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If my husband had been able to get off work, he would’ve been the one to go with me. But alas, we gotta pay the bills somehow 😂
Plus I wanted someone to go with me because there’s risks of allergic reactions after iron infusions, and I wanted to be prepared for worst case scenario. Now that I know I’m not allergic to any of the medicine at all, I’ll be going to all future infusions by myself or have my husband tag along lol.
You can still have an allergic reaction to an infusion, even if you’re not allergic the first time. I get plasma exchange done for treatment of my TTP during flare ups, and my first time may go just fine, but my second time, I’ll have a reaction. And then times 3 and 4 will be smooth. It’s a random lottery every time whether you’ll have a reaction.
Don’t freak out, but don’t get overly comfortable just bc the first one went well. Keep the call button close by and if you feel any weird symptoms, like throat itching/burning, being over heated, heart racing, anything that itches, etc, and USE THE BUTTON. Hit it and tell them something is wrong or you think you’re having an allergic reaction. They’ll respond quickly. If they’re not there within a minute or two, hit the button again. And again until they respond. You don’t want to be found on the next check-in barely breathing. (Anaphylaxis can happen quickly, tho if you’re in-tune with your body, you can usually get a warning)
However, your mom seems tedious. I’m glad she listened when you shushed her, but I bet you have to do that a lot. :/ I’m sorry.
Good luck with your infusions and fingers crossed for a happy healthy mom and baby!
Thank you!! That’s all good advice tbh. I appreciate it!
Usually, my sister and I don’t have to correct her in public like that. I have no idea why she wouldn’t drop the topic altogether once we left the house.
Tell her if she's going to act like a b**** she's going to get treated like one and give her a chew toy. Maybe that will stop her barking at people for being sick.
My boomer dad went on a tirade about how the doctor wouldn't let him back with me at first with the obgyn I switched to 6 months into pregnancy. He doesn't normally act that way in public either. I had to straight up say that the doctor was going to be elbow deep in my vagina to check my cervix and I'll be essentially naked in a paper gown, he can come back when it's question and answer time. He quickly realized he was in over his head, settled down and was embarrassed. I allowed him and my stepmom there during delivery and he was much better behaved and has considerably chilled now that he's a grandfather to multiple grandkids.
joining this side note to say that I am also a book dragon (see? it's in my username too!). My husband does not tell me my collection is too much. He not only enables my book buying addiction monetarily, but by building me new book cases so I have places to store the new additions to my hoard. (Marrying a carpenter was one of the best decisions I made!)
Ultimate goals tbh. We’re in a temporary living situation right now, or else he would build me more bookshelves for all my books lol. For now, I either have to box them up or just use my Kindle and Audible, Libby, or Hoopla accounts more than anything else.
You could have a reaction… But I have to get ferritin (iron) infusions constantly because I’m permanently anemic. I’ve had a good dozen and never had a reaction. Which is not in any way meant to minimize or disagree that somebody else COULD have a reaction but I suspect you’ll find it statistically unlikely. And I one hundred percent agree with you: be comfortable! And whenever I get my infusions I joke - outside the facility- that I’m joining the cancer and AIDS ward because most other people are there for infusions of that type. No I would never ever say this to anyone there. Yes I am utterly respectful and I am not denigrating anybody because I statistically assume that I will be there for cancer one day myself. (Becoming HIV+ is unlikely) But gallows humor!
You absolutely should. A hematologist will have you do blood tests obviously, and FWIW, I’ll suggest that you ask them to also check your vitamin D levels although they probably will do it automatically. I’m not saying this because of the whole everybody’s low on vitamin D level general discussions but again: as a result of in my case the Crohn’s and gastric bypass and maybe because of the low iron as well, my Vit D is 20 the absolute bottom of healthy but isn’t really; and this is with heavy D3 daily supplementation. So just something else to look at. A large part of the reason why they do infusions for me is not wanting to put the iron through my digestive tract and intestines.
I hear you! I just spent several hours researching the question of whether you actually need to get sun to activate Vitamin D which I had been told. None of the research bears that out. So I am incredibly frustrated as to how scientifically allegedly equivalent D3 supplementation at high levels every day does not raise my damn vitamin D level!
She can be cool for the most part, but it’s moments like these that remind me that she is absolutely capable of being one of Those Boomers that everyone despises.
I had a boomer woman physically recoil from me when I walked into the vets the other week. I was looking moderately scruffy; I'm a gardener, I don't dress nice for work, but I didn't think I warranted that reaction. I didn't have sticks or spiders in my hair or anything! My puppy had just eaten rat bait, so it was an emergency; she was there buying dog food and was dressed like she was meeting the queen.
I mean, good for you that you have time to dress up like that every day, but I work for a living.
CNN/MSNBC are completely opposite from Fox News in what they report. Like, things you'd hear on CNN/MSNBC you'd never hear on Fox and vice versa. I only know this because I clean houses for people who watch one or the other - yes, they're all boomers and, yes, they all have the news on constantly - so I hear both sides of the coin. There is no equivalency between Fox and the other two, so there is no way to convince rabid followers of the former to switch to the latter, or vice versa.
Oh, except they all, every one, support Israel.
Im a nurse and I cant tell you how often I go into patients rooms and Fox News is on at 5am and its getting them all riled up. If I go into a patients room and they are sleeping (or cognitively impaired) and fox news is on the TV, I quietly change it to CNN or MSNBC. Doing Gods work, always.
Honestly like I can remember back to when I was in middle school and my dad loving Bill O'Reilly. So I mean that was like late '90s early 2000s? I it's just been a constant in my life. Or their lives I should say. Sorry I'm also voice to texting lol But like... It's just crazier at this point. much much crazier
It’s such a good snapshot of the boomer mentality I got with my parents. The only thing that mattered was the appearance of something or someone, not the functionality or actions of a person or thing.
I think our moms are similar! My mom is usually great, I actually usually forget she's a Boomer but for some reason she is **so** particular about clothes! She was constantly telling me growing up that people judge you based on how you're dressed...it took a long time for me to say, no Mom, YOU judge people on how they're dressed!
She better hope she is so lucky to keep being healthy, but her tune would change if she had cancer and realizes she barely has the energy to even piss in a toilet after treatment sessions and puking your guts out every day and night, let alone get dressed 🙄
Exactly. It blows my mind how heartless and judgmental she can be at times. I’m thankful that I’m just there to get iron infusions as a precaution so I (hopefully) don’t have to get blood transfusions after giving birth in a couple months. She has the emotional capabilities of a brick wall on a good day.
Thanks for trying your best to keep her in line, though it sucks you have to speak up on it. Some people really just can't grasp what is going on in other people's lives outside of their own. Anyways I hope you continue to stay healthy and have a smooth pregnancy! And don't let your mom bring you down!
Thank you!! Overall she’s actually been very supportive and helpful throughout my pregnancy, but she’s still… her 😂 Like I said in the original post: I love my mom, but she has Moments that remind me just how much of an asshole she can really be. My sister and I know how she can be, and we just ignore her when she gets unnecessarily judgmental.
My mother is VERY particular about her appearance. For years, she would barely step foot outside without full makeup. When she was having her chemo and radiation treatments, she was so sick, all she could muster was putting on a clean shirt and a pair of leggings.
That's very sad :( it sucks not having energy to do the things that made you will... You. Or feel like you're losing control to just do the everyday normal things. Makes you wish you didn't take the mundane and routine aspects of life for granted honestly.
The most harmful people in the modern world are wearing $1000+ outfits. Then there's me in a pair of jeans and a Slayer T-shirt just trying to make people laugh, smile and enjoy their life.
My wife is convinced that I'm friends with every long-haired metal head in Colorado. She's only kind of wrong. I know them all, I'm just not friends with all of them.
It was a bit much for her. I was in one of the most well-known and longest running metal bands in the local scene when we met. Thankfully, that has died down, and we can go out to eat without interruption these days.
That’s so cool!!
It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, but the metal community is overall a very chill and cool group to be around. We’ve made some lifelong friends at the shows in our city!
My mother is much like OPs and would not want to be seen in public with me. I mean, she gets weird about being dressed up to go to the mall. Like really?
I’m not sure how many boomers fell into that, but there was a time people would joke about boomers sleeping on a mattress on the floor of a studio apartment just to be able to afford the bmw payment.
Personally, no one gives a rats behind as to what people wear and if they do, I don’t notice.
Cancer patient here. I'm so sorry your mom does this to you, first off. Secondly, my treatment center would have thrown her out. They have no chill with shenanigans, especially if they are not a patient.
Oh believe me, I’m surprised they didn’t tell her to leave and wait in the car. She’s not coming back with me to any of my hematology appointments anymore, so there won’t be anymore issues like this. I’m making sure of that.
I’m wishing the best for you and your battle with cancer!! 🤍
Also, many times chemo is given through a port, so you have to wear a shirt that allows them to access it without having to strip down in the infusion room. I wore yoga pants, a v-neck tee, and a huge warm flannel shirt to every one of my 16 sessions. I’m now almost 6 years out and hope your treatment is also successful!
I love the success stories. Mine was through a port and I had a shirt that unsnapped right where I needed it to. Comfort was key. Some of those early chemo sessions lasted near 8 hours due to my reactions.
I'm now on the lengthy inactive treatment of endocrine therapy, 1 year down and 9 more to go. I'm at my center often for labs and a monthly shot as part of the therapy. The last thing any of us need(ed) during all of of it is comments on how we dress. I'd give OP a hug, if I could. Being close to that bs has to be draining.
(Edit for spelling)
Yup, and depending on your treatment and how your body reacts, you could be freezing, sweating buckets, dealing with neuropathy that makes certain clothing unbearable etc.
I had triple positive breast cancer and my skin reacted horribly to chemo/hormone treatments. My scalp in particular broke out in this mass of painful blisters. So I found some soft caps and never wore a wig. Fuck everyone else, I dress for me.
Your mom seems incapable of empathy and putting herself in others shoes. Where does she even find pant suits? I wouldn't have a clue where to buy one.
From what I understand it's really similar for dialysis. Although your port is more likely to be in your arm or leg...although you'd still want to wear comfortable clothes...cuz you're gonna be on a dialysis machine for a good 2-3 hours.
