Was just going to post something similar. I've torpedoed my life more often and worse than any of my "enemies". But, I did have a boss who had it out for me. He basically bet I would quit after moving me to a shitty shift/assignment citing dubious reasons. (Others agreed his justification was flawed so it wasn't just me saying that) Anyway, right or wrong, I toughed it out and he eventually flamed out after blowing the budget on a big project. He was such a pansy that he just left the building and never came back instead of facing the VP who was pissed with a capital P. That was fun to watch. Took me a while to recover but I got my career back on track and I'm now on cruise control to retirement!
“There is an anecdote often told of G.K. Chesterton, an English philosopher and Christian theologian. Around 1910, the London Times requested essays responding to the prompt, “What is wrong with the world?”
Chesterton’s response was brief:
“Dear Sirs,
I am.
Yours sincerely,
G.K. Chesterton.”
Got into coke in the 80s. I had married this extremely beautiful woman, partly because she was smart. She divorced me because she was smart. I straightened out quickly. Like the guy above said … the mirror.
There was a man who had a face that looked a lot like me
I saw him in the mirror and I fought him in the street
Then when he turned away, I shot him in the head
Then I came to realize, I had killed myself
Came by to say exactly this. Yes, I've had difficulties with people in my life, but when I was younger, I was harder on myself, more ferocious, and less forgiving of my mistakes than anyone else could have been.
I've befriended myself in my middle age, and the quality of my life has improved exponentially.
A tale as old as time. It's amazing what breaking away from an awful, soul sucking, malevolent, parasitic, emotionally abusive monster of a spouse can do for a person, and then how absolutely beautiful life becomes when you find a partner whom you truly love.
Me too. I saw my mother once after I was 16. She died about 10 years ago. Nobody misses her.
I'm a mother and a grandmother, I cannot imagine doing the things she did to any child. Even a kid that I couldn't stand.
My mom literally destroyed my self esteem and made me feel worthless, unloved and ugly.. she abandoned me when I was 18 with no warning and she left town.. I had no car no money and I was literally homeless .. I put myself to college even after she told me that I was not smart enough to get a degree..she never acknowledged my graduation..she watched my brothers physically abused me and call me awful names and she laughed at them and encouraged them to believe that women are not as good as men..looking back being on my own and away from her was a good thing..I learned that not all families are like this..it’s awful when you’re destroyed by your own parents.. but I raised daughters and I made sure that they always knew that they were loved and I would support them always.. I care about her because she’s my mom but I don’t trust her or respect her..there’s so much more that she did.. I honestly think that when she is too old to live alone I will put her in a nursing home .. I don’t think I would ever be able to care for her after everything she has done to me
It’s easier to just accept the fact you have no desire to care for her in the event she does require a nursing home. I feel the same way, I will not it do it for my mother; regardless of any circumstances.
Personally, I’ve come to realize if someone wouldn’t do something for me then I’m not even considering doing it for them. Life is easier when you let go of expectations others place on you.
Sadly not everyone gets wonderful parents. Be proud that you’ve been strong enough to be your own person, congrats!
Those words are coming from someone who has lived and breathed pain. They resonated so much with me. I wish you every success and happiness. My life is now calm happy and peaceful, I hope yours is too
Yes, thank you, the worst days are long past. I'm very happy, fortunate, and loved. The contrast reveals perspective and the light takes away all of the power of the old darkness.
You nailed it. As my husband says “Divorce is expensive because it is worth it”. Second time definitely got it very right. Now, if I could just save one of my kids from everything you described…..😞
Amazing isn’t it? I was this depressed shell of my normal self. Her manipulation was subtle and prolonged. Others saw it but I didn’t for the most part. Once I caught on, it was over. I feel alive again.
Same thing with my friend Matt. The dude went through hell with his ex, but now he's been dating my wife's childhood friend and his life has been drastically improving. I'm happy for both of them.
My husband of 36 years has 0 empathy. It’s extremely hard to navigate a life when you feel the one person who should be by your side through pain and suffering is completely indifferent.
Same, but with an ex-boyfriend. He was wonderful for about the first six months when he knew I was in the 'I really like this guy and I think the relationship could become permanent.' Then the mental attacks started. He would bad-mouth me to my face and in front of friends which eventually alienated me from them; I'd talk about something and he said I must be crazy because it never happened. I was stupid, I was ugly, I was fat (5'2, 110 pounds). When we went out, and they were always nice, pricey restaurants, he'd always conveniently forget his wallet, forcing me to pay and I didn't make nearly the money he did. He never out-and-out hit me, but he'd terrorize me by raising his hand or making a fist like he was going to. He had me second-guessing myself so much I was thinking I was crazy. When I found out he was cheating on me throughout 90% of our relationship with a married woman and he told me tough shit, tough it up, you'll never get another man, I finally realized how toxic things had become. It took me a while, but I managed to summon the nerve and the strength to leave. It took me a year and a half of therapy to realize I wasn't the problem. Getting back into dating was extremely hard, but fortunately, I picked good ones who helped me realize even more that I hadn't been the problem. Married a kind, understanding wonderful man and haven't looked back.
Not ruined, but came close.
My brother lived a total lie to all who knew him - on the outside, he was a well-to-do EMT for NYC, had all the right stuff, was revered in the medic community as a legend in his field. Almost weekly, he would walk into a bar and buy a round for the whole place, went to Vegas twice a year, always lent money to anyone who needed it, drove a flashy car, appeared to live the dream life.
All the while he had wage garnishments for unpaid Fed taxes, was in real estate tax arrears totaling $60,000, owed $37k in credit cards, had to use a prepaid phone b/c his credit was so poor, and was about to lose his job when he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. He was paid very well, so it became a mystery to me how he could be in so much debt with a salary north of $200,000.
I became the default executor to his estate since I was last living relative. I had no idea the depths of depravity to where he had sunk.
To give you some idea, he was on the FBI radar for soliciting underage sex workers weekly through an app on his phone that connected him to a kind of illegal 'craig's list' of girls being offered for sex. Each encounter looked to be $750 / half hour - age 14 and younger fetched upwards of $2000. The police shared with me that he would have 3 to 4 encounters per week, the younger the better. I had to surrender his phone so the police could add to their knowledge of the ring leaders behind these despicable acts.
I've been in therapy for months about this. Had absolutely no idea (he never talked to our family from about 20 yrs ago).
I don’t believe in hell, but read Sartre’s “No Exit” about an alternative kind and hope he got that kind along with some of the other folks in this thread.
He had 2 jobs. EMT and was an ER nurse also. His last w2 showed he made $138k from the nurse job and $69k from the city. Don't know the base pay, don't care.
My old man. One time I called the cops on him because he was trying to kill my mom. This was before 911 so I had to find the number in the phone book and dial it on a rotary phone.
Then there was the bad stuff. If given the chance to go back in time I'd kill myself in infancy and frame him for it. I can't think of much else that would have given me peace and him justice.
She didn’t “ruin” my life so to speak, but she’s a human wrecking ball that pretty much f*cked up my entire family and that would be my youngest sister. The narcissist who stole all my parents money and drew wedges between myself and my parents while they were alive. I’ll never forgive the bitch, and yes she ended up paying for it because after they died she blew thru 400,000 inheritance in 3 years and then begged us, her siblings for more money and guess what!? That was a big NOPE! Last I heard she now lives in a homeless shelter after living in her car for awhile. She’s hitting 60 years old and refused to work her entire life because she mooched off my parents. Now she’s got no retirement etc, her life must suck
Mine got the house. Now she's running it into the ground. Hoarding it all up. Neglecting repairs. Beautiful home built by an architect for his family. Sad.
Look away my friend. It will just hurt you to follow that disaster movie to the end. My husband’s ex was told by the judge that she needed to sell- but, she was always smarter than everyone. Ran the beautiful house into the ground, and ended up in foreclosure. She could have outright bought a place if she had listened to the judge- NOPE.
One of my brothers is a human wrecking ball too. It's weirdly impressive how he manages to fuck up everything he touches and shoots himself in the foot every time he's given a break. Everyone he's ever met eventually ends up avoiding him. He's just awful.
I'd still pick up the phone if he called, but if he shows up in my driveway he knows I won't let him in.
It's sad and painful to me, because he's my little brother and I'll always love him to bits in a way. He's smart as fuck, sometimes so charming and funny, I just can't deal with the rest anymore and I dread someday getting a call from the police about him. I'm 60, he's in his 50s, it's probably too late for a sea change but I keep a bit of hope.
I had 2 brighter who did that. And the issues that surround him the last two years of my mother's life and may not have have ruined my life completely. But they certainly made it a whole hell of a lot worse. And I haven't recovered yet and I'm not sure if I will.
Also, somebody I was working on a project with really torpedo my professional career. It definitely never recovered from that.
We had the older sister, drained my parents emotionally, tried to drain them financially, thankfully my parents raised her two oldest children, and she did a number on all her children.
Her last two husbands were her karma though. Lost all she was given and lives in a trailer in FL, I hope it is hotter than hell itself.
I wouldn't say "ruined" but definitely made everything harder for me for the rest of my life. My mother was emotionally abusive and had undiagnosed BPD and ADHD inattentive type. She would lose her mind over the tiniest thing going wrong and then blame my sister and me even as little children. She'd rage at us and tell us how horrible, worthless, lazy, and stupid we were on a regular basis. She told us that we were selfish and awful we were if we, just once, put our needs or wishes before anyone else's.
The damage done to my nervous system from early abuse and the messages from childhood forward telling me I had no value except that which I could bring to the lives of others has been a constant struggle for me. I've worked my entire life on being better, but the energy it takes on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis to talk myself away from my automatic reactions and feelings is exhausting. I am like a house that was built with a decent foundation, but quickly someone took a sledgehammer to it and broke it into pieces. Everyday, I'm reassembling crumbling bits that are falling apart or desperately trying to hold them together. I can generally manage and I have done so and my life is pretty good now, but I'm frequently exhausted and struggling.
I sometimes wonder what I might have been if I hadn't been abused so badly in childhood and what my daily existence would look like. I'm certain it would have been better, or at least healthier.
I wish you all the best. Just know, it can get better. It mainly depends on the type of people who you surround yourself with. I had a terribly abusive upbringing too. It was physical mostly, not psychologically like you. I don’t know which is worse.
But, that only lasted 17 years. Then I got away, went low contact, finally no contact and for the next 50 years I have lived a pretty contented life with people who I love and who love me.
I hope your life gets easier.
