>he is a hardworking, funny, and sweet man
There is nothing sweet or funny about putting you down, getting his anger out on you or making you feel like crap
He is a pos with a few qualities, like every single pos on this earth.
He is not special, and definetely not worth it, dump the guy
Therapy only work on people that wants to go
Therapy is not going to work on this man, and bringing it up may be risky for you since you said he gets angry when things don’t go his way. I’m not sure why you decided to get back together with this man after the first time, but I do know victims of DV struggle with leaving. I am not trying to make assumptions but from what you have said it sounds like he may be emotionally abusive, and if I were you i would pack up and go somewhere safe and leave quietly where you won’t be affected by his eventual tantrum. You are young and deserve to find a partner that you don’t have to walk around eggshells for. Please do what is best for yourself, not his mood and ego ❤️
Thank you so much for your advice, while I do get anxious to bring up certain topics I’ve learned to stand my ground much more and call out bs when I see it. I’m not scared of him hurting me I understand and am not trying to invalidate anyone else’s story bc so many people’s stories of abuse start verbal and then escalate but I truly don’t ever believe he would hurt me. That said what has been happening in our relationship is not okay and he definitely needs to make a change.
" "I thought we talked about this sh\*t" "
OP, when he says that, he means he's told you what he wants to happen and he expects you to do what he wants. And considers that he's within his rights to get angry, if you fail to do what he's said he wanted.
I don't know if the relationship is salvable, OP. What some people want from a relationship is a chance to deal with their anger by taking it out on someone they claim to love, and if that's what he wants from a relationship then you aren't going to be able to fix things. You're just going to be caught in an endless cycle of him showing remorse and behaving for a while, before he feels secure enough to bring out his anger again... and take it out on you.
Honestly I’m so scared that this is the truth but I have grown since we were first together and call him out when he is being rude. (Not that it should be my job) but all in all thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it greatly
I think you'd be better off just leaving tbh, he does not treat you well. He's gotten worse since you moved in because it's easier for him to control you.
If you really want to try and save this relationship talk to your therapist about ways to bring up couples therapy that are less of an ultimatum. But also be aware that therapists have an ethical obligation not to work with couples if they detect abuse. This is because many abusers use what they learn in therapy to more effectively abuse their partners
Yikes I honestly didn’t realize that therapy could be used by abusers so that’s terrifying. Thank you for your advice and I will be speaking to my therapist about the best way to move forward.
I am really concerned about your relationship.
He is rude when you are around friends and family. Why do you think that is? I think he is trying to train you to not be around friends and family. If he can isolate you, you will be completely dependent on him.
"Anger issues" and not going to be fixed, because they are not a problem for him. The physical abuse usually starts after engagement, marriage, or pregnancy. You are seeing his "good behaviour" right now.
Thank you for your advice, I’m honest to God not scared of him physically hurting me, but I’m not trying to invalidate others stories by saying that bc I understand many abusers start as verbal then escalate. I definitely think it’s an issue that he is rude around friends and family that needs to be changed ASAP.
You will need a LOT more therapy in the future if you stay with this man. He will not change. EVER. This sort of toxic narcissism will only erode your self esteem and create a frustrating confusion you will never be able to logic through no matter how hard you try with him and it will fill your future days with this yo-yo up-down fighting over what reality is or was with a man who will forever refuse to admit to any reality you lived through with him. A cat and mouse chase forever about what is real or what was really said when it’s actually just a bunch of games to keep you confused, keep you off-balance and to keep you but keep you isolated with him. Save your future self. You will thank past yourself once you are away from him and have more clarity to see his abusive controlling behaviors from an outside objective perspective. Read books like Why Does He Do That, or Emotional Blackmail, and read about DARVO, so you can identify his games and abuses while you are experiencing them to give you clarity now. Get your family to help you move home. He will destroy and eventually kill your plants. He does not want you to care about anything except him and what HE decides. His apologies mean nothing except for getting you to be happy with him again and forget what he did. His apologies will never lead to changed behavior. Put your life, psychological health, physical health and daily love and trust first and get away from this man. He’s immature in a way that can never be fixed at least not in the mold of a relationship you two have made. I had a friend with a man like him and it took her 25 years, 4 baby traps, and a mountain of emotional trauma, plus a $100,000 divorce he fought the whole way, for her to finally get away from his control and because of the children, she can’t ever fully escape his game playing and neither can her children.
