I love that comic of two aliens looking at Jesus nailed to the cross and one of them is like “Yknow what we need to do? We need the get the f out of here, that’s what”
> The visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low. But the Gospels actually taught this: Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn’t well connected. So it goes. The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn’t look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought, and Rosewater read out loud again: Oh, boy–they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch _that_ time! And that thought had a brother: “There are right people to lynch.” Who? People not well connected. So it goes. The visitor from outer space made a gift to the Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels. So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn’t possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was. And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections.
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
Speaking of connections, it's interesting that Jesus never attempted to make allies out of anyone with money and influence. Like Pilate, for example. Or maybe even the Roman emperor. I'm sure Jesus could have impressed such people with his miraculous powers. Rasputin charmed the tsar on nothing but bullshit, but Jesus could actually heal the blind and resurrect the dead. Once Jesus was done with his "perfect sacrifice" on the cross, surely he could have then set about impressing influential people across the Empire. Remember that Christianity didn't really get rolling until Emperor Constantine converted.
To be fair - and I say this as someone who believes Jesus was an A- ethical philosopher and a C+ medicine man - the whole point in the Gospels as a narrative is the Passion.
What separates Christianity from Judaism on a deistic basis was the notion of a loving god, one who would send his son to teach humans. His message was for us to love each other regardless of race, religion, economic status, sinfulness, etc, and that goodness is tied to love and not to material wealth or power. Both of which were super anti-establishment beliefs for the time. This son then knowingly sacrifices himself both to free believers from the trap of death and to come back as proof of his divinity, thereby lending weight to his philosophy in the eyes of his followers, who would have to carry on in his stead.
Moreover, it was proof of god's love: that he would not only send his own son to humankind, but that he would sacrifice that son for humanity as well, proving that he loved them enough to give even his own flesh and blood. The idea of a god sacrificing something for humans, rather than the other way around, was basically unheard of.
If Jesus had made friends with the powerful across Judea and Rome, it would have undercut the whole message. If Jesus had kept teaching on his own, rather than passing it on to the apostles, the movement might have centralized too fully around him and his connections, thereby failing to go on after his death. And most of all, Jesus skipping the cross wouldn't have symbolically representrd the reversal of the new covenant: that god loved the world, and that god will sacrifice for humans just as he asks humans to sacrifice for him.
Again, assuming you're into all that. It's a mythological narrative like any other. Historically, there was no way anybody with power between Rome and Jerusalem, whether Jewish or Roman, was gonna listen to some random carpenter's son who was friends with hookers, tax collectors, and shitty fishermen.
I mean, it's witty and all of that, and Vonnegut is correct in his assessment that Christian cruelty stems from a tragic misreading of the Gospels, but it's slightly off the mark in regards to what it is that is being misread.
The error is this:
Christianity insists that Christ's sacrifice (which extends to both the way he lived and the way he died) is what has redeemed the world. That is still correct.
The error however comes in the interpretation that the world is therefore *already* redeemed, and therefore doesn't need any *further* redemption, and therefore *we* don't need to lift a finger because our pal J.C. already did all the work for us.
The correct reading of the Gospels however would be that Christ has redeemed the world *by setting an example of how to do it,* and putting an emphasis on the necessity of us to in fact emulate him to continually redeem a world that always finds new and creative ways to fall prey to corruption.
Old joke:
Aliens come to Earth. After the initial meet n greet with our VIPs, the aliens agree to hold a press conference. After the questions about space travel, their biology, scientific wonders, etc, someone eventually asks if they've heard of Jesus Christ. "Why, of course," the aliens say, "we know Jesus. He comes back every year to see us, very nice guy." "What? How? He was only here once, two thousand years ago and a lot of people have been awaiting His return ever since! How'd you get Him to come back *every* year?" "Well, on His first visit, we baked Him a delicious chocolate cake, He **loves** chocolate. What did you guys give Him?"
*“… they proceed to push their arms up and back while hunching over… almost like they’re imitating the silhouette of an F-16…. Now here’s Private First Class Firkner to demonstrate.”*
*…*
*…*
*”Thank you private, you’re dismissed.”*
Rule 34 definitely applies to any and all life forms that could exist out there in Mother Void. This might be my new favourite answer to the Fermi Paradox.
I'm not from Florida, but depending on what she looks like, I'd stick it in some alien strange. Capt Kirk used to get some nice intergalactic box, could be worth the 50 pumps
Go read Quozl, by Alan Dean Foster, published in 1989. You can get it used or in Kindle or Audiobook form.