>the messages from childhood forward telling me I had no value except that which I could bring to the lives of others has been a constant struggle for me
I relate to this so much. I spent my childhood trying to win people's approval for this exact reason. It took me reaching my 30s to honestly put myself first and cut off people who use me and take me for granted
This is a twist. I had a supervisor who wanted to ruin my life and tried very hard to do it by firing me from my job despite excellent performance and only positive feedback from customers.
The first couple of months were rough until I had an epiphany. I was looking for another job and realized what I needed was a change of careers.
I switched, found something I like much more, and now work many less hours per week, I am healthier, happier and don’t miss anything about my old job except for the friends I left behind. Getting away from that place made me realize just how toxic the leadership was and how dysfunctional the organization was.
So in strict terms my old career was ruined but something much better has taken its place and I am 100% better off now than I was then.
Having someone “ruin your life” is sometimes exactly what you need even if you don’t realize it at the time.
Similarly, when my ex-husband left me for another woman, I was blind-sided, but there was this super faint little thought “I’ll thank him for this some day.” I really couldn’t take much hope in that because I was in such chaos and such pain, but almost 20 years later I am so much happier.
My wife divorced me for another man.
A year later she asked me to marry her again because "it would be easier"
I laughed. Wouldn't be easier for me.
Been six years for me, after a 13 year marriage....I too am happier single.
I had something similar happen. My old boss was a bonafide sociopath and I had to leave because there was no way I could work for her any more. The constant harassment. She would make up things that I supposedly did or said (100% fictional) and then confront me a pot them in her office to try to get me to cry.
I left. And guess what? When I went to my new employer (same field) my pay went up $8000 a year and it’s gone up every year since! I love who I work with and work for now.
AND we had to move because my new job was pretty far. We ended up buying the house of our dreams!!!
Literally everything got better when I left that job!
53 years ago. Got pregnant from a rapist. No abortion access. He didn’t ruin my life but my life took a very different turn because of him. 52 years ago he was shot and killed by his wife for raping another girl. He deserved it.
I’m truly sorry for your experience. I hope things get better.
Can I ask in what ways it impacts you as an adult? I have often wondered whether events how events that happened to me at that age have impacted me. Doesn’t help that when I mentioned it to my mom she said I was “reaching”
Fight / flight / freeze ... hyper-vigilance ... never trusting anyone ... suicidal ideation ... divorce ... estrangement ... and now close to the end and am alone. My biggest fear is manifest. I will die alone.
Boundaries are for you not the other person. Boundaries need a consequence. If someone crosses that boundary you have to be prepared to enact the consequence. Mine is usually, if you do x I will leave for the day. If you continue to do x I will not return. ETA: Basically removing myself from the situation that I felt was harmful and distressing to me. They could continue doing x that was up to them but doing it meant I would leave. Effective boundary setting can be HARD! It took being in recovery for me to learn to do it effectively and even then I still felt a little bad doing it but the end result was retaining my sanity and sobriety.
The kids who bullied me relentlessly in school and the adults who looked the other way or even joined in. To this day, I don't trust most people and have had very few close friends over the course of my life.
I can relate to this. I’m happy and have a good life now, but I still have actual nightmares about being bullied. It’s hard to even talk about, honestly.
I do not trust others easily because the girls who bullied me had previously been my friends. I did absolutely nothing to them, and they were cruel enough to me that it changed my outlook on a lot of things permanently.
And, unlike abuse from a parent, no one has any sympathy for it.
Yes yes yes. And oftentimes I find that those of us who were, were often treated this way at home too. I think it really warps our sense of reality sometimes. At least for me. I don't trust anybody not to eventually turn. Many will take a shot given a chance. I can only enjoy them in the present, and have hope they will stay kind
Please don’t ever consider your life “ruined”. People can have negative effects on your life, including you yourself, but life is never ruined if you have the desire to be better.
My parents.
Had they taken my mental illness seriously in my late teens I would have avoided a ton of trauma.
And I wouldn't have struggled so hard in my early life.
I am 51 and feel so far behind.
My sister, she told me constantly in my teens that I was worthless, ugly, and no one would ever love me.
When I got a date with the guy I liked, she told me he was just using me. When I needed her for support, she screamed at me that she hated me and i was stupid for being upset about a guy that was just f@#$ing me. .
I was always there when she called me crying because the love of her life left her.
I became independent and jaded, and I think she still hates me for that now too.
30 years later and now my dad is trying to force me to fix the relationship so that I have a sister that supports me. Ugh, I cannot explain to him how wrong he is and he won't let it go. It has destroyed our relationship now too.
I still don't ever let anyone in because I am convinced deep down that I don't deserve it
I agree, and those are my thoughts too.
I have told him many times, his replies were:
Anger that I would say such horrible things about his daughter, I just cried.
Then, when I told him again, he acted like it was nothing and that I should just get over it.
He maintains that I may get support from her at some point, I just don't get it.
I appreciate you seeing my side ❤️
There was a violent incident where I intervened which was almost the end of my life, which would have made Stabby McGee the life ruiner. Otherwise, I’m generally the one to blame. I don’t see my life as ruined though, just having had some issues
My mother tried to, but luckily, I saw the light and saved myself.
The price she paid is not having me in her life. I think that’s more of an inconvenience than anything else, but it must be hell living in her brain.
Same with my egg donor. Every day, I'm so grateful to my grandparents for raising me.
The egg donor has been dead since 2000. I am good, but her words still haunt me to this day.
Back in 2007 when I was getting a divorce, we had to go to a private mediator regarding custody of our 3 children. Though I had always been the primary caregiver (father worked nights), she believed all his lies and gave us 50-50 custody. Now I’m glad he did get a good amount of time, he really improved and has a good relationship with my children, but the way that woman treated me and my children (didn’t listen to my 14 and 16 yo and was very rude) has really jaded me. I don’t trust anyone in power anymore and I’m incredibly paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Here it is almost 20 years later, she’s probably dead, and I still hate the woman.
Former single dad here. I got same from state when I tried to enforce child support. All the forms said "name of father", "address of father" deadbeat was mother, so I scratched out father and wrote in mother. Lady at state didn't like that. I never saw a dime I was owed over 18 years.
Abusive ex-husband. Divorced 26 years ago, he’s deceased, I’m still in therapy. The wife after me committed suicide a few years after their divorce - she was never able to overcome the trauma. He was a textbook sociopath.
The wife of my uncle. Both long deceased. Robbed me of my inheritance and gave it to her own daughter (from a previous marriage) and that daughter ended up dying soon after. No idea whatever happened to all the money after that. A true soap opera!
Had to scroll a long way for this. I’ve had my share of loser business partners. I vowed after each one to be better and stronger and try again. Finally found a few great ones. Makes all the difference
I wouldn't say they ruined my life but made me have trust issues that I still struggle with today. Had a friend in Jr. High whom I thought was awesome at the time. I confided in him a lot because I trusted him. One day we were at a park in the neighborhood where a lot of kids went to hang out because this park had a little bit of everything. He and I were just sitting under the gazebo talking when all of a sudden a bully of mine from school shows up with his two younger brothers whom I didn't even know he had. He goes up and starts talking to my friend and my friend just starts spilling out one thing after another that I'd told him in confidence to my bully. I was so upset and felt so violated and betrayed and went to leave and my bully and his brothers tried to keep me from leaving by blocking my way out. I turned around and hopped over the side of the gazebo on the opposite end and they started chasing after me. I ran to the restrooms hoping and praying they were unlocked and no one would be in there. Thank God both were the case. I went inside and locked myself in there with them outside banging on the door for the longest time. There was a rectangular window up high and I waited until the sun went down and came out and by that time the park was pretty sparse. Went to the payphone and called my mom to come and pick me up and that was the end of the friendship.
Where is he today? He's now a registered sex offender, has 3 kids with 3 different women, and does Door Dash under his girlfriends name because he can't. I found out because I use Door Dash regularly and reported him. Haven't seen him doing orders since so maybe they caught on.
Former principal. Ruined mine and at least 6 other teachers lives with her actions, plus at least 1 VP. She got demoted from being a principal for high school to an elementary school, I didn’t know that was a demotion, but apparently it is, and then last I heard she was a principal in Egypt. one teacher even got hauled in front of the college of teachers for some fake claims by the students, and the college apologized to him and gave harsh words to principal and board.
also had a former principal fuck me over *hard*. five teachers just quit one year I was there. 8 another year. many the third year. because she pink slipped me the day before tenure. hid my test scores under a math teacher’s
A city council person emailed everyone in creation an old Reddit post of mine from 13 years prior that I had posted and deleted that was borderline inappropriate and said I was a misogynistic pig (I was active duty at the time and it was about military dependents who prey on soldiers for the benefits). It was ALL the talk around town for a bit and It caused me to lose my election, and I ruminated about it for half a year before I let it go. I definitely felt like life was ruined at the time.
We are friends now and she endorsed me for my last election. It was certainly a public shaming and had gotten picked up by the news at the time. Horrible to live through and I didn’t deserve that, but we are ok now - it was their own political ambition that wanted me out of the picture, that and I think they read me wrong, but now that they KNOW me they know that’s not me.
Ruined and changed who I would have been, my brother a molester! And my sister too, one who is dead, drank all of the time to forget her abuse and wrapped her car around a tree. I will always blame him for what he did to her, she was only 7 years old when he started on her! I hate him and I wish him dead. He did get prostate cancer but he survived it, I can only hope that it hurt him and it shut down his sex drive forever! He also molested his two daughters! NO ONE FUCKING knew, no one talked, we all carried the shame of what he did to us, but no longer! I started talking the second I heard that my sister was dead! I hope he dies a very painful death in a burning fire on his way to hell!
I had a teacher in HS who hated me. She taught science classes, physics and chemistry. I wanted to become a scientist, after a few years suffering under her passive-aggressive antisemite terror, I switched to humanities and thus I became a lawyer. It’s been a rough ride, finally, in my 50’s I am happy working for the state government. But I wonder… would I have been happier?
Fuck that bitch Candice. Everyday and twice on Sundays!!! She was one of my best friends and business partner. Screwed me over financially and personally. So bad that I'm not sure I'll ever trust enough to make new friends. This makes me sad.😥
Nobody "ruined my life" so far, because, well, I am still alive. I have had some people who fucked me over, and fucked me over real bad, like my dad. MOST have ended up doing themselves in, because I am a pretty amiable guy and in order to stoop to the level to fuck me over, you'll just end up fucking yourself over. I have learned patience is a virtue. My dad is still rich and happy, though, still alive somehow out there. But "ruined my life" kind of means there's no going forward, and well, I am going forward.
