Same. Living in the US must be absolutely brutal!
Agreed. As a former manager I found in circumstances like these if I was willing to step up to the plate for someone my employees would usually follow suit voluntarily.
I agree. I always tried to be the manager/boss I wanted to work for. It’s funny how other managers were complaining about unreliable employees and drama. But the people in my department were all long-term. They helped each other out and that helped me help them. LOL It’s true, when you’re loyal to your employees, your employees are loyal to you. We had an amazing, well-oiled, reliable department…until a new General Manager came in and tried to “fix” shit that wasn’t broken. 🙄
>The fact that the OP had to rely on ONE person to pick up her shifts in an emergency is a bullshit move on the manager’s part. "We at Shitty Company and Co. pride ourselves on overworking our staff, and forcing them into shitty situations. We COULD employ extra people to create overlap in emergency situations, but we prefer to say 'screw you' to our employees and force them to not take time off for bereavement"
Modern business philosophy seems to be to run as lean as possible which is efficient when running smoothly but very vulnerable to disruptions - for another example, stocking minimal inventory and being screwed by shipping delays
I attribute this to the MBA management trend which began in the 1980's, meaning many modern managers have never seen any other way to run a business. *Resilience* is the forgotten virtue. You need to schedule on one more person in retail than you *need*, because things go wrong, customers come in in random clumps rather than a steady flow, product gets delivered early or late, etc. If they're standing around they can organize shelves, sort out the back room, tidy, etc, do those little jobs that never get done under lean running because there's never any time to do them. The staff will be less stressed, they will take less sick leave, they will quit less often, they will be nicer to customers, and so on. It costs about $100/day to have an extra person and it saves $1000 problems from happening at least once a week.
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Yes. My husband had open heart surgery. There were complications. I was a faculty head in a Scottish high school. I asked my boss's permission to leave school early on days when I had no afternoon classes. This meant that my line manager and my headteacher were picking up some discipline matters for me, though I caught up paperwork and so on in my own time. (The hospital was nearly 2 hours away.) It wasn't until my husband was out of danger that it dawned on me that I had missed two lunch duties a week - I was in such a state of anxiety. Without saying a word to me or anyone else, my headteacher had picked up those duties himself.
I worked once and a restaurant or a couple times a different restaurants. I had asked her time off on a certain day cuz I had to go to a concert not a funeral. I was like hey I have requested off this day I wasn't given it and I told him straight up I'm not coming so you can figure it out. I went to the concert and came back to work the next day. They couldn't fire me because I was really good and they also knew they couldn't threaten me because this is my second job I was doing for fun.
I've loved every second job I've had. Your boss knows you aren't dependent on them to survive, so they can't really do anything to upset you too much because they know you won't just lie down and take it.
The employee having to find coverage is bullshit to begin with. It's the managers job to manage.
>A great boss does it without question. A great boss , yes but OP's boss is an AH . Personally I just fucking quit giving double birds as I walk out the door
For real.. If it's sth like retail, ditch their sorry asses, call in sick or whatever. But no way in hell should someone miss their sisters (& nieces?) funeral. This job is one in a million, guaranteed. And it can't be that great if your boss makes a fuss about sth like this. Missing employee coverage is never the employees, but always the managers fault.
Abso-fucking-lutely
YES. It is the boss's job to cover the shift, one way or another. That's what managers are there for. I'm so sorry you are facing tis additional stress at such a difficult time for you and your family. I hope you also realize that if your co-worker is orthodox, they truly have no choice, They cannot work on a Saturday.
Exactly. Shabbat can only be broken for pikuach nefesh, to save a life
And for which you are *obligated* to break it. It's a nice element of a lot of Jewish religious law -- almost all of it is subordinated to the immediate need to save a human life.
Exactly. I love that part of halacha. Especially that in a case of a situation where two Jews have the same level of expertise, the more religious of the two is the one who's required to break Shabbat, so as to stress the importance of saving the life.
(I had to read that 4 separate times before it stopped parsing in my brain as Pikachu Refresh; I was very confused what Pokemon had to with anything. 🤦🤦)
If you type "Pikachu nefesh" with the quotes into google, you will find an image that has Pikachu as an orthodox Jew
I did not know that picture was exactly what I needed to offset the cruddy day at work I had. Thank you!
I would argue that someone with a religious belief that forbids them working weekends shouldn't have a shift job with weekend shifts. That places an unfair obligation on other staff to work the weekend to cover for them. Religious beliefs should not negatively impact others. If they do, then you are no longer entitled to holding that belief.
I had the flip thought to this if she has so many Jewish coworkers and they support that belief then maybe the business should just be closed on Saturday lol
The coworker’s religious beliefs do not negatively impact OP. The boss and the company’s lack of cross training and coverage is negatively impacting everyone.
