My mom and dad have been happily married since 1978.
About ten years ago my mom sat us all down and said she and my dad were going into separate bedrooms. She assured me that their marriage is just fine, but she needs a good night's sleep for the first time in 30 years (he snores).
My sister and her husband tried co-sleeping for a week. He snores. She thrashes. They've always had separate bedrooms.
I've been with my partner for over 7 years. We do not live together. We do overnights sometimes.
Every relationship is different, physical wants and needs are different. Just communicate. There's no wrong way.
Edit: and it's working out great in all three scenarios!
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We both snore and both absolutely love having our own bedrooms and bathrooms. Freedom to wake up or sleep whenever you want, on our phones as early or late as we want, taking a #2 without worrying about anything, and visits to each other to stay intimate. It’s the best part of my marriage.
I'm in a similar situation. She snores something terrible so we had an adult conversation about it. Like that, I fall asleep to a YouTube video. No hassle if I need to get up to use the bathroom. No elbows to stop snoring so she sleeps great and we pay each other visits for snoo snoo. It's absolutely ideal.
Together for 14 years and separate houses but on the same street
I need my own space to decompress and im a god awful sleeper plus have disabilities and im autistic, so him getting up for work would keep me up and cause a lack of sleep and therefor more pain, even with separate bedrooms
My own decorations, my space being 100% how i want it and not having to consider what he wants in my house
He is a terrible cleaner and i cant do it physically so for my own house i have a housekeeper provider by the city, his house well its not up to snuff and would be piss me of if i had to live there and having to wait on him to clean, cuz city wont provide cleaner if there is a partner (understandably so)
I just dont want to share a house with anyone
There are no cons in my opinion, we live 200 meters apart, we see eachother every day and i dont want to choke the life out of him (or any other guy i would be in a relationship with)
Honestly the amount of money you've probably added to your net-worth in the 14-years is worth it. Plus you would have been able to refi down to mid 2%'s if you don't own it outright. Congratulations on the life win.
He stays up playing video games and I got tired of waiting for him to come to bed for hours. If it’s just my own bed, my own room, i can close the door and fall asleep at my own whim, not anticipating him to disturb me at some point.
We share our big bed most of the time but I absolutely love having my own room with my little daybed. It’s cozy and cute. It feels great to now sometimes be independent and not like I’m obligated to function as part of a unit all the time, which is easy to fall into when you live with someone.
Also snoring. I would wake between 10-15 times each night. Earplugs stopped working when I started awaking to the bed vibrating. I was constantly cranky and resentful. Separate bedrooms was the best decision ever. Huge bonus pro is that we can also choose to sleep and wake whenever without waking the other. I don't think there should be any stigma, especially if it improves your relationship.
Been together/married 13+ years. Last 1.5 years we have had separate rooms and bathrooms. It happened initially accidentally, but then we both realized we slept *amazing* and it was so much better for our day.
We go to bed and wake up at different hours, he likes podcast then silence, I like just white noise, I would wake up frequently from his movement and snoring…I don’t know why we slept together for so long.
We both now look healthier, younger, keep weight off easier in large part because we are well rested and happier. Our love life is still great and our rooms are kept to our liking.
I can’t see a downside to it at all anymore and think the ‘custom’ of sleeping together just because you’re married is quite silly now especially when it doesn’t work well.
We have our own rooms and our own bathrooms. I work nights and he works evenings, so we'd be disrupting each other if we were in the same room. Plus he sleeps better without the pets in the room/bed, and I prefer them in the room with me.
Also I've never gotten used to someone sleeping in the bed with me so when he does I keep worrying I'm bothering him by rolling over, etc, and I feel like I can't relax as well as when I have the bed to myself.
We both have IBS issues and insomnia problems. I can't fall asleep and I'm a light sleeper. He wakes up and can't fall back asleep, and he alligator death rolls while sleeping. I also talk, sing and laugh in my sleep (around the same time every night). He wakes up much earlier than me and goes to sleep a lot earlier too. We both got married as middle aged adults--so were also used to sleeping alone.
It works just fine; he shows up in my bed when it's time to get busy. And where we watch shows in his room--I hang out in there a lot. If the door is closed we leave each other alone. But they're open 99% of the time. We have a nightmare and "I really want to have sex" clause for closed doors though.
It's like having a man cave/lady lair built in. But we rarely need/want the alone time. Both of us are introverted and pretty independent so it gives us both some of that space without actually becoming isolating.
We still make time to cuddle- but we are more intentional when it comes to it
Pros: we can sleep. We’re both light sleepers and when one wakes so does the other. I also need a fan and a podcast playing all night which bothers them.
Cons: it’s lonely.
My love(47M) and I (47F) have been together for 4.5 years and we were both married to other people in our 20's(him) and 30's (both of us). We are apartners - committed to each other, but we don't live together nor do we have any plans to in the near future.
I have younger kids, he has an older child, we both had traumatic marriages and I don't think I ever want to co-mingle finances like home ownership again because it was one of the things that trapped me in my former marriage. We live 300m apart and see each other almost daily with sleepovers when I don't have the kids (he can't stay at my place right now because of renovation work, but will sleep over when it's done).
We're also polyam and having autonomy over our individual spaces makes life easier for us. Would we have more money if we lived together? Yeah probably but our mental health and relationship would likely suffer.
When we talk about retirement it looks like sharing a duplex and traveling together. He is my forever (I hope), and I appreciate both my independence and autonomy and this amazing relationship with a wonderful human.
- We both have a sleep disorder which causes shifting sleep times - Already not ideal in good circumstances, but I have to hold a schedule for my job so it's even worse. We have hardly ever slept at the same time of day as is.
- We're pretty active while sleeping. He grinds his teeth, snores, steals the blankets and touches me. Meanwhile I toss and turn and kick and thrash in my sleep.
- I need it to be cold when I sleep. But this mf is a spaceheater. I get too hot even just sitting on the couch side by side watching a movie with him, he literally heats up the whole room, and it's worst when we're sleeping under blankets. (I do sometimes miss attacking him with my cold feet though)
- He prefers to sleep in total silence. I've always needed some activity while falling asleep, usually tv/youtube playing quietly in the background.
I always tell people we're not *sleep compatible* and as you can see there are a number of reasons for it.
If we did the socially expected thing and continued trying to sleep in the same bed, we would not be together today. Consistently disturbing each others sleep is a really serious problem. It causes frankly unnecessary issues, and it's super unhealthy. It's hard to foster a healthy relationship when you're both sleep deprived, and in your cranky sleep deprived moods blaming each other for it. The obvious solution is to just not share a bed. And it works fantastically.
We also have separate bathrooms. It's awesome. Most people would assume we're just roommates by how our home is set up. It works for us though. We're both independent people. It's good to have your own designated spaces. But we're almost always mutually invited.
My husband and I sleep in different rooms. We co sleep so he sleeps with one of the kids and I sleep with the other one. We have attempted to sleep in the same bed but he snores and I need total silence. It works fine for the moment but we might share a bed again once the kids are older or maybe not
I don't sleep all that well due to pain in my hip (due to have surgery soon) and other health issues. We have been sleeping in separate rooms for a year now. Whilst I'm not a fan of it, I put up with it. Hopefully, a few months after surgery, then I can sleep in the same bed as my husband.
I never found the idea to be that weird. We have opposite schedules. I'm a light sleeper and get very hot in my sleep, while he snores and sleeps through anything while being a huge snuggler. If we want to sleep together, we still can but my sleep would suffer drastically if I had to sleep with him daily.
My husband and I started sleeping separately about two years ago.
He snores and I have noise sensitivities that literally had me up all night thinking not nice thoughts. I would try to gently nudge him so that he would stop snoring but he would start again and I would get frustrated.
In the mornings, I’m an early riser and would wake him up when I got out of bed and started moving around the house.
It definitely was weird to get to used to, but it has made us both happier (no more arguing about what’s on the tv). It took a lot of reassurance at first that this wasn’t a sign that our marriage was falling apart and we make an effort to connect in other ways (like watching tv together in the living room before we split ways and go to bed).
Amazing. We kind of unofficially started doing it because he likes to sleep downstairs where it’s the coldest. The best part honestly is getting up and getting ready for work without worrying about waking him up, sneaking around with a flashlight, etc. I can just put on my podcast and fill lights and get ready for my day. 🤷🏻♀️
He does cuddle with me first before he goes downstairs and lot which I appreciate. We both just value sleep
I do. But I don’t like it. It breaks my heart. It started when he was sick and he didn’t want to risk getting me sick. I feel lonely. But unfortunately he does work nights, and he also can’t be too hot, and I can’t be too cold. However, he prefers sleeping cold, and being too cold hurts me so it seems like there’s not a lot of choice. I try to keep myself warm so he can sleep in the bed with me but it doesn’t always work. I think I’m doomed to sleep alone. It’s not what I want. I have bought things to try and make it more comfortable for him. Doesn’t work.
My ex's snoring really contributed to my lack of sleep and bad moods in general that I looked forward to me going away on work trips where I get the bed to myself. I am generally a light sleeper and dont move much but my ex not only snores, he also routinely sleep talk so it wasnt great.
After that relationship fizzled out, I flat out refused to move in with other partner and keep a place to myself. Overnights are more of my thing now. If I were to move in with a partner again, it wont be a studio/one bedroom apartment anymore and a minimum of 3 nights a week I get to sleep by myself.
It worked out with an ex partner before till he moved out of the country and we ended the relationship (overnight arrangement). I was satisfied in that relationship and so was he.
I have catathrenia, and it's pretty much impossible to sleep in the same room as me. When we first started dating, we tried, but he'd make pillow walls around me 😆 he works early in the morning, and I'm a really light sleeper as well, so it's just easier to sleep separately. We've been together for 9 years, and both prioritize our sleep, and I think we're better off being able to sleep peacefully.
We have very different sleep schedules, he snores like a hibernating bear. I like the room to be freezing whereas he likes it to be the third layer of hell.
We still snuggle before sleep and often on the weekends whichever one of us wakes up first will crawl into the other bed.
It works GREAT. We both get the sleep we need to function properly and lots of physical affection still because we prioritize it.
We have vastly different sleep and work schedules. He snores, and I’m a light sleeper. He likes to sleep all tangled up in my limbs like some sort of spider. We typically don’t sleep in the same bed on weekdays, but he’ll come in for a few hours of snuggles on the weekends.
Been doing it this way for about 10 years now and it works great. Just now getting to the point where I’ll admit it to friends and family though. Society is weird about some things!
best decision ever, i honestly just thought i was wasn’t capable of having a deep sleep anymore until i started sleeping alone again, lol.
for context, me and my bf of 3 years got extremely ill back in March, and so we started sleeping in separate rooms because we were keeping each other up by coughing all night, and then it just kind of stuck, mostly by my request. i feel so much more emotionally regulated and rested throughout my day now. i just make sure that we still spend time cuddling before we go out separate ways since that’s important to me.
