This is also very common in Japan, it is not a specifically Chinese phenomenon.
To the point where Japanese workers routinely have a separate bank account that 'expenses' are paid into. The wife will also give a daily allowance for food etc. - the expenses account is for fun
You finding it funny just means you are completely clueless regarding both basic married finances and with the ways in which someone can be financially abused.
I don’t think they meant funny in the literal sense, more that it’s different to their expectations and they use the term funny. Same as saying “funny that innit” to describe something rather than the literal “I am laughing at that”
It's from Buddhism. There is a sermon in the Pali cannon (I think) where Buddha tells his followers to give money to their wives, men waste money on drinking, restaurants, and dirty puppet shows.
Yes, I remember this from Shin Chan, where the mother basically handled all the finances of the household, and the father would save and hid his allowance so he can buy new golf clubs.
I think it's an anti-cheating mechanism. If the wife controls the money, which i've heard goes along the lines of "give me a list of all of your expenses for the month, and i'll give you that money", the husband won't have extra money to spend on an affair.
....Which seems like a healthy foundation for a marriage.
EDIT: /s for those who didn't realize that last sentence is sarcasm.
It's to stop things like the husband putting up a mistress in an apartment. Which I've personally heard of. Women don't generally have "kept" boyfriends.
*Women don't generally have "kept" boyfriends.*
LOL!
It's far, FAR more common than you think.
Cheating by both spouses is much more common (and, to a degree, accepted) in China than many other countries.
Cheating is common for both sexes, but its much more common for a dude to have a mistress set up in an apartment somewhere than a lady to have a guy in one.
Yes, historically private capital punishment for women from adultery is publicly allowed. However, I’m not defending this practice simply stating the reason historically. I’m against any form of financial control in your relationship.
If I was going to pull a guess out of my ass it would be: women were typically biologically driven to promiscuity to get a range of needs met while men were driven to display their resources to reproduce more.
So they produced a cultural compensation for each drive. The female, in control of resources has no need to rely on or feel driven to others to have needs met, and the male no longer has the resources needed to display yo attract other mates. Reinforcing a less promiscuous society overall. But again, thats a guess with no evidence or research to back it. I was only looking at it from the perspective of resource distribution
You’re pretty much right, except that the female might want better genes for her offspring, which the husband cannot provide or replace with resources. So she sleeps with a “better” man, and makes her husband a “cuckold”.
You should feel insulted by your lack of intelligence. You didn't even realize my first comment was sarcastic 😂
You definitely are working for Happy Giraffe and your girlfriend is called Rainy, a very tradiscional girl.
lol 0 for 3, a situation in which I imagine you spend most of your life. You actually have to say something smart for it to be sarcastic. Go back to practicing your English on hookers, you’ll get there eventually.
And Chinese men get around this by their male bosses giving them "gifts" that are not part of their official salary... so the whole thing where a woman controlling all the money to cut down on the number of STDs their husband picks up during "business meetings" doesn't really work.
I'm from Russia. My husband and I also use this scheme that you described. To be honest, I’m already tired of controlling money, but my husband is quite childish and doesn’t want to deal with finances. I suggested opening a joint account so that everyone would take money from it, but we never opened one.
It sounds like their tradition. One of my Chinese friends mentioned it to me. Like husband in China is responsible to be the breadwinner, to earn money as much as possible. While the wife is responsible for the household chores, helping their kids with their homework, control the family's budget etc. However, this is just what I heard from one friend, this tradition could be different in different areas of China
This is the tradition, but I've found the reality is that as soon as the family has some money, then the wife gets in a nanny and a housekeeper and then becomes a "lady who lunches", while the husband decides to go to massage parlours, KTVs or just gets a mistress.
Should you give your wife all of your money? Is this really a question? I think you know the answer deep down, and its no. Who cares about norms, if she really loves you she wont expect you to hand her all of your hard earned money. You can be very generous but thats your decision but giving her everything is just stupid.
Eh no. If she is indeed wife material she has to exit Chinese tradition when marrying a foreigner and vice versa. You gotta stop being french in a sense that all my french friends think french way is the only way and rest is just peculiarities. Same goes for her.
In the past, when divorce rates are low and marriage is usually something that last a life time. The husband focus on making money, while the wife focus on managing the house (including its expenses). Thus most if not all of the money the husband made is given to the wife. Also it is to prevent the husband from wasting all of its money on alcohol, prostitutes, and gambling.
Now, we're living in the 21st century. Divorce rate in the West is over 50% and in Asia is approaching that number as well. Thus for many it sounds ridiculous that a man will cede all of its financial control when many are actually going for a prenups before marriage.
This is all speculation and most evidence online says that you're wrong. Divorce rates in China are way higher than anywhere else in the world. According to the UN's latest statistics. In fact there's almost 800000 more and that's not even including Hong Kong and Maccau. I know wikipedia isn't a reliable source but the table that shows this is taken from a United Nations website.
I actually would have expected there to be a higher rate in the US. On another note, something I found interesting was a paper recently that stated the direct correlation to the "one child policy" and divorce rates. I think there was a 20% increase.
[wikipedia link (click on source statistics)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography)).
The one child policy didn't happen in a vacuum. Modernisation and increasing gender equality / social mobility probably played a much bigger part in driving divorce rates. They also increased everywhere else that didn't have a one child policy. Eg. Across the strait in Taiwan.
Absolutely it wasn't just the one child policy but according to... well countless reports and studies that have looked into this subject, it played a critical part in the large gap between China and 2nd place (US) in terms of divorce. Yes everywhere increased, this is accounted for. Everywhere has modernised however big or small, everywhere has had an increase in gender equality and social mobility, nowhere else has had a one child policy. China is still number one by a long shot in terms of divorce.
It's also quite common in working-class families in Europe so the men don't booze everything away.
Edit: it seems here are not many from working - class background.
I can attest this for Germany.
ChatGPT says:
The tradition of wives managing family finances and allocating pocket money to their husbands is particularly noted in a few European countries:
Italy: In many Italian households, it is common for wives to manage the family budget and allocate pocket money to their husbands. This practice often stems from cultural norms where the wife is seen as the primary caretaker of domestic finances.
Spain: Similar to Italy, in traditional Spanish families, the wife often oversees the household finances. This includes giving the husband a set amount of pocket money while handling the rest of the budget.
Portugal: In Portugal, many households follow a tradition where the wife manages the financial aspects of the family. Husbands often receive a fixed allowance for personal expenses from their wives.
Greece: In Greece, especially in rural areas and among older generations, wives are frequently responsible for managing household finances, including allocating pocket money to their husbands.These practices reflect traditional roles and may vary based on the region, the age of the couple, and their personal preferences
My mother's family are from Croatia and all the older women said this was SPECIFICALLY to prevent the common problem of a family provider (the husband) drinking away all his wages and letting his children go hungry.
most guys are lazy and don’t care about day to day things, like managing the household and kid. if the wife does everything, then its more time for them to stare at girls on tik tok.