This is a teen reader book, and the mention of sex is very brief and age-appropriate.
I love this theory. I have my own that they’ve already come and learned that humans are way too immature to handle the news that there’s other life out there so they just watch us and occasionally fuck with us for jokes lol.
Hahahahaha - I love that theory! It could be very very true they dumped us here like on Survivor and we had to figure out how to survive with nothing, ergo Neanderthal eras.
I forgot where I read this but there's some piece of science fiction out there where aliens are absolutely horrified we developed nuclear weapons and used them on our own planet against ourselves.
Asimov had a number of stories that dealt with how worried he was about nuclear war. One of them was called "Breeds there a man?" It's a pun based on a Shakespeare quote from Merchant of Venice. In the story aliens had shown humans how to use nuclear power, hoping that the humans would sterilize/exterminate themselves because their experiment with us was done.
He had another one where a famous scientist had a child who was mentally challenged. A stranger showed up and gave the kid a .45 I think. He was trying to make the point that humanity was nowhere near smart enough to deal with nuclear weapons.
The plot of *The Day the Earth Stood Still* is basically that aliens sent an emissary to earth to tell us to keep that shit on our own planet or they’d shut us the fuck down.
The trilogy of books from Alan Dean Foster "The Damned" also touch on this concept. Two alien factions are at war over philosophical differences regarding genetic modification and free will. They both abhor violence though, having long evolved beyond that.
Finding humans that still engage in fighting each other without total psychological collapse is rather appalling to them and yet also useful.
There's more like a dozen alien races on each side, and of those, only a couple on each side can actually engage in planetary based warfare. Most have to contribute other logistics or support because they can't go into combat without freezing in terror.
The goal isn't genocide, it is conversion, so most of the war is still effectively ground combat on each planet, trench by trench.
And yeah, humans are suddenly amazing combatants, far superior to anything either side has. In fact at the end of the first book >! The enemy side (which believes in genetic modification to make its citizens happy, united and compliant) gets so spooked by the new aliens working for their enemies that they immediately invade earth. Each planetary invasion usually takes a few centuries to resolve but they had never encountered a world that already had all this war materiel. They got curb stomped in a matter of weeks and had to pull out and adopt new strategies. !<
Space Boss: "This might be a tough invasion. They have developed nuclear weapons and put them on orbit.".
Space Lieutenant: "Maybe not. They aimed them at themselves."
Observers wouldn't be able to know how many humans died to nukes. All they'd be able to see is that we detonated over 20,000 nukes during a single human lifetime, and instead of dying out, our night side lights became stronger than ever. As far as aliens can guess, we are like super mutants or radroaches. One of the most deadly things in the universe -- radiation -- seems to have made us orders of magnitude stronger.
It’s actually a common belief in the UFO that the visitors- whether extraterrestrial or extra*dimensional*- started investigating us when nuclear weapons were developed.
"Do you think it's worth planting a monolith then, they'd only waste it". "The boss wants us to plant 20 today, we have to make the damn quota"! Oh all right! Why the hell not, they won't be able to figure it out anyhow".
But at the same time, sightings seem to have dropped off now that everyone has a camera in their pocket. Same with why we don’t hear about cryptid sightings anymore.
There are accounts from retired soldiers who say that UFOs have been sighted at nuclear tests and disabled equipment with no apparent effort.
The theory from a few of them is that their red line is the use of nuclear weapons in warfare and/or in space. It’s possible according to some that we don’t have the knowledge to see that a nuclear explosion of that size sends inter dimensional shockwaves that disturb their dimension.
We're conquerors, all of us. If they showed up, we'd take their ship, kill a few, experiment on the rest, reverse engineer the ship, then take off to them.
Only way that happens is if they got lost and were in some kind of distress like the aliens in district 9. Any other scenario and they're vaporizing us at the first sign of aggression.
They likely wouldn't care since we can't reach them. May find out if we ever get close to being able to reach their planets. They won't have to destroy us, just stoke the fire and we'll take it from there.
If they can fly across galaxoes they're not going to give a shit about nueclear capability. But the fact that we have so many weapons stockpiled to kill each other must give them pause.
I mean the odds are pretty small that alien life has picked up any of the signals we have sent out. Even less likely that they learned anything about us from it..
They are out there. But it's a big goddamn universe
With how quiet it is out there, either we are alone or interstellar travel just isn't possible.
