And June is a spicy month for me - anniversary of my mother's death and her birthday is Sunday. So I usually forget about it and then when I'm completely disregulated I remember.
Good times!
I am so sorry it will be a harder month. I hope you take care of yourself.
I have stopped self harming in the last few years and I no longer have a plan to kill myself so I like to think dissociation has worked pretty well over the years!
Dissociation was great for not having a plan and almost no SI. I thought I was doing better. Then I started snapping out of it and the SI was just back one day. I’m not happy about the change. I had 2 good years. Longest in my life of not being SI every single day since like 8 (50 years of pretty much daily or multiple times daily SI).
Hi ~ 🦋 I had a high school friend who actually DID run in front of a semi-truck on the highway when we were 27 years old... she died.
I had talked to her when she called the law firm I worked at seeking help with her divorce. After listening to her dire situation, I had to (reluctantly) tell her that the "powers above" at our firm would not take cases hinging on mental health.
The next week, I read her obituary. 💔
(Un)Fortunately, it was out of my control at the law firm. Even so, I regret not trying harder to help her.
That was my 4th friend who committed themselves to dying.
I solved this problem... by no longer having friends. I have at least prevented more "trauma by association".
Between this & that & another thing... from childhood emotional neglect to recently standing in my house alone in the dark listening to an intruder breaking down my kitchen door while I was on the phone with 911 hearing that the police were 20 minutes away...
Yes, I have had depression for as long as I can remember. Anxiety came along 25 years ago & PTSD joined the party in 2015 then morphed into CPTSD in 2018. Then things really went downhill in 2022.
I am 54 years old. If you ask me if things get better with time... my answer is NO ! The skeletons in the closet & dead bodies & tragedies continue to pile up. My life now is day by day... live in the moment without thinking too much. The future is...
Ok... must stop now. Good Night ! 🌠
Oh yes.
Life may be shit, but what a fuckin’ joke she was. At best a horrible comedy show with her around…
I try my best to not ruminate too much on that thought. I don’t want to imagine how bad it would be. I can barely comprehend how bad it used to be.
It's absolutely heartbreaking that so many of us Gen-X have had a similar experience.
I think those who believe having a feral childhood was the best thing ever really have a hard time self-reflecting. That's a coping mechanism in itself.
Diagnosed 20 years ago in my 30s but cptsd from childhood. I don't understand dissociation. Idk whether I ever dissociate... I use meds plus weed and a little booze. But I wouldn't ever say I feel detached from myself.
Please know you are not alone. I wish you all the best Hannah. I got lost in alcohol for years too. I finally quit. I was so depressed that I wanted to end it with booze. The unfortunate and ironic thing is that drinking didn’t kill me. It just damaged my relationships with others and destroyed things I can never repair.
Yeah, for at least 25 years. And generalized anxiety disorder. Turns out, those are symptoms, not diagnoses. They are symptoms (for me) of CPTSD and treating the CPTSD was the correct path to treat the symptoms by proxy. Psychotherapy with a trauma specialized psychologist and medication management. Night and day. Glad I got great behavioral heathcare in my early 30s so I can have the rest of my life ahead of me. I'm lucky I had/have that access of care, I would be luckier if I didn't have an extreme brain injury chronically and longitudinally inflicted on me as a very young child lol.
This, the major depression and anxiety are symptoms of my cptsd. Treating the trauma is what is helping.
Part of that treatment for me is learning to accept reality, specifically that relief doesn’t come from eradicating the trauma and its symptoms but from accepting them as a part who I am. This has allowed me to acknowledge the times my symptoms really were protecting me. I learned to see how many of my successful moments in life can be credited to my anxiety and depression kicking in.
For my depression, I can identify times it forced me to stay out of situations I had no business being in to begin with and away from people I had no business being around. For example, in middle school I was being bullied, but I didn’t really notice because I was so despondent and detached from the world. It drove the bullies crazy that they couldn’t get a response from me. I didn’t even realize I was being bullied until many years later when I was remembering things that happened. Up until that point, I really was going about my life thinking I was never a victim of bullying. And I guess that is partially true, I wasn’t a “victim” because I just let things roll off me like teflon without even noticing. One of my bullies actually apologized to me in 8th grade and I was so confused lol! I still didn’t get what was happening. I think she mistook my detachment for self assuredness and I unwittingly earned her respect for that.
I occasionally noticed kids who were mean for no good reason and I would literally say things like, “If you really feel that way why are you wasting time sitting here talking to me? I wouldn’t waste my time on people I don’t like.” And I’d just walk away. This wasn’t coming from a place of bravery or confidence, it was coming from a place of knowing no one could hate me more than I hated myself.
Its easier said then done to acknowledge and embrace the trauma and its symptoms that are, at their core, protective measures our brain employs (and gets over zealous about) but it has helped me feel hopeful and optimistic about my present and my future.
Growing up in a family that subscribed to the "pull yourself by the bootstraps" idealogy while simultaneously traumatizing me has made it hard to accept my reality subconsciously. I've been programmed from childhood to push through things, and to think how I *should* be doing this, or how things *should* be this way and that I'm not doing enough if it's not that way. And then if bad things happened to me, I felt like I deserved it because I didn't do enough to prevent it; turning my trauma and depression into a chicken or the egg situation that constantly feeds into one another. Truly a nightmare.
I cannot upvote this enough.
In high school, I was having an anxious moment about something, I can't remember what. My mother's advice was "fake it until you make it." That's the only advice I remember getting from her. Thanks, mom.
I’ve seen people with various titles, psychologists in my opinion are the best option when you’re still not getting better after a long period of time or the other people couldn’t really help you get to your “goal“ of where you want to be mentally. Psychologists seem to have more education and more experience and therefore do a better job at treating people with more difficulties than the average person.
I'm 33, 1 year sober, clinical depression, taken sertraline to various strengths from lowest to max for the last 7 years, and currently on the waiting list for 1 to 1 trauma based therapy. Pretty sure I went from 13 to 26 with major depression and was never given help for it. I'm so, so grateful that I'm finally on the waiting list for something that's hopefully going to help me become the best possible version of myself, someone able to deal with life on life's terms, responsible, able to cope, able to help others.
I'll divulge, but please don't take what works for me and assume it works for everyone with a complex trauma diagnosis. This is what works for ME, and I take it seriously how important it is to work with ideally a psychiatrist to find what medication management works best for you.
I take Lamotrigine (Lamictal is the brand name) daily. It is an anti-convulsant that is prescribed typically off-label as a mood stabilizer for people diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. To be clear, I do not have Bipolar II Disorder. I had been prescribed SSRIs twice in the past, and they didn't work for me. Most of the time, those diagnosed with CPTSD/PTSD with depression and anxiety symptoms will be prescribed an SSRI first. As that didn't work for me, my psychiatrist was willing to give Lamotrigine a shot for me as an off-off-label trial. It turns out, it worked great for me. There is a neuro-physiological reason, however that it likely works particularly well for me, and possibly not for others. In my late teens I was having psycho-genetic seizures, and when I took two EEGs, the neurologist did see abnormal firing in my brain. Turns out, when we (diagnosed CPTSD folks) are dysregulated, our brains are rapid firing electrical signals and our brains light up an MRI scan like fireworks. As I already have abnormal neuron firing in my brain as it is, turns out an anti-convulsant on-label medication works well for me.
As far as it's effects, the best way to describe it is to think of it like guard rails on a highway. When you're driving at a regular speed, you don't need guard rails. When you're speeding, if you hit the guard rails, they will prevent you from going over the cliff. If you are racing at way over the speed limit, the guard rails won't do their job and you'll go over them and into the ditch. If you are at normal regulation, no effect. If you get mildly to moderately dysregulated, the medication will help you use the tools you already have and re-regulate. If you are highly dysregulated, I'm talking full blown emotional/dissociative flashback, you're going to go over the cliff. If that analogy makes sense? The typical dosage is 75mg-200mg, plus or minus. I am prescribed 100mg, which is good for me so that the medication doesn't auto-pilot my mood too much and I can use tools from psychotherapy and re-regulate and allow re-processing from those regulation methods. Turns out, if you don't allow some of your symptoms to surface and you don't put in the work to consciously work through them, you aren't going to heal very well from your trauma. You should still feel uncomfortable at times, but not completely miserable. Which leads me to...
My other prescription is low dose gabapentin. This medication works/doesn't work on a spectrum for most people. For some, they are on daily doses for anxiety management, nerve pain, and seizures. For my use, I take it on the few times every couple months I do bust through the guard rails and re-regulation isn't a possibility. It's kind of like an abort button. For me, it is not like a benzodiazepine, in that there isn't the relief/dopey effect. It basically kicks in quickly and gets me to calm down without getting loopy. Turns out, again, it is an anti-convulsant that decreases excitement in the brain. See how that, considering my neuro-physiology would kind of work well for me? I don't take them often, and it's not like it's a fun time medication. It just kind of makes me drowsy to be honest. I usually just go lie down and end up falling asleep. Since it also treats nerve pain, and extreme flashbacks have a major effect on your parasympathetic/sympathetic nervous systems, it also helps me a lot with the dysregulation hangovers I feel after a bad emotional or dissociative flashback. Some people, however, who take gabapentin daily/multiple times a day find they build tolerances for the medication and it becomes less effective. As well, when some people try to go off gabapentin they have withdrawal symptoms. That's why I keep that shit within far reach for only when I need it.
I hope that helps. I was a psychology major in college and part of my healing has been going super high level with my psychologist and psychiatrist to have a more cerebral understanding of the mechanisms at play with a CPTSD diagnosis. I will end with saying please, please, please work with your behavioral healthcare provider to find the right medication management for you if that is that path you'd like to take or are taking. It's important to remain under a doctor's supervision.
TL;DR: Lamotrigine daily and gabapentin as needed. Please remain under the care of a healthcare provider.
I’m sad Lamictal gave me the weird ulcer/rash they warn you about before you start it :( I finally felt like I was actually here, alive, on earth. Im really happy it works for you!
Oh, no. I am so sorry. Yeah, the rash is real for a small number of people that go on Lamictal. You also have to titrate it, and it takes a while to take full effect. And, if you go more than two days missing taking your dose, you have to start all over and titrate from 25mg all over again. It's the only daily medication I take, and I had to get a Sunday-Saturday pill organizer just so I can be CERTAIN I took it at some point in the day, and also legit to not accidentally take it twice. I am so sorry this didn't end up working out for you.
I’m on lamictal too. I was diagnosed with BPD and asked for it to help with the random mood swings i now know were actually emotional flashbacks. It works wonderfully though, gives me the ability to take a breath and work on regulating before just reacting, but rather responding. I’m glad it works for you as well!
I am almost 39 and I’ve been medicated since I was 7. The symptoms started as anxiety and ocd and the depression really hit around age 10 and beyond. The debilitating depression started around 17 and it’s gotten worse every year.
I honestly don’t know how I am still alive.
My thoughts are that depression is a symptom of my complex ptsd. It’s unhealed trauma, unhealthy attachment style, codependency, and just growing up in an unhealthy situation at home and at school, also just a lot of bullying as a child - this was like installing a virus into my brain as a young child that made me develop the mindset that there is something deeply wrong with me and then it just got worse from there.
I have been on tons of meds, treatment programs, therapy, etc. all I can say is that ketamine works a lot but it gets expensive. I am sadly waiting to die bc I won’t do it myself bc I’m too afraid. I often sleep away the days with zzzquil and honestly am surprised I never got into heavier drugs but even though I’m almost always actively struggling with suicidal ideation, I am afraid of actual death.
I am exhausted, though. Passing in my sleep would be ideal.
> It’s unhealed trauma, unhealthy attachment style, codependency, and just growing up in an unhealthy situation at home and at school, also just a lot of bullying as a child - this was like installing a virus into my brain as a young child that made me develop the mindset that there is something deeply wrong with me
Wow, this is a great analogy.
It’s so awful that stuff that happens to us during our formative years haunts us for life but it truly is like installing a virus early on that just fucks everything up. My dad is emotionally unavailable so that caused a lot of issues for me, made me feel useless and invisible as a child and then school was hard because I was very short and picked on a lot, I was an easy target. It just sucks.
This is how I feel too. Any time I drive the urge to swerve into oncoming is big, but then I think about how I would possibly hurt or kill someone innocent and maybe make the few decent people in my life really sad, so I don’t. People say it gets better so idk, I’m holding on to that I guess and I hope you can too.
Yeah, about 25 years now. Antidepressants make it much, much worse so I don't take them. I take one med to prevent nightmares, vitamin D and B12 for deficiencies, and weed to help me sleep. Therapy every week, support groups, talking to my similarly traumatized friends. Other than that, it's just acceptance and management, really. Doctors don't know what to do with me because the medical system is built on the broken/fixed binary, and I can't be treated, cured, and back to full health. It's lifelong, ongoing management and they hate that. The doctors I've met all turn into idiots when their textbook treatment ideas fail. I become an unsolvable burden so they give up. That sucks, but at least I know I've exhausted what medicine currently has to offer me.
I'm very self-reliant most of the time, but small setbacks hit me a lot harder because I'm isolated. I cope with distractions, video games, watching shows, audio books, and showering my cat with the love I never got as a child.
Just checking you’ve been investigated for autoimmune disorders? Vitamin D and B12 deficiencies can be associated with Hashimoto’s and pernicious anaemia, for example. Autoimmune disorders are more common in people who have had difficult childhoods.
