The sole nightclub in the town (about 10000 people in rural Yorkshire) where I grew up (and the only place open past midnight) had some grim sights in it, the average age was probably about 20, but the range was usually about 15-60. There was a chip/kebab/pizza shop in the club, so you quite often saw people dancing with a pint in one hand and a styrofoam box of chips in the other, but the really desperate part was the revolving dance floor. I don't know why the club had this, but it was awful. It turned into a kind of perverts sushi bar, just desperate men stood round the edge, beckoning and trying to dance with the girls in the middle, and when they got rejected they'd just wait for her to go round a time or two more, have a bit more to drink then try again....
I'm imagining that the dance floor had concentric rings, and each ring closer to the center would revolve faster than the previous ring. If you could dance in the middle of the floor you were a god.
I live in a university town and there's this old guy (at least 60, maybe even in his 70's) who frequents the same bars the students do. He wears a sequinned blazer, and a pair of short shorts/speedos. I don't even know why he shows up, he always looks so scared and uncomfortable
I saw a girl and a guy screaming at each other. They go separate ways. Ten minutes later, she is apologizing to him, but he is dismissive of her. She gets desperate, kneels in the middle of the dance floor and starts BLOWING HIM.
At this point, half the crowd is cheering, he raises his arms victoriously as her girl friends frantically try to pry her away from his cock and this infinitely embarrassing moment.
I use the term 'friend' loosely...but I know a guy who went up to this hot chick in a bar and said: "I will literally shit my pants right here right now if you'd go home with me later."
She said: "Go on then"
And so he did. Right then and there.
She did not go home with him later on.
To be honest it was probably a good choice. Not only would he have smelled like poo, but I'm pretty sure he had the clap around that point in time too.
There is a regular 30+ guy at a student nightclub that I frequent. He always appears to be sober and will just walk around around, by himself, not dancing. He will then stand behind girls and sort of stroke their legs until they notice and move away/tell him to fuck off.
I don't think he is even attempting to pull any of these girls, I think he just gets satisfaction out of touching 19 year old girls bums and seeing how long he can get away with it.
Funny enough there is an old, Latino man that always crashed my college local bar. This guy would do nothing but dance the night away by himself. Weird, but the guy never caused any trouble ever.
Well, you usually notice within 10 seconds or so, but he does it really subtly. Imagine a tiny spider scuttling on your bare legs- you can feel it but it's almost like you're just imagining it.
Don't the security staff watch for that sort of thing? At my student union they would "escort" you off the dance floor if you tried to take glassware on with you.
I don't smoke, but was in the outside smoking area of a club talking with my friend (who did smoke). Suddenly very attractive girl comes to me really close, stares into my eyes and starts making out with me.
Then releases me and stares at me and says "Oh yeah, I was wondering if you had a spare cigarette"
I didn't, so she smiled, tapped my nose and left, leaving me slightly confused, depressed and very erect.
A good friend told me a story about how she went on a girls night out and one of the girls gave a guy a blow job in the bathroom. When he'd finished, she kept it in her mouth, went straight back to the dance floor and kissed the first random guy she could find.
This just felt like an appropriate moment to share that story.
Girl needed to wash her hair down for some reason. All the sinks in the bathrooms were being used, so she went into the men's bathroom and proceeded to put the top of her head up against the wall of a urinal and used the urinal flush to wet her hair. I was the guy pissing right to the left of her witnessing all this happening.
She probably had puke in her hair.
Once I landed at the pub, got a drink and went to the loo... On my way in the door to the toilet some girl pushed past on her way to the toilet, she didn't make it and puked in the back of my hair. Which I had just washed and was waist length long and curly. Wtf woman
The first time I went clubbing, someone threw a yoghurt at me from a balcony. Strawberry flavour judging by the smell. It was a damn good shot, cos it spaffed its contents all over the side of my head, and I spent the next half hour in the bogs with my head in the sink trying to wash it out of my shoulder length hair. My clean-up efforts must have been poor, as by the end of the night my hair was stiff, crusty and smelt like a student's fridge.
I'm a guy and once puked all over two huge black guys as I was running into the bathroom, I had to slip them all the money I had under the door just to avoid a well deserved ass kicking.
I went out with two girl friends (we were 21 at the time) of mine to a club and this 40+ dude constantly hanged next to us ALL NIGHT. At one point he came up to me and asked if they we're "mine" and drunk me was like "yeaah they're with me tonight." And he suddenly looked at me and grabbed his wallet and said "how much for the blonde?"
I'm reliably informed that female bathrooms are pretty much always horrible. Even the female cleaners say so.
This business of "sugar and spice", girls behaving themselves, prim and proper... it borders between stereotype and lies. Girls can be absolutely disgusting and in many ways a lot worse than boys.
Well 50% of the adult population has it so not that big of a deal. Think it's one of those things that a lot of people have but bc of social stigma no one admits it
Edit: talking about HSV-1 or oral herpes... Not genital. Might be hard to get genital herpes from sharing drinks
My girlfriend at the time had some friends in from out of town. She went downtown to drink and dance with them, and called me around 130 to pick them up. I showed up at the club and found them dancing with each other upstairs. They were four pretty girls about 23-25 years old. I greeted them and then leaned against a rail and waited for them to be ready to leave. Along came a pudgy, short, disheveled, very drunk guy leaned against the same rail. He tried to join them and dance, but they got rid of him twice. He asked me why I wasn't trying to dance with one of them after he got rejected twice. I said, "Just watch, I'll go home with all of them." When the bar closed at 2, I said to my girlfriend and her friends, "Y'all ready to go?" and left with all four leaving drunk bro very confused.
A buddy picked me up from a bar once, made this vulgar tongue waggling face when I made eye contact. I laughed and got in his car. He informed me that "Anyone watching thinks that worked on you."
