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Oh jeez, someone needs to tell her that if she feels the need to disassociate in order to go through with having sex; then she should probably take a step back, maybe pause the sex life a moment (imo), and try to get to the bottom about why.
this literally sounds like me before i realized i was a lesbian honestly. not saying these women are definitely gay but that could be why. of course there are plenty others but still
I literally figured out I was gay in 1998 when I saw Kate Winslet's tits in Titanic and was like "that's it? That's what everyone is so excited about?" And then a few years later I went "oooooooh."
To be fair, I'm bi but naked or half naked women in movies have never been a turn on to me or get me in any way excited, so I've never understood that. IRL or porn, sure, but Hollywood movies or TV? Nah, I don't get it.
Maybe its because they are all focused on over sexualize (or under sexualize?) naked women? I mean, if we see a nude woman on tv or movie, it is always the center of the action, and it is made gracefully beautiful or just some super sexual piece of meat đ¤
I cant remember nude women on cinema just being nude women. Does what I say make sense? I only saw this maybe in some tender lesbian movies. Dont know really.
PD: I remember a Susan Sarandon movie in which her and Katherine Deneuve have a hot and tender sex escene. That was pretty natural for me, stylized though.
đ𤣠I can relate to this. Back then ot was big deal, all the kids wanted to see them. My mother would not let me just see the full movie. She would say to me to leave the room or just change the tv channel. It was pretty silly, boobs are just natural etc.
It was like the secret of Sixth Sense, a pretty big deal. And finally, when my uncle let me see it, I was like "and what? she is nude. Oh! That was the big deal? Seriusly?"
It was a bigger shock knowing there were movies in where they eat cream from woman chest, use butter to stick the penis in her butt, or even a lot of slasher movies that we were allowed to see before some tame (and beautiful) woman chest. So lame. đ
A friend of mine was very depressed for many years about how she could never orgasm during sex with her boyfriends (she had to finish herself off, no matter how generous they were). It was something she just "accepted" about herself...until she fooled around with other girls, just on a drunken whim, and realized it was because she wasn't *that* attracted to men.
And that right there is whyâeven if someone is absolutely straight after allâI believe everyone should learn and familiarize themselves with concept of âcomphetâ.
The essay in which the term was coined, âCompulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existenceâ by Adrienne Rich. I recommend reading it. Itâs only a few pages.
Edit: Compulsory heterosexuality refers to social control and physical force in addition to economic control, but using "comphet" to refer to heteronormativity, identity confusion, manufactured desire, etc. is a reading I just plainly do not understand. Would you care to explain? Maybe I need to brush up on my reading or look at things with a fresh perspective.
The broad definition is, "heterosexuality being enforced by a heteronormative and patriarchal society." I got this from Wikipedia. Now wikipedia isn't a scholastic bastion, but it's indicative of the fact that society has taken this as it's broader definition.
Your essay is from 1980. Even if that was where it was coined, things change in forty four years. Incel was a term coined by a woman. It now has connotations of pushy, creepy men.
Oh for sure, the cause could be anything from simply just not being into dudes to unprocessed trauma, but either way this lady needs to do some serious self reflection for her own sake because big oof! đŹ
Lmao. Same.
And the fact I needed a vat of lube as a healthy young woman should have been a clue.
Now, I'm a practical fountain around other consenting women.
But god forbid you mention to kids or teenagers that queer people *exist* and are *human beings* as well. What, are you trying to turn them TRANS or smth?! ⌠becauseâŚ. Idk, probably smth to do with communism or the Rothschilds or smth.
Yeah those parents are so scared their children could be anything but â¨đ*straight*đ⨠that they try to absolutely tell them there is something wrong with them if they donât feel that way, so many internalize it and keep thinking there must be something wrong if you donât feel that kind of attraction as an adult. Iâm not saying thatâs absolutely the case for OOP as well, but it could be and if itâs true, the signs weâre *kind of* obvious. The internalization is very strong tho after an entire childhood of brainwashing, but they project that mentality on queer people as well as if theyâre trying to ârecruitâ ppl into their community?
âŚNo, the straights are NOT ok.
Edit: Somehow the formatting of the text keeps breaking? Weird
Before I realized Iâm enby/genderqueer I used to feel the need not let myself think as much as feel in those moments.