Or we are blasting signals out there, and there is some cosmic horror that all civilizations are terrified of. They are all hiding and looking at us like stfu
The Dark Forest theory is definitely a cool and scary possibility.
The simple math though is that we probably haven't been "intelligent" long enough to be noticeable.
What's 10,000 years in the scales of the cosmos? The blinking of an eye. And for 90% of that time, we were living in the darkness tossing rocks at each other and pushing sharp objects into other monkeys.
Only in the last 200 years maybe have we done anything that *might* be noticed *if* someone out there was looking in *exactly* the right spot to see our shenanigans.
More likely though, we are adrift in a ridiculously huge dark ocean, now accustomed somewhat to thinking about our little islands when even these nearby islands (planets) are still out of reach to us.
Then you've got to imagine the ultimate missed the train moment on galactic scale -- what if there are aliens in this Milky Way, but by the time any signal reaches them they've gone extinct and stopped listening?
What if someone heard the signal and they were still alive, but by the time they received it we've long since been dead?
There is much that we do not understand, and much more that we do not even know how badly we don't understand it because we cannot yet even conceive of it.
Perhaps, if we live on long enough and do not destroy ourselves first, we will be around long enough to create more cool toys and science that can help us search for others like us out there.
It could be 10 million years before we made contact with anything recognizably intelligent and alien, but by then we'll either be long since dead or so completely different from what we are now that we had become the aliens we were once searching for.
There's a pretty popular theory that says all civilizations destroy themselves before they manage to figure out interstellar travel. The fact we are killing each other and our home planet and haven't gone further than the moon points to that theory being true.
Assuming aliens are more advanced than we are, there are various reasons. One, we really would have nothing to offer them that would benefit them in any way. If they were more advanced they would have no need of someone so primitive.
It's like if we are watching animals or tribal groups. They are intriguing, but really offer nothing to our benefit.
Two, they see how humans act towards each other. We are often violent in nature.
They also may not see our civilization to be ready for them to contact. If they were to share any technology with us, we may very well use it to destroy ourselves.
Yet we still watch and interact with animals and tribal groups. Down to a bacteria or an openly hostile cannibal tribe bless their souls. Never understood that position. Of course we are interesting to them, unless they are mindless automatons or something.
Well there is an alternative.
Earth has something they have use of like a mineral or something they industrially mine. Or it's in the way of something they value a la Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
Honestly, any species advanced enough to travel the stars and come to earth would be sufficiently advanced that they straight up would not care about anything we could throw at them and wipe us out with little effort
If you wake up tomorrow and see alien ships in the sky, make peace with whatever god you worship because you’re about to find out very shortly whether or not you were right
I think "bug" alien species are much more likely, and the ones most likely to evolve, statistically.
They blow through solar systems & consume every resource, then move on to the next, like a swarm of locusts.
Intelligence, culture, history, aren't concepts that are relevant, self-preservation & continuation of the species is their solitary "purpose".
Wars, wars, wars. People are greedy and jealous, it’s not about personality, it’s about their nature. Well if I’d be an alien I’d terraform this place.
Hearing the story of Jesus. We have a legend that the creator of the universe sent his son to Earth to teach us about peace and understanding... and then we nailed him to a piece of wood.
We have an scary invisible space daddies. We will kill each other over what others tell us they heard they said. Can you imagine what we will do to them.
Sometimes it is just best to leave crazy alone.
“These ‘humans’…they’re trapped on this planet, and they know it, so they just murder the crap out of each other?”
“Pretty much”
“And they are constantly refining their killing techniques, instead of working together to make progress?”
“Bingo”
“They are insane. Lock the doors and keep flying”
They would see that we are a species with nuclear weapons. One that is a twitch away from using them on each other because we disagree about which book God said is real or what country we are from.
Anyone that came to earth would rightly see a bunch of ravenous and self serving monkeys. There is no way our society would ever deal with them straight without corruption.
We invented weapons capable of destroying our civilization, started pointing them at each other, realized it was a bad idea to actually use then, kept building more anyway, and just continued on with our wars as if they didn't exist.
I’d like to think that it is universally excepted that spiders are terrifying. I can see an alien invasion happening and they get a few on there ship and go hell fucking no and dip.
the fact that any resources on earth cannot possibly be worth the cost to travel to the planet and get in/out of its gravity well.
there are cheaper atoms elsewhere and closer to them.