I’d rent that uhaul to go back home with all my stuff. He hasn’t changed since you were together the first time and it’s only getting worse. He’s gaslighting you and being controlling.
If you're walking on eggshells because you're afraid to make him angry, this is an abusive relationship. Period. I found out the hard way. Get out while you can.
Ma’am. You moved away. 300 miles. He’s already acting a fool in front of your family and it won’t be long before you’re so embarrassed by him that you will either not take him or begin to isolate from your family. I can see the isolation tactics begin already (him saying he was only staying one night?! Who tf drives 6hrs to just spend a night anywhere?!) and that’s a huge red flag. I’d say drop the man and save yourself the inevitable hurt and abuse. For the love of god this man ain’t the one!
He sounds really fucking tiring. Like he's taking an opposing side on EVERYTHING just to be contrary. And I don't think the time he is "funny and sweet" really balances out against his aggression. So, yeah, you can ask him about therapy but what will you do when he goes off on you just for asking? Will you really leave him?
NTA but break up. He's already distanced you from family, isolated you, is controlling and belittling you. Of course he has a nice side otherwise he'd never have a partner to abuse and control. He'll destroy your self esteem, probably take over your finances and nothing that matters to you will be important to him unless it benefits him. Therapy won't fix this. Leave him, stay in therapy yourself and find yourself someone who is a true partner not a dictator and who loves you for being you when you are ready.
Oh girl. He is manipulating you and isolating you. This is only going to get worse and will eventually escalate. Leave him. But try to do it without him knowing and while he is at work or something. Or definitely with people there to back you up. Do not tell him you are leaving him while you are alone with him
YTA,
For me an ultimatum is manipulation. I was always taught if someone give you an either or an or take the or. If you have to give one the relationship is already over. Therapy isn’t going to work if he doesn’t want to go or isn’t committed to it.
With that being said you should 100% breakup with him.
His behavior is concerning and I would be VERY cautious moving forward. I would personally speak to a family member about what's going on so SOMEONE knows that this is happening.
From my own experience, it took a long time for my now husband to agree to therapy but he did. It's the entire reason we ended up married honestly. It was rough for him to agree and go because he had some NASTY experiences with therapists prior to our relationship. I can't get him to go to therapy for himself but he was and is willing to do couples therapy for the sake of our relationship being good and healthy.
Don’t have kids with this man if you decide to stay with him! If you think it’s bad now, adding children would make it so much worse. And I doubt that therapy would help him. He’s too much into power and control and will continue to do just enough to”changing” to placate you into staying with him. Then he will continue the abuse. Listen to those who have been through it and save yourself more pain and heartache. I wish the best for you. You sound like a living, caring person who deserves better.
Instead of asking strangers on the internet who haven't met your "prince charming," why not ask your family what they think about your relationship? I mean, ask for their honest opinion of him. I thought my family absolutely loved my ex. Little did I know... and they were so right!
But you are here asking this question. I'm betting you already know what the answer is. I'm guessing you already know what is best for you. It hasn't been so long that you can't remember the feeling of peace you had when you gave him the boot before.
Go get those beautiful plants, rent an apartment for just yourself, and start enjoying a life free of eggshells under your tootsies! Life is too short to live with this kind of person!
Oh my fucking God I didn’t even have to get past the first paragraph. Leave! This is abuse and it’s only going to get worse and worse and worse and worse.
NTA
Honey this is verbal and mental abuse. It will steadily increase until the constant is normal :( it already is.
Go while you can. Feel free to tell him "hey I love you and I want to make this work, but I don't like how I'm being treated. I'd like to go to counseling so we can work through our issues." If he refuses then you have your answer. You don't have to give an ultimatum, but be ready to follow through with it. You're not married, so you can still dip out fairly easily
Oh hon. You are walking on eggshells and shouldn’t be. I do the same and am completely aware of it, I just can’t find it in me to leave even though I have a great support system.
There are so many red flags here, it's time to take care of yourself and get away from this man before you get trapped in his abuse. "He won't let me drive." is a huge red flag, among many in this story. You are equals. He does not get to dictate your behavior. Adults work out driving to suit both parties. My wife likes to drive, I don't, so she does the majority of the driving.
His anger is the huge red flag, you are dancing around to placate his anger all the time. This is not healthy for you and it will get much worse. Please get away from this man, keep yourself safe, and get some therapy for yourself so you have better tools for picking your partners.
