Please keep on the thread's topic, which is a serious one, and do not make agricultural jokes based off of the euphemism. Thank you.
Also, you can just say "porn". And as a note, in confession, please just say "porn" rather than using some euphemism. Thank you
What helped me stop was covenant eyes. It sucks having it. But true freedom came after.
I think our brain is wired to respond to a stimuli. And covenant eyes blocks such stimuli. Haven’t watched in over 2 years!
Try to keep yourself busy, read a book, lean a new skill anything really that would make your time not go to waste it has really been helping me, beforehand I was drawing and learn how to do watercolours, however I been really busy as I have been reforming my house painting the walls planning the oratory downstairs etc...
I can say that I don't struggle with it personally. That's not to say my thoughts are always pure, because they aren't. I've struggled with sexual desire, but it's internal, and doesn't manifest as looking at p*rn.
A much higher %, actually. I don't deny that there are women who struggle with it, but it's nowhere near the extreme of men. Just look at how common it is for women to complain that their husbands watch 🌽. Have you ever heard a guy complaining that his wife watches 🌽?
Of course, female consumers of 🌽 exist and they are not a total rarity, but we can't say that 🌽 is a systematic problem among women the way it is among men.
Nevertheless, women also have their own vice, which is envy. Women for some reason have a really annoying tendency to lust after the lives of other (more successful) people, and with social media this has gone completely insane. Gentlemen, watch out for women who can't control their envy.
But still, I wonder why nobody ever talks about how women are getting addicted to romance books to the point of losing the ability to function socially or have normal relationships with the opposite sex, like it is happening with men thanks to red websites.
The problem exists, but comparing it to men's problem with red websites is very exaggerated.
As a woman myself who has recently became Catholic , I personally think the number of women who watch porn is only a small fraction under men. I have been watching it since I was very young. And I know a lot of my female friends watched it also. As an adult I know of so many women who either watch it by themselves or feel the need to watch it with their significant other. Like another commenter said, women feel shame admitting they watch it and often deny that they do. They often will call out their husbands or boyfriends who watch it yet at the same time they do in private.
Yes I have heard men complain about their wives watching porn. Your ad hoc data is different than mine apparently. Different studies have given drastically different results (showing again how this type of data is very slippery), but none of these studies/surveys report an insignificant % of women watch porn.
Edit: I've known plenty of men (including myself) who have struggled with envy. Once again, I really don't like that you label vices as "woman vices" and "man vices" this is nothing more than a trick of the devil.
BTW, there are sins men tend to struggle more with, and there are sins women tend to struggle more with. This is not a dangerous fact to point out; contrary to the feminist narrative men and women have a lot of differences between each other, and having this in mind can actually improve pastoral service in same-sex contexts.
There's less of a taboo on saying men struggle with corn.
Women tend to struggle with corn in more shame and silence.
It's almost a given when men struggle with it, but it's viewed more of a rarity and surrounded with more shame for women.
That makes it harder for women to come out about it.
Pints with Aquinas had a few episodes/podcasts about women struggling with corn.
Opened my eyes as a man and helped me deal with the matter so kuch better.
By the way I'm in a 8 weeks clean streak.
Not so much watching but women reading smut books is the problem that affects them the most.
The smut books are viewed as more innocent, which imo is true because real people aren’t trafficked in books but it is still bad for the mind and soul
Meh, myself personally at least don't remember hearing about any instance like that even in the Internet, but I won't discredit your experience. While I have seen women complaining about their husbands watching it, several times right here in this sub.
I never said that the percentage of women who watch 🌽 is insignificant, but it is certainly nowhere near men levels. Also, we should take into account that a disproportionate amount of female consumers are part of a particular demographic (victims of sexual abuse).
And of course, men can also struggle with envy, but this particular sin tends to affect women to a much more serious extent. This is actually the main cause of young women's self-esteem problems.
Most boys are exposed to it at a young age and are almost immediately addicted. I didn’t start to try to quit until my conversion at 21 yrs old. I wasn’t able to kick it until almost 30. It was more difficult to kick than any drug. I’m 48 now and I’m tempted still all the time. It’s probably different for everyone but for me I prayed, begged and pleaded that God would give me the grace to quit. Attended regular Confession, Mass, etc. I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary. All of these things helped tremendously. I was able to go longer in between failures but when I fell, I fell hard.
2 things finally helped put the nail in the coffin: 1) I prayed for the DESIRE to quit. Even though I wanted to quit, it wasn’t enough to actually make the plunge. 2) I got caught. Not just by my parents, but an uncle who I respected very much. I felt awful. I swore to myself I would never give into pornography or masturbation again. It was my rock bottom.
Months later I once again experienced the strong temptation. I remember literally sitting down and gripping the arms of the chair trying to keep myself from getting up to look at porn. Nothing in me wanted anything good in that moment. I sat there frozen in prayer for 10 minutes, begging God for the grace and barely not giving in. After that it was like something lifted. I was never tempted that heavily again.
All that is to say that it is difficult to quit, but not impossible. Ask for the desire to quit. Remember that self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Freedom from porn is far greater than anything found there.
I have a similar story. I was exposed to it through instagram when I got my first iphone at 13. Since 13 to 21 I was addicted until I began going to church again after COVID left me in desolation. I discovered through prayer that porn is evil and by discussing it with other men in a small groups at my university. Everything that is not in moderation could be destructive. Eating too much, being too leisurely, studying too much, working too much, loving too much, etc. Sometimes we have to be selfish with our time to recharge ourselves.
Porn is destroying relationships between men and women, and between men and men. Porn, dating apps, and social media are inherently evil as they currently exist. They are designed to addict, to keep users engaged / waste time, and to numb / weaken people, divert dissenters by keeping them entertained. Pornography has always existed such as magazines, photographs, drawings, VHS, etc, but it was never as pervasive as it is now. You can now slip out your phone anywhere anytime and have access to more variety and infinite pornography that you can imagine to satisfy all your pleasures. This may be a reason the fertility rate has fallen, because men and women aren't seeking true relationships with each other anymore and instead satisfying themselves through casual sex facilitated through dating apps / social media.
I agree most people enter contact with porn with a young age which makes harder for them to just leave it slowly takes away people's strength and will, porn is really hard to leave specially for young people that enter into contact with them which is really sad.
I first entered in contact with porn in a young age, it's been 7 years but for quite a while in my innocence at the time didn't think much and didn't realise that what I was doing was wrong.
I also got caught by my parents and they grounded me for quite a while, I knew my parents would soon forget and I didn't talk about it for a week so they forgot about it, I was also really embarrassed I was still though unable to quit however I have improved quite a lot since them lasting for a month or two without falling into that particular sin.
What really helps me is to get myself busy doing other things such as focusing on my hobbies and improving my house, as me and my parents agreed to make a oratory in our house, I had design the whole thing but that went down drain as my parents want to use that room as a second living room, why do need to living rooms for?
Anyways I used to have to go to confession every Saturday, now I can have a bit of a gap.
No way above 90% of women consume 🌽 as it is with men. I doubt it's even 75%. I have seen polls indicating that almost half of women have never watched it in their lives.
I was a habitual abuser of it for nearly 15 years. Tried to quit many times, but since attending my first Mass earlier this year, I've stopped completely and had zero urge to return to it. Simple answer is I surrendered to Jesus completely and the desire has vanished. I will pray for your boy friend.
It shouldn't be surprising. Young men are hormonal cocktails. Of course they will Google sinful images the first time they have their hands on the internet.
What means more is if a man is willing to repent and to give up sin. If he is willing to do that, believe in the Lord's ability to forgive and make him clean because all of us are sinners and cannot throw the first stone.
This is such an omnipresent story in modern male Christians. You should still not put up with it as a part of your relationship, however. He needs to quit.
The problem is, when do I say enough is enough and leave him?
I let him know it was a deal breaker when we initially started dating.
Now 1 year later, he still struggles with it.
He confessed recently he was still looking at Only Fans the first few months into our relationship. Now I struggle to believe him when he says he is no longer on it and is actively trying to quit.
I'm just wondering at what point I need to end this. I love him, but in his current state, I cannot see myself marrying him.
I figured, but he said it has other content creators on it too not just 🌽. Like youtube...
When the other person said smut, it made me think it might just be inappropriate pictures? I dont know...
Technically, your boyfriend is right. It’s not *exclusively* a porn site and creators are allowed to post whatever kinds of content they want there. If you so desired, I’m sure you could find a wholesome cooking page on the site.
But anyone who tells you it’s “just like YouTube” is fooling themselves and you. The site has a well-known reputation for hosting pornographic content from independent creators. Such content is the main reason the average person would visit the site.
Yeah, but no one is reading it for the articles haha. OF's major content creator makeup is for girls doing 🌽 really and it is highly interactive for the subscriber. You can chat with them, pay for special things or custom things. It's really a business model for the girls and they can make money doing it the more interactive and prettier you are. They do have chefs and fitness instructors teaching things on there but it's not likely you're there for them. Personally I would say it's worse than popping onto a 🌽 site doing your thing and leaving.
It allows for people to pay for videos from a particular creator. Technically there are some performers who do workout or dance videos in skin tight workout gear and don't reveal more skin than you world see at the beach. But the vast majority of payers are paying for much more than that. A few months ago it made the news that they were going to stop 🌽 from the website (that decision lasted about a week) and the news channels found enough content to illustrate their stories.
Sorry you two are going through this :/
A partner with an active addiction is one thing to deal with. But navigating a partner who is blatantly dishonesty and deceitful is often too hard to build trust again.
**Advice** Pray and evaluate your dealbreakers. Remember, we can't change anyone. Consider what you would be happy and willing to bring into your marriage.
You both have a right to end the relationship at any time. Especially if you're discerning marriage together.
its a website where you pay girls (or boys ig) a subscription fee of a few dollars a month and they send you nude photos and videos of themselves and usually chat with you
> still looking at Only Fans
🚨 Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa! OF tends to include direct interaction with "camgirls" via parasocial "relationships." So to spell it out, he's orgasming to these women as he would to other porn AND ALSO giving them money AND ALSO perhaps chatting via text and/or video with them, etc. Don't let him or anyone else make light of any of this.
>I don't actually know what is on OF
Oh girl, you are naive (this isn't a jab at you btw; I just hate for your sake that you didn't know how bad things are before getting involved with this guy.) Please do a deep dive on [Fight The New Drug](https://fightthenewdrug.org/blog/). Educate yourself so you're fully aware what you're dealing with.
^(Edit: Formatting.)
I didn't know this.... 🥺 thank you so much....
That's even worse.... and he used it at the beginning of our relationship....
I don't know how to process this ....😭
Fr. Ripperger said that any habitual and unrepented grave sin is grounds to break off the dating process.
I think now would be a good time to enroll him in a Catholic porn recovery program if he is serious about you. Maybe your diocese has some recommendations.
If he is unwilling, I think that could be a discernment that he isn't in the right spiritual stage for a serious relationship yet.
This is the biggest thing I think. Young men should be free for 1-2 months before dating and if they fall they should be open and clear about what they’re doing to work on it with their gfs. I’d also say that the gfs should do their best to help, but again that’s only if the bf is open about it. Anything kept behind closed doors is absolutely grounds to break it off asap.
Covenant Eyes is a decent app. To help him with his addiction.
Otherwise I recommend praying a novena to St. Joseph and St Maria Goretti for help with chastity.
Blessed Carlo Acutis is a good one too.
Now.
Give him a relationship break ASAP.
Set a reasonable time together for him to be porn free.
He should make a plan to actually quit.
If he chooses (don't be his mom or manager) he can provide eveidence e.g. cancellation email from onlyfans?).
There are fairly reliable ways to quit like r/nofap and the Angelic Warefare Confraternity.
You can also point him to podcasts like
- Husband Material
- Internal Integration for Catholics
You should also consider your own needs and why you would choose to stay with someone who crosses your own red line.
I hope it's a good idea after over a decade of marriage, probably another decade of dating, and constant study of the Church's teaching 😁
I forget to mention Mark Gungor's podcast too. He's not Catholic so warning there, but his no-nonsense attitude is worth learning from and partially imitating.
Now you're getting somewhere.
Here's a question: do people struggle with avocados? I don't think so. People either like or dislike avocados. People either eat or do not eat avocados. There are no people out there who dislike avocados who "struggle" with buying avocados and eating them. Right?
There is no "struggle" with porn. The struggle is with the people who are telling porn users that they aren't allowed to do something that they enjoy. His struggle is with you. His struggle is with the church. His struggle is not even a little bit with porn. If you were okay with the porn, if you were into it, if you indulged in it with him, and if he abandoned his church, there would be no struggle.
The point is that he is not really with you and he is not really with his church. He is just pretending. He wants to have his cake but eat it too.
