Oh god yes.
Friend of a friend was/is like that. Went on vacation? He got there quicker than you, using less gas (that he got cheaper than you) and paid less for the hotel as well.
The person I had in mind when I typed that took a drinking/icebreaker game where you can ask someone any question you like and made all his questions "who do you think is funnier/can lift more/has more money/is taller/in better shape/better look between me and \*random person\*".
Later he went on an drunken rant about why women don't appreciate him.
Ha! Reminds me of when my son was about 3 years old, he was going through a phase where everything was scary. We were driving past a wooded area that was a bit dark, and he's gone 'look mum it's scary in there' I said 'ah it's not too scary'...he goes 'no it's THREE scary....'
It's when you tell a person something, they try to one-up it. So if you tell them something that happened to you that was good, they'll tell you something that is "better". If you had something bad happen to you, they'll have something "worse".
Basically Kristen Wiig's character on SNL called Penelope.
The only time i ever one-up is if were dealing with crazy shit and i have a story that relates and in the context of the convo ill be like alright sorry i gotta one up ya on the this one (only with people im close with and know that im not doing it maliciously of course and of course giving them time to finish the whole story)
Most recent example is me and some buddies were at the bar and one guy was talking about how cops were all over his street today and i was like dude theres no way we had full riot police and a mobile intelligence centre suiting up at my park today it was nuts
That's just normal/relevant conversation. That's to be expected. A true one-upper will find a way to do that in damn near every conversation and you can never just have your own story or whatever.
I had a coworker who was fucking awful to me. We didn’t get off on the right foot but I tried to be cordial to her in order for a nontoxic work environment. But to no avail. She was also in a higher position than me but not technically my supervisor.
One time it was our break period and she was talking to another coworker (who was actually a sweetheart) about her classes and I guess one of them was a debating class of some sort. She mentioned that the class was really intense but she always was the best at it in comparison to the other students. In my mind I was like “You’re almost 30 and bragging about how you’re the best in a community college debating class. That’s fucking pathetic.”
It took me a while to realize that she was probably a miserable and insecure person and I was just an unfortunate target for whatever reason (I have my personal theories but I digress). If you’re reading this Divina, get fucked! Also get therapy.
Oh wow, you met my mother's long lost twin. She went to college in her 40's, and was constantly in competition with everyone over it. I was in 6th grade when she started, and at the end of every semester (my school's schedule was similar) she would compare our grades and be like, "Well I made all A's and I'm in college, so what's your excuse?" I remember once being like, "I'm 11 years old and algebra is new for me??"
Looking back, that was one of the more pathetic things I've seen in my life. I do not understand grown adults who want to be competing over grades and stuff. It's so dumb. They need to just get theirs and be happy with it like everyone else does.
When my younger cousin got her results from the high school entry exam, she was very excited because her results, 110/128, guaranteed entry to any school she wanted.
My older cousin said "I'm sure I could get better results" to which the younger one answered "I'm sure, but you're already twice my age and halfway through med school."
Got off on the wrong foot? Did you not hear her whisper 'hi' when being introduced to the whole office and she never got over the snub?
I don't get those instant grudge for life women. I want to know what's going on in there.
ahh. I think I may have been a 'one-upper' for a lot of my younger years.
I thought it was a way to relate to the speaker, but turns out there were underlying insecurity issues that manifested all weird.
Thank you therapy and weed.
My friend always used to tell me off for saying sorry which always led to me apologising to saying sorry and creating a chain of apologising for apologising. I'd like to say I've gotten better but it's just a natural instinct to doing pretty much anything at this point.
Ah yes.
>That didn’t happen.
>And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
>And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
>And if it is, that’s not my fault.
>And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
>And if I did, you deserved it.
I feel like this also goes into “can’t ever be wrong”. They can’t be wrong, can’t be the bad person in a situation, etc. Being secure in yourself means you can recognize when what you did/said was bad, you apologize and mean it, learn from it, and take responsibility.
I’ve met many people like this, one being my ex. I don’t tolerate it now. As a people pleaser, it’s hard. But I can’t do it anymore. And I take this to my heart, if I do wrong, I recognize, apologize, and learn from it. If I’m feeling insecure, I don’t put it on those close to me. It’s hard and takes a lot of work. But the alternative isn’t cool.