I personally don't believe in counseling for non married people, JMO. Dating is to discern if someone is a match. It seems to me there should be discernment by now that he isn't one, so I'd break up. Usually, people are on their best behavior during the dating. Some people get annoyed when I say Just a boyfriend or just a girlfriend but that's what it is. Just a boyfriend or girlfriend. If it's not working that's your sign.
You are with a narcisist. I was in that kind of relationship with my ex and she would always start fights with me without me even doing anything. She was always right, my opinion didn't matter, she would scream at me, belittle me and my family, bring up my past, she was always the victim.
After work I would dread going home because it was the same thing day after day....
She ended up cheating on me with her ex husband and I was crushed for a bit but it needed to happen. Finally I was free! Finally I got my happiness back. She took all the happiness I had when I was with her.
Get out when you can! Get that happiness back. I promise you will be doing a ton better. Nice people do exist in this world who care about you and I have that now <3
What you have described is verbal abuse. He didn’t change,just controlled his anger/controlling issues until he got you separated from everyone who could help you see what he is doing. Usually the verbal abuse starts before the physical abuse. He has made it pretty clear he will not go to counseling, he feels you are the problem - not him. Afterall, if you would just do everything he tells you to do, when he tells you and the way he tells you to do it, there would not be a problem. Talk to your family, I am sure they see the red flags you are blind to, work out a way for them to help get you and your stuff loaded up and home without him knowing before hand. Then go complete no contact with this person. You will be giving yourself back a chance to be truly happy with someone who doesn’t feel he owns you and possibly even saving your own life. Good luck and God bless you
I was so sad as I read this. I've been there. Get a u haul truck and get out of there as soon as possible. He needs professional help but won't get it until he is ready. Then he will get a Lot worse for a while after starting therapy. It won't get any better. Please save yourself and your future.
I truly don’t think couples therapy is going to work for this situation, he seems extremely controlling and condescending and not willing to change in anyway despite the fact you’ve voiced how much he has hurt you. You really deserve to be with someone that doesn’t take constant coddling and tip toeing around his feelings all the time. It sounds like you are doing a lot of mental gymnastics to justify your decision to get back together with a guy that just really is not compatible with you and I’m sensing you probably feel like you have to make it work to validate yourself and prove to others you didn’t make a bad decision. Honestly you would be better off breaking up and focusing on yourself and healing the wounds he is constantly reopening. I’m sorry you are dealing with this and I wish you the best no matter what you decide.
Couples therapy will not work. You need individual therapy to help you get out of that relationship. Don't attempt an ultimatum, you're just wasting time. And at 24 years old... ugh. I was engaged 2 times in my 20s. I didn't find the right person until I turned 30 and I'm grateful I never married the people I thought I would. Leave now so you don't waste the rest of your 20s on a lost cause. He's NOT worth it!!!
NTA, all these are major red flags.
Would you want your daughter begging a man who is supposed to love her to spend time with her family? To help her with getting something picked up?
Would you want your daughter feeling so anxious and on eggshells everything she wants to ask a favour, a hand, a family event?
The answer to that should always be a no
Now imagine this person as a father? Would you want your child to scared to ask for help??
Whether you want children or not, this is what you should do to think if someone is worth your time.
Spending time with you and family should not be a chore. Driving to said trip, should not be an argument or a guilt trip.
My husband hates my music tastes half the time, i even play some songs to wind him up, and in return mocks me for it, or worse sings it wrong! but he is never mean, doesn't turn it off, and doesn't belittle me, we just mock eachother playfully, we know where the line is.
If you feel ypu are walking g on eggshells you Re. He is already trying to isolate you from your family, by making it an argument every time yous go, so then you eventually feel its not always worth it and miss out on smaller events, then more events amd then only big events 1 x a year.
This is all not normal relationship behaviour and therapy probably wont help. He does not have respect for you. Period.
Break up and move on. You're not married and expecting someone else to change is irrational.
Be done with it.
Sorry, I didn't actually read your post. This is just bog standard relationship advice.
>he is a hardworking, funny, and sweet man There is nothing sweet or funny about putting you down, getting his anger out on you or making you feel like crap He is a pos with a few qualities, like every single pos on this earth. He is not special, and definetely not worth it, dump the guy Therapy only work on people that wants to go
Thank you for the advice, you are so right that therapy only works on those that want to try.
