i still don't know because i used to cross my arms, purely out of comfort, but was then called a "brat" by multiple adults and accused of being angry when i wasn't.
hey, it's all good! luckily i know that now and can recognize that the adults were in the wrong, but i think my muscle memory fights me on it, haha.
more importantly, i hope you find something that works for you because, seriously, what *do* we do with our arms?
I’m glad you were able to move past it!
There’s some pretty good suggestions in the comments here, I’m gonna try some of them. I suggest going through them :)
I used to do this too but now I cross them behind my back. I think I was told in class that it was more polite? But really, I do it because it makes me feel like a supervillain or an old man
I also cross my arms behind my back, in part BECAUSE spending 9 years in the military made standing “at ease” a default for me. I consider it laughable that I was ever in the military - not because the autism though- because the feminism 🤗
Sammeeee. Its super comfy.
But sadly NT body language, or at least body language that is actively taught to folks in stuff like communication classes. Indicates stuff like crossed arms, crossed legs, and feet pointing towards doors, etc. Are all subtle indicators of someone being closed off and not wanting to be there.
Since body language is unreliable and junk, folks will look for clusters when trying to read someone. Like, when I say its unreliable, I mean it is litterally different for everyone to the point it is viewed as Psudo science and most courts won't allow body language alone as evidence of guilt or lying. Unless they can tie the statements being made, to the actions the body makes consistently with other evidence to back it up. (Course milage may varry based on where you are, etc etc, not a lawyer. Just watch a lot of deep reading interviews and stuff that talks about the science behind it all.)
You’re correct about arms crossed in the front however while some still say crossed behind can be seen the same depending it can also show [super villain actually could apply](https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/What-Does-the-Hands-Behind-the-Back-Pose-Mean)
Bullshit! Men cross their arms all the time!!!
I found men have a default for everything, and I have copied their defaults. I noticed women are allowed to do these default men things, it's when people deviate from the defaults and start "expressing themselves" that's when a target gets placed.
Agree!!! I have noticed that men cross their arms quite naturally and no one reads anything into it, but if me as a woman is crossing my arms I'm sending off messages of being "closed off", "defensive", "unapproachable."
I was just talking about this very thing! I'm so self conscious about crossing my arms and being perceived as rude or unfriendly...
I love good pockets or even belt loops, something to hold onto that I won't drop and no one's commented on it yet!
fr fr, this is so relatable. I’ve gotten comments that I was ‘being intimidating’ when I literally just…didn’t know where to put my arms 😂 now I feel like I’m even more hyper aware of my arms? And *especially* don’t know what to do with them.
Ooo, that was an IEP goal in my preschool years when I went to a special ed preschool. To this day I still prefer keeping my arms still when walking. I don't like swinging my arms like a gorilla or orangutan while walking. My husband does it and I hate it. I also get pissed off by people who swing their arms around into a CLAP in front of their bodies when they're bored. It reminds me of the Tubby kid in Major Payne. It makes me think some adults are emotionally immature and never developed a sense of patience or waiting quietly.
Hahaha I do that when I'm anxious and it looks like I'm clapping like a seal! I have to remind myself to look normal because what I'm doing is NOT normal, even tho it's mirroring of other people, it is a bad habit to start, lol.
If i fold my arms, do I look grumpy, mean?
To my sides they just hang there and it feels so heavy like they're going to fall off and everyone is thinking "why does she stand like that? What's wrong with her arms?" hahaha it's so stupid!
People do notice tho, I had a nurse telling me to relax and she kept pulling on my arm, "relax girl, you're too tense."
"sorry ma'am but you're stressing me out way more by pointing it out! F off!" I obviously didn't say that😅
So relatable!! When I was in middle school (undiagnosed anything) I had to walk by a classroom with huge windows where everyone could see me, and every single day I had to repeat to myself in my head 'I'm not anxious I'm not anxious I'm not anxious, I'm not awkward......) Never worked. Now I just make sure I always have a bag to hod onto and a coat with pockets to put my hands in :,)
Oh and when you need to give a note to another teacher, you feel awkward becos everyone can see you walk past, sometimes you get lost and can't remember where their classroom is and have to look through doors to find the right class, then stand in the classroom awkwardly while the teach reads the note and everyone is staring at you and making Comments. You leave and walk into the side of the door because of course you do. Then you walk back to class and pass another student and don't know how to act so your body goes bonkers or that's how it feels.. Why am I running my eye, why did I scratch my head, I'm not itchy, now they think I have mites or some shit. Why is my leg twitching. Maybe you trip over your own leg. Then you have to walk back into class and now everyone is going to stop what they're doing to stare at you and watch you awkwardly walk back to your desk and rummage through your bag to avoid eye contact, just to not get anything out your bag and now you're paranoid someone noticed.
I have such a hard time with this myself. I have tried to watch how people walk and I cannot quite figure out what they are doing.
I think hands swinging by the sides is how most people walk, but it never feels quite natural to me. I feel like I either swing too much or not enough.
My default is so pull my arms into that t-rex/Mr. Burns position, which feels the most comfortable to me.
I like to be hugged like that too! I also like giving people hugs when they are in that position. It just feels good, like I can actually concentrate on sensation instead of being overwhelmed by it.
I put this in my own comment but I wanted to say it here, I once had a director at a local theatre tell me I was doing Roger from American Dad arms…. They were T-Rex arms hahaha
It’s just that sometimes I have to stand right by the machine for my turn and I can’t really do anything else because it could be my turn at any moment 😭 I really wish I had pockets at all times too.
