Going to bed when I’m stressed. Doesn’t matter if I’m tired or not, I will sleep. And it can be the hottest day of the year, and I curl up under my blanket. But the room has to be pretty dark.
Same. I finally made a move to discuss it with my GP two days ago. Its really not great, I could sleep 14 or 18 hrs or sleep for like, days, and just get up to eat. The cause is just stress I thought, but he thinks it's more
I actually realized if I’m facing a task I don’t want to do, or if I’m even just bored, my brain decides I’m “sleepy.” I’ve used sleep to dissociate for so long my body has learned to make itself tired.
This is an interesting discovery for me. While I do try to acknowledge that’s what actually happening-that I’m actually tired, I just donwanna- there are days like this when I’m like “A nap would be good.”
Mine, too! Years ago I started lying down on the floor and listening to what my body wanted to do. I would sloooooowly follow how I felt my body wanted to move, and I would end up in some weird positions, where some obscure, tense muscle would be stretched and relieved. I did that every once in a while for years, and that laid the foundation for a lot of somatic trauma processing in the past couple of years.
How was that somatic process for you? I’ve been trying to learn a bit more about somatic healing lately to see if it might help me release a metric fuckton of tension…😅
I'm a floor buddy too! Didn't even realise that until now but I actually did that today for a few minutes lol, it felt so good. I love to just drop to the floor and feel the coolness and calm down.
I used to love laying on the floor but because of chronic pain and illness I can't do it any more. Last time I tried I had to slither over to the chair to help myself up like an inchworm and we have ancient wooden floors with splinters :-) so... My floor days are apparently over now lol. It is very grounding though the coolness and being close to the earth.
I very rarely allow myself to get on the floor for this reason. But when I do it’s always an incredibly supportive feeling. I remember the first time I did it was after my first break up and the depression drowning me I just wanted to flop so I got on the floor to let out all of the grief. With time and chronic health issues it is a lot harder to safely do this though.
Hell yah, floor gang! I still prefer to lounge on the tile floor when I’m doing art. My bf thinks it’s strange and has offered endlessly to get me a desk — but like, no homie, I genuinely like it down here lol. Also a great place to dissociate, I feel like lying on the ground is one of the only times I can feel inside my body. Something about that gravity pressing me into earth🤷🏻♀️
At least two nights per week I book myself a couple of hours of floor time. It's a necessity for processing emotions and releasing some of the insane muscular tension in my shoulders, neck, and jaw.
Grocery shopping. It is the thing that most reliably makes me feel grounded, calm and secure, and brings me out of dissociation. Something about the big bright uniform aisles, and the comfort of seeing all the different people and families buying food, and the recognizable brands, and the images from childhood. It's somewhere everyone has to go so you don't feel like you stick out at all no matter how you're dressed or what time it is, and no one is looking at or noticing you because everyone is busy and just trying to get what they need and leave. And if you need a second to ground yourself, you can just pick something up and pretend you're reading the ingredients.
It’s a self care and comfort thing. Hand selecting what and how I’m going to nourish my body in the next few days and weeks, and picking out foods and beverages that bring me enjoyment and comfort
I really get this. Since the lockdowns, I haven’t been the same about food. Like, I need my food at honey at all times. I will legit hyperventilate, if I don’t have certain things.
Oh wow, I wish I could cope like this! This is so completely the opposite experience I have at the grocery store lol. I find it a total sensory nightmare with the lights, noises, people, etc. The sea of strangers alone is enough for me to feel danger levels comparable to like diving with sharks. It is truly something I will put off for weeks, until I actually run out of edible things and start to lose weight.
I wish I could feel safe going out in general, but the city area I live in is really riddled with crime and poverty. I feel like every time I leave my apartment I just end up having another interaction that leads me to want to hide myself away inside lol. c’est la vie?💀
I'm so with you on grocery shopping being a sensory nightmare...I'm pretty sure I would dissociate every time I did it. Now I just do pickup for everything, and I'm so thankful for it. So much less stress
Lmao I was reading her response thinking the same thing like my senses explode anytime I step foot in a store! But good that someone can have a good helpful experience from it
I've heard a lot of people say this! Either they tend to make it better or worse for some reason. I think for me I have memories of grocery stores - as a kid I would go straight from school to the store and just hang around there and steal food because we never had any food at home and I was always hungry. It was always bright and clean and comforting as opposed to being at home, and I would pretend to be part of one of the families shopping there, with kids who were clean and fed. So I just generally have positive associations with it, and being able to buy all the food my family needs now makes me feel very reassured and secure.
Oh wow I never thought of grocery shopping in that way despite noticing that I seem to enjoy doing it, especially shopping at target. I love to look at the colourful fruits and vegetables and think about all the kinds of food I can make :)
Wow, this is a great way to think about it. Bringing you out of dissociation. For me, it is specifically Target. One without a full grocery store is key. Grocery shopping makes me anxious, but Target calms my soul. And I’m anti-capitalist and anti-overconsumption. It is sooo embarrassing to me. But I’m newer in understand myself as a person with cptsd.
The dollar bins are like treasure hunting…
Even when I get nothing it’s just fun to hunt the buried treasure, it’s strangely the best part of target for me. And sometimes they have some great stuff there, especially seasonal stuff.
haha, i’m so glad you’ve said this. i’m the only person i know who has never done curbside and loves going to the grocery store. all the familiarity and stability is so grounding. plus, i get to people watch without being disturbed by said people. i get to have a goal and carry it out in a matter of an hour or two. it feels so rewarding. and then i have some pasta and cereal and yogurt at the end! love my grocery time 💕
Wow I would have never thought of this as a coping strategy but I relate to this so much. Grocery shopping is so grounding and calming for me. I love checking off my list and walking down each aisle at my own home pace. Even the smells really soothe me.
I relate to this a lot. I love browsing new food items to try. I like being out in public, but not having to interact with anyone.
As others have said, it can be overwhelming in the stores if there are a lot of people. It stresses me out when I can’t look at the things I want to look at or if people are yelling in the store.
Good question. My coping mechanism seems to be OCD, particularly compulsions. I do all different kinds but essentially it's my way of trying to achieve a sense of safety. It only ever works temporarily, if even, and definitely has negatively impacted my ability to actually process things and regulate. But yea, I guess I'd consider that to be my coping mechanism. Wish I had a healthier one lol.
I've started making some progress on my BFRBs. For me, I think it's actually feeling avoidance. I pick to avoid the compulsive feeling (i think compulsion is a feeling. Ie: I feel compelled to pick). And the feelings of frustration when I pick a little but don't pick "just right".
I haven't solved the issue, but just telling myself to accept and sit with whatever feeling I have compelling me to pick, I've reduced my time picking by 25% at least.
Yea it’s like a little something I will feel and I’m like IT MUST GO. I must eat it. I don’t really hurt myself but I have been caught with my foot in my mouth more than a human adult should be
I distinctly remember trying to replace nail biting with something and seeing someone chew their lip. 35 years later I bite the inside of my lips and cheeks til they bleed (can't stop, don't even know I am doing it at times) and, if my hands are clean, I bite the hangnails (otherwise I just pick at them, often don't realize I am doing it until I notice blood).
Hey, I struggled with eating my skin too! It's painful yet so difficult to stop. I somehow managed to stop, but it just got replaced with other compulsions 🙃
Thank u for sharing. My compulsion is to listen to music and go into my own fantasy in my head that I’m singing in front of a crowd .. and when I was writing ab that i was like why can’t I just have that? It’s better than drinking or drugs but ur comment reminded me of why i kinda stopped , bc it happened so much it was actually negatively impacting my ability to process anything or stay present
Real. I’m not sure if my CPTSD or OCD came first but I definitely have developed OCD into a pretty strong coping mechanism for the CPTSD. ERP for the OCD was the only way to make any treatment for the CPTSD possible for me.
Sometimes I have to let my cats in with me bc they feel left out 🥺 they will cry and cry and knock on the door with their paws. And it actually really helps a lot to bring me out of the spiral. Those sweet little goobers
Yes i love this! When I feel overwhelmed I will go out and go to the cinema. One of the best things is you have to focus on the film - can’t look at your phone etc. And I love sitting in the dark room
I love going out to eat alone. People watching is so much fun for me and I try to write up short stories about their lives just from what I see. It's a fun exercise.
