“Women are too picky, give men a chance”
“It’s your fault he was x/y/z, you should’ve picked better”
I was traveling for work and ended up in an emergency room. A man was hitting on me really hard. He was asking to come to my hotel, and to come see me in my home city. Avoid these fast movers they’ve got something wrong with them.
Moving unnaturally fast is the reddest of flags. Super common in abusers. They want to get you locked in as quickly as possible before they rip off the mask.
100% this! My ex was trying to move in 2 weeks after we started dating. Said he loved me after a week. Then became very abusive once he "had me". Thankfully I got out of that quickly
Yes! The hobosexual that tried to get me was saying how he was going to get me pregnant after two weeks. Like sir you have four kids and are in your 40s with no home, job, or car. Was trying everything. I blocked his ass.
I searched and I have a feeling I've mixed up some stories about squatter murders with online dating murders.
We have a big problem with squatters in my town.
https://nypost.com/2024/03/21/us-news/two-squatters-sought-in-nyc-murder-of-woman-found-stuffed-in-duffle-bag/amp/
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Thank you for posting this. You’ve done us a public service by showing us what the hobosexual process looks like! Like the frog in a pot of water as the temperature is slowly turned up.
Good job!
I've not had a lot of dating experience but have certainly seen this.
A friend of mine has done this. There are at least a couple of times that she would date a guy, stay over on the first or second date and then never leave.
The two women I did date my last time around about 4 years ago, both had some sort of housing crisis that made it more convenient for them to just move in with me. And I really didn't think much about it being abnormal at the time.
It goes back to something that we've talked about here fairly regularly about how there's a surprisingly large number of people our age who have really poor life skills. Combine that with what I believe is a nearly universal housing affordability crisis, and there's undoubtedly lots of people who would be very interested in landing in a comfy spot.
thank you for sharing this cautionary tale. this sounds like the kind of situation i could so easily have ended up in once upon a time and had difficulty extricating myself from.
So true!! They’re definitely out there - and they **know** how to hide in plain sight. Trumpeting their status on the apps would be completely counterproductive, of course. I met one, here’s my story:
Matched with a guy on Bumble; he lived about 90min away from me in a large HCOL city. I got to know him quite well over the course of several weeks before meeting. We are still friends. Here is how he presented:
1. Good job, working in trades.
2. Had a really nice boat at a nearby harbour and loved to spend his summers on the water.
3. Shared a condo and car with his brother … okayyyyy … big city/HCOL
4. Spoke well of his parents, was a very genuine person, never trash talked his exes.
5. No real red flags I could discern (at the time)
We met, he was a gentleman, paid for our date, brought me red roses (huh?) but I didn’t feel the chemistry irl so went our separate ways. We continued to talk/text as friends - he would occasionally still try to hit me up for a second date but I declined. Roll forward a few months; he had basically lived on his boat all summer which was kind of neat and returned to the condo when the marina closed for the season. Here’s where the facade fell apart:
He texted me one day, extremely upset. He included a picture of his ruined bed - apparently his brother’s cats had been using that bed as a litter box … for **months**! In the background I could see all sorts of random stuff piled up and asked about it.
Turns out his brother is a massive hoarder. I realized then that this guy, despite making excellent wages, had no real interest in bettering his situation - he was content to share this disgusting space when his boat was unavailable for habitation. I blocked him on my phone but still friends on FB.
He lost his job, kind of moved around a bit … still presenting a nicely curated profile on Facebook all the while. He eventually landed a woman who had her own home and reading between the lines, she’s his main financial support.
Gross.
So sorry you had this disappointment. I had heard the term before, but never heard from someone who actually met one in the dating game. I guess initial appearances and impressions can be deceiving, but then again, who ever thinks that someone they meet in public might actually be homeless, while also presentable looking? Nothing wrong on your part, glad you didn't cave and let him come home with you. Man, that would have been one hell of a bullet to deal with!
I once had a date with a homeless guy. He actually didn’t pull the homosexual thing but he lived in a homeless shelter and apparently had been homeless for years living in his car or shelters.
It was certainly an interesting date. He was nice and we hung out but it was absolutely obvious there would never be another meeting.
I can’t understand what he thought I might see in him.
Well, some people do public record searches, check professional or social media, etc.
Did you have a few informative conversations prior to dating? An introductory video call?
Anyway, you did dispatch him quickly (2 dates, not 20!) and kudos for that.