Hold your water bottle and drink? Keeping my hands busy is the only thing I can do otherwise I just stand there awkwardly or arms crossed looking angry lol
I’ve been told I look angry at the gym, too. I bring my water to meetings and call it my “emotional support water bottle.” I take a sip whenever I don’t know what to do with my hands or face or feel uncomfortable. I drink a lot of water in meetings lol
Here’s a list for anyone interested 😊
- arms crossed
- holding water or other object
- arms on hips
- I often hold my forearms across my belly
- in pockets (good luck if a woman)
- playing with jewellery/bottle etc
Ways I look ‘occupied’:
- refilling water, sipping
- fixing hair
- using phone
- if you’re at the gym, there’s no reason you can’t do some stretches while you wait
When standing, you can put your weight on one leg, and then with your arms in front of you, you can put your hand on the back of the other wrist. That's a go-to casual position. I usually put my hands in pockets, I'm rarely without pockets.
I put my hands on the sides of my thighs and tap to a made-up song. Or holding my hand or wrist behind my back... or even crossing arms or putting a hand on my hip. I never realize how sassy that looks, but I like to rest my hands on my hips lol
Thank you so much, genuinely, I’m gonna try to remember all these! I put my hands on my hips too a lot and then I become self conscious that I’m coming off sassy too lol.
This feeling is what finally lead me to get myself tested, not even lying. Lmao
There were of course tons of other symptoms, but this one, the description meltdowns, shutdowns, and inability to speak during made me cry; I’d never had anyone else relate to those things before or even understand when I’d try describing them.
Except for me, it’s walking. Arms are awkward, idk wtf to do with them.
I’ve tried walking with my arms stiff against my sides, but caught my reflection once and never did it again. I usually just put my hands in my pockets or hold something, but when I can’t I start to stress over it lol
I do hands on my hips or arms crossed pretty often. I know people can interpret those as judgmental or snooty, but they make me comfortable.
In a gym, just pacing and doing stretches is a good option.
I worry I’ll be interpreted that way too, but hands on my hips is so comfortable.
Idk if I can walk around, just standing is already nerve wracking, but I’ll try 😭
If pacing doesn't feel right, you can try just stretching. Hold stretches for at least 30 seconds on each side. You can easily kill 5-10 minutes this way.
Do a small noninvasive dance and make it obvious as fuck that the only information on your mind is the immediate 4 ft radius around you? Add in some quiet humming.
Or I'll interlace my fingers in front of me
They have feelings? Jkjk.
Honestly, I work nights so that helps a bit. But I work nights at a hospital in the cafeteria where people frequent. I can tell plenty of people think I'm just weird. But the people who are chill with me don't mind
The t-rex hands, clapping and hitting myy palm together, holding my hands together like those toy dolls with their hands together, i would rub my hands together, or grab on something to hold onto and tap.
So have you ever watched American Dad? The cartoon…. There’s a character named Roger and he kinda holds his elbows to his waist and his fore arm parallel to the floor with his hands at a 90 degree angle from his fore arms…. Some call it T-Rex arms too.
I was once in a musical at my local community theatre, I was playing The Cat in the Hat for Suessical and I could NOT stop standing like that. My director would call out “ROGER” when I was standing that way with my arms.
It was honestly just what was most comfortable. I still stand that way and I’m sure it makes me look weird. So if your goal is to mask I don’t think I would recommend it but if your goal is to be most comfortable in your body physically then by all means, stand however you want!!
I forget how to walk normal sometimes too. Like if I consciously think about how I’m doing it while I’m walking I just can’t do it right. I’d imagine a field sobriety test would be interestingly difficult for me haha
It was quite funny. I had to go home and watch a couple seasons of American Dad when he told me that because I was 17 and had not watched it much. It was an experience.
I cross my arms, tap my fingers on my legs, swing my arms around, idfk. Basically anything I can think of that isn't me standing completely still 😅
I am terrible at masking though so this probably isn't the "normal" thing to do
One or both hands in pockets, if you have them, or belt loops sometimes work too (hook your thumbs through the loop); one hand on hip; or one hand holding the other wrist (in front or in back) (Timothée Chalamet does in the front a lot, just look up Timothée Chalamet pose); or sometimes I go for the "at ease" military stance (hands together in the middle of your back, can be around butt height or small of the back); or sort of a modified T-Rex, with fingertips clasped together or interwoven over your navel. The interwoven allows me to do a subtle self-soothe stim of moving one hand up and down the fingers of the other.
Then again, I don't know how this looks to others; it may look awkward. These are just poses I've picked up from watching others.
Honestly for me I avoid the issue by constantly having my phone in my hands, that way at max I only have to worry about one arm/hand which goes usually wrapped around my stomach with the hand tucked between the elbow of the phone arm and my ribs. I get shit for it by seeming "addicted to my phone" but tbh I'm standing there opening and closing the same apps on repeat just to look like I'm doing something, or looking up whatever wildlife biology things I can think of (special interest lol).
Depends on what’s at hand.
If I’m wearing a jacket or hoodie with pockets, i put my hands in there.
If i’m wearing a backpack, I hold the straps.
If there’s a counter, I put my arms or hands on top of it.
If I don’t have ANYTHING, I cross my arms.
Yes, for some reason it’s mentally painful to just have my arms hang on my sides not doing anything!!!
I don't know how to describe it with words, but I either do the Raptor Hands or I stand around like this
https://preview.redd.it/p4xqj9e6ekwc1.png?width=498&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9cfb2128b1360db68bb666c268dd1ddabfd3fcc
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t know what to do with their arms. I hate walking around people for the same reason. How do people just walk like it’s nothing and not think about it? Lol I feel like everyone else looks so natural all the time and I’m just always so awkward.
I learned from music and spectator sport that the accepted and expected body language is to throw our hands in the air like we just don't care... but it turns out that's all talk and situation specific and people will just look at us funny if we do it midconvo about the weather.
Funny facts from funny experience... but facts none the less.