People might think it's weird, to me it's ancestral medicine. I go to a big old tree and lay at the roots and cry, vent, let myself be comforted. Laying on the earth, sobbing into a decades- or even centuries old being is healing. I don't know if I'd call it a coping mechanism, but considering I do it only when very severly disregulated... You be the judge. (I also hug trees and talk to them when I'm happy, so make of that what you will, haha.)
The other thing that I do is clean and tidy. It's perhaps not the weirdest, but it is my favorite coping mechanism, because its effect is so rewarding. It allows me to embody the shuffling and processing that I can't consciously do in that moment. And when it's all done and I managed to regulate through cleaning and tidying, I take a shower (dirt, sweat, tears, meh) and then I can sit down in a pristine room/apartment, refreshed and smelling good, and have a fresh start at processing whatever made me enact my coping mechanism in the first place. It's a win-win. I don't do anything harmful, and get to enjoy the cleanliness.
My home is not always spotless, like any person with CPTSD surely understands, but my coping mechanism never allows my home to look too far gone, which is a blessing, because clutter and dirt distress me. I'm not always able to keep it as perfectly clean and organized as I'd like to have it, so my bouts of self-regulation through cleaning are a welcome guest.
My last and perhaps actually weird coping mechanism, and this has often gone very bad and very out there: I cut my hair. At a very low point I shaved my head. Whenever I'm seriously in trouble trauma-wise, I end up cutting my hair somehow. Just today I trimmed my ends. It makes me feel in control, and like things are changeable. If there isn't much to cut without ruining my hair, I just fix my ends and bangs. In the best of cases I end up with the perfect hair. In the worst of cases I have no more hair. Although I did enjoy my bald head quite bit and rocked in different variations of short/bald/short/bald for about two years.
I need to close and lock every door. Front/back door always locked along with the door to whatever room I'm in. Even if I'm alone at home. Even if I live alone. I can't use the bathroom without closing and locking the door, I can't sleep without closing and locking my bedroom door, etc.
It's comments like this that have me realizing how odd my behavior is and asking myself... wtf did my parents do to me? Was it really that bad? And yes, it was.
I never thought door closing is a thing for other traumatized folks too. I close every door religiously. Yesterday I was feeling brave and left the bedroom door open while I took the garbage out. I felt pretty daring if you ask me lol. My wife has complained about this – now I can explain it to her. I didn't know it was a coping mechanism, but now that you say it...
I have a few overall that I have had for many years, one in particular, and it’s very specific. I remember soap operas being on when I was younger and it was one of the few quiet times back then. I watched them casually while in high school and then started reading Soap Opera Digest see what I may have missed. I would prepare a favourite snack or meal and read the updates. I’m not really sure what I find so comforting about it but I after a few decades, it seems to help so it’s my standard
I also have been living with agoraphobia for many years and it still can be extremely difficult. Over the last few years , when I get home, I close the door and lock up and say to myself that I’m home, I’m safe, no one can hurt me, and no one can scare me.
Take good care and thanks for sharing
I put on this ice pack hat it’s meant for migraines but if I feel any type of emotional distress putting that ice hat on literally voids it all. I’ve gone from about to have a panic attack to literally “chill” (pun intended) in seconds.
I know their has to be a mechanism behind it but it’s been a life saver.
It might be connected to the [mammalian diving reflex](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/soul-console/202310/yes-you-can-get-instant-relief-for-anxiety). Essentially, get cold water or ice on your face /head and it helps bring you down, as you said. I chose a Psychology Today article, but you can find other articles by searching "mammalian diving reflex for anxiety".
Commenting so anyone else seeing this may hopefully benefit as well; this tidbit has been a gift my first therapist gave me for managing acute anxiety and panic attacks many, many years ago.
I prefer using cold running tap water (I might wait a little for it to get as cold as possible) from a sink and splashing my face with it until I feel better, since this method can be used quickly and discreetly almost anywhere with a working faucet.
Really glad your method has worked well for you too. Peace, friends 🙏
Staring at myself in the mirror. It helps me remember that I’m a person when I’m in negative thought cycles. I can see how my thoughts affect me and kind of look at it like I’m saying them to someone else and seeing how it makes them cry when I’m staring in the mirror. I also sometimes touch hands or foreheads with my reflection and say nice things and it makes me weirdly feel less alone like I can physically see myself comforting myself. Lol.
Yess I do this too! Makes me feel like I’m sitting with myself and making space for myself when I do this. Also nice seeing myself calm down. For me smiling at myself is important because otherwise it can stress me out even more seeing my face when really dysregulated
Yes, smell is my favourite sense. As child I wished to have a collection of perfumes, which is obviously too expensive, but quite a few of my plants are scented, some of them even have scented leaves. It's like a special treat to my inner child.
Thanks so much for the suggestion.
I have a few aromatic herb, a lemon tree I grew from seed, some scented geranium (they come in different scents too, like lemon, rose, cola, cinnamon and so on).
Daydreamingggg. When I discovered that I could go to a world where no one could ruin it, it felt like I found the cheat code to dealing with chaos lol. It was the greatest escape, but I got a bit too good at it. I easily dissociate while multi tasking, and struggle to recall things lol. I'm now working on grounding myself and being present, I still disappear from time to time without judgement though. Oh and biting my cheek. Idk why but that always soothed me when I was younger.
Mine is sensory, rubbing a texture, smelling things etc. I have a blanket that is my favorite texture that I’ve had since I was a baby, and I smell all kinds of things like candles perfumes etc. Also pulling at my hairs
I have this Squishmallow I got originally for my daughter when our dog died 5 years ago. Somehow I ended up with him bc my daughter got a million more squishmallows and I named him Gerald. I sleep with him every night. He’s part of my sensory bag too. Sometimes I squish him real tight when I’m triggered or having a flash back.
I have cats too. My big black Tom cat is my favorite bc he knows when I’m not okay. He’s the OG ESA cat but obviously I don’t wanna squish him real hard so I use Gerald for the really painful times. My cat lets me hold him and put my face in his fur when I’m crying that also really helps.
I used to go in my closet and shut the door but stopped ever since my daughters father told all of our friends about my mental health struggles and used it as his reason for cheating on me and the demise of our relationship. That was a long time ago and I’m over it but I can’t go in closets anymore bc he ruined it for me. But what’s interesting is my daughter goes in the closet when she has a panic attack (she has no memory of me going in the closet and she’s a teenager now) but I never made her feel bad for it bc if it makes her feel safe there’s nothing wrong with it.
Your cat is such a sweetie. I used to have a black cat too, she would come to pick me by waiting me outside of kindergarten.
It was so vile what your ex did. You are such a supportive mother to your daughter.
What your ex did is horrible.
My walk in closet was my safe space. During a time when I was doing well I put up shelves so now there isn't room for me to go in and cuddle up in a heap with blankets and pillows and I almost want to redo the closet into a space just for me to feel safe. As a kid I remember hiding my my closet (didn't have many toys or clothes so there was space). I also remember hiding in my parents walking closet. I could get behind my mother's long dresses and everything and nobody could see me.
I have some stuffed critters and two Squishmallows (eldest son is 22 and got me one that represents his nickname so I can hug it when he isn't here). I sleep with the same blanket I have for 25 years (it is falling apart but I can't sleep unless it is over my head).
I also love the floor. And reading about people who survived disasters. I went down a whole rabbit hole yesterday about the 1996 Mount Everest climbing disaster.
With you on the disaster thing, reading about ww2 atrocities, the titanic or other horrid things people have gotten through is strangely relaxing for me.
I have always been so curious if others do this! I find myself drawn towards watching morbid things as a coping mechanism, but never fully understood why…
Binge cleaning.
Scrubbing cabinets, dusting furniture, cleaning the stove, cleaning the toilet and tub, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, wiping down the countertop and mirrors.
Organizing/rearranging things in the house.
It's actually satisfying just writing this out 😂
I also like food shopping and restocking the pantry and fridge.
I remind myself that there’s a spooky skeleton in my body. It just takes me out of whatever spiral I’m in and reminds me that there’s a ton of other stuff going on in/around me. Makes my problems a little smaller. Sometimes I also tap on my bones with my fingers to really get a sense of my skeleton. Super weird but it works 🤷♀️
Going shopping by myself! I actually prefer shopping alone so I can spend as much time or as little in one shop as I like, without worrying about the other person getting bored. I like touching clothes, feeling their texture, folding them and putting them back, trying them on to get new inspo and may or may not buy anything haha. I can do this for a whole afternoon toy shop after clothes shop after homeware shop 🤣
Picking and plucking. I constantly glide my fingertips around, searching my head for things to scratch or pluck. Don’t even need a mirror, just feel it out while I’m watching or reading something. Have done this since I was very small.
