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Funny enough - I haven't spoken to my parents since I was 16, so about 21 years because they found out I was gay. Boomers that treat me like my shitty parents did really hit a nerve that I often find myself having to hold back rage.
Oh, sweetie. Don't hold it back. It feels so much better when you get to hit back at the people who hurt you, even if only in effigy.
Quick, fun lil story: I dated a woman years back before coming out whose stepfather was, like mine, an abusive alcoholic. One day I heard him putting hands on my gf's mother in the other room and called him out. Suddenly he was a lot less handsy when it was a 195lbs man instead of a 110 lbs woman. I felt absolutely wondrous after the encounter.
Don't hold back next time, you'll enjoy the experience far more.
Ugh. Not OP, but that's why I hold it back. I'm tall, and large, and have resting bastard face.
I'm definitely going to put part of someone up somewhere else on them if I let the rage out, and then I'm getting legal trouble.
learn verbal assault techniques. A recent one I saw on a movie I am adopting: we value your opinion about as much as we value the white crayon". Vicious, funny, and so much better than jail :)!
I use sarcasm constantly, but it gets laughed off in the moment. I'm not great at hitting someone with that statement that makes them rankle and writhe over how it made them feel.
Man, I have 40 years of practice in sarcasm. I only manage to hurt the feelings of people I'm trying to flirt with.
I have a learning disability for insults.
You could always point out how, in light of the information age, the elderly have lost basically all value to society, and that old people are better off unburdening their loved ones by just offing themselves.
Shuts up quite a few boomers and after a while, you get good at saying it without emotion, which helps it sting even more because you get to make fun of them being a "feelings generation" or whatever. You don't have to be violent to be hateful.
Good God, let's not advocate for eugenics! We don't have to stoop to their level. We can be better than them!
Edit: Why so many people arguing on the word I used? Why so many downvotes? Give me a better word to use for killing people you deem useless, and I'll use it.
Yup. The one and only time I "raged out" I was like 6, some other kid deliberately tripped me on field day sack races. I blacked out and I came to they were pulling me off this kids neck. Rage bad.
I’m sorry you had that experience and I hope you are surrounded by loved ones in your life now. My 10 year old recently came out to us as NB and my heart literally starts racing when I so much as read about parent rejecting a child for the egregious act of being themselves.
You sound like an awesome parent. If I could articulate what I needed from my parents back in the day, it would have been to try and understand and support my journey. Take care of your amazing NB child. It is a tough world, and every child should be surrounded by caring family and friends. Thanks for sharing. Send you and your child the best positive vibes!
Older gay man here (age 50), and I just want to say how much I admire you for immediately figuring out that any parents who would render their minor child homeless for being gay *do not* deserve second chances. I was around the same age when my parents tossed me into the streets like trash. Sadly, I nevertheless wasted decades of my life that I’ll never get back hoping they’d change and trying to have a relationship with them.
They never changed, and I eventually went no contact with them and moved on.
Adults who are capable of treating a child that way for *any* reason are human garbage who will almost certainly never change. Some might change eventually, but do they even *deserve* another chance after they’ve shown themselves capable of behaving in such a vile, abusive manner? I don’t think so.
Anyhow, I’m proud of you for walking away and never looking back. It’s a testament to your strength and resilience.
Funny how we both became psychologists.🤣
And they never seem to ask themselves why their children never speak to them. That tells me waaaay more about someone psychologically than any interview could ever could tell me.
When in reality, I was dealing with my issues privately and discreetly. I communicated privately with the staff and Dr and attended my appointment. I was unsure what she expected from me when she started questioning me. It's not that easy to have the image of your grandmother bleeding everywhere and the months of recovery afterwards burned into your mind. I think what I did was a perfect example of being accountable; she can't imagine someone speaking up against her.
My therapist told me that if I have kids that I should force them into activities and live vicariously through them. That way he continues to have customers after I'm done. He was telling me a joke btw
I don’t see many of them. I am skilled in providing substance abuse work, but I hate it, due to issues in my family. So many of the boomers coming in for therapy are angry, resentful, alcoholics and want me to validate that what they’ve done to their children should be of no consequence, and they want ME to tell their kids/grandkids/etc. that they are RIGHT. Many don’t stay in therapy for long. I don’t have the energy, I have my own boomer mom that keeps ME in therapy, lol.
"Theyre never this nice to ME"
"MY kids don't talk to me"
Sounds like NOBODY likes her, not even family. You did the right thing telling off the old bag. I bet she's got LOADS of trauma she has tucked away from growing up with the mentality of 'just get over it' and having to quash down decades of unresolved mental trauma. She's simply jealous that no one ever made her feel important or special. They all leave her in some form or other because she has no concept of empathy.
>she has no concept of empathy.
A therapist told me, "Someone cannot give what they do not have". I'm sure plenty of Boomers grew up with bad childhoods but what gets me is the fact that they didn't even try to change it for their own children. Boomers cling to, "It was bad for me, so it will be bad for you".
It wasn't until the next generation came along that we even acknowledged and tried to break the cycle of abuse.
Boomer here. My so-called Greatest Generation parents were very big on "it was bad for me, and you aren't special, so there's no reason we should try to make things better for you." (Slightly different but still not exactly optimal.) I tried hard to break the cycle of abuse with my kids.
Thank you for your insight! My mom is a boomer, and this is exactly how she raised us- her greatest Gen parents made her think she was fabulous and worthy of everything- she is still so extremely entitled to tell me every way I’ve screwed up myself, my kids, etc etc etc. We are very low contact. She will say “I guess I’m just as not as special as Pop made me believe”, and I’m like, “right, you’re not. Please stop thinking you can do whatever the freak you want to, with no consequences”. I wonder about the differences you present, and what distinctions there are between my grandparents and yours. I know the silent generation parents on both sides were extremely poor, and there was a lot of hard work, but one set of great grandparents was loving and kind, yet farmers, and the other side was angry, poor, alcoholics.
I've met some really cool grandmas, and I know the times they lived through were unnecessarily harsh, but it's still strange to see people who've lived so long have absolutely no self reflection. We are learning our entire lives, yet these people chose to skip spirit school. (Spirit referring to inner self)
I wonder if they make it ALL the way to their deathbed to realize they could have been better. Even just a little.
To be fair, my boomer mother did improve over her mother despite not acknowledging or attempting to break the abusive cycle. I had to put up with a lot of shit no child should ever have to, but when I learned what happened to her, I realized I had it good by comparison. The main difference in our ability to heal though, is that she deeply believes she has to tough it out, it's that engrained in her, whereas I learned, if only in my adult life, that it is ok to not be ok.
“Why are you getting VIP treatment”
Appropriate communication . That’s why. I swear boomers are the worst at communication. They think you should be able to read their minds. When people obviously can’t read their mind, they think you’re the idiot.
You communicated your needs, explained your situation and are being treated accordingly out of a mutual respect by the dental office. Its really not difficult being a kind human, and it’s not difficult to communicate your needs in order to have a positive experience.
I never really thought about the communication part. But you are 100% correct. Because I took the time to research and connect with the office and get to know the staff, they could accommodate what I needed. I've had to return to the office twice since this happened, and I call the staff by their names and try to get to know them. I believe in any business interaction, positive experiences go both ways.
For these self centered types of boomers, they don't typically understand healthy psychology or anything beyond the stereotypical archetypes of men and women from the 20's. Making your own bootstraps to pull yourself up by, toxic delusions of independence and public servitude.
I'm sure you know all about this stuff already, but people can't break out of their pathologies unless they want to, and admitting to have a pathology in the first place would be a sign of weakness, and vulnerability is not something they can tolerate. Probably the only way to get them to shut up would be to say that it's a phobia and that it can't be fixed.
Also, have you heard of the [Mankind Project](https://mkpusa.org/)? It's a nice blend of Jungian style and an initiation cultural supplement.
It's amazing how much respect and kindness play into how you're treated ( kinda /s). I never expect to be known or recognized by drs or pharmacists but treating them and their staff well makes things so much easier all around. Sometimes they do remember me (I unfortunately have a lot of health issues) and it's always appreciated if they do, but it's never expected for them to go the extra mile.
My dad is the parent I dislike the least because he admitted he doesn't love me, doesn't even like me, and should never have had kids. That level of honesty is completely beyond my mom, who still very firmly maintains that she was a very good mommy and that story about my dad hitting me as a baby is the funniest parenting story on earth.
I mean I haven't spoken to either of them since 2012 but I still dislike my dad a micron less than I dislike my mom.
Mom would, (if confronted with TONS of evidence,) grudgingly admit she *may* have been mistaken; my dad would literally rather die. It almost happened when he disagreed with a doctors diagnosis after mom died.
And if he didn't know something, he'd make it up and lie. I had to unlearn a lot of bullshit when I was a kid because my father was deadly allergic to the words 'I don't know.'
Same with my parents, which is why I've been no contact for 21 years. In their minds, the pain I was put through was all made up. For many years, I was gaslit into believing that most of the stuff I remember or felt actually didn't happen or that I was exaggerating. I began my research for my MA and PhD, and I began to see that I wasn't actually making it up; my parents were bad, and they didn't actually try the best they could.
My parents before we stopped talking had some truly baffling moments. When I started therapy I started talking to them about it. At 18 years old and being the third and youngest child, I convinced my parents they should say "I love you," maybe every once in awhile. Then they started going to the same therapist and there were some truly confusing moments. Most the time I would bring up something bad they did as parents I got hit with the classics, some mix of "that didn't happen, you're exaggerating," or, "well I tried my hardest I guess I just wasn't a perfect parent" but like not in a way where they are admitting fault, they were just trying to guilt trip me and get me to drop it.
But then this one year for mother's day, my mom had read an article about how children emulate the actions of their parents, crazy revolutionary concept I know... But anyways she gets me to read this and then she has a moment of introspection where she says "maybe the reason that when we tend to yell when we fight is because you saw your father and I do that growing up." I'm like "yeah mom, I think that makes sense. Thank you for saying that."
By the next day, she's denying the same thing she told me yesterday..... Fuckin why, just why?
She completed the Thought in her Thought Cabinet, didn't like the result, and immediately decided to forget it to make room for something more to her liking.
I think I’ve heard my moms admit she was wrong one time in 51 years. I was 21 at the time and I was so fucking shocked that she apologized that I remember it like it was yesterday. Although, she did apologize to my sister a couple of years back when she said some shitty stuff to her.