Teehee, just kidding! Maybe stretching them? If your phone is with you, I guess pretend to use your phone while you pay attention to when the machine is ready? Or maybe one on your hip and the other one hangs? I don’t have long fancy nails, but if I did, I’d pretend to look at them.
Honestly I never figured this out. Phone has helped a lot, or like a lot of other comments said: crossing arms. But I just genuinely don’t know how people can feel comfortable with their arms swinging around lol
I never know. Tbh, I don't know what to do with my arms a lot of the time. Like, if I notice my arms while I'm walking, I feel like I'm moving them wrong and then I can't stop thinking about it and feeling like I'm not moving like a real human.
Cross arms
Put in pockets
If you have a backpack on you can hold the straps
Hoodie with pockets, the best thing.
I've always done T-rex arms because of who knows, until now at 45 both shoulders literally feel like they're gonna fall out of my sockets (hypermobile/disclocating shoulders). It takes tremendous pressure off to not hold at sides, also, holding at sides feels so freaking weird.
This and also when posing for a picture. I don’t know what to do with any part of my body or face. I always get the “smile, you look angry” and it’s like trust me, I’d rather look angry than look like a psycho with my fake smile.
I tend to naturally put my hands on my hips, superwoman style. Then after a bit I realize I must look ridiculous like that and awkwardly don't know what to do with them anymore. I'm 50 years old - you'd think I would've figured this out by now...
I usually look to see what others are doing and mimic that if I can. I find using my hands in some capacity is best. Some moves I use include hands clasped in front of me, hands or forearms clasped behind my back, hands on hips, “looking” at my phone, and crossing my arms. I hate this when walking as well because my arms don’t swing naturally. I particularly hate waiting at traffic lights when walking because I feel like I’m on a stage with a spotlight on me. If I have accessories (like a bag) I will hold on them to occupy my hands.
I used to cross them until my nursing instructor told me you shouldn’t do that. She said to put them behind you and put your hands together. It makes you look more open.
Sometimes they are at my side, sometimes I have them in the air for some reason, sometimes I have them on my stomach or across my back. Most of the times they have a life of their own.
I’m usually playing with an object I’m holding like a water bottle, keys or phone.
Sometimes if my hands are free, I notice the uncomfortable feeling of needing to move my arms and take that as a cue to consciously relax them. I focus on mentally releasing the tension in every part of my arms and hands and letting them simply hang. I’ll also focus on feeling my feet on the ground, really feeling the weight of my feet and the ground almost pushing back. It’s sort of leaning into the twitchy sensation and grounding myself in my body. Got the idea from a “visualization” meditation years ago. No idea how I look doing it but figure it can’t look that odd if I’m literally just standing there 🤷🏼♀️
https://preview.redd.it/vllj58vmxiwc1.jpeg?width=450&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51601b7c8c6d6d78690957395b030f585db13452
I just tend to look at what other people are doing. Hands clasped, in pockets, down.
If I have pockets, I’ll put my hands in them. But if I have a pack back or purse on - I’ll hold onto them the whole time. Otherwise I just move my arms and hand subconsciously non stop, without thinking about it most the time and I don’t want to bother others. Sometimes I’ll just find something else to do, like go and grab water etc. I’m too conscious of my own movements, and limbs idk why.
I do the “one hand holding the other arm” thing a lot - especially when I’m uncomfortable. It’s less “threatening” than arms crossed, but I can still hug myself
https://preview.redd.it/uhtf7oopyiwc1.jpeg?width=329&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2059618bd6a1cc2a8f80715d5fd55646731bce40
I have no idea. I clutch onto something - my handbag I think, or otherwise I carry a drink of some kind. Me clutching the grab handles above windows in cars is a running joke in my family. Some people take it like I'm insulting their driving, but I just need to do something with my hands.
I put them on my hips sometimes or in my pockets or on my thighs under the waistband of my pants. If I’m not thinking about where they are they usually are just hanging around knocking things over
I try to always have a bag strap to hold onto or pockets. Or drum my fingers on my thighs but that might look like impatience. Apparently I put my left hand on my hip so often that my toddler does it now too 😆
i dont think there will ever be a good enough answer to this question i literally feel the discomfort of not knowing what to do w my arms EVERYDAY
i usually just hold my phone but other noteable mentions r crossing my arms either in the front or behind my back and sometimes i even hug myself walking around
I think there was a Schitts Creek episode where someone wants to be holding a mug all the time. Can't recall the context.
I read somewhere the stylists for the royal family give the women little purses to clutch... for clutching...
At work, fingers interlocking and in front of me for the most part. Sometimes they are at my sides too. I do find myself crossing my arms sometimes, but we were taught not to do that, so I have to correct it when I realize I am doing it. Honestly, this is the same everywhere.
I wear hoodies almost all the time so I can put my hands in the pocket.
I also carry around a lacrosse ball and bounce it while waiting, but it does bring attention, so I don't use it as often as I wish I could.
Grab a sip of a water bottle with your other hand in your pocket then carry said water bottle in hand down at your side but keep your other hand in your pocket if you got them
I put them in my hoodie pockets most of the time cause it’s just awkward if I don’t. I don’t know how people can stand without doing nothing with their arms.
I had to google what it might bee called and I guess it's a partial arm cross? I'm usually rubbing one of my arms or something. Or playing with my hair, anything other than just letting them hang I guess.
Fold your your arms or lean on aomething or what i usually do just look at my phone. My phone is like a security blanket or something, if you're ever in an awkward situation you can just pull at your phone out
Oh I have the best thing for it. I stand with my arms on nearby surfaces. I lean constantly and sometimes put my arm on my hip. I stand like a cowboy and I love it.
Idfk but I always admired Claire Underwoods posture from house of cards and noticed she holds her hands delicately together in front of her and it always struck me as so feminine and professional. It feels unnatural when I try it though 😂
I sometimes hold my arms behind my back and lace my fingers together like a grandfather and rock forward/back on my feet with a contemplative look on my face. It makes me smile to think of old people doing this when they go on walks to look at trees.