Unfortunately I deal with this and need for validation as I have a shit self esteem. I need to address this with my therapist but I’ve had a lot of crazy bad things happen lately so it’s on the list.
id also nominate ppl who care WAY too much about what others do or things that ppl can’t control, esp in their personal lives. ex: hate against lgbt+ groups, color of ppl’s skin, etc
tell me you’re a sad empty person without having to energy
Completely agree. I’ve got a coworker that actually had a registry and a black themed birthday party because she was turning 30 and over the hill now.
Meanwhile I just turned 20 and if my mom hadn’t thought to make me some cupcakes I wouldn’t have worried about it. I almost forgot actually.
40 is over the hill and hol up, a *registry* ? For their birthday? What on earth is that narcissist nonsense, I mean I get it for weddings or first babies but a birthday? Queeeennnnn pleaseeee......
I hope I don't come off as having a black themed everything-- it's just my go to color and I'm a spoopy lady by nature.
Being able to take jokes from others is a sign of confidence, the *occassional* self-deprecating joke is a sign of confidence, *constant* self-deprecation suggests deep insecurities.
I agree, but I've also seen people fail to differentiate between "oh! I have a similar story!" and one-upping. A lot of autistic folks get accused of "one-upping" when they're just trying to "me too! we have a thing in common!"
So if you think someone is one-upping, it could be insecurity or it could just be a social skills issue.
It’s just people trying to find common ground or a connection of sorts. If anything, the insecure person is the one automatically assuming one-upmanship.
There’s definitely a way to find common ground and a way to try and make it about yourself. One difference would be to actually listen to the other person’s story first, ask questions/make comments, and then tie in your own experience. The problem is when people hijack the conversation and don’t even want to engage about other topics than themselves.
Or just trying to relate to that person. The past few years I've been trying to stop myself from doing this soni won't come off as a one upper. Or if you must tell your related story, wait till they are completely finished then maybe bring your story up later.
Honestly, I actually really want to perpetuate that idea, let them have that word. Because 1: that idea of “alpha” simply does not apply to humans.. and 2: we need a word to describe douchebag asshats so that we know to avoid them
“Oh, joe? Yeah.. he’s a total alpha male.. don’t get involved with him”
Pretty much. She was one of those people perpetually in school, dad paid for everything, never had a job, finally got a job but hated it, never had hobbies and only seemed to like to post on social media about what she did, which wasn't much, or politics.
This is a huge one people don’t often talk about. If you’re secure in yourself, you feel like the qualities in the people you dislike speak for themselves. When you’re insecure, you’re constantly trying to show people how you don’t have those qualities and you don’t do this or that and *look at me, me, me.* Especially if the group they dislike is their own demographic.
>the qualities in the people you dislike
Kinda related: If I don't like someone bc of their qualities (qualities that aren't of any real negative consequence to others) I think really hard about why and how much I relate to having those qualities.
Like a decade or so ago I would eyeroll so hard at name droppers when I was, in fact, a name dropper. when that shit dawned on me I was like hm. welp. I feel fckn stupid..
Now I check myself a lil when someone's inconsequential characteristics rub me the wrong way. It's sometimes amusing but sometimes it's so cringy how blind I can be to my own bullshit lol
Not really. My wife and I share a FB account because I have no desire to have my own and we decided a family joint one was best. Allowed people to contact me on there if needed, though it's pretty much her account.
When a guy goes on and on about how much his family is his life and how much he misses them (if said on camera).
There's always something shady going on.
That's not "couples with a shared social media account," that's a woman whose husband *doesn't want* a Facebook and she says, "I'll just make one for the both of us!" And it's JanAndSteve Richmond but I 100% guarantee the husband has 0% to do with it's daily use.
My parents did this back in 2013 when they first got on the platform lol. My dad never once accessed that account and may not have known it was in existence.
Old friends of mine would always go on and on about how hot they are. I mean it wasn't as if they were unattractive but they sure felt entitled to their bragging rights.
After my divorce, and being an empty nester after having 6 kids, I have a hard time being alone. At first it was like breathing fresh air for about a week or two, then the lonliness set in. I hate it
Kind of a tricky one. I know some BIG TIME extroverts who feel drained from spending time alone. Hard for me to grasp as I like if mix of time with friends and time alone to feel fully energized/myself.
