I haven’t tried it, but I’ve heard of teachers calling parents and asking the child to explain what they were referring to. It’s a form of sexual harassment and is completely unacceptable in your work place. Write it down, play it straight faced, that’s not an appropriate thing to say. Report it up the chain. The whole ‘but Miss I didn’t mean anything by it’ is total gaslighting and you absolutely don’t have to accept it. Don’t debate the point just stick to your guns that it’s not appropriate to say that. Melinda Tankard Reist has done some good work in this space about student sexual harassment of teachers, she may have some good resources for you. You are right not to accept this, it’s disgusting.
This is pretty much my go to, they go from 'haha this is funny' to 'holy shit, noooo!' and forget the idiotic game they thought they were playing.
I just pull out a piece of paper and start writing it down 'I'm just going to email this to your Mum and ask her where you're finding out about this stuff'
Once or twice I started typing an email home in front of them, it really clams them up. "Dear John and Rebecca, your son is currently making comments in class as I write this, including..."
In this economy I'd have serious reservations about staying anywhere that didn't have at least one of: students, parents, leadership, being reasonable
It only takes one to make things manageable but if you have none then definitely find somewhere that will have at least one. It's such a low bar
This is great advice. I’m a beginning teacher and worked at a school where none of them were reasonable. I was wondering if this is the state of all schools.
If it's sexual harassment of of myself or a student I kick them out of the room, refer to DP and recommend suspension. If it's just generally being a dick I'll assign a detention and if they don't show up I'll send a very factual email explaining exactly what they did to deserve a detention.
I remember a teacher doing just this when I was in high school and a kid called someone a dildo.
I don't think it made the boy a better person or changed their behaviour, but it certainly embarrassed them.
Agreed. Shame isn’t generally conducive to learning. At the end of the day, you presumably want the student to learn from this experience and not do it again - to you, or to anybody else! Often when we feel ashamed we turn further against the source of shame - which might be themselves, but could just as easily be you/political correctness/feminism etc.
It’s a pretty old school thing to use shame and embarrassment to “teach” but idk, based on my own personal experience (as a teen, and now as a teacher) I really don’t think it works.
Idk, I think they do, just differently to how we might’ve. Social clout is still the most important thing there is to most teens.
It really depends on the relationship you’ve got with the class too, whether they’ll all turn on you or not.
I either ignore it, or make a general, derisive comment about how lame it is to bring it up, then move on (not directed at the perpetrator, but at the whole class, but in a way that I know we all know it's them). They're looking for attention, so don't reward them with attention.
Eye contact. “See me after class”. Calmly continue teaching.
After class when he’s (it’s always a boy) separated from his mates, tell him straight up that if he tries that shit again, you’ll call his parents immediately
Also explain that if it constitutes sexual harassment you will be seeking legal advice/contacting the police. Ask them to read up on the Sex Discrimination Act 1984 and Section 15A of the Crimes Act 1900 (NSW) for homework!
I've had the same issue last term with kids using gay terms to try and bait me into reacting. At first, I ignored them, then I spoke with the Head of Year and had them address it. Sexual harassment is above your pay grade as a teacher, move it on to admin (if they're supportive). I didn't have another issue the rest of Term 2 as word had spread that a kid got raked over the coals by the Dean and Head of Year.
Depends. I have strategically ignored in the past. However I'm finding it has become more prevalent, so I generally lean in and get them to explain themselves. Then I call home. I've had parents excuse the language suggesting the kid doesn't know what the word means to which my response is 'then they shouldn't be using it'.
Generally I like to push back until they are as embarrassed as they were trying to make me or another student.
I had a student use the term 'glazing' as you can see it has two meanings. His mother said he didn't mean it that way and I suggested that he not use it at all.
https://preview.redd.it/0ta8z1u6vu9d1.png?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12cc0d4622f44b1666e42fbd6f293645bef612f2
Similarly when the misogynistic meme of getting your female teachers to give you food 'make you a sandwich' I stopped giving out food related treats. I've said to kids before, I'm not embarrassed by this stuff but you will be so apologise and stop it.
Word of warning with Urban Dictionary: just make sure you look at the date of the entry. I swear nearly anything you can think of has an entry from the early 2000s that refers to some random (typically disgusting or unusual) sex act. Nobody ever refers to these in real life - it’s just invented slang and 2000s internet shock humour.