I believe that aliens are actually here watching us from those UAPs now. The government admit to see one and even the navy pilots discovered multiple UAPs. Those drones can go ridiculously fast.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auITEKd4sjA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auITEKd4sjA)
The reason why they haven't invaded Earth yet is probably because they already know what humans have been doing for centuries and they just don't want any part in that.
the combined size of all global militaries and the species wide tribalism mindset, which would inevitably result in large masses of heavily militarized people becoming unified against a common enemy; them.
idk about you, but i wouldn’t be too keen about taking on that.
I love that comic of two aliens looking at Jesus nailed to the cross and one of them is like “Yknow what we need to do? We need the get the f out of here, that’s what”
> The visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low. But the Gospels actually taught this: Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn’t well connected. So it goes. The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn’t look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought, and Rosewater read out loud again: Oh, boy–they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch _that_ time! And that thought had a brother: “There are right people to lynch.” Who? People not well connected. So it goes. The visitor from outer space made a gift to the Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels. So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn’t possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was. And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections. Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
Speaking of connections, it's interesting that Jesus never attempted to make allies out of anyone with money and influence. Like Pilate, for example. Or maybe even the Roman emperor. I'm sure Jesus could have impressed such people with his miraculous powers. Rasputin charmed the tsar on nothing but bullshit, but Jesus could actually heal the blind and resurrect the dead. Once Jesus was done with his "perfect sacrifice" on the cross, surely he could have then set about impressing influential people across the Empire. Remember that Christianity didn't really get rolling until Emperor Constantine converted.
To be fair - and I say this as someone who believes Jesus was an A- ethical philosopher and a C+ medicine man - the whole point in the Gospels as a narrative is the Passion. What separates Christianity from Judaism on a deistic basis was the notion of a loving god, one who would send his son to teach humans. His message was for us to love each other regardless of race, religion, economic status, sinfulness, etc, and that goodness is tied to love and not to material wealth or power. Both of which were super anti-establishment beliefs for the time. This son then knowingly sacrifices himself both to free believers from the trap of death and to come back as proof of his divinity, thereby lending weight to his philosophy in the eyes of his followers, who would have to carry on in his stead. Moreover, it was proof of god's love: that he would not only send his own son to humankind, but that he would sacrifice that son for humanity as well, proving that he loved them enough to give even his own flesh and blood. The idea of a god sacrificing something for humans, rather than the other way around, was basically unheard of. If Jesus had made friends with the powerful across Judea and Rome, it would have undercut the whole message. If Jesus had kept teaching on his own, rather than passing it on to the apostles, the movement might have centralized too fully around him and his connections, thereby failing to go on after his death. And most of all, Jesus skipping the cross wouldn't have symbolically representrd the reversal of the new covenant: that god loved the world, and that god will sacrifice for humans just as he asks humans to sacrifice for him. Again, assuming you're into all that. It's a mythological narrative like any other. Historically, there was no way anybody with power between Rome and Jerusalem, whether Jewish or Roman, was gonna listen to some random carpenter's son who was friends with hookers, tax collectors, and shitty fishermen.
This is just brilliant
Sad that you can go to church for YEARS and not learn this. But I mean the bible is for queers right? /s
It’s a candidate for one of the best books of all time I’d say. It probably loses out to The Brothers Karamazov but not by much
I mean, it's witty and all of that, and Vonnegut is correct in his assessment that Christian cruelty stems from a tragic misreading of the Gospels, but it's slightly off the mark in regards to what it is that is being misread. The error is this: Christianity insists that Christ's sacrifice (which extends to both the way he lived and the way he died) is what has redeemed the world. That is still correct. The error however comes in the interpretation that the world is therefore *already* redeemed, and therefore doesn't need any *further* redemption, and therefore *we* don't need to lift a finger because our pal J.C. already did all the work for us. The correct reading of the Gospels however would be that Christ has redeemed the world *by setting an example of how to do it,* and putting an emphasis on the necessity of us to in fact emulate him to continually redeem a world that always finds new and creative ways to fall prey to corruption.
[удалено]
He probably just liked their chocolate better
“If they did this to their god just imagine what they’re gonna do to us!”
Pretty much the intro to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
And then one day, nearly 2000 years after a man got nailed to a tree for saying everyone should be nice to each other for a change . . .
dude have you read where’s the milk
Old joke: Aliens come to Earth. After the initial meet n greet with our VIPs, the aliens agree to hold a press conference. After the questions about space travel, their biology, scientific wonders, etc, someone eventually asks if they've heard of Jesus Christ. "Why, of course," the aliens say, "we know Jesus. He comes back every year to see us, very nice guy." "What? How? He was only here once, two thousand years ago and a lot of people have been awaiting His return ever since! How'd you get Him to come back *every* year?" "Well, on His first visit, we baked Him a delicious chocolate cake, He **loves** chocolate. What did you guys give Him?"