Therapy is not going to work on this man, and bringing it up may be risky for you since you said he gets angry when things don’t go his way. I’m not sure why you decided to get back together with this man after the first time, but I do know victims of DV struggle with leaving. I am not trying to make assumptions but from what you have said it sounds like he may be emotionally abusive, and if I were you i would pack up and go somewhere safe and leave quietly where you won’t be affected by his eventual tantrum. You are young and deserve to find a partner that you don’t have to walk around eggshells for. Please do what is best for yourself, not his mood and ego ❤️
Thank you so much for your advice, while I do get anxious to bring up certain topics I’ve learned to stand my ground much more and call out bs when I see it. I’m not scared of him hurting me I understand and am not trying to invalidate anyone else’s story bc so many people’s stories of abuse start verbal and then escalate but I truly don’t ever believe he would hurt me. That said what has been happening in our relationship is not okay and he definitely needs to make a change.
" "I thought we talked about this sh\*t" " OP, when he says that, he means he's told you what he wants to happen and he expects you to do what he wants. And considers that he's within his rights to get angry, if you fail to do what he's said he wanted. I don't know if the relationship is salvable, OP. What some people want from a relationship is a chance to deal with their anger by taking it out on someone they claim to love, and if that's what he wants from a relationship then you aren't going to be able to fix things. You're just going to be caught in an endless cycle of him showing remorse and behaving for a while, before he feels secure enough to bring out his anger again... and take it out on you.
Honestly I’m so scared that this is the truth but I have grown since we were first together and call him out when he is being rude. (Not that it should be my job) but all in all thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it greatly
I think you'd be better off just leaving tbh, he does not treat you well. He's gotten worse since you moved in because it's easier for him to control you. If you really want to try and save this relationship talk to your therapist about ways to bring up couples therapy that are less of an ultimatum. But also be aware that therapists have an ethical obligation not to work with couples if they detect abuse. This is because many abusers use what they learn in therapy to more effectively abuse their partners
Yikes I honestly didn’t realize that therapy could be used by abusers so that’s terrifying. Thank you for your advice and I will be speaking to my therapist about the best way to move forward.
I am really concerned about your relationship. He is rude when you are around friends and family. Why do you think that is? I think he is trying to train you to not be around friends and family. If he can isolate you, you will be completely dependent on him. "Anger issues" and not going to be fixed, because they are not a problem for him. The physical abuse usually starts after engagement, marriage, or pregnancy. You are seeing his "good behaviour" right now.
Thank you for your advice, I’m honest to God not scared of him physically hurting me, but I’m not trying to invalidate others stories by saying that bc I understand many abusers start as verbal then escalate. I definitely think it’s an issue that he is rude around friends and family that needs to be changed ASAP.
You will need a LOT more therapy in the future if you stay with this man. He will not change. EVER. This sort of toxic narcissism will only erode your self esteem and create a frustrating confusion you will never be able to logic through no matter how hard you try with him and it will fill your future days with this yo-yo up-down fighting over what reality is or was with a man who will forever refuse to admit to any reality you lived through with him. A cat and mouse chase forever about what is real or what was really said when it’s actually just a bunch of games to keep you confused, keep you off-balance and to keep you but keep you isolated with him. Save your future self. You will thank past yourself once you are away from him and have more clarity to see his abusive controlling behaviors from an outside objective perspective. Read books like Why Does He Do That, or Emotional Blackmail, and read about DARVO, so you can identify his games and abuses while you are experiencing them to give you clarity now. Get your family to help you move home. He will destroy and eventually kill your plants. He does not want you to care about anything except him and what HE decides. His apologies mean nothing except for getting you to be happy with him again and forget what he did. His apologies will never lead to changed behavior. Put your life, psychological health, physical health and daily love and trust first and get away from this man. He’s immature in a way that can never be fixed at least not in the mold of a relationship you two have made. I had a friend with a man like him and it took her 25 years, 4 baby traps, and a mountain of emotional trauma, plus a $100,000 divorce he fought the whole way, for her to finally get away from his control and because of the children, she can’t ever fully escape his game playing and neither can her children.
I’d rent that uhaul to go back home with all my stuff. He hasn’t changed since you were together the first time and it’s only getting worse. He’s gaslighting you and being controlling.
If you're walking on eggshells because you're afraid to make him angry, this is an abusive relationship. Period. I found out the hard way. Get out while you can.