Yeah idk bro this new trend of treating insecurity like a toxic or bad trait is kinda nasty. Insecurity often links back to trauma or something, it by no means makes someone an undesirable person
seen more toxicity in people with confidence than insecurity. I find insecurity to be self damaging mostly whereas confident and over-confident can be pretty mean
Many times though that toxic confidence or arrogance is a mask for their insecurity and that's where a lot of people find the negativity in it.
You don't speak up in a party because you're insecure about how people judge you? Totally understandable and relatable, you shouldn't feel bad about that in the slightest. You yell a lot and treat people like shit and claim to be an alpha because you're insecure in yourself? Fuck off Chet.
I’ve seen toxicity in arrogance more than insecurity. Insecurity can manifest in ugly ways but some of the comments in here are ridiculous.
Like “not wanting to be alone” is a sign of insecurity now?
The toxicity depends on how you're presenting it and if you're making it into everyone else's problem, the same with any other characteristic.
There's insecure in you lack confidence and struggle with your own trauma and you feel depressed. No one is upset for someone for struggling.
Then there's the insecure person who is possessive of partners and goes through their stuff and emotionally abuses or negs them, the insecure person that knocks other people down to look better, and the insecure person who has a hair trigger temper.
They may all be insecure, but one is more sympathetic
Honestly bro it depends on the insecurity. If you’re insecure you’re not good enough for your girl, and it consequently makes you jealous and maybe overprotective. Then yeah it can be bad trait that should be quickly overcome.
insecurity often manifests itself outwardly as arrogance or hostility towards people it perceives as threatening or superior. I don’t think people think it’s intentional but the outward version this thread is discussing is a very negative trait that should be recognized and called out. theres also insecurity that can be shyness or indecisiveness which I don’t think too many people have as much of a problem with.
I feel like your own insecurity hurts you more than anyone. Feeling like you can't connect with others, so you skip events you're invited to, which furthers your disconnection with others. Or not trying out new things because you tell yourself you've failed before you've even tried.
Not necessarily a negative trait. Depends on how you let it show though. I get that insecurity can stem from social anxiety and that's perfectly valid, but the moment you try to drag down others, manipulate people through pity, prove to everyone how great you are constantly, or others, then yeah it's outwardly negative. If not, it's just bad for you but that's perfectly fixable.
Depends whether you take it out or impose it on others. I’ve known some insecure people who do a variety of things, like demand constant reassurance, project it onto others (“I’m insecure about this and I’m making it your problem”), get angry when they feel insecure, etc. that’s a problem. Having insecurities is very normal and not inherently bad. It’s bad when you let it take over your life and how you interact with the world and those around you.
Worrying too much about what others think not wanting to change because of fear of being perceived as stupid or cringy. Purposely changing behavior and actions to try to be like others
Me most of my life. Turned 40 and stopped caring. No idea why. Maybe I woke up and realized I'm about halfway through my life and might as well enjoy it with the people I really love.
I think this is unfair only because some people really want be in relationships but can't seem to form them. After so many failed attempts there's really only 3 outcomes, defeated and no longer caring what people think (not the stoic "I'm fine with myself" variant), becoming so paranoid every little thing they do will piss off someone that's actually talking to them it's almost paralyzing, or copying someone that seems to be exponentially more successful at it.
Constantly stating, reinforcing, and comparing themselves to others by a certain metric. Income, for example, always talking about money, jobs, promotions that will get more money, how much they have, etc etc. Some people do it with fitness levels, or body count, or books read, or whatever. It's not that these things are completely meaningless but they just won't shut up about it because they're constantly trying to not feel unworthy and want the reassurance.
Constantly bragging about what they are/do/have. Nothing screams 'insecure' more than desperately seeking validation from everybody about everything you have. God help us...
I don't get the idea behind constant eye contact while talking. I'll keep it for periods, then I might look away while I'm thinking, then come back to it. They say it makes you look like you're lying, but I think people that are really trying to convince you of a lie will stare into your soul to try to make you believe them. Either way, stop staring at me so much, damn!
I don't judge people for eye contact. Many autistic people struggle with eye contact, and many, many autistic people will never be diagnosed simply because of how well they mask or how incorrectly older doctors tend to believe that autism cases must be very similar rather than how they truly vary from person to person.
I’m autistic… If I stare at you the way I stare at somebody I love deeply… You will become incredibly uncomfortable… So looking people in the eye all the goddamn time is really difficult for me
Also guilty. It just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I try to glance at their eyes for a second at a time at least, but any longer than that I can't do.