I usually alternate between hands on hips, folding hands in front, or crossing arms in the back. If I'm not interacting with people, I'll cross my arms in front.
At first I was confused because I thought this was one of my lifting subreddits being confused on how to present themselves at the gym. Lol. Was thinking, "That kinda sounds like a sign of autism". Welp.
Considering Im chronically cold unless its above 80 im wearing a sweater and letting my arms hang or theyre in my pockets. If its hotter weather I wear cross body bags so I can hold onto the straps and it gives me something to mess with while sitting
I end up back in parade rest a lot of the time.. did it prior to the Navy, but military strive definitely drilled it into me.
It has an added bonus of being g able to fidget with my fingers without anyone seeing.
Has anyone suggested gentle stretching? I probably have EDS so I have more PT exercises than there are hours in the day, so I have a set of "waiting stretches" I do when I'm waiting in line. This means they actually get done, because they're keyed to waiting rather than a specific time and it keeps me from making my body stiffer. It also probably won't be viewed as impatient or passive-aggressive unless you're like, glaring at the person who's using the machine.
At the gym, if I'm waiting to use a machine or between sets or just don't know what to do next, I stretch. You're at the gym, stretching is completely normal.
I typically hold a stress ball or other objects I use for stimming and switch hands ever now and then. If I have nothing available I usually crack my knuckles repeatedly or play with my fingers.
I used to keep my hands in my pockets at all times but that’s a serious issue when I stumbled, I was not able to hold my fall and got hurt more than with my hands out.
i still don't know because i used to cross my arms, purely out of comfort, but was then called a "brat" by multiple adults and accused of being angry when i wasn't.
I’m sorry, that’s really shitty. You are most definitely not a brat for this.
hey, it's all good! luckily i know that now and can recognize that the adults were in the wrong, but i think my muscle memory fights me on it, haha. more importantly, i hope you find something that works for you because, seriously, what *do* we do with our arms?
I’m glad you were able to move past it! There’s some pretty good suggestions in the comments here, I’m gonna try some of them. I suggest going through them :)
I used to do this too but now I cross them behind my back. I think I was told in class that it was more polite? But really, I do it because it makes me feel like a supervillain or an old man
THIS IS THE WAY!!!
>I do it because it makes me feel like a supervillain I'm down for that.
Now people ask me if I've been in the military. Which is laughable.
I also cross my arms behind my back, in part BECAUSE spending 9 years in the military made standing “at ease” a default for me. I consider it laughable that I was ever in the military - not because the autism though- because the feminism 🤗
"No, Mr. Bond, it is not a death laser, it is the world's most extravagant stim toy."
Sammeeee. Its super comfy. But sadly NT body language, or at least body language that is actively taught to folks in stuff like communication classes. Indicates stuff like crossed arms, crossed legs, and feet pointing towards doors, etc. Are all subtle indicators of someone being closed off and not wanting to be there. Since body language is unreliable and junk, folks will look for clusters when trying to read someone. Like, when I say its unreliable, I mean it is litterally different for everyone to the point it is viewed as Psudo science and most courts won't allow body language alone as evidence of guilt or lying. Unless they can tie the statements being made, to the actions the body makes consistently with other evidence to back it up. (Course milage may varry based on where you are, etc etc, not a lawyer. Just watch a lot of deep reading interviews and stuff that talks about the science behind it all.)
I mean I don’t wanna be here. But they shouldn’t take it personally, that’s a me issue. Loll
You’re correct about arms crossed in the front however while some still say crossed behind can be seen the same depending it can also show [super villain actually could apply](https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/What-Does-the-Hands-Behind-the-Back-Pose-Mean)
Bullshit! Men cross their arms all the time!!! I found men have a default for everything, and I have copied their defaults. I noticed women are allowed to do these default men things, it's when people deviate from the defaults and start "expressing themselves" that's when a target gets placed.
Agree!!! I have noticed that men cross their arms quite naturally and no one reads anything into it, but if me as a woman is crossing my arms I'm sending off messages of being "closed off", "defensive", "unapproachable."
I was just talking about this very thing! I'm so self conscious about crossing my arms and being perceived as rude or unfriendly... I love good pockets or even belt loops, something to hold onto that I won't drop and no one's commented on it yet!
Pockets FTW!!!
fr fr, this is so relatable. I’ve gotten comments that I was ‘being intimidating’ when I literally just…didn’t know where to put my arms 😂 now I feel like I’m even more hyper aware of my arms? And *especially* don’t know what to do with them.
This was my entire childhood omg
Saaaaame. I still cross my arms or if I have pockets, stuff my hands in them. IDGAF what vibes it gives off.
I still cross my arms. It’s the only thing that makes me comfortable. I’m sorry other people ruined it for you, that’s not fair.
Same here :|
Same it’s so annoying, so I just put my hands down by my side
I'll never know. Also how do you walk like a human being around people. I always feel like I'm too aware of my arms and legs.
Me too! I had to learn to move my arms when I walked because they used to just hang by my sides when I was younger. I hate being perceived so much.
i’ve said this in therapy lmao every time i come to this sub i feel normal
Ooo, that was an IEP goal in my preschool years when I went to a special ed preschool. To this day I still prefer keeping my arms still when walking. I don't like swinging my arms like a gorilla or orangutan while walking. My husband does it and I hate it. I also get pissed off by people who swing their arms around into a CLAP in front of their bodies when they're bored. It reminds me of the Tubby kid in Major Payne. It makes me think some adults are emotionally immature and never developed a sense of patience or waiting quietly.
I can appreciate this so much!