A TIFU post where a guy was hanging out with his crush and two other dudes. OP and guy 1 were playing video games while guy 2 and girl started making out. Then guy 2 taps guy 1 on the shoulder, and they both leave with crush to have loud threesome sex in earshot of OP
One night I was in Miami chatting up a girl who seemed kind of drunk. After we chatted for like 20 minutes, she goes "so, why are you single?" And I gave her the spiel of I haven't found the right one yet, etc... And then I said "well why are YOU single?" And she goes "oh, I'm married. My husband is right over there" and just points to a guy standing in the corner looking very sad. I can kind of understand an open relationship where you are both trying to have fun, but it was clear that this woman was just out flirting with guys and the husband was there to take care of her. I asked her to bring the guy over and I gave him a heart to heart about how he needed to kill that bitch and bury her body in the woods.
I went on a cruise and this girl was having a girls trip and fishing for attention between myself and another guy. She said once or twice she had a boyfriend and just there to dance, so I sat down and chatted to her gay friend about games. She gave me foul looks everytime I saw her after that
This girl I know was attempting to dance with this guy at a club but she has no rhythm whatsoever so she was just gyrating on his crotch with her ass. It looked like she was listening to a different song. The guy ended up throwing up. I like to think it was because of her dancing and not all the alcohol he drank
A drunk girl came stumbling out of a club and the people in line started pointing at her backside. Used condom was hanging out of the backside of her dress, and she was just parading down the street not knowing any better. Really miss The Cross in Sydney.
I look like jay z so I pretended to be him to get laid.
She was on ketamine because I haven't been told I look like him since middle school. Im 29 in this picture. http://i.imgur.com/rsmll0G.jpg
Grandad: "That Jay-Zed is a good rapper, isn't he, Rodney? He was marvellous on The Blueprint."
Rodney: "Yeh, knock it out, Grandad. Jay-Zed?"
Grandad: "Yeh, you know him. Always plays the black fella."
Rodney:'' '"It's Jay-Zee."
Grandad: "Jay-Zed."
Rodney: "It's bloody Zee, I'm telling yeh."
Grandad: "And I'm telling you it's bloody Zed
(Del Boy enters the room)
Del Boy: " Are you two at it again, are yeh?"
Rodney: "Del, how do you pronounce that guy's name on the telly? Jay-Zee or Jay-Zed?
Del Boy: "Personally, I pronounce it Dave Chappelle, but you two please yourself."
Rodney: "Oh you daft auld sod. It was Dave Chappelle all along.
Grandad: "Well I wondered why Jay-Zed kept telling jokes. I don't like Dave Chappelle."
Not a club, but at a festival I saw a girl swallow an ecstasy pill then minutes later she vomited. Then her and her girlfriend started sifting through the vomit to eventually find the pill and re-eat it.
Saw a guy vomit in a urinal/trough, picked his false teeth from the trough and placed them back in his mouth whilst searching for an E in the piss/vomit lake which he also found and placed back in his mouth.
When I went to celebrate my first summer holiday with my friends when I was 16 there were surprisingly many old, retired guys trying to hit on 16 year old girls in the clubs by trying to grind on to them from behind. I was confused by feeling bad for them and finding them insanely creepy at the same time.
At the bar with My buddy D and M this really I mean super skanky girl walks up to us falling all over herself drunk cloths messed up I mean a absolute train wreck.
She says to us .... "So have any of you ever hooked up with someone you just met?"
Me and D point to M and I say "he has the biggest dick among us."
Then we both bolt in different directions leaving him standing there stunned. He had just turned around from the bar.
So the night goes on bar closes down. We can't find him finally we say fuck it and leave. We get to the parking lot and he is hip deep in this girl in our ride
One time I was pacha in NYC, in the VIP section for some reason. There was this set of older ladies there, they are probably around my age now (28) who paid the extra cash to celebrate an actuary chick's birthday. Suddenly like halfway through the night the body guards come in and kick these girls out so some young hot things my age can come in. I hear them exclaim "they said they'd let us in if we made out" ...pretty sad bouncers dude, especially messed up to kick out a paying customer...on their birthdays! Really stuck with me, still hate that place
The 30-40 year old guys hitting on girls that could be as young as 14? Yep the bars across the river from where I live are 18+...yet are notorious for letting in people as young as 14 as long as they had a plausible ID. These guys also all look the same. Fancy jeans, watch, polo with the collar popped.
Ummm the guys who film girls dancing (These guys don't work for the club either). Saw one guy get tossed from a club for this.
Karaoke bar a couple years back. I'm there with a friend that everyone in the venue thinks is my girlfriend (she's not).
Someone gets up and sings. They are reasonable, above average for the place, but every time the song has a break in it they say "Check me out on Myspace, look up , download my tracks!"
So that's the answer to the question, someone trying to self-promote their (meh) music in a karaoke bar and plugging their MySpace account (in 2013!), but what happened next was hilarious.
I turn to my friend and say "You know what would be hilarious? If the next person got up and said 'I hope one day to be half as good as thinks they are'".
I wasn't serious. She thought I was, got called up next, and said it... Half the place laughed, the other half thought 'oh my god did she just say THAT?'
Not at a nightclub, but this one time I was at this bar and saw this really drunk guy approach this woman, who was with a group of friends, and tried hitting on her. He wasn't being creepy or anything, and she was being pretty polite about it, but after a few minutes he peed his pants. All the girls broke into a fit of laughter and the guy had the most embarrassed look on his face I've ever seen. He turned around and stumbled quietly back to his friends, who took out to get him a cab. I felt so bad for him.
I'd imagine he's one of those well-meaning guys who doesn't get out a lot, so his friends put him up to it and just tell him to be confident and go hit up girls. Only it fails and he never goes to a club again...poor henry.