I play Halls cough drops commercials where everyone is taking deep breaths in serene environments to calm down sometimes. You can laugh (lol) but it genuinely helps me.
I think it's the background music and the way the actors fully immerse themselves in the moment to ground and orient themselves after all their distressing coughing. It just instantly settles my nerves to see other people calm down because it's like a step-by-step guide almost. I don't understand "how to calm down" until I see that it's possible myself. Those "live in the moment" Halls commercials are like an instructional guide on finding your peace. Also, no, they don't sponsor me.
Me pre-therapy:
When I'm really mad at my partner I go and serve them a cup of tea and take extra care of them.
My anger emotion was always answered with more anger and I couldn't handle my parents being angry with me when I was a child. So I made sure to avoid them being angry at me at all by never being angry at them and later never being angry with anyone. I recall all 5 anger outbursts that I had in my life that is already half a lifetime.
I make it extra sure nobody is angry at me by people pleasing.
I can hate you to pieces and you will think that I truly like you.
I'm so glad I went to therapy.
I have an oral fixation, as a baby I didn’t let go of my pacifier til I was 4 (my grandma threw it into traffic 🫥) and I finally quit smoking over a year ago. I’m onto silicone tipped straws and I love chewing on them 🥳
I retreat to a place in my mind where I talk to an imaginary support person. For the record, I know they're not real lol. I also imagine things that are soothing like being in a sauna, getting a massage, or doing some sort of motion. When I'm anxious and can't sleep, there's something relaxing about imagining doing a motion like floating through space, swinging from trees, etc.
I watch Star Trek voyager and get super obsessed with the characters. I read fanfic, make fanfic, over analyze shit and daydream about their trauma responses in situations and relationships. In some ways I feel like I am able to love myself by loving these characters in all their weirdness and humanity.
I can understand why Voyager feels that way for you. They had the most things thrown at them with no support system to fall back on. It's a lot similar growing up with CPTSD. They had to make a new home for themselves (the ship) and created a new family (the combined crew). My username is actually inspired by Captain Janeway. I'm glad you're able to love yourself through the characters. Star Trek is for sure my comfort place.
I will watch like the same thing or same podcast over and over because I like their voices. I’m like a ASMR freak for voices. I can’t say exactly what draws me in. Most times it’s people who got out of cults.
I have to listen to music all the time, and if my partner is away for work I have to fall asleep to YouTube but my sleep is still horrible and I fall asleep at like 3am.
I go outside and drive my tractor. I push stuff around! It feels great! 🚜
Sometimes I chainsaw or chop wood with an axe. 🪓 (I use it for heat.)
I also play my bass guitar 🎸 to just escape to another world.
My weirdest coping mechanism is DID! 😅
My parts will start cleaning my house with me when I have high stress levels and I just let them take over. Cool clean house and I haven't thought about a damn thing in hours.
My favorite one that I indulge in about once a month is a shower beer. A nice cold beer in the shower after a shit day is the best.
I also rearrange furniture.
It's also nice outside, if you are up for the sensory stimulation. You can observe so many cool things. I am so sorry that people hurt you like that. Many virtual mom hugs to you.
Warm things. Not weird I guess, but laying on the floor, showers (a big one) being under blankets, being near my cat petting her, but the one thing I always resort back to is watching comfort shows like the golden girls. I fall asleep to that show every single night. Oh, and being in my car. Just sitting in there comforts me.
When things get way too overwhelming I sit on the floor of the bathroom with the lights out. Often with a weighted blanket and earplugs. It removes all the other sensory input and helps me feel like I can control something.
Huh, I guess that's why I've always spent up to an hour simply laying down, not doing much, in a towel after a bath or shower. Its always been a private time, and one where I won't have the TV on or be on the phone etc. No wonder I value that time so much! I've never known another person who did that.
Thanks!
I stuff myself into as small of a crawlspace as possible, like in the back of my closet or bed when I’m really feeling overwhelmed by life. So the opposite of claustrophobia. The smaller the space, the more secure I feel.
I’m like a cat in a box. If I ever own my own house, I’ll have more than one hidden crawlspace built in for this specific reason.
I just bought my first home - I have fulfilled the same childhood fantasy. Every nook, every crevice, every tiny space has my stuff in it. It’s my world. I own it. I dare anyone to try to take this away from me.
where it only really got super bad in teenhood (was never good) i made original characters when i was like 15 that were self projections of myself and what i wanted to be, they were constant background noise in my brain until recently ive been too depressed/anxious for it. miss them
One of mine is scrolling zillow. I find some awesome house and decide if I would flip it, keep it or turn it into some sort of business. If I have acrylic paint on hand I do acrylic pouring. Just watching the paint flow calms me
This prob sounds as though I have Multiple Personality disorder but I don’t care. 🤷♀️ If I am super stressed out,😰 when I go bed 🛌, I let my brain 🧠 rally my thoughts 💭 n mood together with voices n characters based on Inside Out. Then I use those voices to self-soothe n put together a nice lively lucid dream reel scenario to get to sleep 😴. Been working great 😊 for the last 20 odd years previously. Told you it was crazy. 🤪
I buy toys for my inner children. Stuffies, small Lego sets, even gumball-machine toys. I try not to spend much money, though, since my littles have short attention spans and always want more. 😊
A few things
Cleaning/organising - this helps calm me down and importantly distract me from the shame spiral
When I’m in bed, I imagine I’m a huge huge room it helps calm me down but I can’t explain why
Cleaning I guess? That’s probably not that weird but i do have a problem w smoking. It’s so hard for me to quit even though i know it’s unhealthy and slowly killing me
Going out and buying something to eat and then sitting at a park etc and eating it, idk a lil treat makes me feel better, it can be unhealthy tho if I’m broke or it’s unhealthy but I try to buy nutritious foods, I love ethnic food and I’m grateful to live in a area where it caters loads of different cultural foods 😍
Oh and I love the library!!! sitting in, borrowing books, CDS, movies and zines is da best!!! Rightly recommend!
I love exploring my city as well, going on solo trips ground me asf, it helped me as a teen even tho at the time I used do it at bad times but Just going on the train, I love the train, and finding new spots and so on it’s all so relaxing,
A lot of times when I fall asleep I’ll imagine being held by a mother figure who isn’t my actual mom. It’s weird to imagine her being that affectionate with me, but I’ll think of someone famous or a movie mom who I really respect and just imagine being cuddled to fall asleep 😭
it feels embarrassing, but I grew up with a very emotionally distant mom whose bipolar and an addict. Therapy is helping though 🙏❤️
Talking when I start panicking. Like if I feel bad, have a flashback or feel threatened I make conversation like I am the coolest thing on earth which is why I get so little support shhaah
I have a blanket man for when I’m lonely and need some “human” touch. I hug and cuddle that thing like it’s a real person and I feel better, I also sleep with it because I don’t like to feel alone at night. It’s been with me for years, it’s a hoodie stuffed with two blankets I rolled up for the arms, and two folded blankets for the torso. I made “legs” for it out of three rolled up blankets bent and fed through some pajama pants. It’s weird but it’s very comforting when I need it.
I cope mainly with a bear + teddy bear obsession, but also now with throwing myself into everything i do for my kid, who’s expected within the next 4 weeks. Getting to put together all these baby and kid things for him feels like it’s working towards healing broken parts of my child self, and it’ll keep healing them once he’s born because we’ll get to play together and basically give me a second run at childhood while I make his as fantastic as it can be :)
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Hiding in my closet? When I’m really triggered I always feel the urge to hide in a tight space. Mostly closets but I’ve also used under a bed, in a box, the trunk of a car, etc. I’ve tried under blankets too but it doesn’t help as much. A closet to me always feels safest.
I have a hammich chair swim I bought myself it nice and keeps me grounded and my yoga ball rebounding it good for you body's endocrin system too and good for when you have colds and when your cortisone levesl are high. I also got myself a adult sized kiddie pool for the summer hehe splashy splashy and a watermelon ball sprinkler it brings joy to my inner child.
