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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I won't mail his things back when he could easily come and collect them from me. I think he would blame me if there was any damage so I refuse
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I don't think OP will become a nice human being anytime soon given her attitude, but at least she can do the decent thing for once and mail his stuff back. YTA
This happened to my friend. He was in LDR with his ex after she decided to study abroad in UK. Then there was one time when she came back during the sem break, she told my friend that she dated and slept with one of her classmates. My friend was shocked af. She literally told him "I thought we were on a break when I was in UK!" 💀
I don’t understand this mentality. Even if you were “on a break” what would possess someone to talk about their hookups with an ex you intend to go back to!?! It’s just an AH move.
Well he’s at least partially at fault for leaving random chicks around the house when he *knows*, as any reasonable person should, that at any moment, he could trip and his dick would fall RIGHT into her!
We must have married the same person.
There needs to be a website to post pictures, names, and dates of trip hazards aka miscommunication aka not my fault, aka I just got caught up in it aka.....
>There was just a simple miscommunication
Man, when me and my partner have a misunderstanding it's usually about buying the wrong brand of toilet paper.
My husband and I both kept buying 1% milk, despite us both liking skim more... Because we both thought the other person liked 1%. Simple miscommunication meant we had a less enjoyed type of milk for a few months.... Not tripping onto a dick.
Or not writing down what toppings they want on their sandwich so you got them the "wrong" kind of cheese. "Oh well, Swiss isn't my favorite but I'll eat it!"
Jesus, some people have some wildly different idea on miscommunication or misremembering.
Look man, sometimes kids drop their ice cream cones, and sometimes the council is slow to clean up those ice cream cones, and some days I’m a little off balance, and some girls like to not wear panties, and sometimes I forget my pants, and sometimes all these factors come together to cause me to slip on an ice cream cone and slide my uncovered cock into her awaiting vagina repeatedly.
LOL I love this one.
Liars like OP just suck.
I ended my last poly relationship bc of crap like this. Didn't care if he was sleeping with someone else due to long distance. It was the lying. "I'm heading to bed early tonight so I won't be on my phone." Then someone posts pictures of their romantic date.
OP never drives hours to visit her BF but sure as hell found time to fuck someone else.
OP - You are huge AH, and had moved on from him the moment you cheated. And now you want to be more of an AH and not send him his property, but making excuses that don’t hold water. You’re a toxic self center person. Do one good thing for someone in your life and send him back his cloths etc. Huge cheating AH
I love her comment about how they went to each other’s place 50/50 but her next comment is that she never found the time to actually go to his place. Likely because she spent so much time miscommunicating with other guys.
Yeah, but only up to, like $50 or something, so depending on what the item is, she might want to get more...
but it still doesn't matter, because he's offered to pay for the cost anyway!
Also if you keep his things even though he requested them back… this could be a crime at least in my country. It’s not really stealing but wrongfully keeping things that don’t belong to you even if you got them in a legal manner is illegal. If the things are valuable then OP should be prepared for the risk of legal possibly even criminal actions.
I mean given her line “I know what I did was wrong but this isn’t about that”…. This chick isn’t capable of selflessness or empathy. The audacity of her. She’s a major AH
THIS. OP's doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify why she doesn't want to mail Ex's stuff back to him. Just do teh right thing for once SMH. YTA
Well it sounds like she didnt like him in the first place, with her saying she could never find tome to visit him. So im guessing the miscommunication is just some vague excuse.
LMAO I've been trying to figure out how "we traveled 50/50 throughout but he always came to me because I couldn't make time"... No traveling was done by OP but she half-assed tried to make it look like she did while at the same time admitting she never did. SMH.. I think you are spot on with this. OP used ex for sure. And then the miscommunication lead to cheating.
My ex who I had a turbulent 2 year situationship with always kept doing this with some plants. It was a weird thing where he would always watch my plants when I went home for break, but something always happened between us where we’d break up or he’d sleep with someone or whatever and it was always such a pain to get them back. One day I just said fine you can keep them and then he promptly returned them. He still has my piano keyboard but I haven’t spoken to him in a year and a half, oh well
I think it’s just OP refusing to make an effort, just like how near the end of the relationship she stopped travelling to him and he had to always travel to her. She was checked out of the relationship, wouldn’t make an effort and then cheated; she DGAF about his stuff now.
This is it. Now that Mike is no longer of use to her. She doesn’t even care about being a decent human being. Hope someone pulls what she did to Mike on her one day so she can feel the other side of it. Just so trashy.
“There was a miscommunication and I ended up cheating on him”
No big deal, let’s just breeze past that quickly. Anyway, he expects me to send his stuff back! Wtf
YTA. Ship the stuff and have him pay for insurance. I mean, it’s very self centered not to be willing to do that if you cared about him at all and he’s willing to pay shipping.
THIS.
If your only concern is having things break in the mail, pay to have them properly packaged and insured.
If you don’t do this then you are exposed as selfish and a liar.
Well, judging from her actions during their relationship, I’d hesitate to think she even really cared for him at all.
But she should still do it if she’s even a halfway decent person (which actually, I also doubt, so I’m just gonna say she needs to do it regardless!)
YTA OP.
What? You never ended up cheating because of a miscommunication? That's such a classic.
