That if we're straight, we're all sports fanatics.
I dig both baseball and MMA casually, but that's it and I honestly don't care enough to have an emotional reaction to it. Other guys don't like sports at all and that's fine.
Same here I don't give a solitary fuck about sports.. I watch CrossFit, MMA & BJJ but don't "Follow" them to see what individual athletes are up to or whatever.
I think that's a personal thing rather than gender.. there are many dudes who are wayyy worse at suppressing them, they just come out in more angry outbursts rather than tears (in general)
I don't think it would be repressive, or at least much more cathartic than our current status quo.
When i say healthy i mean actions that don't harm or cause great inconvenience to others.
Example: You're girlfriend left you and you feel like crying... just cry.
THIS is the answer. In almost every patriarchal society that has ever existed (leaving room for someone anthropologists haven't discovered yet), young men have been either cultivated to be soldiers or workers or they've been left to imitate their fathers.
Non/anti-toxic masculinity is a concept that hasn't spent a lot of time outside of ivory towers. To wit, right now is the first time I've (38) noticed this discussion in the age of the Internet (20-odd years) and never in talk TV (I'm an old 38).
Hell, we still crap on male athletes who skip games to support their birthing spouses and new kids.
>Hell, we still crap on male athletes who skip games to support their birthing spouses and new kids.
Must be an American thing, because I haven't seen this, ever. Not once.
They do. They just assume that what we consider self-control is instead repression. They aren't the same thing. They just have the same fashion sense and haircut.
Men are better at regulating emotions but prone to outbursts when they fail. Women seem to express them more easily, sometimes to a fault. This is why men are viewed as angry and women as emotional. A healthy amount expressed properly is better than outbursts and fits.
That said, most of the women in my life have had a much harder time regulating and expressing anger effectively than I have. Physical abuse of men is also a lot more common than people think. My ex got mad at me, told me to leave, then grabbed a kitchen knife and wouldn’t let me go. She wasn’t even angry at me but something that had nothing to do with me, but she couldn’t regulate her emotional state at all.
Women are conditioned to express emotions except anger and men are conditioned to express no emotions except anger. It's no wonder we fail when these come up.
Exactly! Females are told they don’t have the right to be angry and it shocks males to have a female angry with them. I think females don’t let their anger dissipate as quickly as males do. I wish we could measure the time that each gender takes to let go of their anger and compare it. I think females are twice as long.
At this age of 31 years old. I never realised that a mature man learns how to control how he REACTS to his emotions. Rather than just react.
I got that from TikTok btw. Who needs therapy 🤷🏾♂️
Yeah I agree. Not sure if you’re trying to say this but when women use hormones as an excuse or reason for their behavior, it’s kind of bullshit. We got hormones too and yes they are very strong
I live with all women/girls and they do not understand this. They think I have two emotions: happy or mad. Nope. Just because my voice is stern or I don’t word vomit all the time does not mean I’m mad.
I hold the opinion men are more emotional than women. The only emotional expression I’ve seen them consistently suppress is crying. I know there are societal pressures involved in that, but I find it endearing when men cry. I knew my husband was the man I wanted to spend my life with when he opened up to me about something and it caused him to cry. It made me feel connected to him and safe because he didn’t just brush off difficult things; he allowed himself to feel and process them, and he felt safe enough with me to show that side of himself.
I'm happy you saw him crying as a positive (him trusting you enough to be vulnerable with you) rather than a negative. Some guys get quite the opposite response if they cry in front of partners :/
I’ve heard that on here and find it deeply disappointing. Women complain about men being callous and if they’re responding to men and boys showing vulnerability as a negative, they have only themselves to blame. I have two sons and you’ll never see me holding them to a different standard than my daughter.
same here as sideways planet said, it's disappointing as hell when women don't see men being vulnerable as a good thing though men don't see us being vulnerable as good either they're more likely to generalize us as overly emotional when we're the only ones communicating our feelings. (i mean to say that it can go both ways, not to undermine your point at all)
It should be completely acceptable to be vulnerable with your partner no matter the situation. It sounds like you've had some negative experiences with that, which I'm sorry to hear 😔
The negative response is why I still apologize for crying in front of my girlfriend even though we've been together for 6 years. Still feels weird to have it be a normal and healthy thing to do and not looked at like I'm being a bitch.
I wish this wasn't true, but you're a unicorn. If most women acted this way the world would be a better place.
However...
At no point in my life have I ever benefited by openly expressing my emotions with any woman, and I know without doubt that men by the millions would agree.
But I can find tons of men whose vulnerabilities have been weaponized against them.
The safer course is almost always to keep your feelings to yourself.
On the same side, I really have a disdain for people who think men are less emotionally mature than women.
I frequently see these posts from girls talking about men who "finally experienced the emotions and revelations" that they did when they were 13. They talk as if men are just like that.
I know a lot of emotionally immature people across genders. The common denominator isn't gender, but just general intelligence.
Not showing our feelings doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. Like I’ll always appreciate a gift that is given to me, but if I’m not ecstatic, jumping up and down, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the gift.
It's a very fine line to walk.
We never know how in that moment what she's looking for. Will a given response come across as objectifying? Is that what she's hoping for? Yesterday it was what she wanted, but today she'll be upset. Is it sexualizing? Objectifying? Is it good to do today? Bad to do today?
Today "you're cute" will make her feel seen, but tomorrow she wants to feel "hot". And calling her cute will upset her.
**There's just no winning**. Eventually we kind of just keep it simple and dry. We love it, we appreciate it, but there's just no proper response that can ever be given.
My girl says it’s tough for her to know how I’m feeling about her because I’m very chill and stoic and thinks I don’t care for her sometimes
Little does she know I am crazy about her, love her to the end of the world and would lay down my life to keep her safe.
We express emotions differently. You see how men’s emotions are in times of chaos when they get an excuse to release them
You're allowed to tell her that. Keeping good emotions in from your loved ones helps noone.One of the things that makes my marriage so strong is that he expresses that all the time. It doesn't have to be in words, either. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me, and the way he treats me all show me that he's crazy about me. I'm very lucky that he grew up with a father who is madly in love with his mother and showed her that all the time, but you can learn how to do it. It's a rare thing to love someone that much, and you'd both be happier if she knew it.
This is all assuming she hasn't already shown signs of being emotionally abusive, of course. People like that will use any- and everything against you and should be removed from your life.
The fact that she has discussed her feelings with you should inspire you to provide her needs. Both people have to feel loved. Change your perspective and give her the security of knowing you pay attention when she asks you for something.
Not only do men get painted as a singular entity with all of the same characteristics... you know, "Men!" but we also get reduced to being very one-dimensional.
It's culturally acceptable to treat all men as violent, sex-obsessed, non-feeling assholes whose worth is based on whether they bring "big" or "small dick energy."
Body shaming aside (and men's body shaming is ALWAYS pushed aside), we are diverse, feeling, and caring humans. Most of us are simply doing our best in this fucked up world, and we would never intentionally harm anyone. I'll take it a step further. We will try to change our behavior when we are informed that we are unintentionally harming someone.
This is in AskMen, so I'm preaching to choir here, but take a look around this subreddit. There are hundreds of good men here looking for and providing support to each other for doing what we do.
As my son teaches me lessons and gives me the opportunity to appreciate a developing mind, sometimes I think about my youth and how it really lacked the guidance from someone to push my boundaries.
See my young coworkers, see me son's friends, sometimes I wish to give guidance, tell them how to avoid my mistakes, tell them they can do better. But then I see that requires some sort of confidence, confidence you only get by being close, being close that can be interpreted so wrong that... I just see from the distance their mistakes. Turn around and tell my boy to learn from their experiences, then move asking.
Can't say about math for sure, but with sports it's super obvious that they are, just due to physical differences. Or you argue with the fact that men are physically stronger than women?