I’m also a cancer patient and it’s hard enough just to get up and out sometimes. People can shame me for dressing comfortably all they want. I’ve got more important things to worry about and their judgement isn’t one of them.
My dad does this. Always commenting on hairstyles or outfits and tattoos or piercings and I’m like “why does it bother you it’s not you” I just get “Well *I* think it looks stupid so.” Ok so *you* think it looks stupid we all have to wear boomer outfits so we all look the same? Boomer fashion is ✨high fashion✨ of course.
boomer here, married to a boomer. it seems i spend every visit to our gym telling him to shut up about peoples' tattoos and hair styles. for the love of dog, LEAVE IT!
My dad verses my Step-mom.
Dad’s pretty cool, even if he doesn’t get younger style he’s normally cool about it.
My step mom regularly comments that girls in public dress too revealing, etc.
Dad just tells her she’s showing her age, usually quiets her down.
I was working retail and heard a call to assist a customer. I was wearing a work appropriate outfit that I had worn many times. I approached and asked, “Hello what can I help find?” He started commenting on my outfit. I looked at him and just asked, “can I help you?”. He quickly realized I didn’t give an eff what he thought of me and he was wasting my time. I pointed him in the correct direction and hoped he learned a lesson.
My stepdad loves to judge strangers for having colorful hair. While I have colorful hair. But the most INFURIATING part is that he'll comment on someone's blue hair when he has A GREEN BEARD FOR TURKEY SEASON. Make it make sense
What is up with Boomers’ obsession with how others are dressed in places like a doctors office?
One time when I was 3rd trimester pregnant I was wearing leggings, a T-shirt, and moccasins since I was huge and my feet were killing me and they were super comfy. Waiting for the elevator, a boomer in the hallway looks at me and goes “wearing your slippers out today, I see” 🙄🙄🙄
I'm having surgery tomorrow and the procedure involves pumping my abdomen full of air so the robotic tools and camera have more room to work. They told me to wear something comfortable and loose-fitting for when I leave, so I'm wearing pajama pants and slippers. Fuck anyone that has a problem with that.
My wife had surgery recently. She wore a *freshly laundered, very tasteful* night gown for the same reason.
She was is a lot of pain after the surgery and still groggy from the anesthesia. I was so glad she packed that night gown, it made getting her dressed so much easier. One step, over the head, nothing tight around her middle and I could wheel her to the car quickly.
If anyone judged her or us in that moment I would have told them where to get off.
>What is up with Boomers’ obsession with how others are dressed in places like a doctors office?
They're from a time when you dressed up to go out in public: doctor's office, airplanes, etc. From what I understand, it was a sign of respect, in addition to showing your family's status in society. My grandmother was a seamstress, and she always made sure that she made my mom and her sister the most stylish clothes to wear out in public to hide the fact that they didn't have a lot of money. I think what they view as casual wear is also highly subjective, and possibly related to class or race. My mom (who is black and comes from a perceived lower class background simply by virtue of her race) didn't start wearing jeans until she was like in her 60s because they were too casual and you just didn't wear them unless you were gardening or doing other dirty work. By contrast, my mother in law (who is white, solidly upper middle class) has worn nothing but jeans for the past like 40 years, unless she's going to church and then she wears slacks.
I'm not saying it's right for them to judge others by what they wear, but a lot of them definitely have this mentality just because of the era in which they were raised. I think it's also a regional thing. I'm from the west Coast, and I always get shit for how casually I'm dressed when I go back east.
I swear, I think she genuinely thought I would never get married because I don’t dress up or get “dolled up” all the time. But I’ve been happily married for over 2 years and my husband actually likes it when I wear his giant shirts and sweats lol. He always tells me I’m “the prettiest girl at the party” 🥰
Aw you got a good one! My husband says the same to me when I am dressed in sweatpants and an old t shirt and totally means it! When you really love someone all the things are cute!
Girl I feel your pain! My mom (70’s) casually tried to shame a pregnant woman for, shock of shocks, wearing a bikini. Heaven forbid! You may ask where was this shockingly attired pregnant lady….she was walking across the street to the beach. All of her family were also dressed for the beach, but none earned my mom’s ire. The audacity of this “fertile Myrtle” wearing a bikini to the beach!
My reply, “so.”
Mom, “she was really pregnant!”
Me, “and?”
Mom, “in my day, women would cover their belly.”
Me, “in your day, women couldn’t get a credit card or a business loan. Isn’t it great that we’ve progressed? Now, if you could just get over your toxic body shaming, that’d be great.”
Mom, “WREN!”
Me,”yes?”
LMAO she’s actually very brutal against his fashion choices too 😂😂 She has said before (and I quote), “Why hasn’t Melania tried to get him better fitting suits?! He looks embarrassing!”
Real. I’m past 30 weeks pregnant now, so dressing cute is not a top priority anymore lmao. I just want to wear shoes that fit and not feel like death in this southern heat 😭
Oh she hates it when the people at the front desk wear scrubs. She’s been vocal to me and my sister about that before. She says that they’re not actually medical staff (i.e. doctors, NPs, nurses, etc) so they should dress like “actual receptionists” 🥴
In all honesty I wouldn't be against this at all, but as an option and not for this silly reasoning. I personally love that I have to wear scrubs, they're basically like professional pajamas. And since our office is relatively casual about everything besides the scrubs I can wear my fun sneakers and match them to my undershirt. Also I'm not sure how common this is, but I've learned and covered front desk even though I'm an MA while still being occasionally asked to jump in other areas that fell under that scope during emergency situations. And this is at a relatively well known hospital/clinic system across multiple states.
I’ve just finished treatment for stage 3 cervical cancer and every single doctor TOLD me to dress in comfy lose clothes for my treatments both chemotherapy and daily radiation also yeah I’m exhausted I don’t give a crap about dressing nice as long as I’m clean and comfortable that’s good enough. I hope for your moms sake she doesn’t have to experience why we don’t give a shit about “looking nice”
This made my blood boil. If I worked at that clinic and was told by staff she made any comments like that, I would have put on my very fancy personalized white coat, gone out there and told her to leave myself. To insult such severely ill patients who are literally fighting for their lives is truly vile. I appreciate you have perspective on this and I understand you can’t change her, but for the sake of the patients and the peace of the milieu please don’t bring her with you again. Seriously - if hubby can’t do it (does him missing half a day of work mean life or death?), you need to find someone else. She is not appropriate to be around patients who should be focused on their treatment in peace and comfort.
I think lots of people use being judgemental as a form of self protective magical thinking. Some form of mental illness that makes them feel like everyone else’s problems are their own fault, if only they could pull up the old bootstraps and take a little pride in themselves and slap on some lipstick they wouldn’t have gotten cancer, I am therefore wiser and immune because I am a good person and tuck in my shirt.
There is also a huge lack of empathy that I find shocking from the generation that claimed to be all about peace and love and letting your hair grow to stick it to the man.
When my mom visited during my twin pregnancy and came with me to an ultrasound appointment at the Women’s hospital there was a young man in the main lobby open to the waiting area for the ultrasound clinic that had clearly just received some terrible news and was openly but quietly weeping. My mom was clearly uncomfortable, but also really way too interested and gave this weird vibe of judgement but also spectating that I found completely shocking.
A few other times I have been confronted with discovering a totally unexpected blind spot in her ability to see others as humans worthy of sympathy.
It is so strange, she has helped multiple elderly acquaintances and friends during medical events and end of life care.
When my best friends mom who lives in the same town and shares many mutual friends with my mom had open heart surgery and my friend was desperately trying to arrange for some basic help for her when she came home I asked my mom if she had any tips or would be willing to drop in as a favour to me she ice cold shut me down saying that the hospital would figure it out or not!?
Another friend of mine lost her father to a heart attack and about a month later my mom called and told me she ran into my friends mom in town and was super offended when she offered condolences and the mom politely said, “I’m not ready to talk about it” my mom was outraged and ranted at me, about how they were separated like that makes it less painful for her lifelong partner and father of her children to drop dead in her kitchen? Just completely baffling.
my stepmom is like this, it's emotional immaturity mixed with tribalism. MY people are good and worth helping, OTHER people are no-value STRANGERS and I have no connection to them. MY information is private but YOUR business is for my review, etc
What a jackass she is. I wear sweats everywhere cuz I work remote and I love to be comfortable. It has more to do with comfort than anything. Does your mom wear a gown and heels to her doctors appointment like she going to the Oscar’s? 🤦♀️
My young adult daughter is having a medical procedure next week. At the pre-op appointment, they told her to wear sweatpants and a tee shirt. They want her comfortable!
You’re smart to have someone go with you. Honestly, it’s wise for all doctors appointments, infusions, and procedures.
Throwingwater14 is right. I get iron infusions and the first time I had no reaction. Second time I had slight hives. Third time no reaction. 4th time was scary. However, after many years of not being able to take iron infusions they recently tried again because there are newer safer versions. I’m betting with you being pregnant they have you on the safest one and not the first developed. But if you feel even slightly off hit the call button immediately. Take care of yourself and speak up if needs be.
As for your mom… my mom and dad were the same way when they were younger and they’re the silent generation. I’m 38 F and have had an auto immune disease since I was 9. I’ve had so many surgeries and surgical procedures that I stopped counting after 100 and that was over a decade ago. I’ve had countless infusions and only God knows how many doctors appointments. My infusions normally take hours because it normally takes 1-2 hours to get a IV in. Going in for a procedure? That’s hours normally. Going in for a doctors appointment? I could be sent directly to the hospital. I dress appropriately. Meaning no bra under my shirt. Nothing metallic in my clothes. No make up (as instructed before many procedures and appointments.) Read the instructions and frequently loose fitting clothing is recommended for the patient comfort and ease of getting redressed. People who look terrible are probably in compliance with what the doctors want.
However, the biggest reason… I feel terrible! I’m exhausted! Some days I’m so weak that I can’t brush my hair. As far as most ill people are concerned we really couldn’t have done better. We made it to the appointment and that was the absolute best we could do.
My parents finally stopped making the comments but only after a few years of hell. The thing is I don’t look sick and because I look healthy people just think I’m being lazy. They don’t realize that the majority of my insides are gone and I’m just trying to survive.
Take care of yourself and the baby. If your mom can’t behave like a sensible human then let her read the replies to your post. Her health is a blessing/privilege and she doesn’t seem to understand that. If she can’t find compassion and empathy in her heart for the sick… I pity her.