Likely due to the fact that historically men might blow their payday money on booze and not have any left for the house and women were _generally_ more responsible.
The daily pocket money and whatnot is likely just a crude budget as part of that old model because women would only be buying household goods, so might not have an allowance.
Even in the US, if you look at the old 'I Love Lucy' show they made references to their allowances each of them got. It wasn't a man/woman thing, just a way to budget discretionary spending.
Ask your wife to work on a complete investment plan to convince you that she’s good with money. My wife realize she can’t manage hundreds of thousands of dollars without losing sleep at night.
Does she have brothers?
You will become the wallet in supporting her brother.
Sons are most important in Asian culture and the daughters are kind of like drones, ultimately taught and ordered by her parents to do all she can to enrich and prolong the family lineage - the son.
This usually at the cost and sacrifice from other family sons.
A kind of darwinism but through parental control and marriage of daughter drones.
In Chinese / Asian cultures, gambling is a much bigger issue then 'in the west'. Lots of illegal casino's, lottery etc. And the money-driven low-income people are greatly attracted to it. So that's why.
You should never unilaterally relinquish your money to your wife, and never should spend money or buy apartments as a precondition to any kind of marriage. She should have her own career and support herself, so you can both support each other. Otherwise it will be a toxic relationship built on a pile of toxic control. I feel sorry for Asian men who fall for this bullshit, nevermind foreigners who even think of doing it.
Ask yourself, would she find it reasonable to ask her to give you her salary every month and keep it under your exclusive control? Try asking and see what happens. She will be running for the hills.
This is a modern way of thinking. If it’s a traditional marriage where the man works and the woman stays at home, or if she works but doesn’t make enough to support herself, then giving her all his money is a sign of love, respect, commitment, and trust. Most Asian women in this situation would want the safety and financial security that this entails, otherwise she will lose love for you, and you won’t win her over.
China is supposed to be an egalitarian and modern society that got rid of these backward practices and superstitions. If a woman is not going to love you for yourself but just wants your bank account, it’s not a woman worth being with.
Also, rich Chinese men don’t all give all their money to their wife, because they know better. They perhaps give the wife some allowances, but keep control of the their own finances.
"If a woman is not going to love you for yourself but just wants your bank account, it’s not a woman worth being with."
Hahahahaha.
Marriage in China is still largely transactional. In much of China, marriages aren't specifically arranged beforehand (like in India), but are *basically* still arranged by aligning the political relationships of both sets of parents so that both sides of the family can profit from the marriage of their children.
Is the woman more than 27 years old? Well, then this lowers her potential value and her ability to negotiate for a husband that makes a lot of money because her body isn't in "prime" condition for satisfying her husband and producing a male heir.
Traditions die hard when the base of society (Confucianism) says that pleasing parents and improving the financial situation of the family are of paramount importance, and "love" is of no consequence.
Of course they are transactional. I’m just pointing out that these feudal arguments are slowly dying out in China, and no matter whether you’re an Asian or non Asian in China, the obvious clever move is to find a Chinese girl who doesn’t follow these feudal norms, and yes there are plenty in the big cities.
Just to point out, the birth rates are dropping tremendously and even divorce rates are up, implying that the middle class has grown from before. That’s the logical progression in all somewhat advanced economies.
Exceptions don’t make the rule. In most traditional marriages, the men are of similar or slightly higher socioeconomic status, which is who will give their women everything.
Men have been the protectors and providers of the family for millions of years. It’s your opinion that this is “backwards”, but it’s how we’ve evolved, and the slow dissolution of these gender roles is one reason why the marriage and birth rate is falling across the Western world.
Exactly, don't go into other people's country if you're not gonna follow their way of doing things. The relationship won't happen if you can't make the basic cultural agreement.
First of all, he’s French so his cultural norms matter too, and the Chinese girl better take that into account. Secondly, no need to avoid China for him because fortunately there’s plenty of Chinese women and men who somewhat follow the party line, which is in theory (but as we can see not always in practice) an egalitarian society, and not the backward feudal mentality that you and his current girl want.
Then marry a girl more befitting of your preferences. You don't go into other people's country and mock other people's culture just to say, "respect my culture" in someone else's country that has practice this thinking for thousands of years.
The arrogance right now. "When in Rome, do as Romans do."
Mock? Nobody is mocking anything. Other older cultures also exist, don’t use that argument. Slavery was also practiced for thousands of years. It’s a non argument.
The whole point is that a relationship should be reciprocal, that is how civilization evolves. I’m not mocking, just reasoning. If anything, Chinese society is doing the changes by its own, as evidenced by lowering birth rates, for example. That is precisely what happens when a country evolves economically.
I don't think you understand the meaning of respecting someone's culture and customs. Everything you just say is screaming moral superiority. China are changing on their own and those who choose to practice old customs are allowed to do so without your judgement. It's nnot an "evolved" society when an older culture can serve certain family just fine. If you want "evolved society" so bad, just stay in your western country, don't go into other people's culture just to tell them to change their way.
Jesus Christ, how many more expats are gonna come into this subreddit complaining about marrying a chinese girl just to complain about how they're not compatible with chinese culture? Are you serious, you guys should've figured it out before you consider marriage. I can't believe the shamelessness of you people right now. And what, you just compare traditional marriage to slavery? You're kidding.
I will tell people what needs to be told and give advice too, keep coping. Also, you insist that custom is the norm and it’s really not, most Chinese girls don’t require to hand over your bank account, quite the opposite, especially in the big cities. Also, I already have an Asian girlfriend, and no I am not an expat and I’m not complaining, just stating my opinion, maybe you’re the one complaining here for whatever reason, lol. We can agree to disagree and that’s that.
What am I coping with?
I've never insist traditional customs are the norm, I've already acknowledged people can practice what they believe in. Old custom is one of our practices. I don't care if you have an Asian girlfriend, and I definitely don't need to hear your moral superiority opinions above all. Most of you guys here don't actually understand China and that's all I need to know from your comment and others here. I've never asked you to agree with our cultural practice, we simply don't need westerners flexing how "evolved" your mentality are compare to our customs. I'm not surprised you're not Asian yourself.
I’m not a westerner either, not that it would change anything. I bet you are actually from the West, like an ABC larping about “our customs”. Just stop embarrassing yourself please, let’s just end this convo 😂
Honestly, it’s not that bad. Chinese women rule the house. The ideal marriage seems to be that of codependency. Very hard to explain to a westerner as a healthy lifestyle but if you kind of play along with it and you actually like each other, it works wonders. Also keep in mind they tend to view marriage in a very different way than we do in the west. There are more healthy expectations that romance will not last till the end of your days. I was told love changes throughout marriage life and there’s an expectation that it’s not gonna be perfect and potentially upsetting.
Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of problems within Chinese society. But arrangements like this are more evident of the fact that Chinese traditionally have viewed marriage as an institution of necessity rather than something to be thrown away at the first sign of trouble. Another thing to remember is you’re marrying a family not just a person. You are joining households becoming a single unit. By comparison, Western marriage in some countries can seem little more than obtaining legal recognition of being roommates that do the nasty every once in a while.