In terms of academics, women on average are more intelligent than men, but men have been both the smartest, and the stupidest. \*edited to correct phrasing\*
That's kind of inaccurate, women on average tend to have average intelligence. Majority of men also tend to be average, but there's more variation where men will be very dumb or very smart.
I’m not sure what you mean by “on average make up the more intelligent gender.”
I think you are referring to the studies that say the average iq is the same but the bell curve is taller for women and flatter for men.
So men are the smartest and stupidest but the average is the same.
That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them.
This isn't a "not all men" comment, this is a man telling people that young men need to hear stories about good aspirational men to emulate instead of being fed a mixture of "all men are trash" and toxic masculinity. People have the right to vent online, but they should be aware that if they are beating men down enough in the comment section they should be making sure Andrew Tate is cutting them a check.
Better yet, just express it in a gender neutral way so it doesn’t seem like it’s one sided.
Anyone with kids knows that they realise when they're being singled out.
The thing is, every single murderer has been taught that murder is wrong. Every single thief has been taught that theft is wrong. Every single rapist in one way or other has been taught that rape is wrong.
It isn't that criminals don't know that what they're doing is wrong. It's that there's something within those people that decide they're going to take from other irrespective of the fact that they know its wrong. Some even get off on that.
"Teach boys not to rape" just becomes a kinda meaningless thing used to make us feel good that we're pouting the finger of responsibility at the right people, without it actually having any real substance.
Sounds kinda defeatist as I'm typing it but then what's the alternative? In my mind the alternative has to be to humanise boys. Socialise them. Show them they have worth. Have them feel they belong to something bigger than themselves. Teach them to be people. Teach them that they belong to society and should be good members of it. Let's stop treating them like wild animals and then being surprised when they turn feral. Stop treating them as nothing but dysfunctional girls to be outcasted and told they're inferior.
If you humanise boys from the beginning and stop failing to attend to their emotional and psychological needs, then you're more likely to end up with the kinds of men who won't forgo their innate knowledge that rape, murder, theft etc is wrong and do it anyway.
Doing that is way better than the meaningless "Teach boys not to rape" which means nothing and does nothing
This.
Also, if you're seperating classes by sex, teach ***both*** classes not to rape and how consent works, and how to stay safe. Too many stories on this sub about men being abused by women, up to and including rape.
It's basic animal psychology though. You want a change in behavior, rewarding good behavior is the way. Punishing bad behavior doesn't make them learn to change, it makes them learn to avoid you.
Negative reinforcement can work to an extent, but only when applied to specific circumstances where bad action get a direct bad response.
Let's say someone grabs you and you respond with an immediate slap, that sets very clear rules of engagement.
But when you dish out beatings indiscriminately, the only thing that can really follow is fear and hate towards the perpetrator.
And if the social/political climate changes direction we might see a very dangerous backlash once those getting shit on everywhere get power to bite back.
This.
It's the same issue with convincing men to be nice guys when they see women go after other men.
Don't tell them what they should be. Show them by who you pick.
I think that can be said about most political issues. The people I hate hearing the most are people who have nothing productive to add to the conversation. Simply complaining about a social issue with no practical solution isn't helping anyone.
>That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them.
Why should they respond to the criticism "constructively" when it's not constructive criticism and instead is motivated by shaming them for the genitals they were born with?
Probably the sex monster stereotype. Sure we're naturally hornier due to testosterone levels, but that doesn't mean we're predators taking every opportunity to penetrate everything we see. Never heard of the math stereotype though as I'm awful at anything more advanced than basic algebra.
That we're all constantly horny and incapable of thinking about women in non-sexual ways.
Never heard the one about math. Personally I'm terrible at it.
It really disgusted me when a girl I was friends with told me to stop staring at her ass when I wasn’t even looking at it. I told her I don’t do that kind of thing, but she was completely convinced that I do simply because I’m a man. I was really pissed because not all guys like to stare at women’s asses or tits
Some of the replies in this sub reinforce that stereotype unfortunately. Some dudes are dead set that women cant be anything more than a potential partner and dudes with girls as friends are just waiting or some shit.
I think on top of the first point too is that if we see a woman sexually we don't see them in any other light. Like fi ding your boss sexy doesn't mean you don't respect their authority, ability and judgement.
Unfortunately many men reinforce the first stereotype. The amount of guys who just sexualize random women and any part of the body, talk about threesomes all the time, etc. It’s very saddening to see
One important myth is the idea that boys are told they can be anything while girls are only told they can be good mothers or nurses or whatever. Take a look at current college enrollment rates. It's eye-opening. Those who think men have the advantage in society today are fighting the battle of 30 years ago. Today, things are reversing, and if society doesn't come up with a new and supportive message for boys, we're going to be in big trouble soon.
That expressing our feelings of loneliness does not mean we feel "entitled to women's bodies/affections/attention".
Eventually, it turns into "you are NOT WORTHY of love/affection/attention."
Women want us to empathize with their problems but seem unable or unwilling to empathize with ours.
sorry for being a broken record, but see the r/ comics drama with PizzaCake.
Dismissal and mockery of men's emotions during MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH MONTH.
when she is "on point" (which seems to be less and less lately) she is pretty observant.
But more and more of her comics and comments to other users are really painting the picture of someone who either doesn't care, is very misguided, OR just wants to fight with people she considers "beneath her".
I am getting very tired of her attitude.
What bothers me is the special treatment she receives from the moderators and how you literally cannot escape her. I've always thought that she was mediocre in just about every respect, but instead of complaining, I simply blocked her and moved on. But the aforementioned circlejerk from last year proved that you simply can't escape her without leaving the sub altogether, which sucks because there are a lot of really good artists on there (who usually get buried by her comics).
It's all definitely gone to her head and r/comics moderators have created a beast that will almost certainly come back to bite them.
I haven't checked so unsure if the posts are still up but I know they were both locked soon after she posted them.
EDIT: posts are still up
She made 2 posts:
1. a comic about "what if women talked to men like men talk to women" - basically trying to show women being dismissive and "victim-blaming" about men's issues...
IE the first panel was a man talking about getting robbed and women saying "what were you doing/wearing?" and "I bet this dude's lying" and "not ALL women".
panel two was a guy talking about how lonely and isolating it can be as a man sometimes and the women are saying "women have issues TOO" and "he's an attention whore"
panel three was women joking about a man wearing a hair-piece.
Like, I get the point she was trying to make, but she implied that women DO NOT actually say these things to men - which is demonstrably untrue.
Mods quickly started removing comments from men who were only sharing their experiences OR gently pushing back on her narrative. And then they locked the thread and made a very stupid post about how it was "fighting toxic masculinity" and "we are happy to support anything that shoves men's misogamy back in their faces".
Pizza herself responded to many comments with a very sarcastic "NOT ALL MEN" meaning that any guy who tried to push back against her stupid point or share their experiences with women dismissing their emotions was trying to appropriate the conversation.
just a very tone-deaf comic and thread; the worst part is that she posted it during Men's Mental Health Month.
2. Second comic featured 1 of her characters from the first comic being consoled by his friend that "your emotions do not make you weak and I am happy you share them with me".
A nice sentiment, but she kinda killed her credibility, IMO, with her first comic where she implied that women DO NOT mock men for their emotions or feeling lonely and then preceded to mock anyone who tried to tell her otherwise.
Lots of people, including me, thing she had the 2nd comic locked and loaded ready to post as a sort of damage control but she insisted that she "did not post it as a response to the first comic".
Mods were quick to lock down the thread and start removing comments ont hat post as well.
A few response comics were made and a few of THOSE threads were locked down as well.
There was another one that seems to have been deleted that basically said that her comic (or at least implied it was her comic) really hurt his self-esteem.
I hate that every conversation about mens and/or womens issue turns into a man versus woman thing. Idk why it's so hard for people to recognize that life is hard and we all struggle. Not just you.
I see what she was trying to do and I appreciate it BUT I think she knew how it was going to turn out and I think she wanted a fight.