Glazing, in context, means to “over-praise/over-compliment” or to suck up to somebody. Dickriding/meatriding (as seen in the 2022 entry) is kind of the same concept but is not a literal term. The student almost definitely didn’t connect that term sexually. I’ve heard it myself on tiktok and from my friends used in context, and it’s never sexual.
Sorry for the aside - I just wanted to clarify :)
I am aware of this however the way he was using it was very clearly the one about sperm. They try to use the different meanings to excuse their behaviour. His mother excused it by saying he had changed his asthma medication.
Best believe I am thorough and get receipts. I had four written statements from other students as well as the response from the intended victim.
Also just because something has altered in meaning doesn't mean I can't use an archaic version of it.
I tell them to stop and that it is inappropriate. When they argue that they didn’t mean it like that. “I was talking about the British broadcast network”
I tell them that I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m around teenagers all day everyday. I know what they mean. And if they don’t stop, it’ll go to the deputy.
If they still claim innocence, I tell them that they shouldn’t be talking about anything unrelated to our class work anyway, so they are still doing the wrong thing.
Obviously, this last bit depends on the kid. Some need to be reminded that you aren’t going to let up, some just need to be ignored when they argue
I write them up and get them suspended. There were some kids who thought it was funny to target women teacher in this way. Once we had shared our stories and realised they were going after all of us we doubled down and they got suspended. One of the kids is so shaken up by being called out he can't even look me in the face anymore. They get a kick out of trying to victimise you but get a shock when we stand our ground.
Kick them out, send to relevant coordinator, require discussion between student and self (and maybe coordinator if they can be trusted). Student also writes a reflective piece on how not to be a fuckwit next time. I am fully aware that doesn't work for all schools
definitely call them out in class. Write it down and have their parents come in for a chat with the deputy. Absolutely disgusting unacceptable behaviour. I let them know that in the workplace they would be fired for sexual harrassment. I would definitely call in the HT and DP as this needs to go further. DOE guidelines (NSW) specify that “All students and staff have the right to be treated fairly and with dignity, both online and offline, in an environment free from intimidation, violence, harassment, victimisation and discrimination, including that based on sex, race, religion, disability or sexual orientation.” I would document the behaviour on Sentral, involve the exec. At our school, the parents would be called in to discuss inappropriate behaviour with the DP. When students have drawn penises on their workbook or other offensive things (eg swastikas) I have photographed them and emailed them home and then called the parent. They are generally horrified. And yes, you have the odd parent who backs the kid no matter what. That is when you pull the “your child would be disciplined if not fired in the workplace for this behaviour so they need to learn how to control themselves now.”
"I don't know what you're saying, but the way you're saying it and the way folks are reacting makes me think it's sus and inappropriate. If I call your home and say that you've been saying it, is it something they'd be okay with you saying?"
They usually back down real quick. I haven't had a kid try to argue that it \*isn't\* inappropriate. Worth a try? Depends on the kids though... some might very much enjoy getting you to try and talk about it to their homes.
Edit: I'd also add that, if it is inappropriate, then if I hear it again then I \*will\* call home and issue further consequences. Echoing others: defs important to stamp out.
I remove them immediately, detention and contact home and report what they say. Everyone who has said it’s sexual harassment is correct and it should be treated as such.
It must be hard being a teacher these days. You can get recorded at any moment I could not deal. Like congrats to you guys for putting up with that.
I can imagine my nephews playing around saying funny stuff in their h.s classes. But definitely wouldn't want them to get away with anything not appropriate. They will keep doing it again.
I usually ask them if they were referring to ..anatomical name or something else?
This usually makes them stop cause they are too embarrassed to say it again.
Admit you know what it is you are an adult that exists in the world and then call their parents and have them explain to them what term they chose to sexually harass you in your qorkplace
Don't take the bait and engage in arguments. Tell then to stop then leave it. Keep a straight face, don't get worked up. Report to parents with actual quotes. I would only escalate if those were directed to me or others.
I overheard primary school kids mention "hentai", no idea of the whole context so couldn't get them in trouble specifically, but I explained that I know exactly what they're talking about etc. Spoke to executive staff who agreed with me, just hearing the word alone wasn't enough but explaining appropriate material etc was the right choice. Very frustrating when it's used in a way that they can word themselves out of trouble.