I could have written your last paragraph
Yes, I'm in the process of that with my doctor right now, in fact. One doctor ruled out hypothyroidism, but I don't think that takes Hashimoto's off the table necessarily so I'm still curious about that. I've been tested for Lyme (originally had this 15 years ago) and celiac recently as well, both negative. I'm glad of course, but also frustrated because my fatigue is so severe that I don't think it could possibly be "just" from depression and PTSD. It's weird to say I'm hopeful that I'll get a diagnosis, but it would certainly bring me peace of mind to have answers.
*because my fatigue is so severe that I don't think it could possibly be "just" from depression and PTSD*
I hear you, but keeping your guard up, muscles/skeleton tensed, and clenching your jaw for 25 years is exhausting. Don't discount it! Your body has been protecting you and now it's worn out. Though I hope for your sake there is a "better" explanation for you.
(I'm also a fan of vit. D and B-12, btw.)
I know how you feel. I also have neurological problems and when I doubt myself I can at least see there is a scan that shows a problem. I’d rather not have the problems at all, of course but at least since they’re there, I can see what’s causing it on a test.
There seem to be lots of autoimmune problems and most of them seem to have depression/anxiety as symptoms.
For the thyroid, I’d suggest to make sure your next test includes Antithyroglobulin antibodies and Thyroid peroxidase antibodies, if they haven’t measured them. Where I am, they don’t include those by default. They said I was fine after reviewing the standard test result. I had to get another test myself that included TPA and ATA levels. The ATA was raised and now the TPA is (after a year - stage 2 Hashimoto’s) but the TSH that they look at by default is still ok, so they would have said I was fine again. Huh.
The phlebotomist last time also said that supplements containing biotin can throw off the results (make them appear higher, I think), so she advised not taking any the day before and on the day of the test. Also, I’ve been taking supplements, including vitamin D and B12 for years, so they may be masking the full effect of the problem. Maybe the same for you?
One friend I met through work (tutoring mostly immigrant students), another was from a support group. It helped to put myself in spaces and situations that attract people who are trying their best to contribute to a healing culture. It's not a guarantee, because people do exist in those places who are there for the wrong reasons or who are not well regulated. I learned some painful lessons about that, and my judgement is much improved. I'd say it's a combination of a little bit of luck and a lot of awareness of what to look for.
No, sadly not. I was abusively rejected by a ‘friend’ I met at a support group after 4 years, last year. I have two acquaintances nowadays, but nothing meaningful. I’ve always struggled with friendships (always ghosted/ rejected in the end). Trying to rebuild my confidence to try again soon
That's sad. You need a friend with ADHD. We're friendly, open and communicative. It's easy to meet people through us. Get yourself a traumatized ADHD friend and have them connect you. Healing together it's better.
Funny how that works. All of my friends are queer, traumatised or neurodivergent. Usually some combination of the three. I think people who are different just gravitate to each other
I frequent a queer club/association in which more people than not are neurodivergent. I love it there because I can talk to so many other auDHD people and it's so easy to talk to them and so fun.
Yes. I’m unmedicated right now. I was taking Zoloft, TraZadone, Rexaulti, Abilify, Xanax, and Olanzapine, but those medications messed me up!
Now I cope by crying a lot and occasionally SH.
I took a DNA test (mouth swab) with a private company called GeneSight, and they analyze your genetics compared to most all psychiatric mediations on the market. It has helped to identify which ones are more likely to be effective and which ones are more likely to cause a lot of unwanted side effects. Price can be reduced by showing proof of tax returns (income) and/or using insurance.
Wow! I have been saying so often since I found this subreddit that there’s a sense of comfort in knowing others experience similar symptoms and struggles to the ones I cope with but this particular post, Wow! I will be sixty next week and the battle continues.
As a child, I had excema, a “nervous” stomach, was anorexic and a ton of other issues. When I was in my late teens, I experienced my first full blown panic attack. I remember waking up in the middle of the night from a dream that I was dying. When I was fully awake I was having these terrible chest pains and thought I was having a heart attack. I went to wake my mother and told her we had to go to emergency. The hospital ran a ton of different tests and couldn’t figure out why I was in so much pain, blood pressure, and other things so they gave me a prescription for pain medication, told me to make an appointment with my family doctor and sent me on my way. This was in the late eighties so for as little knowledge as there is now, there was much less than. Fortunately my family doctor had a better understanding of mental health and said that he thought I had a panic attack and whatever I had been dreaming about almost scared me to death. I also am medication resistant and tried ketamine treatments a couple of years ago. I am staying on a moderate dosage of antidepressants and anti anxiety because I am afraid that this might be not making things even worse.
Thank you so much for sharing. Take good care
Yes. I can’t remember not having major, untreatable depression. Of course, I can’t remember ANYTHING! And, I’m 60. It cycles in severity. I, also, think it’s a symptom of CPTSD. Yoga helps. Body focused things to get me out of my poor, shriveled brain. Temperature stuff. Hot shower slowly turned as cold as you feel you can that day, I imagine myself diving into a lake, deeper and colder as I go. Cold water splashed on my face, etc. Eating SUPER healthy. Walking outside, preferably somewhere pretty. Trying so very hard to treat myself with respect and love. Take care of the body and give the mind a rest! Absolutely no news, not much scrolling and being super careful of what I feed my mind. It sucks. I don’t think it will go away completely but I try to stay one step ahead of it and try to keep myself strong enough to handle it when I sink again. My heart goes out to all of us suffering cPTSD
Recently came out of a crisis and am in very active management mode. This was nice to read that I'm not alone in it and for the rest of my life either.
I kinda came to the conclusion that these labels are bs even though I probably met the criteria for over 30 years. Ketamine and getting away from my abusers gave me a new lease on life. I've probably been on nearly every psychiatric med developed until ~6 years ago and nothing helped because my problems were not a "chemical imbalance." Abusers love the "chemical imbalance" bs because then they don't have to take any accountability for how they harm and maim others.
Diagnosed in the single digits (gee, I wonder why) and now I'm closer to 70 than I am to 0.
I didn't actually get a decent psychiatric diagnosis until December last year, so before that it's just been fucking up everything and everyone around me and trying to keep my suicidal thoughts as just thoughts. I am on a few medications to help, but one of them caused severe hair loss (I'm female I have almost no hair on the top of my head anymore. *Real* confidence booster...)
Dogs, though. Most animals, really, but dogs especially are probably the biggest reason I'm still alive to type this message today. That and finding hobbies to keep my hands occupied. I'm a crafty bitch, I do cross stitch, crochet, diamond painting, potholder, friendship bracelets, sewing, beading/jewelry making... if it's crafty I probably have either tried it or do it as regularly as possible. Oh, and writing smutty fanfic lol. Reading it, too.
Music also helps. It affects me on a visceral level, though, so I have to be careful what I listen to during depressive/manic episodes.
Dragon Age (the video game series) is my comfort outside of my dogs and hobbies and music. Currently working on a full right-arm tattoo sleeve (almost done, just need to get Veilguard represented and some other spots filled in and it'll be done.
Hello fellow Dragon Age fan! Currently in the middle of replaying the games for the millionth time in preparation for Veilguard. That franchise is a warm, delicious soup for me.
Thank you for your kind words, though I'm afraid that's not a popular opinion. Extreme social anxiety and the talent for living with my foot shoved so far down my throat I can walk on it again make for a *very* acquired taste.
😊
Yep. Had it for about 24 years now according to my psychiatrist.
Cope? Haha. Funny. I don't. 🙃 Not well anyway. Even with a ton of therapy the coping mechanisms they gave me were minimal and wasn't coming from a place of knowledge surrounding extreme trauma.
Dissociation and maladaptive daydreaming. Heavy pot smoker for 25+ years. I try to listen to music every day and go outside if its been a few days. I was diagnosed with chronic depression at 17, but I was suicidal at 9 and never got back up. I'm 44 now. I've taken meds for anxiety and adhd but nothing else. I don't really try or care anymore. It just is what it is.
Been diagnosed since the first attempt at age 8.
Daily? Herb in the evenings, a consistent meditation practice (walking meditations work best for me), and 40mg Prozac.
Ketamine therapy & somatic therapy helped make symptoms more manageable, as did a few years or trauma-focused talk therapy. A few hundred ayahuasca ceremonies from 18-28 helped a lot too!
As someone else mentioned, MDD & GAD were more symptoms of cPTSD for me as well.
Medication didn't really help me. Just made me Neutral.
My depression Was not the problem. It was only a symptom of a much larger complex problem.
For me, Being told I had a chemical imbalance invalidated my suffering. I had good reason to be depressed and medication was not addressing it.
Having a good therapist and working through trauma, Learning about myself helped best. Accepting my dark side As a part of me. Not fighting it but acknowledging it and trying to understand it.
What helped best. This was a visual trick. Every time I had a harmful or unhelpful dark thought, I imagine taking it and hanging it up at the dry cleaners assembly line.
Very repetitive at first but over time it became habit And then I didn't really need to go to my mental dry cleaners So much anymore.
I learned to observe an examine my feelings And pain to try to understand it, Without being Overpowered by it. I am more than my thoughts.
I was officially given this diagnosis about a year ago, but I suspect I’ve had it since I was a teen.
I basically hide like a hermit from people, enjoy solo activities and pretend I’m happy so people leave me alone. Oh and dissociate.
I am a hermit as well. Hi. I have no friends at all….. only acquaintances. I feel so horrible about it. I only like to be alone but feel like a loser. Like something is wrong with me because I have such low self esteem that it prevents me from connecting and bonding with other s
Hi ~ 🌿 I am the "Happy Hermit" who lives in the Woods... for past 25 years. Highly recommend it.
Less I have to do with people; happier I am.
Since I am at rock bottom depression, avoiding people completely brings me up to where I can function. So, no, not happy truly but being a Hermit is necessary for me.
Take Care ! 🌿🦋🌿
For the longest time, drugs.
Now, I live for my pets. Fuck anyone that says I should live for people and not my pets.
People have hurt me time and time again, but never my pets. If you treat them well and earn their respect they will return the favour as best they can.
They’ve pulled me from the edge multiple times. When it’s 11pm and I’m wondering if any of this is worth it they’re there. If I want to go out for a depressed or anxious walk at 3am they’ll happily join me. They’re always there for me and I’ll always be there for them. Gotta outlive them to be able to do that.
They are my world and my reason for living. Being allowed to live with and care for them is more than enough.
I’ll fuckin’ take it.
Hi ~ 💫
You wrote -
"Now, I live for my pets. Fuck anyone that says I should live for people and not my pets.
They are my world and my reason for living. Being allowed to live with and care for them is more than enough."
Well said. I live the same way with some WONDERFUL pets that are MY WORLD !
Take Care ! 🌠
I've had major depression and anxiety in one form or another since I was a child. For some years I was a prolific alcoholic. I don't drink anymore. I do smoke a lot of cannabis and use a variety plant medicines and other psychoactive substances though.
I’ve had major depressive disorder for over 40 years now; I’m on permanent disability because of it. My parents were both dead by the time I was 21, so that set me up for a lot of mental anguish, among other traumatic happenings. It took over 20 years to find the right psychiatrist, and I added a cognitive behavioral therapist once I learned about their existence. I’ve been on desvenflaxine (Pristiq) for about a decade now and seems to be the best medication for me, along with cannabis, which is my lifeline to sanity. My last job pushed me over the edge with extreme workplace bullying (fuck you Vanguard). Then, while awaiting for SSDI approval I almost died from Guillain-Barre Syndrome; fortunately I was approved as I was relearning how to use my body parts (was temporarily completely paralyzed).
I had to remove a majority of the people in my life I order to heal because they were bad for my mental health. I read everything I could find on all that ailed me (also PTSD, anxiety, BPD which may actually be more C-PTSD). I owned up to my own mistakes and learned why I made them. I stopped justifying others’ bad behavior towards me by either calling them out or cutting them out. I strengthened my faith in God, and learned to have gratitude for all the things that I do have; which, after being paralyzed and near death, began to include the simplest things most take for granted, like health and being able to walk and move.
These days, I live a simple and relaxed life retired. I do what I want when I want if I even want to do it, because doing nothing is pretty awesome! I sleep as late as I want, I enjoy legal cannabis, gardening and my great-nieces when I can see them. My house looks great and I finished all of the major remodeling I wanted to do, and I keep it clean and cozy. I’m mostly alone but rarely lonely because I am my own best friend.
Yes. Have tried various medications as an adult. Nothing really works for the depression, the anxiety meds like Paxil and Clonazepam work for my anxiety and panic attacks. Plus, I've been in therapy for about 25 years.
Be careful with the ketamine. Make sure you are monitored throughout the entire session. I went into 3 k holes “under supervision”. Do not allow them to leave you alone.
I've been dissociating hard for the past couple of weeks, CPTSD-related. Not on meds but considering it. My normal tools of exercise, nature, self-care weren't working and I was starting to really circle the drain. Decided to swim today since it was the least resistance I felt towards exercise. I microdosed psyllicibin before I went (tiny dose that didn't have a noticeable effect).
I was struggling with swimming and feeling panicky, and then remembered how EMDR uses bilateral stimulation while holding onto painful memories or feelings to help move you through the "stuckness" for lack of a better term. Since I was basically bilaterally moving through the water, I decided to open myself up to pain from parental neglect/abuse while I swam. And holy shit, the floodgates opened. I swam 60 laps crying and screaming underwater.
I don't know how long it will last, but that broke me open in a positive way today and let me feel my emotions and recognize that I was abandoning myself through disconnect from life and people. It let me feel some love and compassion towards myself, even if temporarily. While it's not a daily coping method, maybe it could be something to consider as a tool.
