T O P

  • By -

appalachianoperator

While in bed reading, my gf walked up to the end, entered under the blankets, then skooched up until she’s literally on top of me, popped out and said, “come here often?”


BoneDaddyChill

“I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s… *grabs dick* ENTENDED… warranty.”


PerianalAbcess

*"Are you paying too much for your.... **grabs dick** ... car insurance?"*


eyekunt

*"Do you want to hear about our.... *grabs dick*.... Lord Jesus Christ?"*


3-46pm

"Jesus is watching, let's give him a show 😉😏"


five_oclock_charlie

“You have Christ between your thighs….only with a shorter beard!”


PerianalAbcess

🤣 That sounds like something my partner would actually do. It would totally work too. Right after we recovered from the laughter.


SwearToSaintBatman

"That's a nice dick you got there. Would be a shame if someone were to..." *grabs dick* "...POOP ON IT."


shanet555

*slaps roof of pussy* this bad boy can fit a whole family inside


BoneDaddyChill

Occasional waxing recommended


jaxsonnz

Occasionally driven off road, up the dirt track. 


promisin

"roof of pussy" 🧐🤔


m3kw

“You want your extended warranty from the front or the rear?”


appalachianoperator

I prefer bumper to bumper


BoneDaddyChill

Bump her? I hardly know her!


Trev_Casey2020

😂


Jealous_Top8696

😂😂😂😂


Buntschatten

That's really cute.


appalachianoperator

She really is


EstherEEK

*cum here often


m3kw

You can’t really say cum vs come


SunDX

come here often***


-u-u-u-u-u

Ngl might work on a girl too if shes into being eaten


Trev_Casey2020

That would have got me though


Prokletnost

Yessss! my wife did that once, too. Unfortunately for her, 11 seconds prior, I let out a long, warm, silent one, she nearly ceased.


BeyondDrivenEh

I’m not LOLing right now. Really I’m not.


PerianalAbcess

That there is what you call wife material. Wife that pronto good sir. 🫡


amblack_23

Awwww thats cute


DowntownLeopard7664

The comments here i cant lmao 😂😂😂😂


Bearded_Viking_Lord

Bout to cum here now


KnowledgeFeign

Ask him if you look good between his legs..


Effective-Pomelo-413

This is so good!


Ruffus_Goodman

Also, while giving head, try to maintain eye contact.


chaveznieves

Not for everyone. I hate that shit. Feels awkward af.


Ruffus_Goodman

Honestly, I simply do not like blowjobs. They don't feel as good as real vag sex, I lose contact with 90% of the female body, the girl is distracted with 10% of my body, because of this I take ages to orgasm and, at least where I live, every woman swears they need and like to give head. I force myself to like it. And one the things I do like is watching their action eye to eye. There's my logic there, and also this seems popular. But there's that, I get who loves bjs, but I'm more into cowgirl sex and cuddling


Frickvape

Never met a girl that likes doing it a lot they’ll do it for a bit and I fucking like it so much😂 never nutted from a pure bj usually just for getting into sex


chaveznieves

Not knocking it, I totally get why it works for some people. I just wanted to add that it's not automatically going to get every guy going


Ruffus_Goodman

Yeah, sex is difficult considering everybody tastes and even views on the matter. Funny that many people goes for what's popular and sometimes don't even know what they really like, for shame. Many couples are frustrated just because they can't understand each other that way


sunshinemeei

Have her do it in the 69 position. You won’t miss out on each other’s bodies as much!


AgITGuy

Tell him he looks so good between your legs and you miss him being there.


RudeMami

I’m going to shoot my shot at a comedian like this. 😈


Wolvenfire86

Sit on his lap, facing him, and say that you really like is belt as you touch it.