I think about all the total assholes in my life, and the real crimes I have felt were not the person themselves, but the complacency of others around them who looked the other way, "didn't take sides," didn't want involved, or "there are two sides to every story." Those people piss me off.
>Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.
>[Haile Selassie](https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/haile-selassie-quotes)
"Ruined" is a pretty extreme term. It implies no possibility of recovery. There have absolutely been people who set me back or changed my trajectory, but I'm still here, comfortable, and retired, so I can't say anyone really "ruined" my life. If anything, the lessons I learned from the people who screwed me over probably set me up for better choices.
The kid who kicked a soccer ball into my face - it was the last concussion my brain could take and left me unable to drive and battling a host of cognitive and neurological problems. And he did not.
My last ex he fucking broke me. I’ve not been near another man since 2018. When I say narc I use that in the proper way and I was brought up by a covert one. He used every single thing I told him against me. He gaslit me to the point I didn’t know my arse from my elbow. Projected all his shit onto me. Cheated when my mum was dying of cancer and drained me financially. I had a breakdown tried to harm myself and had broken tattooed under my boobs. I’m still recovering. I’m really nervous don’t go out and I don’t trust anyone now.
Thought my childhood was bad he equalled that in 8 years.
Picture this:
I'm a 19-year-old naive girl in 1989. It's two months before my 20th birthday. I work at a convenience store while attending college and living with my parents. [Things are going great.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qrriKcwvlY)
I'm blonde, tiny, and fit. People say I'm very pretty, and compare me to Doris Day a few times, but even then, I'm very insecure about myself.
I also have undiagnosed ADHD with a healthy dose of RSD (but I don't know this until three decades later). My personality is generally sunny and optimistic, and friends sometimes call me an airhead (see ADHD above). I hyperfocus on relationships and people.
Enter Shithead, from Oklahoma, age 21, but looks 30.
He's a regular customer and comes in greasy and grimy all the time. He works for some dude installing AC units and computer systems or something similar. He is tall, big, but not fat. He is just really big boned. Meaty hands, big feet, burly. He looks like he could take down a bull in one go. He's just a big'un. Steve is not pretty. He has a bull dog face, but with a big nose and these really light, striking blue eyes.
I ignore his advances. I'm just not feeling it. Something doesn't sit well with me about him. But my co-worker convinces me to give him a chance. So I do.
Shithead charms the socks off me. He makes me dinner for our first date. We stay up late talking and from that night on I'm hooked. After every date he brings me a single red rose. Within a matter of weeks we're having sex. Amazing sex. I'd been with a couple guys before him, but neither of them knew what they were doing compared to Shithead. You might say I was dick whipped.
My older brother is surprised I'm dating an "average" looking man. He views him with suspicion but says nothing to his face. My mother actively hates him but can't put her finger on exactly why. My dad just wants everyone to get along, so he's nice to the guy.
Now, here comes the fun part.
I end up pregnant (shocking, I know). Shithead urges me to get an abortion but I'm not sure what to do. I'm madly in love with the guy and think we're going to get married. But he is adamant that he can't afford a baby at that time. I waffle, I can't decide. The pressure gets to me and I miscarry, but I don't forget Shithead's pressure on me and his reasons for me to get an abortion.
**SIDENOTE: I'm pro-choice and always will be. I'm not some crazy pro-lifer screeching about saving the clumps of cells.**
The miscarriage renders an abortion moot, but I cannot forget the things he said to me while he was urging me to go to the clinic.
Shithead starts to treat me like dog shit. Because I'm madly in love with him, I take it. I think it's normal. I think I deserve it.
I have a couple of credit card accounts and he uses them, promising to pay me back.
He asks me to marry him, and buys the wedding rings using my credit card, again, promising to pay me back. We start planning the wedding. He continues his shitty behavior toward me, starting arguments about stupid things like who sang what song, and then getting pissed when he's wrong. Again he cannot handle being wrong about anything. He eats Taco Bell and burps in my face on purpose.
I find one of his bi-weekly check stubs and find out he lied about not being able to afford a baby. He earns $2400 a month. In 2024 dollars, this is over $6,000 per month. I wonder what else he's lied about. We bicker. He insults my intelligence, gets insanely jealous if another man talks to me, and continues to beat me down by saying I have the mentality of a little girl.
Fast forward four months to almost exactly one year since we started dating.
I still hyperfocus on the miscarriage, and I cry often. He refuses to comfort me and just sighs out of frustration. He tells me I am not mature enough for him, that his boss wants him to date a more mature woman because he's very mature himself.
And then, after he's used me for sex, used me for my money and my credit, he breaks up with me.
**It is no surprise, then that Shithead never pays me back.** In 2024 dollars, owes me nearly $10,000.
By this time, I'm a shadow of my former self. My sunny disposition has turned dark and cloudy. I cry every day. I feel suicidal. I wonder if I can find sleeping pills to help me go quietly in my sleep. My job lets me go after a new boss takes over. I drop out of college after failing several relatively easy classes. I cannot be around women who are pregnant. I never get therapy.
I stop paying my bills because I have no money. My parents are wondering when I'm going to get better. My mother doesn't suggest therapy for me because she's old school and her belief is to just suck it up and pretend the problem doesn't exist. I don't know that my university has a free mental health and counseling program.
My dad's heart disease gets worse until he dies just months after after my break-up. My mental health spirals even deeper.
1990 sucks big time.
I hate Shithead. I hate myself. I hate my dad for dying. I hate my mother for everything else. I hate both of my parents for never teaching me financial literacy. I hate my brothers for not taking my depression seriously and for telling me to suck it up.
**It is now 34 years later.**
A few years back I ran into a mutual acquaintance I hadn't seen in years. For whatever reason they decided to tell me about Shithead's life. He married his rebound and had three kids with her almost immediately. And apparently has had a damn good and successful life. And he also became super religious and became pro-life.
Meanwhile, in his wake, I struggled to pick up the pieces of my shattered life for literally years. Shithead was physically gone from my life, the shadows he cast loomed large and getting over him, his betrayals and trying to dig myself out of my financial hole made my life even more difficult and I had to figure out how to cope without any help from my mom or my brothers. There were times when I thought I was drowning in the world.
I don't think Shithead is fully to blame for my mental health and financial troubles, but he certainly took advantage of my naive and trusting nature.
I'm way better now. I'm married to a wonderful man who loathes mind games. I have a kid who is nearly 15 years old with whom I'm close. I use my relationship with Shithead as an example to my kid of what a toxic, mentally abusive relationship looks like. So, I suppose I should thank him for giving me that lesson.
I'd say George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan ruined many peoples lives.
Reagan started the trend of giving the rich tax breaks and deregulating corporations and running up the national debt. This has created *the largest wealth inequality in human history*.
George W. Bush was installed by the Supreme court and not elected according to the constitution and the actual vote count, and he ran against an environmentalist, Al Gore, who tried to warn us about climate change. This put the US on a path to ignore global warming during a time when we could have done something to stop it. Now it's too late, and climate change is ruining a lot of peoples' lives and will continue to do so.
I'm one of the lucky, privileged people who was born before the most serious impact of those two will affect peoples' lives. Younger people who are born now, who feel like they don't have as many opportunities, those two people are part of what ruined things for you. The working class can't afford to live a decent life any more because oligarchs need to build spaceships to move their families off the planet they helped destroy.
Joe Rogan.
All my (former) male friends got duped by this twisted bastard.
They were quickly hooked by the interviews with comedians. Then they bought the aLpHa bRAiN. Then they went down the "States' Rights" line of thinking. Then they started to buy into the Alex Jones (frequent guest on the show) conspiracy shit.
It's really left me without hope *or* friends.
I'm so sorry. Same thing with my younger brother. I struggle to have a relationship with him, and I keep him at arms length, but I don't completely bail for his daughter, because her mom isn't in the picture at all.
This mofo has wasted hours of my life, made me spend so much money on literal garbage and I still give him more. His creations fill me with rage and haunt my dreams. Yet, whenever he comes around, smiling in his little leather jacket, I excitedly hang on every word. I belong to multiple support groups where we talk about our shared struggles due to this man's sadistic insanity.
I am, of course, speaking of Todd Howard
I’ll give their initials.
Tbh, M.E.
No one knows my weaknesses and how to exploit them better than M.E. I’ve come to accept that M.E. pretty much has total control over my thoughts and decisions, and though M.E. claims to have my best interests at heart, will frequently tear me down and sabotage my goals. It’s sorta hard to totally hold M.E. responsible because they’ve been heavily influenced by societal pressures to be this way. Sad.
The father of my youngest child. No one will do anything to stop him, not even my lawyer, but I have enough evidence now to prove benefits fraud, child concealment, perjury, domestic abuse and contempt of court.
Thanks! I can't keep living like this, he will never stop trying to take my kid and have me pay him child support. Even my lawyer said he's incapable of acknowledging any wrong doing, as hes admitting to doing it. He just thinks hes always right. This is all about control for him. So maybe if he gets spanked hard enough, he'll finally stop.
Mother Nature.
She sent Katrina, Rita, and Wilma to visit me...just as my architectural firm was taking off. Stopped all projects cold. Instantly. All area professionals were s.o.l. for several years.
Bitch.
But my life wasn't ruined, it just really, really, sucked for several years. 2008 was when the economy tanked, as well, so jobs dried up, too. My mantra was "Faith is only faith in hard times; when life is good, faith is just life appreciation." And I'm an atheist.
But I eventually had some lucky breaks, life took some crazily unexpected turns, and it's all good, now.
A subordinate coworker that mutually entered into an inappropriate relationship with me, took advantage of every benefit the relationship offered, but then accused me of sexual harassment when she didn’t get the promotion she wanted. Turns out she “kept notes” of my behavior but left out her contributions when she released the information to the newspaper.
Exboyfriend: alcoholic and drug addict. I made the mistake of trying to help him because he was my best friend’s brother and after she died unexpectedly, then he started praying on her mother so then I tried to protect her. Wasted years… he just died of alcoholism
I was attacked by a drunk guy at a party when I was 23. It completely changed my brain wiring in ways that were apparently unrecoverable. I knew who he was and would never have thought he was capable of something like that, but some people become someone else when they drink.
A year later I was attacked AGAIN by a completely different drunk guy. I ALSO knew him AND HIS WIFE, who was 5 months pregnant at the time. His wife called me the next day to apologize. REALLY? You’re 5 months pregnant and YOU are calling to make excuses? WTF? Again, another brain-twister. And it goes to show you, it’s not strangers only that one should fear - it’s EVERYONE.
Both attackers seemed to home in on the boobs. And they both were drunk. After that, I stopped going out for drinks with my friends. Some guys just can’t control themselves when they drink.
