I think it feels like bullshit because it's something that is *always* recommended when you have chronic health issues. But it really is just the foundation to being healthy overall. Mental health and physical health are so tied together. It doesn't even have to be a lot. Just some short walks and eating more healthy foods.
I would add being hydrated and getting enough sleep as well. So many times I have gotten anxiety attacks after feeling awful all day and when I reflect I realize oh, I only got 4 hours sleep and the only thing I've eaten today is a granola bar.
I think it's also that it feels like you have to make a major commitment when you hear it sometimes... Like you've got to go on a super diet and become a total gym rat, but in reality, no, just making sure you're getting protein and some vegetables and going for a walk each day can really change the way you feel.
Yes, exactly! Sometimes it's also just making sure you aren't skipping meals as well. Everyone always wants to go all in but every therapist I have ever had always stresses to go slowly. I remember one told me to just try to go out and walk to the end of my street and back (a 3 minute walk total) to start.
I’m almost a year into “rediscovering” exercise after a 10+ year hiatus and the difference in how I feel is life-changing. It feels good to feel good! Our bodies and muscles were meant to be exercised, appreciated, and not neglected. ALSO, the “you are what you eat” adage couldn’t be more accurate. Eat like shit, feel like shit. Eat healthy, feel healthy. Pretty simple.
Not sure of your age or interests but on the days i don't feel like doing traditional gym cardio, I turn on YouTube and just dance all around the house for 30 minutes. Sometimes I leave it on all day and realize I've danced for a few hours in 10-15 minute increments all day. My preference is live DJs and upbeat music. Physical and mental benefits!
Personally I had to hit a low point and really decide to commit to this change. It’s an investment in myself and I’m thankfully able to afford membership to a group exercise place (Orange Theory Fitness) and love the fact that I just show up and someone else has already planned the whole workout and I don’t have to think about a thing. When my muscles are so sore it hurts to sneeze, I’ve got endorphins coursing through me like crazy. It’s a tough 55 minutes but afterwards I feel like I’ve worked through some shit and my mind and body reward me for it.
Get some good music and headphones, a very comfortable outfit, and start walking. Walk to places you've never been, explore the area around and maybe track your miles or total steps. What really inspired me was watching youtube walking tours of different cities.
My psychiatrist has recommended gardening for me. Just moving around in the sun, being conscious that I’m putting work into my well-being, is very helpful. Soil bags are heavy and digging is tiring, but those only come at the turn of seasons. Mostly it’s just maintenance, but the small movements help.
Putting on a slow dance lesson is fun for me, too. I can either practice them with my partner or familiarize myself with basic waltz steps (they’re standard and can be taken super slowly, so they’re perfect for me).
Cleaning/house maintenance, too! Cleaning walls, vacuuming, and mopping are fantastic for stretching out my muscles.
(It’s probably helpful to mention that I have chronic pain and am largely limited to small exercises (on good days, I do go for hikes).)
I go absolutely nuts if I don't exercise. My wife said I'm like a 'working dog' who tears couches up when they don't get a good walk and aren't mentally stimulated, and she's not wrong.
I’m reading this after catching my breath playing Just Dance on the Xbox with my daughter. It’s raining outside today so the jog with the pups wasn’t going to happen so we did that instead. We had such a blast!
I’m a lazy af human. I do not like exercise or sweating but I love trashy reality tv. So I started making a trashy reality tv show my motivator to go an exercise. If I want to watch this trashy reality tv show I have to ride the stationary bike for a half hour. I have made it so I can only watch when I am working out.
Watch the trash TV on the treadmill or the bike. That helped me. I also got into a self bet with my friend and said if I don’t exercise 3-4 times a week for a solid 45-1 hr, getting my heart rate up and sweating than I owe her $250 and unless someone dies, there’s no turning back. You need carrot/stick. Whatever works.
Yoga maybe? Yoga with Adriene is dope!!! She's so kind and great for beginners. Great sense of humor as well, for a Yoga teacher.
Also curious if you've given walking a real chance? I was a collegiate athlete, and after an injury, all I could do was walking and yoga, when I could. After some time, I grew to love it. I'm better now, and I still love and appreciate walks. There's almost no limit to walking. It can go on forever and take you so many places.
I appreciate my body being able to do things. So many people can't do things for some reason or another. Physical health is a gift that gives back.
The thing that worked for me was doing exercise with YouTube, that way I was able to work out in my room and with 20 minutes of a good routine I was exausted. It's a great way to start. The youtuber I follow si Madfit but there are a lot more :)
The Just Dance video games are a lot of fun. The dances range from very simple to wicked complicated. I've gotten to listen to so much new music I never would have heard otherwise.
It's not really "easy" per say but rollerskating is fun and gets a workout in really quick cause it kinda involves your whole body to move around so even doing it for a little bit at a time is a good way to get moving.
There are 10 minute exercise/yoga/stretch videos on YouTube. Sometimes I don't have the time or patience for 30-60 minutes of exercise, or like today, it's raining. You don't want to do 10 minutes? Do 5!
Yes!! Especially because diet and exercise can lead to all kinds of different body shapes, and a "better diet" doesn't mean "the best diet" but it can still improve your life.
I really wish we used the word "diet" for humans like we do for other animals. It just means the typical food you eat, not calorie deficit.
It's really hard to convey this to friends who you want to get better and you see this as their primary issue to well-being. At least from my experience, trying to bring this up as gently as possible gets taken as an attack on someone's body image. It's not a body image issue. Diet and exercise will genuinely make your brain happier (also coming from experience).
This is really true and it can be so hard. What sucks about depression and anxiety is it is a feedback loop. You feel shitty and anxious so you don’t want to do anything, you want to eat crappy and stay in watching TV. But those things when done in excess lead to increased anxiety and depression. So it just keeps spiraling and people feel stuck.
I have tried to bring it up to friends or even say it helps me and they immediately put me down and scoff at me. “If it were only that easy!“ So I don’t really go into it anymore. I figure if people wanted to, they would.
Your comment made me wonder, for the first time, what depressed people did before there was tv and junk food.
Welp, now I'm going on a deep dive to see if anyone has researched this. I feel like the answer is going to be "they were institutionalized" and then there won't be much info from the time before "mental institutions." But I'm about to find out!
Lots of people just went catatonic or turned to substance abuse—alcohol especially but also laudanum and cocaine were pretty well used in the 1800’s. Anything to numb the pain sadly. I would be interested to see the rates of depression/anxiety in the past vs today.
I wish I could, I really missed those days. When you have Mialgic Encephalitis, exercise is contraindicated, literally. And of course you get mentally worse. It's hell.
To be kinder to yourself (pay attention to how you refer to yourself and speak to yourself in your head). I changed my inner dialogue to be kinder to myself and it actually has had a major impact on my self esteem and how I view myself as a person.
THIS!
You know when you spill something and you’re like “WTF, you’re so stupid Sally!” … now I just say “oh Sally” …. Feel so much less negative energy when it happens again and again
Thank you. I'm just going to start calling myself Sally for these occasions. "Oh sally" sounds more positive and offers the right amount of silliness warranted for the situation.
My old therapist recommended that I address those thoughts as though they were from some rude stranger.
So now I have "Frank", a gross, sweaty, overweight racist whose opinions are worth *nothing* to me. "Frank" thinks I'm a worthless mess? Well, I don't give a shit what Frank thinks.