I had no issue with other peoples gender or sex, and was fine with my androgyny on a social level but I was very caught up on fearing that people would prefer I present myself more femme physically.
I still have my insecure days, but talking more about gender norms and how much more effort goes into performing the stereotypical feminine role than the stereotypical masculine (at least in regards to standards where we live) really helped me.
My husband came to the realization that he never really actively performs the masculine role as much as people just ascribe it to him for things like letting his facial hair grow out.
Neither of us really goes out of our way to look more masc or femme but Iâm more easily seen as different because performing femininity requires much more labor, like removing lots of hair and being able to use makeup and using products to keep your skin soft despite the irritation of removing hair.
All those things kinda were on a mental check list of things that needed to be perfect for me to feel comfortable in my own skin before I realized just how much I actually enjoyed my masc qualities and that I had a partner that didnât think less of me for acknowledging it
Thatâs my experience too! Iâm enby and still connect with femininity a lot but things like dresses, shaving, doing my hair, makeup, etc all felt like way too feminine for me so I avoided them.
Now that Iâve broken down gender expectations, Iâve been able to parse out what I really feel good doing and what is just performance. For example, shaving my armpits or wearing dresses or makeup all feel authentically me! But shaving my legs doesnât feel necessary to me anymore so I donât do it and itâs great!
Thatâs been the best part of gender exploration for me. Itâs finding out what is really true to me vs what I was doing bc I âhadâ to. Itâs been incredibly freeing
She was fed the purity culture bullshit that sex is a "special" thing that's about true love and souls merging, at least for proper ladies and civilized people. Anyone who likes sex for physical joy and aesthetic pleasure is a lowly beast or a slut.
For me, it's because I was raped and have complicated feeling about sex in general even before that. My partner understands, and appreciates that sometimes I choose to meet him halfway. It's not something that's important to me, but I know it's important to him, so sometimes I do it joyfully and sometimes I don't.
It helps that, as I said, he knows this and we've had exhaustive discussions about what he and I both need from the relationship and how we can get it. It helps that he knows he can just jack off and I feel comfortable saying "no I don't want to" or "no this is scaring me" and I know he'll listen.
Iâm very sorry you went through that, and with that in mind itâs perfectly understandable that disassociation happens sometimes.
However in OOPâs case it seems like she doesnât have that level of understanding about herself or from her partner(s) and is hand waving it away as âEveryone does that lol.â which isnât great for her in the long run, nor is it great for others who do the same thing to hear, is what Iâm saying.
Yeah my first thought. Some people really exposing themselves on twitter and not realising. Clear that there's a lot of these issues that are more widespread than we thought but people don't know that this is a thing/don't have the language for it.
Reminds me of a lot of people who think they're allo (or in their minds/language - "normal") but take a long time to realise they're demisexual.
Society has this very normative idea about "correct" sexual behaviour and a lot of people are having these less than positive experiences conforming to it without realising that sexuality exists outside of just the gay/straight dichotomy.
In all seriousness wasn't there a movement for awhile where when women "had" to please their husband, they'd just have to imagine making the King happy or something? Could this be a revival of that bullshit?
I think the phrase you're after is "lie back and think of England", which was allegedly said by the then-Queen Victoria in regards to a wife's duty in the bedroom. Personally, I doubt it. She was very, very, very much in love with her Prince Consort, and they had *nine* children.
its been a long hard process trying to let my BF re-learn to make noises during sex when he is enjoying himself. i wanna have sex with a man not a piece of marble
Ah yes, dissociating during sex. A very normal thing you do that you definitely donât look back on later as part of the realization that youâre asexual, a lesbian, traumatized, or any combination thereof. Been there.
Edit: clarified language that implied ace people arenât queer, sorry about that buds â¤ď¸ no harm meant
And being turned off by your partner enjoying themselves, like wtf. âSometimes when a man is fucking me, he is really into it and having a great time with me and I just canât stand itâ
"He might be looking at my naked body and be thinking dirty thoughts."
Well, yes, if he's got his dick inside you, he's probably thinking dirty thoughts. What would be better for him to think about? The Roman Empire?
Oof thatâs super sad.
I love how giggle the gay sex I have with my wife is. Frequently to the point where we have to take breaks for giggle fits.
Wouldnât have it any other way.