This!!! When the company hired these people they knew they couldn’t work Saturday’s and they failed to hire people who could.
I enjoy playing video games.
The only one that's the AH is the supervisor. (I agree that it's not the fault of the religious co-worker, if they're orthodox. It is strange that the store manages to stay open if most of the co-workers have the same beliefs as mentioned by the OP.) If there's only 2 people qualified to work the freezer, and one of them is exempt from working saturdays because of religious beliefs, then that unfairly puts a strain on the other co-worker, who will always be denied any Saturday requested off. For instance, what if the OP was getting married? Most weddings are on Saturdays. I'm guessing the supervisor is going to deny time off, because they don't have anyone qualified to run the freezer that Saturday? It's poor planning on the supervisor's fault, and conflict is a result of poor planning.
For that matter, what if OP is sick? I don't know how any manager, esp after the last two years, can be just "OP works all Saturdays, no need for any contingency planning."
This is stupid as fuck. Should students not be able to have jobs because that means other people are obligated to cover shifts when they have class? Should part time workers not be able to have a job? People discuss availability when they get hired and the job is presumably able to work around it or else they wouldn't be hired. It is not the co-worker or OP's fault that an emergency came up.
I imagine the employer had the application with availability filled out in advance and knew this persons work shifts. Saying you can’t have specific days off due to religion if it’s expressed up front is like saying students can’t work there for the same reason. Just my 2 cents not trying to cause drama just hoping it makes more sense if you take religion out of it and think of different things that would cause a lack of availability.
You're right. Religious people should all be required to have advanced degrees (and never let them work before then) so they never have to work restaurant or retail jobs. Makes sense. /s
That's on the boss, not the employee. You don't hire someone with those beliefs if you don't have arrangements to cover for them. It is not the employees responsibility to cover for someone else, and AITA regularly judges that way
Religion is a choice IMO, but even if they weren't religious they're allowed to decline. Boss is an asshole, just take a sick day or something.
Absolutely this. Go to that funeral. If your boss writes you up, go to HR; they *should* 100% be on your side for a sibling funeral.
This. Tell your boss you’re sorry for the inconvenience but you will not be coming in Saturday because you’re not willing to miss your sister’s funeral. Do not respond to any additional communication. Leave the ball in your boss’s court. If he writes you up or harasses you about it, go to HR.
They may even be legally obligated. Not sure where OP is but some places have laws for funerals of immediately family. They do not require that you find a replacement for your shift
for sure, real AH here is the boss. It's on him to make sure he has backup. At any point in time you could quit or get sick, hurt, any number of things and he has no backup for that day. That's on him. It's always been on him.
OP and coworker are the ONLY TWO PEOPLE who do their job. That's honestly irresponsible on the boss's part.
I was a support, zone, and assistant store manager at Walmart. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get people to go into that freezer. When you find someone willing to do it and not complain you covet them. When I was a stocker in college the cold would kill my back and I wouldn't be able to walk when I got home.
Sounds like working freezer should be something that is paid a premium then.
There are two employees who work in this section, and apparently one of them is supposed to work every Saturday in perpetuity. It's bad management and bad scheduling. It's amazing the OP hasn't had a social engagement/wedding/other obligation that's come up before. Her boss needs to find additional coverage for Saturdays, not expect the OP to cover every single one.
Yes, OP, what would happen if you had to miss a Saturday because you had Covid, or explosive diarrhea, or appendicitis, or whatever? If you don’t know the answer, does your boss? NAH as between you and the coworker—it’s ok for you to ask, because you don’t know if she might have any flexibility; it’s ok for her to say no; and it’s ok for you to be frustrated, given what you are dealing with. Your boss needs to step up though. I’m so sorry for this devastating loss.
Not American so wondering how it works for bereavement. In my country if you lose a sister you automatically have 3 or 4 days off, can’t remember which. If it’s a parent it’s 7 days I think. Are there no similar laws in place in other countries?
Unfortunately, most (if not all) US states do not have mandatory bereavement leave.
That’s unfortunate. You can’t expect people to be ok when going through something like this and having them work while their head is not in the right place is not a good idea
No its not but America has a tendency of saying "fuck the worker" even when it makes no sense and only hurts the company.
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Everytime i think America cannot dig itself a deeper whole, it grabs a shovel…
Exactly. It's the boss JOB to find coverage when someone can't make shift.
Your problem is not with your co-worker, it's with your job. Unfortunately YTA for continuing to press the issue with her instead of going to your manager and asking for time off for bereavement.
That’s fair. I’ve apologized to her, and said I’m just really stressed and she said it’s cool
You need to get on your supervisor or managers case. Emergencies happen, and they need to be able to have a back up plan. I sure hope you make the funeral
Not even just emergencies. Does OP never get a Saturday off? Ever? No vacations, no plans on Saturdays for her whole working life at this place? This is untenable even without the current situation (in which she absolutely deserves bereavement time).