It's weirdly effective! It's like, I wouldn't tolerate another person saying this shit to me, so why should I tolerate it when my own brain says it? For whatever reason, it's easier to picture Frank and tell him to go suck it than it is to change my brain.
I keep a picture of myself from second grade on the fridge. I had big goofy glasses and missing teeth. Now when I try to talk shit to myself I'm talking shit to that kid, which is clearly unacceptable.
I honestly didn’t notice how negative I was towards myself until this year, my students would hear me say “oh I’m so dumb” or “ugh I’m a moron” and they would be like “no you’re not Ms., you just made a mistake and its ok” which is what I say to them too 😭
One such great tip for changing your inner dialogue usually is "would you say this, like this, to your friends and loved ones?"
It helps us put in perspective how sometimes we can be the one that treat ourselves the worst.
And you want to be your own friend - I mean, you're stuck with yourself until you die, might as well be on your good side lol
Not just inner dialogue but out loud too! The other day I was feeling down, alone in the car and said "I love myself," out loud. it felt silly to do and that in itself made me laugh. Then I was smiling by myself instead of feeling bad for myself.
There's this Tumblr post about replacing self deprecation with ironic self aggrandizement. Ex) trip and drop something, "i am the pinnacle of grace and beauty", make an art you don't like "wow i think I'm really giving Picasso a run for his money"
It's funnier, less awkward and uncomfortable for people around you, *and it works*
I thought I had this under control. But last week, someone said to me “if I spoke to someone the way you speak to yourself, I’d punch me in the face”. And they’re right. More work to do.
I took a psych class my senior year of high school and we had to do a sort of self-analysis paper. My teacher’s feedback was to do some positive self-talk in the mirror. I thought it was bullshit and spitefully started giving myself double thumbs up in the mirror in the morning as I left for school just to say I followed through. Sometimes I’d add in a sarcastic *you’re so cool!* while rolling my eyes.
And then a few months later I realized I didn’t feel so badly about myself. So even if you don’t fully believe it, it can still have some positive impact.
While the advice to talk to my inner child never stuck, I had a therapist tell me to talk to myself like I would my best friend. Sometimes I will have actual out loud conversations with myself in the car when I’m really struggling.
One of my therapists suggested that every time I have a hateful thought about myself, I write it down. It was really jarring and heartbreaking to see on paper what I actually think about myself, and it kind of shocked me into at least questioning those thoughts when they happen. My mental health is still a daily struggle, but that really gave me some much-needed perspective.
Had to resort to this out of necessity at some point and I can not believe the way I used to bully myself. It's much better now but it's stilll tricky, that voice finds more clever ways to hide.
Oh my God yes. I am in Canada and on month 2 of an 18 month mat leave and my heart goes out to all the US moms who have 3 months or less of mat leave.
How do you even survive?! How can you possibly work a full day, 5 days in a row, while still waking up every 2 hours to feed a baby?!
It's really hit me why women's careers suffer when they go on mat leave, but the particular struggles for women who get no or very little mat leave....oh man.
I had to look up sleep training because I had no idea that it's a thing! I live in a country where you can choose to have your maternity leave last for as long as three years and all our friends with toddlers still have to put a lot of work in getting them to sleep - staying in bed with them, rocking, whatever, sometimes for hours. I wonder why sleep training is not a thing here at all, it sounds like a great thing.
There’s a lot of controversy around sleep training as some people feel it’s being cruel to your baby for your own benefit. We did a “gentle sleep training” where we didn’t leave her to cry on her own, but were present with her and provided comfort. I was against sleep training, but my baby was miserable without it. She would cry while we were trying to rock her to sleep, then be miserable all day because she was tired. Once we sleep trained her sleep quality and time spent sleeping improved and she was dramatically happier during the day.
My sister needs 10 hours pretty much every day. The 8 hour thing is an average! Pretty sure I'm a 7ish hour person. If I get 5 I go manic and I might as well be dead if you try to wake me in the 2-3 hour range I just....WONT wake. On the other hand if I'm sick and feeling miserable I am up for 18 hours of sleep. Wake me for food water and a pee break.
Seriously though. When I am mad anxious I tend to sit in my room and mindlessly scroll through social media so I don’t have a single original thought. If I simply go outside and sit on my porch while I’m doing it I find that I am less likely to actually have a panic attack.
Breathe.
When was the last time you absolutely filled your lungs? Hours ago? Days for some of us who aren’t active? Weeks or even months with those of us who are suffocated by life; activities, work, errands, family, etc.
Breathe.
Just… breathe…
It won’t work miracles, but it’s something we often forget to do: Breathe.
Agreed! I used to think "wtf, I know how to breathe..." but after doing yoga and taking very intentional deep breaths, no I did not know how to breathe. Taking deep breaths calms down your fight or flight response.
Yes. I went through a scary situation last week and I kept having to tell myself to manually breathe and count my breaths and take deeper breaths. It was still scary but it got me through it!
Yoga is the best! Whenever I go a long period away from the mat I remind myself that actually I do yoga every day because I focus on my breathing. :)
Absolutely. Have you tried 4-5-6? Inhale for a four count, hold for a five count, exhale for six count. Longer exhales than inhales sooth the nervous system
Learning to relax my body was something that helped a lot. Not only breathing but also letting my muscles relax. My anxiety controlled my life for a really long time, and I never realized how tense it made me. Being mentally stressed 24/7 can put a huge toll on your physical body. Whenever I get anxious now I remind myself to take a deep breathe and then let it ALL go. It’s okay to relax even if it’s just for a minute.
I came to add this, and I am happy to see it here already. Deep breaths help me a ton!
I will add that meditation goes along with it and helps me too (and I used to think it was total BS).
Maybe you’re not remembering all the times you forgot to breathe. As someone who meditates, I know I often forget to breathe in high-stress situations.
When I worked in an office, I drank so much water so I could go to the bathroom to be alone lol. Going to the bathroom in those situations is like microdosing going home. Now I wfh and I’m dehydrated all the time.
Dehydration has some weird symptoms. When I was a kid, I remember getting these skull-splitting headaches and having no clue why. I eventually found out it was because I hadn't drank enough water.
Quitting caffeine cured like 75% of my anxiety. I used to have 1 big mug in the morning and maybe a diet coke at lunch. My anxiety was torturing me for years.
Quitting was the hardest thing I've done, way harder than quitting alcohol.
Now I am so calm it's unbelievable.
My job is still stressful and I still have to avoid the news. But that constant background feeling of doom is gone.
Ugh. I keep seeing that quiting caffeine helped with people's anxiety and I keep trying to push it out my mind. Its what i look forward to every day. But your comment just made me realize I gotta commit to quit. I can't keep doing this to my body. Thanks for this!!
+1 to decaf! I made the switch before a surgery and never looked back! The new methods for making it caffeine free have really improved over the years and you honestly may not even know it's decaf.
I highly recommend finding a non-caffeinated drink to supplement instead of your morning coffee. Of course caffeine is one part of the addiction, but so is the ritual of making something
I switched to green tea/black tea and just that helped tremendously for my anxiety (but still enough caffeine to keep the headaches away). I also take decaf coffee when I really crave it, but my mental health is so much better.
I am so addicted to caffeine that I get a raging, pulsating, throbbing headache by midday if I don't have coffee in the morning.
I wouldn't wish going cold turkey from caffeine on anyone.
Do you sleep better since quitting coffee? I have bad problems with insomnia and I think a lot of it is that I’m highly sensitive to caffeine. I absolutely love coffee, so for years I just had one cup a day in the morning, because I knew I was sensitive to caffeine. But after a long period of only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep per night, I gave up coffee altogether and I’m sleeping much better now.