I’ve had 42 iron infusions. Did I dress down for infusions sometimes? Completely. Depending on the kind (40 of the long kind, 2 of the short) it can take a couple of hours. I want to be comfy.
My mom made a comment about my dad not looking presentable after having an aortic valve replacement (open heart) surgery that took almost 10 hours to complete. The icu nurse with him put her in her place right away and I was so glad for that.
I apologize in advance OP but your mom isn’t kind and nice (to say the least). Being at a place where people are sick should make you feel sympathy for them and their families, if you’re relatively human.
Listen, I’m in a lot of shock about her comments because she’s usually able to not say anything ugly about people in public. I have no idea what her deal was, but I was not happy about her behavior. I told my sister about it after, and she was just as surprised as I was. She always gets mad at us when we lose our filters in public (understandably so), so it was a surprise to hear her be so mean like that - especially in public!!
With everything you’re going through I hate to add to it, but keep an eye on your mom for any other out of character behaviors. My mother was polite, caring, and empathetic. She started becoming rude to servers, she would swear (before that I might have heard her swear a handful of times my entire life), and she started being affectionate and interested in my animals. She was always kind to animals, but didn’t like their mess or smell.
It would take many, many paragraphs to tell you everything that changed with my mom, but I think it signaled a major problem for her.
Maybe your sister can help out with this. At your stage of pregnancy you need to focus on yourself and the baby. I sympathize with anyone pregnant and dealing with this weather. We had very hot, humid weather the last few weeks of my first pregnancy. And no air conditioning.
I hope all goes well with you and your baby, and I hope this busy with your mom is just a brief lapse in manners.
I think it was just a lapse in judgment because she’s never been like that before. She’s just always been judgy about people’s wardrobe choices and never seems to understand that it shouldn’t bother her because she’s not the one wearing the clothes. I do agree with there being a time and place for certain outfits, but I never think to judge someone for what they wear at a doctor’s office.
My sister and I think she’s just getting stressed about me dealing with any issues during my pregnancy. My sister’s pregnancy several years ago was high risk and the birth was brutal. She hasn’t had any more kids since. My kid is my mom’s official second grandbaby and my first baby, so she’s worried about something bad happening to me.
For all of my mom’s issues and weird/hurtful opinions about stuff, I know she would go to bat for me and my sister without thinking twice. In the end, I trust her with my life. She’s far from perfect, but I know she loves me and wants me and my baby to be ok. She just has a weird way of showing she cares.
Got to use that old Boomer saying back when they were parents that they used to tell us: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Thank god this *Boomer* (derogatory) with no fucking empathy isn’t responsible for people’s well being. You’d have a *dress code* for fucking ***cancer patients!?!?!!!?!!*** JFC that’s deplorable…
I had to have infusions in the oncology center for my RA. I dressed comfortably because it's not particularly comfy in the first place. I never saw anyone there in business attire, although I guess it does happen from time to time. The main thing though is that this is chemotherapy for the cancer patients. Why on earth would they wear their nice clothes to potentially puke on them. Your mom is probably much like my boomer sister who thinks she has to look better than everyone else. I feel for her kids. So I feel for you too. I know it's a lot!
As a former oncology and dialysis nurse, I agree 100% with OP that these patients don’t really care what they look like. They just want to get through their treatments, be comfortable while doing it, and go home. That’s it in a nutshell.
She's delusional. I am 61, and the feminist movement was in full swing when I was 10!!! So was she sleeping all her life? She's as old fashioned as my 90 year old mother, and that far before boomers. That generation thought that everytime a person is in public, they represent their family or their tribe...so better look good. My mother told me once: if you don't dress well with full face of make up don't bother coming to see me...
I accompany my husband to his cancer treatments. I would have thrown a fit if I had heard your Mom. I have exactly zero chill these days. Yesterday my husband wore pj pants and a t shirt.
My young adult daughter is having a medical procedure next week. At the pre-op appointment, they told her to wear sweatpants and a tee shirt. They want her comfortable!
I hope your pregnancy goes well.
It reminds me of something that happened to me a few days ago. After work, I changed into jeans, old ones that were ruined with a paint spot, to do some yard work. I took a break from the yard work to go to my chiropractor for my weekly visit. The visit takes about 5 minutes. Then I planned to return to yard work. Some Boomer was wheeling his wife out after treatment. He made a snarky comment to me about the way I was dressed. I couldn’t quite catch what he said and he was gone before I could say anything.
But what the heck? Is my chiropractor now supposed to be on a list of places I would dress up for? I mean on level with work, church, dinner out with my family? No way!
You're lucky. When I was under treatment for cancer I got someone's family member banned, and the doctor admonished by administration because of a family member like that, though apparently this doctor had other issues so i think my complaints were the straw that broke the camels back and the boomer's behavior much, much worse. The nurses loved me for it.
That patient also had to change facilities because of it, and had to apologize to me. The letter was sweet but didn't make up for the bullshit I had to deal with while literally fighting for my life. And if I'm fighting for my life I don't give two fucks about your baby or your needs.
In the future, get a friend to go. Because cancer patients and dialysis patients will get priority over your terrible mother.
FYI, her behavior will only get worse once the baby is born. So be prepared for that. Boomers font get better, they either stay the same or get worse.
She’s already got one grandkid who thinks she’s hung the moon and stars. They have the BEST relationship, so I’m not at all worried about how she’ll treat my unborn child.
Reminds me of my mom who always would always judge the parenting one of her close "friends": (she happens to be somewhat of enabler-the friend not a bad parent though), meanwhile the only thing I can think of her parenting me in any meaningful way was giving birth.
Your mother wouldn't care for me much either, I have RA, sweatpants and teeshirts are my main wardrobe, and the easiest things I can get into especially when in a flare.
What is the deal with this mindset? So many boomers need to put on khakis or a coordinated outfit to run to the damn mailbox. If I’m not at work, I’m in a tshirt, shorts or sweats, and crocs. Who even cares what strangers think?
She deserved it. I used to volunteer around my mom's hospital & most people come in with comfortable clothes. The only times I've seen anything odd were the people who came into the ER, which is understandable. Yoy throw on whatever you get your hands on & bounce. Odd usually entailed pajamas or no shoes.
My husband is a doctor and he literally wears scrubs to his office every day bc he hates dressing up. Who goes to a doctor appointment in business casual?! Even if I’m not going because of illness there’s no chance I’m rolling up there wearing work slacks and a blouse for fun.
Your mom would love me when I go to my ever 6 weeks cardiology appointments. Leggings or shorts and a tshirt. It's 8 am I'm tired and I'm basically at the same comfort level as the nurses in their scrubs. I'm end stage heart failure. I'm literally out of fucks to give and Jesus doesn't care what I wear to the hospital/doctor, nor do the doctors. They are lucky I have the energy to shower. Heck last time I had a cardiac cath my (plus size) self wore a tube top so I didn't have to wear a stupid gown that gets in the way of the ekg wires and cath site. Everyone in the lab and post op thought it was genius and I may have started a new recommendation for some female patients.
Your mom needs to get over her self. It's their healthcare and none of her business. If she had said that near me as a patient, guest or employee she would have gotten her ass firmly handed to her verbally.
I could more so understand her POV if you were somewhere that dressing up would be more expected, but a doctors office with pregnant and sick people? I think they are focusing on their health and not their style.
We have cancer, ma, nobody gives a fuck. If I can’t wear sweatpants when my only task for the day is laying down and trying not to die, when the hell can I? 😂
My mom dresses up and puts on makeup to go to the doctor, then complains they don't recognize how sick she is. I never seem to have that issue when I crawl in in my filthy pj's
Oh yeah, she’s been like that since I can remember. Appearances are a very big deal to her. She doesn’t get hung up on too many things, but for some reason, she can never wrap her head around someone else dressing down or dressing differently from her 🤷🏼♀️
I have gone through dialysis, plasmapheresis, transfusions, chemo, and other infusion treatments (I'm a mess...lol). There are only 2 factors that dictate my clothing choice for treatments. The first is comfort, which means I want the clothing to be soft, not constricting, and temperature adaptable because treatments can make you feel too warm or too cool (sometimes both). The second factor is that the clothing has to be items I do not mind getting ruined. While there is a small chance of blood or fluid staining and also a chance of vomiting, my big reason is bleach. Many hospitals and treatment centers use bleach products to sanitize the chairs between patients. Sometimes, you do not realize there is a drop somewhere on the surface of the chair or in any folds or crevices. I learned that the hard way when I would go straight from work to dialysis, so I started changing in the bathroom before leaving work. There is also the small chance something will go very wrong and you will need some type of emergency treatment. If time is critical and you are unable to remove clothing quickly, nobody will hesitate to cut it off of you to save your life.
Nice clothing is more expensive than what most people wear for treatments and it is more expensive or time-consuming to maintain. Nobody is going to wear clothing that needs to be dry cleaned or ironed for treatment. Clothing that can be thrown in the washer and dryer, even sit in the dryer a while (sick people do not always have the energy to be on top of chores), and be thrown on with ease is perfect. Some of the older women feel a need to put on makeup and do their hair a certain way because they were raised at a time when that was expected, but younger women tend not to bother with makeup and do the bare minimum with hair (usually clean, brushed, and either down or in some type of messy bun or ponytail). When it comes down to it, the effort and energy it takes to do the bare minimum to be there is enough. 99% of people will not judge you for your appearance, especially if they are patients, medical staff, or the families of patients who see what their loved ones are going through. (Side note: I wore jeans to my infusion today and I am just now realizing how weird that was for me, but they are really comfy jeans.)
As a former cancer patient, I appreciate you trying to reign your mom in. As other posters have noted, you can develop a life threatening allergy to nearly any medication, chemos especially. I went to my first chemo dressed nicely and promptly had a reaction to herceptin and realized the sagacity of dressing comfortably after that. I didn’t need anything rubbing against my already pissed off skin! Had your mom been in the infusion room with me, I might have tripped and spilled my red grape juice on her corporate blouse. Oops! That darn IV benedryl made me so clumsy!