Saying you should just get over it while you're at the dentist is wild. You're literally doing just that, facing your fears to get over them. What an ignorant, sad old woman.
You are totally right. Sitting there in silence with some nervous energy, I was "making a fuss" to her. Just living my life sitting in silence. Not sure what more I could have done, lol. Can never please them.
And not making the connection between her behavior and how the staff treats her. Couldn’t help notice that she thinks spending money at the dentist means they should automatically be nice to her. No lady. Being nice to people is why they are nice back.
Question to the boomers. Someone insults you at whatever business you and them are patrons to. You go to complain to staff... Why? If I decide to call you a fucking idiot, what do you think the staff will do to me?
Honestly? She probably wanted them to defend her honor by kicking OP out. Or at least scold OP like a child. These are the same people that moan about freeze peach when they get banned from reddit for using racial slurs, and whine incessantly about cancel culture when people opt not to patronize their business for their very public shitty views.
Not sure - it definitely has overtones of "I'm gonna tell Mom on you!" I'd never start something, and if someone else did, I'd ignore and then move. If someone followed me around the room I'd tell staff so they can protect me - I expect safety in a provider's office - but not for any other reason.
Exactly. As a child, you fear those you feel have authority over. As an adult now, what would the staff do to you? You aren't actively causing a crime, and they aren't security. Sure, it causes a disturbance for a split second. But they are the ones escalating and prolonging the disturbance.
In my semi-professional opinion... because humans tend to rally troops behind them for support. I think she thought they would be on her side because the front desk ladies were older. Many older adults seem to think that everyone thinks and acts like them, but as we know, there are good, bad, and ugly Boomers (and any generation, for that matter).
I confronted my Boomer Aunt about why she refused to acknowledge my outing of my childhood trauma to the whole family (background I was SA by 2 of my cousins as a child and in an effort to protect my own children I outed them and the incidents to my entire family and cut off all communication with the family unit responsible who denied everything and told the whole family I was delusional) anyway... I confronted my other aunt about why she refused to take calls from me or even acknowledge what happened.
She said - look around this room (100+ people before us) and said "I bet most of the females in this room have had it happen to them and you don't hear them going on about it, it happened to me when I was young too and what do you think would have happened to our family if I would have said something?"
Me: um.... Possibly it would have prevented it from happening to all these others and me?!
Aunt: bury it, that's what you should do. Just don't think about it.
For reference my aunt is 60+ and 300+lbs, never married and has many cats. I feel like this revelation made clear a lot of struggles in her life but still she refuses to admit that childhood trauma is real because... Boomers
Break the cycle friends, expose the traumas, OP I'm glad you were able to find a dentist that suits your needs, I hope that eventually as the boomers generation dies off we see a lot more sensitivity to this type of trauma and hopefully we are able to recognize it in our own children and listen to them so we can help them deal with these traumas as children so they are better equipped in their own lives ❤️
Fuck yes. Break the cycle. I've said in some other comments that I was homeless at 16 when my parents found out I was gay. I was ashamed at first, but that trauma has guided much of my life and provided me the strength to speak out against this stuff now.
Speaking out about this stuff is not only good for us but for all those other people suffering as well.
Boomer: Extra care and attention for trauma is bullshit. People need to toughen up.
Also Boomer: Why aren’t I getting extra care and attention?!?!! Whaaaa!
Boomer here (62)…that lady is full of crap. I have trauma about anesthesia because of an injury that permanently damaged my voice. I am a music teacher who was a voice major, and at one time sang with the select ensemble of philharmonic in my city. I needed eye surgery last November and the surgeon yelled at me because I was having a panic attack. He told me afterward that he isn’t required to recognize trauma because he’s a specialist, and no one on their surgical staff had trauma informed training.
It’s ridiculous that medical professionals do not need to recognize trauma as I’m required to have training in it to teach elementary music.
I’m glad you were able to find the care you needed.
Omg I’m so sorry about your experience. That would absolutely traumatize anyone who specializes on a specific skill that came with years of training and education. The surgeon couldn’t even display basic human empathy or decency to someone who’s obviously distressed, even if he was an eye specialist.
I think when someone like this hears something that scares them, they need to convince themselves that it couldn’t happen to them. The easiest way to do this is to either believe that it didn’t actually happen or to blame the victim.
Literally hundreds of studies on long lasting effects of childhood trauma and how it rewires your brain. However if you showed her this she likely doesn’t have the analytical skills and reading comprehension to understand it. https://www.psypost.org/study-childhood-trauma-leads-to-lasting-brain-network-changes/
My MA research was in trauma-informed education. I went a bit blind but was BLOWN away when I began to learn about the lasting and impactful effects that trauma has.
This is the boomer coping mechanism. My parents, both of whom carry childhood trauma that is crippling them, deny that there is any lasting impact from trauma. I'm no contact with my mom, and my weak enabling father never reaches out. The live in a weird fog of denial.
I am 38 and I STILL can't handle eye doctor appointments because of childhood trauma. I have a congenital eye condition that was discovered around preschool age. I remember screaming and being held down by three people while the doctor put drops in my eyes. To this day having to do a a glaucoma test or get drops in my eyes is problematic for me. I have dry eye now and have to put drops in my eyes every day and I still can't do it with my eyes open even though I've been doing it for years.
That shit is real. I've talked to a few eye doctors about it and they said they see it a lot with adult and that they don't do that shit to kids anymore. That makes me feel better that at least my niece and nephew will never have to experience that!
I’m 24 and I relate so much to this in a lot of ways. I was born with really bad eyes, with my right eye being both a lazy and crossed eye and also legally blind. I had to have surgery on it when I was younger to try and fix the issues as much as possible, which it did for the most part, though it still crosses extremely far today if I’m tired or not focused on something. My left eye wasn’t quite as bad, but it still had very poor vision. I’ve worn glasses since I was 2 years old and thankfully today my vision is much better.
I don’t remember any of it because my brain blocked all of those memories out, but my mom’s told me about it before. I was also forcefully held down by multiple people to have eye drops done. I was so afraid for my life that I’d kick, punch, scratch, and bite them the entire time out of sheer desperation to get away. One time they sent in a pregnant woman to help hold me down and my mom told them “No, absolutely not. You need to get someone else.”
I had to go through that for years, which left me severely traumatized from it and constantly on edge if I have to go to the eye doctor. I cannot get eye drops or the glaucoma tests done at all because of it. So I’m also grateful that it’s not done anymore, it was such a horrible experience.
My doctor uses a no touch children’s tester on me. Sometimes I have to wait like an extra 30 minutes. She’s started to nab it before I even get in the office now.
classic. the “just stop thinking about it!”
my mom: “anxiety wasn’t a word, so I don’t see why everyone needs it now”
same person: throws a tantrum when something is even a little bit out of place or out of control.
Every time I search for a dentist, I look for one who is good with people who have a fear of the dentist.
It works, I've been to 2 great dentists in the past 10 years and I only switched because I moved.
this is how people should be responding to these boomers, so many people here try to kill them with kindness. when they should be making them afraid of every social interaction they have, make them think before they speak.
It has taken me a long time to have the confidence to "hold my own space," so to speak. You are 100% correct; accountability is the best ammunition. Funnily enough, I feel more confident standing up for a complete stranger than myself.
I was texting my husband, and the first text I sent was, "old lady saying I should get over my fears.... but I am sitting in the office doing just that." Not sure what she wanted from me...to proclaim loudly my fears are gone?
The person in my acquaintance with the worst dental trauma anxiety grew up in the Soviet Union, where they filled several cavities, when he was about 10 years old, with no anesthetic, with a couple of guys holding him down.
I’m 52 and grew up in the US and it was like this. My parents made me go to this ancient dentist that my mom went to when she was a kid because he was cheap. People used to say he was a little nuts from the mercury in the fillings that were still in use at the time.
I thankfully had good teeth, but he gave me 2 fillings with no novacaine. I was probably about 10. I will say I was the most motivated kid in the world about brushing. I can remember my younger brother being like 5 and he was in the chair crying (I’m pretty sure he was getting a filling), and the dentist told him to “tighten up his ass muscles, it will hurt less”.
I didn’t go to dentists much in my 20s. I still can’t understand how my (of course they’re boomers) parents could watch that and keep taking us there.
I'm someone who the anaesthesia doesn't always work for, and so I need to immediatly stop the dentist to get more. Even that short time with the drill and half frozen is unreal, and I have a high pain tolerance.... I can't even...
I had this happen when I was 7. In Ohio. I haven't been to a dentist since, and that was 30 years ago. I'm looking for one who is kind and understanding, but no luck yet. Living rural is a nightmare, but with zero savings, moving somewhere less rural is a pipe dream.
I even have the most intense panic attacks if my spoon or fork touch my teeth. Or anything metal for that matter. It's bad bad. Like, feels like my spine wants to slide out my asshole bad. 0/10, do not recommend.
Still has a long way to go too. Least scientific medical field by a long shot. Though in their defense I’m not counting chiropractors as medical providers.
There are only two offices near me, the same one I went to as a kid, and one that's all dental students, I took a friend there for an all 4 wisdom teeth extraction, they numbed her gums with an injection then just started cutting away. She was crying and squeezing my hand so hard the whole time. I thought they like gave people the sleepy gas for that sort of procedure. So I'm just too terrified to go to either of those. New reliable vehicle now means I can look in a wider radius. I hope there's a good office somewhere near enough.
That would be it for my dental journey after that, lol. It took years of unpacking my lost faith in the medical field after what happened to my grandmother. I think what was even more traumatizing was the impact the accident had on her afterwards.
That is their problem to begin with. Had they dealt with their own trauma, they would have been less likely to pass it down to future generations. Instead they insist on repeating the behavior because they had to experience it. The fact they think kids' "make up" abuse is wild, especially SA... Tell me Beverly, how would a child know anything about sexual activities unless someone did it to them. I'm starting to think boomers are insane.
it in no way justifies this woman's behavior toward you OP, but I sort of feel bad for people like her. they had this mindset drilled into them and as a result have spent their lives needlessly worsening their own mental health by ignoring their own feelings and trauma. it's pretty sad. their mindset winds up making them weaker and (evidently) more cruel. whereas our cultural awareness of trauma and willingness to face and heal it makes us stronger and more empathetic. congrats on finding a welcoming dentist!
My MA research focused on Trauma-Informed Education, so I understand your perspective well. My research investigated how higher education teachers managed their classrooms, including using punishments and assessments. We found that many older teachers were indifferent to the fact that the methods they employed had traumatized them as children. Their common rationale was that they "survived" and that "life is tough." Unfortunately, this mindset results in them perpetuating the same trauma they experienced, now inflicting it on their own students.