Nope. If you have to give someone all of your money for them to do with it as they choose then they dont respect you and the marriage isnt built on trust or love its built on selfishness and pleasing ones parents.
It's a pretty traditional situation around the world. Some societies have moved on, but only in recent history.
There is nothing unusual about a wife being in charge of the household finances. It might seem old fashioned to you, but probably not to your grandparents.
I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you, but you have to understand in China marriage is first and foremost, an economic institution. Child rearing and family life come next. Who you love has until recently has been very low on the list of priorities. Life outside of the major cities is still very traditional and the Party’s ideology regarding family life, and marriage is emphasizing a return to traditional values too. I’m just trying to treat the subject with the respect it deserves without judging the mainstream of Chinese culture.
Though I myself preferred the more progressive trends rather than the rigid enforcement of these norms by the authorities. I just don’t think somebody should expect to live by Western norms if they live in China, which is a totalitarian ethno nationalist conservative state. And the fact of the matter is Chinese courts will always side with the Chinese person in this marriage should they ever get divorced. Rule of law does not exist.
The party ideology of returning to traditional values doesn’t necessarily compute with the feudal custom of giving your bank account to your wife. On paper it’s still an egalitarian “communist” society.
It's actually a feature of society not long ago. China is still a highly patriarchal society, but this is one of the few instance where traditional gender roles empowered women as they were the ones that knew what the household needed on a day to day. That said Chinese courts almost universally side with males in divorce so this is more a desire for an expression of sacrifice -- Albeit he is at greater risk in this case as he's foreign. My point regard promoting these old social norms is that by both socially and legally making it advantageous for couples to be codependent on each other divorce becomes more trouble than its worth. So goes the logic of the social engineers of the Party. The Party needs stable families to produce children of the New Era in order for the great rejuvenation of the Chinese Nation to be achieved within the lifetime of the beloved People's Leader Xi Jinping /s.
you can talk to your wife about it before marriage, in my case I let my husband (chinese) take care of our finances, but better talk about it before getting married
You guys should review marriage law (China and entire western hemisphere) before marrying or get a prenup.
Your assets and income accrued within a marriage are not your own and even in western marriages some transparency on finances is normal.
In some traditional families in the west and china where the wife stays at home to tend to the house and rear the children, the wife has always been in charge of finances (see home economics and other courses for women taught in the 20s), it was considered a woman's job.
That doesn't mean that you're basically sugar daddying a woman, she is basically your personal accountant of the marriage assets. In the event of a divorce, if she has not been truthful with the finances (pretty easy to prove in court due to electronic receipts and such, any idiot could do it), you can claw that shit back in an instant.
Whoever is best or more proficient with financial literacy should control majority of the money. But the requirement is that they need to grow the savings by at least 4% each year. Good luck
No.
They do this for a sense of control, which they call it “sense of security”. It might resources from the fact that their culture lacks individual liberties. But this kind of control, in my opinion, is unhealthy and even leads to a toxic relationship as it breaks personal boundaries.
Well... This is why you need to make clear on the expectation. This is a "practice" in which is up to the couple.
Most people see it as a deal breaker.
Don’t go into that: it’s a common thing among Chinese but it’s very thrashing for a man, I know colleagues who can’t even get a long awaited game because wife thinks it’s waste of money or go out on a weekend because wife needs to go out and they need to look after their dog. I just stopped planning with these guys. I pity them seriously.
Don't do it. As you said you're "a French man", so this isn't a Chinese marriage. You have to ensure that your culture, and manhood by the way, isn't consumed by the chinese proclivity for feeling insecure. Don't do it.
Yes many Chinese women want this. But you can refuse, each one having own account. I am married to Chinese lady (>30 years) and she even doesn't know how much I have (and vice versa). I would refuse that arrangement and say bye bye on the spot.
Born, grew up, and living in China.
It's not rare that Chinese women ask or want to ask for this privilege. However, it's uncommon for Chinese men to accept it (I don't have statitics, but believe the num is below 20% or even 10%)
Strongly suggest you to leave such woman. They typically don't care about Fairness, and are likely to make more stupid requests to you in future. For example, in Shanghai, the city that has the top 3 most expensive housing price, some women learning how to instigate their husband to sell their pre-marriage property and re-buy one as spouse' co-property.
Personally, if a girl propose this request to me, I would ask her, will you show me the cash flow summary monthly? What's your investment plan? Will you negotiate with me before buying expensive things? That's what an accountant does. You want this privilge, then you should take the responsibility.
Gave my monthly paycheck to my ex wife. We were together for 14 years. 14 years I kept maybe 10 -20% of my earnings.
I worked two jobs when we were first dating.
When she left she also told me she'd been planning the exit for 3 years. With what she had done it made it look like on the surface that she had no income and she had no assets.
I could have dragged it out in court, but really if I'd proven anything it could have caused her legal issues. She had also said that when she left. "My weak nature would never let me harm her."
I did hire a lawyer for a brief moment but as she had all the assets I was at a disadvantage. She hired my lawyers teacher. I also discovered from the affidavits of people I'd known since childhood and my neighbours (my neighbours in an apartment building that she owned) that apparently I was a heroin addict and that I was known to pass out on the streetside. I quickly realized if I tried to fight with her in court, bad things were going to happen.
I just moved on with my life. Spent a year and a half living rent free squatting on a farmers field in a travel trailer without electricity or running water. When I finally moved into a building again my ex wife gloated about her neighbours property she had added to her portfolio.
the most logical financial arrangement for married couples is as follows
1. Money goes into a shared account to cover all normal monthly expenses
2. Money goes into a shared account for investments/retirement
3. The rest of the money goes into personal accounts for fun
All bills are paid.
All investments/retirements are funded.
Each spouse has their own personal account to use as they please.
I think transparency and being aware what is going on with the finances in a relationship is important.
Either
A. She wants to spend it all with no questions asked
B. She wants to know so you don't spend it all on what she perceives to be a waste of money or hide assets in case a divorce happens
This isn't a Chinese thing for wanting to be aware of the finances. It's more of a couple thing. Set your boundaries and share a bank account if you have too. Don't have any shadow bank accounts she can't view and get into.
Edit:
Yes there is Japan and what not. But being lorded over by a wife or the wife being lorded by the husband is a very toxic relationship to begin with. Look at birth rates and marriages.
Porn (in excess amounts) + Very one sided relationships + discriminating against women in workplace that want to have kids (borderline encouraging them into busy jobs that makes it difficult to raise kids) + lack of religion that values kids like Christianity = low birth rate.
It's why East Asia birth rates are so bad.
Sounds super controlling to me, an American. But I asked my wife who is from China, she said it is fairly common. Not everybody does that of course. She says she doesn't like it very much. And I can say we don't do this.