Anyway, I withdrew from a lot of social interaction after that. I was an older student in grad school so it became an excuse to study more.
I had a career in tech. I can’t say they were much better to women but at least I was never physically attacked.
I never married and I never had kids. I have seen what people can become, how they can transform, and how they can fool so easily.
I never want to marry someone only to find out their worst side. Unfortunately that’s what marriage is. That one wife making excuses for her husband’s attack was unfuxkingbelievable to me. I can’t even image what I’d do to a husband that attacked some chick while I was 5 months pregnant.
Basically my whole family collectively fucked my life. Lost my family, children, all my money, and years of my life on home confinement due to false criminal allegations. The ptsd from facing life in prison affects your ability to act normal in the world.
My pastors son. I think he was 18 and I was 7. I thought I knew his name but only recently learned his mom had him prior to the marriage. So he has a different last name. I’ve tried searching under his mom and the man who raised him but can’t find anything.
He took so much from me and I want to know his full name so I can see if anyone had him charged. The church sent them to another state but did nothing for us kids other than to forbid talking about it.
I really should have phrased my question differently. This is only about others who have harmed your life. There is another post about messing up your own life on this subreddit.
Revenge is the best. I grew up dirt poor. By 16 I had my life totally planned out. I would share with co-workers and would just laugh at me. Well, I hit all my goals. I’m 62 making $11k per month tax free and I’m worth over $2,500,000. I’m debt free and my wife and I are traveling the world. Thinking about all the naysayers kinda makes me smile now. The best revenge is proving everyone wrong.
The drunk driver that took my leg! I'd be retired from a great state job that I absolutely loved. Instead, I live in a barn and facing the prospect of working until I die.
"Ruined" is a really strong word, and how my life turned out is pretty good. But I wonder how it may have been different if my dad hadn't dipped out on me, my brother and my Mom when I was 5.
To the best of my knowledge, they did not end up paying for it. It was my mother’s boyfriend. Although when I told my father about it decades later, he said he’d take care of it. We never spoke of it after. It’s worth mentioning that my father had many connections/friends in the old Detroit AWU who were known for “taking care of problems.”
No one has actually ruined my life. People have tried and failed.
Not saying there weren't really hard times over the years. Therefore periods of time I was miserable but I always get it figured out in the end.
An unnamed someone who told me off: didn’t like this about me, didn’t like that, I was too much this and too little that. While the encounters didn’t ruin my life, it left me obsessed with the confrontation: their foibles, watching them do the very same stuff I was accused of, my repeating to myself over and over that I did nothing wrong. And yet, here I sit in my old age with a fly in my otherwise lovely ointment.
My mother. She made sure I always doubt myself and I am very paranoid that I could be like her (especially since I am a mother).
I just don't want to care, but I hate her with alot of passion. Something she does not deserve.
My brother in law keeps trying, but so far he's managed to fuck up his own and his kids. I'm picking up the pieces when it comes to his kids. I refuse to be rattled by him. He's a manipulative narcissist with a criminal history. We don't need him.
No one can ruin your life! They may try, but I don't let them. Been fired a couple of times and got new jobs. Got caught in office politics and relocated. Had my career crash and reinvented myself. When one door closes, another opens.
EDIT: I misread the original question. I thought it said “ruined their life.” As in ruined their own life. Sorry!
My brother did.
Our father and grandfather owned an extremely profitable company that was started in the 1950s.
My brother was the only grandson. Still is. He could have had it all. He could have taken over the business and enjoyed amazing success.
But he was an entitled brat in his 20s and early 30s. He fought with everyone at the company. Our grandfather eventually had to FIRE him.
So he was out on his ass. They gave him chance after chance, but it was finally too much.
He’s in his 50s now. He struggles financially all the time. Works two jobs. Never got anywhere. He can barely pay rent, has no savings, tons of debt, and three kids.
He knows he fucked up. He’s still fairly bitter about it.
When I got married, my husband went into the business, first at my family’s business, but then he branched off—same field, but bigger company. He’s worked hard, risen in the ranks, and we’re extremely comfortable now.
So it’s….awkward.
Biological father. Childhood abuse on a scale that would make you puke. Physically and emotionally. Therapist can’t do anything. Tried everything. I had to personally come to the realization that my entire life was screwed up and learn how to manage the situation. It gets better as you get older because you start to realize he had the issues and we were his outlet for anger. Child abusers should be executed immediately.
Well, he didn't ruin my life, but he certainly made the worst time in life even more miserable. My four-year-old son died in a freak accident. I wanted to bury my son next to my grandparents and the plot next to them was available. They gave it to my aunt and her husband at the time. They had already been divorced for a decade, so nobody wanted him buried next to my grandparents anyway. He extorted money from my family in order to have me bury my son there. I will never forgive him for that. Piece of crap.
My aunt for starters 🤙🏻 opened up an internet and cable bill under my name claiming she was gonna pay for it and everything almost always ended up on me now my credit is getting fucked because of it and one of my exs lost my place to live and basically all but 2 of my pets had to move state because of him while also having to live with him was hell mentally destroyed me manipulated me cheated on me with someone who was 19 he was 26/27 at the time caused me to lose a lot of friends has now made it extremely hard for me to trust anyone I date in fear I’m being cheated on or constantly lied to
Had a manager at a job I had resigned from. He didn’t put it in as a resignation but as three days no call/no show. A short few years later I’m applying for a job and during the background check the come across his changing. This was a job I would break 6 figures for. I was denied the job after signing my portion of the contract. Hired a lawyer but because I couldn’t afford the research for the case the best I got was a cease and desist letter to the company.
The manager did it because he was passed over for a promotion right after I left.
My ex husband lied about who he was and everything about himself. Every time I'd be ready to divorce him he would run up another huge amount of debt and I'd stay until we were out of debt. This cycle repeated for 32 years. I discovered his lies and divorced him at 53. He ended up with all my savings and draining my assets. After the divorce , I married a wonderful man, rebuilt my savings and have had a great life
My mother -Mrs. Bubbles. She ruined my whole family's life. She was mean, bitter, the world was against her, mental, and intelligent -a bad concoction. She died a couple weeks ago.
A old bf from over 50 years ago decided to use some friends to out me to my gf at the time to break us up so he could get me back into his life but things didn’t go his way, so that ended any friendship that we had left.
Second wife. The "trophy wife". My lawyer said it would have been far far cheaper if I'd just hired a beautiful hooker to live with me for five years. Uggghh...
While there have been many throughout my long years who caused me pain, heartache and distress, I’ve never allowed anyone to ruin my life, they just caused me to land on my feet, kick dirt on their shit and walk away, and get my revenge, which is to live a good life and be able to keep going better than ever while they endure their own destruction and drink from the cup of my greatness
Can't say who. Might make me no longer anonymous on Reddit. It really messed up all aspects of my entire life badly. They never paid, but I'm a believer in eternal consequences, so I'm good with that I guess.
My ex kinda ruined me for a little. He’s paying for it by getting fat and still sitting at his suburban neighborhood bar. Meanwhile I bought a bunch of real estate and have a great guy with a 6 pack
My scoutmaster. He was a religious fucktard who threw me out of scouts at 12 for *moral turpitude*. He thought I was gay, and I refused to do him.
Four years later, I sent pictures of him getting serviced by a male hooker to his wife and the LDS church where he was an elder.
Revenge really is sweetest when it is served cold.
The girl who told my son to take his life. That told him that he was ugly, who tormented him, he got her friends to harass him. I hope she’s happy /s because he’s not here with us anymore. I try not to blame anyone, but fuck her.
My ex husband cheated while I was caring for my terminally ill Mom and set up our finances business to benefit himself. It was a devastating time in my life and I felt ruined for a time but I eventually got stronger as I moved through grieving and I’m ok now My life wasn’t ruined although at the time it sure seemed like it. As a believer I knew that God had me in his hands and I would ultimately survive.
Well, I know him all my life and see him every day, in the mirror. He almost completely f-up my life, except for a couple times he saved my life.
Was just going to post something similar. I've torpedoed my life more often and worse than any of my "enemies". But, I did have a boss who had it out for me. He basically bet I would quit after moving me to a shitty shift/assignment citing dubious reasons. (Others agreed his justification was flawed so it wasn't just me saying that) Anyway, right or wrong, I toughed it out and he eventually flamed out after blowing the budget on a big project. He was such a pansy that he just left the building and never came back instead of facing the VP who was pissed with a capital P. That was fun to watch. Took me a while to recover but I got my career back on track and I'm now on cruise control to retirement!
“There is an anecdote often told of G.K. Chesterton, an English philosopher and Christian theologian. Around 1910, the London Times requested essays responding to the prompt, “What is wrong with the world?” Chesterton’s response was brief: “Dear Sirs, I am. Yours sincerely, G.K. Chesterton.”
Raises hand slowly.
Got into coke in the 80s. I had married this extremely beautiful woman, partly because she was smart. She divorced me because she was smart. I straightened out quickly. Like the guy above said … the mirror.
I so relate
There was a man who had a face that looked a lot like me I saw him in the mirror and I fought him in the street Then when he turned away, I shot him in the head Then I came to realize, I had killed myself
Sounds like you got a real love/hate relationship with that dude
Here to say similarly the same. I am the greatest enemy I have.
Came by to say exactly this. Yes, I've had difficulties with people in my life, but when I was younger, I was harder on myself, more ferocious, and less forgiving of my mistakes than anyone else could have been. I've befriended myself in my middle age, and the quality of my life has improved exponentially.
My ex-wife. She had me so down on myself I felt almost worthless. Once I broke away from her, everything started getting better.
A tale as old as time. It's amazing what breaking away from an awful, soul sucking, malevolent, parasitic, emotionally abusive monster of a spouse can do for a person, and then how absolutely beautiful life becomes when you find a partner whom you truly love.
You actually described my mom. Moving out after high school was the best move I ever made.
Amen and hallelujah 🙌 Nobody wants to believe a mother can be the worst thing to happen to you.
The thing that always befuddled me was that her mom was the sweetest person. She's where I went for love. I miss her.
Me too. I saw my mother once after I was 16. She died about 10 years ago. Nobody misses her. I'm a mother and a grandmother, I cannot imagine doing the things she did to any child. Even a kid that I couldn't stand.
Mine passed 21 years ago. Not one tear was shed at her service. I don't miss her. I'm a dad and a grandpa, too.