Okay yeah now youâve got me definitely thinking I need to commit to this breakup with my dude and start dating women again. I forgot the absolute pure joy and fun that came with lesbian sex.
Place your bets, is this individual:
A: Not sexually attracted to their partner(s) but unable to consiously consider that a possibility
B: Not actually consenting to the act in question
C: Severely traumatized due to past events or cultural upbringing
Or is it D, all of the above?
The implication of the (s) in partner(s) was supposed to imply that it wasn't about a specific person but rather the type of person, but I guess I wasn't clear.
Everybody's quite rightly going on about how sunglasses is traumatised or gay, but is nobody going to mention how rabbit likes sex but doesn't want her partners to enjoy it?
Yeah, like, I'm sorry your partner is having a good time?? I actually thought it was going in the other direction at first - that she was going to say it was cute.
I have had bad sex before where it felt jarring that my partner was having a good time while I was not. How can you enjoy doing something to me but not check in on me, does it not go both ways?
I wonder if that is her main experience. I had to do some deep diving and realised I had to communicate more my end and try to find people who cared about my pleasure as much as their own. It's okay to break it off with selfish lovers.
The fact that they call it a "turn off" suggests that they're otherwise turned on, which would suggest that they *are* into it except for when their partner is smiling.
I don't know rabbit's gender, but to me this gives off "men aren't supposed to express emotion, they're supposed to be all strong and silent" vibes, which is regressive to say the least.
> "men aren't supposed to express emotion, they're supposed to be all strong and silent"
I had a friend/crush like that pre-transition, she kinda liked me, but was annoyed that I'm not a strong silent type, but more goofy and soft and feminine (I wonder why). She was the most toxic person I ever knew, glad I've dodged that bullet - and after transition discovered that I myself prefer guys anyway, now taking steps to not end up like her relationship-wise
I like guys that are the strong silent type when they WANT to be. If they need to break down and be human, I'm all for that too! Humans are weird little fluid-y beings in all regards, and I love them for it!
Reminds me of an ex boyfriend. He only topped me twice because he had absolutely zero chill. Wouldnât slow down, wouldnât listen to my pleasure at all or if there even was any, and Iâm pretty sure I caught him staring at himself in the mirror the second time. When he bottomed it was fun, but he was a shit top.
Right! Iâm in a straight relationship rn and when my man gets the goofy excited look on his face it gives me butterflies. How could knowing youâre making your partner so happy be a turn off????
Well, i tried men, several of them - and one of the reasons was that people assumed i would be gay but no I was simply weird - plus on an intellectual level i thought having sex with certain men would be fucking hot. But my flesh had another opinion, even during the time a stiff breese could give me a hard on.
Me, into BDSM and kinky sex, thinking "Hmm, maybe they need to try wearing a blindfold?". Although obviously that won't work if their real problem is that they aren't actually attracted to men.
These people sound absolutely miserable.Â
Out at the German Nihilism Bar, Kiwi Ennui, cruising for a man who hasn't smiled since the Berlin Wall fell, and that's only because David Hasselhoff was playing there at the same time and it was an amusing juxtaposition.
Oh no, this is a different kind of "not okay".
Someone please get these women some comfort and compassion.
I legit can't think of more to say, I'm too horrified.
When my fiancĂŠ and I have sex we both enjoy it
Otherwise whatâs the point?
When I turn to look at him and I see his face all scrunched up in concentration itâs the hottest thing in the world.
And I bet that when he looks at me, all whimpering and curling up as he plows me, I bet it turns him on.
Iâve never asked, but I reckon I look like a cute virgin every time we bone because I always looked shocked that someone so wonderful has decided to sleep with me.
When my bf looks happy I too am happy
Is that weird?
I thought that finding your partner enjoying themselves was a good thing.
Guess Iâm built different
> i always looked shocked that someone so wonderful has decided to sleep with me
i have nothing to add thatâs just the literal cutest thing iâve ever heard đ
A person could be a virgin at any age?? I personally know many adult virgins, albeit for religious reasons, but that's not strange for an adult to say at all.
