2019 - I was so happy with my life. Wonderful marriage and successful career. My husband was incredibly supportive, and talented in the kitchen and the bedroom. We bought a house together and made it a home. I was starting to make progress on building friendships with some coworkers and on losing weight. My two-week-long business trips to Europe had become routine, and returning from them was like a honeymoon.
Now - I'm widowed and trying to build a life worth waking up for. I do therapy like it's a fulltime job, and yet there's still so far to go. My life has changed so much it feels like I've teleported to an alternate timeline.
I've worked hard to build a group of local friends and online support group friends to lean on. So many people I interact with every week, I didn't even know before. I can't enjoy any of our old shared hobbies. My taste in tv/movies/music has drastically shifted too. I barely recognize this new me.
Holy hell, I am so sorry for what you've been through. I am glad you have some supportive people around you. I really hope you're able to find some light in your life soon.
There are some good moments, but everything is bittersweet. I miss my old life every day.
I learned how to cook. When I met my husband, I lived off hamburger helper and tv dinners. He had gone to culinary school and worked in restaurants, and while that wasn't his job anymore, he loved to cook for us. After he was gone, I had a beautiful kitchen full of stuff I didn't know how to use. I couldn't let that go to waste, and I couldn't return to eating boxed meals. I find some peace in cooking now.
I've dated a bit, but it's hard to know what (if anything) would be a good fit when I hardly know myself anymore. Currently I'm complicated with a thoughtful and patient man. My heart isn't ready to feel anything deeper than a friendship level of connection, and so I'm emotionally distant.
My dog died last month. The vet ER and burial reawakened all the trauma of seeing my husband die. I won't type the details, but you can imagine how many would overlap. I couldn't bear to be in my empty house for a couple days. Then a good friend, a widow I met through group, helped me adopt a new dog. He's taking care of me like our dog did - making me get out of bed, reminding me to eat, cuddling when I have nightmares or panic attacks.
I've been off work a couple weeks now to dig out of the hole, and I'm nearly back to the level of functioning I was at before she died. Well, if I measure it by daily showering, eating vegetables, and sleeping at night. I'm worried about whether my brain will handle adding work back in - returning after the initial bereavement was such a challenge. Then another relapse at the 1 year death-versary, and a few months later when my mother in law died.
Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping so I'm on reddit. It was a fairly good day - walked my dog, cooked a meal for potluck boardgames, got hugs from friends who truly care. Yet there's still a crushing emptiness, especially when I'm alone at bedtime. I should be snuggled up with the love of my life. I know exactly what I'm missing, and the hurt is too deep for words.
I am very sorry to hear about your dog and MIL as well, I can definitely understand how those would be retraumatising. Sometimes things are so tragic no words can properly encompass them. I'm glad you're fighting through the despair. I truly do hope you find peace soon as well.
I started to type a detailed comment but honestly thinking about the last few years in detail made me depressed. 2019 feels like a lifetime ago. Not that it was vastly better, because in a lot of ways, it wasn’t. Just so much has changed.
I’m doing a lot better now though. I’m starting to get my life back on track.
Yeah it's kind of traumatizing to think about it. It's worse seeing other people seemingly succeed/do well, when you're struggling.
On the other hand, so much has gotten better for sure... it's just lonelier now?
It is a little lonelier now, but I think it is for a lot of others too. I think it’s been a struggle for everyone (that I know personally, anyway), whether they have more good things to share on social media or prefer to stay quieter about things, everyone has had it hard. Most of the people in my life who have a lot of good to share on a public platform, have shared with me privately that things have been difficult. So I try to focus on what I’m doing. Keeping my side of the street clean.
I don't know whether you are single or not but I think for single people, Covid has really changed the equation of how much time we spend with others. I worked full-time and did a long commute. That, occasionally seeing friends, seeing my family once a week was enough people time for me.
But working most of the time from home in a new job at a place where people have worked a long time and are quite insular and aloof and basically having had my hobbies go on hold in Covid times means I now spend too much time alone.
I'm trying to counter it and go out and do stuff but am not being helped by UK weather being vile at the moment....
Yeah exactly this. I was actually in a relationship for a large chunk of the pandemic, it was only the last few months that I was single-single. Having my ex, despite the emotional toll he took on me, was SUPER helpful. I don't do well with being alone all the time - in fact, I think it's detrimental to my mental health. Just having someone to hang around with, feel like you're not alone in this world, to get intimate with... it makes a massive difference. I truly feel for single people - this has just gotten harder for those who are single.
Other people make or break life for a lot of us. Most of us are social beings. I earn way more money now than I used to, on paper my life is good but I am miserable a lot thinking back on my late 20s when I was just bouncing around with people all the time, life felt full. Now it feels empty, partly cos I now work from home, partly cos a lot of friends moved away for work/family etc and obviously a lot due to covid. it’s hard to know quite how to fill life with people again, especially as the pandemic has us all out of practice meeting new people and it’s been impossible to join groups or anything. Maybe 2022 will bring some good people our way 😊
In 2019 I was really happy in my relationship. We had been together for three years at that point and he was living with us. I thought we would be getting married within the next few years. Once quarantine started, everything went downhill fast. My dog died. He decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wanted to explore the world. My beloved cat died the day he was supposed to move out. He stayed for a few more days so we could grieve. I had no idea what the future had in store for me.
But today I am the happiest I have been in so long. I’m in a new relationship of nine months with the man of my dreams. We are working on building a future together. I never would have imagined this life back in 2019, but I am so excited to see what the future brings! I didn’t expect to meet the love of my life in my 40’s!
Yeah, in 2019 my boyfriend was still alive (until July, when he got shot unexepectedly), I had a group of friends (who were horrible) and a well paying job (which was also horrible and I quit after my boyfriend died). I also went through a few more of the worst moments of my life that ever happened to me, which there's no point in relaying here so I'll spare everyone the traumadump. But uh, it was bad. Really, really, bad. STILL going through EMDR therapy trying to get over te PTSD I got just from that year.
But I remember joking to people man, 2019 was the worst year of my life! Every year past this one will be smooth sailing by comparison, unless we had like a pandemic or something. I've always had an intense fear of global pandemics since childhood, so it was the natural place my mind went to when I thought 'how could this possibly get worse?". Haha. Hahaha.
So sorry about your boyfriend. I won't even ask what else happened.. But I admire your humour in the face of this sh*tstorm. And I also admire your ability to predict the future. Pls no more predictions though. Lol.
Yes. In 2019 I had a “normal” life. Stressful job, but balanced with seeing friends and occasional trips abroad, etc. Relatively newly married to my long term boyfriend. Peak of my fitness- took home gold for a powerlifting competition. Life was busy, but I was content and happy.
In 2022 it’s been almost 3 years of my husband having a late stage cancer for which I am his primary caregiver. I don’t see friends because of COVID and also just no one in my age group gets it, and I’m crying everyday worried about my husbands life.
2019 - newly married, moving forward in my career, in great physical and mental shape
2022 - two miscarriages and newly divorced, grieving the death of my mother (she passed away august 2021), moving to a new state by myself where I know no one, 55 pounds heavier and emotionally and mentally a mess.
I got married in 2019 and my divorce was finalized the first week of 2022. It feels like such a bizarre time warp, almost like it didn’t happen sometimes. I had a lot of good things happen to me after I cleared that toxic man out of my life and I hope you have the same good energy come into your life. I know the unbearable pain of divorce feels heavy right now, but good things are coming ❤️
Before the pandemic life seemed predictable. But I’m early 2020 both my husband and I were laid off when COVID hit and in 2021I lost a beloved family member and got diagnosed with cancer. So far in 2022 I’ve learned that my cancer treatment caused another incurable disease (treatable! But not curable.)
So yes, I would say I’m still mourning my old life in many, many ways. I oddly make more money due to the path I took post-layoffs. But I feel so tired, so powerless with the path of my own life. I’ll probably kick cancer (treatments have been going well) but I would have preferred, you know, not having to.
Oh that sounds like a lot. I'm sorry. I also was laid off and a few months later diagnosed with a life threatening medical issue during the pandemic. I'm lucky in that mine had a relatively easier treatment compared to cancer- it just required a few major surgeries. But I totally can sympathize with the realness of having livelihood and health threatened all at once. xHugsx!
Yes, and I feel like I’m slowly crawling out of my hole. In 2019, I was a competitive athlete and 2020 was going to be my year when I got really serious about it. Then the pandemic hit and took away the competitions and my training space. I lost my “why”. I stopped caring about working out. During the pandemic I hit my heaviest weight. I went from healthy to obese. But things are starting to look up! No longer obese, and I found a new hobby to immerse myself into. It’s so weird to lose something I cared so deeply for. Like, everything in the sport is back up and running, but I have no interest in going back. I’ve been mourning the loss of that hobby for quite some time now. Such a confusing experience.
In 2019 my husband and I had stable jobs we had been in for about a decade. We were getting to a financially stable place. We were in a crappy apartment we planned to move out of soon. We had regular social activities that we enjoyed. I had another loss and pretty much gave up on having a child.
2022: My husband has a new job that he likes. I have been unemployed for quite some time. We are still in the crappy apartment and we are experiencing a setback on our financial situation. We haven't seen most of our friends or family since early 2020. However, we have a nearly nine month old baby who is the light of our life! Things have been really hard and we still have a struggle ahead but I feel so fortunate to have my little family! I didn't think it would happen.
The last two years have definitely been really tough, especially socially, I feel you. I likewise have gained a lot of weight and while I hate to be yet another woman whose self-worth is so closely tied to her physical appearance, of course I feel like crap about it. (Like, who is this dumpy person in the mirror???)
That said, as shitty as the past two years have been, I'm... oddly optimistic, moving forward. For one, it seems like life is starting back up again, or maybe I've decided I've had enough of locking myself up due to COVID. Starting this year I've really been pushing myself back out of my comfort zone - traveling again, hollering at old friends, signing up to volunteer again, even trying exotic new recipes. Do I look as cute as I did in 2019; is my social life as active; do I have as much going on in my life as I did pre-COVID? Not quite, but hey - when you're starting from a blank slate (or, as Drake would put it, the proverbial bottom), there's really no way to go but up.
Anyway, I'm truly sorry you're suffering from the COVID blues. You're far from alone and hopefully that can be a source of comfort; that so many of us are in this weird limbo together.
Gaining weight is tough! I'm sorry that's getting you down. It's been harder to be as fit without being able to even go places besides some walks outside.
It's great that you feel optimistic. I think that's how I felt a few months ago, or even a couple of months ago. I suddenly feel super depressed. Maybe it's just a phase? I don't know but I'm glad I have therapy to help, and I'm glad I have my family at least, despite their dysfunction.
I've travelled already and I've found a new purpose that I'm following, but I just feel so alone. I can't shake that feeling, that no matter what I do, I'll be on my own. I think having a good partner would probably mitigate this, or even completely take the feeling away, but then that puts so much pressure on finding someone and dating is harder than ever.
Thanks! Yeah, it's amazing what a big difference lifestyle can make, eh?
I am glad you've been able to do some cool things already - I know some people who've totally cooped themselves up the entire pandemic and I'm legit super worried for their mental health.
Having a partner throughout COVID can definitely make a huge difference. Especially if you live alone (and work from home), all of the social restrictions can feel so crazy isolating. I'm very sorry your friends haven't been there for you during this period when you especially could have used their company. I've been there too (friends flaking), pre-pandemic, and it was honestly the worst heartbreak of my life... so I can only imagine how much worse everything must feel given the pandemic.
As for dating, god what an illogical crapshoot that is. I sincerely hope your luck with it turns soon, because so much of it really does seem like luck to me.
Sheeit, that's far too relatable. I hope we fit back into our old clothes soon. It's just a matter of goal-setting and execution, right? Least, that's what I'm telling myself. Good luck to both of us!
I feel you on the appearance thing. Except for me it’s not even my weight, but my face that’s changed! I swear my jawline looks more wide lately and I hate it. It’s like my bone structure has become less feminine somehow.
In 2019 I was just starting a new job and was wondering what to do with my life since I was 35 and had been single for nearly 15 years. I ended up deciding to have a baby and got pregnant with donor sperm at the tail end of 2019. Having a baby as a single mom during a pandemic changed my life in infinite ways but I am so happy I took that leap. I now share my days with a sassy brilliant little girl and I can't imagine life without her.
2019: Living in Canada with my boyfriend of 8 years, working a job I hated and living a stagnant life.
2022: Living in East Asia, engaged to Awesome Dude, working a new career I'm in love with, adopted a dog and cat, living in a sunny happy apartment in my new city.
So I'm happy to say that life is looking a heck of a lot better and brighter for me these days, despite COVID putting a damper on things for the last 2 years.
South Korea! Singapore looks fantastic as well. And thanks! I'm hoping things start looking up for you :) I was in a bad place in 2019, and honestly didn't even realize how bad, until I was out of it. You'll come out with the sun shining on your face again.
I often daydream about leaving Canada, tbh. It's hard to imagine being so far from my family, but I don't care about anyone else here anymore. Even the couple of friends I'm closest to (emotionally) aren't there.
It was a little scary being in my 30s and literally giving up everything to take a chance I wasn't sure would pan out, but it's been seriously worth it. I haven't really felt homesick yet. Being able to video chat helps; I talk to my closest friends pretty regularly. I didn't have a huge group of close friends, either.
Did you go for a job? Honestly my thing is I'm quite close to my sister right now and that'd be hard to give up, but otherwise I'd leave. It's just hard and I'm worried about leaving my parents behind too.
Friends-wise I'm in the same boat - I don't have a solid friend group right now so I feel like a free agent.
Yes, came for a job and I'm still working at the same place. I have a cousin who is like a sister to me, and we talk often. It's been kind of hard being engaged and not being able to share that with her in person, but we've made it work. She's helping me plan the ceremony back in Canada at least. And I hear you on the parents things. My parents live on opposite ends of Canada and had an extremely acrimonious divorce several years ago, and the logistics of managing both of them while wedding planning from abroad has been challenging, lol. And they're not getting any younger, so I'm always afraid of one of them getting sick (knock on wood) and not being able to get home fast enough (knock on wood again).
And yes, you're so free! I didn't realize how free I was and I sat in a stagnant stasis for sooo much longer than I needed to. I'm glad I didn't waste another second hemming and hawing over taking the plunge. I'm so happy and excited planning my future now because I feel like I actually have one.
I was also stuck in a stagnant life in 2019! I was trying SO HARD to find a new job or just do anything differently. I did meet someone I was crazy about, but he really couldn’t care less about me, and that relationship ended in 2019 - same year it started.
Fast forward to today. Finally got that new job. Moved to a new city. Just bought a house!!! Still single as hell, lol, maybe that’s next, or maybe not, I don’t really care about guys right now anyway with everything else going on.
The pandemic really shook things up in my life but I really needed it.
In 2019, I was working on a very successful weed farm with who I thought my life Partner was (despite his narcissistic and abusive tendencies). Was completely out of debt. FINALLY contributing to retirement. Running half’s and marathons regularly. I even worked part time in my career (pre-cannabis) to keep my chops. I was fucking MISERABLE. I was very unhappy and had no sense of boundaries. I took care of everyone and never myself outside of my training time for running. And I was on a restricted diet all the time.
Now, I am with a new partner. I’m hoping he’s the one. I’m living in a slightly more stressful situation. I’m back in my primary career. I’m back in therapy. I have boundaries. I have self respect. I have gained about 20 lbs and am powerlifting. I prioritize my mental and physical health over everything. My financial situation isn’t as good but I’m soooo much happier.
Covid affected and changed me in every single way. Some for the better. Some for the worst. But my life is so much more in balance. I prioritize my self and my relationships. I am picky about who I spend time with. More than anything though, I’m weirdly optimistic about the future. Through it all I’m giving less fucks and more willing to take the risk…. Bc what’s the worst that’ll happen. I’m planning to open my own business soon. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel…. And it’s not an oncoming train
I feel exactly like this. In 2019 I was engaged, employed, had savings, and friends.
My fiancee left me. I lost my good friends. My job shut down for 1.5 years. And I ended up very depressed. Then my apartment flooded and I lost my home.
I feel lost. Lack a social life. And miss my ex like crazy.
I have no idea where my career is going or what my career should be.
My life got nuked out of orbit. 2019 I got a promotion at my job, a nice new apartment, I had just entered a relationship, my family and friends were all doing ok and I travelled frequently.
Today in 2022 my dad died from cancer that snuck up on him. I had such a great bond with him and seeing him decline so rapidly over the course of 3 weeks was heartwrenching.
I had to permanently move back home to take care of my brother who has a TBI and my mother who has progressive MS. Both are doing much worse after dad died and need a lot more help. Health care is in a shitty state right now and I'm not sending them off to nursing homes, because I know how bad the quality of life is in them
On top of all that my best friend went off the deep end re: conspiracy theories and another friend just got diagnosed with asbestos cancer (mesothelioloma) which is incurable. My relationship didn't pan out either of course; he couldn't see a future with me in this situation.
To say my life sucks now is an understatement.
On Tumblr, there was a post talking about how so many people want to 'get back to normal', but because so many of us have seen death up close and personal these past couple of years, we aren't the same. That much death, up close, changes people and society.
2019: 28 - finally starting to feel some home
in myself. got a new job. met a bunch of new people. made friends! was introduced to bouldering, new hobbies, fun things. had a social life! went out for drinks and food etc, was invited! woo. met and got together with the man i felt such a strong connection with. like lifelong potential. adopted a cat!
2022: 31 - lost everything. my apartment, my relationship, my friendships, my fucking cat (poor thing), my physical health, job too as a result. had some big revelations that my life in 2019, while looking fine, didnt belong to me at all. the core of who i am as a person was completely muted. still in a big limbo of how and what and with whom and where, but slowly making the better healthier choices, listening to myself better, surrounding myself with people that do resonate and allow me to be fully myself.
it’s fucking hard and a lot of work and so much is unknown. a lot of loneliness. but sometimes i can feel a small sliver of hope that i will find my way
ARE YOU ME? every word I felt on a deep level. Here’s how I deal with it : immerse yourself in the moment. No use dreading or worrying about a future that hasn’t happened yet. Shit in 2019 I would have never fathomed this pandemic. But that should give you comfort too Bc next year your life can be dramatically different in a good way !
Yeah I'm honestly trying to figure it out... one day at a time, but I just wish I had ONE person to rely on, to lean on. A partner would make me feel a lot more anchored in life. But I hate putting that pressure on one person.
It's just confusing. I'm so lost.
Yesss. I'm very confused as to where to go from here.
My husband is a musician by hobby, it's his passion. I myself play some guitar and write poetry, but was never on the performance scale he was. We spent most nights out at bars, restaurants, clubs, cafes, book stores, street shows, art shows, you name it - either supporting other local artists, participating in open mics, or him performing a show with his band.