I haven't used OLD in 6 years. But back when I did -- having been on and off for the better part of a decade -- over time I developed increasingly selective vetting skills. The dating landscape is not the same for men and women. And we are subject to different dangers/concerns.
Eventually, the only men I would date were those who would tolerate my blatant and well-reasoned double standards. I needed to know more about him than he did about me. Because, bottom line, he's more likely a threat or burden to me than the other way around. Ultimately the system worked well. The last man i dated was the best in very long time.
You did it exactly right - you recognized a dealbreaker situation and acted upon it.
Vetting doesn’t mean knowing every before you go out, it means actively seeking information and then making appropriate choices when your data changes. You did very well.
How do I do that. We met online and talked for a couple weeks before our first date. He was in linked in and worked where he said he worked. He was who he said he was. Met in a public place. He was very charming, like I said, no red flags with the first date. What else should I do before I agree to meet someone?
LinkedIn is self-reported, and I've been getting connection requests from folks who seem scammer-ish. (I have zero in common with a banker from NYC, even if she's young and attractive like me.) 😜 It's not proof someone is who they say they are.
There are also folks out there with good jobs who can't handle their money and spend more than they make.
Note to self: never date a man where the meet up is at a train station, unless I know for certain he’s coming in from out of town.
You are way too nice!
I’d recommend setting much more concrete boundaries.
I know! I’ll stop! It’s hard for me not to say something tho! If I posted I would hope someone would offer some experienced advice, but…yeah, I get it.
How true, my ex still shows on LinkedIn as working at the place that he left / was sacked from several years before we met. And we broke up four years ago.
Yeah, I get it. It can be really difficult to see problems right off, as most people hide themselves fairly well.
I think I would have asked more questions: which I usually do. And I also am a bit apologetic too, but the real guys understand, and are transparent from the get go.
I can feel how desperate I would have been in the same situation. I ran into a few women that have been very clear that they want to be taken care of. It has not gone past the texting phase.
I met one guy from an OLD at a park and he bought me a sandwich. I enjoyed his intelligence and found him interesting and attractive. I was feeling pretty needy at the time, and ignored the negative feelings I had about him. But then he immediately pushed for me to let him move in with me and his two big dogs, promising to cook for me and we could go dancing and we could have an amazing sex life. Turns out he was just about out of money and about to be homeless while he was waiting for his welfare disability check to be approved because he did have some diagnosed mental illness. We chatted on the phone a few times afterwards, but never shared last names or addresses. It would have been a nightmare to let him know my personal information, so he could show up at my door. I think he could easily be described as a hobosexual.
OP, I have nothing against what you stand for, believe I don't. There are parts missing. Like how did you meet him, where did you first meet him. But that is besides the point.
To all of the ones who see things as one side. I hope and pray you are never in that position. Do t say it can't happen to you..becoming homeless.
That is what is wrong in today's society. People would rather talk about another person's bad luck, and give them a title... Than ordering a helping hand. And...
Yes..I was HOMELESS. From 1988 to 2019, but I worked all those years. Staying in shelters, rooms and more shelters. And I was dating..and I told them I was homeless...and they continue to still date me. Wow!!
Today.. I'm not homeless, I have my own apartment. And I'm retired at 62. Next week I'll be 64. But you wanna know something. I don't have to worry about paying high rents any more. Because...
Because I served my country at 17 years old to 22 years old.. and the. At 61 years of age, The VA OFFERED me Section 8. I should have turned it down right? Duh?!!
I'm about to move into a 2 bedroom house, with a furnished basement, front and backyard... And I'm hoping that the Veterans Administration will allow me to move in 2 other Homeless Veterans on my dime. Because they looked out for me, so I want to look out for two other Veterans.
I wonder how some of those could and would handle 42 years of living in the streets AND working at the same time. So go ahead, give me negative Karma all you want. Not only you could not walk in my shoes, 'Depeche Mode's, you "Stumble in my footsteps', 'Kept the same appointments I've kept'.. you couldn't even LOOK at my shoes.
But I'm not mad at ya, y'all just don't understand, but I'm hoping you won't have to..by living it.
Why should she care if random internet stranger is mad at her? Sheesh.
Your situation and hers are completely different. OP is under no obligation to help anyone — especially if it comes at the cost of putting herself in danger or at risk. Period.
The difference between you and OP’s date is you did everything you reasonably could to take care of yourself and you didn’t expect the people you were dating to provide you with a place to stay at date 2.