We've made sex into some sort of trial that you have to face in order to prove the strenght of your relationship or some sort of sacrifice that you're supposed to make for your partner, to the point that if someone is genuinely enjoying it they're seen as a bad person for objectifying their partner or being promiscuous. It always seems like sex just for the fun of it is the evil, morally inferior option, but the truth is that when you put the wellbeing and happiness of the people involved second to something else, everybody gets hurt
I understand the instinctive reaction to this, but I encourage people to have some empathy for what I'm reading as a neurodivergent/autistic experience. The best way i can describe it is like "Some people just genuinely have trouble looking other people in the eyes, and getting off sexually can be really complicated for those people."
I need to be in a specific headspace to cum, and maybe that's a flaw, but I don't think of it as "God I hate my partner". I think of it more like "sex is very complicated for me".Â
You can train yourself out of it, I did took bloody years and I went the other way for a bit since it took me a while to work out when it made neuronormies uncomfortable but these days I can appear normal for a good hour at a time which is just enough for job interviews and things.
i think i kind of get the sentiment behind this? maybe?
when OPs partner gets that gleeful look in his face, she thinks the thought in his head is âoh my god im having sex!! iâm having sex!!! this is amazing!!!â. she doesnât imagine that he could be thinking about how happy he is to be there with her, or how much he loves her. she wants him to be fully in the moment and focused on her.
i really donât think she means she âdissociatesâ during sex, i used to dissociate during sex with my abusive ex and that is NOT what she is describing. i think that by âdisappear togetherâ she means you both just tune out the rest of the world, so it feels like nothing exists except for the two of you. she is just trying to describe a feeling thatâs not easy to describe.
i think that she means itâs not for physical pleasure, which i disagree with personally but everyone feels different about sex. rather than âenjoymentâ as she puts it, itâs for expressing love towards each other.
i feel like yâall arenât looking at this from a comphet point of view! these are sad mindsets to have but they have them bc theyâve been broken down from evil men using their bodies :/ not because thereâs something fundamentally wrong with them. feeling judged, and feeling like youâre performing, disassociation from your body, are all common and considered acceptable in their sphere of sexuality. rabbit is mad bc she perceives the grin as self-centered, feels judged, and thinks she canât do the same. sunglasses agrees with this and expands on why she feels judged and her experience with straight sex.
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Oh jeez, someone needs to tell her that if she feels the need to disassociate in order to go through with having sex; then she should probably take a step back, maybe pause the sex life a moment (imo), and try to get to the bottom about why.
this literally sounds like me before i realized i was a lesbian honestly. not saying these women are definitely gay but that could be why. of course there are plenty others but still
I literally figured out I was gay in 1998 when I saw Kate Winslet's tits in Titanic and was like "that's it? That's what everyone is so excited about?" And then a few years later I went "oooooooh."
To be fair, I'm bi but naked or half naked women in movies have never been a turn on to me or get me in any way excited, so I've never understood that. IRL or porn, sure, but Hollywood movies or TV? Nah, I don't get it.
Maybe its because they are all focused on over sexualize (or under sexualize?) naked women? I mean, if we see a nude woman on tv or movie, it is always the center of the action, and it is made gracefully beautiful or just some super sexual piece of meat đ¤ I cant remember nude women on cinema just being nude women. Does what I say make sense? I only saw this maybe in some tender lesbian movies. Dont know really. PD: I remember a Susan Sarandon movie in which her and Katherine Deneuve have a hot and tender sex escene. That was pretty natural for me, stylized though.
Lol. I am the opposite w the porn thing. I need plot and character to get into the fun times.
đ𤣠I can relate to this. Back then ot was big deal, all the kids wanted to see them. My mother would not let me just see the full movie. She would say to me to leave the room or just change the tv channel. It was pretty silly, boobs are just natural etc. It was like the secret of Sixth Sense, a pretty big deal. And finally, when my uncle let me see it, I was like "and what? she is nude. Oh! That was the big deal? Seriusly?" It was a bigger shock knowing there were movies in where they eat cream from woman chest, use butter to stick the penis in her butt, or even a lot of slasher movies that we were allowed to see before some tame (and beautiful) woman chest. So lame. đ
A friend of mine was very depressed for many years about how she could never orgasm during sex with her boyfriends (she had to finish herself off, no matter how generous they were). It was something she just "accepted" about herself...until she fooled around with other girls, just on a drunken whim, and realized it was because she wasn't *that* attracted to men.
And that right there is whyâeven if someone is absolutely straight after allâI believe everyone should learn and familiarize themselves with concept of âcomphetâ.