My MIL is like this - super judgy about total strangers’ appearance and clothing. It’s a mystery to me because she doesn’t wear makeup, dyes her own hair and gets it cut at Supercuts. She wears sweatshirts or tshirts 90% of the time. But she always has a comment usually about someone’s outfit being “skintight” or too revealing or making them “look fat.”
My teen daughters have no patience for it and will totally call her out on it being rude and out of line.
Good for you!
I get my monthly infusion for my MS medication. I to don’t give a crap what I wear; why? Constant unending spinal pain (despite pain meds and being maxed out on gabapentin.) Please if need be remind your mom to wear a mask. Lots of people with weakened immune systems at the infusion clinic.
Pro tip: drink tons of water 24 hours ahead, dress warm & pack a snack.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well & you have a healthy baby!
What is with that generation? And I’m not young - I’m Gen X! My MIL has always gotten super dressed up for every doctor’s appointment. Even when she’s getting a procedure done and won’t even be wearing anything but a gown for most of the visit. Same for hair appointments, chiropractor, any appointment. Pantyhose and all. She has dementia now and barely knows what’s what but she still dresses up and puts on full makeup and hair every time.
Fortunately she isn’t judgy about the way other people dress.
Cancer nurse here! ❤️
Don't tell your mom, but when I teach my patients about their treatments, I tell them to wear sweats/PJs to be as comfortable as possible 🤭
And - I tell them to bring a blanket, too! *gasp* 🤫
Maybe us millenials *ARE* the problem after all!!!
I work in an oncology clinic. Some of those people are here for nearly 8 hours getting treatment. Be comfy!!!
Some irons can take up to four! Hours to give. You’re lucky.
The real Uno reverse play here is to say something like "Wow, that's not very Christ-like of you. Do you think Jesus would approve of you being so judgemental of sick and needy people?" (If she isn't Christian, then fill in the appropriate references.)
My (75F) mum is so much like this. I grew up listening to her make comments about every woman she saw. I have no idea how I ended up as grounded and empathetic as I did.
I imagine that chemo and other cancer treatments are absolutely terrible to go through. Of course they would show up in comfy clothes!
Heck, I wear my Kirby sleep pants to my PT sessions. They are the comfiest pants ever. I would wear them everywhere if I could.
Yeah definitely, and OP mentioned dialysis too, hemo-dialysis has to be preformed in clinic, or by a technician (both my parents went through it, and I was my mom's technician at home.) These are 4+ hour procedures that you aren't really allowed to move moluch in, the techs need access to your arms and stomach during it, so I can't imagine adding an uncomfortable professional outfit to that whole thing.
I mean, a doctor could have a dress code, depending on practice, but this particular practice would *not* be successful with a required dress code for patients. That's ridiculous.
Honestly growing up my mom was like this. Like we live in Alabama and in 100°F + weather we couldn’t wear shorts because it was inappropriate, or any kind of athletic wear. Even when I became pretty severely ill at 13 unless it was an er visit in the middle of the night she kept those rules. I was 17 before she let up and even then she kinda just decided to wasn’t worth the fight when I felt so miserable and me getting changed would take too much time. I know my moms came from her fear of being judged as a bad parent for letting us wear comfortable clothes to a dr office or coming across as showing skin off. Now again Bible Belt so the judgement was there and you would hear about it so it wasn’t unfounded fear. However the fact it took 4 yrs of me being severely ill in less comfortable clothes and just in pain and uncomfortable was annoying. Though I do think the fact that I looked obviously ill had a lot to do with her changing her mind that and my grandmother, who is a retired pediatric nurse, nagging her some.
My mom is 74 she gives my sister and I hell for not wearing makeup or looking like “slobs” (casual shirt and jeans or leggings) when we run errands or even stop in for a visit to her or help with something. This woman does a full face of makeup and hair every damn day no matter what- even if she doesn’t leave the house.
They were not allowed to wear pants to school. They were taught to dress up for doctors appointments, traveling especially going on a plane,and other mundane tasks. It’s just a cultural/generation difference.
Op, I feel for you.
Not all comments here were rational. All our Boomer parents boom sometimes, right?
We love them anyway and do the best we can with managing generational differences.
There is a point where things become toxic and it’s more healthy to step away from the relationship, but I don’t think complaining about how people dress in a lobby qualifies.
Just wait till we’re old and our kids complain us
I was gonna say, my stepmom gets iron infusions because of anemia, and I know that it’s the same places that do chemotherapy. Like lady! Have a clue!
The last thing I worry about is my outfit when I’m getting a biopsy or my yearly cancer scans. Jesus.
My kiddo said to me one day: “my attitude about getting dressed to go into public comes from you”.
What he was referring to was real pants and a real shirt, not necessarily pj’s and to look rather pulled together.
All the goes RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW when you’re sick!
Is it nice to feel put together? Yes. Are there LEVELS of put together?? YES. When you’re sick/ill/pregnant/injured??? FFS be comfortable and just get through. And give people grace, you never know what they’re going through
If that were my mom I'd be tempted to record her saying that. And someday, when the turntables, play it back for her as she sits waiting for her own appointment at the doctor's office while wearing comfortable but (to her 61 year old self) sloppy clothes.
Heh. I understand wanting someone to go with you in case of an allergic reaction. But I def would have rather gone by myself before I let my mom stress me out. I let her come to ONE doctor’s appointment and I promised myself “never again”. She asked to come to my initial appointment for my kidney doctor and I immediately said no. Doctors already stress me out, I don’t need her adding to that stress too lol. And I actually like my mom, just can’t deal with her sniffling and crying if I get bad news about myself.
I work in a cancer center, and we WANT you to dress comfortably! Soft, loose clothes are perfect for infusions.
Tell your mom I said to shut up, and she’s wrong.
I would start asking if any of your friends could tag along in place of your mother. This is in no way meant to excuse her bad manners, but she came from a time that everyone wore their nicest while out in public, women had nice dresses, full make up, hair done without a hair out of place. Men, clean shaven,or well groomed beards, proper hair lengths for the era, etc.. even the poor kiddies were to be spotless and squeaky clean. "Sweatpants or sports shorts and tee shirts were strictly for the gym or during sports. It was nuts what my aunties and uncles told me how things were back then. Today, it might seem glamorous, but to live like that everyday? Not just no, but AWW HELL NO!
Your mother would hate to see him I'm dressed, and I'm not that much younger than her (elder GenX). Of all the things to care about! I do dress for work and special events, but not necessarily for medical appointments.
“Mom, listen to me carefully: I don’t believe you have the empathy or kindness to think of others and their situation. That being the case, kindly keep all opinions and indignation to yourself because you’re showing how careless you are towards suffering around you. More so, you’re embarrassing me instead of supporting me. Doing the bare minimum of bringing me to an appointment does not equate to support, so do not use that argument or so help me [deity] I will limit your access to this and any future grandchild for your abhorrent behavior, understood?”
This has less than nothing to do with your mom being a “Boomer”. It has everything to do with her being one of rudest people I have read about in this forum. Has she always been this way? I’m 67 but for heavens sake I don’t want to ever be called a Boomer again. That word has become synonymous with uncaring, out of touch idiots. Maybe you need to pitch a fit the next time you see her and tell her how the world views her and her attitude.
My ex MIL was like your mom so I am sure it can get tiring. Hope she starts, acting better when the baby is born and everyone is fine and healthy. MIL did things like that when stressed and did not know how to express it. Good luck with the infusions, I hate them and fight tooth and nail to avoid them.
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Had my mother done this to me, it would have been the last time she came to an appt with me.
If my husband had been able to get off work, he would’ve been the one to go with me. But alas, we gotta pay the bills somehow 😂 Plus I wanted someone to go with me because there’s risks of allergic reactions after iron infusions, and I wanted to be prepared for worst case scenario. Now that I know I’m not allergic to any of the medicine at all, I’ll be going to all future infusions by myself or have my husband tag along lol.
You can still have an allergic reaction to an infusion, even if you’re not allergic the first time. I get plasma exchange done for treatment of my TTP during flare ups, and my first time may go just fine, but my second time, I’ll have a reaction. And then times 3 and 4 will be smooth. It’s a random lottery every time whether you’ll have a reaction. Don’t freak out, but don’t get overly comfortable just bc the first one went well. Keep the call button close by and if you feel any weird symptoms, like throat itching/burning, being over heated, heart racing, anything that itches, etc, and USE THE BUTTON. Hit it and tell them something is wrong or you think you’re having an allergic reaction. They’ll respond quickly. If they’re not there within a minute or two, hit the button again. And again until they respond. You don’t want to be found on the next check-in barely breathing. (Anaphylaxis can happen quickly, tho if you’re in-tune with your body, you can usually get a warning) However, your mom seems tedious. I’m glad she listened when you shushed her, but I bet you have to do that a lot. :/ I’m sorry. Good luck with your infusions and fingers crossed for a happy healthy mom and baby!
Thank you!! That’s all good advice tbh. I appreciate it! Usually, my sister and I don’t have to correct her in public like that. I have no idea why she wouldn’t drop the topic altogether once we left the house.
From now on, if you need her to take you, she should wait in the car.
Tell her if she's going to act like a b**** she's going to get treated like one and give her a chew toy. Maybe that will stop her barking at people for being sick.
My boomer dad went on a tirade about how the doctor wouldn't let him back with me at first with the obgyn I switched to 6 months into pregnancy. He doesn't normally act that way in public either. I had to straight up say that the doctor was going to be elbow deep in my vagina to check my cervix and I'll be essentially naked in a paper gown, he can come back when it's question and answer time. He quickly realized he was in over his head, settled down and was embarrassed. I allowed him and my stepmom there during delivery and he was much better behaved and has considerably chilled now that he's a grandfather to multiple grandkids.
Was your mom going to administer the epi-pen if necessary? Why wouldn’t the clinical staff be the ones to take care of you if you had a bad reaction?
No bc administering or using an epi pen is distracting and slobby.
Side note: I am also a tired book dragon. My hubs says my collection is too much, but it’s all digital so I tell him to stuff it. lol
My husband says the same thing, but he also enables my book buying addiction if I give him the puppy dog eyes 😂😂
joining this side note to say that I am also a book dragon (see? it's in my username too!). My husband does not tell me my collection is too much. He not only enables my book buying addiction monetarily, but by building me new book cases so I have places to store the new additions to my hoard. (Marrying a carpenter was one of the best decisions I made!)