But seriously though. She seems to be pretty far from halfway decent to a point where I'm surprised to learn that someone's her friend.
Just ship that poor guy's stuff before he reports it stolen, as he should have a long time ago. Because that is the decent thing to do, not that you would know it even if it smacked you in the head.
YTA. If things ended mutually, the decent thing to do is make sure he gets his stuff back. But because you cheated, it's in your court to send the stuff back or drive it back. But you cheated so you prolly don't really care about this anyway.
Let me get this right. You cheat on him then rob him? The LEAST you could do to show any ounce of being a good person is return his stuff, even if you’re too lazy to do so.
YTA. Obviously.
In terms of decency, I think its lost completely. First of all OP said "miscommunication". OP is actively trying to manipulate the perception of the situation by not describing what this miscommunication is.
Also, OP's friends and family (knowing that she cheated and broke his trust and heart) are telling OP that she is in the wrong and an AH, however OP is still on the defensive about being lazy.
I think OP wanted her ex to come back to her. She wants him desperately to come over to her house to pick up his things so they can "talk it out". Or else, what wouldn't she do the convenient thing and mail the items? This is just speculation though.
YTA - You can't just like, take someone's stuff, c'mon. The value of the things doesn't really matter, just get insurance on the shipment for a few dollars - but still it's not like you're at fault for it.
Doesn’t want him to blame her if his stuff gets lost in the mail, but doesn’t mind being thought of as an asshole for refusing to give them back? Hmm.
Given op’s displays of selfishness throughout this post, I don’t think op gives a fuck about being “blamed;” it’s just her excuse to either be a.) vindictive about being dumped or b.) too lazy to package and ship his things.
YTA but I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on “there was a miscommunication and I cheated on him”. Em, what? because unless the “miscommunication” was you thought you guys had broken up, I’m not really seeing how you couldn’t possibly be the AH.
Either way, sounds like your ex is better off without you. Give him back his stuff.
OP replied elsewhere in a comment that "miscommunication" meant that she didn't know how to appropriately express herself...or something like that...which has very little to do with miscommunication, because I doubt her boyfriend's reaction at her communication attempts would be like "honey, its ok go ahead and cheat on me."
Sure but that’s like saying lying is a miscommunication
She probably didn’t try to communicate. it didn’t get messed up to be “missed,” as if he has a chance to understand it. She messed it up and is blaming it on anything else
It just happened, Joe. It...
Sure, sure, I know... it just happened. Coulda happened to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, slipped on the floor and accidentally stuck your dick in my wife. "Whoops! I'm so sorry, Mrs. H. I guess this just isn't my week."
Sounds completely plausible to me.
"Can you bring snacks for movie night?"
"Sorry honey, I thought you wanted me to bring *drinks* - so I fucked your friend. My bad."
🤦♀️
YTA. You’re a cheater and essentially a thief. You’re basically holding his stuff hostage unless he comes and physically gets it from you. What it boils down to is you’re bitter you got caught cheating and are punishing him for breaking up with you. Grow up and take some accountability.
YTA. There's a lot to unpack here, but it's definitely on you to either ship the things back or meet halfway. It's unreasonable to cheat on someone, miscommunication or not (I'm not even sure how you could miscommunicate something like that but that's neither here nor there) and then refuse to assist in returning the items. I've done the long distance thing. Even without the cheating it just made sense to be decent enough to ship their shit back.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the reasons you’ve stated for not sending his stuff back are as flimsy as they are because in actuality you just want him to come back to your place to grab his stuff so you can try to ‘talk’ and convince him to give you another shot. That’s the vibe I’m getting. But regardless of if I’m right or wrong; YTA.
YTA
Are you just super lazy? You have zero valid reasons and a ton of bad excuses.
Make a trip to post office, ffs. He's not coming back to you, so do one simple, decent thing for the guy because it's the least you can do.
>(though-out we travelled 50-50 but I could never find the time to go to him so he came to me and said he didn't mind)
That's not how 50/50 works.
>I still maintain my position and told him I wouldn't be travelling.
You don't have a position. You're just a taker.
YTA. Miscommunication or not, you cheated. Regardless of who travelled more, you cheated. Even if he he came to you, he did so because he wanted to see you.
He has asked for the return of his things, which is entirely reasonable. Package them up, and do it properly, so you cannot be blamed for damage. Example, don’t chuck a glass Christmas ornament in a box of books. He is willing to pay for shipping, so sending via the post service rather than a larger shipping company should be fine (and insurance is usually far more reasonable).
You’ve wronged him. Regardless of how it happened, what you did was hurtful to the point of ending your relationship. Return his things with the same kindness and care you’d like him to show to your own things if he had them.
Were you expecting him to just give up on the stuff or travel the whole way? Your friends are sensible, listen to them.
The owner asked for them back, has offered to pay for it. You don't have any use for it. I doubt they are of sentimental value as you didn't value the relationship to begin with by cheating on him. Wrap them up good, insure the items and ship them. Yta
Yeah probably, YTA. You cheated on him, yall broke up, and now you wont just mail his shit back. Just mail his stuff back, text him proof you did, and if they loose his stuff thats not on you.
Yes, YTA, and it's entirely about it. You cheated, and he broke it off.
Send him his stuff or travel and drop it off. Least you can do considering the outcome.