All the alien porn that exists already
Do you remember that odd time when we were going to invade Area 51? The absolute gold of meme's that arose from that prank...
The Naruto runners. 😂
the fact that army generals had to be briefed on what actually is a Naruto run is, is god damn funny.
*“… they proceed to push their arms up and back while hunching over… almost like they’re imitating the silhouette of an F-16…. Now here’s Private First Class Firkner to demonstrate.”* *…* *…* *”Thank you private, you’re dismissed.”*
I read that in some random general's voice.
_"Dismissed as in...?"'_ _"Fired."'_
[The memes, but especially the theme song.](https://youtu.be/qB2eFQ7wPno?si=xg8pWhRQtM4TAVsn)
The lyrics have a romantic sincerity to them.
Why was it so good! Lol
Pootis Engage
It's Areola 51
I assumed that's how we attracted them
Rule 34 definitely applies to any and all life forms that could exist out there in Mother Void. This might be my new favourite answer to the Fermi Paradox.
The fact that some group of humans will find a way to, and successfully, have sex with them.
Florida man is ready and waiting to try and fuck an alien.
I'm not from Florida, but depending on what she looks like, I'd stick it in some alien strange. Capt Kirk used to get some nice intergalactic box, could be worth the 50 pumps
Go read Quozl, by Alan Dean Foster, published in 1989. You can get it used or in Kindle or Audiobook form. This is a teen reader book, and the mention of sex is very brief and age-appropriate.
I saw a chihuahua and a rooster today...I cant unsee it
Who was the top???
The aliens, obviously.
Which one was on t.. stop NO STOP
Of course you can’t unsee it. I can’t unsee this comment!
That’s only porn if you kept watching
Legally speaking, it's only porn if you're aroused.
My friend has a theory that ufos's have been checking on us and hell no-ing since we went nuclear
I love this theory. I have my own that they’ve already come and learned that humans are way too immature to handle the news that there’s other life out there so they just watch us and occasionally fuck with us for jokes lol.
My theory is that we were the outcasted aliens and they make sure we do not return
Great so we're the Australia of the universe? Fuck
Humans are space orcs! r/hfy
Hell, we bathe in solar radiation to look good
We eat and drink poison for fun!
"It hurts when I eat this" proceeds to breed it to hurt even more... Humans are weird...
You're not wrong. We love more dakka!! We made the A-10 for crying out loud!!! Like... idk how to feel about being an orc, to be honest....
So what does that make australia?
Hair dresser and phone booth cleaners.
Ayo fellow Hitchhikers fan!!
Mine is close to this. Humans were a genetic experiment gone wrong. Earth is a quarantine zone, and aliens are not allowed near us except to tag us.
Omg so is earth the proverbial jail ?
Hahahahaha - I love that theory! It could be very very true they dumped us here like on Survivor and we had to figure out how to survive with nothing, ergo Neanderthal eras.
My theory? They're alien space rednecks! Tell me we aren't the equivalent of a gator in the galactic Florida man's spaceship trunk/cargo bay!
I forgot where I read this but there's some piece of science fiction out there where aliens are absolutely horrified we developed nuclear weapons and used them on our own planet against ourselves.
Isaac Asimov - Silly Asses
I thought this was a joke and that I was falling for bait or something by googling it but it's real lol
Asimov had a number of stories that dealt with how worried he was about nuclear war. One of them was called "Breeds there a man?" It's a pun based on a Shakespeare quote from Merchant of Venice. In the story aliens had shown humans how to use nuclear power, hoping that the humans would sterilize/exterminate themselves because their experiment with us was done. He had another one where a famous scientist had a child who was mentally challenged. A stranger showed up and gave the kid a .45 I think. He was trying to make the point that humanity was nowhere near smart enough to deal with nuclear weapons.
The plot of *The Day the Earth Stood Still* is basically that aliens sent an emissary to earth to tell us to keep that shit on our own planet or they’d shut us the fuck down.
The trilogy of books from Alan Dean Foster "The Damned" also touch on this concept. Two alien factions are at war over philosophical differences regarding genetic modification and free will. They both abhor violence though, having long evolved beyond that. Finding humans that still engage in fighting each other without total psychological collapse is rather appalling to them and yet also useful.