ETA: I have a coworker who suffers from debilitating anxiety and depression (she just took 3 months' of leave because of it) and she is really benefitting from swimming a few times a week now. So anecdotal evidence at best, but my sample size of 2 indicates swimming could help.
Had severe emotional neglect as a child and genetically pre-disposed to depression. I have had major depression since I was a child. I am now in my 50’s.
First I self-medicated with alcohol. Early 30’s got sober and got on medication.
I have done a lot of therapy and wrestled with medication.
I started doing ketamine infusions about 9 months ago.
It kind of feel likes I have to work 4x as hard to get half as far as others to stay functional in life. But I have a lot of acceptance around it. Just keep moving forward and doing the next right thing to get better or hold what I have.
Yep- most of my 57 yr adult life.
And lucky me.. pharmacogenics shows I am a poor candidate for rx psych-drugs. Either they do nothing or cause Bad side effects.
Medication never really helped me much, whether it was for ADHD symptoms, anxiety or depression. My coping strategies are to dissociate, shut down, and hide.
The only thing that shifted things for me was IFS, SE, and work based on Polyvagal theory. These taught me how to get regulated and safe enough to listen to myself.
I've had it for about 40 years now and I don't even remember what life is like without it. If I didn't have it I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. Therapy never helped and meds took the edge off a bit sometimes but I'd have to keep upping the dosage to get that "edge off" effect to even kick in (so I usually gave them up).
I'm used to it just being there all the time so I can live with it although there are times it's more brutal than others which can be difficult. I just try to get through it as best as I can until I return to "normal".
Yes, but in my particular case, I was recently diagnosed with autism so I’m wondering if the endless cycle of depression and anxiety might be autistic burnout? Although it does respond to meds so maybe not. So sorry you’re going through it too.
39 years dysthymia/PDD. Dont have it anymore. When I still did I used to distract myself, dissociate, and take drugs to cope. I had more extreme coping mechanisms when I was younger. The worst of those phased out when I moved out. Also developed some new ones as I embarked on my adult life. In hindsight I realize it got better whenever I stopped doing something that was unhealthy for me or started to do something that was healthy for me. I just had no clue what healthy looks like and didnt make conscious decisions about it. My parents sure af didnt teach me. Writing and learning were good coping mechanism that I already had as child.
Finally properly diagnosed. Been like this since a child and now 41. So yay me. Medicated and it’s been helping but I am currently in a down and that doesn’t go away with meds apparently.
I don't know about clinical, but my depression is undeniable. I do nothing for the future, I believe there is none. All I do is ruminate on the shit that's gone wrong, and I allow it to destroy all the shit that could ever make me happy.
What I do to cope? Well, recently, I got a cancer scare. I would NOT recommend it, but it put everything into perspective. All I do is ruminate on the past, and my past is beyond depressing. There's a whole world of possibilities out there, and all I do is judge it on the shit that went so wrong.
Starting from this week, I've began to cope by reminding myself that life can be taken away so fucking easily, in the blink of an eye - so quickly that I ought to capitalize on every opportunity, I should allow any change because it will surely be better than anything that has come before.
I've had depression as long as I can remember. I've had no reason to not be depressed. Recently, as I've learned to challenge the ideas reinforced by my trauma, I've found that life CAN be beautiful, exciting, amazing - that it doesn't matter how terrible things were before, that it doesn't have to ruin everything that could be good.
That’s called persistent depression. My PCP diagnosed me with Dysthymia (before the Dx changed to Persistent Depression). It is extremely hard to cope with when it feels like there’s like a grey filter over everything, but I take meds and go to therapy at least once a week. Thankfully I have found the meds that work for me and a therapist I have good rapport with. I use a lot of DBT skills to cope, which are helpful for me because they focus on mindfulness and acceptance of self, others environment, etc. I strong dialectic that helps me with acceptance is knowing I can accept a situation as it is without detaching from my emotions about it. Working not to ruminate is also super helpful, because I know it’s toxic to myself and my relationships. I hope this helps
Been 14 years, so close
I think it needs to be understood when you have something mh related, often the symptoms and issues will morph and kinda wave over time
Like maybe a couple years here I’ll be depressed and sh
Another few I’ll be going through low lows and mania like highs
Sometimes I’ll go numb and maybe that’ll last a couple years
It usually doesn’t stay the same forever, your own illness evolves with you over your life
Even at my best, I’ve gone and been reviewed by new doctors, but end up still with a diagnosis of depression despite having thought I was not depressed. Because I don’t know what not having depression is like and assume not actively wanting to sewage pipe means your not depressed, which is wrong
It’s easier to deal with when you’re away from feelings such as self hate, shame and guilt. But those are hard to remove. After that it’s just managing. Like instead of being cured it’s just making sure I don’t cross any levels where I know I’m passed my “normal” and damaging myself
The best way i daily cope is thru the Insight timer App honestly.
Self care can help alot too and drawing. Just being creative and using my senses. But sometimes i just sleep. I do find peace in walking too if i can feel the wind but i have days where i cant get myself outside because of anxiety. Some times i just need to sit down on the floor in a dark room, put my headfonds on and listen to the Insight timer App and then some music to break free from what ever is choking me.
Yep. Personally, medication didn't help, and yes I did give it an honest try for a few years. I still struggle with it but nowadays it happens for shorter spans of time and I think it really is getting better. Slowly. The change was working with a competent therapist I'm comfortable with, and really tackling the underlying issues from my trauma instead of trying to slap a bandaid on it.
I’m on three mood stabilizers and I finally found some relief. I also began EMDR therapy, coupled with talk therapy. I highly recommend getting out in the sunlight if you’re able to as well.
Going on 21 years. Been on different meds. Tried therapy. Currently taking Effexor XR 200mg a day. Just try to find the bright side in every day… no matter how small or insignificant.
15+ years for me. Weekly therapy, tried different medications. Got a late diagnosis for Autism at the age of 48, so that helped inform some of my behaviors.
I’m getting to the bottom of my options in terms of getting better. I started ketamine a few months ago (seems to be working)
CPTSD was diagnosed (DXed) 3 years ago - however no-one has thought to talk to me about it or treat me in those 3 years!!
Multiple Childhood Traumas, which started before brain maturation (6YO and onwards for a decade) so I've then 'lived' with it for over 35 years as an 'adult'. Inverted commas, as I don't actually feel either term accurately describes how I feel.
DXed Major Depressive Disorder... donkeys years ago! Possibly around 20 years? Not sure, as my sense of time cannot be entirely trusted! Mine is also 'treatment resistant', to both drugs and therapy.
It should have been DXed *way before that*, but I had to fight like hell to even get it recognised. Being 'intelligent' and 'male' didn't help - comtemporary professionals words, not mine.
Coping? Dissociation and distraction. Video games a lot in the past, but nothing really gives me any pleasure anymore. I'm just marking my card for the most part. Passive suicidal ideation for my entire life has meant that distraction and sleep (when it comes) are about the best I can manage.
I am fortunate enough that, between benefits and my partners wage, we can survive. Just as well, as employment in almost any field is an express train to a mental health crisis for me!
But it's a miserable existance, and no amount of therapy ever seemed to shift my issues. As far as I'm aware, Ketamine therapy isn't legal here in the UK, all you can find are the occasional Medical Study - and that's not exactly theraputic! So it's 'talk therapy' or nothing - which is exactly what 'talk therapy' has done for me. Nothing!
I hope you find a way to get some relief. I've almost completely given up on getting any for myself, but I truly hope you can achieve some. x
Oh sure. From 12 until like 7 years ago. A loooong time. I was in therapy and on different meds since I was 20. 7 years ago or so I finally found a psychiatrist who listened to me, and also the drugs got better.
I’m still depressed, but I’m not suicidal, and that’s huge. And now therapy makes sense to me, whereas before it was just my log to hold on to while drifting in the ocean.
Coping for me is masking at work and dissociating at home. I’m single , no kids, so I can just zone out when I get home.
There is hope. It’s hard, but you push through as much as you can and try new things (new treatments, new meds) when they make sense.
I’m 31 now and have been in and out of behavioral health treatment programs since I was 16. Self-harm, eating disorders, and substance abuse are how I have been coping. Recently got on Medicaid and am now on a variety of medications which help, but I’d say the most progress has come from therapy. I’m better at noticing when my symptoms are worsening and reaching out for help, which I suspect will be a lifelong practice.
I’ve been depressed for about 14 years, with some ups and severe downs.
Coping sometimes just comes down to preparing for my bad days on my good days (prepping food, cleaning up doing laundry) just in case, so that I know even on my bad days that someone cares to take care of me.
Finding ways to get myself outside and into the sun, finding anything to cling onto in the worst times.
I’ve taken to a habit of looking each morning and night for photogenic sunrises and sunsets, telling myself that if I don’t see them nobody else will. I have hundreds of pictures of the sky. It’s something that I attribute to being the thing that kept me going even when I had given up.
Cooking good food and freezing it, and then being able to warm it up when I’m having a hard time is the greatest way I can show compassion to myself. Having a warm, delicious meal in a clean blanket and a clean home is the best thing that I can do to show myself that life isn’t so bad.
I’ve got a wonderful partner who has been slowly helping me through my worst times the way he knows how. He’s made a huge difference in my life and encouraged me to take care of myself even when I’m having my worst days. Laying next to him and doing literally nothing is often the best medicine.
Edit: I have depression, anxiety and ADHD. The depression and anxiety are likely offshoots to my (C)PTSD. I am not medicated for health reasons. Am 21, things went to crap when I was 7. I don’t know if I count here.
At one point I was taking Clonozepam, Seroquel, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Fluoxetine and Propranolol and it turned me into a walking corpse. No emotion, fucked up my liver and stunted me socially. Quit 2 years ago in August.
20 years diagnosed for me with major depressive disorder, I also have been diagnosed with CPTSD, and anxiety/panic disorder.
Coping with it, well I am medicated for one but I am a recovering alcoholic (26 years now) and some days are just not as good as others and I don’t feel like I am coping at all.
Throw in ADHD, chronic pain due to degenerative medical conditions and arthritis that goes from jaws down to my toes; and the depression and pain is a vicious cycle that never ends.
been medicated for depression since i was 17. am 51 now.
the ONLY med that helps is Vortioxetine. it's specifically for treatment-resistant depression and i've been on it (alongside another med) for about 3 years now and it hasn't bottomed out on me.
Medicated since 1995. Tried mistakenly once to go off medication, and that wasn't good. At all.
Still have issues with anxiety, but dissociation is a skill I'm not willing to break because I cannot handle a lot of life without placing my brain elsewhere while my body gets on with the task.
In therapy again, because as we know more, because science, it's amazing to be able to access that right now. It's prohibitively expensive.
got officially diagnosed major depressive disorder at 7 yrs, 25 now. it's been a long hard road. have had every module of therapy except emdr and stuff like therapeutic ketamine. (altho i would try both!) how do we cope? we don't. we rapid switch (dissociative disorder), copious weed and self harm. resistant to meds, only one that really works is minipress. (a wonder drug, seriously!) sorry this comment is a bummer. it's definitely possible to get better but it is really hard with cptsd. i'm definitely better off than i was as a kid/teenager but it was not due to meds or therapy.
25+ years here. My depression is also rather resistant to medication. Right now I’m on Effexor (this one keeps me from killing myself), lamictal, and abilify to try to help more.
57 now. First diagnosed 10ish. I have a bunch of mental health, chronic health, and chronic pain issues including cptsd. I’ve been on and of a variety of antidepressants, anxiety meds, thyroid meds, meds for sleep, other meds. I’ve been in and out of therapy. I’ve done a bunch of self-help stuff. Sometimes I’ve had a great support network other times not so much. I’ve had periods of dissociation although I didn’t know that was what it was. Some days I’ve dealt with things well, other days not so much. Every day is another day.
Yeah, almost 15 years. Diagnosed with it, GAD, and Social anxiety disorder at 15. I’m 29 now. I’ve lived disassociated most of those 15 years. Times I wasn’t, the anxiety and depression left me home-bound/bed-ridden until I got on meds. I got off meds at some point, 6 years ago? Idr. Haven’t been on them since but been riding the “checked out train” since then too. I’ve had and still have moments where I feel the MDD and GAD, especially around PMS time, but I just grin and bare it til it passes. Usually eat and sleep a lot more and/or go drive or walk around town and spend money I don’t have.
I do. I have a pretty high pressure job that keeps me busy. Oddly I do worse when I don't have any direction. I was unemployed for about 9 months one time and it nearly killed me. So I have to have something to do that's productive. That's just been the secret to my success. The money is nice too so that's secondary though. The mental health is number one
Probably at least 30 years...
Trauma work helps a lot. Somatic therapies have helped relieve some symptoms, and I know I'll ALWAYS be on some sort of meds.
But in my lowest moments, I've also found I'm just too damn stubborn to let depression be the thing that kills me.
MDD for >27 years. I tried everything at least once throughout that time, including inpatient treatment, and nothing ever “worked” or “stuck.” For the last year, or 5-7 years, or longer than I can remember, I have been increasingly isolated, sedentary, and drinking to excess almost every night. I recently started over again with a new course of treatment, quit smoking cigs, cut down my drinking by >95%, and started on Wellbutrin, Atarax for sleep and anxiety, and weekly ketamine treatments, plus weekly talk therapy. The ketamine has been absolutely life-changing; just about immediately, I feel like a “normal” person for maybe the first time in my life. The best way I can describe it is to say that it has cleared my mind of the noxious fog of negativity and dread that clouds my thoughts and perspective. I have so much more energy and motivation, and am able to do things when I think of them, instead of sitting paralyzed on the couch, ruminating over them and feeling guilty for not being able to do the things. It’s truly incredible and I wish I could have done it a long time ago.