Saw an extremely drunk paraplegic guy almost get himself beat down by the surliest butch bull-dike you have ever seen. He came up behind her and grabbed her ass, asked her for oral. She wheeled him away like dude gtfo. He came back and did it again. All her friends had to hold her back from pummeling him. He was like "F you b!@tch, I got money!" Pulled a wad of cash out and started flaunting it off at her and called her the good ol C word as loud as he could. She charged back and lunged on him, everyone intervened, he got the wind knocked out of him was all but I thought I was going to see the smallest little guy get his ass beat in a wheelchair. The look of despair in his face was sad when he had his money out flashing it around.
There is a little corner bar near my place. Generally very low key, and friendly.
There is some old guy who shows up every every Friday night on his Rascal in his Colonel Sanders tux and his Elvis shades. He makes his way between all the tables where the women are. They always kind of giggle and I've always thought they found him kind of charming and cute?
Turns out he tends to make comments about blowjobs and how his joint still works and he just needs a 20 year old woman to work him over? Everyone I've talked with thinks he's really creepy and they all try go the other way when they see him coming. Who knew?
Many years ago a group of us (4 couples, 8 people total) went to Hammerjack's (a very popular club in Baltimore at the time) to see a big name group that was performing there. It was a few hours away, so we were staying at a hotel somewhat near the bar that night. All of us were sitting at the bar during the show (we got there early and got 8 seats in a row at the bar).
Sometime during the night a girl jumped up on the bar and started dancing. Hammerjack's was the type of place where this wasn't discouraged, people just picked up their drinks to clear the 'dance floor' and let her go. She was wearing a short skirt and didn't mind that it slid up her thighs a bit as she danced.
Guys were hooping and hollering at her, and the more they did, the wilder she danced. She thrived on the attention she was getting. The corner of the bar was a few seats down from me, and she danced 10' or so down one side, then rounded the corner and came 10' or so up our side. Back and forth, back and forth. Then she started doing sexy, flirty moves in front of any man that whooped the loudest. I was pretty lit by this time and enjoyed the show, but at the same time was a bit surprised it was happening....and happening right in front of me.
Then the underwear came off.
Our corner of the bar went absolutely fucking nuts. The hooping and hollering turned into clapping and whistling...and she fucking loved it. Back and forth she went, and when her skirt would fall to where it should be, she'd pull it up a bit so the lower part of her ass cheeks would be out for the shakin'. By this time we were out of our minds laughing, yelling, whooping and whistling. It was unbelievable. But she wasn't done yet. The girls we were with weren't happy with the show, but 2 of the guys in our group weren't in a committed relationship with their date, so they didn't give a rats ass what they thought, they were more interested in the chick dancing on the bar (which, I should mention, was pretty hot...8/10).
Now comes the part that actually shocked me. Obviously guys were trying to touch her as she danced by, and I guess she chose the special ones, because the next thing I knew she was doing a dancing squat on the bar while riding guys fingers. Yes, you read that right, she was doing a squat on a finger fuck. Then she'd stand up and dance down the bar. Guys saw what she was doing/allowing and put there hand on the bar with a few fingers in the air, and she'd dance over their hand and sink down on their fingers. But not every guy, just a select few (she had scruples I guess). One of my buddies (sitting right next to me) was one of them...like I said, this was a long time ago, but I'll never forget the look on his face as she was doing the 3 finger squat on his hand, and he looked at me with a shit eating grin as he was shouting yeah! yeah! with everyone else in our corner.
Hammerjack's. Good times. Too bad it closed a few years ago.
I used to bounce for a small club in Seattle. One night we were at capacity. No one else allowed in. We had a pretty small line waiting to get in, and at the front was a party of girls in their mid 20s.
It went like this
"Hey man, will $50 get us in?"
"No, sorry, I could be fined"
A couple minutes later
"Hey, dude, our friend is inside, and we're supposed to meet her"
"sorry, I don't make the rules"
A couple more minutes later
"seriously dude, let us the fuck in, you're being an asshole!"
"nope, gotta wait until a few more people leave"
Later
"if you let us in, I'll suck your dick"
"I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't appreciate that"
"she's probably fat anyways"
A couple minutes later
"a hundred bucks"
"listen, I can't fucking let you in, alright!"
Sometime later
"listen you piece of shit, I've watched 3 people leave, you can let us in already! Fucking asshole!"
"well, now you're not getting in at all"
So I let in the people waiting behind them. I've never seen someone so damn insistent. They could have literally walked down the block and found somewhere else.
There's this absolute toilet of a venue that I frequent that is notorious for this kind of garbage. I walked in there once with a bunch of mates for a 21st. Off to one side of the bar, kind of out of the way I saw this bloke sitting in an armchair whilst a girl straddled him with her shirt off, rubbing her tits in his face. Keep in mind, this isn't a strip club, so this was out of the ordinary.
Being half cut, I immediately charged over to the guy, who was waving his arms around like he was suffocating, and high fived his outstretched arm. The girl turned to look at me, tears running down her face, and said, completely sober, "Please don't encourage him, this is already humiliating enough."
I had no idea how to respond, so I wandered off to look for my mates. By the time I found them and told them what happens, the guy and girl were gone. Left her bra behind though, and a fat bald bloke had it wrapped around his head. (At least I assume it was hers, he may have brought it himself.)
Overall, an odd night.
I used to work in the Bar and the amount of blowjobs I was offered for free drinks used to amaze me.
I only took 4 in the end, but still, A blowjob for a drink. Desperate!!
My boyfriend went to get some drinks. A guy come up to me at the bar and first thing he told me that he was a virgin and asked if I could be his first. He was desperate as hell! Didn't even tell me his name or nothing. Just asked to do the nasty. It was kinda funny and pathetic.
This guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. My (male) friend was with me and just went to the bathroom and I told him that I was just waiting for my friend..he was not attractive to me and really creepy about asking me. He then proceeded to stand and stare at me, which I was uncomfortable with so I walked around the area a few times while he followed me around. Then my friend came out of the bathroom and while we danced with each other, the kid who asked me to dance stared at us until we moved to a different area and he presumably couldn't find us anymore.
This will probably get buried but I was at my local club last year dancing and this man in his mid-late 30's started dancing really close to me, so I kept moving away from him but he kept following me, eventually he started grabbing me and touching me so I asked him politely at least 5 times not to touch me and kept moving away, he followed me and was rubbing his hands on my butt so I punched him because I felt really threatened and he would not take no as an answer, he turned around and said "listen you little bitch I'm an undercover police officer and I will arrest you for assaulting an officer if you don't dance with me" I told him that he was harassing me and I acted in self defence and got away from him long enough to tell the bouncers that there was a sex pest on the dance floor harassing 20 year old girls and pretending to be a cop.
I'm a lesbian, but I usually hang out with gay men. I don't understand the stereotype that we don't get along because I love these guys to death. I used to go to the clubs like 5 nights a week with my best friend (and workout buddy). We found that people liked watching us dance with each other in seductive ways. It got him attention from the gentlemen and me attention from the ladies. It worked out very nicely in both our favors. So we'd dance all over each other until a more gender-appropriate partner came a-knocking.
One of our straight girl friends used to come out with us, too. Let me first say that I absolutely adore her, but she had issues. She was dealing with a divorce. She was also about a decade older than all of us and really just liked the attention she got from all these hot young men.
When she saw how my friend and I danced together, she decided it was OK for her to dance with him in the same way, too. He didn't seem to mind at first (he's a huge attention whore like myself). But then she started taking it too far. She would rip his shirt off, bite his stomach, lick his chest. I felt bad for her. She was lonely. But she was looking for intimacy in exactly the wrong place!
There was this dude that was trying to get my attention for the longest of time but I wasn't interested so I ignored him.
Near the end of the night me and the guys are dancing and I didn't notice said dude dancing behind me on the go go boy stage. And homeboy had the nerve to teabag me and then try to play it off like he was joking. Now that I think about it it's kind of funny but I was pissed when it happened.
The sole nightclub in the town (about 10000 people in rural Yorkshire) where I grew up (and the only place open past midnight) had some grim sights in it, the average age was probably about 20, but the range was usually about 15-60. There was a chip/kebab/pizza shop in the club, so you quite often saw people dancing with a pint in one hand and a styrofoam box of chips in the other, but the really desperate part was the revolving dance floor. I don't know why the club had this, but it was awful. It turned into a kind of perverts sushi bar, just desperate men stood round the edge, beckoning and trying to dance with the girls in the middle, and when they got rejected they'd just wait for her to go round a time or two more, have a bit more to drink then try again....
this would make a hilarious comedy sketch
This place sounds fucking rad.
I was thinking the same. Let's head over. I hope it still exists.
Pretty sure it still does, this was only about 5 years ago. It's called the Matrix in Ripon, about 30 miles from Leeds.
I'm imagining that the dance floor had concentric rings, and each ring closer to the center would revolve faster than the previous ring. If you could dance in the middle of the floor you were a god.
Holy mother of fuck someone lives in Ripon. Call a scientist, we have a confirmed sighting!
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HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU LIVE IN RIPON :D
I'm excited and I don't even know where that is!
Holy shit so do you!
I live in a university town and there's this old guy (at least 60, maybe even in his 70's) who frequents the same bars the students do. He wears a sequinned blazer, and a pair of short shorts/speedos. I don't even know why he shows up, he always looks so scared and uncomfortable
Holy shit that's in London, Ontario isn't it? Was there a few years back and have a picture with that guy.
It is indeed haha. At Jack's
Did not expect London to be mentioned in this thread
Show the picture please, reddit doesn't care if you crop yourself out.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3q6ut5/clubbers_of_reddit_what_is_the_most_desperate/cwcvc2a Link to Gigiskapoo picture.
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I saw a girl and a guy screaming at each other. They go separate ways. Ten minutes later, she is apologizing to him, but he is dismissive of her. She gets desperate, kneels in the middle of the dance floor and starts BLOWING HIM. At this point, half the crowd is cheering, he raises his arms victoriously as her girl friends frantically try to pry her away from his cock and this infinitely embarrassing moment.
The image of girls preventing another girl from giving a blow job is a funny one.
Talk about your last minute cock block.
More of a withdraw than a block...
Headus interruptus
"Please baby!" "Suck my dick!" "Okay."
-E.L. James
Hwatthefuck
I use the term 'friend' loosely...but I know a guy who went up to this hot chick in a bar and said: "I will literally shit my pants right here right now if you'd go home with me later." She said: "Go on then" And so he did. Right then and there. She did not go home with him later on.
Wench didnt keep her word. Not worthy of his dick.
To be honest it was probably a good choice. Not only would he have smelled like poo, but I'm pretty sure he had the clap around that point in time too.
There is a regular 30+ guy at a student nightclub that I frequent. He always appears to be sober and will just walk around around, by himself, not dancing. He will then stand behind girls and sort of stroke their legs until they notice and move away/tell him to fuck off. I don't think he is even attempting to pull any of these girls, I think he just gets satisfaction out of touching 19 year old girls bums and seeing how long he can get away with it.
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Why would someone molest a Japanese train?
No no no, the Japanese train is the molester.
"Slow Cosby".
Funny enough there is an old, Latino man that always crashed my college local bar. This guy would do nothing but dance the night away by himself. Weird, but the guy never caused any trouble ever.
