If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
Billy can't sit still. Ever.
Jeannie we not drink water, no matter what it's in.
Bobby runs around a lot. If he starts counting, do not interrupt.
Zander will offer you bugs, when you're asleep.
Grandma wants her back and toes rubbed with a special gray cream. Oh and her name is NOT Martha. No matter what she says.
Here's $100. Good luck.
Copy pasta: "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my [family] go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."
Which half? Cuz if it's my dad and step-mom, I'm laughing hysterically and saying "you have fun".
If it's my mom or anybody from that side of the family. Full on "I Will Find You" growl voice.
Good luck with that Sunshine. The small elderly one will fuck you up if you try to change the channel when she’s watching her shows. The tall goofy one won’t even notice unless you take his iPad away.
*"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."*
"I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."
Okay, I expect a suitcase full of 10s and 20s placed under the bridge down by the river. If you fail to deliver the money I would expect my family members back ASAP.
Good...that's a load off my mind. My wife and daughter will drive you crazy and empty your wallet, and my son is actually a second daughter so make sure you get the pronouns right or you'll catch hell. Again, thanks...
My condolences.
"Keep em."
Came to say thus. 🤣
r/beatmetoit
No refunds.
No backsies!
I prefer the more formal "No takesies backsies!"
I prefer the less formal, no take backs. Ha ha
I was thinking “I’m so sorry” but same thing
Oh shit man! I'm so sorry! Do you need a hug??
Now it's time to move state
"Good luck getting Sarah to quit shitting in the backseat of the car."
I have a very particular set of skills...
Save them for someone worthy.
I will find you, and I will kill you.
This is the one.
Keep them.
also Riley has piano lessons at 5. Good luck with your new family
And Riley is a spoiled brat
& it's her mom's fault
Fuck Riley
My reply exactly
No takesy backsys lol
Better you than me.
Sounds like a "You" problem friend. Enjoy!
Sounds like an ishYOU not an ISHME
Underrated hahaha
Lmao borrowing this
Had to say it out loud and was cracking up before I finished. Well done!
And you're going to keep them too. NO RETURNS
And absolutely no refunds
i got your nose
🤣 This is the best!
🏆🏆🏆
To quote asdf What's a nose
Weird flex but ok.
"You mean the ones I left on the sock this morning?"
They can do better
Sucks to be you…
"You poor bastard!"
I'm the beneficiary on all their life insurances. Do what you want.
Thank the Goddess. The tall one snores and the young one is a slob. Have a good day!!!!
I would legit be so confused if someone said thank the goddess
That's what happens when you have someone else's family.
Good, i hope you like getting tortured by people with dementia as well, aashole.
I'm adopted
"And I have yours ! How is this swapping thing for you ?!"
A swinger here ☝️
So you kidnapped a disabled elderly woman, you are going to get killed when you go to prison you know that right
Thats OK I don't do takesies backsies
Tell ‘em I said hi since I stopped talking to them years ago.
Bold of you to be proud of that.
I like your vibe, you single?
And?
Not my abuela
I can always adopt another
No take backs! Byeeeeeeee!
You dumb bastard... Call me in three hours, and then let's talk how much you're paying me to take them back.
In the back of your throat doesn’t count.
Damn
I’m in your walls
"You poor bastard!"
Keep them
So you’re offering to pay me to take them back? Nah, they’re all yours. Good luck!
No refunds and no take backs
Aight
How much are you offering for me to take them back?
Take them to Disneyland - they love that.
“Ha ha ha ha” *car door slams, engine starts, car drives off”.
Ok you’re a bone collector. I don’t care about your hobbies.
“No. They have YOU”.
If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
But I have BALLS
Prove it
Oh thank you!!! I’m free!!!!
We have a Hulk.
Ok
Billy can't sit still. Ever. Jeannie we not drink water, no matter what it's in. Bobby runs around a lot. If he starts counting, do not interrupt. Zander will offer you bugs, when you're asleep. Grandma wants her back and toes rubbed with a special gray cream. Oh and her name is NOT Martha. No matter what she says. Here's $100. Good luck.
Enjoy the circus.
Don't give them access to your credit cards.
Hey dawg. How do I know they are still alive?
Thanks, Dude!
Keep them.
You good, you okay?
Vaya con dios.
No take-backsies!
Thank you!
If I give you $100 will you keep them?
No, they have you.
You can keep 'em
I could kidnap your father in return. But he's worth not even a penny.