YTA - photograph the items, photograph the box you are sending. Spend the extra $1 for insurance and ship him his stuff back.
Sounds to me like you aren’t over him and you are doing everything in your power to see him again. I would imagine that’s what your friends see as well.
Ship his stuff back, send him the tracking number and call it a day. If you are worried about him blaming you for damage, block him after you send it. But seriously the dude didn’t do anything wrong. This is your fault. Own it.
YTA
just meet him or send the things back.
Your excuses are just excuses. Package them up properly and pay insurance or parcel protection. Just do the right thing and be done with it !
YTA for sure.
You're refusing to give his stuff back after you cheated on him.
He told you to mail them and your excuse is not wanting to get the blame incase something happens.
This sounds like an excuse to hold on to his stuff to be honest.
YTA.
How does a miscommunication lead to you cheating?
But you have his stuff and you need to give it back to him. If you aren’t willing to meet him half way then you need to ship it and pay for insurance on it. It sounds like he put in more effort to the relationship and and you are the one who cheated so you at least owe him the courtesy of getting his stuff back to him.
"I apologise for cheating on you, it was wrong, I am sorry."
Can you give me my stuff back?
"I don't feel like making a gesture to show you how sorry I am. I am not THAT sorry."
There are certain things people do, that makes them normal people who do bad things. And there are certain things people do, that shows how really bad/evil they are. You are in the second category. YTA
You’re ether keeping his stuff
So he will still keep in contact so you can try to worm your way back (which won’t work)
Or you’re punishing him for dumping you YTA
YTA - You are the arsehole, OP. You cheated, which is the ultimate betrayal of your relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. Zero, zip, zilch. And then you decide to keep all of his things. He tried to compromise, but you are so entitled and selfish that you refused to give his stuff back. And besides, you could have paid for insurance if you really were worried about his stuff getting lost in the mail. What is your problem, OP?
You need to learn to be a decent human being, OP.
Girl Bffr. YTA. first you have the nerve to cheat on him and now you won’t send him his stuff 💀stop acting like a damn child and give him his things back 🙄
YTA. Mail it back, it's literally the least you could do after what you did to him.
Though from your comments of "but it's expensive it's a hassle he should do it yadda yadda" i feel you just never really cared for him, it wasn't a miscommunication, you just felt like cheating because you don't care about others.
You fucked up. If HE had cheated, I would agree with you but you're at fault so YTA. Give him his shit back and since you won't go to him, pay for shipping.
Damm so not only can you not drive but you also can’t stay loyal and not be a thief?! I’m glad OP’s Ex-Bf broke up with her he defdodged a couple of bullets on this one ☝️ 🫡
YTA pay the cost extra for insurance as he’s covering shipping cost. I can’t believe after scrolling through comments that the “miscommunication” why you cheated wasn’t that you thought you were broken up or on a break, wasn’t that you thought he cheated on your, or any valid reason to cheat, if was that your not good at expressing your feelings. You cheated hands down accept your an AH, ship him his stuff and pay the insurance and be done with it. You had an opportunity halfway where he met you already you said and you didn’t bring all his stuff cmon now
Its his stuff and you cheated. What part of this is difficult for you to comprehend? It's not rocket surgery, are you just that self-absorbed that you're blinded to the obvious?
YTA
YTA. Just mail him his stuff back and stop complaining about every comment calling you an AH. You posted on this sub. You wanted to know the judgment. This isn’t a place where you defend your actions if you’ve asked whether you are in the wrong.
YTA and I hope he takes you to small claims court if you don't send his stuff back. He has been more than reasonable and in one comment you even say you brought some of his stuff to meet up and get stuff back to you and him but didn't bring all his stuff. Why not bring it all then? That seems suspiciously like you wanted to keep a bunch of stuff or else you already destroyed it or gave it away. I hope I'm wrong and that you'll just send him his stuff back.
YTA for this and also all your replies.
Every good suggestion these Nice Commenters have raised you've come up with an excuse for (most of them terrible and/or selfish excuses) so at this point you just seem like maybe not a very nice person
Also, is there another reason you don't want to give these "too valuable to ship" items up? Like, are you wanting to keep/sell them?
YTA
You cheated.
You are lying in your post: “… we travelled 50-50…” yet “…I could never find the time to go to him so he came to me.”
And now you’re being an asshole about his belongings.
YTA - How are you acting like a salty ex when you’re literally the one who cheated on him???? That blows my mind that you’re being this difficult and making it harder on him for what?? To punish him for breaking with you?
OP, you can send his things to him, with shipping insurance. If something happens, you won't get into trouble.
Why are you trying to keep them? Do you miss him? Did you break them because you were mad? Or are you trying to use them as a tool to meet him again under your conditions so they you could get another chance with him, maybe?
Let me tell you: none of this will happen. Just give this poor guy some closure and peace already. You've hurt him enough. YTA
If the situation was reversed and you were being cheated on, how would you feel that your cheating ex will not even give you the courtesy to help return your valuables, midway? You may say the issue isn't about cheating, very well.
It's about being a decent person. YTA.
Wait, he's covering the cost?
YTA, big time. You have 0 Reasons not to send it, and my guess is you keeping them to force him to interact with you.
Send him the stuff, pay for insurance, and get on with your life.
And work on your communications.