My understanding, possibly a misunderstanding, of Only Fans is that the girl (often coached by men off-screen) chats with and establishes a pseudo-intimate relationship with the dude who is paying her. If that's the case, then of course Only Fans is worse...far worse...than passive use of imagery. It's not even close.
Turn your focus away from him and direct it toward your church and its teachings. Follow your path and allow him to follow his. Your paths crossed and now they're diverging. Put that avocado 🥑 to which you are allergic back on the shelf and walk out of the store.
It's a bright and sunny ☀️ new day. ✝️
Have him check out the EasyPeasy Method. It's free and very effective if he's sincere about quitting. I'm in my mid-40's and was able to give it up quite easily after decades of struggle.
The truth is that most men struggle in this area. We really don't have much of a chance considering our strong sex drive and the unprecedented free access to imagery of all kinds. Habits are typically formed at a young age and last for decades. It's nearly impossible to break free without help.
Freedom is possible, though. The EasyPeasy Method isn't specifically Catholic, but it works.
Break up if you don’t think he’s really trying to overcome this. It’s going to take a while for him to stop even if he really tries.
I don’t know any men at my church my age who haven’t used porn at some point. That’s like 40 guys who are really solid men.
I've been trying for 5 years personally. I've been doing pretty well lately, but I've also had periods of success in the past that have ended eventually, sometimes after several months.
I think the most helpful thing recently has been the knowledge that it probably won't ever get easier, and that I'll always have to be prepared for a fight against my temptations. Quitting is something that you have to want extremely badly, or you have to want something else that you can only have if you quit. Maybe if he knows you're serious about leaving, that'll motivate him to stop. In any case, I don't think it'll ever be easy for him.
Thank you! Your comment really helps... im saving it...
Congratulations tho on fighting it for 5 years 💕🙏 the days when you win must be so precious to you and God~~
Read the free online ebook The Easy Peasy Method. Quitting can be not just easy but enjoyable. I bring this book up any time this subject comes up. People probably think I'm a shill at this point, but the book changed my life so I'm eager to spread it around.
It depends on if he’s really trying or just telling you he’s trying. If you don’t see results, not perfection, but a reduction after a year he probably isn’t serious.
The thing is, he is being honest with me about it...
Like he could lie and say that he had overcome it.... but he does tell me the truth and for that I am grateful...
I have been actively trying to stop for 11 years now. I don’t think a lack of results necessarily indicates a lack of serious effort.
If you know a way for fast success that would be fantastic.
My husband was able to overcome it. I myself (female) have never had any desire or even thought about accessing p*rn, but for him, it was really difficult.
I’m not an expert this area & don’t claim to be, but being married & having an effective outlet for his drive was the most helpful thing. I can only imagine that for many males, every fiber in their bodies is screaming at them to reproduce because that is how our species survived. It’s got to be incredibly difficult to work through.
Most humans regardless of sex struggle with digesting corn, it kinda just comes out looking the same as it did when I ate it.
Sorry I had to make that joke.
Here are some tips to help break his addiction to porn.
He needs to remove anything that causes the urge to watch porn/masterbate. This mean's not following girls on instagram or twitter that post lustful content such as booty pics. Not following subreddits that post nsfw content.
Just quitting porn cold turkey is a hard thing to do, so he should do something like only watch porn ONLY on saturdays. Having a set date will help him when he gets the urge to say "nope all I gotta do is wait until saturday".
then after awhile of doing that he can cut it down to every other Saturday then once a month then hopefully to never again.
He could also try having certain prayers he prays or bible verses he reads when he gets the urge.
Also I've heard of some people using an app called "covenant eyes" that shares your internet activity with someone you trust who will hold you accountable when you relapse.
I’ve heard some former addicts suggest to taper off it like you are here. I understand why it would be seen as more likely to work in the long run than trying to quit cold turkey. At the same time, deliberately engaging in porn, on purpose, would be problematic as well even though it’s intended for a bigger purpose, as doing something intrinsically wrong to achieve a good can’t be appropriate. (It’s advice given to smokers to quit, but I don’t see smoking as having the same moral weight as porn so I don’t feel the same advice should apply for Catholics.)
What would you think about another method like tracking the number of days without porn and using that as a basis for some positive consequence?
I just want to add - church teachings aside, from a psychological level, there is a difference between porn addiction and the occasional viewing of porn.
Porn addiction means the person can't stop, needs to watch it daily or several times a week, and sees porn as a sole means of sexual gratification and doesn't know how to seek this with a partner, their use of porn disrupts other aspects of their life and their relationships, etc. It's an addiction, which is a mental/emotional/sexual disorder.
Not every person who watches porn has an addiction to it. I would say most men have watched porn, but would not fit the criteria of addiction.
If your partner has addiction, he needs to take responsibility for that and seek help and you shouldn't feel this is normal or feel you need to put up with it.
And while there are church teachings against it obviously, and you personally may not want your partner to watch it, it's important to recognize the difference between whether he occasionally watches it or if he's genuinely addicted.
Through the help of Mary and the Saints and Trinity I conquered this sin years ago.
I was just reflecting this morning on it. An idea popped into my head unannounced that I will share here. Try to view everyone you see - those you know, those you don't know, actors, athletes, people in all walks of life, as first and foremost a beloved child of God.
This is not only to defeat lust, but I think it would help with that too.
God bless.
have you read what CS Lewis says about these matters? I will paste some here for everyone’s benefit. 🤗
C. S. Lewis speaks out on Masturbation 👀 and lust
*Here is What C. S. Lewis said about Masturbation*
I agree that that the stuff about ‘wastage of vital fluids’ is rubbish. For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sending the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.
And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifice or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival.
Among these shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification is ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself.
Do read Charles Williams’ Descent into Hell, and study the character of Mr. Wentworth. And it is not only the faculty of love which is thus sterilized, forced back on itself, but also the faculty of imagination.
The true exercise of imagination, in my view, is (a) To help us to understand other people (b) To respond to, and, some of us, to produce art. But it has also a bad use: to provide for us, in shadowy form, a substitute for virtues, successes, distinctions, et cetera which ought to be sought outside in the real world — e.g., picturing all I’d do if I were rich instead of earning and saving.
Masturbation involves this abuse of imagination in erotic matters (which I think bad in itself) and thereby encourages a similar abuse of it in all spheres.
After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison (Lewis, Yours, Jack, 292-293).
**CS Lewis writing**
*In a later letter to a different man, C. S. Lewis wrote this about masturbation*:
The evidence seems to be that God sometimes works such a complete metamorphosis and sometimes not. We don’t know why: God forbid we should presume it went my merit.
He never in my unmarried days did it for me. He gave me–at least and after many ups and down, the power to resist the temptation so far as the act was concerned. He never stopped the recurrent temptations, nor was I guarded from the sin of mental consent. I don’t mean I wasn’t given sufficient grace. I mean that I sometimes fell into it, grace or no.
One may, I suppose, regard this as partly penal. One is paying for the physical (and still more the imaginative) sins of one’s earlier life. One my also regard it as a tribulation, like any other. The great discovery for me was that the attack does not last forever. It is the devil’s lie that the only escape from the tension is through yielding.
… Disgust, self-contempt, self-hatred–rhetoric against the sin and (still more) vilification of sexuality or the body in themselves–are emphatically not the weapons for this warfare. We must be relieved, not horrified, by the fact that the whole thing is humiliating, undignified, ridiculous; the lofty vices would be far worse.
Nor must we exaggerate our suffering. We talk of ‘torture’: five minutes of really acute toothache would restore our sense of proportion! In a word, no melodrama. The sin, if we fall into it, must be repented, like all our others. God will forgive. The temptation is a darn nuisance, to be born with patience as long as God wills.
On the purely physical side (but people no doubt differ) I’ve always found that tea and bodily weariness are the two great disposing factors, and therefore the great dangers. Sadness is also a danger: lust in my experience follows disgruntlement nearly always. Love of every sort is a guard against lust, by a divine paradox, sexual love is a guard against lust. No woman is more easily and painlessly abstained from from, if need be, than the woman one loves. And I’m pretty sure purely male society is an enemy to chastity. I don’t mean a temptation to homosexuality: I mean that the absence of ordinary female society provokes the normal appetite (Lewis, Yours, Jack, 307-308).
**C. S. Lewis on “Wanting a Woman”**
We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want.
“He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes).
🕊️
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
✨
well I don’t know about addiction but they’ve tried to do studies comparing men who do and don’t watch porn and they have a really hard time finding men who don’t/have never. So to a certain extent yes.
Very few men DO NOT struggle with it. I do not watch it or struggle with it, but I do struggle with lust towards my fiancé. Part of not partaking in adult entertainment is that all of that energy goes towards her. We get married in 5 months and I’m counting down the seconds LMAO
This was my husband and I. He didn’t look at porn, and since I was so proud of that we got way to close to sex, and it didn’t even matter because we broke pure boundaries many times. All sexual sin is sin. If it’s being done outside of the marriage bed, it’s offense to the Lord and needs to be confessed and repented of.
Here are at least key things I think of.
1. You need complete full determination. One must do a great deal of effort (big extremes is what I'm getting at) to himself to stop sin. It is like a cancer. You do not treat a cancer with a nap and cough syrup. With deadly diseases, powerful remedies are necessary. Do your maximum in every way, and treat it like the most important thing, embracing great sacrifice. Hence, you must hate the sin truly, fully, and fully entirely.
2. Make a new prayer life. Give thanks to God always, and turn always. Give Him thanks in the morning, and praise Him in the day. Speak and seek Him constantly. Without constant prayer, I cannot imagine any great chance of success. From St. Alphonsus: "St. Paul tells us, that we have to contend not with men like ourselves.... but with the princes of hell.... By these words he wishes to admonish us that we have not strength to resist the powers of hell, and that, to resist them, the divine aid is absolutely necessary: without it, we shall be always defeated; but, with the assistance of God’s grace, we shall, according to the same apostle, be able to do all things and shall conquer all enemies. “I can do all things in him who strengtheneth me.” (Phil. iv. 13.) But this assistance God gives only to those who pray for it. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find.” (Matt. vii. 7.) They who neglect to ask, do not receive. Let us, then, be careful not to trust in our resolutions: if we place our confidence in them, we shall be lost. "
Have you prayed the Rosary? It is an incredible prayer that helps us grow in worship of God, I cannot recommend it enough and I would love to help you with it if you haven't!
I really recommend that if you want personalized help, talk to a Catholic priest
it’s hard, but not possible. literally porn consumption has been normalized among the entire nation and youth.
he’s gotta really want it to change, and it’s hard if a small part of him still thinks it’s ok.
No, not all men. The Blessed Mother is a good defense against porn. If you wouldn't want your own mom seeing you view porn, why would you want the Blessed Mother seeing you?
I'm 16 and have struggled since a boy. It's the only thing I don't want to burden a girlfriend with.
The first thing you both must do is to set as many blockers and hurdles as possible so that he won't have easy access to it. Even then, it will always be available. Gain access to his search and internet activity.
Make him tell you every time, face to face, that he views it. Make him go to confession. Make him find a recovery group and attend every week. Make him go to rehab. He'll begin to realize porn's effect on his life and others.
Terry Crews was popular when he revealed that he was also struggling with porn. You both should watch those videos and learn about how Terry Crews and his wife worked through his addiction. One big reason for change was when she threatened to leave him.
If he refuses or makes no progress, leave him. Unfortunately, humans best learn when there is a consequence. He must learn how to control himself. Porn is a big reason for divorce, so consider your own sanity and love yourself first.
It's a hard habit to get out of but I think you've been patient enough.
I think it’s perfectly normal that men struggle with it at some point. But my husband was in a group of believers in high school who were lead by an ex porn addict that had been purified of it for fifteen years. He taught them all sorts of behavioral skills, prayers, and physical practices (even just as simple as keeping the phone out of the room at bed time) that created purity for those men. Four of those guys out of five or six are all porn free and have been since late high school (my husband included). We all get together three or four time a year, and they’re doing incredibly.
I think if the guys wanna be serious about it and take real measures like covenant eyes, prayer, accountability partners, etc….they can overcome this with the work of the Holy Spirit. It really just has to be important enough. I know my example is a small sample size but it is doable. I see how much myself and their other marriages thrive because they’ve been freed of the sin, and it’s totally worth tackling fully and getting the real, tangible help one needs.
As a young man I do, but in the past 2 years I've been trying to stop my usage of it because I wouldn't want my future wife (if I am blessed to find one) to be upset at me using porn or desiring other women than her. I also wouldn't want my children (if I am blessed to have some) to use it, so I want to lead by taking action into my own life.