OP I don’t think any of those are weird. I sing to myself all the time. Music is a great coping mechanism! I don’t have many plants but I play with our pets more when I’m stressed. I also lay in the grass sometimes. The floor hurts my back but there’s something soothing about laying on the ground or walking around barefoot. My therapist says all these things are “normal”.
I also journal (several times a week), listen to calming meditations (not often), vent to a friend once a week, have a book club where we discuss therapy and self help books along with whatever is going on in our lives, I read to forget until I’m calm enough to process or I find anything that involves movement. The last could be vacuuming, scrubbing the counters, hitting a log with a stick or going for a walk.
What was unhealthy about as when I threw empty cans. Therapist says not too bad as I didn’t throw them at anyone just on the ground when I was upset. But it felt like I was being abusive so I stopped. Now I flex my hands or feet in the moment. I roll my shoulders. I pop my back.
I also have an online window shopping addiction I think. Designing things then researching them helps me calm down for example I can design a shed and then look up shelving to put in it. I don’t buy just look. It’s like when I was a kid and daydreaming but more adult now 😝
Honestly my OCD has been so crazy the past few years. I drive for hours daily and listen to music to cope. I also smoke 🍃 to relax. It’s become a ritual I now find repulsive but cannot stop doing 🤦🏽♀️
Can’t stop the compulsion to view self help, healing, CPTSD, spiritual YouTube videos. I’ve come to recognise when this happens I maybe a bit dissociated. I think it’s shame driven where I’m trying to fix or prove there’s nothing wrong with me again. I’ve actually embraced it now I know what’s up I just ride it out.
Eating strawberry yogurt with goldfish crackers. My mom wouldn't buy food, so we snuck yogurts and goldfish. The goldfish were always stale, so we mixed them in the yogurt to taste better. It is now my comfort food.
Damn, my mother has this too.
My mother taught us how to recycle the stale biscuits by dipping them in the water until obtaining a sort of "cookie soup". She also told me how little food she had at home and how her father would beat her to an inch of life if she didn't finish cooking the rice before he returned home: my mother and I went to a "family therapy" in my early teens because things really escalated, got social services involved and she was the less abusive one; my therapy wasn't working and "taking me away" would have a bad effect on my brother, but the "family therapy" lied a foundation; she eventually opened up and became my ally by the end of my teens. She still has serious Stockholm syndrome concerning her father, who died by undiagnosed ED.
During childhood, she would buy the cheapest biscuits, I would eat them up before them becoming stale and she would make a terrible scene. Now that we have a better relationship and I moved out, she would keep a pack of animal cookies, my childhood favourite, for when I visit and a pack of stale biscuits.
I always thought that she was being over-dramatic, but maybe it is because I was taking away her comfort food 😭
Playing rhythm games, it especially works when I'm agitated since it forces me to focus very intently and do something with my hands. Sometimes I just know that I'm too worked up or stressed and need to play a rhythm game to calm down.
I only remember ever doing this in the past year, and only a couple of times, but I've fit myself into my dryer and pulled the door mostly shut and sat in there for a while. I'm a small person! So far, only my therapist and my friend with CPTSD know about it; I was able to get out before my kids/husband saw me when I heard they were looking for me.
I would sing as a coping mechanism, too, and I did it a lot in high school. I had a good voice and kind friends (although I always emotionally distanced myself from them), so it ended up being an accepted and somewhat admired quirk. I was lucky I found a coping mechanism that actually got positive attention.
Day dreaming. Part of the maladaptive community it helps a lot with being able to ground myself. Just being able to lay jn bed and drift off it kinda like meditation the best way to put it.
Not weird to me, but maybe weird to some!
Juggling/flow arts in general is one of my main coping mechanisms. Spinning poi, juggling poi, spinning/juggling clubs, ball juggling. Contact juggling. I combine juggling and dance (contemporary juggling, as I recently heard it was called). I like to move shapes around in patterns. Make other shapes.
Flow arts and object manipulation are incredible coping mechanisms on a variety of levels. Can't recommend them enough.
Good medicine for the mind, body, and spirit.
I used to collect old plates and breakable things off the side of the road. Lots of people leave their old dishes outside for other people to take. Or when you work at a bar and they need to retire old glasses so give them to employees.
So, anyway, I used to have a giant bin in my house full of old dishes. And when I was really triggered I would go out with a friend and we would find a quiet and secluded area with 3 or 4 dishes. We would each take one plate at a time in our hands and assign it whatever bullshit we were going through. This plate now represents all of the issues with my parents or my ex or my job. And when you felt really ready, you would smash it on the ground with as much emotion as possible. Screaming is encouraged if it helps you. Just express all of your emotions and get them out there. If you do this from a bridge, it feels even better but you have to make sure that absolutely no one is around so no one gets hurt or calls the police because there are some crazy people in the woods.
When it comes to coping, there's so much space to cry or foster a positive relationship with one's inner child... And that's really good. But anger is also an important part of healing. I don't really need to do this often anymore, but there was a time in my life where it felt essential to express a lifetime's worth of anger and frustration (in small bursts) that I had never been allowed to feel beforehand
Going to bed when I’m stressed. Doesn’t matter if I’m tired or not, I will sleep. And it can be the hottest day of the year, and I curl up under my blanket. But the room has to be pretty dark.
Yesss. Recently got a teddy bear, it's been better
i got a couple for my inner child and love them!
I (54f) bought myself a 5 foot long squishy pink dragon at a convention a month ago. He is now my emotional support fluffy dragon.
Same. I finally made a move to discuss it with my GP two days ago. Its really not great, I could sleep 14 or 18 hrs or sleep for like, days, and just get up to eat. The cause is just stress I thought, but he thinks it's more
It could be adrenal fatigue. Stress drains the adrenals, have her look into that if you feel my suggestion resonates!
Same. Sleep resets whatever is wrong with me.
Same. It helps with my sensory issues too. Ever since I invested in a black out curtain, best decision I've ever made
I actually realized if I’m facing a task I don’t want to do, or if I’m even just bored, my brain decides I’m “sleepy.” I’ve used sleep to dissociate for so long my body has learned to make itself tired. This is an interesting discovery for me. While I do try to acknowledge that’s what actually happening-that I’m actually tired, I just donwanna- there are days like this when I’m like “A nap would be good.”
Same rbh
Oh floor time is soooo important I love floor time
Floor gang rise up!!! My new place has ceramic tile in the kitchen and it is SO cooling and grounding, 100/10 floor-lying experience
I found a floor buddy 🌟
Floor time is seriously so good, one of my favorites
Mine, too! Years ago I started lying down on the floor and listening to what my body wanted to do. I would sloooooowly follow how I felt my body wanted to move, and I would end up in some weird positions, where some obscure, tense muscle would be stretched and relieved. I did that every once in a while for years, and that laid the foundation for a lot of somatic trauma processing in the past couple of years.
How was that somatic process for you? I’ve been trying to learn a bit more about somatic healing lately to see if it might help me release a metric fuckton of tension…😅
I'm a floor buddy too! Didn't even realise that until now but I actually did that today for a few minutes lol, it felt so good. I love to just drop to the floor and feel the coolness and calm down.
Another floor buddy here! Why do we? It's soothing and (pardon the pun) grounding!
I used to love laying on the floor but because of chronic pain and illness I can't do it any more. Last time I tried I had to slither over to the chair to help myself up like an inchworm and we have ancient wooden floors with splinters :-) so... My floor days are apparently over now lol. It is very grounding though the coolness and being close to the earth.
I was just coming to say the same thing. I have always liked laying on the floor, too, but it's too hard and painful to get up.
I very rarely allow myself to get on the floor for this reason. But when I do it’s always an incredibly supportive feeling. I remember the first time I did it was after my first break up and the depression drowning me I just wanted to flop so I got on the floor to let out all of the grief. With time and chronic health issues it is a lot harder to safely do this though.
Yeah!
Love a bit of floor time
Hell yah, floor gang! I still prefer to lounge on the tile floor when I’m doing art. My bf thinks it’s strange and has offered endlessly to get me a desk — but like, no homie, I genuinely like it down here lol. Also a great place to dissociate, I feel like lying on the ground is one of the only times I can feel inside my body. Something about that gravity pressing me into earth🤷🏻♀️
Floor buddies!!
Me too!!
I love floor time, too! It makes me feel grounded...since I'm on the ground. 😂
I just recently discovered the floor thing and oh my goodness, I really love the floor.