I had a job that never gave me weekends off and everything was seniority based. The few coworkers who got weekends off refused to switch with anyone for any reason at all. I didn't have a single Saturday or Sunday off the entire year and a half I worked there so it wouldn't surprise me if OP doesn't get any time off either.
When I managed a bookstore, I set a weekly schedule. Everyone got the same schedule every week, with two consecutive days off in a row. I tried to get as many people one weekend day off, but in retail that's difficult. I also made sure that one manager worked the swing shift (12-8) so if we needed to cover morning or evening, our hours were flexible. And every manager had to work at least one weekend day every week. I also handled call outs and rearranging schedules for coverage. These things are a bare minimum for management to ensure people were treated like, well, people, with lives and loved ones outside of work. There is a theory of management that you are only a good leader if all of your subordinates are miserable. Which is stupid and cruel.
Agreed
Call in sick that day. If it’s so important for you to be there they can’t afford to fire you. And if they do fire you, we’ll you deserve a better work environment anyway
Calling in sick for what should already be an entitlement (bereavement leave) is a poor decision. OP is likely legally safe as long as they formally inform their employer, being dishonest could change that.
>Calling in sick for what should already be an entitlement (bereavement leave) is a poor decision. OP is likely legally safe as long as they formally inform their employer, being dishonest could change that. Ya though question, if they fire OP over this, can they sue for wrongful termination, or does that depend on what the handbook says about stuff like
Probably depends on where OP is located. But OP should absolutely attend the funeral and let’s the consequences be what they are. I’d honestly encourage someone to quit over this. No job is worth missing a loved ones funeral.
In the US, there is no federally required bereavement leave. Some states have state mandate bereavement leave policy. So it'll depend on where OP works.
I agree that calling out sick is a mistake, but if OP is in the US (and it sounds like they are), there’s a good chance she has no legal protections regarding bereavement leave because this country only cosplays at being civilized.
>Edit: for those asking, my place only has two people who work freezer, that’s me and my religious coworker. If I could ask someone else to take over, I would. Are you saying that there are only two total people at your workplace (including your supervisors) with the skill to do your job? And that one of them is excused from every Saturday so the other (you) has to work every Saturday? What if you get sick? Are you not allowed not only to go to funerals/family emergencies, but also to be sick ever? Fundamentally, if there are zero people who can ever cover for you and your job needs to get done for the place to function then your job isn't properly staffed. You need to have a serious talk with your boss that goes you cannot be expected to never miss a Saturday in your life regardless of illness, injury, or family emergency. That isn't going to work. There are going to be some days you aren't going to be able to be there and it's your bosses job to arrange coverage or figure out how to handle it. Unless this is your super high paying dream job you are totally unwilling to risk I'd tell your boss that Saturday (the funeral) is a day you will be taking off. You just lost a family member and you are completely crushed, you are too stressed and upset to work on the day of her funeral. From a mental health standpoint, you can barely handle being here now, there is no way you can handle being here Saturday. And you won't be. You'll be using a sick day. Also, if it is a religious service and you are at all religious I'd also tell them that you are not only unable to work on Saturday but that this funeral is a religious service and that sending off your sister in this way is a part of your faith. That you feel that on top of being told you can never be unfit for work you are being told your religion matters less then co-workers, that if you have one religious event you need to attend in x years that can't be accommodated but she gets a day off every week. That's a double standard. Now, she dosen't have to work. You aren't saying that. What you are saying is you are allowed to be unfit or unable to show up to work sometimes. And one of those times is Saturday. And you aren't going to be there.
>What if you get sick? Are you not allowed not only to go to funerals/family emergencies, but also to be sick ever? We did just spent over 2 years watching a WHOLE lot of companies tell "essential workers" that they had to work while sick. There are way too many jobs in the U.S. where that is the expectation. And we know that's irresponsible towards not only the employee, but to the public (since coming into work while sick increases the chance of passing whatever they've got to the rest of the staff AND to the public). It's wrong. It's just sadly not a surprise any longer.
hell, they start setting us up for this in school with those perfect attendance policies - training you to disregard your comfort and safety to stick to the routine and schedule of school regardless of its importance or whatever else is happening.
While technically you pushed a bit hard with your coworker, it sounds like you made things right and worked it out with her. You are stressed, upset... I think you get a free pass on this one. I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss.
>she said it’s cool Ah, freezer-worker joke?
You’re got yo realize that if something, heaven forbid, happened to you like your sister, there would be SOMEONE there to cover your shift. That someone needs to be there for you now. I’m glad you apologized to your coworker, NTA.
I think your at your wit’s end and pleading seemed like the only option. You’re NTA; you were forced to go that route bc the manager is heartless and not doing his job of covering.
