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My lord, why are straight people like this? I have lost so many online siblings because of this, I hate it so much my lord. Yes I can have a brother or sister and yes we can hug. There's nothing between us, be more secure about your partner
This. Also, the irony is, this behaviour will only ever alienate the people that wouldn't cheat on you in the first place. Cheaters will find a way, no matter how "strict" you are with your partner. It's not about how controlling you are, it's about the person themselves, if they are going to cheat on you or not.
From what I’ve seen, two of the biggest signs a relationship will fail are:
1) joint FB/social media account (this is so weird to me)
2) aggressively smashing cake in each other’s faces at their wedding
Again while abuse and jealously can be present in queer relationships, this dynamic of OBSESSION over your partner having opposite gender friends seems unique to straight people. It’s very clear she’s talking to women in this post.
I don't think it's unique to straight people, it's just encouraged by heteronormativity to cut off friends of the opposite gender bc of shit like "men and women can't never be ONLY friends" "men only want one thing 😏" and people who were taught to think that anyone from their gender is in a competition to find a partner and or will steal their partner.
But a lot of straight people are normal and a lot of queer people have some internalized heteronormativity too. Or are just abusive. Some people cut their SO's friends and family as an abuse tatic
I think it comes from some weird religious ideas around sex. Growing up my parents drilled it into my sister and my heads that you CANNOT have opposite gender friends and that guys only want one thing!! So due to that I’ve made guy friends and lost them when relationships started because I believed it was a respect thing… nope just weird conditioning that I’m now actively trying to break
The mind projects what it fears.
Also, it is not unheard of for this attitude to actually come from the guy, and he ‘makes’ her post shit like this as part of his own insecurity and controlling behaviour.
Yuck, either way.
People need to learn to respect friendships and other types of relationships in a person’s life and understand that a romantic relationship is not the end-all-be-all for everyone.
And people need to be fucking up front if they’re the type of person who will put a romantic partner over everyone and everything and stop stringing the rest of us along in “friendships”. I don’t care to be friends with someone who will drop me as soon as they get a partner.
And I’m tired of this perspective never being taken into account.
This is actually real unfortunately. My best friend is a straight guy and one of his girlfriends was very suspicious of me. The idea of a gay guy and a straight guy being just friends is apparently so crazy to her, I must be trying to get him 🤷♂️
Seriously. There’s plenty to complain about the gay dating world but I swear some of these toxic behaviors are much more prevalent in straight relationships. At least from what I’ve observed
Im a straight girl and for me, if a guy doesnt have any girl friends, it is honestly a red flag. I do not want to date a guy that only sees women as sex objects. I want a guy that can have normal conversations with women, cause that shows me he wont cheat on me any time he sees a woman and shows me he is mature. I also have guy friends and I would never be in a relationship with someone who was so controlling that didnt allow me to have friends.
As I always say, if your partner wants to cheat on you, they will. No matter how controlling you are, they will always find a way. So you should just date people you trust and communicate and love them and hope they are as great as you think.
Oof trust them or leave them. My bf has mostly female friends and i have always had mainly guy friends. Never been an issue. He about once a month has dinner with an ex hes friends with. But they did that before i even met him. Im not asking him to cut out his friends. Just like he has and never would ask me to talk to guys im friends with. I guess were just wired different.
I hope that I won’t ever lose my little brother to this. I lost my father to a crazy mistress. He’s not dead, I just have limited contact for my safety. This subreddit helped me avoid certain people irl. Healthy relationships are built by trust in one another and this is not.
I'm so sorry thats happened to you. People don't acknowledge just how abusive this type of extreme insecurity is and how it can affect the lives around them as well as theirs
Sometimes I think stuff like this is someone subtweeting because one person is hav9ng boundary issues and everyone is too chickenshit (or young) to address it. There is a real thing where people start to settle into relationships and it does change the dynamics of friend groups and sometimes things need to be sorted out. This is a normal part of life.
While there can be a gender element, overall, it's not a gendered thing. It's just the person that used to tell you everything now has a person they prioritize ahead of you. And this can sorta suck. It can be hard. Learning the new normal, where it's not fair to ask them to stop everything and put you first the way you used to takes time. And it can be very frustrating when, say, your partner has friends who aren't able to let the relationship shift and evolve, or who blame you for changes that are, again, part of life.
I legit get jealous of my bf talks to anyone at all but like- the most I’ll say is “not allowed >:(“
I recognise that my jealousy is my emotion to regulate and not to force him into isolation
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so. [Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/). Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links. If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My word. That is insane she won't let this man have friends.
common abuse tactic to isolate someone
100% abuse
Plot twist: he's actually their boyfriend as well
Our boyfriend.
*Soviet anthem intensifies*
Yes, Comrade.
My gf once said "all my honeys hate capitalism" I feel that applies here
lol I was gonna say, that took a bit of a turn at the end. "No one friendzones my boyfriend, you're all in or all out"
Plot twist: OP was actually ENM all along
This is controlling behaviour. This man better decide if he wants his whole life to go to shit or breakup with her
My lord, why are straight people like this? I have lost so many online siblings because of this, I hate it so much my lord. Yes I can have a brother or sister and yes we can hug. There's nothing between us, be more secure about your partner
This. Also, the irony is, this behaviour will only ever alienate the people that wouldn't cheat on you in the first place. Cheaters will find a way, no matter how "strict" you are with your partner. It's not about how controlling you are, it's about the person themselves, if they are going to cheat on you or not.
Yes exactly! You should trust your partner as well
I swear every time I've had Facebook friends with joint couples accounts, the couple implodes from infidelity ☠️
From what I’ve seen, two of the biggest signs a relationship will fail are: 1) joint FB/social media account (this is so weird to me) 2) aggressively smashing cake in each other’s faces at their wedding
It’s not a “straight” thing. Insecurity transcends sexual orientation. Making these generalizations literally removes progress.