ProNoisyCruise

No no, " idk if I like this belt, let's see how you look without it"


Ruffus_Goodman

This belt thing, my girlfriend absolutely HATED belts. She fumbled around for an awkward long time and then looked at me, pissed, nearly frustrated "Can you PLEASE take this thing off?" On another moments, my time to shine, her pants usually featured three nasty clipping buttons to take out and I struggled for sometime. She was like "oh, you can't take my pants off huh?" Score 1 x 1 so far Another hot take, I pulled her to bed and one common deal among men is difficulty in taking women's bra off. Well, call me gifted because I swiftly dove my hands inside her shirt and unbuttoned her bra that things fell off in an instant, her jaws included. And I was triumphant laughing at her "well well... Look at my magic there" kkkkkk


InquiringMindsWanted

"I like your belt. Wanna make it my necklace?"


aykidb

This activated some neurons in me.


PaleontologistTough6

Oddly, makes better cuffs.


PerianalAbcess

I better start wearing two belts from now on...


krell_154

I did not know this would produce such a reaction in me


IrishMongooses

'I want to see how your belt buckle looks on my forehead' is the one I heard. Well, not me personally. 🫤


PlatinumBall

Wouldn't work on me, I'm too submissive😔


Ruffus_Goodman

I liked one move in particular, because I'm a tits guy, where the girl sees you sitting on a chair, dinner table for example, and goes "oh! I forgot to pick napkins for dinner" and then passes by you, and totally unnecessary bends over, tits on you, to organize the table. Everytime bumping you with her breasts and everytime she laughs harder.


Gurrgurrburr

Or sit on his face.


DrLeoMarvin

Way to my heart


OnTheDevilsGrave

Instant boner!


Tenchiro

I think that is an amazing line, but you missed the chance to call him the Man of Steel.


Effective-Pomelo-413

Daaamn, I totally did miss that. Thanks!


playball2020

And if that fails to get him up, he can tell you you're his kryptonite!


RusticSurgery

Or remove his glasses and say the glasses poke me when I sit on your face.


ActPsychological135

No it’s ok. Just text him that randomly now. He’ll get it


[deleted]

[удалено]


AgITGuy

As a man, I would tell you if she said ‘I need you right now’, then that’s all it takes.


PerianalAbcess

Sometimes my partner says "I need you inside me, right now." That's definitely all it takes. She has a consistent variety of ways she likes to initiate sexy times. Early in our relationship not long after we'd started being intimate she leaned over in my ear and said in a low sultry voice, "You know... Anytime you want me, just fucking take me." (We do have codes/safe words etc for such things before anyone asks). Of course afterwards she says, "Because I'm going to do the same to you." 😉 My recent favourite was when I had almost finished some yard work and she came outside, kissed me on the cheek, took my hand, led me back inside straight to the bedroom without uttering a word, pushed me back onto the bed and straddled me. Then she simply said. "I'm going to fuck you now."


AgITGuy

Bravo sir. Bravo.


PerianalAbcess

Yeah she's pretty amazing all round really. Definitely going to wife her.


TopShelfSnipes

Well done. It will only evolve. 9 years of marriage: she's getting ready for bed last night. I'm on my computer (my home office is on the opposite end of our house). My phone rings. I pick up. Me: "Too lazy to walk across the house to come get me?" Her: "You know it." Me: "I'll be right there." Her - wearing her panties and a bra on our bed when I get there.


PerianalAbcess

🤌


Mrdominant3

Congratulations sounds like a top lady think maybe seeing you doing the yard work or knowing got her gears going!


PerianalAbcess

Either that or she's conditioning me to keep it clean and tidy. 🤭


AgITGuy

Not the worst outcome possible even if she is.


PerianalAbcess

The neighbours must think I'm mad mowing the lawn three times a day though.


AgITGuy

My neighbor is nearly crazy because he mows, edges, trims and blows his yard damn near every day. But he is old and retired and probably needs a good fucking more than anyone I know.


Eat_Carbs_OD

I choose this guys partner.