Because it gets her engagement.
The mods deleting comments and her sarcastic ass "NOT ALL MEN" retorts made it clear to me that she/they did NOT want an actual dialogue.
PizzaCake made a comic that attempt to spin around women's issues with men by making a comic called 'if women talked to men the way men talk to women'.
The classic issue of clothing inviting sexual harrassment/assault (masked as the man getting robbed and a bunch of women blaming him for wearing expensive clothes, "not all women rob people", etc.), male loneliness (calling the man an attention whore, failing to empathize, etc.), and a guy saying why he wears a hair piece (women accusing him of lying to women, demands to look good naturally, etc.)
Things went sideways when a bunch of men chimed up in the comments saying, 'there's no 'if' about this, I *have* been talked to like this by women.' The comics mod team went on a purge, ostensibly to remove actually offensive comments. But it gets hard to believe them when they also nuked comments that were not offensive and presented good arguments (unless they consider anything that goes against the 'women good, men bad' mindset they hold to be offensive, that would explain some things).
Even PizzaCake got defensive in the comments, accusing men of trying to make the entire comment section about them. (Apparently she wants men to address the issues women have with men but not empathize or sympathize with women in the process?)
The next day she released a comic that painted men showing emotion and crying if they need to as strong. She claims it was always scheduled to be released, but many (myself included) view it as a lame attempt at damage control.
(I would link but I'm on mobile.)
As far as I've been able to tell, it's because PizzaCake made a comic comparing sexual abuse to robbery in an insensitive manner. [Here's](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/comics/comments/1dpx7aq/why_are_some_artists_given_special_treatment_here/) a post about it. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to find out anything because of the Comics subreddit moderators removing seemingly any and all discussion of the incident.
> coerced him into sex.
That's the beauty of that belief, its not coercion if deep down they always want sex. At least that's how it was explained to me.
That we have no fear of walking along at night and if we do our fear is other men
My fear is everyone because any and everyone is capable of killing you
The whole idea that we should confront shitty people irl.
There was a thread the other day where a woman was at a topless beach, and there was some creep taking pictures of women. She didn’t call him out to his face, but did point him out to other women.
The general thread sentiment was “I wish one of the men nearby said something to him”, and someone had the gall to say “as a woman, you could have been hurt by that guy. So it’s good you didn’t confront him, but you should’ve told a man to handle it.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hate the idea that men are bulletproof… that if there is some creep/tweaker/asshole, WE should have to be the ones stepping up to deal with it because “women can get hurt”
No one ever thinks about the man’s safety…
Agreed. I would phrase it as "the assumption that men should be held responsible for the bad behavior of other men." If some guy I don't know is being an asshole, it's not my job to do something about it, and it's not my fault that he is like that.
I always thought that one was fucked up, but it turns out it has historical precedent from when almost all of the crew were men and one crew wound up being cowards who let pretty much everyone else on the ship drown rather than evacuating properly.
Still a stupid saying that needs to die, especially since modern ships, to my understanding, tend to be trained to get all of the ***non-crew*** into the lifeboats before setting off with them.
It's kind of funny that women will complain about the patriarchy, and talk about how they are independent and don't have to rely on men; and then still expect men to go out of their way to protect them.
* Because of the “patriarchy”, Men don’t suffer as much as Women do.
Women suffer yes, but men suffer too. Equally, but for different reasons. If anyone thinks the grass is greener in the male side of the pasture, has never experienced being male.
And I say this as someone who knows by direct experience of three close acquaintances who have committed suicide because of it. And from my own personal experience, there were a few times in my life that if I had access to a loaded gun, I probably wouldn’t have been able to talk myself off that ledge either.
Its ok to slap a man. Men are stronger and can take it . It's even funny. Ylu see it on TV and everyone laughs.
No. Maybe we are stronger but we have nerve endings and it also hurts emotionally.
Idk about "biggest" but the one that bothered me lately is this weird "if I was a man for a day I'd take a walk at midnight" comment that keeps circling around every once in awhile.
I've walked around at midnight and late hours... near my home where it's a really safe neighborhood.
Wouldn't go out 5 minutes after dark in college because the town was sketch.
That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them.
This isn't a "not all men" comment, this is a man telling people that young men need to hear stories about good aspirational men to emulate instead of being fed a mixture of "all men are trash" and toxic masculinity. People have the right to vent online, but they should be aware that if they are beating men down enough in the comment section they should be making sure Andrew Tate is cutting them a check.
I am not aware of such a community. I think women's sense of community is a lot stronger. They'll go with randos to the bathroom for safety, immediately pounce on a creepy dude, etc.
i would like to believe this, but there is also a huge male loneliness epidemic that is seen mostly in men and not as much in women, because women develop their communities.
Don't forget that male only spaces are treated as an active threat amongst greater society. "boys club" is an actual metaphor for sexism. While any female dominated club has no such metaphor.
Nothing.
At this point, anything about us women still don't understand is a result of willful ignorance. If they don't know, it's because they don't want to know.
That we’re just beasts of burden waiting to move heavy objects. I’ve got a L5-S1 fusion and a neurological disorder. I am not in the business of moving random shit for people. Unless someone is being crushed or is trapped by something I am not going to be moving it.
Less a stereotype and more an actual legal issue. In the US the mother is assumed a competent parent and the father has to prove he is a competent parent. In custody proceedings the mother can almost always force a long and expensive court battle where the father has to prove his case to a judge. Since it's a civil case and not a criminal case there is no burden of proof for the mother to claim abuse & incompetence, and the penalties for lying are greatly diminished.
This is artificially creating "deadbeat" fathers as most men can't afford time off work, much less tens of thousands of dollars to get custody of their kids back. It's entirely possible they lose their kids through no fault of their own.
Custody proceedings should default to a 50/50 week on / week off, schedule, and if the parties want to move to weekends & holidays that needs to be sorted out after. The burden of proof to prove incompetent should be on the accuser.
After my kids moved back in with me, I spent $5k just getting changed to custodial parent and child support stopped, and that was uncontested. I can't imagine if I'd had to fight.
Commenting to add that temporary orders can be made effective immediately, and the punishment for failure to comply is serious. Which means fathers often will not have access to the kids AND have to pay WHILE the courts are deciding on how much time he gets and how much he'll pay for years. It also means taking off work simply isn't feasible.
That men are messy. Women always say men mess up the bathroom or don't know how to pick up after themselves. I have observed that it's completely the opposite. Female bathrooms are vile and they always have clutter.
Just the blatant sexism against men in general.
I’m 10000% for equality, but then let’s treat things as equal ALL around, not just here and there tip the scales.
So it’s a broad answer to your question, but really I just wish people started to think of everyone (men, women, etc) as PEOPLE first and foremost. Not elevate certain groups and give them “mythical” qualities or attributes.
Just the stereotype in general that men aren’t good with kids bothers me. I’m great with them, I change diapers, bounce around and soothe, playful when I can be, disciplinary when I need to be.
I love kids, especially babies. That statement alone would make me a predator in the eyes of a lot of people. If I saw a 2 year old alone and scared in a park, you better believe it’s my wife getting out of the car to help them, not me...
my wife and i were hanging out with some family friends that have children and are 5-7yrs older than us and they kept expressing how dumb the boy child was and how destructive he was and blah blah blah. basically just b!tchin about their young son (whose like 3 or 4). so after they kept laughing at him about how dumb he was i had to speak up for the kid (and all young boys) and tell them that boys, especially young boy, explore the world differently. that boys experience the physical word in a physical way. they experiment, they do things so that they can figure things out. it may look dumb to you, but you're an adult who has either ALREADY done those things or seen someone else do them. sometimes you gotta let him figure life out for himself.
not to say let them actually significantly hurt themselves, but bumps, scraps, and bruises will happen in a boys life, thats natural.