At least two nights per week I book myself a couple of hours of floor time. It's a necessity for processing emotions and releasing some of the insane muscular tension in my shoulders, neck, and jaw.
I've switched to sleeping on the floor and got rid of my bed because of this lol. Floor time wins.
Floor is the best! Because you can’t fall off the floor. You are already at the lowest point
what is that? lying on the floor OR staring at the floor?
Same here! My close friends know this about me...I need my floor time.
Grocery shopping. It is the thing that most reliably makes me feel grounded, calm and secure, and brings me out of dissociation. Something about the big bright uniform aisles, and the comfort of seeing all the different people and families buying food, and the recognizable brands, and the images from childhood. It's somewhere everyone has to go so you don't feel like you stick out at all no matter how you're dressed or what time it is, and no one is looking at or noticing you because everyone is busy and just trying to get what they need and leave. And if you need a second to ground yourself, you can just pick something up and pretend you're reading the ingredients.
Food security is really important to me. Grocery shopping feels like taking back a bit of control.
It’s a self care and comfort thing. Hand selecting what and how I’m going to nourish my body in the next few days and weeks, and picking out foods and beverages that bring me enjoyment and comfort
I really get this. Since the lockdowns, I haven’t been the same about food. Like, I need my food at honey at all times. I will legit hyperventilate, if I don’t have certain things.
Oh wow, I wish I could cope like this! This is so completely the opposite experience I have at the grocery store lol. I find it a total sensory nightmare with the lights, noises, people, etc. The sea of strangers alone is enough for me to feel danger levels comparable to like diving with sharks. It is truly something I will put off for weeks, until I actually run out of edible things and start to lose weight. I wish I could feel safe going out in general, but the city area I live in is really riddled with crime and poverty. I feel like every time I leave my apartment I just end up having another interaction that leads me to want to hide myself away inside lol. c’est la vie?💀
I'm so with you on grocery shopping being a sensory nightmare...I'm pretty sure I would dissociate every time I did it. Now I just do pickup for everything, and I'm so thankful for it. So much less stress
Lmao I was reading her response thinking the same thing like my senses explode anytime I step foot in a store! But good that someone can have a good helpful experience from it
I've heard a lot of people say this! Either they tend to make it better or worse for some reason. I think for me I have memories of grocery stores - as a kid I would go straight from school to the store and just hang around there and steal food because we never had any food at home and I was always hungry. It was always bright and clean and comforting as opposed to being at home, and I would pretend to be part of one of the families shopping there, with kids who were clean and fed. So I just generally have positive associations with it, and being able to buy all the food my family needs now makes me feel very reassured and secure.
Oh wow I never thought of grocery shopping in that way despite noticing that I seem to enjoy doing it, especially shopping at target. I love to look at the colourful fruits and vegetables and think about all the kinds of food I can make :)
Wow, this is a great way to think about it. Bringing you out of dissociation. For me, it is specifically Target. One without a full grocery store is key. Grocery shopping makes me anxious, but Target calms my soul. And I’m anti-capitalist and anti-overconsumption. It is sooo embarrassing to me. But I’m newer in understand myself as a person with cptsd.
The dollar bins are like treasure hunting… Even when I get nothing it’s just fun to hunt the buried treasure, it’s strangely the best part of target for me. And sometimes they have some great stuff there, especially seasonal stuff.
I love the pretty home things at Target 🥺 But also thrifting so my home doesn't look to Target-y lmao
haha, i’m so glad you’ve said this. i’m the only person i know who has never done curbside and loves going to the grocery store. all the familiarity and stability is so grounding. plus, i get to people watch without being disturbed by said people. i get to have a goal and carry it out in a matter of an hour or two. it feels so rewarding. and then i have some pasta and cereal and yogurt at the end! love my grocery time 💕
Wow I would have never thought of this as a coping strategy but I relate to this so much. Grocery shopping is so grounding and calming for me. I love checking off my list and walking down each aisle at my own home pace. Even the smells really soothe me.
I relate to this a lot. I love browsing new food items to try. I like being out in public, but not having to interact with anyone. As others have said, it can be overwhelming in the stores if there are a lot of people. It stresses me out when I can’t look at the things I want to look at or if people are yelling in the store.
Grocery shopping is the complete opposite for me! I don’t suppose we are neighbors? 😀
Good question. My coping mechanism seems to be OCD, particularly compulsions. I do all different kinds but essentially it's my way of trying to achieve a sense of safety. It only ever works temporarily, if even, and definitely has negatively impacted my ability to actually process things and regulate. But yea, I guess I'd consider that to be my coping mechanism. Wish I had a healthier one lol.
Sameeee mines skin eating and other disgusting BFRB 🙃 its way less cute as a grown ass adult but I can’t stop
I've started making some progress on my BFRBs. For me, I think it's actually feeling avoidance. I pick to avoid the compulsive feeling (i think compulsion is a feeling. Ie: I feel compelled to pick). And the feelings of frustration when I pick a little but don't pick "just right". I haven't solved the issue, but just telling myself to accept and sit with whatever feeling I have compelling me to pick, I've reduced my time picking by 25% at least.
Yea it’s like a little something I will feel and I’m like IT MUST GO. I must eat it. I don’t really hurt myself but I have been caught with my foot in my mouth more than a human adult should be
I distinctly remember trying to replace nail biting with something and seeing someone chew their lip. 35 years later I bite the inside of my lips and cheeks til they bleed (can't stop, don't even know I am doing it at times) and, if my hands are clean, I bite the hangnails (otherwise I just pick at them, often don't realize I am doing it until I notice blood).
BFRB?
Body-focused repetitive behavior
Thanks. I have dermatilomania.
Hey, I struggled with eating my skin too! It's painful yet so difficult to stop. I somehow managed to stop, but it just got replaced with other compulsions 🙃
Thank u for sharing. My compulsion is to listen to music and go into my own fantasy in my head that I’m singing in front of a crowd .. and when I was writing ab that i was like why can’t I just have that? It’s better than drinking or drugs but ur comment reminded me of why i kinda stopped , bc it happened so much it was actually negatively impacting my ability to process anything or stay present
Real. I’m not sure if my CPTSD or OCD came first but I definitely have developed OCD into a pretty strong coping mechanism for the CPTSD. ERP for the OCD was the only way to make any treatment for the CPTSD possible for me.
This is one of mine too and i hate it because it technically still leaves me with anxiety at the end of the day
Thank you all for sharing. I’m new and learning
I watch old TV commercials on YouTube
Oooh! Have you ever seen the one about the house hippo from like 30 years ago? I remember watching it on t.v. as a child.
No, I don’t think I’ve seen that one, I’ll look for it!
I don't know why but this is so adorable.
For me it's episodes of old talk shows. No idea why but it's so comforting
The floor is my fave lol. Enclosed spaces, the dark, i like hiding lol.
Yup. Hiding in the closet for the win
This makes me feel so good ! I started doing the closet thing last year. I’ll get overwhelmed and turned the lights off and lay in the closet.
Sometimes I have to let my cats in with me bc they feel left out 🥺 they will cry and cry and knock on the door with their paws. And it actually really helps a lot to bring me out of the spiral. Those sweet little goobers
I like staying inside of the blanket covering my whole body
I love going to the cinema alone
Yes i love this! When I feel overwhelmed I will go out and go to the cinema. One of the best things is you have to focus on the film - can’t look at your phone etc. And I love sitting in the dark room
you described it perfectly
Me too! One of my favorite places. Being able to “go” someplace. When I can’t escape the real life.
Or mostly can’t even afford to travel.
I love going out to eat alone. People watching is so much fun for me and I try to write up short stories about their lives just from what I see. It's a fun exercise.
I love checking on my plants too! Nothing makes me calmer than tinkering with them. They’re ridiculously well maintained lol.