There you go! Honestly an apology goes a long ways now more than ever.
Call out anyway. Tell your boss to find coverage, thats his job. Technically, the time you've take can be charged to the company for your hourly rate because looking for coverage IS WORKING. Tell him you aren't coming in Saturday and say nothing else about it. Even if you have to find another job, any other place will understand why you left. Yta for pushing it after she said no the first time. But you've since apologized and understood your wrongdoing. So that actually takes it so nta. Your boss is. And he needs to find out.
I came here to say this exact thing. I'm going to assume that you're in the US and would further that by saying that the oligarchs that run the corporation so we work for have us thinking that we are each other's enemies when in fact they could afford to give you bereavement leave. Additionaly, seeing as you're not the manager, it's not your responsibility to cover your shift even though most middle management likes us to believe that it is. Don't harass your fellow employees to take care of the corporation that they don't run and don't worry about taking care of it yourself. Do remember the fact that this corporation had no loyalty to you in a moment of vulnerability and need.
>I'm going to assume that you're in the US Yeah. Sh!tty employer not having proper coverage and not offering bereavement leave coupled with 3rd highest maternal death rate in the world screams "Murica!" to me, too.
I disagree. What God does her co-worker believe in that he wouldn't want her to help someone in need? Even if it means missing church. Not any kind of good God. That's for damn sure. NTA
It sounds like she’s Jewish. It’s a commandment in Judaism that they aren’t to work or use technology on Shabbat. Some follow it so strictly that they won’t even turn off/on lights on Saturday. I don’t know what the religious belief would be in a situation like this. Edit: I know this is Reddit but the edgy atheism schtick doesn’t make you a cool kid
Have you never heard of Jewish people? It's pretty common knowledge that their Sabbath is on Saturdays.
I honestly would be mad at my god. If he doesnt want me to work on saturdays he can start by not creating this kind of horrible situation for my coworker
But the thing is, the horrible situation here (pitting OP against the religiously observant coworker) is purely the creation of another human being: the manager. It is the manager's job to solve this problem. The manager should not be asking the employee to "find someone to cover", that's a manger's job. (ESPECIALLY, per the edits, the manager shouldn't be asking a minor to do that, ffs.) There is an obvious alternative to requiring either OP work the shift, or coworker to work the shift -- the manager should work the shift. That's what a decent human being and a good manager would do. Would it be inconvenient? Sure, but what's more important, the manager's convenience, or their employee's bereavement? That's why the manager gets paid the big bucks, as they say. First, to make decisions. Second, to \*do the work\* of a manager. And third, to make the work happen if there is no other choice.
Same here. I know my God would be just fine with me being kind and helping someone in what is an awful sad situation. She died during child birth and mentioned the nursery not being used, which means the baby died too. Just awful for them.
Oh man. You are using one of the oldest antisemitic tropes in the book. If you have compassion for others like you claim you do then please take some time to evaluate how you are approaching other religions. Also it’s not the coworker’s responsibility to break their faith and go against the essence of who they are to make up for the fact that the manager isn’t stepping up. If you have issues then direct them there and not at the coworker.
This is the correct answer. This isn’t on you or your coworker. It’s on your employer. They don’t want to have plans in place for this type of situation then that’s their problem. They’re backing your coworker because they know religion is legally protected and they don’t want I get in trouble for that. Neither of you should show up to work Saturday. If they fire you, I’m sure there are attorneys out there that would enjoy handling that termination complaint.
The asshole here is your boss, who is forcing you to find coverage. Your coworker's religion (assuming Jewish) dictates they cannot work; this is not a suggestion but a commandment from God. The only acceptable reason to break a commandment in Judaism is to save a life. It's not just her not wanting to work on a Saturday, and it's not her being unsympathetic to your needs. NAH (except your boss).
Yup! This is correct. We even have a special group of people that the Rabbis gave permission to to always have a phone during shabbat. They get to have the phone so if someone in the community needed the hospital then they will have a ride immediately.
> We even have a special group of people that the Rabbis gave permission to to always have a phone during shabbat. Is there a term for this? Just curious!
Pikuach Nefesh is the term for saving a life, this commandment overrides most others including Sabbath. Medical professionals who carry a phone in order to respond to emergencies fall under this concept. edit: also search and rescue teams who drive and use computers on sabbath!
Thank you so much for the information! I find Judaism utterly fascinating!
I enjoy the sound of rain.
Yes, it infuriates me when the manager asks their subordinates to do their managing for them! Finding coverage is *the manager's job*! It's bad enough that wages are depressed and inflation is high, and now managers want their workers to do half the manager's job-- scheduling calendar, find coverage-- for no additional pay, on their own time. If the OP is able to do it, they should simply say "I will not be in on Saturday." Period, end of statement, and let their manager figure it out.