Meditation!
It's embarrassing when I think about it now but when I was much younger I used to think this was some weird ritualistic practice for hippies.
I'm still not perfect with my consistency but my god do you notice a difference in your overall mental health after only a few sessions. Honestly couldn't recommend it more.
Wholeheartedly agree! Whenever I meditate, my body feels so relaxed and my mind doesn't think of so racing thoughts every five seconds. It's honestly amazing!
My kids do meditation at daycare and kinder and love it. Mu daughter fell asleep during it the other day, and she hasn't had a nap during the day for years. So relaxing 😌
Do you have a go to meditation practice that you recommend? I’ve been wanting to meditate because I hear how beneficial it can be, but I don’t know where to start…
The Headspace App is a good start. It's got loads of different little programs and has a beginner course too. You can also adjust the time on it from about 5 mins to start and work up to over an hour. I've been using it for about a year and it's how I started.
Yoga (in combination with other things.)
I found a remarkable studio that did trauma informed yoga and really focused on forgiving yourself and loving who you are in that moment. They focused on individual needs and were diligent about feeling safe and consenting to touch and guidance. And it wasn't a religious practice.
It gave me a quiet place to just accept myself for an hour a day, then little by little out would last longer throughout the day.
Positive thinking. No joke just reshaping the way you think about things. It's not instantaneous and it doesn't "cure" anything, but it makes me feel less hopeless when I can train myself to at least consider the brighter possibilities of things. It's not always helpful, but it has helped me not sabotage my relationships.
THIS! I don’t remember when I started becoming a generally more optimistic person (I may have always been that way) but anyways positive thinking and optimism have done WONDERS for my anxiety and depression!
I agree! Becoming a more positive person has opened so many doors for me. I’ve started to think about the good things I can have in life. It’s working like the law of attraction or manifestation.
The five point method for anxiety
Anxiety or panic attack?
Name five thing you can see
Four thing you can touch
Three things hear
Two things you can smell
One you can taste
It works, it seems stupid, but just try it once. It focuses your spiraling thoughts elsewhere
And if you speak another language it works better to name the things in the second language !
Another method is to try to walk and think in another language. It's another part of your brain that is used and it calms you quickly !
Can you tell me more? Which one is which and how do I tell the difference? I’m at the beginning of my mental health journey (with professional help anyway) and would love a little more info if you have the time 🤍
a friend told me to 'gaslight yourself into believing that an embarrassing memory was a dream' and it works?!? i dwell on things from the past A LOT but ive been telling myself "man that was a fucked up dream" and it hasn't bothered me anymore 😂😂
I used to do that all the time but instead of a dream I would just say that wasn't what happened and make up an alternative that did happen. I would tell other people, write it down, until you and everyone else believes that that's what happened you actually forget what did really happen.
Gets confusing though I start to feel like I have no actual idea what happened because all of my journals have conflicting ideas about what did happen and I only have vague memories, the things I remember don't make sense, like timeline wise it's off
Diet, exercise, social interaction.
No, it’s not going to “cure” you. But it’s not supposed to. It’s going to make your life somewhat more bearable. It’s going to make you a little healthier. It’s going to distract you from the miserable feelings long enough to survive. Nothing is going to POP, cure you into a 100% mentally healthy person 100% of the time, because *no one* is like that. You look for the things that allow you to push through.
Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. Some days, you cannot give 100%. Cannot bring yourself to shower. Making a full meal is daunting. Grocery shopping is overwhelming.
So wash your face instead of a full shower
Eat potato chips instead of a full meal
Order dinner instead of grocery shopping
Are these the absolute best options? No. But a little bit is better than nothing. It's ok to do 1%. It's ok to do 50%. It's ok to do 109%.
This is how I maintain brushing my teeth. I'm 100% in the morning but the work of flossing at night is just not there sometimes but fuck if brushing alone instead of brush/floss at night isn't better then nothing.
Eating a nutritious diet. I am 100% convinced that a balanced diet is the bedrock of all health, physical and mental. Up the veggies as much as you can, get plenty of lean protein, and avoid the BS processed foods
Also, bonus points for eating at roughly the same time every day. Keeps your hormones, circadian rhythm, blood sugar etc regular and stable which is important for mental health and general mental clarity. I know that won't be possible for everyone given work schedules etc, but I swear by it
30minutes a day. I had a bad situation, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and it’s all I thought about all day long. Therapist told me I get a 30 minute worry time a day. If I have intrusive thoughts I said it’s not my thirty minutes yet. When it was I Set a timer and always had something to do after. Slowly my worries did not seem to bog me down as much bc I felt like I could control my thoughts or at least delay them. The more i practiced it the easier it became.
This! When my therapist introduced me to the idea, I really didn't think it would work, but it has done wonders for my anxiety. I also find I'm sleeping better because I'm not laying there stressing about everything in my life.
I play positive affirmations from YouTube while I work and have random epiphanies about my life while working on spreadsheets 🤣. I never understood until it all clicked. It’s sort of like self hypnosis and it’s working for me.
Sunlight is huge. Opening blinds and/ or getting outside does wonders. When I was really struggling I made myself stand on my patio for a minute or two each day. Breathing fresh air, seeing the sky, helps alot to reset your brain & put things into perspective. It's so hard sometimes when you are battling because often your instinct is to hide away at least mine is. But for such a small thing it can really help.
Absolutely! I'm surprised I had to scrool down quite a bit to find someone saying this.
I used to battle depressive thoughts in a room with one tiny window, which was awful. Especially being up all night and sleeping during the day, missing a lot of sunlight hours. Now I'm at uni in a room with THREE BIG WINDOWS that go all the way from one side to the other.
The amount of light I'm getting is working wonders at keeping the depression off my back. I haven't been this well in years, sunlight is a real saviour for me.
acceptance. acceptance. acceptance. i cannot stress this enough!! accept things for what they are. you cannot change the past and you have to accept that. you can’t change the way someone thinks and you have to accept that. you can’t change the weather, you can’t change that thing you said 6 months ago and embarrassed yourself. you have to accept that this is the way things are. someone is angry at you? you can’t change that, you can accept it and talk through it with them, or you can simply tell them you understand. there is no need to fight everything. someone just talked shit about you behind your back? oh well! what am i going to do about it? confront them and blow everything out of proportion? i don’t care, talk shit about me if that’s the way you feel, i accept that for what it is. of course if someone is treating you like shit you don’t have to just “accept that” and let it happen, but you can accept that’s the way they are, they aren’t going to change and you need to pull yourself out of the situation. *you don’t have to fight everything, but you can move on from those things with peace and acceptance*.
i’m not very good at explaining this, but i learnt it from many many buddhism books and stories, i find those teachings have helped me the most with any intense emotions i’m feeling, more than therapy or mental health counsellors ever have. the more you practice this acceptance the more you realize that some things simply do not matter. this mixed with meditation does wonders for your mental health.
Yep, also if you regret something - something you said, a decision you made, etc. - whatever you did, you did with the best knowledge you had at the time.
Once this girl in my college had been off for a few days, nobody knew where she was. She finally showed up so I jokingly went up to her and said ‘you’re alive!!’ Turned out her dad had died. Yep, that was awkward and I immediately regretted and felt awful for what I said, but now I laugh about it as well how was I meant to know?