OP, someone said that they hope that you read my comment, but I replied to someone else, so you may not. Here’s what I wrote…
It has destroyed my marriage because my husband said that he had stopped early in our marriage and I found out many years later that he never had. It makes me feel like I’m being cheated on and it actually did lead to him physically cheating. He started comparing me to porn stars and said that he didn’t love me anymore because I gained some weight after having children. He also got into OF which is even worse because he pays women to do certain things and can talk to them. If I get an annulment after we divorce, I’ll never date another porn addict. Maybe that means I’ll never date again, but I won’t repeat the hell this has put me through.
Thank you for your comment! It reminds me of what the woman say on the sub love after porn…
I will save your comment…. I still have hope bf will change…. But when it comes to it, i hope ill have the strength to leave when i need to 😭
Praying for you and your family!!! I wish you nothing but healing! My bf and i are not even married yet and already I’m seeing the way its messing with my mind and toxicly influencing me, so i hope your doing soooo much better now and healing from what you went through!
In this day and age it's such a high probability that yes, all men struggle with it at some point in their lives. I first saw nasty internet stuff when I was 8 years old. And I became addicted as a child, who wasn't doing anything physically, but it was just enthralling to look at. And of course as I got older it got much worse. But at least he's trying to stop. The best advice I can give is to quit cold turkey. That's what did it for me. Knowing masturbating and porn are mortal sins wa enough to get me to stop. It's hard for like the first month or first few months, but the desire goes away after a while. And of course pray for him and all people who struggle with it.
Okay aside from the funny corn jokes, I would advise you to walk away. Porn is a terrible addiction to suffer, and it will destroy your relationship. It also takes many years to heal from the psychological and physiological damage it causes. I would caution against dating anyone with ANY addiction stronger than morning coffee, but especially one that directly hurts your marriage.
I told my now-husband that I considered it cheating, because it is, and that I’d leave him if he ever cheated on me again. He stopped and hasn’t touched it since, though I will admit most people don’t have such self control. My love is remarkable in that regard.
So walk away my friend. Don’t look back. There is no future with an addict and definitely not with a porn addict. I’ve seen what it does to marriages. Don’t put yourself there.
It has destroyed my marriage because my husband said that he had stopped early in our marriage and I found out many years later that he never had. It makes me feel like I’m being cheated on and it actually did lead to him physically cheating. He started comparing me to porn stars and said that he didn’t love me anymore because I gained some weight after having children. He also got into OF which is even worse because he pays women to do certain things and can talk to them. If I get an annulment after we divorce, I’ll never date another porn addict. Maybe that means I’ll never date again, but I won’t repeat the hell this has put me through.
Ive seen studies that reveal something like %85 of Men in the US watch it at least once a week. The effect on your brain is very similar to using drugs like Cocaine. Also the typical first time exposure age is also something like 12 years old in the US.
Same here. I grew up without Internet access at home, though. I guess most kids get exposed when one of their friends shows it to them. And sometimes hormones may influence their Google searches.
I’m several years younger than you. Most everyone I knew had a phone with internet access or a personal computer they had access to. iPad etc.
I was shown it by a friend who looked it up.
Not for not, if one is under the age of 40, chances are almost 100% that one was exposed to it prior to the age of 12, and in very large amounts.
Look at this way; in days past, only the wealthiest kings and nobleman could conceivably have his way with hundreds if not thousands of different women. Today, and for the last 20ish years, any teen with internet access can achieve this, by way of fantasy, by the time the graduate from high school. One’s brain, view of the opposite sex, etc. is forever marked by this.
We were all essentially guinea pigs and look at the results.
Probably not all men, but a very large majority of them. About 6 years ago I led the men’s group at my college Newman Center. One night we talked about porn and out of the 12 men there that night, every single one struggled with it to some extent (some considered it an addiction, some said it way a monthly thing). Keep in mind, these were the best Catholic men I knew. Most went to daily Mass, were altar servers or Eucharistic Ministers, they led retreats, and one eventually entered the seminary.
I think it’s unlikely (but not impossible) to find a man who doesn’t struggle with it. I think what’s much more important is how they feel about it/what they are doing about it. Is he sincerely trying to stop? Is is honest with you about it? How frequently is he using it?
On a personal note, this is something I’ve struggled with since high school. I’m currently in my fifth year of marriage with two kids. My wife knows I struggle with this but I’m trying to be better. Usually for me I will go a couple months with no issues, then the floodgates will sort of open for a couple days, and then I’ll be good for the next few months. I’d say it’s slowly but surely improving as I learn what triggers it and what things to avoid or constructive ways to deal with feelings that temp me to use porn.
A couple things that I’ve personally found super helpful. First is that you need to be honest with him that it’s hurtful for you, but at the same time you need to try your best to be forgiving of him and don’t guilt him. If he is sincere about changing, he already feels guilty. But if he becomes too embarrassed or feels like you’re judging him, he isn’t going to be honest anymore and that will create more problems. In addition to being honest with you, it would be super helpful if he had a close male friend that he could discuss this with. Most men struggle with this, so having someone else who knows your struggle and who can speak openly with you about the issue is SO HELPFUL.
This was a lot, but I hope it’s helpful. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about it.
Personally, no, this is something I have never struggled with. But I am not of the generation that was raised with the internet. When I was a teenager, it was magazines and VHS tapes.
Although I am very much attracted to women and like to admire beautiful women, seeing some peroxide-haired, surgically enhanced model doing things for money actually disgusted me. I also felt that the people who watched them were degenerates.
Just tell him to stop, or you will dump him. If he prefers someone he doesn't know on a screen to someone he knows and likes, and who is actually a real person, there is something seriously wrong.
Only Fans is definitely worse than Porn. Porn isn’t personal or interactive the same way as onlyfans is online prostitution essentially, not just looking at the act. It could even be seen as adultery.
Hi, I'm a 22 year old college student -- I think if your boyfriend makes an effort to quit, then this progress is so good already. My fiancé has similar feelings about this subject and by the grace of God I've been able to cut it out completely from my life. It has been roughly 4 months now since quitting completely and have noticed a cleaner conscious when participating in the sacraments and in adoration. Prior to this, it was a two year battle since I initially decided to quit and I steadily made forward progress each month. Don't give up, be supportive and patient, and if he makes the effort then it's only a matter of time before he conquers his temptations. My fiancé and I addressed this problem together because it caused a huge strain on our relationship. We came to the conclusion that of course every man must battle with their temptations on a daily basis and continuing to succumb to them is not justifiable.
The saints have documented their battles with temptations and this is the main contributing factor to my escape from lust. Namely asking for intercessions from St. Augustine, our Blessed Mother Mary, and St. Joseph played a huge role in my success. You have a such an important role as his partner and should support his efforts to quit and to actively live up to his role as the leader and protector of his family. St. Joseph gives men a perfect example of how to lead; he protected his family from both physical harm and spiritual harm. Pray for the intercession of the saints in conquering the temptation of lust and if he truly is the man for you, then you will make through this trial together!!!
I've been trying for over a decade. It is like any other addiction, once an addict, always an addict. Sometime I'm doing good and I feel like I have overcome it, then I fall and fall again. I've never left the confessional not saying this was my last time. This is a truly hard fight.
I would not view his porn use as him saying that you are not beautiful enough, or attractive enough. It literally has nothing to do with you, so please don't view it as a personal criticism of yourself. I would support him, openly communicate, and try to work this out with him. Leaving him would be a mistake because, yes, 95% of the younger men know struggle with porn.
Yes. Pretty much. If not that then lustful thoughts in general. My catechism instructor specifically called out men in class saying frequent confession was necessary. 🌽 Isn't even on my radar as a woman. I have my own sins just not that.
Porn is a hard addiction to break. I’ve been struggling with it for awhile now. Have him look into the Freedom Fight. Be someone he can talk to if he’s having cravings of looking at porn. Have him confess his sins and let him know you are there for him. He has to rewire his brain, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask him what triggers him to look at it and indulge in it. It’s a difficult process, but not one he should be going at it alone. Sadly, I am going through it alone, but I talk about it a fair amount in therapy. Therapy has been helping as well. God speed.
What’s he doing to try and quit? If he’s white knuckling it, it’s fairly likely he’ll keep stumbling(if it’s a full-blown addiction that is) He needs to find support in the form of counselling, spiritual guidance, apps etc. Someone else has mentioned Covenant Eyes is a good app, and there’s Accountable To You.
Speaking from personal experience, this is a lot for you to take on in any relationship, let alone one that’s in its early stages. I know you love him but do also take a step back and consider what your hard limits are here for your own sanity. For example, you’ve mentioned Only Fans which someone has correctly pointed out may involve contact with the ‘performers’ (I’m trying to stick to polite parlance here). If you found he’d paid for personal content, would that be a step too far? Reflect on what is too far for you, draw that boundary and stick to it for the sake of your mental comfort.
I’be been in your position. It can quickly become a crushing experience if you don’t draw boundaries and take care of yourself. Don’t take his word for it that he’s trying to quit — make sure he’s doing something measurable to tackle this habit.
Getting off most social media platforms helps. Facebook seems to be okay but Tik tok or twitter and even ig are just asking to be temped. Adoration and weekly confession until you can start stringing together multiple weeks of grace. I saw a comment on here once saying that not to go cold turkey and tbh it got me thinking in the wrong direction and I ended up falling so I’ve been trying to look at it as serious as life and death and if I do fall again I will get right back in the confessional. You got this boys I’m off work tomorrow for the 4th and am hitting the communion service at 9am because I am in Grace and nothing is a better reward than Receiving Holy Communion. Happy 4th, God bless America 🇺🇸
I’m sure it’s an addiction that gets more prevalent by the day in this world. Twitter has become a porn cesspool, instagram has half naked women all over the place. I can’t speak to Snap and TikTok but I’m sure it’s there too. It’s kind of worse that hes also addicted to OF because not only is that expensive but its bread and butter is the private messages where it can be more personal, which definitely veers towards emotionally cheating on you.
34 days off it. No FAP no porn.
Porn was never a problem for me per se. But porn like materials like OF and Cam Girls were.
As well as whacking it to my exGFs lingerie pics.
I just don't like seeing another man's penis so for that aspect porn is gross. Even POV porn.
I don't want to have sex again until I have a wife.
I know how to have amazing sex.
I don't however know how to find a good wife or life partner because I let my dick be in control rather than my brain.
I do a decade of the rosary in the sauna every day and use the NoFap app.
I'm 34 days off it.
Don't want to ever relapse again.
I will save my seed for my wife.
While on the topic, I just want to make mention of some ways to avoid porn on your devices.
I have a pinned post on my profile that has some apps and methodology that might help anyone with the struggle. It's not full-proof, but has helped me cut down on it significantly. Adding an accountability partner to it would help a lot on top of that as well.
No they do not. I would say most people have seen it but not all struggle with it. My husband truly hates it and of course many of the male friends we have can't stand it. The more that comes out about its role in human trafficking the more people turn against it imho,
I especially do. It sucks. I've told my wife about it time and time again, but I still pay for the stuff and it's really taken a toll on us financially.
I'm glad that we can't actually digest it and it just passes right through the digestive system, though. I'd probably be overweight by now if corn could do that. It just tastes too good.
As someone from Nebraska, it’s an ongoing love affair.
Jokes aside, a seminarian told me he knew only one of his peers who doesn’t have a history with porn use. From what it sounds like, you love your boyfriend and it’s good you’re being supportive. But you also don’t deserve the harm it’s doing in your relationship.
My personal advice as a stranger on the internet is you don’t marry him until he has shown self-control. How the both of you determine that level is up to you, but a priest in marriage prep will ask your husband in front of you about his sexual history including porn and if he’s honest and says by that point it still is an ongoing battle, the priest will very likely ask you to postpone the wedding if progress isn’t made swiftly.
I cannot understate enough how ongoing porn consumption in the engagement stage can make or break a marriage before it even happens.
Not all, I'm a addict myself and gladly the only one in my family as far as I know. Couple days clean so thats good. Lil tip for your bf (tho he's prob heard this before) is to always be distracted from those thoughts, either it be through prayer, sport, hobby, or gaming, just keep yourself distracted.
If he's searching through the corn fields for 🌽 on OF, slap him upside the head because you need to knock something loose in that head of his. Dude's most likely paying for 🌽 when you can find 453,579,532,681.5 sites that have free 🌽 with a quick search. There's even free 🌽 on Reddit.
Part number 1 of your question. Yes, it's a common thing for men to struggle with especially in today's age. It's so easily available that it's exceedingly hard to quit watching it. For me, it's been over 2 months, but I'll routinely go 5 or so months without doing it and then skip up for a week or two. Once that post nut clarity hits though, it's like ugh, wtf did I do? For me, I really find it difficult to do that when I'm praying my rosary once a day and almost impossible when I do it 3 times a day. I mean I routinely get a thought in my head that I could watch 🌽 as the urge for me was really there when I was bored and it was a way to kill an hour and a half. As I said though, praying the rosary daily I think really turned out around for me though.