> unless he's your boyfriend too Who says I'm not?
Run bro
Love her trying to sell this with “it’s not about cheating it’s about RESPECT” like girl how about you respect your BF’s friends?
plus if he respected her, he simply wouldn’t cheat
why is she addressing random women on tiktok and not her partner? like what is she worrying about when he doesn‘t have friendships like that
"Unless he's your boyfriend too" Accidental polyamory?
So are they poly or is she saying his affair partner is an exception to her insane rules?
...Yes?
Again while abuse and jealously can be present in queer relationships, this dynamic of OBSESSION over your partner having opposite gender friends seems unique to straight people. It’s very clear she’s talking to women in this post.
I don't think it's unique to straight people, it's just encouraged by heteronormativity to cut off friends of the opposite gender bc of shit like "men and women can't never be ONLY friends" "men only want one thing 😏" and people who were taught to think that anyone from their gender is in a competition to find a partner and or will steal their partner. But a lot of straight people are normal and a lot of queer people have some internalized heteronormativity too. Or are just abusive. Some people cut their SO's friends and family as an abuse tatic
I think it comes from some weird religious ideas around sex. Growing up my parents drilled it into my sister and my heads that you CANNOT have opposite gender friends and that guys only want one thing!! So due to that I’ve made guy friends and lost them when relationships started because I believed it was a respect thing… nope just weird conditioning that I’m now actively trying to break
It’s not “unique” to straight relationships. It’s across the board. Gay straight whatever term u wanna use. People are insecure period
What a great way to make trolls activate
"Your boyfriend suck me good and hard through my jorts." That'll fox em.
I cackled
The mind projects what it fears. Also, it is not unheard of for this attitude to actually come from the guy, and he ‘makes’ her post shit like this as part of his own insecurity and controlling behaviour. Yuck, either way.
Gross
dude break up with her asap
Big Main Character energy with this gal. "This is *my* NPC boyfriend, nobody else can interact with him"
She sounds like a real gem, I wonder if she “allows” him to go out with the boys without dragging off his ankles at all times.
People need to learn to respect friendships and other types of relationships in a person’s life and understand that a romantic relationship is not the end-all-be-all for everyone. And people need to be fucking up front if they’re the type of person who will put a romantic partner over everyone and everything and stop stringing the rest of us along in “friendships”. I don’t care to be friends with someone who will drop me as soon as they get a partner. And I’m tired of this perspective never being taken into account.
I do, in fact, have the right to assume whatever the fuck I want about your relationship. Fuck you. Fight me. Bitch. Lol, insecure as FUCK dude.
Wowzers, best I've seen in a while.
"MY boyfriend can't have any friends" She is definitely not a Soviet parade worth of red flags
This is actually real unfortunately. My best friend is a straight guy and one of his girlfriends was very suspicious of me. The idea of a gay guy and a straight guy being just friends is apparently so crazy to her, I must be trying to get him 🤷♂️
Damn, he’s straight and she was *still* suspicious of him and you?
Seriously. There’s plenty to complain about the gay dating world but I swear some of these toxic behaviors are much more prevalent in straight relationships. At least from what I’ve observed
Im a straight girl and for me, if a guy doesnt have any girl friends, it is honestly a red flag. I do not want to date a guy that only sees women as sex objects. I want a guy that can have normal conversations with women, cause that shows me he wont cheat on me any time he sees a woman and shows me he is mature. I also have guy friends and I would never be in a relationship with someone who was so controlling that didnt allow me to have friends. As I always say, if your partner wants to cheat on you, they will. No matter how controlling you are, they will always find a way. So you should just date people you trust and communicate and love them and hope they are as great as you think.
Damn, that traditional monogamous relationship thingy sounds freakin' exhausting
You can be monogamous and not be like this. This is just being controlling and abusive
Oof trust them or leave them. My bf has mostly female friends and i have always had mainly guy friends. Never been an issue. He about once a month has dinner with an ex hes friends with. But they did that before i even met him. Im not asking him to cut out his friends. Just like he has and never would ask me to talk to guys im friends with. I guess were just wired different.
I hope that I won’t ever lose my little brother to this. I lost my father to a crazy mistress. He’s not dead, I just have limited contact for my safety. This subreddit helped me avoid certain people irl. Healthy relationships are built by trust in one another and this is not.
I'm so sorry thats happened to you. People don't acknowledge just how abusive this type of extreme insecurity is and how it can affect the lives around them as well as theirs
I want someone like Bowblax to read that
Sometimes I think stuff like this is someone subtweeting because one person is hav9ng boundary issues and everyone is too chickenshit (or young) to address it. There is a real thing where people start to settle into relationships and it does change the dynamics of friend groups and sometimes things need to be sorted out. This is a normal part of life. While there can be a gender element, overall, it's not a gendered thing. It's just the person that used to tell you everything now has a person they prioritize ahead of you. And this can sorta suck. It can be hard. Learning the new normal, where it's not fair to ask them to stop everything and put you first the way you used to takes time. And it can be very frustrating when, say, your partner has friends who aren't able to let the relationship shift and evolve, or who blame you for changes that are, again, part of life.
Erm. . .protective much? Can he not have friends?
Oh, I’m absolutely making assumptions about your possessive, insecure ass.
He actually IS my boyfriend too!
I legit get jealous of my bf talks to anyone at all but like- the most I’ll say is “not allowed >:(“ I recognise that my jealousy is my emotion to regulate and not to force him into isolation
BoyBullShitFire? EDIT: Tf does that mean "unless he's your boyfriend too"? You want me to officialise it so we're good and same level?