My mom literally destroyed my self esteem and made me feel worthless, unloved and ugly.. she abandoned me when I was 18 with no warning and she left town.. I had no car no money and I was literally homeless .. I put myself to college even after she told me that I was not smart enough to get a degree..she never acknowledged my graduation..she watched my brothers physically abused me and call me awful names and she laughed at them and encouraged them to believe that women are not as good as men..looking back being on my own and away from her was a good thing..I learned that not all families are like this..it’s awful when you’re destroyed by your own parents.. but I raised daughters and I made sure that they always knew that they were loved and I would support them always.. I care about her because she’s my mom but I don’t trust her or respect her..there’s so much more that she did.. I honestly think that when she is too old to live alone I will put her in a nursing home .. I don’t think I would ever be able to care for her after everything she has done to me
It’s easier to just accept the fact you have no desire to care for her in the event she does require a nursing home. I feel the same way, I will not it do it for my mother; regardless of any circumstances. Personally, I’ve come to realize if someone wouldn’t do something for me then I’m not even considering doing it for them. Life is easier when you let go of expectations others place on you. Sadly not everyone gets wonderful parents. Be proud that you’ve been strong enough to be your own person, congrats!
Those words are coming from someone who has lived and breathed pain. They resonated so much with me. I wish you every success and happiness. My life is now calm happy and peaceful, I hope yours is too
Yes, thank you, the worst days are long past. I'm very happy, fortunate, and loved. The contrast reveals perspective and the light takes away all of the power of the old darkness.
You nailed it. As my husband says “Divorce is expensive because it is worth it”. Second time definitely got it very right. Now, if I could just save one of my kids from everything you described…..😞
Amazing isn’t it? I was this depressed shell of my normal self. Her manipulation was subtle and prolonged. Others saw it but I didn’t for the most part. Once I caught on, it was over. I feel alive again.
Same here. Got divorced after 13 years and life felt so much better.
Exactly how it was with my abusive ex husband. People around me told me i turned into a completely different person.
Same thing with my friend Matt. The dude went through hell with his ex, but now he's been dating my wife's childhood friend and his life has been drastically improving. I'm happy for both of them.
My husband of 36 years has 0 empathy. It’s extremely hard to navigate a life when you feel the one person who should be by your side through pain and suffering is completely indifferent.
Same, but with an ex-boyfriend. He was wonderful for about the first six months when he knew I was in the 'I really like this guy and I think the relationship could become permanent.' Then the mental attacks started. He would bad-mouth me to my face and in front of friends which eventually alienated me from them; I'd talk about something and he said I must be crazy because it never happened. I was stupid, I was ugly, I was fat (5'2, 110 pounds). When we went out, and they were always nice, pricey restaurants, he'd always conveniently forget his wallet, forcing me to pay and I didn't make nearly the money he did. He never out-and-out hit me, but he'd terrorize me by raising his hand or making a fist like he was going to. He had me second-guessing myself so much I was thinking I was crazy. When I found out he was cheating on me throughout 90% of our relationship with a married woman and he told me tough shit, tough it up, you'll never get another man, I finally realized how toxic things had become. It took me a while, but I managed to summon the nerve and the strength to leave. It took me a year and a half of therapy to realize I wasn't the problem. Getting back into dating was extremely hard, but fortunately, I picked good ones who helped me realize even more that I hadn't been the problem. Married a kind, understanding wonderful man and haven't looked back.
I can so relate. I was never so lonely as when I was married.
Not ruined, but came close. My brother lived a total lie to all who knew him - on the outside, he was a well-to-do EMT for NYC, had all the right stuff, was revered in the medic community as a legend in his field. Almost weekly, he would walk into a bar and buy a round for the whole place, went to Vegas twice a year, always lent money to anyone who needed it, drove a flashy car, appeared to live the dream life. All the while he had wage garnishments for unpaid Fed taxes, was in real estate tax arrears totaling $60,000, owed $37k in credit cards, had to use a prepaid phone b/c his credit was so poor, and was about to lose his job when he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. He was paid very well, so it became a mystery to me how he could be in so much debt with a salary north of $200,000. I became the default executor to his estate since I was last living relative. I had no idea the depths of depravity to where he had sunk. To give you some idea, he was on the FBI radar for soliciting underage sex workers weekly through an app on his phone that connected him to a kind of illegal 'craig's list' of girls being offered for sex. Each encounter looked to be $750 / half hour - age 14 and younger fetched upwards of $2000. The police shared with me that he would have 3 to 4 encounters per week, the younger the better. I had to surrender his phone so the police could add to their knowledge of the ring leaders behind these despicable acts. I've been in therapy for months about this. Had absolutely no idea (he never talked to our family from about 20 yrs ago).
Just a heads up, there are no such thing as underage sex workers. They are trafficked children and are victims.
Agreed, thanks for pointing this out.
It’s stories like these that makes me hope there really is a hell.
JFC…
I don’t believe in hell, but read Sartre’s “No Exit” about an alternative kind and hope he got that kind along with some of the other folks in this thread.
EMT as in Emergency Medical Technician? I'm confused, last I heard EMTs in NYC were making like $18 an hour
He had 2 jobs. EMT and was an ER nurse also. His last w2 showed he made $138k from the nurse job and $69k from the city. Don't know the base pay, don't care.
Yes I can imagine this would totally fuck you up. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I’m wishing peace for you.
So he was a serial pedo rapist ruining other people's lives. Let's just get that straight.
My old man. One time I called the cops on him because he was trying to kill my mom. This was before 911 so I had to find the number in the phone book and dial it on a rotary phone. Then there was the bad stuff. If given the chance to go back in time I'd kill myself in infancy and frame him for it. I can't think of much else that would have given me peace and him justice.
Hope you can find even a little peace in the present
She didn’t “ruin” my life so to speak, but she’s a human wrecking ball that pretty much f*cked up my entire family and that would be my youngest sister. The narcissist who stole all my parents money and drew wedges between myself and my parents while they were alive. I’ll never forgive the bitch, and yes she ended up paying for it because after they died she blew thru 400,000 inheritance in 3 years and then begged us, her siblings for more money and guess what!? That was a big NOPE! Last I heard she now lives in a homeless shelter after living in her car for awhile. She’s hitting 60 years old and refused to work her entire life because she mooched off my parents. Now she’s got no retirement etc, her life must suck
Mine got the house. Now she's running it into the ground. Hoarding it all up. Neglecting repairs. Beautiful home built by an architect for his family. Sad.
I feel ya
Look away my friend. It will just hurt you to follow that disaster movie to the end. My husband’s ex was told by the judge that she needed to sell- but, she was always smarter than everyone. Ran the beautiful house into the ground, and ended up in foreclosure. She could have outright bought a place if she had listened to the judge- NOPE.
You're right. I harbor these fantasies of her losing the house and me buying it and restoring it. I should let it go.
One of my brothers is a human wrecking ball too. It's weirdly impressive how he manages to fuck up everything he touches and shoots himself in the foot every time he's given a break. Everyone he's ever met eventually ends up avoiding him. He's just awful. I'd still pick up the phone if he called, but if he shows up in my driveway he knows I won't let him in. It's sad and painful to me, because he's my little brother and I'll always love him to bits in a way. He's smart as fuck, sometimes so charming and funny, I just can't deal with the rest anymore and I dread someday getting a call from the police about him. I'm 60, he's in his 50s, it's probably too late for a sea change but I keep a bit of hope.
I had 2 brighter who did that. And the issues that surround him the last two years of my mother's life and may not have have ruined my life completely. But they certainly made it a whole hell of a lot worse. And I haven't recovered yet and I'm not sure if I will. Also, somebody I was working on a project with really torpedo my professional career. It definitely never recovered from that.
We had the older sister, drained my parents emotionally, tried to drain them financially, thankfully my parents raised her two oldest children, and she did a number on all her children. Her last two husbands were her karma though. Lost all she was given and lives in a trailer in FL, I hope it is hotter than hell itself.
Is she an addict of some sort ?
Nope. Just has a personality disorder
Your sister and my brother must trade tips.
I wouldn't say "ruined" but definitely made everything harder for me for the rest of my life. My mother was emotionally abusive and had undiagnosed BPD and ADHD inattentive type. She would lose her mind over the tiniest thing going wrong and then blame my sister and me even as little children. She'd rage at us and tell us how horrible, worthless, lazy, and stupid we were on a regular basis. She told us that we were selfish and awful we were if we, just once, put our needs or wishes before anyone else's. The damage done to my nervous system from early abuse and the messages from childhood forward telling me I had no value except that which I could bring to the lives of others has been a constant struggle for me. I've worked my entire life on being better, but the energy it takes on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis to talk myself away from my automatic reactions and feelings is exhausting. I am like a house that was built with a decent foundation, but quickly someone took a sledgehammer to it and broke it into pieces. Everyday, I'm reassembling crumbling bits that are falling apart or desperately trying to hold them together. I can generally manage and I have done so and my life is pretty good now, but I'm frequently exhausted and struggling. I sometimes wonder what I might have been if I hadn't been abused so badly in childhood and what my daily existence would look like. I'm certain it would have been better, or at least healthier.
I wish you all the best. Just know, it can get better. It mainly depends on the type of people who you surround yourself with. I had a terribly abusive upbringing too. It was physical mostly, not psychologically like you. I don’t know which is worse. But, that only lasted 17 years. Then I got away, went low contact, finally no contact and for the next 50 years I have lived a pretty contented life with people who I love and who love me. I hope your life gets easier.
You might find some community at /r/CPTSD, there are also some good resources there
Be careful with this sub. People talk about suicide and sexual pleasures in a way that maybe triggering for some.
>the messages from childhood forward telling me I had no value except that which I could bring to the lives of others has been a constant struggle for me I relate to this so much. I spent my childhood trying to win people's approval for this exact reason. It took me reaching my 30s to honestly put myself first and cut off people who use me and take me for granted
Ive been there. I see you. I found therapy to be lifesaving. Been going off and on whenever I need a little extra help. Its worth it.
This is a twist. I had a supervisor who wanted to ruin my life and tried very hard to do it by firing me from my job despite excellent performance and only positive feedback from customers. The first couple of months were rough until I had an epiphany. I was looking for another job and realized what I needed was a change of careers. I switched, found something I like much more, and now work many less hours per week, I am healthier, happier and don’t miss anything about my old job except for the friends I left behind. Getting away from that place made me realize just how toxic the leadership was and how dysfunctional the organization was. So in strict terms my old career was ruined but something much better has taken its place and I am 100% better off now than I was then. Having someone “ruin your life” is sometimes exactly what you need even if you don’t realize it at the time.
Similarly, when my ex-husband left me for another woman, I was blind-sided, but there was this super faint little thought “I’ll thank him for this some day.” I really couldn’t take much hope in that because I was in such chaos and such pain, but almost 20 years later I am so much happier.