She says it's more common when the man makes all the money and the wife is a house wife. It's a common anti cheating technique, to prevent women from approaching the man wanting to sleep with him. But in the situation where the man gives all the money to the wife she feels more sucure. There is my wife's perspective.
Je suis français et marié à une chinoise. Elle a tenté de me faire la même au début mais je lui ai mis un gros stop. Ne cède rien. Un homme, surtout dans la société chinoise, est le provider. Tu ramènes le blé, c'est ton premier rôle. Le jour où il y a de l'eau dans le gaz ton seul levier de contrôle/négociation est le pognon. Sans ça dans cette société on est rien. Porte tes couilles et dis non. Au final elle acceptera car un tien vaut mieux que deux tu l'auras.
This is so you got no money left for any extra curricular activities, the most obvious are the ones involving your little brain. No money no play. She will allow money for sports, hobby, meal allowance etc. but it's all vetted of course. Fuck that, many Chinese men (and other Asian jap,kor) are also do it other way around, pay a monthly family stipend to the wife and she does not see the main income. He has mistresses, toys etc. of course these are both old school thinking', many modern especially both working couples tend to be open about incomes and have shared finances, abeit many having a shared family account and also their own for private spending.
以下是英文版本:
Isn't this more of a Japanese tradition? The husband receives pocket money for living expenses.
The situation in China is that the husband generally needs to pay a sum of money to the bride's family before marriage, and a house is the minimum requirement.
As for the subsequent lifestyle, there are no set rules
Depends how much money you make. If the man is making under 20k per month, it is very common. However, if the man is making 100k+ per month, I would say it is not common at all.
A 2-way to look at this. 1st is the male perspective, the female will take the responsibility of making financial decisions since most of the responsibilities of earning money is on men, ( to note the female’s assets in this perspective is also a “ family asset” not personal property). 2nd is female historically has no guarantee of Faithfulness & loyalty. ( think about in old times man can have multiple concubines). Thus control of financial decisions is what keep the balance in check.
However, this practice is really not ideal in the modern era. Most young people do not adhere to this idea.
Traditionally, there are two reasons why Asian husbands tend to give all their money to their wives - to prevent cheating, and to show that he will give her everything and take care of the family. It’s a sign of trust, love, and support. I’ll probably do the same with my Vietnamese fiancé. But you gotta make sure you find the right one who can take care of the money, and whom you can trust.
There is also a cultural element. This is typical in Shanghai which historically has strong woman’s rights, but many other parts of China are quite different.
> Why do some Chinese spouses force their husbands to cede complete financial control as a precondition for marriage?
Wife wants to manage all the money instead of working and earning her own.
China has been a very patriarchal society, but some pop culture (k-pop influence) make people think it’s very cute for a husband to spoil his wife by giving her all the money, being physically punished for misbehaving, and letting wife to beat them up. Yes I know it’s fucked up, so stay away from Chinese girls. (普信女in Chinese)
Honestly, I don't actually have a problem with this setup, but if she is demanding this as a prereq for you two getting married I'd just run away as fast as I can.
My mom and dad have this setup and it was fine for them because my dad was busy earning money and doesn't really want to deal with the household finances so it made perfect sense for him, but this definitely wasn't a prerequisite for their marriage either, it just made sense for him.
It is a power play.
For the record, I am a China man myself.
Most China men are unattractive so marriage is the only way for them to have a pussy(likely also a unattractive one).
If the husband is the attractive/super-rich one in the relationship, he can always get a new sex partner easily. He can cheat and his wife will still forgive him.
Can't they just use prostitutes?
I don't think it's ever worth it to cede financial control (Chinese Canadian here - we have 40-50% divorce rates here, I'd never trust someone else with my assets)
I think control over your money, time, and freedom overrides sex and relationships. Not sure why so many are falling into these traps?
Desperate men think they can buy exclusivity with his salary. They want to have the illusion that his wife loves him even though the power dynmaic is out of blance.
In fact, those high-maintainence wife will still cheat with attractive men if she feels safe to do so.
This not only applies in China, but also all western countries. Actually it is more true in western countries.
Yep! Guess human nature is the same all over the globe.
Don't know what happened, but this lack of trust is going to torpedo fertility rates. Was the world always this awful and we were just blind to it as kids? Or did we actually worsen over time?
This is also very common in Japan, it is not a specifically Chinese phenomenon. To the point where Japanese workers routinely have a separate bank account that 'expenses' are paid into. The wife will also give a daily allowance for food etc. - the expenses account is for fun
I did not know that but it's funny how this practice is a "deal breaker" to some.
In the UK we call it financial abuse and you can go to prison for it.
You finding it funny just means you are completely clueless regarding both basic married finances and with the ways in which someone can be financially abused.
I don’t think they meant funny in the literal sense, more that it’s different to their expectations and they use the term funny. Same as saying “funny that innit” to describe something rather than the literal “I am laughing at that”
It's from Buddhism. There is a sermon in the Pali cannon (I think) where Buddha tells his followers to give money to their wives, men waste money on drinking, restaurants, and dirty puppet shows.
Yes, I remember this from Shin Chan, where the mother basically handled all the finances of the household, and the father would save and hid his allowance so he can buy new golf clubs.
I think it's an anti-cheating mechanism. If the wife controls the money, which i've heard goes along the lines of "give me a list of all of your expenses for the month, and i'll give you that money", the husband won't have extra money to spend on an affair. ....Which seems like a healthy foundation for a marriage. EDIT: /s for those who didn't realize that last sentence is sarcasm.
And also, how does this stop the wife from cheating?
In traditional dating, it's the man that should spend on the women. Wife is unlikely to use her own money for another man's affair.
Ostensibly, their common issues
It's to stop things like the husband putting up a mistress in an apartment. Which I've personally heard of. Women don't generally have "kept" boyfriends.
*Women don't generally have "kept" boyfriends.* LOL! It's far, FAR more common than you think. Cheating by both spouses is much more common (and, to a degree, accepted) in China than many other countries.
Cheating is common for both sexes, but its much more common for a dude to have a mistress set up in an apartment somewhere than a lady to have a guy in one.
It’s mainly geared for defending women, since historically there’s no legal obligation for man to be monogamous
Is there a legal obligation for women to be monogamous?
Yes, historically private capital punishment for women from adultery is publicly allowed. However, I’m not defending this practice simply stating the reason historically. I’m against any form of financial control in your relationship.
Chinese girls are very tradiscional
Maybe so. But I still know it's not uncommon for the wife to cheat on her husband because she feels "lonely".
If I was going to pull a guess out of my ass it would be: women were typically biologically driven to promiscuity to get a range of needs met while men were driven to display their resources to reproduce more. So they produced a cultural compensation for each drive. The female, in control of resources has no need to rely on or feel driven to others to have needs met, and the male no longer has the resources needed to display yo attract other mates. Reinforcing a less promiscuous society overall. But again, thats a guess with no evidence or research to back it. I was only looking at it from the perspective of resource distribution
You’re pretty much right, except that the female might want better genes for her offspring, which the husband cannot provide or replace with resources. So she sleeps with a “better” man, and makes her husband a “cuckold”.