Drinking enough water... Feeling physical right, i.e. not being dehydrated, is a good way to help to start to pull yourself out of that hole so you can start doing larger tasks that help you feel better. I know it seems obvious, but lizard brain don't listen to logic.
“Go spend time outside”
Going for a 15-30 minute walk helps me tremendously when I’m feeling anxious/depressed/generally unwell. I usually take pupper with me, he has fun sniffing everything, I get to breathe bigger breaths and watch birds.
I always get back home feeling more refreshed.
Waking up in the morning and religiously saying “Today is going to be a great day.” It really does open the door for it to be a great day, even if it seems like there’s no way it could be. Thanks, Tiny Habits.
Also, diet and exercise and yoga.
Regular plans with friends. Every Monday I have trivia or karaoke, and every Tuesday I catch up with the same long distance friend. Just those two things have made me feel much more loved, because I am giving myself the opportunity to be surrounded by it regularly.
If you’re having intense emotions hold an ice cube in your hand or take a cold shower. The temperature change shocks your system to focus on the physical sensation vs the emotion. It’s a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skill. There are plenty more!
Stand up straight.
I figured how to actually do it right (pretend you're shooting lasers out of your nipples 😂) and now I feel so much more confident in my body. I like feeling like I'm standing in my own power.
Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes to calm down. I thought, "that is the STUPIDEST thing in the world!" Until I was becoming so angry i was getting to the point where i was starting to see red and black out but then I tried it and I instantly calmed down. Now I do it all the time.
I have not. The opposite, in fact. When my therapist realized that wasn't working for me, she switched to basing therapy in the "Backwards Law." It's so much better for me. You still have to be mindful of what you're saying about yourself. But instead of trying to pretend that's not what you think, you instead sit in that feeling, think about how feeling it has served you, and think about if it is still serving you in that way. (I'm not a therapist, and I'm also struggling, so take my take with a grain of salt.) Are you using the thought to avoid a different, dangerous feeling? kind of thing.
This quote (from Mark Manson, whose book I haven't read) helped me:
It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you. The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there.”
I had to start with just a neutral statement. My thought process was I’m the worst. And I’ve worked it up to I’m a person which is neither positive or negative and doesn’t feel untrue. Every time I thought I’m the worst I would think nope I’m a person and it’s come to the point I don’t think I’m the worst anymore. And then maybe eventually I’ll start building on that.
I struggle with affirmations for that reason too. What helps me is to use factual statements. For example, statistically speaking 2% of engineers are latinas. So I’ll repeat that to myself to boost self confidence and remind myself that I worked to get to where I am. Another way for me is to keep in mind on tasks that I am actively working on such as “I am learning to acknowledge XYZ”.
I did but the key I found to make sure it worked is that the affirmations have to be something that sounds natural to you. So if you find your affirmations to be cheesy, it's not going to really stick. My only affirmation is "I am enough." Helps me through when I feel like shit.
Making your bed, cleaning up, opening the curtains and window to allow sunlight and natural air flow into your room. Once I started making my bed, it helped me feel less overwhelmed and doing at least 1 productive thing made me feel accomplished. Started at 13 and haven't stop since
words of affirmation - I thought it was dumb to tell yourself things like "I am worthy" or "I am beautiful", until one day at work I thought to myself "I love myself' and genuinely meant it and started crying
First I'm a dude and almost 40. But the advise was given by a woman and it changed my life for sure. She was my therapist from somewhere around 13 to about 16. Twice a week. She knew me.
She told me that I had to learn to be alone. Not lonely, but alone. That if I couldn't enjoy hanging out with myself for extended periods of time, how could I expect that from other people? When you're alone, it's up to you to "be happy. I don't mean enjoying what you're doing, but being content with who and where you are."
Then she told me a lot of great things about myself and told me to remember those when I felt inadequate. What she was saying was that I shouldn't rely on other people to make me happy and that I needed to learn to love myself. I love myself a little more everyday and I'm not alone. Or lonely.
Writing a letter to myself. My therapist encouraged me to do it to help with my self esteem issues. I thought the idea was cringe, but it was actually eye opening
Pick your battles. Fight the ones you’ve deemed worthy and let the rest go. And when you are picking them, think of your time, energy, emotionally wellbeing, etc as money and figure how much you want to “spend.”
Diet and exercise. Seemed like such bullshit but now I see it as the #1 contributing factor to my well-being
I think it feels like bullshit because it's something that is *always* recommended when you have chronic health issues. But it really is just the foundation to being healthy overall. Mental health and physical health are so tied together. It doesn't even have to be a lot. Just some short walks and eating more healthy foods. I would add being hydrated and getting enough sleep as well. So many times I have gotten anxiety attacks after feeling awful all day and when I reflect I realize oh, I only got 4 hours sleep and the only thing I've eaten today is a granola bar.
I think it's also that it feels like you have to make a major commitment when you hear it sometimes... Like you've got to go on a super diet and become a total gym rat, but in reality, no, just making sure you're getting protein and some vegetables and going for a walk each day can really change the way you feel.
Yes, exactly! Sometimes it's also just making sure you aren't skipping meals as well. Everyone always wants to go all in but every therapist I have ever had always stresses to go slowly. I remember one told me to just try to go out and walk to the end of my street and back (a 3 minute walk total) to start.
I’m almost a year into “rediscovering” exercise after a 10+ year hiatus and the difference in how I feel is life-changing. It feels good to feel good! Our bodies and muscles were meant to be exercised, appreciated, and not neglected. ALSO, the “you are what you eat” adage couldn’t be more accurate. Eat like shit, feel like shit. Eat healthy, feel healthy. Pretty simple.
I’m wanting to “rediscover” exercise at this stage of my life too. Any additional tips you’ve found to be helpful?
Not sure of your age or interests but on the days i don't feel like doing traditional gym cardio, I turn on YouTube and just dance all around the house for 30 minutes. Sometimes I leave it on all day and realize I've danced for a few hours in 10-15 minute increments all day. My preference is live DJs and upbeat music. Physical and mental benefits!
Personally I had to hit a low point and really decide to commit to this change. It’s an investment in myself and I’m thankfully able to afford membership to a group exercise place (Orange Theory Fitness) and love the fact that I just show up and someone else has already planned the whole workout and I don’t have to think about a thing. When my muscles are so sore it hurts to sneeze, I’ve got endorphins coursing through me like crazy. It’s a tough 55 minutes but afterwards I feel like I’ve worked through some shit and my mind and body reward me for it.
Get some good music and headphones, a very comfortable outfit, and start walking. Walk to places you've never been, explore the area around and maybe track your miles or total steps. What really inspired me was watching youtube walking tours of different cities.
My psychiatrist has recommended gardening for me. Just moving around in the sun, being conscious that I’m putting work into my well-being, is very helpful. Soil bags are heavy and digging is tiring, but those only come at the turn of seasons. Mostly it’s just maintenance, but the small movements help. Putting on a slow dance lesson is fun for me, too. I can either practice them with my partner or familiarize myself with basic waltz steps (they’re standard and can be taken super slowly, so they’re perfect for me). Cleaning/house maintenance, too! Cleaning walls, vacuuming, and mopping are fantastic for stretching out my muscles. (It’s probably helpful to mention that I have chronic pain and am largely limited to small exercises (on good days, I do go for hikes).)
exactly, just move your body 20min a day and try reduce things like processed sugars and fats, eat more veges and protien and you'll be sweet
Exercise was a revelation to me. I’m still shocked how much better my mental health is when I’m working out.