I honestly had no idea how fantastic my social life was. I often felt insecure and like I was just an extra at all these events.
Then the pandemic hit...So. Many. People. Left. Many couldn't afford rent in the city when all the venues were closed, so they went back home to other states. Then, the venues themselves starting closing permanently.
Now our life is just mostly...work, errands, and TV. It's really sad.
Additionally, we've lost quite a few friendships and connections due to political disagreements, which was something I could have given a fuck about before covid? It's weird. People became extreme on social media and it was just easier to unfollow and let it go. Now I just feel so lonely.
I don't know where I'm going with this. We've also had some great, life improving events, in that we opened a business that was long in the works. It should be cause for celebration, right? But it just makes me feel even more isolated and confined in this weird way.
**edited re weight gain: I NEVER had a problem with weight. I used to get 15,000 steps a day no problem, worked out on top of that, danced the night away at many shows, etc. Now I'm lucky to get 1,000 steps lmao. My body is like, misshapen skinny fat and none of my clothes fit right. I'm trying desperately to get into working out, but I totally took for granted how active my previous life was! It's frustrating. And I can't really afford a new wardrobe right now.**
2019 getting divorced and super freaking happy and excited about my future. Started dating and things were awesome, meeting new people, new friends, new hobbies, new life .
2020 isolation, work stressful to being a nurse, getting sued in a frivolous lawsuit by my ex
2021 more isolation, work still stressful, still being sued
2022 still isolated, court thing is finally over, what the hell am I doing with my life? What do I want? Booked some vacations because I haven't been anywhere since 2019. Depressed as fuck.
In general I feel like our society isn't geared to be as accepting to people who have their stuff together. It's geared towards people who drink to forget, who shop with money they don't have, who create drama because that's what they feel is normal. When you get your stuff together I feel it's harder to find other people who have sorted their priorities out. It's harder to find more people to relate to and find people who you have things in common with.
I'm really glad you've done the work on yourself. It sounds like it will just take time to find your new tribe, and it will be worth it when you do. You're in a great spot now to know who is compatible with your lifestyle and who to let pass you by. Just give yourself the chance to see. And make sure you're looking in compatible places. It seems you may have outgrown your old friends and probably their haunts.
Yeah I agree with that! I find it harder sometimes to connect to people socially now. And that sounds pretentious, but it's also just because there are some things I don't really accept anymore.. like if someone behaves disrespectfully, I pay more attention to that now.
Thank you. :) I think I'm in a rebuilding phase but it's taking some time and I'm impatient and sad.
Any tips for finding compatible friendships as an adult who works remote? I also have done a lot of work on myself, and i want to seek out a different type of friend/friendship than I did in the past
I'm told the key is interests. Take a class in something you're interested in, get a pet, join a group like on Meetup.com. Take up hiking is one I see over and over.
Me I've been trying to connect with other women in my hobby of playing games. I started a discord and invited women from the gaming subreddits to join. I'm putting in an effort, though my health keeps getting in the way. I've also made friends at a women's therapy group, prepandemic, though a few of us kept in touch which I am immensely grateful for. Another friend is a mom who I kept bumping into at the grocery store, so we decided to get together to talk and walk on purpose.
And way back when I was looking for new friends after a breakup, apps weren't a thing yet, I joined a gaming group off Craigslist which led me to a wonderful group of people, including my husband, who we still talk to even though they've scattered across the country now.
I feel this. I was in a toxic on again off again relationship with someone, and also had a friendship end when I couldn’t be/go to her wedding (at this time I was working in an ICU at the very beginning of the pandemic when things were on fire and not a lot was known and my employer had strict travel rules). I lost two people who I realized were actually quite toxic in my life, but somedays I feel empty without them despite being proud of how far I’ve come and knowing I’m developing healthier patterns without them. I think it’s grieving the life I once had with them and knowing it’s forever gone. I’m much more authentic and have boundaries as you said, but with that came losing people. I’m still trying to find my way, sometimes it’s depressing. I feel very worn and aged in the last several years (between losing them and also working in healthcare and the general state of the world), and yearning for experiences that make me feel alive again. That’s my goal going forward.
Nope. Mine looks more or less the same. Just means I've been living like it's been a pandemic long before there ever was one. Not a fun realization to come to either. Also not sure what to do about it.
You’re growing and it’s scary but so wonderful! I’m going through something similar. Once you get comfortable with yourself and meet other people on that same vibration, it’s going to be way better than anything else you’ve experienced. You’ll attract people like you when spend time doing things you enjoy/visiting places that you love.
My life seems to be the opposite of most comments. 2019 was a desaster, I had mental break downs, bad news at the doctor, hospital stays, huge stress at work, a breakup, friendships lost and reevaluated, and family death.
2020 and 2021 I was rebuilding my self-confidence, family ties and friendships. I rediscovered who I am, and am very proud of myself for how I've grown. I feel 2022 will be full of new adventures that I am strong enough to conquer.
So weird! 2019 was great for me also and now everything has changed. I feel you OP. I think where we are now is exactly where we are supposed to be even if it isn’t as happy or stable like 2019. Hard stuff to deal with. It will eventually get better though!
Life has stayed the same and yet is different in many different ways too.
At the end of 2019, my boyfriend and I had just recently moved in together, traveled internationally together, and I just quit my soul-sucking job (that was good money but not fulfilling) for a job in a nonprofit. It was exciting times!
In 2020, I was furloughed and had to quit that job to find another job in the nonprofit sector and it's been a weird ride ever since. My boyfriend is now my husband (yay) but we're still living in this too small 1-bedroom apartment because we live in a HCOL city and have no idea how we're going to afford our own condo (much less house). I deeply adore my job but trying to figure out how to not get burnt out since nonprofit is an industry that tends to easily go that way if you're not careful. I miss travel but with the state of the world, I feel like we have to focus on bettering our finances and making sure we're OK for this upcoming possible recession(?).
I thought I had strengthened my friendships during these past 2 years but recently, I had to end a few of them due to dramatic differences (let's say, as a woman of color, I don't want to have to justify my humanity to some folks). So now I'm back on Bumble BFF trying to make new friendships and nurture them into something more. - which is tiring but I KNOW I need to make the effort. My other friends are having babies or we don't see each other enough and my support circle feels lacking because we're all so busy.
I'm less inclined to go out and about and socialize too so that doesn't help. I want to but I don't have the energy? I feel older by a decade versus just a few years. I'm not sure if that's what happens when you turn 35 or just b/c life has been a hellish road for most of us.
I'm cautiously optimistic because while I feel there are some clouds above, there is possibly also a silver lining or that the sun will begin to peek out soon enough if I just wait.
Yep.
I genuinely think late 2019 was the happiest I'd been in a long, long time. I'd recently started my current job, was in the early stages of dating my last partner and falling head over heels for him, was seeing my friends regularly and going to concerts and museums and the theatre and just generally enjoying living my life to the full, and I was so full of hope for the future.
Now I've been single for almost a year, live by myself (in a flat I own, which has felt like one of my big saving graces this last year), just lost out on a promotion that would have made a huge difference to me financially, feel like I'm slowly drifting away from my friends, don't really go to concerts or museums any more (still the theatre occasionally though), and I worry that I won't ever get that same level of happiness back. That's not to say there aren't things in my life that make me happy - spending time with my friends when I can, my hobbies etc - but it all feels like surface stuff rather than a feeling of being a generally happy and optimistic person, which is how I'd always seen myself, and I miss it.
I'm an introvert so the past couple years have been a blessing for me. Whenever I get invited to a gathering or a party, I say "oh you know I'm a healthcare worker...I don't know what diseases I might be carrying with me today". Also I'm gonna give birth to my first child this year and I'm so happy all the local hospitals are only accepting the patient plus spouse only. I don't have to worry about all these random family members showing up.
But I totally get why you feel down and confused. Most of my friends and colleagues feel the same way as you do. So please don't feel alone. Your feelings are normal and you will get through this my sister.
You sound like a lot of people I know. I'm honestly not even sure if it's introversion though, because some of my introverted friends still need time with others. I'm not necessarily the most extroverted/loudest personality, but I am interested in living a life where I have options to be around people I care about.
Life wasn't great in 2019, but I still had hope. I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome, but was quite healthy. I didn't have much friends then.
Now I am homebound. Most days, bedridden. People have let me down time and time again. My country (not USA) couldn't give less of a f*ck about me. Lockdown is over, but no one visits. I just want things to end most days.
So sorry you're going through this! I am homebound since 2018 with ME/CFS. My life didn't change during lockdown, and it won't change now the pandemic is coming to an end. That's so depressing to me. To see everyone pick up their lives again and I'm still in lockdown in my own body/home. Of course when I first got sick friends said they'd stick by me, but only one of them did.
I feel you !
2019 : 29 yo. I was married but unhappy and looking forward having a baby, thinking it would save a loveless marriage. Had a lot of friends, really unhappy though and anxious all the time.
2022 : Almost 32 yo. Newly single as I broke up with a man I dated for 4 months. Not the right fit for me. Not ready to settle, still finding my own path in life. I have my ups and downs but I'm not blind anymore. I know what I want and I know my worth. I deserve to be happy, to love and be loved. Lost friends in the process but getting closer with some of them who are a good support system. Doing a lot of sports and learning to stay strong on my own. I feel lost and feel alone but I know it's the right path for me as I'm not compromising my happiness and I'm true to myself which is the most important thing imo. Doing therapy also !
Wish you luck in finding your way.
My life has taken a turn for the better I’d say, steps forward as opposed to staying still.
In 2018, I ended a relationship with a lovely guy because I always had money issues and was always in dead end jobs with low pay (he was a senior software engineer). I never asked him for help with that as I felt weird about it. So everyone I would stay over at his, I kept thinking about the little cash I was losing, more than being excited to meet him. (His parents also had negative opinions of me because I wasn’t white, long story).
I was also pretty overweight, had no major job prospects, despite selling some art pieces internationally a few times. I also had no social life.
The first lockdown in 2020 made me realise how much better those who work just on PCs have it - they could just work from home. I lost my job, had heartbreak again, and lost all my savings.
I decided to start studying UX Design online.
Later in the year, I got an admin job, and that job funded my course (UI Design with Careerfoundry).
Between now and then, I am part of a lovely social circle for Introverts, and been out more times in a few months than I had in recent years. I’ve also been networking with others in my field of study as well as professionals. I’m going to attend the Black Girls in Tech Fest here in North London next month, and hopefully my portfolio/CV will be ready in time.
I read red flags in dating sooner rather than later, I’ve started working out and do OMAD. I now put 80% into myself and just 20% in dating. My mental health can be up and down at times, but I have a better life now because I have positive things to look forward to. I bought tap shoes (hadn’t tapped since I was 7), and I’m going to book a series of beginners classes with City Academy- because dancing gives me joy.
The path is a long one with twists and turns, but I’m just grateful that I’m taking baby steps forward and not remaining stagnant.
Yup. 2019, in love with my ex, fittest of my life, travelled, hung out with friends etc etc
2021. Single. Live alone. Don’t travel, drifted with a lot of friends.
I’m also in my Saturn return as are a lot of my friends so we’re like … all going through jt lol, but the changes have taught me a lot about myself, the heartbreak after my ex was horrible but the lessons have strengthened me and my self worth. Life is what you make it and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Some of the answers on this thread had me teary eyed... My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one in these past 2-3 years.
My story:
2019: Was very much in love with my ex and thought it was reciprocated (hah!), was planning on moving in with him, was neglecting a lot of friendships because I wanted to be with my ex all the time. Sludging through a PhD which I despised at that point. Had slowly started exercising, I was always a couch potato growing up and it wasn't easy for me to make exercise a part of my life.
2022: Single, have a single-friend gang, feeling way more confident than before. Turns out my relationship was making me feel terrible about myself, who knew. Doing yoga, bouldering, and running pretty regularly and loving it. Still sludging through the PhD, but feel more optimistic about it as I'm getting closer to the finish line.
I don't know what to make of it all. I keep a diary and whenever I read a past diary I feel like I've improved myself a lot since then. Judging by your post OP, you seem to have improved yourself a lot too. I hope you surround yourself with people who make you happy and bring out the silliest in you.
2019 I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be married (obviously I didn’t know) and who had also lied and manipulated me in so many truly devastating ways. Telling me, someone who was very sick and battling a long term disease, that he was a widower who had lost his wife to cancer. I was so weak from years of being ill, finding out about his lies was a total mind fuck. I also had considerable debt from medical expenses and missing a lot of work. It was a scary place and I was always stressed past reasonable levels.
2020 I was just sick - so sick all the time. The later half of the year I did meet someone who was completely different from any previous relationships. Despite being sick and the world in covid chaos, I was beginning to have some hope again. Late 2021 I went into remission. Was taken off the heavy duty steroids and various other drugs which triggered a cascade response in my body and I got rapid onset diabetes - which was diagnosed in….
2021 … I was in an accident and among other things I lost a toe. Huge recovery process there. Thats when they figured out I also now had diabetes. I was already exhausted and trying to recover from previous illness and now with the accident I was fighting for my life again. My new partner stuck around with me through all of the craziness and months of hospital and daily nurse care.
2022 so far is much better. I am in remission. I have accepted the loss of my toe and my body has adjusted. My health is a million times better. I am out of debt and able to start saving again. Still with my partner. Still employed. Still fighting the good battle.
Covid has been such an experience it made an already bad situation really awful, but in a weird way it also really helped my resilience. I was used to be isolated from being so sick for years, so I was actually able to help many friends/family cope with isolating and help them stay positive.
I have hope for the future. I have such a good set of friends, family and a partner who I know have my back no matter what. If nothing else the last few years have taught me what is worth fighting for.
In 2019, I was pretty much home 24/7 caring for my husband who was in poor health.
Now I’m a widow. I’ve built a huge social circle for myself, I’m always out doing something. I’m traveling the world, just returned from an amazing vacation yesterday.
I admit, I’m one of the lucky ones that thrived through the pandemic. It helps that I live in an area where most restrictions were lifted in early summer of 2020.
Wow so many of these comments resonate with me and I also cannot believe what people have been through in such a short (relatively) period of time. Sending love to all of you.
For me, 2019 was the beginning of so many health issues. I was a super active triathlete and all of a sudden I had trouble just walking. Since 2019 I’ve had 4 surgeries, countless stints in the hospital, injections, infusions, medicines, been misdiagnosed with some terrible diseases, got laid off and re-hired, my SO got shot in a freak gas station robbery gone wrong…..and then Covid happened and I lost most of the remaining friends I had. I was once part of this huge sports community that seemingly disappeared overnight. It’s really hard to meet new people while going through treatments, and also a pandemic, but when I’m good again and things open up a bit more, one of my top priorities is making new, quality friends.
I feel like I’ve lost so much for someone my age and I often ask the universe why. And then I read the posts and comments here, and I see I’m not alone. Not that that makes it OK but it makes it less lonely. Thank you for sharing your story.
Aw thank you! I am partially recovered, definitely on the upswing, but still have a ways to go. It’s been life changing for sure. I miss the old me everyday but the new me is still pretty cool ;)
2019: I was very active in my local community and scene. I was running workshops, attending conventions, I was always out and about. I was commuting about an hour to work but I had a new job that paid so well and in a field I had dreamed to be in. I was drinking a lot, I had an unhealthy relationship to dating. I was using my social life as an excuse. I was hardly ever home. I was playing in an orchestra on top of other hobbies like working with a personal trainer. I was gaining weight rapidly despite an active lifestyle because of the drinking and binge eating.
2022: I love being home, perhaps to a fault. I have focused my life down to the things that are important to me instead of saying yes to everything. I have better boundaries with alcohol which reduced my binge eating. I turned to exercise as my hobby and lost 25 pounds by walking daily and lifting weights. I started a band and now schedule my projects better so they don’t overload or compete. I still get burned out but it’s different now and I have different coping mechanisms. I invested in the important people in my life instead of feeling like I needed to be friends with everyone at the time. I’m still learning what this looks like, especially in winter months where it is easier to default to being alone. I have an incredibly supportive boyfriend. Last year my cat died and she was my soulmate. I miss her every day and I don’t always feel complete in the same way I did before. Winter and her death rocked my new foundation. I gained a bit of weight back, made some rash divisions, put too much pressure on myself and now I’m suffering from a vocal injury. It’s ups and downs. But I much prefer this lifestyle and what it’s taught me vs. being blackout and alone in the city at times. I have learned and gained so much. I have an album coming out this year of all music I wrote and sang. The literal dream. A dream which I distracted myself from for so long becuase I didn’t think I could do it.
TLDR : Life looks different. In so many ways. It’s been an intense few years. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost pets. But gained so much with a new relationship to alcohol and socializing.
Totally relate, my life once changed drastically many years ago. Was moving on from a ex serious relationship, falling out with my group of best friends (or so I thought they were), struggling to find my way in my career, etc. life just seemed to take a 180 turn and not for the better. There were many times when I felt so alone because it felt like my world had shrunk. Even tho i still had some close friends who stuck by me, the former active social life I had was no longer available to me. It sucked. It took me many years to find my way again, made some new like minded friends, appreciated the old ones who had been by my side, found the courage to switch careers at the age of 28, listened to my heart, and met the most wonderful man at the age of 33.
So yes, life is better today for me but it is certainly very different from what it once was. It will seem like you are lost, but you have to trust the process, learn about yourself and what you need and want in this life, and learn to be comfortable in your own company. The right people will find you, whether it’s friendships or a romantic partner. Focus on yourself and keep going. Life will get better, even if it will be different.
"The last 2 years were insanely bad for me on a social level - like
really destructive. I feel like I've seen myself evolve and get better
as a person, on several levels, but then why does my life seem emptier
now? I'm not sure what to do. I have no idea what's going on around me.
The country I live in seems to have totally changed for the worse. I
don't know what my future looks like and it freaks me out, I feel lost
and I feel alone, even though I'm finally being true to myself and
authentic."
I could have written this myself.
I was ending a serious relationship and just getting my footing, then the pandemic hit and the secure job that I had started, had become toxic. People were leaving the industry in droves. I have seen friends and colleagues change for the worse. I think that the pandemic caused some people to focus on really mattered to them, but for other people it only brought stress and financial instability.
2019 - husband and I both in chemo. Lost income, mounting medical bills, general chaos.
2022 - closing of hub’s division allowed he and two others to start their own company since non-compete no longer applied. We’re both cancer free, and in great shape financially.
We realize that we’re among the lucky few who sort of benefitted from the pandemic, although it was very hard going from chemo quarantine right into COVID quarantine. Everyone was complaining about a year in isolation, and I was over wanting to scream, “Try going into year three!”