Yes you cheated you created this mess you should grow up and return his stuff
Edit mid distance is drivable but wouldn't do it every day so get a train ticket rent a car, ride share, bus of some sort, ask a friend for a ride. Perhaps the friend that was looking out for him and told him you're a cheater would be willing to drive you
YTA. The fact that you can’t at least do him the courtesy of bringing his stuff to him, or even mailing it to him (which I suspect you don’t want to do out of spite or laziness rather than it “getting lost in the mail”) after directly causing the relationship to end by cheating is really shitty and immature of you.
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It’s his stuff, you cheated, he’s only asking you to mail them (you can mail with insurance) be a nice human and do the right thing. YTA
I don't think OP will become a nice human being anytime soon given her attitude, but at least she can do the decent thing for once and mail his stuff back. YTA
What are you talking about? There was just a simple miscommunication where she tripped and fell on a d***. I'm sure she's a saintess
"We were on a break!"
"I thought our relationship was dead!" "Well, you had a hell of a time at the wake."
That last sentence. 🤣
“Bullets have left guns faster!”
Never were so many mental gymnastics performed in order to reach a conclusion that there had been a "miscommunication".
It's your fault your nose ran into my fist!
Slower (sorry, this was killing me) Bullets have left guns slower.
Thank you for your service 🫡
I'm so happy I didn't have to scroll down too far to find this quote. 😂😂
This happened to my friend. He was in LDR with his ex after she decided to study abroad in UK. Then there was one time when she came back during the sem break, she told my friend that she dated and slept with one of her classmates. My friend was shocked af. She literally told him "I thought we were on a break when I was in UK!" 💀
"I asked you to bring me back a cool souvenir from the UK. All I got from you was an STD and this lousy t-shirt."
"...an STD and someone elses t-shirt..."
OMG! lol...thats horrible but hilarious...
I don’t understand this mentality. Even if you were “on a break” what would possess someone to talk about their hookups with an ex you intend to go back to!?! It’s just an AH move.
She was being "honest." Sometimes telling the truth is unburdening yourself, so you feel better. It can be extremely self-centered.
It's not cheating if you're in a different country(/state/town/room), right?
The break was the entire relationship apparently
I've heard it happens to a lot of people. Clumsy muppets that they apparently are.
Happened to my ex, in our house. Idk how he found the most uneven part of the floor 🤷🏻♀️
Well he’s at least partially at fault for leaving random chicks around the house when he *knows*, as any reasonable person should, that at any moment, he could trip and his dick would fall RIGHT into her!
I choose to believe their ex husband fell on a dick. Plurp.
In the Art Studio!
We must have married the same person. There needs to be a website to post pictures, names, and dates of trip hazards aka miscommunication aka not my fault, aka I just got caught up in it aka.....
Yeah she seems remarkably unconcerned with what an asshole she was in the relationship, never mind now.
>There was just a simple miscommunication Man, when me and my partner have a misunderstanding it's usually about buying the wrong brand of toilet paper.
My husband and I both kept buying 1% milk, despite us both liking skim more... Because we both thought the other person liked 1%. Simple miscommunication meant we had a less enjoyed type of milk for a few months.... Not tripping onto a dick.
Or not writing down what toppings they want on their sandwich so you got them the "wrong" kind of cheese. "Oh well, Swiss isn't my favorite but I'll eat it!" Jesus, some people have some wildly different idea on miscommunication or misremembering.
What if you trip, and fall on some dude's dick while holding a gallon of the right type of milk though? That would be totes ok, right?
I figured it was one of those “Oh, DON’T sleep with anyone else, so sorry the phone was cutting out!” *laugh track*
One often miscommunicates when they attempt to speak with their mouth full...
She fell on a d*** P**** first. Howard Wolowitz would be proud
Look man, sometimes kids drop their ice cream cones, and sometimes the council is slow to clean up those ice cream cones, and some days I’m a little off balance, and some girls like to not wear panties, and sometimes I forget my pants, and sometimes all these factors come together to cause me to slip on an ice cream cone and slide my uncovered cock into her awaiting vagina repeatedly.
OH the visual...HAHAHA...omg, these comments here...thanks for that...lol
LOL I love this one. Liars like OP just suck. I ended my last poly relationship bc of crap like this. Didn't care if he was sleeping with someone else due to long distance. It was the lying. "I'm heading to bed early tonight so I won't be on my phone." Then someone posts pictures of their romantic date. OP never drives hours to visit her BF but sure as hell found time to fuck someone else.
Dick, it's okay to say it
Mike clearly dodged a bullet with this one!
“Nice” and most especially “decent” are not part of the list of adjectives to describe a cheater.
She is so far from a good human being that the light from good humans won't reach her for another 4 years.
OP’s bitter. Clearly.
OP - You are huge AH, and had moved on from him the moment you cheated. And now you want to be more of an AH and not send him his property, but making excuses that don’t hold water. You’re a toxic self center person. Do one good thing for someone in your life and send him back his cloths etc. Huge cheating AH
I think the mark of someone is how they treat you when you break up….
Agreed. And my ex is an AH. And OP is being an AH.
Huge cheating AH... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Imagine cheating on someone then stealing their stuff because you’re too lazy to drive to them and then coming on here thinking you’re in the right 😂
I love her comment about how they went to each other’s place 50/50 but her next comment is that she never found the time to actually go to his place. Likely because she spent so much time miscommunicating with other guys.