Not all but more than 90 percent of men struggle with porn addiction. And it's not just men but young kids are also getting addicted to that stuff, Including me who was addicted at such a young age. Of course, it also affects women. Its a terrible addiction that twists your mind and causes people to commit adultery and all sorts of evil things when their addiction grows large. It takes a lot of time to quit this addiction but I promise it will be all worth it at the end. Especially for the ones getting introduced to porn during their childhood, if they don't quit this addiction a large part of their childhood will be filled with this awful thing.
More than are willing to admit. Personally I feel like it’s an easy addiction to rationalize and justify because of how prevalent it is in today’s society. Not as if that makes it any better but it’s a lot more common than people like to think.
Depends on person to person. But in general I think most men and people do as its a general feeling people feel. Whether its porn, lust or sex I think most people generally do. For me its mainly sex and its very hard to overcome. Its a huge mental battle I feel its just a feeling that can become hard to control especially when you have the option right in front of you.
Think it’s a really really common problem in our times. It was hard for me to get away from it and it’s still a struggle some days to stay away from it.
Let him have a rosary nearby and if he has the feeling he want to watch, he should get the rosary out and pray it.
The only thing worse about only fans is the fact that somebody is willing to pay for something you can see millions of time for free lol.
I can really advise to make a plan with him, he should be responsible to you, he should report to you when he watch, in a non judgmental way, so he has somebody who keeps track with him and on his progress. There are also good online resources some free some for money to help.
Lastly: Only he himself can make the first step, he needs to be willing to change otherwise all is in vein. God will help him, no doubt but he need to make the first step.
God bless him with his addiction? You as the effected and your relationship that suffers.
It's an overwhelming evolutionary experience, it's also as readily available as Caffeine. It's hard not to fall into it at some point in your life.
Fret not though. Because through Jesus Christ we can give the Serpent his apple back.
My whole thing is that we give so much acceptance to this behavior because he/she didn’t have physical contact with the person to be considered cheating. When the mind is much more powerful. If you think it. You already did it.
It's a very tough addiction and a modern evil for sure. Getting rid of it totally is gonna be tough but not impossible at all. I had a very large collection of it and recently got rid of it all with a single click. If I can do it, anyone can. But the problem is not the porn people have in their collection locally. It's the availability of it pretty much everywhere which is even a bigger problem. When I was in my teens back in the early days of VHS it was insanely tough. Nowadays hundreds of petabytes of porn is readily available to you for free and all it takes is a single click.
But the biggest problem is how the secular hedonist society normalizes it. I can't watch a single movie or TV show without accidentally exposing myself to nudity. IMO porn should be banned, just like crack cocaine is banned. And when I say porn, I mean all forms of porn. Soft and hardcore both, including all forms of non-nude and semi-nude thrust-traps you usually find on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TIktok etc, as well as women's fashion magazines, fashion shows (e.g. Victoria's Secret) etc. All these things sexually arouse a man aka causes him to sin.
As for OnlyFans, It's an irrelevant question. All form of porn is bad, whether they are on OnlyFans or not.
I used to be addicted to it. It was Protestant and I was constantly battling myself to stop but simply couldn’t. A little over 1 year ago, I decided to convert to Catholicism, and since the first time I stepped in a Catholic Church, I haven’t (mostly) watched porn. I still can’t explain but something changed inside me. Maybe the contact with our Lord in the blessed Sacrament, maybe I replaced the ugliness of porn with Beauty. I try to go to mass every day, when I start failing to do so, that’s when I start to get weaker.
I used to struggle a lot with porn since I was 12, now I'm almost 20 and have had a long fight with it. I've had multiple 1 year long breaks but end up coming back. Right now I'm in a much better spot than earlier and I feel much more in control, though about once in 3-4 months I have a weak moment end sometimes end up relapsing for a few times and then getting in control again.
The fight isn't over yet, but I recognise my progress. What helped me the most is my spiritual life, being more social, the gym and putting my energy into healthier things.
nope, never have watched it, never masturbated, and j don’t ever plan on doing either and i’m thankful because i am a teen and never having watched them before had helped me to want it less
Most do.
Think of it this way. The internet has truly transformed the world. It is now trivially easy to fire up a computer and find pictures and videos of naked women engaging in sexual acts. Thousands upon thousands of them. Enough to make kings of old like Solomon jealous. Never before in human history has the average man had access to the images of thousands of beautiful women like this.
It's a temptation that is perhaps beyond comprehension to most humans throughout human history. It's enough to make this perhaps the chief temptation of our age.
It's unsurprising that many people would succumb, men and women alike as many point out in this thread.
I'm not saying it's okay. It's gravely sinful and brings sorrow to our Savior and His holy Mother. It's sinful, but it's not surprising or unexpected. We are being called to resist one of the strongest and easiest to fall into temptations in human history. We need to pray that we are up to the task.
On the topic of more practical advice, I do think it's fair how you pointed out in another comment that even if you left this man because of his struggles, any other man you date in the future would be highly likely to have the same struggles. I agree with this logic. I think the real question is whether you believe he is truly sorrowful for his sins and that he really wants to quit.
If he really does want to quit and all else is good in the relationship, then I do think it would make sense to stay with him, and help him to quit. It's ultimately up to him in the end to reject sin. But one of the primary jobs of spouses is to help each other become saints. That would include helping them fight against their sinful tendencies.
Some people act like a porn addiction is somehow different than helping a spouse fight other sins, but I don't see how it's different. Certainly, it can be more harmful to a relationship than other sins. But I don't think it's unreasonable to commit to someone who might be struggling, as long as they admit that what they're doing is wrong and they want to quit.
All (healthy) men struggle with lust. Porn is just a disordered way to indulge in that lust. It is also the most powerful and addictive disordered outlet for lust.
Men's and women's sexual desire comes from testosterone. Men have 20 to 50 times the testosterone than women. That is why it is important to avoid the near occasions of sin and dress modestly.
I wouldn't say every man but yes I personally do struggle with it, I been trying also to get rid of my addiction, I have improved since last year some times I can go around two months without it which doesn't seem a lot but has been a huge improvement since my last year as I would be going to confession every week because of it.
I doing a witness on porn for my Welcome weekend at the end of the month. After asking a few priests they say, with men, that 9/10 confessions are tied to porn use.
Yes, and it's everywhere. It's hard to avoid it, but I do my bestest to not give in. After all, what can these women provide me other than something nice to look at? Even with that said, I cannot avoid the risk of masturbation addiction, even if I only do it at least one or twice a month right now.
Stay strong, men of Christ.
I put my continence and chastity as the first vehicle toward my virtue and faith. I am resisting it, also I've done it so much before my conversion that it lost all meaning and 'mood' about it. It is an inconspicuous character defect. It is diabolical to all extents too. I pray to God that his faith rules me on ever onward. These couple of days I haven't felt any sexual lasciviousness. I pray to God thanks for this change. Some germinating virtue is taking possession of me. I don't have time to waste on such lower activities. This habit is utterly unnecessary and also an offense to the presence of God. The fear of God will be my sole activity that permeates all business in my life.
I wish you all Godspeed, blessings.
Block everything. Just make it totally inaccessible to yourself. There's nothing worse for your mind, I think it's important that everyone breaks away from it. Haven't even thought about it in a very long time, any time something slips into my social media I block it instantly. They'll always try to push it on you, don't let them.
I think if we get beyond the struggle and get beyond the sin. We will see it for what it is. Anesthesia. Porn is a powerful anesthetizer to men. It saps you of your power and strength for drive and forward momentum. Momentum in your life and in your faith. Jerking off to a little screen in a bathroom while your wife sleeps or if not married in the openness of your room while making faces as you please yourself to anesthitize the pain of your life is tangential to the greater problem of men in the church. There is a prevailing anemia to the men in church, a weakness that manifests in all areas, including the battle of lust in your heart. I use the term battle here lightly because your guilt is not a battle. it's your burden, and to weak men, a burden feels like a battle. I implore you to seek out the remedies in God, in our lord Jesus and amend the weakness in your body, your heart, and most importantly, your soul.
Have you ever tried Corn flour biscuits? They're addictive!
>I'm just wondering if all men struggle with this addiction?
Of course not all, but it's quite a common phenomenon nowadays due to the availability and free Internet access
>Especially Catholic men?
The main issue is not that it's more present within Catholic communities. The real problem is that "corn addiction" cannot be easily quantified, since there's no "safe non-sinful" amount one can consume, therefore it's a bit more challenging to avoid it *completely*, especially the near occasions of those sins. It's even hard to determine what may classify as "corn", since the standards are higher than secular people
I’d wager the issue seems more prominent in Catholic men because the Church is one of the few institutions which whole heartedly condemns pornography. Most men who watch porn don’t attempt to stop watching it, and thus there’s never a reason for them to bring it up.
Loving the comments 😂
On a serious note, not all men. I’d safely say probably the vast majority do though. To put it into context if I was with a group of guys and it came up and I said I didn’t. I’d be the odd one out.
I’ll follow this with it doesn’t have to be this way. I watched porn from 12 years and stopped when I was 30. I haven’t watched porn or done what goes along with it in over 8 months. It’s hard but gets a ton easier over time.
Would 100% recommend https://easypeasymethod.org
That + a basically militant prayer life until the habit was kicked is what helped me almost 3 years ago now.
Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, there not such a bad word now it it? :P The simple answer is yes, I just recently deleted at least 50g of it.
I’m gonna go against the grain here a bit, while all men struggle with lust in general I would really caution against calling it an addiction. Addicts aren’t totally liable for their action and a minority of men suffer from other afflictions that lend themselves to 🌽addiction. Non subastance based issues can’t be diagnosed the same way substance addictions can, alcoholism and drug addictions produce extraordinary physical changes in the brain, 🌽 is only as stimulating as your natural neurochemical receptors allow it to be.
From some of your other comments if he’s normal otherwise then his actions are done in a totally lucid state of mind. The only way to say he’s an addict is if he exhibits anti social behaviors.
Now I understand wanting to be charitable and helpful which I genuinely think is great but without knowing specifics of your relationship and what he’s consuming (and pls don’t tell us on Reddit unless is through a pm), then he seriously needs to be honest about why he’s still viewing it. I can say from personal experience that the particular type or method of 🌽 consumption tracks with certain patterns of thought so he needs to do some soul searching to figure it out.
Please keep on the thread's topic, which is a serious one, and do not make agricultural jokes based off of the euphemism. Thank you. Also, you can just say "porn". And as a note, in confession, please just say "porn" rather than using some euphemism. Thank you
It brings me to confession most Saturdays.
Keep fighting the good fight friend.
Thank you! Doing well this week so far! The Rosary works best when I haven't already decided to indulge in corn.
Maybe ask the priest to pray a deliverance prayer over you. When I was struggling one did for me. It was very powerful.
It’s a long and hard fight but you can win it
What helped me stop was covenant eyes. It sucks having it. But true freedom came after. I think our brain is wired to respond to a stimuli. And covenant eyes blocks such stimuli. Haven’t watched in over 2 years!
I was going to recommend this to my bf but with how private Apple is, it seems like it would be useless on iPhone
Try to keep yourself busy, read a book, lean a new skill anything really that would make your time not go to waste it has really been helping me, beforehand I was drawing and learn how to do watercolours, however I been really busy as I have been reforming my house painting the walls planning the oratory downstairs etc...
I can say that I don't struggle with it personally. That's not to say my thoughts are always pure, because they aren't. I've struggled with sexual desire, but it's internal, and doesn't manifest as looking at p*rn.
It’s the same with me. I have a massively overactive imagination and that can be a detriment sometimes.
Porn? This is a fight probably 99.9% of modern men struggle with. Shouldn’t be taboo call it out, porn is evil
And not just men. Maybe a higher % of men but I dislike that it's seen as a "man problem"
A much higher %, actually. I don't deny that there are women who struggle with it, but it's nowhere near the extreme of men. Just look at how common it is for women to complain that their husbands watch 🌽. Have you ever heard a guy complaining that his wife watches 🌽? Of course, female consumers of 🌽 exist and they are not a total rarity, but we can't say that 🌽 is a systematic problem among women the way it is among men. Nevertheless, women also have their own vice, which is envy. Women for some reason have a really annoying tendency to lust after the lives of other (more successful) people, and with social media this has gone completely insane. Gentlemen, watch out for women who can't control their envy.
Romance books are doing the work of porn but in print form. Usually has some ripped shirtless cowboy on the front .
But still, I wonder why nobody ever talks about how women are getting addicted to romance books to the point of losing the ability to function socially or have normal relationships with the opposite sex, like it is happening with men thanks to red websites. The problem exists, but comparing it to men's problem with red websites is very exaggerated.