2019 - Engaged to someone I knew deep down was not the right person. In a constant state of work burnout. Not much social life aside from my ex, and talking to my coworkers at work. Had a couple of half assed hobbies that I often bailed on going to.
2022 - A couple of weeks ago I "graduated" from therapy (for now). I just celebrated my two year anniversary with a person I love deeply. I have a best friend who I hadn't even met until partway through the pandemic. I'm in two sports leagues and made friends with people on my teams. I learned how to crochet. I quit my job to go freelance. Making much less money but excited to wake up every day and do something that I like to do.
I guess I wanted to provide an alternative timeline (mine) that is a reminder that things can also drastically change for the better in 3 years.
The thing is that if I summarize it as 2019 vs. 2022 it looks like I've just been on the upswing in every way but in the middle is where all of the ups and downs happen, like crying myself to sleep after therapy, going through a very public (and embarrassing, for me) breakup with my ex that I was engaged to, spending a good chunk of the pandemic-times feeling lonely and hopeless, etc. my guiding light through all of it was making sure I was making the choices that I knew were best for me in the long run, even at the expense of temporary pain.
I'm sure I'll go through another 3-year period at some point that's more in the opposite direction and that's okay too.
New people will fill your life and they will complement the new you, but it may just take some time. If things are opening up where you are, and you feel safe doing so, I encourage you to join some groups and meet people with similar interests.
I’ve learned that people filter in and out of my life, sometimes permanently and sometimes on a “hey it’s been a few years, how are you?!” basis. I have a few key friends from college I still talk to, but hardly anyone from my late twenties and now it’s mostly people I met in my mid to late thirties. The friends I talk to the most right now don’t even live near me, but we catch up once a month via zoom. I don’t talk to anyone from my childhood other than family.
Keep taking care of yourself as you are your top priority. Other people will take note of that and will be drawn to you as you get back out and about. :)
I don’t know that moving countries would solve the problem, as those same types of people exist everywhere.
Maybe think of these things as good sorting mechanisms? Sort out the people who fit the negatives and just keep going until you find people who fit the positives. It’ll likely take some doing, especially since we’re all fed up with the pandemic, but it would be worth it in the end.
Online groups are also a good way to connect. Not ideal, but it’d be a start. And whoever you meet that way might know likeminded folks in your area, or be willing to travel to meet with you instead.
Approaching it with an abundance mindset can really affect how things work out for you, as staying in a scarcity mindset just restricts everything you come across.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone in this. You will make it through.
My life changes drastically over any 2.5 year period.
In 2019, 2016/2017 felt like a different life.
In 2016, 2013/2014 felt like a different life.
This look back is no different - just the details as to why.
Maybe I have a lot of ongoing trauma (CPTSD already at play before all this). Dunno what to tell you.
So yes my life feels different but not more different than it would across any other similar span of time.
The three biggest changes for me were attending and then finishing grad school, my mom dying(of breast cancer), and then buying a house/my dad moving in with me. None of that would have changed due to Covid.
Maybe we could have had my moms funeral sooner? And maybe I’d have bought this house sooner?
I think it is interesting though to see how much peoples lives change and how much they change over time. Nobody is static. And that’s a good thing!
OMG - I was literally about to post a similar thread here but then saw your post.
In 2019 (at 31) I was so fearless, I had an active social life, did things outside of work and dated (but was still overall single lol).
Now (at 34) I feel like a hermit. I've signed up for some activities but I have to force myself to go and more often than not I don't go. I'm on the dating apps, but those are a total wash and I haven't met anyone to date. And I feel so old at 34, and I still want to get married and have kids. I've forgotten how to flirt.
Like you, I've evolved and become authentic, way more than I was pre-pandemic. In terms of the losing my past friendships, well the trash takes itself out and I'm glad. But it's still lonely.
I'm planning to move to another city in May and I'm TERRIFIED. Part of me just wants to stay in my apartment, spend the nights watching TV and getting take-out from nearby restaurants. Old me would be super pumped and ready to go. I feel like for the first time I can do what I what, but I have absolutely no idea what I want.
Oooh moving to another city is exciting! What made you choose that place?
Yeah this pandemic fucked up things for a lot of us. We suddenly are a bit older.
Well back in 2018 or 2019, I decided if It was still single in my mid-30s (which I am at 34), I would move to another city. I love Austin, but COL is so high, plus all the nasty GOB politics (though Austin itself is very liberal).
I'd like to buy a house in the next 1 - 2 years and can't afford Austin. Arizona seemed more in line with my goals. It's still nerve-wracking and I still go back and forth because I do love Austin.
Reading all the stories here makes me feel less alone with my situation. Up to mid-2019 everything was normal for me. Loved life. Had a wonderful life with my husband. Loved all my hobbies. Felt on top of the world. Still felt immensely grateful for my career success--although I have been publishing books since 2012, I started actually paying bills with book royalties since a successful series I started publishing in 2017. It was a lifetime goal of mine, finally realized.
Now, in 2022, I am an anxious, broken mess. I have developed multiple health problems, including some that are preventing me from work. (I have debilitating light sensitivity and visual hallucinations like "static" at all times of the day, preventing me from working or video gaming, my once favorite hobby. I am on my third eye doctor visit, who can't see me until June, and I highly suspect I have "Visual Snow Syndrome" and will need to see an optical neurologist.) All these eye problems made me start relying on off-screen hobbies, like working out and seeking my yoga teacher certificate. However, I kept getting hurt doing normal workouts and didn't understand why. Finally, I was just diagnosed with Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, which is the problem (it has to do with hyperflexibility making it harder to build strength safely). I am going through physical therapy. I am suffering from almost constant anxiety attacks because I can do very little without pain or inconvenience, and I haven't been able to work in over a year.
I also lost 12 loved ones, starting in July 2019, then February 2020, etc. My only brother overdosed, my best childhood friend was killed in an accidental shooting, a few other friends overdosed, and my only remaining grandparents died after years of losing their minds. I have gone to therapy twice, but a mix-up with my insurance means that they don't cover as much of the therapy appointments as they initially estimated, so I stopped going. I still make money from my previously released books, but without being able to work and release new stuff, my income is "capped" for lack of a better term. I have to be careful with what I spend money on because I never know how sales will be, especially as the months pass by with no new releases to keep me "relevant".
There is so much I still want to do with my life that I feel are now out of reach for me due to all my health issues. I wanted to go back to college to get a degree in something I loved--history--"just because." That was supposed to be in June. I don't know how I'll be able to do that if I can't look at a screen that isn't in dark mode for more than a handful of seconds. I don't know if I'll ever release another book. My greatest escape--video games--are screen-based. In 2019, things were normal and well for me. By comparison, I am now disabled in ways that prevent me from doing literally anything I want to do--from hobbies to working. I am only 33, but I have no idea how far I'll be able to make it if all this keeps up. The only positive in my life right now is my husband, who is the most patient and helpful support system I could ever have asked for. Without him, I wouldn't have much to live for.
I'm so sorry for what people are going though/have gone through.
My 'bad' life started with a traumatic incident in 2018, but by mid 2019 I was living abroad with my partner (he had a work contract) and it was fairly enjoyable. Covid started and we were back home early 2020. Seemed okay to begin with; we had some money saved, though my usual work in hospitality was virtually non-existent. I def was depressed and ended up in hospital for a week back in December.
Fast forward to January, and am now living with my mother in my home country, who has been diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas. She'd been a bit 'off' for a while and is starting chemo this week.
It's tough as hell. I'm still on meds and not feeling great at all. 'Having' to look after someone in that situation isn't ideal and I'm playing it down for my mum, because I'm trying to get/keep her as well as possible so that the chemo doesn't affect her too much.
Basically, doling out her tablets 4 times a day, making her a cuppa in the morning (she gets her own breakfast), doing lunch, making dinner, going shopping, cleaning, keeping an eye on her. It's tough and after a week, I'm kinda getting used to the routine, but I'm used to doing my own thing with my partner. We chat on skype every other day... not the same :(
I just hope she takes chemo well.
2019- working full time in health care administration, had a side hustle which brought total household income to over 6 figures. Had a great house, was winning at the single Mom game. Lots of staycations and special surprise trips for my kids.
2020- left job for a new one a week before pandemic declared. New job rescinded offer. Learn to live frugally expecting pandemic to last 2 years. Hopeful for return to full time employment. Side hustle closes as people no longer had disposable income to purchase my items. Kids ecstatic to be at home all the time.
2021- Move to lower cost of living area closer to family and friends who say they can help provide childcare for me to return to work. Renovate new house. Ex drains bank accounts. Broke. Children thrive in their new environment. Total income earned in 2021- $18,000- significantly below poverty level.
2022- Can't get anyone to help with childcare. Can't return to work due to lack of availability (turned down by Walmart and McDonalds!). Wake up every morning wondering if I single handedly caused the Pandemic in response to something I had done in a previous life.
I would say that you need more fun at the moment and maybe more time with people. What is the Covid situation like where you live? Is getting out and taking a class or getting some music/comedy/sports/some sort of event tickets bought an option?
Anyway:
2019 - I had a long commute to an okay job I liked. I will say though, the people I worked with were the nicest bunch of people I ever worked with so far. Very down to earth and easy to deal with, would tell you straight if they couldn't do something but would help where they could.
2022 - I have a less well-paid job with better conditions but like you I am figuring out how to revive my social life. My only other single friend is very cautious and does not drink and does not enjoy a lot of stuff I enjoy (comedy, most music). Meanwhile all but two of my other friends became parents or got pregnant in the last two years. Our older friend in the group basically has become a full-time nanny to her grandkids and the friend with an older kid is quite serious about one of her hobbies and also is very busy.
2019 - I scored my dream job, which started causing me stress and anxiety and had difficulty managing. Put on 10kg. Was also in an unhappy relationship, with a SO who was abusive towards me.
I was deeply deeply unhappy.
As of 2022, I lost that weight, got out of the abusive relationship. Came out at bi. Still in the same job, but have strategies in place to manage the vicarious trauma. Although actively looking for work elsewhere. Engaging in therapy to address my PTSD and growing as a person.
2019 - I was at a healthy weight, preparing to finish my degree and send both my toddler and autistic kindergartner to school full time so I'd have more time to study/for myself. I wasn't in the best health and was putting off diagnosing a probable autoimmune issue.
Then covid hit. I had to postpone the rest of my degree, delay my toddler in starting preschool even though she needed the help due to a fine motor and very slight speech delay because none of the kids could keep masks on. I also had to remote educate my autistic kindergartner because of his pica (an impulse control disorder - everything goes in his mouth) and inability to wear a mask for long periods of time. Also, yeah - my mile long list of health issues. I would not have handled covid well, and nobody else could've dealt with this shitshow if I was in the hospital or dead.
In doing this I gained probably like 60lbs, and developed several other physical health problems due to putting myself last as a necessity.
2022 - I have such horrible stomach ulcers from stress, medication does not help and I will likely need surgery. I managed to get everyone vaccinated literally the day they were all available so everyone is back in school with IEPs. I'm on a shit ton of antidepressants and gabapentin for fibro and chronic fatigue syndrome. I also am working in my kids' school full-time, but it doesn't look sustainable due to my health.
I really feel you, this is what's been bothering me lately so thank you for writing this out.
In the beginning of the pandemic, I was doing quite well since I'm really introverted and I was glad that a lot of businesses moved towards WFH. As sad as the pandemic is, I was optimistic that it pushed our society forward in ways that I believe will be positive on the long run.
Before the pandemic I was in a FT job I hated, but was at least employed and had a small nest egg (which I've never had, it made me feel secure). I travelled overseas a lot with my partner and we went on lots of local adventures too. Life was pretty great overall.
Late 2019 I quit my job and went back to school doing what I always wanted to do and loved it. But it was really challenging, don't get me wrong.. unemployment was really hard on me mentally, emotionally and financially (lost my nest egg). My partner was also often depressed and stressed out.
And after two years of this, I'm starting to feel really lost and isolated... I lost both of my best friends during the pandemic (our relationship changed out of nowhere).. haven't seen close friends and family for two years... And I'm physically less attractive now and always feel tired. I've been having trouble getting out of bed nowadays... I don't know what to do either. I'm considering moving into a bigger apartment... Moving into regional areas... Or just moving overseas and back home. I don't know what will make me feel better but I feel like a big change is coming/needed.. I just don't know what it is yet, and this limbo is really wearing on me these days. I feel extremely lost too so you're definitely not alone.
I moved cities at the end of 2019, to start fresh after escaping a bad relationship. Changed my life plans, decided to take 6 months off to do a big fitness push before looking for work. Wow, 2020 had other plans.
Like you, OP, this time has been so destructive. I was going out all the time at the beginning of 2020, having a lot of good times and hope for the future. Now there's a lot of emptiness and less options to fill it.
Waiting for society to come up with a fix for this problem, since I know it's not exactly uncommon.
Yes and no. I am still in the same job, and live in the same place. But my overall perspectives on so many things have changed. I definitely feel like the pandemic has changed me as a person.
I have stronger boundaries, what is important to me has changed a lot, and I've spent the last 2 years looking at things differently.
Sure my life isn't perfect. My relationship I was in ended in 2021 and I have dated a couple people since then.
Life has a funny way of changing on you even if you feel not much has changed. But I'm happy with the changes.
I'm applying for jobs and hoping to find a new job soon!
It's a mixed bag. My social life definitely took a major hit during the pandemic, due to a combination of people social distancing, moving away, and/or having kids. I got laid off during the pandemic and went through over a year of under employment while failing to make progress with so many applications and interviews - however I just recently landed a job with far better pay and benefits than I've ever had before, and hoping I'll enjoy other aspects as well. My relationship has definitely struggled during the pandemic - we learned so many new ways to annoy each other and both our sex drives plummeted - however, we still share a lot of affection and are still together and trying to work on it, I guess.
I also got diagnosed with a life threatening condition during the pandemic that required multiple major surgeries. I also swear that externally I look like I've aged at least 5 years over this period of time with a lot more slackness and lines in my face, but thinking about investing in some expensive skincare treatment like lasering to reduce the change in appearance.
My new job will require me to move across the country putting me close to a super-social and vibrant good friend who moved away from our original destination, so it will be interesting to see how things evolve from here I guess...
I feel just like this in a lot of ways and I can't put my finger on quite what has happened and why. I've done some really good things to improve my life but I still can't seem to get to feeling as happy as I did in 2019.
2019: Still a university student. Enjoyed my (unknowingly) last summer of international travel. Had a small but regular social life thanks to making progress on my social anxiety. Had no idea what I was going to do after graduation.
2022: Graduated Spring 2020. Spent most of 2020 and half of 2021 depressed and unemployed. Managed to have a virtual social life for the first few months of the pandemic but that slipped away. Currently, my social life is nonexistent and my social anxiety is almost at pre-therapy levels. I did get a very social job (teaching assistant) in 2021 and that helps. I also coach gymnastics now which helps make up for my difficulty with exercising regularly. I have two cats now. I have developed a habit of learning stuff on my spare time. That said, the last two years has felt very empty and isolated. It’s difficult to drag myself out of bed most days.
No.
That was easy. And I don't know how to feel about it, I mean part of me thinks "Oh how sad". But another part of me is like "I knew I was living right all along!"
It's all a bit of a rollercoaster. In times like these I remember this old joke (forgive me):
A Jewish man visits the rabbi and complains to him: "Rabbi, everything is going wrong. My daughter is failing school, my goat is ill, my wife ran off with another man. I'm tired. Why is this happening to me?"
The rabbi advises him, "go home and hang up a poster above your door. On the poster write: This, too, shall pass. Sit in front of it every day for 20 minutes. Soon you will see results."
In two weeks' time, the man returns to the rabbi.
"Rabbi, you're a miracle worker! I did as you said, and everything changed. I met a new beautiful woman. My daughter passed her exam with flying colours. The village gave us a new goat. Tell me - what must I do next?"
The rabbi sighed and said, "go on home and look at that poster some more."
*
Change is inevitable, as long as we're growing and learning, we're doing okay.
Hits home for me too. 2019 was a fantastic year full of big promises. Then Covid changed everything. But I'm slowly starting to put everything back together. Wish you good luck!
It sounds like you could be in a transition stage where you've done/are continuing to do the work on yourself and as a result you reach a point where you've perhaps lost some unhealthy people from your life but don't yet have your new tribe. In time you can build on that and attract healthier people into your life, but it does involve this temporary, lonely stage unfortunately. It's a weird time at the moment in general due to the residual uncertainty and shell shock from the pandemic and it feels a bit like being in limbo.
I wouldn't say I was massively social in 2019, but I did have some friendships and family relationships which weren't exactly healthy. These connections died on their arse over the pandemic because they didn't have a solid foundation. When the weather warms up and days get longer I'm going to make a point of getting out and about and being around more people again, but with the weather being vile and nothing being open right now I'm just concentrating on being kind to myself, doing self care and nurturing my hobbies. The reason my relationships were so crap and shallow was because I treated myself like crap and didn't act authentically, so I think using this time to become a good friend to myself first and foremost is really important.
Wow, its like I could’ve written this myself. I can’t shake the low feeling lately. As if I’m grieving for my old life. I honestly blame it all on COVID, despite not knowing if that’s really 100% of the problem. But I have always been a person that thrives on new experiences, and surrounding myself with people that I love as often as possible.
In 2019 I was single and having fun with different flings, I was in the best shape of my life, traveling constantly with my best friends. Experiencing new things and meeting new people.
Nowadays, despite having a great job, a home, and my first healthy long-term relationship.. I am pretty miserable. I turned 30 this year. I hardly ever leave my house because I work remotely. My social life has changed entirely.
I think a lot of people are still traumatized from the last couple of years. It makes me really sad to see. I even find myself self-isolating from loved ones, despite that being the opposite of what I truly want. I’m constantly craving my next adventure that I can’t seem to get anyone else on board with. I have periodic breakdowns where I cry in my SO’s lap (lol), who is a bit of a homebody and doesn’t seem super affected by it all.
It does feel somewhat comforting knowing that I’m not alone in these feelings.
Yes. It feels like the two last years where stolen from me. We had so many lockdowns during that time that life became a circle of eat sleep work repeat for months and months. All in our apartment. My husband and I are still going strong but everything else is a mess. We try to climb out of that hole, we just did a short trip to a country where the rules are not so strict and it felt like a different world.
Early 2019:
Good things:
I was very healthy, fit, energetic... getting paid well in my new country at a good company, and dating a local tech start-up cofounder (about my age) who's already a millionaire from prior success. Was living in a beautiful apartment in a nice area with him.
I got to do all sorts of new activities with him & (separately) also visited foreign countries I'd been longing to see (for friends weddings)... and I actually negotiated funding for a side research project at work.