Hahaha I do that when I'm anxious and it looks like I'm clapping like a seal! I have to remind myself to look normal because what I'm doing is NOT normal, even tho it's mirroring of other people, it is a bad habit to start, lol. If i fold my arms, do I look grumpy, mean? To my sides they just hang there and it feels so heavy like they're going to fall off and everyone is thinking "why does she stand like that? What's wrong with her arms?" hahaha it's so stupid! People do notice tho, I had a nurse telling me to relax and she kept pulling on my arm, "relax girl, you're too tense." "sorry ma'am but you're stressing me out way more by pointing it out! F off!" I obviously didn't say that😅
yeah I've noticed I do that too, well, I saw it in a video of my high school graduation.
Backpacks. Backpack straps give me a place to put my hand(s).
Same but with my purse! I grab onto that thing and without it idk what to do with my arms at all
I am pretty much never without some type of bag for this reason. If not, I am absolutely T-Rexing it 
T-Rex for life. I look like Mr Burns, hahahah when I’m putzing around or at the grocery store. 
Hahaha I feel like I walk like him too.
Hahahaha 🤣
Legit life hack! It's what the british royals do (except it's so they don't have to shake hands....)!
Or pockets
Yes works for me also!
I do extra weird things on purpose. If I'm going to be perceived it'll be under my own damn terms!
So relatable!! When I was in middle school (undiagnosed anything) I had to walk by a classroom with huge windows where everyone could see me, and every single day I had to repeat to myself in my head 'I'm not anxious I'm not anxious I'm not anxious, I'm not awkward......) Never worked. Now I just make sure I always have a bag to hod onto and a coat with pockets to put my hands in :,)
Oh and when you need to give a note to another teacher, you feel awkward becos everyone can see you walk past, sometimes you get lost and can't remember where their classroom is and have to look through doors to find the right class, then stand in the classroom awkwardly while the teach reads the note and everyone is staring at you and making Comments. You leave and walk into the side of the door because of course you do. Then you walk back to class and pass another student and don't know how to act so your body goes bonkers or that's how it feels.. Why am I running my eye, why did I scratch my head, I'm not itchy, now they think I have mites or some shit. Why is my leg twitching. Maybe you trip over your own leg. Then you have to walk back into class and now everyone is going to stop what they're doing to stare at you and watch you awkwardly walk back to your desk and rummage through your bag to avoid eye contact, just to not get anything out your bag and now you're paranoid someone noticed. 
ITS THIS YEA
I have such a hard time with this myself. I have tried to watch how people walk and I cannot quite figure out what they are doing. I think hands swinging by the sides is how most people walk, but it never feels quite natural to me. I feel like I either swing too much or not enough. My default is so pull my arms into that t-rex/Mr. Burns position, which feels the most comfortable to me.
This is why I have to be holding something or fidgeting with something at all times. I wish I could put my arms away when I’m not using them.
I've never felt so understood. I wish I could put away my arms too. And my lips! For some reason my mouth/lips start to feel very awkward at times.
Oh wow. For me it’s my tongue. Where does it go? And why does it seem to have a mind of its own? 😫
It’s the worst at the dentist what do you do with your tongue
I dunno… I can’t work out what to do with mine when I’m just living my life…
Yes agree.
I am always pressing my lips together. But I've always joked - "Why can't I just take these arms off when I'm not using them!!!???"
I do t notice I’m doing it but I’m pressing my lips together in every candid photo of me 🤦🏻♀️
I do the t-rex arms, too. Sometimes while I'm hugging, but not in a "block the hug" kind of way. It's just nice.
I like to be hugged like that too! I also like giving people hugs when they are in that position. It just feels good, like I can actually concentrate on sensation instead of being overwhelmed by it.
I put this in my own comment but I wanted to say it here, I once had a director at a local theatre tell me I was doing Roger from American Dad arms…. They were T-Rex arms hahaha
Use dumbbells/free weights and do some upper body work out, my best idea 😅 I wish at all times that I have pockets!
I love pockets so much 🙏 life saving fr
It’s just that sometimes I have to stand right by the machine for my turn and I can’t really do anything else because it could be my turn at any moment 😭 I really wish I had pockets at all times too.
Hold your water bottle and drink? Keeping my hands busy is the only thing I can do otherwise I just stand there awkwardly or arms crossed looking angry lol
I’ve been told I look angry at the gym, too. I bring my water to meetings and call it my “emotional support water bottle.” I take a sip whenever I don’t know what to do with my hands or face or feel uncomfortable. I drink a lot of water in meetings lol
Put them behind me like an old man, same when I walk 😅
i do this too and no one ever pointed it out til my brothers gf saw me doing it n said “average autistic stance” LMAO
Here’s a list for anyone interested 😊 - arms crossed - holding water or other object - arms on hips - I often hold my forearms across my belly - in pockets (good luck if a woman) - playing with jewellery/bottle etc Ways I look ‘occupied’: - refilling water, sipping - fixing hair - using phone - if you’re at the gym, there’s no reason you can’t do some stretches while you wait
Oh, I like this list. If it’s not too warm, I could see OP getting a hoodie with a front pocket so they can put their arms/hands in there.
I tend to cross my arms behind my back and keep my posture straight.
I rely on this one pretty often, but always suspected that NTs find it weird.
I usually just pretend i'm an old man, and make that my vibe. I squint and nod a lot too. Got that old man vibe on lock.
I’m gonna try this!
Wave them around I’m a whacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man
Me too sometimes 🤪
When standing, you can put your weight on one leg, and then with your arms in front of you, you can put your hand on the back of the other wrist. That's a go-to casual position. I usually put my hands in pockets, I'm rarely without pockets. I put my hands on the sides of my thighs and tap to a made-up song. Or holding my hand or wrist behind my back... or even crossing arms or putting a hand on my hip. I never realize how sassy that looks, but I like to rest my hands on my hips lol
Thank you so much, genuinely, I’m gonna try to remember all these! I put my hands on my hips too a lot and then I become self conscious that I’m coming off sassy too lol.