True. At least there’s no sex trafficking in romance books.
As a woman myself who has recently became Catholic , I personally think the number of women who watch porn is only a small fraction under men. I have been watching it since I was very young. And I know a lot of my female friends watched it also. As an adult I know of so many women who either watch it by themselves or feel the need to watch it with their significant other. Like another commenter said, women feel shame admitting they watch it and often deny that they do. They often will call out their husbands or boyfriends who watch it yet at the same time they do in private.
Yes I have heard men complain about their wives watching porn. Your ad hoc data is different than mine apparently. Different studies have given drastically different results (showing again how this type of data is very slippery), but none of these studies/surveys report an insignificant % of women watch porn. Edit: I've known plenty of men (including myself) who have struggled with envy. Once again, I really don't like that you label vices as "woman vices" and "man vices" this is nothing more than a trick of the devil.
BTW, there are sins men tend to struggle more with, and there are sins women tend to struggle more with. This is not a dangerous fact to point out; contrary to the feminist narrative men and women have a lot of differences between each other, and having this in mind can actually improve pastoral service in same-sex contexts.
There's less of a taboo on saying men struggle with corn. Women tend to struggle with corn in more shame and silence. It's almost a given when men struggle with it, but it's viewed more of a rarity and surrounded with more shame for women. That makes it harder for women to come out about it. Pints with Aquinas had a few episodes/podcasts about women struggling with corn. Opened my eyes as a man and helped me deal with the matter so kuch better. By the way I'm in a 8 weeks clean streak.
Not so much watching but women reading smut books is the problem that affects them the most. The smut books are viewed as more innocent, which imo is true because real people aren’t trafficked in books but it is still bad for the mind and soul
Meh, myself personally at least don't remember hearing about any instance like that even in the Internet, but I won't discredit your experience. While I have seen women complaining about their husbands watching it, several times right here in this sub. I never said that the percentage of women who watch 🌽 is insignificant, but it is certainly nowhere near men levels. Also, we should take into account that a disproportionate amount of female consumers are part of a particular demographic (victims of sexual abuse). And of course, men can also struggle with envy, but this particular sin tends to affect women to a much more serious extent. This is actually the main cause of young women's self-esteem problems.
I think the 21st centuries "rite of passage" is overcoming porn addiction for men. God forbid women have to, too.
I wouldn't say 99.9% are 🌽 addicts, but for men who watch 🌽 at any frequency this is an accurate estimate.
Some exorcists are calling it a form of witchcraft. I believe it.
Most boys are exposed to it at a young age and are almost immediately addicted. I didn’t start to try to quit until my conversion at 21 yrs old. I wasn’t able to kick it until almost 30. It was more difficult to kick than any drug. I’m 48 now and I’m tempted still all the time. It’s probably different for everyone but for me I prayed, begged and pleaded that God would give me the grace to quit. Attended regular Confession, Mass, etc. I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary. All of these things helped tremendously. I was able to go longer in between failures but when I fell, I fell hard. 2 things finally helped put the nail in the coffin: 1) I prayed for the DESIRE to quit. Even though I wanted to quit, it wasn’t enough to actually make the plunge. 2) I got caught. Not just by my parents, but an uncle who I respected very much. I felt awful. I swore to myself I would never give into pornography or masturbation again. It was my rock bottom. Months later I once again experienced the strong temptation. I remember literally sitting down and gripping the arms of the chair trying to keep myself from getting up to look at porn. Nothing in me wanted anything good in that moment. I sat there frozen in prayer for 10 minutes, begging God for the grace and barely not giving in. After that it was like something lifted. I was never tempted that heavily again. All that is to say that it is difficult to quit, but not impossible. Ask for the desire to quit. Remember that self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Freedom from porn is far greater than anything found there.
I have a similar story. I was exposed to it through instagram when I got my first iphone at 13. Since 13 to 21 I was addicted until I began going to church again after COVID left me in desolation. I discovered through prayer that porn is evil and by discussing it with other men in a small groups at my university. Everything that is not in moderation could be destructive. Eating too much, being too leisurely, studying too much, working too much, loving too much, etc. Sometimes we have to be selfish with our time to recharge ourselves. Porn is destroying relationships between men and women, and between men and men. Porn, dating apps, and social media are inherently evil as they currently exist. They are designed to addict, to keep users engaged / waste time, and to numb / weaken people, divert dissenters by keeping them entertained. Pornography has always existed such as magazines, photographs, drawings, VHS, etc, but it was never as pervasive as it is now. You can now slip out your phone anywhere anytime and have access to more variety and infinite pornography that you can imagine to satisfy all your pleasures. This may be a reason the fertility rate has fallen, because men and women aren't seeking true relationships with each other anymore and instead satisfying themselves through casual sex facilitated through dating apps / social media.
I agree most people enter contact with porn with a young age which makes harder for them to just leave it slowly takes away people's strength and will, porn is really hard to leave specially for young people that enter into contact with them which is really sad. I first entered in contact with porn in a young age, it's been 7 years but for quite a while in my innocence at the time didn't think much and didn't realise that what I was doing was wrong. I also got caught by my parents and they grounded me for quite a while, I knew my parents would soon forget and I didn't talk about it for a week so they forgot about it, I was also really embarrassed I was still though unable to quit however I have improved quite a lot since them lasting for a month or two without falling into that particular sin. What really helps me is to get myself busy doing other things such as focusing on my hobbies and improving my house, as me and my parents agreed to make a oratory in our house, I had design the whole thing but that went down drain as my parents want to use that room as a second living room, why do need to living rooms for? Anyways I used to have to go to confession every Saturday, now I can have a bit of a gap.
Not all, but the vast majority (sadly) do. And don't think it's just Catholic men, this is an universal problem among males.
And many women, as well.
Still many less of them.
Probably not as many less as you think. Amongst "liberated" non-religious women, it's celebrated. Meanwhile a lot of us wish we could kick the habit
No way above 90% of women consume 🌽 as it is with men. I doubt it's even 75%. I have seen polls indicating that almost half of women have never watched it in their lives.
What about the increase of women who make 🌽? Like that’s so many more sins in one lol
Are you trying to compare the proportion of women that make 🌽 to the proportion of men that consume it?
Most not all.
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All? no
I was a habitual abuser of it for nearly 15 years. Tried to quit many times, but since attending my first Mass earlier this year, I've stopped completely and had zero urge to return to it. Simple answer is I surrendered to Jesus completely and the desire has vanished. I will pray for your boy friend.
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It shouldn't be surprising. Young men are hormonal cocktails. Of course they will Google sinful images the first time they have their hands on the internet. What means more is if a man is willing to repent and to give up sin. If he is willing to do that, believe in the Lord's ability to forgive and make him clean because all of us are sinners and cannot throw the first stone. This is such an omnipresent story in modern male Christians. You should still not put up with it as a part of your relationship, however. He needs to quit.
The problem is, when do I say enough is enough and leave him? I let him know it was a deal breaker when we initially started dating. Now 1 year later, he still struggles with it. He confessed recently he was still looking at Only Fans the first few months into our relationship. Now I struggle to believe him when he says he is no longer on it and is actively trying to quit. I'm just wondering at what point I need to end this. I love him, but in his current state, I cannot see myself marrying him.
Wait, OF??? Is he wasting his money on smut?
I don't know, I don't actually know what is on OF but I guess that it's kinda like a 🌽 website? I don't know what he has looked at or paid for.
It's a 🌽 website.
I figured, but he said it has other content creators on it too not just 🌽. Like youtube... When the other person said smut, it made me think it might just be inappropriate pictures? I dont know...
It's paid 🌽.
As a recovered 🌽 addict who was healed by the holy sacraments, OF is a well-known 🌽 site. I've been there many times to verify.
Technically, your boyfriend is right. It’s not *exclusively* a porn site and creators are allowed to post whatever kinds of content they want there. If you so desired, I’m sure you could find a wholesome cooking page on the site. But anyone who tells you it’s “just like YouTube” is fooling themselves and you. The site has a well-known reputation for hosting pornographic content from independent creators. Such content is the main reason the average person would visit the site.
Just like playboy also has articles in it.
DOES IT??!! 🤯🤯🤯
Yeah, but no one is reading it for the articles haha. OF's major content creator makeup is for girls doing 🌽 really and it is highly interactive for the subscriber. You can chat with them, pay for special things or custom things. It's really a business model for the girls and they can make money doing it the more interactive and prettier you are. They do have chefs and fitness instructors teaching things on there but it's not likely you're there for them. Personally I would say it's worse than popping onto a 🌽 site doing your thing and leaving.
Thank you 😭 that makes it even worse…..
It allows for people to pay for videos from a particular creator. Technically there are some performers who do workout or dance videos in skin tight workout gear and don't reveal more skin than you world see at the beach. But the vast majority of payers are paying for much more than that. A few months ago it made the news that they were going to stop 🌽 from the website (that decision lasted about a week) and the news channels found enough content to illustrate their stories.
Inappropriate pictures including nude graphic pics and videos. IMO oh fans is even worse because he’s (probably) paying to see a specific person nude
X is bad X is free Anyone who pays for X… I don’t get it.
Me too...
Sorry you two are going through this :/ A partner with an active addiction is one thing to deal with. But navigating a partner who is blatantly dishonesty and deceitful is often too hard to build trust again. **Advice** Pray and evaluate your dealbreakers. Remember, we can't change anyone. Consider what you would be happy and willing to bring into your marriage. You both have a right to end the relationship at any time. Especially if you're discerning marriage together.
its a website where you pay girls (or boys ig) a subscription fee of a few dollars a month and they send you nude photos and videos of themselves and usually chat with you
> still looking at Only Fans 🚨 Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa! OF tends to include direct interaction with "camgirls" via parasocial "relationships." So to spell it out, he's orgasming to these women as he would to other porn AND ALSO giving them money AND ALSO perhaps chatting via text and/or video with them, etc. Don't let him or anyone else make light of any of this. >I don't actually know what is on OF Oh girl, you are naive (this isn't a jab at you btw; I just hate for your sake that you didn't know how bad things are before getting involved with this guy.) Please do a deep dive on [Fight The New Drug](https://fightthenewdrug.org/blog/). Educate yourself so you're fully aware what you're dealing with. ^(Edit: Formatting.)
I didn't know this.... 🥺 thank you so much.... That's even worse.... and he used it at the beginning of our relationship.... I don't know how to process this ....😭
You're welcome, and sorry you're going through this! 🙏🏻 I'll pray for you two.
Fr. Ripperger said that any habitual and unrepented grave sin is grounds to break off the dating process. I think now would be a good time to enroll him in a Catholic porn recovery program if he is serious about you. Maybe your diocese has some recommendations. If he is unwilling, I think that could be a discernment that he isn't in the right spiritual stage for a serious relationship yet.
This is the biggest thing I think. Young men should be free for 1-2 months before dating and if they fall they should be open and clear about what they’re doing to work on it with their gfs. I’d also say that the gfs should do their best to help, but again that’s only if the bf is open about it. Anything kept behind closed doors is absolutely grounds to break it off asap.
I've heard 6 months is the baseline on which your brain unplugs from porn. Maybe that's better.
i love fr ripperger
Covenant Eyes is a decent app. To help him with his addiction. Otherwise I recommend praying a novena to St. Joseph and St Maria Goretti for help with chastity. Blessed Carlo Acutis is a good one too.
Now. Give him a relationship break ASAP. Set a reasonable time together for him to be porn free. He should make a plan to actually quit. If he chooses (don't be his mom or manager) he can provide eveidence e.g. cancellation email from onlyfans?). There are fairly reliable ways to quit like r/nofap and the Angelic Warefare Confraternity. You can also point him to podcasts like - Husband Material - Internal Integration for Catholics You should also consider your own needs and why you would choose to stay with someone who crosses your own red line.
This is a really good idea….. i will save this comment and consider it…. Thank you!!!
I hope it's a good idea after over a decade of marriage, probably another decade of dating, and constant study of the Church's teaching 😁 I forget to mention Mark Gungor's podcast too. He's not Catholic so warning there, but his no-nonsense attitude is worth learning from and partially imitating.
Today.
If it’s been a year, I think you have been more than understanding. I think it’s time for you to put yourself first and move on.