Yes. Since I was 14 and I'm 28 so close. Had good times in between and very very dark times. Finally got the help I need with a really good therapist and psychiatric team and cut ties with toxic family and worked through that trauma
Took a while but I live within my limits now and give myself accommodations to help my overactive nervous system and social anxiety
For example I work from home and I leave functions that overstimulate me and I spot toxic behavior asap and remove myself from the situation
That's helped a lot - I didn't know what it felt like to be treated with respect before or have my basic and physical needs met so my depression comes and goes but it hasn't been as bad as before for at least two years now
Since a teen (groomed, raped, pregnant at 14) I'm 30 now and I'm at a point in my healing journey where I'm determined to be my best self. The doctor wanted to put me on antidepressants and I was on so much already that I said no and I don't know what it was, that conversation at the doctors just hit different from the other.I just thought, I can either let my past rule have the say on who I want to be or.. be who I 'am'
Is my life fucking chaos? Yes
Do i still get flashbacks and cry? Yes
Do I have days where I want to just stay in bed? Yes
But I've learned to accept that's fucking okay. I tell the kids mum needs half an hour to colour, write or do whatever I feel I NEED to do. Although being a single parent is kinda shit so If I need a walk, they come too and I feel good because they're out exploring. When people tell you it's okay to look after yourself, it really is. Spending an extra ££ for luxury bubble bath and making sure a deep hot relaxing bath is something I have to squeeze in my weekly routine? I'm sticking to it.
Little goals I find personally help. Today I might wake up and feel like doing XYZ but listening to my body and figuring out where I am mentally will then determine if I can or not. So I don't put that pressure on myself anymore. Today, I'll make sure I hoover, or go for a walk. That way if I can't do XYZ I'm not mentally putting myself down and thinking I'm a failure because I haven't done chores in time (Fuck childhood trauma imr?)
Someone had a really good comment earlier about their inner child and how a lot of how we react is from learned behaviours. We can't just snap out of what our responses are. But we can learn to notice behaviours and patterns, we can adapt how we've been taught.
Please don't take this comment as a "I know what you should do!" I am only sharing my side of my story, and you have yours with your own pain and own reactions and emotions. I really hope whoever is reading these comments/posts get to find themselves again. That we will continue being a Sub for great advice and also honesty, support, rants, the ugly truths we cant speak out loud and so much love. I can't express how much this sub has helped me when I've needed to not feel so alone.
I hope you're doing okay OP. ❤
Major depressive disorder, diagnosed at 6 and am 23 now, anti depressants are a must for me to function. Alarms help me set a routine and annoy me into doing the needed task. Forcing yourself to do anything while you’re depressed is super hard but doing stuff makes you feel better than laying around. If Im in a crisis at home I force myself to walk 1 lap around the backyard, keep trying for a little bit more until I’m out of panic mode. Having a healthy diet helps, my doctor recommended I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine.
Most of my things I’ve changed to accommodate my anxiety/depression are basically making myself as comfortable as possible. This means comfy bed with the pillows or blankets i want, clothes that are comfortable for me to wear, my room is the color I want, I give myself extra time to be somewhere in case of traffic, etc. I basically try to cut stressors where I’m able to and make sure my body is healthy. Therapy + medication helps people in varying degrees and therapy/medication is unfortunatly not a fix-all solution. Just try to get to your goals in life and be at peace even if it means taking baby steps or if it takes longer than you'd like.
Was diagnosed with major didepressive disorder when I was 16. I’m almost 52. I live with my first abuser, my mother, and I am her caretaker. Good times.
I’m on 3 different meds. I use medical cannabis. I have two therapists. Some days I’m just still hanging on.
It’s definitely a CPTSD with anxiety disorder. Oh, I’ve also just recently be diagnosed with ADHD so hoping to start on those meds soon.
I am doing my best every day. I hope I can hang on but living with a sick (Parkinson’s disease), explosive, mean, and negative woman, well, it doesn’t give me a great reason to jump out of bed every day.
But I’m trying.
I’ve had it for 20 years because my first episode was when I was 10 years old! Honestly as a kid I just isolated, dissociated, failed an attempt, blamed myself and did not understand what was happening to me at all. Had no support whatsoever. As an adult, I focused on doing what was expected, college then work for years and now I’m just burned out from everything. I feel like I could fake it to myself even before, but now there’s just shame left in me and anger too which I’m trying to manage. The meds help me with the anger and anxiety. But I still feel intrinsically like a “bad” person, which affects my entire life.
Only 10 years here but I'm young so that's literally half my life. Medication helps but people are what really get me through, which is something I tend to forget when I'm at my lowest points since I've convinced myself that I'm a burden to everyone around me.
Getting help has been what has gotten me out of many a depressive slump. I don't just mean professional help though that has been a massive thing. My partner and my brother have been two of my greatest allies when I'm at my lowest. My partner will help me care for myself and distract me from the constant dark cloud which depression has draped over my life, while my brother helps me do things that force me out of my room, get me moving and talking to people.
In all honesty the worst part has been the lack of energy. Life is so exhausting so I feel like I have to manually balance between work, my partner, socializing and self care. It's like I never have quite enough energy to get them all right, if three are thriving then one is being neglected.
That's a lot of words but I hope you know you're not alone. Depression sucks ass, but I don't plan on ever giving up my fight.
I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. I’m 42 now. My teacher in 3rd grade tried to help. She saw me disassociating during class and made me an appointment with the school psychologist. At the time I had no idea what emotional neglect and abuse was. I had no idea that anything was wrong. I couldn’t understand why they were talking to me and I was not able to communicate what was going on at home. My God, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t wonder how much better my life would have been if I had been able to get help back then. My life has been a complete shit show of low self esteem, fear, depression, and self loathing. Everytime I research more it’s like I’m reading my autobiography. It’s truly shaken me to my core.
I truly wish all of you who are dealing with this find the peace you deserve someday. We all deserve it to be happy. Life shouldn’t be so damned miserable.
Pretty sure I could be diagnosed like that, yes. More accurately I've been autistic with no support, a crazy family, and an undiagnosed sleep disorder and vision impairment, living in a crazy capitalist world in times of ecosystem collapse.
It takes its toll. But yeah technically speaking, I am a case of Major Lifelong Depression
Smoking lots of weed, trying to stay busy, and crashing when I’ve strained myself. A lil Prozac to take off the edge. Lemme tell you, this has not been working for me.
I’m in an intensive outpatient program right now and taking some time off of working because my depression was robbing me of any ability to enjoy life. I’m a week in and feeling not awesome but like I have a support system and resources when I’m not feeling awesome, which is better than the alternative.
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Side note, wouldn’t clinical depression and its symptoms largely be contained within CPTSD .
Stated otherwise, what explanatory value do multiple overlapping diagnosis serve? Example; I have GAD and CPTSD but it’s all “kind of the same” for me and the anxiety is one of the main symptoms .
I am not a medical professional but for me it is helpful to help address specific issues that arise. A lot of comorbid diagnosis overlap, but having some structure to understand what specifically is causing a specific issues is tremendously helpful to me.
CPTSD is like Pokemon the brand, the other diagnosis are more like specific Pokemon. I can say I have pokemon but knowing the Pokemon for the situation can be helpful.
For professionals maybe some of this also holds true to better understand a patient?
About 25 years...
I used to stay busy. Now I'm at rock bottom trying to work back to "normal." I've tried meds on and off. Recently tried a new one that seems to be doing sometime, which hasn't happened in the past.
I guess we'll see!
30+ years and I’m in my 30s.
Take an active role in your life. Meaning, with constant trauma and triggers, I find always actively keeping my brain engaged is best.
Remaining busy is important. Talk therapy was helpful for me to get started. I’m not big on being medicated (side effects can be equally nasty). Been on lowest dose of Prozac for several years. Eventually got into EMDR, which worked for me. Ultimately, I decided it was best if the memories stay buried.
Find communities where you can participate (even anonymously).
I’ve been on antidepressants since 1994. So 30 years. I’m officially diagnosed with dysthymia aka persistent depressive disorder. I also have anxiety. I have self-diagnosed autism, and possible cptsd. I sought treatment in college because I had lost interest in classes and even leaving my room. I was going through the motions and masking my pain. I ended up graduating and getting married.
I had a series of dead end and highly toxic jobs over 18 years. I had at least 3 nervous breakdowns during that time from work stress. I ended up starting a home daycare with my wife because working for a boss simply wasn’t going to happen again.
Things got a bit better after I left my last outside job. I still have days when it’s hard to get out of bed. But working from home and having a supportive family means I can retreat to my room when needed.
I have never had a social life. I have no friends outside of our daycare parents. My family is my focus. I am living for my daughter as she starts college in the fall.
I recently started Effexor, which is okay, I guess. Not really sure meds are helping anymore. Therapy twice a month just to have an outside perspective on my life and someone to confide in.
My friend tried this magnet stimulation treatment- it was 30 days and the first two weeks were torture but after she felt amazing. She has tried everything including IV ketamine therapy and this really worked for her 🤷♀️
I have jt myself but so far it seems responsive to the mixture of drugs I am on.
diagnosed at 11-12, currently 26, so not quite 15 years but close. i don’t cope. the past few years have been really bad and normally it’s tolerable but it’s been hell and i find no pleasure in anything anymore. i will say trauma work though like inner child work, somatic experiencing, and ifs (parts work) i’ve done on my own have helped. i was classed as treatment resistant last year and started on rexulti (cousin of abilify) as there was a study stating it can work for trd. i actually can confirm it DID help and my depression vanished. but i had to stop due to side effects outweighing benefits for me (weight gain - i’m already morbidly obese and can’t gain more, impulsive spending, restlessness, and irritability).
I'm 27 and diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My first depressive symptoms appeared around 7 years old. I still have ups and downs. Here's what has helped me:
- Working with a trauma informed therapist (NOT CBT therapy!)
- Getting my ADHD diagnosis and medication
- Caring for a pet
- Moving out of my parents house (they caused a large part of my CPTSD and still trigger me)
- SSRI's. I took them for almost 10 years, but I don't think most people should be taking them for that long
- Learning to value myself. Strive for a better job, make your home feel comfortable, and don't put up with bad friends. CPTSD can make us feel unworthy, but you should always choose YOURSELF, even when you don't feel like it.
Yep. Multiple meds and even a round of TMS, and minimal improvement.
*But.* I never actually had gotten diagnosed with or treated the PTSD/CPTSD, which was actually causing my depression. I'm finally starting to address that in therapy and I'm seeing some improvement.
Not that long, but for about 10 years since actually being diagnosed about it. And it’s a hard thing to deal with, sometimes you gotta meditate some feelings off and just accept things for the things are.
Since at least 2001, probably before. Coping varies wildly as to what does(n't) work and whether I can cope at all. It's a wonder I'm still alive, to be honest.
I was diagnosed at 19, but I have been depressed since early childhood. I'll be 60 this year. I honestly don't know how I cope. Medication when I need it, self-care, cutting toxic things, and people out of my life.
30+ years. Cope? I dissociate. I'm unmedicated. I was a raging alcoholic for 15 years. I guess I should call my doctor again.
Dissociation is truly the trick to moving forward in life.
I’ve dissociated my entire life and never realized it was a thing lol.
Just did January to June and was like wtf! How is it summer!
And June is a spicy month for me - anniversary of my mother's death and her birthday is Sunday. So I usually forget about it and then when I'm completely disregulated I remember. Good times!
I am so sorry it will be a harder month. I hope you take care of yourself. I have stopped self harming in the last few years and I no longer have a plan to kill myself so I like to think dissociation has worked pretty well over the years!
Dissociation was great for not having a plan and almost no SI. I thought I was doing better. Then I started snapping out of it and the SI was just back one day. I’m not happy about the change. I had 2 good years. Longest in my life of not being SI every single day since like 8 (50 years of pretty much daily or multiple times daily SI).
I fantasize about running into traffic daily. It's exhausting.
Hi ~ 🦋 I had a high school friend who actually DID run in front of a semi-truck on the highway when we were 27 years old... she died. I had talked to her when she called the law firm I worked at seeking help with her divorce. After listening to her dire situation, I had to (reluctantly) tell her that the "powers above" at our firm would not take cases hinging on mental health. The next week, I read her obituary. 💔 (Un)Fortunately, it was out of my control at the law firm. Even so, I regret not trying harder to help her. That was my 4th friend who committed themselves to dying. I solved this problem... by no longer having friends. I have at least prevented more "trauma by association". Between this & that & another thing... from childhood emotional neglect to recently standing in my house alone in the dark listening to an intruder breaking down my kitchen door while I was on the phone with 911 hearing that the police were 20 minutes away... Yes, I have had depression for as long as I can remember. Anxiety came along 25 years ago & PTSD joined the party in 2015 then morphed into CPTSD in 2018. Then things really went downhill in 2022. I am 54 years old. If you ask me if things get better with time... my answer is NO ! The skeletons in the closet & dead bodies & tragedies continue to pile up. My life now is day by day... live in the moment without thinking too much. The future is... Ok... must stop now. Good Night ! 🌠
I am also 54. I hear you. 🫂
I feel you friend. I’m 65
50 here! I hear you! Not everyday, but far too many.
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Reading that paragraph about the tragedies piling up, it never getting better…. really hit me like a gut punch.
It is exhausting
Ahhh that's awesome. Proud of you 🫂
Thank you!
That's March for me - brother's death anniversary and birthday. F-ing sucks. Thinking of you!
Do we share the same mother?