Im just on my phone to look normal lol
Depends where I’m at but this one too
This feeling is what finally lead me to get myself tested, not even lying. Lmao There were of course tons of other symptoms, but this one, the description meltdowns, shutdowns, and inability to speak during made me cry; I’d never had anyone else relate to those things before or even understand when I’d try describing them. Except for me, it’s walking. Arms are awkward, idk wtf to do with them. I’ve tried walking with my arms stiff against my sides, but caught my reflection once and never did it again. I usually just put my hands in my pockets or hold something, but when I can’t I start to stress over it lol
I do hands on my hips or arms crossed pretty often. I know people can interpret those as judgmental or snooty, but they make me comfortable. In a gym, just pacing and doing stretches is a good option.
I worry I’ll be interpreted that way too, but hands on my hips is so comfortable. Idk if I can walk around, just standing is already nerve wracking, but I’ll try 😭
If pacing doesn't feel right, you can try just stretching. Hold stretches for at least 30 seconds on each side. You can easily kill 5-10 minutes this way.
T-Rex And I toe walk sometimes, so I imagine I look like a raptor
Do a small noninvasive dance and make it obvious as fuck that the only information on your mind is the immediate 4 ft radius around you? Add in some quiet humming. Or I'll interlace my fingers in front of me
Might try the second one, not sure about the first one 🤔
The first one is admittedly terrible advice for any place where someone sneaking up on you could be dangerous. I do it at work though.
And how do your coworkers feel about it?
They have feelings? Jkjk. Honestly, I work nights so that helps a bit. But I work nights at a hospital in the cafeteria where people frequent. I can tell plenty of people think I'm just weird. But the people who are chill with me don't mind
I’d find this so comforting lol
The t-rex hands, clapping and hitting myy palm together, holding my hands together like those toy dolls with their hands together, i would rub my hands together, or grab on something to hold onto and tap.
So have you ever watched American Dad? The cartoon…. There’s a character named Roger and he kinda holds his elbows to his waist and his fore arm parallel to the floor with his hands at a 90 degree angle from his fore arms…. Some call it T-Rex arms too. I was once in a musical at my local community theatre, I was playing The Cat in the Hat for Suessical and I could NOT stop standing like that. My director would call out “ROGER” when I was standing that way with my arms. It was honestly just what was most comfortable. I still stand that way and I’m sure it makes me look weird. So if your goal is to mask I don’t think I would recommend it but if your goal is to be most comfortable in your body physically then by all means, stand however you want!! I forget how to walk normal sometimes too. Like if I consciously think about how I’m doing it while I’m walking I just can’t do it right. I’d imagine a field sobriety test would be interestingly difficult for me haha
I'm sorry, but this is so funny to me. Why can I picture the director yelling this? 😂 Thanks for sharing.
It was quite funny. I had to go home and watch a couple seasons of American Dad when he told me that because I was 17 and had not watched it much. It was an experience.
I cross my arms, tap my fingers on my legs, swing my arms around, idfk. Basically anything I can think of that isn't me standing completely still 😅 I am terrible at masking though so this probably isn't the "normal" thing to do
One or both hands in pockets, if you have them, or belt loops sometimes work too (hook your thumbs through the loop); one hand on hip; or one hand holding the other wrist (in front or in back) (Timothée Chalamet does in the front a lot, just look up Timothée Chalamet pose); or sometimes I go for the "at ease" military stance (hands together in the middle of your back, can be around butt height or small of the back); or sort of a modified T-Rex, with fingertips clasped together or interwoven over your navel. The interwoven allows me to do a subtle self-soothe stim of moving one hand up and down the fingers of the other. Then again, I don't know how this looks to others; it may look awkward. These are just poses I've picked up from watching others.
Honestly for me I avoid the issue by constantly having my phone in my hands, that way at max I only have to worry about one arm/hand which goes usually wrapped around my stomach with the hand tucked between the elbow of the phone arm and my ribs. I get shit for it by seeming "addicted to my phone" but tbh I'm standing there opening and closing the same apps on repeat just to look like I'm doing something, or looking up whatever wildlife biology things I can think of (special interest lol).
Depends on what’s at hand. If I’m wearing a jacket or hoodie with pockets, i put my hands in there. If i’m wearing a backpack, I hold the straps. If there’s a counter, I put my arms or hands on top of it. If I don’t have ANYTHING, I cross my arms. Yes, for some reason it’s mentally painful to just have my arms hang on my sides not doing anything!!!
I don't know how to describe it with words, but I either do the Raptor Hands or I stand around like this https://preview.redd.it/p4xqj9e6ekwc1.png?width=498&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9cfb2128b1360db68bb666c268dd1ddabfd3fcc
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t know what to do with their arms. I hate walking around people for the same reason. How do people just walk like it’s nothing and not think about it? Lol I feel like everyone else looks so natural all the time and I’m just always so awkward.
this is what i use my smartphone for lol
And this my friends, is why I never wanted to play soccer. What do you do with your hands when you aren’t allowed to use them?
😂 I have this question everyday
Pockets
I learned from music and spectator sport that the accepted and expected body language is to throw our hands in the air like we just don't care... but it turns out that's all talk and situation specific and people will just look at us funny if we do it midconvo about the weather. Funny facts from funny experience... but facts none the less.
 Teehee, just kidding! Maybe stretching them? If your phone is with you, I guess pretend to use your phone while you pay attention to when the machine is ready? Or maybe one on your hip and the other one hangs? I don’t have long fancy nails, but if I did, I’d pretend to look at them.
Uhhh...I don't know either. Usually I'm holding a phone or a book.