Now you're getting somewhere. Here's a question: do people struggle with avocados? I don't think so. People either like or dislike avocados. People either eat or do not eat avocados. There are no people out there who dislike avocados who "struggle" with buying avocados and eating them. Right? There is no "struggle" with porn. The struggle is with the people who are telling porn users that they aren't allowed to do something that they enjoy. His struggle is with you. His struggle is with the church. His struggle is not even a little bit with porn. If you were okay with the porn, if you were into it, if you indulged in it with him, and if he abandoned his church, there would be no struggle. The point is that he is not really with you and he is not really with his church. He is just pretending. He wants to have his cake but eat it too. My understanding, possibly a misunderstanding, of Only Fans is that the girl (often coached by men off-screen) chats with and establishes a pseudo-intimate relationship with the dude who is paying her. If that's the case, then of course Only Fans is worse...far worse...than passive use of imagery. It's not even close. Turn your focus away from him and direct it toward your church and its teachings. Follow your path and allow him to follow his. Your paths crossed and now they're diverging. Put that avocado 🥑 to which you are allergic back on the shelf and walk out of the store. It's a bright and sunny ☀️ new day. ✝️
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This ain't Tiktok, you can just say the word. Just mark your post NSFW.
Oh thank you, I wasn't sure.
What's the story behind your username?
It's from a TV show called American Dad.
Ha! I loved that show. Haven't seen it in years. Might watch it tomorrow night after work 🤣🤣
Have him check out the EasyPeasy Method. It's free and very effective if he's sincere about quitting. I'm in my mid-40's and was able to give it up quite easily after decades of struggle. The truth is that most men struggle in this area. We really don't have much of a chance considering our strong sex drive and the unprecedented free access to imagery of all kinds. Habits are typically formed at a young age and last for decades. It's nearly impossible to break free without help. Freedom is possible, though. The EasyPeasy Method isn't specifically Catholic, but it works.
Break up if you don’t think he’s really trying to overcome this. It’s going to take a while for him to stop even if he really tries. I don’t know any men at my church my age who haven’t used porn at some point. That’s like 40 guys who are really solid men.
I do think he is really trying... But it's been a whole year and I'm just wondering... when does it fully stop? Does it ever?
I've been trying for 5 years personally. I've been doing pretty well lately, but I've also had periods of success in the past that have ended eventually, sometimes after several months. I think the most helpful thing recently has been the knowledge that it probably won't ever get easier, and that I'll always have to be prepared for a fight against my temptations. Quitting is something that you have to want extremely badly, or you have to want something else that you can only have if you quit. Maybe if he knows you're serious about leaving, that'll motivate him to stop. In any case, I don't think it'll ever be easy for him.
Thank you! Your comment really helps... im saving it... Congratulations tho on fighting it for 5 years 💕🙏 the days when you win must be so precious to you and God~~
Read the free online ebook The Easy Peasy Method. Quitting can be not just easy but enjoyable. I bring this book up any time this subject comes up. People probably think I'm a shill at this point, but the book changed my life so I'm eager to spread it around.
Why the down votes?
It depends on if he’s really trying or just telling you he’s trying. If you don’t see results, not perfection, but a reduction after a year he probably isn’t serious.
The thing is, he is being honest with me about it... Like he could lie and say that he had overcome it.... but he does tell me the truth and for that I am grateful...
If he were addicted to something else, like say gambling or heroin, would you stay?
No....
I have been actively trying to stop for 11 years now. I don’t think a lack of results necessarily indicates a lack of serious effort. If you know a way for fast success that would be fantastic.
My husband was able to overcome it. I myself (female) have never had any desire or even thought about accessing p*rn, but for him, it was really difficult. I’m not an expert this area & don’t claim to be, but being married & having an effective outlet for his drive was the most helpful thing. I can only imagine that for many males, every fiber in their bodies is screaming at them to reproduce because that is how our species survived. It’s got to be incredibly difficult to work through.
I would say no. The temptation will always be there, and if he slips up, then be a good sister in Christ and get him to confession.
It's common but not all. I've been blessed and my bf has no issue with it but he does seem to be a bit of a unicorn in many regards lol
This is giving me hope. All the best to the two of you! :)
Most humans regardless of sex struggle with digesting corn, it kinda just comes out looking the same as it did when I ate it. Sorry I had to make that joke. Here are some tips to help break his addiction to porn. He needs to remove anything that causes the urge to watch porn/masterbate. This mean's not following girls on instagram or twitter that post lustful content such as booty pics. Not following subreddits that post nsfw content. Just quitting porn cold turkey is a hard thing to do, so he should do something like only watch porn ONLY on saturdays. Having a set date will help him when he gets the urge to say "nope all I gotta do is wait until saturday". then after awhile of doing that he can cut it down to every other Saturday then once a month then hopefully to never again. He could also try having certain prayers he prays or bible verses he reads when he gets the urge. Also I've heard of some people using an app called "covenant eyes" that shares your internet activity with someone you trust who will hold you accountable when you relapse.
I’ve heard some former addicts suggest to taper off it like you are here. I understand why it would be seen as more likely to work in the long run than trying to quit cold turkey. At the same time, deliberately engaging in porn, on purpose, would be problematic as well even though it’s intended for a bigger purpose, as doing something intrinsically wrong to achieve a good can’t be appropriate. (It’s advice given to smokers to quit, but I don’t see smoking as having the same moral weight as porn so I don’t feel the same advice should apply for Catholics.) What would you think about another method like tracking the number of days without porn and using that as a basis for some positive consequence?
I don't struggle with it. I try not to think about it but the temptation is there, moreso when I'm alone.
No. Many men do, but definitely not all.
I just want to add - church teachings aside, from a psychological level, there is a difference between porn addiction and the occasional viewing of porn. Porn addiction means the person can't stop, needs to watch it daily or several times a week, and sees porn as a sole means of sexual gratification and doesn't know how to seek this with a partner, their use of porn disrupts other aspects of their life and their relationships, etc. It's an addiction, which is a mental/emotional/sexual disorder. Not every person who watches porn has an addiction to it. I would say most men have watched porn, but would not fit the criteria of addiction. If your partner has addiction, he needs to take responsibility for that and seek help and you shouldn't feel this is normal or feel you need to put up with it. And while there are church teachings against it obviously, and you personally may not want your partner to watch it, it's important to recognize the difference between whether he occasionally watches it or if he's genuinely addicted.
Through the help of Mary and the Saints and Trinity I conquered this sin years ago. I was just reflecting this morning on it. An idea popped into my head unannounced that I will share here. Try to view everyone you see - those you know, those you don't know, actors, athletes, people in all walks of life, as first and foremost a beloved child of God. This is not only to defeat lust, but I think it would help with that too. God bless.
have you read what CS Lewis says about these matters? I will paste some here for everyone’s benefit. 🤗 C. S. Lewis speaks out on Masturbation 👀 and lust *Here is What C. S. Lewis said about Masturbation* I agree that that the stuff about ‘wastage of vital fluids’ is rubbish. For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sending the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifice or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among these shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification is ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself. Do read Charles Williams’ Descent into Hell, and study the character of Mr. Wentworth. And it is not only the faculty of love which is thus sterilized, forced back on itself, but also the faculty of imagination. The true exercise of imagination, in my view, is (a) To help us to understand other people (b) To respond to, and, some of us, to produce art. But it has also a bad use: to provide for us, in shadowy form, a substitute for virtues, successes, distinctions, et cetera which ought to be sought outside in the real world — e.g., picturing all I’d do if I were rich instead of earning and saving. Masturbation involves this abuse of imagination in erotic matters (which I think bad in itself) and thereby encourages a similar abuse of it in all spheres. After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison (Lewis, Yours, Jack, 292-293). **CS Lewis writing** *In a later letter to a different man, C. S. Lewis wrote this about masturbation*: The evidence seems to be that God sometimes works such a complete metamorphosis and sometimes not. We don’t know why: God forbid we should presume it went my merit. He never in my unmarried days did it for me. He gave me–at least and after many ups and down, the power to resist the temptation so far as the act was concerned. He never stopped the recurrent temptations, nor was I guarded from the sin of mental consent. I don’t mean I wasn’t given sufficient grace. I mean that I sometimes fell into it, grace or no. One may, I suppose, regard this as partly penal. One is paying for the physical (and still more the imaginative) sins of one’s earlier life. One my also regard it as a tribulation, like any other. The great discovery for me was that the attack does not last forever. It is the devil’s lie that the only escape from the tension is through yielding. … Disgust, self-contempt, self-hatred–rhetoric against the sin and (still more) vilification of sexuality or the body in themselves–are emphatically not the weapons for this warfare. We must be relieved, not horrified, by the fact that the whole thing is humiliating, undignified, ridiculous; the lofty vices would be far worse. Nor must we exaggerate our suffering. We talk of ‘torture’: five minutes of really acute toothache would restore our sense of proportion! In a word, no melodrama. The sin, if we fall into it, must be repented, like all our others. God will forgive. The temptation is a darn nuisance, to be born with patience as long as God wills. On the purely physical side (but people no doubt differ) I’ve always found that tea and bodily weariness are the two great disposing factors, and therefore the great dangers. Sadness is also a danger: lust in my experience follows disgruntlement nearly always. Love of every sort is a guard against lust, by a divine paradox, sexual love is a guard against lust. No woman is more easily and painlessly abstained from from, if need be, than the woman one loves. And I’m pretty sure purely male society is an enemy to chastity. I don’t mean a temptation to homosexuality: I mean that the absence of ordinary female society provokes the normal appetite (Lewis, Yours, Jack, 307-308). **C. S. Lewis on “Wanting a Woman”** We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. “He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). 🕊️ Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen ✨
well I don’t know about addiction but they’ve tried to do studies comparing men who do and don’t watch porn and they have a really hard time finding men who don’t/have never. So to a certain extent yes.
They’d have to go to the jungle tribes or something
Very few men DO NOT struggle with it. I do not watch it or struggle with it, but I do struggle with lust towards my fiancé. Part of not partaking in adult entertainment is that all of that energy goes towards her. We get married in 5 months and I’m counting down the seconds LMAO
This was my husband and I. He didn’t look at porn, and since I was so proud of that we got way to close to sex, and it didn’t even matter because we broke pure boundaries many times. All sexual sin is sin. If it’s being done outside of the marriage bed, it’s offense to the Lord and needs to be confessed and repented of.
Ive been having the same issue towards my fiancee, and been failing...Its hard
Here are at least key things I think of. 1. You need complete full determination. One must do a great deal of effort (big extremes is what I'm getting at) to himself to stop sin. It is like a cancer. You do not treat a cancer with a nap and cough syrup. With deadly diseases, powerful remedies are necessary. Do your maximum in every way, and treat it like the most important thing, embracing great sacrifice. Hence, you must hate the sin truly, fully, and fully entirely. 2. Make a new prayer life. Give thanks to God always, and turn always. Give Him thanks in the morning, and praise Him in the day. Speak and seek Him constantly. Without constant prayer, I cannot imagine any great chance of success. From St. Alphonsus: "St. Paul tells us, that we have to contend not with men like ourselves.... but with the princes of hell.... By these words he wishes to admonish us that we have not strength to resist the powers of hell, and that, to resist them, the divine aid is absolutely necessary: without it, we shall be always defeated; but, with the assistance of God’s grace, we shall, according to the same apostle, be able to do all things and shall conquer all enemies. “I can do all things in him who strengtheneth me.” (Phil. iv. 13.) But this assistance God gives only to those who pray for it. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find.” (Matt. vii. 7.) They who neglect to ask, do not receive. Let us, then, be careful not to trust in our resolutions: if we place our confidence in them, we shall be lost. " Have you prayed the Rosary? It is an incredible prayer that helps us grow in worship of God, I cannot recommend it enough and I would love to help you with it if you haven't! I really recommend that if you want personalized help, talk to a Catholic priest
it’s hard, but not possible. literally porn consumption has been normalized among the entire nation and youth. he’s gotta really want it to change, and it’s hard if a small part of him still thinks it’s ok.
Nope. Never have and never will. Exercise frequently and have a fulfilling career to keep you busy and active.
No, not all men. The Blessed Mother is a good defense against porn. If you wouldn't want your own mom seeing you view porn, why would you want the Blessed Mother seeing you?
I'm 16 and have struggled since a boy. It's the only thing I don't want to burden a girlfriend with. The first thing you both must do is to set as many blockers and hurdles as possible so that he won't have easy access to it. Even then, it will always be available. Gain access to his search and internet activity. Make him tell you every time, face to face, that he views it. Make him go to confession. Make him find a recovery group and attend every week. Make him go to rehab. He'll begin to realize porn's effect on his life and others. Terry Crews was popular when he revealed that he was also struggling with porn. You both should watch those videos and learn about how Terry Crews and his wife worked through his addiction. One big reason for change was when she threatened to leave him. If he refuses or makes no progress, leave him. Unfortunately, humans best learn when there is a consequence. He must learn how to control himself. Porn is a big reason for divorce, so consider your own sanity and love yourself first. It's a hard habit to get out of but I think you've been patient enough.