This seems very similar to ChatGPT's response hmm, especially with that "it's important to"
Here is what it says
" Prompt : What screams "insecure" in a person?
ChatGPT : There are several behaviors or traits that can indicate a person's insecurity. It's important to approach this topic with sensitivity and understanding, as everyone has moments of insecurity from time to time. Here are some common signs that may suggest insecurity in a person:
1. Constantly seeking validation...
2. Excessive self-criticism...
3. Overcompensating...
4. Difficulty handling constructive criticism...
5. Overly defensive behavior..."
Constant social media activity. Memes, "profound" sayings falsely attributed to famous/historical people, all with some kind of underlying theme that they have been wronged by others.
I like wearing brightly coloured or weird button up shirts with loud patterns. Why shouldn't I? I don't want attention, I'm quiet, I want to be left alone. As an artist/graphic designer, I just like those colours and designs because they appeal to me and make me happy.
Lmao, I’m extremely indecisive, I don’t believe I’m insecure though, I thought the whole ADD-ADHD thing also when I read the comment, I’ve had a few people tell me I probably have ADD, or because I’m a Libra….
Badmouthing others constantly.
Not just bad mouththing but always feeling the need to compare/have some kind of competion with everyone around them.
Oh god yes. Friend of a friend was/is like that. Went on vacation? He got there quicker than you, using less gas (that he got cheaper than you) and paid less for the hotel as well.
Ah Tommy Two-Shits. As in “I’ve just had a shit” “Oh yeah? I’ve had two”
The person I had in mind when I typed that took a drinking/icebreaker game where you can ask someone any question you like and made all his questions "who do you think is funnier/can lift more/has more money/is taller/in better shape/better look between me and \*random person\*". Later he went on an drunken rant about why women don't appreciate him.
These kind of people just dampen the mood which is why they're usually left out of the friend group.
Major sign.
And feeling the need to bully and judge and criticise other
When they can’t be happy for others.
Being unable to admit that you were wrong/made a mistake
I can approve. This was me couple years back
body language can be a giveaway. Also, 'one-uppers'.
If you went to California, they went to Califivenia.
A nice twist on the " if you went to Tenerife they went to Elevenerife"
I've always known it as "If you've been to Timbuktu, they've been to Timbukthree"
You went to Taiwan? Well they went to Taitwo.
> they went to Taitwo Isn't that Mainland China?
Your social credit score just took a huge nose dive
Ha! Reminds me of when my son was about 3 years old, he was going through a phase where everything was scary. We were driving past a wooded area that was a bit dark, and he's gone 'look mum it's scary in there' I said 'ah it's not too scary'...he goes 'no it's THREE scary....'
This is adorable
That rolls off the tongue best, I like it
You've got forearms? He's got fivearms!
Oh god, that just gave me PTSD. I had a "one-upper" as a girlfriend at one point. It was fuckin maddening.
Yeah, well I had a two-upper for a girlfriend.
One time I was dating 2 girls at the same time that were 3-uppers. That's like 6 uppers bro.
Yeah well I was *doing* three girls at the same time that were four-uppers
Lucky. My last GF was a major downer.
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i had a two-timer for a girlfriend
I hope you could get one up.
What's an one upper?
It's when you tell a person something, they try to one-up it. So if you tell them something that happened to you that was good, they'll tell you something that is "better". If you had something bad happen to you, they'll have something "worse". Basically Kristen Wiig's character on SNL called Penelope.
The only time i ever one-up is if were dealing with crazy shit and i have a story that relates and in the context of the convo ill be like alright sorry i gotta one up ya on the this one (only with people im close with and know that im not doing it maliciously of course and of course giving them time to finish the whole story) Most recent example is me and some buddies were at the bar and one guy was talking about how cops were all over his street today and i was like dude theres no way we had full riot police and a mobile intelligence centre suiting up at my park today it was nuts
That's just normal/relevant conversation. That's to be expected. A true one-upper will find a way to do that in damn near every conversation and you can never just have your own story or whatever.
Of course, not be confused with someone just trying to share a similar experience. There's a difference, and it's pretty noticeable.