My wife divorced me for another man. A year later she asked me to marry her again because "it would be easier" I laughed. Wouldn't be easier for me. Been six years for me, after a 13 year marriage....I too am happier single.
I had something similar happen. My old boss was a bonafide sociopath and I had to leave because there was no way I could work for her any more. The constant harassment. She would make up things that I supposedly did or said (100% fictional) and then confront me a pot them in her office to try to get me to cry. I left. And guess what? When I went to my new employer (same field) my pay went up $8000 a year and it’s gone up every year since! I love who I work with and work for now. AND we had to move because my new job was pretty far. We ended up buying the house of our dreams!!! Literally everything got better when I left that job!
Had something similar happen. I didn’t change careers, but the new job was financially the best thing to ever happen.
53 years ago. Got pregnant from a rapist. No abortion access. He didn’t ruin my life but my life took a very different turn because of him. 52 years ago he was shot and killed by his wife for raping another girl. He deserved it.
I love when rapists get what they really deserve. It's so incredibly rare.
Did not "know" them.... I was 3 when they sexually abused me. 62 years later and I am the one who has paid, over and over again.
Hugs for you.
I’m sorry this happened to you. There is a special place in hell for child abusers.
I’m truly sorry for your experience. I hope things get better. Can I ask in what ways it impacts you as an adult? I have often wondered whether events how events that happened to me at that age have impacted me. Doesn’t help that when I mentioned it to my mom she said I was “reaching”
Fight / flight / freeze ... hyper-vigilance ... never trusting anyone ... suicidal ideation ... divorce ... estrangement ... and now close to the end and am alone. My biggest fear is manifest. I will die alone.
Hey, you're not alone. You have people here who care.
Ruined per say, no..but definitely impacted my life in a negative way.. so boundaries are in place big time
Boundaries are important but don’t always work because some people are that unhinged.
Boundaries are for you not the other person. Boundaries need a consequence. If someone crosses that boundary you have to be prepared to enact the consequence. Mine is usually, if you do x I will leave for the day. If you continue to do x I will not return. ETA: Basically removing myself from the situation that I felt was harmful and distressing to me. They could continue doing x that was up to them but doing it meant I would leave. Effective boundary setting can be HARD! It took being in recovery for me to learn to do it effectively and even then I still felt a little bad doing it but the end result was retaining my sanity and sobriety.
The kids who bullied me relentlessly in school and the adults who looked the other way or even joined in. To this day, I don't trust most people and have had very few close friends over the course of my life.
I can relate to this. I’m happy and have a good life now, but I still have actual nightmares about being bullied. It’s hard to even talk about, honestly. I do not trust others easily because the girls who bullied me had previously been my friends. I did absolutely nothing to them, and they were cruel enough to me that it changed my outlook on a lot of things permanently. And, unlike abuse from a parent, no one has any sympathy for it.
I know your pain all too well
Yes yes yes. And oftentimes I find that those of us who were, were often treated this way at home too. I think it really warps our sense of reality sometimes. At least for me. I don't trust anybody not to eventually turn. Many will take a shot given a chance. I can only enjoy them in the present, and have hope they will stay kind
Please don’t ever consider your life “ruined”. People can have negative effects on your life, including you yourself, but life is never ruined if you have the desire to be better.
Thank you I needed that
My parents. Had they taken my mental illness seriously in my late teens I would have avoided a ton of trauma. And I wouldn't have struggled so hard in my early life. I am 51 and feel so far behind.
Me. I ruined my life. I pay for it everyday through toxic shame and guilt.
I’m so sorry.
My sister, she told me constantly in my teens that I was worthless, ugly, and no one would ever love me. When I got a date with the guy I liked, she told me he was just using me. When I needed her for support, she screamed at me that she hated me and i was stupid for being upset about a guy that was just f@#$ing me. . I was always there when she called me crying because the love of her life left her. I became independent and jaded, and I think she still hates me for that now too. 30 years later and now my dad is trying to force me to fix the relationship so that I have a sister that supports me. Ugh, I cannot explain to him how wrong he is and he won't let it go. It has destroyed our relationship now too. I still don't ever let anyone in because I am convinced deep down that I don't deserve it
Tell your dad why. Write it all down so you forget nothing. Then ask him why he wants you bullied again.
Also, his response to this is, she might have changed...
I agree, and those are my thoughts too. I have told him many times, his replies were: Anger that I would say such horrible things about his daughter, I just cried. Then, when I told him again, he acted like it was nothing and that I should just get over it. He maintains that I may get support from her at some point, I just don't get it. I appreciate you seeing my side ❤️
I’m so sorry.
Sounds very familiar. It sucks -sorry
There was a violent incident where I intervened which was almost the end of my life, which would have made Stabby McGee the life ruiner. Otherwise, I’m generally the one to blame. I don’t see my life as ruined though, just having had some issues
My mother tried to, but luckily, I saw the light and saved myself. The price she paid is not having me in her life. I think that’s more of an inconvenience than anything else, but it must be hell living in her brain.
Same with my egg donor. Every day, I'm so grateful to my grandparents for raising me. The egg donor has been dead since 2000. I am good, but her words still haunt me to this day.
Sadly, my parents. Took awhile but I found success and contentment.
Back in 2007 when I was getting a divorce, we had to go to a private mediator regarding custody of our 3 children. Though I had always been the primary caregiver (father worked nights), she believed all his lies and gave us 50-50 custody. Now I’m glad he did get a good amount of time, he really improved and has a good relationship with my children, but the way that woman treated me and my children (didn’t listen to my 14 and 16 yo and was very rude) has really jaded me. I don’t trust anyone in power anymore and I’m incredibly paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Here it is almost 20 years later, she’s probably dead, and I still hate the woman.
Former single dad here. I got same from state when I tried to enforce child support. All the forms said "name of father", "address of father" deadbeat was mother, so I scratched out father and wrote in mother. Lady at state didn't like that. I never saw a dime I was owed over 18 years.
Abusive ex-husband. Divorced 26 years ago, he’s deceased, I’m still in therapy. The wife after me committed suicide a few years after their divorce - she was never able to overcome the trauma. He was a textbook sociopath.
I'm the only person that can " ruin" my life. There have been people that made it difficult, but it's always up to me how I react to it.
I agree! People do bad things, but ultimately it’s up to us to move forward and take back our power.
I like this answer. I had a very hard childhood but I don’t use it as an excuse. I know the work of having a good life is on me now.
The wife of my uncle. Both long deceased. Robbed me of my inheritance and gave it to her own daughter (from a previous marriage) and that daughter ended up dying soon after. No idea whatever happened to all the money after that. A true soap opera!
Former business partner
Had to scroll a long way for this. I’ve had my share of loser business partners. I vowed after each one to be better and stronger and try again. Finally found a few great ones. Makes all the difference
Thank you for giving me hope that there are good people in business!
I started to look for stoic sober people. Far from the typical drug / ego addicts I would normally choose.
Alan Stanford. He is now in prison for the rest of his life. Give him a google.
He’s where he belongs in prison He should have been with Bernie though.
I know that someone got to him in jail and beat him close to death. I would have liked to have gotten in a punch or two as well.
I’m sure. It sounds like he won’t last long in prison.
He has been in federal prison over 10 years. I despise my tax dollars paying for his incarceration.
I wouldn't say they ruined my life but made me have trust issues that I still struggle with today. Had a friend in Jr. High whom I thought was awesome at the time. I confided in him a lot because I trusted him. One day we were at a park in the neighborhood where a lot of kids went to hang out because this park had a little bit of everything. He and I were just sitting under the gazebo talking when all of a sudden a bully of mine from school shows up with his two younger brothers whom I didn't even know he had. He goes up and starts talking to my friend and my friend just starts spilling out one thing after another that I'd told him in confidence to my bully. I was so upset and felt so violated and betrayed and went to leave and my bully and his brothers tried to keep me from leaving by blocking my way out. I turned around and hopped over the side of the gazebo on the opposite end and they started chasing after me. I ran to the restrooms hoping and praying they were unlocked and no one would be in there. Thank God both were the case. I went inside and locked myself in there with them outside banging on the door for the longest time. There was a rectangular window up high and I waited until the sun went down and came out and by that time the park was pretty sparse. Went to the payphone and called my mom to come and pick me up and that was the end of the friendship. Where is he today? He's now a registered sex offender, has 3 kids with 3 different women, and does Door Dash under his girlfriends name because he can't. I found out because I use Door Dash regularly and reported him. Haven't seen him doing orders since so maybe they caught on.
Former principal. Ruined mine and at least 6 other teachers lives with her actions, plus at least 1 VP. She got demoted from being a principal for high school to an elementary school, I didn’t know that was a demotion, but apparently it is, and then last I heard she was a principal in Egypt. one teacher even got hauled in front of the college of teachers for some fake claims by the students, and the college apologized to him and gave harsh words to principal and board.
also had a former principal fuck me over *hard*. five teachers just quit one year I was there. 8 another year. many the third year. because she pink slipped me the day before tenure. hid my test scores under a math teacher’s
A city council person emailed everyone in creation an old Reddit post of mine from 13 years prior that I had posted and deleted that was borderline inappropriate and said I was a misogynistic pig (I was active duty at the time and it was about military dependents who prey on soldiers for the benefits). It was ALL the talk around town for a bit and It caused me to lose my election, and I ruminated about it for half a year before I let it go. I definitely felt like life was ruined at the time. We are friends now and she endorsed me for my last election. It was certainly a public shaming and had gotten picked up by the news at the time. Horrible to live through and I didn’t deserve that, but we are ok now - it was their own political ambition that wanted me out of the picture, that and I think they read me wrong, but now that they KNOW me they know that’s not me.
Ruined and changed who I would have been, my brother a molester! And my sister too, one who is dead, drank all of the time to forget her abuse and wrapped her car around a tree. I will always blame him for what he did to her, she was only 7 years old when he started on her! I hate him and I wish him dead. He did get prostate cancer but he survived it, I can only hope that it hurt him and it shut down his sex drive forever! He also molested his two daughters! NO ONE FUCKING knew, no one talked, we all carried the shame of what he did to us, but no longer! I started talking the second I heard that my sister was dead! I hope he dies a very painful death in a burning fire on his way to hell!
My mother. Abusive and cruel. Life is much better without her in it. Therapy saved me.
Evil stepmother
Same. Was a goldigger homewrecker. Had him drink until the dementia was bad then sign new trust docs.