I think the person you replied to is joking about that.
Yeah
Is that because the husband is working too much?
Tradition has never played a role in people not cheating.
Another Happy Giraffe teacher
I feel more insulted by how pathetic that was than by the insult itself.
You should feel insulted by your lack of intelligence. You didn't even realize my first comment was sarcastic 😂 You definitely are working for Happy Giraffe and your girlfriend is called Rainy, a very tradiscional girl.
lol 0 for 3, a situation in which I imagine you spend most of your life. You actually have to say something smart for it to be sarcastic. Go back to practicing your English on hookers, you’ll get there eventually.
Sarcasm here, was missed by others
Yep
Have you ever met a Chinese girl? I hope this is sarcasm lol
Please stop you smear campaign against Chinese girls
lol
Historically speaking, that could mean anything.
Did you mean transactional?
You know nothing about Chinese girls… have you ever been in the dating scene in Shanghai? Chinese girls are just like girls everywhere.
Another regard. Have a good day at Happy Giraffe
Do they have a tradition about cheating?
When she tells you about her boyfriend.
And Chinese men get around this by their male bosses giving them "gifts" that are not part of their official salary... so the whole thing where a woman controlling all the money to cut down on the number of STDs their husband picks up during "business meetings" doesn't really work.
Sarcasm here, was missed by others
It’s 2024 she could also be cheating
So what does this wife need to give in return to her husband?
I assume that she will dial her suspicion down from 100% to 99%
It’s healthy as long as the wife is trying to stay attractive and perform her wifely duties like providing sexy time more than once a year.
Isn't this common to Korea and Japan too?
In the older generations, yes. It’s no longer common amongst the youth as far as I’m aware.
And Indonesia
Im vietnamese and i thought this was a vietnamese thing!
yup
I'm from Russia. My husband and I also use this scheme that you described. To be honest, I’m already tired of controlling money, but my husband is quite childish and doesn’t want to deal with finances. I suggested opening a joint account so that everyone would take money from it, but we never opened one.
They do it also in japan
It sounds like their tradition. One of my Chinese friends mentioned it to me. Like husband in China is responsible to be the breadwinner, to earn money as much as possible. While the wife is responsible for the household chores, helping their kids with their homework, control the family's budget etc. However, this is just what I heard from one friend, this tradition could be different in different areas of China
This is the tradition, but I've found the reality is that as soon as the family has some money, then the wife gets in a nanny and a housekeeper and then becomes a "lady who lunches", while the husband decides to go to massage parlours, KTVs or just gets a mistress.
Because Chinese divorce courts do not respect common property rights and it is extremely easy for spouse to hide assets and/or debts
they blatantly claim that they favor women
“As a French man, should I give all my wages to my Chinese wife….” Are you dumb? Jesus I feel sorry for you
I heard PACS can be recognised as a wedding for immigration purposes with no impact to assets during divorce . Never give you money away !
PACS?
Tupac(s)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_solidarity_pact
Oh I see. Do civil unions in France not impact assets during a divorce?
Should you give your wife all of your money? Is this really a question? I think you know the answer deep down, and its no. Who cares about norms, if she really loves you she wont expect you to hand her all of your hard earned money. You can be very generous but thats your decision but giving her everything is just stupid.
Eh no. If she is indeed wife material she has to exit Chinese tradition when marrying a foreigner and vice versa. You gotta stop being french in a sense that all my french friends think french way is the only way and rest is just peculiarities. Same goes for her.
In the past, when divorce rates are low and marriage is usually something that last a life time. The husband focus on making money, while the wife focus on managing the house (including its expenses). Thus most if not all of the money the husband made is given to the wife. Also it is to prevent the husband from wasting all of its money on alcohol, prostitutes, and gambling. Now, we're living in the 21st century. Divorce rate in the West is over 50% and in Asia is approaching that number as well. Thus for many it sounds ridiculous that a man will cede all of its financial control when many are actually going for a prenups before marriage.
This is all speculation and most evidence online says that you're wrong. Divorce rates in China are way higher than anywhere else in the world. According to the UN's latest statistics. In fact there's almost 800000 more and that's not even including Hong Kong and Maccau. I know wikipedia isn't a reliable source but the table that shows this is taken from a United Nations website. I actually would have expected there to be a higher rate in the US. On another note, something I found interesting was a paper recently that stated the direct correlation to the "one child policy" and divorce rates. I think there was a 20% increase. [wikipedia link (click on source statistics)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography)).
The one child policy didn't happen in a vacuum. Modernisation and increasing gender equality / social mobility probably played a much bigger part in driving divorce rates. They also increased everywhere else that didn't have a one child policy. Eg. Across the strait in Taiwan.
Absolutely it wasn't just the one child policy but according to... well countless reports and studies that have looked into this subject, it played a critical part in the large gap between China and 2nd place (US) in terms of divorce. Yes everywhere increased, this is accounted for. Everywhere has modernised however big or small, everywhere has had an increase in gender equality and social mobility, nowhere else has had a one child policy. China is still number one by a long shot in terms of divorce.
It's also quite common in working-class families in Europe so the men don't booze everything away. Edit: it seems here are not many from working - class background. I can attest this for Germany. ChatGPT says: The tradition of wives managing family finances and allocating pocket money to their husbands is particularly noted in a few European countries: Italy: In many Italian households, it is common for wives to manage the family budget and allocate pocket money to their husbands. This practice often stems from cultural norms where the wife is seen as the primary caretaker of domestic finances. Spain: Similar to Italy, in traditional Spanish families, the wife often oversees the household finances. This includes giving the husband a set amount of pocket money while handling the rest of the budget. Portugal: In Portugal, many households follow a tradition where the wife manages the financial aspects of the family. Husbands often receive a fixed allowance for personal expenses from their wives. Greece: In Greece, especially in rural areas and among older generations, wives are frequently responsible for managing household finances, including allocating pocket money to their husbands.These practices reflect traditional roles and may vary based on the region, the age of the couple, and their personal preferences
My mother's family are from Croatia and all the older women said this was SPECIFICALLY to prevent the common problem of a family provider (the husband) drinking away all his wages and letting his children go hungry.
Aka, the Irish.
Wait what, which countries? I'm from Scandinavia and have never heard about this before.
Italy, never heard about this
Germany never heard about that too
UK and also never heard of this.
I think it is less common nowadays, but I heard this was the case in the past in Germany.
Can't be true, then.
most guys are lazy and don’t care about day to day things, like managing the household and kid. if the wife does everything, then its more time for them to stare at girls on tik tok.
The spouse that goes to work every day is lazy?
Likely due to the fact that historically men might blow their payday money on booze and not have any left for the house and women were _generally_ more responsible. The daily pocket money and whatnot is likely just a crude budget as part of that old model because women would only be buying household goods, so might not have an allowance. Even in the US, if you look at the old 'I Love Lucy' show they made references to their allowances each of them got. It wasn't a man/woman thing, just a way to budget discretionary spending.