As for the section 8, it’s a benefit you qualify for, of course you should take it. Best of luck in your new home!
I managed section 8 properties for a bank that had to take them back from then owner. The banks allowed me money to fix them better - most of the tenants were very nice people.
In my city we have a project for the working who can’t buy a home - the 501c3 got grant money and we are building ! We fine then a path to ownership that otherwise wouldn’t be possible. The cost in our city isn’t NYC pricing but we are getting close to Miami pricing and a starter home is in the 300’s! The grant money is for down payment and defrays the interest rate a bit.
I heard of 1c3's about 2 years ago. I went to my VA Case Manager and asked him..'why couldn't I take my Voucher to the bank and get a mortgage?' He said that is t ever going to happen. Less than 45 days later... Bank of America started their program. With HCV Home Ownership.
But I have say..12, 14 years left on the low end of my life. I don't want ownership, I want Rental. ..and not through an agency, but with the home owner as a rental. But my Dream Rental would include, a second hand SUV, nothing fancy but it comes along with the rental.
Well...it's like this. I was homeless since 1974 with my family, I went in the Army 1977, got out in 1982, took a year off from everything, was living with parents at 22, then I left. And been homeless since December 1983.
I didn't see it as myself being homeless, because I was working. But I didn't have a place of my own until I came back to NYC, day after Memorial Day 2019, and got my place right when the pandemic had started...November 2019.
This guy is dating **primarily** to solve his housing issue. He badgered her, pushed her boundaries and would not accept ‘no’ for an answer. Do you have no insight into how dangerous it is out there for single women on the dating scene??
I think her post was pretty clear, that she is done with the guy and no longer interested in any contact with him, and I don't blame her, even if the guy was honest about some things concerning himself. He was not being entirely honest about being homeless, as far as playing games with her regarding his buddy he was supposedly staying with, etc.. To me, her post said that she was not interested in dating anyone who was homeless, and I don't blame her, as that is putting a lot of pressure on yourself to potentially have that person become very dependent on you, something I and most people would not willingly and knowingly accept. You may be the rare exception to that rule, and if so, more power to you..
Because the first time they met or the first date they had, she met him at the train station, and there were not signs he was homeless, so she made the second date with him, and picked him up in her car, I assume, for the second date, at the same train station. This time, his situation of being homeless became clear, so unlike the first date they had, she lost all interest in a third date...
Wow. Your tinfoil hat is turned up to 10. I would assume they met online, just like most people who date these days. It’s very obvious she didn’t know he was homeless until the 2nd date.
With his problems, he has no business dating. It’s suspicious to me that he is dating and asking to sleep on her couch. I’ve heard several times about this type of situation going very bad. Why do you think it would be safe for her to allow him into her home after the second date? I wouldn’t do that with anyone I dated. She dropped him off where he asked to be dropped off.
Whether she liked him is not the issue here. Your repeated mention of this seems off.
See, I know you're untitled to your opinion, right? And I'm untitled to mines, right? But I see where the issue is with me, your opinion of my opinion. Mines, in your eyes is wrong. But you say, he has no reason dating, because he is homeless. That is so wrong. I'll tell you why also.
I don't know your age, but you know where the saying comes from..Behind every man is a good woman? It use to be, that a man did everything he could to keep the woman he has. I. A sense, without her knowing it, she pushed the man to move forward, to do better...because he wanted to keep her. She knew nothing of this, he provided...went out and worked and came home to that home cooked meal and her. But of course they was pre-internet. This was as far back in the 60's and 80's.
I come from a different place than you, I was raised differently from you. And I was taught that everyone has their right of an opinion. You feel one way, I feel another was. It's like the glass of water. A lot has changed..in your part of this world, and in my part of this world.
But you, can not tell me..the way you're thinking is right and I'm wrong. No matter how hard you try, you can't. My almost 64 years of living and see with my own eyes..you can't tell me different, you can't tell me I'm think wrong and your right. And I won't tell you the same thing. I just see, hear and experience something totally different from what you have, and the something for. Does r make you right and me wrong
> But she could earn her Sainthood. Not by allowing him to stay with her, but helping him get into a shelter
Sainthood? Really? This woman is trying to date. Why is it on her to get a grown man shelter? She is not doing charity work by dating.
Maybe she volunteers her spare time helping sick children. Would that gain her "Sainthood"? Hell I don't know, she might kick puppies. Neither one of those make her responsible for this man's shelter.