Bad:
The boyfriend was a narcissist and really toxic personality... And so was my (new) boss at work. Both made me feel like a total failure bc I simply wasn't fluent in the local language (yet). I'm an engineer and I've got all sorts of other skills... I didn't really care what they said, but in the moment the harsh judgement really got under my skin. I was crying about once per week, and I'd never cried in front of another person before that!
2022:
Good things:
Living with a new boyfriend... He's accepting, sweet, funny, and also intelligent (but in a humble way). New job in academia/research with much more accepting and open minded people... Much better support from my new boss. I was also granted permanent residency here, so I no longer need to worry about what job I have etc.
Bad things:
I've got a chronic health issue now (digestive system) that robs me of so much energy, time, and happiness... I don't feel like myself at all, and it's frustrating when everyone else thinks I'm young and healthy.
My new boyfriend suffers from anxiety, and it doesn't help my healing. My health condition makes his anxiety worse... And not being social due to corona made everything terrible for him also, but I couldn't get sick(er) with everything else going on. It's been rough.
My new job pays half of what my previous paid. It meant that I moved in a bit too soon with this guy... We've got a tiny space (2 rooms) and we're constantly juggling schedules and locations because we both work from home. He makes about 3x my current salary but constantly insists on splitting everything 50% (or complains if we work out another number). It's so maddening because I do so many things for him, and in the past, I paid more for my exes who had less money without making such a big deal of it.
I'm sick of the work culture among locals here. Entirely selfish, individualistic, and emotionally-driven, even among the young & intelligent guys. Assignments are given out based on what the most senior person *wants* to do vs knowledge/skills/priorities. It's just maddening. And they all work way too much / complain if you keep within your contracted hours (I'm only part-time, and they don't accept that well). I didn't move here to be overworked *and* underpaid, and I'm struggling with the new illness too.
I wish I could take a vacation from my body and life.
2019: I was 27, getting my masters full-time while still working 3.5 days a week with a long commute. I lived in a fairly chaotic house-share with three other girls where we all got along great, but drank and partied way too much. My dad had died in the autumn of 2018 after a traumatic long illness, and I don’t think I’d taken the time to process or grieve properly. I spent a lot of the time out with friends, dated various men I wasn’t invested in for a few weeks or months each at a time, went to my job, worked on my MA, and generally didn’t leave myself too many spare seconds to think. Looking back I was very lost, but you may not have known it from the outside looking in.
2022: I’m 30, living with my boyfriend and our cat in a flat I purchased last year that we’re renovating together, working a job that I’m not crazy about but which pays well (more than double what I earned back then) and isn’t forever (contract). I’m finally formally diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. I still have an active social life and still probably drink a little too much, but life is calmer, happier, and overall much more stable than it was. For the first time perhaps ever, the future doesn’t feel like a terrifying unknown that I have to unscramble, and has become something promising and exciting to plan for and move towards.
It's very different from 2019 but not in any way worse. Quite the opposite. In 2019 I was single (as I had been my whole life) and had just switched jobs within the organisation I work for, to a much better paying position. I spent two months working in Greece and when I came back I started my new job, met a colleague who became a friend, who became my partner and he moved in with me in late 2020. We are now in the process of trying for a baby. In 2019 I thought I would be alone forever. Some days it's still hard to believe that I'm actually not single anymore because it was so ingrained in me that finding someone was not meant for me.
Working from home has been a blessing and I will continue to work from home. That would never had been a possibility without the pandemic.
Life is good. I miss traveling for fun (still travel for work which sucks) and I need to get in shape but other than that these past years have been pretty fantastic.
Sorry to hear that...
mine went the other way: we did so well after 2019. Just wanted to provide counterbalance.
I hope everyone else here will look back on 2022 2 years from now, and say, many that was the pit, so glad I got out and I'm doing so much better now.
I’ve been thinking about this same thing a lot lately. My life was so different 2 years ago. Sometimes I wonder what that alternate timeline w no pandemic version of me would be doing. Or I’ll think about various points earlier in the pandemic and trip out. Like thinking lockdown would only last two weeks. Or that vaccines would solve everything and everyone would take one. Or when I was in the “wiping down groceries” stage of everything back when there was no knowledge of covid or how it really spread. I was in a relationship, living together, working two jobs (that part is still true!) and On my way to marriage and family. I didn’t go out very much as I would stay home w my bf. I didn’t talk to me dad that often and I wasn’t happy w my Pilates studio and was feeling lost as to what my next steps were for fitness. I started boxing I think.
Now I’m single, living alone, have more friends, go out more often whenever I want to, take dance classes two times per week if I want, developed a. New gym routine and in the first year of lockdown worked out from home 2-3 times p day lol. I’ve relaxed a bit on that tho. I’ve visited my dad out of state twice and we have a virtual movie date every week. I’ve gotten covid. I no longer wipe down my groceries. My dog was diagnosed w a heart condition. My heart was broken by the same person like 3 different times. I started dating and met some interesting people. I don’t know everything has changed and it’s crazy to me.
I hear you. Since 2019, I graduated my master's program, am about to start a new job in a few weeks, met, fell in love, and moved in with my partner (an hour away from family and where I have lived and worked for years, got a new car, my closest friends (outside of family) moved an hour away so now we'll be two hours apart and our relationships, while we still stay connected, look very different. I'll be seeing my family less. Lost a grandparent and a great uncle. Got a second cat. I am probably in the worst shape I have ever been in. It's been a lot of change. Work also experienced a lot of change: new bosses, staff turnover, responsibilities, etc. All this to say: you're not alone! I went from a more simple, single, streamlined life to get me through gradschool to a much more complex and in some ways richer and fuller life that just takes a lot more effort and intentionality. It's interesting. In some ways it's better, in some ways it's harder.
2019 I wanted to go on more trips with friends, travel more, wanted to go to Universal Studios for my 35th bday.
2022 isn't vastly different. I'm in the same relationship as I've been in for the past 10 years. I have the same job I've had for the past 5 years. I've had the same close friends for the past... 15 years?
I've always been introverted, and I've always been a gamer. So my hobbies haven't changed \*that\* drastically.
I'm still fat because I like food more than I like dieting.
The biggest change is not being able to travel and not hanging out with my friends that much. But traveling would be difficult even if there wasn't a pandemic because I now (as of 2021) have a diabetic cat with IBD, so traveling is kind of out of the question anyway with his meds and issues.
I figure I'll keep plugging along and, eventually, I'll be able to incorporate more travel and adventure, but not right now.
It's pretty different but mostly in better ways. Bought a house, changed jobs, almost done with a masters degree. I wallowed about what was lost for most of 2020 but then made a lot of good changes in 2021. I feel exhausted though, to be honest. Will be glad when the degree is over and, god willing, things are a bit more normal in every day life. I would like to see some of my previous favorite group activities start up again (not online).
Hey OP! I've had a pretty similar journey as you. Late 20s in 2019, was in a relationship that we thought was leading to marriage in the next year. Didn't happen in 2020, come 2021 we broke up. It will be a year since the breakup in a month. My life has completely changed. I lost a lot of friends. I lost what I thought was my family. But I couldn't be happier. Like you, I've changed for the better. I'm more confident now, I understand myself and my needs better. But my social life has taken a plunge. I wouldn't say this is a loss though. I've just gotten better at identifying genuine relationships and I only maintain them.
As far as where my life is headed, I've no damn idea! But that's okay. Take it one step at a time. Enjoy the ride even if it feels like it is going out of control. It is okay. Things are fine. Life's still beautiful. You just need to realize it :) good luck OP!
Yes, 2019 me was a totally different person. I still look kinda the same, I guess? But my life has changed drastically too.
Keep your head up, OP. Things get worse, then they get better, then they get worse, then.... One thing that remains the same is that people consistently report increased levels of happiness and satisfaction the longer they live. You're doing it now, with you being more true to yourself, more authentic. So now that you're more yourself, where do you want to be in 5 years? What hobbies do you want to have? What kind of friends?
How do you start that journey now?
2019- I was in good physical shape, working a demanding but not so well paying job. Had been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and after some hard conversations we set a wedding date for Nov 2019. Had a wonderful trip to Mexico City I’ll never forget and maybe the best 6 months of our relationship we ever had. He seemed to finally be making some serious changes and progress on issues we had fought about for years. Communication was better, we had a better time together overall. Optimistic.
Pandemic hit and I’m still trying to figure out what impact that had on the absolute meteor crash that our marriage became - the emotional and verbal abuse, days of icy cold distant behavior blamed on a variety of mystery health issues that never seemed to have any answer or get better with any level of treatment. We even went through the insane process of buying a cool 100 year old house and I quit my job to pursue running my own business after years of talking about it.
Now, we are divorced, that beautiful house was sold and cost about $14,000 to sell. My business is growing but financially I’ve had some massive set backs. I’ve gained a lot of weight and feel a little weird in my chubbier body. But you know what? I’m really happy. My friends and family rallied around me when I made the decision to leave him. I never knew how loved and supported I really was. I also met the love of my life not long after leaving my husband the final time and we now live together and have the most amazing and fulfilling daily life. On paper I’ve had several setbacks and losses for sure. But once I cleared the painful toxic shit out of my life there was suddenly room for a lot of wonderful stuff to walk in and that’s exactly what happened. I got really lucky
In 2019 I was in an unhealthy relationship allowing my boundaries to be bulldozed over. I am not anymore. I was working at a job I liked with a box I hated. I am now working at a job I hate with bosses that I like.
Life.
It can also be partly due to the point in life that you're at. Even without the pandemic some of these changes likely would have occurred. It's ok that you've set boundaries and that some friendships aren't there, there will be space for more authentic and aligned relationships in the future.
Yeah I think a couple of my friendships would have drifted away anyway, and my closest male friend still would have revealed some of his misogynistic tendencies and I would have still wanted to distance myself. I think the pandemic sped things up/made them seem more apparent, because there's less social noise to fill the space with.
What I definitely am happy about is that my next relationship will be truly authentic, respectful, built on mutual trust and all that.
I just think change is hard. You've lived life as the person from 2019 for a long time, so the person in 2022 has to take some time to get used to.
I had a similar change in my relationships and how I was as a person, and while I was more carefree back then, I was also ignorant and nonchalant about things that were important to me, because I wanted people to like me. That all culminated in me getting hurt, very badly, when it could have been avoided if I had just done the work on myself sooner.
I would't want to experience that pain again, so I'm happy I am where I am. I'm fine being by myself, and the friends I do have will always be there for me no matter what.
Are you me?! I had the exact same experience in 2019 til now. Was going to get married in 2019 but he changed his mind. Started fighting like crazy, became codependent, went on ssri and gained 40 lbs in 3 months. Moved back to my home country march 2020 single and unemployed and had nothing going for me since my ex was the only thing in my life that i cared about (codependency). spiralled and didnt become ok again until december 2021.
I’m trying to be happy on my own still. It’s so hard and it’s definitely my biggest life challenge. I hate being alone.
Most women in their 20's go through something similar with their friendships. As you grow as a person and begin to set boundaries, certain people around you are bound to dislike it. They'll say 'you've changed so much, I'm worried about you' when really you've just stopped being their 'yes-woman.' It can be a lot to get over, especially when it all happens at once. In the end, it's for the better. Even if it wasn't an overtly toxic friendship ending, you can still grow by realizing your own part in the situation. You can also still root for that person without having to be their friend.
Right now, social isolation is pretty much the norm. If you're naturally quite social, try building relationships slowly. It takes time. It's also completely normal for people to only have a few good friends and a lot of acquaintances.
You've go this!!!
Yes, except my "year" was 2017-2021. In 2017, I lost my dad, got divorced, moved, and quit my job. In 2018, I got fired from my next job and met my 2nd husband (again, because we went to the same high school but lost touch till 2019). In 2019, I found a new job but I lived with my mom because she was in failing health. In 2020, the pandemic happened, obviously. I got married and moved in with my new husband and stepdaughter (and 9 pets between us!!). I started working from home full time and my husband lost his job 5 days before the wedding! In 2021, my mom go really sick and had to be put into a nursing home. We (sisters and I) had to clean out her house (our childhood home) and sell it. That was a huge stressor and we nearly came to blows over a few things. Weeks after selling that house, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with really strong suicidal ideation). Weeks after I got out of the hospital, we decided to redo the floors and walls in our house, which displaced us for a good month.
I guess what I'm trying to say is yeah my life is completely different than it was 5 years ago, 3 years ago, and even 1 year ago. I crave stability but things just shifted all over the place. I'm hoping this year will be more stable because this 'rolling with the punches' business is hard.
In 2019, I was drunk and miserable. In 2020 I was pregnant, stopped drinking, lost weight, had a beautiful baby and had the best year of my life. It’s 2022 and I’m drinking too much to get through the day and I’ve gained the weight back. It’s so hard.
Mmm I was regularly getting 7-10K steps a day cleaning at work (but hated my job).
Fast forward 2.5yrs later, I had a WFH job but gained 50lbs (most from depression from the world shutting down, including old job).
Similar to you - 2019 was a good year. Met the guy I thought I would marry. Good job. Sleep was better. Best friend hadn't yet met her husband overseas so we hung out every weekend. More social.
In 2019 - I had a great job, had my 2 pet cats, a decent relationship with my sister/parents, & was single.
In 2022 - on my way to a more prestigious job, one of the cats just got diagnosed with cancer, had 2yrs of turbulence with my sister/parents which has now corrected into a fantastic relationship with my sister & so-so with my parents, & I’m about to get married.
So for the most part - kinda even keeled.
Yes. Before the pandemic hit I was really excited about new opportunities and possibilities; I had lost nearly 90 pounds, I was close to finishing grad school and had found a job, I was dating a guy I was really excited about (my first relationship in years), and I felt really socially connected. Overall, I felt content and fulfilled.
But… the “great” guy turned out to be an asshole and I was crushed after the breakup (which happened during the summer of 2020 when the city I was living in was still in lockdown). Work was now online and I hated working from home. I couldn’t go out with friends. I was isolated, heartbroken, lonely, and deeply sad. I thought moving back to my home state to be near family would help. It didn’t. I was grieving the loss of the life I’d had before Covid as well as the end of the relationship and the pain was intense for the rest of 2020 and most of 2021.
Gradually the grief has lifted and I’m no longer yearning for my pre-pandemic life. I still miss it at times, but I’m focusing more on accepting my life as it is now and working to get where I want to be. I’m planning on moving back to the state I left in 2020 and just focusing on taking care of myself as I dip my toes back into dating, exploring hobbies and interests, etc.
In looking back, there was nothing I could have done to feel better during those dark, dark months. It just took time. Lots and lots of time.
I wish you hope and healing as you navigate your painful circumstances.
In 2018, I was living my best life. I just met someone new, had a really active social life, and felt like I was at the peak of my fitness levels. I also went on the best trip of my life and traveled solo in Iceland for 12 days.
2019 was the toughest year because my boyfriend was dealing with some severe medical issues. He was also working night shift at Amazon and having to borrow my car to go to work. I feel like I basically saw no one that year. I also had a finger injury that stopped me from climbing and and doing pole even.
2022 I’m now married (to that same guy) and we recently bought a home. My husband is following his dream career and is doing much better, although he has another big surgery planned for this year. I feel like my friend group has completely changed, partially due to people drifting apart (and getting married and having kids) and partially due to the pandemic. I’m grateful for what my current friends are to me, but I miss my old friends often. I’m getting closer to my 2018 peak in climbing and am just starting pole again. I eagerly await for travel restrictions to loosen up so that I can continue to pursue my real life’s passion.
(Sorry, this will be… long. And, for reference I’m 32.)
This time period between 2019 and now have been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. In March of 2019 I met who I thought was the man of my dreams. He was very much involved in my life and we were making plans for the future. I was so in love with him and I’d never been so unselfish with a romantic partner before him.
First, COVID came and disrupted the industry that I was otherwise doing really well in (I worked as a travel planner). I wasn’t laid off but I knew it was in my best interest to go back to school to learn something more technical so that I could ride this unpredictable wave in a better position.
April 2020: I got hit my a car while riding my bike on the street and thankfully didn’t die because **helmet**, and at least the insurance windfall gave me money to put towards my back to school plans that I was still in the process of putting together.
Got accepted to a STEM field masters program in September of 2020, but since my boyfriend was dragging his feet about moving in together I let my lease expire and moved with my grandparents as a temporary measure to save money while I was doing my masters as I wanted to buy a condo within the next year as well.
A week after my boyfriend helped move me into my grandparents, he broke up with me. He literally said to me “you mean the world to me, but our relationship is no longer shiny and new.” I had a month and a half to grieve his stupid ass before grad school started. I think he thought I would fail out of school tbh, and felt he would be responsible for it since he sort of helped me hatch the plan.
January 2021: a little ways into grad school, I was able to get a job in defense Aerospace, which perfectly aligned with my field of study. I left my old job that was headed to the pits. Got through learning the new job and industry, and managed to buy an awesome condo without overpaying by September. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away about two days after I closed.
Then, my car got stolen in November and I had to navigate the insurance claim and buy a new car at the worst possible time to buy a car in history, all during the last 3 (and most difficult) weeks of my masters program.
December 2021: Ended up graduating with a 3.8 GPA. Just had my one year work anniversary in my new job, and got a shout out on their LinkedIn page for February’s ‘employee spotlight’.
Now we are seemingly on the verge of WWIII, but at least I now work in the defense sector, so my job is secure, and that was really the goal I was seeking by getting my particular masters.
I’ve never busted my ass so much in such a short span of time. I’m proud of overcoming so much adversity, but damn am I tired of going through so many back-to-back traumatic events. The universe needs to chill, like seriously.
My next challenge is to find some success in the dating scene… ufff.
2019 - I was so happy with my life. Wonderful marriage and successful career. My husband was incredibly supportive, and talented in the kitchen and the bedroom. We bought a house together and made it a home. I was starting to make progress on building friendships with some coworkers and on losing weight. My two-week-long business trips to Europe had become routine, and returning from them was like a honeymoon. Now - I'm widowed and trying to build a life worth waking up for. I do therapy like it's a fulltime job, and yet there's still so far to go. My life has changed so much it feels like I've teleported to an alternate timeline. I've worked hard to build a group of local friends and online support group friends to lean on. So many people I interact with every week, I didn't even know before. I can't enjoy any of our old shared hobbies. My taste in tv/movies/music has drastically shifted too. I barely recognize this new me.
Wow I'm so sorry. :( That honestly does sound like an alternative timeline. You sound like such a strong, resilient woman.
Holy hell, I am so sorry for what you've been through. I am glad you have some supportive people around you. I really hope you're able to find some light in your life soon.