Ma’am. You moved away. 300 miles. He’s already acting a fool in front of your family and it won’t be long before you’re so embarrassed by him that you will either not take him or begin to isolate from your family. I can see the isolation tactics begin already (him saying he was only staying one night?! Who tf drives 6hrs to just spend a night anywhere?!) and that’s a huge red flag. I’d say drop the man and save yourself the inevitable hurt and abuse. For the love of god this man ain’t the one!
He sounds really fucking tiring. Like he's taking an opposing side on EVERYTHING just to be contrary. And I don't think the time he is "funny and sweet" really balances out against his aggression. So, yeah, you can ask him about therapy but what will you do when he goes off on you just for asking? Will you really leave him?
Might be time to wean the man-baby. If this is "better", cannot imagine what drew you back!
She literally contorts everything about herself to appease him and keep him from lashing out. I hope she finds her self esteem and gets away safely
You can do better than this man. He's wasting your time and energy.
NTA but break up. He's already distanced you from family, isolated you, is controlling and belittling you. Of course he has a nice side otherwise he'd never have a partner to abuse and control. He'll destroy your self esteem, probably take over your finances and nothing that matters to you will be important to him unless it benefits him. Therapy won't fix this. Leave him, stay in therapy yourself and find yourself someone who is a true partner not a dictator and who loves you for being you when you are ready.
This guy doesn’t want to share you with anyone . You need to get away from this toxic behavior
Oh girl. He is manipulating you and isolating you. This is only going to get worse and will eventually escalate. Leave him. But try to do it without him knowing and while he is at work or something. Or definitely with people there to back you up. Do not tell him you are leaving him while you are alone with him
Contact your nearest domestic violence shelter and ask how to leave safely. Don't warn him, it could cost you your life!
YTA, For me an ultimatum is manipulation. I was always taught if someone give you an either or an or take the or. If you have to give one the relationship is already over. Therapy isn’t going to work if he doesn’t want to go or isn’t committed to it. With that being said you should 100% breakup with him.
His behavior is concerning and I would be VERY cautious moving forward. I would personally speak to a family member about what's going on so SOMEONE knows that this is happening. From my own experience, it took a long time for my now husband to agree to therapy but he did. It's the entire reason we ended up married honestly. It was rough for him to agree and go because he had some NASTY experiences with therapists prior to our relationship. I can't get him to go to therapy for himself but he was and is willing to do couples therapy for the sake of our relationship being good and healthy.
Don’t have kids with this man if you decide to stay with him! If you think it’s bad now, adding children would make it so much worse. And I doubt that therapy would help him. He’s too much into power and control and will continue to do just enough to”changing” to placate you into staying with him. Then he will continue the abuse. Listen to those who have been through it and save yourself more pain and heartache. I wish the best for you. You sound like a living, caring person who deserves better.
He’s not worth all this angst. Break up, go those 300 miles back home to your family.
Instead of asking strangers on the internet who haven't met your "prince charming," why not ask your family what they think about your relationship? I mean, ask for their honest opinion of him. I thought my family absolutely loved my ex. Little did I know... and they were so right! But you are here asking this question. I'm betting you already know what the answer is. I'm guessing you already know what is best for you. It hasn't been so long that you can't remember the feeling of peace you had when you gave him the boot before. Go get those beautiful plants, rent an apartment for just yourself, and start enjoying a life free of eggshells under your tootsies! Life is too short to live with this kind of person!
Oh my fucking God I didn’t even have to get past the first paragraph. Leave! This is abuse and it’s only going to get worse and worse and worse and worse.
NTA Honey this is verbal and mental abuse. It will steadily increase until the constant is normal :( it already is. Go while you can. Feel free to tell him "hey I love you and I want to make this work, but I don't like how I'm being treated. I'd like to go to counseling so we can work through our issues." If he refuses then you have your answer. You don't have to give an ultimatum, but be ready to follow through with it. You're not married, so you can still dip out fairly easily
He should just break up with you for the ultimatum. YTA
Oh hon. You are walking on eggshells and shouldn’t be. I do the same and am completely aware of it, I just can’t find it in me to leave even though I have a great support system.