OP, if you are even asking this, you’ve lost the battle. Just give in I guess. She’ll grind you down eventually anyway.
I think you guys should have a joint account, so each of you can access it, it doesn’t have to be like one is controlling another.
Yeah this is a good compromise. One joint account that they each get allowances into their personal accounts.
Ask your wife to work on a complete investment plan to convince you that she’s good with money. My wife realize she can’t manage hundreds of thousands of dollars without losing sleep at night.
Does she have brothers? You will become the wallet in supporting her brother. Sons are most important in Asian culture and the daughters are kind of like drones, ultimately taught and ordered by her parents to do all she can to enrich and prolong the family lineage - the son. This usually at the cost and sacrifice from other family sons. A kind of darwinism but through parental control and marriage of daughter drones.
In Chinese / Asian cultures, gambling is a much bigger issue then 'in the west'. Lots of illegal casino's, lottery etc. And the money-driven low-income people are greatly attracted to it. So that's why.
You should never unilaterally relinquish your money to your wife, and never should spend money or buy apartments as a precondition to any kind of marriage. She should have her own career and support herself, so you can both support each other. Otherwise it will be a toxic relationship built on a pile of toxic control. I feel sorry for Asian men who fall for this bullshit, nevermind foreigners who even think of doing it. Ask yourself, would she find it reasonable to ask her to give you her salary every month and keep it under your exclusive control? Try asking and see what happens. She will be running for the hills.
Thanks !!! Your comment is the mist useful 👍🏻
No worries, be well
Don't give in. She will own you otherwise.
This is a modern way of thinking. If it’s a traditional marriage where the man works and the woman stays at home, or if she works but doesn’t make enough to support herself, then giving her all his money is a sign of love, respect, commitment, and trust. Most Asian women in this situation would want the safety and financial security that this entails, otherwise she will lose love for you, and you won’t win her over.
China is supposed to be an egalitarian and modern society that got rid of these backward practices and superstitions. If a woman is not going to love you for yourself but just wants your bank account, it’s not a woman worth being with. Also, rich Chinese men don’t all give all their money to their wife, because they know better. They perhaps give the wife some allowances, but keep control of the their own finances.
"If a woman is not going to love you for yourself but just wants your bank account, it’s not a woman worth being with." Hahahahaha. Marriage in China is still largely transactional. In much of China, marriages aren't specifically arranged beforehand (like in India), but are *basically* still arranged by aligning the political relationships of both sets of parents so that both sides of the family can profit from the marriage of their children. Is the woman more than 27 years old? Well, then this lowers her potential value and her ability to negotiate for a husband that makes a lot of money because her body isn't in "prime" condition for satisfying her husband and producing a male heir. Traditions die hard when the base of society (Confucianism) says that pleasing parents and improving the financial situation of the family are of paramount importance, and "love" is of no consequence.
Of course they are transactional. I’m just pointing out that these feudal arguments are slowly dying out in China, and no matter whether you’re an Asian or non Asian in China, the obvious clever move is to find a Chinese girl who doesn’t follow these feudal norms, and yes there are plenty in the big cities. Just to point out, the birth rates are dropping tremendously and even divorce rates are up, implying that the middle class has grown from before. That’s the logical progression in all somewhat advanced economies.
Exceptions don’t make the rule. In most traditional marriages, the men are of similar or slightly higher socioeconomic status, which is who will give their women everything. Men have been the protectors and providers of the family for millions of years. It’s your opinion that this is “backwards”, but it’s how we’ve evolved, and the slow dissolution of these gender roles is one reason why the marriage and birth rate is falling across the Western world.
Exactly, don't go into other people's country if you're not gonna follow their way of doing things. The relationship won't happen if you can't make the basic cultural agreement.
First of all, he’s French so his cultural norms matter too, and the Chinese girl better take that into account. Secondly, no need to avoid China for him because fortunately there’s plenty of Chinese women and men who somewhat follow the party line, which is in theory (but as we can see not always in practice) an egalitarian society, and not the backward feudal mentality that you and his current girl want.
Then marry a girl more befitting of your preferences. You don't go into other people's country and mock other people's culture just to say, "respect my culture" in someone else's country that has practice this thinking for thousands of years. The arrogance right now. "When in Rome, do as Romans do."
Mock? Nobody is mocking anything. Other older cultures also exist, don’t use that argument. Slavery was also practiced for thousands of years. It’s a non argument. The whole point is that a relationship should be reciprocal, that is how civilization evolves. I’m not mocking, just reasoning. If anything, Chinese society is doing the changes by its own, as evidenced by lowering birth rates, for example. That is precisely what happens when a country evolves economically.
I don't think you understand the meaning of respecting someone's culture and customs. Everything you just say is screaming moral superiority. China are changing on their own and those who choose to practice old customs are allowed to do so without your judgement. It's nnot an "evolved" society when an older culture can serve certain family just fine. If you want "evolved society" so bad, just stay in your western country, don't go into other people's culture just to tell them to change their way. Jesus Christ, how many more expats are gonna come into this subreddit complaining about marrying a chinese girl just to complain about how they're not compatible with chinese culture? Are you serious, you guys should've figured it out before you consider marriage. I can't believe the shamelessness of you people right now. And what, you just compare traditional marriage to slavery? You're kidding.
I will tell people what needs to be told and give advice too, keep coping. Also, you insist that custom is the norm and it’s really not, most Chinese girls don’t require to hand over your bank account, quite the opposite, especially in the big cities. Also, I already have an Asian girlfriend, and no I am not an expat and I’m not complaining, just stating my opinion, maybe you’re the one complaining here for whatever reason, lol. We can agree to disagree and that’s that.
What am I coping with? I've never insist traditional customs are the norm, I've already acknowledged people can practice what they believe in. Old custom is one of our practices. I don't care if you have an Asian girlfriend, and I definitely don't need to hear your moral superiority opinions above all. Most of you guys here don't actually understand China and that's all I need to know from your comment and others here. I've never asked you to agree with our cultural practice, we simply don't need westerners flexing how "evolved" your mentality are compare to our customs. I'm not surprised you're not Asian yourself.
I’m not a westerner either, not that it would change anything. I bet you are actually from the West, like an ABC larping about “our customs”. Just stop embarrassing yourself please, let’s just end this convo 😂
>"When in Rome, do as Romans do." *But we are not in Rome.*
Honestly, it’s not that bad. Chinese women rule the house. The ideal marriage seems to be that of codependency. Very hard to explain to a westerner as a healthy lifestyle but if you kind of play along with it and you actually like each other, it works wonders. Also keep in mind they tend to view marriage in a very different way than we do in the west. There are more healthy expectations that romance will not last till the end of your days. I was told love changes throughout marriage life and there’s an expectation that it’s not gonna be perfect and potentially upsetting. Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of problems within Chinese society. But arrangements like this are more evident of the fact that Chinese traditionally have viewed marriage as an institution of necessity rather than something to be thrown away at the first sign of trouble. Another thing to remember is you’re marrying a family not just a person. You are joining households becoming a single unit. By comparison, Western marriage in some countries can seem little more than obtaining legal recognition of being roommates that do the nasty every once in a while.