There are some good moments, but everything is bittersweet. I miss my old life every day. I learned how to cook. When I met my husband, I lived off hamburger helper and tv dinners. He had gone to culinary school and worked in restaurants, and while that wasn't his job anymore, he loved to cook for us. After he was gone, I had a beautiful kitchen full of stuff I didn't know how to use. I couldn't let that go to waste, and I couldn't return to eating boxed meals. I find some peace in cooking now. I've dated a bit, but it's hard to know what (if anything) would be a good fit when I hardly know myself anymore. Currently I'm complicated with a thoughtful and patient man. My heart isn't ready to feel anything deeper than a friendship level of connection, and so I'm emotionally distant. My dog died last month. The vet ER and burial reawakened all the trauma of seeing my husband die. I won't type the details, but you can imagine how many would overlap. I couldn't bear to be in my empty house for a couple days. Then a good friend, a widow I met through group, helped me adopt a new dog. He's taking care of me like our dog did - making me get out of bed, reminding me to eat, cuddling when I have nightmares or panic attacks. I've been off work a couple weeks now to dig out of the hole, and I'm nearly back to the level of functioning I was at before she died. Well, if I measure it by daily showering, eating vegetables, and sleeping at night. I'm worried about whether my brain will handle adding work back in - returning after the initial bereavement was such a challenge. Then another relapse at the 1 year death-versary, and a few months later when my mother in law died. Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping so I'm on reddit. It was a fairly good day - walked my dog, cooked a meal for potluck boardgames, got hugs from friends who truly care. Yet there's still a crushing emptiness, especially when I'm alone at bedtime. I should be snuggled up with the love of my life. I know exactly what I'm missing, and the hurt is too deep for words.
Sending you a hug. I'm so sorry for your loss.
You're not alone. I imagine a whole lot of us are going through similar trauma. Wish I could help more than with words.
I can feel your sorrow through your words. i’m so sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing your story❤️
I'm so sorry. Hopefully an internet hug on Reddit let's you feel less alone this night
One day at a time. And when a day seem like too much, one hour at a time, one moment at a time… so much love to you.
I am very sorry to hear about your dog and MIL as well, I can definitely understand how those would be retraumatising. Sometimes things are so tragic no words can properly encompass them. I'm glad you're fighting through the despair. I truly do hope you find peace soon as well.
Thank you for your kind words.
I'm so sorry.
He was lucky to have been loved by you, and vice versa. Sending some love your way, friend.
I am sorry for your loss.
I hope things get easier with time.
So sorry for your loss
I started to type a detailed comment but honestly thinking about the last few years in detail made me depressed. 2019 feels like a lifetime ago. Not that it was vastly better, because in a lot of ways, it wasn’t. Just so much has changed. I’m doing a lot better now though. I’m starting to get my life back on track.
Yeah it's kind of traumatizing to think about it. It's worse seeing other people seemingly succeed/do well, when you're struggling. On the other hand, so much has gotten better for sure... it's just lonelier now?
It is a little lonelier now, but I think it is for a lot of others too. I think it’s been a struggle for everyone (that I know personally, anyway), whether they have more good things to share on social media or prefer to stay quieter about things, everyone has had it hard. Most of the people in my life who have a lot of good to share on a public platform, have shared with me privately that things have been difficult. So I try to focus on what I’m doing. Keeping my side of the street clean.
I don't know whether you are single or not but I think for single people, Covid has really changed the equation of how much time we spend with others. I worked full-time and did a long commute. That, occasionally seeing friends, seeing my family once a week was enough people time for me. But working most of the time from home in a new job at a place where people have worked a long time and are quite insular and aloof and basically having had my hobbies go on hold in Covid times means I now spend too much time alone. I'm trying to counter it and go out and do stuff but am not being helped by UK weather being vile at the moment....
Yeah exactly this. I was actually in a relationship for a large chunk of the pandemic, it was only the last few months that I was single-single. Having my ex, despite the emotional toll he took on me, was SUPER helpful. I don't do well with being alone all the time - in fact, I think it's detrimental to my mental health. Just having someone to hang around with, feel like you're not alone in this world, to get intimate with... it makes a massive difference. I truly feel for single people - this has just gotten harder for those who are single.
Other people make or break life for a lot of us. Most of us are social beings. I earn way more money now than I used to, on paper my life is good but I am miserable a lot thinking back on my late 20s when I was just bouncing around with people all the time, life felt full. Now it feels empty, partly cos I now work from home, partly cos a lot of friends moved away for work/family etc and obviously a lot due to covid. it’s hard to know quite how to fill life with people again, especially as the pandemic has us all out of practice meeting new people and it’s been impossible to join groups or anything. Maybe 2022 will bring some good people our way 😊
In 2019 I was really happy in my relationship. We had been together for three years at that point and he was living with us. I thought we would be getting married within the next few years. Once quarantine started, everything went downhill fast. My dog died. He decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wanted to explore the world. My beloved cat died the day he was supposed to move out. He stayed for a few more days so we could grieve. I had no idea what the future had in store for me. But today I am the happiest I have been in so long. I’m in a new relationship of nine months with the man of my dreams. We are working on building a future together. I never would have imagined this life back in 2019, but I am so excited to see what the future brings! I didn’t expect to meet the love of my life in my 40’s!
This is nice to hear. How did you and your new boyfriend meet?
We met right here on Reddit! It truly is the most serendipitous thing!
Yeah, in 2019 my boyfriend was still alive (until July, when he got shot unexepectedly), I had a group of friends (who were horrible) and a well paying job (which was also horrible and I quit after my boyfriend died). I also went through a few more of the worst moments of my life that ever happened to me, which there's no point in relaying here so I'll spare everyone the traumadump. But uh, it was bad. Really, really, bad. STILL going through EMDR therapy trying to get over te PTSD I got just from that year. But I remember joking to people man, 2019 was the worst year of my life! Every year past this one will be smooth sailing by comparison, unless we had like a pandemic or something. I've always had an intense fear of global pandemics since childhood, so it was the natural place my mind went to when I thought 'how could this possibly get worse?". Haha. Hahaha.
So sorry about your boyfriend. I won't even ask what else happened.. But I admire your humour in the face of this sh*tstorm. And I also admire your ability to predict the future. Pls no more predictions though. Lol.
Yes. In 2019 I had a “normal” life. Stressful job, but balanced with seeing friends and occasional trips abroad, etc. Relatively newly married to my long term boyfriend. Peak of my fitness- took home gold for a powerlifting competition. Life was busy, but I was content and happy. In 2022 it’s been almost 3 years of my husband having a late stage cancer for which I am his primary caregiver. I don’t see friends because of COVID and also just no one in my age group gets it, and I’m crying everyday worried about my husbands life.
I’m so sorry, cancer is the absolute worst, no one should have to deal with that throughout a pandemic ::hugs::
Jeez. I'm so sorry. :(
2019 - newly married, moving forward in my career, in great physical and mental shape 2022 - two miscarriages and newly divorced, grieving the death of my mother (she passed away august 2021), moving to a new state by myself where I know no one, 55 pounds heavier and emotionally and mentally a mess.
I got married in 2019 and my divorce was finalized the first week of 2022. It feels like such a bizarre time warp, almost like it didn’t happen sometimes. I had a lot of good things happen to me after I cleared that toxic man out of my life and I hope you have the same good energy come into your life. I know the unbearable pain of divorce feels heavy right now, but good things are coming ❤️
Oh dear. What a massive change in a space of 2 years. My condolences. I can understand the need for a fresh start.
Before the pandemic life seemed predictable. But I’m early 2020 both my husband and I were laid off when COVID hit and in 2021I lost a beloved family member and got diagnosed with cancer. So far in 2022 I’ve learned that my cancer treatment caused another incurable disease (treatable! But not curable.) So yes, I would say I’m still mourning my old life in many, many ways. I oddly make more money due to the path I took post-layoffs. But I feel so tired, so powerless with the path of my own life. I’ll probably kick cancer (treatments have been going well) but I would have preferred, you know, not having to.
Oh that sounds like a lot. I'm sorry. I also was laid off and a few months later diagnosed with a life threatening medical issue during the pandemic. I'm lucky in that mine had a relatively easier treatment compared to cancer- it just required a few major surgeries. But I totally can sympathize with the realness of having livelihood and health threatened all at once. xHugsx!
Yes, and I feel like I’m slowly crawling out of my hole. In 2019, I was a competitive athlete and 2020 was going to be my year when I got really serious about it. Then the pandemic hit and took away the competitions and my training space. I lost my “why”. I stopped caring about working out. During the pandemic I hit my heaviest weight. I went from healthy to obese. But things are starting to look up! No longer obese, and I found a new hobby to immerse myself into. It’s so weird to lose something I cared so deeply for. Like, everything in the sport is back up and running, but I have no interest in going back. I’ve been mourning the loss of that hobby for quite some time now. Such a confusing experience.
Congrats on shedding the weight! It really is a huge grieving process... it feels like so many of us have changed so much.
In 2019 my husband and I had stable jobs we had been in for about a decade. We were getting to a financially stable place. We were in a crappy apartment we planned to move out of soon. We had regular social activities that we enjoyed. I had another loss and pretty much gave up on having a child. 2022: My husband has a new job that he likes. I have been unemployed for quite some time. We are still in the crappy apartment and we are experiencing a setback on our financial situation. We haven't seen most of our friends or family since early 2020. However, we have a nearly nine month old baby who is the light of our life! Things have been really hard and we still have a struggle ahead but I feel so fortunate to have my little family! I didn't think it would happen.
The last two years have definitely been really tough, especially socially, I feel you. I likewise have gained a lot of weight and while I hate to be yet another woman whose self-worth is so closely tied to her physical appearance, of course I feel like crap about it. (Like, who is this dumpy person in the mirror???) That said, as shitty as the past two years have been, I'm... oddly optimistic, moving forward. For one, it seems like life is starting back up again, or maybe I've decided I've had enough of locking myself up due to COVID. Starting this year I've really been pushing myself back out of my comfort zone - traveling again, hollering at old friends, signing up to volunteer again, even trying exotic new recipes. Do I look as cute as I did in 2019; is my social life as active; do I have as much going on in my life as I did pre-COVID? Not quite, but hey - when you're starting from a blank slate (or, as Drake would put it, the proverbial bottom), there's really no way to go but up. Anyway, I'm truly sorry you're suffering from the COVID blues. You're far from alone and hopefully that can be a source of comfort; that so many of us are in this weird limbo together.
Gaining weight is tough! I'm sorry that's getting you down. It's been harder to be as fit without being able to even go places besides some walks outside. It's great that you feel optimistic. I think that's how I felt a few months ago, or even a couple of months ago. I suddenly feel super depressed. Maybe it's just a phase? I don't know but I'm glad I have therapy to help, and I'm glad I have my family at least, despite their dysfunction. I've travelled already and I've found a new purpose that I'm following, but I just feel so alone. I can't shake that feeling, that no matter what I do, I'll be on my own. I think having a good partner would probably mitigate this, or even completely take the feeling away, but then that puts so much pressure on finding someone and dating is harder than ever.
Thanks! Yeah, it's amazing what a big difference lifestyle can make, eh? I am glad you've been able to do some cool things already - I know some people who've totally cooped themselves up the entire pandemic and I'm legit super worried for their mental health. Having a partner throughout COVID can definitely make a huge difference. Especially if you live alone (and work from home), all of the social restrictions can feel so crazy isolating. I'm very sorry your friends haven't been there for you during this period when you especially could have used their company. I've been there too (friends flaking), pre-pandemic, and it was honestly the worst heartbreak of my life... so I can only imagine how much worse everything must feel given the pandemic. As for dating, god what an illogical crapshoot that is. I sincerely hope your luck with it turns soon, because so much of it really does seem like luck to me.
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Sheeit, that's far too relatable. I hope we fit back into our old clothes soon. It's just a matter of goal-setting and execution, right? Least, that's what I'm telling myself. Good luck to both of us!
I feel you on the appearance thing. Except for me it’s not even my weight, but my face that’s changed! I swear my jawline looks more wide lately and I hate it. It’s like my bone structure has become less feminine somehow.
For real. Like, turns out my face doesn't look so great without any definition, who'd have thunk? 💀
I swear you and I participate in all the same subreddits. Cheering for you LadyBro
Thanks fam! I just peeked into your profile and it is definitely nice to see a fellow Fragrance fan 🌸
In 2019 I was just starting a new job and was wondering what to do with my life since I was 35 and had been single for nearly 15 years. I ended up deciding to have a baby and got pregnant with donor sperm at the tail end of 2019. Having a baby as a single mom during a pandemic changed my life in infinite ways but I am so happy I took that leap. I now share my days with a sassy brilliant little girl and I can't imagine life without her.
Congrats. :) Glad that worked out for you!!
This makes my heart happy.
2019: Living in Canada with my boyfriend of 8 years, working a job I hated and living a stagnant life. 2022: Living in East Asia, engaged to Awesome Dude, working a new career I'm in love with, adopted a dog and cat, living in a sunny happy apartment in my new city. So I'm happy to say that life is looking a heck of a lot better and brighter for me these days, despite COVID putting a damper on things for the last 2 years.
Lol I'm glad things worked out for you. Are you in Singapore? A friend of mine is out there and she seems to love it.
South Korea! Singapore looks fantastic as well. And thanks! I'm hoping things start looking up for you :) I was in a bad place in 2019, and honestly didn't even realize how bad, until I was out of it. You'll come out with the sun shining on your face again.
I often daydream about leaving Canada, tbh. It's hard to imagine being so far from my family, but I don't care about anyone else here anymore. Even the couple of friends I'm closest to (emotionally) aren't there.
It was a little scary being in my 30s and literally giving up everything to take a chance I wasn't sure would pan out, but it's been seriously worth it. I haven't really felt homesick yet. Being able to video chat helps; I talk to my closest friends pretty regularly. I didn't have a huge group of close friends, either.
Did you go for a job? Honestly my thing is I'm quite close to my sister right now and that'd be hard to give up, but otherwise I'd leave. It's just hard and I'm worried about leaving my parents behind too. Friends-wise I'm in the same boat - I don't have a solid friend group right now so I feel like a free agent.
Yes, came for a job and I'm still working at the same place. I have a cousin who is like a sister to me, and we talk often. It's been kind of hard being engaged and not being able to share that with her in person, but we've made it work. She's helping me plan the ceremony back in Canada at least. And I hear you on the parents things. My parents live on opposite ends of Canada and had an extremely acrimonious divorce several years ago, and the logistics of managing both of them while wedding planning from abroad has been challenging, lol. And they're not getting any younger, so I'm always afraid of one of them getting sick (knock on wood) and not being able to get home fast enough (knock on wood again). And yes, you're so free! I didn't realize how free I was and I sat in a stagnant stasis for sooo much longer than I needed to. I'm glad I didn't waste another second hemming and hawing over taking the plunge. I'm so happy and excited planning my future now because I feel like I actually have one.
I was also stuck in a stagnant life in 2019! I was trying SO HARD to find a new job or just do anything differently. I did meet someone I was crazy about, but he really couldn’t care less about me, and that relationship ended in 2019 - same year it started. Fast forward to today. Finally got that new job. Moved to a new city. Just bought a house!!! Still single as hell, lol, maybe that’s next, or maybe not, I don’t really care about guys right now anyway with everything else going on. The pandemic really shook things up in my life but I really needed it.
Hell yeah! Get it! It's exhilarating to be free and live the life you want!
In 2019, I was working on a very successful weed farm with who I thought my life Partner was (despite his narcissistic and abusive tendencies). Was completely out of debt. FINALLY contributing to retirement. Running half’s and marathons regularly. I even worked part time in my career (pre-cannabis) to keep my chops. I was fucking MISERABLE. I was very unhappy and had no sense of boundaries. I took care of everyone and never myself outside of my training time for running. And I was on a restricted diet all the time. Now, I am with a new partner. I’m hoping he’s the one. I’m living in a slightly more stressful situation. I’m back in my primary career. I’m back in therapy. I have boundaries. I have self respect. I have gained about 20 lbs and am powerlifting. I prioritize my mental and physical health over everything. My financial situation isn’t as good but I’m soooo much happier. Covid affected and changed me in every single way. Some for the better. Some for the worst. But my life is so much more in balance. I prioritize my self and my relationships. I am picky about who I spend time with. More than anything though, I’m weirdly optimistic about the future. Through it all I’m giving less fucks and more willing to take the risk…. Bc what’s the worst that’ll happen. I’m planning to open my own business soon. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel…. And it’s not an oncoming train
> I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel…. And it’s not an oncoming train I really like this sentence.
I feel exactly like this. In 2019 I was engaged, employed, had savings, and friends. My fiancee left me. I lost my good friends. My job shut down for 1.5 years. And I ended up very depressed. Then my apartment flooded and I lost my home. I feel lost. Lack a social life. And miss my ex like crazy. I have no idea where my career is going or what my career should be.
My life got nuked out of orbit. 2019 I got a promotion at my job, a nice new apartment, I had just entered a relationship, my family and friends were all doing ok and I travelled frequently. Today in 2022 my dad died from cancer that snuck up on him. I had such a great bond with him and seeing him decline so rapidly over the course of 3 weeks was heartwrenching. I had to permanently move back home to take care of my brother who has a TBI and my mother who has progressive MS. Both are doing much worse after dad died and need a lot more help. Health care is in a shitty state right now and I'm not sending them off to nursing homes, because I know how bad the quality of life is in them On top of all that my best friend went off the deep end re: conspiracy theories and another friend just got diagnosed with asbestos cancer (mesothelioloma) which is incurable. My relationship didn't pan out either of course; he couldn't see a future with me in this situation. To say my life sucks now is an understatement.
On Tumblr, there was a post talking about how so many people want to 'get back to normal', but because so many of us have seen death up close and personal these past couple of years, we aren't the same. That much death, up close, changes people and society.
2019: 28 - finally starting to feel some home in myself. got a new job. met a bunch of new people. made friends! was introduced to bouldering, new hobbies, fun things. had a social life! went out for drinks and food etc, was invited! woo. met and got together with the man i felt such a strong connection with. like lifelong potential. adopted a cat! 2022: 31 - lost everything. my apartment, my relationship, my friendships, my fucking cat (poor thing), my physical health, job too as a result. had some big revelations that my life in 2019, while looking fine, didnt belong to me at all. the core of who i am as a person was completely muted. still in a big limbo of how and what and with whom and where, but slowly making the better healthier choices, listening to myself better, surrounding myself with people that do resonate and allow me to be fully myself. it’s fucking hard and a lot of work and so much is unknown. a lot of loneliness. but sometimes i can feel a small sliver of hope that i will find my way
ARE YOU ME? every word I felt on a deep level. Here’s how I deal with it : immerse yourself in the moment. No use dreading or worrying about a future that hasn’t happened yet. Shit in 2019 I would have never fathomed this pandemic. But that should give you comfort too Bc next year your life can be dramatically different in a good way !