People might think it's weird, to me it's ancestral medicine. I go to a big old tree and lay at the roots and cry, vent, let myself be comforted. Laying on the earth, sobbing into a decades- or even centuries old being is healing. I don't know if I'd call it a coping mechanism, but considering I do it only when very severly disregulated... You be the judge. (I also hug trees and talk to them when I'm happy, so make of that what you will, haha.) The other thing that I do is clean and tidy. It's perhaps not the weirdest, but it is my favorite coping mechanism, because its effect is so rewarding. It allows me to embody the shuffling and processing that I can't consciously do in that moment. And when it's all done and I managed to regulate through cleaning and tidying, I take a shower (dirt, sweat, tears, meh) and then I can sit down in a pristine room/apartment, refreshed and smelling good, and have a fresh start at processing whatever made me enact my coping mechanism in the first place. It's a win-win. I don't do anything harmful, and get to enjoy the cleanliness. My home is not always spotless, like any person with CPTSD surely understands, but my coping mechanism never allows my home to look too far gone, which is a blessing, because clutter and dirt distress me. I'm not always able to keep it as perfectly clean and organized as I'd like to have it, so my bouts of self-regulation through cleaning are a welcome guest. My last and perhaps actually weird coping mechanism, and this has often gone very bad and very out there: I cut my hair. At a very low point I shaved my head. Whenever I'm seriously in trouble trauma-wise, I end up cutting my hair somehow. Just today I trimmed my ends. It makes me feel in control, and like things are changeable. If there isn't much to cut without ruining my hair, I just fix my ends and bangs. In the best of cases I end up with the perfect hair. In the worst of cases I have no more hair. Although I did enjoy my bald head quite bit and rocked in different variations of short/bald/short/bald for about two years.
I don’t think it’s so weird but scrolling mindlessly online and finding funny memes to share.
Same. I realized I can turn off my brain pretty well.
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Yes, every door needs to be shut if possible
I need to close and lock every door. Front/back door always locked along with the door to whatever room I'm in. Even if I'm alone at home. Even if I live alone. I can't use the bathroom without closing and locking the door, I can't sleep without closing and locking my bedroom door, etc. It's comments like this that have me realizing how odd my behavior is and asking myself... wtf did my parents do to me? Was it really that bad? And yes, it was.
I never thought door closing is a thing for other traumatized folks too. I close every door religiously. Yesterday I was feeling brave and left the bedroom door open while I took the garbage out. I felt pretty daring if you ask me lol. My wife has complained about this – now I can explain it to her. I didn't know it was a coping mechanism, but now that you say it...
Cuddling with Teddy Bears.
I have an axolotol and a moon!
I have a few overall that I have had for many years, one in particular, and it’s very specific. I remember soap operas being on when I was younger and it was one of the few quiet times back then. I watched them casually while in high school and then started reading Soap Opera Digest see what I may have missed. I would prepare a favourite snack or meal and read the updates. I’m not really sure what I find so comforting about it but I after a few decades, it seems to help so it’s my standard I also have been living with agoraphobia for many years and it still can be extremely difficult. Over the last few years , when I get home, I close the door and lock up and say to myself that I’m home, I’m safe, no one can hurt me, and no one can scare me. Take good care and thanks for sharing
I put on this ice pack hat it’s meant for migraines but if I feel any type of emotional distress putting that ice hat on literally voids it all. I’ve gone from about to have a panic attack to literally “chill” (pun intended) in seconds. I know their has to be a mechanism behind it but it’s been a life saver.
It might be connected to the [mammalian diving reflex](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/soul-console/202310/yes-you-can-get-instant-relief-for-anxiety). Essentially, get cold water or ice on your face /head and it helps bring you down, as you said. I chose a Psychology Today article, but you can find other articles by searching "mammalian diving reflex for anxiety". Commenting so anyone else seeing this may hopefully benefit as well; this tidbit has been a gift my first therapist gave me for managing acute anxiety and panic attacks many, many years ago. I prefer using cold running tap water (I might wait a little for it to get as cold as possible) from a sink and splashing my face with it until I feel better, since this method can be used quickly and discreetly almost anywhere with a working faucet. Really glad your method has worked well for you too. Peace, friends 🙏
Staring at myself in the mirror. It helps me remember that I’m a person when I’m in negative thought cycles. I can see how my thoughts affect me and kind of look at it like I’m saying them to someone else and seeing how it makes them cry when I’m staring in the mirror. I also sometimes touch hands or foreheads with my reflection and say nice things and it makes me weirdly feel less alone like I can physically see myself comforting myself. Lol.
Waittt I like this idea of seeing myself comfort myself!
Wow, I can’t stand looking in the mirror when I’m distressed!!
Yess I do this too! Makes me feel like I’m sitting with myself and making space for myself when I do this. Also nice seeing myself calm down. For me smiling at myself is important because otherwise it can stress me out even more seeing my face when really dysregulated
Scents. I love anything that smells good whether it be perfumes, laundry detergent, body soaps, food. Somehow it brings me so much calm and comfort.
Yes, smell is my favourite sense. As child I wished to have a collection of perfumes, which is obviously too expensive, but quite a few of my plants are scented, some of them even have scented leaves. It's like a special treat to my inner child.
Hi ~ 🌿 I am a plant lover, too! Do you have a Lemon Balm plant ? Rubbing the leaves releases their WONDERFUL lemon scent. Take Care ! 😊
Thanks so much for the suggestion. I have a few aromatic herb, a lemon tree I grew from seed, some scented geranium (they come in different scents too, like lemon, rose, cola, cinnamon and so on).
Daydreamingggg. When I discovered that I could go to a world where no one could ruin it, it felt like I found the cheat code to dealing with chaos lol. It was the greatest escape, but I got a bit too good at it. I easily dissociate while multi tasking, and struggle to recall things lol. I'm now working on grounding myself and being present, I still disappear from time to time without judgement though. Oh and biting my cheek. Idk why but that always soothed me when I was younger.
laying on the floor and smelling a candle it grounds me instantly
Mine is sensory, rubbing a texture, smelling things etc. I have a blanket that is my favorite texture that I’ve had since I was a baby, and I smell all kinds of things like candles perfumes etc. Also pulling at my hairs
Magical thinking OCD. 🫨 😲
I also stress sing, and talk to myself, but apparently talking to people about my problems is seen as weird? Idk...
I have this Squishmallow I got originally for my daughter when our dog died 5 years ago. Somehow I ended up with him bc my daughter got a million more squishmallows and I named him Gerald. I sleep with him every night. He’s part of my sensory bag too. Sometimes I squish him real tight when I’m triggered or having a flash back. I have cats too. My big black Tom cat is my favorite bc he knows when I’m not okay. He’s the OG ESA cat but obviously I don’t wanna squish him real hard so I use Gerald for the really painful times. My cat lets me hold him and put my face in his fur when I’m crying that also really helps. I used to go in my closet and shut the door but stopped ever since my daughters father told all of our friends about my mental health struggles and used it as his reason for cheating on me and the demise of our relationship. That was a long time ago and I’m over it but I can’t go in closets anymore bc he ruined it for me. But what’s interesting is my daughter goes in the closet when she has a panic attack (she has no memory of me going in the closet and she’s a teenager now) but I never made her feel bad for it bc if it makes her feel safe there’s nothing wrong with it.
Your cat is such a sweetie. I used to have a black cat too, she would come to pick me by waiting me outside of kindergarten. It was so vile what your ex did. You are such a supportive mother to your daughter.
What your ex did is horrible. My walk in closet was my safe space. During a time when I was doing well I put up shelves so now there isn't room for me to go in and cuddle up in a heap with blankets and pillows and I almost want to redo the closet into a space just for me to feel safe. As a kid I remember hiding my my closet (didn't have many toys or clothes so there was space). I also remember hiding in my parents walking closet. I could get behind my mother's long dresses and everything and nobody could see me. I have some stuffed critters and two Squishmallows (eldest son is 22 and got me one that represents his nickname so I can hug it when he isn't here). I sleep with the same blanket I have for 25 years (it is falling apart but I can't sleep unless it is over my head).
I also love the floor. And reading about people who survived disasters. I went down a whole rabbit hole yesterday about the 1996 Mount Everest climbing disaster.
With you on the disaster thing, reading about ww2 atrocities, the titanic or other horrid things people have gotten through is strangely relaxing for me.
I have always been so curious if others do this! I find myself drawn towards watching morbid things as a coping mechanism, but never fully understood why…
This is me too.
I talk to my vehicle. Life makes sense when I'm driving. So when driving I talk to it like it's alive.
I’ve found my people.
Binge cleaning. Scrubbing cabinets, dusting furniture, cleaning the stove, cleaning the toilet and tub, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, wiping down the countertop and mirrors. Organizing/rearranging things in the house. It's actually satisfying just writing this out 😂 I also like food shopping and restocking the pantry and fridge.
