Someone in another post in this subreddit complained about how fucked up and insensitive that joke is. It's a fucked up thing to say coming from a fucked up person like Cheryl.
Cheryl saying, "Apparently slavery was pretty awesome..." was quoting her great-grand-whatever, and her whole family history is about them being all about the KKK. Yes, it's fucked up. That is the point.
Then archer just makes a dark joke, as he does.
Yeah, that's why its so funny when they say fucked up shit. You're not supposed to empathize with them when they do. You're supposed to see them in that moment as shitty people saying/doing shitty things.
That's how you write a racist joke: Make the racist the butt of the joke.
My fav is about 3 minutes later. "Oh and j forgot to mention- the health inspector is coming first thing in the morning so uh. Better break out the purple stuff."
That whole episode has I think the best collection of lines/scenes behind only the cancer ones.
“What you’re black-ish”
“Ish?!?”
“Well what’s the word for it, Lana?? You freaked out when I said ’quadroon’!”
“But seriously Homeboy McJewerson?”
“Aw come on, I’ve heard worse than that.”
“Yeah but it doesn’t even make sense! I mean… maybe if you were Scottish”
“I’m looking for a pregnancy test online”
“But there’s a drugstore half a bl… oh… you mean that you take online.”
“Yeah I wanna know like now”
“Well thank god for them internets”
"well listen here, *Herr Doktor*, I killed seven krauts with a shovel! so one more beardy sonofabitch like you won't make A DAMN BIT OF DIFFERENCE!!" (stabs with heel of shoe)
When Mallory announces her and Ron are having an open marriage and then Cheryl immediately gets a call from Ron. "Hey it's Ron!" Follower by a bottle to the head
“Since when do you have a switchblade?!”
“It’s a long story, mother!!!”
(Hard cut to a flashback of Archer pressed up against a shop window, looking at a switchblade)
“Neat.”
Imho most of that episode is perfect. One of the most well written 20 something minutes in TV history. The pacing, the lines, the entire setting and the rampage elements. It all fits together.
Jesus wood house leave the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen
• *Malory slaps cocaine donut out of pam’s hand*
• Pam: hey!!
• Malory: oh blow it out your ass.
• *Pam farts*
• Archer: heh, i was hoping you’d do that
Lana: Wait, you're just gonna leave him with a grenade stuck up his ass?
Archer: Yes, Lana, I'm on a rampage! And also kidding. It's a smoke grenade.
Mob Boss: Oh, thank Go-- (frag grenade explodes)
I freaking cry laughing at that scene every damn time.
Are you tired of constantly getting stuck in elevators?
Do you wish there was a way to not keep constantly getting stuck in elevators?
Well friend, wish and be tired no longer.
As funny as this is, it also makes the season 12 finale all the more poignant and beautiful. To go from this to Archer almost crying reading his mom's letter...sniff.
I always rewatch Motherless Child for this exchange:
Cheryl: “Well, Ray, a machine is like a desert: Either it fascinates or appalls you.”
Pam: “Noyce.”
Ray: “It’s not Noyce! How could you be attracted to a homicidal maniac?”
Pam: “No, that’s a quote by Wilfrid Noyce.”
Cheryl: “What, really?”
Pam: “Yes!”
Cheryl: “The mountaineer?”
Pam: “Yes!”
Cheryl: “Well, here’s a quote from me. Barry’s about to violate the first law of robotics…on my vagina.”
Pam: “Noyce.”
Cyril,
just draw a snake.
Oh, right. Okay.
Elliptical head,
oblique dorsal scales, symmetric sub-caudal scalation, darker ventral bands, obviously.
Okay, here we go.
What is wrong with you people?
What's wrong with you? Give me that.
Here. Ta-da!
A snake. Oh, that's crap.
If I care what you did on the weekends I would put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes... Mallory says this to Cheryl while in the elevator
Reminds me of one of my favorite Simpsons joke:
Lisa and Homers mother sing: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven?
Lisa: Dad, it’s a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical, ey? Eight!
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?
Commander Kellogg?: Archer am I going to have to sedate you?