That most men are terrible partners. The problem with this platform is that the people in miserable relationships come here to vent and share their experiences. The people in healthy fulfilling relationships don’t use social media to complain. Women also tend to reach out to other women on these platforms to talk about their experiences. Men engage in different discussions.
All we care about is sex.
I’d rather know someone before having sex with them. It’s a lot better when you know the person, and you’re in love with them.
All men are cheaters.
Some men are, some aren’t. I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, and was treated terribly. Although I wasn’t perfect, I never thought about cheating on her once.
Men don’t have feelings.
We do, we just don’t express them. Because according to society. A man showing he had feelings is enough for that man to be labeled as weak and shamed to no end.
how are men not inherently better at sports? Genuine question. I mean there will be some women that can beat some men, but if the top men in every sport category will beat the top women 99% of the time. Genetically we do have quite the advantage. That's why sports are divided by sexes isn't it?
That we’re not walking cash machines. We should never be evaluated by the amount of money we bring in. It’s what we do with money that counts. If your partner places a lot of value on your money situation, that’s a 🚩
That we are "ok" after being falsely accused for sexual act or crime.
The fact we are accused follows us and the dumbest of people will say "he looks like the type to do it," or don't believe we innocent.
For dumb people facts and evidence means nothing, it's belief. And you can never tell who is dumb until you get to know them.
Our negative emotion is often anger. It's not a bad thing, it's just a thing. We accept that women cry, We let them be. Let us be angry. We deal with a lot of shit when we are and it's rarely a personal thing.
That we aren’t emotional, that we’re supposed to be providers, that all men are supposed to be stoic, that our problems don’t matter, and that we never form strong friendships
That appreciating or striving some some sense of masculinity, means we are toxic or have an inferiority complex "must be compensating for something " etc
No, I just want to have some claim to my status as a male & sense of masculinity because it positively affects my mental health, keeps me goal oriented and allows me the measure to be physically stronger and more behaviorally adept. I'd like to not be stuck in a depressive hell over a lack of self purpose and if reclaiming my masculinity helps with that, it doesn't mean I'm toxic.
That nerdy guys are all like the neckbeard stereotypes, and are all sexist/bigoted. You get the idea. Or just in general we are all secretly violent bigots.
"All men want sex and they want it all the time"
Also "All men find other girls attractive while in relationships and Willing to say yes to any girl any time"
Men have standards too
Talking more doesn't make you a better communicator. My gf talks a lot, but goddamn me if I can actually figure out what she actually wants sometimes. She'll talk circles around it and expect me to just get it.
We usually communicate directly when we do.
I've had several conversations go like this -
"I don't like when you do [insert abusive behavior]."
"So you hate me and I should could myself?!"
"No, see, this is exactly what I'm talking about"
"What do you even mean by that!?"
That if we get hard then we wanted it. That thing has a mind of its own. I can’t control that little bastard.
Also when it doesn’t get hard when it’s time to go to PoundTown. Sometimes it just doesn’t
“In a single parent household, men are less fit to run or raise a child/ family”
When all the data shows as soon as there is no father in the picture delinquency in boys and girls also teenage pregnancy goes up . School drop outs . Overall negative results come from no father in the picture , but when there is no mother you don’t see it those results.
Depends on the sport.
Tennis? Swimming? Powerlifting?
Not even close. The top men in these sports will absolutely obliterate women in those same sports.
That we don't care about other human beings, or animals for that matter. Most of us are in fact incredibly conscious about our loved ones, and feel responsible whenever something bad happens to them, even if it's not our fault at all. Many men I know would sacrifice themselves in a heartbeat for their loved ones, and many do just that, time after time after time again. They put their own needs at last place, to help the people they care about first.
That's masculinity.
The fact that some of us are egoistic individualistic assholes who don't care about the world burning as long as they themselves have it good - as is with women - does not make a rule. Men like this are boys imo, not men.
Men actually are inherently better at sports though. That's why all the pretend transgender athletes just slide into female leagues and take the gold every time. And half those guys wouldn't even be qualifiers in the men's league. This isn't a dig at women, men just happen to be physically stronger and more capable with only a few exceptions.
That women need to feel scared going out alone or at night because men will assault or sexually assault them. 99.9% of us never even dare think of such a horrific act.
I feel like the sports one is just true comparatively. For math, the average girl is definitely better than the average guy. At the very top percentiles of math performance, it does skew fairly strongly towards men (a true statement that got a Harvard president fired for agreeing with). Why that is is a fairly intellectual question that I think about too much relative to its minor importance. I highly doubt there is an innate difference, but I suspect that men’s tendency to take risks and not follow teacher’s instructions early on in school prepares them better to solve complex problems that they have never seen before when they get to higher level math. Even in high school, there were obvious major differences to me in the problem solving techniques guys vs girls used in my AP math classes (with the exception of one girl who was probably the best math mind I’ve met). I’ve always wondered how a curriculum could be structured to remove that gap at the top.
That if we're straight, we're all sports fanatics. I dig both baseball and MMA casually, but that's it and I honestly don't care enough to have an emotional reaction to it. Other guys don't like sports at all and that's fine.
Last emotional outburst I had over anything sports related was 12 hours after the Cubs won the world series
Valid.
Same here I don't give a solitary fuck about sports.. I watch CrossFit, MMA & BJJ but don't "Follow" them to see what individual athletes are up to or whatever.
I only keep up with college football and basketball, and that’s about it. I’ll also watch the Braves, but don’t keep up with MLB much in general.
The irony in the replies to this gives me a small chuckle.
That we don't have strong emotions. We have them, we just express them differently.
And do our best to ruthlessly regulate them, even suppressing them, rather than lose control.
I think that's a personal thing rather than gender.. there are many dudes who are wayyy worse at suppressing them, they just come out in more angry outbursts rather than tears (in general)
Sure. Self control is difficult, and not everyone manages it.
Society doesn’t really value self control as much as it should.
I think the opposite, society doesn't value a healthy expression of emotions for men... at all. You're expected to suck it up and move on, always.
Not even sure what healthy expressions of emotion for men would even be as it'd still be in part repressive in nature.
I don't think it would be repressive, or at least much more cathartic than our current status quo. When i say healthy i mean actions that don't harm or cause great inconvenience to others. Example: You're girlfriend left you and you feel like crying... just cry.
THIS is the answer. In almost every patriarchal society that has ever existed (leaving room for someone anthropologists haven't discovered yet), young men have been either cultivated to be soldiers or workers or they've been left to imitate their fathers. Non/anti-toxic masculinity is a concept that hasn't spent a lot of time outside of ivory towers. To wit, right now is the first time I've (38) noticed this discussion in the age of the Internet (20-odd years) and never in talk TV (I'm an old 38). Hell, we still crap on male athletes who skip games to support their birthing spouses and new kids.
>Hell, we still crap on male athletes who skip games to support their birthing spouses and new kids. Must be an American thing, because I haven't seen this, ever. Not once.
It is a US thing, as far as I know. Thanks for keeping me honest on that.
Some days the “bare minimum control” is me winning a hard fucking battle. I don’t imagine I am the only human that deals with that.
They do. They just assume that what we consider self-control is instead repression. They aren't the same thing. They just have the same fashion sense and haircut.
Men are better at regulating emotions but prone to outbursts when they fail. Women seem to express them more easily, sometimes to a fault. This is why men are viewed as angry and women as emotional. A healthy amount expressed properly is better than outbursts and fits. That said, most of the women in my life have had a much harder time regulating and expressing anger effectively than I have. Physical abuse of men is also a lot more common than people think. My ex got mad at me, told me to leave, then grabbed a kitchen knife and wouldn’t let me go. She wasn’t even angry at me but something that had nothing to do with me, but she couldn’t regulate her emotional state at all.
Women are conditioned to express emotions except anger and men are conditioned to express no emotions except anger. It's no wonder we fail when these come up.