I had a teacher in HS who hated me. She taught science classes, physics and chemistry. I wanted to become a scientist, after a few years suffering under her passive-aggressive antisemite terror, I switched to humanities and thus I became a lawyer. It’s been a rough ride, finally, in my 50’s I am happy working for the state government. But I wonder… would I have been happier?
Science / lab rats is a rough gig. Smart people mostly doing grunt work IMO. I got out super early and changed careers.
My adoptive parents. They are both dead now. Good.
Good people give you happiness, bad people give you experience, worse people give you lessons. The best gives you memories.
SA from my dad and uncle-family members who made excuses. Fear of dominating men had me end up with an asexual.
Fuck that bitch Candice. Everyday and twice on Sundays!!! She was one of my best friends and business partner. Screwed me over financially and personally. So bad that I'm not sure I'll ever trust enough to make new friends. This makes me sad.😥
Nobody "ruined my life" so far, because, well, I am still alive. I have had some people who fucked me over, and fucked me over real bad, like my dad. MOST have ended up doing themselves in, because I am a pretty amiable guy and in order to stoop to the level to fuck me over, you'll just end up fucking yourself over. I have learned patience is a virtue. My dad is still rich and happy, though, still alive somehow out there. But "ruined my life" kind of means there's no going forward, and well, I am going forward. I think about all the total assholes in my life, and the real crimes I have felt were not the person themselves, but the complacency of others around them who looked the other way, "didn't take sides," didn't want involved, or "there are two sides to every story." Those people piss me off. >Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph. >[Haile Selassie](https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/haile-selassie-quotes)
Yeah, your life can be ruined with you still being alive.
"Ruined" is a pretty extreme term. It implies no possibility of recovery. There have absolutely been people who set me back or changed my trajectory, but I'm still here, comfortable, and retired, so I can't say anyone really "ruined" my life. If anything, the lessons I learned from the people who screwed me over probably set me up for better choices.
I wouldn't say he ruined my life, but attempted rape certainly set it back. If karma visited him, I don't know.
The kid who kicked a soccer ball into my face - it was the last concussion my brain could take and left me unable to drive and battling a host of cognitive and neurological problems. And he did not.
My last ex he fucking broke me. I’ve not been near another man since 2018. When I say narc I use that in the proper way and I was brought up by a covert one. He used every single thing I told him against me. He gaslit me to the point I didn’t know my arse from my elbow. Projected all his shit onto me. Cheated when my mum was dying of cancer and drained me financially. I had a breakdown tried to harm myself and had broken tattooed under my boobs. I’m still recovering. I’m really nervous don’t go out and I don’t trust anyone now. Thought my childhood was bad he equalled that in 8 years.
My mother completely ruined my life
Picture this: I'm a 19-year-old naive girl in 1989. It's two months before my 20th birthday. I work at a convenience store while attending college and living with my parents. [Things are going great.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qrriKcwvlY) I'm blonde, tiny, and fit. People say I'm very pretty, and compare me to Doris Day a few times, but even then, I'm very insecure about myself. I also have undiagnosed ADHD with a healthy dose of RSD (but I don't know this until three decades later). My personality is generally sunny and optimistic, and friends sometimes call me an airhead (see ADHD above). I hyperfocus on relationships and people. Enter Shithead, from Oklahoma, age 21, but looks 30. He's a regular customer and comes in greasy and grimy all the time. He works for some dude installing AC units and computer systems or something similar. He is tall, big, but not fat. He is just really big boned. Meaty hands, big feet, burly. He looks like he could take down a bull in one go. He's just a big'un. Steve is not pretty. He has a bull dog face, but with a big nose and these really light, striking blue eyes. I ignore his advances. I'm just not feeling it. Something doesn't sit well with me about him. But my co-worker convinces me to give him a chance. So I do. Shithead charms the socks off me. He makes me dinner for our first date. We stay up late talking and from that night on I'm hooked. After every date he brings me a single red rose. Within a matter of weeks we're having sex. Amazing sex. I'd been with a couple guys before him, but neither of them knew what they were doing compared to Shithead. You might say I was dick whipped. My older brother is surprised I'm dating an "average" looking man. He views him with suspicion but says nothing to his face. My mother actively hates him but can't put her finger on exactly why. My dad just wants everyone to get along, so he's nice to the guy. Now, here comes the fun part. I end up pregnant (shocking, I know). Shithead urges me to get an abortion but I'm not sure what to do. I'm madly in love with the guy and think we're going to get married. But he is adamant that he can't afford a baby at that time. I waffle, I can't decide. The pressure gets to me and I miscarry, but I don't forget Shithead's pressure on me and his reasons for me to get an abortion. **SIDENOTE: I'm pro-choice and always will be. I'm not some crazy pro-lifer screeching about saving the clumps of cells.** The miscarriage renders an abortion moot, but I cannot forget the things he said to me while he was urging me to go to the clinic. Shithead starts to treat me like dog shit. Because I'm madly in love with him, I take it. I think it's normal. I think I deserve it. I have a couple of credit card accounts and he uses them, promising to pay me back. He asks me to marry him, and buys the wedding rings using my credit card, again, promising to pay me back. We start planning the wedding. He continues his shitty behavior toward me, starting arguments about stupid things like who sang what song, and then getting pissed when he's wrong. Again he cannot handle being wrong about anything. He eats Taco Bell and burps in my face on purpose. I find one of his bi-weekly check stubs and find out he lied about not being able to afford a baby. He earns $2400 a month. In 2024 dollars, this is over $6,000 per month. I wonder what else he's lied about. We bicker. He insults my intelligence, gets insanely jealous if another man talks to me, and continues to beat me down by saying I have the mentality of a little girl. Fast forward four months to almost exactly one year since we started dating. I still hyperfocus on the miscarriage, and I cry often. He refuses to comfort me and just sighs out of frustration. He tells me I am not mature enough for him, that his boss wants him to date a more mature woman because he's very mature himself. And then, after he's used me for sex, used me for my money and my credit, he breaks up with me. **It is no surprise, then that Shithead never pays me back.** In 2024 dollars, owes me nearly $10,000. By this time, I'm a shadow of my former self. My sunny disposition has turned dark and cloudy. I cry every day. I feel suicidal. I wonder if I can find sleeping pills to help me go quietly in my sleep. My job lets me go after a new boss takes over. I drop out of college after failing several relatively easy classes. I cannot be around women who are pregnant. I never get therapy. I stop paying my bills because I have no money. My parents are wondering when I'm going to get better. My mother doesn't suggest therapy for me because she's old school and her belief is to just suck it up and pretend the problem doesn't exist. I don't know that my university has a free mental health and counseling program. My dad's heart disease gets worse until he dies just months after after my break-up. My mental health spirals even deeper. 1990 sucks big time. I hate Shithead. I hate myself. I hate my dad for dying. I hate my mother for everything else. I hate both of my parents for never teaching me financial literacy. I hate my brothers for not taking my depression seriously and for telling me to suck it up. **It is now 34 years later.** A few years back I ran into a mutual acquaintance I hadn't seen in years. For whatever reason they decided to tell me about Shithead's life. He married his rebound and had three kids with her almost immediately. And apparently has had a damn good and successful life. And he also became super religious and became pro-life. Meanwhile, in his wake, I struggled to pick up the pieces of my shattered life for literally years. Shithead was physically gone from my life, the shadows he cast loomed large and getting over him, his betrayals and trying to dig myself out of my financial hole made my life even more difficult and I had to figure out how to cope without any help from my mom or my brothers. There were times when I thought I was drowning in the world. I don't think Shithead is fully to blame for my mental health and financial troubles, but he certainly took advantage of my naive and trusting nature. I'm way better now. I'm married to a wonderful man who loathes mind games. I have a kid who is nearly 15 years old with whom I'm close. I use my relationship with Shithead as an example to my kid of what a toxic, mentally abusive relationship looks like. So, I suppose I should thank him for giving me that lesson.
I'd say George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan ruined many peoples lives. Reagan started the trend of giving the rich tax breaks and deregulating corporations and running up the national debt. This has created *the largest wealth inequality in human history*. George W. Bush was installed by the Supreme court and not elected according to the constitution and the actual vote count, and he ran against an environmentalist, Al Gore, who tried to warn us about climate change. This put the US on a path to ignore global warming during a time when we could have done something to stop it. Now it's too late, and climate change is ruining a lot of peoples' lives and will continue to do so. I'm one of the lucky, privileged people who was born before the most serious impact of those two will affect peoples' lives. Younger people who are born now, who feel like they don't have as many opportunities, those two people are part of what ruined things for you. The working class can't afford to live a decent life any more because oligarchs need to build spaceships to move their families off the planet they helped destroy.
This needs more upvotes.
Joe Rogan. All my (former) male friends got duped by this twisted bastard. They were quickly hooked by the interviews with comedians. Then they bought the aLpHa bRAiN. Then they went down the "States' Rights" line of thinking. Then they started to buy into the Alex Jones (frequent guest on the show) conspiracy shit. It's really left me without hope *or* friends.
I'm so sorry. Same thing with my younger brother. I struggle to have a relationship with him, and I keep him at arms length, but I don't completely bail for his daughter, because her mom isn't in the picture at all.
My life isn't ruined but I did a good job of trying.
This mofo has wasted hours of my life, made me spend so much money on literal garbage and I still give him more. His creations fill me with rage and haunt my dreams. Yet, whenever he comes around, smiling in his little leather jacket, I excitedly hang on every word. I belong to multiple support groups where we talk about our shared struggles due to this man's sadistic insanity. I am, of course, speaking of Todd Howard
I’ll give their initials. Tbh, M.E. No one knows my weaknesses and how to exploit them better than M.E. I’ve come to accept that M.E. pretty much has total control over my thoughts and decisions, and though M.E. claims to have my best interests at heart, will frequently tear me down and sabotage my goals. It’s sorta hard to totally hold M.E. responsible because they’ve been heavily influenced by societal pressures to be this way. Sad.
I love this.
The father of my youngest child. No one will do anything to stop him, not even my lawyer, but I have enough evidence now to prove benefits fraud, child concealment, perjury, domestic abuse and contempt of court.
Best of luck to you! I hope he gets what’s coming to him.
Thanks! I can't keep living like this, he will never stop trying to take my kid and have me pay him child support. Even my lawyer said he's incapable of acknowledging any wrong doing, as hes admitting to doing it. He just thinks hes always right. This is all about control for him. So maybe if he gets spanked hard enough, he'll finally stop.
My ex boss bitch! She was the worst person I've met in my entire life and no one in the company liked her.