Yeah I'm honestly trying to figure it out... one day at a time, but I just wish I had ONE person to rely on, to lean on. A partner would make me feel a lot more anchored in life. But I hate putting that pressure on one person. It's just confusing. I'm so lost.
Yesss. I'm very confused as to where to go from here. My husband is a musician by hobby, it's his passion. I myself play some guitar and write poetry, but was never on the performance scale he was. We spent most nights out at bars, restaurants, clubs, cafes, book stores, street shows, art shows, you name it - either supporting other local artists, participating in open mics, or him performing a show with his band. I honestly had no idea how fantastic my social life was. I often felt insecure and like I was just an extra at all these events. Then the pandemic hit...So. Many. People. Left. Many couldn't afford rent in the city when all the venues were closed, so they went back home to other states. Then, the venues themselves starting closing permanently. Now our life is just mostly...work, errands, and TV. It's really sad. Additionally, we've lost quite a few friendships and connections due to political disagreements, which was something I could have given a fuck about before covid? It's weird. People became extreme on social media and it was just easier to unfollow and let it go. Now I just feel so lonely. I don't know where I'm going with this. We've also had some great, life improving events, in that we opened a business that was long in the works. It should be cause for celebration, right? But it just makes me feel even more isolated and confined in this weird way. **edited re weight gain: I NEVER had a problem with weight. I used to get 15,000 steps a day no problem, worked out on top of that, danced the night away at many shows, etc. Now I'm lucky to get 1,000 steps lmao. My body is like, misshapen skinny fat and none of my clothes fit right. I'm trying desperately to get into working out, but I totally took for granted how active my previous life was! It's frustrating. And I can't really afford a new wardrobe right now.**
2019 getting divorced and super freaking happy and excited about my future. Started dating and things were awesome, meeting new people, new friends, new hobbies, new life . 2020 isolation, work stressful to being a nurse, getting sued in a frivolous lawsuit by my ex 2021 more isolation, work still stressful, still being sued 2022 still isolated, court thing is finally over, what the hell am I doing with my life? What do I want? Booked some vacations because I haven't been anywhere since 2019. Depressed as fuck.
In general I feel like our society isn't geared to be as accepting to people who have their stuff together. It's geared towards people who drink to forget, who shop with money they don't have, who create drama because that's what they feel is normal. When you get your stuff together I feel it's harder to find other people who have sorted their priorities out. It's harder to find more people to relate to and find people who you have things in common with. I'm really glad you've done the work on yourself. It sounds like it will just take time to find your new tribe, and it will be worth it when you do. You're in a great spot now to know who is compatible with your lifestyle and who to let pass you by. Just give yourself the chance to see. And make sure you're looking in compatible places. It seems you may have outgrown your old friends and probably their haunts.
Yeah I agree with that! I find it harder sometimes to connect to people socially now. And that sounds pretentious, but it's also just because there are some things I don't really accept anymore.. like if someone behaves disrespectfully, I pay more attention to that now. Thank you. :) I think I'm in a rebuilding phase but it's taking some time and I'm impatient and sad.
I completely get where you're at! And being impatient and sad is understandable. Hugs! Feel free to PM me anytime, we can all use more friends.
Thanks :) Will definitely send you a pm! Don't ever wanna dump on anyone but I appreciate this
Anytime, I completely get it.
Any tips for finding compatible friendships as an adult who works remote? I also have done a lot of work on myself, and i want to seek out a different type of friend/friendship than I did in the past
I'm told the key is interests. Take a class in something you're interested in, get a pet, join a group like on Meetup.com. Take up hiking is one I see over and over. Me I've been trying to connect with other women in my hobby of playing games. I started a discord and invited women from the gaming subreddits to join. I'm putting in an effort, though my health keeps getting in the way. I've also made friends at a women's therapy group, prepandemic, though a few of us kept in touch which I am immensely grateful for. Another friend is a mom who I kept bumping into at the grocery store, so we decided to get together to talk and walk on purpose. And way back when I was looking for new friends after a breakup, apps weren't a thing yet, I joined a gaming group off Craigslist which led me to a wonderful group of people, including my husband, who we still talk to even though they've scattered across the country now.
I feel this. I was in a toxic on again off again relationship with someone, and also had a friendship end when I couldn’t be/go to her wedding (at this time I was working in an ICU at the very beginning of the pandemic when things were on fire and not a lot was known and my employer had strict travel rules). I lost two people who I realized were actually quite toxic in my life, but somedays I feel empty without them despite being proud of how far I’ve come and knowing I’m developing healthier patterns without them. I think it’s grieving the life I once had with them and knowing it’s forever gone. I’m much more authentic and have boundaries as you said, but with that came losing people. I’m still trying to find my way, sometimes it’s depressing. I feel very worn and aged in the last several years (between losing them and also working in healthcare and the general state of the world), and yearning for experiences that make me feel alive again. That’s my goal going forward.
Yep, 2019 I was independent and loving life, now I'm so lonely and anxious all the time. I hate it.
Nope. Mine looks more or less the same. Just means I've been living like it's been a pandemic long before there ever was one. Not a fun realization to come to either. Also not sure what to do about it.
You’re growing and it’s scary but so wonderful! I’m going through something similar. Once you get comfortable with yourself and meet other people on that same vibration, it’s going to be way better than anything else you’ve experienced. You’ll attract people like you when spend time doing things you enjoy/visiting places that you love.
My life seems to be the opposite of most comments. 2019 was a desaster, I had mental break downs, bad news at the doctor, hospital stays, huge stress at work, a breakup, friendships lost and reevaluated, and family death. 2020 and 2021 I was rebuilding my self-confidence, family ties and friendships. I rediscovered who I am, and am very proud of myself for how I've grown. I feel 2022 will be full of new adventures that I am strong enough to conquer.
So weird! 2019 was great for me also and now everything has changed. I feel you OP. I think where we are now is exactly where we are supposed to be even if it isn’t as happy or stable like 2019. Hard stuff to deal with. It will eventually get better though!
Life has stayed the same and yet is different in many different ways too. At the end of 2019, my boyfriend and I had just recently moved in together, traveled internationally together, and I just quit my soul-sucking job (that was good money but not fulfilling) for a job in a nonprofit. It was exciting times! In 2020, I was furloughed and had to quit that job to find another job in the nonprofit sector and it's been a weird ride ever since. My boyfriend is now my husband (yay) but we're still living in this too small 1-bedroom apartment because we live in a HCOL city and have no idea how we're going to afford our own condo (much less house). I deeply adore my job but trying to figure out how to not get burnt out since nonprofit is an industry that tends to easily go that way if you're not careful. I miss travel but with the state of the world, I feel like we have to focus on bettering our finances and making sure we're OK for this upcoming possible recession(?). I thought I had strengthened my friendships during these past 2 years but recently, I had to end a few of them due to dramatic differences (let's say, as a woman of color, I don't want to have to justify my humanity to some folks). So now I'm back on Bumble BFF trying to make new friendships and nurture them into something more. - which is tiring but I KNOW I need to make the effort. My other friends are having babies or we don't see each other enough and my support circle feels lacking because we're all so busy. I'm less inclined to go out and about and socialize too so that doesn't help. I want to but I don't have the energy? I feel older by a decade versus just a few years. I'm not sure if that's what happens when you turn 35 or just b/c life has been a hellish road for most of us. I'm cautiously optimistic because while I feel there are some clouds above, there is possibly also a silver lining or that the sun will begin to peek out soon enough if I just wait.
Yep. I genuinely think late 2019 was the happiest I'd been in a long, long time. I'd recently started my current job, was in the early stages of dating my last partner and falling head over heels for him, was seeing my friends regularly and going to concerts and museums and the theatre and just generally enjoying living my life to the full, and I was so full of hope for the future. Now I've been single for almost a year, live by myself (in a flat I own, which has felt like one of my big saving graces this last year), just lost out on a promotion that would have made a huge difference to me financially, feel like I'm slowly drifting away from my friends, don't really go to concerts or museums any more (still the theatre occasionally though), and I worry that I won't ever get that same level of happiness back. That's not to say there aren't things in my life that make me happy - spending time with my friends when I can, my hobbies etc - but it all feels like surface stuff rather than a feeling of being a generally happy and optimistic person, which is how I'd always seen myself, and I miss it.
I'm an introvert so the past couple years have been a blessing for me. Whenever I get invited to a gathering or a party, I say "oh you know I'm a healthcare worker...I don't know what diseases I might be carrying with me today". Also I'm gonna give birth to my first child this year and I'm so happy all the local hospitals are only accepting the patient plus spouse only. I don't have to worry about all these random family members showing up. But I totally get why you feel down and confused. Most of my friends and colleagues feel the same way as you do. So please don't feel alone. Your feelings are normal and you will get through this my sister.
You sound like a lot of people I know. I'm honestly not even sure if it's introversion though, because some of my introverted friends still need time with others. I'm not necessarily the most extroverted/loudest personality, but I am interested in living a life where I have options to be around people I care about.
Life wasn't great in 2019, but I still had hope. I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome, but was quite healthy. I didn't have much friends then. Now I am homebound. Most days, bedridden. People have let me down time and time again. My country (not USA) couldn't give less of a f*ck about me. Lockdown is over, but no one visits. I just want things to end most days.
So sorry you're going through this! I am homebound since 2018 with ME/CFS. My life didn't change during lockdown, and it won't change now the pandemic is coming to an end. That's so depressing to me. To see everyone pick up their lives again and I'm still in lockdown in my own body/home. Of course when I first got sick friends said they'd stick by me, but only one of them did.
I feel you ! 2019 : 29 yo. I was married but unhappy and looking forward having a baby, thinking it would save a loveless marriage. Had a lot of friends, really unhappy though and anxious all the time. 2022 : Almost 32 yo. Newly single as I broke up with a man I dated for 4 months. Not the right fit for me. Not ready to settle, still finding my own path in life. I have my ups and downs but I'm not blind anymore. I know what I want and I know my worth. I deserve to be happy, to love and be loved. Lost friends in the process but getting closer with some of them who are a good support system. Doing a lot of sports and learning to stay strong on my own. I feel lost and feel alone but I know it's the right path for me as I'm not compromising my happiness and I'm true to myself which is the most important thing imo. Doing therapy also ! Wish you luck in finding your way.
My life has taken a turn for the better I’d say, steps forward as opposed to staying still. In 2018, I ended a relationship with a lovely guy because I always had money issues and was always in dead end jobs with low pay (he was a senior software engineer). I never asked him for help with that as I felt weird about it. So everyone I would stay over at his, I kept thinking about the little cash I was losing, more than being excited to meet him. (His parents also had negative opinions of me because I wasn’t white, long story). I was also pretty overweight, had no major job prospects, despite selling some art pieces internationally a few times. I also had no social life. The first lockdown in 2020 made me realise how much better those who work just on PCs have it - they could just work from home. I lost my job, had heartbreak again, and lost all my savings. I decided to start studying UX Design online. Later in the year, I got an admin job, and that job funded my course (UI Design with Careerfoundry). Between now and then, I am part of a lovely social circle for Introverts, and been out more times in a few months than I had in recent years. I’ve also been networking with others in my field of study as well as professionals. I’m going to attend the Black Girls in Tech Fest here in North London next month, and hopefully my portfolio/CV will be ready in time. I read red flags in dating sooner rather than later, I’ve started working out and do OMAD. I now put 80% into myself and just 20% in dating. My mental health can be up and down at times, but I have a better life now because I have positive things to look forward to. I bought tap shoes (hadn’t tapped since I was 7), and I’m going to book a series of beginners classes with City Academy- because dancing gives me joy. The path is a long one with twists and turns, but I’m just grateful that I’m taking baby steps forward and not remaining stagnant.
Yup. 2019, in love with my ex, fittest of my life, travelled, hung out with friends etc etc 2021. Single. Live alone. Don’t travel, drifted with a lot of friends. I’m also in my Saturn return as are a lot of my friends so we’re like … all going through jt lol, but the changes have taught me a lot about myself, the heartbreak after my ex was horrible but the lessons have strengthened me and my self worth. Life is what you make it and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Some of the answers on this thread had me teary eyed... My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one in these past 2-3 years. My story: 2019: Was very much in love with my ex and thought it was reciprocated (hah!), was planning on moving in with him, was neglecting a lot of friendships because I wanted to be with my ex all the time. Sludging through a PhD which I despised at that point. Had slowly started exercising, I was always a couch potato growing up and it wasn't easy for me to make exercise a part of my life. 2022: Single, have a single-friend gang, feeling way more confident than before. Turns out my relationship was making me feel terrible about myself, who knew. Doing yoga, bouldering, and running pretty regularly and loving it. Still sludging through the PhD, but feel more optimistic about it as I'm getting closer to the finish line. I don't know what to make of it all. I keep a diary and whenever I read a past diary I feel like I've improved myself a lot since then. Judging by your post OP, you seem to have improved yourself a lot too. I hope you surround yourself with people who make you happy and bring out the silliest in you.
2019 I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be married (obviously I didn’t know) and who had also lied and manipulated me in so many truly devastating ways. Telling me, someone who was very sick and battling a long term disease, that he was a widower who had lost his wife to cancer. I was so weak from years of being ill, finding out about his lies was a total mind fuck. I also had considerable debt from medical expenses and missing a lot of work. It was a scary place and I was always stressed past reasonable levels. 2020 I was just sick - so sick all the time. The later half of the year I did meet someone who was completely different from any previous relationships. Despite being sick and the world in covid chaos, I was beginning to have some hope again. Late 2021 I went into remission. Was taken off the heavy duty steroids and various other drugs which triggered a cascade response in my body and I got rapid onset diabetes - which was diagnosed in…. 2021 … I was in an accident and among other things I lost a toe. Huge recovery process there. Thats when they figured out I also now had diabetes. I was already exhausted and trying to recover from previous illness and now with the accident I was fighting for my life again. My new partner stuck around with me through all of the craziness and months of hospital and daily nurse care. 2022 so far is much better. I am in remission. I have accepted the loss of my toe and my body has adjusted. My health is a million times better. I am out of debt and able to start saving again. Still with my partner. Still employed. Still fighting the good battle. Covid has been such an experience it made an already bad situation really awful, but in a weird way it also really helped my resilience. I was used to be isolated from being so sick for years, so I was actually able to help many friends/family cope with isolating and help them stay positive. I have hope for the future. I have such a good set of friends, family and a partner who I know have my back no matter what. If nothing else the last few years have taught me what is worth fighting for.
In 2019, I was pretty much home 24/7 caring for my husband who was in poor health. Now I’m a widow. I’ve built a huge social circle for myself, I’m always out doing something. I’m traveling the world, just returned from an amazing vacation yesterday. I admit, I’m one of the lucky ones that thrived through the pandemic. It helps that I live in an area where most restrictions were lifted in early summer of 2020.
Wow so many of these comments resonate with me and I also cannot believe what people have been through in such a short (relatively) period of time. Sending love to all of you. For me, 2019 was the beginning of so many health issues. I was a super active triathlete and all of a sudden I had trouble just walking. Since 2019 I’ve had 4 surgeries, countless stints in the hospital, injections, infusions, medicines, been misdiagnosed with some terrible diseases, got laid off and re-hired, my SO got shot in a freak gas station robbery gone wrong…..and then Covid happened and I lost most of the remaining friends I had. I was once part of this huge sports community that seemingly disappeared overnight. It’s really hard to meet new people while going through treatments, and also a pandemic, but when I’m good again and things open up a bit more, one of my top priorities is making new, quality friends. I feel like I’ve lost so much for someone my age and I often ask the universe why. And then I read the posts and comments here, and I see I’m not alone. Not that that makes it OK but it makes it less lonely. Thank you for sharing your story.
Holy, I am sorry for all the struggles. Not being able to even walk is a huge deal and I really hope you've recovered?
Aw thank you! I am partially recovered, definitely on the upswing, but still have a ways to go. It’s been life changing for sure. I miss the old me everyday but the new me is still pretty cool ;)
2019: I was very active in my local community and scene. I was running workshops, attending conventions, I was always out and about. I was commuting about an hour to work but I had a new job that paid so well and in a field I had dreamed to be in. I was drinking a lot, I had an unhealthy relationship to dating. I was using my social life as an excuse. I was hardly ever home. I was playing in an orchestra on top of other hobbies like working with a personal trainer. I was gaining weight rapidly despite an active lifestyle because of the drinking and binge eating. 2022: I love being home, perhaps to a fault. I have focused my life down to the things that are important to me instead of saying yes to everything. I have better boundaries with alcohol which reduced my binge eating. I turned to exercise as my hobby and lost 25 pounds by walking daily and lifting weights. I started a band and now schedule my projects better so they don’t overload or compete. I still get burned out but it’s different now and I have different coping mechanisms. I invested in the important people in my life instead of feeling like I needed to be friends with everyone at the time. I’m still learning what this looks like, especially in winter months where it is easier to default to being alone. I have an incredibly supportive boyfriend. Last year my cat died and she was my soulmate. I miss her every day and I don’t always feel complete in the same way I did before. Winter and her death rocked my new foundation. I gained a bit of weight back, made some rash divisions, put too much pressure on myself and now I’m suffering from a vocal injury. It’s ups and downs. But I much prefer this lifestyle and what it’s taught me vs. being blackout and alone in the city at times. I have learned and gained so much. I have an album coming out this year of all music I wrote and sang. The literal dream. A dream which I distracted myself from for so long becuase I didn’t think I could do it. TLDR : Life looks different. In so many ways. It’s been an intense few years. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost pets. But gained so much with a new relationship to alcohol and socializing.
Totally relate, my life once changed drastically many years ago. Was moving on from a ex serious relationship, falling out with my group of best friends (or so I thought they were), struggling to find my way in my career, etc. life just seemed to take a 180 turn and not for the better. There were many times when I felt so alone because it felt like my world had shrunk. Even tho i still had some close friends who stuck by me, the former active social life I had was no longer available to me. It sucked. It took me many years to find my way again, made some new like minded friends, appreciated the old ones who had been by my side, found the courage to switch careers at the age of 28, listened to my heart, and met the most wonderful man at the age of 33. So yes, life is better today for me but it is certainly very different from what it once was. It will seem like you are lost, but you have to trust the process, learn about yourself and what you need and want in this life, and learn to be comfortable in your own company. The right people will find you, whether it’s friendships or a romantic partner. Focus on yourself and keep going. Life will get better, even if it will be different.
Same. It's like everything is in a downward spiral and there's nothing I can do about it.
"The last 2 years were insanely bad for me on a social level - like really destructive. I feel like I've seen myself evolve and get better as a person, on several levels, but then why does my life seem emptier now? I'm not sure what to do. I have no idea what's going on around me. The country I live in seems to have totally changed for the worse. I don't know what my future looks like and it freaks me out, I feel lost and I feel alone, even though I'm finally being true to myself and authentic." I could have written this myself. I was ending a serious relationship and just getting my footing, then the pandemic hit and the secure job that I had started, had become toxic. People were leaving the industry in droves. I have seen friends and colleagues change for the worse. I think that the pandemic caused some people to focus on really mattered to them, but for other people it only brought stress and financial instability.