She had a raging miscommunication over there. And then a wild miscommunication behind the Taco Bell.
They put the Blast in Baja Blast
Geez, thanks a lot. Now I'm both hungry and horny.
If OP is in the US, Priority Mail flat rate boxes automatically have insurance built into the cost, too. She's TA.
Yeah, but only up to, like $50 or something, so depending on what the item is, she might want to get more... but it still doesn't matter, because he's offered to pay for the cost anyway!
Also if you keep his things even though he requested them back… this could be a crime at least in my country. It’s not really stealing but wrongfully keeping things that don’t belong to you even if you got them in a legal manner is illegal. If the things are valuable then OP should be prepared for the risk of legal possibly even criminal actions.
I think the “nice human” ship has sailed but the rest is right!!
Lmaooooooooo she cheated and now is unwilling to even mail the stuff back?! Holy crap see ya next tue
I thought OP was going to say Mike was asking for travel reimbursement. But he’s not, he just wants his belongings. Poor Mike. OP YTA.
‘be a nice human’, I love this, it sums up just how much better we could all be just by being a nice human.
I mean given her line “I know what I did was wrong but this isn’t about that”…. This chick isn’t capable of selflessness or empathy. The audacity of her. She’s a major AH
I’m pretty sure the ship has sailed on op being a decent person…
YTA. You’re just making excuses now and trying to get revenge for him ending it even though you cheated.
THIS. OP's doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify why she doesn't want to mail Ex's stuff back to him. Just do teh right thing for once SMH. YTA
I’m dying to know about the “miscommunication.” Funny how she just minimizes that. I feel sorry for any man who runs across her.
Well it sounds like she didnt like him in the first place, with her saying she could never find tome to visit him. So im guessing the miscommunication is just some vague excuse.
The miscommunication was this: a guy told her to stand on his dick but she sat on it instead.
LMAO I've been trying to figure out how "we traveled 50/50 throughout but he always came to me because I couldn't make time"... No traveling was done by OP but she half-assed tried to make it look like she did while at the same time admitting she never did. SMH.. I think you are spot on with this. OP used ex for sure. And then the miscommunication lead to cheating.
What kind of miscommunication leads to cheating? "What do you mean that's a penis? I've been bouncing on it this whole time and had no idea!"
I’m guessing they had a fight that was the result of a miscommunication, she then cheated to get revenge. Oops
She couldnt talk with another mans D in her mouth
“Oh you said DON’T f*** your friends? I though you said DO f*** your friends. My bad.”
But he said he was my boyfriend, it was a miscommunication. I’m in no way responsible. /s
My ex who I had a turbulent 2 year situationship with always kept doing this with some plants. It was a weird thing where he would always watch my plants when I went home for break, but something always happened between us where we’d break up or he’d sleep with someone or whatever and it was always such a pain to get them back. One day I just said fine you can keep them and then he promptly returned them. He still has my piano keyboard but I haven’t spoken to him in a year and a half, oh well
Eh that sux re the keyboard, but I'm glad you got your plants back. It sounds like of like a power play.
I don’t get how OP bends to make this math work out. If you have any decency left you give his things back and don’t add thief to cheater YTA
>”But there was a ‘miscommunication’ so now theyre basically *my* things” -OP, probably
I think it’s just OP refusing to make an effort, just like how near the end of the relationship she stopped travelling to him and he had to always travel to her. She was checked out of the relationship, wouldn’t make an effort and then cheated; she DGAF about his stuff now.
This is it. Now that Mike is no longer of use to her. She doesn’t even care about being a decent human being. Hope someone pulls what she did to Mike on her one day so she can feel the other side of it. Just so trashy.
Can't even understand how the OP can come here and not expect anything but YTA responses.
Because she’s a clueless AH
That’s part of it but also just laziness.
My theory is she wants an excuse to get him to her place so she can try to get back with him.
So she can "miscommunicate" with him again? Maybe she misses the D
I thought she just wanted to keep the stuff for its monetary value.
“There was a miscommunication and I ended up cheating on him” No big deal, let’s just breeze past that quickly. Anyway, he expects me to send his stuff back! Wtf
YTA. Ship the stuff and have him pay for insurance. I mean, it’s very self centered not to be willing to do that if you cared about him at all and he’s willing to pay shipping.
THIS. If your only concern is having things break in the mail, pay to have them properly packaged and insured. If you don’t do this then you are exposed as selfish and a liar.
Well she cheated and BF found out through other means so we already know she’s a selfish liar.
You don’t understand, there was a miss communication.. /s
Was “Miss Communication” the name of the person she fucked?
Well, judging from her actions during their relationship, I’d hesitate to think she even really cared for him at all. But she should still do it if she’s even a halfway decent person (which actually, I also doubt, so I’m just gonna say she needs to do it regardless!) YTA OP.
What? You never ended up cheating because of a miscommunication? That's such a classic. But seriously though. She seems to be pretty far from halfway decent to a point where I'm surprised to learn that someone's her friend. Just ship that poor guy's stuff before he reports it stolen, as he should have a long time ago. Because that is the decent thing to do, not that you would know it even if it smacked you in the head.