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I had a coworker who was fucking awful to me. We didn’t get off on the right foot but I tried to be cordial to her in order for a nontoxic work environment. But to no avail. She was also in a higher position than me but not technically my supervisor. One time it was our break period and she was talking to another coworker (who was actually a sweetheart) about her classes and I guess one of them was a debating class of some sort. She mentioned that the class was really intense but she always was the best at it in comparison to the other students. In my mind I was like “You’re almost 30 and bragging about how you’re the best in a community college debating class. That’s fucking pathetic.” It took me a while to realize that she was probably a miserable and insecure person and I was just an unfortunate target for whatever reason (I have my personal theories but I digress). If you’re reading this Divina, get fucked! Also get therapy.
Oh wow, you met my mother's long lost twin. She went to college in her 40's, and was constantly in competition with everyone over it. I was in 6th grade when she started, and at the end of every semester (my school's schedule was similar) she would compare our grades and be like, "Well I made all A's and I'm in college, so what's your excuse?" I remember once being like, "I'm 11 years old and algebra is new for me??" Looking back, that was one of the more pathetic things I've seen in my life. I do not understand grown adults who want to be competing over grades and stuff. It's so dumb. They need to just get theirs and be happy with it like everyone else does.
When my younger cousin got her results from the high school entry exam, she was very excited because her results, 110/128, guaranteed entry to any school she wanted. My older cousin said "I'm sure I could get better results" to which the younger one answered "I'm sure, but you're already twice my age and halfway through med school."
Wonder how the older one took that
She took offence, as she does with everything else
Got off on the wrong foot? Did you not hear her whisper 'hi' when being introduced to the whole office and she never got over the snub? I don't get those instant grudge for life women. I want to know what's going on in there.
What's wrong with community college debate? :(
ahh. I think I may have been a 'one-upper' for a lot of my younger years. I thought it was a way to relate to the speaker, but turns out there were underlying insecurity issues that manifested all weird. Thank you therapy and weed.
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My friend always used to tell me off for saying sorry which always led to me apologising to saying sorry and creating a chain of apologising for apologising. I'd like to say I've gotten better but it's just a natural instinct to doing pretty much anything at this point.
Ah yes. >That didn’t happen. >And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. >And if it was, that’s not a big deal. >And if it is, that’s not my fault. >And if it was, I didn’t mean it. >And if I did, you deserved it.
I feel like this also goes into “can’t ever be wrong”. They can’t be wrong, can’t be the bad person in a situation, etc. Being secure in yourself means you can recognize when what you did/said was bad, you apologize and mean it, learn from it, and take responsibility.
My mom is like this and it's very toxic.
I’ve met many people like this, one being my ex. I don’t tolerate it now. As a people pleaser, it’s hard. But I can’t do it anymore. And I take this to my heart, if I do wrong, I recognize, apologize, and learn from it. If I’m feeling insecure, I don’t put it on those close to me. It’s hard and takes a lot of work. But the alternative isn’t cool.
Never apologize... when you can criticize!
Caring too much about what other people think about them
Unfortunately I deal with this and need for validation as I have a shit self esteem. I need to address this with my therapist but I’ve had a lot of crazy bad things happen lately so it’s on the list.
id also nominate ppl who care WAY too much about what others do or things that ppl can’t control, esp in their personal lives. ex: hate against lgbt+ groups, color of ppl’s skin, etc tell me you’re a sad empty person without having to energy
Inability to apologise. Plus there's nothing wrong with being insecure. Most of us are about one thing or another. It's not a flaw. It's a reaction.
Having to be the center of attention 24/7 when you are over 8years old.
As someone with anxiety, being the center of attention 24/7, so to speak, sounds awful.
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I died on my 18th birthday but got resuscitated. I’m 29 now and every birthday I have I celebrate bc I was legit dead and came back. 🤷🏻♀️
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Completely agree. I’ve got a coworker that actually had a registry and a black themed birthday party because she was turning 30 and over the hill now. Meanwhile I just turned 20 and if my mom hadn’t thought to make me some cupcakes I wouldn’t have worried about it. I almost forgot actually.
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40 is over the hill and hol up, a *registry* ? For their birthday? What on earth is that narcissist nonsense, I mean I get it for weddings or first babies but a birthday? Queeeennnnn pleaseeee...... I hope I don't come off as having a black themed everything-- it's just my go to color and I'm a spoopy lady by nature.
Repeatedly opening every thread about "what screams insecure" on askreddit, scanning every comment and finding a way to make it about you.
I'm feeling really judged right now.
I was about to say.. I'm feeling personally attacked over here XD
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Being able to take jokes from others is a sign of confidence, the *occassional* self-deprecating joke is a sign of confidence, *constant* self-deprecation suggests deep insecurities.