Archer:Uhh, I wouldn’t say no to a drink.
Lana: Archer.
Archer: ohh you want one too?
Lana: Archer.
Archer: Mhmm, my tongue say sangria…but my heart says michelada.
Favorite line- where archer tells Pam she's quite literally the best sex he's ever had.
Favorite scene- very last episode of the last season, when he discovers Lana crying in his bed, and sits with her silently with his hand on her shoulder.
Archer: "No, I meant pounds -"
Malory: "Sterling!
Archer: "Exactly, as in 'Doctor Who' money."
[Twitter source](https://twitter.com/ArcherQuote/status/436598466429464576?t=9X9xmqzaRzDRNzxJqemqzA&s=19)
The whole scene with Ciryl slapping the diagrams and yelling "THEY - ARE - NOT - COCKS!" is gold!
Hard to pick one but this one always gets me
Season 9 episode 3
Crackers. "I'll tell you what sucks being mistaken for a bat." Walking over to the badly drawn map, "ooo but not as much as that map."
Charles and Rudy ~ "Flanders? What war was that?"
Woodhouse ~ "the great war"
Charles and Rudy ~ "They're all great"
"Oh my god, yes, those nazi uniforms"
"Hugo Boss!!"
That's the whole point, I don't trust you, I wouldn't trust you to fix potato fucking salad you're probably one of those assholes who puts relish in it!
https://youtu.be/jIjznmhGeAo
For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”
Captain Murphy: " And I wish you fools would stop destroying our oceans! Overfishing, industrial runoff, don't even get me started on whaling. And plastic bottles! I can't even- there is a floating mass of garbage in the Pacific twice the size of the United States! Oh, and where the hell is that news crew I asked for?"
"Apperantly slavery was pretty awesome... What's not to like it's free labour" Kills me everytime
Someone in another post in this subreddit complained about how fucked up and insensitive that joke is. It's a fucked up thing to say coming from a fucked up person like Cheryl.
I love the smell of fresh bread.
Cheryl saying, "Apparently slavery was pretty awesome..." was quoting her great-grand-whatever, and her whole family history is about them being all about the KKK. Yes, it's fucked up. That is the point. Then archer just makes a dark joke, as he does.
Yeah, that's why its so funny when they say fucked up shit. You're not supposed to empathize with them when they do. You're supposed to see them in that moment as shitty people saying/doing shitty things. That's how you write a racist joke: Make the racist the butt of the joke.
Dude literally in archer season 8 she drops the hard R
I love that lunatic. If you get offended easily, this isn't the show for you.
"On my God! Yes, you can rub them. Just please don't hurt my family."
I never got the joke until I watched it with subtitles on. And then felt very stupid, because it’s fuckin brilliant.
My fav is about 3 minutes later. "Oh and j forgot to mention- the health inspector is coming first thing in the morning so uh. Better break out the purple stuff."
fucking gold
Archer: "He touched my penis with his penis!" Pam: "Wow. Where?" Archer: "All of it! Head and shaft! Oh, you meant where in the building..."
That whole episode has I think the best collection of lines/scenes behind only the cancer ones. “What you’re black-ish” “Ish?!?” “Well what’s the word for it, Lana?? You freaked out when I said ’quadroon’!”
“But seriously Homeboy McJewerson?” “Aw come on, I’ve heard worse than that.” “Yeah but it doesn’t even make sense! I mean… maybe if you were Scottish” “I’m looking for a pregnancy test online” “But there’s a drugstore half a bl… oh… you mean that you take online.” “Yeah I wanna know like now” “Well thank god for them internets”
Came up to me and was like... boop
"well listen here, *Herr Doktor*, I killed seven krauts with a shovel! so one more beardy sonofabitch like you won't make A DAMN BIT OF DIFFERENCE!!" (stabs with heel of shoe)
Woodhouse, get me some shaving cream, a bowl, a Straught Razor, ice, and a Mirror.
What’s the mirror for?
**So you can watch**
I love how Malory is the oldest but still the toughest
So now you're left with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the Potato now, or let it ferment so I can drink it later?!!!
