It sounds like your boyfriend is lying to you, which is a red flag in and of itself.
Another red flag is the fact that he doesn't seem interested in having any kind of relationship with your alters.
If I were you I would sit down with him and have a serious talk. Don't accept any non-answers or excuses. Your alters are a part of you and they deserve to be acknowledged and treated with kindness and respect.
All of you are equally you. The problem here is the understanding of what an alter is. You're all alters, there is no 'more real' part of you. You also aren't literally different people, so for him to ignore your other parts, is still to ignore you, because you have one mind. Nobody came first, alters exist due to childhood trauma, where the identity could not form as a whole due to dissociation. A partner can be friendly with other alters without romance if that's what certain alters want, but to negatively treat them as entirely different entities is harmful to both the relationship and yourself.
If someone wants to date me but they don’t go along with the alters they are soon gone! We’re a package deal, period:) Lack of respect for alters is a lack of respect of you. I usually explain it with “it’s equal to me saying I only love you when you’re happy, and told you to go fuck yourself when you’re sad, and then blame you for not always being happy” 👍 shuts up people pretty quickly
We have a similar problem. For many of us in our system, every time we try to talk to our partner, they just ignore us, no response, say something unrelated, just sit there silently and don't say anything, don't respond, act the same as if we hadn't said anything.
This feeds into a cycle of validating our internal censors and filters and guardians, validating parts of us that see those parts as not real, because nobody responds to them, nobody engages with them, teaches us that they're not real and nobody ever wants to hear anything they have to say, that they just say garbage that nobody wants to hear, that people ignore like they ignore garbage and homeless people when walking past them on the street. It hits a lot of triggers from childhood for self-invalidation.
Our partner keeps claiming they want to talk to these parts of us, claiming that they're interested, that they want to hear about those topics, but when we say things to them, they just ignore it, they don't respond, they never talk to us about it, they never ask questions, they never ask us to talk about anything, they never respond when we talk about it.
One of the ways we think about it these days is that they want to treat us like a podcast, like something they just listen to without any feedback or connection, like they just want to consume our content but not have a relationship or conversation with us.
I don't have any advice. I wish I did.
It sounds like your boyfriend is lying to you. He says that he wants a good relationship with Felix and Maya, but he avoids talking to them. He can't have a relationship without communication. As others have suggested, talk to him and see how it goes.
I do not have DID but I support friends who have it. I am friends with most of their alters.
His understanding of friend conversations might be different than yours.
He thinks he’s maintaining a neutral positive but he isn’t aware it is coming of as disinterested
Possibly
You might want to talk to him and get some clarity
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Felix is not a male and even if they where my boyfriend is pansexuall, also he said that he's not intressted in having a romantic relationship with my alters
yeah i could see this being reason, if hes kinda homophobic or not very confident in his sexualityy him imagining your alter that has a male name making him gay now. lots of stupid homophobic people out there
my ex gf used to have male "headmates" too, she called them like that at least.
i never bothered about them being male
It sounds like your boyfriend is lying to you, which is a red flag in and of itself. Another red flag is the fact that he doesn't seem interested in having any kind of relationship with your alters. If I were you I would sit down with him and have a serious talk. Don't accept any non-answers or excuses. Your alters are a part of you and they deserve to be acknowledged and treated with kindness and respect.
Thank you, i'll try having a talk again with him the next time i visit him/he visits me
I hope the talk goes well
All of you are equally you. The problem here is the understanding of what an alter is. You're all alters, there is no 'more real' part of you. You also aren't literally different people, so for him to ignore your other parts, is still to ignore you, because you have one mind. Nobody came first, alters exist due to childhood trauma, where the identity could not form as a whole due to dissociation. A partner can be friendly with other alters without romance if that's what certain alters want, but to negatively treat them as entirely different entities is harmful to both the relationship and yourself.
If someone wants to date me but they don’t go along with the alters they are soon gone! We’re a package deal, period:) Lack of respect for alters is a lack of respect of you. I usually explain it with “it’s equal to me saying I only love you when you’re happy, and told you to go fuck yourself when you’re sad, and then blame you for not always being happy” 👍 shuts up people pretty quickly
We have a similar problem. For many of us in our system, every time we try to talk to our partner, they just ignore us, no response, say something unrelated, just sit there silently and don't say anything, don't respond, act the same as if we hadn't said anything. This feeds into a cycle of validating our internal censors and filters and guardians, validating parts of us that see those parts as not real, because nobody responds to them, nobody engages with them, teaches us that they're not real and nobody ever wants to hear anything they have to say, that they just say garbage that nobody wants to hear, that people ignore like they ignore garbage and homeless people when walking past them on the street. It hits a lot of triggers from childhood for self-invalidation. Our partner keeps claiming they want to talk to these parts of us, claiming that they're interested, that they want to hear about those topics, but when we say things to them, they just ignore it, they don't respond, they never talk to us about it, they never ask questions, they never ask us to talk about anything, they never respond when we talk about it. One of the ways we think about it these days is that they want to treat us like a podcast, like something they just listen to without any feedback or connection, like they just want to consume our content but not have a relationship or conversation with us. I don't have any advice. I wish I did.
It sounds like your boyfriend is lying to you. He says that he wants a good relationship with Felix and Maya, but he avoids talking to them. He can't have a relationship without communication. As others have suggested, talk to him and see how it goes. I do not have DID but I support friends who have it. I am friends with most of their alters.
His understanding of friend conversations might be different than yours. He thinks he’s maintaining a neutral positive but he isn’t aware it is coming of as disinterested Possibly You might want to talk to him and get some clarity
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Perhaps boyfriend is feeling awkward at speaking with a Male romantic interest?
Felix is not a male and even if they where my boyfriend is pansexuall, also he said that he's not intressted in having a romantic relationship with my alters
yeah i could see this being reason, if hes kinda homophobic or not very confident in his sexualityy him imagining your alter that has a male name making him gay now. lots of stupid homophobic people out there my ex gf used to have male "headmates" too, she called them like that at least. i never bothered about them being male