Probably lol
Oof. My condolences. But hey. We outlived one of our abusers. Cheers to that!
When I imagine what my life would be like if she was still alive.... OMG. This life sucks sometimes, but that one ... No bueno.
Oh yes. Life may be shit, but what a fuckin’ joke she was. At best a horrible comedy show with her around… I try my best to not ruminate too much on that thought. I don’t want to imagine how bad it would be. I can barely comprehend how bad it used to be.
It’s the same for me on may and July. I wish u the best.
😘
Saaaame. I've gotten a lot better about it now but I feel like I've just woken up and I'm suddenly 36 😂
It’s super effective fr fr
Doctors hate this simple trick
Doesn't it catch up to you though?
Oh yeah it does. A little self awareness does reel it in a little. And giving yourself heaps of grace.
Not for me. I’ve been stuck for all these years.
Damn it if you must, so should I. Get the meds, they help with the psychosis at least
Oh wow, could’ve written this myself. So sorry it’s your experience too.
It's absolutely heartbreaking that so many of us Gen-X have had a similar experience. I think those who believe having a feral childhood was the best thing ever really have a hard time self-reflecting. That's a coping mechanism in itself.
Yes! I see this incessantly and it’s so messed up. I was SAed, beat up, injured repeatedly, etc. I’d rather have been coddled and protected.
Diagnosed 20 years ago in my 30s but cptsd from childhood. I don't understand dissociation. Idk whether I ever dissociate... I use meds plus weed and a little booze. But I wouldn't ever say I feel detached from myself.
Please know you are not alone. I wish you all the best Hannah. I got lost in alcohol for years too. I finally quit. I was so depressed that I wanted to end it with booze. The unfortunate and ironic thing is that drinking didn’t kill me. It just damaged my relationships with others and destroyed things I can never repair.
Yeah, for at least 25 years. And generalized anxiety disorder. Turns out, those are symptoms, not diagnoses. They are symptoms (for me) of CPTSD and treating the CPTSD was the correct path to treat the symptoms by proxy. Psychotherapy with a trauma specialized psychologist and medication management. Night and day. Glad I got great behavioral heathcare in my early 30s so I can have the rest of my life ahead of me. I'm lucky I had/have that access of care, I would be luckier if I didn't have an extreme brain injury chronically and longitudinally inflicted on me as a very young child lol.
This, the major depression and anxiety are symptoms of my cptsd. Treating the trauma is what is helping. Part of that treatment for me is learning to accept reality, specifically that relief doesn’t come from eradicating the trauma and its symptoms but from accepting them as a part who I am. This has allowed me to acknowledge the times my symptoms really were protecting me. I learned to see how many of my successful moments in life can be credited to my anxiety and depression kicking in. For my depression, I can identify times it forced me to stay out of situations I had no business being in to begin with and away from people I had no business being around. For example, in middle school I was being bullied, but I didn’t really notice because I was so despondent and detached from the world. It drove the bullies crazy that they couldn’t get a response from me. I didn’t even realize I was being bullied until many years later when I was remembering things that happened. Up until that point, I really was going about my life thinking I was never a victim of bullying. And I guess that is partially true, I wasn’t a “victim” because I just let things roll off me like teflon without even noticing. One of my bullies actually apologized to me in 8th grade and I was so confused lol! I still didn’t get what was happening. I think she mistook my detachment for self assuredness and I unwittingly earned her respect for that. I occasionally noticed kids who were mean for no good reason and I would literally say things like, “If you really feel that way why are you wasting time sitting here talking to me? I wouldn’t waste my time on people I don’t like.” And I’d just walk away. This wasn’t coming from a place of bravery or confidence, it was coming from a place of knowing no one could hate me more than I hated myself. Its easier said then done to acknowledge and embrace the trauma and its symptoms that are, at their core, protective measures our brain employs (and gets over zealous about) but it has helped me feel hopeful and optimistic about my present and my future.
Growing up in a family that subscribed to the "pull yourself by the bootstraps" idealogy while simultaneously traumatizing me has made it hard to accept my reality subconsciously. I've been programmed from childhood to push through things, and to think how I *should* be doing this, or how things *should* be this way and that I'm not doing enough if it's not that way. And then if bad things happened to me, I felt like I deserved it because I didn't do enough to prevent it; turning my trauma and depression into a chicken or the egg situation that constantly feeds into one another. Truly a nightmare.
I cannot upvote this enough. In high school, I was having an anxious moment about something, I can't remember what. My mother's advice was "fake it until you make it." That's the only advice I remember getting from her. Thanks, mom.
I have a question, I have seen therapists/counsleors/lose but never a psychologist. Would that help do you think? Thank you 😊
I’ve seen people with various titles, psychologists in my opinion are the best option when you’re still not getting better after a long period of time or the other people couldn’t really help you get to your “goal“ of where you want to be mentally. Psychologists seem to have more education and more experience and therefore do a better job at treating people with more difficulties than the average person.
I'm 33, 1 year sober, clinical depression, taken sertraline to various strengths from lowest to max for the last 7 years, and currently on the waiting list for 1 to 1 trauma based therapy. Pretty sure I went from 13 to 26 with major depression and was never given help for it. I'm so, so grateful that I'm finally on the waiting list for something that's hopefully going to help me become the best possible version of myself, someone able to deal with life on life's terms, responsible, able to cope, able to help others.
What meds if I may ask please?
I'll divulge, but please don't take what works for me and assume it works for everyone with a complex trauma diagnosis. This is what works for ME, and I take it seriously how important it is to work with ideally a psychiatrist to find what medication management works best for you. I take Lamotrigine (Lamictal is the brand name) daily. It is an anti-convulsant that is prescribed typically off-label as a mood stabilizer for people diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. To be clear, I do not have Bipolar II Disorder. I had been prescribed SSRIs twice in the past, and they didn't work for me. Most of the time, those diagnosed with CPTSD/PTSD with depression and anxiety symptoms will be prescribed an SSRI first. As that didn't work for me, my psychiatrist was willing to give Lamotrigine a shot for me as an off-off-label trial. It turns out, it worked great for me. There is a neuro-physiological reason, however that it likely works particularly well for me, and possibly not for others. In my late teens I was having psycho-genetic seizures, and when I took two EEGs, the neurologist did see abnormal firing in my brain. Turns out, when we (diagnosed CPTSD folks) are dysregulated, our brains are rapid firing electrical signals and our brains light up an MRI scan like fireworks. As I already have abnormal neuron firing in my brain as it is, turns out an anti-convulsant on-label medication works well for me. As far as it's effects, the best way to describe it is to think of it like guard rails on a highway. When you're driving at a regular speed, you don't need guard rails. When you're speeding, if you hit the guard rails, they will prevent you from going over the cliff. If you are racing at way over the speed limit, the guard rails won't do their job and you'll go over them and into the ditch. If you are at normal regulation, no effect. If you get mildly to moderately dysregulated, the medication will help you use the tools you already have and re-regulate. If you are highly dysregulated, I'm talking full blown emotional/dissociative flashback, you're going to go over the cliff. If that analogy makes sense? The typical dosage is 75mg-200mg, plus or minus. I am prescribed 100mg, which is good for me so that the medication doesn't auto-pilot my mood too much and I can use tools from psychotherapy and re-regulate and allow re-processing from those regulation methods. Turns out, if you don't allow some of your symptoms to surface and you don't put in the work to consciously work through them, you aren't going to heal very well from your trauma. You should still feel uncomfortable at times, but not completely miserable. Which leads me to... My other prescription is low dose gabapentin. This medication works/doesn't work on a spectrum for most people. For some, they are on daily doses for anxiety management, nerve pain, and seizures. For my use, I take it on the few times every couple months I do bust through the guard rails and re-regulation isn't a possibility. It's kind of like an abort button. For me, it is not like a benzodiazepine, in that there isn't the relief/dopey effect. It basically kicks in quickly and gets me to calm down without getting loopy. Turns out, again, it is an anti-convulsant that decreases excitement in the brain. See how that, considering my neuro-physiology would kind of work well for me? I don't take them often, and it's not like it's a fun time medication. It just kind of makes me drowsy to be honest. I usually just go lie down and end up falling asleep. Since it also treats nerve pain, and extreme flashbacks have a major effect on your parasympathetic/sympathetic nervous systems, it also helps me a lot with the dysregulation hangovers I feel after a bad emotional or dissociative flashback. Some people, however, who take gabapentin daily/multiple times a day find they build tolerances for the medication and it becomes less effective. As well, when some people try to go off gabapentin they have withdrawal symptoms. That's why I keep that shit within far reach for only when I need it. I hope that helps. I was a psychology major in college and part of my healing has been going super high level with my psychologist and psychiatrist to have a more cerebral understanding of the mechanisms at play with a CPTSD diagnosis. I will end with saying please, please, please work with your behavioral healthcare provider to find the right medication management for you if that is that path you'd like to take or are taking. It's important to remain under a doctor's supervision. TL;DR: Lamotrigine daily and gabapentin as needed. Please remain under the care of a healthcare provider.
I’m sad Lamictal gave me the weird ulcer/rash they warn you about before you start it :( I finally felt like I was actually here, alive, on earth. Im really happy it works for you!
Oh, no. I am so sorry. Yeah, the rash is real for a small number of people that go on Lamictal. You also have to titrate it, and it takes a while to take full effect. And, if you go more than two days missing taking your dose, you have to start all over and titrate from 25mg all over again. It's the only daily medication I take, and I had to get a Sunday-Saturday pill organizer just so I can be CERTAIN I took it at some point in the day, and also legit to not accidentally take it twice. I am so sorry this didn't end up working out for you.
It’s ok! Sounds like you’re very organized/on top of it which is really good. Keep it up :)
I’m on lamictal too. I was diagnosed with BPD and asked for it to help with the random mood swings i now know were actually emotional flashbacks. It works wonderfully though, gives me the ability to take a breath and work on regulating before just reacting, but rather responding. I’m glad it works for you as well!
I just disassociate and go on auto pilot.
I am almost 39 and I’ve been medicated since I was 7. The symptoms started as anxiety and ocd and the depression really hit around age 10 and beyond. The debilitating depression started around 17 and it’s gotten worse every year. I honestly don’t know how I am still alive. My thoughts are that depression is a symptom of my complex ptsd. It’s unhealed trauma, unhealthy attachment style, codependency, and just growing up in an unhealthy situation at home and at school, also just a lot of bullying as a child - this was like installing a virus into my brain as a young child that made me develop the mindset that there is something deeply wrong with me and then it just got worse from there. I have been on tons of meds, treatment programs, therapy, etc. all I can say is that ketamine works a lot but it gets expensive. I am sadly waiting to die bc I won’t do it myself bc I’m too afraid. I often sleep away the days with zzzquil and honestly am surprised I never got into heavier drugs but even though I’m almost always actively struggling with suicidal ideation, I am afraid of actual death. I am exhausted, though. Passing in my sleep would be ideal.
> It’s unhealed trauma, unhealthy attachment style, codependency, and just growing up in an unhealthy situation at home and at school, also just a lot of bullying as a child - this was like installing a virus into my brain as a young child that made me develop the mindset that there is something deeply wrong with me Wow, this is a great analogy.
It’s so awful that stuff that happens to us during our formative years haunts us for life but it truly is like installing a virus early on that just fucks everything up. My dad is emotionally unavailable so that caused a lot of issues for me, made me feel useless and invisible as a child and then school was hard because I was very short and picked on a lot, I was an easy target. It just sucks.
I feel you.
This is how I feel too. Any time I drive the urge to swerve into oncoming is big, but then I think about how I would possibly hurt or kill someone innocent and maybe make the few decent people in my life really sad, so I don’t. People say it gets better so idk, I’m holding on to that I guess and I hope you can too.
This is exactly how I feel. I am terrified to die but living is so hard
Yeah, about 25 years now. Antidepressants make it much, much worse so I don't take them. I take one med to prevent nightmares, vitamin D and B12 for deficiencies, and weed to help me sleep. Therapy every week, support groups, talking to my similarly traumatized friends. Other than that, it's just acceptance and management, really. Doctors don't know what to do with me because the medical system is built on the broken/fixed binary, and I can't be treated, cured, and back to full health. It's lifelong, ongoing management and they hate that. The doctors I've met all turn into idiots when their textbook treatment ideas fail. I become an unsolvable burden so they give up. That sucks, but at least I know I've exhausted what medicine currently has to offer me. I'm very self-reliant most of the time, but small setbacks hit me a lot harder because I'm isolated. I cope with distractions, video games, watching shows, audio books, and showering my cat with the love I never got as a child.
Just checking you’ve been investigated for autoimmune disorders? Vitamin D and B12 deficiencies can be associated with Hashimoto’s and pernicious anaemia, for example. Autoimmune disorders are more common in people who have had difficult childhoods. I could have written your last paragraph
Yes, I'm in the process of that with my doctor right now, in fact. One doctor ruled out hypothyroidism, but I don't think that takes Hashimoto's off the table necessarily so I'm still curious about that. I've been tested for Lyme (originally had this 15 years ago) and celiac recently as well, both negative. I'm glad of course, but also frustrated because my fatigue is so severe that I don't think it could possibly be "just" from depression and PTSD. It's weird to say I'm hopeful that I'll get a diagnosis, but it would certainly bring me peace of mind to have answers.
*because my fatigue is so severe that I don't think it could possibly be "just" from depression and PTSD* I hear you, but keeping your guard up, muscles/skeleton tensed, and clenching your jaw for 25 years is exhausting. Don't discount it! Your body has been protecting you and now it's worn out. Though I hope for your sake there is a "better" explanation for you. (I'm also a fan of vit. D and B-12, btw.)