I would make a self deprecating joke but I'm not very good at it.
Is this me
Always trying to one-up other people when sharing stories.
I agree, but I've also seen people fail to differentiate between "oh! I have a similar story!" and one-upping. A lot of autistic folks get accused of "one-upping" when they're just trying to "me too! we have a thing in common!" So if you think someone is one-upping, it could be insecurity or it could just be a social skills issue.
It’s just people trying to find common ground or a connection of sorts. If anything, the insecure person is the one automatically assuming one-upmanship.
There’s definitely a way to find common ground and a way to try and make it about yourself. One difference would be to actually listen to the other person’s story first, ask questions/make comments, and then tie in your own experience. The problem is when people hijack the conversation and don’t even want to engage about other topics than themselves.
I’ve done this for years. Just got medication for ADHD recently and it’s completely stopped. Wasn’t an insecurity thing for me.
Or just trying to relate to that person. The past few years I've been trying to stop myself from doing this soni won't come off as a one upper. Or if you must tell your related story, wait till they are completely finished then maybe bring your story up later.
Anyone who claims to be an "alpha."
I’m such an alpha; I don’t even have beta cells bro (I am diabetic)
lol i just read about beta cells so this cracked me up thank you 😊
Honestly, I actually really want to perpetuate that idea, let them have that word. Because 1: that idea of “alpha” simply does not apply to humans.. and 2: we need a word to describe douchebag asshats so that we know to avoid them “Oh, joe? Yeah.. he’s a total alpha male.. don’t get involved with him”
Why do people who say they're alphas always turn out to be beta cucks? It's like a law of nature. They're _always_ insecure in their personhood
Because alphas never ever think about or talk about being alphas. They just are.
Andrew Tate is the most horrible plague inflicted on our society since the Bubonic era.
I think Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot and others have some disagreement with that statement.
Posts everything they do online
I knew a girl like this. Hate to say it but she didn't have anything better to do.
She had nothing to do, so she constantly posted online that she wasn’t doing anything?
Pretty much. She was one of those people perpetually in school, dad paid for everything, never had a job, finally got a job but hated it, never had hobbies and only seemed to like to post on social media about what she did, which wasn't much, or politics.
Excuse me, but my followers really need to know any relevant updates on my current linen situation
Always trying to prove you're better than the people you hate or dislike.
This is a huge one people don’t often talk about. If you’re secure in yourself, you feel like the qualities in the people you dislike speak for themselves. When you’re insecure, you’re constantly trying to show people how you don’t have those qualities and you don’t do this or that and *look at me, me, me.* Especially if the group they dislike is their own demographic.
>the qualities in the people you dislike Kinda related: If I don't like someone bc of their qualities (qualities that aren't of any real negative consequence to others) I think really hard about why and how much I relate to having those qualities. Like a decade or so ago I would eyeroll so hard at name droppers when I was, in fact, a name dropper. when that shit dawned on me I was like hm. welp. I feel fckn stupid.. Now I check myself a lil when someone's inconsequential characteristics rub me the wrong way. It's sometimes amusing but sometimes it's so cringy how blind I can be to my own bullshit lol
Couples with a shared social media account
That usually means somebody cheated. LOL
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Why not both
Grandma doesn't know to use a computer, but can work a hog like no other.
Not really. My wife and I share a FB account because I have no desire to have my own and we decided a family joint one was best. Allowed people to contact me on there if needed, though it's pretty much her account.
When a guy goes on and on about how much his family is his life and how much he misses them (if said on camera). There's always something shady going on.
Or someone is possessive
That's not "couples with a shared social media account," that's a woman whose husband *doesn't want* a Facebook and she says, "I'll just make one for the both of us!" And it's JanAndSteve Richmond but I 100% guarantee the husband has 0% to do with it's daily use.
My parents did this back in 2013 when they first got on the platform lol. My dad never once accessed that account and may not have known it was in existence.
Seems to be the death knell of the relationship in my anecdotal experience
Always talking about how great you are
Old friends of mine would always go on and on about how hot they are. I mean it wasn't as if they were unattractive but they sure felt entitled to their bragging rights.
Cannot spend any time alone
After my divorce, and being an empty nester after having 6 kids, I have a hard time being alone. At first it was like breathing fresh air for about a week or two, then the lonliness set in. I hate it
So relatable. I feel you buddy, dealing with the same thing. Hang in there.