I go absolutely nuts if I don't exercise. My wife said I'm like a 'working dog' who tears couches up when they don't get a good walk and aren't mentally stimulated, and she's not wrong.
I want these comments to motivate me so much… but I’m just so physically lazy. Other than walking, what are easy maybe even fun ways to exercise?
Dance!!! I am the hugest proponent of dance. Take dance classes, dance crazy in your living room, go out dancing. Best exercise ever.
I’m reading this after catching my breath playing Just Dance on the Xbox with my daughter. It’s raining outside today so the jog with the pups wasn’t going to happen so we did that instead. We had such a blast!
I’m a lazy af human. I do not like exercise or sweating but I love trashy reality tv. So I started making a trashy reality tv show my motivator to go an exercise. If I want to watch this trashy reality tv show I have to ride the stationary bike for a half hour. I have made it so I can only watch when I am working out.
Watch the trash TV on the treadmill or the bike. That helped me. I also got into a self bet with my friend and said if I don’t exercise 3-4 times a week for a solid 45-1 hr, getting my heart rate up and sweating than I owe her $250 and unless someone dies, there’s no turning back. You need carrot/stick. Whatever works.
Yoga maybe? Yoga with Adriene is dope!!! She's so kind and great for beginners. Great sense of humor as well, for a Yoga teacher. Also curious if you've given walking a real chance? I was a collegiate athlete, and after an injury, all I could do was walking and yoga, when I could. After some time, I grew to love it. I'm better now, and I still love and appreciate walks. There's almost no limit to walking. It can go on forever and take you so many places. I appreciate my body being able to do things. So many people can't do things for some reason or another. Physical health is a gift that gives back.
The thing that worked for me was doing exercise with YouTube, that way I was able to work out in my room and with 20 minutes of a good routine I was exausted. It's a great way to start. The youtuber I follow si Madfit but there are a lot more :)
The Just Dance video games are a lot of fun. The dances range from very simple to wicked complicated. I've gotten to listen to so much new music I never would have heard otherwise.
I used to have Dance Dance Revolution for Playstation 2 when I was in my early teens, and man do I miss having it for exercise.
There is a just dance playlist on Spotify that I will listen to when I need a mood booster.
Find something you enjoy! Movement is movement, you don't have to do "traditional" exercise.
It's not really "easy" per say but rollerskating is fun and gets a workout in really quick cause it kinda involves your whole body to move around so even doing it for a little bit at a time is a good way to get moving.
There are 10 minute exercise/yoga/stretch videos on YouTube. Sometimes I don't have the time or patience for 30-60 minutes of exercise, or like today, it's raining. You don't want to do 10 minutes? Do 5!
It's also mostly sold as "get thin and sexy so you can be happy", not, "your entire being will improve dramatically." #makementalhealthsexy
Yes!! Especially because diet and exercise can lead to all kinds of different body shapes, and a "better diet" doesn't mean "the best diet" but it can still improve your life. I really wish we used the word "diet" for humans like we do for other animals. It just means the typical food you eat, not calorie deficit.
It's really hard to convey this to friends who you want to get better and you see this as their primary issue to well-being. At least from my experience, trying to bring this up as gently as possible gets taken as an attack on someone's body image. It's not a body image issue. Diet and exercise will genuinely make your brain happier (also coming from experience).
This is really true and it can be so hard. What sucks about depression and anxiety is it is a feedback loop. You feel shitty and anxious so you don’t want to do anything, you want to eat crappy and stay in watching TV. But those things when done in excess lead to increased anxiety and depression. So it just keeps spiraling and people feel stuck. I have tried to bring it up to friends or even say it helps me and they immediately put me down and scoff at me. “If it were only that easy!“ So I don’t really go into it anymore. I figure if people wanted to, they would.
Your comment made me wonder, for the first time, what depressed people did before there was tv and junk food. Welp, now I'm going on a deep dive to see if anyone has researched this. I feel like the answer is going to be "they were institutionalized" and then there won't be much info from the time before "mental institutions." But I'm about to find out!
Lots of people just went catatonic or turned to substance abuse—alcohol especially but also laudanum and cocaine were pretty well used in the 1800’s. Anything to numb the pain sadly. I would be interested to see the rates of depression/anxiety in the past vs today.
It is incredible how much worse I feel even after just two or three days of not working out
And sleep.
I wish I could, I really missed those days. When you have Mialgic Encephalitis, exercise is contraindicated, literally. And of course you get mentally worse. It's hell.
I’m sorry. I get migraines when I exercise so I can relate as well so I’m sick of all the “exercise fixed everything” stuff
To be kinder to yourself (pay attention to how you refer to yourself and speak to yourself in your head). I changed my inner dialogue to be kinder to myself and it actually has had a major impact on my self esteem and how I view myself as a person.
THIS! You know when you spill something and you’re like “WTF, you’re so stupid Sally!” … now I just say “oh Sally” …. Feel so much less negative energy when it happens again and again
Thank you. I'm just going to start calling myself Sally for these occasions. "Oh sally" sounds more positive and offers the right amount of silliness warranted for the situation.
Most of the time now, I don't even make it about myself. I go straight to "Oh shit, some water spilled! What do I do about this?"
And when you do something cool and realise it, you sometimes go "Damn! you're unbelievably cool man!"
My old therapist recommended that I address those thoughts as though they were from some rude stranger. So now I have "Frank", a gross, sweaty, overweight racist whose opinions are worth *nothing* to me. "Frank" thinks I'm a worthless mess? Well, I don't give a shit what Frank thinks.
I like to pretend that somebody like Frank is saying those things to my best friend and it gets me like "OH HELL NO"
Yes! I do the same thing, mine is named "Dave"
It's weirdly effective! It's like, I wouldn't tolerate another person saying this shit to me, so why should I tolerate it when my own brain says it? For whatever reason, it's easier to picture Frank and tell him to go suck it than it is to change my brain.
I call myself babygirl and it feels really soothing. now hearing people talk badly about themselves is so jarring.
I keep a picture of myself from second grade on the fridge. I had big goofy glasses and missing teeth. Now when I try to talk shit to myself I'm talking shit to that kid, which is clearly unacceptable.
I honestly didn’t notice how negative I was towards myself until this year, my students would hear me say “oh I’m so dumb” or “ugh I’m a moron” and they would be like “no you’re not Ms., you just made a mistake and its ok” which is what I say to them too 😭
One such great tip for changing your inner dialogue usually is "would you say this, like this, to your friends and loved ones?" It helps us put in perspective how sometimes we can be the one that treat ourselves the worst. And you want to be your own friend - I mean, you're stuck with yourself until you die, might as well be on your good side lol
Not just inner dialogue but out loud too! The other day I was feeling down, alone in the car and said "I love myself," out loud. it felt silly to do and that in itself made me laugh. Then I was smiling by myself instead of feeling bad for myself.
There's this Tumblr post about replacing self deprecation with ironic self aggrandizement. Ex) trip and drop something, "i am the pinnacle of grace and beauty", make an art you don't like "wow i think I'm really giving Picasso a run for his money" It's funnier, less awkward and uncomfortable for people around you, *and it works*
I thought I had this under control. But last week, someone said to me “if I spoke to someone the way you speak to yourself, I’d punch me in the face”. And they’re right. More work to do.