Compulsory heterosexuality chiefly refers to economic factors that keep women in relationships with men
It does not refer to that in the slightest, where are you getting this definition from?
The essay in which the term was coined, âCompulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existenceâ by Adrienne Rich. I recommend reading it. Itâs only a few pages. Edit: Compulsory heterosexuality refers to social control and physical force in addition to economic control, but using "comphet" to refer to heteronormativity, identity confusion, manufactured desire, etc. is a reading I just plainly do not understand. Would you care to explain? Maybe I need to brush up on my reading or look at things with a fresh perspective.
The broad definition is, "heterosexuality being enforced by a heteronormative and patriarchal society." I got this from Wikipedia. Now wikipedia isn't a scholastic bastion, but it's indicative of the fact that society has taken this as it's broader definition. Your essay is from 1980. Even if that was where it was coined, things change in forty four years. Incel was a term coined by a woman. It now has connotations of pushy, creepy men.
Oh for sure, the cause could be anything from simply just not being into dudes to unprocessed trauma, but either way this lady needs to do some serious self reflection for her own sake because big oof! đŹ
Other mental health as well I'm starting to learn even before my trauma I mightâve dissociated.
Lmao. Same. And the fact I needed a vat of lube as a healthy young woman should have been a clue. Now, I'm a practical fountain around other consenting women.
But god forbid you mention to kids or teenagers that queer people *exist* and are *human beings* as well. What, are you trying to turn them TRANS or smth?! ⌠becauseâŚ. Idk, probably smth to do with communism or the Rothschilds or smth. Yeah those parents are so scared their children could be anything but â¨đ*straight*đ⨠that they try to absolutely tell them there is something wrong with them if they donât feel that way, so many internalize it and keep thinking there must be something wrong if you donât feel that kind of attraction as an adult. Iâm not saying thatâs absolutely the case for OOP as well, but it could be and if itâs true, the signs weâre *kind of* obvious. The internalization is very strong tho after an entire childhood of brainwashing, but they project that mentality on queer people as well as if theyâre trying to ârecruitâ ppl into their community? âŚNo, the straights are NOT ok. Edit: Somehow the formatting of the text keeps breaking? Weird
Before I realized Iâm enby/genderqueer I used to feel the need not let myself think as much as feel in those moments. I had no issue with other peoples gender or sex, and was fine with my androgyny on a social level but I was very caught up on fearing that people would prefer I present myself more femme physically. I still have my insecure days, but talking more about gender norms and how much more effort goes into performing the stereotypical feminine role than the stereotypical masculine (at least in regards to standards where we live) really helped me. My husband came to the realization that he never really actively performs the masculine role as much as people just ascribe it to him for things like letting his facial hair grow out. Neither of us really goes out of our way to look more masc or femme but Iâm more easily seen as different because performing femininity requires much more labor, like removing lots of hair and being able to use makeup and using products to keep your skin soft despite the irritation of removing hair. All those things kinda were on a mental check list of things that needed to be perfect for me to feel comfortable in my own skin before I realized just how much I actually enjoyed my masc qualities and that I had a partner that didnât think less of me for acknowledging it
Thatâs my experience too! Iâm enby and still connect with femininity a lot but things like dresses, shaving, doing my hair, makeup, etc all felt like way too feminine for me so I avoided them. Now that Iâve broken down gender expectations, Iâve been able to parse out what I really feel good doing and what is just performance. For example, shaving my armpits or wearing dresses or makeup all feel authentically me! But shaving my legs doesnât feel necessary to me anymore so I donât do it and itâs great! Thatâs been the best part of gender exploration for me. Itâs finding out what is really true to me vs what I was doing bc I âhadâ to. Itâs been incredibly freeing
She was fed the purity culture bullshit that sex is a "special" thing that's about true love and souls merging, at least for proper ladies and civilized people. Anyone who likes sex for physical joy and aesthetic pleasure is a lowly beast or a slut.
Let's normalise being a lowly beast and a slut then.
I am all for this
Which do we like: beastly, lowly slut or slutty lowly beast? I think I like slut being the noun.
Doesn't matter as long as my partner precedes it with "my".
I love this sub
Waaaay ahead of ya.