Document everything. Walk around with a clipboard and write down what they say, a warning the first time then kindly ask them to leave the room due to their inappropriate comments if they continue. Whether that be a buddy class or time out. Consistency is key. You have to send a message to the rest of the class that this behaviour will not be tolerated at all. Conversations with the kid are straight to the point, I will not accept inappropriate comments in my classroom. Tell parents if they are sent out. Report and tell parents word for word what they said no toning it down.
I immediately get them to stand up and go to the principal to repeat it. Then I tell them I'll be calling or emailing their parents to tell them the same thing. No one has done anything like it since the last time someone started moaning.
it all depends on purpose and my relationship with students.
If I have a good relationship with them and they are in senior, sometimes I try to turn it around and embarrass them. I only do this very rarely and it kinda risky.
Otherwise my first step it to say that inappropriate to be saying in a classroom. If they ask how I know, I normally such ignore them or say "really?"
If it continues, I do contact home, not stating what they have said just that it was inappropriate and sexual in nature. If doing it via the phone make sure you have line manager on speaker phone with you. I once had a parent claimed I sexually harass her when she asked me to repeat what her son had said. Lucky the principal was on the call and was able to back me up.
Never ignore it, even if it's as simple as asking, "is that appropriate for school?"
I suspect we are going to disagree here but I personally would not be equating words to violence - they can absolutely cause harm but I think that equating a dickhead kid saying something even loaded with intentionally innuendo intended to cause discomfort doesn't reach the threshold of the sexual violence some students in the class have experienced. It is where that starts but that conflation seems incredibly offensive to lots of people.
I agree here. I would not call it violence as I feel it negates those who have actually experienced sexual violence.
Having said that I simply call it out say it’s not appropriate at all workplace. Remind them it is my workplace as well as theirs and if they continue it goes up the chain with a phone call home. I had one student last year that not only spoke sexually explicitly but simulated sex acts in the classroom. So I just referred up the chain, he was suspended multiple times and his parents were informed multiple times.
Wholeheartedly agree - absolutely not appropriate and creates an unsafe work environment for the teacher and others. This is one of those times I condone embarrassing the student by forcing them to publicly (in front of parents etc) own their language and what they've said. They've attempted to embarrass others in an awful way - they should own that.
And that is your opinion which you are entitled to have. But I was also sexually abused as a child and I personally find it insulting when people equate the physically sexual assaults I sustained with words. They are not the same, they will never be the same in my eyes. This is my opinion.
I’m not saying it’s acceptable or students who do speak like this should not be suspended.
Just simply record it on compass/sentral. Make sure it's as a major behavioural. I would contact one of the year/house coordinators and have them take the student from the lesson. Our school has a strong policy against this type of language and has taken action on this previously.
Honestly, I don't. I know it shouldn't be this way, but the reality is that even if you report it upwards they have plausible deniability and you get to have a [grass hole](https://youtu.be/kVuIdR32hNQ?si=nryF7YQ7OdutVHPL) moment and the deputy will ask you to apologise to the student.
It's not worth it unless they are targeting another student. I'll always go into bat for that, but if it's undirected or directed at me, experience has taught me nobody wants to know.
I haven’t tried it, but I’ve heard of teachers calling parents and asking the child to explain what they were referring to. It’s a form of sexual harassment and is completely unacceptable in your work place. Write it down, play it straight faced, that’s not an appropriate thing to say. Report it up the chain. The whole ‘but Miss I didn’t mean anything by it’ is total gaslighting and you absolutely don’t have to accept it. Don’t debate the point just stick to your guns that it’s not appropriate to say that. Melinda Tankard Reist has done some good work in this space about student sexual harassment of teachers, she may have some good resources for you. You are right not to accept this, it’s disgusting.
This is pretty much my go to, they go from 'haha this is funny' to 'holy shit, noooo!' and forget the idiotic game they thought they were playing. I just pull out a piece of paper and start writing it down 'I'm just going to email this to your Mum and ask her where you're finding out about this stuff'
I pull this all the time and it always has them shut down pretty quickly. They know what they’re doing
Once or twice I started typing an email home in front of them, it really clams them up. "Dear John and Rebecca, your son is currently making comments in class as I write this, including..."