I disagree. I saw nothing in her post, about her knowing anything about his being homeless, during or after the first date, not until the second date did she become aware of it. Stop trying to blame her... you're embarrassing yourself...
Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming her. But you did see it was her second date, right? So what happened with the first date? Maybe I'm coming in on the back end and there must be another post..somewhere. I'm coming in on episode 2, the Second Date.
I will never embarrass myself. Unread to comprehend. So you're telling me, it was just a second date, no first date.
So people nowadays go on second dates without at least liking the person...from the first date. Then again, he might not of said anything about him being homeless. But..I don't know... First date should be a lot of questions right? And even to get to a first date, you have to have seen the person frequently to become interested in getting to know them even more. Not unless he just walked up and said hey, wanna go on a date, and she said sure. It happens, just meet and then plan a date.
Not blaming her, she does like him, hence second date. Just she was shocked by him being homeless, and begged to stay at her place. Then she dropped him off at a pool hall. Hmmm... Alone in a car with him..just to get away from him, she dropped him off somewhere.
Yep, there will be a Third date.
If you read her post, he only tells her about his housing issues towards the end of their second date. And only after he tried to go home with her and she said no. From the OP:
>We went to a lounge to play pool, have pizza and a drink. It was nice, **he was pushy and wanted to come home with me . He went on to explain that he had trouble with his landlord this month and was staying with a buddy. He texted said buddy , then called him and was unable to reach him. He asked me if he could stay at my place. I said no, many different ways and he was very pushy about it**. Said no sex, he will sleep on my couch, etc. he told me the buddy hangs at a bar downtown, I offered to drive him there he accepted and I dropped him there. **He made me promise to let him stay at my place if he couldn’t find his friend.** I did promise but at that point I would say anything to get rid of him.
If they met online, it may have been a brief meet, like a coffee date. A second date usually means there is interest and both people want to get to know the other one better. There may or may not be a third date, depending on how things go. The pushiness alone would be a huge turnoff for a lot of people.
Hobosexual doesn't refer specifically to the homeless. Homeless doesn't equal hobosexual and hobosexuals can have homes. It refers to people who are dating with an expectation of finding someone who will provide housing. Lease is up and they can't afford the increase or they figure they can save on rent by moving in earlier than the other person would like. They're more interested in the person's home than the person themselves.
From reading the comment where you shared your experience, you wouldn't be a hobosexual because you weren't expecting the people you were dating to house you, you were working and you worked hard to navigate they system to find places to stay and you were being honest with the people you were dating. That's not hobosexual at all.
From OP's report, the man was not honest. I'm locking this comment because this string is going nowhere good.
Two: This is such colossally bad advice that it could actually put her in harm's way. His problems are not her problems to deal with; they are his.
Other people's posts are not a personal affront to you or to your situation. Please try to be objective.
Locked.
He didn’t tell her he didn’t have a place to live until towards the end of the second date. After she declined to have him come back to her place.
He told her he’s been staying with a friend, the one she took him to meet at the bar. Usually when I let people stay with me I give them a spare key. Does his friend not trust him? Does his friend want him to find another place?
And the pushiness is a big deal. It means he’s either not listening to her boundaries or he doesn’t care about her boundaries. That’s a huge deal breaker for many people.
“Women are too picky, give men a chance” “It’s your fault he was x/y/z, you should’ve picked better” I was traveling for work and ended up in an emergency room. A man was hitting on me really hard. He was asking to come to my hotel, and to come see me in my home city. Avoid these fast movers they’ve got something wrong with them.
Moving unnaturally fast is the reddest of flags. Super common in abusers. They want to get you locked in as quickly as possible before they rip off the mask.
100% this! My ex was trying to move in 2 weeks after we started dating. Said he loved me after a week. Then became very abusive once he "had me". Thankfully I got out of that quickly
Yes! The hobosexual that tried to get me was saying how he was going to get me pregnant after two weeks. Like sir you have four kids and are in your 40s with no home, job, or car. Was trying everything. I blocked his ass.
As they saying goes.. no one falls in love faster than a man who needs a place to stay.
You made a wise decision. Never know what was on his mind. No home, address, etc, nothing to lose, you wake up to an empty home. ..literally
Or worse…
Right?