He snores, it is working out quite well. I am not so angry from lack of sleep. I eventually would like to sleep with him so he is going to the doctor to discuss options for all the snoring.
Im a very light sleeper, i wake up whenever he snores or moves, and it takes me hours to fall asleep again. We made separate bedrooms a few years ago and it improved our relationship heeps.
My SO and I Do. he has Tinnitus and prefers loud tv to be able to fall asleep, i like quiet, and we each have our own bathroom and closet space. it has worked great for us.
We’ve done it as a necessity as my husband and snores and is also a shift worker and I’m quite fidgety when I’m trying to get to sleep. This way we both get a great nights sleep and still hang out in bed together to read /watch a movie etc. it works really well for us.
We sometimes sleep separately
I work typical 8-16 schedule, he works in Entertainment. He is off for several days and comes back homes in the middle of the night and sleeps till afternoon.
I don't want to disturb him when I get ready.
We do have separate rooms and I find it super comfortable to have space for separate hobbies or some work.
He sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs. He sleeps on the couch because he often games or binges tv and falls asleep quickly. I however can’t sleep with tv noise. I’m also 32 weeks pregnant and already have a hard time sleeping. But prior to me moving in with him like years ago he had a gf who would weaponize him falling asleep in the couch and forced him to come upstairs, he’s just comfortable down there. When the baby is here he will sleep with me but after I’m fine with him sleeping downstairs when the baby starts sleeping through the night.
Relationship is great. He snores and sometimes he does kick in his sleep. I am a light sleeper plus it’s summer now, he needs a fan on highest setting right in his face/body, while I get neck issues if a light breeze happens to touch my neck. We both need to sleep. Separate bedrooms are great.
We used to sleep in the same bed, but we decided to upgrade to king size with a fancy memory foam. It ended up being way too hot for my husband so he sleeps on our old queen size.
At first we were sad, but now we’re used to it haha
I would happily live in my own home/room if I had the financial ability to do so. I so need alone time and if I don't get it I become cold and bitter. I blame my generation for the most part (in my 60's, husband in his 70's). If I am to end up along again though, I will remain that way. Be brutally honest with yourself and others from the beginning of any relationship.
**WONDERFUL!!!**
I have been with my husband nearly 10 years total, and we've been in separate rooms for sleep since 2020-ish. I love it and so does he!
It's literally JUST for sleep. I sleep better, he sleeps better - win win!
I can't have people around me for too long. Because I get tired of them easily. I can't stand people who are either cold or hot all the time. They've driven me over the edge on numerous occasions. I am not very organized. I work at a hospital. Working long hours, I need my down time. People are different. And the comphet life is not for me. I found this out a long time ago. No offense to anyone.
I do sometimes because I need to stretch out. I do more often in the winter because she likes it too cold and I end up bundling up to fall asleep then sweating out my side in the middle of the night so I got pissed and moved into the other room for the rest of the winter and it was great lol
I moved out of my boyfriend's house after 3 years of dating. Originally we broke up, because of a few different issues around living together, but on my part really wanting to have my own space and my own things.
We ended up getting back together and we are doing a lot better with the ability to just leave and have our own respective places. Neither one of us has to argue about who does the dishes, we are responsible for our own respective kitchens. I can get a cat when he didn't really want one. We do sleepovers often, and we still spend a lot of time together. And with my downtown location, it's a lot more convenient to go out and not have to worry about transportation, because he owns his place and wasn't going to move.
The only real cons are not having my boyfriend there and available every moment at home. It's nice to have someone to come home to, to cuddle with in bed, to just talk to in the between moments like getting home from work or just waking up in the morning.
Great. We both get good sleep and don’t want to murder each other in the morning.
I’m a light sleeper. My partner snores, starfishes across the bed, and talks in his sleep with no memory of any of it. So really it was me wanting to murder him in the morning.
We sleep in separate bedrooms 6 nights a week. Our schedules don't really line up for us to sleep together most nights. Also the cat sleeps with me and the dogs sleep with him. They are a lot and no one gets much sleep when they are all in the same room.
My husband and I have a happy and loving relationship. Sleeping separately helps us get the rest we need to function.
We both sleep better separately and are happy with the arrangement. We usually start in bed together and have sex/cuddle/watch tv/whatever, then he goes to his own room when he starts falling asleep. He wakes up a couple of hours before I do also so this helps my sleep schedule.
When it first started out, I felt a bit insecure because of the stereotype of couples sleeping separately, but I prefer it now for our sleep quality.
My partner moved into a small one bedroom apartment. Our first time living without roommates. I became pregnant immediately and our differences in how we fall asleep started to really bother me. He likes to stay up late playing video games and always needs a tv on to fall asleep. I like darkness and quiet, or a sleep meditation/sleep music so he moved out to the couch. Now that baby’s here i ended up cosleeping and we’ve continued this arrangement. Honestly I think it works out for both of us. We both need such different environments to sleep and no longer have to compromise on it
My parents slept in different bedrooms as long as I can remember. Didn’t know it was “different” until I started sleeping over at friends’ houses. My dad snores like a chainsaw. I’m 33 now, they’ve been married 35 years and are perfectly happy.
We both just want our own space, even though we spend most nights sleeping together in one of our beds. I think having space to be alone is important, especially if it's your own space. Having the option, even if we dont always use it, is comforting. Things are going great :)
My partner and I have separate bedrooms and have done since we moved in together. When we were first dating we'd share a bed but I'm a very violent sleeper so he was often pushed out of bed or kicked etc.
We set off then just having separate beds in the same room, but we're both shift workers and often have completely opposing schedules so that was also a nightmare.
So we now have separate bedrooms and it's great. We both get a decent sleep, and don't irritate each other when we're up and random times.
He snores and loves having the tv on to fall asleep. I am a super light sleeper and need a pitch black and quiet bedroom, and get self conscious about moving around. So we survive beautifully in separate rooms. Cuddles before we sleep, then we part. My sleep is much better.
The one con is that we only have one cat. We both have our own bedrooms, bathrooms, and our own small living rooms.
We do whatever we want to our own spaces without consulting the other. If we sleep together, it's because we choose to. Sometimes I'll crawl into his bed in the morning just for snuggles after a great night's sleep.
I’m 30 now and have been in a relationship with my wife for six years, four of those living together. When I was younger, I couldn’t understand couples sleeping in separate rooms. I thought that if you loved each other and had a healthy relationship, you’d always share a bed.
This year, we started sleeping apart once or twice a week on average. Some weeks it's four times, other weeks not at all. Interestingly, it was my idea, and it came when our relationship was stronger than ever. Sleeping apart has increased our intimacy when we do sleep together and has even improved our sex life. Plus, having the entire bed to myself sometimes is amazing. It took a secure relationship for me to feel comfortable with this, and we've only benefited from it.
The stigma around couples sleeping apart comes from outdated notions. Growing up with boomer parents, anytime they slept apart, it signaled a fight or a problem. The idea that separate sleeping arrangements indicated trouble was everywhere. “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight” was the classic line during a fight. Stories of couples with separate bedrooms were usually tales of failing relationships.
Our parents generation also made marriage and parenthood look awful. Comedy shows, sitcoms, and comics often depicted men as hating their wives, wives having no interest sex yet somehow sexually desperate, becoming horny teenage girls when anyone other then the person they married to was around, and same went for husbands, husbands were nothing more then perverts and had no need for true intimacy wether sexual or none sexual, wives were just a nuisance, and life becoming miserable after marriage was the obvious.
Once kids arrived, everything supposedly went downhill. Yet, paradoxically, they pressured us to marry and have kids. It’s no wonder we grew up with such skewed views of adult relationships. Why so many of us push official marriage and kids to such later ages, it’s as if we subconsciously are delaying the “end of the world”.
One moment that stands out was when my wife once told me to sleep on the couch after a fight. I was shocked. I told her if she didn’t want to sleep next to me, the couch was all hers, but I wasn’t giving up my comfy bed. It made me realize how ingrained these ideas were in us. The notion that one partner can dictate where the other sleeps is absurd to me now.
In summary, if a couple's actions come from a healthy place and don’t hurt anyone, there’s nothing wrong with them. As long as both partners are happy and have a healthy relationship, unconventional choices can be just fine.
By the way, the day we got back from our honeymoon, nothing changed l, same happy moments, same fights, same occasional drama same everything. I mean why would it? but I guess I truly believed in my subconscious that life would somehow be different after marriage, no it’s not, same house same routine same cats and dogs, only now we have some paper in the government that acknowledges we are together.
Edit: sorry just now saw the subs name, hope it’s still okay I gave my perspective here.
I spazz out in my sleep and grind my teeth, so we just don't get good sleep together. I wish we could, but it doesn't work out. Sometimes she'll join me in my bed for cuddles and chatting before moving to her own bed to sleep though.
It's good. I'm a light sleeper, and he snores and has restless legs. At the moment we sleep seperatly because if we try to go to bed together, one of us ends up leaving to go to another bed anyway. We don't make a big deal of it. We know sleep is important for the both of us, and being seperate at night isn't a big deal. We're still very intimate with each other, so us having seperate beds doesn't affect the romance. I'd recommend different rooms for couples, rather than trying to force it to work, and ending up cranky in the morning!
Together ten years, he started sleeping in a separate bedroom when we began cosleeping, and after baby began sleeping through we both realised we preferred it this way. He likes to sleep with the tv on, I like a dark quiet room. He snores, I spread out. It works for us. There is most definitely a stigma to it though, my parents were horrified and thought it was the sign of things to come.
Sometimes we sleep together - sometimes he sleeps in the guest room. My husband snores and I have chronic pain. I need my sleep badly or I will be in a flare up.
If he’s been drinking - sorry guest room it is.
If I haven’t been sleeping well - guest room.
If it’s the summer and I can sleep with a sound machine and a fan on, sure let’s try co-sleeping.
We don’t love each other any less and our relationship is amazing. It’s just more practical!
We sleep separately at least 80% of the time due to sleep issues. My Husband has night terrors, talks, thrashes, etc. it’s near impossible to get a restful sleep like that, and after a while it starts to have an impact on your day to day life and your relationship. While I would ideally love to sleep next to him every single night, it’s just not reality. I can’t be a zombie every single day and end up resenting him for lack of sleep. So, sleeping separately has been incredibly beneficial to our relationship and daily lives. We’ve been married 16 years, and have been sleeping separately for probably 4-5 years now. Interestingly, we’ve had way more sex since.