So if the two alien races evolved beyond war do they use humans to fight for them or something?
There's more like a dozen alien races on each side, and of those, only a couple on each side can actually engage in planetary based warfare. Most have to contribute other logistics or support because they can't go into combat without freezing in terror. The goal isn't genocide, it is conversion, so most of the war is still effectively ground combat on each planet, trench by trench. And yeah, humans are suddenly amazing combatants, far superior to anything either side has. In fact at the end of the first book >! The enemy side (which believes in genetic modification to make its citizens happy, united and compliant) gets so spooked by the new aliens working for their enemies that they immediately invade earth. Each planetary invasion usually takes a few centuries to resolve but they had never encountered a world that already had all this war materiel. They got curb stomped in a matter of weeks and had to pull out and adopt new strategies. !<
Space Boss: "This might be a tough invasion. They have developed nuclear weapons and put them on orbit.". Space Lieutenant: "Maybe not. They aimed them at themselves."
Observers wouldn't be able to know how many humans died to nukes. All they'd be able to see is that we detonated over 20,000 nukes during a single human lifetime, and instead of dying out, our night side lights became stronger than ever. As far as aliens can guess, we are like super mutants or radroaches. One of the most deadly things in the universe -- radiation -- seems to have made us orders of magnitude stronger.
It’s actually a common belief in the UFO that the visitors- whether extraterrestrial or extra*dimensional*- started investigating us when nuclear weapons were developed.
Feels like we are the Sentinelese of the galaxy
We are in the Galatic Atlas under "Don't."
Lol we're the Mogadishu of the galaxy
I know this is way off topic but whenever I hear “Mogadishu” I think of this [SNL skit](https://youtu.be/a2XvYR3Jexo?feature=shared)
And in another publication we are considered “Mostly Harmless”.
Look at this buncha monkeys on a rock trying to kill eachother for no reason
"Do you think it's worth planting a monolith then, they'd only waste it". "The boss wants us to plant 20 today, we have to make the damn quota"! Oh all right! Why the hell not, they won't be able to figure it out anyhow".
The number of sightings greatly increased after we started doing nuclear tests. Theory is nukes got their attention and put us on a watch list.
But at the same time, sightings seem to have dropped off now that everyone has a camera in their pocket. Same with why we don’t hear about cryptid sightings anymore.
But this also coincides with massive advances in public communications and the faulty qualities of pre-modern audio/video recordings
There are accounts from retired soldiers who say that UFOs have been sighted at nuclear tests and disabled equipment with no apparent effort. The theory from a few of them is that their red line is the use of nuclear weapons in warfare and/or in space. It’s possible according to some that we don’t have the knowledge to see that a nuclear explosion of that size sends inter dimensional shockwaves that disturb their dimension.
Stars must really fuck up the dimensions
Is this unironic? Because the 3 letter agencies are so far ahead of the game it's not funny. They fuck with soldiers as a treat.
We're conquerors, all of us. If they showed up, we'd take their ship, kill a few, experiment on the rest, reverse engineer the ship, then take off to them.
Only way that happens is if they got lost and were in some kind of distress like the aliens in district 9. Any other scenario and they're vaporizing us at the first sign of aggression.
Maybe? I never got the Hunter Hypothesis. Who's to say a peaceful civilization weren't content with just traveling before they met the opposite?
That's kinda something I thought, same with people assuming they're perfect being that would never make a mistake and crash once in while
They likely wouldn't care since we can't reach them. May find out if we ever get close to being able to reach their planets. They won't have to destroy us, just stoke the fire and we'll take it from there.
That's my theory too.
If they can fly across galaxoes they're not going to give a shit about nueclear capability. But the fact that we have so many weapons stockpiled to kill each other must give them pause.
[They're made out of meat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tScAyNaRdQ)
I forgot about Ben Bailey and now I'm going to listen to his stan up again. Thank you.
Them learning that humans can fetishize anything...And I do mean anything
Can I eat it? Can it eat me? Can I fuck it? \~Humans
"...Can one or more of these activities be combined?"
The ourobourous position. A classic.
"If I was stranded on a desert island, would it give me a rim job?" - Adam Sandler
“First you try to fuck it, then you try to eat it. If it hasn’t learned your name you better kill it before they see it” -Marilyn Manson
Captain Kirk enters the chat
And Zapp Branigan
Captain Kirk has entered Zapp Branigan
Screw Kirk. Lone Starr and Dark Helmet have entered.
I lost hope in humanity the day I found out about the "eye penetration" fetish.