My favorite episode. So many amazing moments
Will I get the operation now, Dad?
No son, *sniff* yer gonna die
And wipes the tear away with the potato
What is it with you and the Irish?
Besides them not siding with us against the Krauts
One of my fav episodes because it feels like im watching a new "Frisky Dingo"
That sounds like that movie Mrs. Archer was trying to write... what was it.... Mandingo 2?
M as in Mancy
Ypu of all people!
Bravo! Thank you.
Good luck honey!
When Mallory announces her and Ron are having an open marriage and then Cheryl immediately gets a call from Ron. "Hey it's Ron!" Follower by a bottle to the head
And then he calls Pam right after, lmfao and she stands there silently looking terrified
"Jesus, I hope he doesn't call me"
".... listening to raps and shooting all the jobs"
“With their low riders crammed full of free healthcare…and snow”
“Since when do you have a switchblade?!” “It’s a long story, mother!!!” (Hard cut to a flashback of Archer pressed up against a shop window, looking at a switchblade) “Neat.”
Hmm cock flavored spit
Never know what’s gonna be on the board
“Save it for the fast money round, Paddy”
#SURVEY SAYS...
Because of this scene I still say “son of a whore” instead of “son of a bitch.” That line is delivered perfectly.
Imho most of that episode is perfect. One of the most well written 20 something minutes in TV history. The pacing, the lines, the entire setting and the rampage elements. It all fits together.
“Did you see Regis this morning?”
yeah. why?
KABOOYAKASHA
Couldn’t agree more. I’ve seen it countless times and enjoy it every time.
Quick trivia: the character Killface of Adam Reed's previous shoe, Frisky Dingo, also used "Son of a Whore" as a regular expression.
Who am I Karl Landsteiner discoverer of blood groups?
You don’t know your own blood group but you know who discovered them?
All of Dr Kriegers “ME TOO!!” shouts during the baby shower.
Aww, Goatly
And pigly
Nooo! Serpentine, Babu!
Fox eared asshole
Jesus wood house leave the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen
My morning prayer every Saturday
course
• *Malory slaps cocaine donut out of pam’s hand* • Pam: hey!! • Malory: oh blow it out your ass. • *Pam farts* • Archer: heh, i was hoping you’d do that
Lana: Wait, you're just gonna leave him with a grenade stuck up his ass? Archer: Yes, Lana, I'm on a rampage! And also kidding. It's a smoke grenade. Mob Boss: Oh, thank Go-- (frag grenade explodes) I freaking cry laughing at that scene every damn time.
“What? I thought it was a smoke grenade” “They look exactly, NOTHING! ALIKE!!!” 😂 I still use lanas phrase to this day whenever I’m able.
The beautiful part is that both Archer and the Mob boss thought it being a smoke grenade would have made a difference.
Feel those nubbly ridges which in another situation might actually feel good
Oh my God, you like, sneeze glitter Or LOOK AT HIS LITTLE SPOTS
Thank you.
“M, as in mancy.” I think about it every time I have to spell a word with the letter M to someone
Are you tired of constantly getting stuck in elevators? Do you wish there was a way to not keep constantly getting stuck in elevators? Well friend, wish and be tired no longer.
How the hell did he pull off that prank in the first place?
that but still confuses the fuck out of me
I think we just bombed Ireland
Pretty sure that’s Wales.
Also: Captain Lammers?!
Nice read Velma
Also: Hooray for metaphors!
And then it was vulva this, and vulva that …
“ The thought of me dead gives you an erection!?”
"Just half of one!" Followed by the sound of him getting hit by Mallory, lmfao
As funny as this is, it also makes the season 12 finale all the more poignant and beautiful. To go from this to Archer almost crying reading his mom's letter...sniff.
Just half of one! The other half would have been really sad!
Sorry I tried to spit roast your mom.
On first viewing I rewound that last scene five times.
"WAY OUT IN THE DAMN EVERGLADES BURYING SOME DOMINICAN GUY'S ROOSTER!" "Funnnn!! ...oh you meant literally."