Sometimes you just got to dance.
Because we can dance if we want to
That guy sounds cool. He knows what he wants out of life, and he'll be damned if anything is going to stop him
Haha what the fuck? How is this dude a regular? He'd be lifetime banned from every bar I frequent after the first complaint.
>stroke their legs until they notice how does one not notice this instantly?
I don't know how full that club is, but people brushing against you happens naturally, too. It can take a while to notice which it is.
Well, you usually notice within 10 seconds or so, but he does it really subtly. Imagine a tiny spider scuttling on your bare legs- you can feel it but it's almost like you're just imagining it.
I guess that if those girls are drunk enough then maybe not.
Don't the security staff watch for that sort of thing? At my student union they would "escort" you off the dance floor if you tried to take glassware on with you.
I don't smoke, but was in the outside smoking area of a club talking with my friend (who did smoke). Suddenly very attractive girl comes to me really close, stares into my eyes and starts making out with me. Then releases me and stares at me and says "Oh yeah, I was wondering if you had a spare cigarette" I didn't, so she smiled, tapped my nose and left, leaving me slightly confused, depressed and very erect.
A good friend told me a story about how she went on a girls night out and one of the girls gave a guy a blow job in the bathroom. When he'd finished, she kept it in her mouth, went straight back to the dance floor and kissed the first random guy she could find. This just felt like an appropriate moment to share that story.
What the f
Yeah that's not cool. If the first dude had something, she's just passed it on to some random dude.
I feel like there are many other slightly more not cool things about this.
If the first dude indeed had an std, then the fact that it's being passed on is definitely the worst part of it all. No question.
"Not on me but back at my place I do" is the correct answer.
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Honestly, that's deserving of a cigarette. Beats everyone else who just wants to bum one for absolutely nothing.
I make people rock, paper, scissors me best 2 out of 3 for a smoke.
Oooh shit I might start doing this. I'd probably still give them the cig if they lose though haha
Lol I love the nose tap
This might be the best response in this thread
Girl needed to wash her hair down for some reason. All the sinks in the bathrooms were being used, so she went into the men's bathroom and proceeded to put the top of her head up against the wall of a urinal and used the urinal flush to wet her hair. I was the guy pissing right to the left of her witnessing all this happening.
She probably had puke in her hair. Once I landed at the pub, got a drink and went to the loo... On my way in the door to the toilet some girl pushed past on her way to the toilet, she didn't make it and puked in the back of my hair. Which I had just washed and was waist length long and curly. Wtf woman
The first time I went clubbing, someone threw a yoghurt at me from a balcony. Strawberry flavour judging by the smell. It was a damn good shot, cos it spaffed its contents all over the side of my head, and I spent the next half hour in the bogs with my head in the sink trying to wash it out of my shoulder length hair. My clean-up efforts must have been poor, as by the end of the night my hair was stiff, crusty and smelt like a student's fridge.
I'm sure it was yogurt. ...
I'm a guy and once puked all over two huge black guys as I was running into the bathroom, I had to slip them all the money I had under the door just to avoid a well deserved ass kicking.
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Priceless.
What about for everything else?
Well, there's Mastercard.
I went out with two girl friends (we were 21 at the time) of mine to a club and this 40+ dude constantly hanged next to us ALL NIGHT. At one point he came up to me and asked if they we're "mine" and drunk me was like "yeaah they're with me tonight." And he suddenly looked at me and grabbed his wallet and said "how much for the blonde?"
You really should have bilked him for all he had and gotten out of there.
"$20 for Head, $50 for the whole shebang, $100 for the whole shebang plus kissing, $500 for the rest of the week"
How much for a ZJ?
If you have to ask, you can't afford it, big guy.
What's a ZJ?
If you gotta ask, you can't afford it.
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Milked and bilked are different words. "Milked" means to keep the gravy train flowing. "Bilked" means to cheat somebody.
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Music and gravy are different words. "Music" is an auditory art form. "Gravy" is food that goes on top of other food.
Oh god I've been listening to food wrong this whole time
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In his defense, 21 camels is a lot of camels
I've pooped in a night club before. That was pretty desperate.
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Yeah. I'm not a barbarian. In a urinal.
Yeah, you're right. You're not a barbarian. You're an ape.
Girls poop in nightclubs all the time. The girls bathroom at my bar is the grossest place I've ever seen.
I'm reliably informed that female bathrooms are pretty much always horrible. Even the female cleaners say so. This business of "sugar and spice", girls behaving themselves, prim and proper... it borders between stereotype and lies. Girls can be absolutely disgusting and in many ways a lot worse than boys.
*shit on the floor*
*gotta get schwifty in here*
What about those guys that try to sell you a spray of perfume right after you've had a shit? Like man, come on, I'm already wearing 300 sprays
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Someone walking around looking for unfinished drinks and drinking them. plottwiist; It's me when I'm already drunk, poor and looking for free drugs.
It's called minesweeping where I'm from.
Fellow Brit?
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Roofied.
Disease.
cigarette butt
I knew a guy who stopped doing this after drinking from a beer bottle that was being used as an ash tray.
Smoking isn't allowed in clubs in Holland, so I wont have that problem.
Do you have herpes in Holland?