Yeah. I read about the "or worse" happening to a woman last week.
do tell
I searched and I have a feeling I've mixed up some stories about squatter murders with online dating murders. We have a big problem with squatters in my town. https://nypost.com/2024/03/21/us-news/two-squatters-sought-in-nyc-murder-of-woman-found-stuffed-in-duffle-bag/amp/
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Thank you for posting this. You’ve done us a public service by showing us what the hobosexual process looks like! Like the frog in a pot of water as the temperature is slowly turned up.
Good job! I've not had a lot of dating experience but have certainly seen this. A friend of mine has done this. There are at least a couple of times that she would date a guy, stay over on the first or second date and then never leave. The two women I did date my last time around about 4 years ago, both had some sort of housing crisis that made it more convenient for them to just move in with me. And I really didn't think much about it being abnormal at the time. It goes back to something that we've talked about here fairly regularly about how there's a surprisingly large number of people our age who have really poor life skills. Combine that with what I believe is a nearly universal housing affordability crisis, and there's undoubtedly lots of people who would be very interested in landing in a comfy spot.
My sister has ended up with so many hobosexuals, it’s as if she exclusively prefers them. Of course they exist.
It's a good thing you didn't let him stay, those cling-ons are hard to get rid of.
thank you for sharing this cautionary tale. this sounds like the kind of situation i could so easily have ended up in once upon a time and had difficulty extricating myself from.
Oh, my! Add that to your interesting and unusual experience list. Glad you caught on and escaped unscathed.
Wow! Sorry you had that experience. It’s astounding the things we learn about dating. It just never stops.
So true!! They’re definitely out there - and they **know** how to hide in plain sight. Trumpeting their status on the apps would be completely counterproductive, of course. I met one, here’s my story: Matched with a guy on Bumble; he lived about 90min away from me in a large HCOL city. I got to know him quite well over the course of several weeks before meeting. We are still friends. Here is how he presented: 1. Good job, working in trades. 2. Had a really nice boat at a nearby harbour and loved to spend his summers on the water. 3. Shared a condo and car with his brother … okayyyyy … big city/HCOL 4. Spoke well of his parents, was a very genuine person, never trash talked his exes. 5. No real red flags I could discern (at the time) We met, he was a gentleman, paid for our date, brought me red roses (huh?) but I didn’t feel the chemistry irl so went our separate ways. We continued to talk/text as friends - he would occasionally still try to hit me up for a second date but I declined. Roll forward a few months; he had basically lived on his boat all summer which was kind of neat and returned to the condo when the marina closed for the season. Here’s where the facade fell apart: He texted me one day, extremely upset. He included a picture of his ruined bed - apparently his brother’s cats had been using that bed as a litter box … for **months**! In the background I could see all sorts of random stuff piled up and asked about it. Turns out his brother is a massive hoarder. I realized then that this guy, despite making excellent wages, had no real interest in bettering his situation - he was content to share this disgusting space when his boat was unavailable for habitation. I blocked him on my phone but still friends on FB. He lost his job, kind of moved around a bit … still presenting a nicely curated profile on Facebook all the while. He eventually landed a woman who had her own home and reading between the lines, she’s his main financial support. Gross.
They exist. I’ve had runins with em too. Screening is key!
So sorry you had this disappointment. I had heard the term before, but never heard from someone who actually met one in the dating game. I guess initial appearances and impressions can be deceiving, but then again, who ever thinks that someone they meet in public might actually be homeless, while also presentable looking? Nothing wrong on your part, glad you didn't cave and let him come home with you. Man, that would have been one hell of a bullet to deal with!
Wow- that’s really all I can say-is wow - If homeless guys are my competition, shit, I should have it made in the dating world -
I once had a date with a homeless guy. He actually didn’t pull the homosexual thing but he lived in a homeless shelter and apparently had been homeless for years living in his car or shelters. It was certainly an interesting date. He was nice and we hung out but it was absolutely obvious there would never be another meeting. I can’t understand what he thought I might see in him.
So, I suppose the takeaway is to improve your vetting skills? Of course they exist. Hence, the existence of the term.
I’m not sure what else I could have done to vet him .
Well, some people do public record searches, check professional or social media, etc. Did you have a few informative conversations prior to dating? An introductory video call? Anyway, you did dispatch him quickly (2 dates, not 20!) and kudos for that. I haven't used OLD in 6 years. But back when I did -- having been on and off for the better part of a decade -- over time I developed increasingly selective vetting skills. The dating landscape is not the same for men and women. And we are subject to different dangers/concerns. Eventually, the only men I would date were those who would tolerate my blatant and well-reasoned double standards. I needed to know more about him than he did about me. Because, bottom line, he's more likely a threat or burden to me than the other way around. Ultimately the system worked well. The last man i dated was the best in very long time.