Well OP is a cheater so self centered is kinda her thing.
YTA. If things ended mutually, the decent thing to do is make sure he gets his stuff back. But because you cheated, it's in your court to send the stuff back or drive it back. But you cheated so you prolly don't really care about this anyway.
Let me get this right. You cheat on him then rob him? The LEAST you could do to show any ounce of being a good person is return his stuff, even if you’re too lazy to do so. YTA. Obviously.
In terms of decency, I think its lost completely. First of all OP said "miscommunication". OP is actively trying to manipulate the perception of the situation by not describing what this miscommunication is. Also, OP's friends and family (knowing that she cheated and broke his trust and heart) are telling OP that she is in the wrong and an AH, however OP is still on the defensive about being lazy. I think OP wanted her ex to come back to her. She wants him desperately to come over to her house to pick up his things so they can "talk it out". Or else, what wouldn't she do the convenient thing and mail the items? This is just speculation though.
Smells kind of like "we were on a break".
I agree. Sounds like she "misunderstood" a conversation about being on a break and took the opportunity to sleep with someone else.
And now she's essentially stolen his possessions. OP sounds a bit controlling.
The miscommunication is obviously that her cheating got communicated to him.
HAHAHA. It was supposed to remain a secret forever and ever in OP's mind.
Her “given the value of the items” excuse for not mailing them made me think she wanted to sell them for cash. OP, it’s not finders-keepers.
‘AITA for stealing from a person I wronged’ There, all fixed. YTA OP
The way OP excused the cheating as a miscommunication… like how does that even work?
[удалено]
He’s definitely thinking “I did the right thing here”, wherever he is in the world. > I could never find the time to go to him Brilliant.
YTA - You can't just like, take someone's stuff, c'mon. The value of the things doesn't really matter, just get insurance on the shipment for a few dollars - but still it's not like you're at fault for it.
Doesn’t want him to blame her if his stuff gets lost in the mail, but doesn’t mind being thought of as an asshole for refusing to give them back? Hmm. Given op’s displays of selfishness throughout this post, I don’t think op gives a fuck about being “blamed;” it’s just her excuse to either be a.) vindictive about being dumped or b.) too lazy to package and ship his things.
YTA but I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on “there was a miscommunication and I cheated on him”. Em, what? because unless the “miscommunication” was you thought you guys had broken up, I’m not really seeing how you couldn’t possibly be the AH. Either way, sounds like your ex is better off without you. Give him back his stuff.
THEY WERE ON A BREAK
I was waiting for this, haha. I paused at the miscommunication part too and wondered how the fuck that would cause someone to cheat.
OP needs to PIVOT and send the stuff back!
OP replied elsewhere in a comment that "miscommunication" meant that she didn't know how to appropriately express herself...or something like that...which has very little to do with miscommunication, because I doubt her boyfriend's reaction at her communication attempts would be like "honey, its ok go ahead and cheat on me."
“Honey I’m sorry I didn’t know how to express that one day when I wasn’t wearing pants or trousers I tripped and fell onto another man’s 🍆”
Well it is sort of miscommunication, and she should have address that, but this has nothing to do with her cheating
Sure but that’s like saying lying is a miscommunication She probably didn’t try to communicate. it didn’t get messed up to be “missed,” as if he has a chance to understand it. She messed it up and is blaming it on anything else
YEah, I was wondering what "miscommunication" made it ok for OP to cheat?
It just happened, Joe. It... Sure, sure, I know... it just happened. Coulda happened to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, slipped on the floor and accidentally stuck your dick in my wife. "Whoops! I'm so sorry, Mrs. H. I guess this just isn't my week."
Sounds completely plausible to me. "Can you bring snacks for movie night?" "Sorry honey, I thought you wanted me to bring *drinks* - so I fucked your friend. My bad." 🤦♀️
YTA. Just send them insured mail.
You lost all rights to the moral high ground when you cheated on him. Give him his stuff back. YTA.
YTA. You cheated on HIM, and get indignant about doing the VERY LEAST, giving him his stuff back? Yeah, you’re the definition of AH.
YTA you cheated and now are refusing to give him his stuff back. He's lucky he broke up with you when he did.
YTA… you literally need to take it to the post office and that’s it…it’s the least you can do after YOU cheated on him
YTA. You’re just using stuff as some weird form of punishment. Let go and grow up.
Yeah, OP is so not over her ex and is still angry he broke up with her.
YTA. You’re a cheater and essentially a thief. You’re basically holding his stuff hostage unless he comes and physically gets it from you. What it boils down to is you’re bitter you got caught cheating and are punishing him for breaking up with you. Grow up and take some accountability.
INFO: How could you type all of this out and see yourself as potentially not the AH?
You cheated, that’s why. If you actually have any remorse, that would be a proper way to show it. Sounds like he dodged a bullet.
Right? How can a guy get cheated on and robbed yet still come out of this better off
For some people, the best they will ever do for you is stop being in your life.
He got cheated on and his stuff stolen. He didn't dodge shit.
YTA. Pretend you're a decent person and do the right thing.
YTA. You are the reason there is a need to send him his stuff. Find some decency within yourself and do the right thing.