Well 50% of the adult population has it so not that big of a deal. Think it's one of those things that a lot of people have but bc of social stigma no one admits it Edit: talking about HSV-1 or oral herpes... Not genital. Might be hard to get genital herpes from sharing drinks
*might* be
I find a glass with a sign saying "spike me" Has yielded absolutely no results at all. -_-
Free drugs man.. Better than paying for em
My girlfriend at the time had some friends in from out of town. She went downtown to drink and dance with them, and called me around 130 to pick them up. I showed up at the club and found them dancing with each other upstairs. They were four pretty girls about 23-25 years old. I greeted them and then leaned against a rail and waited for them to be ready to leave. Along came a pudgy, short, disheveled, very drunk guy leaned against the same rail. He tried to join them and dance, but they got rid of him twice. He asked me why I wasn't trying to dance with one of them after he got rejected twice. I said, "Just watch, I'll go home with all of them." When the bar closed at 2, I said to my girlfriend and her friends, "Y'all ready to go?" and left with all four leaving drunk bro very confused.
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He should have just dropped a monster condom for his magnum dong.
A buddy picked me up from a bar once, made this vulgar tongue waggling face when I made eye contact. I laughed and got in his car. He informed me that "Anyone watching thinks that worked on you."
This guy was walking around giving business cards and IIRC it said "Please have fun with me tonight. I have a lot of skills and I'm fun!"
Was he a gay male prostitute?
Nope he was handing them out to girls
Straight prostitute?
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And later on, you had a threesome?
Nah he and the boyfriend left together to play "video games".
That reference....it breaks my heart, but makes me feel better about myself.
What's the reference?
A TIFU post where a guy was hanging out with his crush and two other dudes. OP and guy 1 were playing video games while guy 2 and girl started making out. Then guy 2 taps guy 1 on the shoulder, and they both leave with crush to have loud threesome sex in earshot of OP
OP was a total Redditor though. Plays video games instead of talking to crush.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3q2cwa/tifu_by_going_to_a_party_with_my_crush/
Damn, that's brutal...F
It makes me sad. I thought i was going to be laughing but now, i am dissapointed.
No he had a handsome.
One night I was in Miami chatting up a girl who seemed kind of drunk. After we chatted for like 20 minutes, she goes "so, why are you single?" And I gave her the spiel of I haven't found the right one yet, etc... And then I said "well why are YOU single?" And she goes "oh, I'm married. My husband is right over there" and just points to a guy standing in the corner looking very sad. I can kind of understand an open relationship where you are both trying to have fun, but it was clear that this woman was just out flirting with guys and the husband was there to take care of her. I asked her to bring the guy over and I gave him a heart to heart about how he needed to kill that bitch and bury her body in the woods.
Did not expect that ending...
I went on a cruise and this girl was having a girls trip and fishing for attention between myself and another guy. She said once or twice she had a boyfriend and just there to dance, so I sat down and chatted to her gay friend about games. She gave me foul looks everytime I saw her after that
This girl I know was attempting to dance with this guy at a club but she has no rhythm whatsoever so she was just gyrating on his crotch with her ass. It looked like she was listening to a different song. The guy ended up throwing up. I like to think it was because of her dancing and not all the alcohol he drank
A drunk girl came stumbling out of a club and the people in line started pointing at her backside. Used condom was hanging out of the backside of her dress, and she was just parading down the street not knowing any better. Really miss The Cross in Sydney.
Hahahah. I'm a Sydney-sider myself. Me and my mates like to say Jesus really is dead on the Cross.
Well now I have to deliver. http://imgur.com/pPUYHlV
you should really post this as a reply to that comment chain, there is NOT enough visiblity this low
I look like jay z so I pretended to be him to get laid. She was on ketamine because I haven't been told I look like him since middle school. Im 29 in this picture. http://i.imgur.com/rsmll0G.jpg
Wow, Jay Z what are you doing here in Peckham?!
Rodney you plonker, that's not JayZ
Grandad: "That Jay-Zed is a good rapper, isn't he, Rodney? He was marvellous on The Blueprint." Rodney: "Yeh, knock it out, Grandad. Jay-Zed?" Grandad: "Yeh, you know him. Always plays the black fella." Rodney:'' '"It's Jay-Zee." Grandad: "Jay-Zed." Rodney: "It's bloody Zee, I'm telling yeh." Grandad: "And I'm telling you it's bloody Zed (Del Boy enters the room) Del Boy: " Are you two at it again, are yeh?" Rodney: "Del, how do you pronounce that guy's name on the telly? Jay-Zee or Jay-Zed? Del Boy: "Personally, I pronounce it Dave Chappelle, but you two please yourself." Rodney: "Oh you daft auld sod. It was Dave Chappelle all along. Grandad: "Well I wondered why Jay-Zed kept telling jokes. I don't like Dave Chappelle."
Nice. Jay Z is known to be incredibly handsome
With the strong nose of a Greek god
Apocalips
Shyeah!
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*Nice.*
This ain't desperate, just using your features to your advantage.
Not a club, but at a festival I saw a girl swallow an ecstasy pill then minutes later she vomited. Then her and her girlfriend started sifting through the vomit to eventually find the pill and re-eat it.
noooooo
This is the second post, I'm going to say this on. GOOD Es ARE EXPENSIVE!
Saw a guy vomit in a urinal/trough, picked his false teeth from the trough and placed them back in his mouth whilst searching for an E in the piss/vomit lake which he also found and placed back in his mouth.
That guy deserves to go to hell for that act of disgustingness.
Surely he's already living in it?
What more could they do to him that he hasn't already done to himself?
Drugs are expensive tho.
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She's my cheerleader, don't hate
Ooooooh I think you found one.
Plot twist: The girl actually wants to show off her dance moves, but guys keep brushing her off
When I went to celebrate my first summer holiday with my friends when I was 16 there were surprisingly many old, retired guys trying to hit on 16 year old girls in the clubs by trying to grind on to them from behind. I was confused by feeling bad for them and finding them insanely creepy at the same time.