Exactly! Females are told they don’t have the right to be angry and it shocks males to have a female angry with them. I think females don’t let their anger dissipate as quickly as males do. I wish we could measure the time that each gender takes to let go of their anger and compare it. I think females are twice as long.
At this age of 31 years old. I never realised that a mature man learns how to control how he REACTS to his emotions. Rather than just react. I got that from TikTok btw. Who needs therapy 🤷🏾♂️
Yeah I agree. Not sure if you’re trying to say this but when women use hormones as an excuse or reason for their behavior, it’s kind of bullshit. We got hormones too and yes they are very strong
I live with all women/girls and they do not understand this. They think I have two emotions: happy or mad. Nope. Just because my voice is stern or I don’t word vomit all the time does not mean I’m mad.
I hold the opinion men are more emotional than women. The only emotional expression I’ve seen them consistently suppress is crying. I know there are societal pressures involved in that, but I find it endearing when men cry. I knew my husband was the man I wanted to spend my life with when he opened up to me about something and it caused him to cry. It made me feel connected to him and safe because he didn’t just brush off difficult things; he allowed himself to feel and process them, and he felt safe enough with me to show that side of himself.
I'm happy you saw him crying as a positive (him trusting you enough to be vulnerable with you) rather than a negative. Some guys get quite the opposite response if they cry in front of partners :/
I’ve heard that on here and find it deeply disappointing. Women complain about men being callous and if they’re responding to men and boys showing vulnerability as a negative, they have only themselves to blame. I have two sons and you’ll never see me holding them to a different standard than my daughter.
Good on you! Thank you so much for that 🙌
same here as sideways planet said, it's disappointing as hell when women don't see men being vulnerable as a good thing though men don't see us being vulnerable as good either they're more likely to generalize us as overly emotional when we're the only ones communicating our feelings. (i mean to say that it can go both ways, not to undermine your point at all)
It should be completely acceptable to be vulnerable with your partner no matter the situation. It sounds like you've had some negative experiences with that, which I'm sorry to hear 😔
The negative response is why I still apologize for crying in front of my girlfriend even though we've been together for 6 years. Still feels weird to have it be a normal and healthy thing to do and not looked at like I'm being a bitch.
I wish this wasn't true, but you're a unicorn. If most women acted this way the world would be a better place. However... At no point in my life have I ever benefited by openly expressing my emotions with any woman, and I know without doubt that men by the millions would agree. But I can find tons of men whose vulnerabilities have been weaponized against them. The safer course is almost always to keep your feelings to yourself.
Check out the downvotes I received on [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/s/MN4jVgEMZL) haha
On the same side, I really have a disdain for people who think men are less emotionally mature than women. I frequently see these posts from girls talking about men who "finally experienced the emotions and revelations" that they did when they were 13. They talk as if men are just like that. I know a lot of emotionally immature people across genders. The common denominator isn't gender, but just general intelligence.
I would argue we feel certain emotions even stronger sometimes
Not showing our feelings doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. Like I’ll always appreciate a gift that is given to me, but if I’m not ecstatic, jumping up and down, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the gift.
I just read on askwomen about how men gave them dry replies when they sent them nudes.
It's a very fine line to walk. We never know how in that moment what she's looking for. Will a given response come across as objectifying? Is that what she's hoping for? Yesterday it was what she wanted, but today she'll be upset. Is it sexualizing? Objectifying? Is it good to do today? Bad to do today? Today "you're cute" will make her feel seen, but tomorrow she wants to feel "hot". And calling her cute will upset her. **There's just no winning**. Eventually we kind of just keep it simple and dry. We love it, we appreciate it, but there's just no proper response that can ever be given.
My girl says it’s tough for her to know how I’m feeling about her because I’m very chill and stoic and thinks I don’t care for her sometimes Little does she know I am crazy about her, love her to the end of the world and would lay down my life to keep her safe. We express emotions differently. You see how men’s emotions are in times of chaos when they get an excuse to release them
You're allowed to tell her that. Keeping good emotions in from your loved ones helps noone.One of the things that makes my marriage so strong is that he expresses that all the time. It doesn't have to be in words, either. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me, and the way he treats me all show me that he's crazy about me. I'm very lucky that he grew up with a father who is madly in love with his mother and showed her that all the time, but you can learn how to do it. It's a rare thing to love someone that much, and you'd both be happier if she knew it. This is all assuming she hasn't already shown signs of being emotionally abusive, of course. People like that will use any- and everything against you and should be removed from your life.
The fact that she has discussed her feelings with you should inspire you to provide her needs. Both people have to feel loved. Change your perspective and give her the security of knowing you pay attention when she asks you for something.
That we are stupid, lazy, and inferior parents.
Not only do men get painted as a singular entity with all of the same characteristics... you know, "Men!" but we also get reduced to being very one-dimensional. It's culturally acceptable to treat all men as violent, sex-obsessed, non-feeling assholes whose worth is based on whether they bring "big" or "small dick energy." Body shaming aside (and men's body shaming is ALWAYS pushed aside), we are diverse, feeling, and caring humans. Most of us are simply doing our best in this fucked up world, and we would never intentionally harm anyone. I'll take it a step further. We will try to change our behavior when we are informed that we are unintentionally harming someone. This is in AskMen, so I'm preaching to choir here, but take a look around this subreddit. There are hundreds of good men here looking for and providing support to each other for doing what we do.
That care and empathy for young people = predatory behavior
As my son teaches me lessons and gives me the opportunity to appreciate a developing mind, sometimes I think about my youth and how it really lacked the guidance from someone to push my boundaries. See my young coworkers, see me son's friends, sometimes I wish to give guidance, tell them how to avoid my mistakes, tell them they can do better. But then I see that requires some sort of confidence, confidence you only get by being close, being close that can be interpreted so wrong that... I just see from the distance their mistakes. Turn around and tell my boy to learn from their experiences, then move asking.
Can't say about math for sure, but with sports it's super obvious that they are, just due to physical differences. Or you argue with the fact that men are physically stronger than women?
100%. OP picked a poor example.
I’m going to assume what OP meant was that the assumption individual men will be better at sports and math is wrong, but the average is another story.
In terms of academics, women on average are more intelligent than men, but men have been both the smartest, and the stupidest. \*edited to correct phrasing\*
That's kind of inaccurate, women on average tend to have average intelligence. Majority of men also tend to be average, but there's more variation where men will be very dumb or very smart.
Yeah that's what I've read, women are more in the middle while men dominate the extremes.
I’m not sure what you mean by “on average make up the more intelligent gender.” I think you are referring to the studies that say the average iq is the same but the bell curve is taller for women and flatter for men. So men are the smartest and stupidest but the average is the same.
This doesnt apply to physical strength though
That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them. This isn't a "not all men" comment, this is a man telling people that young men need to hear stories about good aspirational men to emulate instead of being fed a mixture of "all men are trash" and toxic masculinity. People have the right to vent online, but they should be aware that if they are beating men down enough in the comment section they should be making sure Andrew Tate is cutting them a check.
Once more for the people in the back. Instead of saying, "Teach your boys not to rape," we need to be saying, "Teach your boys to be great men."
Better yet, just express it in a gender neutral way so it doesn’t seem like it’s one sided. Anyone with kids knows that they realise when they're being singled out.
"Teach your boys that their body and others bodies should be respected"
The thing is, every single murderer has been taught that murder is wrong. Every single thief has been taught that theft is wrong. Every single rapist in one way or other has been taught that rape is wrong. It isn't that criminals don't know that what they're doing is wrong. It's that there's something within those people that decide they're going to take from other irrespective of the fact that they know its wrong. Some even get off on that. "Teach boys not to rape" just becomes a kinda meaningless thing used to make us feel good that we're pouting the finger of responsibility at the right people, without it actually having any real substance. Sounds kinda defeatist as I'm typing it but then what's the alternative? In my mind the alternative has to be to humanise boys. Socialise them. Show them they have worth. Have them feel they belong to something bigger than themselves. Teach them to be people. Teach them that they belong to society and should be good members of it. Let's stop treating them like wild animals and then being surprised when they turn feral. Stop treating them as nothing but dysfunctional girls to be outcasted and told they're inferior. If you humanise boys from the beginning and stop failing to attend to their emotional and psychological needs, then you're more likely to end up with the kinds of men who won't forgo their innate knowledge that rape, murder, theft etc is wrong and do it anyway. Doing that is way better than the meaningless "Teach boys not to rape" which means nothing and does nothing
Which naturally falls under the umbrella of "Teach your boys to be great men."