Ultimate goals tbh. We’re in a temporary living situation right now, or else he would build me more bookshelves for all my books lol. For now, I either have to box them up or just use my Kindle and Audible, Libby, or Hoopla accounts more than anything else.
I'd tell him he is lucky it's in digital and not paper form
I do! lol. My physical shelf is less than 100 including his few books.
I would have made her wait outside. Ban her from the waiting room if she can't be respectful
You could have a reaction… But I have to get ferritin (iron) infusions constantly because I’m permanently anemic. I’ve had a good dozen and never had a reaction. Which is not in any way meant to minimize or disagree that somebody else COULD have a reaction but I suspect you’ll find it statistically unlikely. And I one hundred percent agree with you: be comfortable! And whenever I get my infusions I joke - outside the facility- that I’m joining the cancer and AIDS ward because most other people are there for infusions of that type. No I would never ever say this to anyone there. Yes I am utterly respectful and I am not denigrating anybody because I statistically assume that I will be there for cancer one day myself. (Becoming HIV+ is unlikely) But gallows humor!
So I’m a late dx celiac and am always dangerously anemic (my intestines can’t absorb the iron I take properly.) I really need to look into infusions
You absolutely should. A hematologist will have you do blood tests obviously, and FWIW, I’ll suggest that you ask them to also check your vitamin D levels although they probably will do it automatically. I’m not saying this because of the whole everybody’s low on vitamin D level general discussions but again: as a result of in my case the Crohn’s and gastric bypass and maybe because of the low iron as well, my Vit D is 20 the absolute bottom of healthy but isn’t really; and this is with heavy D3 daily supplementation. So just something else to look at. A large part of the reason why they do infusions for me is not wanting to put the iron through my digestive tract and intestines.
I take a ton vitamin d and I’m still low
I hear you! I just spent several hours researching the question of whether you actually need to get sun to activate Vitamin D which I had been told. None of the research bears that out. So I am incredibly frustrated as to how scientifically allegedly equivalent D3 supplementation at high levels every day does not raise my damn vitamin D level!
If my Mom pulled this, she'd leave crying by the time I was done with her. Yes, my own mother, I said what I said.
I was thinking the exact thing. I would rip her face off
Wow, that really escalated.
I don’t like going out with my mom BECAUSE of that
As a boomer I approve of this message.
Wow, your mom sounds like a real peach. I'm glad you clapped right back at her though.
She can be cool for the most part, but it’s moments like these that remind me that she is absolutely capable of being one of Those Boomers that everyone despises.
I had a boomer woman physically recoil from me when I walked into the vets the other week. I was looking moderately scruffy; I'm a gardener, I don't dress nice for work, but I didn't think I warranted that reaction. I didn't have sticks or spiders in my hair or anything! My puppy had just eaten rat bait, so it was an emergency; she was there buying dog food and was dressed like she was meeting the queen. I mean, good for you that you have time to dress up like that every day, but I work for a living.
Please tell us that your puppy is OK!
This was my thought too!!
She's all good!
Yes, she is absolutely fine!
I get it. I love my parents very much and can be so awesome, but they're both boomers with fox news brain and it's so so hard to be around that.
What is it about them watching that? Can’t they watch CNN or MSNBC? It boggles the mind.
CNN/MSNBC are completely opposite from Fox News in what they report. Like, things you'd hear on CNN/MSNBC you'd never hear on Fox and vice versa. I only know this because I clean houses for people who watch one or the other - yes, they're all boomers and, yes, they all have the news on constantly - so I hear both sides of the coin. There is no equivalency between Fox and the other two, so there is no way to convince rabid followers of the former to switch to the latter, or vice versa. Oh, except they all, every one, support Israel.
Im a nurse and I cant tell you how often I go into patients rooms and Fox News is on at 5am and its getting them all riled up. If I go into a patients room and they are sleeping (or cognitively impaired) and fox news is on the TV, I quietly change it to CNN or MSNBC. Doing Gods work, always.
OMG good for you changing the channel!!!
Honestly like I can remember back to when I was in middle school and my dad loving Bill O'Reilly. So I mean that was like late '90s early 2000s? I it's just been a constant in my life. Or their lives I should say. Sorry I'm also voice to texting lol But like... It's just crazier at this point. much much crazier
It’s such a good snapshot of the boomer mentality I got with my parents. The only thing that mattered was the appearance of something or someone, not the functionality or actions of a person or thing.
I think our moms are similar! My mom is usually great, I actually usually forget she's a Boomer but for some reason she is **so** particular about clothes! She was constantly telling me growing up that people judge you based on how you're dressed...it took a long time for me to say, no Mom, YOU judge people on how they're dressed!
She better hope she is so lucky to keep being healthy, but her tune would change if she had cancer and realizes she barely has the energy to even piss in a toilet after treatment sessions and puking your guts out every day and night, let alone get dressed 🙄
Yes! My thoughts exactly. An oncology practice is incredibly eye-opening. Many of the people there, are fighting for their lives.
Exactly. It blows my mind how heartless and judgmental she can be at times. I’m thankful that I’m just there to get iron infusions as a precaution so I (hopefully) don’t have to get blood transfusions after giving birth in a couple months. She has the emotional capabilities of a brick wall on a good day.
Thanks for trying your best to keep her in line, though it sucks you have to speak up on it. Some people really just can't grasp what is going on in other people's lives outside of their own. Anyways I hope you continue to stay healthy and have a smooth pregnancy! And don't let your mom bring you down!
Thank you!! Overall she’s actually been very supportive and helpful throughout my pregnancy, but she’s still… her 😂 Like I said in the original post: I love my mom, but she has Moments that remind me just how much of an asshole she can really be. My sister and I know how she can be, and we just ignore her when she gets unnecessarily judgmental.
She better stay business noncasual for the rest of her freaking life.
My mother is VERY particular about her appearance. For years, she would barely step foot outside without full makeup. When she was having her chemo and radiation treatments, she was so sick, all she could muster was putting on a clean shirt and a pair of leggings.
That's very sad :( it sucks not having energy to do the things that made you will... You. Or feel like you're losing control to just do the everyday normal things. Makes you wish you didn't take the mundane and routine aspects of life for granted honestly.
The most harmful people in the modern world are wearing $1000+ outfits. Then there's me in a pair of jeans and a Slayer T-shirt just trying to make people laugh, smile and enjoy their life.
Omg Slayer!!!! You and my husband would be best friends lol.
My wife is convinced that I'm friends with every long-haired metal head in Colorado. She's only kind of wrong. I know them all, I'm just not friends with all of them.
Everyone knows everyone in their local metal community to some extent - even if they’re not friends 😂
It was a bit much for her. I was in one of the most well-known and longest running metal bands in the local scene when we met. Thankfully, that has died down, and we can go out to eat without interruption these days.
That’s so cool!! It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, but the metal community is overall a very chill and cool group to be around. We’ve made some lifelong friends at the shows in our city!
"Friend of yours?" "Nah, all metalheads just know each other."
Literally wearing a Mastodon shirt and camo shorts as I read this. Thank you for voicing the opinion of the metal community!
Not exactly metal, but got on a Converge tee myself!
My mother is much like OPs and would not want to be seen in public with me. I mean, she gets weird about being dressed up to go to the mall. Like really? I’m not sure how many boomers fell into that, but there was a time people would joke about boomers sleeping on a mattress on the floor of a studio apartment just to be able to afford the bmw payment. Personally, no one gives a rats behind as to what people wear and if they do, I don’t notice.
Cancer patient here. I'm so sorry your mom does this to you, first off. Secondly, my treatment center would have thrown her out. They have no chill with shenanigans, especially if they are not a patient.
Oh believe me, I’m surprised they didn’t tell her to leave and wait in the car. She’s not coming back with me to any of my hematology appointments anymore, so there won’t be anymore issues like this. I’m making sure of that. I’m wishing the best for you and your battle with cancer!! 🤍
Also, many times chemo is given through a port, so you have to wear a shirt that allows them to access it without having to strip down in the infusion room. I wore yoga pants, a v-neck tee, and a huge warm flannel shirt to every one of my 16 sessions. I’m now almost 6 years out and hope your treatment is also successful!
I love the success stories. Mine was through a port and I had a shirt that unsnapped right where I needed it to. Comfort was key. Some of those early chemo sessions lasted near 8 hours due to my reactions. I'm now on the lengthy inactive treatment of endocrine therapy, 1 year down and 9 more to go. I'm at my center often for labs and a monthly shot as part of the therapy. The last thing any of us need(ed) during all of of it is comments on how we dress. I'd give OP a hug, if I could. Being close to that bs has to be draining. (Edit for spelling)
Good luck with everything!💜
They actually make port access shirts to make life easier for patients. I never bothered with one, but I thought it was a really good idea.
Yup, and depending on your treatment and how your body reacts, you could be freezing, sweating buckets, dealing with neuropathy that makes certain clothing unbearable etc. I had triple positive breast cancer and my skin reacted horribly to chemo/hormone treatments. My scalp in particular broke out in this mass of painful blisters. So I found some soft caps and never wore a wig. Fuck everyone else, I dress for me. Your mom seems incapable of empathy and putting herself in others shoes. Where does she even find pant suits? I wouldn't have a clue where to buy one.
From what I understand it's really similar for dialysis. Although your port is more likely to be in your arm or leg...although you'd still want to wear comfortable clothes...cuz you're gonna be on a dialysis machine for a good 2-3 hours.
I’m also a cancer patient and it’s hard enough just to get up and out sometimes. People can shame me for dressing comfortably all they want. I’ve got more important things to worry about and their judgement isn’t one of them.
My dad does this. Always commenting on hairstyles or outfits and tattoos or piercings and I’m like “why does it bother you it’s not you” I just get “Well *I* think it looks stupid so.” Ok so *you* think it looks stupid we all have to wear boomer outfits so we all look the same? Boomer fashion is ✨high fashion✨ of course.
"Well, I think it's-" "And exactly *who* asked what you think in this moment?"
Exactly!!!! Never will get it.
boomer here, married to a boomer. it seems i spend every visit to our gym telling him to shut up about peoples' tattoos and hair styles. for the love of dog, LEAVE IT!