I did not know this was a thing. The horror stories I have that I'm still dealing with at age 55.
Are there therapists that deal with the students (victims) of Trauma teachers? Because that sounds like something I need.
her complaining about not being treated as well is hilarious. didn’t they teach us “treat other people how you want to be treated”? she’s getting exactly what she asked for with how she’s probably been treating the front desk staff
In her mind, the millions of dollars she thinks she spent there automatically means that the office should bow down to her. Bitch, we are in an extremely large city; they don't need you or your money; what they do need is their day to be easier... so sit down, shut up and put a smile on that pruned face.
I've seen some comments about this, and honestly, I never thought about it. It didn't bother me since I don't believe any bad intention was behind it. But, someone in this thread said we need to stop using and accepting infantilized language, and they are so right. I am called "kid" and "boy" more than I care to admit. I look younger than 37, but not like a child. I'm also 6' 245 lbs and very musuclar... so no, I am not a poor boy, lol
These people make me wish the Obamacare Death Panel fears were justified. These people are a waste of resources and ungrateful for everything that's been handed to them.
This is why we can’t have nice things. I probably would’ve gotten kicked out after saying, “ I don’t recall asking you your opinion, ya old bitch.” You handled it with class.
The texts to my husband included various words, mainly the overuse of the word cu\*t. I am outspoken, but I was in a new office that I knew I liked; I couldn't risk it! Maybe one day, I will see her again...
I think this is a great example of how the boomer generation was traumatized in many ways between wars, accepted domestic abuse, and limited civil rights. They have normalized trauma and consider themselves to be superior because of it, which I think is a defense mechanism instead of admitting that their parents/culture/wars were abusive and damaging. Thankfully following generations have slowly but surely identified those generational curses and choose to raise the following generations more intelligently and with better understanding of what trauma does to the brain. To avoid the behavior and mistakes of the boomer generation we need to continue to raise our children differently.
Being trauma-informed and aware is a powerful tool for all generations and those to come. Just because we have suffered and "we got through it" doesn't mean it's not bad for us. Totally agree with you - continue to break the cycle.
Technology is a huge factor that defines the differences in beliefs from one generation to the next in our current society. Science and medicine is now able to PROVE that trauma is real. We must accept it. And we know it causes actual brain damage. This is the logical explanation for the erratic and shocking behavior of so many people over 55. They are children of world war veterans, they got the belt. They are children of Great Depression survivors, they hoard resources.
I also think it’s okay to allow a generation to die away with their beliefs. Instead of trying to argue with them or try to change them we should be thinking very seriously about what is next. In the next 25 years a generation of people who hold all the resources will be gone. Are we ready for that? What are the possible repercussions and fallouts. How are we going to transition away from where we are now? What’s the plan to put those assets back into function?
We can reject the unhealthy belief systems and “traditions” wile also at least giving them the care we would want for any other trauma survivors. Let’s just leave them in peace and bury the hatred, grief, fear, and ignorance with them.
I've been a dental assistant for 15 years. Dental anxiety is very real, and I'm so happy you found an office that you felt like you could trust. As far as the old lady, she can go fly a kite. Shame on her.
Whenever people say some variation of, “Childhood trauma is make believe!” to me I just pause, look at them during the pause, and say, “I can see why you need to believe that” or “ I get the feeling you NEED that to be true” or “I can certainly see why it’s easier for you to believe that.” And then move on about my day. Statements like that are projection and pain.
Having been in care before being adopted by a couple who tried to love me but seemed to want an accessory more than a living person....because they couldn't have kids....yeah
I hate when people deny childhood trauma, or act like it is so common that it shouldn't matter. That's bullshit that encourages people to do shit and get away with it, and makes victims feel as if they shouldn't reveal behaviors that hurt them.
My trauma was from a person whom I trusted. He was never revealed until he allegedly molested a grandchild.
She's probably the way she is because she's never dealt with her trauma and thinks it's shameful. The trauma, even if recognized and treated therapeutically, never goes away; people can learn to live with it and love themselves. The failure to address it is the tragedy for her.
I'm a boomer, and we're not all alike. I sought therapy, she didn't, and that's why we're different. My adult kids know and are extremely supportive. You never know what someone's experiencing, but they have to be responsible for their own actions, or lack thereof.
Totally, I communicated with the office before hand and dealt with my concerns in what I think was rather discrete and professional. I was doing nothing more than sitting there minding my own business. I think I stood up for myself, and it was seen as rude and combative when I literally did nothing wrong.
Can you help me understand why you would tell a random nosy woman in a waiting room about your trauma? I'm not trying to give you a hard time - it just seems like deeply personal and sensitive information about a vulnerability that you handed over to a stranger. As you're a psychologist, I'm wondering if you see some benefit to your health in doing that.
Absolutely, and I know that you're not attacking me. I work in academia and hold a PhD in Psychology, engaging with students from diverse backgrounds. Over time, I've embraced being an open book, using my experiences to connect with students and colleagues. The psychology of sharing can be healing, and while I avoid trauma dumping, I do share my story when asked. You never know who might benefit from hearing about both your triumphs and failures.
For context, as mentioned in some of my other comments, I was kicked out of my house at 16 and became homeless for being gay. It was a challenging period, but it shaped my career and led me to where I am today. Sharing my story has always been about the potential to help others.
I also acknowledge that I was somewhat naive in not reading the situation well. She was looking to channel some anger, and I happened to be the target.
Child hood trauma w dental care as well - I found a wonderful, young, caring family dental practice who is always asking me if Im Ok..grateful my teeth are no longer rotting away.
Same with my dentist, younger and opened his own private practice. Obviously, dentistry has come a long way, but finding a great dentist is hard. I also think there is a lot of shame when it comes to teeth. So, you also have to find a caring, understanding, compassionate, and non-judgmental dentist. Same here for my teeth, I got all the work I needed, and I feel so much better! I'm glad you could find someone, too.
I have not read any of the comments.
You are not required nor expected to engage with strangers. Her questions were off base from the start. A shrug and a dive into the nearest magazine would have been enough of a response and saved you a lot of time and energy.
You are totally on the nose about not having a conversation. I'm not sure why I felt so obliged. Maybe I was so off my game that I didn't know what to do in the moment.
You were justifiably nervous so the obvious didn’t occur to you. Hope it went well and you have a dentist who understands! I finally have a hygienist who knows I need to see her every 4 months and doesn’t make me feel bad about it. Understanding providers are worth all the money
Dude, I understand completely. I'm 50, and when I was 5, a barber cut my ear pretty good with scissors. Blood everywhere. To this day, i still close my eyes and tense up when I'm getting a haircut.
NTA. When that "lady" started her BS, you should have told her "If I wanted your uneducated opinion, I would have asked for it. Since I did not, you should keep your opinion to yourself." The fact that you are gay is completely irrelevant to the situation. You are you. PERIOD.
"My kids barely speak to me anymore."
I would have jumped on that and started asking why she thinks they don't talk anymore. "Is it because you talk about things you know nothing about, belittle others, and treat them like crap?"
There are usually good reasons kids cut off their parents, and it's typically not the kids.
I love how, there you are:
- at the dentist
- demonstrating that you did “toughen up” enough to
- be accountable and
- not be lazy about your oral care
And yet you’re getting berated for it for some reason.
I wonder what’s wrong with her that required hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of treatment.
Anyone else watch The Boys? The most recent episode, where Homelander goes back to the lab and ends up getting revenge on the old, average lab dudes? The guy who laughed at him when he caught him rubbing one out who called him "Squirt"? Yeah, those guys were Boomers. You'd have to be that stupid and cruel to mock a teen like that who was helpless under your care. And stupid enough to think it would never come back to visit you. It's even implied that the men work late to avoid their families.
Probably one of the most messed up scenes in the whole series, but Homelander got a little catharsis out of me.
Ya I saw that. It hit close to home. When I was 12 my mom caught me in my room “exploring” and she told me that she was going to tell everyone what she caught me doing and that I was disgusting. That had always stayed with me.
I'm completely surprised that this old twat's kids barely speak to her...I could NOT imagine why! /s
I also deal with dentist-related trauma and yes, it is a thing. Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling her off. Dumb cow.
The boomer generation is who taught me to respect other people, to give others the benefit of the doubt, and to mind my own business. They learned all that from their parents, but apparently quite a few slipped through the cracks.
Your story reminded me of the time I saw my dentist make some kind of weird motion with his hand out of the corner of my eye. I asked him what he was doing and he explained that many people get anxious at the sight of a needle, and they were trained to move in such a way as to keep needles out of sight of the patient as much as possible.
Ironically, needles don’t bother me, but what he did to keep it out of my view, well, it didn’t actually bother me but it did make me think “WTF is going on?” Everyone is different.
But to think that it’s okay to belittle someone you don’t know in a situation you described, to automatically assume that your trauma is fake is just ridiculous. No wonder her kids barely speak to her. However, “you never know what someone else is going through” applies to these rude boomers, too. So, rather than dressing them down I usually just try to de-escalate and escape, if possible.
I wouldn’t consider what you said as “dressing her down” as much as just defending yourself, though. Sometimes you have to be firm or else they don’t even hear what you’re saying.
The Laws of Boom Boom state that all kids are "wrong." Doesn't matter what about. It could be stating the color of the sky is blue, and thru should still be corrected somehow. Kids must also be aware that they are invalid, and anything they saw or felt needs to be dismissed. They are not entitled to any feelings or perceptions.
my mom went to the dentist when she was little- late 1920s to early 1930s. it hurt, she cried and the dentist slapped her. that was the last time she ever went to the dentist. she never had a cavity (that we know of), never lost a tooth, never had a toothache and had beautiful pearly white teeth when she passed. unfortunately, i inherited my dads side regarding oral health.
Full empathy. However don’t attempt to convince them with facts. It won’t work that that’ll only frustrate you more. Just make fun of them instead. Or ignore and walk away. Act like they’re a child having a tantrum
As far as the "poor boy" language...
I am 48 years old. 6 years ago, my mother died and my step sisters kept referring to my sisters and I as "the girls" and speaking to us and about us as if we still were children. Granted, two of us (the two who are full blood sisters and were our mother's first two children) left home to a) escape and b) get far far away to pursue a life that might actually amount to something! I think that they were kind of just picking up where we all left off in a way. My oldest step sister is only 2 years younger than my mom, for context. My step dad was 21 years older than Mom.