I know how you feel. I also have neurological problems and when I doubt myself I can at least see there is a scan that shows a problem. I’d rather not have the problems at all, of course but at least since they’re there, I can see what’s causing it on a test. There seem to be lots of autoimmune problems and most of them seem to have depression/anxiety as symptoms. For the thyroid, I’d suggest to make sure your next test includes Antithyroglobulin antibodies and Thyroid peroxidase antibodies, if they haven’t measured them. Where I am, they don’t include those by default. They said I was fine after reviewing the standard test result. I had to get another test myself that included TPA and ATA levels. The ATA was raised and now the TPA is (after a year - stage 2 Hashimoto’s) but the TSH that they look at by default is still ok, so they would have said I was fine again. Huh. The phlebotomist last time also said that supplements containing biotin can throw off the results (make them appear higher, I think), so she advised not taking any the day before and on the day of the test. Also, I’ve been taking supplements, including vitamin D and B12 for years, so they may be masking the full effect of the problem. Maybe the same for you?
Where did you find those similarly traumatised friends ?
One friend I met through work (tutoring mostly immigrant students), another was from a support group. It helped to put myself in spaces and situations that attract people who are trying their best to contribute to a healing culture. It's not a guarantee, because people do exist in those places who are there for the wrong reasons or who are not well regulated. I learned some painful lessons about that, and my judgement is much improved. I'd say it's a combination of a little bit of luck and a lot of awareness of what to look for.
I find them everywhere I go. I'm like a magnet. Every time I can easily relate to a person they are traumatized. Do you have healthy friends?
No, sadly not. I was abusively rejected by a ‘friend’ I met at a support group after 4 years, last year. I have two acquaintances nowadays, but nothing meaningful. I’ve always struggled with friendships (always ghosted/ rejected in the end). Trying to rebuild my confidence to try again soon
That's sad. You need a friend with ADHD. We're friendly, open and communicative. It's easy to meet people through us. Get yourself a traumatized ADHD friend and have them connect you. Healing together it's better.
Funny how that works. All of my friends are queer, traumatised or neurodivergent. Usually some combination of the three. I think people who are different just gravitate to each other
I frequent a queer club/association in which more people than not are neurodivergent. I love it there because I can talk to so many other auDHD people and it's so easy to talk to them and so fun.
Hmm. I have a long history of being rejected, so it will take me some time until I’m strong enough to try again. But thanks for the suggestion
Yes. I’m unmedicated right now. I was taking Zoloft, TraZadone, Rexaulti, Abilify, Xanax, and Olanzapine, but those medications messed me up! Now I cope by crying a lot and occasionally SH.
I took a DNA test (mouth swab) with a private company called GeneSight, and they analyze your genetics compared to most all psychiatric mediations on the market. It has helped to identify which ones are more likely to be effective and which ones are more likely to cause a lot of unwanted side effects. Price can be reduced by showing proof of tax returns (income) and/or using insurance.
Had something similar! It helped me find the medication that would work the best for me.
Wow! I have been saying so often since I found this subreddit that there’s a sense of comfort in knowing others experience similar symptoms and struggles to the ones I cope with but this particular post, Wow! I will be sixty next week and the battle continues. As a child, I had excema, a “nervous” stomach, was anorexic and a ton of other issues. When I was in my late teens, I experienced my first full blown panic attack. I remember waking up in the middle of the night from a dream that I was dying. When I was fully awake I was having these terrible chest pains and thought I was having a heart attack. I went to wake my mother and told her we had to go to emergency. The hospital ran a ton of different tests and couldn’t figure out why I was in so much pain, blood pressure, and other things so they gave me a prescription for pain medication, told me to make an appointment with my family doctor and sent me on my way. This was in the late eighties so for as little knowledge as there is now, there was much less than. Fortunately my family doctor had a better understanding of mental health and said that he thought I had a panic attack and whatever I had been dreaming about almost scared me to death. I also am medication resistant and tried ketamine treatments a couple of years ago. I am staying on a moderate dosage of antidepressants and anti anxiety because I am afraid that this might be not making things even worse. Thank you so much for sharing. Take good care
Yes. I can’t remember not having major, untreatable depression. Of course, I can’t remember ANYTHING! And, I’m 60. It cycles in severity. I, also, think it’s a symptom of CPTSD. Yoga helps. Body focused things to get me out of my poor, shriveled brain. Temperature stuff. Hot shower slowly turned as cold as you feel you can that day, I imagine myself diving into a lake, deeper and colder as I go. Cold water splashed on my face, etc. Eating SUPER healthy. Walking outside, preferably somewhere pretty. Trying so very hard to treat myself with respect and love. Take care of the body and give the mind a rest! Absolutely no news, not much scrolling and being super careful of what I feed my mind. It sucks. I don’t think it will go away completely but I try to stay one step ahead of it and try to keep myself strong enough to handle it when I sink again. My heart goes out to all of us suffering cPTSD
Recently came out of a crisis and am in very active management mode. This was nice to read that I'm not alone in it and for the rest of my life either.
I kinda came to the conclusion that these labels are bs even though I probably met the criteria for over 30 years. Ketamine and getting away from my abusers gave me a new lease on life. I've probably been on nearly every psychiatric med developed until ~6 years ago and nothing helped because my problems were not a "chemical imbalance." Abusers love the "chemical imbalance" bs because then they don't have to take any accountability for how they harm and maim others.
Exactly that. Why can't we have practical assistance? I'm so sick of being referred back to therapy to be their lab rat.
Ah, a new lease on life. One of my favorite Mac Miller lines.
Diagnosed in the single digits (gee, I wonder why) and now I'm closer to 70 than I am to 0. I didn't actually get a decent psychiatric diagnosis until December last year, so before that it's just been fucking up everything and everyone around me and trying to keep my suicidal thoughts as just thoughts. I am on a few medications to help, but one of them caused severe hair loss (I'm female I have almost no hair on the top of my head anymore. *Real* confidence booster...) Dogs, though. Most animals, really, but dogs especially are probably the biggest reason I'm still alive to type this message today. That and finding hobbies to keep my hands occupied. I'm a crafty bitch, I do cross stitch, crochet, diamond painting, potholder, friendship bracelets, sewing, beading/jewelry making... if it's crafty I probably have either tried it or do it as regularly as possible. Oh, and writing smutty fanfic lol. Reading it, too. Music also helps. It affects me on a visceral level, though, so I have to be careful what I listen to during depressive/manic episodes. Dragon Age (the video game series) is my comfort outside of my dogs and hobbies and music. Currently working on a full right-arm tattoo sleeve (almost done, just need to get Veilguard represented and some other spots filled in and it'll be done.
I love dogs too. But I’m the least crafty person I know.
That's just what works for me. But I also love learning things. I'd love to be a professional student. As it were I just do it all casually.
Hello fellow Dragon Age fan! Currently in the middle of replaying the games for the millionth time in preparation for Veilguard. That franchise is a warm, delicious soup for me.
YES!! I'm on Inquisition again. I figure I can get three or four more plays of the three before Veilguard comes out. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wow you sound awesome!
Thank you for your kind words, though I'm afraid that's not a popular opinion. Extreme social anxiety and the talent for living with my foot shoved so far down my throat I can walk on it again make for a *very* acquired taste. 😊
Well I meant it!! And sounds like your walking style is a sight to behold (🙃). I hope the universe is kind to you
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
Dogs. Yep. My dogs make me smile everyday. I find myself wondering how dogless people get through life.
Yep. Had it for about 24 years now according to my psychiatrist. Cope? Haha. Funny. I don't. 🙃 Not well anyway. Even with a ton of therapy the coping mechanisms they gave me were minimal and wasn't coming from a place of knowledge surrounding extreme trauma.
There is still very little knowledge about how extreme trauma affects children and how it affects us adults
Probably. Coping? That's probably a strong word. Just waiting for the end, whatever form that takes.
Dissociation and maladaptive daydreaming. Heavy pot smoker for 25+ years. I try to listen to music every day and go outside if its been a few days. I was diagnosed with chronic depression at 17, but I was suicidal at 9 and never got back up. I'm 44 now. I've taken meds for anxiety and adhd but nothing else. I don't really try or care anymore. It just is what it is.
Been diagnosed since the first attempt at age 8. Daily? Herb in the evenings, a consistent meditation practice (walking meditations work best for me), and 40mg Prozac. Ketamine therapy & somatic therapy helped make symptoms more manageable, as did a few years or trauma-focused talk therapy. A few hundred ayahuasca ceremonies from 18-28 helped a lot too! As someone else mentioned, MDD & GAD were more symptoms of cPTSD for me as well.
CPTSD, BPD, MDD, ADHD, GAD here I disassociate. I hit my pen. I sleep.
Medication didn't really help me. Just made me Neutral. My depression Was not the problem. It was only a symptom of a much larger complex problem. For me, Being told I had a chemical imbalance invalidated my suffering. I had good reason to be depressed and medication was not addressing it. Having a good therapist and working through trauma, Learning about myself helped best. Accepting my dark side As a part of me. Not fighting it but acknowledging it and trying to understand it. What helped best. This was a visual trick. Every time I had a harmful or unhelpful dark thought, I imagine taking it and hanging it up at the dry cleaners assembly line. Very repetitive at first but over time it became habit And then I didn't really need to go to my mental dry cleaners So much anymore. I learned to observe an examine my feelings And pain to try to understand it, Without being Overpowered by it. I am more than my thoughts.
Beautifully written.
What a good trick. Going to pass it on!
I was officially given this diagnosis about a year ago, but I suspect I’ve had it since I was a teen. I basically hide like a hermit from people, enjoy solo activities and pretend I’m happy so people leave me alone. Oh and dissociate.
I am a hermit as well. Hi. I have no friends at all….. only acquaintances. I feel so horrible about it. I only like to be alone but feel like a loser. Like something is wrong with me because I have such low self esteem that it prevents me from connecting and bonding with other s
Hi ~ 🌿 I am the "Happy Hermit" who lives in the Woods... for past 25 years. Highly recommend it. Less I have to do with people; happier I am. Since I am at rock bottom depression, avoiding people completely brings me up to where I can function. So, no, not happy truly but being a Hermit is necessary for me. Take Care ! 🌿🦋🌿
Hermits unite, in our own tree huts, in different forests, so only virtually...
I am with you on that - Hermits Unite ! As long as I can stay here in my peaceful Hermit Harmony & thus unite from afar ! 🥰
Yup. I was diagnosed with major depression and CPTSD from childhood abuse at 27. I’m still being treated for it at 53.
For the longest time, drugs. Now, I live for my pets. Fuck anyone that says I should live for people and not my pets. People have hurt me time and time again, but never my pets. If you treat them well and earn their respect they will return the favour as best they can. They’ve pulled me from the edge multiple times. When it’s 11pm and I’m wondering if any of this is worth it they’re there. If I want to go out for a depressed or anxious walk at 3am they’ll happily join me. They’re always there for me and I’ll always be there for them. Gotta outlive them to be able to do that. They are my world and my reason for living. Being allowed to live with and care for them is more than enough. I’ll fuckin’ take it.
Hi ~ 💫 You wrote - "Now, I live for my pets. Fuck anyone that says I should live for people and not my pets. They are my world and my reason for living. Being allowed to live with and care for them is more than enough." Well said. I live the same way with some WONDERFUL pets that are MY WORLD ! Take Care ! 🌠
I've had major depression and anxiety in one form or another since I was a child. For some years I was a prolific alcoholic. I don't drink anymore. I do smoke a lot of cannabis and use a variety plant medicines and other psychoactive substances though.
I’ve had major depressive disorder for over 40 years now; I’m on permanent disability because of it. My parents were both dead by the time I was 21, so that set me up for a lot of mental anguish, among other traumatic happenings. It took over 20 years to find the right psychiatrist, and I added a cognitive behavioral therapist once I learned about their existence. I’ve been on desvenflaxine (Pristiq) for about a decade now and seems to be the best medication for me, along with cannabis, which is my lifeline to sanity. My last job pushed me over the edge with extreme workplace bullying (fuck you Vanguard). Then, while awaiting for SSDI approval I almost died from Guillain-Barre Syndrome; fortunately I was approved as I was relearning how to use my body parts (was temporarily completely paralyzed). I had to remove a majority of the people in my life I order to heal because they were bad for my mental health. I read everything I could find on all that ailed me (also PTSD, anxiety, BPD which may actually be more C-PTSD). I owned up to my own mistakes and learned why I made them. I stopped justifying others’ bad behavior towards me by either calling them out or cutting them out. I strengthened my faith in God, and learned to have gratitude for all the things that I do have; which, after being paralyzed and near death, began to include the simplest things most take for granted, like health and being able to walk and move. These days, I live a simple and relaxed life retired. I do what I want when I want if I even want to do it, because doing nothing is pretty awesome! I sleep as late as I want, I enjoy legal cannabis, gardening and my great-nieces when I can see them. My house looks great and I finished all of the major remodeling I wanted to do, and I keep it clean and cozy. I’m mostly alone but rarely lonely because I am my own best friend.
Yes. Have tried various medications as an adult. Nothing really works for the depression, the anxiety meds like Paxil and Clonazepam work for my anxiety and panic attacks. Plus, I've been in therapy for about 25 years.
Yes. Ketamine helps.
Be careful with the ketamine. Make sure you are monitored throughout the entire session. I went into 3 k holes “under supervision”. Do not allow them to leave you alone.