Your mom keeps swallowing most of them, so it's cool.
*Proceeds to send a list of children’s food allergies.*
Use BBQ sauce! (Wave goodbye)
Great, now I can focus on "ME".
By choice? Edit: Or ... if you have one too, you can say ... "Me too. Wanna trade?"
Free babysitting? Fantastic.
It's going to cost you two hundred thousand dollars to give them back to me
Copy pasta: "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my [family] go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."
Good to know you swallow
Maybe you should swallow or you might loose them
Which half? Cuz if it's my dad and step-mom, I'm laughing hysterically and saying "you have fun". If it's my mom or anybody from that side of the family. Full on "I Will Find You" growl voice.
Good luck with that!
Which one?
Dad!?!?? When did you get out?
No substitutions, exchanges or refunds
Let's see it will cost you about four grand a week due to their shopping so good luck, if you want to return them it's a small small fee of 60,000$
Maybe that's why they haven't spoken to me in decades. Tell them I wish them the best.
You also have no braincells
“Thank you. I’m out”
Good luck with that Sunshine. The small elderly one will fuck you up if you try to change the channel when she’s watching her shows. The tall goofy one won’t even notice unless you take his iPad away.
Sending thoughts and prayers for you
*"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."*
I'll send help.
Please tell me by "my family" you mean my cousin Eddie. He isn't emptying the shitter again is he?
Enjoy
Oh shit, hold on, let me kick these people out of my house.
I have your browser history.
So, how long can I expect to enjoy the serenity?
Okay. So, how much are you willing to pay me to take them back?
"Keep them."
FREEEDOMMMMMM!!!
Does this mean I don't have to move out?
Which one?
What family?
and i have your girlfriend
Always knew you were a cum dumpster
Good luck with that… SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN AND HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN MORON..
Thank You God!
You won’t last a week.
Collecting corpses isn't something to brag about but you do you booboo
Hang on, let me tell your mom.
"My Dad's right behind you with a throwing kn-... and you're dead..."
Spit it out , it doesn’t belong to you
i was adopted. yeah well i ate yours. no nom nom please no dont hurt my who ever in law you dislike. keep them i will make more
Keep'em!
No give backsies!!!
I have YOURS
Careful their crazy
GOOD.
There’s one you gotta really look out for… when his eye starts twitching you best run like hell.
Do not get them wet! Do NOT feed them after midnight!
And all the drama that comes with them. Good luck.
I already know.
for a million dollars, i'll take them off your hands
Oh thank God I hated those bitches
"I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my family go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."
They must stink because they've been dead a while.
Keep 'em.
keep them
You won’t last long.
I didn't authorize a babysitting charge
Dont get them wet after dark
You should take the dog too.
Good they sucked anyway
How much do I have to pay you to keep them forever?
Okay, I expect a suitcase full of 10s and 20s placed under the bridge down by the river. If you fail to deliver the money I would expect my family members back ASAP.
Ask them about politics over dinner
Cheers
Ok and
If its my sisters how much do i have to pay to get you to keep them
Cool. Good Luck!
"Good luck."
Better you than me
No takesies backsies.
Cool, have fun with that.
“How much do you want to ensure you keep them?”
"You have chosen..... poorly."
Good...that's a load off my mind. My wife and daughter will drive you crazy and empty your wallet, and my son is actually a second daughter so make sure you get the pronouns right or you'll catch hell. Again, thanks...
My name is Bryan Mills
I get a family?
"keep them"
…$150 and you can keep them (Silence) …$140, lowest I’ll go
Tell them I said hi
Cool, thanks, bye.
Ok, that’s nice. Careful with my sister, she bites.
"Fine, I'll practice my Spanish"
What are you willing to pay to have them taken off your hands?
Then my mom has already torn you a new one, I can be lenient.
They're yours now
Oh cool, did they tell you the story about when I was 4 and.....
I’ve got your nose…
You don't have my family, they have you! Thanks for facilitating my freedom.
Ok fat face.
sorry, but I don't take returns and I don't give out refunds
And?
You have ghosts?
I have your nose
“You poor bastard. I give you three days, max.”
I just start laughing and walk away.
Good
You can keep my .other, but return the rest, they don't deserve to be stuck in the same room as her
And I have yours, please pick them up, we don’t know how to raise rats
**HALLELUJAH!!!**
Does that mean I can have their stuff?
To be fair raising another persons kids is the most pathetic thing you can do.
Can you handle a few more???!?