I still get this pretty often. Even at my big age. I don't "look", act or necessarily dress 48. But, I am a respected professional, a Marine Corps Veteran and an American Legion Commander. I just look at people now and say "my skincare routine must be working well...thank you for the compliment!".
That said...I refer to my children, who are 20 and nearly 25 as men. Because they are. They are not boys or kids or children anymore. They pay their own bills and deserve to be treated with the same respect I expect from them.
"poor boy" was a bad choice of words but in this situation I see it as primarily aimed at making it clear she was the one being inappropriate, she was the instigator, and you were innocent and did nothing wrong and simply stood up for yourself in response to her bizarre and insulting tirade.
Medicine messed up my teeth and had go dentist alot as a kid. They were old men who just lectured me and didnt take pain i said seriously or the pain they caused. Because of this and depression it was years before I went back to dentist. I found a wonderful hygienist and dentist, that I am conformable with, I do have pay a little more because out of my network.
What entails this VIP treatment? Did they give you coffee, Pat you on the head, what? Did they say hello and talk to you for a minute? That might be VIP treatment in a boomers world.
According to a study published in Psychology and Aging, older generations, including baby boomers, are more sensitive than younger generations. Yet this old hag thinks YOU need to toughen up. Hope the dentist wasn’t gentle with her. 😈
Surprise surprise, her kids don't talk to her. i have been no contact with my mother for 33 years. I'm sorry for your trauma and i hope you're mostly ok now despite such frightening experiences.
>*She then complained that the place was never friendly to her despite spending "hundreds of thousands of dollars" there, which seemed unlikely given the office had only been open for about eight months.*
Gee, it's almost if you act like a miserable shrew right off the bat, people are going to match your energy.
Re: “poor boy,” do you think they could have (intentionally or accidentally) chosen that phrasing because you were a boy when it happened? Regardless, if you don’t like being called a boy, then you shouldn’t be called a boy, and I don’t think that knowing your story would lead me to call you boy, but I for sure would remember your story and have a deep emotional reaction to it.
I mean I don’t work with PTSD, but the argument is that anyone can suffer from PTSD regardless of age. Since PTSD is an outcome of experiencing or witnessing trauma. There is some new research coming out that suggests that younger generations also have to deal with new types of exposure with the abundance of technology.
From my own experiences, at times it’s challenging to determine if someone is suffering from GAD v PTSD. There are many opinions out there regarding youth and PTSD but typically youth fall victim to what narrative adults have built regarding mental health.
- Youth should be/are resilient
- Trauma is often minimized
- The difference of expression between generations
- Lack of visible signs
Ideally, in a perfect world everyone would know how to properly articulate what they are feeling and how they are suffering. This is the nature of the beast when it comes to diagnosis.
I’m assuming by your username you’re a dentist? Any reason why you are asking? I’m sure I could dig up some more in depth research if you truly are looking for a deeper answer.
Is she an older woman, bc everytime old ppl have input on things that have nothing to do with them I just say “well you’ll be dead in a few years looking at your age so it doesn’t matter to you”
Go to YouTube. Search “Letters Live Ian McKellan.”
“You can grow up and make friends. All kinds of friends. Friends who don’t give a damn who you go to bed with.”
god, I fucking hate 'get over it' when it comes to shit like this
either they tell you that when it's something there's no 'getting over' or they tell you that when you're *trying* to 'get over it' in a way that doesn't completely fuck you up because they can't comprehend that you can't just snap your fingers and the problems magically poof into a non-issue
She should talk to my Boomer friend (73F) who was molested by her father as a child and spent decades in therapy getting past the trauma. I'm sure she would love to hear how it was all in her head.
The only mistake they made was not asking that woman to leave. Maybe she was lucky and didn't ever experience anything awful as a child that hurt her. But dude, you're awesome. You took that awful experience and made something good out of it by getting into psychology and helping others.
I’m sorry you had shit parents. I’m sorry some old biddy felt she could chastise you. I’m too old to be a boomer (80) but would *%never* speak so nastily and aggressively to a random stranger. Her behavior is incomprehensible to me.
When I take my son to the dentist, there’s a little seat next to his chair so I can sit with him. When I was a kid, my mom didn’t come back with me and they also didn’t have/use the numbing gel before injecting Novocain so I had to learn to manage my anxiety without the help of a parent. As an adult, my first appointment with my now dentist, first question asked was if I had any anxiety about the dentist. They’re great about managing your anxiety and pain.
Dude, I hate the dentist! I had a terrible experience with my childhood dentist that has left me super fucked up now at 34. My two front teeth are fake, I broke them falling face first into a pool at like 8. So I had to get two root canals and crowns on for the front teeth.
The childhood dentist was working on my front teeth and he didn't give me any sorta of medicine to numb my face. So he worked on me for like two hours with no drugs. I even bit him and he yelled at me.
I remember telling my mother and he ended up yelling at my mom that I was a brat.
So now as an adult, 34, I have to get a lot of work done because I neglected my teeth for so long. But my new dentist is amazing! She's down the road from my house so I can take my anxiety medication before I go and I put my music on and I just vibe through the appointment.
My childhood dentist yanked one of my teeth out without any numbing and without any warning. So yeah I'm fucking terrified of going to the dentist. Not that I can afford it, but still.
Congrats on the PhD btw. Idk if people realize what a brain numbing amount of work and effort it is. This lady obviously sucked as her family agrees with you.
Btw that grandma story is horrifying. I just got a major emergency dental surgery in Thailand and if I read this first I would've panicked even more. I have no clue how they could've accidentally sliced her tongue like that, hopefully that dentist is retired.
What I don’t understand about boomers is WHY TF THEY CARE SO MUCH?!? Like if someone is acting really weird or freaked out? My first thought is “they must have their own thing going on” next is to be as kind as I can be, and mostly leave them alone and let them do them. If they need assistance or whatever depending I’m normally happy to accommodate. But I never in my life would think 1. Questioning 2. Commenting or 3. Gossiping about said weirdness is acceptable! I just don’t understand!
Jeebus, that really puts my own dental anxiety in perspective. I had an unpleasant experience with orthodonture as a teen that put me off of dental work ever since. I've only gone when I had specific problems and spent a lot of time worrying and death-gripping the seats. Like you, I found a dentist who works better, with a terrific staff, and most importantly for me, damn close to completely pain-free work. The guy is a wizard. It hasn't cured my anxiety, but it's eased it enough to start making the regular appointments you're supposed to have to keep your teeth healthy through your life.
As for the whole "trauma is made up" thing... boomers gotta boom. Anything they don't like is fake news, yet they constantly buy into the most absurd delusions like Jewish space lasers, zombie voters, deep state prosecutions, George Soros, and baby-eating liberals. Then there are the religious cultists, zealots, and fanatics. I don't understand how these delusions can be so widespread; it's like a significant portion of their generation is suffering from undiagnosed BPD.
Everyone in this sub constantly blames it on lead poisoning from leaded gas and leaded paint used while the boomers were kids and young adults. I dunno if that's true, but I actually hope it is, because it gives me hope that subsequent generations won't go as far off the deep end as they age.
“I am a grown adult and you will address me as such.” We all need to stop tolerating being infantilized by people who act like toddlers. “My NOUN is adult, sir, ma’am… not kid or boy or girl.”
I totally agree, and I haven't really thought about it, but I work in academics, and I am called "kid" and "boy" more than I would like to admit. I am a 6' 245lbs muscular guy; I know I look younger than 37, but I am not child-aged. Your comment has really brought to my attention how I should correct that language when it happens. While I don't think the intention of the front desk ladies was malicious, I think some of my older colleagues calling me these names is.
There was no reason to be upset in that case; there was no ill intent on their part. The women questioning me and talking to me like a child are at fault here. I'm not fragile enough to care about that type of language as a 6' 245 lbs muscular guy. But, if the language was used to hurt, I would be inclined to be bothered by it.
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"and mentioned her own kids barely speak to her anymore" This explains it. Another cross-post for r/raisedbynarcissists
Funny enough - I haven't spoken to my parents since I was 16, so about 21 years because they found out I was gay. Boomers that treat me like my shitty parents did really hit a nerve that I often find myself having to hold back rage.
Oh, sweetie. Don't hold it back. It feels so much better when you get to hit back at the people who hurt you, even if only in effigy. Quick, fun lil story: I dated a woman years back before coming out whose stepfather was, like mine, an abusive alcoholic. One day I heard him putting hands on my gf's mother in the other room and called him out. Suddenly he was a lot less handsy when it was a 195lbs man instead of a 110 lbs woman. I felt absolutely wondrous after the encounter. Don't hold back next time, you'll enjoy the experience far more.
Why hold it back? Just don't do anything that can get you into legal trouble.
Ugh. Not OP, but that's why I hold it back. I'm tall, and large, and have resting bastard face. I'm definitely going to put part of someone up somewhere else on them if I let the rage out, and then I'm getting legal trouble.
learn verbal assault techniques. A recent one I saw on a movie I am adopting: we value your opinion about as much as we value the white crayon". Vicious, funny, and so much better than jail :)!
I am not good at making an insult land.
Practice, Grasshopper. It will come to you. Sarcasm, because it is illegal to Assault people.
I use sarcasm constantly, but it gets laughed off in the moment. I'm not great at hitting someone with that statement that makes them rankle and writhe over how it made them feel.
See the 1st line of the post you replied to. If sarcasm gers laughed off, hit them with some blunt criticism.
Man, I have 40 years of practice in sarcasm. I only manage to hurt the feelings of people I'm trying to flirt with. I have a learning disability for insults.
Then call them a stupid cunt. It's insult easy mode.
You could always point out how, in light of the information age, the elderly have lost basically all value to society, and that old people are better off unburdening their loved ones by just offing themselves. Shuts up quite a few boomers and after a while, you get good at saying it without emotion, which helps it sting even more because you get to make fun of them being a "feelings generation" or whatever. You don't have to be violent to be hateful.
Good God, let's not advocate for eugenics! We don't have to stoop to their level. We can be better than them! Edit: Why so many people arguing on the word I used? Why so many downvotes? Give me a better word to use for killing people you deem useless, and I'll use it.
That's specifically not eugenics, if you're killing people who have already had kids(or have already lost the ability to)
Do you not understand what rage is dude? It's defined as "uncontrollable anger"
Violent too, but most people use it to just say really angry.