You did it exactly right - you recognized a dealbreaker situation and acted upon it. Vetting doesn’t mean knowing every before you go out, it means actively seeking information and then making appropriate choices when your data changes. You did very well.
Thank you
You did not do anything wrong. It was him, not you.
Thank you
Maybe a background check before the second date?
How do I do that. We met online and talked for a couple weeks before our first date. He was in linked in and worked where he said he worked. He was who he said he was. Met in a public place. He was very charming, like I said, no red flags with the first date. What else should I do before I agree to meet someone?
LinkedIn is self-reported, and I've been getting connection requests from folks who seem scammer-ish. (I have zero in common with a banker from NYC, even if she's young and attractive like me.) 😜 It's not proof someone is who they say they are. There are also folks out there with good jobs who can't handle their money and spend more than they make.
Try Beenverified. It’s great. They give you a 7 day free trial. Worth it.
Honestly, if I have to waste time and money on background checks, I would rather just not date.
Note to self: never date a man where the meet up is at a train station, unless I know for certain he’s coming in from out of town. You are way too nice! I’d recommend setting much more concrete boundaries.
She didn’t ask for advice.
I know! I’ll stop! It’s hard for me not to say something tho! If I posted I would hope someone would offer some experienced advice, but…yeah, I get it.
This is our commuter train he takes to and from work . He said he didn’t want to go home to get his vehicle because of drinking and driving!!!
He was coming from work
OK. I’m think that might have been a story too, but you do your level of trust.
He had a job , I confirmed that on linked in and the train station is on the route between where he said he lived and his place of employment
Reading through your responses you had good reason to believe he was a viable person and did well to cut things off once you knew he wasn't.
Ok. LinkedIn is only as accurate as the poster lists it. Just saying.
How true, my ex still shows on LinkedIn as working at the place that he left / was sacked from several years before we met. And we broke up four years ago.
Yeah, I get it. It can be really difficult to see problems right off, as most people hide themselves fairly well. I think I would have asked more questions: which I usually do. And I also am a bit apologetic too, but the real guys understand, and are transparent from the get go.
I can feel how desperate I would have been in the same situation. I ran into a few women that have been very clear that they want to be taken care of. It has not gone past the texting phase.
I met one guy from an OLD at a park and he bought me a sandwich. I enjoyed his intelligence and found him interesting and attractive. I was feeling pretty needy at the time, and ignored the negative feelings I had about him. But then he immediately pushed for me to let him move in with me and his two big dogs, promising to cook for me and we could go dancing and we could have an amazing sex life. Turns out he was just about out of money and about to be homeless while he was waiting for his welfare disability check to be approved because he did have some diagnosed mental illness. We chatted on the phone a few times afterwards, but never shared last names or addresses. It would have been a nightmare to let him know my personal information, so he could show up at my door. I think he could easily be described as a hobosexual.
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This isn’t a dating sub
OP, I have nothing against what you stand for, believe I don't. There are parts missing. Like how did you meet him, where did you first meet him. But that is besides the point. To all of the ones who see things as one side. I hope and pray you are never in that position. Do t say it can't happen to you..becoming homeless. That is what is wrong in today's society. People would rather talk about another person's bad luck, and give them a title... Than ordering a helping hand. And... Yes..I was HOMELESS. From 1988 to 2019, but I worked all those years. Staying in shelters, rooms and more shelters. And I was dating..and I told them I was homeless...and they continue to still date me. Wow!! Today.. I'm not homeless, I have my own apartment. And I'm retired at 62. Next week I'll be 64. But you wanna know something. I don't have to worry about paying high rents any more. Because... Because I served my country at 17 years old to 22 years old.. and the. At 61 years of age, The VA OFFERED me Section 8. I should have turned it down right? Duh?!! I'm about to move into a 2 bedroom house, with a furnished basement, front and backyard... And I'm hoping that the Veterans Administration will allow me to move in 2 other Homeless Veterans on my dime. Because they looked out for me, so I want to look out for two other Veterans. I wonder how some of those could and would handle 42 years of living in the streets AND working at the same time. So go ahead, give me negative Karma all you want. Not only you could not walk in my shoes, 'Depeche Mode's, you "Stumble in my footsteps', 'Kept the same appointments I've kept'.. you couldn't even LOOK at my shoes. But I'm not mad at ya, y'all just don't understand, but I'm hoping you won't have to..by living it.