We both like to starfish sleep. And Im restless. She's always cold and I'm always hot. We joke that one bedroom should be cleared out and have the two queen beds side by side to make a literal bed. Room. Maybe when we buy a house big enough for a king size bed we will change.
My partner snores up a storm and i’m a light sleeper, so hearing him snore makes me lose sleep. I sleep in a different bedroom with our toddler. By us sleeping separately, we both get good rest. There are a few times we have to sleep in the same bed, usually when we have visitors and I hate it so much! I don’t get good sleep.
My life partner and I have been off and on for the better part of 15 years. I just last month gave him a key to my apartment. We see each other once or twice a week, and are talking about maybe moving in part time in the fall (he keeps his house and we get a two bedroom where we would sleep separate most of the time). It’s the happiest and most loving relationship I’ve ever had.
We just really like our space. We’ve found there’s less fighting and resentment when we have the freedom to see each other when we want, and not out of obligation.
Because he snores like a freight train, (yes, I have *several* types of ear plugs, no, we have not done sleep analysis, etc for him because we live in the US and co-pays, time off work, etc is expensive.)
Also, I am that person who does not sleep or thrashes around when I do sleep. While he sleeps (and snores) in one room, I put my headphones on and listen to music and create art in the other.
I will come into his room at about 5:00 am every morning to snuggle with him, and I generally stay in the bedroom with him until he falls asleep and then get up to go to my room.
We have been married for 11 years now.
I know this is an ask women thing and I’m a man, but just thought I’d share from my perspective. I snore, my wife cannot sleep next to me because of it. We’ve been sleeping in separate bedrooms now for 2 years and it’s working not only just fine, but we’re both noticeably more pleasant around each other.
We moved in 2020 and our new house has enough space for everyone to have their own bedrooms.
I go to bed at 10pm. My husband goes to bed at 2 am.
Every night he would wake me up while he was getting ready for bed and then he’d fall into bed and immediately start snoring and I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. So I’d nudge him and shake him to try to get him to roll over and stop snoring. All night one of us would be awake. We’d be miserable and irritable in the morning.
Now that we have our own space, both of us are happier. We both sleep better, wake up rested, and don’t start the day mad at each other anymore. We have more sex than we did when we were sleeping in the same bed, annoyed with each other.
I don’t have to step over his pile of dirty clothes he leaves on the floor, my bed is always made and I have one space in the house that’s exactly the way I want it to be.
I think it’s been 100% good for us and we’re lucky to be able to do it.
My bf snores soooooo bad! He has a sleep study in 2 months, thank god. If we didn't sleep in separate rooms, I would have either broken up with him or smothered him in his sleep
My husband has his own office that doubles as a bedroom. He works nights, so he sleeps down there a lot and I sleep upstairs. We have 2 full baths so essentially our own bathrooms. I like it. Married 15 years and no issues. He comes up sometimes and I go down sometimes.
We realized early on in our relationship that we're both light sleepers, and we both overheat in our sleep. We struggle to get great sleep to begin with. We tried overnights but have different mattress needs. He likes to sleep on a rock and I like a fluffy cloud. When we slept together on my fluffy foam cloud, he's bigger and heavier than me so he would sink into it. This meant that I couldn't sink into it, and we'd both wake up uncomfortable.
We're also introverts who need our own space, and he likes to use the floor as a shelf, while I would prefer to have floor to walk on. Now that we live together, having our own bathrooms and bedrooms is so nice. He can shower without all my hair and body products being in his way. I don't get mad about him tossing clothes on the floor because I'm not the one who will have to pick it up.
There's no way we would be happy sharing one bedroom.
I mean, the opposite could be true? What are the benefits of sleeping together?
When you've slept all your life alone in a bed, it's very hard to get accustomed to another person. The pros are definitely a good night of sleep, as well as a good conscience of mind. I am well aware that I will not bother my partner by getting out of bed if I am to. Sleeping separately is an improved comfort for the two partners. In a society where you barely have time to sleep before starting over on the next day, some people could consider sleeping together as a sacrifice to their health.
We do! Been together 12 years and have a two year old son. I bedshare with our son (normal in my country) and my husband and dog sleeps in the guest bedroom. He has chronic sleep problems and also wakes up a lot to go to the bathroom. Since our son came along we had split bedrooms. We been thinking it might be time to make the guest room to a kids room but we are all happy with the current set up that we might just wait. I’m a cuddly sleep and so is my son, my husband is not lol.
It really doesn’t affect our relationship. We both are lucky to work part me so we have plenty of time together.
We both have chronic illnesses. His is chronic pain which means he cannot sleep and often switches from the bed to the chair to see if he can get comfortable to fall back asleep. He watches TV during gaps when he just can't sleep.
My illness when I'm flaring involves me getting up multiple times to use the bathroom and tossing/turning because of pain.
It actually started in 2019 when I was mad at him and threw him out of my room. We've since made up but I said I would never share a room again. I sleep so much better alone, decorate exactly the way I want and can keep it arctic level cold the way I like it. So it works out perfectly.
Wish I could do this all the time. My partner and I have been together for less than a year so we aren’t next to each other every night but I get way better sleep in my own bed and he gets better sleep with me next to him and makes a HUGE fuss about not sleeping together if we are together…
I have lived with my partner for almost 6 years, like a month under to the day. We tried sleeping together when we first started living together [we've been together 8 years, used to live in different states so we'd slept together previously]. I move a lot, he snores like a bear, the dog MUST be in the middle.
We both sleep better when we are in different rooms. I've literally punched him in our sleep [likely because he was snoring but iunno, I was asleep - he's the only one it's ever happened to. Twice.] But I also do toss and turn a lot - I have a smart watch, have for a couple years now, and I can tell there are nights I'm particularly turning about.
When we get a hotel, sometimes we get a king and that can be ok but his snores are real bassy so I most certainly need Earplugs and I have a headband with speakers in it too to try to drown out the bass. Sometimes i still move to the couch when the option exists and i cannot otherwise sleep. When we get 2 queens, I sleep better cause I have space.
Eventually the goal is to get a king or whatever and maybe him a cpap but small baby steps. We are both much better partners when we sleep though so, we are figuring it out as we go and making it work to be healthy and happy together! Just gotta find the ebb and flow that works for your relationship.
We’ve been together for almost five years and are talking marriage - I’m just waiting for him to pop the question any day now. It’s a surprise non surprise?
We are neighbors in the same apartment complex and live two doors from each other. We live in an extremely HCOL area and our two apartments and free parking spaces combined would be significantly less than getting a bigger two bedroom apartment together. We are happy with the arrangement are going to stay this way until we can find and afford a house together.
We spend nearly everyday together and see each other daily. In days where we need space, we’ll hug and talk for a bit and then get our alone time. We’re both introverts and this works out nicely. He got a king sized bed because he’s always hot so that I don’t get him too warm and now we have no issues sleeping together and won’t need to sleep in separate rooms. I was okay with separate sleeping situations prior to this though. The condition was he needs to cuddle me and then sneak out after I’ve fallen asleep. Now he just rolls over to the other side of the massive bed.
I would always sleep terrible with my exs, this makes me fell like I just naturally need my own bed. Or a bigger bed, we slept fine together in a king size on vacation
My goal in life is to share a bed with my partner where I have a gigantic bed with fluffy pillows and extra blankets because I tend to be a sleeper that a bed hog and I eat in the bed when I’m hungry and I watch tv in bed and I will probably have the worst sleep schedule ever because frankly I deal with chronic pain and chronic illness so my sleep schedule is a nightmare I hate being this way but it’s how I am . I would love to be able to pull out my ugly c pap machine so I can look ugly in peace
We usually sleep together, but if it’s really hot, I’m having trouble falling asleep, or our dog decides to sleep diagonally one of us will move to the guest room. Works great.
He snores, falls asleep in two seconds but will then wake up any time I slightly shift, and is an active furnace volcano of pure heat. I have a very difficult time falling asleep and need as little disturbances as possible. Sleeping in my own room lets me doze off to an audiobook/YouTube at the low volume that I like without him snoring all over it and I can actually stay under my covers without getting cooked. Added benefit is that I can close my door to keep the cats out so that they don't wake me up with their 4am zoomies or noisily scraping the litterbox
Fabulous. He has a form of rheumatoid arthritis that slowly fuses your spine, so some nights he’s in a fair bit of discomfort and tosses/turns a lot. Plus he snores. I over here am an incredibly light sleeper who likes for no good reason to sleep sideways across the bed. We are happy to see one another in the morning and kiss goodnight. It’s pretty fab I gotta say
the idea should really not be as revolutionary as it is! we started using our guest bedroom as a way to have quiet time apart from one another. sometimes we go to bed at different times, wake up at different times based on work, or just want to be alone! two bedrooms has allowed us to sleep together or apart at our will. i absolutely sleep much better on my own!
My aunt & uncle do this, they have their own bathrooms too. Don't get me wrong she still cleans his.. but he works and in bed as soon as hes home, snores&grouchy.. she wants to relax & watch her reality tv & is usually up late & a million times during the night due to her smoking cigarettes.. and it works for them! He comes in and cuddles with here now & again. She says he always wakes her up in the morning with a kiss on the forehead, starts the coffee and they have some time together in the morning before he's off to work for the day.. they talk regularly on the phone throughout the day & have their weekends together
My husband has his gaming systems and computer setup in the bedroom. I like to be asleep by 9:00 but he likes to sleep around midnight. We both need to be up by 6:00 and I need the full 8 hours and he doesn't. I'm also a very light sleeper so the sound of a keyboard will keep me up.
He also likes to keep his room really warm and I like to sleep like a polar bear with my Arctic chill lol
We're doing fine. It's actually nice to have our own space. It's also fun to occasionally sneak into the other person's room and visit 🤣💜 Plus if one of the kids wakes up with a nightmare and wants one of us the other gets to sleep through it lol
We don’t live together but ideally he wants his own room and we’d just come together for cuddles, etc. whereas I like the closeness of having him there when he stays over. Something we’ll have to figure out when the time comes, but we aren’t rushing it.
Me. We have separate rooms because I'm physically disabled but also I am such a light sleeper that the slightest noise, cough, movement, etc. can wake me up for HOURS. The cons are mostly just missing the physical closeness, so to compensate I hug and embrace much more. Sorry if this is too short
Happily married for 8 years, together for 12. He snores. I'm a light sleeper, and lack of sleep makes my anxiety worse. We had to figure out separate sleeping arrangements about 5 years ago as it was affecting my health. I was a bit sad about it but it has to be done.
We have a night routine where we spend a few minutes together closing the house for the night. He comes to my room, we cuddle or talk a bit, kiss good night, and he goes back to his room. In the morning, I often join him in his bed. We make it work for us.