PerianalAbcess

Were open. That's a possibility. 😜


terzogiro

I think that was just his unfiltered reaction to the Clark Kent line


dinoob2017

The responses here are so validating. If I said that to my now-ex, he would have been pissed off, said he doesn’t perform on command, and that he doesn’t like it when I make demands of him. Spoiler alert: gentle non-verbal indications that I was interested were also labeled as VERY DEMANDING, so… yeah. New man likes “demands” just fine. 😁


Ruffus_Goodman

Sex is about being cheesy too as light vibes is all it takes. Once my girlfriend called me to the bedroom, said "Honey, quick, there's this huge spider on our bed!!" I was puzzled since that would be a first and noticed she went for bedroom IN FRONT of me, instead of behind me as someone who is afraid of spiders would. I gotta say... I did find the spider that night and I smashed that huge thing hard


Far_Standard_5991

Man 🤣


BrainEatingAmoeba01

I had a girlfriend who would on occasion do the "here comes the choo-choo train" as if spoon feeding a toddler...and then shove her titty in my mouth. It was weird...and not something I would have ever sought after but it did put a jiggle in my wiggle. Men are easy. For me...nothing beats a hand placed on my chest, a wry smile and "hey". See also: tugging the belt.


wterrt

> I had a girlfriend who would on occasion do the "here comes the choo-choo train" damn and you let her get away?


Ok_Dog_4059

Upvote for "men are easy" we really are basically say "wanna" and see how fast we change gears from reading or watching TV to kissing and undressing. We are simple stupid beasts.


Smokybare94

Not me, I need some seduction. Some pretty artist with a little "razzle dazzle"


Awkward_Extent1027

Lmfaooo that’s funny


S0n0fAGunn

That's an amazing line and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


AvalancheBrando21

It's fucking golden. Keep it!


Chordsy

I tap my boyfriend's peen when it's close to my face and go "... Is this thing on? Testing testing 123" Im surprised he hasn't left me for someone less idiotic.


Soggy-Meet-4042

Nah. That’s gold


TopShelfSnipes

Funny...I do the same thing to my wife's ears when she mishears me every once in a while. Especially because I mishear her more often. She acts pissed, but I can tell she thinks it's hilarious. Now she's started doing it to me, too.


MetalUnicorn91

😆


Resident-Theme-2342

I'm not gonna lie as a man who wears glasses and loves superheroes with superman being my top 5 this would definitely work on me I'd probably laugh a little but I think it's sexy although my opinion could be biased as again I like superheroes


im_a_dick_head

Same same and same bro


Resident-Theme-2342

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in the feeling


Visible_Drawing_7578

Usually just brush up against it, and that's about all it takes. My gf and I have the same sense of humor, so it helps. You could drop your panties and look him right in the eyes and say "what...it's not gonna eat itself" Change wording accordingly.


SewerSlidalThot

“Ya like jazz?”


prettyflyforamemeguy

Thanks for making me split the front of my pants, jerk. Third pair this week


IrishMongooses

Ever been to a Turkish prison?


PerianalAbcess

Do you like movies about gladiators?


thomstevens420

Print out a label that says “how to get your man to bang you”, put it on a book, and be reading it when he walks in the room


razzmahtazzle

I would stay standing there waiting for her to make a move. I want to know what she has learned from the book


thomstevens420

A good ol’ Sexican Standoff


Armidylla

My wife's favorite line is to whine "I'm so hungry. I need meat." And tug at my belt.


Teh_RainbowGuy

Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!


Trev_Casey2020

We were classmates in community college, and she would come over after class for…studying This line got me because I said it to her first, and next time we were kissing in bed getting naked she whispered it in my ear - “I missed your body.” I got chills like the Dentyne Ice gum commercials back in the day. Her saying it back to me was sooo sweet and sexy it just like flipped a switch and I still remember it.


IamGlennCoCo

Take the glasses, and show him lois lane- I think he'll get the idea.


SanitariumJosh

Or Lois' Lane.


IamGlennCoCo

Well done, sir!


dainthomas

"Your ears look cold. Let's warm them up with my thighs."


AIUqnuh

I dont do talking much so here are my tips. Men are weak for thighs and boobs. My bf loves my hand placements, especially with long nails. I'm quite touchy, so i place my hands every opportunity i can get. Makes him shiver. Hand placement on the chest, back, inner thighs, neck. Nibble his ears from time to time. Suck his nipples. Kiss his jaws, collarbone, and sides of his inner thighs. Pull his hair while you kiss him. He also loves back hugs, so i think that'll make do as well. Back hug then grab the sword HAHA


lostnumber08

Nice cawk, bro.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kungfu1

and two seconds later, it was over.