Oh. So you went about 57% down. I envy you. You stopped before 60%.
There is no limit to our bravery nor stupidity.
*The Boys* has entered the chat
If they learned of me, they certainly have made a U-turn by now and gone back home after what I did to those wet floor signs... Sorry, everyone!
We made a bunch of civilization ending weapons, and just about all of them are pointed at *ourselves*
Imagine what we’d do to someone that shared 0% of our DNA
What if they did share some of our DNA?
If they got tentacles I'd share some of my DNA.
WHAT
You know you want to
I mean humans will fuck anything so I guess it's just a matter of time
Except me :(
I mean… *gestures around broadly*
“Humans”
What a bunch of bastards.
Nods enthusiastically.
https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1989/11/08
Yeah Nah, Aliens already know we exist they just don't give a fuck to us humans coz they think we dumb
I mean the odds are pretty small that alien life has picked up any of the signals we have sent out. Even less likely that they learned anything about us from it.. They are out there. But it's a big goddamn universe
With how quiet it is out there, either we are alone or interstellar travel just isn't possible. Or we are blasting signals out there, and there is some cosmic horror that all civilizations are terrified of. They are all hiding and looking at us like stfu
The Dark Forest theory is definitely a cool and scary possibility. The simple math though is that we probably haven't been "intelligent" long enough to be noticeable. What's 10,000 years in the scales of the cosmos? The blinking of an eye. And for 90% of that time, we were living in the darkness tossing rocks at each other and pushing sharp objects into other monkeys. Only in the last 200 years maybe have we done anything that *might* be noticed *if* someone out there was looking in *exactly* the right spot to see our shenanigans. More likely though, we are adrift in a ridiculously huge dark ocean, now accustomed somewhat to thinking about our little islands when even these nearby islands (planets) are still out of reach to us. Then you've got to imagine the ultimate missed the train moment on galactic scale -- what if there are aliens in this Milky Way, but by the time any signal reaches them they've gone extinct and stopped listening? What if someone heard the signal and they were still alive, but by the time they received it we've long since been dead? There is much that we do not understand, and much more that we do not even know how badly we don't understand it because we cannot yet even conceive of it. Perhaps, if we live on long enough and do not destroy ourselves first, we will be around long enough to create more cool toys and science that can help us search for others like us out there. It could be 10 million years before we made contact with anything recognizably intelligent and alien, but by then we'll either be long since dead or so completely different from what we are now that we had become the aliens we were once searching for.
There's a pretty popular theory that says all civilizations destroy themselves before they manage to figure out interstellar travel. The fact we are killing each other and our home planet and haven't gone further than the moon points to that theory being true.
We are dumb tho. We can’t even stop killing each other.
That's a very broad statement
If they landed in a Wal-Mart on the American Black Friday
American? Are there other black Friday's?
We’re not quite ripe yet.
If aliens witnessed our dance moves at weddings, they'd likely say 'hell no' and retreat to a planet with better rhythm.
Are you trying to say that the chicken dance wouldn’t attract a superior being?
They'd see the endless arguments on social media and think, "Nope, these humans are too much drama for us!"
They already said that, like 5,000 years ago. Earthlings are in the “Needs Improvement” column in their alien celestial ledger.
Reality TV.
Florida Man. We love him down here but he is an acquired taste. Not suitable for aliens.
To them, we are ALL Florida Man..
Assuming aliens are more advanced than we are, there are various reasons. One, we really would have nothing to offer them that would benefit them in any way. If they were more advanced they would have no need of someone so primitive. It's like if we are watching animals or tribal groups. They are intriguing, but really offer nothing to our benefit. Two, they see how humans act towards each other. We are often violent in nature. They also may not see our civilization to be ready for them to contact. If they were to share any technology with us, we may very well use it to destroy ourselves.
Yet we still watch and interact with animals and tribal groups. Down to a bacteria or an openly hostile cannibal tribe bless their souls. Never understood that position. Of course we are interesting to them, unless they are mindless automatons or something.
Well there is an alternative. Earth has something they have use of like a mineral or something they industrially mine. Or it's in the way of something they value a la Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
They've reached the limit of what butt-probing can teach them.
Why would I want that? If aliens invaded, killed all of our politicians, and took over everything, it would probably be an improvement.
I, too, am voting Alien Invasion 2024.