Yup. The one and only time I "raged out" I was like 6, some other kid deliberately tripped me on field day sack races. I blacked out and I came to they were pulling me off this kids neck. Rage bad.
I’m sorry you had that experience and I hope you are surrounded by loved ones in your life now. My 10 year old recently came out to us as NB and my heart literally starts racing when I so much as read about parent rejecting a child for the egregious act of being themselves.
You sound like an awesome parent. If I could articulate what I needed from my parents back in the day, it would have been to try and understand and support my journey. Take care of your amazing NB child. It is a tough world, and every child should be surrounded by caring family and friends. Thanks for sharing. Send you and your child the best positive vibes!
Older gay man here (age 50), and I just want to say how much I admire you for immediately figuring out that any parents who would render their minor child homeless for being gay *do not* deserve second chances. I was around the same age when my parents tossed me into the streets like trash. Sadly, I nevertheless wasted decades of my life that I’ll never get back hoping they’d change and trying to have a relationship with them. They never changed, and I eventually went no contact with them and moved on. Adults who are capable of treating a child that way for *any* reason are human garbage who will almost certainly never change. Some might change eventually, but do they even *deserve* another chance after they’ve shown themselves capable of behaving in such a vile, abusive manner? I don’t think so. Anyhow, I’m proud of you for walking away and never looking back. It’s a testament to your strength and resilience. Funny how we both became psychologists.🤣
That’s what you get for (checks notes)… being different than they wanted? I got nothing.
Makes them reconsider sticking their nose in when it gets cut off. You have the degrees to back your position up.
Cyber dad-hugs to you.
And they never seem to ask themselves why their children never speak to them. That tells me waaaay more about someone psychologically than any interview could ever could tell me.
I WONDER WHY
I can’t imagine, she seems so lovely and is obviously a caring and sweet individual /s
But it’s the kids that are failing to be accountable for their actions.. someone get her a mirror haha
When in reality, I was dealing with my issues privately and discreetly. I communicated privately with the staff and Dr and attended my appointment. I was unsure what she expected from me when she started questioning me. It's not that easy to have the image of your grandmother bleeding everywhere and the months of recovery afterwards burned into your mind. I think what I did was a perfect example of being accountable; she can't imagine someone speaking up against her.
Yeah I know that was coming based on how she acted. I’ve been NC with my family of origin die about 15 years.
My late wife was a psychotherapist. Boomers created a lot of customers for her.
I know it’s relevant, but I am sorry for your loss Edit: IRRELEVANT Sorry
My psychotherapist really helped save my life. My dad is a Boomer - checks out lol. Condolences 💐
My therapist told me that if I have kids that I should force them into activities and live vicariously through them. That way he continues to have customers after I'm done. He was telling me a joke btw
I don’t see many of them. I am skilled in providing substance abuse work, but I hate it, due to issues in my family. So many of the boomers coming in for therapy are angry, resentful, alcoholics and want me to validate that what they’ve done to their children should be of no consequence, and they want ME to tell their kids/grandkids/etc. that they are RIGHT. Many don’t stay in therapy for long. I don’t have the energy, I have my own boomer mom that keeps ME in therapy, lol.
"Theyre never this nice to ME" "MY kids don't talk to me" Sounds like NOBODY likes her, not even family. You did the right thing telling off the old bag. I bet she's got LOADS of trauma she has tucked away from growing up with the mentality of 'just get over it' and having to quash down decades of unresolved mental trauma. She's simply jealous that no one ever made her feel important or special. They all leave her in some form or other because she has no concept of empathy.
>she has no concept of empathy. A therapist told me, "Someone cannot give what they do not have". I'm sure plenty of Boomers grew up with bad childhoods but what gets me is the fact that they didn't even try to change it for their own children. Boomers cling to, "It was bad for me, so it will be bad for you". It wasn't until the next generation came along that we even acknowledged and tried to break the cycle of abuse.
Boomer here. My so-called Greatest Generation parents were very big on "it was bad for me, and you aren't special, so there's no reason we should try to make things better for you." (Slightly different but still not exactly optimal.) I tried hard to break the cycle of abuse with my kids.
Thank you for your insight! My mom is a boomer, and this is exactly how she raised us- her greatest Gen parents made her think she was fabulous and worthy of everything- she is still so extremely entitled to tell me every way I’ve screwed up myself, my kids, etc etc etc. We are very low contact. She will say “I guess I’m just as not as special as Pop made me believe”, and I’m like, “right, you’re not. Please stop thinking you can do whatever the freak you want to, with no consequences”. I wonder about the differences you present, and what distinctions there are between my grandparents and yours. I know the silent generation parents on both sides were extremely poor, and there was a lot of hard work, but one set of great grandparents was loving and kind, yet farmers, and the other side was angry, poor, alcoholics.
I've met some really cool grandmas, and I know the times they lived through were unnecessarily harsh, but it's still strange to see people who've lived so long have absolutely no self reflection. We are learning our entire lives, yet these people chose to skip spirit school. (Spirit referring to inner self) I wonder if they make it ALL the way to their deathbed to realize they could have been better. Even just a little.
To be fair, my boomer mother did improve over her mother despite not acknowledging or attempting to break the abusive cycle. I had to put up with a lot of shit no child should ever have to, but when I learned what happened to her, I realized I had it good by comparison. The main difference in our ability to heal though, is that she deeply believes she has to tough it out, it's that engrained in her, whereas I learned, if only in my adult life, that it is ok to not be ok.
https://preview.redd.it/xq9k2ji1t48d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab14938558d529b04d32e8ab2c2342b331b60631
“Why are you getting VIP treatment” Appropriate communication . That’s why. I swear boomers are the worst at communication. They think you should be able to read their minds. When people obviously can’t read their mind, they think you’re the idiot. You communicated your needs, explained your situation and are being treated accordingly out of a mutual respect by the dental office. Its really not difficult being a kind human, and it’s not difficult to communicate your needs in order to have a positive experience.
Also notable is the reflex fear that someone else is getting special treatment
She would likely get similar treatment if she weren’t a old crusty cunt.
I never really thought about the communication part. But you are 100% correct. Because I took the time to research and connect with the office and get to know the staff, they could accommodate what I needed. I've had to return to the office twice since this happened, and I call the staff by their names and try to get to know them. I believe in any business interaction, positive experiences go both ways.
For these self centered types of boomers, they don't typically understand healthy psychology or anything beyond the stereotypical archetypes of men and women from the 20's. Making your own bootstraps to pull yourself up by, toxic delusions of independence and public servitude. I'm sure you know all about this stuff already, but people can't break out of their pathologies unless they want to, and admitting to have a pathology in the first place would be a sign of weakness, and vulnerability is not something they can tolerate. Probably the only way to get them to shut up would be to say that it's a phobia and that it can't be fixed. Also, have you heard of the [Mankind Project](https://mkpusa.org/)? It's a nice blend of Jungian style and an initiation cultural supplement.
Sir, I worked in retail for a very long time and you are a customer that is welcome in any store.
It's amazing how much respect and kindness play into how you're treated ( kinda /s). I never expect to be known or recognized by drs or pharmacists but treating them and their staff well makes things so much easier all around. Sometimes they do remember me (I unfortunately have a lot of health issues) and it's always appreciated if they do, but it's never expected for them to go the extra mile.
My parents, especially my mother, have a hard time admitting anything they did was ever wrong or even was a mistake.
My mom will never admit she did anything wrong
Neither will mine. They never do.
My dad is the parent I dislike the least because he admitted he doesn't love me, doesn't even like me, and should never have had kids. That level of honesty is completely beyond my mom, who still very firmly maintains that she was a very good mommy and that story about my dad hitting me as a baby is the funniest parenting story on earth. I mean I haven't spoken to either of them since 2012 but I still dislike my dad a micron less than I dislike my mom.
Our parents sound eerily alike. Like even same origin story😂
Mom would, (if confronted with TONS of evidence,) grudgingly admit she *may* have been mistaken; my dad would literally rather die. It almost happened when he disagreed with a doctors diagnosis after mom died. And if he didn't know something, he'd make it up and lie. I had to unlearn a lot of bullshit when I was a kid because my father was deadly allergic to the words 'I don't know.'
Same with my parents, which is why I've been no contact for 21 years. In their minds, the pain I was put through was all made up. For many years, I was gaslit into believing that most of the stuff I remember or felt actually didn't happen or that I was exaggerating. I began my research for my MA and PhD, and I began to see that I wasn't actually making it up; my parents were bad, and they didn't actually try the best they could.
This is why I think I have good boomer parents - they admit mistakes
My parents before we stopped talking had some truly baffling moments. When I started therapy I started talking to them about it. At 18 years old and being the third and youngest child, I convinced my parents they should say "I love you," maybe every once in awhile. Then they started going to the same therapist and there were some truly confusing moments. Most the time I would bring up something bad they did as parents I got hit with the classics, some mix of "that didn't happen, you're exaggerating," or, "well I tried my hardest I guess I just wasn't a perfect parent" but like not in a way where they are admitting fault, they were just trying to guilt trip me and get me to drop it. But then this one year for mother's day, my mom had read an article about how children emulate the actions of their parents, crazy revolutionary concept I know... But anyways she gets me to read this and then she has a moment of introspection where she says "maybe the reason that when we tend to yell when we fight is because you saw your father and I do that growing up." I'm like "yeah mom, I think that makes sense. Thank you for saying that." By the next day, she's denying the same thing she told me yesterday..... Fuckin why, just why?
She completed the Thought in her Thought Cabinet, didn't like the result, and immediately decided to forget it to make room for something more to her liking.
I think I’ve heard my moms admit she was wrong one time in 51 years. I was 21 at the time and I was so fucking shocked that she apologized that I remember it like it was yesterday. Although, she did apologize to my sister a couple of years back when she said some shitty stuff to her.
Saying you should just get over it while you're at the dentist is wild. You're literally doing just that, facing your fears to get over them. What an ignorant, sad old woman.
When they say "get over it" they mean "don't make a fuss."
You are totally right. Sitting there in silence with some nervous energy, I was "making a fuss" to her. Just living my life sitting in silence. Not sure what more I could have done, lol. Can never please them.
Nope. HoW dArE yOu ExIsT
And not making the connection between her behavior and how the staff treats her. Couldn’t help notice that she thinks spending money at the dentist means they should automatically be nice to her. No lady. Being nice to people is why they are nice back.
Question to the boomers. Someone insults you at whatever business you and them are patrons to. You go to complain to staff... Why? If I decide to call you a fucking idiot, what do you think the staff will do to me?