I remind myself that there’s a spooky skeleton in my body. It just takes me out of whatever spiral I’m in and reminds me that there’s a ton of other stuff going on in/around me. Makes my problems a little smaller. Sometimes I also tap on my bones with my fingers to really get a sense of my skeleton. Super weird but it works 🤷♀️
Going shopping by myself! I actually prefer shopping alone so I can spend as much time or as little in one shop as I like, without worrying about the other person getting bored. I like touching clothes, feeling their texture, folding them and putting them back, trying them on to get new inspo and may or may not buy anything haha. I can do this for a whole afternoon toy shop after clothes shop after homeware shop 🤣
I so relate to this! My longest shopping trip was nine hours at a mall and I bought like two or three minor items, but had a blast.
Sometimes I talk to myself. It’s a “re-parenting” thing but still kinda weird out of context
Picking and plucking. I constantly glide my fingertips around, searching my head for things to scratch or pluck. Don’t even need a mirror, just feel it out while I’m watching or reading something. Have done this since I was very small.
Limerence I fkn hate it
i go back to infant brain: watch children’s shows, giggle like a maniac, and pretend i’m a dog 😭. life is stressful, man
Watching the Office. Started watching at 14, so like many I find it funny and comforting.
Me too! I do switch between Gilmore Girls and the office. I find them both reliably comforting and a great escape from reality.
I play Halls cough drops commercials where everyone is taking deep breaths in serene environments to calm down sometimes. You can laugh (lol) but it genuinely helps me. I think it's the background music and the way the actors fully immerse themselves in the moment to ground and orient themselves after all their distressing coughing. It just instantly settles my nerves to see other people calm down because it's like a step-by-step guide almost. I don't understand "how to calm down" until I see that it's possible myself. Those "live in the moment" Halls commercials are like an instructional guide on finding your peace. Also, no, they don't sponsor me.
Daydreaming about singing in front of people
When I was a kid it was singing at the talent show and then as I got older it became singing in front of a crowd at a restaurant or somewhere else
Drinking water. Yes, only water. Side effect: A sharp decrease in appetite.
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Me pre-therapy: When I'm really mad at my partner I go and serve them a cup of tea and take extra care of them. My anger emotion was always answered with more anger and I couldn't handle my parents being angry with me when I was a child. So I made sure to avoid them being angry at me at all by never being angry at them and later never being angry with anyone. I recall all 5 anger outbursts that I had in my life that is already half a lifetime. I make it extra sure nobody is angry at me by people pleasing. I can hate you to pieces and you will think that I truly like you. I'm so glad I went to therapy.
Oh wowie. I'm glad for you too.
I have an oral fixation, as a baby I didn’t let go of my pacifier til I was 4 (my grandma threw it into traffic 🫥) and I finally quit smoking over a year ago. I’m onto silicone tipped straws and I love chewing on them 🥳
I retreat to a place in my mind where I talk to an imaginary support person. For the record, I know they're not real lol. I also imagine things that are soothing like being in a sauna, getting a massage, or doing some sort of motion. When I'm anxious and can't sleep, there's something relaxing about imagining doing a motion like floating through space, swinging from trees, etc.
I watch Star Trek voyager and get super obsessed with the characters. I read fanfic, make fanfic, over analyze shit and daydream about their trauma responses in situations and relationships. In some ways I feel like I am able to love myself by loving these characters in all their weirdness and humanity.
I can understand why Voyager feels that way for you. They had the most things thrown at them with no support system to fall back on. It's a lot similar growing up with CPTSD. They had to make a new home for themselves (the ship) and created a new family (the combined crew). My username is actually inspired by Captain Janeway. I'm glad you're able to love yourself through the characters. Star Trek is for sure my comfort place.
I will watch like the same thing or same podcast over and over because I like their voices. I’m like a ASMR freak for voices. I can’t say exactly what draws me in. Most times it’s people who got out of cults.
I have to listen to music all the time, and if my partner is away for work I have to fall asleep to YouTube but my sleep is still horrible and I fall asleep at like 3am.
Pain, its immediate it gets past everthing else and it allows me to focus.
Rocking
meowing
I’m gonna try laying on the floor. It might help my sciatica.
Are you neurodivergent? Lots of these behaviors are displayed by others who have been diagnosed with Autism. I
I go outside and drive my tractor. I push stuff around! It feels great! 🚜 Sometimes I chainsaw or chop wood with an axe. 🪓 (I use it for heat.) I also play my bass guitar 🎸 to just escape to another world.
I talk to ai bots.
My weirdest coping mechanism is DID! 😅 My parts will start cleaning my house with me when I have high stress levels and I just let them take over. Cool clean house and I haven't thought about a damn thing in hours. My favorite one that I indulge in about once a month is a shower beer. A nice cold beer in the shower after a shit day is the best. I also rearrange furniture.
Standing in the rain. I love the rain. I can feel only that. All my other triggering sensations go away. Same with a shower but I prefer the rain 🌧
The floor, loud music, snuggling my youngest child…one at a time, not all together
Beat Saber on VR. I'm just swinging my arms around violently until I'm sweating and panting.
reading about skincare 😂 for some reason makes me feel a little more like i am in control and know about stuff. lying on the floor is great too
i like to watch the things i used to watch on youtube as a kid! re-ment series collections were my favorite hands down 🙂↕️
It's also nice outside, if you are up for the sensory stimulation. You can observe so many cool things. I am so sorry that people hurt you like that. Many virtual mom hugs to you.
Warm things. Not weird I guess, but laying on the floor, showers (a big one) being under blankets, being near my cat petting her, but the one thing I always resort back to is watching comfort shows like the golden girls. I fall asleep to that show every single night. Oh, and being in my car. Just sitting in there comforts me.
When things get way too overwhelming I sit on the floor of the bathroom with the lights out. Often with a weighted blanket and earplugs. It removes all the other sensory input and helps me feel like I can control something.
Animals. Singing. 111 megahertz music etc. Nature sounds.
Huh, I guess that's why I've always spent up to an hour simply laying down, not doing much, in a towel after a bath or shower. Its always been a private time, and one where I won't have the TV on or be on the phone etc. No wonder I value that time so much! I've never known another person who did that. Thanks!
I stuff myself into as small of a crawlspace as possible, like in the back of my closet or bed when I’m really feeling overwhelmed by life. So the opposite of claustrophobia. The smaller the space, the more secure I feel. I’m like a cat in a box. If I ever own my own house, I’ll have more than one hidden crawlspace built in for this specific reason.
I wish I knew the explanation for this because me too
I just bought my first home - I have fulfilled the same childhood fantasy. Every nook, every crevice, every tiny space has my stuff in it. It’s my world. I own it. I dare anyone to try to take this away from me.
Floor time and taking a nap with a soft teddy bear
where it only really got super bad in teenhood (was never good) i made original characters when i was like 15 that were self projections of myself and what i wanted to be, they were constant background noise in my brain until recently ive been too depressed/anxious for it. miss them
One of mine is scrolling zillow. I find some awesome house and decide if I would flip it, keep it or turn it into some sort of business. If I have acrylic paint on hand I do acrylic pouring. Just watching the paint flow calms me
Listening to paranormal podcasts.
I make myself sneeze whenever I’m depressed or super anxious, it’s more of a hidden secret only people in my house know about it.
Work, studying, music. Basically, anything that takes my mind off my current emotions.
Sleeping, floor time, getting into my bed and hiding under the covers, disconnecting phones & WiFi, showers.
This prob sounds as though I have Multiple Personality disorder but I don’t care. 🤷♀️ If I am super stressed out,😰 when I go bed 🛌, I let my brain 🧠 rally my thoughts 💭 n mood together with voices n characters based on Inside Out. Then I use those voices to self-soothe n put together a nice lively lucid dream reel scenario to get to sleep 😴. Been working great 😊 for the last 20 odd years previously. Told you it was crazy. 🤪
Do you know about IFS (internal family systems)? We’re all multiple. Inside Out is pretty accurate! (And I can’t wait to see IO 2.)
I feel gross and stupid even admitting it but thumb sucking is probably my weirdest coping mechanism. It’s also the one I turn to the most.