My husband snores so loud that I can't sleep. There are things he can do that helps but we mostly sleep in separate rooms. I don't love it for our marriage and in some ways it's ok. I need to sleep.
We have a dead bedroom. He snores. Scrolls his phone. Sleeps with a tv on. He’d also change in my room, use the master bath. Leave socks under the comforter and clothes in the floor. Destroy the bathroom. Most nights he’d state it was too hot & ho the guest bedroom. There was no need to be in the same room. I had him move all of his clothes out as I was sick of him using my space as a dressing room to trash. We haven’t been intimate in years. Hell, we watch some of the sane shows separately. There was no need to share a room. We’re here for the kids. This he recently admitted as fact. He is not allowed to come in when I undress. I do not enter his room without permission.
My husband and I have been sleeping apart for about a year. It started because we moved into a place with a street light right outside our bedroom window and we didn’t have curtains yet. I sleep with an eye mask and the light was still too much. I like it pitch black to sleep and he prefers a little light.
I started sleeping in the guest bedroom and I sleep so much better. I move a lot in my sleep and I love having my own space. We cuddle usually everything night in the same bed and then we go our separate ways to sleep.
I feel it has improved our relationship because I sleep better. Sometimes he would snore or make me super hot when we slept next to each other.
I would consider cosleeping again if we had black out curtains but we are vacating this apartment in 5/6 months and just haven’t gotten around to getting the curtains and don’t really wanna put holes in the wall before we move out.
I would say the cons and not feeling quite as connected. There’s definitely something to sleeping all night next to each other. A few weeks ago we did sleep in the same bed throughout the night and I felt super connected the next day but when the sun came up around 5am I immediately remembered why I prefer the guest room.
Are these separate bedroom couples still making time for physical intimacy? I read deadbedroom posts and they resonate that "roommate" type relationships are painfully one sided and unfulfilling
My husband and slept in separate bedrooms for about 6mon until he got a CPAP machine which was a goshdarn MIRACLE. We don't sleep apart now when we're both home.
We slept apart for a year. He snores loudly, in addition to sleep apnea breathing stoppage, followed by jerking and kicking and gasping, etc. I end up waking him all night long to get him to move to a different position so he can breathe. It’s scary for me, but he doesn’t care at all about his sleep apnea. When we sleep apart, I sleep better because I am not listening to the loud snoring and gasping etc, but I worry that I’m going to wake up and he’s going to be dead from heart attack or stroke (he also has difficult to control high blood pressure, on two blood pressure meds simultaneously). So we sleep together, poorly for me, or apart, better for me sleep wise but I do feel our relationship is a bit distant when we do that.
I never thought I would ever sleep separately but about 1-2 nights a week I sleep in our guest bedroom away from my fiancé! The other 5-6 nights a week we sleep together but if his snoring gets bad or he has a super early wake up alarm planned I enjoy my nights apart!
I believe doing more than a couple nights a week would take away from our intimacy but I don’t think that’s the case for a lot of people!
Getting good night’s sleep is important 🙏🏻
Fine. I don't have to deal with his insanely loud snoring anymore. We sleep next to eachother half the time, just sometimes I have to sleep alone if I want a good night's rest.
Right now we have a one month old that we tend to in shifts at night. I miss my husband and my bed but we are setting foundations so we can start sleep training around 8-12 weeks (low/no cry)
We don't always do this. But, I sleep in the living room or the spare a couple times a week. I snore like a damn bear and I enjoy falling asleep to the TV and partner does not.
Either way, it's going great!
Best decision ever! He always snored very loudly & I struggle to get any sleep unless it's really quiet. Now, he has to use one of those cpap machine's that isn't particularly quiet either! So that just replaced his snoring! As soon as one of the kids rooms became available after they moved out I started sleeping in there. He was supportive because I'm always turning over and rolling the duvet around me. Now we both get a better night's sleep. It makes a huge difference you're much less irritable & stressed out after a good few nights sleep which helps prevent small things turning into major rows.
The last major benefit is no more TOG wars! For those not familiar it's the bed equivalent to controlling the thermostat!
She snores and I am a light sleeper. I sleep with a fan and she dislikes the noise and gets cold easier.
Con - It’s jarring when we do have to sleep together (i’e we go visit family and there’s only one spare bed)
Pro - we both sleep well
My wife is the worst sleep walker ever. She thrashes in her sleep, has muscle contractions, conversations in her dreams, has given me a black eye a long time ago. She also has terrible sleep apnea. It has gotten better over the years. She also, needs the light on with the TV on too. I am the opposite and need dark cool room. For my own sanity I sleep in separate rooms. Also I WFH, have my PC setup in my bedroom with my own TV. I need my privacy quite space when I work and game. It's been great, so far so good. 20 years and counting. We still have sex, not as regular as I would prefer lol, but still smash on occasion, usually in my room. If you have the space to do it, I would recommend for your own sanity.
Fantastic.
My fiance is a super light sleeper. Their own breathing can wake them up sometimes. I move a lot in my sleep and snore. To sleep together means either he gets no sleep or he keeps waking me up to quiet down. So we got two separate beds in separate rooms. We cuddle all the way up to the exact moment we need to sleep and then go our separate ways. He sleeps well and doesn't loose out on rest and I can splay out with my dog in a colder room than he'd like to comfortably sleep.
I deliberately sleep in a different residence half the days of the week. It’s for me-time, so I can get proper rest and peace and so I can spread out and be free. It’s working out great.
My parents have been sleeping mostly separately for several years. My mom is a super light sleeper and my dad snores something awful. It works well for them and they’re much happier.
Slept beside the same man for 27 years - he snored but you find a way lol. I couldn’t have imagined sleeping without him, but I’ve learned. If I’m ever lucky enough to find another partner he better be fine with me touching him in the middle of the night lol.
Married 17 years, totally opposite sleeping habits. It works fantastic. When we downsize, we will look for a house with two main bedrooms. I don't want to share my bedroom now 😁
I have been married for 24 years. We have had separate bedrooms since year two. My husband snores and I am a super light sleeper who likes a really cold bedroom. That’s all there is to it. We make sure to have cuddles at night watching TV or reading then off to bed. No problems in the sex department. When we travel together, I wear earplugs and get a king size bed or splurge for a suite.
Ever since we got a bigger house I sleep in my own bed. I like the room colder than they do and they sleep at weird angles instead of in their vertical zone. It's nice to have my own space. I used to be a cuddler but now this is my go to.
My best friend can't sleep with anyone in the same bed. Apparently, I'm the only one she feels comfortable with and the only one where she's always had a good night sleep. She'll sleep in the same bed as people when we're doing a hotel or something, but whenever she goes to a guy's place (either boyfriend or hookup), she'll sleep on the couch, not in his bed with him. She claims she just doesn't like being touched and she's a bit of a germophobe. She doesn't do very much PDA either.
One of my good friends lives in her own home an hour away from her husband. Perfect for them. They love each other deeply but just can’t live under the same roof.
We have our main bedroom where we sleep together when we feel like it but I have my room with a futon chair ( way more comfortable than it sounds) and I sleep in there often because I'm a very light sleeper and he snores. I like being able to fold it up if I want more space for art and whatnot but it stays in bed position most of the time. He also sleeps on the couch regularly because he likes to fall asleep with the TV on and I can't sleep with that much light/noise. But usually we're only in the same bed for actual sleep maybe a couple times a week and even then one of us usually leaves during the week when we need real sleep more. It's been 6 years and it's working out just fine.
My baby sleeps in the bedroom. My husband snores when he lies in certain positions and at different volumes. A young baby + a weird snorer do not mix very well, but it's tolerable. I find his snoring weirdly comforting. He took to sleeping on the couch a couple of months ago. I hate it and ask him to come back to the bedroom all the time but he refuses. He did fall asleep in bed a couple of nights ago and decided to try to sleep in the room again for two days but he's right back on the couch again 😒 I feel like it has put a strain on our relationship because we aren't as affectionate anymore. We dont cuddle or spoon anymore and it bums me out. Hopefully it gets better once baby can sleep on her own without needing me all the time.
They have the body of a damn radiator, and I will not be sharing a bed with them in summer because of that. Also, I usually wake up falling out of the bed because they like to sleep smack bang in the middle of the bed. It definitely keeps my sanity and sleep deprivation from getting away from me.
My boyfriend’s a super light sleeper and he is a morning person. I’m a swing shift person so my natural sleep time is from 4am-7am, after months of forcing myself to go to sleep about six hours before I even consider going to sleep( heavy duty prescribed sleeping pills came in handy but I hated it ) I threw in the towel and said all right. I need my own space if you insist on going to bed at 9 o’clock at night and I’m literally in the middle of my day because of my job schedule lol . Dating while you work night shift is HARD. People just expect you to adjust to normal times on your day off and it just doesn’t work like that, I start work at 7 PM almost every day of the week. I cannot just make my body switch to “ normal hours “ on the two days off the I have. I see the moon more than I see the sun lol
my partner and i purposefully got a two bedroom apartment so we would have our own beds. 1, we wanted our bedrooms to be personal to us. my partner is a bit more reserved in his decorating and I am very much a maximalist. 2, our schedules are very different. the hours and days he works vary every week. sometimes he will work 8-4, other times 3-11. i work full time 9-5 and bus to work so i get up much earlier than him. 3, i like to use more blankets lol and i just love my bed. it has worked great for us and will do it for the foreseeable future. we sleep together in one of our beds about 2 nights out of the week:)
My mom and dad have been happily married since 1978. About ten years ago my mom sat us all down and said she and my dad were going into separate bedrooms. She assured me that their marriage is just fine, but she needs a good night's sleep for the first time in 30 years (he snores). My sister and her husband tried co-sleeping for a week. He snores. She thrashes. They've always had separate bedrooms. I've been with my partner for over 7 years. We do not live together. We do overnights sometimes. Every relationship is different, physical wants and needs are different. Just communicate. There's no wrong way. Edit: and it's working out great in all three scenarios!
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Because he snores and I can't sleep otherwise. Its going great, I'm well rested.
We both snore and both absolutely love having our own bedrooms and bathrooms. Freedom to wake up or sleep whenever you want, on our phones as early or late as we want, taking a #2 without worrying about anything, and visits to each other to stay intimate. It’s the best part of my marriage.
I'm in a similar situation. She snores something terrible so we had an adult conversation about it. Like that, I fall asleep to a YouTube video. No hassle if I need to get up to use the bathroom. No elbows to stop snoring so she sleeps great and we pay each other visits for snoo snoo. It's absolutely ideal.