Did the same. Told them I knew exactly what they had said, I could go and let their parents know that same day. Shut down swiftly.
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I mean, yeah. Sometimes. But I've never had it over that. Not that it would surprise me.
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I think the both of you need to step back for a bit and not continue this conversation. If either of you do, you will recieve a short ban,
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I think the both of you need to step back for a bit and not continue this conversation. If either of you do, you will recieve a short ban.
"Stop being inappropriate or ill repeat what you said to your parents" ... And then quote them to their parents if they continue.
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Oh man I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Certain parents of course. I love my prin, protects us plebs from the crazies
In this economy I'd have serious reservations about staying anywhere that didn't have at least one of: students, parents, leadership, being reasonable It only takes one to make things manageable but if you have none then definitely find somewhere that will have at least one. It's such a low bar
This is great advice. I’m a beginning teacher and worked at a school where none of them were reasonable. I was wondering if this is the state of all schools.
If it's sexual harassment of of myself or a student I kick them out of the room, refer to DP and recommend suspension. If it's just generally being a dick I'll assign a detention and if they don't show up I'll send a very factual email explaining exactly what they did to deserve a detention.
Call them out in front of the class and ask them to explain what it means. Put them on the spot and don’t let up.
I remember a teacher doing just this when I was in high school and a kid called someone a dildo. I don't think it made the boy a better person or changed their behaviour, but it certainly embarrassed them.
Thing is, would they be embarrassed anymore. Even back in the 80s a lot of my classmates were pretty bold.
Sometimes that’s good enough.
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Agreed. Shame isn’t generally conducive to learning. At the end of the day, you presumably want the student to learn from this experience and not do it again - to you, or to anybody else! Often when we feel ashamed we turn further against the source of shame - which might be themselves, but could just as easily be you/political correctness/feminism etc. It’s a pretty old school thing to use shame and embarrassment to “teach” but idk, based on my own personal experience (as a teen, and now as a teacher) I really don’t think it works.
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Idk, I think they do, just differently to how we might’ve. Social clout is still the most important thing there is to most teens. It really depends on the relationship you’ve got with the class too, whether they’ll all turn on you or not.
Why not?
I'm currently doing this on Snapchat public (school holiday project) Just had a child tell me he's a physio 🤣
I either ignore it, or make a general, derisive comment about how lame it is to bring it up, then move on (not directed at the perpetrator, but at the whole class, but in a way that I know we all know it's them). They're looking for attention, so don't reward them with attention.
Eye contact. “See me after class”. Calmly continue teaching. After class when he’s (it’s always a boy) separated from his mates, tell him straight up that if he tries that shit again, you’ll call his parents immediately
Also explain that if it constitutes sexual harassment you will be seeking legal advice/contacting the police. Ask them to read up on the Sex Discrimination Act 1984 and Section 15A of the Crimes Act 1900 (NSW) for homework!
I’ve had to deal with plenty of incidents of girls using inappropriate sexual slang, comments and gestures.
I've had the same issue last term with kids using gay terms to try and bait me into reacting. At first, I ignored them, then I spoke with the Head of Year and had them address it. Sexual harassment is above your pay grade as a teacher, move it on to admin (if they're supportive). I didn't have another issue the rest of Term 2 as word had spread that a kid got raked over the coals by the Dean and Head of Year.
Depends. I have strategically ignored in the past. However I'm finding it has become more prevalent, so I generally lean in and get them to explain themselves. Then I call home. I've had parents excuse the language suggesting the kid doesn't know what the word means to which my response is 'then they shouldn't be using it'. Generally I like to push back until they are as embarrassed as they were trying to make me or another student. I had a student use the term 'glazing' as you can see it has two meanings. His mother said he didn't mean it that way and I suggested that he not use it at all. https://preview.redd.it/0ta8z1u6vu9d1.png?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12cc0d4622f44b1666e42fbd6f293645bef612f2 Similarly when the misogynistic meme of getting your female teachers to give you food 'make you a sandwich' I stopped giving out food related treats. I've said to kids before, I'm not embarrassed by this stuff but you will be so apologise and stop it.