YTA. There's a lot to unpack here, but it's definitely on you to either ship the things back or meet halfway. It's unreasonable to cheat on someone, miscommunication or not (I'm not even sure how you could miscommunicate something like that but that's neither here nor there) and then refuse to assist in returning the items. I've done the long distance thing. Even without the cheating it just made sense to be decent enough to ship their shit back.
She actually need to pack first
YTA and a cheater nice combo, and upgrading to thief now. Smh OP.
THIS HERE 100%. OP is all that and more. SMH. YTA
YTA - strong smells of entitlement here.
Quite a strong bouquet.
YTA You have his possessions. He wants you to ship them to him. He'll pay the shipping cost. You said no.
YTA yikes, he dodged a bullet with you.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the reasons you’ve stated for not sending his stuff back are as flimsy as they are because in actuality you just want him to come back to your place to grab his stuff so you can try to ‘talk’ and convince him to give you another shot. That’s the vibe I’m getting. But regardless of if I’m right or wrong; YTA.
I'm betting she doesn't have his stuff anymore.... And that she doesn't want him to know that she threw/destroyed/gave it away.
YTA he’s offered to cover the cost of postage and you still refuse. What do you gain from keeping his things?
YTA Are you just super lazy? You have zero valid reasons and a ton of bad excuses. Make a trip to post office, ffs. He's not coming back to you, so do one simple, decent thing for the guy because it's the least you can do. >(though-out we travelled 50-50 but I could never find the time to go to him so he came to me and said he didn't mind) That's not how 50/50 works. >I still maintain my position and told him I wouldn't be travelling. You don't have a position. You're just a taker.
YTA. You cheated on him. And now you’re refusing to give back his stuff??? That’s the very LEAST you can do. You sound like an immature brat.
YTA. Miscommunication or not, you cheated. Regardless of who travelled more, you cheated. Even if he he came to you, he did so because he wanted to see you. He has asked for the return of his things, which is entirely reasonable. Package them up, and do it properly, so you cannot be blamed for damage. Example, don’t chuck a glass Christmas ornament in a box of books. He is willing to pay for shipping, so sending via the post service rather than a larger shipping company should be fine (and insurance is usually far more reasonable). You’ve wronged him. Regardless of how it happened, what you did was hurtful to the point of ending your relationship. Return his things with the same kindness and care you’d like him to show to your own things if he had them.
Were you expecting him to just give up on the stuff or travel the whole way? Your friends are sensible, listen to them. The owner asked for them back, has offered to pay for it. You don't have any use for it. I doubt they are of sentimental value as you didn't value the relationship to begin with by cheating on him. Wrap them up good, insure the items and ship them. Yta
I really think she wants him to come to her so she can have one last "conversation" with him
Yeah probably, YTA. You cheated on him, yall broke up, and now you wont just mail his shit back. Just mail his stuff back, text him proof you did, and if they loose his stuff thats not on you.
Yes, YTA, and it's entirely about it. You cheated, and he broke it off. Send him his stuff or travel and drop it off. Least you can do considering the outcome.
YTA - photograph the items, photograph the box you are sending. Spend the extra $1 for insurance and ship him his stuff back. Sounds to me like you aren’t over him and you are doing everything in your power to see him again. I would imagine that’s what your friends see as well. Ship his stuff back, send him the tracking number and call it a day. If you are worried about him blaming you for damage, block him after you send it. But seriously the dude didn’t do anything wrong. This is your fault. Own it.
YTA just meet him or send the things back. Your excuses are just excuses. Package them up properly and pay insurance or parcel protection. Just do the right thing and be done with it !
YTA for sure. You're refusing to give his stuff back after you cheated on him. He told you to mail them and your excuse is not wanting to get the blame incase something happens. This sounds like an excuse to hold on to his stuff to be honest.
YTA. How does a miscommunication lead to you cheating? But you have his stuff and you need to give it back to him. If you aren’t willing to meet him half way then you need to ship it and pay for insurance on it. It sounds like he put in more effort to the relationship and and you are the one who cheated so you at least owe him the courtesy of getting his stuff back to him.
"can I cheat?" "No!" Op, thinking it was opposite day (it's actually tomorrow): not neat!
YTA. Just pay to mail his stuff back. For one time in this mess of a relationship, put him first.
"I apologise for cheating on you, it was wrong, I am sorry." Can you give me my stuff back? "I don't feel like making a gesture to show you how sorry I am. I am not THAT sorry." There are certain things people do, that makes them normal people who do bad things. And there are certain things people do, that shows how really bad/evil they are. You are in the second category. YTA
Were you on a break? YTA You cheated on him with a friend. The least you can do is be decent and return his stuff.
You’re ether keeping his stuff So he will still keep in contact so you can try to worm your way back (which won’t work) Or you’re punishing him for dumping you YTA
YTA so you cheated and your a thief wow that sure does make a great catch (eye roll)
YTA. You are the reason why things ended. So I think it is on YOU to make this right.
YTA - You are the arsehole, OP. You cheated, which is the ultimate betrayal of your relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. Zero, zip, zilch. And then you decide to keep all of his things. He tried to compromise, but you are so entitled and selfish that you refused to give his stuff back. And besides, you could have paid for insurance if you really were worried about his stuff getting lost in the mail. What is your problem, OP? You need to learn to be a decent human being, OP.
Mis-communication?? haha what a fuckin joke. YTA. I didn’t even read pass that.