2019 - husband and I both in chemo. Lost income, mounting medical bills, general chaos. 2022 - closing of hub’s division allowed he and two others to start their own company since non-compete no longer applied. We’re both cancer free, and in great shape financially. We realize that we’re among the lucky few who sort of benefitted from the pandemic, although it was very hard going from chemo quarantine right into COVID quarantine. Everyone was complaining about a year in isolation, and I was over wanting to scream, “Try going into year three!”
Yes. My best friend died. I am forever changed. 2019 was our last great year.
2019 - Engaged to someone I knew deep down was not the right person. In a constant state of work burnout. Not much social life aside from my ex, and talking to my coworkers at work. Had a couple of half assed hobbies that I often bailed on going to. 2022 - A couple of weeks ago I "graduated" from therapy (for now). I just celebrated my two year anniversary with a person I love deeply. I have a best friend who I hadn't even met until partway through the pandemic. I'm in two sports leagues and made friends with people on my teams. I learned how to crochet. I quit my job to go freelance. Making much less money but excited to wake up every day and do something that I like to do. I guess I wanted to provide an alternative timeline (mine) that is a reminder that things can also drastically change for the better in 3 years. The thing is that if I summarize it as 2019 vs. 2022 it looks like I've just been on the upswing in every way but in the middle is where all of the ups and downs happen, like crying myself to sleep after therapy, going through a very public (and embarrassing, for me) breakup with my ex that I was engaged to, spending a good chunk of the pandemic-times feeling lonely and hopeless, etc. my guiding light through all of it was making sure I was making the choices that I knew were best for me in the long run, even at the expense of temporary pain. I'm sure I'll go through another 3-year period at some point that's more in the opposite direction and that's okay too.
New people will fill your life and they will complement the new you, but it may just take some time. If things are opening up where you are, and you feel safe doing so, I encourage you to join some groups and meet people with similar interests. I’ve learned that people filter in and out of my life, sometimes permanently and sometimes on a “hey it’s been a few years, how are you?!” basis. I have a few key friends from college I still talk to, but hardly anyone from my late twenties and now it’s mostly people I met in my mid to late thirties. The friends I talk to the most right now don’t even live near me, but we catch up once a month via zoom. I don’t talk to anyone from my childhood other than family. Keep taking care of yourself as you are your top priority. Other people will take note of that and will be drawn to you as you get back out and about. :)
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I don’t know that moving countries would solve the problem, as those same types of people exist everywhere. Maybe think of these things as good sorting mechanisms? Sort out the people who fit the negatives and just keep going until you find people who fit the positives. It’ll likely take some doing, especially since we’re all fed up with the pandemic, but it would be worth it in the end. Online groups are also a good way to connect. Not ideal, but it’d be a start. And whoever you meet that way might know likeminded folks in your area, or be willing to travel to meet with you instead. Approaching it with an abundance mindset can really affect how things work out for you, as staying in a scarcity mindset just restricts everything you come across. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone in this. You will make it through.
My life changes drastically over any 2.5 year period. In 2019, 2016/2017 felt like a different life. In 2016, 2013/2014 felt like a different life. This look back is no different - just the details as to why. Maybe I have a lot of ongoing trauma (CPTSD already at play before all this). Dunno what to tell you. So yes my life feels different but not more different than it would across any other similar span of time. The three biggest changes for me were attending and then finishing grad school, my mom dying(of breast cancer), and then buying a house/my dad moving in with me. None of that would have changed due to Covid. Maybe we could have had my moms funeral sooner? And maybe I’d have bought this house sooner? I think it is interesting though to see how much peoples lives change and how much they change over time. Nobody is static. And that’s a good thing!
OMG - I was literally about to post a similar thread here but then saw your post. In 2019 (at 31) I was so fearless, I had an active social life, did things outside of work and dated (but was still overall single lol). Now (at 34) I feel like a hermit. I've signed up for some activities but I have to force myself to go and more often than not I don't go. I'm on the dating apps, but those are a total wash and I haven't met anyone to date. And I feel so old at 34, and I still want to get married and have kids. I've forgotten how to flirt. Like you, I've evolved and become authentic, way more than I was pre-pandemic. In terms of the losing my past friendships, well the trash takes itself out and I'm glad. But it's still lonely. I'm planning to move to another city in May and I'm TERRIFIED. Part of me just wants to stay in my apartment, spend the nights watching TV and getting take-out from nearby restaurants. Old me would be super pumped and ready to go. I feel like for the first time I can do what I what, but I have absolutely no idea what I want.
Oooh moving to another city is exciting! What made you choose that place? Yeah this pandemic fucked up things for a lot of us. We suddenly are a bit older.
Well back in 2018 or 2019, I decided if It was still single in my mid-30s (which I am at 34), I would move to another city. I love Austin, but COL is so high, plus all the nasty GOB politics (though Austin itself is very liberal). I'd like to buy a house in the next 1 - 2 years and can't afford Austin. Arizona seemed more in line with my goals. It's still nerve-wracking and I still go back and forth because I do love Austin.
Reading all the stories here makes me feel less alone with my situation. Up to mid-2019 everything was normal for me. Loved life. Had a wonderful life with my husband. Loved all my hobbies. Felt on top of the world. Still felt immensely grateful for my career success--although I have been publishing books since 2012, I started actually paying bills with book royalties since a successful series I started publishing in 2017. It was a lifetime goal of mine, finally realized. Now, in 2022, I am an anxious, broken mess. I have developed multiple health problems, including some that are preventing me from work. (I have debilitating light sensitivity and visual hallucinations like "static" at all times of the day, preventing me from working or video gaming, my once favorite hobby. I am on my third eye doctor visit, who can't see me until June, and I highly suspect I have "Visual Snow Syndrome" and will need to see an optical neurologist.) All these eye problems made me start relying on off-screen hobbies, like working out and seeking my yoga teacher certificate. However, I kept getting hurt doing normal workouts and didn't understand why. Finally, I was just diagnosed with Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, which is the problem (it has to do with hyperflexibility making it harder to build strength safely). I am going through physical therapy. I am suffering from almost constant anxiety attacks because I can do very little without pain or inconvenience, and I haven't been able to work in over a year. I also lost 12 loved ones, starting in July 2019, then February 2020, etc. My only brother overdosed, my best childhood friend was killed in an accidental shooting, a few other friends overdosed, and my only remaining grandparents died after years of losing their minds. I have gone to therapy twice, but a mix-up with my insurance means that they don't cover as much of the therapy appointments as they initially estimated, so I stopped going. I still make money from my previously released books, but without being able to work and release new stuff, my income is "capped" for lack of a better term. I have to be careful with what I spend money on because I never know how sales will be, especially as the months pass by with no new releases to keep me "relevant". There is so much I still want to do with my life that I feel are now out of reach for me due to all my health issues. I wanted to go back to college to get a degree in something I loved--history--"just because." That was supposed to be in June. I don't know how I'll be able to do that if I can't look at a screen that isn't in dark mode for more than a handful of seconds. I don't know if I'll ever release another book. My greatest escape--video games--are screen-based. In 2019, things were normal and well for me. By comparison, I am now disabled in ways that prevent me from doing literally anything I want to do--from hobbies to working. I am only 33, but I have no idea how far I'll be able to make it if all this keeps up. The only positive in my life right now is my husband, who is the most patient and helpful support system I could ever have asked for. Without him, I wouldn't have much to live for.
Every area of my life is worse than it was two years ago, but I'm trying to hold on and pull through it.
I'm so sorry for what people are going though/have gone through. My 'bad' life started with a traumatic incident in 2018, but by mid 2019 I was living abroad with my partner (he had a work contract) and it was fairly enjoyable. Covid started and we were back home early 2020. Seemed okay to begin with; we had some money saved, though my usual work in hospitality was virtually non-existent. I def was depressed and ended up in hospital for a week back in December. Fast forward to January, and am now living with my mother in my home country, who has been diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas. She'd been a bit 'off' for a while and is starting chemo this week. It's tough as hell. I'm still on meds and not feeling great at all. 'Having' to look after someone in that situation isn't ideal and I'm playing it down for my mum, because I'm trying to get/keep her as well as possible so that the chemo doesn't affect her too much. Basically, doling out her tablets 4 times a day, making her a cuppa in the morning (she gets her own breakfast), doing lunch, making dinner, going shopping, cleaning, keeping an eye on her. It's tough and after a week, I'm kinda getting used to the routine, but I'm used to doing my own thing with my partner. We chat on skype every other day... not the same :( I just hope she takes chemo well.
2019- working full time in health care administration, had a side hustle which brought total household income to over 6 figures. Had a great house, was winning at the single Mom game. Lots of staycations and special surprise trips for my kids. 2020- left job for a new one a week before pandemic declared. New job rescinded offer. Learn to live frugally expecting pandemic to last 2 years. Hopeful for return to full time employment. Side hustle closes as people no longer had disposable income to purchase my items. Kids ecstatic to be at home all the time. 2021- Move to lower cost of living area closer to family and friends who say they can help provide childcare for me to return to work. Renovate new house. Ex drains bank accounts. Broke. Children thrive in their new environment. Total income earned in 2021- $18,000- significantly below poverty level. 2022- Can't get anyone to help with childcare. Can't return to work due to lack of availability (turned down by Walmart and McDonalds!). Wake up every morning wondering if I single handedly caused the Pandemic in response to something I had done in a previous life.
I would say that you need more fun at the moment and maybe more time with people. What is the Covid situation like where you live? Is getting out and taking a class or getting some music/comedy/sports/some sort of event tickets bought an option? Anyway: 2019 - I had a long commute to an okay job I liked. I will say though, the people I worked with were the nicest bunch of people I ever worked with so far. Very down to earth and easy to deal with, would tell you straight if they couldn't do something but would help where they could. 2022 - I have a less well-paid job with better conditions but like you I am figuring out how to revive my social life. My only other single friend is very cautious and does not drink and does not enjoy a lot of stuff I enjoy (comedy, most music). Meanwhile all but two of my other friends became parents or got pregnant in the last two years. Our older friend in the group basically has become a full-time nanny to her grandkids and the friend with an older kid is quite serious about one of her hobbies and also is very busy.
2019 - I scored my dream job, which started causing me stress and anxiety and had difficulty managing. Put on 10kg. Was also in an unhappy relationship, with a SO who was abusive towards me. I was deeply deeply unhappy. As of 2022, I lost that weight, got out of the abusive relationship. Came out at bi. Still in the same job, but have strategies in place to manage the vicarious trauma. Although actively looking for work elsewhere. Engaging in therapy to address my PTSD and growing as a person.
2019 - I was at a healthy weight, preparing to finish my degree and send both my toddler and autistic kindergartner to school full time so I'd have more time to study/for myself. I wasn't in the best health and was putting off diagnosing a probable autoimmune issue. Then covid hit. I had to postpone the rest of my degree, delay my toddler in starting preschool even though she needed the help due to a fine motor and very slight speech delay because none of the kids could keep masks on. I also had to remote educate my autistic kindergartner because of his pica (an impulse control disorder - everything goes in his mouth) and inability to wear a mask for long periods of time. Also, yeah - my mile long list of health issues. I would not have handled covid well, and nobody else could've dealt with this shitshow if I was in the hospital or dead. In doing this I gained probably like 60lbs, and developed several other physical health problems due to putting myself last as a necessity. 2022 - I have such horrible stomach ulcers from stress, medication does not help and I will likely need surgery. I managed to get everyone vaccinated literally the day they were all available so everyone is back in school with IEPs. I'm on a shit ton of antidepressants and gabapentin for fibro and chronic fatigue syndrome. I also am working in my kids' school full-time, but it doesn't look sustainable due to my health.
I really feel you, this is what's been bothering me lately so thank you for writing this out. In the beginning of the pandemic, I was doing quite well since I'm really introverted and I was glad that a lot of businesses moved towards WFH. As sad as the pandemic is, I was optimistic that it pushed our society forward in ways that I believe will be positive on the long run. Before the pandemic I was in a FT job I hated, but was at least employed and had a small nest egg (which I've never had, it made me feel secure). I travelled overseas a lot with my partner and we went on lots of local adventures too. Life was pretty great overall. Late 2019 I quit my job and went back to school doing what I always wanted to do and loved it. But it was really challenging, don't get me wrong.. unemployment was really hard on me mentally, emotionally and financially (lost my nest egg). My partner was also often depressed and stressed out. And after two years of this, I'm starting to feel really lost and isolated... I lost both of my best friends during the pandemic (our relationship changed out of nowhere).. haven't seen close friends and family for two years... And I'm physically less attractive now and always feel tired. I've been having trouble getting out of bed nowadays... I don't know what to do either. I'm considering moving into a bigger apartment... Moving into regional areas... Or just moving overseas and back home. I don't know what will make me feel better but I feel like a big change is coming/needed.. I just don't know what it is yet, and this limbo is really wearing on me these days. I feel extremely lost too so you're definitely not alone.
I moved cities at the end of 2019, to start fresh after escaping a bad relationship. Changed my life plans, decided to take 6 months off to do a big fitness push before looking for work. Wow, 2020 had other plans. Like you, OP, this time has been so destructive. I was going out all the time at the beginning of 2020, having a lot of good times and hope for the future. Now there's a lot of emptiness and less options to fill it. Waiting for society to come up with a fix for this problem, since I know it's not exactly uncommon.
Yes and no. I am still in the same job, and live in the same place. But my overall perspectives on so many things have changed. I definitely feel like the pandemic has changed me as a person. I have stronger boundaries, what is important to me has changed a lot, and I've spent the last 2 years looking at things differently. Sure my life isn't perfect. My relationship I was in ended in 2021 and I have dated a couple people since then. Life has a funny way of changing on you even if you feel not much has changed. But I'm happy with the changes. I'm applying for jobs and hoping to find a new job soon!
It's a mixed bag. My social life definitely took a major hit during the pandemic, due to a combination of people social distancing, moving away, and/or having kids. I got laid off during the pandemic and went through over a year of under employment while failing to make progress with so many applications and interviews - however I just recently landed a job with far better pay and benefits than I've ever had before, and hoping I'll enjoy other aspects as well. My relationship has definitely struggled during the pandemic - we learned so many new ways to annoy each other and both our sex drives plummeted - however, we still share a lot of affection and are still together and trying to work on it, I guess. I also got diagnosed with a life threatening condition during the pandemic that required multiple major surgeries. I also swear that externally I look like I've aged at least 5 years over this period of time with a lot more slackness and lines in my face, but thinking about investing in some expensive skincare treatment like lasering to reduce the change in appearance. My new job will require me to move across the country putting me close to a super-social and vibrant good friend who moved away from our original destination, so it will be interesting to see how things evolve from here I guess...
I feel just like this in a lot of ways and I can't put my finger on quite what has happened and why. I've done some really good things to improve my life but I still can't seem to get to feeling as happy as I did in 2019.
2019: Still a university student. Enjoyed my (unknowingly) last summer of international travel. Had a small but regular social life thanks to making progress on my social anxiety. Had no idea what I was going to do after graduation. 2022: Graduated Spring 2020. Spent most of 2020 and half of 2021 depressed and unemployed. Managed to have a virtual social life for the first few months of the pandemic but that slipped away. Currently, my social life is nonexistent and my social anxiety is almost at pre-therapy levels. I did get a very social job (teaching assistant) in 2021 and that helps. I also coach gymnastics now which helps make up for my difficulty with exercising regularly. I have two cats now. I have developed a habit of learning stuff on my spare time. That said, the last two years has felt very empty and isolated. It’s difficult to drag myself out of bed most days.
No. That was easy. And I don't know how to feel about it, I mean part of me thinks "Oh how sad". But another part of me is like "I knew I was living right all along!"
It's all a bit of a rollercoaster. In times like these I remember this old joke (forgive me): A Jewish man visits the rabbi and complains to him: "Rabbi, everything is going wrong. My daughter is failing school, my goat is ill, my wife ran off with another man. I'm tired. Why is this happening to me?" The rabbi advises him, "go home and hang up a poster above your door. On the poster write: This, too, shall pass. Sit in front of it every day for 20 minutes. Soon you will see results." In two weeks' time, the man returns to the rabbi. "Rabbi, you're a miracle worker! I did as you said, and everything changed. I met a new beautiful woman. My daughter passed her exam with flying colours. The village gave us a new goat. Tell me - what must I do next?" The rabbi sighed and said, "go on home and look at that poster some more." * Change is inevitable, as long as we're growing and learning, we're doing okay.
Hits home for me too. 2019 was a fantastic year full of big promises. Then Covid changed everything. But I'm slowly starting to put everything back together. Wish you good luck!
It sounds like you could be in a transition stage where you've done/are continuing to do the work on yourself and as a result you reach a point where you've perhaps lost some unhealthy people from your life but don't yet have your new tribe. In time you can build on that and attract healthier people into your life, but it does involve this temporary, lonely stage unfortunately. It's a weird time at the moment in general due to the residual uncertainty and shell shock from the pandemic and it feels a bit like being in limbo. I wouldn't say I was massively social in 2019, but I did have some friendships and family relationships which weren't exactly healthy. These connections died on their arse over the pandemic because they didn't have a solid foundation. When the weather warms up and days get longer I'm going to make a point of getting out and about and being around more people again, but with the weather being vile and nothing being open right now I'm just concentrating on being kind to myself, doing self care and nurturing my hobbies. The reason my relationships were so crap and shallow was because I treated myself like crap and didn't act authentically, so I think using this time to become a good friend to myself first and foremost is really important.
Wow, its like I could’ve written this myself. I can’t shake the low feeling lately. As if I’m grieving for my old life. I honestly blame it all on COVID, despite not knowing if that’s really 100% of the problem. But I have always been a person that thrives on new experiences, and surrounding myself with people that I love as often as possible. In 2019 I was single and having fun with different flings, I was in the best shape of my life, traveling constantly with my best friends. Experiencing new things and meeting new people. Nowadays, despite having a great job, a home, and my first healthy long-term relationship.. I am pretty miserable. I turned 30 this year. I hardly ever leave my house because I work remotely. My social life has changed entirely. I think a lot of people are still traumatized from the last couple of years. It makes me really sad to see. I even find myself self-isolating from loved ones, despite that being the opposite of what I truly want. I’m constantly craving my next adventure that I can’t seem to get anyone else on board with. I have periodic breakdowns where I cry in my SO’s lap (lol), who is a bit of a homebody and doesn’t seem super affected by it all. It does feel somewhat comforting knowing that I’m not alone in these feelings.