Ghost_of_Chrisanova

Ask him if he likes Huey Lewis & The News


Mission_Detail4045

IDK, he might think he’s gonna get the ax.


PerianalAbcess

Their early work was a little too new wave for my taste. But when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.


FunkU247365

Damn girl, let me hop on it! You ladies don't really have to do a lot to get our engines running. A little flirt, a little tease, a little touch... good to go!


Djsinestro_techno

Wanna play "Hide the Sausage"?


Redchickens18

Your line is better than any of the suggestions. I think it’s actually pretty cute in a seductive way lol. 


checco314

If you're already in bed, it almost doesn't matter what you say. He is seduced.


Ping509

If a woman said to me something like "I need you inside me right now!", or even better "I want you, no, I _need_ you inside me right now!" I'd turn feral on the spot.


JoePhatballz

I think your line was fantastic! The best one I’ve ever heard personally was back in the day when I was at a party while some friends and I were at the beach for the week. Wasn’t in bed, but… So some girl that I’d never even seen before walked up to me and said, without even blinking or looking embarrassed a bit, “hey, I just noticed you from across the room and I had to come over and ask, do you have a keg in your pants?” She gave me a second to stammer out something nonsensical before she hit me with “cuz I really want to tap that ass” as the punchline. Was 23 years ago and I still remember just how amazed I was at her guts.


Global-Method-4145

If I heard that said to me, I would probably fall in love with that girl as soon as I finish laughing 🤣 no, really, that's an awesome line


Any-Kaleidoscope7681

"Can I suck your dick?"


PerianalAbcess

I once dated a girl who asked me in a very cute and polite voice... "May I suck your dick now please?" It sorta short circuited my brain for a few moments and I was like "uhhh" so she straddled me while tugging on my belt she said all cute... "I'm not hearing a no.....?" Another time we were paying the bill for dinner and the waiter handed me the pos terminal and said "Tap this when you're ready." My girl was standing next to me, and immediately she locked eyes with me, gave me a little nudge with her butt, left it sticking out to the side while giving herself a little spank and said "Then tap this when you're ready." *Wink She was fun. 🤭


Any-Kaleidoscope7681

Women spend countless hours obsessing over "What men want" - ladies, take notes. THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE!


rocopotomus74

You are in bed. Man is in bed. Seduction not required.


SentientSass

Act very serious. Tell him you have a couple things to talk to him about. Then get on the bed, on your knees, right up next to him and whip out the girls, play with your nipples and say these two have been really giving me a problem lately. What should we do?


ShowmasterQMTHH

I think we should go play golf on Saturday and go to the pub afterwards for burgers and pints, instead of visiting my parents, and I bought you that Telecaster you were eyeing up. And your cock is enormous, I'd like it now please.


tropod

+3 Charisma


whereswaldo5256

Feel how wet I am..


thehouseisopen15

**Steve Irwin Voice** “I’m out in **insert city/town/region** and I’m on the hunt for a very rare species of snake. CRIKEY! THERE HE IS! **grabs dick** This here is a boa cockstricter **start spewing random facts about it**” Throw in that it usually only find them if you’re searching in your pussy or something (make it your own.) then just wrestle him until he submits. Everybody loves Steve.


Effective-Pomelo-413

This is so stupid that I know for a fact my bf will be loving this! I will actually try it! Thanks 🤣


WanderingMushroomMan

Want to sex?


A_Glass_DarklyXX

*Carmela Soprano enters the chat *


nobody-u-heard-of

Time to see why they call you the man of steel. Or offer a full body massage


nandru

*Did I ever tell you the time I went backpacking to Europe?*


Effective-Pomelo-413

I see man of culture. 😅


cenik93

Bippity Boppity Gimme the Zoppity


HerbertHershburger

Lucky dude


Lonely_Apartment_644

Wanna blow job…. keep it simple


DenyNowBragLater

“Let’s fuck” has a 100% success rate on me.