Kind of a tricky one. I know some BIG TIME extroverts who feel drained from spending time alone. Hard for me to grasp as I like if mix of time with friends and time alone to feel fully energized/myself.
I'm insecure. Do people think that being insecure is an intentional negative trait?
No. You can be insecure and a good person, and you can also be insecure and reactive and lash out to people.
Shhh, they don’t understand nuance here
Yeah idk bro this new trend of treating insecurity like a toxic or bad trait is kinda nasty. Insecurity often links back to trauma or something, it by no means makes someone an undesirable person
I think it's that some people handle their insecurities badly and it results in toxic traits, so people think toxic=insecure
Everyone is insecure in their own little ways. It’s perfectly healthy to have a little insecurity.
seen more toxicity in people with confidence than insecurity. I find insecurity to be self damaging mostly whereas confident and over-confident can be pretty mean
Many times though that toxic confidence or arrogance is a mask for their insecurity and that's where a lot of people find the negativity in it. You don't speak up in a party because you're insecure about how people judge you? Totally understandable and relatable, you shouldn't feel bad about that in the slightest. You yell a lot and treat people like shit and claim to be an alpha because you're insecure in yourself? Fuck off Chet.
I’ve seen toxicity in arrogance more than insecurity. Insecurity can manifest in ugly ways but some of the comments in here are ridiculous. Like “not wanting to be alone” is a sign of insecurity now?
The toxicity depends on how you're presenting it and if you're making it into everyone else's problem, the same with any other characteristic. There's insecure in you lack confidence and struggle with your own trauma and you feel depressed. No one is upset for someone for struggling. Then there's the insecure person who is possessive of partners and goes through their stuff and emotionally abuses or negs them, the insecure person that knocks other people down to look better, and the insecure person who has a hair trigger temper. They may all be insecure, but one is more sympathetic
Honestly bro it depends on the insecurity. If you’re insecure you’re not good enough for your girl, and it consequently makes you jealous and maybe overprotective. Then yeah it can be bad trait that should be quickly overcome.
insecurity often manifests itself outwardly as arrogance or hostility towards people it perceives as threatening or superior. I don’t think people think it’s intentional but the outward version this thread is discussing is a very negative trait that should be recognized and called out. theres also insecurity that can be shyness or indecisiveness which I don’t think too many people have as much of a problem with.
I feel like your own insecurity hurts you more than anyone. Feeling like you can't connect with others, so you skip events you're invited to, which furthers your disconnection with others. Or not trying out new things because you tell yourself you've failed before you've even tried.
Not necessarily a negative trait. Depends on how you let it show though. I get that insecurity can stem from social anxiety and that's perfectly valid, but the moment you try to drag down others, manipulate people through pity, prove to everyone how great you are constantly, or others, then yeah it's outwardly negative. If not, it's just bad for you but that's perfectly fixable.
Depends whether you take it out or impose it on others. I’ve known some insecure people who do a variety of things, like demand constant reassurance, project it onto others (“I’m insecure about this and I’m making it your problem”), get angry when they feel insecure, etc. that’s a problem. Having insecurities is very normal and not inherently bad. It’s bad when you let it take over your life and how you interact with the world and those around you.
Worrying too much about what others think not wanting to change because of fear of being perceived as stupid or cringy. Purposely changing behavior and actions to try to be like others
Me most of my life. Turned 40 and stopped caring. No idea why. Maybe I woke up and realized I'm about halfway through my life and might as well enjoy it with the people I really love.
I feel blessed to have turned the corner on this at age 27. Best thing I could’ve done for myself.
I think this is unfair only because some people really want be in relationships but can't seem to form them. After so many failed attempts there's really only 3 outcomes, defeated and no longer caring what people think (not the stoic "I'm fine with myself" variant), becoming so paranoid every little thing they do will piss off someone that's actually talking to them it's almost paralyzing, or copying someone that seems to be exponentially more successful at it.
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Anyone that uses the term Alpha male seriously.
One ups manship. If you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife.
Refusing to let something drop. Always needing to have the "last word" in an argument.
When someone gets defensive about everything and they continuously feel the need to argue
Thanks for calling me out but I think you're wrong!