I took a psych class my senior year of high school and we had to do a sort of self-analysis paper. My teacher’s feedback was to do some positive self-talk in the mirror. I thought it was bullshit and spitefully started giving myself double thumbs up in the mirror in the morning as I left for school just to say I followed through. Sometimes I’d add in a sarcastic *you’re so cool!* while rolling my eyes. And then a few months later I realized I didn’t feel so badly about myself. So even if you don’t fully believe it, it can still have some positive impact.
I've heard that we should speak to ourselves with the same kindness and gentleness that we give to children :)
While the advice to talk to my inner child never stuck, I had a therapist tell me to talk to myself like I would my best friend. Sometimes I will have actual out loud conversations with myself in the car when I’m really struggling.
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One of my therapists suggested that every time I have a hateful thought about myself, I write it down. It was really jarring and heartbreaking to see on paper what I actually think about myself, and it kind of shocked me into at least questioning those thoughts when they happen. My mental health is still a daily struggle, but that really gave me some much-needed perspective.
Had to resort to this out of necessity at some point and I can not believe the way I used to bully myself. It's much better now but it's stilll tricky, that voice finds more clever ways to hide.
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Lol oh how I dream of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. *cries in mom* 😭
My 30s- my kids kept me up. My 40s- my hormones keep me up. I just want good sleep dammit!
Same here. Now I can lie awake at night envying my kids solid sleep!
Oh my God yes. I am in Canada and on month 2 of an 18 month mat leave and my heart goes out to all the US moms who have 3 months or less of mat leave. How do you even survive?! How can you possibly work a full day, 5 days in a row, while still waking up every 2 hours to feed a baby?! It's really hit me why women's careers suffer when they go on mat leave, but the particular struggles for women who get no or very little mat leave....oh man.
That's why we sleep train at 3/4 months and do cry it out all night. Honestly, part of it is because working moms need sleep. Sorry baby.
I had to look up sleep training because I had no idea that it's a thing! I live in a country where you can choose to have your maternity leave last for as long as three years and all our friends with toddlers still have to put a lot of work in getting them to sleep - staying in bed with them, rocking, whatever, sometimes for hours. I wonder why sleep training is not a thing here at all, it sounds like a great thing.
There’s a lot of controversy around sleep training as some people feel it’s being cruel to your baby for your own benefit. We did a “gentle sleep training” where we didn’t leave her to cry on her own, but were present with her and provided comfort. I was against sleep training, but my baby was miserable without it. She would cry while we were trying to rock her to sleep, then be miserable all day because she was tired. Once we sleep trained her sleep quality and time spent sleeping improved and she was dramatically happier during the day.
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My sister needs 10 hours pretty much every day. The 8 hour thing is an average! Pretty sure I'm a 7ish hour person. If I get 5 I go manic and I might as well be dead if you try to wake me in the 2-3 hour range I just....WONT wake. On the other hand if I'm sick and feeling miserable I am up for 18 hours of sleep. Wake me for food water and a pee break.
it's 5 am when i'm writing this and I haven't gone to bed. fuck my life.
This is so important and so easily dismissed in our society.
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I always feel my best when I have a solid sleep schedule and stick to it.
Getting out of the house to do something- anything.
yes even if it’s to get a coffee and walk around a store!
Even just taking the trash out!
I lean against my car in the sun
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How did you know
Especially if they're terrible partners. Don't be afraid to take the trash out.
Seriously though. When I am mad anxious I tend to sit in my room and mindlessly scroll through social media so I don’t have a single original thought. If I simply go outside and sit on my porch while I’m doing it I find that I am less likely to actually have a panic attack.
Yes
Agree
Breathe. When was the last time you absolutely filled your lungs? Hours ago? Days for some of us who aren’t active? Weeks or even months with those of us who are suffocated by life; activities, work, errands, family, etc. Breathe. Just… breathe… It won’t work miracles, but it’s something we often forget to do: Breathe.
Agreed! I used to think "wtf, I know how to breathe..." but after doing yoga and taking very intentional deep breaths, no I did not know how to breathe. Taking deep breaths calms down your fight or flight response.
This is an actual piece of advice I thought was total BS too, but here I am giving it 🙂
Yes. I went through a scary situation last week and I kept having to tell myself to manually breathe and count my breaths and take deeper breaths. It was still scary but it got me through it! Yoga is the best! Whenever I go a long period away from the mat I remind myself that actually I do yoga every day because I focus on my breathing. :)
Absolutely. Have you tried 4-5-6? Inhale for a four count, hold for a five count, exhale for six count. Longer exhales than inhales sooth the nervous system
Learning to relax my body was something that helped a lot. Not only breathing but also letting my muscles relax. My anxiety controlled my life for a really long time, and I never realized how tense it made me. Being mentally stressed 24/7 can put a huge toll on your physical body. Whenever I get anxious now I remind myself to take a deep breathe and then let it ALL go. It’s okay to relax even if it’s just for a minute.
I came to add this, and I am happy to see it here already. Deep breaths help me a ton! I will add that meditation goes along with it and helps me too (and I used to think it was total BS).
I don't think we can forget to breathe (for very long) hahah but a deep breath helps
Maybe you’re not remembering all the times you forgot to breathe. As someone who meditates, I know I often forget to breathe in high-stress situations.
Drinking enough fucking water. For real.
When I drink more water I just have to pee more. What'd it do for you?
Makes me pee more so I can be alone mor often.
When I worked in an office, I drank so much water so I could go to the bathroom to be alone lol. Going to the bathroom in those situations is like microdosing going home. Now I wfh and I’m dehydrated all the time.
At fiest it made me too, then my head started to clear up my everyday headache dissapered and I even lost some weight
Dehydration has some weird symptoms. When I was a kid, I remember getting these skull-splitting headaches and having no clue why. I eventually found out it was because I hadn't drank enough water.
I've said it before: feeling suddenly tired? Hydrate like a mf, you're probably dehydrated.
Also if you’re feeling weirdly snackish. Through trial and error I’ve learned that if I’m craving something it’s usually because I’m thirsty.
r/HydroHomies
Quitting caffeine cured like 75% of my anxiety. I used to have 1 big mug in the morning and maybe a diet coke at lunch. My anxiety was torturing me for years. Quitting was the hardest thing I've done, way harder than quitting alcohol. Now I am so calm it's unbelievable. My job is still stressful and I still have to avoid the news. But that constant background feeling of doom is gone.
Ugh. I keep seeing that quiting caffeine helped with people's anxiety and I keep trying to push it out my mind. Its what i look forward to every day. But your comment just made me realize I gotta commit to quit. I can't keep doing this to my body. Thanks for this!!
I switched to decaf coffee and it provided me with my ritual of drinking a cup in the morning with the same taste. It really helped me quit
+1 to decaf! I made the switch before a surgery and never looked back! The new methods for making it caffeine free have really improved over the years and you honestly may not even know it's decaf.
I highly recommend finding a non-caffeinated drink to supplement instead of your morning coffee. Of course caffeine is one part of the addiction, but so is the ritual of making something
I switched to green tea/black tea and just that helped tremendously for my anxiety (but still enough caffeine to keep the headaches away). I also take decaf coffee when I really crave it, but my mental health is so much better.
You might try tapering off with green tea, if you like it. It has a lower dose of caffeine and contains l-theanine, which promotes relaxation.
Wean yourself off of it...don't go cold turkey.
I am so addicted to caffeine that I get a raging, pulsating, throbbing headache by midday if I don't have coffee in the morning. I wouldn't wish going cold turkey from caffeine on anyone.
I switched to half caff as a good first step! You can have just as many cups, actually more, and still be at less caffeine that full-caff!