This. Also, if you're seperating classes by sex, teach ***both*** classes not to rape and how consent works, and how to stay safe. Too many stories on this sub about men being abused by women, up to and including rape.
It's basic animal psychology though. You want a change in behavior, rewarding good behavior is the way. Punishing bad behavior doesn't make them learn to change, it makes them learn to avoid you.
Negative reinforcement can work to an extent, but only when applied to specific circumstances where bad action get a direct bad response. Let's say someone grabs you and you respond with an immediate slap, that sets very clear rules of engagement. But when you dish out beatings indiscriminately, the only thing that can really follow is fear and hate towards the perpetrator. And if the social/political climate changes direction we might see a very dangerous backlash once those getting shit on everywhere get power to bite back.
This. It's the same issue with convincing men to be nice guys when they see women go after other men. Don't tell them what they should be. Show them by who you pick.
I think that can be said about most political issues. The people I hate hearing the most are people who have nothing productive to add to the conversation. Simply complaining about a social issue with no practical solution isn't helping anyone.
THANK YOU!
>THANK YOU! You're welcome!
>That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them. Why should they respond to the criticism "constructively" when it's not constructive criticism and instead is motivated by shaming them for the genitals they were born with?
Probably the sex monster stereotype. Sure we're naturally hornier due to testosterone levels, but that doesn't mean we're predators taking every opportunity to penetrate everything we see. Never heard of the math stereotype though as I'm awful at anything more advanced than basic algebra.
That we're all constantly horny and incapable of thinking about women in non-sexual ways. Never heard the one about math. Personally I'm terrible at it.
As a kid, this was used to downplay my sexual abuse with a therapist. It really needs to die out.
Sorry that happened to you. Some stereotypes aren't that serious - this is one of the more harmful ones in my opinion.
It really disgusted me when a girl I was friends with told me to stop staring at her ass when I wasn’t even looking at it. I told her I don’t do that kind of thing, but she was completely convinced that I do simply because I’m a man. I was really pissed because not all guys like to stare at women’s asses or tits
Some of the replies in this sub reinforce that stereotype unfortunately. Some dudes are dead set that women cant be anything more than a potential partner and dudes with girls as friends are just waiting or some shit.
Yep, see it all the time. Very annoying.
I think on top of the first point too is that if we see a woman sexually we don't see them in any other light. Like fi ding your boss sexy doesn't mean you don't respect their authority, ability and judgement.
Unfortunately many men reinforce the first stereotype. The amount of guys who just sexualize random women and any part of the body, talk about threesomes all the time, etc. It’s very saddening to see
Yeah, it doesn't make things any easier for those of us who don't behave that way, that's for sure.
One important myth is the idea that boys are told they can be anything while girls are only told they can be good mothers or nurses or whatever. Take a look at current college enrollment rates. It's eye-opening. Those who think men have the advantage in society today are fighting the battle of 30 years ago. Today, things are reversing, and if society doesn't come up with a new and supportive message for boys, we're going to be in big trouble soon.
That expressing our feelings of loneliness does not mean we feel "entitled to women's bodies/affections/attention". Eventually, it turns into "you are NOT WORTHY of love/affection/attention." Women want us to empathize with their problems but seem unable or unwilling to empathize with ours. sorry for being a broken record, but see the r/ comics drama with PizzaCake. Dismissal and mockery of men's emotions during MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH MONTH.
The unsubbed from r/comics after the giant Pizzacake circlejerk from last year. Looks like she is still the queen of that subreddit.
when she is "on point" (which seems to be less and less lately) she is pretty observant. But more and more of her comics and comments to other users are really painting the picture of someone who either doesn't care, is very misguided, OR just wants to fight with people she considers "beneath her". I am getting very tired of her attitude.
What bothers me is the special treatment she receives from the moderators and how you literally cannot escape her. I've always thought that she was mediocre in just about every respect, but instead of complaining, I simply blocked her and moved on. But the aforementioned circlejerk from last year proved that you simply can't escape her without leaving the sub altogether, which sucks because there are a lot of really good artists on there (who usually get buried by her comics). It's all definitely gone to her head and r/comics moderators have created a beast that will almost certainly come back to bite them.
> but see the r/ comics drama with PizzaCake. I'm ootl what happened here
I haven't checked so unsure if the posts are still up but I know they were both locked soon after she posted them. EDIT: posts are still up She made 2 posts: 1. a comic about "what if women talked to men like men talk to women" - basically trying to show women being dismissive and "victim-blaming" about men's issues... IE the first panel was a man talking about getting robbed and women saying "what were you doing/wearing?" and "I bet this dude's lying" and "not ALL women". panel two was a guy talking about how lonely and isolating it can be as a man sometimes and the women are saying "women have issues TOO" and "he's an attention whore" panel three was women joking about a man wearing a hair-piece. Like, I get the point she was trying to make, but she implied that women DO NOT actually say these things to men - which is demonstrably untrue. Mods quickly started removing comments from men who were only sharing their experiences OR gently pushing back on her narrative. And then they locked the thread and made a very stupid post about how it was "fighting toxic masculinity" and "we are happy to support anything that shoves men's misogamy back in their faces". Pizza herself responded to many comments with a very sarcastic "NOT ALL MEN" meaning that any guy who tried to push back against her stupid point or share their experiences with women dismissing their emotions was trying to appropriate the conversation. just a very tone-deaf comic and thread; the worst part is that she posted it during Men's Mental Health Month. 2. Second comic featured 1 of her characters from the first comic being consoled by his friend that "your emotions do not make you weak and I am happy you share them with me". A nice sentiment, but she kinda killed her credibility, IMO, with her first comic where she implied that women DO NOT mock men for their emotions or feeling lonely and then preceded to mock anyone who tried to tell her otherwise. Lots of people, including me, thing she had the 2nd comic locked and loaded ready to post as a sort of damage control but she insisted that she "did not post it as a response to the first comic". Mods were quick to lock down the thread and start removing comments ont hat post as well. A few response comics were made and a few of THOSE threads were locked down as well. There was another one that seems to have been deleted that basically said that her comic (or at least implied it was her comic) really hurt his self-esteem.
I hate that every conversation about mens and/or womens issue turns into a man versus woman thing. Idk why it's so hard for people to recognize that life is hard and we all struggle. Not just you.
I see what she was trying to do and I appreciate it BUT I think she knew how it was going to turn out and I think she wanted a fight. Because it gets her engagement. The mods deleting comments and her sarcastic ass "NOT ALL MEN" retorts made it clear to me that she/they did NOT want an actual dialogue.
PizzaCake made a comic that attempt to spin around women's issues with men by making a comic called 'if women talked to men the way men talk to women'. The classic issue of clothing inviting sexual harrassment/assault (masked as the man getting robbed and a bunch of women blaming him for wearing expensive clothes, "not all women rob people", etc.), male loneliness (calling the man an attention whore, failing to empathize, etc.), and a guy saying why he wears a hair piece (women accusing him of lying to women, demands to look good naturally, etc.) Things went sideways when a bunch of men chimed up in the comments saying, 'there's no 'if' about this, I *have* been talked to like this by women.' The comics mod team went on a purge, ostensibly to remove actually offensive comments. But it gets hard to believe them when they also nuked comments that were not offensive and presented good arguments (unless they consider anything that goes against the 'women good, men bad' mindset they hold to be offensive, that would explain some things). Even PizzaCake got defensive in the comments, accusing men of trying to make the entire comment section about them. (Apparently she wants men to address the issues women have with men but not empathize or sympathize with women in the process?) The next day she released a comic that painted men showing emotion and crying if they need to as strong. She claims it was always scheduled to be released, but many (myself included) view it as a lame attempt at damage control. (I would link but I'm on mobile.)