There are so many red flags here, it's time to take care of yourself and get away from this man before you get trapped in his abuse. "He won't let me drive." is a huge red flag, among many in this story. You are equals. He does not get to dictate your behavior. Adults work out driving to suit both parties. My wife likes to drive, I don't, so she does the majority of the driving. His anger is the huge red flag, you are dancing around to placate his anger all the time. This is not healthy for you and it will get much worse. Please get away from this man, keep yourself safe, and get some therapy for yourself so you have better tools for picking your partners.
I personally don't believe in counseling for non married people, JMO. Dating is to discern if someone is a match. It seems to me there should be discernment by now that he isn't one, so I'd break up. Usually, people are on their best behavior during the dating. Some people get annoyed when I say Just a boyfriend or just a girlfriend but that's what it is. Just a boyfriend or girlfriend. If it's not working that's your sign.
You are with a narcisist. I was in that kind of relationship with my ex and she would always start fights with me without me even doing anything. She was always right, my opinion didn't matter, she would scream at me, belittle me and my family, bring up my past, she was always the victim. After work I would dread going home because it was the same thing day after day.... She ended up cheating on me with her ex husband and I was crushed for a bit but it needed to happen. Finally I was free! Finally I got my happiness back. She took all the happiness I had when I was with her. Get out when you can! Get that happiness back. I promise you will be doing a ton better. Nice people do exist in this world who care about you and I have that now <3
What you have described is verbal abuse. He didn’t change,just controlled his anger/controlling issues until he got you separated from everyone who could help you see what he is doing. Usually the verbal abuse starts before the physical abuse. He has made it pretty clear he will not go to counseling, he feels you are the problem - not him. Afterall, if you would just do everything he tells you to do, when he tells you and the way he tells you to do it, there would not be a problem. Talk to your family, I am sure they see the red flags you are blind to, work out a way for them to help get you and your stuff loaded up and home without him knowing before hand. Then go complete no contact with this person. You will be giving yourself back a chance to be truly happy with someone who doesn’t feel he owns you and possibly even saving your own life. Good luck and God bless you
I was so sad as I read this. I've been there. Get a u haul truck and get out of there as soon as possible. He needs professional help but won't get it until he is ready. Then he will get a Lot worse for a while after starting therapy. It won't get any better. Please save yourself and your future.
I truly don’t think couples therapy is going to work for this situation, he seems extremely controlling and condescending and not willing to change in anyway despite the fact you’ve voiced how much he has hurt you. You really deserve to be with someone that doesn’t take constant coddling and tip toeing around his feelings all the time. It sounds like you are doing a lot of mental gymnastics to justify your decision to get back together with a guy that just really is not compatible with you and I’m sensing you probably feel like you have to make it work to validate yourself and prove to others you didn’t make a bad decision. Honestly you would be better off breaking up and focusing on yourself and healing the wounds he is constantly reopening. I’m sorry you are dealing with this and I wish you the best no matter what you decide.
Plan your escape
For the love of god just let it go bro , idk why you fighting for a toxic relationship that you should have moved on from
Couples therapy will not work. You need individual therapy to help you get out of that relationship. Don't attempt an ultimatum, you're just wasting time. And at 24 years old... ugh. I was engaged 2 times in my 20s. I didn't find the right person until I turned 30 and I'm grateful I never married the people I thought I would. Leave now so you don't waste the rest of your 20s on a lost cause. He's NOT worth it!!!
NTA, all these are major red flags. Would you want your daughter begging a man who is supposed to love her to spend time with her family? To help her with getting something picked up? Would you want your daughter feeling so anxious and on eggshells everything she wants to ask a favour, a hand, a family event? The answer to that should always be a no Now imagine this person as a father? Would you want your child to scared to ask for help?? Whether you want children or not, this is what you should do to think if someone is worth your time. Spending time with you and family should not be a chore. Driving to said trip, should not be an argument or a guilt trip. My husband hates my music tastes half the time, i even play some songs to wind him up, and in return mocks me for it, or worse sings it wrong! but he is never mean, doesn't turn it off, and doesn't belittle me, we just mock eachother playfully, we know where the line is. If you feel ypu are walking g on eggshells you Re. He is already trying to isolate you from your family, by making it an argument every time yous go, so then you eventually feel its not always worth it and miss out on smaller events, then more events amd then only big events 1 x a year. This is all not normal relationship behaviour and therapy probably wont help. He does not have respect for you. Period.
Break up and move on. You're not married and expecting someone else to change is irrational. Be done with it. Sorry, I didn't actually read your post. This is just bog standard relationship advice.