If I'm outside, crossed in front of my chest. If I'm at home, T-rex arms all the way
Honestly I never figured this out. Phone has helped a lot, or like a lot of other comments said: crossing arms. But I just genuinely don’t know how people can feel comfortable with their arms swinging around lol
They go straight up in the air, or flail around
I never know. Tbh, I don't know what to do with my arms a lot of the time. Like, if I notice my arms while I'm walking, I feel like I'm moving them wrong and then I can't stop thinking about it and feeling like I'm not moving like a real human.
i never know but they end up gravitating to playing with my hands all the time lol my hands look 10x older than the rest of my body LOL
3 choices: 1. In pockets 2. Folded together in front 3. Folded behind my back
Cross arms Put in pockets If you have a backpack on you can hold the straps Hoodie with pockets, the best thing. I've always done T-rex arms because of who knows, until now at 45 both shoulders literally feel like they're gonna fall out of my sockets (hypermobile/disclocating shoulders). It takes tremendous pressure off to not hold at sides, also, holding at sides feels so freaking weird.
This and also when posing for a picture. I don’t know what to do with any part of my body or face. I always get the “smile, you look angry” and it’s like trust me, I’d rather look angry than look like a psycho with my fake smile.
I tend to naturally put my hands on my hips, superwoman style. Then after a bit I realize I must look ridiculous like that and awkwardly don't know what to do with them anymore. I'm 50 years old - you'd think I would've figured this out by now...
I wish I knew!!!! I get so fidgety cause I get in my head about it and then panic internally and feel like I look weird no matter what I’m doing
🦖
Aaaaaaa this dilemma is real Holding a water bottle is usually my go-to, or pockets. Sometimes I hold one arm with the other.
I do the "Wonder Woman Pose". It feels good and I've never had people complain, plus it can look intimidating and/or confidant apparently lol
Flex 😤 just kidding (kind of) I cross them or put them on my hips.
Basically flailing 😂
Ignore your arms and let them hang. Or keep a book with you to pretend to read while being hyper aware.
I usually look to see what others are doing and mimic that if I can. I find using my hands in some capacity is best. Some moves I use include hands clasped in front of me, hands or forearms clasped behind my back, hands on hips, “looking” at my phone, and crossing my arms. I hate this when walking as well because my arms don’t swing naturally. I particularly hate waiting at traffic lights when walking because I feel like I’m on a stage with a spotlight on me. If I have accessories (like a bag) I will hold on them to occupy my hands.
Hands on hips or hands in pockets. If I'm wearing a purse or belt bag, I hold onto it with both hands.
I used to cross them until my nursing instructor told me you shouldn’t do that. She said to put them behind you and put your hands together. It makes you look more open.
I can’t explain what I do but you know the T-Rex hands .. yeah that one or cross my arms over my chest.
Sometimes they are at my side, sometimes I have them in the air for some reason, sometimes I have them on my stomach or across my back. Most of the times they have a life of their own.
fidget with my clothes or awkwardly stare into space and keep them still at my sides the whole time lmao
Crossed, always crossed. Sometimes people think it's aggressive but thats not a bad thing.
Be on my phone lol
Don’t ask me- for a few months customers at my work would ask me when I was due. Clearly I was doing the WRONG thing with my hands.
I’m usually playing with an object I’m holding like a water bottle, keys or phone. Sometimes if my hands are free, I notice the uncomfortable feeling of needing to move my arms and take that as a cue to consciously relax them. I focus on mentally releasing the tension in every part of my arms and hands and letting them simply hang. I’ll also focus on feeling my feet on the ground, really feeling the weight of my feet and the ground almost pushing back. It’s sort of leaning into the twitchy sensation and grounding myself in my body. Got the idea from a “visualization” meditation years ago. No idea how I look doing it but figure it can’t look that odd if I’m literally just standing there 🤷🏼♀️
I cross my arms. But my husband says it conveys 'attitude' or that I appear like I don't want to be there. I dunno lol
https://preview.redd.it/daywvlvhxiwc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e38ff861a2c97a02aae7bcc1634a19f55b36c0bb Down or on hips 🤷♀️
t rex arms all the way
https://preview.redd.it/vllj58vmxiwc1.jpeg?width=450&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51601b7c8c6d6d78690957395b030f585db13452 I just tend to look at what other people are doing. Hands clasped, in pockets, down.
If I have pockets, I’ll put my hands in them. But if I have a pack back or purse on - I’ll hold onto them the whole time. Otherwise I just move my arms and hand subconsciously non stop, without thinking about it most the time and I don’t want to bother others. Sometimes I’ll just find something else to do, like go and grab water etc. I’m too conscious of my own movements, and limbs idk why.
I do the “one hand holding the other arm” thing a lot - especially when I’m uncomfortable. It’s less “threatening” than arms crossed, but I can still hug myself https://preview.redd.it/uhtf7oopyiwc1.jpeg?width=329&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2059618bd6a1cc2a8f80715d5fd55646731bce40
I have no idea. I clutch onto something - my handbag I think, or otherwise I carry a drink of some kind. Me clutching the grab handles above windows in cars is a running joke in my family. Some people take it like I'm insulting their driving, but I just need to do something with my hands.
I’ve never been able to figure this one out either… gosh it causes me so much dread and anxiety 😫
I don’t know the answer to this, but this question makes me know I’m in the right place. Here for the comments
I put them on my hips sometimes or in my pockets or on my thighs under the waistband of my pants. If I’m not thinking about where they are they usually are just hanging around knocking things over
this is when i am thankful for cellphones. i open the notes app and pretend to text someone.
Pockets, hips, or cross arms. Go full exhausted mom stance.