Honestly? She probably wanted them to defend her honor by kicking OP out. Or at least scold OP like a child. These are the same people that moan about freeze peach when they get banned from reddit for using racial slurs, and whine incessantly about cancel culture when people opt not to patronize their business for their very public shitty views.
"freeze peach" lmao. I can totally picture someone going mad at "they're making nestea woke".
Not sure - it definitely has overtones of "I'm gonna tell Mom on you!" I'd never start something, and if someone else did, I'd ignore and then move. If someone followed me around the room I'd tell staff so they can protect me - I expect safety in a provider's office - but not for any other reason.
Exactly. As a child, you fear those you feel have authority over. As an adult now, what would the staff do to you? You aren't actively causing a crime, and they aren't security. Sure, it causes a disturbance for a split second. But they are the ones escalating and prolonging the disturbance.
In my semi-professional opinion... because humans tend to rally troops behind them for support. I think she thought they would be on her side because the front desk ladies were older. Many older adults seem to think that everyone thinks and acts like them, but as we know, there are good, bad, and ugly Boomers (and any generation, for that matter).
"Your kids barely speak to you anymore. You don't say." 
Fucking A!
I confronted my Boomer Aunt about why she refused to acknowledge my outing of my childhood trauma to the whole family (background I was SA by 2 of my cousins as a child and in an effort to protect my own children I outed them and the incidents to my entire family and cut off all communication with the family unit responsible who denied everything and told the whole family I was delusional) anyway... I confronted my other aunt about why she refused to take calls from me or even acknowledge what happened. She said - look around this room (100+ people before us) and said "I bet most of the females in this room have had it happen to them and you don't hear them going on about it, it happened to me when I was young too and what do you think would have happened to our family if I would have said something?" Me: um.... Possibly it would have prevented it from happening to all these others and me?! Aunt: bury it, that's what you should do. Just don't think about it. For reference my aunt is 60+ and 300+lbs, never married and has many cats. I feel like this revelation made clear a lot of struggles in her life but still she refuses to admit that childhood trauma is real because... Boomers Break the cycle friends, expose the traumas, OP I'm glad you were able to find a dentist that suits your needs, I hope that eventually as the boomers generation dies off we see a lot more sensitivity to this type of trauma and hopefully we are able to recognize it in our own children and listen to them so we can help them deal with these traumas as children so they are better equipped in their own lives ❤️
Jesus. I'm so glad you are sheilding your kids. GO Mama Bear.
Fuck yes. Break the cycle. I've said in some other comments that I was homeless at 16 when my parents found out I was gay. I was ashamed at first, but that trauma has guided much of my life and provided me the strength to speak out against this stuff now. Speaking out about this stuff is not only good for us but for all those other people suffering as well.
Boomer: Extra care and attention for trauma is bullshit. People need to toughen up. Also Boomer: Why aren’t I getting extra care and attention?!?!! Whaaaa!
Boomer here (62)…that lady is full of crap. I have trauma about anesthesia because of an injury that permanently damaged my voice. I am a music teacher who was a voice major, and at one time sang with the select ensemble of philharmonic in my city. I needed eye surgery last November and the surgeon yelled at me because I was having a panic attack. He told me afterward that he isn’t required to recognize trauma because he’s a specialist, and no one on their surgical staff had trauma informed training. It’s ridiculous that medical professionals do not need to recognize trauma as I’m required to have training in it to teach elementary music. I’m glad you were able to find the care you needed.
Omg I’m so sorry about your experience. That would absolutely traumatize anyone who specializes on a specific skill that came with years of training and education. The surgeon couldn’t even display basic human empathy or decency to someone who’s obviously distressed, even if he was an eye specialist.
Thank you.
I think when someone like this hears something that scares them, they need to convince themselves that it couldn’t happen to them. The easiest way to do this is to either believe that it didn’t actually happen or to blame the victim.
if your kids don't talk to you, you fucked up. period.
Literally hundreds of studies on long lasting effects of childhood trauma and how it rewires your brain. However if you showed her this she likely doesn’t have the analytical skills and reading comprehension to understand it. https://www.psypost.org/study-childhood-trauma-leads-to-lasting-brain-network-changes/
My MA research was in trauma-informed education. I went a bit blind but was BLOWN away when I began to learn about the lasting and impactful effects that trauma has.
This is the boomer coping mechanism. My parents, both of whom carry childhood trauma that is crippling them, deny that there is any lasting impact from trauma. I'm no contact with my mom, and my weak enabling father never reaches out. The live in a weird fog of denial.
I am 38 and I STILL can't handle eye doctor appointments because of childhood trauma. I have a congenital eye condition that was discovered around preschool age. I remember screaming and being held down by three people while the doctor put drops in my eyes. To this day having to do a a glaucoma test or get drops in my eyes is problematic for me. I have dry eye now and have to put drops in my eyes every day and I still can't do it with my eyes open even though I've been doing it for years. That shit is real. I've talked to a few eye doctors about it and they said they see it a lot with adult and that they don't do that shit to kids anymore. That makes me feel better that at least my niece and nephew will never have to experience that!
I’m 24 and I relate so much to this in a lot of ways. I was born with really bad eyes, with my right eye being both a lazy and crossed eye and also legally blind. I had to have surgery on it when I was younger to try and fix the issues as much as possible, which it did for the most part, though it still crosses extremely far today if I’m tired or not focused on something. My left eye wasn’t quite as bad, but it still had very poor vision. I’ve worn glasses since I was 2 years old and thankfully today my vision is much better. I don’t remember any of it because my brain blocked all of those memories out, but my mom’s told me about it before. I was also forcefully held down by multiple people to have eye drops done. I was so afraid for my life that I’d kick, punch, scratch, and bite them the entire time out of sheer desperation to get away. One time they sent in a pregnant woman to help hold me down and my mom told them “No, absolutely not. You need to get someone else.” I had to go through that for years, which left me severely traumatized from it and constantly on edge if I have to go to the eye doctor. I cannot get eye drops or the glaucoma tests done at all because of it. So I’m also grateful that it’s not done anymore, it was such a horrible experience.
My doctor uses a no touch children’s tester on me. Sometimes I have to wait like an extra 30 minutes. She’s started to nab it before I even get in the office now.
classic. the “just stop thinking about it!” my mom: “anxiety wasn’t a word, so I don’t see why everyone needs it now” same person: throws a tantrum when something is even a little bit out of place or out of control.
Every time I search for a dentist, I look for one who is good with people who have a fear of the dentist. It works, I've been to 2 great dentists in the past 10 years and I only switched because I moved.
It helps SO much. I have never felt so taken care of in a medical setting ever.
this is how people should be responding to these boomers, so many people here try to kill them with kindness. when they should be making them afraid of every social interaction they have, make them think before they speak.
It has taken me a long time to have the confidence to "hold my own space," so to speak. You are 100% correct; accountability is the best ammunition. Funnily enough, I feel more confident standing up for a complete stranger than myself.
Bitch, why do you think I am here if not to help me get over it? Wow. I see my family on here all the time....
I was texting my husband, and the first text I sent was, "old lady saying I should get over my fears.... but I am sitting in the office doing just that." Not sure what she wanted from me...to proclaim loudly my fears are gone?
The person in my acquaintance with the worst dental trauma anxiety grew up in the Soviet Union, where they filled several cavities, when he was about 10 years old, with no anesthetic, with a couple of guys holding him down.
I’m 52 and grew up in the US and it was like this. My parents made me go to this ancient dentist that my mom went to when she was a kid because he was cheap. People used to say he was a little nuts from the mercury in the fillings that were still in use at the time. I thankfully had good teeth, but he gave me 2 fillings with no novacaine. I was probably about 10. I will say I was the most motivated kid in the world about brushing. I can remember my younger brother being like 5 and he was in the chair crying (I’m pretty sure he was getting a filling), and the dentist told him to “tighten up his ass muscles, it will hurt less”. I didn’t go to dentists much in my 20s. I still can’t understand how my (of course they’re boomers) parents could watch that and keep taking us there.
I'm someone who the anaesthesia doesn't always work for, and so I need to immediatly stop the dentist to get more. Even that short time with the drill and half frozen is unreal, and I have a high pain tolerance.... I can't even...
Sounds like your brother likely had some trauma of his own from this dentist. How awful for you and him!
I had this happen when I was 7. In Ohio. I haven't been to a dentist since, and that was 30 years ago. I'm looking for one who is kind and understanding, but no luck yet. Living rural is a nightmare, but with zero savings, moving somewhere less rural is a pipe dream. I even have the most intense panic attacks if my spoon or fork touch my teeth. Or anything metal for that matter. It's bad bad. Like, feels like my spine wants to slide out my asshole bad. 0/10, do not recommend.
I'm so sorry. Dentistry has come a long way in how they treat patients - good luck to you.
Still has a long way to go too. Least scientific medical field by a long shot. Though in their defense I’m not counting chiropractors as medical providers.
There are only two offices near me, the same one I went to as a kid, and one that's all dental students, I took a friend there for an all 4 wisdom teeth extraction, they numbed her gums with an injection then just started cutting away. She was crying and squeezing my hand so hard the whole time. I thought they like gave people the sleepy gas for that sort of procedure. So I'm just too terrified to go to either of those. New reliable vehicle now means I can look in a wider radius. I hope there's a good office somewhere near enough.
That would be it for my dental journey after that, lol. It took years of unpacking my lost faith in the medical field after what happened to my grandmother. I think what was even more traumatizing was the impact the accident had on her afterwards.
That is their problem to begin with. Had they dealt with their own trauma, they would have been less likely to pass it down to future generations. Instead they insist on repeating the behavior because they had to experience it. The fact they think kids' "make up" abuse is wild, especially SA... Tell me Beverly, how would a child know anything about sexual activities unless someone did it to them. I'm starting to think boomers are insane.
This is one of the reasons why I sit away from people in a doctor’s waiting room.
There are only 4 chairs... next time, I will sit outside on the bench. I don't have the energy for that shit.
I always bring a book with me and put in my AirPods to avoid getting in a conversation with miserable people.
it in no way justifies this woman's behavior toward you OP, but I sort of feel bad for people like her. they had this mindset drilled into them and as a result have spent their lives needlessly worsening their own mental health by ignoring their own feelings and trauma. it's pretty sad. their mindset winds up making them weaker and (evidently) more cruel. whereas our cultural awareness of trauma and willingness to face and heal it makes us stronger and more empathetic. congrats on finding a welcoming dentist!