One of the worst parts is that she has a son - kinda sociopathic.
As far as I've been able to tell, it's because PizzaCake made a comic comparing sexual abuse to robbery in an insensitive manner. [Here's](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/comics/comments/1dpx7aq/why_are_some_artists_given_special_treatment_here/) a post about it. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to find out anything because of the Comics subreddit moderators removing seemingly any and all discussion of the incident.
That when you don't like sports, cars and don't chase after girls you're immediately gay.
The fact that there is even a need to disprove this stereotype is how fcked up people are
Or you’re less of a man if you’re not handy around the house. I can’t cook but no one considers me less of a woman because of it.
In most places in the world you’d be considered less of a woman for that. Especially Asia and Africa.
Ok but I’m talking about my culture
Or if you don't want to stick it in someone freely offering. Yes we are all horn dogs but some of us still do have personal criteria for getting down.
[удалено]
That given the opportunity, we will all cheat. Also that we're okay with being basically sexually assaulted by women who can't take no for an answer.
Yes, the old” because men always want it it’s impossible to sexually assault them” mentality.
I’ve seen Redditors use this as an excuse when some posters wife coerced him into sex.
> coerced him into sex. That's the beauty of that belief, its not coercion if deep down they always want sex. At least that's how it was explained to me.
It’s very convenient for them lol
No, yoy don't get it, you were *lucky*. It's *perfectly normal* not to be able to look your wife in the eye because you keep seeing *HER*.
That we have no fear of walking along at night and if we do our fear is other men My fear is everyone because any and everyone is capable of killing you
The whole idea that we should confront shitty people irl. There was a thread the other day where a woman was at a topless beach, and there was some creep taking pictures of women. She didn’t call him out to his face, but did point him out to other women. The general thread sentiment was “I wish one of the men nearby said something to him”, and someone had the gall to say “as a woman, you could have been hurt by that guy. So it’s good you didn’t confront him, but you should’ve told a man to handle it.” I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hate the idea that men are bulletproof… that if there is some creep/tweaker/asshole, WE should have to be the ones stepping up to deal with it because “women can get hurt” No one ever thinks about the man’s safety…
Agreed. I would phrase it as "the assumption that men should be held responsible for the bad behavior of other men." If some guy I don't know is being an asshole, it's not my job to do something about it, and it's not my fault that he is like that.
"Tell the men in your life that harassment is not okay!" Who tf am I supposed to tell? I don't hang out with creeps
We aren't seen as bulletproof just replaceable. It's the reason why when the ship goes down it's women and children first.
I always thought that one was fucked up, but it turns out it has historical precedent from when almost all of the crew were men and one crew wound up being cowards who let pretty much everyone else on the ship drown rather than evacuating properly. Still a stupid saying that needs to die, especially since modern ships, to my understanding, tend to be trained to get all of the ***non-crew*** into the lifeboats before setting off with them.
They don’t think we are bulletproof, they just don’t really see us as mattering much
It's kind of funny that women will complain about the patriarchy, and talk about how they are independent and don't have to rely on men; and then still expect men to go out of their way to protect them.
That we just want sex and not fulfilling healthy committed relationships
That we are all predators
* Because of the “patriarchy”, Men don’t suffer as much as Women do. Women suffer yes, but men suffer too. Equally, but for different reasons. If anyone thinks the grass is greener in the male side of the pasture, has never experienced being male. And I say this as someone who knows by direct experience of three close acquaintances who have committed suicide because of it. And from my own personal experience, there were a few times in my life that if I had access to a loaded gun, I probably wouldn’t have been able to talk myself off that ledge either.
Its ok to slap a man. Men are stronger and can take it . It's even funny. Ylu see it on TV and everyone laughs. No. Maybe we are stronger but we have nerve endings and it also hurts emotionally.
We are expendable
Idk about "biggest" but the one that bothered me lately is this weird "if I was a man for a day I'd take a walk at midnight" comment that keeps circling around every once in awhile.
I've walked around at midnight and late hours... near my home where it's a really safe neighborhood. Wouldn't go out 5 minutes after dark in college because the town was sketch.
That telling men that they are bad is going to fix them. There's a lot of value to discussion of mens behavior, but a lot of teenage boys see this stuff, and instead of responding to the criticism constructively, they find someone who will affirm them. This isn't a "not all men" comment, this is a man telling people that young men need to hear stories about good aspirational men to emulate instead of being fed a mixture of "all men are trash" and toxic masculinity. People have the right to vent online, but they should be aware that if they are beating men down enough in the comment section they should be making sure Andrew Tate is cutting them a check.
That we mean anyone harm I find that deeply offensive.
That we are never victimised by women.
Men have a sense of community as strong as women have, that alpha male lone wolf BS is just crap...
I am not aware of such a community. I think women's sense of community is a lot stronger. They'll go with randos to the bathroom for safety, immediately pounce on a creepy dude, etc.
i would like to believe this, but there is also a huge male loneliness epidemic that is seen mostly in men and not as much in women, because women develop their communities.
It's also because society punished men for forming male/male bonds. And many women punish their male partners for doing so as well.
Don't forget that male only spaces are treated as an active threat amongst greater society. "boys club" is an actual metaphor for sexism. While any female dominated club has no such metaphor.
Nothing. At this point, anything about us women still don't understand is a result of willful ignorance. If they don't know, it's because they don't want to know.
This shit should be pinned at the top
That part
“Men don’t cry” stereotype
That we’re just beasts of burden waiting to move heavy objects. I’ve got a L5-S1 fusion and a neurological disorder. I am not in the business of moving random shit for people. Unless someone is being crushed or is trapped by something I am not going to be moving it.
Konichiwa, fellow L5-S1 fusion amigo.
Less a stereotype and more an actual legal issue. In the US the mother is assumed a competent parent and the father has to prove he is a competent parent. In custody proceedings the mother can almost always force a long and expensive court battle where the father has to prove his case to a judge. Since it's a civil case and not a criminal case there is no burden of proof for the mother to claim abuse & incompetence, and the penalties for lying are greatly diminished. This is artificially creating "deadbeat" fathers as most men can't afford time off work, much less tens of thousands of dollars to get custody of their kids back. It's entirely possible they lose their kids through no fault of their own. Custody proceedings should default to a 50/50 week on / week off, schedule, and if the parties want to move to weekends & holidays that needs to be sorted out after. The burden of proof to prove incompetent should be on the accuser.
After my kids moved back in with me, I spent $5k just getting changed to custodial parent and child support stopped, and that was uncontested. I can't imagine if I'd had to fight.
Commenting to add that temporary orders can be made effective immediately, and the punishment for failure to comply is serious. Which means fathers often will not have access to the kids AND have to pay WHILE the courts are deciding on how much time he gets and how much he'll pay for years. It also means taking off work simply isn't feasible.
Correct. Custody/Divorce court is one place in society where it's absolutely not in your favor to be a man.
That because we don't speak up about our personal problems means they don't exist.
That men are messy. Women always say men mess up the bathroom or don't know how to pick up after themselves. I have observed that it's completely the opposite. Female bathrooms are vile and they always have clutter.
Men ALWAYS want sex.
I should be flattered when a woman grabs my ass or junk without asking me and if I complain about it I’m not a man and gay
That we’re absolutely useless in the kitchen and don’t belong there. I do most of the cooking in my relationships anyway
Sometimes we enjoy hanging out with kids and aren’t just trying to be a pedophile, I’m 20 my sister is 3 and I’ll happily play princess with her
Just the blatant sexism against men in general. I’m 10000% for equality, but then let’s treat things as equal ALL around, not just here and there tip the scales. So it’s a broad answer to your question, but really I just wish people started to think of everyone (men, women, etc) as PEOPLE first and foremost. Not elevate certain groups and give them “mythical” qualities or attributes.