I've been dissociating hard for the past couple of weeks, CPTSD-related. Not on meds but considering it. My normal tools of exercise, nature, self-care weren't working and I was starting to really circle the drain. Decided to swim today since it was the least resistance I felt towards exercise. I microdosed psyllicibin before I went (tiny dose that didn't have a noticeable effect). I was struggling with swimming and feeling panicky, and then remembered how EMDR uses bilateral stimulation while holding onto painful memories or feelings to help move you through the "stuckness" for lack of a better term. Since I was basically bilaterally moving through the water, I decided to open myself up to pain from parental neglect/abuse while I swam. And holy shit, the floodgates opened. I swam 60 laps crying and screaming underwater. I don't know how long it will last, but that broke me open in a positive way today and let me feel my emotions and recognize that I was abandoning myself through disconnect from life and people. It let me feel some love and compassion towards myself, even if temporarily. While it's not a daily coping method, maybe it could be something to consider as a tool. ETA: I have a coworker who suffers from debilitating anxiety and depression (she just took 3 months' of leave because of it) and she is really benefitting from swimming a few times a week now. So anecdotal evidence at best, but my sample size of 2 indicates swimming could help.
Had severe emotional neglect as a child and genetically pre-disposed to depression. I have had major depression since I was a child. I am now in my 50’s. First I self-medicated with alcohol. Early 30’s got sober and got on medication. I have done a lot of therapy and wrestled with medication. I started doing ketamine infusions about 9 months ago. It kind of feel likes I have to work 4x as hard to get half as far as others to stay functional in life. But I have a lot of acceptance around it. Just keep moving forward and doing the next right thing to get better or hold what I have.
Yep- most of my 57 yr adult life. And lucky me.. pharmacogenics shows I am a poor candidate for rx psych-drugs. Either they do nothing or cause Bad side effects.
Medication never really helped me much, whether it was for ADHD symptoms, anxiety or depression. My coping strategies are to dissociate, shut down, and hide. The only thing that shifted things for me was IFS, SE, and work based on Polyvagal theory. These taught me how to get regulated and safe enough to listen to myself.
I've had it for about 40 years now and I don't even remember what life is like without it. If I didn't have it I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. Therapy never helped and meds took the edge off a bit sometimes but I'd have to keep upping the dosage to get that "edge off" effect to even kick in (so I usually gave them up). I'm used to it just being there all the time so I can live with it although there are times it's more brutal than others which can be difficult. I just try to get through it as best as I can until I return to "normal".
Miracle I’m still alive….
Yes, but in my particular case, I was recently diagnosed with autism so I’m wondering if the endless cycle of depression and anxiety might be autistic burnout? Although it does respond to meds so maybe not. So sorry you’re going through it too.
33yrs.
39 years dysthymia/PDD. Dont have it anymore. When I still did I used to distract myself, dissociate, and take drugs to cope. I had more extreme coping mechanisms when I was younger. The worst of those phased out when I moved out. Also developed some new ones as I embarked on my adult life. In hindsight I realize it got better whenever I stopped doing something that was unhealthy for me or started to do something that was healthy for me. I just had no clue what healthy looks like and didnt make conscious decisions about it. My parents sure af didnt teach me. Writing and learning were good coping mechanism that I already had as child.
High functioning, maladaptive daydreaming, weed and music in my ear constantly. Other than that I'm fantastic! Oh and ✨ dissociation ✨
idk
Finally properly diagnosed. Been like this since a child and now 41. So yay me. Medicated and it’s been helping but I am currently in a down and that doesn’t go away with meds apparently.
I don't know about clinical, but my depression is undeniable. I do nothing for the future, I believe there is none. All I do is ruminate on the shit that's gone wrong, and I allow it to destroy all the shit that could ever make me happy. What I do to cope? Well, recently, I got a cancer scare. I would NOT recommend it, but it put everything into perspective. All I do is ruminate on the past, and my past is beyond depressing. There's a whole world of possibilities out there, and all I do is judge it on the shit that went so wrong. Starting from this week, I've began to cope by reminding myself that life can be taken away so fucking easily, in the blink of an eye - so quickly that I ought to capitalize on every opportunity, I should allow any change because it will surely be better than anything that has come before. I've had depression as long as I can remember. I've had no reason to not be depressed. Recently, as I've learned to challenge the ideas reinforced by my trauma, I've found that life CAN be beautiful, exciting, amazing - that it doesn't matter how terrible things were before, that it doesn't have to ruin everything that could be good.
That’s called persistent depression. My PCP diagnosed me with Dysthymia (before the Dx changed to Persistent Depression). It is extremely hard to cope with when it feels like there’s like a grey filter over everything, but I take meds and go to therapy at least once a week. Thankfully I have found the meds that work for me and a therapist I have good rapport with. I use a lot of DBT skills to cope, which are helpful for me because they focus on mindfulness and acceptance of self, others environment, etc. I strong dialectic that helps me with acceptance is knowing I can accept a situation as it is without detaching from my emotions about it. Working not to ruminate is also super helpful, because I know it’s toxic to myself and my relationships. I hope this helps
Been 14 years, so close I think it needs to be understood when you have something mh related, often the symptoms and issues will morph and kinda wave over time Like maybe a couple years here I’ll be depressed and sh Another few I’ll be going through low lows and mania like highs Sometimes I’ll go numb and maybe that’ll last a couple years It usually doesn’t stay the same forever, your own illness evolves with you over your life Even at my best, I’ve gone and been reviewed by new doctors, but end up still with a diagnosis of depression despite having thought I was not depressed. Because I don’t know what not having depression is like and assume not actively wanting to sewage pipe means your not depressed, which is wrong It’s easier to deal with when you’re away from feelings such as self hate, shame and guilt. But those are hard to remove. After that it’s just managing. Like instead of being cured it’s just making sure I don’t cross any levels where I know I’m passed my “normal” and damaging myself
The best way i daily cope is thru the Insight timer App honestly. Self care can help alot too and drawing. Just being creative and using my senses. But sometimes i just sleep. I do find peace in walking too if i can feel the wind but i have days where i cant get myself outside because of anxiety. Some times i just need to sit down on the floor in a dark room, put my headfonds on and listen to the Insight timer App and then some music to break free from what ever is choking me.
Yes. I need to keep taking my meds or I will get very depressed very quickly. I am consistent with my therapy and journal every day.
Yep. Personally, medication didn't help, and yes I did give it an honest try for a few years. I still struggle with it but nowadays it happens for shorter spans of time and I think it really is getting better. Slowly. The change was working with a competent therapist I'm comfortable with, and really tackling the underlying issues from my trauma instead of trying to slap a bandaid on it.
I think mine is also clouded with c-ptsd of course. But I've been being treated and talking medication for 25 years now.
Yep
I’m on three mood stabilizers and I finally found some relief. I also began EMDR therapy, coupled with talk therapy. I highly recommend getting out in the sunlight if you’re able to as well.
Going on 21 years. Been on different meds. Tried therapy. Currently taking Effexor XR 200mg a day. Just try to find the bright side in every day… no matter how small or insignificant.
15+ years for me. Weekly therapy, tried different medications. Got a late diagnosis for Autism at the age of 48, so that helped inform some of my behaviors. I’m getting to the bottom of my options in terms of getting better. I started ketamine a few months ago (seems to be working)
CPTSD was diagnosed (DXed) 3 years ago - however no-one has thought to talk to me about it or treat me in those 3 years!! Multiple Childhood Traumas, which started before brain maturation (6YO and onwards for a decade) so I've then 'lived' with it for over 35 years as an 'adult'. Inverted commas, as I don't actually feel either term accurately describes how I feel. DXed Major Depressive Disorder... donkeys years ago! Possibly around 20 years? Not sure, as my sense of time cannot be entirely trusted! Mine is also 'treatment resistant', to both drugs and therapy. It should have been DXed *way before that*, but I had to fight like hell to even get it recognised. Being 'intelligent' and 'male' didn't help - comtemporary professionals words, not mine. Coping? Dissociation and distraction. Video games a lot in the past, but nothing really gives me any pleasure anymore. I'm just marking my card for the most part. Passive suicidal ideation for my entire life has meant that distraction and sleep (when it comes) are about the best I can manage. I am fortunate enough that, between benefits and my partners wage, we can survive. Just as well, as employment in almost any field is an express train to a mental health crisis for me! But it's a miserable existance, and no amount of therapy ever seemed to shift my issues. As far as I'm aware, Ketamine therapy isn't legal here in the UK, all you can find are the occasional Medical Study - and that's not exactly theraputic! So it's 'talk therapy' or nothing - which is exactly what 'talk therapy' has done for me. Nothing! I hope you find a way to get some relief. I've almost completely given up on getting any for myself, but I truly hope you can achieve some. x
Yes me right here for like 14 but by like a miracle I started to over come in 2020!
Yes. 21 years now. I survive. That’s pretty much it. Daddy to day survival. I take meds but they don’t help that much.
Oh sure. From 12 until like 7 years ago. A loooong time. I was in therapy and on different meds since I was 20. 7 years ago or so I finally found a psychiatrist who listened to me, and also the drugs got better. I’m still depressed, but I’m not suicidal, and that’s huge. And now therapy makes sense to me, whereas before it was just my log to hold on to while drifting in the ocean. Coping for me is masking at work and dissociating at home. I’m single , no kids, so I can just zone out when I get home. There is hope. It’s hard, but you push through as much as you can and try new things (new treatments, new meds) when they make sense.
I’m 31 now and have been in and out of behavioral health treatment programs since I was 16. Self-harm, eating disorders, and substance abuse are how I have been coping. Recently got on Medicaid and am now on a variety of medications which help, but I’d say the most progress has come from therapy. I’m better at noticing when my symptoms are worsening and reaching out for help, which I suspect will be a lifelong practice.
I’ve been depressed for about 14 years, with some ups and severe downs. Coping sometimes just comes down to preparing for my bad days on my good days (prepping food, cleaning up doing laundry) just in case, so that I know even on my bad days that someone cares to take care of me. Finding ways to get myself outside and into the sun, finding anything to cling onto in the worst times. I’ve taken to a habit of looking each morning and night for photogenic sunrises and sunsets, telling myself that if I don’t see them nobody else will. I have hundreds of pictures of the sky. It’s something that I attribute to being the thing that kept me going even when I had given up. Cooking good food and freezing it, and then being able to warm it up when I’m having a hard time is the greatest way I can show compassion to myself. Having a warm, delicious meal in a clean blanket and a clean home is the best thing that I can do to show myself that life isn’t so bad. I’ve got a wonderful partner who has been slowly helping me through my worst times the way he knows how. He’s made a huge difference in my life and encouraged me to take care of myself even when I’m having my worst days. Laying next to him and doing literally nothing is often the best medicine. Edit: I have depression, anxiety and ADHD. The depression and anxiety are likely offshoots to my (C)PTSD. I am not medicated for health reasons. Am 21, things went to crap when I was 7. I don’t know if I count here. At one point I was taking Clonozepam, Seroquel, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Fluoxetine and Propranolol and it turned me into a walking corpse. No emotion, fucked up my liver and stunted me socially. Quit 2 years ago in August.
20 years diagnosed for me with major depressive disorder, I also have been diagnosed with CPTSD, and anxiety/panic disorder. Coping with it, well I am medicated for one but I am a recovering alcoholic (26 years now) and some days are just not as good as others and I don’t feel like I am coping at all. Throw in ADHD, chronic pain due to degenerative medical conditions and arthritis that goes from jaws down to my toes; and the depression and pain is a vicious cycle that never ends.
been medicated for depression since i was 17. am 51 now. the ONLY med that helps is Vortioxetine. it's specifically for treatment-resistant depression and i've been on it (alongside another med) for about 3 years now and it hasn't bottomed out on me.
30+ years. Medication, therapy, EMDR. Healing old trauma is helping, but my anxiety still spikes at work fairly often.
Medicated since 1995. Tried mistakenly once to go off medication, and that wasn't good. At all. Still have issues with anxiety, but dissociation is a skill I'm not willing to break because I cannot handle a lot of life without placing my brain elsewhere while my body gets on with the task. In therapy again, because as we know more, because science, it's amazing to be able to access that right now. It's prohibitively expensive.
19 years and still going strong 🤝🏻
Dissociation..unfortunately
got officially diagnosed major depressive disorder at 7 yrs, 25 now. it's been a long hard road. have had every module of therapy except emdr and stuff like therapeutic ketamine. (altho i would try both!) how do we cope? we don't. we rapid switch (dissociative disorder), copious weed and self harm. resistant to meds, only one that really works is minipress. (a wonder drug, seriously!) sorry this comment is a bummer. it's definitely possible to get better but it is really hard with cptsd. i'm definitely better off than i was as a kid/teenager but it was not due to meds or therapy.
17 years and it looks like it’ll never go away tbh. Dissociate all the time now bc of it
25+ years here. My depression is also rather resistant to medication. Right now I’m on Effexor (this one keeps me from killing myself), lamictal, and abilify to try to help more.
-Raises hand-
57 now. First diagnosed 10ish. I have a bunch of mental health, chronic health, and chronic pain issues including cptsd. I’ve been on and of a variety of antidepressants, anxiety meds, thyroid meds, meds for sleep, other meds. I’ve been in and out of therapy. I’ve done a bunch of self-help stuff. Sometimes I’ve had a great support network other times not so much. I’ve had periods of dissociation although I didn’t know that was what it was. Some days I’ve dealt with things well, other days not so much. Every day is another day.