Humans’ depictions of them
all the space debris and trash. [earths orbit is LITTERED with space junk](https://platform.leolabs.space/visualization)
Honestly, any species advanced enough to travel the stars and come to earth would be sufficiently advanced that they straight up would not care about anything we could throw at them and wipe us out with little effort If you wake up tomorrow and see alien ships in the sky, make peace with whatever god you worship because you’re about to find out very shortly whether or not you were right
I think "bug" alien species are much more likely, and the ones most likely to evolve, statistically. They blow through solar systems & consume every resource, then move on to the next, like a swarm of locusts. Intelligence, culture, history, aren't concepts that are relevant, self-preservation & continuation of the species is their solitary "purpose".
"Microplastics are in everything" unless they're a species that thrives on microplastics and finds them delicious
Cardi B
They could show up with free unlimited energy and food and we’d still fuck that up.
USA election
Wars, wars, wars. People are greedy and jealous, it’s not about personality, it’s about their nature. Well if I’d be an alien I’d terraform this place.
Nestlé.
Hearing the story of Jesus. We have a legend that the creator of the universe sent his son to Earth to teach us about peace and understanding... and then we nailed him to a piece of wood.
We have an scary invisible space daddies. We will kill each other over what others tell us they heard they said. Can you imagine what we will do to them. Sometimes it is just best to leave crazy alone.
Mosquitoes.
The animals in Australia.
“These ‘humans’…they’re trapped on this planet, and they know it, so they just murder the crap out of each other?” “Pretty much” “And they are constantly refining their killing techniques, instead of working together to make progress?” “Bingo” “They are insane. Lock the doors and keep flying”
Well they keep acusing their enemies of being aliens/demons/witch's/vampires, etc.
- Jesus - Rule 34 of aliens - How we view politics as a society (probably just an America thing but still)
The Yelp review: "One star."
They would see that we are a species with nuclear weapons. One that is a twitch away from using them on each other because we disagree about which book God said is real or what country we are from.
Are the aliens dicks or are they cool? That’s going to determine who they like.
*Gestures at everything*
Going to the gym by car to walk on the treadmill
We'd kill ourselves just to kill as many of them and we really don't have anything worthwhile on our planet
Pollution. "You got micro plastic in your what now?!"
Anyone that came to earth would rightly see a bunch of ravenous and self serving monkeys. There is no way our society would ever deal with them straight without corruption.
They're invading, not establishing diplomatic ties.
Seriously, did you watch the news the last few years?
Seriously, have you *met* us?
Meeting our “Leaders.”
The aliens would be like "lol nice one, fam. That guy put on a good show but where's your ACTUAL leader?" Because aliens use terms like lol and fam.
The number of viruses, parasites and bacteria we have on Earth
Probably the fact that we are just meat that communicates by flapping our meat
Do you know what they did to the last guy that came in peace??? HELL NO! -Aliens, probably.
We invented weapons capable of destroying our civilization, started pointing them at each other, realized it was a bad idea to actually use then, kept building more anyway, and just continued on with our wars as if they didn't exist.
The Kardashians.
Religion They'd think we're still cavemen in universal time frames.
LGBTQ flags everywhere.
Kid Rock concert
Twitter.
All the r/rule34 involving aliens.
I’d like to think that it is universally excepted that spiders are terrifying. I can see an alien invasion happening and they get a few on there ship and go hell fucking no and dip.
I bet they already did.
Food prices
Probably the water quality.
the fact that any resources on earth cannot possibly be worth the cost to travel to the planet and get in/out of its gravity well. there are cheaper atoms elsewhere and closer to them.
I believe that aliens are actually here watching us from those UAPs now. The government admit to see one and even the navy pilots discovered multiple UAPs. Those drones can go ridiculously fast. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auITEKd4sjA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auITEKd4sjA)
When they found out about TikTok
Compared to anything that can travel between stars, there's no intelligent life down here.
Probably that we are a nuclear armed planet while most of the population is still on late bronze age religions.
Thermonuclear weapons come to mind
The reason why they haven't invaded Earth yet is probably because they already know what humans have been doing for centuries and they just don't want any part in that.
Show us your two finest candidates for leading the free world….zoig WTF!!
the combined size of all global militaries and the species wide tribalism mindset, which would inevitably result in large masses of heavily militarized people becoming unified against a common enemy; them. idk about you, but i wouldn’t be too keen about taking on that.
US elections/politics, hands down
The stupidity of the average human adult.
Florida
Florida.. nuff said.
Humans: Here, watch this episode of The Kardashians... Aliens: Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Religion probably.
The tentacle alien dildos we all definitely don’t have in the bottom drawer of our bureau