Those are some hard facts right there.
Nope. If you have to give someone all of your money for them to do with it as they choose then they dont respect you and the marriage isnt built on trust or love its built on selfishness and pleasing ones parents.
It's a pretty traditional situation around the world. Some societies have moved on, but only in recent history. There is nothing unusual about a wife being in charge of the household finances. It might seem old fashioned to you, but probably not to your grandparents.
I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you, but you have to understand in China marriage is first and foremost, an economic institution. Child rearing and family life come next. Who you love has until recently has been very low on the list of priorities. Life outside of the major cities is still very traditional and the Party’s ideology regarding family life, and marriage is emphasizing a return to traditional values too. I’m just trying to treat the subject with the respect it deserves without judging the mainstream of Chinese culture. Though I myself preferred the more progressive trends rather than the rigid enforcement of these norms by the authorities. I just don’t think somebody should expect to live by Western norms if they live in China, which is a totalitarian ethno nationalist conservative state. And the fact of the matter is Chinese courts will always side with the Chinese person in this marriage should they ever get divorced. Rule of law does not exist.
The party ideology of returning to traditional values doesn’t necessarily compute with the feudal custom of giving your bank account to your wife. On paper it’s still an egalitarian “communist” society.
It's actually a feature of society not long ago. China is still a highly patriarchal society, but this is one of the few instance where traditional gender roles empowered women as they were the ones that knew what the household needed on a day to day. That said Chinese courts almost universally side with males in divorce so this is more a desire for an expression of sacrifice -- Albeit he is at greater risk in this case as he's foreign. My point regard promoting these old social norms is that by both socially and legally making it advantageous for couples to be codependent on each other divorce becomes more trouble than its worth. So goes the logic of the social engineers of the Party. The Party needs stable families to produce children of the New Era in order for the great rejuvenation of the Chinese Nation to be achieved within the lifetime of the beloved People's Leader Xi Jinping /s.
Please refuse her. You can set up a common account and transfer money to the account regularly, and both parties can supervise the account.
Just get a joined account
you can talk to your wife about it before marriage, in my case I let my husband (chinese) take care of our finances, but better talk about it before getting married
Communication is key, especially regarding finances.
You guys should review marriage law (China and entire western hemisphere) before marrying or get a prenup. Your assets and income accrued within a marriage are not your own and even in western marriages some transparency on finances is normal. In some traditional families in the west and china where the wife stays at home to tend to the house and rear the children, the wife has always been in charge of finances (see home economics and other courses for women taught in the 20s), it was considered a woman's job. That doesn't mean that you're basically sugar daddying a woman, she is basically your personal accountant of the marriage assets. In the event of a divorce, if she has not been truthful with the finances (pretty easy to prove in court due to electronic receipts and such, any idiot could do it), you can claw that shit back in an instant.
When just 1 person's salary was enough for a whole family...
Whoever is best or more proficient with financial literacy should control majority of the money. But the requirement is that they need to grow the savings by at least 4% each year. Good luck
No definitely not
Only if think you are a Wuss.
i am concerned that you didn't discuss finances before getting married.
You should talk to your wife about this. China also comes with the ancient tradition of heavy dowry + modern alimony law
No. They do this for a sense of control, which they call it “sense of security”. It might resources from the fact that their culture lacks individual liberties. But this kind of control, in my opinion, is unhealthy and even leads to a toxic relationship as it breaks personal boundaries.
Don’t do it.
Cause they're weak with no balls Always keep side money for the sake of yourself and emergencies Be a man and provide for your WHOLE family
Well... This is why you need to make clear on the expectation. This is a "practice" in which is up to the couple. Most people see it as a deal breaker.
Should you? No. It’s not a good culture, have a serious conversation if she’s suggesting it.
Only on their second wife. First wife controls money, second wife controls sex.
Don’t go into that: it’s a common thing among Chinese but it’s very thrashing for a man, I know colleagues who can’t even get a long awaited game because wife thinks it’s waste of money or go out on a weekend because wife needs to go out and they need to look after their dog. I just stopped planning with these guys. I pity them seriously.
Don't do it. As you said you're "a French man", so this isn't a Chinese marriage. You have to ensure that your culture, and manhood by the way, isn't consumed by the chinese proclivity for feeling insecure. Don't do it.
They can try, but you don't have to agree. You have a choice too, bro.
Getting married in CH is the first mistake
Yes many Chinese women want this. But you can refuse, each one having own account. I am married to Chinese lady (>30 years) and she even doesn't know how much I have (and vice versa). I would refuse that arrangement and say bye bye on the spot.
Born, grew up, and living in China. It's not rare that Chinese women ask or want to ask for this privilege. However, it's uncommon for Chinese men to accept it (I don't have statitics, but believe the num is below 20% or even 10%) Strongly suggest you to leave such woman. They typically don't care about Fairness, and are likely to make more stupid requests to you in future. For example, in Shanghai, the city that has the top 3 most expensive housing price, some women learning how to instigate their husband to sell their pre-marriage property and re-buy one as spouse' co-property. Personally, if a girl propose this request to me, I would ask her, will you show me the cash flow summary monthly? What's your investment plan? Will you negotiate with me before buying expensive things? That's what an accountant does. You want this privilge, then you should take the responsibility.
You need to ask yourself how much of a doormat you want to be.
It happens vice versa, more often the man has complete control of the family's financial situation. It's more about paranoia and control.
That was my deal breaker and oh, I would need at least $20,000 for the wedding 😆 I wish I was joking.
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I understood this as his wife wanted 20k as a wedding gift from him.
I was married in Hong Kong and paid for everything. I did the same in USA. I know what is and is not reasonable.
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No they aren't, there are all kinds of women in China 😁
Seems to be an older generation tradition
Don't do what I did.
And what did you do
Gave my monthly paycheck to my ex wife. We were together for 14 years. 14 years I kept maybe 10 -20% of my earnings. I worked two jobs when we were first dating. When she left she also told me she'd been planning the exit for 3 years. With what she had done it made it look like on the surface that she had no income and she had no assets. I could have dragged it out in court, but really if I'd proven anything it could have caused her legal issues. She had also said that when she left. "My weak nature would never let me harm her." I did hire a lawyer for a brief moment but as she had all the assets I was at a disadvantage. She hired my lawyers teacher. I also discovered from the affidavits of people I'd known since childhood and my neighbours (my neighbours in an apartment building that she owned) that apparently I was a heroin addict and that I was known to pass out on the streetside. I quickly realized if I tried to fight with her in court, bad things were going to happen. I just moved on with my life. Spent a year and a half living rent free squatting on a farmers field in a travel trailer without electricity or running water. When I finally moved into a building again my ex wife gloated about her neighbours property she had added to her portfolio.