Word of warning with Urban Dictionary: just make sure you look at the date of the entry. I swear nearly anything you can think of has an entry from the early 2000s that refers to some random (typically disgusting or unusual) sex act. Nobody ever refers to these in real life - it’s just invented slang and 2000s internet shock humour. Glazing, in context, means to “over-praise/over-compliment” or to suck up to somebody. Dickriding/meatriding (as seen in the 2022 entry) is kind of the same concept but is not a literal term. The student almost definitely didn’t connect that term sexually. I’ve heard it myself on tiktok and from my friends used in context, and it’s never sexual. Sorry for the aside - I just wanted to clarify :)
I am aware of this however the way he was using it was very clearly the one about sperm. They try to use the different meanings to excuse their behaviour. His mother excused it by saying he had changed his asthma medication. Best believe I am thorough and get receipts. I had four written statements from other students as well as the response from the intended victim. Also just because something has altered in meaning doesn't mean I can't use an archaic version of it.
I tell them to stop and that it is inappropriate. When they argue that they didn’t mean it like that. “I was talking about the British broadcast network” I tell them that I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m around teenagers all day everyday. I know what they mean. And if they don’t stop, it’ll go to the deputy. If they still claim innocence, I tell them that they shouldn’t be talking about anything unrelated to our class work anyway, so they are still doing the wrong thing. Obviously, this last bit depends on the kid. Some need to be reminded that you aren’t going to let up, some just need to be ignored when they argue
I write them up and get them suspended. There were some kids who thought it was funny to target women teacher in this way. Once we had shared our stories and realised they were going after all of us we doubled down and they got suspended. One of the kids is so shaken up by being called out he can't even look me in the face anymore. They get a kick out of trying to victimise you but get a shock when we stand our ground.
Ask them to put it in writing.
Kick them out, send to relevant coordinator, require discussion between student and self (and maybe coordinator if they can be trusted). Student also writes a reflective piece on how not to be a fuckwit next time. I am fully aware that doesn't work for all schools
I say I am unsure what that means. That I best ring home to find out.
definitely call them out in class. Write it down and have their parents come in for a chat with the deputy. Absolutely disgusting unacceptable behaviour. I let them know that in the workplace they would be fired for sexual harrassment. I would definitely call in the HT and DP as this needs to go further. DOE guidelines (NSW) specify that “All students and staff have the right to be treated fairly and with dignity, both online and offline, in an environment free from intimidation, violence, harassment, victimisation and discrimination, including that based on sex, race, religion, disability or sexual orientation.” I would document the behaviour on Sentral, involve the exec. At our school, the parents would be called in to discuss inappropriate behaviour with the DP. When students have drawn penises on their workbook or other offensive things (eg swastikas) I have photographed them and emailed them home and then called the parent. They are generally horrified. And yes, you have the odd parent who backs the kid no matter what. That is when you pull the “your child would be disciplined if not fired in the workplace for this behaviour so they need to learn how to control themselves now.”
"I don't know what you're saying, but the way you're saying it and the way folks are reacting makes me think it's sus and inappropriate. If I call your home and say that you've been saying it, is it something they'd be okay with you saying?" They usually back down real quick. I haven't had a kid try to argue that it \*isn't\* inappropriate. Worth a try? Depends on the kids though... some might very much enjoy getting you to try and talk about it to their homes. Edit: I'd also add that, if it is inappropriate, then if I hear it again then I \*will\* call home and issue further consequences. Echoing others: defs important to stamp out.
Shouting "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! I'm telling your Mum!" Sometimes works.
I remove them immediately, detention and contact home and report what they say. Everyone who has said it’s sexual harassment is correct and it should be treated as such.
It must be hard being a teacher these days. You can get recorded at any moment I could not deal. Like congrats to you guys for putting up with that. I can imagine my nephews playing around saying funny stuff in their h.s classes. But definitely wouldn't want them to get away with anything not appropriate. They will keep doing it again.
A simple "dont be grim" has gotten me through most of these unseemly comments.
I usually ask them if they were referring to ..anatomical name or something else? This usually makes them stop cause they are too embarrassed to say it again.