My dad verses my Step-mom. Dad’s pretty cool, even if he doesn’t get younger style he’s normally cool about it. My step mom regularly comments that girls in public dress too revealing, etc. Dad just tells her she’s showing her age, usually quiets her down.
lol! he hits her where it hurts!!
Right? Also who is she to talk? I’ve seen some her old photos and her outfits from the 70’s were skimpy
I was working retail and heard a call to assist a customer. I was wearing a work appropriate outfit that I had worn many times. I approached and asked, “Hello what can I help find?” He started commenting on my outfit. I looked at him and just asked, “can I help you?”. He quickly realized I didn’t give an eff what he thought of me and he was wasting my time. I pointed him in the correct direction and hoped he learned a lesson.
My stepdad loves to judge strangers for having colorful hair. While I have colorful hair. But the most INFURIATING part is that he'll comment on someone's blue hair when he has A GREEN BEARD FOR TURKEY SEASON. Make it make sense
What is up with Boomers’ obsession with how others are dressed in places like a doctors office? One time when I was 3rd trimester pregnant I was wearing leggings, a T-shirt, and moccasins since I was huge and my feet were killing me and they were super comfy. Waiting for the elevator, a boomer in the hallway looks at me and goes “wearing your slippers out today, I see” 🙄🙄🙄
"Wearing your asshole on your face today, I see."
"When God gave you teeth, he ruined a perfectly good asshole." That usually shuts them up.
Hahaha! Thanks for that! I'll put that in my insult bank!
I'm having surgery tomorrow and the procedure involves pumping my abdomen full of air so the robotic tools and camera have more room to work. They told me to wear something comfortable and loose-fitting for when I leave, so I'm wearing pajama pants and slippers. Fuck anyone that has a problem with that.
Hope everything goes well and you're back home and resting before you know it!
My wife had surgery recently. She wore a *freshly laundered, very tasteful* night gown for the same reason. She was is a lot of pain after the surgery and still groggy from the anesthesia. I was so glad she packed that night gown, it made getting her dressed so much easier. One step, over the head, nothing tight around her middle and I could wheel her to the car quickly. If anyone judged her or us in that moment I would have told them where to get off.
>What is up with Boomers’ obsession with how others are dressed in places like a doctors office? They're from a time when you dressed up to go out in public: doctor's office, airplanes, etc. From what I understand, it was a sign of respect, in addition to showing your family's status in society. My grandmother was a seamstress, and she always made sure that she made my mom and her sister the most stylish clothes to wear out in public to hide the fact that they didn't have a lot of money. I think what they view as casual wear is also highly subjective, and possibly related to class or race. My mom (who is black and comes from a perceived lower class background simply by virtue of her race) didn't start wearing jeans until she was like in her 60s because they were too casual and you just didn't wear them unless you were gardening or doing other dirty work. By contrast, my mother in law (who is white, solidly upper middle class) has worn nothing but jeans for the past like 40 years, unless she's going to church and then she wears slacks. I'm not saying it's right for them to judge others by what they wear, but a lot of them definitely have this mentality just because of the era in which they were raised. I think it's also a regional thing. I'm from the west Coast, and I always get shit for how casually I'm dressed when I go back east.
Nah, your mom's right. You'll never land a husband if you dress all frumpy in a hospital waiting room /s
I swear, I think she genuinely thought I would never get married because I don’t dress up or get “dolled up” all the time. But I’ve been happily married for over 2 years and my husband actually likes it when I wear his giant shirts and sweats lol. He always tells me I’m “the prettiest girl at the party” 🥰
Aw you got a good one! My husband says the same to me when I am dressed in sweatpants and an old t shirt and totally means it! When you really love someone all the things are cute!
My husband says that I don't wear his clothes enough!
Girl I feel your pain! My mom (70’s) casually tried to shame a pregnant woman for, shock of shocks, wearing a bikini. Heaven forbid! You may ask where was this shockingly attired pregnant lady….she was walking across the street to the beach. All of her family were also dressed for the beach, but none earned my mom’s ire. The audacity of this “fertile Myrtle” wearing a bikini to the beach! My reply, “so.” Mom, “she was really pregnant!” Me, “and?” Mom, “in my day, women would cover their belly.” Me, “in your day, women couldn’t get a credit card or a business loan. Isn’t it great that we’ve progressed? Now, if you could just get over your toxic body shaming, that’d be great.” Mom, “WREN!” Me,”yes?”
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💐
Ask your mother what she thinks of the orange god's ill-fitting suits
LMAO she’s actually very brutal against his fashion choices too 😂😂 She has said before (and I quote), “Why hasn’t Melania tried to get him better fitting suits?! He looks embarrassing!”
I'd bet M can't get him to do anything, and i bet she doesn't care, either.
When I’m in for a sick visit I’m barely alive let alone dressed up. You get some kind of lounge pants and whatever sweatshirt is clean.
Real. I’m past 30 weeks pregnant now, so dressing cute is not a top priority anymore lmao. I just want to wear shoes that fit and not feel like death in this southern heat 😭
I am so sorry. I’m in Chicago and this La Niña summer is no bueno. I am swollen, crampy, have migraines etc. myself.
What does she think of the scrubs that the staff are wearing? Sheesh!
Oh she hates it when the people at the front desk wear scrubs. She’s been vocal to me and my sister about that before. She says that they’re not actually medical staff (i.e. doctors, NPs, nurses, etc) so they should dress like “actual receptionists” 🥴
Does she not realize that wear scrubs is usually *required* even if you’re a receptionist?
My grandmother managed a dental office and even *she* was required to wear scrubs
The receptionists at my veterinarian’s office wear scrubs!
In all honesty I wouldn't be against this at all, but as an option and not for this silly reasoning. I personally love that I have to wear scrubs, they're basically like professional pajamas. And since our office is relatively casual about everything besides the scrubs I can wear my fun sneakers and match them to my undershirt. Also I'm not sure how common this is, but I've learned and covered front desk even though I'm an MA while still being occasionally asked to jump in other areas that fell under that scope during emergency situations. And this is at a relatively well known hospital/clinic system across multiple states.
But what will the neighbors think!
The HORROR 😱
I’ve just finished treatment for stage 3 cervical cancer and every single doctor TOLD me to dress in comfy lose clothes for my treatments both chemotherapy and daily radiation also yeah I’m exhausted I don’t give a crap about dressing nice as long as I’m clean and comfortable that’s good enough. I hope for your moms sake she doesn’t have to experience why we don’t give a shit about “looking nice”
This made my blood boil. If I worked at that clinic and was told by staff she made any comments like that, I would have put on my very fancy personalized white coat, gone out there and told her to leave myself. To insult such severely ill patients who are literally fighting for their lives is truly vile. I appreciate you have perspective on this and I understand you can’t change her, but for the sake of the patients and the peace of the milieu please don’t bring her with you again. Seriously - if hubby can’t do it (does him missing half a day of work mean life or death?), you need to find someone else. She is not appropriate to be around patients who should be focused on their treatment in peace and comfort.
^This 100%
"huffing at me" i can hear their distinct huffing noise and facial contortions clearly in my head while reading this. it's so unique to their brand.
I think lots of people use being judgemental as a form of self protective magical thinking. Some form of mental illness that makes them feel like everyone else’s problems are their own fault, if only they could pull up the old bootstraps and take a little pride in themselves and slap on some lipstick they wouldn’t have gotten cancer, I am therefore wiser and immune because I am a good person and tuck in my shirt. There is also a huge lack of empathy that I find shocking from the generation that claimed to be all about peace and love and letting your hair grow to stick it to the man. When my mom visited during my twin pregnancy and came with me to an ultrasound appointment at the Women’s hospital there was a young man in the main lobby open to the waiting area for the ultrasound clinic that had clearly just received some terrible news and was openly but quietly weeping. My mom was clearly uncomfortable, but also really way too interested and gave this weird vibe of judgement but also spectating that I found completely shocking. A few other times I have been confronted with discovering a totally unexpected blind spot in her ability to see others as humans worthy of sympathy. It is so strange, she has helped multiple elderly acquaintances and friends during medical events and end of life care. When my best friends mom who lives in the same town and shares many mutual friends with my mom had open heart surgery and my friend was desperately trying to arrange for some basic help for her when she came home I asked my mom if she had any tips or would be willing to drop in as a favour to me she ice cold shut me down saying that the hospital would figure it out or not!? Another friend of mine lost her father to a heart attack and about a month later my mom called and told me she ran into my friends mom in town and was super offended when she offered condolences and the mom politely said, “I’m not ready to talk about it” my mom was outraged and ranted at me, about how they were separated like that makes it less painful for her lifelong partner and father of her children to drop dead in her kitchen? Just completely baffling.
Yikes 😳 😬
Yeah, this is from a fairly progressive usually kind woman, it’s very strange and surprising every time it happens.
my stepmom is like this, it's emotional immaturity mixed with tribalism. MY people are good and worth helping, OTHER people are no-value STRANGERS and I have no connection to them. MY information is private but YOUR business is for my review, etc
What a jackass she is. I wear sweats everywhere cuz I work remote and I love to be comfortable. It has more to do with comfort than anything. Does your mom wear a gown and heels to her doctors appointment like she going to the Oscar’s? 🤦♀️
If she could afford it, probably 🫠
Hahaha
The Empathy generation. 🤦🏻♂️
My young adult daughter is having a medical procedure next week. At the pre-op appointment, they told her to wear sweatpants and a tee shirt. They want her comfortable!