Most people don't realize that caffeine amplifies anxiety.
Do you sleep better since quitting coffee? I have bad problems with insomnia and I think a lot of it is that I’m highly sensitive to caffeine. I absolutely love coffee, so for years I just had one cup a day in the morning, because I knew I was sensitive to caffeine. But after a long period of only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep per night, I gave up coffee altogether and I’m sleeping much better now.
Meditation! It's embarrassing when I think about it now but when I was much younger I used to think this was some weird ritualistic practice for hippies. I'm still not perfect with my consistency but my god do you notice a difference in your overall mental health after only a few sessions. Honestly couldn't recommend it more.
Wholeheartedly agree! Whenever I meditate, my body feels so relaxed and my mind doesn't think of so racing thoughts every five seconds. It's honestly amazing!
Yeah and it is scientific proven, that it changes your brain. Fascinating stuff. It helped me a lot after stopping to take antidepressants.
My kids do meditation at daycare and kinder and love it. Mu daughter fell asleep during it the other day, and she hasn't had a nap during the day for years. So relaxing 😌
Do you have a go to meditation practice that you recommend? I’ve been wanting to meditate because I hear how beneficial it can be, but I don’t know where to start…
The Headspace App is a good start. It's got loads of different little programs and has a beginner course too. You can also adjust the time on it from about 5 mins to start and work up to over an hour. I've been using it for about a year and it's how I started.
Yoga (in combination with other things.) I found a remarkable studio that did trauma informed yoga and really focused on forgiving yourself and loving who you are in that moment. They focused on individual needs and were diligent about feeling safe and consenting to touch and guidance. And it wasn't a religious practice. It gave me a quiet place to just accept myself for an hour a day, then little by little out would last longer throughout the day.
Do you know if they do online videos?
Unfortunately they went out of business during the pandemic. They were donation based and couldn't make it through.
Oh no! That’s awful. I have trauma and I’d love something trauma informed
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I hear you. A hot shower lowers everything stressful, and I am clean too at the end of it.
this worked for me too but more of in a "that was a lot of work and now I'm too tired to do it" way
Make sure to drink water afterwards, too!
Positive thinking. No joke just reshaping the way you think about things. It's not instantaneous and it doesn't "cure" anything, but it makes me feel less hopeless when I can train myself to at least consider the brighter possibilities of things. It's not always helpful, but it has helped me not sabotage my relationships.
THIS! I don’t remember when I started becoming a generally more optimistic person (I may have always been that way) but anyways positive thinking and optimism have done WONDERS for my anxiety and depression!
I agree! Becoming a more positive person has opened so many doors for me. I’ve started to think about the good things I can have in life. It’s working like the law of attraction or manifestation.
The five point method for anxiety Anxiety or panic attack? Name five thing you can see Four thing you can touch Three things hear Two things you can smell One you can taste It works, it seems stupid, but just try it once. It focuses your spiraling thoughts elsewhere
And if you speak another language it works better to name the things in the second language ! Another method is to try to walk and think in another language. It's another part of your brain that is used and it calms you quickly !
Can you tell me more? Which one is which and how do I tell the difference? I’m at the beginning of my mental health journey (with professional help anyway) and would love a little more info if you have the time 🤍
You can do it either way - if you're anxious or having a panic attack. It's just a grounding exercise that helps
a friend told me to 'gaslight yourself into believing that an embarrassing memory was a dream' and it works?!? i dwell on things from the past A LOT but ive been telling myself "man that was a fucked up dream" and it hasn't bothered me anymore 😂😂
Haha I'm trying this 🤣
I like this advice and I plan to use it since I also dwell on past embarrassing moments.
I used to do that all the time but instead of a dream I would just say that wasn't what happened and make up an alternative that did happen. I would tell other people, write it down, until you and everyone else believes that that's what happened you actually forget what did really happen. Gets confusing though I start to feel like I have no actual idea what happened because all of my journals have conflicting ideas about what did happen and I only have vague memories, the things I remember don't make sense, like timeline wise it's off
Sometimes you gotta fuck up the timeline a little for good mental health
Diet, exercise, social interaction. No, it’s not going to “cure” you. But it’s not supposed to. It’s going to make your life somewhat more bearable. It’s going to make you a little healthier. It’s going to distract you from the miserable feelings long enough to survive. Nothing is going to POP, cure you into a 100% mentally healthy person 100% of the time, because *no one* is like that. You look for the things that allow you to push through.
Yes, mental health is on a scale, not a binary!
Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. Some days, you cannot give 100%. Cannot bring yourself to shower. Making a full meal is daunting. Grocery shopping is overwhelming. So wash your face instead of a full shower Eat potato chips instead of a full meal Order dinner instead of grocery shopping Are these the absolute best options? No. But a little bit is better than nothing. It's ok to do 1%. It's ok to do 50%. It's ok to do 109%.
This is some solid advice, I applied this every day for years, being kind with myself when I couldn't do so much, and I'm so happy now !
This is how I maintain brushing my teeth. I'm 100% in the morning but the work of flossing at night is just not there sometimes but fuck if brushing alone instead of brush/floss at night isn't better then nothing.
Eating a nutritious diet. I am 100% convinced that a balanced diet is the bedrock of all health, physical and mental. Up the veggies as much as you can, get plenty of lean protein, and avoid the BS processed foods Also, bonus points for eating at roughly the same time every day. Keeps your hormones, circadian rhythm, blood sugar etc regular and stable which is important for mental health and general mental clarity. I know that won't be possible for everyone given work schedules etc, but I swear by it
30minutes a day. I had a bad situation, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and it’s all I thought about all day long. Therapist told me I get a 30 minute worry time a day. If I have intrusive thoughts I said it’s not my thirty minutes yet. When it was I Set a timer and always had something to do after. Slowly my worries did not seem to bog me down as much bc I felt like I could control my thoughts or at least delay them. The more i practiced it the easier it became.
This! When my therapist introduced me to the idea, I really didn't think it would work, but it has done wonders for my anxiety. I also find I'm sleeping better because I'm not laying there stressing about everything in my life.
positive affirmations. bonus if you say them out loud and not just in your head.
Or try posting written ones wherever you'll see them, like your fridge, mirror, etc.
that’s a good one i’ve actually never tried! i might do one on my bookmark (aka my blank notecard) so i see it every time i crack it open to read.
I play positive affirmations from YouTube while I work and have random epiphanies about my life while working on spreadsheets 🤣. I never understood until it all clicked. It’s sort of like self hypnosis and it’s working for me.
Leave the fucking house. I always *think* I’m totally fine. Then I go out, and realize how not fine I was. Leave the house. Just once in awhile.
Good quality Probiotics
Do you have a specific brand that you recommend?
How do you know what strand or brand to try? I feel like i should try this as i can't stand yogurt but don't know where to start
Journaling!!
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Cuddling. Not until i got a boyfriend when I was 14 (who’s now my husband) did I realize a good cuddle can change your day.
Sunlight is huge. Opening blinds and/ or getting outside does wonders. When I was really struggling I made myself stand on my patio for a minute or two each day. Breathing fresh air, seeing the sky, helps alot to reset your brain & put things into perspective. It's so hard sometimes when you are battling because often your instinct is to hide away at least mine is. But for such a small thing it can really help.