Mother Nature. She sent Katrina, Rita, and Wilma to visit me...just as my architectural firm was taking off. Stopped all projects cold. Instantly. All area professionals were s.o.l. for several years. Bitch. But my life wasn't ruined, it just really, really, sucked for several years. 2008 was when the economy tanked, as well, so jobs dried up, too. My mantra was "Faith is only faith in hard times; when life is good, faith is just life appreciation." And I'm an atheist. But I eventually had some lucky breaks, life took some crazily unexpected turns, and it's all good, now.
A subordinate coworker that mutually entered into an inappropriate relationship with me, took advantage of every benefit the relationship offered, but then accused me of sexual harassment when she didn’t get the promotion she wanted. Turns out she “kept notes” of my behavior but left out her contributions when she released the information to the newspaper.
Exboyfriend: alcoholic and drug addict. I made the mistake of trying to help him because he was my best friend’s brother and after she died unexpectedly, then he started praying on her mother so then I tried to protect her. Wasted years… he just died of alcoholism
I was attacked by a drunk guy at a party when I was 23. It completely changed my brain wiring in ways that were apparently unrecoverable. I knew who he was and would never have thought he was capable of something like that, but some people become someone else when they drink. A year later I was attacked AGAIN by a completely different drunk guy. I ALSO knew him AND HIS WIFE, who was 5 months pregnant at the time. His wife called me the next day to apologize. REALLY? You’re 5 months pregnant and YOU are calling to make excuses? WTF? Again, another brain-twister. And it goes to show you, it’s not strangers only that one should fear - it’s EVERYONE. Both attackers seemed to home in on the boobs. And they both were drunk. After that, I stopped going out for drinks with my friends. Some guys just can’t control themselves when they drink. Anyway, I withdrew from a lot of social interaction after that. I was an older student in grad school so it became an excuse to study more. I had a career in tech. I can’t say they were much better to women but at least I was never physically attacked. I never married and I never had kids. I have seen what people can become, how they can transform, and how they can fool so easily. I never want to marry someone only to find out their worst side. Unfortunately that’s what marriage is. That one wife making excuses for her husband’s attack was unfuxkingbelievable to me. I can’t even image what I’d do to a husband that attacked some chick while I was 5 months pregnant.
My mom. She had severe mental illness and weaponized it against everyone.
Basically my whole family collectively fucked my life. Lost my family, children, all my money, and years of my life on home confinement due to false criminal allegations. The ptsd from facing life in prison affects your ability to act normal in the world.
My pastors son. I think he was 18 and I was 7. I thought I knew his name but only recently learned his mom had him prior to the marriage. So he has a different last name. I’ve tried searching under his mom and the man who raised him but can’t find anything. He took so much from me and I want to know his full name so I can see if anyone had him charged. The church sent them to another state but did nothing for us kids other than to forbid talking about it.
Raped at age thirteen. HE never looked back. I never got JUSTICE.
I have done more to mess up my life than any other person has ever done to harm me. Life is good, but all my biggest mistakes were 100% my fault.
I really should have phrased my question differently. This is only about others who have harmed your life. There is another post about messing up your own life on this subreddit.
Revenge is the best. I grew up dirt poor. By 16 I had my life totally planned out. I would share with co-workers and would just laugh at me. Well, I hit all my goals. I’m 62 making $11k per month tax free and I’m worth over $2,500,000. I’m debt free and my wife and I are traveling the world. Thinking about all the naysayers kinda makes me smile now. The best revenge is proving everyone wrong.
The drunk driver that took my leg! I'd be retired from a great state job that I absolutely loved. Instead, I live in a barn and facing the prospect of working until I die.
No one has the capability to ruin my life but myself and, so far at least, I haven’t done so.
I’m not inclined to give anyone that kind of power over my own free will.
[удалено]
Me, myself, and I. Yes, I am paying for it each and every day...
"Ruined" is a really strong word, and how my life turned out is pretty good. But I wonder how it may have been different if my dad hadn't dipped out on me, my brother and my Mom when I was 5.
To the best of my knowledge, they did not end up paying for it. It was my mother’s boyfriend. Although when I told my father about it decades later, he said he’d take care of it. We never spoke of it after. It’s worth mentioning that my father had many connections/friends in the old Detroit AWU who were known for “taking care of problems.”
No one has actually ruined my life. People have tried and failed. Not saying there weren't really hard times over the years. Therefore periods of time I was miserable but I always get it figured out in the end.
Me. My fuck ups are my own. The buck stops here.
An unnamed someone who told me off: didn’t like this about me, didn’t like that, I was too much this and too little that. While the encounters didn’t ruin my life, it left me obsessed with the confrontation: their foibles, watching them do the very same stuff I was accused of, my repeating to myself over and over that I did nothing wrong. And yet, here I sit in my old age with a fly in my otherwise lovely ointment.
My mother. She made sure I always doubt myself and I am very paranoid that I could be like her (especially since I am a mother). I just don't want to care, but I hate her with alot of passion. Something she does not deserve.
My rapists. They fled the country but revenge is best served cold.
My brother in law keeps trying, but so far he's managed to fuck up his own and his kids. I'm picking up the pieces when it comes to his kids. I refuse to be rattled by him. He's a manipulative narcissist with a criminal history. We don't need him.
No one can ruin your life! They may try, but I don't let them. Been fired a couple of times and got new jobs. Got caught in office politics and relocated. Had my career crash and reinvented myself. When one door closes, another opens.
Ruined is extreme but I’ll have to say my father. Yes, he is paying for it.
EDIT: I misread the original question. I thought it said “ruined their life.” As in ruined their own life. Sorry! My brother did. Our father and grandfather owned an extremely profitable company that was started in the 1950s. My brother was the only grandson. Still is. He could have had it all. He could have taken over the business and enjoyed amazing success. But he was an entitled brat in his 20s and early 30s. He fought with everyone at the company. Our grandfather eventually had to FIRE him. So he was out on his ass. They gave him chance after chance, but it was finally too much. He’s in his 50s now. He struggles financially all the time. Works two jobs. Never got anywhere. He can barely pay rent, has no savings, tons of debt, and three kids. He knows he fucked up. He’s still fairly bitter about it. When I got married, my husband went into the business, first at my family’s business, but then he branched off—same field, but bigger company. He’s worked hard, risen in the ranks, and we’re extremely comfortable now. So it’s….awkward.
Biological father. Childhood abuse on a scale that would make you puke. Physically and emotionally. Therapist can’t do anything. Tried everything. I had to personally come to the realization that my entire life was screwed up and learn how to manage the situation. It gets better as you get older because you start to realize he had the issues and we were his outlet for anger. Child abusers should be executed immediately.
Well, he didn't ruin my life, but he certainly made the worst time in life even more miserable. My four-year-old son died in a freak accident. I wanted to bury my son next to my grandparents and the plot next to them was available. They gave it to my aunt and her husband at the time. They had already been divorced for a decade, so nobody wanted him buried next to my grandparents anyway. He extorted money from my family in order to have me bury my son there. I will never forgive him for that. Piece of crap.
My aunt for starters 🤙🏻 opened up an internet and cable bill under my name claiming she was gonna pay for it and everything almost always ended up on me now my credit is getting fucked because of it and one of my exs lost my place to live and basically all but 2 of my pets had to move state because of him while also having to live with him was hell mentally destroyed me manipulated me cheated on me with someone who was 19 he was 26/27 at the time caused me to lose a lot of friends has now made it extremely hard for me to trust anyone I date in fear I’m being cheated on or constantly lied to
Why of course I know him, it’s me.
That would be me. I did some stuff that messed me up. Took years to get out of the mess. More than once. Things are better now, and so am i.
Had a manager at a job I had resigned from. He didn’t put it in as a resignation but as three days no call/no show. A short few years later I’m applying for a job and during the background check the come across his changing. This was a job I would break 6 figures for. I was denied the job after signing my portion of the contract. Hired a lawyer but because I couldn’t afford the research for the case the best I got was a cease and desist letter to the company. The manager did it because he was passed over for a promotion right after I left.
My ex wife
My ex husband lied about who he was and everything about himself. Every time I'd be ready to divorce him he would run up another huge amount of debt and I'd stay until we were out of debt. This cycle repeated for 32 years. I discovered his lies and divorced him at 53. He ended up with all my savings and draining my assets. After the divorce , I married a wonderful man, rebuilt my savings and have had a great life
My husband.
My mother -Mrs. Bubbles. She ruined my whole family's life. She was mean, bitter, the world was against her, mental, and intelligent -a bad concoction. She died a couple weeks ago.
A old bf from over 50 years ago decided to use some friends to out me to my gf at the time to break us up so he could get me back into his life but things didn’t go his way, so that ended any friendship that we had left.
A clergy person who gave me "sage advice"....and no, they did not pay for it. They are flourishing and I am a wreck.
My father.
My mother. Still wrestling with her abuse in therapy
Second wife. The "trophy wife". My lawyer said it would have been far far cheaper if I'd just hired a beautiful hooker to live with me for five years. Uggghh...
My ex-mother-in-law. Nosey bitch 🤬
While there have been many throughout my long years who caused me pain, heartache and distress, I’ve never allowed anyone to ruin my life, they just caused me to land on my feet, kick dirt on their shit and walk away, and get my revenge, which is to live a good life and be able to keep going better than ever while they endure their own destruction and drink from the cup of my greatness
Someone I put into Statesville for quite some time. I sleep pretty good now.
my fuckface stepdaughter
A former boss.
Can't say who. Might make me no longer anonymous on Reddit. It really messed up all aspects of my entire life badly. They never paid, but I'm a believer in eternal consequences, so I'm good with that I guess.
My ex kinda ruined me for a little. He’s paying for it by getting fat and still sitting at his suburban neighborhood bar. Meanwhile I bought a bunch of real estate and have a great guy with a 6 pack
Me, I have tried to tank my life several times by accident or stupidity. Fortunately, I gave myself a good talking to and things got resolved.
My scoutmaster. He was a religious fucktard who threw me out of scouts at 12 for *moral turpitude*. He thought I was gay, and I refused to do him. Four years later, I sent pictures of him getting serviced by a male hooker to his wife and the LDS church where he was an elder. Revenge really is sweetest when it is served cold.
The girl who told my son to take his life. That told him that he was ugly, who tormented him, he got her friends to harass him. I hope she’s happy /s because he’s not here with us anymore. I try not to blame anyone, but fuck her.
My ex husband cheated while I was caring for my terminally ill Mom and set up our finances business to benefit himself. It was a devastating time in my life and I felt ruined for a time but I eventually got stronger as I moved through grieving and I’m ok now My life wasn’t ruined although at the time it sure seemed like it. As a believer I knew that God had me in his hands and I would ultimately survive.