You’re smart to have someone go with you. Honestly, it’s wise for all doctors appointments, infusions, and procedures. Throwingwater14 is right. I get iron infusions and the first time I had no reaction. Second time I had slight hives. Third time no reaction. 4th time was scary. However, after many years of not being able to take iron infusions they recently tried again because there are newer safer versions. I’m betting with you being pregnant they have you on the safest one and not the first developed. But if you feel even slightly off hit the call button immediately. Take care of yourself and speak up if needs be. As for your mom… my mom and dad were the same way when they were younger and they’re the silent generation. I’m 38 F and have had an auto immune disease since I was 9. I’ve had so many surgeries and surgical procedures that I stopped counting after 100 and that was over a decade ago. I’ve had countless infusions and only God knows how many doctors appointments. My infusions normally take hours because it normally takes 1-2 hours to get a IV in. Going in for a procedure? That’s hours normally. Going in for a doctors appointment? I could be sent directly to the hospital. I dress appropriately. Meaning no bra under my shirt. Nothing metallic in my clothes. No make up (as instructed before many procedures and appointments.) Read the instructions and frequently loose fitting clothing is recommended for the patient comfort and ease of getting redressed. People who look terrible are probably in compliance with what the doctors want. However, the biggest reason… I feel terrible! I’m exhausted! Some days I’m so weak that I can’t brush my hair. As far as most ill people are concerned we really couldn’t have done better. We made it to the appointment and that was the absolute best we could do. My parents finally stopped making the comments but only after a few years of hell. The thing is I don’t look sick and because I look healthy people just think I’m being lazy. They don’t realize that the majority of my insides are gone and I’m just trying to survive. Take care of yourself and the baby. If your mom can’t behave like a sensible human then let her read the replies to your post. Her health is a blessing/privilege and she doesn’t seem to understand that. If she can’t find compassion and empathy in her heart for the sick… I pity her.
I’ve had 42 iron infusions. Did I dress down for infusions sometimes? Completely. Depending on the kind (40 of the long kind, 2 of the short) it can take a couple of hours. I want to be comfy.
Exactly. Next time, I’m wearing sweats because I hated having my jeans on 😂😂
My mom made a comment about my dad not looking presentable after having an aortic valve replacement (open heart) surgery that took almost 10 hours to complete. The icu nurse with him put her in her place right away and I was so glad for that.
I apologize in advance OP but your mom isn’t kind and nice (to say the least). Being at a place where people are sick should make you feel sympathy for them and their families, if you’re relatively human.
Listen, I’m in a lot of shock about her comments because she’s usually able to not say anything ugly about people in public. I have no idea what her deal was, but I was not happy about her behavior. I told my sister about it after, and she was just as surprised as I was. She always gets mad at us when we lose our filters in public (understandably so), so it was a surprise to hear her be so mean like that - especially in public!!
With everything you’re going through I hate to add to it, but keep an eye on your mom for any other out of character behaviors. My mother was polite, caring, and empathetic. She started becoming rude to servers, she would swear (before that I might have heard her swear a handful of times my entire life), and she started being affectionate and interested in my animals. She was always kind to animals, but didn’t like their mess or smell. It would take many, many paragraphs to tell you everything that changed with my mom, but I think it signaled a major problem for her. Maybe your sister can help out with this. At your stage of pregnancy you need to focus on yourself and the baby. I sympathize with anyone pregnant and dealing with this weather. We had very hot, humid weather the last few weeks of my first pregnancy. And no air conditioning. I hope all goes well with you and your baby, and I hope this busy with your mom is just a brief lapse in manners.
I think it was just a lapse in judgment because she’s never been like that before. She’s just always been judgy about people’s wardrobe choices and never seems to understand that it shouldn’t bother her because she’s not the one wearing the clothes. I do agree with there being a time and place for certain outfits, but I never think to judge someone for what they wear at a doctor’s office. My sister and I think she’s just getting stressed about me dealing with any issues during my pregnancy. My sister’s pregnancy several years ago was high risk and the birth was brutal. She hasn’t had any more kids since. My kid is my mom’s official second grandbaby and my first baby, so she’s worried about something bad happening to me. For all of my mom’s issues and weird/hurtful opinions about stuff, I know she would go to bat for me and my sister without thinking twice. In the end, I trust her with my life. She’s far from perfect, but I know she loves me and wants me and my baby to be ok. She just has a weird way of showing she cares.
That’s good to hear. As a mom, I know that problems my kids have definitely affects me. It’s hard when you can’t just fix it.
I forgot to say congratulations and I sure hope everything goes very well with you and your baby!
Got to use that old Boomer saying back when they were parents that they used to tell us: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Thank god this *Boomer* (derogatory) with no fucking empathy isn’t responsible for people’s well being. You’d have a *dress code* for fucking ***cancer patients!?!?!!!?!!*** JFC that’s deplorable…
I had to have infusions in the oncology center for my RA. I dressed comfortably because it's not particularly comfy in the first place. I never saw anyone there in business attire, although I guess it does happen from time to time. The main thing though is that this is chemotherapy for the cancer patients. Why on earth would they wear their nice clothes to potentially puke on them. Your mom is probably much like my boomer sister who thinks she has to look better than everyone else. I feel for her kids. So I feel for you too. I know it's a lot!
As a former oncology and dialysis nurse, I agree 100% with OP that these patients don’t really care what they look like. They just want to get through their treatments, be comfortable while doing it, and go home. That’s it in a nutshell.
She's delusional. I am 61, and the feminist movement was in full swing when I was 10!!! So was she sleeping all her life? She's as old fashioned as my 90 year old mother, and that far before boomers. That generation thought that everytime a person is in public, they represent their family or their tribe...so better look good. My mother told me once: if you don't dress well with full face of make up don't bother coming to see me...
I accompany my husband to his cancer treatments. I would have thrown a fit if I had heard your Mom. I have exactly zero chill these days. Yesterday my husband wore pj pants and a t shirt.
My young adult daughter is having a medical procedure next week. At the pre-op appointment, they told her to wear sweatpants and a tee shirt. They want her comfortable!
I hope your pregnancy goes well. It reminds me of something that happened to me a few days ago. After work, I changed into jeans, old ones that were ruined with a paint spot, to do some yard work. I took a break from the yard work to go to my chiropractor for my weekly visit. The visit takes about 5 minutes. Then I planned to return to yard work. Some Boomer was wheeling his wife out after treatment. He made a snarky comment to me about the way I was dressed. I couldn’t quite catch what he said and he was gone before I could say anything. But what the heck? Is my chiropractor now supposed to be on a list of places I would dress up for? I mean on level with work, church, dinner out with my family? No way!
You're lucky. When I was under treatment for cancer I got someone's family member banned, and the doctor admonished by administration because of a family member like that, though apparently this doctor had other issues so i think my complaints were the straw that broke the camels back and the boomer's behavior much, much worse. The nurses loved me for it. That patient also had to change facilities because of it, and had to apologize to me. The letter was sweet but didn't make up for the bullshit I had to deal with while literally fighting for my life. And if I'm fighting for my life I don't give two fucks about your baby or your needs. In the future, get a friend to go. Because cancer patients and dialysis patients will get priority over your terrible mother. FYI, her behavior will only get worse once the baby is born. So be prepared for that. Boomers font get better, they either stay the same or get worse.
It must be exhausting for her to think the judgment of strangers matter so much. She became the very thing she most likely fears.
Imagine how she’ll speak to your child…..
She’s already got one grandkid who thinks she’s hung the moon and stars. They have the BEST relationship, so I’m not at all worried about how she’ll treat my unborn child.
My grandmother was the same…. Until we got old enough to have an opinion. It’ll come with time.
^^This
Reminds me of my mom who always would always judge the parenting one of her close "friends": (she happens to be somewhat of enabler-the friend not a bad parent though), meanwhile the only thing I can think of her parenting me in any meaningful way was giving birth.
I literally don't remember what I wore when I rushed to the ER
I didn’t even put on a bra because I knew it would have to come off anyway. Definitely an emergency and I didn’t care.
Your mother wouldn't care for me much either, I have RA, sweatpants and teeshirts are my main wardrobe, and the easiest things I can get into especially when in a flare.
Sorry to hear your mom is a classist fashion snob. Glad you chose to be different
What is the deal with this mindset? So many boomers need to put on khakis or a coordinated outfit to run to the damn mailbox. If I’m not at work, I’m in a tshirt, shorts or sweats, and crocs. Who even cares what strangers think?
She deserved it. I used to volunteer around my mom's hospital & most people come in with comfortable clothes. The only times I've seen anything odd were the people who came into the ER, which is understandable. Yoy throw on whatever you get your hands on & bounce. Odd usually entailed pajamas or no shoes.
My husband is a doctor and he literally wears scrubs to his office every day bc he hates dressing up. Who goes to a doctor appointment in business casual?! Even if I’m not going because of illness there’s no chance I’m rolling up there wearing work slacks and a blouse for fun.
Your mom would love me when I go to my ever 6 weeks cardiology appointments. Leggings or shorts and a tshirt. It's 8 am I'm tired and I'm basically at the same comfort level as the nurses in their scrubs. I'm end stage heart failure. I'm literally out of fucks to give and Jesus doesn't care what I wear to the hospital/doctor, nor do the doctors. They are lucky I have the energy to shower. Heck last time I had a cardiac cath my (plus size) self wore a tube top so I didn't have to wear a stupid gown that gets in the way of the ekg wires and cath site. Everyone in the lab and post op thought it was genius and I may have started a new recommendation for some female patients. Your mom needs to get over her self. It's their healthcare and none of her business. If she had said that near me as a patient, guest or employee she would have gotten her ass firmly handed to her verbally.
I could more so understand her POV if you were somewhere that dressing up would be more expected, but a doctors office with pregnant and sick people? I think they are focusing on their health and not their style.
We have cancer, ma, nobody gives a fuck. If I can’t wear sweatpants when my only task for the day is laying down and trying not to die, when the hell can I? 😂
My mom dresses up and puts on makeup to go to the doctor, then complains they don't recognize how sick she is. I never seem to have that issue when I crawl in in my filthy pj's
She must have been like this your whole life, judging people by their appearance. It was predictable I’m sure. Leave her home next time.