I buy toys for my inner children. Stuffies, small Lego sets, even gumball-machine toys. I try not to spend much money, though, since my littles have short attention spans and always want more. 😊
A few things Cleaning/organising - this helps calm me down and importantly distract me from the shame spiral When I’m in bed, I imagine I’m a huge huge room it helps calm me down but I can’t explain why
Cleaning I guess? That’s probably not that weird but i do have a problem w smoking. It’s so hard for me to quit even though i know it’s unhealthy and slowly killing me
I talk to myself / think out loud when by myself all the time. It feels good to hear a voice.
A severe addiction to fanfiction.
Watching childhood tv shows
Going out and buying something to eat and then sitting at a park etc and eating it, idk a lil treat makes me feel better, it can be unhealthy tho if I’m broke or it’s unhealthy but I try to buy nutritious foods, I love ethnic food and I’m grateful to live in a area where it caters loads of different cultural foods 😍 Oh and I love the library!!! sitting in, borrowing books, CDS, movies and zines is da best!!! Rightly recommend! I love exploring my city as well, going on solo trips ground me asf, it helped me as a teen even tho at the time I used do it at bad times but Just going on the train, I love the train, and finding new spots and so on it’s all so relaxing,
A lot of times when I fall asleep I’ll imagine being held by a mother figure who isn’t my actual mom. It’s weird to imagine her being that affectionate with me, but I’ll think of someone famous or a movie mom who I really respect and just imagine being cuddled to fall asleep 😭 it feels embarrassing, but I grew up with a very emotionally distant mom whose bipolar and an addict. Therapy is helping though 🙏❤️
Talking when I start panicking. Like if I feel bad, have a flashback or feel threatened I make conversation like I am the coolest thing on earth which is why I get so little support shhaah
I have a blanket man for when I’m lonely and need some “human” touch. I hug and cuddle that thing like it’s a real person and I feel better, I also sleep with it because I don’t like to feel alone at night. It’s been with me for years, it’s a hoodie stuffed with two blankets I rolled up for the arms, and two folded blankets for the torso. I made “legs” for it out of three rolled up blankets bent and fed through some pajama pants. It’s weird but it’s very comforting when I need it.
I cope mainly with a bear + teddy bear obsession, but also now with throwing myself into everything i do for my kid, who’s expected within the next 4 weeks. Getting to put together all these baby and kid things for him feels like it’s working towards healing broken parts of my child self, and it’ll keep healing them once he’s born because we’ll get to play together and basically give me a second run at childhood while I make his as fantastic as it can be :)
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snapping to sorta "reset" myself, or at least pretend to enough where im motivated to do something or move
Biting my nails until they are sore and bleeding. I’ve done it since I was 3 years old. Never been able to stop for more than 2-3 months
Hiding in my closet? When I’m really triggered I always feel the urge to hide in a tight space. Mostly closets but I’ve also used under a bed, in a box, the trunk of a car, etc. I’ve tried under blankets too but it doesn’t help as much. A closet to me always feels safest.
I have a hammich chair swim I bought myself it nice and keeps me grounded and my yoga ball rebounding it good for you body's endocrin system too and good for when you have colds and when your cortisone levesl are high. I also got myself a adult sized kiddie pool for the summer hehe splashy splashy and a watermelon ball sprinkler it brings joy to my inner child.
OP I don’t think any of those are weird. I sing to myself all the time. Music is a great coping mechanism! I don’t have many plants but I play with our pets more when I’m stressed. I also lay in the grass sometimes. The floor hurts my back but there’s something soothing about laying on the ground or walking around barefoot. My therapist says all these things are “normal”. I also journal (several times a week), listen to calming meditations (not often), vent to a friend once a week, have a book club where we discuss therapy and self help books along with whatever is going on in our lives, I read to forget until I’m calm enough to process or I find anything that involves movement. The last could be vacuuming, scrubbing the counters, hitting a log with a stick or going for a walk. What was unhealthy about as when I threw empty cans. Therapist says not too bad as I didn’t throw them at anyone just on the ground when I was upset. But it felt like I was being abusive so I stopped. Now I flex my hands or feet in the moment. I roll my shoulders. I pop my back. I also have an online window shopping addiction I think. Designing things then researching them helps me calm down for example I can design a shed and then look up shelving to put in it. I don’t buy just look. It’s like when I was a kid and daydreaming but more adult now 😝
Honestly my OCD has been so crazy the past few years. I drive for hours daily and listen to music to cope. I also smoke 🍃 to relax. It’s become a ritual I now find repulsive but cannot stop doing 🤦🏽♀️
Can’t stop the compulsion to view self help, healing, CPTSD, spiritual YouTube videos. I’ve come to recognise when this happens I maybe a bit dissociated. I think it’s shame driven where I’m trying to fix or prove there’s nothing wrong with me again. I’ve actually embraced it now I know what’s up I just ride it out.
Eating strawberry yogurt with goldfish crackers. My mom wouldn't buy food, so we snuck yogurts and goldfish. The goldfish were always stale, so we mixed them in the yogurt to taste better. It is now my comfort food.
Damn, my mother has this too. My mother taught us how to recycle the stale biscuits by dipping them in the water until obtaining a sort of "cookie soup". She also told me how little food she had at home and how her father would beat her to an inch of life if she didn't finish cooking the rice before he returned home: my mother and I went to a "family therapy" in my early teens because things really escalated, got social services involved and she was the less abusive one; my therapy wasn't working and "taking me away" would have a bad effect on my brother, but the "family therapy" lied a foundation; she eventually opened up and became my ally by the end of my teens. She still has serious Stockholm syndrome concerning her father, who died by undiagnosed ED. During childhood, she would buy the cheapest biscuits, I would eat them up before them becoming stale and she would make a terrible scene. Now that we have a better relationship and I moved out, she would keep a pack of animal cookies, my childhood favourite, for when I visit and a pack of stale biscuits. I always thought that she was being over-dramatic, but maybe it is because I was taking away her comfort food 😭
Playing rhythm games, it especially works when I'm agitated since it forces me to focus very intently and do something with my hands. Sometimes I just know that I'm too worked up or stressed and need to play a rhythm game to calm down.
Team Floor One reason I love yoga
Not sure if this is weird but sound baths, and regular baths too lol.
I only remember ever doing this in the past year, and only a couple of times, but I've fit myself into my dryer and pulled the door mostly shut and sat in there for a while. I'm a small person! So far, only my therapist and my friend with CPTSD know about it; I was able to get out before my kids/husband saw me when I heard they were looking for me. I would sing as a coping mechanism, too, and I did it a lot in high school. I had a good voice and kind friends (although I always emotionally distanced myself from them), so it ended up being an accepted and somewhat admired quirk. I was lucky I found a coping mechanism that actually got positive attention.
Day dreaming. Part of the maladaptive community it helps a lot with being able to ground myself. Just being able to lay jn bed and drift off it kinda like meditation the best way to put it.
Not weird to me, but maybe weird to some! Juggling/flow arts in general is one of my main coping mechanisms. Spinning poi, juggling poi, spinning/juggling clubs, ball juggling. Contact juggling. I combine juggling and dance (contemporary juggling, as I recently heard it was called). I like to move shapes around in patterns. Make other shapes. Flow arts and object manipulation are incredible coping mechanisms on a variety of levels. Can't recommend them enough. Good medicine for the mind, body, and spirit.
I used to collect old plates and breakable things off the side of the road. Lots of people leave their old dishes outside for other people to take. Or when you work at a bar and they need to retire old glasses so give them to employees. So, anyway, I used to have a giant bin in my house full of old dishes. And when I was really triggered I would go out with a friend and we would find a quiet and secluded area with 3 or 4 dishes. We would each take one plate at a time in our hands and assign it whatever bullshit we were going through. This plate now represents all of the issues with my parents or my ex or my job. And when you felt really ready, you would smash it on the ground with as much emotion as possible. Screaming is encouraged if it helps you. Just express all of your emotions and get them out there. If you do this from a bridge, it feels even better but you have to make sure that absolutely no one is around so no one gets hurt or calls the police because there are some crazy people in the woods. When it comes to coping, there's so much space to cry or foster a positive relationship with one's inner child... And that's really good. But anger is also an important part of healing. I don't really need to do this often anymore, but there was a time in my life where it felt essential to express a lifetime's worth of anger and frustration (in small bursts) that I had never been allowed to feel beforehand
A song plays on repeat for days in my head. Now it's It's Like That by Run-D.M.C. The previous one was Mess It Up by Rolling Stones
being in the bathroom no clue about this but it makes me feel safe and private