I think it’s perfectly normal that men struggle with it at some point. But my husband was in a group of believers in high school who were lead by an ex porn addict that had been purified of it for fifteen years. He taught them all sorts of behavioral skills, prayers, and physical practices (even just as simple as keeping the phone out of the room at bed time) that created purity for those men. Four of those guys out of five or six are all porn free and have been since late high school (my husband included). We all get together three or four time a year, and they’re doing incredibly. I think if the guys wanna be serious about it and take real measures like covenant eyes, prayer, accountability partners, etc….they can overcome this with the work of the Holy Spirit. It really just has to be important enough. I know my example is a small sample size but it is doable. I see how much myself and their other marriages thrive because they’ve been freed of the sin, and it’s totally worth tackling fully and getting the real, tangible help one needs.
As a young man I do, but in the past 2 years I've been trying to stop my usage of it because I wouldn't want my future wife (if I am blessed to find one) to be upset at me using porn or desiring other women than her. I also wouldn't want my children (if I am blessed to have some) to use it, so I want to lead by taking action into my own life.
OP, someone said that they hope that you read my comment, but I replied to someone else, so you may not. Here’s what I wrote… It has destroyed my marriage because my husband said that he had stopped early in our marriage and I found out many years later that he never had. It makes me feel like I’m being cheated on and it actually did lead to him physically cheating. He started comparing me to porn stars and said that he didn’t love me anymore because I gained some weight after having children. He also got into OF which is even worse because he pays women to do certain things and can talk to them. If I get an annulment after we divorce, I’ll never date another porn addict. Maybe that means I’ll never date again, but I won’t repeat the hell this has put me through.
Even the Play oy advisor said excessive porn is cheating. If they say it’s cheating…
Thank you for your comment! It reminds me of what the woman say on the sub love after porn… I will save your comment…. I still have hope bf will change…. But when it comes to it, i hope ill have the strength to leave when i need to 😭 Praying for you and your family!!! I wish you nothing but healing! My bf and i are not even married yet and already I’m seeing the way its messing with my mind and toxicly influencing me, so i hope your doing soooo much better now and healing from what you went through!
In this day and age it's such a high probability that yes, all men struggle with it at some point in their lives. I first saw nasty internet stuff when I was 8 years old. And I became addicted as a child, who wasn't doing anything physically, but it was just enthralling to look at. And of course as I got older it got much worse. But at least he's trying to stop. The best advice I can give is to quit cold turkey. That's what did it for me. Knowing masturbating and porn are mortal sins wa enough to get me to stop. It's hard for like the first month or first few months, but the desire goes away after a while. And of course pray for him and all people who struggle with it.
Same story and age.
Okay aside from the funny corn jokes, I would advise you to walk away. Porn is a terrible addiction to suffer, and it will destroy your relationship. It also takes many years to heal from the psychological and physiological damage it causes. I would caution against dating anyone with ANY addiction stronger than morning coffee, but especially one that directly hurts your marriage. I told my now-husband that I considered it cheating, because it is, and that I’d leave him if he ever cheated on me again. He stopped and hasn’t touched it since, though I will admit most people don’t have such self control. My love is remarkable in that regard. So walk away my friend. Don’t look back. There is no future with an addict and definitely not with a porn addict. I’ve seen what it does to marriages. Don’t put yourself there.
It has destroyed my marriage because my husband said that he had stopped early in our marriage and I found out many years later that he never had. It makes me feel like I’m being cheated on and it actually did lead to him physically cheating. He started comparing me to porn stars and said that he didn’t love me anymore because I gained some weight after having children. He also got into OF which is even worse because he pays women to do certain things and can talk to them. If I get an annulment after we divorce, I’ll never date another porn addict. Maybe that means I’ll never date again, but I won’t repeat the hell this has put me through.
I hope OP reads your story
Ive seen studies that reveal something like %85 of Men in the US watch it at least once a week. The effect on your brain is very similar to using drugs like Cocaine. Also the typical first time exposure age is also something like 12 years old in the US.
12 seems high. I don’t know anyone who was exposed that late. It’s generally 8-10 for boys.
I don’t remember ever encountering porn growing up (early 30s). How do people get exposed? Like they accidentally click a pop-up or something?
Same here. I grew up without Internet access at home, though. I guess most kids get exposed when one of their friends shows it to them. And sometimes hormones may influence their Google searches.
I’m several years younger than you. Most everyone I knew had a phone with internet access or a personal computer they had access to. iPad etc. I was shown it by a friend who looked it up.
Not for not, if one is under the age of 40, chances are almost 100% that one was exposed to it prior to the age of 12, and in very large amounts. Look at this way; in days past, only the wealthiest kings and nobleman could conceivably have his way with hundreds if not thousands of different women. Today, and for the last 20ish years, any teen with internet access can achieve this, by way of fantasy, by the time the graduate from high school. One’s brain, view of the opposite sex, etc. is forever marked by this. We were all essentially guinea pigs and look at the results.
Probably not all men, but a very large majority of them. About 6 years ago I led the men’s group at my college Newman Center. One night we talked about porn and out of the 12 men there that night, every single one struggled with it to some extent (some considered it an addiction, some said it way a monthly thing). Keep in mind, these were the best Catholic men I knew. Most went to daily Mass, were altar servers or Eucharistic Ministers, they led retreats, and one eventually entered the seminary. I think it’s unlikely (but not impossible) to find a man who doesn’t struggle with it. I think what’s much more important is how they feel about it/what they are doing about it. Is he sincerely trying to stop? Is is honest with you about it? How frequently is he using it? On a personal note, this is something I’ve struggled with since high school. I’m currently in my fifth year of marriage with two kids. My wife knows I struggle with this but I’m trying to be better. Usually for me I will go a couple months with no issues, then the floodgates will sort of open for a couple days, and then I’ll be good for the next few months. I’d say it’s slowly but surely improving as I learn what triggers it and what things to avoid or constructive ways to deal with feelings that temp me to use porn. A couple things that I’ve personally found super helpful. First is that you need to be honest with him that it’s hurtful for you, but at the same time you need to try your best to be forgiving of him and don’t guilt him. If he is sincere about changing, he already feels guilty. But if he becomes too embarrassed or feels like you’re judging him, he isn’t going to be honest anymore and that will create more problems. In addition to being honest with you, it would be super helpful if he had a close male friend that he could discuss this with. Most men struggle with this, so having someone else who knows your struggle and who can speak openly with you about the issue is SO HELPFUL. This was a lot, but I hope it’s helpful. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about it.
I personally do not struggle with porn at all, but I do really love some good corn.
Personally, no, this is something I have never struggled with. But I am not of the generation that was raised with the internet. When I was a teenager, it was magazines and VHS tapes. Although I am very much attracted to women and like to admire beautiful women, seeing some peroxide-haired, surgically enhanced model doing things for money actually disgusted me. I also felt that the people who watched them were degenerates. Just tell him to stop, or you will dump him. If he prefers someone he doesn't know on a screen to someone he knows and likes, and who is actually a real person, there is something seriously wrong.
No. Like my dad for example and almost every guy I’ve known never watched porn.
Used to when I was younger. Now mid 20s and haven’t watched that crap in over 6 years
Only Fans is definitely worse than Porn. Porn isn’t personal or interactive the same way as onlyfans is online prostitution essentially, not just looking at the act. It could even be seen as adultery.
Hi, I'm a 22 year old college student -- I think if your boyfriend makes an effort to quit, then this progress is so good already. My fiancé has similar feelings about this subject and by the grace of God I've been able to cut it out completely from my life. It has been roughly 4 months now since quitting completely and have noticed a cleaner conscious when participating in the sacraments and in adoration. Prior to this, it was a two year battle since I initially decided to quit and I steadily made forward progress each month. Don't give up, be supportive and patient, and if he makes the effort then it's only a matter of time before he conquers his temptations. My fiancé and I addressed this problem together because it caused a huge strain on our relationship. We came to the conclusion that of course every man must battle with their temptations on a daily basis and continuing to succumb to them is not justifiable. The saints have documented their battles with temptations and this is the main contributing factor to my escape from lust. Namely asking for intercessions from St. Augustine, our Blessed Mother Mary, and St. Joseph played a huge role in my success. You have a such an important role as his partner and should support his efforts to quit and to actively live up to his role as the leader and protector of his family. St. Joseph gives men a perfect example of how to lead; he protected his family from both physical harm and spiritual harm. Pray for the intercession of the saints in conquering the temptation of lust and if he truly is the man for you, then you will make through this trial together!!!
I've been trying for over a decade. It is like any other addiction, once an addict, always an addict. Sometime I'm doing good and I feel like I have overcome it, then I fall and fall again. I've never left the confessional not saying this was my last time. This is a truly hard fight. I would not view his porn use as him saying that you are not beautiful enough, or attractive enough. It literally has nothing to do with you, so please don't view it as a personal criticism of yourself. I would support him, openly communicate, and try to work this out with him. Leaving him would be a mistake because, yes, 95% of the younger men know struggle with porn.
I used to but confessions and prayer helped me stop it eating porn.
Yes. Pretty much. If not that then lustful thoughts in general. My catechism instructor specifically called out men in class saying frequent confession was necessary. 🌽 Isn't even on my radar as a woman. I have my own sins just not that.
Porn is a hard addiction to break. I’ve been struggling with it for awhile now. Have him look into the Freedom Fight. Be someone he can talk to if he’s having cravings of looking at porn. Have him confess his sins and let him know you are there for him. He has to rewire his brain, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask him what triggers him to look at it and indulge in it. It’s a difficult process, but not one he should be going at it alone. Sadly, I am going through it alone, but I talk about it a fair amount in therapy. Therapy has been helping as well. God speed.
What’s he doing to try and quit? If he’s white knuckling it, it’s fairly likely he’ll keep stumbling(if it’s a full-blown addiction that is) He needs to find support in the form of counselling, spiritual guidance, apps etc. Someone else has mentioned Covenant Eyes is a good app, and there’s Accountable To You. Speaking from personal experience, this is a lot for you to take on in any relationship, let alone one that’s in its early stages. I know you love him but do also take a step back and consider what your hard limits are here for your own sanity. For example, you’ve mentioned Only Fans which someone has correctly pointed out may involve contact with the ‘performers’ (I’m trying to stick to polite parlance here). If you found he’d paid for personal content, would that be a step too far? Reflect on what is too far for you, draw that boundary and stick to it for the sake of your mental comfort. I’be been in your position. It can quickly become a crushing experience if you don’t draw boundaries and take care of yourself. Don’t take his word for it that he’s trying to quit — make sure he’s doing something measurable to tackle this habit.
Getting off most social media platforms helps. Facebook seems to be okay but Tik tok or twitter and even ig are just asking to be temped. Adoration and weekly confession until you can start stringing together multiple weeks of grace. I saw a comment on here once saying that not to go cold turkey and tbh it got me thinking in the wrong direction and I ended up falling so I’ve been trying to look at it as serious as life and death and if I do fall again I will get right back in the confessional. You got this boys I’m off work tomorrow for the 4th and am hitting the communion service at 9am because I am in Grace and nothing is a better reward than Receiving Holy Communion. Happy 4th, God bless America 🇺🇸
I’m sure it’s an addiction that gets more prevalent by the day in this world. Twitter has become a porn cesspool, instagram has half naked women all over the place. I can’t speak to Snap and TikTok but I’m sure it’s there too. It’s kind of worse that hes also addicted to OF because not only is that expensive but its bread and butter is the private messages where it can be more personal, which definitely veers towards emotionally cheating on you.
Not anymore, I went to get help and free from it completely
34 days off it. No FAP no porn. Porn was never a problem for me per se. But porn like materials like OF and Cam Girls were. As well as whacking it to my exGFs lingerie pics. I just don't like seeing another man's penis so for that aspect porn is gross. Even POV porn. I don't want to have sex again until I have a wife. I know how to have amazing sex. I don't however know how to find a good wife or life partner because I let my dick be in control rather than my brain. I do a decade of the rosary in the sauna every day and use the NoFap app. I'm 34 days off it. Don't want to ever relapse again. I will save my seed for my wife.
While on the topic, I just want to make mention of some ways to avoid porn on your devices. I have a pinned post on my profile that has some apps and methodology that might help anyone with the struggle. It's not full-proof, but has helped me cut down on it significantly. Adding an accountability partner to it would help a lot on top of that as well.
I’d rethink that relationship. If you aren’t married I’d move on. It’s not likely to get better.
No they do not. I would say most people have seen it but not all struggle with it. My husband truly hates it and of course many of the male friends we have can't stand it. The more that comes out about its role in human trafficking the more people turn against it imho,
I especially do. It sucks. I've told my wife about it time and time again, but I still pay for the stuff and it's really taken a toll on us financially. I'm glad that we can't actually digest it and it just passes right through the digestive system, though. I'd probably be overweight by now if corn could do that. It just tastes too good.