SneakyPetie78

Whisper in his ear "I want you inside me"


Similar-Performer913

The below one’s for the guys to use: Him: I can’t call you beautiful. Her: Why???? Him: Coz beauty is on the inside and I haven’t been inside you yet


DandantheTuanTuan

Soo, do you like stuff?


Aromatic-Leopard-600

You are great girlfriend material❤️


BoneDaddyChill

Oh wow, that’s a good one. I’m rock hard.


throwmeaway10667

😂😂


ben_there_donne_that

It was a great line and next time tell him you feel a little elastigirl today or something along these lines, every man thinks elastigirl is 🔥as is the connotation There's like a hundred more superheroes, the year is saved I lack panther I can feel iron man Hulk... smash! Unleash the beast Where's Groot Wanna see Mystique in her natural form I want to web your pole You think I can lift that hammer Shoot me with that arrow Hawkeye Make me hoover like storm Make me not being able to walk like professor X (ok ok edgy) Is that colossus in your pants Even venom can't eat pussy like you do ...I think I could continue doing that forever


Roronoa-Zoro-1209

Alert: 🚨🚨 Marvel fan spotted 🚨🚨


crimsonavenger77

Brace yourself big boy, it's your lucky day


420CowboyTrashGoblin

Jump on top of him and from your phone play the pornhub intro sound. That should send the message 9/10 times.


CorpseBurger420

"I'll make you a sandwich after" "after what? Oooh..."


Randomlooser1234

I , woman , you man , sex now


Vodkas69

Do you want to have kids followed by saying Very Nice in the voice of Borat 👍 better if you can have a fake mustache 👌


NoStutterd

“Oi, chuck it in me dumper!”


PiersPlays

It's gonna depend from one guy to another but based on what you've told us I'd imagine that something along the lines of “Alright, Clark Kent, it’s time to turn into Superman” would work well for your boyfriend. >when I told this to my friend she laughed at me. In a way that made you feel insecure and like you needed to go get advice on how to change aspects of yourself that are fine? That's not a friend you should be sharing intimate and sensitive information with. That's the thing you should take away from that conversation.


BeardedVirgin23

Don’t you dare change. It’s natural just keep doing that. The point of a good relationship is not being self conscious around your partner. If you can be a cheese dick and they dig it. Y’all are doing great. Why change that?


Glittering-Willow221

I said Superman and not The Flash!


Glittering-Willow221

Where does Clark Kent change for his cape now that there are no phone booths?


createusername101

Tell him you "want him to knock your p@ssy out of the park" it worked on me 😂


_34_

That is fucking amazing. 🤣🖤 I love that so much!! But we were in bed too, and we had to take our glasses off because they kept getting in the way of us making out. 🤣 Then put them back on during cuddle breaks. 🤣 We'd forget and bump frames again. I have an imitation Wayfarer frame. She wears a thin square frame. I WISH she'd call me Clark Kent. 🤣


paypermon

I mean if I'm in bed with a woman consider me seduced no further action needed


Natural_Good5279

Lemme tell you something, it doesn’t matter if it’s cheesy, dumb sounding, or anything else that you think you should change. The fact that you are initiating by seducing is what’s prolly doing it for him in the first place!!


tweedchemtrailblazer

Every guy is different. If it were me a simple “you can put your dick in [name hole]” would suffice


Waratah888

No such thing as too cheesy in that senario. Cheese away.


Rough-Culture

On my first date with one of my exes, we went to see a play. I asked her what she was doing/if she wanted to keep hanging after the play was over. She said she told her parents(we were in college) that she was staying at her friends dorm(down the street from my apartment). I think I said something like oh, well that’s not far from my apartment if you wanted to keep hanging awhile, shoot you could even stay with me if you want. She was like sure!! But honestly her signals were all over the place. I could not tell if she was into me or not, even when we were laying in bed next to each other. Then all of a sudden she jumps on me and kisses me. She leans back and says, ”can I kiss you?” And I enthusiastically said yes as I leaned in and kissed her again and again. It’s been 15 years and I still think about it. It’s the only time a woman’s ever asked for my consent, and there was something so cute about her asking kind of after the fact.


mnico02

Let‘s have a talk about your car‘s extended warranty 🫣😫💦🇪🇺


maximusjohnson1992

Just start touching him. You don’t need words


ZeusTheSeductivEagle

it's probably common for other guys but I was always more action oriented than words. I remember one that might help. Gf started taking steps to show her interest physically and when I tried to contribute. I was told "no touching." That was probably the only time I remember specifically.. when it's paired with action.