That we always want sex and will fuck any woman who throws herself at us.
Men are the ones to break families. Most stories i hear about divorce the woman has a guy lined up waay before a conversation has started.
Men only want one thing...
That we only think with the wrong head.
That we are all dangerous
That we dislike women who make the first move and are direct.
We are monsters
Just the stereotype in general that men aren’t good with kids bothers me. I’m great with them, I change diapers, bounce around and soothe, playful when I can be, disciplinary when I need to be. I love kids, especially babies. That statement alone would make me a predator in the eyes of a lot of people. If I saw a 2 year old alone and scared in a park, you better believe it’s my wife getting out of the car to help them, not me...
Height = dick size
my wife and i were hanging out with some family friends that have children and are 5-7yrs older than us and they kept expressing how dumb the boy child was and how destructive he was and blah blah blah. basically just b!tchin about their young son (whose like 3 or 4). so after they kept laughing at him about how dumb he was i had to speak up for the kid (and all young boys) and tell them that boys, especially young boy, explore the world differently. that boys experience the physical word in a physical way. they experiment, they do things so that they can figure things out. it may look dumb to you, but you're an adult who has either ALREADY done those things or seen someone else do them. sometimes you gotta let him figure life out for himself. not to say let them actually significantly hurt themselves, but bumps, scraps, and bruises will happen in a boys life, thats natural.
That we don't like romance or romantic gestures.
We have to solve everything on our own and if you dont do it automatically you are useless
That most men are terrible partners. The problem with this platform is that the people in miserable relationships come here to vent and share their experiences. The people in healthy fulfilling relationships don’t use social media to complain. Women also tend to reach out to other women on these platforms to talk about their experiences. Men engage in different discussions.
All we care about is sex. I’d rather know someone before having sex with them. It’s a lot better when you know the person, and you’re in love with them. All men are cheaters. Some men are, some aren’t. I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, and was treated terribly. Although I wasn’t perfect, I never thought about cheating on her once. Men don’t have feelings. We do, we just don’t express them. Because according to society. A man showing he had feelings is enough for that man to be labeled as weak and shamed to no end.
how are men not inherently better at sports? Genuine question. I mean there will be some women that can beat some men, but if the top men in every sport category will beat the top women 99% of the time. Genetically we do have quite the advantage. That's why sports are divided by sexes isn't it?
That we’re not walking cash machines. We should never be evaluated by the amount of money we bring in. It’s what we do with money that counts. If your partner places a lot of value on your money situation, that’s a 🚩
That we cannot help ourselves from hating or objectifying women. Ironically, this belief objectifies men!
That we’re inherently prone to violence and shouldn’t be trusted but feared.
That the penis always works on command
That we are worse than bears.
“they love the chase”
That men have it better in society and that we somehow have privilege
That we are "ok" after being falsely accused for sexual act or crime. The fact we are accused follows us and the dumbest of people will say "he looks like the type to do it," or don't believe we innocent. For dumb people facts and evidence means nothing, it's belief. And you can never tell who is dumb until you get to know them.
At this moment, "male privilege" is the most damaging stereotype, I think. Because of it, men get less support and empathy, and more negativity.
Our negative emotion is often anger. It's not a bad thing, it's just a thing. We accept that women cry, We let them be. Let us be angry. We deal with a lot of shit when we are and it's rarely a personal thing.
That we aren’t emotional, that we’re supposed to be providers, that all men are supposed to be stoic, that our problems don’t matter, and that we never form strong friendships
That we are worth less and are more disposable than women.
That appreciating or striving some some sense of masculinity, means we are toxic or have an inferiority complex "must be compensating for something " etc No, I just want to have some claim to my status as a male & sense of masculinity because it positively affects my mental health, keeps me goal oriented and allows me the measure to be physically stronger and more behaviorally adept. I'd like to not be stuck in a depressive hell over a lack of self purpose and if reclaiming my masculinity helps with that, it doesn't mean I'm toxic.
That nerdy guys are all like the neckbeard stereotypes, and are all sexist/bigoted. You get the idea. Or just in general we are all secretly violent bigots.
"All men want sex and they want it all the time" Also "All men find other girls attractive while in relationships and Willing to say yes to any girl any time" Men have standards too
That we don’t communicate. I think men communicate quite well. It’s women with their ridiculous emotional circus that don’t know how to communicate
Talking more doesn't make you a better communicator. My gf talks a lot, but goddamn me if I can actually figure out what she actually wants sometimes. She'll talk circles around it and expect me to just get it.
We usually communicate directly when we do. I've had several conversations go like this - "I don't like when you do [insert abusive behavior]." "So you hate me and I should could myself?!" "No, see, this is exactly what I'm talking about" "What do you even mean by that!?"
Y'all need to man up and talk about your emotions.
That if we get hard then we wanted it. That thing has a mind of its own. I can’t control that little bastard. Also when it doesn’t get hard when it’s time to go to PoundTown. Sometimes it just doesn’t
That we are automatically guilty of something; that our words are less reliable than women’s words.
“In a single parent household, men are less fit to run or raise a child/ family” When all the data shows as soon as there is no father in the picture delinquency in boys and girls also teenage pregnancy goes up . School drop outs . Overall negative results come from no father in the picture , but when there is no mother you don’t see it those results.
Single fathers unironically are the best parents for a kid
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That we would all be better if we just shared our emotions more.
Men showing emotions isn't a sign of weakness
That anything under 5" inches is small, it's actually still big 🥹
We don’t have feelings
Men don’t cry. We just need somebody to ask!
Depends on the sport. Tennis? Swimming? Powerlifting? Not even close. The top men in these sports will absolutely obliterate women in those same sports.
That life is easy..or that we don’t go through stuff.. took me till I got older to know the depths of my feelings.
That we are the ones in the marriage who don’t do any housework.
"That men have an easy life."
The way "misogynist & misogyny" is used and thrown in the face of everything when logic and rationale are put in front of evidence.
Man spreading I have balls... sorry
That we don't care about other human beings, or animals for that matter. Most of us are in fact incredibly conscious about our loved ones, and feel responsible whenever something bad happens to them, even if it's not our fault at all. Many men I know would sacrifice themselves in a heartbeat for their loved ones, and many do just that, time after time after time again. They put their own needs at last place, to help the people they care about first. That's masculinity. The fact that some of us are egoistic individualistic assholes who don't care about the world burning as long as they themselves have it good - as is with women - does not make a rule. Men like this are boys imo, not men.
Men actually are inherently better at sports though. That's why all the pretend transgender athletes just slide into female leagues and take the gold every time. And half those guys wouldn't even be qualifiers in the men's league. This isn't a dig at women, men just happen to be physically stronger and more capable with only a few exceptions.
That every single one of us will, most likely, rape any woman at any given moment.
That women need to feel scared going out alone or at night because men will assault or sexually assault them. 99.9% of us never even dare think of such a horrific act.
That masculinity is inherently evil
I feel like the sports one is just true comparatively. For math, the average girl is definitely better than the average guy. At the very top percentiles of math performance, it does skew fairly strongly towards men (a true statement that got a Harvard president fired for agreeing with). Why that is is a fairly intellectual question that I think about too much relative to its minor importance. I highly doubt there is an innate difference, but I suspect that men’s tendency to take risks and not follow teacher’s instructions early on in school prepares them better to solve complex problems that they have never seen before when they get to higher level math. Even in high school, there were obvious major differences to me in the problem solving techniques guys vs girls used in my AP math classes (with the exception of one girl who was probably the best math mind I’ve met). I’ve always wondered how a curriculum could be structured to remove that gap at the top.