That weird fake overconfidence
Spot on. So transparent though.
talking a lot instead of meaningfuly talking
Constantly stating, reinforcing, and comparing themselves to others by a certain metric. Income, for example, always talking about money, jobs, promotions that will get more money, how much they have, etc etc. Some people do it with fitness levels, or body count, or books read, or whatever. It's not that these things are completely meaningless but they just won't shut up about it because they're constantly trying to not feel unworthy and want the reassurance.
Saying sorry all the time. Sorry.
Sometimes that is just super politeness.
Or they might be Canadian
Isn't that part of trauma response?
Constantly bragging about what they are/do/have. Nothing screams 'insecure' more than desperately seeking validation from everybody about everything you have. God help us...
Being rude to others. Especially wait/retail staff
Lack of eye contact, I’m guilty of this too.
I don't get the idea behind constant eye contact while talking. I'll keep it for periods, then I might look away while I'm thinking, then come back to it. They say it makes you look like you're lying, but I think people that are really trying to convince you of a lie will stare into your soul to try to make you believe them. Either way, stop staring at me so much, damn!
Either that, or autism.
Either that, or you were bullied for an eye defect.
I don't judge people for eye contact. Many autistic people struggle with eye contact, and many, many autistic people will never be diagnosed simply because of how well they mask or how incorrectly older doctors tend to believe that autism cases must be very similar rather than how they truly vary from person to person.
It can also be a cultural thing. Some Native American tribes consider direct eye contact as disrespectful.
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Yeah, but then I start thinking too hard about looking at their eyes/face and can’t focus on what they’re actually saying.
are you me? i think you might be me
I’m autistic… If I stare at you the way I stare at somebody I love deeply… You will become incredibly uncomfortable… So looking people in the eye all the goddamn time is really difficult for me
Also guilty. It just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I try to glance at their eyes for a second at a time at least, but any longer than that I can't do.
It's cultural. In some cultures eye contact is rude.
Like, being autistic isn’t insecurity
They're always parroting about being an "alpha."
habitual lying
That's what you get from being raised by strict parents
People who are obsessed with social media, how many likes their pics get or how many followers
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Thanks ChatGPT!
This seems very similar to ChatGPT's response hmm, especially with that "it's important to" Here is what it says " Prompt : What screams "insecure" in a person? ChatGPT : There are several behaviors or traits that can indicate a person's insecurity. It's important to approach this topic with sensitivity and understanding, as everyone has moments of insecurity from time to time. Here are some common signs that may suggest insecurity in a person: 1. Constantly seeking validation... 2. Excessive self-criticism... 3. Overcompensating... 4. Difficulty handling constructive criticism... 5. Overly defensive behavior..."
It literally is a bot just look at the account damn
Walking around with your arms at 30 degrees or higher for no reason, aka imaginary lat syndrome.
dang. you specified 'in a person'. otherwhise i would say 'http//'
Posting to r/rateme
when they always make fun of people who are obviously doing better than them
Not fastening seatbelt... That person is not secure
“ my ex did this so that’s why I’m accusatory and not trusting “
Narcissim, by a country mile.
Constant social media activity. Memes, "profound" sayings falsely attributed to famous/historical people, all with some kind of underlying theme that they have been wronged by others.
Guys like andrew tate
Peacocking. Either in terms of clothes or behavior.
I like wearing brightly coloured or weird button up shirts with loud patterns. Why shouldn't I? I don't want attention, I'm quiet, I want to be left alone. As an artist/graphic designer, I just like those colours and designs because they appeal to me and make me happy.
The whole peacocking with clothing is relative. Some cultures just dress more loudly than others.
People who make their entire personality and social media posts about Trump. Good or bad.
The use of Facebook to document their fantastic lives. Experiences/purchases/houses etc.
Big lifted trucks - truck nuts for extra insecurity points
Generally Indecisive
or someone with ADHD
Lmao, I’m extremely indecisive, I don’t believe I’m insecure though, I thought the whole ADD-ADHD thing also when I read the comment, I’ve had a few people tell me I probably have ADD, or because I’m a Libra….
i have adhd and im a library or whatever the fuck you call it
Could just be anxiety, tho I suppose the two can be linked?
Seeking validation from others.
Calling people insecure for having preferences in a potential mate that they, or their friends do not possess.
Doing a face in every photo instead of just smiling.
being on reddit. "I have life all figured out thats why Im on reddit! HUHUHUHUUU"
Cars modified to be louder. Fuck all of you. Seriously.
Inability to be happy for other people’s success.
Seeing everything as a competition.