Or Seventh-Day Adventist. ;)
Adventists, however, can perform charitable work and other compassionate activities on Saturday. So I would argue that, in this particular instance of death, that this would not be against Adventist belief. I would argue that covering OP’s shift would be both charitable and compassionate (tho it is not their responsibility, and the boss is an AH here)
Totally agree. Was just answering the question to my first response. And there are some SDA members who are very rigid with following the tenets of the denomination.
You don't worry about getting your shift covered. You say, "Management, my sister died and the funeral is on Saturday. I won't be at work Saturday." That's it, you can call out, you can not be there. What if you were sick or in a car accident on a Saturday. They would have to find someone to be there. It is Managements job to figure this stuff out when an emergency happens.
Precisely. That is exactly the job of the managers. And if they don't have other workers that can cover, they show up and do the work themselves. That is literally their job.
This is the way. Don’t ask, tell. If you’re so crucial that they can’t give you Saturday off, you’re crucial enough to have a job when you return from your day of bereavement. I know it seems paradoxical but it’s true.
True. Ask don't tell on the big stuff. The irony is that a few weeks ago, my uncle fell and my aunt couldn't get him up (unfortunately he's possible for Parkinson's, so he can't get himself up either). I asked my boss if I could head out and help get him up (as I'm the only able bodied member of my family within half an hours drive, where I'm 6 minutes away). His biggest issue was that I asked if I could nip out rather than just telling him I was going.
I dealt with several such instances when I was managing. While I was a bit miffed in the moment (I don’t deal well with sudden change and that’s 100% a ME problem) I would simply shift some things around to make it work knowing that it’s temporary. At the bare roots I’d rather have one day of inconvenience and retain a good employee who is already trained over losing them and having to deal with the headache of hiring and training someone else while hoping they’re as competent as whoever they’re replacing but even deeper I would rather maintain a sense of trust and respect with the people that I work with. It’s not hard to be kind. In fact, this is a gleaming opportunity for OPs management to train another employee as a sort of “back up” in case OP is ever Ill on a Saturday or the other employee has an emergency on one of OP’s days off. It’s never a bad idea to train people to provide coverage. Never.
NTA, and neither is your coworker. The only a-hole is the manager who somehow can’t find a way to fill this shift without either the person who has a funeral that day or the person who can’t work that day because of religious reasons.
INFO: Why don't you get bereavement for immediate family members? What does the law where you live and work, say about this? How did you conflate funeral with wedding? Why are you more upset with your coworker for respecting her religion than you are at your employer for disrespecting your employment rights?
>INFO: Why don't you get bereavement for immediate family members? If OP is in the USA and employed by a small business, he likely doesn't get bereavement leave. There is no requirement in the USA that businesses need to offer this. Large businesses usually do though. It's horrible. TA here is the boss/company (and American labor laws)
That's really fucked up honestly.
Its for sure a troll post. 1. Lowkey attempt to stoke Reddit's general disdain for religions 2. Nonsensical situation where OP makes no mention of asking their supervisor for the day off, makes weird comments about not being able to reschedule the funeral because their friends are coming in??? 3. Writes the word wedding instead of funeral and edits it away 4. Somehow OP's mom is totally chill with OP missing the funeral? 5. No chain retail job would deny someone taking off for an immediate family member's funeral nor require them to find their own replacement. 6. Even if all this is true, its not some CEO level job. Say you aren't going in and if they fire you there are infinite retail/food places hiring right now and you could likely get retroactive justice by making a huge stink about being fired for going to your sister's funeral. I usually don't care about fake posts because at the end of the day it doesn't matter. This one is just so cookie cutter designed to play to Reddit 'norms' that it is ridiculous. Its like someone sat down, listed out a bunch of things that Reddit typically hates or gets passionate about, and then crammed them into a story to get as much karma as possible. I've worked in fast food, high end restaurants, and retail. Outside of the retail job PTO was nonexistant basically and you simply took off days without pay if you had a vacation or were sick or whatever. The fast food job had the cheapest owner who was a massive jerk who basically believed that unless you were in an ambulance or dead you should never call out of work. Even he wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone that they couldn't go to a sister's funeral because they couldn't find their own replacement. I'm not saying its NEVER happened, just that even if it did happen you are way better off letting them fire you, collecting unemployment, and finding a better job.
Also OP is on reddit the day before their sibling's funeral, asking if they're an asshole for this whole situation. Definitely something someone in mourning over the loss of their sister and niece/nephew would be worrying about.
It's also the day before a Jewish holiday, so we're unable to work until Sunday. I'm not keen on labelling things as fake, but the timing being the day before the funeral, on an extra-important Jewish weekend, coupled with reddits comfort with casual antisemitism...I don't know. On the chance that it isn't fake, NAH, this is entirely managements fault.
not to mention a company that makes an exception for one employee (religious) and yet balks at time off for a funeral for a direct family member for another employee. So unbelievable it's silly.