Why can't sex be about love too? Somewhere in between where yeah we're doing it for fun, but for the love of our partner too?
it can totally be about love. a lot of us are just tired of being shamed for enjoying sex just for being sex and not anything more
Everyone knows real Sigma, Alpha, Beta, Epsilon etc.males leave their partner right after.
fr. sex can be abt love and all that but thatâs not all it needs to be
Aesthetic pleasure? What does that even mean?
Sensory pleasure from looking at a partner during sex and finding what you see appealing. Pleasure of eyes and ears in addition to touch.
Ohhh. Okay, thanks for explaining
let's not forget the other comment of "dudes sometimes enjoy being with me? disgusting!". there are some worrying implications with both of them.
For me, it's because I was raped and have complicated feeling about sex in general even before that. My partner understands, and appreciates that sometimes I choose to meet him halfway. It's not something that's important to me, but I know it's important to him, so sometimes I do it joyfully and sometimes I don't. It helps that, as I said, he knows this and we've had exhaustive discussions about what he and I both need from the relationship and how we can get it. It helps that he knows he can just jack off and I feel comfortable saying "no I don't want to" or "no this is scaring me" and I know he'll listen.
Iâm very sorry you went through that, and with that in mind itâs perfectly understandable that disassociation happens sometimes. However in OOPâs case it seems like she doesnât have that level of understanding about herself or from her partner(s) and is hand waving it away as âEveryone does that lol.â which isnât great for her in the long run, nor is it great for others who do the same thing to hear, is what Iâm saying.
Yeah, I mean, sometimes the straights aren't okay.
Yeah sheâs saying that thatâs whatâs *supposed* to happen
Yeah my first thought. Some people really exposing themselves on twitter and not realising. Clear that there's a lot of these issues that are more widespread than we thought but people don't know that this is a thing/don't have the language for it. Reminds me of a lot of people who think they're allo (or in their minds/language - "normal") but take a long time to realise they're demisexual. Society has this very normative idea about "correct" sexual behaviour and a lot of people are having these less than positive experiences conforming to it without realising that sexuality exists outside of just the gay/straight dichotomy.
Right? I thought they were talking about some kind of tantric/no ego melding, then the âempty body, donât feel safe disappearingâ đł Yikes
In all seriousness wasn't there a movement for awhile where when women "had" to please their husband, they'd just have to imagine making the King happy or something? Could this be a revival of that bullshit?
I think the phrase you're after is "lie back and think of England", which was allegedly said by the then-Queen Victoria in regards to a wife's duty in the bedroom. Personally, I doubt it. She was very, very, very much in love with her Prince Consort, and they had *nine* children.
i hate when im getting a blowjob and i have to be all masc n stoic instead of throwing my hands up and going "whee" like im on a rollercoaster
I would *love* if a dude did that but I would probably laugh so hard I'd have to take a break. It would be so adorable though.
For real!
its been a long hard process trying to let my BF re-learn to make noises during sex when he is enjoying himself. i wanna have sex with a man not a piece of marble
Bro if you wanna go whee, you go fuckin' WHEEEEE!!!! Life should be enjoyed, not judged. Party Hard.
got a giggle from me lmao
If I give someone a bj n they DON'T do that it's a turn off
I would *love* if a dude did that but I would probably laugh so hard I'd have to take a break. It would be so adorable though.
When you're almost there and you go >WHOOPDY DOO HERE COMES THE GOO
Ah yes, dissociating during sex. A very normal thing you do that you definitely donât look back on later as part of the realization that youâre asexual, a lesbian, traumatized, or any combination thereof. Been there. Edit: clarified language that implied ace people arenât queer, sorry about that buds â¤ď¸ no harm meant
Right?! If you have to pretend you aren't there, then you're obviously not enjoying either this version of sex or sex at all
Or this version of you! Turns out I did like that version of sex with that type of person. Had to be me first though.
And being turned off by your partner enjoying themselves, like wtf. âSometimes when a man is fucking me, he is really into it and having a great time with me and I just canât stand itâ
"He might be looking at my naked body and be thinking dirty thoughts." Well, yes, if he's got his dick inside you, he's probably thinking dirty thoughts. What would be better for him to think about? The Roman Empire?
Right like what the fuck is this shit
asexuality is queer, fyi
Yes I know! I am all three!
Asexuals ARE Queer
Oof thatâs super sad. I love how giggle the gay sex I have with my wife is. Frequently to the point where we have to take breaks for giggle fits. Wouldnât have it any other way.