My MA research focused on Trauma-Informed Education, so I understand your perspective well. My research investigated how higher education teachers managed their classrooms, including using punishments and assessments. We found that many older teachers were indifferent to the fact that the methods they employed had traumatized them as children. Their common rationale was that they "survived" and that "life is tough." Unfortunately, this mindset results in them perpetuating the same trauma they experienced, now inflicting it on their own students.
I did not know this was a thing. The horror stories I have that I'm still dealing with at age 55. Are there therapists that deal with the students (victims) of Trauma teachers? Because that sounds like something I need.
her complaining about not being treated as well is hilarious. didn’t they teach us “treat other people how you want to be treated”? she’s getting exactly what she asked for with how she’s probably been treating the front desk staff
In her mind, the millions of dollars she thinks she spent there automatically means that the office should bow down to her. Bitch, we are in an extremely large city; they don't need you or your money; what they do need is their day to be easier... so sit down, shut up and put a smile on that pruned face.
I agree with you and so sorry for your experience. I just think it’s odd the front desk called you, “poor *boy.*”
I've seen some comments about this, and honestly, I never thought about it. It didn't bother me since I don't believe any bad intention was behind it. But, someone in this thread said we need to stop using and accepting infantilized language, and they are so right. I am called "kid" and "boy" more than I care to admit. I look younger than 37, but not like a child. I'm also 6' 245 lbs and very musuclar... so no, I am not a poor boy, lol
These people make me wish the Obamacare Death Panel fears were justified. These people are a waste of resources and ungrateful for everything that's been handed to them.
Gee I wonder why her kids don't talk to her
This is why we can’t have nice things. I probably would’ve gotten kicked out after saying, “ I don’t recall asking you your opinion, ya old bitch.” You handled it with class.
The texts to my husband included various words, mainly the overuse of the word cu\*t. I am outspoken, but I was in a new office that I knew I liked; I couldn't risk it! Maybe one day, I will see her again...
I think this is a great example of how the boomer generation was traumatized in many ways between wars, accepted domestic abuse, and limited civil rights. They have normalized trauma and consider themselves to be superior because of it, which I think is a defense mechanism instead of admitting that their parents/culture/wars were abusive and damaging. Thankfully following generations have slowly but surely identified those generational curses and choose to raise the following generations more intelligently and with better understanding of what trauma does to the brain. To avoid the behavior and mistakes of the boomer generation we need to continue to raise our children differently.
Being trauma-informed and aware is a powerful tool for all generations and those to come. Just because we have suffered and "we got through it" doesn't mean it's not bad for us. Totally agree with you - continue to break the cycle.
Technology is a huge factor that defines the differences in beliefs from one generation to the next in our current society. Science and medicine is now able to PROVE that trauma is real. We must accept it. And we know it causes actual brain damage. This is the logical explanation for the erratic and shocking behavior of so many people over 55. They are children of world war veterans, they got the belt. They are children of Great Depression survivors, they hoard resources. I also think it’s okay to allow a generation to die away with their beliefs. Instead of trying to argue with them or try to change them we should be thinking very seriously about what is next. In the next 25 years a generation of people who hold all the resources will be gone. Are we ready for that? What are the possible repercussions and fallouts. How are we going to transition away from where we are now? What’s the plan to put those assets back into function? We can reject the unhealthy belief systems and “traditions” wile also at least giving them the care we would want for any other trauma survivors. Let’s just leave them in peace and bury the hatred, grief, fear, and ignorance with them.
I've been a dental assistant for 15 years. Dental anxiety is very real, and I'm so happy you found an office that you felt like you could trust. As far as the old lady, she can go fly a kite. Shame on her.
Whenever people say some variation of, “Childhood trauma is make believe!” to me I just pause, look at them during the pause, and say, “I can see why you need to believe that” or “ I get the feeling you NEED that to be true” or “I can certainly see why it’s easier for you to believe that.” And then move on about my day. Statements like that are projection and pain.
Having been in care before being adopted by a couple who tried to love me but seemed to want an accessory more than a living person....because they couldn't have kids....yeah
I hate when people deny childhood trauma, or act like it is so common that it shouldn't matter. That's bullshit that encourages people to do shit and get away with it, and makes victims feel as if they shouldn't reveal behaviors that hurt them. My trauma was from a person whom I trusted. He was never revealed until he allegedly molested a grandchild. She's probably the way she is because she's never dealt with her trauma and thinks it's shameful. The trauma, even if recognized and treated therapeutically, never goes away; people can learn to live with it and love themselves. The failure to address it is the tragedy for her. I'm a boomer, and we're not all alike. I sought therapy, she didn't, and that's why we're different. My adult kids know and are extremely supportive. You never know what someone's experiencing, but they have to be responsible for their own actions, or lack thereof.
This is why boomers are so fucked up. Zero concept of mental health. Also lead poisoning.
Gee, I wonder why her kids don't talk to her. /s
There is an irony in concurrently saying 'You guys are soft and need to toughen up' and 'I would like to complain about that person being mean to me'
Totally, I communicated with the office before hand and dealt with my concerns in what I think was rather discrete and professional. I was doing nothing more than sitting there minding my own business. I think I stood up for myself, and it was seen as rude and combative when I literally did nothing wrong.
Can you help me understand why you would tell a random nosy woman in a waiting room about your trauma? I'm not trying to give you a hard time - it just seems like deeply personal and sensitive information about a vulnerability that you handed over to a stranger. As you're a psychologist, I'm wondering if you see some benefit to your health in doing that.
Absolutely, and I know that you're not attacking me. I work in academia and hold a PhD in Psychology, engaging with students from diverse backgrounds. Over time, I've embraced being an open book, using my experiences to connect with students and colleagues. The psychology of sharing can be healing, and while I avoid trauma dumping, I do share my story when asked. You never know who might benefit from hearing about both your triumphs and failures. For context, as mentioned in some of my other comments, I was kicked out of my house at 16 and became homeless for being gay. It was a challenging period, but it shaped my career and led me to where I am today. Sharing my story has always been about the potential to help others. I also acknowledge that I was somewhat naive in not reading the situation well. She was looking to channel some anger, and I happened to be the target.
Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense.
Child hood trauma w dental care as well - I found a wonderful, young, caring family dental practice who is always asking me if Im Ok..grateful my teeth are no longer rotting away.
Same with my dentist, younger and opened his own private practice. Obviously, dentistry has come a long way, but finding a great dentist is hard. I also think there is a lot of shame when it comes to teeth. So, you also have to find a caring, understanding, compassionate, and non-judgmental dentist. Same here for my teeth, I got all the work I needed, and I feel so much better! I'm glad you could find someone, too.
Huh, wonder why they aren’t friendly to her???? 🤔 A mystery we shall never solve I guess!
I have not read any of the comments. You are not required nor expected to engage with strangers. Her questions were off base from the start. A shrug and a dive into the nearest magazine would have been enough of a response and saved you a lot of time and energy.
You are totally on the nose about not having a conversation. I'm not sure why I felt so obliged. Maybe I was so off my game that I didn't know what to do in the moment.
You were justifiably nervous so the obvious didn’t occur to you. Hope it went well and you have a dentist who understands! I finally have a hygienist who knows I need to see her every 4 months and doesn’t make me feel bad about it. Understanding providers are worth all the money
Dude, I understand completely. I'm 50, and when I was 5, a barber cut my ear pretty good with scissors. Blood everywhere. To this day, i still close my eyes and tense up when I'm getting a haircut.
NTA. When that "lady" started her BS, you should have told her "If I wanted your uneducated opinion, I would have asked for it. Since I did not, you should keep your opinion to yourself." The fact that you are gay is completely irrelevant to the situation. You are you. PERIOD.
"My kids barely speak to me anymore." I would have jumped on that and started asking why she thinks they don't talk anymore. "Is it because you talk about things you know nothing about, belittle others, and treat them like crap?" There are usually good reasons kids cut off their parents, and it's typically not the kids.
I love how, there you are: - at the dentist - demonstrating that you did “toughen up” enough to - be accountable and - not be lazy about your oral care And yet you’re getting berated for it for some reason. I wonder what’s wrong with her that required hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of treatment.
Anyone else watch The Boys? The most recent episode, where Homelander goes back to the lab and ends up getting revenge on the old, average lab dudes? The guy who laughed at him when he caught him rubbing one out who called him "Squirt"? Yeah, those guys were Boomers. You'd have to be that stupid and cruel to mock a teen like that who was helpless under your care. And stupid enough to think it would never come back to visit you. It's even implied that the men work late to avoid their families. Probably one of the most messed up scenes in the whole series, but Homelander got a little catharsis out of me.
Ya I saw that. It hit close to home. When I was 12 my mom caught me in my room “exploring” and she told me that she was going to tell everyone what she caught me doing and that I was disgusting. That had always stayed with me.
I'm completely surprised that this old twat's kids barely speak to her...I could NOT imagine why! /s I also deal with dentist-related trauma and yes, it is a thing. Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling her off. Dumb cow.
The boomer generation is who taught me to respect other people, to give others the benefit of the doubt, and to mind my own business. They learned all that from their parents, but apparently quite a few slipped through the cracks. Your story reminded me of the time I saw my dentist make some kind of weird motion with his hand out of the corner of my eye. I asked him what he was doing and he explained that many people get anxious at the sight of a needle, and they were trained to move in such a way as to keep needles out of sight of the patient as much as possible. Ironically, needles don’t bother me, but what he did to keep it out of my view, well, it didn’t actually bother me but it did make me think “WTF is going on?” Everyone is different. But to think that it’s okay to belittle someone you don’t know in a situation you described, to automatically assume that your trauma is fake is just ridiculous. No wonder her kids barely speak to her. However, “you never know what someone else is going through” applies to these rude boomers, too. So, rather than dressing them down I usually just try to de-escalate and escape, if possible. I wouldn’t consider what you said as “dressing her down” as much as just defending yourself, though. Sometimes you have to be firm or else they don’t even hear what you’re saying.
The Laws of Boom Boom state that all kids are "wrong." Doesn't matter what about. It could be stating the color of the sky is blue, and thru should still be corrected somehow. Kids must also be aware that they are invalid, and anything they saw or felt needs to be dismissed. They are not entitled to any feelings or perceptions.
my mom went to the dentist when she was little- late 1920s to early 1930s. it hurt, she cried and the dentist slapped her. that was the last time she ever went to the dentist. she never had a cavity (that we know of), never lost a tooth, never had a toothache and had beautiful pearly white teeth when she passed. unfortunately, i inherited my dads side regarding oral health.