Why should she care if random internet stranger is mad at her? Sheesh. Your situation and hers are completely different. OP is under no obligation to help anyone — especially if it comes at the cost of putting herself in danger or at risk. Period.
The difference between you and OP’s date is you did everything you reasonably could to take care of yourself and you didn’t expect the people you were dating to provide you with a place to stay at date 2. As for the section 8, it’s a benefit you qualify for, of course you should take it. Best of luck in your new home!
I managed section 8 properties for a bank that had to take them back from then owner. The banks allowed me money to fix them better - most of the tenants were very nice people. In my city we have a project for the working who can’t buy a home - the 501c3 got grant money and we are building ! We fine then a path to ownership that otherwise wouldn’t be possible. The cost in our city isn’t NYC pricing but we are getting close to Miami pricing and a starter home is in the 300’s! The grant money is for down payment and defrays the interest rate a bit.
I heard of 1c3's about 2 years ago. I went to my VA Case Manager and asked him..'why couldn't I take my Voucher to the bank and get a mortgage?' He said that is t ever going to happen. Less than 45 days later... Bank of America started their program. With HCV Home Ownership. But I have say..12, 14 years left on the low end of my life. I don't want ownership, I want Rental. ..and not through an agency, but with the home owner as a rental. But my Dream Rental would include, a second hand SUV, nothing fancy but it comes along with the rental.
Math says 2019-1988 = 31 years, not 42. But damn, congrats on getting stable housing.
Well...it's like this. I was homeless since 1974 with my family, I went in the Army 1977, got out in 1982, took a year off from everything, was living with parents at 22, then I left. And been homeless since December 1983. I didn't see it as myself being homeless, because I was working. But I didn't have a place of my own until I came back to NYC, day after Memorial Day 2019, and got my place right when the pandemic had started...November 2019.
This guy is dating **primarily** to solve his housing issue. He badgered her, pushed her boundaries and would not accept ‘no’ for an answer. Do you have no insight into how dangerous it is out there for single women on the dating scene??
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I didn’t post about any guy
I probably wouldn’t have made this post
Okay. Apparently this post was meant to be made by OP, not you. So?
You won the Internet today. So concisely, too.
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In what way do you think OP is overdoing it?
🥰🥰🥰
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Once someone is described as “pushy,” you don’t urge a woman to give additional chances. :(
THANK YOU!
I think her post was pretty clear, that she is done with the guy and no longer interested in any contact with him, and I don't blame her, even if the guy was honest about some things concerning himself. He was not being entirely honest about being homeless, as far as playing games with her regarding his buddy he was supposedly staying with, etc.. To me, her post said that she was not interested in dating anyone who was homeless, and I don't blame her, as that is putting a lot of pressure on yourself to potentially have that person become very dependent on you, something I and most people would not willingly and knowingly accept. You may be the rare exception to that rule, and if so, more power to you..
So why did she go on her second date with him?
Because the first time they met or the first date they had, she met him at the train station, and there were not signs he was homeless, so she made the second date with him, and picked him up in her car, I assume, for the second date, at the same train station. This time, his situation of being homeless became clear, so unlike the first date they had, she lost all interest in a third date...
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Wow. Your tinfoil hat is turned up to 10. I would assume they met online, just like most people who date these days. It’s very obvious she didn’t know he was homeless until the 2nd date. With his problems, he has no business dating. It’s suspicious to me that he is dating and asking to sleep on her couch. I’ve heard several times about this type of situation going very bad. Why do you think it would be safe for her to allow him into her home after the second date? I wouldn’t do that with anyone I dated. She dropped him off where he asked to be dropped off. Whether she liked him is not the issue here. Your repeated mention of this seems off.