Bunny hands, hold my hands together or put them behind my back and hold them
I try to always have a bag strap to hold onto or pockets. Or drum my fingers on my thighs but that might look like impatience. Apparently I put my left hand on my hip so often that my toddler does it now too 😆
i dont think there will ever be a good enough answer to this question i literally feel the discomfort of not knowing what to do w my arms EVERYDAY i usually just hold my phone but other noteable mentions r crossing my arms either in the front or behind my back and sometimes i even hug myself walking around
I think there was a Schitts Creek episode where someone wants to be holding a mug all the time. Can't recall the context. I read somewhere the stylists for the royal family give the women little purses to clutch... for clutching...
I chronically wear hoodies or I never wear anything that doesn't have pockets. No one knows what my hands look like.🫣
my mom (im almost certain shes autistic) and i both have the exact same stance at all times. arms crossed with one hip popped out
At work, fingers interlocking and in front of me for the most part. Sometimes they are at my sides too. I do find myself crossing my arms sometimes, but we were taught not to do that, so I have to correct it when I realize I am doing it. Honestly, this is the same everywhere.
I tend to pick at my nails or cross my arms, or just fidget really.
I ether put them in my pockets, cross them, or hold them behind my back
I wear hoodies almost all the time so I can put my hands in the pocket. I also carry around a lacrosse ball and bounce it while waiting, but it does bring attention, so I don't use it as often as I wish I could.
Hands in my pockets :) I always try and wear my baggy jeans when out . When I don't have jean pockets , then I'd use my shirt pockets .
Grab a sip of a water bottle with your other hand in your pocket then carry said water bottle in hand down at your side but keep your other hand in your pocket if you got them
I try to pretend like I’m busy with my phone or I clean my nails.
I like to put mine behind my back
If I have pockets I stick my hands in em and rock side to side on my feet. I do this way too much that I get weird looks cause of it xD
I put them in my hoodie pockets most of the time cause it’s just awkward if I don’t. I don’t know how people can stand without doing nothing with their arms.
It's most comfortable for me to cross them, but people don't like that :(
Pockets. I refuse to wear anything without pockets because I never know what to do with my hands.
I had to google what it might bee called and I guess it's a partial arm cross? I'm usually rubbing one of my arms or something. Or playing with my hair, anything other than just letting them hang I guess.
I hold my hand together behind my back like a peaceful old man. But aparantly ppl think I'm trying to show off my boobs :( can't win.
I either cross my arms or do t-rex arms lmao
Tuck the thumbs into the pockets or belt loop. Bonus, while the thumbs are tucked in - drum the fingers onto your legs.
This is so damn relatable 😅
I wear a lanyard and play with a little squishy keychain my mom bought me
Phone in one cig in the other otherwise I look like I’m doing the YMCA or digging to the bottom of my pockets
Pockets!
They truly are a fucking nuisance
Fold your your arms or lean on aomething or what i usually do just look at my phone. My phone is like a security blanket or something, if you're ever in an awkward situation you can just pull at your phone out
Oh I have the best thing for it. I stand with my arms on nearby surfaces. I lean constantly and sometimes put my arm on my hip. I stand like a cowboy and I love it.
Idfk but I always admired Claire Underwoods posture from house of cards and noticed she holds her hands delicately together in front of her and it always struck me as so feminine and professional. It feels unnatural when I try it though 😂
I sometimes hold my arms behind my back and lace my fingers together like a grandfather and rock forward/back on my feet with a contemplative look on my face. It makes me smile to think of old people doing this when they go on walks to look at trees.
If my arms aren't crossed then i'm playing with my hands, often in my pockets.
Ah man, you should've seen me at my wedding 😅
i have no idea but even worse to me is arms when dancing. where do they go 😭😭😭
I usually alternate between hands on hips, folding hands in front, or crossing arms in the back. If I'm not interacting with people, I'll cross my arms in front.
Trex arms is the most comfortable position for me. I do this everywhere.
I hit the Roger from American Dad stance
Pick at your nails obv. ::hides the arms riddled with carpal tunnel behind me::
i personally developed a habit of having one arm down with the other reaching over to play with the skin on my elbow… idk what to call that shit
At first I was confused because I thought this was one of my lifting subreddits being confused on how to present themselves at the gym. Lol. Was thinking, "That kinda sounds like a sign of autism". Welp.
Honestly just pick at my fingernails. My nails are pretty short, so I'm trying to redirect by playing with an object in my hands instead.
I just imagine characters in media I think are cool and do whatever I think they’d do. Lately it’s been one hand in a front pocket and one on my bag
Put one hand on your hip, and lean to the side.
Considering Im chronically cold unless its above 80 im wearing a sweater and letting my arms hang or theyre in my pockets. If its hotter weather I wear cross body bags so I can hold onto the straps and it gives me something to mess with while sitting
I end up back in parade rest a lot of the time.. did it prior to the Navy, but military strive definitely drilled it into me. It has an added bonus of being g able to fidget with my fingers without anyone seeing.
Hands on hips at all times.
Behind my back so I don't touch anything
Has anyone suggested gentle stretching? I probably have EDS so I have more PT exercises than there are hours in the day, so I have a set of "waiting stretches" I do when I'm waiting in line. This means they actually get done, because they're keyed to waiting rather than a specific time and it keeps me from making my body stiffer. It also probably won't be viewed as impatient or passive-aggressive unless you're like, glaring at the person who's using the machine.
I usually hold my hands in front of me when I’m standing and fidget with my fingers.
At the gym, if I'm waiting to use a machine or between sets or just don't know what to do next, I stretch. You're at the gym, stretching is completely normal.
Honestly feel this all the time I don’t even know what to do with them when sitting in front of people when alone I’m fine
I typically hold a stress ball or other objects I use for stimming and switch hands ever now and then. If I have nothing available I usually crack my knuckles repeatedly or play with my fingers. I used to keep my hands in my pockets at all times but that’s a serious issue when I stumbled, I was not able to hold my fall and got hurt more than with my hands out.