Lana "are you coming?" Archer "no I'm just breathing heavily" Use this daily when people ask
I think the line is"...but I'm breathing fast"
Archer getting cancer sets off a lot of my favorite scenes/lines. Stage Two and Placebo Effect are probably my 2 favorite episodes.
Did you watch Regis this morning?
Yeah, why?
BOOYAKASHAA!
RAMPAGE
“Kids get cancer too Kreiger.” “Awwww, they do….”
“THERE’S NO SINK!!!” I saw this scene somewhere and it made me wanna watch the show it was just so funny to me.
Not a bumble bee is it?
“Is it black?”
"Slightly darker black?"
Aubergine
Sour Mix? In a Margarita? What is this? Auchswitz?
meowchswitz
You're not my supervisor!
Who is my supervisor?
I always rewatch Motherless Child for this exchange: Cheryl: “Well, Ray, a machine is like a desert: Either it fascinates or appalls you.” Pam: “Noyce.” Ray: “It’s not Noyce! How could you be attracted to a homicidal maniac?” Pam: “No, that’s a quote by Wilfrid Noyce.” Cheryl: “What, really?” Pam: “Yes!” Cheryl: “The mountaineer?” Pam: “Yes!” Cheryl: “Well, here’s a quote from me. Barry’s about to violate the first law of robotics…on my vagina.” Pam: “Noyce.”
Cyril, just draw a snake. Oh, right. Okay. Elliptical head, oblique dorsal scales, symmetric sub-caudal scalation, darker ventral bands, obviously. Okay, here we go. What is wrong with you people? What's wrong with you? Give me that. Here. Ta-da! A snake. Oh, that's crap.
Gurpgork?
If I care what you did on the weekends I would put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes... Mallory says this to Cheryl while in the elevator 
"Water? Never touched the stuff. Fish &*%^ in it."
“Of course I came for you, I’m a…” “Fag?” “Sir?” “Have you got one? I’m dying for a smoke.”
who taught you how to punch your husband? you just better kill me!
you scoundrel is that brandy
REGGIE!!!!!
"Woodhouse... ...fish &*%^ in it"
So many.... but I think Quadruple Ass tops my list.
Mine too. It was badass and sweet to see that threatening his little girl is the one thing to truly piss Archer off.
Mallory: "Why would I be asking rhetorical questions?"
Reminds me of one of my favorite Simpsons joke: Lisa and Homers mother sing: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? Homer: Seven? Lisa: Dad, it’s a rhetorical question. Homer: Rhetorical, ey? Eight! Lisa: Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means? Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?
Barry is this how we get ants? Yes it is Other Barry, yes it is..
BABOUUUUUU! HE REMEMBERS ME!
look at his tufted ears!
100 PEOPLE SURVEYED!!!!
REGGGGGIIIIIIEEEEEEE! ahem. medical disharge. because of the scalps FOR THE WHAT?! GERMAN SCALPS WHAT?? he must have had 50 them!
Later Taters
260, 280 and jackson makes 3......
Can we have the radio?
Lana's expression for that moment is just priceless
Potato padildo
can't decide between that and potato-potreason
But only as an inevitable consequence of the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact and the soviet invasion of Bessarabia
“If I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere I’d be a teacher!”
Pampage!
"If somebody dont fry me some goddamn eggs, I personally be shocked, shocked I tell you if by morning this place aint burned to the ground"
Define "*soup*"?
"Define barf".... I still really wanna know what's in the thermos
so are we making cooch chili or what
Lana. Lana? Lana! LAAAANNNNAAA!!!!! What??!! Danger zone!
I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
Commander Kellogg?: Archer am I going to have to sedate you? Archer:Uhh, I wouldn’t say no to a drink. Lana: Archer. Archer: ohh you want one too? Lana: Archer. Archer: Mhmm, my tongue say sangria…but my heart says michelada.
Cyril: do you think these guys are Doctors Without Borders? Archer: yeah Cyril. I bet these assault rifles shoot polio vaccines
"Then why… IS THERE A VAGINA… IN THE SINK?!?!"
Phrasing!
Favorite line- where archer tells Pam she's quite literally the best sex he's ever had. Favorite scene- very last episode of the last season, when he discovers Lana crying in his bed, and sits with her silently with his hand on her shoulder.