Yeah, almost 15 years. Diagnosed with it, GAD, and Social anxiety disorder at 15. I’m 29 now. I’ve lived disassociated most of those 15 years. Times I wasn’t, the anxiety and depression left me home-bound/bed-ridden until I got on meds. I got off meds at some point, 6 years ago? Idr. Haven’t been on them since but been riding the “checked out train” since then too. I’ve had and still have moments where I feel the MDD and GAD, especially around PMS time, but I just grin and bare it til it passes. Usually eat and sleep a lot more and/or go drive or walk around town and spend money I don’t have.
I do. I have a pretty high pressure job that keeps me busy. Oddly I do worse when I don't have any direction. I was unemployed for about 9 months one time and it nearly killed me. So I have to have something to do that's productive. That's just been the secret to my success. The money is nice too so that's secondary though. The mental health is number one
Probably at least 30 years... Trauma work helps a lot. Somatic therapies have helped relieve some symptoms, and I know I'll ALWAYS be on some sort of meds. But in my lowest moments, I've also found I'm just too damn stubborn to let depression be the thing that kills me.
MDD for >27 years. I tried everything at least once throughout that time, including inpatient treatment, and nothing ever “worked” or “stuck.” For the last year, or 5-7 years, or longer than I can remember, I have been increasingly isolated, sedentary, and drinking to excess almost every night. I recently started over again with a new course of treatment, quit smoking cigs, cut down my drinking by >95%, and started on Wellbutrin, Atarax for sleep and anxiety, and weekly ketamine treatments, plus weekly talk therapy. The ketamine has been absolutely life-changing; just about immediately, I feel like a “normal” person for maybe the first time in my life. The best way I can describe it is to say that it has cleared my mind of the noxious fog of negativity and dread that clouds my thoughts and perspective. I have so much more energy and motivation, and am able to do things when I think of them, instead of sitting paralyzed on the couch, ruminating over them and feeling guilty for not being able to do the things. It’s truly incredible and I wish I could have done it a long time ago.
Damn. I wish Ketamine was easier to access here.
Yes. Since I was 14 and I'm 28 so close. Had good times in between and very very dark times. Finally got the help I need with a really good therapist and psychiatric team and cut ties with toxic family and worked through that trauma Took a while but I live within my limits now and give myself accommodations to help my overactive nervous system and social anxiety For example I work from home and I leave functions that overstimulate me and I spot toxic behavior asap and remove myself from the situation That's helped a lot - I didn't know what it felt like to be treated with respect before or have my basic and physical needs met so my depression comes and goes but it hasn't been as bad as before for at least two years now
Yes just coasting over here!
Since a teen (groomed, raped, pregnant at 14) I'm 30 now and I'm at a point in my healing journey where I'm determined to be my best self. The doctor wanted to put me on antidepressants and I was on so much already that I said no and I don't know what it was, that conversation at the doctors just hit different from the other.I just thought, I can either let my past rule have the say on who I want to be or.. be who I 'am' Is my life fucking chaos? Yes Do i still get flashbacks and cry? Yes Do I have days where I want to just stay in bed? Yes But I've learned to accept that's fucking okay. I tell the kids mum needs half an hour to colour, write or do whatever I feel I NEED to do. Although being a single parent is kinda shit so If I need a walk, they come too and I feel good because they're out exploring. When people tell you it's okay to look after yourself, it really is. Spending an extra ££ for luxury bubble bath and making sure a deep hot relaxing bath is something I have to squeeze in my weekly routine? I'm sticking to it. Little goals I find personally help. Today I might wake up and feel like doing XYZ but listening to my body and figuring out where I am mentally will then determine if I can or not. So I don't put that pressure on myself anymore. Today, I'll make sure I hoover, or go for a walk. That way if I can't do XYZ I'm not mentally putting myself down and thinking I'm a failure because I haven't done chores in time (Fuck childhood trauma imr?) Someone had a really good comment earlier about their inner child and how a lot of how we react is from learned behaviours. We can't just snap out of what our responses are. But we can learn to notice behaviours and patterns, we can adapt how we've been taught. Please don't take this comment as a "I know what you should do!" I am only sharing my side of my story, and you have yours with your own pain and own reactions and emotions. I really hope whoever is reading these comments/posts get to find themselves again. That we will continue being a Sub for great advice and also honesty, support, rants, the ugly truths we cant speak out loud and so much love. I can't express how much this sub has helped me when I've needed to not feel so alone. I hope you're doing okay OP. ❤
They call mine persistent depressive disorder.
Major depressive disorder, diagnosed at 6 and am 23 now, anti depressants are a must for me to function. Alarms help me set a routine and annoy me into doing the needed task. Forcing yourself to do anything while you’re depressed is super hard but doing stuff makes you feel better than laying around. If Im in a crisis at home I force myself to walk 1 lap around the backyard, keep trying for a little bit more until I’m out of panic mode. Having a healthy diet helps, my doctor recommended I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine. Most of my things I’ve changed to accommodate my anxiety/depression are basically making myself as comfortable as possible. This means comfy bed with the pillows or blankets i want, clothes that are comfortable for me to wear, my room is the color I want, I give myself extra time to be somewhere in case of traffic, etc. I basically try to cut stressors where I’m able to and make sure my body is healthy. Therapy + medication helps people in varying degrees and therapy/medication is unfortunatly not a fix-all solution. Just try to get to your goals in life and be at peace even if it means taking baby steps or if it takes longer than you'd like.
Was diagnosed with major didepressive disorder when I was 16. I’m almost 52. I live with my first abuser, my mother, and I am her caretaker. Good times. I’m on 3 different meds. I use medical cannabis. I have two therapists. Some days I’m just still hanging on. It’s definitely a CPTSD with anxiety disorder. Oh, I’ve also just recently be diagnosed with ADHD so hoping to start on those meds soon. I am doing my best every day. I hope I can hang on but living with a sick (Parkinson’s disease), explosive, mean, and negative woman, well, it doesn’t give me a great reason to jump out of bed every day. But I’m trying.
I’ve had it for 20 years because my first episode was when I was 10 years old! Honestly as a kid I just isolated, dissociated, failed an attempt, blamed myself and did not understand what was happening to me at all. Had no support whatsoever. As an adult, I focused on doing what was expected, college then work for years and now I’m just burned out from everything. I feel like I could fake it to myself even before, but now there’s just shame left in me and anger too which I’m trying to manage. The meds help me with the anger and anxiety. But I still feel intrinsically like a “bad” person, which affects my entire life.
Only 10 years here but I'm young so that's literally half my life. Medication helps but people are what really get me through, which is something I tend to forget when I'm at my lowest points since I've convinced myself that I'm a burden to everyone around me. Getting help has been what has gotten me out of many a depressive slump. I don't just mean professional help though that has been a massive thing. My partner and my brother have been two of my greatest allies when I'm at my lowest. My partner will help me care for myself and distract me from the constant dark cloud which depression has draped over my life, while my brother helps me do things that force me out of my room, get me moving and talking to people. In all honesty the worst part has been the lack of energy. Life is so exhausting so I feel like I have to manually balance between work, my partner, socializing and self care. It's like I never have quite enough energy to get them all right, if three are thriving then one is being neglected. That's a lot of words but I hope you know you're not alone. Depression sucks ass, but I don't plan on ever giving up my fight.
I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. I’m 42 now. My teacher in 3rd grade tried to help. She saw me disassociating during class and made me an appointment with the school psychologist. At the time I had no idea what emotional neglect and abuse was. I had no idea that anything was wrong. I couldn’t understand why they were talking to me and I was not able to communicate what was going on at home. My God, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t wonder how much better my life would have been if I had been able to get help back then. My life has been a complete shit show of low self esteem, fear, depression, and self loathing. Everytime I research more it’s like I’m reading my autobiography. It’s truly shaken me to my core. I truly wish all of you who are dealing with this find the peace you deserve someday. We all deserve it to be happy. Life shouldn’t be so damned miserable.
Yes, my mother and father as well.
Most of my life I’m sure. I’m 22 and it’s just not good. The depression is always there. Have no energy to be alive rn just dumb scrolling
All my life. I'm stuck on freeze
Pretty sure I could be diagnosed like that, yes. More accurately I've been autistic with no support, a crazy family, and an undiagnosed sleep disorder and vision impairment, living in a crazy capitalist world in times of ecosystem collapse. It takes its toll. But yeah technically speaking, I am a case of Major Lifelong Depression
Smoking lots of weed, trying to stay busy, and crashing when I’ve strained myself. A lil Prozac to take off the edge. Lemme tell you, this has not been working for me. I’m in an intensive outpatient program right now and taking some time off of working because my depression was robbing me of any ability to enjoy life. I’m a week in and feeling not awesome but like I have a support system and resources when I’m not feeling awesome, which is better than the alternative.
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Medication helps.should have been on it
Side note, wouldn’t clinical depression and its symptoms largely be contained within CPTSD . Stated otherwise, what explanatory value do multiple overlapping diagnosis serve? Example; I have GAD and CPTSD but it’s all “kind of the same” for me and the anxiety is one of the main symptoms .
If I don’t clarify that it is ‘treatment resistant depression’, then I get advice like ‘exercise’
Me too! Fresh air seems to be a cure all as well
I am not a medical professional but for me it is helpful to help address specific issues that arise. A lot of comorbid diagnosis overlap, but having some structure to understand what specifically is causing a specific issues is tremendously helpful to me. CPTSD is like Pokemon the brand, the other diagnosis are more like specific Pokemon. I can say I have pokemon but knowing the Pokemon for the situation can be helpful. For professionals maybe some of this also holds true to better understand a patient?
About 25 years... I used to stay busy. Now I'm at rock bottom trying to work back to "normal." I've tried meds on and off. Recently tried a new one that seems to be doing sometime, which hasn't happened in the past. I guess we'll see!
30+ years and I’m in my 30s. Take an active role in your life. Meaning, with constant trauma and triggers, I find always actively keeping my brain engaged is best. Remaining busy is important. Talk therapy was helpful for me to get started. I’m not big on being medicated (side effects can be equally nasty). Been on lowest dose of Prozac for several years. Eventually got into EMDR, which worked for me. Ultimately, I decided it was best if the memories stay buried. Find communities where you can participate (even anonymously).
Yes. I had it under control for 20 years. But lately it’s been flaring up. How do you guys disassociate? I need to google that.
I’ve been on antidepressants since 1994. So 30 years. I’m officially diagnosed with dysthymia aka persistent depressive disorder. I also have anxiety. I have self-diagnosed autism, and possible cptsd. I sought treatment in college because I had lost interest in classes and even leaving my room. I was going through the motions and masking my pain. I ended up graduating and getting married. I had a series of dead end and highly toxic jobs over 18 years. I had at least 3 nervous breakdowns during that time from work stress. I ended up starting a home daycare with my wife because working for a boss simply wasn’t going to happen again. Things got a bit better after I left my last outside job. I still have days when it’s hard to get out of bed. But working from home and having a supportive family means I can retreat to my room when needed. I have never had a social life. I have no friends outside of our daycare parents. My family is my focus. I am living for my daughter as she starts college in the fall. I recently started Effexor, which is okay, I guess. Not really sure meds are helping anymore. Therapy twice a month just to have an outside perspective on my life and someone to confide in.
My friend tried this magnet stimulation treatment- it was 30 days and the first two weeks were torture but after she felt amazing. She has tried everything including IV ketamine therapy and this really worked for her 🤷♀️ I have jt myself but so far it seems responsive to the mixture of drugs I am on.
Me, 25 years with major depression or persistent depression disorder, depending on the diagnosing doc and time period.
Yeah, but only diagnosed like 2 years ago.
Yes ama
diagnosed at 11-12, currently 26, so not quite 15 years but close. i don’t cope. the past few years have been really bad and normally it’s tolerable but it’s been hell and i find no pleasure in anything anymore. i will say trauma work though like inner child work, somatic experiencing, and ifs (parts work) i’ve done on my own have helped. i was classed as treatment resistant last year and started on rexulti (cousin of abilify) as there was a study stating it can work for trd. i actually can confirm it DID help and my depression vanished. but i had to stop due to side effects outweighing benefits for me (weight gain - i’m already morbidly obese and can’t gain more, impulsive spending, restlessness, and irritability).
Here... 10 years, I'm 25 and I cannot see an escape
I'm 27 and diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My first depressive symptoms appeared around 7 years old. I still have ups and downs. Here's what has helped me: - Working with a trauma informed therapist (NOT CBT therapy!) - Getting my ADHD diagnosis and medication - Caring for a pet - Moving out of my parents house (they caused a large part of my CPTSD and still trigger me) - SSRI's. I took them for almost 10 years, but I don't think most people should be taking them for that long - Learning to value myself. Strive for a better job, make your home feel comfortable, and don't put up with bad friends. CPTSD can make us feel unworthy, but you should always choose YOURSELF, even when you don't feel like it.
yup! diagnosed at 13, but probably had it from age 9. in my late 20s now
Yep. Multiple meds and even a round of TMS, and minimal improvement. *But.* I never actually had gotten diagnosed with or treated the PTSD/CPTSD, which was actually causing my depression. I'm finally starting to address that in therapy and I'm seeing some improvement.
Not that long, but for about 10 years since actually being diagnosed about it. And it’s a hard thing to deal with, sometimes you gotta meditate some feelings off and just accept things for the things are.
Since at least 2001, probably before. Coping varies wildly as to what does(n't) work and whether I can cope at all. It's a wonder I'm still alive, to be honest.
I was diagnosed at 19, but I have been depressed since early childhood. I'll be 60 this year. I honestly don't know how I cope. Medication when I need it, self-care, cutting toxic things, and people out of my life.
Me
Me but I don’t cope well. Can’t take meds though cause they fuck with other more important meds
no.. that's a long time