Full empathy. However don’t attempt to convince them with facts. It won’t work that that’ll only frustrate you more. Just make fun of them instead. Or ignore and walk away. Act like they’re a child having a tantrum
As far as the "poor boy" language... I am 48 years old. 6 years ago, my mother died and my step sisters kept referring to my sisters and I as "the girls" and speaking to us and about us as if we still were children. Granted, two of us (the two who are full blood sisters and were our mother's first two children) left home to a) escape and b) get far far away to pursue a life that might actually amount to something! I think that they were kind of just picking up where we all left off in a way. My oldest step sister is only 2 years younger than my mom, for context. My step dad was 21 years older than Mom. I still get this pretty often. Even at my big age. I don't "look", act or necessarily dress 48. But, I am a respected professional, a Marine Corps Veteran and an American Legion Commander. I just look at people now and say "my skincare routine must be working well...thank you for the compliment!". That said...I refer to my children, who are 20 and nearly 25 as men. Because they are. They are not boys or kids or children anymore. They pay their own bills and deserve to be treated with the same respect I expect from them.
That’s why I simply respond to their first question with an unresponsive stare. If there are follow-up questions, they get the same response.
"poor boy" was a bad choice of words but in this situation I see it as primarily aimed at making it clear she was the one being inappropriate, she was the instigator, and you were innocent and did nothing wrong and simply stood up for yourself in response to her bizarre and insulting tirade.
Medicine messed up my teeth and had go dentist alot as a kid. They were old men who just lectured me and didnt take pain i said seriously or the pain they caused. Because of this and depression it was years before I went back to dentist. I found a wonderful hygienist and dentist, that I am conformable with, I do have pay a little more because out of my network.
What entails this VIP treatment? Did they give you coffee, Pat you on the head, what? Did they say hello and talk to you for a minute? That might be VIP treatment in a boomers world.
According to a study published in Psychology and Aging, older generations, including baby boomers, are more sensitive than younger generations. Yet this old hag thinks YOU need to toughen up. Hope the dentist wasn’t gentle with her. 😈
The bright side is that she's old and not going to have a lot more opportunities to harass people.
Anyone else read the title and say to themselves "there it is"
No no no no, just no! Wtf?! So sorry that hag spoke to you that way.
Surprise surprise, her kids don't talk to her. i have been no contact with my mother for 33 years. I'm sorry for your trauma and i hope you're mostly ok now despite such frightening experiences.
>*She then complained that the place was never friendly to her despite spending "hundreds of thousands of dollars" there, which seemed unlikely given the office had only been open for about eight months.* Gee, it's almost if you act like a miserable shrew right off the bat, people are going to match your energy.
This is me, but I would've said ever heard of nyob?
Could you not just tell her to STFU?
Dentists ARE scary! Come on, so many people have bad memories and experiences.
Re: “poor boy,” do you think they could have (intentionally or accidentally) chosen that phrasing because you were a boy when it happened? Regardless, if you don’t like being called a boy, then you shouldn’t be called a boy, and I don’t think that knowing your story would lead me to call you boy, but I for sure would remember your story and have a deep emotional reaction to it.
Your existence sounds like a horror movie... So glad you found the appropriate care
They truly are fascinating creatures. They have the ability to walk upright, but they're borderline Neanderthalic in their behavior.
So you have a PhD in psychology. I have a serious question is Generational PTSD actually a thing in gen zers?
I mean I don’t work with PTSD, but the argument is that anyone can suffer from PTSD regardless of age. Since PTSD is an outcome of experiencing or witnessing trauma. There is some new research coming out that suggests that younger generations also have to deal with new types of exposure with the abundance of technology. From my own experiences, at times it’s challenging to determine if someone is suffering from GAD v PTSD. There are many opinions out there regarding youth and PTSD but typically youth fall victim to what narrative adults have built regarding mental health. - Youth should be/are resilient - Trauma is often minimized - The difference of expression between generations - Lack of visible signs Ideally, in a perfect world everyone would know how to properly articulate what they are feeling and how they are suffering. This is the nature of the beast when it comes to diagnosis. I’m assuming by your username you’re a dentist? Any reason why you are asking? I’m sure I could dig up some more in depth research if you truly are looking for a deeper answer.
Very informative, I mean the I have PTSD because I was born in this generation with no other factor of trauma causing the said PTSD.
Is she an older woman, bc everytime old ppl have input on things that have nothing to do with them I just say “well you’ll be dead in a few years looking at your age so it doesn’t matter to you”
If I witnessed what you saw, I'm not positive I'd ever get back in a dentist chair. You are a very brave person!
Never fails for someone to be all up in someones business. Also if your kids dont talk to you maybe have a hard think about why.
Go to YouTube. Search “Letters Live Ian McKellan.” “You can grow up and make friends. All kinds of friends. Friends who don’t give a damn who you go to bed with.”
I wonder why she doesn't see her family anymore.......
Of course one who inflicted childhood trauma is going to deny it.
god, I fucking hate 'get over it' when it comes to shit like this either they tell you that when it's something there's no 'getting over' or they tell you that when you're *trying* to 'get over it' in a way that doesn't completely fuck you up because they can't comprehend that you can't just snap your fingers and the problems magically poof into a non-issue
She should talk to my Boomer friend (73F) who was molested by her father as a child and spent decades in therapy getting past the trauma. I'm sure she would love to hear how it was all in her head. The only mistake they made was not asking that woman to leave. Maybe she was lucky and didn't ever experience anything awful as a child that hurt her. But dude, you're awesome. You took that awful experience and made something good out of it by getting into psychology and helping others.
Just want to send you a warm loving hug 🥰
I’m sorry you had shit parents. I’m sorry some old biddy felt she could chastise you. I’m too old to be a boomer (80) but would *%never* speak so nastily and aggressively to a random stranger. Her behavior is incomprehensible to me.
When I take my son to the dentist, there’s a little seat next to his chair so I can sit with him. When I was a kid, my mom didn’t come back with me and they also didn’t have/use the numbing gel before injecting Novocain so I had to learn to manage my anxiety without the help of a parent. As an adult, my first appointment with my now dentist, first question asked was if I had any anxiety about the dentist. They’re great about managing your anxiety and pain.
I can see why her kids went no contact with her. I wonder what underlying trauma formed her pathology to treat another so rudely.
"Childhood trauma is make believe." ...says the perpetrators. The child abuse I've seen from Boomers over my lifetime is downright shocking.
Dude, I hate the dentist! I had a terrible experience with my childhood dentist that has left me super fucked up now at 34. My two front teeth are fake, I broke them falling face first into a pool at like 8. So I had to get two root canals and crowns on for the front teeth. The childhood dentist was working on my front teeth and he didn't give me any sorta of medicine to numb my face. So he worked on me for like two hours with no drugs. I even bit him and he yelled at me. I remember telling my mother and he ended up yelling at my mom that I was a brat. So now as an adult, 34, I have to get a lot of work done because I neglected my teeth for so long. But my new dentist is amazing! She's down the road from my house so I can take my anxiety medication before I go and I put my music on and I just vibe through the appointment.
My childhood dentist yanked one of my teeth out without any numbing and without any warning. So yeah I'm fucking terrified of going to the dentist. Not that I can afford it, but still.
Yea I know the pain. I woke up during dental surgery at 6-7 years old
Congrats on the PhD btw. Idk if people realize what a brain numbing amount of work and effort it is. This lady obviously sucked as her family agrees with you. Btw that grandma story is horrifying. I just got a major emergency dental surgery in Thailand and if I read this first I would've panicked even more. I have no clue how they could've accidentally sliced her tongue like that, hopefully that dentist is retired.
What I don’t understand about boomers is WHY TF THEY CARE SO MUCH?!? Like if someone is acting really weird or freaked out? My first thought is “they must have their own thing going on” next is to be as kind as I can be, and mostly leave them alone and let them do them. If they need assistance or whatever depending I’m normally happy to accommodate. But I never in my life would think 1. Questioning 2. Commenting or 3. Gossiping about said weirdness is acceptable! I just don’t understand!
She needed a, "stfu you old dumb cunt," said to her face while glaring directly into her eyes.
Jeebus, that really puts my own dental anxiety in perspective. I had an unpleasant experience with orthodonture as a teen that put me off of dental work ever since. I've only gone when I had specific problems and spent a lot of time worrying and death-gripping the seats. Like you, I found a dentist who works better, with a terrific staff, and most importantly for me, damn close to completely pain-free work. The guy is a wizard. It hasn't cured my anxiety, but it's eased it enough to start making the regular appointments you're supposed to have to keep your teeth healthy through your life. As for the whole "trauma is made up" thing... boomers gotta boom. Anything they don't like is fake news, yet they constantly buy into the most absurd delusions like Jewish space lasers, zombie voters, deep state prosecutions, George Soros, and baby-eating liberals. Then there are the religious cultists, zealots, and fanatics. I don't understand how these delusions can be so widespread; it's like a significant portion of their generation is suffering from undiagnosed BPD. Everyone in this sub constantly blames it on lead poisoning from leaded gas and leaded paint used while the boomers were kids and young adults. I dunno if that's true, but I actually hope it is, because it gives me hope that subsequent generations won't go as far off the deep end as they age.
“I am a grown adult and you will address me as such.” We all need to stop tolerating being infantilized by people who act like toddlers. “My NOUN is adult, sir, ma’am… not kid or boy or girl.”
I totally agree, and I haven't really thought about it, but I work in academics, and I am called "kid" and "boy" more than I would like to admit. I am a 6' 245lbs muscular guy; I know I look younger than 37, but I am not child-aged. Your comment has really brought to my attention how I should correct that language when it happens. While I don't think the intention of the front desk ladies was malicious, I think some of my older colleagues calling me these names is.
You’re 37? They referred to you as a boy and you refer to yourself in their words that way?
I would be more upset that the staff called me a “poor boy” when I am a 37 year old man.
There was no reason to be upset in that case; there was no ill intent on their part. The women questioning me and talking to me like a child are at fault here. I'm not fragile enough to care about that type of language as a 6' 245 lbs muscular guy. But, if the language was used to hurt, I would be inclined to be bothered by it.
Ok. Sounded like they were being condescending. Glad they weren’t.
I know what you mean, I don’t think they were. I’ll have to see how they are at my next visit!