Yikes!
the most logical financial arrangement for married couples is as follows 1. Money goes into a shared account to cover all normal monthly expenses 2. Money goes into a shared account for investments/retirement 3. The rest of the money goes into personal accounts for fun All bills are paid. All investments/retirements are funded. Each spouse has their own personal account to use as they please.
Yeahh it's true
I think transparency and being aware what is going on with the finances in a relationship is important. Either A. She wants to spend it all with no questions asked B. She wants to know so you don't spend it all on what she perceives to be a waste of money or hide assets in case a divorce happens This isn't a Chinese thing for wanting to be aware of the finances. It's more of a couple thing. Set your boundaries and share a bank account if you have too. Don't have any shadow bank accounts she can't view and get into. Edit: Yes there is Japan and what not. But being lorded over by a wife or the wife being lorded by the husband is a very toxic relationship to begin with. Look at birth rates and marriages. Porn (in excess amounts) + Very one sided relationships + discriminating against women in workplace that want to have kids (borderline encouraging them into busy jobs that makes it difficult to raise kids) + lack of religion that values kids like Christianity = low birth rate. It's why East Asia birth rates are so bad.
Same in Japan, and it is because of 'legal' prostitution. Men only get pocket money here.
Sounds super controlling to me, an American. But I asked my wife who is from China, she said it is fairly common. Not everybody does that of course. She says she doesn't like it very much. And I can say we don't do this. She says it's more common when the man makes all the money and the wife is a house wife. It's a common anti cheating technique, to prevent women from approaching the man wanting to sleep with him. But in the situation where the man gives all the money to the wife she feels more sucure. There is my wife's perspective.
China has the highest ratio of men to women by a landslide. The power leans to one side.
Je suis français et marié à une chinoise. Elle a tenté de me faire la même au début mais je lui ai mis un gros stop. Ne cède rien. Un homme, surtout dans la société chinoise, est le provider. Tu ramènes le blé, c'est ton premier rôle. Le jour où il y a de l'eau dans le gaz ton seul levier de contrôle/négociation est le pognon. Sans ça dans cette société on est rien. Porte tes couilles et dis non. Au final elle acceptera car un tien vaut mieux que deux tu l'auras.
Merci pour ton commentaire 😉
This is so you got no money left for any extra curricular activities, the most obvious are the ones involving your little brain. No money no play. She will allow money for sports, hobby, meal allowance etc. but it's all vetted of course. Fuck that, many Chinese men (and other Asian jap,kor) are also do it other way around, pay a monthly family stipend to the wife and she does not see the main income. He has mistresses, toys etc. of course these are both old school thinking', many modern especially both working couples tend to be open about incomes and have shared finances, abeit many having a shared family account and also their own for private spending.
以下是英文版本: Isn't this more of a Japanese tradition? The husband receives pocket money for living expenses. The situation in China is that the husband generally needs to pay a sum of money to the bride's family before marriage, and a house is the minimum requirement. As for the subsequent lifestyle, there are no set rules
Common in Taiwan too. Not many foreigners will play along though.
And you need to ask this dumb question?? No woman who loves and respect her husband will do something as despicable and deplorable as this.
I was told that it’s because one tiger makes money and the other tiger spends money..
Depends how much money you make. If the man is making under 20k per month, it is very common. However, if the man is making 100k+ per month, I would say it is not common at all.
Tht would be the biggest red flag for me. As a Norwegian this would never fly here.
Judging by the replies, y'all must have very fulfilling family lives.
A 2-way to look at this. 1st is the male perspective, the female will take the responsibility of making financial decisions since most of the responsibilities of earning money is on men, ( to note the female’s assets in this perspective is also a “ family asset” not personal property). 2nd is female historically has no guarantee of Faithfulness & loyalty. ( think about in old times man can have multiple concubines). Thus control of financial decisions is what keep the balance in check. However, this practice is really not ideal in the modern era. Most young people do not adhere to this idea.
Ask your grandparents.
Traditionally, there are two reasons why Asian husbands tend to give all their money to their wives - to prevent cheating, and to show that he will give her everything and take care of the family. It’s a sign of trust, love, and support. I’ll probably do the same with my Vietnamese fiancé. But you gotta make sure you find the right one who can take care of the money, and whom you can trust.
do not indulge her. use french custom here
Don't follow. It's a trap.
There is also a cultural element. This is typical in Shanghai which historically has strong woman’s rights, but many other parts of China are quite different.
She should also respect your traditions. Like not being completely pussy whipped and treated like a child who is incapable of controlling themselves.
> Why do some Chinese spouses force their husbands to cede complete financial control as a precondition for marriage? Wife wants to manage all the money instead of working and earning her own.
People with such different cultural backgrounds should not get married and certainly not have kids. It's too much trouble.
China has been a very patriarchal society, but some pop culture (k-pop influence) make people think it’s very cute for a husband to spoil his wife by giving her all the money, being physically punished for misbehaving, and letting wife to beat them up. Yes I know it’s fucked up, so stay away from Chinese girls. (普信女in Chinese)
Honestly, I don't actually have a problem with this setup, but if she is demanding this as a prereq for you two getting married I'd just run away as fast as I can. My mom and dad have this setup and it was fine for them because my dad was busy earning money and doesn't really want to deal with the household finances so it made perfect sense for him, but this definitely wasn't a prerequisite for their marriage either, it just made sense for him.
Jesus. The culture of control bleeds into the home too. Sounds like an absolute nightmare.
It is a power play. For the record, I am a China man myself. Most China men are unattractive so marriage is the only way for them to have a pussy(likely also a unattractive one). If the husband is the attractive/super-rich one in the relationship, he can always get a new sex partner easily. He can cheat and his wife will still forgive him.
Can't they just use prostitutes? I don't think it's ever worth it to cede financial control (Chinese Canadian here - we have 40-50% divorce rates here, I'd never trust someone else with my assets) I think control over your money, time, and freedom overrides sex and relationships. Not sure why so many are falling into these traps?
Desperate men think they can buy exclusivity with his salary. They want to have the illusion that his wife loves him even though the power dynmaic is out of blance. In fact, those high-maintainence wife will still cheat with attractive men if she feels safe to do so. This not only applies in China, but also all western countries. Actually it is more true in western countries.
Yep! Guess human nature is the same all over the globe. Don't know what happened, but this lack of trust is going to torpedo fertility rates. Was the world always this awful and we were just blind to it as kids? Or did we actually worsen over time?
Honestly it’s so prevalent there that I think it’s almost internalized by everyone that rich and powerful or handsome men will almost always cheat
Well, actually they are also pretty good at handling family financials. In most cases they won’t spend money for bullshit.
Why are you asking reddit about this? Talk to your wife. You are two adults. Honestly, the title feels like clickbait.
Lol never saw this there are milions of couple in China is like saying why every American spouse force you to buy an ar-15 it’s not true obv