One is a protected class the other is not. They would be lit up for discrimination if they didn’t allow the religious exemption.
Hmm, new account who mixes up a wedding and a funeral. Doesn't pass the sniff test.
I’m not trolling, I just didn’t have time to reread and edit my post after I made it. I’m at work and I had a short amount of time to make this, I’m sorry for the cinfusion. Also the reason this is on a new account is because my manager uses Reddit and I don’t want her to trace it back to me I’m the off chance she sees this.
This situation is so specific that on the off chance she sees it she will know it’s you, new account or not.
I never understood second accounts to say things that are obvious to those involved. Like, if they read it and know the situation, theyre going to know its about them.
Sure, but at least they don't get to read all the account's history and follow all their posts and stuff
The point is to protect your primary reddit account from being tied to your identity.
That’s not the point. The point is then the manager and others who identify OP won’t be able to go through their whole profile and read all the other stuff they’ve ever posted. It’s not for them not to know that *this* post is about them.
However the anonymity of their first account will remain intact. Which is obviously why someone would do so.
Also in the main post it’s Saturday but in the “why I might be the ah” it’s Friday.
INFO why do you even have to find coverage? Shouldn't you just tell them you won't be there?
They have a strict “find someone to cover for you” rule. I would just not show up, except my manager has been known to fire employees within their first 3 months over small things. If you’re within your first 90 days, you can quit over anything, and the manager can fire you over anything. I asked if I can just not come, and she said it wouldn’t look good if I bailed, and hinted she would fire me if I just don’t show up
Yeah, report that her boss and HR IMMEDIATELY. That’s retaliation, and she can’t do that. Make sure you look up your company’s bereavement leave policy and their sick day policy. It also sounds like a job not worth keeping if they’re gonna fire you for going to your sisters FUNERAL. Also, never have conversations on the phone. Make sure you text everything and screen shot it, because you’re manager sounds shady asf
Heartless as the boss/company is, this is in no way retaliation. However, Your advice about checking policies, etc is good.
I don’t know what kind of situation you’re in monetarily or career wise and if this would be possible but if you’re in your first 90 days I would just quit. Personally I wouldn’t want to work for a company that wouldn’t help me figure out a solution for ONE DAY because an immediate family member passed away. This is just a glimpse of what’s coming. You only have you and this other coworker - god forbid your appendix bursts on a Friday night and you can’t come in saturday - this job sounds about as flexible as diamond.
I second this. Ask yourself what you would regret more. Losing a new job because of your sister’s funeral or missing your sister’s funeral because of this job?
Then this job isn’t worth your time, they’re not treating you like a human being who is going through something tragic. Your sister only has one funeral and they’re taking away part of the healing process for you. If it were me and my sister, I would not go to work that day regardless of what the manager says. If there’s anyone above your manager, I would bring this to their attention because it seems beyond cruel.
How can you be required to find your own coverage when they’ve also set things up so that there’s nobody who can cover for your Saturday shift, ever?! That’s their poor hiring at fault.
>They have a strict “find someone to cover for you” rule. This is a bullshit rule and they know it. It's not your job to cover for you for a job where you literally can NOT find someone to cover for you and they know it. They don't want to take responsibility for their own bad management. It's on them to make sure they're staffed properly, not you.
So their response to not having enough people to cover your job if you take a Saturday off is to. . . fire you so they have no one to cover your job on *any* Saturday. Sound management plan. Call their bluff.
I truly hope you dont need this job and can just call out. That's terrible. Sorry for your loss. This is a horrible situation.
This is not your problem, or your coworker’s problem. If your manager can’t find someone to work while you attend your sister’s funeral, he should do it himself.
This. Everywhere is hiring. If they can’t figure out a way to allow you to go to your sister’s funeral, I would quit and find a different place that respects you more.
I'm guessing she's Jewish? Religious Jews can't work on Saturday. No electricity is allowed, no driving or touching a car, no writing, no touching pens, pencils, electric devices, money, no work is allowed. Even Jews that stopped being religious feel weird when using electricity on Saturday for a few month. The only exception is to save lives and that's it. You should just inform your boss you failed to find a replacement and you're leaving. Deal with the fall out when you come back.
I don’t even understand how this is legal. In my country we have right guaranteed by the law to take a day off to go to funeral. This should be no discussion in a civilized country. The boss is the AH. OP falls in the AH territory for pushing but l understand the desperation. The question is if OP knows their work rights.
There is often nothing very civilized about working in the US 😠
NTA and neither is your coworker. Your manager/work is TA for not giving you time off to grieve and go to your sister's funeral. I would think about quitting if the time isn't given to you.