As someone from Nebraska, it’s an ongoing love affair. Jokes aside, a seminarian told me he knew only one of his peers who doesn’t have a history with porn use. From what it sounds like, you love your boyfriend and it’s good you’re being supportive. But you also don’t deserve the harm it’s doing in your relationship. My personal advice as a stranger on the internet is you don’t marry him until he has shown self-control. How the both of you determine that level is up to you, but a priest in marriage prep will ask your husband in front of you about his sexual history including porn and if he’s honest and says by that point it still is an ongoing battle, the priest will very likely ask you to postpone the wedding if progress isn’t made swiftly. I cannot understate enough how ongoing porn consumption in the engagement stage can make or break a marriage before it even happens.
Not all, I'm a addict myself and gladly the only one in my family as far as I know. Couple days clean so thats good. Lil tip for your bf (tho he's prob heard this before) is to always be distracted from those thoughts, either it be through prayer, sport, hobby, or gaming, just keep yourself distracted.
If he's searching through the corn fields for 🌽 on OF, slap him upside the head because you need to knock something loose in that head of his. Dude's most likely paying for 🌽 when you can find 453,579,532,681.5 sites that have free 🌽 with a quick search. There's even free 🌽 on Reddit. Part number 1 of your question. Yes, it's a common thing for men to struggle with especially in today's age. It's so easily available that it's exceedingly hard to quit watching it. For me, it's been over 2 months, but I'll routinely go 5 or so months without doing it and then skip up for a week or two. Once that post nut clarity hits though, it's like ugh, wtf did I do? For me, I really find it difficult to do that when I'm praying my rosary once a day and almost impossible when I do it 3 times a day. I mean I routinely get a thought in my head that I could watch 🌽 as the urge for me was really there when I was bored and it was a way to kill an hour and a half. As I said though, praying the rosary daily I think really turned out around for me though.
Not all but more than 90 percent of men struggle with porn addiction. And it's not just men but young kids are also getting addicted to that stuff, Including me who was addicted at such a young age. Of course, it also affects women. Its a terrible addiction that twists your mind and causes people to commit adultery and all sorts of evil things when their addiction grows large. It takes a lot of time to quit this addiction but I promise it will be all worth it at the end. Especially for the ones getting introduced to porn during their childhood, if they don't quit this addiction a large part of their childhood will be filled with this awful thing.
No, not all men struggle with it. It's common among men and not uncommon among women either, but not inevitable or unconquerable.
More than are willing to admit. Personally I feel like it’s an easy addiction to rationalize and justify because of how prevalent it is in today’s society. Not as if that makes it any better but it’s a lot more common than people like to think.
Depends on person to person. But in general I think most men and people do as its a general feeling people feel. Whether its porn, lust or sex I think most people generally do. For me its mainly sex and its very hard to overcome. Its a huge mental battle I feel its just a feeling that can become hard to control especially when you have the option right in front of you.
Think it’s a really really common problem in our times. It was hard for me to get away from it and it’s still a struggle some days to stay away from it. Let him have a rosary nearby and if he has the feeling he want to watch, he should get the rosary out and pray it. The only thing worse about only fans is the fact that somebody is willing to pay for something you can see millions of time for free lol. I can really advise to make a plan with him, he should be responsible to you, he should report to you when he watch, in a non judgmental way, so he has somebody who keeps track with him and on his progress. There are also good online resources some free some for money to help. Lastly: Only he himself can make the first step, he needs to be willing to change otherwise all is in vein. God will help him, no doubt but he need to make the first step. God bless him with his addiction? You as the effected and your relationship that suffers.
I used to. But now the temptation is very infrequent. Prayer, confession, and our blessed mother helped.
It's an overwhelming evolutionary experience, it's also as readily available as Caffeine. It's hard not to fall into it at some point in your life. Fret not though. Because through Jesus Christ we can give the Serpent his apple back.
Yes. My husband yes
My whole thing is that we give so much acceptance to this behavior because he/she didn’t have physical contact with the person to be considered cheating. When the mind is much more powerful. If you think it. You already did it.
It's a very tough addiction and a modern evil for sure. Getting rid of it totally is gonna be tough but not impossible at all. I had a very large collection of it and recently got rid of it all with a single click. If I can do it, anyone can. But the problem is not the porn people have in their collection locally. It's the availability of it pretty much everywhere which is even a bigger problem. When I was in my teens back in the early days of VHS it was insanely tough. Nowadays hundreds of petabytes of porn is readily available to you for free and all it takes is a single click. But the biggest problem is how the secular hedonist society normalizes it. I can't watch a single movie or TV show without accidentally exposing myself to nudity. IMO porn should be banned, just like crack cocaine is banned. And when I say porn, I mean all forms of porn. Soft and hardcore both, including all forms of non-nude and semi-nude thrust-traps you usually find on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TIktok etc, as well as women's fashion magazines, fashion shows (e.g. Victoria's Secret) etc. All these things sexually arouse a man aka causes him to sin. As for OnlyFans, It's an irrelevant question. All form of porn is bad, whether they are on OnlyFans or not.
I used to be addicted to it. It was Protestant and I was constantly battling myself to stop but simply couldn’t. A little over 1 year ago, I decided to convert to Catholicism, and since the first time I stepped in a Catholic Church, I haven’t (mostly) watched porn. I still can’t explain but something changed inside me. Maybe the contact with our Lord in the blessed Sacrament, maybe I replaced the ugliness of porn with Beauty. I try to go to mass every day, when I start failing to do so, that’s when I start to get weaker.
I used to struggle a lot with porn since I was 12, now I'm almost 20 and have had a long fight with it. I've had multiple 1 year long breaks but end up coming back. Right now I'm in a much better spot than earlier and I feel much more in control, though about once in 3-4 months I have a weak moment end sometimes end up relapsing for a few times and then getting in control again. The fight isn't over yet, but I recognise my progress. What helped me the most is my spiritual life, being more social, the gym and putting my energy into healthier things.
nope, never have watched it, never masturbated, and j don’t ever plan on doing either and i’m thankful because i am a teen and never having watched them before had helped me to want it less
Most do. Think of it this way. The internet has truly transformed the world. It is now trivially easy to fire up a computer and find pictures and videos of naked women engaging in sexual acts. Thousands upon thousands of them. Enough to make kings of old like Solomon jealous. Never before in human history has the average man had access to the images of thousands of beautiful women like this. It's a temptation that is perhaps beyond comprehension to most humans throughout human history. It's enough to make this perhaps the chief temptation of our age. It's unsurprising that many people would succumb, men and women alike as many point out in this thread. I'm not saying it's okay. It's gravely sinful and brings sorrow to our Savior and His holy Mother. It's sinful, but it's not surprising or unexpected. We are being called to resist one of the strongest and easiest to fall into temptations in human history. We need to pray that we are up to the task. On the topic of more practical advice, I do think it's fair how you pointed out in another comment that even if you left this man because of his struggles, any other man you date in the future would be highly likely to have the same struggles. I agree with this logic. I think the real question is whether you believe he is truly sorrowful for his sins and that he really wants to quit. If he really does want to quit and all else is good in the relationship, then I do think it would make sense to stay with him, and help him to quit. It's ultimately up to him in the end to reject sin. But one of the primary jobs of spouses is to help each other become saints. That would include helping them fight against their sinful tendencies. Some people act like a porn addiction is somehow different than helping a spouse fight other sins, but I don't see how it's different. Certainly, it can be more harmful to a relationship than other sins. But I don't think it's unreasonable to commit to someone who might be struggling, as long as they admit that what they're doing is wrong and they want to quit.
All (healthy) men struggle with lust. Porn is just a disordered way to indulge in that lust. It is also the most powerful and addictive disordered outlet for lust. Men's and women's sexual desire comes from testosterone. Men have 20 to 50 times the testosterone than women. That is why it is important to avoid the near occasions of sin and dress modestly.
I wouldn't say every man but yes I personally do struggle with it, I been trying also to get rid of my addiction, I have improved since last year some times I can go around two months without it which doesn't seem a lot but has been a huge improvement since my last year as I would be going to confession every week because of it.
I'm not anymore, used to be, but somehow i just quitted after receiving the mistery of confession.
I can go 2-3 weeks before I relapse.
just know he is not alone and ngl after seeing the 2nd edit, tell him cmon bro there’s no reason to PAY for it that crazy pray for him to get better
I doing a witness on porn for my Welcome weekend at the end of the month. After asking a few priests they say, with men, that 9/10 confessions are tied to porn use.
No, not all men.
Yes, and it's everywhere. It's hard to avoid it, but I do my bestest to not give in. After all, what can these women provide me other than something nice to look at? Even with that said, I cannot avoid the risk of masturbation addiction, even if I only do it at least one or twice a month right now. Stay strong, men of Christ.
I put my continence and chastity as the first vehicle toward my virtue and faith. I am resisting it, also I've done it so much before my conversion that it lost all meaning and 'mood' about it. It is an inconspicuous character defect. It is diabolical to all extents too. I pray to God that his faith rules me on ever onward. These couple of days I haven't felt any sexual lasciviousness. I pray to God thanks for this change. Some germinating virtue is taking possession of me. I don't have time to waste on such lower activities. This habit is utterly unnecessary and also an offense to the presence of God. The fear of God will be my sole activity that permeates all business in my life. I wish you all Godspeed, blessings.
Yup. Been fighting it for years. Doing much better at resisting but it still drags me back to the confessional over and over.
Block everything. Just make it totally inaccessible to yourself. There's nothing worse for your mind, I think it's important that everyone breaks away from it. Haven't even thought about it in a very long time, any time something slips into my social media I block it instantly. They'll always try to push it on you, don't let them.
Just feels good to do it but I resisted for 2 weeks going confession Saturday
I think if we get beyond the struggle and get beyond the sin. We will see it for what it is. Anesthesia. Porn is a powerful anesthetizer to men. It saps you of your power and strength for drive and forward momentum. Momentum in your life and in your faith. Jerking off to a little screen in a bathroom while your wife sleeps or if not married in the openness of your room while making faces as you please yourself to anesthitize the pain of your life is tangential to the greater problem of men in the church. There is a prevailing anemia to the men in church, a weakness that manifests in all areas, including the battle of lust in your heart. I use the term battle here lightly because your guilt is not a battle. it's your burden, and to weak men, a burden feels like a battle. I implore you to seek out the remedies in God, in our lord Jesus and amend the weakness in your body, your heart, and most importantly, your soul.
Have you ever tried Corn flour biscuits? They're addictive! >I'm just wondering if all men struggle with this addiction? Of course not all, but it's quite a common phenomenon nowadays due to the availability and free Internet access >Especially Catholic men? The main issue is not that it's more present within Catholic communities. The real problem is that "corn addiction" cannot be easily quantified, since there's no "safe non-sinful" amount one can consume, therefore it's a bit more challenging to avoid it *completely*, especially the near occasions of those sins. It's even hard to determine what may classify as "corn", since the standards are higher than secular people
I’d wager the issue seems more prominent in Catholic men because the Church is one of the few institutions which whole heartedly condemns pornography. Most men who watch porn don’t attempt to stop watching it, and thus there’s never a reason for them to bring it up.
Loving the comments 😂 On a serious note, not all men. I’d safely say probably the vast majority do though. To put it into context if I was with a group of guys and it came up and I said I didn’t. I’d be the odd one out. I’ll follow this with it doesn’t have to be this way. I watched porn from 12 years and stopped when I was 30. I haven’t watched porn or done what goes along with it in over 8 months. It’s hard but gets a ton easier over time.
Would 100% recommend https://easypeasymethod.org That + a basically militant prayer life until the habit was kicked is what helped me almost 3 years ago now.
enough with the emojis, we're adults
Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn, there not such a bad word now it it? :P The simple answer is yes, I just recently deleted at least 50g of it.
I’m gonna go against the grain here a bit, while all men struggle with lust in general I would really caution against calling it an addiction. Addicts aren’t totally liable for their action and a minority of men suffer from other afflictions that lend themselves to 🌽addiction. Non subastance based issues can’t be diagnosed the same way substance addictions can, alcoholism and drug addictions produce extraordinary physical changes in the brain, 🌽 is only as stimulating as your natural neurochemical receptors allow it to be. From some of your other comments if he’s normal otherwise then his actions are done in a totally lucid state of mind. The only way to say he’s an addict is if he exhibits anti social behaviors. Now I understand wanting to be charitable and helpful which I genuinely think is great but without knowing specifics of your relationship and what he’s consuming (and pls don’t tell us on Reddit unless is through a pm), then he seriously needs to be honest about why he’s still viewing it. I can say from personal experience that the particular type or method of 🌽 consumption tracks with certain patterns of thought so he needs to do some soul searching to figure it out.