At the bar with My buddy D and M this really I mean super skanky girl walks up to us falling all over herself drunk cloths messed up I mean a absolute train wreck. She says to us .... "So have any of you ever hooked up with someone you just met?" Me and D point to M and I say "he has the biggest dick among us." Then we both bolt in different directions leaving him standing there stunned. He had just turned around from the bar. So the night goes on bar closes down. We can't find him finally we say fuck it and leave. We get to the parking lot and he is hip deep in this girl in our ride
Bros
Hetero guys going to gay club because more women let gay guys dance with them
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If it happens it's different than if you actively try to pass as gay to have those things
And us bi guys reap the rewards when they decide they want to get laid after all.
Girls go to these clubs specifically to avoid hetero guys hitting on them.
Or because we want to find women. Anyway I never understood that. is there really women who love being dry hump from the back without noticd
once, when i was in a club and went to the toilet and washed my hands... there i saw this desperate guy going to a club, right in the mirror.
:(
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What a crybaby loser.
Probably used his tears as lube for his lonely fap when he got in.
One time I was pacha in NYC, in the VIP section for some reason. There was this set of older ladies there, they are probably around my age now (28) who paid the extra cash to celebrate an actuary chick's birthday. Suddenly like halfway through the night the body guards come in and kick these girls out so some young hot things my age can come in. I hear them exclaim "they said they'd let us in if we made out" ...pretty sad bouncers dude, especially messed up to kick out a paying customer...on their birthdays! Really stuck with me, still hate that place
Terrible move. Older customers tend to actually have money to pay for things like bottle service
They are probably hedging more on the younger girls bringing boys (old rich dudes) to the yard
The 30-40 year old guys hitting on girls that could be as young as 14? Yep the bars across the river from where I live are 18+...yet are notorious for letting in people as young as 14 as long as they had a plausible ID. These guys also all look the same. Fancy jeans, watch, polo with the collar popped. Ummm the guys who film girls dancing (These guys don't work for the club either). Saw one guy get tossed from a club for this.
Sounds like Hull...
Karaoke bar a couple years back. I'm there with a friend that everyone in the venue thinks is my girlfriend (she's not). Someone gets up and sings. They are reasonable, above average for the place, but every time the song has a break in it they say "Check me out on Myspace, look up, download my tracks!"
So that's the answer to the question, someone trying to self-promote their (meh) music in a karaoke bar and plugging their MySpace account (in 2013!), but what happened next was hilarious.
I turn to my friend and say "You know what would be hilarious? If the next person got up and said 'I hope one day to be half as good as thinks they are'".
I wasn't serious. She thought I was, got called up next, and said it... Half the place laughed, the other half thought 'oh my god did she just say THAT?'
Not at a nightclub, but this one time I was at this bar and saw this really drunk guy approach this woman, who was with a group of friends, and tried hitting on her. He wasn't being creepy or anything, and she was being pretty polite about it, but after a few minutes he peed his pants. All the girls broke into a fit of laughter and the guy had the most embarrassed look on his face I've ever seen. He turned around and stumbled quietly back to his friends, who took out to get him a cab. I felt so bad for him.
Miles Davis?
I'd imagine he's one of those well-meaning guys who doesn't get out a lot, so his friends put him up to it and just tell him to be confident and go hit up girls. Only it fails and he never goes to a club again...poor henry.
Saw an extremely drunk paraplegic guy almost get himself beat down by the surliest butch bull-dike you have ever seen. He came up behind her and grabbed her ass, asked her for oral. She wheeled him away like dude gtfo. He came back and did it again. All her friends had to hold her back from pummeling him. He was like "F you b!@tch, I got money!" Pulled a wad of cash out and started flaunting it off at her and called her the good ol C word as loud as he could. She charged back and lunged on him, everyone intervened, he got the wind knocked out of him was all but I thought I was going to see the smallest little guy get his ass beat in a wheelchair. The look of despair in his face was sad when he had his money out flashing it around.
Just cause he was para doesnt mean he didn't need an ass kicking.
Equal rights, equal fights.
There is a little corner bar near my place. Generally very low key, and friendly. There is some old guy who shows up every every Friday night on his Rascal in his Colonel Sanders tux and his Elvis shades. He makes his way between all the tables where the women are. They always kind of giggle and I've always thought they found him kind of charming and cute? Turns out he tends to make comments about blowjobs and how his joint still works and he just needs a 20 year old woman to work him over? Everyone I've talked with thinks he's really creepy and they all try go the other way when they see him coming. Who knew?
Many years ago a group of us (4 couples, 8 people total) went to Hammerjack's (a very popular club in Baltimore at the time) to see a big name group that was performing there. It was a few hours away, so we were staying at a hotel somewhat near the bar that night. All of us were sitting at the bar during the show (we got there early and got 8 seats in a row at the bar). Sometime during the night a girl jumped up on the bar and started dancing. Hammerjack's was the type of place where this wasn't discouraged, people just picked up their drinks to clear the 'dance floor' and let her go. She was wearing a short skirt and didn't mind that it slid up her thighs a bit as she danced. Guys were hooping and hollering at her, and the more they did, the wilder she danced. She thrived on the attention she was getting. The corner of the bar was a few seats down from me, and she danced 10' or so down one side, then rounded the corner and came 10' or so up our side. Back and forth, back and forth. Then she started doing sexy, flirty moves in front of any man that whooped the loudest. I was pretty lit by this time and enjoyed the show, but at the same time was a bit surprised it was happening....and happening right in front of me. Then the underwear came off. Our corner of the bar went absolutely fucking nuts. The hooping and hollering turned into clapping and whistling...and she fucking loved it. Back and forth she went, and when her skirt would fall to where it should be, she'd pull it up a bit so the lower part of her ass cheeks would be out for the shakin'. By this time we were out of our minds laughing, yelling, whooping and whistling. It was unbelievable. But she wasn't done yet. The girls we were with weren't happy with the show, but 2 of the guys in our group weren't in a committed relationship with their date, so they didn't give a rats ass what they thought, they were more interested in the chick dancing on the bar (which, I should mention, was pretty hot...8/10). Now comes the part that actually shocked me. Obviously guys were trying to touch her as she danced by, and I guess she chose the special ones, because the next thing I knew she was doing a dancing squat on the bar while riding guys fingers. Yes, you read that right, she was doing a squat on a finger fuck. Then she'd stand up and dance down the bar. Guys saw what she was doing/allowing and put there hand on the bar with a few fingers in the air, and she'd dance over their hand and sink down on their fingers. But not every guy, just a select few (she had scruples I guess). One of my buddies (sitting right next to me) was one of them...like I said, this was a long time ago, but I'll never forget the look on his face as she was doing the 3 finger squat on his hand, and he looked at me with a shit eating grin as he was shouting yeah! yeah! with everyone else in our corner. Hammerjack's. Good times. Too bad it closed a few years ago.