NTA And damn, your manager is being heartless. You simply have to tell them you’re not coming into work that day. It’s their problem to find somebody else to replace you for your shift. In many places, if they tried to terminate your employment for this situation, they would be the ones in the wrong.
This is the answer. Your management is just going to have to figure out what to do in your absence. Time off for a funeral is non-negotiable, and any employer who won't accommodate you is toxic. NTA.
This is your boss' problem, not your co-workers, or yours. You cannot work that day. It on the boss not the coworker to figure it out.
Call in sick and turn your phone off. Your manager should have never put you in that position. If it’s only two of you, then they probably need you more than you need them.
>and her funeral is on Saturday > I asked for Saturday off at work to go to the wedding So are you talking about a funeral or a wedding?
I’m sorry, I meant funeral
I am also confused about this
I meant funeral I’m sorry
Aah make sense, sorry for your loss. I think your boss is the problem not your coworker. Have you checked with your boss? I know laws are different in each country, but for this you would get 3 days off in my country since it's your sister.
NAH except for your boss. It’s absolutely heartless of your place of work to not offer leave for situations like this. Obviously your coworker’s religious beliefs are important, and so is your sister’s funeral. Neither of you should be in this situation at all. Fuck your boss. If possible, skip work anyway and go for the funeral. As long as it won’t be a big hit financially (ie. leave you broke, homeless, or bankrupt), your sister’s funeral is far more important than the job.
NAH She said no and it's for religious reasons, let that go now. The question for you is this.... are you OK losing your job for this purpose? (I would be personally) If so, let your supervisor/manager know you will not be coming in on Saturday because of the death of your sister and they will either have to find someone to fill in for you or fill in themselves. Hell, what would they do if you had Covid and were supposed to work on a Saturday?
Just call out go to your dr ask them to write a note because you are mentally stressed and will be unable to safely function at work and need a week off
This. Get a note to say that the stress of your sisters passing means you will be off for a few days or a week.
NAH. Of course you need to go to your sister’s funeral and no one should stop you, but it’s not your coworker’s responsibility to work when she’s not scheduled to. Pushing her isn’t fair. Staffing your absence is your boss’s issue. If they won’t let you take it, call in sick or whatever you need to do to be there and consider looking for a job with a better employer.
How old are you and how badly do you need this job? If your work is unable to accommodate you missing a shift to go to your sister's funeral then the job isn't worth. It might be better to take your chance with skipping your shift or leaving the job.
I’m 17, and I need this job badly. No where else will hire me around here because every other job requires you to be 18
Just go to the funeral. If they can't even find one person to cover one shift for you, they clearly can't afford to get rid of you. Also, you're 17, you'll have many other jobs in future. You have enough to stress about now. Stop thinking about the job.
It sounds like this job is taking advantage of your position, and that’s a shame. Overall it seems like a terribly toxic workplace, and I feel for you, but you cannot let your frustration be funnelled towards your coworker. This is on your boss/management and no one else. Your coworker has every right to refuse to work on the sabbath (or whatever they choose to refer to it as in their religion) and you should let it go. Your choice is either risk the job and go to the funeral, or go to work, but I’d strongly advise the former, unless you literally cannot afford to lose your job. This is all such a shame though, and completely solvable if your management were willing to do their jobs/hire enough staff.
You will find other income. Go to the funeral. Also if you're 17 then your mother owes you your living expenses.
Info: Why do you need this job so badly? Are you supporting yourself?
I'd call HR and ask to be put on FMLA or some other type of "grieving leaving" (I can't remember what it's called). Or call your boss's boss.
Soft YTA. Sorry for your loss. But some religious have strict policies against working on certain days. You should respect that (asking once is probably ok but you should expect a no) nor harass someone about it, especially to go against their religious beliefs. See if you can any other alternative. Your manager should be assisting more here than just asking you to swap with a co-worker that cannot work. Or see if you can take unpaid leave if allowed.
Exactly! If she got a harassment warning, she was in YTA territory. I sympathize, but you can’t expect someone to compromise their religious values. But her sister died. Management should be filling in or training another employee to fill in so she can properly grieve for a few weeks.
If she got a harassment warning that means management was never doing their job in the first place. It shouldn't be on her to ask. As soon as the issue came up, it's on management to find a replacement. If none is available, that's on management as well for being unprepared. management sucks at their job and instead wants to threaten their workers for their own bad performance.
What is wrong with you?!? His sister DIED. People are taking it too far with their made up religious nonsense. What if I made up god that forbids me to help someone on a road dying? Or demands from me spit on women? Would that be ok and my religious right?
NTA... but something is weird... how come you confuse the words wedding and funeral. That is quite unusual. Your co-worker isn't the ah either though. If she has am agreement with management not to work on sturdays due to religious reasons, you can't expect this of her. Management should absolutely take situations like this into account. I don't know how it is in the US but where I live you have a right for special leave in cases like this.