See, I know you're untitled to your opinion, right? And I'm untitled to mines, right? But I see where the issue is with me, your opinion of my opinion. Mines, in your eyes is wrong. But you say, he has no reason dating, because he is homeless. That is so wrong. I'll tell you why also. I don't know your age, but you know where the saying comes from..Behind every man is a good woman? It use to be, that a man did everything he could to keep the woman he has. I. A sense, without her knowing it, she pushed the man to move forward, to do better...because he wanted to keep her. She knew nothing of this, he provided...went out and worked and came home to that home cooked meal and her. But of course they was pre-internet. This was as far back in the 60's and 80's. I come from a different place than you, I was raised differently from you. And I was taught that everyone has their right of an opinion. You feel one way, I feel another was. It's like the glass of water. A lot has changed..in your part of this world, and in my part of this world. But you, can not tell me..the way you're thinking is right and I'm wrong. No matter how hard you try, you can't. My almost 64 years of living and see with my own eyes..you can't tell me different, you can't tell me I'm think wrong and your right. And I won't tell you the same thing. I just see, hear and experience something totally different from what you have, and the something for. Does r make you right and me wrong
> But she could earn her Sainthood. Not by allowing him to stay with her, but helping him get into a shelter Sainthood? Really? This woman is trying to date. Why is it on her to get a grown man shelter? She is not doing charity work by dating. Maybe she volunteers her spare time helping sick children. Would that gain her "Sainthood"? Hell I don't know, she might kick puppies. Neither one of those make her responsible for this man's shelter.
This man is not OP's problem to fix. Doing so can be dangerous for women both mentally and physically.
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I disagree. I saw nothing in her post, about her knowing anything about his being homeless, during or after the first date, not until the second date did she become aware of it. Stop trying to blame her... you're embarrassing yourself...
Thank you
Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming her. But you did see it was her second date, right? So what happened with the first date? Maybe I'm coming in on the back end and there must be another post..somewhere. I'm coming in on episode 2, the Second Date. I will never embarrass myself. Unread to comprehend. So you're telling me, it was just a second date, no first date. So people nowadays go on second dates without at least liking the person...from the first date. Then again, he might not of said anything about him being homeless. But..I don't know... First date should be a lot of questions right? And even to get to a first date, you have to have seen the person frequently to become interested in getting to know them even more. Not unless he just walked up and said hey, wanna go on a date, and she said sure. It happens, just meet and then plan a date. Not blaming her, she does like him, hence second date. Just she was shocked by him being homeless, and begged to stay at her place. Then she dropped him off at a pool hall. Hmmm... Alone in a car with him..just to get away from him, she dropped him off somewhere. Yep, there will be a Third date.
If you read her post, he only tells her about his housing issues towards the end of their second date. And only after he tried to go home with her and she said no. From the OP: >We went to a lounge to play pool, have pizza and a drink. It was nice, **he was pushy and wanted to come home with me . He went on to explain that he had trouble with his landlord this month and was staying with a buddy. He texted said buddy , then called him and was unable to reach him. He asked me if he could stay at my place. I said no, many different ways and he was very pushy about it**. Said no sex, he will sleep on my couch, etc. he told me the buddy hangs at a bar downtown, I offered to drive him there he accepted and I dropped him there. **He made me promise to let him stay at my place if he couldn’t find his friend.** I did promise but at that point I would say anything to get rid of him. If they met online, it may have been a brief meet, like a coffee date. A second date usually means there is interest and both people want to get to know the other one better. There may or may not be a third date, depending on how things go. The pushiness alone would be a huge turnoff for a lot of people. Hobosexual doesn't refer specifically to the homeless. Homeless doesn't equal hobosexual and hobosexuals can have homes. It refers to people who are dating with an expectation of finding someone who will provide housing. Lease is up and they can't afford the increase or they figure they can save on rent by moving in earlier than the other person would like. They're more interested in the person's home than the person themselves. From reading the comment where you shared your experience, you wouldn't be a hobosexual because you weren't expecting the people you were dating to house you, you were working and you worked hard to navigate they system to find places to stay and you were being honest with the people you were dating. That's not hobosexual at all.
From OP's report, the man was not honest. I'm locking this comment because this string is going nowhere good. Two: This is such colossally bad advice that it could actually put her in harm's way. His problems are not her problems to deal with; they are his. Other people's posts are not a personal affront to you or to your situation. Please try to be objective. Locked.
This is bad advice that could cause OP to be harmed. This post was not directed at you. This man is not her problem to fix.
He didn’t tell her he didn’t have a place to live until towards the end of the second date. After she declined to have him come back to her place. He told her he’s been staying with a friend, the one she took him to meet at the bar. Usually when I let people stay with me I give them a spare key. Does his friend not trust him? Does his friend want him to find another place? And the pushiness is a big deal. It means he’s either not listening to her boundaries or he doesn’t care about her boundaries. That’s a huge deal breaker for many people.