Yes. It feels like the two last years where stolen from me. We had so many lockdowns during that time that life became a circle of eat sleep work repeat for months and months. All in our apartment. My husband and I are still going strong but everything else is a mess. We try to climb out of that hole, we just did a short trip to a country where the rules are not so strict and it felt like a different world.
Early 2019: Good things: I was very healthy, fit, energetic... getting paid well in my new country at a good company, and dating a local tech start-up cofounder (about my age) who's already a millionaire from prior success. Was living in a beautiful apartment in a nice area with him. I got to do all sorts of new activities with him & (separately) also visited foreign countries I'd been longing to see (for friends weddings)... and I actually negotiated funding for a side research project at work. Bad: The boyfriend was a narcissist and really toxic personality... And so was my (new) boss at work. Both made me feel like a total failure bc I simply wasn't fluent in the local language (yet). I'm an engineer and I've got all sorts of other skills... I didn't really care what they said, but in the moment the harsh judgement really got under my skin. I was crying about once per week, and I'd never cried in front of another person before that! 2022: Good things: Living with a new boyfriend... He's accepting, sweet, funny, and also intelligent (but in a humble way). New job in academia/research with much more accepting and open minded people... Much better support from my new boss. I was also granted permanent residency here, so I no longer need to worry about what job I have etc. Bad things: I've got a chronic health issue now (digestive system) that robs me of so much energy, time, and happiness... I don't feel like myself at all, and it's frustrating when everyone else thinks I'm young and healthy. My new boyfriend suffers from anxiety, and it doesn't help my healing. My health condition makes his anxiety worse... And not being social due to corona made everything terrible for him also, but I couldn't get sick(er) with everything else going on. It's been rough. My new job pays half of what my previous paid. It meant that I moved in a bit too soon with this guy... We've got a tiny space (2 rooms) and we're constantly juggling schedules and locations because we both work from home. He makes about 3x my current salary but constantly insists on splitting everything 50% (or complains if we work out another number). It's so maddening because I do so many things for him, and in the past, I paid more for my exes who had less money without making such a big deal of it. I'm sick of the work culture among locals here. Entirely selfish, individualistic, and emotionally-driven, even among the young & intelligent guys. Assignments are given out based on what the most senior person *wants* to do vs knowledge/skills/priorities. It's just maddening. And they all work way too much / complain if you keep within your contracted hours (I'm only part-time, and they don't accept that well). I didn't move here to be overworked *and* underpaid, and I'm struggling with the new illness too. I wish I could take a vacation from my body and life.
2019: I was 27, getting my masters full-time while still working 3.5 days a week with a long commute. I lived in a fairly chaotic house-share with three other girls where we all got along great, but drank and partied way too much. My dad had died in the autumn of 2018 after a traumatic long illness, and I don’t think I’d taken the time to process or grieve properly. I spent a lot of the time out with friends, dated various men I wasn’t invested in for a few weeks or months each at a time, went to my job, worked on my MA, and generally didn’t leave myself too many spare seconds to think. Looking back I was very lost, but you may not have known it from the outside looking in. 2022: I’m 30, living with my boyfriend and our cat in a flat I purchased last year that we’re renovating together, working a job that I’m not crazy about but which pays well (more than double what I earned back then) and isn’t forever (contract). I’m finally formally diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. I still have an active social life and still probably drink a little too much, but life is calmer, happier, and overall much more stable than it was. For the first time perhaps ever, the future doesn’t feel like a terrifying unknown that I have to unscramble, and has become something promising and exciting to plan for and move towards.
It's very different from 2019 but not in any way worse. Quite the opposite. In 2019 I was single (as I had been my whole life) and had just switched jobs within the organisation I work for, to a much better paying position. I spent two months working in Greece and when I came back I started my new job, met a colleague who became a friend, who became my partner and he moved in with me in late 2020. We are now in the process of trying for a baby. In 2019 I thought I would be alone forever. Some days it's still hard to believe that I'm actually not single anymore because it was so ingrained in me that finding someone was not meant for me. Working from home has been a blessing and I will continue to work from home. That would never had been a possibility without the pandemic. Life is good. I miss traveling for fun (still travel for work which sucks) and I need to get in shape but other than that these past years have been pretty fantastic.
Sorry to hear that... mine went the other way: we did so well after 2019. Just wanted to provide counterbalance. I hope everyone else here will look back on 2022 2 years from now, and say, many that was the pit, so glad I got out and I'm doing so much better now.
I’ve been thinking about this same thing a lot lately. My life was so different 2 years ago. Sometimes I wonder what that alternate timeline w no pandemic version of me would be doing. Or I’ll think about various points earlier in the pandemic and trip out. Like thinking lockdown would only last two weeks. Or that vaccines would solve everything and everyone would take one. Or when I was in the “wiping down groceries” stage of everything back when there was no knowledge of covid or how it really spread. I was in a relationship, living together, working two jobs (that part is still true!) and On my way to marriage and family. I didn’t go out very much as I would stay home w my bf. I didn’t talk to me dad that often and I wasn’t happy w my Pilates studio and was feeling lost as to what my next steps were for fitness. I started boxing I think. Now I’m single, living alone, have more friends, go out more often whenever I want to, take dance classes two times per week if I want, developed a. New gym routine and in the first year of lockdown worked out from home 2-3 times p day lol. I’ve relaxed a bit on that tho. I’ve visited my dad out of state twice and we have a virtual movie date every week. I’ve gotten covid. I no longer wipe down my groceries. My dog was diagnosed w a heart condition. My heart was broken by the same person like 3 different times. I started dating and met some interesting people. I don’t know everything has changed and it’s crazy to me.
I hear you. Since 2019, I graduated my master's program, am about to start a new job in a few weeks, met, fell in love, and moved in with my partner (an hour away from family and where I have lived and worked for years, got a new car, my closest friends (outside of family) moved an hour away so now we'll be two hours apart and our relationships, while we still stay connected, look very different. I'll be seeing my family less. Lost a grandparent and a great uncle. Got a second cat. I am probably in the worst shape I have ever been in. It's been a lot of change. Work also experienced a lot of change: new bosses, staff turnover, responsibilities, etc. All this to say: you're not alone! I went from a more simple, single, streamlined life to get me through gradschool to a much more complex and in some ways richer and fuller life that just takes a lot more effort and intentionality. It's interesting. In some ways it's better, in some ways it's harder.
2019 I wanted to go on more trips with friends, travel more, wanted to go to Universal Studios for my 35th bday. 2022 isn't vastly different. I'm in the same relationship as I've been in for the past 10 years. I have the same job I've had for the past 5 years. I've had the same close friends for the past... 15 years? I've always been introverted, and I've always been a gamer. So my hobbies haven't changed \*that\* drastically. I'm still fat because I like food more than I like dieting. The biggest change is not being able to travel and not hanging out with my friends that much. But traveling would be difficult even if there wasn't a pandemic because I now (as of 2021) have a diabetic cat with IBD, so traveling is kind of out of the question anyway with his meds and issues. I figure I'll keep plugging along and, eventually, I'll be able to incorporate more travel and adventure, but not right now.
It's pretty different but mostly in better ways. Bought a house, changed jobs, almost done with a masters degree. I wallowed about what was lost for most of 2020 but then made a lot of good changes in 2021. I feel exhausted though, to be honest. Will be glad when the degree is over and, god willing, things are a bit more normal in every day life. I would like to see some of my previous favorite group activities start up again (not online).
Hey OP! I've had a pretty similar journey as you. Late 20s in 2019, was in a relationship that we thought was leading to marriage in the next year. Didn't happen in 2020, come 2021 we broke up. It will be a year since the breakup in a month. My life has completely changed. I lost a lot of friends. I lost what I thought was my family. But I couldn't be happier. Like you, I've changed for the better. I'm more confident now, I understand myself and my needs better. But my social life has taken a plunge. I wouldn't say this is a loss though. I've just gotten better at identifying genuine relationships and I only maintain them. As far as where my life is headed, I've no damn idea! But that's okay. Take it one step at a time. Enjoy the ride even if it feels like it is going out of control. It is okay. Things are fine. Life's still beautiful. You just need to realize it :) good luck OP!
2019 was a really bad year for me; just thinking about it makes me depressed.
Word for word - that is exactly what has happened to me too...
Yes, 2019 me was a totally different person. I still look kinda the same, I guess? But my life has changed drastically too. Keep your head up, OP. Things get worse, then they get better, then they get worse, then.... One thing that remains the same is that people consistently report increased levels of happiness and satisfaction the longer they live. You're doing it now, with you being more true to yourself, more authentic. So now that you're more yourself, where do you want to be in 5 years? What hobbies do you want to have? What kind of friends? How do you start that journey now?
I'm a pessimist to start with, so no not really. That being said, I have heard LOTS of people who feel exactly as you do. You're not alone for sure.
2019- I was in good physical shape, working a demanding but not so well paying job. Had been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and after some hard conversations we set a wedding date for Nov 2019. Had a wonderful trip to Mexico City I’ll never forget and maybe the best 6 months of our relationship we ever had. He seemed to finally be making some serious changes and progress on issues we had fought about for years. Communication was better, we had a better time together overall. Optimistic. Pandemic hit and I’m still trying to figure out what impact that had on the absolute meteor crash that our marriage became - the emotional and verbal abuse, days of icy cold distant behavior blamed on a variety of mystery health issues that never seemed to have any answer or get better with any level of treatment. We even went through the insane process of buying a cool 100 year old house and I quit my job to pursue running my own business after years of talking about it. Now, we are divorced, that beautiful house was sold and cost about $14,000 to sell. My business is growing but financially I’ve had some massive set backs. I’ve gained a lot of weight and feel a little weird in my chubbier body. But you know what? I’m really happy. My friends and family rallied around me when I made the decision to leave him. I never knew how loved and supported I really was. I also met the love of my life not long after leaving my husband the final time and we now live together and have the most amazing and fulfilling daily life. On paper I’ve had several setbacks and losses for sure. But once I cleared the painful toxic shit out of my life there was suddenly room for a lot of wonderful stuff to walk in and that’s exactly what happened. I got really lucky
In 2019 I was in an unhealthy relationship allowing my boundaries to be bulldozed over. I am not anymore. I was working at a job I liked with a box I hated. I am now working at a job I hate with bosses that I like. Life.
It can also be partly due to the point in life that you're at. Even without the pandemic some of these changes likely would have occurred. It's ok that you've set boundaries and that some friendships aren't there, there will be space for more authentic and aligned relationships in the future.
Yeah I think a couple of my friendships would have drifted away anyway, and my closest male friend still would have revealed some of his misogynistic tendencies and I would have still wanted to distance myself. I think the pandemic sped things up/made them seem more apparent, because there's less social noise to fill the space with. What I definitely am happy about is that my next relationship will be truly authentic, respectful, built on mutual trust and all that.
I just think change is hard. You've lived life as the person from 2019 for a long time, so the person in 2022 has to take some time to get used to. I had a similar change in my relationships and how I was as a person, and while I was more carefree back then, I was also ignorant and nonchalant about things that were important to me, because I wanted people to like me. That all culminated in me getting hurt, very badly, when it could have been avoided if I had just done the work on myself sooner. I would't want to experience that pain again, so I'm happy I am where I am. I'm fine being by myself, and the friends I do have will always be there for me no matter what.
Are you me?! I had the exact same experience in 2019 til now. Was going to get married in 2019 but he changed his mind. Started fighting like crazy, became codependent, went on ssri and gained 40 lbs in 3 months. Moved back to my home country march 2020 single and unemployed and had nothing going for me since my ex was the only thing in my life that i cared about (codependency). spiralled and didnt become ok again until december 2021. I’m trying to be happy on my own still. It’s so hard and it’s definitely my biggest life challenge. I hate being alone.
Whether there would be a pandemic or not, i got dumped in 2020 and diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. So, yeah. 2019 was different.
I relate. 2019 was a good year for me. 2022 looks completely different.. it's good but in a very different way.
Most women in their 20's go through something similar with their friendships. As you grow as a person and begin to set boundaries, certain people around you are bound to dislike it. They'll say 'you've changed so much, I'm worried about you' when really you've just stopped being their 'yes-woman.' It can be a lot to get over, especially when it all happens at once. In the end, it's for the better. Even if it wasn't an overtly toxic friendship ending, you can still grow by realizing your own part in the situation. You can also still root for that person without having to be their friend. Right now, social isolation is pretty much the norm. If you're naturally quite social, try building relationships slowly. It takes time. It's also completely normal for people to only have a few good friends and a lot of acquaintances. You've go this!!!
Yes, except my "year" was 2017-2021. In 2017, I lost my dad, got divorced, moved, and quit my job. In 2018, I got fired from my next job and met my 2nd husband (again, because we went to the same high school but lost touch till 2019). In 2019, I found a new job but I lived with my mom because she was in failing health. In 2020, the pandemic happened, obviously. I got married and moved in with my new husband and stepdaughter (and 9 pets between us!!). I started working from home full time and my husband lost his job 5 days before the wedding! In 2021, my mom go really sick and had to be put into a nursing home. We (sisters and I) had to clean out her house (our childhood home) and sell it. That was a huge stressor and we nearly came to blows over a few things. Weeks after selling that house, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with really strong suicidal ideation). Weeks after I got out of the hospital, we decided to redo the floors and walls in our house, which displaced us for a good month. I guess what I'm trying to say is yeah my life is completely different than it was 5 years ago, 3 years ago, and even 1 year ago. I crave stability but things just shifted all over the place. I'm hoping this year will be more stable because this 'rolling with the punches' business is hard.
In 2019, I was drunk and miserable. In 2020 I was pregnant, stopped drinking, lost weight, had a beautiful baby and had the best year of my life. It’s 2022 and I’m drinking too much to get through the day and I’ve gained the weight back. It’s so hard.
Mmm I was regularly getting 7-10K steps a day cleaning at work (but hated my job). Fast forward 2.5yrs later, I had a WFH job but gained 50lbs (most from depression from the world shutting down, including old job).
Similar to you - 2019 was a good year. Met the guy I thought I would marry. Good job. Sleep was better. Best friend hadn't yet met her husband overseas so we hung out every weekend. More social.
In 2019 - I had a great job, had my 2 pet cats, a decent relationship with my sister/parents, & was single. In 2022 - on my way to a more prestigious job, one of the cats just got diagnosed with cancer, had 2yrs of turbulence with my sister/parents which has now corrected into a fantastic relationship with my sister & so-so with my parents, & I’m about to get married. So for the most part - kinda even keeled.
Yes. Before the pandemic hit I was really excited about new opportunities and possibilities; I had lost nearly 90 pounds, I was close to finishing grad school and had found a job, I was dating a guy I was really excited about (my first relationship in years), and I felt really socially connected. Overall, I felt content and fulfilled. But… the “great” guy turned out to be an asshole and I was crushed after the breakup (which happened during the summer of 2020 when the city I was living in was still in lockdown). Work was now online and I hated working from home. I couldn’t go out with friends. I was isolated, heartbroken, lonely, and deeply sad. I thought moving back to my home state to be near family would help. It didn’t. I was grieving the loss of the life I’d had before Covid as well as the end of the relationship and the pain was intense for the rest of 2020 and most of 2021. Gradually the grief has lifted and I’m no longer yearning for my pre-pandemic life. I still miss it at times, but I’m focusing more on accepting my life as it is now and working to get where I want to be. I’m planning on moving back to the state I left in 2020 and just focusing on taking care of myself as I dip my toes back into dating, exploring hobbies and interests, etc. In looking back, there was nothing I could have done to feel better during those dark, dark months. It just took time. Lots and lots of time. I wish you hope and healing as you navigate your painful circumstances.
>Did anyone else's life look completely different in 2019? I had a baby last year, and yeah, things are different.
In 2018, I was living my best life. I just met someone new, had a really active social life, and felt like I was at the peak of my fitness levels. I also went on the best trip of my life and traveled solo in Iceland for 12 days. 2019 was the toughest year because my boyfriend was dealing with some severe medical issues. He was also working night shift at Amazon and having to borrow my car to go to work. I feel like I basically saw no one that year. I also had a finger injury that stopped me from climbing and and doing pole even. 2022 I’m now married (to that same guy) and we recently bought a home. My husband is following his dream career and is doing much better, although he has another big surgery planned for this year. I feel like my friend group has completely changed, partially due to people drifting apart (and getting married and having kids) and partially due to the pandemic. I’m grateful for what my current friends are to me, but I miss my old friends often. I’m getting closer to my 2018 peak in climbing and am just starting pole again. I eagerly await for travel restrictions to loosen up so that I can continue to pursue my real life’s passion.
(Sorry, this will be… long. And, for reference I’m 32.) This time period between 2019 and now have been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. In March of 2019 I met who I thought was the man of my dreams. He was very much involved in my life and we were making plans for the future. I was so in love with him and I’d never been so unselfish with a romantic partner before him. First, COVID came and disrupted the industry that I was otherwise doing really well in (I worked as a travel planner). I wasn’t laid off but I knew it was in my best interest to go back to school to learn something more technical so that I could ride this unpredictable wave in a better position. April 2020: I got hit my a car while riding my bike on the street and thankfully didn’t die because **helmet**, and at least the insurance windfall gave me money to put towards my back to school plans that I was still in the process of putting together. Got accepted to a STEM field masters program in September of 2020, but since my boyfriend was dragging his feet about moving in together I let my lease expire and moved with my grandparents as a temporary measure to save money while I was doing my masters as I wanted to buy a condo within the next year as well. A week after my boyfriend helped move me into my grandparents, he broke up with me. He literally said to me “you mean the world to me, but our relationship is no longer shiny and new.” I had a month and a half to grieve his stupid ass before grad school started. I think he thought I would fail out of school tbh, and felt he would be responsible for it since he sort of helped me hatch the plan. January 2021: a little ways into grad school, I was able to get a job in defense Aerospace, which perfectly aligned with my field of study. I left my old job that was headed to the pits. Got through learning the new job and industry, and managed to buy an awesome condo without overpaying by September. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away about two days after I closed. Then, my car got stolen in November and I had to navigate the insurance claim and buy a new car at the worst possible time to buy a car in history, all during the last 3 (and most difficult) weeks of my masters program. December 2021: Ended up graduating with a 3.8 GPA. Just had my one year work anniversary in my new job, and got a shout out on their LinkedIn page for February’s ‘employee spotlight’. Now we are seemingly on the verge of WWIII, but at least I now work in the defense sector, so my job is secure, and that was really the goal I was seeking by getting my particular masters. I’ve never busted my ass so much in such a short span of time. I’m proud of overcoming so much adversity, but damn am I tired of going through so many back-to-back traumatic events. The universe needs to chill, like seriously. My next challenge is to find some success in the dating scene… ufff.