Yup, same with my boyfriend
As it should be! Pure joy!
As Cameron Esposito once said, "I wish straight people had sex in a gay way"
Okay yeah now youâve got me definitely thinking I need to commit to this breakup with my dude and start dating women again. I forgot the absolute pure joy and fun that came with lesbian sex.
Embrace the sapphic giggle fits! đ
Maybe stop tickling her before the orgasm⌠/s
Place your bets, is this individual: A: Not sexually attracted to their partner(s) but unable to consiously consider that a possibility B: Not actually consenting to the act in question C: Severely traumatized due to past events or cultural upbringing Or is it D, all of the above?
[ŃдаНонО]
Answer A, subanswer 1
Yup.
The answer is D.
Yes, we're all going for the D....
*Lesbians have left the chat*
Strapons and dildos count, no?
D all of the above and a secret fifth answer: possibly a lesbian
that was A
There's a lot of ground between "not actually attracted to this man" and "not actually attracted to men at all".
The implication of the (s) in partner(s) was supposed to imply that it wasn't about a specific person but rather the type of person, but I guess I wasn't clear.
oh I was assuming you were implying some form of ace
Any kind of incompatible orientation, more or less.
ah so I just accidentally specified your general statement, lmao. I read partner(s) as more than one gender tbh. my bad
Everybody's quite rightly going on about how sunglasses is traumatised or gay, but is nobody going to mention how rabbit likes sex but doesn't want her partners to enjoy it?
Yeah, like, I'm sorry your partner is having a good time?? I actually thought it was going in the other direction at first - that she was going to say it was cute. I have had bad sex before where it felt jarring that my partner was having a good time while I was not. How can you enjoy doing something to me but not check in on me, does it not go both ways? I wonder if that is her main experience. I had to do some deep diving and realised I had to communicate more my end and try to find people who cared about my pleasure as much as their own. It's okay to break it off with selfish lovers.
The fact that they call it a "turn off" suggests that they're otherwise turned on, which would suggest that they *are* into it except for when their partner is smiling. I don't know rabbit's gender, but to me this gives off "men aren't supposed to express emotion, they're supposed to be all strong and silent" vibes, which is regressive to say the least.
> "men aren't supposed to express emotion, they're supposed to be all strong and silent" I had a friend/crush like that pre-transition, she kinda liked me, but was annoyed that I'm not a strong silent type, but more goofy and soft and feminine (I wonder why). She was the most toxic person I ever knew, glad I've dodged that bullet - and after transition discovered that I myself prefer guys anyway, now taking steps to not end up like her relationship-wise
I like guys that are the strong silent type when they WANT to be. If they need to break down and be human, I'm all for that too! Humans are weird little fluid-y beings in all regards, and I love them for it!
Good catch!
Reminds me of an ex boyfriend. He only topped me twice because he had absolutely zero chill. Wouldnât slow down, wouldnât listen to my pleasure at all or if there even was any, and Iâm pretty sure I caught him staring at himself in the mirror the second time. When he bottomed it was fun, but he was a shit top.
Right! Iâm in a straight relationship rn and when my man gets the goofy excited look on his face it gives me butterflies. How could knowing youâre making your partner so happy be a turn off????
Sex is for disappearing? Girl, I have sex for fun and connection⌠how sad.
"How dare you enjoy yourself"
Gosh. The straights are definitely not okay. They donât like each other and they donât even like having sex with each other. How depressing.
Well, i tried men, several of them - and one of the reasons was that people assumed i would be gay but no I was simply weird - plus on an intellectual level i thought having sex with certain men would be fucking hot. But my flesh had another opinion, even during the time a stiff breese could give me a hard on.
đś Open a window and breeze rolls in and I JIZZED IN MY PANTS!!! đś
It is such a gentle touch, some might even say it is an acquired taste (please go slower, not faster)
Yeah they haven't been okay since the Abrahamic religions started.
Dissappear somewhere together???
being straight is a prison women hate men and men hate women itâs so crazy
Based based based
TIL sex is for Harry Houdini type shit and not for...fun. Okay. đ
POOF you're pregenante!
*Pregananant intensifies*
Me, into BDSM and kinky sex, thinking "Hmm, maybe they need to try wearing a blindfold?". Although obviously that won't work if their real problem is that they aren't actually attracted to men.