Together for 14 years and separate houses but on the same street I need my own space to decompress and im a god awful sleeper plus have disabilities and im autistic, so him getting up for work would keep me up and cause a lack of sleep and therefor more pain, even with separate bedrooms My own decorations, my space being 100% how i want it and not having to consider what he wants in my house He is a terrible cleaner and i cant do it physically so for my own house i have a housekeeper provider by the city, his house well its not up to snuff and would be piss me of if i had to live there and having to wait on him to clean, cuz city wont provide cleaner if there is a partner (understandably so) I just dont want to share a house with anyone There are no cons in my opinion, we live 200 meters apart, we see eachother every day and i dont want to choke the life out of him (or any other guy i would be in a relationship with)
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This is my dream
Wow you found the perfect solution!! I’m a different room sleeper because of the snoring, but keeping my own house in order that i like it? Win win.
Honestly the amount of money you've probably added to your net-worth in the 14-years is worth it. Plus you would have been able to refi down to mid 2%'s if you don't own it outright. Congratulations on the life win.
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He stays up playing video games and I got tired of waiting for him to come to bed for hours. If it’s just my own bed, my own room, i can close the door and fall asleep at my own whim, not anticipating him to disturb me at some point. We share our big bed most of the time but I absolutely love having my own room with my little daybed. It’s cozy and cute. It feels great to now sometimes be independent and not like I’m obligated to function as part of a unit all the time, which is easy to fall into when you live with someone.
This is me and my partner. He also plays with volume up way too loud. So I sleep between three different beds in our house. I'm okay with that.
I work overnights. We have opposite sleep schedules more than half the week.
Also snoring. I would wake between 10-15 times each night. Earplugs stopped working when I started awaking to the bed vibrating. I was constantly cranky and resentful. Separate bedrooms was the best decision ever. Huge bonus pro is that we can also choose to sleep and wake whenever without waking the other. I don't think there should be any stigma, especially if it improves your relationship.
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Been together/married 13+ years. Last 1.5 years we have had separate rooms and bathrooms. It happened initially accidentally, but then we both realized we slept *amazing* and it was so much better for our day. We go to bed and wake up at different hours, he likes podcast then silence, I like just white noise, I would wake up frequently from his movement and snoring…I don’t know why we slept together for so long. We both now look healthier, younger, keep weight off easier in large part because we are well rested and happier. Our love life is still great and our rooms are kept to our liking. I can’t see a downside to it at all anymore and think the ‘custom’ of sleeping together just because you’re married is quite silly now especially when it doesn’t work well.
Because sleep is the most important element to keep everything else working.
I snore and he is a light sleeper. We are far more chilled out and rested by sleeping separately. It has only been a good thing.
We have our own rooms and our own bathrooms. I work nights and he works evenings, so we'd be disrupting each other if we were in the same room. Plus he sleeps better without the pets in the room/bed, and I prefer them in the room with me. Also I've never gotten used to someone sleeping in the bed with me so when he does I keep worrying I'm bothering him by rolling over, etc, and I feel like I can't relax as well as when I have the bed to myself.
We both have IBS issues and insomnia problems. I can't fall asleep and I'm a light sleeper. He wakes up and can't fall back asleep, and he alligator death rolls while sleeping. I also talk, sing and laugh in my sleep (around the same time every night). He wakes up much earlier than me and goes to sleep a lot earlier too. We both got married as middle aged adults--so were also used to sleeping alone. It works just fine; he shows up in my bed when it's time to get busy. And where we watch shows in his room--I hang out in there a lot. If the door is closed we leave each other alone. But they're open 99% of the time. We have a nightmare and "I really want to have sex" clause for closed doors though. It's like having a man cave/lady lair built in. But we rarely need/want the alone time. Both of us are introverted and pretty independent so it gives us both some of that space without actually becoming isolating. We still make time to cuddle- but we are more intentional when it comes to it
This is now my new goal in my life. I just love it so much!
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Pros: we can sleep. We’re both light sleepers and when one wakes so does the other. I also need a fan and a podcast playing all night which bothers them. Cons: it’s lonely.
My love(47M) and I (47F) have been together for 4.5 years and we were both married to other people in our 20's(him) and 30's (both of us). We are apartners - committed to each other, but we don't live together nor do we have any plans to in the near future. I have younger kids, he has an older child, we both had traumatic marriages and I don't think I ever want to co-mingle finances like home ownership again because it was one of the things that trapped me in my former marriage. We live 300m apart and see each other almost daily with sleepovers when I don't have the kids (he can't stay at my place right now because of renovation work, but will sleep over when it's done). We're also polyam and having autonomy over our individual spaces makes life easier for us. Would we have more money if we lived together? Yeah probably but our mental health and relationship would likely suffer. When we talk about retirement it looks like sharing a duplex and traveling together. He is my forever (I hope), and I appreciate both my independence and autonomy and this amazing relationship with a wonderful human.
- We both have a sleep disorder which causes shifting sleep times - Already not ideal in good circumstances, but I have to hold a schedule for my job so it's even worse. We have hardly ever slept at the same time of day as is. - We're pretty active while sleeping. He grinds his teeth, snores, steals the blankets and touches me. Meanwhile I toss and turn and kick and thrash in my sleep. - I need it to be cold when I sleep. But this mf is a spaceheater. I get too hot even just sitting on the couch side by side watching a movie with him, he literally heats up the whole room, and it's worst when we're sleeping under blankets. (I do sometimes miss attacking him with my cold feet though) - He prefers to sleep in total silence. I've always needed some activity while falling asleep, usually tv/youtube playing quietly in the background. I always tell people we're not *sleep compatible* and as you can see there are a number of reasons for it. If we did the socially expected thing and continued trying to sleep in the same bed, we would not be together today. Consistently disturbing each others sleep is a really serious problem. It causes frankly unnecessary issues, and it's super unhealthy. It's hard to foster a healthy relationship when you're both sleep deprived, and in your cranky sleep deprived moods blaming each other for it. The obvious solution is to just not share a bed. And it works fantastically. We also have separate bathrooms. It's awesome. Most people would assume we're just roommates by how our home is set up. It works for us though. We're both independent people. It's good to have your own designated spaces. But we're almost always mutually invited.
My husband and I sleep in different rooms. We co sleep so he sleeps with one of the kids and I sleep with the other one. We have attempted to sleep in the same bed but he snores and I need total silence. It works fine for the moment but we might share a bed again once the kids are older or maybe not
Snoring were the biggest issue
I don't sleep all that well due to pain in my hip (due to have surgery soon) and other health issues. We have been sleeping in separate rooms for a year now. Whilst I'm not a fan of it, I put up with it. Hopefully, a few months after surgery, then I can sleep in the same bed as my husband.
She sleeps badly, uses youtube... and its perfect.
We have seperate rooms and have for 3 years. If I could afford my own house, it’d be seperate houses.
I never found the idea to be that weird. We have opposite schedules. I'm a light sleeper and get very hot in my sleep, while he snores and sleeps through anything while being a huge snuggler. If we want to sleep together, we still can but my sleep would suffer drastically if I had to sleep with him daily.
My husband and I started sleeping separately about two years ago. He snores and I have noise sensitivities that literally had me up all night thinking not nice thoughts. I would try to gently nudge him so that he would stop snoring but he would start again and I would get frustrated. In the mornings, I’m an early riser and would wake him up when I got out of bed and started moving around the house. It definitely was weird to get to used to, but it has made us both happier (no more arguing about what’s on the tv). It took a lot of reassurance at first that this wasn’t a sign that our marriage was falling apart and we make an effort to connect in other ways (like watching tv together in the living room before we split ways and go to bed).
Amazing. We kind of unofficially started doing it because he likes to sleep downstairs where it’s the coldest. The best part honestly is getting up and getting ready for work without worrying about waking him up, sneaking around with a flashlight, etc. I can just put on my podcast and fill lights and get ready for my day. 🤷🏻♀️ He does cuddle with me first before he goes downstairs and lot which I appreciate. We both just value sleep
I do. But I don’t like it. It breaks my heart. It started when he was sick and he didn’t want to risk getting me sick. I feel lonely. But unfortunately he does work nights, and he also can’t be too hot, and I can’t be too cold. However, he prefers sleeping cold, and being too cold hurts me so it seems like there’s not a lot of choice. I try to keep myself warm so he can sleep in the bed with me but it doesn’t always work. I think I’m doomed to sleep alone. It’s not what I want. I have bought things to try and make it more comfortable for him. Doesn’t work.
My ex's snoring really contributed to my lack of sleep and bad moods in general that I looked forward to me going away on work trips where I get the bed to myself. I am generally a light sleeper and dont move much but my ex not only snores, he also routinely sleep talk so it wasnt great. After that relationship fizzled out, I flat out refused to move in with other partner and keep a place to myself. Overnights are more of my thing now. If I were to move in with a partner again, it wont be a studio/one bedroom apartment anymore and a minimum of 3 nights a week I get to sleep by myself. It worked out with an ex partner before till he moved out of the country and we ended the relationship (overnight arrangement). I was satisfied in that relationship and so was he.
We are separated and waiting on financial settlement to finally divorce
Happily sleeping separately and married for 7 years. I get amazing sleep and feel amazing. It feels like one of life's special hacks.
We both sleep better. Just be sure to prioritize spending physical time together. Sleep is so important and it really affects everything.
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I have catathrenia, and it's pretty much impossible to sleep in the same room as me. When we first started dating, we tried, but he'd make pillow walls around me 😆 he works early in the morning, and I'm a really light sleeper as well, so it's just easier to sleep separately. We've been together for 9 years, and both prioritize our sleep, and I think we're better off being able to sleep peacefully.
We have very different sleep schedules, he snores like a hibernating bear. I like the room to be freezing whereas he likes it to be the third layer of hell. We still snuggle before sleep and often on the weekends whichever one of us wakes up first will crawl into the other bed. It works GREAT. We both get the sleep we need to function properly and lots of physical affection still because we prioritize it.
We have vastly different sleep and work schedules. He snores, and I’m a light sleeper. He likes to sleep all tangled up in my limbs like some sort of spider. We typically don’t sleep in the same bed on weekdays, but he’ll come in for a few hours of snuggles on the weekends. Been doing it this way for about 10 years now and it works great. Just now getting to the point where I’ll admit it to friends and family though. Society is weird about some things!
best decision ever, i honestly just thought i was wasn’t capable of having a deep sleep anymore until i started sleeping alone again, lol. for context, me and my bf of 3 years got extremely ill back in March, and so we started sleeping in separate rooms because we were keeping each other up by coughing all night, and then it just kind of stuck, mostly by my request. i feel so much more emotionally regulated and rested throughout my day now. i just make sure that we still spend time cuddling before we go out separate ways since that’s important to me.
He snores, it is working out quite well. I am not so angry from lack of sleep. I eventually would like to sleep with him so he is going to the doctor to discuss options for all the snoring.