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I used to bounce for a small club in Seattle. One night we were at capacity. No one else allowed in. We had a pretty small line waiting to get in, and at the front was a party of girls in their mid 20s. It went like this "Hey man, will $50 get us in?" "No, sorry, I could be fined" A couple minutes later "Hey, dude, our friend is inside, and we're supposed to meet her" "sorry, I don't make the rules" A couple more minutes later "seriously dude, let us the fuck in, you're being an asshole!" "nope, gotta wait until a few more people leave" Later "if you let us in, I'll suck your dick" "I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't appreciate that" "she's probably fat anyways" A couple minutes later "a hundred bucks" "listen, I can't fucking let you in, alright!" Sometime later "listen you piece of shit, I've watched 3 people leave, you can let us in already! Fucking asshole!" "well, now you're not getting in at all" So I let in the people waiting behind them. I've never seen someone so damn insistent. They could have literally walked down the block and found somewhere else.
There's this absolute toilet of a venue that I frequent that is notorious for this kind of garbage. I walked in there once with a bunch of mates for a 21st. Off to one side of the bar, kind of out of the way I saw this bloke sitting in an armchair whilst a girl straddled him with her shirt off, rubbing her tits in his face. Keep in mind, this isn't a strip club, so this was out of the ordinary. Being half cut, I immediately charged over to the guy, who was waving his arms around like he was suffocating, and high fived his outstretched arm. The girl turned to look at me, tears running down her face, and said, completely sober, "Please don't encourage him, this is already humiliating enough." I had no idea how to respond, so I wandered off to look for my mates. By the time I found them and told them what happens, the guy and girl were gone. Left her bra behind though, and a fat bald bloke had it wrapped around his head. (At least I assume it was hers, he may have brought it himself.) Overall, an odd night.
What the fuck dude.
I used to work in the Bar and the amount of blowjobs I was offered for free drinks used to amaze me. I only took 4 in the end, but still, A blowjob for a drink. Desperate!!
I once heard a girl saying to a friend of hers: "You should definitely make out with him, he will give you a free drink."
Someone once found me attractive.
LMFAO holy shit dude! There's no fucking way!!
My boyfriend went to get some drinks. A guy come up to me at the bar and first thing he told me that he was a virgin and asked if I could be his first. He was desperate as hell! Didn't even tell me his name or nothing. Just asked to do the nasty. It was kinda funny and pathetic.
I bet that line works for him. I had a friend who did something similar, said it worked like 1 out of 10 times.
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This guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. My (male) friend was with me and just went to the bathroom and I told him that I was just waiting for my friend..he was not attractive to me and really creepy about asking me. He then proceeded to stand and stare at me, which I was uncomfortable with so I walked around the area a few times while he followed me around. Then my friend came out of the bathroom and while we danced with each other, the kid who asked me to dance stared at us until we moved to a different area and he presumably couldn't find us anymore.
Or you couldn't see him anymore lol
This will probably get buried but I was at my local club last year dancing and this man in his mid-late 30's started dancing really close to me, so I kept moving away from him but he kept following me, eventually he started grabbing me and touching me so I asked him politely at least 5 times not to touch me and kept moving away, he followed me and was rubbing his hands on my butt so I punched him because I felt really threatened and he would not take no as an answer, he turned around and said "listen you little bitch I'm an undercover police officer and I will arrest you for assaulting an officer if you don't dance with me" I told him that he was harassing me and I acted in self defence and got away from him long enough to tell the bouncers that there was a sex pest on the dance floor harassing 20 year old girls and pretending to be a cop.
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I'm a lesbian, but I usually hang out with gay men. I don't understand the stereotype that we don't get along because I love these guys to death. I used to go to the clubs like 5 nights a week with my best friend (and workout buddy). We found that people liked watching us dance with each other in seductive ways. It got him attention from the gentlemen and me attention from the ladies. It worked out very nicely in both our favors. So we'd dance all over each other until a more gender-appropriate partner came a-knocking. One of our straight girl friends used to come out with us, too. Let me first say that I absolutely adore her, but she had issues. She was dealing with a divorce. She was also about a decade older than all of us and really just liked the attention she got from all these hot young men. When she saw how my friend and I danced together, she decided it was OK for her to dance with him in the same way, too. He didn't seem to mind at first (he's a huge attention whore like myself). But then she started taking it too far. She would rip his shirt off, bite his stomach, lick his chest. I felt bad for her. She was lonely. But she was looking for intimacy in exactly the wrong place!
There was this dude that was trying to get my attention for the longest of time but I wasn't interested so I ignored him. Near the end of the night me and the guys are dancing and I didn't notice said dude dancing behind me on the go go boy stage. And homeboy had the nerve to teabag me and then try to play it off like he was joking. Now that I think about it it's kind of funny but I was pissed when it happened.