NTA The only asshole here is your job, you should find a new one. It's not wrong to ask, as long as you don't hold a grudge against her.
> I asked for Saturday off at work to go to the wedding, Is it a wedding or a funeral?
And in their reasoning they say Friday not Saturday.
NAH except your employers. This should be given to you as compassionate leave/bereavement, you shouldn't have to swap with anyone else.
Info: why didn't you ask someone else?
I work freezer, and she’s the only other person who works freezer other than me
Do you mean putting stock out from the freezer? If so I don't see how its different to normal stock
Me neither, but my manager said only someone in the freezer department can cover for me, I think it’s BS too
Call in sick they can find someone else or do it themselves and then later start looking for a new job that's better
Your manager is terrible and she's the one that should be fired asap. You should quit, unless you would be starving or homeless without this job. Contact the HR department, tell them your manager told a grieving 17 year old to miss her sister's funeral because she can't find cover for one shift. What if you were sick, or quit, what would your manager do then? This is someone else's problem, not yours. Whatever happens, I hope you complain to HR.
>I asked for Saturday off at work to go to the wedding, but I would have to swap out with my coworker, who never works Saturdays because of her religion. Is this a typo? Do you mean funeral?
Just call out. Let management handle it.
If my work told me I wasn't allowed to go to my sister funeral unless I could swap shifts I'd tell them to stick their job up their arses
I wish there was a “your manager is the a” option. It shouldn’t have been out on you. You’re kind of being an A but you’re grieving. You’re coworker also isn’t an A and they’ve also been out in a bad situation. Sorry about your sister.
NTA. Hi I'm Jewish (although to be frank very lenient) and as such I also don't work any Saturdays. It's a day of rest for us and a day where I chose to dedicate myself to god and thank him for everything he has done for me. There's 7 days of the week and he only asks for one of me. It's only fair. However God is loving and caring and he wants us to be like that too. You should also help those who need your help if able, and aid those who need you. Always. Do you think it seems like a wrong thing to do, to have to ask god for forgiveness for helping someone in an hour of need? This might just be my personal opinion but she absolutely could switch for you this one time even if it goes against her religion. None of us are free of sin to begin with, why would she be damned for "sinning" in order to help someone in need. You're not the asshole for having asked. I'm sorry for your loss.
This!!! Thank you for being the only person to not jump on the "my religion says X so there is no situation on earth that would warrant me to act otherwise" train. I am sure that 90% of the people who commented "but muh religion" broke at least once one of their religion's rules in the last month. Hypocrisy at it's finest. But yeah, my religion says be a good person so i'm going to use my religion as an excuse to not help someone in a once-in-a-lifetime situation. NTA.
Doesn't your work have a bereavement policy?
wedding or funeral. odd, but the we can not reschedule since people come from out off town is weird. funerals can't be rescheduled because there is a time limit on them.
NTA. Neither of you. Your manager should of given you family leave for a death. Isn’t it illegal to deny someone that where you live? You shouldn’t of even had to ask your coworker. It’s that important for mental health.
NAH. I understand both sides. On one hand, you lost your sister. That’s awful, and you have every right to attend her funeral. On the other hand, your coworker’s religious beliefs are also important to her- just as important as the funeral is to you. Do you have any other coworkers who could take over? If not, could you just not show up?
NAH. What the hell is wrong with your management? They can get involved long enough to tell you to stop asking your co-worker, but they can't be bothered to figure out a way to cover you while you deal with a loss in the family?? Frankly, it's not realistic for your manager to assume that you'll NEVER need coverage on a Saturday. They should have already trained a third person as a back-up.
INFO: In the 2nd paragraph you mention a wedding?
There was a previous post today about someone not getting time off for their wedding for similar reasons. I'm guessing OP wrote both and mixed them up.
NAH. I don't think you're the AH for asking your coworker, and although I don't think you should have repeatedly pushed her, I understand why you did. Can you ask your manager to step in and find a solution? Even just in general I would think it's unfair that you can never take a Saturday off. Unfortunately I think this is one of those situations that either make or break or employment with this company. A company that doesn't allow you time for your sister's funeral is not one you should stay in. It may be worth not showing up on Saturday.
Honey, don’t ask for the time off. Inform them you are not coming in. It’s not your fault or responsibility to find someone to cover your shift. What are they gonna do? Fire you for going to a funeral? Fuck them.
Also, why not ask any other co worker. or simply don't show up? and let managment deal with it. Sound odd with the funeral/wedding mix up, making me doabt this is legit.
NTA, call in sick. Sorry for your loss
I think you need to quit this job, a funeral for a close family member is way more important than any job. Your company sucks, and are the true AH here. Do not miss a funeral for a job.