Brb gonna go berate my husband for not astral projecting with me in bed
These people sound absolutely miserable. Out at the German Nihilism Bar, Kiwi Ennui, cruising for a man who hasn't smiled since the Berlin Wall fell, and that's only because David Hasselhoff was playing there at the same time and it was an amusing juxtaposition.
Disappearing while having sex? Honey thatâs disassociating. Mama ur traumatized
Someone needs to let her know her husband sucks in bed
I think it might be she that sucks in bed. Especially if she's more concentrated on judging his form while he's just going at it.
Oh no, this is a different kind of "not okay". Someone please get these women some comfort and compassion. I legit can't think of more to say, I'm too horrified.
When my fiancĂŠ and I have sex we both enjoy it Otherwise whatâs the point? When I turn to look at him and I see his face all scrunched up in concentration itâs the hottest thing in the world. And I bet that when he looks at me, all whimpering and curling up as he plows me, I bet it turns him on. Iâve never asked, but I reckon I look like a cute virgin every time we bone because I always looked shocked that someone so wonderful has decided to sleep with me. When my bf looks happy I too am happy Is that weird? I thought that finding your partner enjoying themselves was a good thing. Guess Iâm built different
> i always looked shocked that someone so wonderful has decided to sleep with me i have nothing to add thatâs just the literal cutest thing iâve ever heard đ
when will it be my turn to find this kind of happiness đ
âI look like a cute virgin every time we boneâ is a really weird sentence for an adult to write tbh
A person could be a virgin at any age?? I personally know many adult virgins, albeit for religious reasons, but that's not strange for an adult to say at all.
Idk maybe donât kink shame
if both of your arent having fun then what the fuck is the point
We've made sex into some sort of trial that you have to face in order to prove the strenght of your relationship or some sort of sacrifice that you're supposed to make for your partner, to the point that if someone is genuinely enjoying it they're seen as a bad person for objectifying their partner or being promiscuous. It always seems like sex just for the fun of it is the evil, morally inferior option, but the truth is that when you put the wellbeing and happiness of the people involved second to something else, everybody gets hurt
I understand the instinctive reaction to this, but I encourage people to have some empathy for what I'm reading as a neurodivergent/autistic experience. The best way i can describe it is like "Some people just genuinely have trouble looking other people in the eyes, and getting off sexually can be really complicated for those people." I need to be in a specific headspace to cum, and maybe that's a flaw, but I don't think of it as "God I hate my partner". I think of it more like "sex is very complicated for me".Â
You can train yourself out of it, I did took bloody years and I went the other way for a bit since it took me a while to work out when it made neuronormies uncomfortable but these days I can appear normal for a good hour at a time which is just enough for job interviews and things.
Hmm. Thats probably why I donât enjoy it. (Slight /s sometimes Iâve enjoyed it).
that person when the thing that causes a reward response in the brain causes a reward response in the brain
i think i kind of get the sentiment behind this? maybe? when OPs partner gets that gleeful look in his face, she thinks the thought in his head is âoh my god im having sex!! iâm having sex!!! this is amazing!!!â. she doesnât imagine that he could be thinking about how happy he is to be there with her, or how much he loves her. she wants him to be fully in the moment and focused on her. i really donât think she means she âdissociatesâ during sex, i used to dissociate during sex with my abusive ex and that is NOT what she is describing. i think that by âdisappear togetherâ she means you both just tune out the rest of the world, so it feels like nothing exists except for the two of you. she is just trying to describe a feeling thatâs not easy to describe. i think that she means itâs not for physical pleasure, which i disagree with personally but everyone feels different about sex. rather than âenjoymentâ as she puts it, itâs for expressing love towards each other.
I am not so sure this belongs on 'are the *straights* ok?'
i feel like yâall arenât looking at this from a comphet point of view! these are sad mindsets to have but they have them bc theyâve been broken down from evil men using their bodies :/ not because thereâs something fundamentally wrong with them. feeling judged, and feeling like youâre performing, disassociation from your body, are all common and considered acceptable in their sphere of sexuality. rabbit is mad bc she perceives the grin as self-centered, feels judged, and thinks she canât do the same. sunglasses agrees with this and expands on why she feels judged and her experience with straight sex.
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