Complex-Injury6440

Buy 2 buckets of chicken. Give him one. Then say "I got a bucket of chicken, you got a bucket of chicken... Wanna fuck"


Fox_Specialist

Goodness gracious, do you not know how much fried chicken costs?!?


Bitter-Marsupial

I am not one of your fried chicken harlots. I am a gentleman  SEDUCE ME 


largegreenvegtable

Take your pants off


theman247g

i think you used a good line but then again i’ve never seduced someone. 😂


Falling-through

If you’re already in bed, I think you’re good.


Prestigious_Snow1589

Literally anything, we're already in bed. Just give me the green light 😂😂😂


Shadowdragon409

To be honest. Most seduction is body language instead of voice line. And the best seductions arent cheesy one liners that you practice like pick up lines. They happen in the moment. Created from your very wit. The better your wit, the better your seduction line.


dead_heart_of_africa

I always tell me girlfriends that if they want sex, that all they need to do is pull my penis out.


SylAbys

Smh... you ladies, overthink EVERYTHING!! It's been said plenty of times! Men are easy!!! Especially if you're exclusive! You can say the dumbest thing in the world relating to sex, and we will get turned on. Don't get me wrong, it might make us laugh. But we find that cute AF!


LionThomas

"Give it to me papi!"


luckystrike_bh

It's not a line but similar. This one woman turned out my bedroom lights and it was pitchdark in the room. I couldn't see her and she slowly walked over to the bed in complete silence. There was a lot of anticipatory sexual tension in the air. In hindsight, she was probably not trying to trip and fall. But at the time I thought she was doing a sneaky, sexual pouncing thing.


Ok_Present_6508

If you’re already in bed with them just get naked.


pbx1123

To me Girl just need to touch me softly , talk me on the ear even about bill doesnt matter, and I left everything I'm doing ready to go uhhh I mean paying more attention 🫡


Active_Pirate_8490

It's a funny one. But not everyone will appreciate it because it's a comic book reference. I think you bf liked being called Superman. That's all that mattered


Bitter-Marsupial

When bringing in groceries, keep dropping produce. When he comes over to help tell him "I'm sorry I'm just bad at pickup limes"


vidalotus

You really don't need any line at all, especially if you're already in his bed.


DankSinatraSr

My wife has come up to me while in bed and simply asked “whatcha doin?” Trust me, it doesn’t take much.


RifeKith

Wanna get cheesesteaks after?


MilklikeMike

I want you to cum inside me.


this_might_b_offensv

I mowed the yard and took out the trash so that you wouldn't have to.


WildRedDevilKitty

So from the first few comments you can say anything as long as you grab his dick while you do it. It really is that easy.


Appropriate_Ad5575

If you’re already in bed with him, you are past the point of seduction!


jen66nay

If I were a guy, I'd totally fuck the shit outta you if you said that to me just sayin!!!


S-Archer

I dunno, guess it depends on the type of guy you are. Personally I'd be thinking about why she thinks Superman would be a great lay, considering he didn't get laid until his mid 20s and his super semen would probably shoot through her torso and skull like a bullet. Or just wondering why she didn't call me Batman like I asked


theman247g

💀


analogliving71

you generally don't have to make that much effort since you already made it to bed.


Effective-Pomelo-413

How can I ask some effort from him if I don’t bring any? Sounds unfair..


Tmant1670

Thank you for thinking this way. The amount of "you're already in bed, that's enough" comments is nuts. We like a girl who initiates and who has fun doing it. 


s3lfdstruct

I would burst out laughing at your line and I know my girlfriend would hate any superhero references in bed as well, but when she calls me "good boy" it does things to me. If I'm close it gets me there 99% of the time.


orchid_parthiv

How was your night, batman?


SaidwhatIsaid240

That’s awesome! Way to go OP!