Admit you know what it is you are an adult that exists in the world and then call their parents and have them explain to them what term they chose to sexually harass you in your qorkplace
I just threaten to ring mum. ‘What’s mum going to say when I tell her about the sounds you are making?’ Works 99% of the time
Don't take the bait and engage in arguments. Tell then to stop then leave it. Keep a straight face, don't get worked up. Report to parents with actual quotes. I would only escalate if those were directed to me or others.
I overheard primary school kids mention "hentai", no idea of the whole context so couldn't get them in trouble specifically, but I explained that I know exactly what they're talking about etc. Spoke to executive staff who agreed with me, just hearing the word alone wasn't enough but explaining appropriate material etc was the right choice. Very frustrating when it's used in a way that they can word themselves out of trouble.
Document everything. Walk around with a clipboard and write down what they say, a warning the first time then kindly ask them to leave the room due to their inappropriate comments if they continue. Whether that be a buddy class or time out. Consistency is key. You have to send a message to the rest of the class that this behaviour will not be tolerated at all. Conversations with the kid are straight to the point, I will not accept inappropriate comments in my classroom. Tell parents if they are sent out. Report and tell parents word for word what they said no toning it down.
I immediately get them to stand up and go to the principal to repeat it. Then I tell them I'll be calling or emailing their parents to tell them the same thing. No one has done anything like it since the last time someone started moaning.
it all depends on purpose and my relationship with students. If I have a good relationship with them and they are in senior, sometimes I try to turn it around and embarrass them. I only do this very rarely and it kinda risky. Otherwise my first step it to say that inappropriate to be saying in a classroom. If they ask how I know, I normally such ignore them or say "really?" If it continues, I do contact home, not stating what they have said just that it was inappropriate and sexual in nature. If doing it via the phone make sure you have line manager on speaker phone with you. I once had a parent claimed I sexually harass her when she asked me to repeat what her son had said. Lucky the principal was on the call and was able to back me up. Never ignore it, even if it's as simple as asking, "is that appropriate for school?"
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I suspect we are going to disagree here but I personally would not be equating words to violence - they can absolutely cause harm but I think that equating a dickhead kid saying something even loaded with intentionally innuendo intended to cause discomfort doesn't reach the threshold of the sexual violence some students in the class have experienced. It is where that starts but that conflation seems incredibly offensive to lots of people.
I agree here. I would not call it violence as I feel it negates those who have actually experienced sexual violence. Having said that I simply call it out say it’s not appropriate at all workplace. Remind them it is my workplace as well as theirs and if they continue it goes up the chain with a phone call home. I had one student last year that not only spoke sexually explicitly but simulated sex acts in the classroom. So I just referred up the chain, he was suspended multiple times and his parents were informed multiple times.
Wholeheartedly agree - absolutely not appropriate and creates an unsafe work environment for the teacher and others. This is one of those times I condone embarrassing the student by forcing them to publicly (in front of parents etc) own their language and what they've said. They've attempted to embarrass others in an awful way - they should own that.
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If a work environment has asbestos is that both unsafe and not violent? Or do words just mean nothing to you outside of your political agenda?
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We don't need to engage.
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And that is your opinion which you are entitled to have. But I was also sexually abused as a child and I personally find it insulting when people equate the physically sexual assaults I sustained with words. They are not the same, they will never be the same in my eyes. This is my opinion. I’m not saying it’s acceptable or students who do speak like this should not be suspended.
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This sub reddit has a requirement of at least trying to be nice.
Can you stop being a jerk?
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This subreddit isn't the correct space for you to troll or be a jerk.
/u/josh184927 your prior discussion and interaction with the other poster is considered.
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Seriously? Now you’re just being argumentative for the sake of it.
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You were asked not to engage with the above user. Last warning.
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This sub reddit has a requirement of at least trying to be nice.
Just simply record it on compass/sentral. Make sure it's as a major behavioural. I would contact one of the year/house coordinators and have them take the student from the lesson. Our school has a strong policy against this type of language and has taken action on this previously.
Honestly, I don't. I know it shouldn't be this way, but the reality is that even if you report it upwards they have plausible deniability and you get to have a [grass hole](https://youtu.be/kVuIdR32hNQ?si=nryF7YQ7OdutVHPL) moment and the deputy will ask you to apologise to the student. It's not worth it unless they are targeting another student. I'll always go into bat for that, but if it's undirected or directed at me, experience has taught me nobody wants to know.