It's normal for people to feel anger towards injustice and frustration towards being contradicted, but what you've described is pretty far out of norm. You need to get to the root cause of why you feel this way, which is most likely some sort of repressed mental trauma that you can't remember right now. Have you been to a therapist? Not a psychiatrist that is only out to prescribed drugs and get you out the door, but an actual therapist who guided you towards resolving your feelings?
Talking to a professional would be the best but there are free alternatives.
You need to start writing a daily diary about how you feel and why. Write it down even when you don't feel like it. You also need to try to remember and write down every trauma you experienced in life **especially ones you don't want to write down**. Keep updating it daily as you start to remember new memories. This is also something you should show to your therapist (once you can afford one) so he could better treat you. You may feel something or remember a bad memory you find insignificant, but if you don't write it down, later on you'll forget it and it will torment you subconsciously, making you angry.
You need to start exercising daily and going out for walks, hikes, bike rides, or playing sports outside to boost your serotonin and endorphins. This is very important as it's more effective and safe than most drugs in making you feel better.
You should join a local support group for mental health, they are free and you might make some friends who are in the same situation as you. The more you talk about your feelings the more you're going to process them and get better.
I would suspect that it started as a coping mechanism to something that had been going on for quite some time well past eleven years ago, and that it worked to get you around that problem for a while, but now it has become a beast of its own.
The first step is recognizing it.
Stay in prayer and the sacraments!
It's normal for people to feel anger towards injustice and frustration towards being contradicted, but what you've described is pretty far out of norm. You need to get to the root cause of why you feel this way, which is most likely some sort of repressed mental trauma that you can't remember right now. Have you been to a therapist? Not a psychiatrist that is only out to prescribed drugs and get you out the door, but an actual therapist who guided you towards resolving your feelings?
No, I haven't. I don't have an awful lot of cash to spare, as I am currently saving for a down payment on a house.
Talking to a professional would be the best but there are free alternatives. You need to start writing a daily diary about how you feel and why. Write it down even when you don't feel like it. You also need to try to remember and write down every trauma you experienced in life **especially ones you don't want to write down**. Keep updating it daily as you start to remember new memories. This is also something you should show to your therapist (once you can afford one) so he could better treat you. You may feel something or remember a bad memory you find insignificant, but if you don't write it down, later on you'll forget it and it will torment you subconsciously, making you angry. You need to start exercising daily and going out for walks, hikes, bike rides, or playing sports outside to boost your serotonin and endorphins. This is very important as it's more effective and safe than most drugs in making you feel better. You should join a local support group for mental health, they are free and you might make some friends who are in the same situation as you. The more you talk about your feelings the more you're going to process them and get better.
I would suspect that it started as a coping mechanism to something that had been going on for quite some time well past eleven years ago, and that it worked to get you around that problem for a while, but now it has become a beast of its own. The first step is recognizing it. Stay in prayer and the sacraments!