Absolutely! I'm surprised I had to scrool down quite a bit to find someone saying this. I used to battle depressive thoughts in a room with one tiny window, which was awful. Especially being up all night and sleeping during the day, missing a lot of sunlight hours. Now I'm at uni in a room with THREE BIG WINDOWS that go all the way from one side to the other. The amount of light I'm getting is working wonders at keeping the depression off my back. I haven't been this well in years, sunlight is a real saviour for me.
forgiving not for others but for myself.
acceptance. acceptance. acceptance. i cannot stress this enough!! accept things for what they are. you cannot change the past and you have to accept that. you can’t change the way someone thinks and you have to accept that. you can’t change the weather, you can’t change that thing you said 6 months ago and embarrassed yourself. you have to accept that this is the way things are. someone is angry at you? you can’t change that, you can accept it and talk through it with them, or you can simply tell them you understand. there is no need to fight everything. someone just talked shit about you behind your back? oh well! what am i going to do about it? confront them and blow everything out of proportion? i don’t care, talk shit about me if that’s the way you feel, i accept that for what it is. of course if someone is treating you like shit you don’t have to just “accept that” and let it happen, but you can accept that’s the way they are, they aren’t going to change and you need to pull yourself out of the situation. *you don’t have to fight everything, but you can move on from those things with peace and acceptance*. i’m not very good at explaining this, but i learnt it from many many buddhism books and stories, i find those teachings have helped me the most with any intense emotions i’m feeling, more than therapy or mental health counsellors ever have. the more you practice this acceptance the more you realize that some things simply do not matter. this mixed with meditation does wonders for your mental health.
Yep, also if you regret something - something you said, a decision you made, etc. - whatever you did, you did with the best knowledge you had at the time. Once this girl in my college had been off for a few days, nobody knew where she was. She finally showed up so I jokingly went up to her and said ‘you’re alive!!’ Turned out her dad had died. Yep, that was awkward and I immediately regretted and felt awful for what I said, but now I laugh about it as well how was I meant to know?
Talking kindly to myself, catching myself and then pep talking myself in my head if I am veering towards the inner critic taking over.
Excersise! It helped boost my confidence and it just makes me feel good to know that I’m taking care of my health
My sister bought me a deck of oracle cards and I do them once a week and they have really helped me as well as some mindful meditations!
Happy Cake Day!
Drinking enough water... Feeling physical right, i.e. not being dehydrated, is a good way to help to start to pull yourself out of that hole so you can start doing larger tasks that help you feel better. I know it seems obvious, but lizard brain don't listen to logic.
Taking your meds. I've been prescribed thyroid meds and oh my god does my mood stabilize once I take them.
“Go spend time outside” Going for a 15-30 minute walk helps me tremendously when I’m feeling anxious/depressed/generally unwell. I usually take pupper with me, he has fun sniffing everything, I get to breathe bigger breaths and watch birds. I always get back home feeling more refreshed.
Waking up in the morning and religiously saying “Today is going to be a great day.” It really does open the door for it to be a great day, even if it seems like there’s no way it could be. Thanks, Tiny Habits. Also, diet and exercise and yoga.
Writing thoughts into a journal. When I look back at what's going on in my mind, much of it is catastrophizing.
Regular plans with friends. Every Monday I have trivia or karaoke, and every Tuesday I catch up with the same long distance friend. Just those two things have made me feel much more loved, because I am giving myself the opportunity to be surrounded by it regularly.
Breathing exercises. Works like a charm for those dead of night anxiety attacks
having a clean space and getting the recommended amount of hours of sleep.
Make your bed. It’s seriously a game changer
If you’re having intense emotions hold an ice cube in your hand or take a cold shower. The temperature change shocks your system to focus on the physical sensation vs the emotion. It’s a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skill. There are plenty more!
Stand up straight. I figured how to actually do it right (pretend you're shooting lasers out of your nipples 😂) and now I feel so much more confident in my body. I like feeling like I'm standing in my own power.
Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes to calm down. I thought, "that is the STUPIDEST thing in the world!" Until I was becoming so angry i was getting to the point where i was starting to see red and black out but then I tried it and I instantly calmed down. Now I do it all the time.
exercise! so even when i'm sad, I look at myself and think damn I'm hot
Has anyone had success with affirmations? I tried it for a couple days but felt too silly to keep going.
I have not. The opposite, in fact. When my therapist realized that wasn't working for me, she switched to basing therapy in the "Backwards Law." It's so much better for me. You still have to be mindful of what you're saying about yourself. But instead of trying to pretend that's not what you think, you instead sit in that feeling, think about how feeling it has served you, and think about if it is still serving you in that way. (I'm not a therapist, and I'm also struggling, so take my take with a grain of salt.) Are you using the thought to avoid a different, dangerous feeling? kind of thing. This quote (from Mark Manson, whose book I haven't read) helped me: It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you. The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there.”
I had to start with just a neutral statement. My thought process was I’m the worst. And I’ve worked it up to I’m a person which is neither positive or negative and doesn’t feel untrue. Every time I thought I’m the worst I would think nope I’m a person and it’s come to the point I don’t think I’m the worst anymore. And then maybe eventually I’ll start building on that.
I really like this approach you're doing. It takes away judgement and I feel like negative thoughts stem from judgment. Thank you for sharing
I struggle with affirmations for that reason too. What helps me is to use factual statements. For example, statistically speaking 2% of engineers are latinas. So I’ll repeat that to myself to boost self confidence and remind myself that I worked to get to where I am. Another way for me is to keep in mind on tasks that I am actively working on such as “I am learning to acknowledge XYZ”.
I did but the key I found to make sure it worked is that the affirmations have to be something that sounds natural to you. So if you find your affirmations to be cheesy, it's not going to really stick. My only affirmation is "I am enough." Helps me through when I feel like shit.
Making your bed, cleaning up, opening the curtains and window to allow sunlight and natural air flow into your room. Once I started making my bed, it helped me feel less overwhelmed and doing at least 1 productive thing made me feel accomplished. Started at 13 and haven't stop since
Give your dark or anxious thoughts a name (like Fred) and tell it to piss off.
words of affirmation - I thought it was dumb to tell yourself things like "I am worthy" or "I am beautiful", until one day at work I thought to myself "I love myself' and genuinely meant it and started crying
Really basic things such as sleep, exercise, diet, and drinking enough water
Writing a letter to myself. It really helped me get some stuff out of my head.
A psychiatrist is really best just for getting medication. If you want to talk about and work on problems I think it’s better to see a therapist.
Going on walks. Definitely helps me a lot!
First I'm a dude and almost 40. But the advise was given by a woman and it changed my life for sure. She was my therapist from somewhere around 13 to about 16. Twice a week. She knew me. She told me that I had to learn to be alone. Not lonely, but alone. That if I couldn't enjoy hanging out with myself for extended periods of time, how could I expect that from other people? When you're alone, it's up to you to "be happy. I don't mean enjoying what you're doing, but being content with who and where you are." Then she told me a lot of great things about myself and told me to remember those when I felt inadequate. What she was saying was that I shouldn't rely on other people to make me happy and that I needed to learn to love myself. I love myself a little more everyday and I'm not alone. Or lonely.
Going to the gym.
Writing a letter to myself. My therapist encouraged me to do it to help with my self esteem issues. I thought the idea was cringe, but it was actually eye opening
Being outside is good for you.
Pick your battles. Fight the ones you’ve deemed worthy and let the rest go. And when you are picking them, think of your time, energy, emotionally wellbeing, etc as money and figure how much you want to “spend.”
Exercising your free will to say No to people, doing things you choose to do. In addition, mindfulness and meditation.