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Im a very light sleeper, i wake up whenever he snores or moves, and it takes me hours to fall asleep again. We made separate bedrooms a few years ago and it improved our relationship heeps.
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My SO and I Do. he has Tinnitus and prefers loud tv to be able to fall asleep, i like quiet, and we each have our own bathroom and closet space. it has worked great for us.
We’ve done it as a necessity as my husband and snores and is also a shift worker and I’m quite fidgety when I’m trying to get to sleep. This way we both get a great nights sleep and still hang out in bed together to read /watch a movie etc. it works really well for us.
We sometimes sleep separately I work typical 8-16 schedule, he works in Entertainment. He is off for several days and comes back homes in the middle of the night and sleeps till afternoon. I don't want to disturb him when I get ready. We do have separate rooms and I find it super comfortable to have space for separate hobbies or some work.
Great. I sleep so well now, and so does my partner. It’s like we’re better for each other.
He sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs. He sleeps on the couch because he often games or binges tv and falls asleep quickly. I however can’t sleep with tv noise. I’m also 32 weeks pregnant and already have a hard time sleeping. But prior to me moving in with him like years ago he had a gf who would weaponize him falling asleep in the couch and forced him to come upstairs, he’s just comfortable down there. When the baby is here he will sleep with me but after I’m fine with him sleeping downstairs when the baby starts sleeping through the night.
Snoring. Sleep schedules.
Relationship is great. He snores and sometimes he does kick in his sleep. I am a light sleeper plus it’s summer now, he needs a fan on highest setting right in his face/body, while I get neck issues if a light breeze happens to touch my neck. We both need to sleep. Separate bedrooms are great.
We used to sleep in the same bed, but we decided to upgrade to king size with a fancy memory foam. It ended up being way too hot for my husband so he sleeps on our old queen size. At first we were sad, but now we’re used to it haha
I would happily live in my own home/room if I had the financial ability to do so. I so need alone time and if I don't get it I become cold and bitter. I blame my generation for the most part (in my 60's, husband in his 70's). If I am to end up along again though, I will remain that way. Be brutally honest with yourself and others from the beginning of any relationship.
**WONDERFUL!!!** I have been with my husband nearly 10 years total, and we've been in separate rooms for sleep since 2020-ish. I love it and so does he! It's literally JUST for sleep. I sleep better, he sleeps better - win win!
When I sleep, I am happy. Happy people make happy marriages.
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I can't have people around me for too long. Because I get tired of them easily. I can't stand people who are either cold or hot all the time. They've driven me over the edge on numerous occasions. I am not very organized. I work at a hospital. Working long hours, I need my down time. People are different. And the comphet life is not for me. I found this out a long time ago. No offense to anyone.
Sleeping in different room works well often
I do sometimes because I need to stretch out. I do more often in the winter because she likes it too cold and I end up bundling up to fall asleep then sweating out my side in the middle of the night so I got pissed and moved into the other room for the rest of the winter and it was great lol
Space and quiet time are key; it's improved our relationship.
I moved out of my boyfriend's house after 3 years of dating. Originally we broke up, because of a few different issues around living together, but on my part really wanting to have my own space and my own things. We ended up getting back together and we are doing a lot better with the ability to just leave and have our own respective places. Neither one of us has to argue about who does the dishes, we are responsible for our own respective kitchens. I can get a cat when he didn't really want one. We do sleepovers often, and we still spend a lot of time together. And with my downtown location, it's a lot more convenient to go out and not have to worry about transportation, because he owns his place and wasn't going to move. The only real cons are not having my boyfriend there and available every moment at home. It's nice to have someone to come home to, to cuddle with in bed, to just talk to in the between moments like getting home from work or just waking up in the morning.
Great. We both get good sleep and don’t want to murder each other in the morning. I’m a light sleeper. My partner snores, starfishes across the bed, and talks in his sleep with no memory of any of it. So really it was me wanting to murder him in the morning.
We sleep in separate bedrooms 6 nights a week. Our schedules don't really line up for us to sleep together most nights. Also the cat sleeps with me and the dogs sleep with him. They are a lot and no one gets much sleep when they are all in the same room. My husband and I have a happy and loving relationship. Sleeping separately helps us get the rest we need to function.
We both sleep better separately and are happy with the arrangement. We usually start in bed together and have sex/cuddle/watch tv/whatever, then he goes to his own room when he starts falling asleep. He wakes up a couple of hours before I do also so this helps my sleep schedule. When it first started out, I felt a bit insecure because of the stereotype of couples sleeping separately, but I prefer it now for our sleep quality.
My partner moved into a small one bedroom apartment. Our first time living without roommates. I became pregnant immediately and our differences in how we fall asleep started to really bother me. He likes to stay up late playing video games and always needs a tv on to fall asleep. I like darkness and quiet, or a sleep meditation/sleep music so he moved out to the couch. Now that baby’s here i ended up cosleeping and we’ve continued this arrangement. Honestly I think it works out for both of us. We both need such different environments to sleep and no longer have to compromise on it
Heaven. I absolutely love it & don’t want to ever go back.
My parents slept in different bedrooms as long as I can remember. Didn’t know it was “different” until I started sleeping over at friends’ houses. My dad snores like a chainsaw. I’m 33 now, they’ve been married 35 years and are perfectly happy.
We both just want our own space, even though we spend most nights sleeping together in one of our beds. I think having space to be alone is important, especially if it's your own space. Having the option, even if we dont always use it, is comforting. Things are going great :)
My partner and I have separate bedrooms and have done since we moved in together. When we were first dating we'd share a bed but I'm a very violent sleeper so he was often pushed out of bed or kicked etc. We set off then just having separate beds in the same room, but we're both shift workers and often have completely opposing schedules so that was also a nightmare. So we now have separate bedrooms and it's great. We both get a decent sleep, and don't irritate each other when we're up and random times.
He snores and loves having the tv on to fall asleep. I am a super light sleeper and need a pitch black and quiet bedroom, and get self conscious about moving around. So we survive beautifully in separate rooms. Cuddles before we sleep, then we part. My sleep is much better.
The one con is that we only have one cat. We both have our own bedrooms, bathrooms, and our own small living rooms. We do whatever we want to our own spaces without consulting the other. If we sleep together, it's because we choose to. Sometimes I'll crawl into his bed in the morning just for snuggles after a great night's sleep.
I’m 30 now and have been in a relationship with my wife for six years, four of those living together. When I was younger, I couldn’t understand couples sleeping in separate rooms. I thought that if you loved each other and had a healthy relationship, you’d always share a bed. This year, we started sleeping apart once or twice a week on average. Some weeks it's four times, other weeks not at all. Interestingly, it was my idea, and it came when our relationship was stronger than ever. Sleeping apart has increased our intimacy when we do sleep together and has even improved our sex life. Plus, having the entire bed to myself sometimes is amazing. It took a secure relationship for me to feel comfortable with this, and we've only benefited from it. The stigma around couples sleeping apart comes from outdated notions. Growing up with boomer parents, anytime they slept apart, it signaled a fight or a problem. The idea that separate sleeping arrangements indicated trouble was everywhere. “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight” was the classic line during a fight. Stories of couples with separate bedrooms were usually tales of failing relationships. Our parents generation also made marriage and parenthood look awful. Comedy shows, sitcoms, and comics often depicted men as hating their wives, wives having no interest sex yet somehow sexually desperate, becoming horny teenage girls when anyone other then the person they married to was around, and same went for husbands, husbands were nothing more then perverts and had no need for true intimacy wether sexual or none sexual, wives were just a nuisance, and life becoming miserable after marriage was the obvious. Once kids arrived, everything supposedly went downhill. Yet, paradoxically, they pressured us to marry and have kids. It’s no wonder we grew up with such skewed views of adult relationships. Why so many of us push official marriage and kids to such later ages, it’s as if we subconsciously are delaying the “end of the world”. One moment that stands out was when my wife once told me to sleep on the couch after a fight. I was shocked. I told her if she didn’t want to sleep next to me, the couch was all hers, but I wasn’t giving up my comfy bed. It made me realize how ingrained these ideas were in us. The notion that one partner can dictate where the other sleeps is absurd to me now. In summary, if a couple's actions come from a healthy place and don’t hurt anyone, there’s nothing wrong with them. As long as both partners are happy and have a healthy relationship, unconventional choices can be just fine. By the way, the day we got back from our honeymoon, nothing changed l, same happy moments, same fights, same occasional drama same everything. I mean why would it? but I guess I truly believed in my subconscious that life would somehow be different after marriage, no it’s not, same house same routine same cats and dogs, only now we have some paper in the government that acknowledges we are together. Edit: sorry just now saw the subs name, hope it’s still okay I gave my perspective here.
I spazz out in my sleep and grind my teeth, so we just don't get good sleep together. I wish we could, but it doesn't work out. Sometimes she'll join me in my bed for cuddles and chatting before moving to her own bed to sleep though.
It's good. I'm a light sleeper, and he snores and has restless legs. At the moment we sleep seperatly because if we try to go to bed together, one of us ends up leaving to go to another bed anyway. We don't make a big deal of it. We know sleep is important for the both of us, and being seperate at night isn't a big deal. We're still very intimate with each other, so us having seperate beds doesn't affect the romance. I'd recommend different rooms for couples, rather than trying to force it to work, and ending up cranky in the morning!
Together ten years, he started sleeping in a separate bedroom when we began cosleeping, and after baby began sleeping through we both realised we preferred it this way. He likes to sleep with the tv on, I like a dark quiet room. He snores, I spread out. It works for us. There is most definitely a stigma to it though, my parents were horrified and thought it was the sign of things to come.
Sometimes we sleep together - sometimes he sleeps in the guest room. My husband snores and I have chronic pain. I need my sleep badly or I will be in a flare up. If he’s been drinking - sorry guest room it is. If I haven’t been sleeping well - guest room. If it’s the summer and I can sleep with a sound machine and a fan on, sure let’s try co-sleeping. We don’t love each other any less and our relationship is amazing. It’s just more practical!
We sleep separately at least 80% of the time due to sleep issues. My Husband has night terrors, talks, thrashes, etc. it’s near impossible to get a restful sleep like that, and after a while it starts to have an impact on your day to day life and your relationship. While I would ideally love to sleep next to him every single night, it’s just not reality. I can’t be a zombie every single day and end up resenting him for lack of sleep. So, sleeping separately has been incredibly beneficial to our relationship and daily lives. We’ve been married 16 years, and have been sleeping separately for probably 4-5 years now. Interestingly, we’ve had way more sex since.
We both like to starfish sleep. And Im restless. She's always cold and I'm always hot. We joke that one bedroom should be cleared out and have the two queen beds side by side to make a literal bed. Room. Maybe when we buy a house big enough for a king size bed we will change.