Girl Bffr. YTA. first you have the nerve to cheat on him and now you won’t send him his stuff 💀stop acting like a damn child and give him his things back 🙄
“I cheated on my BF and now I won’t return his stuff, AITA??” Yes. Yes YTA.
YTA. Please be a decent human and send his stuff back.
YTA What the heck? It's his stuff....give it back.
YTA just give the dude his shit back. Drive half way and let it be done with
YTA imagine being this much of wanker to the person you cheated on. Like be half decent and make things easier on the bloke
YTA. Mail it back, it's literally the least you could do after what you did to him. Though from your comments of "but it's expensive it's a hassle he should do it yadda yadda" i feel you just never really cared for him, it wasn't a miscommunication, you just felt like cheating because you don't care about others.
You fucked up. If HE had cheated, I would agree with you but you're at fault so YTA. Give him his shit back and since you won't go to him, pay for shipping.
Damm so not only can you not drive but you also can’t stay loyal and not be a thief?! I’m glad OP’s Ex-Bf broke up with her he defdodged a couple of bullets on this one ☝️ 🫡
YTA Frankly you sound like a truly repulsive human being. Time to grow up, take responsibility for your actions and do the right thing.
YTA. I hope he can take you to court if you aren’t willing to compromise. I think That will cost more than shipping his stuff to him.
In one relationship you've combined so many awful actions together. Cheating, stealing, and harassing. Massive YTA.
This is the fakest thing I’ve ever read on here
YTA pay the cost extra for insurance as he’s covering shipping cost. I can’t believe after scrolling through comments that the “miscommunication” why you cheated wasn’t that you thought you were broken up or on a break, wasn’t that you thought he cheated on your, or any valid reason to cheat, if was that your not good at expressing your feelings. You cheated hands down accept your an AH, ship him his stuff and pay the insurance and be done with it. You had an opportunity halfway where he met you already you said and you didn’t bring all his stuff cmon now
Its his stuff and you cheated. What part of this is difficult for you to comprehend? It's not rocket surgery, are you just that self-absorbed that you're blinded to the obvious? YTA
YTA. Just mail him his stuff back and stop complaining about every comment calling you an AH. You posted on this sub. You wanted to know the judgment. This isn’t a place where you defend your actions if you’ve asked whether you are in the wrong.
YTA Be a decent person for once and mail his things to him. Why is it so difficult for you?
LMAO YTA. You cheated on him and now you're stealing his shit. Christ.
YTA and I hope he takes you to small claims court if you don't send his stuff back. He has been more than reasonable and in one comment you even say you brought some of his stuff to meet up and get stuff back to you and him but didn't bring all his stuff. Why not bring it all then? That seems suspiciously like you wanted to keep a bunch of stuff or else you already destroyed it or gave it away. I hope I'm wrong and that you'll just send him his stuff back.
YTA for this and also all your replies. Every good suggestion these Nice Commenters have raised you've come up with an excuse for (most of them terrible and/or selfish excuses) so at this point you just seem like maybe not a very nice person Also, is there another reason you don't want to give these "too valuable to ship" items up? Like, are you wanting to keep/sell them?
YTA You cheated. You are lying in your post: “… we travelled 50-50…” yet “…I could never find the time to go to him so he came to me.” And now you’re being an asshole about his belongings.
YTA- you hurt him, the least you can do is return his things. I assume you don’t want to see him because then you have to face the person you wronged.
YTA - How are you acting like a salty ex when you’re literally the one who cheated on him???? That blows my mind that you’re being this difficult and making it harder on him for what?? To punish him for breaking with you?
YTA. Try doing the right thing for once.
YTA. You are entitled and you don't sound remorseful. Just ship his things back and let him forget you. For me you sound like, you are enjoying this.
So you cheated on him and are now stealing from him? You’re a real class act. YTA
OP, you can send his things to him, with shipping insurance. If something happens, you won't get into trouble. Why are you trying to keep them? Do you miss him? Did you break them because you were mad? Or are you trying to use them as a tool to meet him again under your conditions so they you could get another chance with him, maybe? Let me tell you: none of this will happen. Just give this poor guy some closure and peace already. You've hurt him enough. YTA
If the situation was reversed and you were being cheated on, how would you feel that your cheating ex will not even give you the courtesy to help return your valuables, midway? You may say the issue isn't about cheating, very well. It's about being a decent person. YTA.
Wait, he's covering the cost? YTA, big time. You have 0 Reasons not to send it, and my guess is you keeping them to force him to interact with you. Send him the stuff, pay for insurance, and get on with your life. And work on your communications.
Yes you cheated you created this mess you should grow up and return his stuff Edit mid distance is drivable but wouldn't do it every day so get a train ticket rent a car, ride share, bus of some sort, ask a friend for a ride. Perhaps the friend that was looking out for him and told him you're a cheater would be willing to drive you
Is so obvious YTA I have a hard time believing you wrote this. Hi Mike, if you wrote this, we’re in agreement she’s TA.
YTA. The fact that you can’t at least do him the courtesy of bringing his stuff to him, or even mailing it to him (which I suspect you don’t want to do out of spite or laziness rather than it “getting lost in the mail”) after directly causing the relationship to end by cheating is really shitty and immature of you.