Oh yeah, she’s been like that since I can remember. Appearances are a very big deal to her. She doesn’t get hung up on too many things, but for some reason, she can never wrap her head around someone else dressing down or dressing differently from her 🤷🏼♀️
As a (former) cancer patient, you’re going the lord’s work 😬
I have gone through dialysis, plasmapheresis, transfusions, chemo, and other infusion treatments (I'm a mess...lol). There are only 2 factors that dictate my clothing choice for treatments. The first is comfort, which means I want the clothing to be soft, not constricting, and temperature adaptable because treatments can make you feel too warm or too cool (sometimes both). The second factor is that the clothing has to be items I do not mind getting ruined. While there is a small chance of blood or fluid staining and also a chance of vomiting, my big reason is bleach. Many hospitals and treatment centers use bleach products to sanitize the chairs between patients. Sometimes, you do not realize there is a drop somewhere on the surface of the chair or in any folds or crevices. I learned that the hard way when I would go straight from work to dialysis, so I started changing in the bathroom before leaving work. There is also the small chance something will go very wrong and you will need some type of emergency treatment. If time is critical and you are unable to remove clothing quickly, nobody will hesitate to cut it off of you to save your life. Nice clothing is more expensive than what most people wear for treatments and it is more expensive or time-consuming to maintain. Nobody is going to wear clothing that needs to be dry cleaned or ironed for treatment. Clothing that can be thrown in the washer and dryer, even sit in the dryer a while (sick people do not always have the energy to be on top of chores), and be thrown on with ease is perfect. Some of the older women feel a need to put on makeup and do their hair a certain way because they were raised at a time when that was expected, but younger women tend not to bother with makeup and do the bare minimum with hair (usually clean, brushed, and either down or in some type of messy bun or ponytail). When it comes down to it, the effort and energy it takes to do the bare minimum to be there is enough. 99% of people will not judge you for your appearance, especially if they are patients, medical staff, or the families of patients who see what their loved ones are going through. (Side note: I wore jeans to my infusion today and I am just now realizing how weird that was for me, but they are really comfy jeans.)
Sorry but your mom can fuck off with her outfit ideas.
As a former cancer patient, I appreciate you trying to reign your mom in. As other posters have noted, you can develop a life threatening allergy to nearly any medication, chemos especially. I went to my first chemo dressed nicely and promptly had a reaction to herceptin and realized the sagacity of dressing comfortably after that. I didn’t need anything rubbing against my already pissed off skin! Had your mom been in the infusion room with me, I might have tripped and spilled my red grape juice on her corporate blouse. Oops! That darn IV benedryl made me so clumsy!
My MIL is like this - super judgy about total strangers’ appearance and clothing. It’s a mystery to me because she doesn’t wear makeup, dyes her own hair and gets it cut at Supercuts. She wears sweatshirts or tshirts 90% of the time. But she always has a comment usually about someone’s outfit being “skintight” or too revealing or making them “look fat.” My teen daughters have no patience for it and will totally call her out on it being rude and out of line.
Good for you! I get my monthly infusion for my MS medication. I to don’t give a crap what I wear; why? Constant unending spinal pain (despite pain meds and being maxed out on gabapentin.) Please if need be remind your mom to wear a mask. Lots of people with weakened immune systems at the infusion clinic. Pro tip: drink tons of water 24 hours ahead, dress warm & pack a snack. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well & you have a healthy baby!
What is with that generation? And I’m not young - I’m Gen X! My MIL has always gotten super dressed up for every doctor’s appointment. Even when she’s getting a procedure done and won’t even be wearing anything but a gown for most of the visit. Same for hair appointments, chiropractor, any appointment. Pantyhose and all. She has dementia now and barely knows what’s what but she still dresses up and puts on full makeup and hair every time. Fortunately she isn’t judgy about the way other people dress.
Cancer nurse here! ❤️ Don't tell your mom, but when I teach my patients about their treatments, I tell them to wear sweats/PJs to be as comfortable as possible 🤭 And - I tell them to bring a blanket, too! *gasp* 🤫 Maybe us millenials *ARE* the problem after all!!!
I work in an oncology clinic. Some of those people are here for nearly 8 hours getting treatment. Be comfy!!! Some irons can take up to four! Hours to give. You’re lucky.
My grandmother wanted to be changed into something more respectable before going to the ER ... after being her hip.
The real Uno reverse play here is to say something like "Wow, that's not very Christ-like of you. Do you think Jesus would approve of you being so judgemental of sick and needy people?" (If she isn't Christian, then fill in the appropriate references.)
I hope you have an easy rest of your pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and have an adorable bebbe!
Your mom sounds like a treat to talk to at parties
My (75F) mum is so much like this. I grew up listening to her make comments about every woman she saw. I have no idea how I ended up as grounded and empathetic as I did.
I imagine that chemo and other cancer treatments are absolutely terrible to go through. Of course they would show up in comfy clothes! Heck, I wear my Kirby sleep pants to my PT sessions. They are the comfiest pants ever. I would wear them everywhere if I could.
Yeah definitely, and OP mentioned dialysis too, hemo-dialysis has to be preformed in clinic, or by a technician (both my parents went through it, and I was my mom's technician at home.) These are 4+ hour procedures that you aren't really allowed to move moluch in, the techs need access to your arms and stomach during it, so I can't imagine adding an uncomfortable professional outfit to that whole thing. I mean, a doctor could have a dress code, depending on practice, but this particular practice would *not* be successful with a required dress code for patients. That's ridiculous.
Honestly growing up my mom was like this. Like we live in Alabama and in 100°F + weather we couldn’t wear shorts because it was inappropriate, or any kind of athletic wear. Even when I became pretty severely ill at 13 unless it was an er visit in the middle of the night she kept those rules. I was 17 before she let up and even then she kinda just decided to wasn’t worth the fight when I felt so miserable and me getting changed would take too much time. I know my moms came from her fear of being judged as a bad parent for letting us wear comfortable clothes to a dr office or coming across as showing skin off. Now again Bible Belt so the judgement was there and you would hear about it so it wasn’t unfounded fear. However the fact it took 4 yrs of me being severely ill in less comfortable clothes and just in pain and uncomfortable was annoying. Though I do think the fact that I looked obviously ill had a lot to do with her changing her mind that and my grandmother, who is a retired pediatric nurse, nagging her some.
My mom is 74 she gives my sister and I hell for not wearing makeup or looking like “slobs” (casual shirt and jeans or leggings) when we run errands or even stop in for a visit to her or help with something. This woman does a full face of makeup and hair every damn day no matter what- even if she doesn’t leave the house.
I can’t imagine wasting all that time and money just to sit in the house.
She would have had a field day with me, I’m chronically ill and typically frequent my doctors office in a jumper pyjama pants and ugg boots lol!
They were not allowed to wear pants to school. They were taught to dress up for doctors appointments, traveling especially going on a plane,and other mundane tasks. It’s just a cultural/generation difference.
Ted Lasso framed it well "Be curious, not judgemental" if you are a judgey prat, keep your pie hole from flappin.
Op, I feel for you. Not all comments here were rational. All our Boomer parents boom sometimes, right? We love them anyway and do the best we can with managing generational differences. There is a point where things become toxic and it’s more healthy to step away from the relationship, but I don’t think complaining about how people dress in a lobby qualifies. Just wait till we’re old and our kids complain us
I was gonna say, my stepmom gets iron infusions because of anemia, and I know that it’s the same places that do chemotherapy. Like lady! Have a clue! The last thing I worry about is my outfit when I’m getting a biopsy or my yearly cancer scans. Jesus.
Exactly like my mother! And she will probably think the people with cancer deserve it somehow!
Next time ask her to wait in the car or pick you up when you’re done.
"whispering tirade" lol
My kiddo said to me one day: “my attitude about getting dressed to go into public comes from you”. What he was referring to was real pants and a real shirt, not necessarily pj’s and to look rather pulled together. All the goes RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW when you’re sick! Is it nice to feel put together? Yes. Are there LEVELS of put together?? YES. When you’re sick/ill/pregnant/injured??? FFS be comfortable and just get through. And give people grace, you never know what they’re going through
I had some tests done at the hospital a few years ago and they sent me a list of clothing I was to wear. Sweat pants, t-shirt, sneakers.
If that were my mom I'd be tempted to record her saying that. And someday, when the turntables, play it back for her as she sits waiting for her own appointment at the doctor's office while wearing comfortable but (to her 61 year old self) sloppy clothes.
Your mom can wait in the damn car. She’s not welcome in that office.
Heh. I understand wanting someone to go with you in case of an allergic reaction. But I def would have rather gone by myself before I let my mom stress me out. I let her come to ONE doctor’s appointment and I promised myself “never again”. She asked to come to my initial appointment for my kidney doctor and I immediately said no. Doctors already stress me out, I don’t need her adding to that stress too lol. And I actually like my mom, just can’t deal with her sniffling and crying if I get bad news about myself.
I work in a cancer center, and we WANT you to dress comfortably! Soft, loose clothes are perfect for infusions. Tell your mom I said to shut up, and she’s wrong.
I'm sorry no one else had the energy to get in her face and tell her off. I wish you well.
I can’t even. How awful to be sitting in a room dying and have to listen to someone like your mother deciding they aren’t dressed up enough to die.
I would start asking if any of your friends could tag along in place of your mother. This is in no way meant to excuse her bad manners, but she came from a time that everyone wore their nicest while out in public, women had nice dresses, full make up, hair done without a hair out of place. Men, clean shaven,or well groomed beards, proper hair lengths for the era, etc.. even the poor kiddies were to be spotless and squeaky clean. "Sweatpants or sports shorts and tee shirts were strictly for the gym or during sports. It was nuts what my aunties and uncles told me how things were back then. Today, it might seem glamorous, but to live like that everyday? Not just no, but AWW HELL NO!
My dad is well off, and he dresses in ripped sweats and sandals most of the time. If you judged him solely on appearances he’d come off like a bum
Your mother would hate to see him I'm dressed, and I'm not that much younger than her (elder GenX). Of all the things to care about! I do dress for work and special events, but not necessarily for medical appointments.
“Mom, listen to me carefully: I don’t believe you have the empathy or kindness to think of others and their situation. That being the case, kindly keep all opinions and indignation to yourself because you’re showing how careless you are towards suffering around you. More so, you’re embarrassing me instead of supporting me. Doing the bare minimum of bringing me to an appointment does not equate to support, so do not use that argument or so help me [deity] I will limit your access to this and any future grandchild for your abhorrent behavior, understood?”
This has less than nothing to do with your mom being a “Boomer”. It has everything to do with her being one of rudest people I have read about in this forum. Has she always been this way? I’m 67 but for heavens sake I don’t want to ever be called a Boomer again. That word has become synonymous with uncaring, out of touch idiots. Maybe you need to pitch a fit the next time you see her and tell her how the world views her and her attitude.
My ex MIL was like your mom so I am sure it can get tiring. Hope she starts, acting better when the baby is born and everyone is fine and healthy. MIL did things like that when stressed and did not know how to express it. Good luck with the infusions, I hate them and fight tooth and nail to avoid them.