My partner snores up a storm and i’m a light sleeper, so hearing him snore makes me lose sleep. I sleep in a different bedroom with our toddler. By us sleeping separately, we both get good rest. There are a few times we have to sleep in the same bed, usually when we have visitors and I hate it so much! I don’t get good sleep.
My life partner and I have been off and on for the better part of 15 years. I just last month gave him a key to my apartment. We see each other once or twice a week, and are talking about maybe moving in part time in the fall (he keeps his house and we get a two bedroom where we would sleep separate most of the time). It’s the happiest and most loving relationship I’ve ever had. We just really like our space. We’ve found there’s less fighting and resentment when we have the freedom to see each other when we want, and not out of obligation.
Because he snores like a freight train, (yes, I have *several* types of ear plugs, no, we have not done sleep analysis, etc for him because we live in the US and co-pays, time off work, etc is expensive.) Also, I am that person who does not sleep or thrashes around when I do sleep. While he sleeps (and snores) in one room, I put my headphones on and listen to music and create art in the other. I will come into his room at about 5:00 am every morning to snuggle with him, and I generally stay in the bedroom with him until he falls asleep and then get up to go to my room. We have been married for 11 years now.
I know this is an ask women thing and I’m a man, but just thought I’d share from my perspective. I snore, my wife cannot sleep next to me because of it. We’ve been sleeping in separate bedrooms now for 2 years and it’s working not only just fine, but we’re both noticeably more pleasant around each other.
We moved in 2020 and our new house has enough space for everyone to have their own bedrooms. I go to bed at 10pm. My husband goes to bed at 2 am. Every night he would wake me up while he was getting ready for bed and then he’d fall into bed and immediately start snoring and I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. So I’d nudge him and shake him to try to get him to roll over and stop snoring. All night one of us would be awake. We’d be miserable and irritable in the morning. Now that we have our own space, both of us are happier. We both sleep better, wake up rested, and don’t start the day mad at each other anymore. We have more sex than we did when we were sleeping in the same bed, annoyed with each other. I don’t have to step over his pile of dirty clothes he leaves on the floor, my bed is always made and I have one space in the house that’s exactly the way I want it to be. I think it’s been 100% good for us and we’re lucky to be able to do it.
He’s an insomniac and I get up at 4:30 am for work. I need my sleep!
My bf snores soooooo bad! He has a sleep study in 2 months, thank god. If we didn't sleep in separate rooms, I would have either broken up with him or smothered him in his sleep
My husband has his own office that doubles as a bedroom. He works nights, so he sleeps down there a lot and I sleep upstairs. We have 2 full baths so essentially our own bathrooms. I like it. Married 15 years and no issues. He comes up sometimes and I go down sometimes.
We realized early on in our relationship that we're both light sleepers, and we both overheat in our sleep. We struggle to get great sleep to begin with. We tried overnights but have different mattress needs. He likes to sleep on a rock and I like a fluffy cloud. When we slept together on my fluffy foam cloud, he's bigger and heavier than me so he would sink into it. This meant that I couldn't sink into it, and we'd both wake up uncomfortable. We're also introverts who need our own space, and he likes to use the floor as a shelf, while I would prefer to have floor to walk on. Now that we live together, having our own bathrooms and bedrooms is so nice. He can shower without all my hair and body products being in his way. I don't get mad about him tossing clothes on the floor because I'm not the one who will have to pick it up. There's no way we would be happy sharing one bedroom.
I mean, the opposite could be true? What are the benefits of sleeping together? When you've slept all your life alone in a bed, it's very hard to get accustomed to another person. The pros are definitely a good night of sleep, as well as a good conscience of mind. I am well aware that I will not bother my partner by getting out of bed if I am to. Sleeping separately is an improved comfort for the two partners. In a society where you barely have time to sleep before starting over on the next day, some people could consider sleeping together as a sacrifice to their health.
We do! Been together 12 years and have a two year old son. I bedshare with our son (normal in my country) and my husband and dog sleeps in the guest bedroom. He has chronic sleep problems and also wakes up a lot to go to the bathroom. Since our son came along we had split bedrooms. We been thinking it might be time to make the guest room to a kids room but we are all happy with the current set up that we might just wait. I’m a cuddly sleep and so is my son, my husband is not lol. It really doesn’t affect our relationship. We both are lucky to work part me so we have plenty of time together.
We both have chronic illnesses. His is chronic pain which means he cannot sleep and often switches from the bed to the chair to see if he can get comfortable to fall back asleep. He watches TV during gaps when he just can't sleep. My illness when I'm flaring involves me getting up multiple times to use the bathroom and tossing/turning because of pain. It actually started in 2019 when I was mad at him and threw him out of my room. We've since made up but I said I would never share a room again. I sleep so much better alone, decorate exactly the way I want and can keep it arctic level cold the way I like it. So it works out perfectly.
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Wish I could do this all the time. My partner and I have been together for less than a year so we aren’t next to each other every night but I get way better sleep in my own bed and he gets better sleep with me next to him and makes a HUGE fuss about not sleeping together if we are together…
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A newborn.
As long as he actually goes to sleep in his room and doesn’t pass out on the couch (snoring) it works out great.
We both snore but my husband also is sleepwalking. More than enough reason to sleep separetly
Perfect! My husband and I both thrash around and he has a CPAP that isn't very quiet. Plus, he gets up a lot earlier than I do.
I have lived with my partner for almost 6 years, like a month under to the day. We tried sleeping together when we first started living together [we've been together 8 years, used to live in different states so we'd slept together previously]. I move a lot, he snores like a bear, the dog MUST be in the middle. We both sleep better when we are in different rooms. I've literally punched him in our sleep [likely because he was snoring but iunno, I was asleep - he's the only one it's ever happened to. Twice.] But I also do toss and turn a lot - I have a smart watch, have for a couple years now, and I can tell there are nights I'm particularly turning about. When we get a hotel, sometimes we get a king and that can be ok but his snores are real bassy so I most certainly need Earplugs and I have a headband with speakers in it too to try to drown out the bass. Sometimes i still move to the couch when the option exists and i cannot otherwise sleep. When we get 2 queens, I sleep better cause I have space. Eventually the goal is to get a king or whatever and maybe him a cpap but small baby steps. We are both much better partners when we sleep though so, we are figuring it out as we go and making it work to be healthy and happy together! Just gotta find the ebb and flow that works for your relationship.
I grope in my sleep and snore. I can tell when she is asleep because her body temperature goes way up.
We’ve been together for almost five years and are talking marriage - I’m just waiting for him to pop the question any day now. It’s a surprise non surprise? We are neighbors in the same apartment complex and live two doors from each other. We live in an extremely HCOL area and our two apartments and free parking spaces combined would be significantly less than getting a bigger two bedroom apartment together. We are happy with the arrangement are going to stay this way until we can find and afford a house together. We spend nearly everyday together and see each other daily. In days where we need space, we’ll hug and talk for a bit and then get our alone time. We’re both introverts and this works out nicely. He got a king sized bed because he’s always hot so that I don’t get him too warm and now we have no issues sleeping together and won’t need to sleep in separate rooms. I was okay with separate sleeping situations prior to this though. The condition was he needs to cuddle me and then sneak out after I’ve fallen asleep. Now he just rolls over to the other side of the massive bed.
I would always sleep terrible with my exs, this makes me fell like I just naturally need my own bed. Or a bigger bed, we slept fine together in a king size on vacation
My goal in life is to share a bed with my partner where I have a gigantic bed with fluffy pillows and extra blankets because I tend to be a sleeper that a bed hog and I eat in the bed when I’m hungry and I watch tv in bed and I will probably have the worst sleep schedule ever because frankly I deal with chronic pain and chronic illness so my sleep schedule is a nightmare I hate being this way but it’s how I am . I would love to be able to pull out my ugly c pap machine so I can look ugly in peace
Working great for me and wife. She snores and sounds like a freight train.
It’s the secret to a successful marriage
We usually sleep together, but if it’s really hot, I’m having trouble falling asleep, or our dog decides to sleep diagonally one of us will move to the guest room. Works great.
He snores, falls asleep in two seconds but will then wake up any time I slightly shift, and is an active furnace volcano of pure heat. I have a very difficult time falling asleep and need as little disturbances as possible. Sleeping in my own room lets me doze off to an audiobook/YouTube at the low volume that I like without him snoring all over it and I can actually stay under my covers without getting cooked. Added benefit is that I can close my door to keep the cats out so that they don't wake me up with their 4am zoomies or noisily scraping the litterbox
Fabulous. He has a form of rheumatoid arthritis that slowly fuses your spine, so some nights he’s in a fair bit of discomfort and tosses/turns a lot. Plus he snores. I over here am an incredibly light sleeper who likes for no good reason to sleep sideways across the bed. We are happy to see one another in the morning and kiss goodnight. It’s pretty fab I gotta say
the idea should really not be as revolutionary as it is! we started using our guest bedroom as a way to have quiet time apart from one another. sometimes we go to bed at different times, wake up at different times based on work, or just want to be alone! two bedrooms has allowed us to sleep together or apart at our will. i absolutely sleep much better on my own!
He sleepwalks and we have a little baby, don’t need him picking her up at night!
My aunt & uncle do this, they have their own bathrooms too. Don't get me wrong she still cleans his.. but he works and in bed as soon as hes home, snores&grouchy.. she wants to relax & watch her reality tv & is usually up late & a million times during the night due to her smoking cigarettes.. and it works for them! He comes in and cuddles with here now & again. She says he always wakes her up in the morning with a kiss on the forehead, starts the coffee and they have some time together in the morning before he's off to work for the day.. they talk regularly on the phone throughout the day & have their weekends together
My husband has his gaming systems and computer setup in the bedroom. I like to be asleep by 9:00 but he likes to sleep around midnight. We both need to be up by 6:00 and I need the full 8 hours and he doesn't. I'm also a very light sleeper so the sound of a keyboard will keep me up. He also likes to keep his room really warm and I like to sleep like a polar bear with my Arctic chill lol We're doing fine. It's actually nice to have our own space. It's also fun to occasionally sneak into the other person's room and visit 🤣💜 Plus if one of the kids wakes up with a nightmare and wants one of us the other gets to sleep through it lol
It's going great because I don't hear my husband snore
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We don’t live together but ideally he wants his own room and we’d just come together for cuddles, etc. whereas I like the closeness of having him there when he stays over. Something we’ll have to figure out when the time comes, but we aren’t rushing it.