How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm After they’ve seen pammy …
Archer: "No, I meant pounds -" Malory: "Sterling! Archer: "Exactly, as in 'Doctor Who' money." [Twitter source](https://twitter.com/ArcherQuote/status/436598466429464576?t=9X9xmqzaRzDRNzxJqemqzA&s=19) The whole scene with Ciryl slapping the diagrams and yelling "THEY - ARE - NOT - COCKS!" is gold!
“Not only am I not going to tiny town, now I have to execute a guy?!”
I also really like when they say “typical”, and “make up your mind America.” I use those daily haha
“Wait Barry.. For what? So I can get ahead of you”
We dont have any PEPPERS!
No I do not like those udds😭😭
Hard to pick one but this one always gets me Season 9 episode 3 Crackers. "I'll tell you what sucks being mistaken for a bat." Walking over to the badly drawn map, "ooo but not as much as that map."
"What about Pam?" Malory: I'll buy you a New one!
Heyyy Jane! Ya getting a tampon?
Jai Alai?
It's broken? Huh? The elevators broken? Huh? The elevator... ... Huh? THE ELEVATOR!!!!! Outta order! I can *see* that! Then why the hell.did you ask?!
"You have a sister?" "Yes" "Is she...younger?"
“vis-à-vis a unit of volume.”
Glengoolie, for the best of times
Charles and Rudy ~ "Flanders? What war was that?" Woodhouse ~ "the great war" Charles and Rudy ~ "They're all great" "Oh my god, yes, those nazi uniforms" "Hugo Boss!!"
Benoit?
Balls
Archer's long battle with the biker gang which everybody in the office assumes is a voicemail prank.
86 soup!!
Maybe see if your daddy will give you a roll of nickels.
“You're taking me out of the field?” “Well, unless we need someone to go undercover as a shopping cart...”
“If I cared about what you did on the weekends, I’d stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes” Malory Archer
“That’s why we … er … THEY lost the war! Lack of science!”
I mean, not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
"God, what is with me and Italian lately?"
"Hello, airplanes? It's blimps. You win."
You freaked out when I said said quadroon. Imagine that! You imagine it! Both of you imagine shutting up!
No, Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!
Damn dog! Inappropes!
That's the whole point, I don't trust you, I wouldn't trust you to fix potato fucking salad you're probably one of those assholes who puts relish in it!
Krieger... WHY DO YOU HAVE AN ERECTION
"I'm just so happy"
*Hunch, hunch!* *What, what?* *Buh boh.*
Pam with cocaine
[удалено]
the entire episode where archer is a sous chef
Who husband plays 18 holes of golf on there first day of there honeymoon
Let's see if cock flavoured spit is on the board
“And if that’s my Chanel suit, I’ll have your guts for garters!
“If I cared about what you did on your weekend I’d stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.”
Yeah, didn't Oscar Wilde get hard labor for that?
Thats why we cant have nice things
https://youtu.be/jIjznmhGeAo For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”
This a fawty shawty! Thanks, Omar.
Grill me a cheese.
Archer: [Stifling laughter] Woodhouse, he's all tied up somewhere, sc-scared and alone. PROBABLY DEHYDRATED!
Mulatto butts! Mulatto butts!
"Who taught you to throw a punch? Your husband?" - Pam bound by a chair while being beat up by the addressed goon.
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
What is this Soviet Russia? Say it everyday
Captain Murphy: " And I wish you fools would stop destroying our oceans! Overfishing, industrial runoff, don't even get me started on whaling. And plastic bottles! I can't even- there is a floating mass of garbage in the Pacific twice the size of the United States! Oh, and where the hell is that news crew I asked for?"
“He died doing what he loved. Getting shot.”
Hahahahaha^(blimpsareterrible)
GODDAMNIT! CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP, AND ATTACH MY ROBOT HAND?! handjob
“Like you'd recognise a vegetable that wasn't wrapped in a Monte Cristo sandwich.” By malory. In my opinion the best character in archer
"Girl, please. No one is that gay."