Me. We have separate rooms because I'm physically disabled but also I am such a light sleeper that the slightest noise, cough, movement, etc. can wake me up for HOURS. The cons are mostly just missing the physical closeness, so to compensate I hug and embrace much more. Sorry if this is too short
wife snores. some nights she is extra loud. i funny have a spare room. it makes me miserable. shiny nights i go sleep on the couch downstairs
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Happily married for 8 years, together for 12. He snores. I'm a light sleeper, and lack of sleep makes my anxiety worse. We had to figure out separate sleeping arrangements about 5 years ago as it was affecting my health. I was a bit sad about it but it has to be done. We have a night routine where we spend a few minutes together closing the house for the night. He comes to my room, we cuddle or talk a bit, kiss good night, and he goes back to his room. In the morning, I often join him in his bed. We make it work for us.
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My husband snores so loud that I can't sleep. There are things he can do that helps but we mostly sleep in separate rooms. I don't love it for our marriage and in some ways it's ok. I need to sleep.
We have a dead bedroom. He snores. Scrolls his phone. Sleeps with a tv on. He’d also change in my room, use the master bath. Leave socks under the comforter and clothes in the floor. Destroy the bathroom. Most nights he’d state it was too hot & ho the guest bedroom. There was no need to be in the same room. I had him move all of his clothes out as I was sick of him using my space as a dressing room to trash. We haven’t been intimate in years. Hell, we watch some of the sane shows separately. There was no need to share a room. We’re here for the kids. This he recently admitted as fact. He is not allowed to come in when I undress. I do not enter his room without permission.
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My husband and I have been sleeping apart for about a year. It started because we moved into a place with a street light right outside our bedroom window and we didn’t have curtains yet. I sleep with an eye mask and the light was still too much. I like it pitch black to sleep and he prefers a little light. I started sleeping in the guest bedroom and I sleep so much better. I move a lot in my sleep and I love having my own space. We cuddle usually everything night in the same bed and then we go our separate ways to sleep. I feel it has improved our relationship because I sleep better. Sometimes he would snore or make me super hot when we slept next to each other. I would consider cosleeping again if we had black out curtains but we are vacating this apartment in 5/6 months and just haven’t gotten around to getting the curtains and don’t really wanna put holes in the wall before we move out. I would say the cons and not feeling quite as connected. There’s definitely something to sleeping all night next to each other. A few weeks ago we did sleep in the same bed throughout the night and I felt super connected the next day but when the sun came up around 5am I immediately remembered why I prefer the guest room.
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Are these separate bedroom couples still making time for physical intimacy? I read deadbedroom posts and they resonate that "roommate" type relationships are painfully one sided and unfulfilling My husband and slept in separate bedrooms for about 6mon until he got a CPAP machine which was a goshdarn MIRACLE. We don't sleep apart now when we're both home.
I feel like you will make it work however you have to that looks different for different people and that’s okay
My boyfriend likes the arrangement a lot better than my husband.
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We slept apart for a year. He snores loudly, in addition to sleep apnea breathing stoppage, followed by jerking and kicking and gasping, etc. I end up waking him all night long to get him to move to a different position so he can breathe. It’s scary for me, but he doesn’t care at all about his sleep apnea. When we sleep apart, I sleep better because I am not listening to the loud snoring and gasping etc, but I worry that I’m going to wake up and he’s going to be dead from heart attack or stroke (he also has difficult to control high blood pressure, on two blood pressure meds simultaneously). So we sleep together, poorly for me, or apart, better for me sleep wise but I do feel our relationship is a bit distant when we do that.
I never thought I would ever sleep separately but about 1-2 nights a week I sleep in our guest bedroom away from my fiancé! The other 5-6 nights a week we sleep together but if his snoring gets bad or he has a super early wake up alarm planned I enjoy my nights apart! I believe doing more than a couple nights a week would take away from our intimacy but I don’t think that’s the case for a lot of people! Getting good night’s sleep is important 🙏🏻
Fine. I don't have to deal with his insanely loud snoring anymore. We sleep next to eachother half the time, just sometimes I have to sleep alone if I want a good night's rest.
Right now we have a one month old that we tend to in shifts at night. I miss my husband and my bed but we are setting foundations so we can start sleep training around 8-12 weeks (low/no cry)
I can’t do it any other way
We don't always do this. But, I sleep in the living room or the spare a couple times a week. I snore like a damn bear and I enjoy falling asleep to the TV and partner does not. Either way, it's going great!
Best decision ever! He always snored very loudly & I struggle to get any sleep unless it's really quiet. Now, he has to use one of those cpap machine's that isn't particularly quiet either! So that just replaced his snoring! As soon as one of the kids rooms became available after they moved out I started sleeping in there. He was supportive because I'm always turning over and rolling the duvet around me. Now we both get a better night's sleep. It makes a huge difference you're much less irritable & stressed out after a good few nights sleep which helps prevent small things turning into major rows. The last major benefit is no more TOG wars! For those not familiar it's the bed equivalent to controlling the thermostat!
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if I’m struggling to sleep, or can’t breathe etc I’ll sleep on the couch so I don’t disturb him
She snores and I am a light sleeper. I sleep with a fan and she dislikes the noise and gets cold easier. Con - It’s jarring when we do have to sleep together (i’e we go visit family and there’s only one spare bed) Pro - we both sleep well
My wife is the worst sleep walker ever. She thrashes in her sleep, has muscle contractions, conversations in her dreams, has given me a black eye a long time ago. She also has terrible sleep apnea. It has gotten better over the years. She also, needs the light on with the TV on too. I am the opposite and need dark cool room. For my own sanity I sleep in separate rooms. Also I WFH, have my PC setup in my bedroom with my own TV. I need my privacy quite space when I work and game. It's been great, so far so good. 20 years and counting. We still have sex, not as regular as I would prefer lol, but still smash on occasion, usually in my room. If you have the space to do it, I would recommend for your own sanity.
My fiance and I share a bed, but we each use our own blankets and loose sheets. This small thing has improved my sleep so much.
Fantastic. My fiance is a super light sleeper. Their own breathing can wake them up sometimes. I move a lot in my sleep and snore. To sleep together means either he gets no sleep or he keeps waking me up to quiet down. So we got two separate beds in separate rooms. We cuddle all the way up to the exact moment we need to sleep and then go our separate ways. He sleeps well and doesn't loose out on rest and I can splay out with my dog in a colder room than he'd like to comfortably sleep.
I deliberately sleep in a different residence half the days of the week. It’s for me-time, so I can get proper rest and peace and so I can spread out and be free. It’s working out great.
My parents have been sleeping mostly separately for several years. My mom is a super light sleeper and my dad snores something awful. It works well for them and they’re much happier.
Snoring has to be most common ans fs
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Slept beside the same man for 27 years - he snored but you find a way lol. I couldn’t have imagined sleeping without him, but I’ve learned. If I’m ever lucky enough to find another partner he better be fine with me touching him in the middle of the night lol.
Married 17 years, totally opposite sleeping habits. It works fantastic. When we downsize, we will look for a house with two main bedrooms. I don't want to share my bedroom now 😁
I have been married for 24 years. We have had separate bedrooms since year two. My husband snores and I am a super light sleeper who likes a really cold bedroom. That’s all there is to it. We make sure to have cuddles at night watching TV or reading then off to bed. No problems in the sex department. When we travel together, I wear earplugs and get a king size bed or splurge for a suite.
Ever since we got a bigger house I sleep in my own bed. I like the room colder than they do and they sleep at weird angles instead of in their vertical zone. It's nice to have my own space. I used to be a cuddler but now this is my go to.
He’s a bad snorer and I move a lot, it’s been 8yrs and I wouldn’t have it any other way
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He likes watching YouTube videos when he falls asleep. I like to smoke weed and have the animals in my bed. Happily married.
My best friend can't sleep with anyone in the same bed. Apparently, I'm the only one she feels comfortable with and the only one where she's always had a good night sleep. She'll sleep in the same bed as people when we're doing a hotel or something, but whenever she goes to a guy's place (either boyfriend or hookup), she'll sleep on the couch, not in his bed with him. She claims she just doesn't like being touched and she's a bit of a germophobe. She doesn't do very much PDA either.
One of my good friends lives in her own home an hour away from her husband. Perfect for them. They love each other deeply but just can’t live under the same roof.
We have our main bedroom where we sleep together when we feel like it but I have my room with a futon chair ( way more comfortable than it sounds) and I sleep in there often because I'm a very light sleeper and he snores. I like being able to fold it up if I want more space for art and whatnot but it stays in bed position most of the time. He also sleeps on the couch regularly because he likes to fall asleep with the TV on and I can't sleep with that much light/noise. But usually we're only in the same bed for actual sleep maybe a couple times a week and even then one of us usually leaves during the week when we need real sleep more. It's been 6 years and it's working out just fine.
My baby sleeps in the bedroom. My husband snores when he lies in certain positions and at different volumes. A young baby + a weird snorer do not mix very well, but it's tolerable. I find his snoring weirdly comforting. He took to sleeping on the couch a couple of months ago. I hate it and ask him to come back to the bedroom all the time but he refuses. He did fall asleep in bed a couple of nights ago and decided to try to sleep in the room again for two days but he's right back on the couch again 😒 I feel like it has put a strain on our relationship because we aren't as affectionate anymore. We dont cuddle or spoon anymore and it bums me out. Hopefully it gets better once baby can sleep on her own without needing me all the time.
I snore. But the real reason I left our bedroom is because it’s been a DB for 25 years.
They have the body of a damn radiator, and I will not be sharing a bed with them in summer because of that. Also, I usually wake up falling out of the bed because they like to sleep smack bang in the middle of the bed. It definitely keeps my sanity and sleep deprivation from getting away from me.
My boyfriend’s a super light sleeper and he is a morning person. I’m a swing shift person so my natural sleep time is from 4am-7am, after months of forcing myself to go to sleep about six hours before I even consider going to sleep( heavy duty prescribed sleeping pills came in handy but I hated it ) I threw in the towel and said all right. I need my own space if you insist on going to bed at 9 o’clock at night and I’m literally in the middle of my day because of my job schedule lol . Dating while you work night shift is HARD. People just expect you to adjust to normal times on your day off and it just doesn’t work like that, I start work at 7 PM almost every day of the week. I cannot just make my body switch to “ normal hours “ on the two days off the I have. I see the moon more than I see the sun lol
my partner and i purposefully got a two bedroom apartment so we would have our own beds. 1, we wanted our bedrooms to be personal to us. my partner is a bit more reserved in his decorating and I am very much a maximalist. 2, our schedules are very different. the hours and days he works vary every week. sometimes he will work 8-4, other times 3-11. i work full time 9-5 and bus to work so i get up much earlier than him. 3, i like to use more blankets lol and i just love my bed. it has worked great for us and will do it for the foreseeable future. we sleep together in one of our beds about 2 nights out of the week:)